by Christopher Robin Zimmerman
WrestleLine/WrestleManiacs
QUICK QUOTES: From Monday... AOL 48.49 (+ 7.44) TWX 71.75 (+ 10.15
... last year: 65) Thursday we might hear about approval - FINALLY - of
the AOL/Time-Warner merger! So they *better* have WCW dealt with, and soon!
Also, I take great pleasure in sharing this one: SPLN 4 11/16 (- 2 15/16
... last year: 53 31/32 - blame WrestleLine)
TV-14-DL - "We now return you to our regularly scheduled program,
already in progress..." Jeff Jarrett kabongs a cajun chef - close
captioned - you know, if you wanted to try to FOOL someone, you probably
shouldn't air a "Nitro: NEXT!" promo right before you start your "fake" show
WCW logo - I stand by my previous statements
Let Us Take You Back to Last Week
Opening Credits - Vampiro's out, Page and Vicious are in
FIRE IT OFF - coming to you from the CenturyTel Arena in Bossier City, LA
12.12.2K (taped 11.12) and airing on Turner Network Television, it's a very
special Tuesday Nitro! If only the Kings weren't on TBS, I may have
actually bothered to watch this thing live - as it was, I ended up falling
asleep, not only missing most of the Supreme Court excitement, but also the
Season Premiere of BATTLEBOTS on Comedy Central (because when you think
"comedy," think BATTLEBOTS)....oh, wait, something's happening in the
back...
In the Commissioner's office, Mike Sanders and Lex Luger shake hands. What
why huh? Maybe they'll let us in on it later.
THE MAN is out for a few woooo with us. "Woooo! Woooo! I would say by
the reaction, y'all now that we, WCW, are LIVE woooo! in Shreveport
tonight!" Oops, two mistakes already. "Woooo! Looking wooo as only we
can look woooo! Now...after last Monday night, we've got some real
important business to talk about. Number one, our world champion Scott
Steiner, number two, number two, his opponent at Starrcade this Sunday, Sid
Vicious. (Graphic: Starrcade: this Sunday) Now I know it made a lotta
people mad when I took him off the show Wednesday night. That's why
they're back here in the building TOnight. But they're gonna play by the
rules wooo! The first rule is, they're not gonna come in contact with each
other in this arena. They are gonna... hold off - they're gonna be out
here, you're gonna hear 'em, you're gonna see 'em, they're just not gon'
fight here in Shreveport. They're gonna hold it, they're gonna hold it
'til Starrcade. The second thing is, if they don't, they are gonna suffer
a suspension, and in the case of Scott Steiner, if he runs wild tonight,
and jumps on Sid Vicious, he'll lose the title. Now, on a personal note,
let me say this, Scott Steiner: you are our flagship. You are our world
champion. You will conduct yourself as such. Now it's ironic that mah
best friend came out here Wednesday night. He's kept your job, Scott
Steiner. You got it. Your're the champion! But let me remind you of
something: when you put Sting in the hospital, you must have forgotten that
Sting might be here tonight with a baseball bat, too. When you put Booker
T. in the hospital, you may not know that Booker T. could be here tonight,
too. And, when you jumped on the Enforcer, Double A woo by God Anderson.
Don't turn your back tonight, because he might be in the building, too.
Now, you are our champion, you are our flagship, you are going to wrestle
tonight, too, against Sergeant A-Wall for the World title. Woooo!" Here
comes MIKE SANDERS to provide tat to Flair's tit. (tee hee) "You, mah
friend, have got one of the biggest mad-on's for Scott Steiner I have ever
seen in my entire life. You think it matters to Scott who he comes out
here and beats all over this damn arena, hell no. But since you're playin'
Mr. Matchmaker tonight, I got a match that I wanna make." At this point,
the post-production heroically tries to cover up an "Asshole"
chant....unfortunately, the commentators don't know they're doing this, so
they talk about it, confusing the viewing audience. I believe it's
actually written down somewhere that any spontaneous heat generated by the
crowd needs to be dampened as quickly as possible....I mean, you don't
think they lose eighty million without a PLAN, do you? Flair adds to the
confusion: "Commissioner, listen to your people! They're talking to you!
Woooo! Listen to your audience! Ha ha ha ha - woooo! Woooo! Whoa whoa
whoa whoa....let the commissioner talk...please!" "You know...these Cheese
Whiz suckin', backyou-- Bayou backwoods people can barely even afford a
damn ticket to this place! But I'm gonna letcha in on a little somethin'.
I was gonna wait 'til Starrcade, but I'm not gonna wait to Starrcade.
Tonight, we're gonna have a match...it's gonna be a little three way dance.
