by Christopher Robin Zimmerman
WrestleLine/WrestleManiacs
When I first heard the announcement of the SuperBrawl Revenge location, I
was unhappy that they weren't coming back to San Francisco as they had in
the past (four?) years. Of course, I must have blocked out LAST year's
SuperBrawl at the time, but by the time we reached yesterday I had no
problem with Nashville having it.
You probably don't need *me* to tell you that SuperBrawl Revenge was a
total "placeholder" show - I mean, you can tell that I'm pretty slow on the
uptake because I actually sat through one title match to figure out that
nothing was going to change at this show - at least as far as title
changes. Cat's commissionership win was nothing but a reset button - but
at least he can now call himself a "three-time World Championship Wrestling
commissioner and/or karate champion," I guess. They hot-shotted the
Kanyon/Page matchup without any advance hype...I guess they thought it
wouldn't make any difference in the buys whether they did so or not? If
there were ANY surprises coming out of the show, it's that Nash actually
jobbed *twice* - although one could cynically note that it happened ONLY
after scoring a pinfall in twenty seconds over the champ, thus rendering
the rest of the match a "Dusty finish" and not *really* counting in the
minds of whoever...not to mention getting a paid vacation out of the deal
as well.
Did it look like the ol' heat machine was full force in full effect last
night? The portion of the crowd *I* kept seeing was sitting on their hands
while the soundtrack was REALLY excited...who knows.
On another tack, do you realise it's been roughly a year since Scott Hall's
final match? His last act was jobbing to Sid Vicious in the SuperBrawl
2000 three-way dance.
Hey look! Our old friend the WCW logo is back!
SuperBrawl Revenge clip package - TV-14-DL ratings box - close captioned logo
QUOTE OF THE WEEK: This sucks. - Tony Schiavone, to close out last
night's PPV (disclaimer: this quote just may be taken out of context)
"Exclusive Footage" shows Kevin Nash - WALKING! out of the building - for
those of you keeping score at home, this is the SECOND pay-per-view in a
row to run long, necessitating "cut" footage to open up Nitro... Hey,
that's what happens when you give Hugh Morrus and the Wall ten minutes
between the bells!
AND for the second month in a row, the funeral march plays over the PA as
six pallbearers in black suits carry a closed casket to the ring as a
"KEVIN NASH R.I.P - FEBRUARY 18, 2001" graphic appears on the Nitrotron.
Poor WCW once again has the misfortune of booking this angle one day after
Dale Earnhardt dies. Wow, that thing looks heavy! Wonder who's in it?
Here comes the MAGNIFICENT SEVEN behind them, dressed all in black - Flair
in probably the same tux he wore last night at the PPV. Steiner doesn't
have his freak with him? Hmm, the lid on that coffin hasn't been opened
yet... Here we go. Flair: "With all due respect...this is a very, very
serious, enduring moment. We're gathered here tonight to bid farewall to a
man who walked as a giant amongst titans - a man who left a mark on this
business that will be remembered forever. One of the three original
founding fathers of the NWO, along with Hulk Hogan and Scott Hall. Kevin
Nash was that special kind of man, that special kind of athlete that comes
along once in a lifetime, and now, tragically, his career...has come to an
end. YOU WANNA KNOW WHY? Because the Maginificent Seven struck again last
night, and now there's nobody left to stand up against us, as a matter of
fact, there's no one practically to stand at all, right, Mr. World
Heavyweight Champion?" "You know, before every great team, there is a
great leader, and Ric Flair, you proved you're greatly - you're greatness
last night, when you made the stipulations, you bent the rules, allowing me
to break Kevin Nash's back in the Steiner Recliner, sending him into early
retirement! You see, our motto here in the NEW WCW - 'winning isn't
everything, it's the only thing,' and if we gotta break bones, bake rules
to achieve that, we're gonna do that! Ladies and gentlemen, you're looking
at history, and I'm the man making it! See never before has a man blazed
such a path of destruction, but then again - I'm no ordinary man - I'm a
genetic freak. And you know, everybody knows my first victim was Sting....
(Graphic: "STING R.I.P November 15, 2000") See Sting was the first guy that
I sent to the hospital, but see, Sting, I've called that hospital - you're
not there no more, you're just too afraid to come back. Booker T - you
were next...and you were easy. ("BOOKER T - CHAMPIONS AND CAREER -
November 26, 2000") Goldberg...("GOLDBERG R.I.P. January 14, 2001")
Goldberg - I gave you the worst defeat of your career...and I wish you were
man enough to still be in this sport, because I wanted, I begged, I pleaded
for a rematch...but you weren't tough enough. Now everybody's seen Sid
Vicious suffered at the hands of me the most horrific leg injury in the
history of this sport because...he felt the power. ("SID VICIOUS R.I.P.