It's gonna be the Perfect Event, Chuck Palumbo and Shawn Stasiak. It's
gonna be Jindrak & O'Haire...and it's gonna be Kevin Nash and DDP. And
there ain't a damn thing you can do about it." "Our, you're right. For
once, just one time, I'm gonna do this like the old days!" Flair removes
his jacket, runs the ropes, and struts, but fails to drop the elbow.
"Wooooo since you've come out here tonight, brother, let me tell it like it
is! Shreveport! Here's the deal! I've promised Sid Vicious somethin'
big. And guess what that is - that's YOU, tonight. Oh yeah! That's right
- you are gonna wrestle Sid, and if you don't, you're not gonna be the
Commissioner anymore! AAAAAND and wooo wooo wooo if - any - of the Natural
Born Thrillers interfere, they're historyyyy - woooo! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Please! And you know what? The crowd...do you smell that? That, that's
not excitement, that's his underwear - go change it! Wooooo! Woo! Woo!"
Another strut off the ropes. The music is up, and we're out. "Woooo!"
Earlier Today, Lash LeRoux ran afoul of Scott Steiner ("I don't like you!
I don't know you!") - Sergeant A-Wall made the save, but Security prevented
them from finishing it. That's why they're wrestling tonight!
GENE O. works tonight! He stands with Sid Vicious - oh my, here we go.
"Let me get this right, Gene, Ric Flair says that if I touch Rick Steiner -
Scott Steiner, that the match at Starracde is called off. So if I do that,
then that means nothing will be left of you, Scott Steiner, because when I
get my hands on you, you will be hurt. See, you have made the ultimate
mistake - you have pushed the 'riginal Madman too far - you will pay.
Hahahahaha..."
Meanwhile, Jindrak & O'Haire remove a monitor and cable from
Goldberg's room
Meanwhile, Sgt. Buddy Lee Parker asks Dillinja where Mike Sanders' office
is. Disqo catches up and asks if they've let midget wrestling back here.
Parker snaps and gets all Sarge on him.
LANCE STORM & MAJOR GUNNS come to ringside as Tony shills Storm T-shirts on
wcwgear.com. They cut the Canadian anthem...then start it up again. Let
Us Take You Back to Thunder where ... Cat and Team Canada fought, I guess.
"If I can be serious for a minute...tonight, we are scheduled in a mixed
tag match against the Cat and Miss Jones. But I got an idea, to make this
a little more interesting. You see, the Cat's always running his mouth
about being the greatest. Well, Cat...how 'bout tonight, if you're not the
greatest, if you lose, you come out on Thunder and sing the Canadian
national anthem. So Cat, while you think that over in the back, everyone
else here at ringside, rise, and show us the respect we deserve for the
playing of the Canadian national anthem." Stevie Ray is the first man to
speak over the anthem - SHAME! We cut to the crowd, where SANTA CLAUS has
arrived. Anthem lasts (0:29) before CAT & MZ. JONEZ interrupt. "Okay, cut
the music off! Let me tell you something, you Power Ranger. Now, if you
think you and your chicken head can beat us, we gon' get it on, and we gon'
show the people in here just who's the greatest. I'm the greatest, and
this is the greatest country in the world. So I'm gon' tell you this,
since you opened your mouth, Sgt. Carter, if you lose tonight, you gon'
sing the American national anthem on Thunder." (Santa walks by way behind
them.) "I got no problem with that, Cat, 'cause I don't lose!" "So wait a
minute let's close this out - so do you people jere wanna hear this chump
sing the national anthem? So I'll tell you what, chump, when I get through
whoopin' your ass, and I got one more 'ass,' when I get through whoppin'
it, I'm gonna throw you out here, let the people have a piece o' ya!"
Starrcade is this Sunday, by the way.
LANCE STORM & MAJOR GUNNS v. CAT & MZ. JONEZ in a mixed tag - Jones wants
to start, so Cat encourages a "USA" chant...and makes the tag. Gunns
spends about a half hour bending over to get between the ropes, earning her
a big pop. Would we call this a "feeling out" process? Golly, I'D sure
like to...ohh, whatever. Storm manages to reach over and tug on Jones,
causing her to turn around completely...and take a dropkick in the back.
Jones manages to fall headfirst into the buckle as well. Commentators make
zeppelin references to the aloft Gunns. Er... Gunns points to Cat - who
works the crotch chop. Cat might want to get in there and save his woman
instead...Gunns in the mount, grabbing the hair and pulling. Big slap.
Cat encourages a "USA" chant - THAT'LL help her. Into the ropes (sorta),
clothesline ducked, Jones with a roundhouse kick that puts her down - 1, 2,
Storm pulls her off...and pulls Gunns close to the corner. Gunns rolls
outside...and makes a tag, to Stevie's protestations. "I'm sorry, Tony, I
didn't mean to put the heat on ya like that." Anyway, both men are in.
Storm with a forearm to the back, head to the buckle, into the ropes, Cat
ducks a clothesline, Storm ducks a clothesline. Storm tries a sunset flip,
but that doesn't work against the Cat...especially when Stevie is there to
say "zig zig zig wow! Ahhahaha! Elbow! Lookit the cat go! OW!" Cat
with the splits and the uppercut. Into the opposite corner, Cat off the
ropes with a Feliner. 1, 2, Gunns puts the foot on the bottom rope, but
referee "Blind" Jamie Tucker has let everything else pass, so why not this?
Jones over for the "yakfight" segment. While this goes on, ELIX SKIPPER
runs in...but Cat must have eyes in the back of his head as he catches the
punch, kick, kick, toss over the top rope. A 2x4 tossed into the ring
sails over Storm's head...oops...Cat catches it and puts it in Storm's gut
- another kick - 1, 2, 3. (3:09) HACKSAW JIM DUGGAN shrugs. Cat and
Jones dance over Storm's corpse. He'll be singing the American national
anthem tomorrow. Do you smell something? Smells like...RATINGS
Goldberg has arrived! WALKING!
Promotional consideration paid for by "I'm Next," Slim Jim, America (ha!)
Online, Geico, and Geico
The Following Is A Paid Announcement From Jimmy Hart - he didn't pay ME, so
I'm not going to bother with the next "wrestling DJ" bout.
In the MIA locker room, Lash talks on the phone with...well, who knows.
"Hugh's a little proud, give him some time, he's gonna come around...look,
I gotta go." Rection tells him he knows who he's talking about, but he
doesn't wanna hear it - it's strategy time. Rection gives A-Wall a pep
talk for his world title shot - also, LeRoux gets the Franchise. Rection
busts out "by any means necessary."
Meanwhile, Sanders says that if Flair wants to play hardball, we can play
hardball. The three way dance for the tag titles just became a four
corners match...he's hired Kronik as an insurance policy. Reno takes
umbrage. "Kronik's all business - what happened with you and Vito last
week was personal." "Personal? You haven't seen personal yet."
Your hosts are TONY SCHIAVONE, SCOTT HUDSON & STEVIE RAY. They are joined
by CROWBAR & 60'S DAFFNEY. "Does anybody know why I'm out here? I
don't know, they told me to come out here, I don't know what the deal is -
I guess it's an unbelievable response last week to the psychotic Dean of
pro wrestling, AH AH." Did E.C. *really* confuse Gordon Solie with Steve
Austin?
SCREAMIN' NORMAN SMILEY is out with his shoulder pads, dressed in a...what,
is there a local Crawdads hockey team? Daffney: "I got in a fight with a
cow tonight, boss. You know....ee ee." "After pondering for some time now
why my career is not where it should be, I came to realise one thing. I
realise now that my speciality in WCW is the hardcore division. I'm the
only two-time world champion of the hardcore division, and therefore, I am
going back to my roots, and once again I'm going to conquer once again the
hardcore division. Now what I propose to do tonight is throw out an open
invitiation to anybody for a hardcore match. And Crowbar, I know you're a
heck of a competitor. I hope that once I win this match tonight, you'll
give me the first title match. So, one more time: I'm issuing a hardcore
match to anybody in World Championship Wrestling, because I rule that
division with an iron fist."
SCREAMIN' NORMAN SMILEY v. THEMONSTERMENG (with Afro Paisley) - Smiley gets
caught trying to put his shoulderpads on. Punches and kicks abound.
Smiley manages to ram Meng's head into the garbage can - and again. NO
EFFECT! He throws the shoulderpads at him...they bounce off him. Smiley
goes outside and to the aisle. Meng with a headbutt. Smiley's head meets
the safety rail. Smiley punches back - into the opposite rail. Right
hand. Forearm in the back. Smiley tries a headbutt - and hurts himself
instead. Meng whips Ray into the DJ RAN position. Uppercut. Headbutt.
SANTA CLAUS is nearby, so Smiley grabs his sack and runs it into Meng's
midsection. Rake of the face, into the safety rail. Crowbar, channeling
Solie: "Well, ladies, it is the holiday season, and what would the holiday
season be without a random Santa Claus beating on our wrestling program."