January 14, 2001") Now last night, Kevin Nash, I was gonna let you live out
the rest of your life at the Shady Rest rehired - retirement home, but you
made a mistake. You put your hands on my freak - nobody touches my freak!
So sleep with one eye open, because I'm not through with you yet. But
you're in the past, you're history, and I'm here to talk about what the
future-- what happens now until Greed, and that means there's one man -
there's one man left. And I'm gonna enjoy inflicting more punishment, more
pain, but with a little bit of difference, I'm gonna do it with a smile on
my face. And rather than tell you who it is, I'm just gonna show ya." He
opens the casket...and "POSITIVELY" KANYON does the zombie situp. "BANG!
Diamond Dallas White Trash - you call yourself the People's Champion -
we'll I'm the world champion, and I'm sure you might have some jabrones in
the back, still your friend, still your ally, but that ends tonight, 'cause
- because tonight...Buff, not only beat the Cat, destroy the Cat. Jeff
Jarrett...not only beat Dustin Rhodes, destroy Dustin Rhodes.
Kanyon...even though I've got Page at Greed, and not only do I want you to
beat him, I want you to hurt him, just enough, just enough for him to
survive, because Page, when you get to S- to Greed, are you gonna wanna
crawl into this casket to escape the pain!" Page may have said something
at this point, but his mic wasn't on. At any rate, the crappy music of
DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE HAS CRAPPY MUSIC hits and we turn to the other end of
the arena to see Page out in suckup land, in the crowd. "Over here,
Einsteiner! Kill the music, idiot. You say you're gonna make my life a
living hell? Well I've been to hell, and I'm here to tell you that you
can't do anything, and I mean ANYTHING to me, as long as I get you at
Creed. Tonight, you're gonna get that jabrone in the coffin, that
impersonator a rematch with me? Well I live for it. We'll see who's the
last man standing - we'll see who FEELS - THE - BANG!"
This is WCW Monday Nitro! And THIS portion is brought to you by
BURGER KING!
Ms. Jones and Cat have a public chat for the benefit of our cameraman. She
congratulates him for winning the commissionership again, and he thanks HER
for being one of the three women not to get fired by WCW over the past few
weeks. Well, he doesn't actually say that, but Cat DOES say that, for the
fans, he'll start a cruiserweight tag division - an eight team tourney will
start next Monday with the champs crowned at Greed. Turning to the
previous segment, he says he'll have no problems with Buff tonight. Also,
he has spoken.
Doesn't Eric Bischoff HATE tag team wrestling, though?
SHANNON MOORE (with SuperBrawl Revenge clips) v. JAIME KNOBLE (with
Outrageous Evan Karagias) - Moore is apparently alone here because he and
Helms had some issues during last night's four corners elimination match,
which saw Helms enter as a last-minute replacement for Kidman...then win
the whole darn thing. Knoble hits the ring, ducks a clothesline, chop,
Moore into the ropes, slides under, catches the kick and spins him around.
Moore with a sleeper, Knoble turns out and Moore backflips to his feet.
Leaprfrog by Moore, Knoble over the top to the apron, head through the
ropes into the gut, up to the top and Knoble hits a nice missile dropkick.
Head to the buckle by Knoble - Moore into the opposite corner, up and over
onto the shoulders, pops up and does a spin to land face up, then snaps off
a headscissors. Knoble to a corner to pull himself up - Moore running at
him but nobody home and Moore crotches himself on the way to bouncing off
the ropes. Scoop....and a slam by Knoble. Going up top...Moore with a
right, another right, chop, climbing up to meet him - not all there flying
headscissors on his way down but Knoble duly flips - and Moore gets 2.
Suplex attempt, no, go behind, standing switch, Knoble with a hiplock.
Moore with a kick to Knoble's jaw, and there's a flying headscissors from
Moore once again. In the corner, attempting the monkey flip but Knoble
doesn't let him, shoving him off...and there's a big clothesline out.
Knoble in control - Northern Lights gets 2 from referee "Blind" Mark
Johnson. Moore's head meets the buckle - big chop from Knoble - into the
opposite corner, boots up by Moore. Moore going up top - corkscrew
moonsault! For 2. Moore puts him in the corner - flying leg lariat and
nowhere for Knoble to go. 1, 2, no. Into the corner is reversed by
Knoble, but Moore goes up and over the top rope to the apron - Knoble's
shoulder hits the buckle - Knoble ducks an apron clothesline - *Moore*
ducks a clothesline, Moore's next one hits...but the slingshot senton comes
up empty as Knoble slides out. But Moore comes to and hits a baseball
slide. He's gonna fly - NO HANDS TOPE CON HILO! Both men take a moment,
and now they're both up. Karagias tries a clothesline, but Moore ducks it,
then dropkicks Knoble into Karagais - and *he* hits the STEEL steps pretty
hard. Moore running at Knoble, who drops and boosts him over his head onto
the apron - Moore tries a back kick, but Knoble catches the boot and yanks
him back to the floor. Rolled back in - Knoble following, but Karagias
DDT's him (sorta) on the apron! Knoble is out on the apron - easy pickings
for the Bottoms Up (Rocker Dropper/Fame'Asser) from Moore. 1, 2, 3. (4:45)
Post-match, Karagias and Moore look to strike a quick alliance...and BOTH
men stomp on Knbole - did 3 Count just get reconfigured before our very
eyes? Each man does the "drivin' the Cadillac" and it appears so. Replay
of the (no hands!) tope con hilo and Bottoms Up for the pin.