Punch, punch. Smiley tries a kick - Meng answers with a kick and a
headbutt. Chop. Rammed into Ran's stage. Meng with a big slap. Smiley
gets to screaming. Meng with a kick. Smiley still has Santa's bag - Meng
with a forearm in the back. Smiley manages to back into him - right, Meng
right, Smiley right, Meng headbutt. Right, right, Meng rolls him back in.
Smiley throws a toy at him - another toy. No effect. Smiley pulls out...a
branding iron? Santa is in the ring...powder in both men's faces! Referee
"Blind" Billy Silverman calls for the bell, because hardcore matches are
"no DQ" (relaxed DQ 3:27) Paisley takes offense...Santa holds his ground.
THEN he pulls Paisley in the way of Meng's Tongan Death Grip! Stevie Ray
thinks this is the funniest thing ever, of course. KWEE-WEE is out to try
to get the blinded Meng to release the grip...but all he manages to do is
get a Tongan Death Grip with his OTHER hand. Santa removes his wig...it's
TERRY FUNK. Chairshot for Smiley. Chair for Meng, no effect, another...he
releases the grips. Meng does the Meng dance. WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! And
Meng finally goes down. "You want Santa Claus? Well I AM the REAL Santa
Claus! You understand that! I am the real Santa..." WHACK for Kwee-wee.
WHACK! WHACK! "Ho ho ho! Ho ho ho! I'm gonna give all you perverts out
there a Christmas presents - I'm gonna give you eleven Ho's, all at one
time. (Jingle Bells rhythm) Ho ho ho / Ho ho ho / Ho ho ho ho ho. There's
eleven ho's. Now, you idiot..I'm talking about you, Crowbar...come on up
in here. (NBA on TNT Wendesdays and Thursdays) I've got you a very
special present...if you'll put the hardcore championship on the line
against me at Starrcade. Get your ass up in the ring." Crowbar complies.
"Is this a present or not? Are you gonna wrestle me at Starrcade?"
"Absolutely, if you wanna shot - it would be my honour, Terry--" WHACK!
Somebody's dug up Funk's music!
Starrcade promo
Parker demands Lex Luger tonight. Sanders says he doesn't have a problem
giving him Luger, but he'll have to wait to Thunder...and in the mean time,
he'll need to do something for him tonight.
Meanwhile, the Harris Boyz find two giant sandwiches
Meanwhile, the Filthy Animals watch them eat on a monitor. They pull Rey
Mysterio out of a suitcase (HUH?) and yuk it up...apparently, Mysterio
spiked the sandwiches with laxatives...STAY TUNED FOR MIRTH!
Meanwhile, Gene O. stands with Scott Steiner and Midajah. "Whoa whoa whoa,
whoa whoa Mean Gene - what makes you think I care? What makes you think I
give a damn what Ric Flair has to say? I've never cared what Ric Flair had
to say! See what really happened tonight is Sid Vicious came to the
building, he begged, he pleaded with Ric Flair - 'keep Scott Steiner away
from me' - 'cause he felt the power! He felt the pain! And he knew he was
gonna go through hell when he wrestled me! Well, Sid Vicious, get this
straight, I see you in this building, I'm knockin' your ass out. As far as
A-Wall is concerned, does A-Wall really wanna wrestle me? Or is that Ric
Flair, is that your plan to wear me down for Starrcade? Well Ric Flair,
remember this, you bring 'em in - you set 'em up, I knock 'em down."
PAMELA PAULSHOCK stands with the MIA. A-Wall's gonna take that
belt. Rection says if Franchise wants to turn this into a war, he's not
backing down, but tonight, he'll face the Ragin' Cajun Lash LeRoux...LeRoux
asks us to look at his sideburns. He stumbles over "by any means
necessary," for cryin' out loud. There's no "d" in "necessary!" Rection
finally realises that he's unwittingly picked up that phrase from Chavo,
and tells them "don't be stupid out there!"
At Starrcade, it's Sid Vicious vs. Scott Steiner. Sadly, it's looking more
and more like they're not going to swerve us into a better main event...
Buy your Jeff Jarrett "slapnuts" T-shirt at wcwgear.com
MIKE SANDERS (with Let Us Take You Back to Last Week) v. SID VISCOUS -
"Hey, uh...now, listen, this is very important. I wanna make this real
simple - had a medical evaluation, and through this medical evaluation,
doctor says I can't wrestle, so you're not gonna get Sid and Mike Sanders
tonight, 'cause I'm not cleared to wrestle. Whoa...cut his music! Cut
the music! Cut the music! Whoa, Sid...Sid, wait a minute. Sid, now I
know you're a sensible guy. I've heard the guys in the back talk. You're
a sensible guy, and I'm a sensible guy. Okay? You're a sensible guy."