WCW Pardi Gras kicks off the Road to Spring Breakout next week! OH BOY!
America Online sucks!
Kidman & Konnan share a private moment with the cameraman - sounds like
they're challenging Road Warrior Animal and Chavo Guerrero. What does
"it's all gravy" mean? Who are they talking to anyway? Konnan's all
looking off in the distance and arriba la raza'ing it - I'm so confused!
(Wasn't it leaked to you that Gene Okerlund was fired?) Well, let's not
jump the gun here - let's just say instead that he's got the night off and
leave it at that.
AWESOME MIKE AWESOME (with SuperSwerve Revenge clips...and Lance Storm's
music) v. BRYAN CLARKE - last night, Awesome dressed up as Clarke and got
away with it, thanks to a notable lengthening of the period when the lights
were off. Anyway, thanks to Awesome, Totally Buffed won the match and got
the title shot for Greed. Clarke's out for some revenge tonight, and goes
to Awesome like gangbusters - feel the power of the almighty CHOP! Now
taste my knee in your abdomen! Have some turnbuckle with your head! And
did you know that the NBA was on TNT Wednesdays and Thursdays? Before this
gets too interesting, ELIX SKIPPER comes out, LANCE STORM comes out,
referee "Blind" Billy Silverman decides to ring the bell (relaxed DQ
0:59), and the tripleteam is broken when BRIAN ADAMS (cuts like a knife)
runs out to help Clarke clean house. Prime Time gets High Time, and then
the Canadian Killer gets it as well. Play their music! Remember when Mike
Awesome was heavyweight champion of the world? Hell, remember when Lance
Storm had three belts? Well, nobody in WCW does!
Backstage, Cat is WALKING! along with Ms. Jones and Security (who look
suspiciously like the pallbearers, only in T-shirts instead of jacket and
tie) - he directs Security to keep Storm in the ring so he can deliver him
a special message. What could that message be? Stay tuned!
Promotional consideration paid for by Geico, Geico, Randstad (who?),
Plus+White, Nutra Nail (huh?), and Hot Pockets from Hot Pockets. Holy
cats, did the over-50 demos kick in on these ads, or WHAT?
When we come back, Cat is in the middle of talking - it's seemingly time
for vengeance for all those nasty things Storm did during the few hours he
was commissioner. Tonight, he'll face the guy on the Nitrotron...and
introduces - hey, that's Cesar Romero! No, wait, it's Hugh Morrus. Hey, I
can see his fillings! Cat goes on to say Awesome and Storm will end up
back in Saskatchewan making pancakes (?) if they interfere, because he has
spoken.
Your hosts are TONY SCHIAVONE & SCOTT HUDSON. Tony's decided to wear a
white shirt this week, so as to look not in mourning. Hudson, however, is
still in his black period.
Here's a Special Video Look at Kid Romeo - yes, *Kid Freakin' Romeo.*
Somebody must have gotten wind of him appearing that WWF taping or
something, because not only is he on his way to WCW, he's got his own
vignette! "Women all over the world...love me. Everybody wants to be like
Kid Romeo! I must be the man!" He's...driving a Prowler...to an Ultra
Nate-esque soundtrack. "Tell me why" indeed! I hope he doesn't whip out
those glowsticks again!
Next week, you know you gots to tune in because the Road to Spring Breakout
2001 begins with WCW Pardi Gras! Thanks, 1-800-COL-LECT! Thanks, Crappy
AOL!
CHAVO GUERRERO JNR (with SuperBrawl Revenge clips and Konnan & Animal
brawling in the back - no, wait...) - If Kid Romeo is a Latin sensation,
what does that make the current champ? We look backstage to see that, yes,
Konnan and Animal are having fun with various implements backstage,
including the dreaded *empty cardboard box.* Oooh! Chavo is content to
watch this on the big screen along with the audience, when suddenly KIDMAN
arrives through the crowd behind him, and forearms him in th eback - lefts
and rights, into the ropes, reveresed, head down, facebuster by Kidman,
standing dropkick, right, into the corner, biiig back body drop, right
hand, into the opposite corner, clothesline off the ropes as he bounces
off. Referee "Blind" Jamie Tucker decides, hey, maybe the match *didn't*
start after all, so we take an ad break. (? 0:41) Well, not right
away...first,
NEXT WEEK: The Cruiserweight tag team title tournament begins!
Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim, Randstad (again), Nutra
Nail (again), Plus+White (again), Hot Pockets (again), and America (ha!)
Online
When we come back, the ring is full of referees trying to separate
Kidman and Guerrero (but...the BELL rang), meanwhile Animal and Konnan have
emerged from backstage with Mickie J. in tow...looks like they'll actually
make it to the ring - I guess we'll have this match for real after all...
CHAVO GUERRERO & ROAD WARRIOR ANIMAL v. KIDMAN & KONNAN - Konnan is a
"heavyweight." In the ring, Chavo hits the tornado DDT - this might be a
short match....oh no, Chavo is out to help Animal turn it around against
Konnan. Konnan rolled in to join his partner...no, I guess Kidman is on
the outside now. Konnan puts Guerrero in the corner - he gets the feet up
on the shoulders, but Konnan swings him over to the apron, then hits a
springboard dropkick to take him to the floor. Kidman throws him back in.
Konnan tags. Forearm by Kidman - into the ropes, biiiiig back body drop by
Kidman. Konnan pops him one as well. Right by Kidman. Into the ropes,
jumping elbow by Kidman, who nips up. Scoop.....and a slam. Kidman going
up to the top floor...but nobody's home on the plancha. Both men are down
- tag to Konnan - who just barely pulls Chavo away from Animal's
outstretched hand - rollup gets 2. Konnan with the standing figure
four...tying up both wrists between the legs as well! Animal comes in and
hits a big boot off the ropes to break that up. Kidman gets a
shoulderblock as well. Chavo back up - kick, kick, kick, Konnan with a
kick, Chavo with a kick, right, standing on the neck, and again.
Distraction for Kidman, which in turn distracts Tucker as he tries to keep
him in his corner - meanwhile, Kidman feeds Konnan to Animal who chokes him
on the bottom rope by standing on his neck. Tony reveals that we're in the
von Braun Civic Center in Huntsville, AL 19.2.1 and THIS is WCW Monday
Nitro on TNT! (I wonder if jdw will find it all the way down here.)
Guerrero lining up Konnan for the big chop. Into the ropes, Konnan
reverses and hits the tumblin' clothesline, the "my balls are big" pants
shake, and the HOT TAG. Forearm, forearm, into the corner, big
splash...but Animal is in and putting Kidman down with "power moves." Now
all four men are in as Konnan hits a double sledge. Right hand. Kidman
with a dropkick. Konnan on all fours - boosting Kidman for a flying
forearm. Double clothesline DOES take him out - turning to Chavo - into
the ropes, Chavo leapfrogs Kidman but Konnan gives him the facejam -
rather, Chavo falls into a facejam and Konnan's all "yeah, that's what I
meant to do" after a delay. Kidman motioning for the SSP (ha) but Animal
pulls him out before he can try it...so Kidman leaps off onto Animal on the
floor...who catches him. Konnan, from the apron, hits a running somersault
onto this pile to take Animal down! Chavo on the apron - Konnan ducks the
double axe handle and Kidman runs at him with a clothesline! Konnan and
Animal continue brawling on the outside and Tucker watches them - back in
the ring with Guerrero and Kidman - Guerrero right, right, kick, off the
ropes...but Kidman hits the sitout powerbomb! RAYMOND STEREO is out -
Nutcracker Suite finds the mark! Kid Krusher! Tucker back in - 1, 2, 3!
(+5:51) But Animal is back in...gutshot - HE *POWERBOMED* KIDMAN! HE
*POWERBOMBED* HIM! YOU CAN'T POWERBOMB KIDMAN BUT ROAD WARRIOR BY GOD
ANIMAL JUST DID! ANIMAL *RULES*!!
NEXT: Buff Bagwell is WALKING!
Greed promo is chock full of guys not currently competing in WCW (by which
I mean, "Kevin Nash and Booker T"- and is backed by a track off the WCW
Mayhem CD (I think)
Greed is ALSO a game show - "The Terminator has chosen YOU!"
BUFF DADDY BAGWELL (with SuperBrawl Revenge clips) v. CAT (with Mz.