(Sid, as he gets in the ring: "I am sensible!") "Now...Sid...I am not
medically cleared to wrestle tonight. I am not medically cleared to
wrestle tonight. I don't think it's something that you should take
advantage of. So...whaddaya say? We can do this another time, we can't do
it tonight, 'cause I'm not medically cleared. So let's shake hands and
part our ways." Sid's the Original Madman this time around, by the way.
Hand of Friendship is accepted...then Vicious unleases a discus
clothesline. Clothesline. Into the ropes, big boot. Both these guys are
in street clothes, by the way. Spinebuster. Chokeslam coming up...and
there it is. Millennium bomb. Sid puts a foot on his chest. 1, 2, 3.
(1:00) GIVE HIM THE STICK! "See, Stevie, suckas sayin' when he wake up,
tell sucka Mama says it beez that way sometahhhhm! 'cause sucka ain't got
no class." What the hell? Hudson: "What is he talkin' about?" Schiavone:
"I have no idea." Ray: "I'll explain it to you guys later."
The Insiders are WALKING!
Promotional consideration paid for by "I'm Next," "Toy Story 2" on VHS &
DVD, America (again!) Online, Mag-Lite, and Slim Jim (again)
When we come back, Sid asks a security for the keys to all the cars. "I
don't have the keys to the cars--" "I said gimme the keys to the cars!"
When the security guy protests, Sid rams him into a metal garage door.
"Steiner! It's not over!" Did we miss a segment?
Meanwhile, Marie tries to urge Reno to not go crazy. Too late - he finds
Kronik and takes the kendo stick to them...but he's one and they're two, so
they quickly take control. Marie runs off to get some help. Here comes
Big Vito...and now, the Thrillers arrive to get everybody separated. "What
the hell is this? What the hell is this? This isn't part of the deal!
You guys have screwed yourselves - this isn't part of the deal, I thought
he was a Thriller!" And he gives Reno one more shot before they take off.
Stasiak: "You guys got a really bad attitude!" Vito: "C'mon you guys, come
over here and fight! Huh! You don't mess with the Staten Island boys!
Rest up - we're gonna see you at Starrcade! You all right man?" Reno:
"You stepped up to the plate, huh?" "That's right man, we're brothers - we
be tight. Don't worry 'bout nothin' - we're back together." They hug.
Awwww. I wonder what Johnny the Bull thinks of all this.
At Starrcade, it's a return bout for the tag team championship - the
InSiders vs. the Perfect Event!
DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE and KEVIN NASH (with Let Us Take You Back Last Week
& TV-14-DL ratings box) v. PERFECT EVENT & MARK JINDRAK & SEAN
O'HAIRE (with NBA on TNT - Wednesdays & Thursdays) - They still have that
God-awful "splice the opening to the old music onto the new music" bit for
Page - that must have been a cost-cutting technique or something. They may
be the InSiders, but they STILL come out separately. Schiavone mentions
Kimberly while plugging the annual Christmas story reading at the Mall of
Georgia. Nash, Palumbo and O'Haire start. Nash blocks a punch from
O'Haire, right, knee for Palumbo, right for O'Haire, knee for Palumbo,
double noggin knocker, clothesline for Palumbo in on corner, clothesline
for O'Haire in the opposite corner...but he runs right into a Jungle Kick
from Palumbo. Holy cow, Hudson remembers to call it the Jungle Kick! I
love this man! Doubleteam stompdown. Right by Palumbo, right, right by
O'Haire, right by Palumbo, double suplex. O'Haire stands over Palumbo
making the cover - 1, 2, Nash gets a shoulder up. Into the ropes...Nash
with a double clothesline. Tag to Page! All three men make tags - Stasiak
tries a clothesline, but Page ducks it - Stasiak gets a right, left, right,
Jindrak's clothelsine is ducked - right, left, right. Stasiak lands one,
whip is reversed into an elbow, Jindrak catches the kick, but spins him
around and eats a discus lariat...1, 2, Jindrak kicks out. Stasiak with an
uppernut to turn it around...Jindrak with a DDT. Stasiak stomps, stomp,
Jindrak joins him in a doubleteam stomp. Hard into the corner - bringing
him out...to shove him back in. Stasiak whipped into a clothesline of
Page. Jindrak does the same. Another clothesline from Stasiak. Stasiak
stomps him. Full nelson by Jindrak - Stasiak off the ropes...but into a
sleeper from Page..I guess his trick knee acted up on Jindrak. Jindrak is
up behind Page - that's a double sleeper. You know what's coming next -
yes! DOUBLE JAWBREAKER. Everybody reaches for a tag - O'Haire gets it
first, but while punking out Page, he makes the tag before falling out of
the ring. Palumbo in as wel - Nash with the block, right, elbow for
Palumbo, elbow for Jindrak, elbow for Stasiak. YIKES. Block, right for
O'Haire, one for Stasiak, knee for O'Haire, into the ropes and big boot for
Palumbo. Truckstop powerbomb coming up...but Jindrak flies in with a big
clothesline! Seantonbomb! Jindrak stomps on him...but missed Page coming
in behind him with the Diamond Cutter! Stasiak is in with the belt -
WHACK! Palumbo placed on top of Nash - 1, 2, 3. (4:25) The Smark just
told me that they STILL managed to bury these four guys, even as Nash did
the job. I can't really get as worked up about it as he just did, though.
Thunder ad
"WWF Fanatic Series: 3 Faces of Foley" ad in the local slot
Moments Ago, the Thrillers demolished Nash's knee by repeatedly wrapping it
around the ringpost during the ad break
Outside, Sid Vicious lines up some cars...?
Meanwhile, Nash's knee hurts. Page shows concern.
"SARGE" DEWAYNE BRUCE (with Let Us Take You Back to Last Week) v. COLD
BEER (entrance 1:45) - Okay, anybody who *didn't* see this coming, raise
your hand. Still, it's a nice touch that Goldberg (having no monitor in
his dressing room) apparently doesn't know that his opponent in the ring
is his good, good buddy. Goldberg sees Bruce in the ring, and runs
through his range of emotions for our benefit. Goldberg seems reluctant
to wrestle him. "I got a job to do, but you ain't included in it."
Goldberg turns to leave. Bruce wants to do it, but Goldberg says he can't
do it. Hudson: "He's Sarg'in up!" At this point, THE NARCISSIST appears,
mic in hand. "Whoa whoa whoa whoa, what a dilemma here, Big Bill. It's
tough bein' a big star in WCW, isn't it? So many tough decisions to make,
carryin' WCW on those big, broad shoulders o' yours, Bill. While your
little buddy there doesn't wrestle me at Thunder unless you get busy, and
if I'm not mistaken, that bell's already rung, so if you come out here and
lay a hand on me forfeit and you're retired from WCW - how do you like
that?" "I ain't doin' it! No!" Bruce spins him around...Goldberg says
no again. Goldberg steps between the ropes - Bruce with a forearm, and
another. Goldberg comes back in and says no again - right, forearm to the
back, forearm, forearm, forearm, forearm, forearm, forearm, forearm,
forearm, kick, forearm, forearm, forearm, forearm, right, right, forearm,
"come on, Bill! Fight me dammit!" Goldberg won't fight back...but he *is*
no-selling, at least. Right, forearm, right, right, right, right, into
the ropes, reversed, spear. Goldberg shakes his head - he should just
cover him, then. But no, he starts to walk away...but Bruce grabs his
ankle. Goldberg decides "ah, the hell with it," and jackhammers him for
the pin. (2:52) Goldberg puts Bruce over his shoulder and walks
off with him
At Starrcade, it's Goldberg vs. Luger - No Holds Barred - No
Disqualification It's five days away!
This Saturday, tickets go on sale for Nitro in St. Paul and Nitro in Ft.
Wayne, and don't forget Starrcade Sunday in DC, and Nitro Monday in
Richmond!
Backstage, where Crowbar, Kwee-wee and Meng lick their wounds. Jaime
Knoble walks up and hits up these guys for career advice. Methinks he
could have made a better choice. Anyway, we're saved from this when Evan
Karagias arrives with news of Sid Vicious gettin' stupid in the parking
lot, yo. They all take off to check it out...
WCWgear.com has the Lance Storm T-shirt - wouldn't it make a fine Christmas
gift? Actually........no
FRANCHISE (with Let Us Take You Back to Last Week) v. CORPORAL CAJUN (with
Starrcade is this Sunday) - "Cut the damn music! Now Shreveport, you might
notice that something's missing from my side. Quite frankly, the fact that
I've gotta be in this town without that beautiful woman makes me sick to my
stomach! Now, General Rection - Hugh Morrus. You're the cause of her not
being here. And so tonight, I'm gonna speed up that dissolving of that
group you call Misfits in Action by taking out Corporal Cajun - tonight, he
gets his ass Franchised!" Notice carefully that not ONCE did he say
"Torrie Wilson" in that promo. Sadly, Cajun comes out to the MIA theme -
for an encore, he does NOT say "Le whatever whatever roullex," 'cause who
needs local heat to make a match better? Cajun ducks a punch, catches a
kick, single leg trip, mount, right, right, right, right, right, right.