Jonez...and SuperBrawl Revenge clips...and NBA Wednesdays & Thursdays on
TNT graphic) - Bagwell asks the cameraman to c'mere...then he asks
again...then he gets rather unhappy and starts making demands. I bet what
he REALLY wants is to direct! Cat's wearing a new vest that says "Somebody
call my momma" on the back - ooee. After asking for the music to be cut,
Cat tells Bagwell something - and shows us the TV-14-DL ratings box (quick,
turn to RAW!). Cat says he thinks the fans still love him. He invites
Bagwell in the ring, and says that Bagwell loves his mother just like he
loves his momma, so he knows they're both good people...Cat asks him to
turn back to the light side of the force and make his mom (and all these
people) proud of him. Bagwell says he doesn't mind being around a
superstar, but he DOES mind being around a bunch of losers and throws a
forearm. Whatever. Right, right, right, right, right. Bagwell lets him
get up, then throws another right to the face. Right, into the ropes,
hiptoss. Nice dropkick. Bagwell pinwheels - probably a mistake. Cat is
up - gutshot, into the ropes, wacky double thrust, another,
gutsthot, breakdancing splits uppercut, three fingers on each hand.
Bagwell takes a powder. I wonder if he's thinking "it all went wrong for
me when I stopped to pose..." no, he's probably thinking "it all went wrong
for me when I couldn't have a positive enough attitude to make it in the
WWF locker room." Bagwell *finally* comes back into the ring...and hot
shots Cat on his way back in. Swinging neckbreaker by Bagwell - cover - 2.
Into the ropes, back elbow...to the rear chinlock. Cat feels the power of
the fans flowing through him! No, I don't know. Elbow to the gut, James
Brown elbow, but Bagwell buries a knee and Cat goes down once again. Hooks
the leg - 2. Scoop...and a slam. Pinwhell - NO he flips 'em one instead!
Bagwell to the blatant choke - referee "Blind" Mark Johnson pulls him off.
Cat with a kick, Bagwell to the eyes. Snapmares him over - back to the
chinlock. Crowd comes alive - at least HERE you can see people actually
clapping, unlike last night. But Cat is fading. Looks like...no, Cat is
coming back before Johnson can drop the arm. James Brown elbow, elbow,
elbow, elbow, elbow, off the ropes, ducks a clothesline and hits one of his
own. Bagwell into the ropes, ducks a clothesline, and BAGWELL hits a
clothesline. OH BOY! BACK TO THE CHINLOCK!!!!!!!!!! WE'VE GOT ACTION!
Cat once again rises to a knee, but Bagwell throws a right before he can
come back. Scoop slam by Bagwell, climbing to the second rope - but Cat
gets the foot up to stop the double axehandle. Both men are down and
Johnson is counting - both men up at 5. Cat catches the right, arm
wringer, kick, kick, kick, kick, into the ropes, superkick, another thrust
kick, scoop...and a slam. Breakdancing robot elbow...MISSES. CHRIS KANYON
is sneaking to the ring as Bagwell comes back. Into the ropes, reversed,
head down, sunset flip attempt by Bagwell...jiggy jig jig whaa.
Breakdancing elbow lands this time - instead of covering, he walks over to
Kanyon on the apron and tries a Feliner - but Kanyon ducks, then grabs the
ankle and keeps him hung up - Bagwell hits a forearm to the back. By God,
if Hudson is gonna keep calling it a Kobashi DDT, then so am I. Buff
Blockbuster is upcoming...yes suh. 1, 2, 3. (6:28) Too bad the
commissioner title wasn't on the line, right? Kanyon and Bagwell
celebrate...but Jones is in the ring and she ain't too happy. Kanyon dares
her to do something about it - so she slaps him. Then he gives her the
Kanyon Cutter! OOOH YEAH! It's the Night that the Heels do Cool Stuff!
Kanyon and Bagwell turn to a doubleteam stompdown on Cat as TRAINER DANNY
YOUNG comes out to check on Jones' neck. Cat ducks a double clothesline
off the ropes and hits a ... hmm, double kick (sorta) to clear the ring.
Cat goes over to check on Jones as Kanyon and Bagwell mug in the aisle.
Here come the EMT's. Castrol Motor Oily provides the replay of Kanyon
grabbing the ankle, Bagwell hitting the Blockbuster, and they won't show
the replay of Jones getting hers because this is a *serious* moment, folks.
"Fans, this is horrible." You said it, Tony. HORRIBLY COOL OF KANYON.
(Hey Zed, are you some kinda misogynist or something?) Umm, misogy-what?
Thunder ad
When we come back, Ms. Jones is wheeled into a waiting ambulance. I guess
the real question is: did this segment keep you from turning to RAW? Page
tells Cat to go with her - he'll take care of Kanyon tonight. Cat says he
doesn't need him to fight his battles - he'll take care of Kanyon later.
Nonetheless, he climbs into the ambulance, the doors close...then somebody
laughs. Oops, she should have waited until ten seconds after the guy said
"Clear" just to be safe!