Into the ropes, back body drop. Nice dropkick. Scoop...and a slam.
Cover, 1, 2, no. Forearm to the back. Snap suplex. 1, 2, shoulder up.
Elbow, kick, chop, chop. Into the opposite corner is reversed, Cajun up
and over, head scissors takes Franchise outside the ring. TOPE SUICIDA!
Cajun takes him onto the table. Forearm, right, head into the table,
right, back in the ring. Franchise has done NIL this match. Up and over,
but Franchise busts out a powerslam. Cajun right, right, right, into the
ropes, reversed, big atomic drop by the Franchise. Cajun splits under a
clothesline, Franchise off the ropes - double clothesline and they're both
down. CHAVO GUERRERO JNR is out at this point with a chair for Cajun to
use - Cajun says "no." Meanwhile, Franchise is wrapping his fist with a
chain. Cajun and Chavo still arguing...finally, Cajun *does* take the
chair and put it in Franchise's gut. Referee "Blind" Charles Robinson
rings the bell (relaxed DQ 2:57) and even though Franchise has a chain
around his fist, he gets the duke. Franchise goes ahead and gives Cajun a
loaded punch anyway. Franchise works him over until GENERAL RECTION runs
out - Franchise wants no part of him, so he takes off. Rection and Chavo
now having intense discussion...nose to nose...but it looks like talking is
all they'll do...tonight.
WCW Magazine ad sure has a lot of Torrie in it
Close captioning where available sponsored by Wizards of the Coast - makers
of the WCW Nitro trading card game!
Jarrett delivers his sandwiches to the Harris Boyz. He falls deaf to their
remarks about already having sandwiches...and their stomachs hurting...
Meanwhile, Sid keeps moving cars...
Paulshock stands with Mike Awesome. He's got a stipulation to
announce for Sunday's match with Bam Bam Bigelow - the Career Killer is
just itchin' to come back out, so why not make it an ambulance match?
Meanwhile, Gene O. stands with Jeff Jarrett and the Harris Brothers.
Tonight, they take on the Filthy Animals in an elimination match. I think
my favourite part of this segment was when Heavy D and Big Ron ran off to
take a crap.
Live event promo #2
FILTHY ANIMALS (with Tygress...and Let Us Take You Back to
Thunder...courtesy WCW.com) v. JEDOUBLEF JADOUBELREDOUBLET (with
wcwgear.com hype) and HADOUBLERIS BROTHYRZ in an Elimination match - Big
Runs heads back in mid-entrance, and it looks like Heavy Diarrhea isn't
going to make it, either. Well, there's two eliminations right there, but
Jarrett's a gamer. Punking Konnan in the back with a forearm to start,
stomp, stomp, stomp, into the ropes, leapfrog, Konnan with a gutshot, off
the ropes, leapfrog, gutshot, facejam, into the ropes, tumblin'
clothesline. Kidman & Mysterio with with their version of the H Bomb
(unnoticed by the commentators). Jarrett manages a kick in the nuts to
Konnan, and dumps Kidman over the top rope as he charges in. Stroke for
Konnan (!) - 1, 2, 3. (0:51) The music guy starts to play Jarrett's
music, apparently not realising that the match isn't over. Hoo boy.
Mysterio in - Jarrett to the eyes. Right hand. Right. Into the ropes,
Mysterio twirls, ducks a clothesline, hot shot from the outside by Kidman.
Mysterio with a springboard legdrop...for 2. Into the ropes, Jarrett holds
on the reverses...big vertical suplex - half hour suplex, at that. Stomp.
Field goal kick. Into the corner sternum first. Into the ropes, boot to
the midsection, powerbomb...no, Rey punching on Jarrett, Jarrett walking
backwards, Mysterio sneaks out a tag...Jarrett DOES powerbomb him...but
turns around to eat a missile dropkick from Kidman. Into the ropes, Kidman
with a head scissors takeover. DDT! Kidman up top - big splash! 1, 2,
Jarrett kicks out!! Kidman argues the cadence with referee "Blind" Mark
Johnson but no dice. Mysterio with a dropkick to Jarrett - whipping Kidman
into a baseball slide kick to the jewels. Broncobuster by Mysterio.
Kidman whips Mysterio in - but Jarrett dumps him...no, crotches him on the
top rope! Kidman with a right, head to the turnbuckle, Mysterio just
managed to take our Johnson on his way to the apron. Into the corner,
reversed, Kidman up and over, going for the tornado bulldog, but Jarrett
counters in mid-move with a death suplex. Jarrett goes for the
gee-tar...WHACK! Meanwhile, Mysterio is back up - springboard sunset flip
- 1, 2, 3! Mysterio wasn't the legal man, of course. (3:55)
Starrcade promo
Here's a Special Video Look at the Starrcade feuds - Natural Born
Thrillers and Nash & Page. And here's a Goldberg/Luger history package.
And here's a Steiner/Vicious video package
We look outside, where Sid is parking cars. "I can't fight in there -
we'll bring the ring out here!"
WCW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE: MESH HEAD MUSH MOUTH (with No Mesh for
Midajah...and Let Us Take You Back to Last Week) v. SERGEANT A-WALL -
Champion enters first because he's gonna test me again by daring me to
transcribe yet ANOTHER one of his promos. I think you'll agree, however,
that a recap just isn't a recap without a Scott Steiner transcript: "Ric
Flair...consider yourself a very lucky man. Matter of fact, you better get
on your hands and knees and thank your friend Arn Anderson for changing
your mind. But understand this, Ric Flair, if you ever think about
stripping me of my title, if you ever think about fining me, I will come to
Charlotte, Redneck, North Carolina, come to your house, and in your house,
I'll kick your ass. Now, Ric Flair, I know what you're doin', but remember
what happened to Sting - remember what happened to Booker T. The same
thing's gonna happen - you send 'em in, set 'em up, and I'm gonna knock
their ass out." Geez, what a disappointing promo. No equinoxes or
NOTHIN'. Of course, A-Wall carries the table. I don't know if you've
heard, but Starrcade is this Sunday. Steiner scores first by stomping him
as he comes in - stomp, stomp, forearm, forearm, in the corner, kick, kick,
kick, kick, right, right, right, right, right, right. Words for referee
"Blind" Billy Silverman. Knife-edge chop, removing the shirt, chop,
forearm, chop. Trying to suplex him out of the corner, but A-Wall has the
top rope hooked...A-Wall reverses, right, right, right, right, right,
right, blatant choke, knife-edge chop, chop. Into the ropes, big boot.
Gutshot, right, right, kick, into the ropes, clothesline. 1, 2, Steiner
muscles him off. Into the corner, boot up by Steiner. I don't think it
HIT anything, but oh well. Belly-to-belly...gets 2. Into the ropes,
Steinerline. Kiss the bicep elbowdrop. Silverman gets to 1 before Steiner
starts his pushups. Running kick. Tossing him outside...and following.
Into the safety rail. Steiner's got a chair - chair to the head. That was
enough for a DQ in the Franchise/Cajun match, you know. WHACK in the back.
We can only assume Silverman is chatting with Midajah, but neither of them
are in the camera's eye, so who knows. A good director would let us know.
Then again, maybe they're just wildly inconsistent. Going for the lead
pipe, but A-Wall manages to put the chair in his gut. Another chair to the
gut. WHACK! Scoops him up...and drops him on the safety rail. Back into
the ring...A-Wall after Midajah...no, check that, after the table. Table
in the ring. Steiner puts a boot through the ropes to regain control.
A-Wall rolled back in - kick to the face. Into the opposite corner, but
A-Wall gets an elbow up. Clotheslines him down. Scoops him up -
powerslam! 1, 2, NO! A-Wall has him in the choke...chokeslam! But why
cover him and get the title when you can set up a table instead? Letting
Steiner get up...choke...right hand by Steiner, knee, BLOCKBUSTER SUPLEX
THROUGH THE TABLE. That's it - Steiner Recliner and that's all. (5:46)
Steiner puts him in a lead pipe-assisted Steiner Recliner after the match.
Doesn't he know Sid wants him in the parking lot? Ah...up there on the
Turnertron is Sid Vicious. "Hey Steiner! Steiner! I'm talkin' to you!
See Ric Flair says we can't fight on the inside...well as you see, I'm on
the outside! And as long as I'm out here and you're in there...son, you're
ducking me! So come on, boy, if you want some, come and get some.
Yeaaahhhh!" Steiner leaves the ring, lead pipe in hand, and runs to the
back. Silverman and Midajah are close behind...
Backstage we go, where Steiner continues his trot, Silverman urging him not
to do it.
Outside, a lot of wrestlers have gathered to provide background hoots and
hollers. Steiner takes the pipe to the windows of a car...and now they're
hooking it up - Steiner with a kick, right, kick, lead pipe misses Vicious
but takes out another windshield. Vicious right, right, right, right, into
and over a car. Vicious on the hood, pulling him back up. Will he
powerbomb him on the car? Steiner fighting it - no, he's back up - big
right hand, on top of the car, right, right, right, credits are up and
we're out. Oops.
You're watching "Bull!"
Christopher Robin Zimmerman
www.CRZ.net