LASH LeROUX v. RICK WOOF WOOF (with SuperBrawl Revenge clips) for (maybe)
the United States Heavyweight championship - without a helpful graphic, I
have no way of knowing if this is nontitle or not...since WCW doesn't deign
to allow me to hear David Penzer's ring announcements. Although I haven't
mentioned it, Tony's been repeatedly saying "I hope the new owners of WCW
are watching what Ric Flair's been doing" all night - the who of what now?
Amusing moment has Steiner whipping LeRoux into the front row of fans...and
by "amusing," I mean "as amusing as you can get when served up a big ol'
plate o' SQUASH." I think LeRoux got in *one* punch to the stomach in this
match. Steiner is content to spend more time challenging ringside
fans to face him than to battle his opponent. And, just for fun, Steiner
*really* pours it on for the finish. (Three Spicolli Drivers -> pin 3:47)
If you don't like him, you can bite him. Or you can say FUHFUHWID during
the replays.
LAST NIGHT: Clips of the Rhodes/Steiner US title match...and Shattered
Dreams (or whatever they'll end up calling it)
See the stars of WCW live in action...while you still can! Saturday, tix
go on sale for Mobile - Nitro hits Nawlins next Monday - Johnson City tix
are now on sale, as well as Nitro in Greenville!
Yikes! Mr. T for 1-800-COL-LECT? Which sign of the apocalypse is THAT?
Close captioning for the hearing impaired (eh? What's that?) sponsored by
Meineke mufflers - because MUFFLERS reduce SOUND and CLOSE
CAPTIONS....ummm....
Danny Young checks on Lash LeRoux backstage...he's got something internal
happening - wow, this guy acts better than Stephanie McMahon!
Meanwhile, Scott Steiner and Chris Kanyon share a private moment in front
of the camera - Steiner tells him to play with Page's mind, hurt his
body...then hands him his special knux.
Meanwhile, Hugh Morrus looks out into space and talks to....nobody. He's
unhappy that Rick Steiner took out LeRoux...but he has to put that out of
his mind, because tonight, he's got Lance Storm. "You thought you'd never
have to face General Rection again. Well you were right, but no one ever
said *anything* about Hugh Morrus. (giggles)" What do you think? Doing
interviews without an interviewer: (a) innovative or (b) insane?
LANCE STORM (with SuperBrawl Revenge clips) v. AD BREAK - "If I can be
serious for a minute....I may not be the commissioner anymore...but I'm not
letting the Cat have the last laugh. I don't care if it's Hugh Morrus,
General Rection, or Bill DeMott! The fact of the matter is, I beat him
before, and I'll beat him again, because I'm from Calgary...Alberta,
Canada! I was born to wrestle and bred to win. I know you people don't
have any class; let's try to show some anyway and rise for the playing of
the Canadian National Anthem!" First man to talk over the anthem is Tony -
SHAME! Then they decide to take an ad break. Now *that's* an interesting
idea!
LANCE STORM v. HUGH MORRUS (with NBA on Wednesdays & Thursdays on TNT) for
the time after the Last Time Ever - Commentators say that this is the
fourth time they've played the anthem - more likely, they didn't really run
it for (2:57) although that'd be a HELL of a way to rile up the crowd -
anywho, "Not the Zoo" finally kicks in and here he comes. That's it, baby,
KEEP the memory of the First Family alive! The spirit of Lightningfoot
Jerry Flynn FLOWS through you! Morrus starts up a "USA" chant but does not
say "HOOOOO." Morrus wants a Test of Strength...as soon as he decides
which hand he wants to use - no, wait, he's just toying with him, sorry.
Okay, here we go - lockup, Storm to the waistlock, standing switch by
Morrus, Storm pushes them into the corner and referee "Blind" Mickie J.
calls for the break. Back elbow by Storm, right, chop, chop, chop, no
sell by Morrus, they trade places, chop by Morrus, chop, posing...so
Storm goes to the gut, into the corner is reversed, and Morrus clotheslines
him down as he comes out. Storm goes outside to take a breather. Already
his chest is blushing up. NOW we're gonna get that test of strength..knee
by Storm to break it (oh well), knee, knee, into the ropes, Storm ducks,
crucifix attempted...but Morrus drops him down with a Samoan Drop (Tony:
"fallaway slam"). Morrus is ready to go up (this early?) but Storm pops up
and crotches him...Morrus falls into the Tree of Woe, possible wrenching
his left leg (for storyline purposes) in the process. Storm gets to
stomping on Morrus' back. Vertical suplex...blocked, and Morrus hits one
instead. Morrus holding the knee...Storm hits a jawbreaker. Head to the
buckle, right, pointing to his chin, right, pointing to his chain
again...then poking the eyes before he can haul off with the right hand.
The TV-14-V ratings box pops up here (huh?) as the whip is reversed, Storm
up and over, but Morrus hits an elbow - catching a dropkick and turning it
into a double leg takedown - WOW catapult into the turnbuckle, and a rollup
for 2! Storm quickly hits a seated dropkick to turn it back his way.
Storm covers - 1, 2, no. Storm brings him up - Morrus with a body shot,
right, Storm pulls him through the ropes to the floor. Storm's baseball
slide dropkick finds nothing, Morrus puts him into the safety rail, big
clothesline, another clothesline, rolled back in. Morrus still holding the
left knee for our benefit - kick by Morrus, into the ropes, biiig back body
drop. Morrus running out of the corner - big avalanche! Whip into the
opposite corner...a second splash finds no water in the pool. Storm with
the superkick. Canadian Maple Leaf on the left leg! "USA" chant fires up
as Morrus crawls to the rope...and grabs it! Storm with a right, right,
right, into the ropes, reversed, Storm ducks the lariat, Morrus ducks a
clothesline, front slam by Morrus, quickly climbing up top, No Laughing
Matter HITS, 1, 2, 3!! (5:55)
Backstage, we see a pair of boots - and they are WALKING! We pan up
slightly to see a shirt with "The American Dweem" on it....hmmm...
Don't forget - next week is the WCW Pardi Gras! 1-800-COL-LECT and America
Online paid for their logos to appear here! (No kidding? How much did
they pay you?) No, not ME, I meant THEM...THERE. (Do you GET paid?) None
of your damn business!
A song suspiciously sounding like the WWF's "American Dream" (but not)
starts playing and a Dusty Rhodes entrance video plays on the big
screen...but that's not Big Dust, it's JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET dressed
up with Santa padding, long trenchcoat, black hat, boots, and - yes - "The
American Dweem" T-shirt. Back of the shirt says "If you weee!" "Rhodes"
picks up a bucket of chicken and samples it. "Huntsville! Hunnnnnntsveel!
Live and in colah - in public if you weeeeeill. The American Dweem is back
on twack. And ready, I said ready to get funkeh like ah spunkeh monkeh.
But I'm out here to say a few things about mah boy, fruit o' mah loins, ooh
oooh. Ya know I'm as proud o' mah boy as he isa me. 'cause look at ol'
Stardust here - what's not to be proud of. But there's one thing - listen
to me, listen to me when I'm speakin' - there's one thing about mah
boy...no one, and I said no one can take him as long as his old man is in
his corner - corner, if ya will. But there's one thing that's got me a
little bit perturbed. Got me a little bit disturbed. And that's that low
down, no good, lyin', sneakin', dirty dog Chosen One himself, Jeff Jarrett.
You see, my boy Dustin, fruit of my loins, ohh, if you will, ain't got a
chance, ain't got a snowball's chance in heyell against the Chosen One.
You see, plain and simple, plain and simple, my boy Dustin, fruit o' my
loins ohh if you will, is just outnumbered, outclassed, plain and simple
down and dirty, outdone by the Chosen One himself. Oh if you will listen
to me when I'm speakin', listen to me when I'm speakin'. MM mm mm mm mm mm
mm...mm mm mm the Chosen One, 'merican Dween would just love to, like
always, like old times...if my boy Dustin (fruit o' mah loins) gets in
trouble, he would love to come to his rescue. Love to come to his rescue
and put a clubberin' on the Chosen One. And speakin' o' clubberin', boys,
come on down because the American Dweem is gonna put on a little exhibition
this evenin'. That's right, could you boys come on in here - 'cause I'm
gonna stomp a mudhole - whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa - stomp a mudhole in your
booty and walk it dry. A little exhibition. Are you ready over there
youngster?" We got FOUR EXTRAS (security/pallbearer/yeah) clad in tights
and matching T-shirts who hit the ring black ninja style so "Dusty" can
double club them one at a time, Bionic Elbows all around, double noggin
knocker times two, four-way slap, flip flop and groin - you know, this is
actually a pretty good Rhodes impersonation. Between this and Sting,
Jarrett may have found his calling. After dropping the elbow, Rhodes has
trouble getting up - doing a turtle on his back impersonation. And
now he's setting up one for Shattered Dreams! See ya. "I just got one
last thing to thay to the Chosen One from the Dweem - kith my big fat ATH."
At this point the music hits and out comes DUTHTIN - I MEAN DUSTIN RHODES,
who takes Jarrett to the mat...and that's it because RICK WOOF WOOF is
right behind him - Rhodes manages to reverse it into the infamour bulldog,
but Jarrett had a guitar under the ring - KABONG! "Now, thun, I didn't
wanta haveta do that. But I'm just givin' my boy a little attitude
adjustment. Now choke on that, thlapnuth." Tony proclaims it "one of the
most revolting segments we've ever seen." Oh, I don't know about THAT...
NEXT: Diamond Dallas Page is WALKING!
As we hear laughter coming from somewhere (I told you, wait for "clear" and
then wait another ten seconds just to be safe!"), we get one more graphic
reminding us that a cruiserweight tag team tournament starts next week
By the way, the Road to Spring Break Out starts with WCW Pardi Gras - NEXT
week! Brought to you by AOL and 1-800-COL-LECT
Tony and Scott take a moment to remember #3 as the camera finds some signs
for the Intimidator. That was nice of them.
(chris) KANYON (with a copy of "Positively Kanyon" and SuperBrawl Revenge
clips) v. DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE HAS CRAPPY MUSIC - "Who's better than Kanyon?
Everybody, nah. I beat DDP last night, and I'm gonna beat him again
TONIGHT!" Page walks out through the crowd 'cause he's a suckup. The
answer to your question - why did they hotshot this feud last night and now
tonight - is Page is already bumped up to the match for the World
Heavyweight championship, so suddenly we have to get THIS one out of the
way. Make your own complaints about prior planning (and lack thereof)
here. Kanyon tries to run but Page catches him - knee in the gut, big
right hand that takes the wig off, choke, Page rips off his shirt and
chokes him with it...then horsecollars him to the outside. Hey, Page with
a PESCADO! And landing on his feet! Kanyon whipped into the safety rail -
another whip is reversed and Page hits hard - forearm by Kanyon puts him
over the rail into the crowd - Kanyon follows. Whip into a wall is
reversed and *Kanyon* hits. Page working over Kanyon all the way back to
ringside and over the rail. Back in the ring - but Kanyon drops an elbow
to his back. Side headlock - Page powers out. Kanyon catches the boot,
spins him around - knee in the gut by Page, into the ropes, tilt-a-whirl
sidewalk slam gets Page 2. Going for the Diamond Cutter but Kanyon drops
out of the attempt. Into the corner, head into the gut by Page. Climbing
up for the Ten Punch Count Along - but after one, Kanyon drops Page down
with Snake Eyes. Knee in the gut by Kanyon. Face to the canvas. 1, 2,
Page kicks out. Kanyon kicks a field goal - another kick to the ribs. One
more kick to the side. Right by Page, right, right, to his feet, into the
ropes, but Kanyon hits a side Russian leg sweep and floats over for 2.
Into the ropes is reversed by Page, Kanyon gets the boot up - top rope
Rocker Dropper (!) but Page kicks out at 2. Kanyon to the headlock. "DDP"
chant fires up - and Page starts to come back - elbowing out, elbow, but
Kanyon drives him down to the mat and covers...for 2. Back to the headlock
for Kanyon - did Page call a spot? Arm falls once, arm falls twice,
arm...doesn't fall thrice. Page back to his feet, elbow, elbow, into the
ropes, and it's PAGE with the sleeper...into a sleeper slam. Referee
"Blind" Charles Robinson starts the ten count - up to 6 with nobody
moving...Page covers at 8 - 1, 2, Kanyon gets an arm up! Page with
"Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," right, left, right, left, right left
right left right left, pose for the crowd, discus lariat puts Kanyon down.
Kanyon going for the book? Page hits Nine Heads to the Turnbuckle Count
Along - punctuates Ten, then hits a death suplex. Diamond Cutter coming
up...but Kanyon has it scouted and drops down with the uppernut. KANYON
CUTTER! 1, 2, Page kicks out!! Kanyon goes outside and grabs a chair.
Robinson takes if from him...but while Robinson removes it, Kanyon grabs
his book and waffles him with it. Cover - 1, 2, NO! Why yes, there WAS a
brick in the book (thanks Mr. Cameraman). Kanyon puts the brass knux on -
but Page gets a knee in the gut before he can throw a punch...side
headlock, into a Diamond Cutter! Page covers - 1, 2, 3! (7:13) Page's
crappy music is quickly cut off by the sirens of WHITE THUNDER - he's got
the lead pipe in his hand...but before the MAGNIFICENT HOWEVER MANY hit the
ring (Midajah get the night off?), Page is out through the crowd. Where'd
he get that mic? "Hey Steiner! I'm still standin'! BANG!" Credits are
up - quick, fade out before his music starts again!
Woo hoo! "Point of No Return" is next! I LOVE Expose! (I think you're
thinking of something else.) Oh? DAMN!
Five weeks left...and counting. The way things are going, it sure looks
like it's gonna end like "Empire Strikes Back," with all the heels
triumphant and the faces reduced to looking out a window, hoping for
another movie so they can mount their comback...thing is, "Empire Strikes
Back" was probably the best movie, so there are WORSE ways to go...
Christopher Robin Zimmerman
www.CRZ.net