I GET LETTERS: Is is just me or does Waryr's interview sound exactly
like Chris Farley as El Nino last fall? Just wondering... - Jamie
Lorance
Hey Chris you were asking who was Nick Dinsmore. Well he's a wrestler
here in Tennessee for Music City Wrestling. Hope that answers your
question. - Ed Knox (That was a *rhetorical* question, Ed, but
thanks.)
DISCLAIMER: I am *biased* and at this point in time I don't *like* having
to watch this show every week. Just be happy you get a report at all and
stop complaining! Those ScoopThis guys can't even FIND a sucker to watch
Nitro every week! So there!
We open tonight's show with clips of last week's TV-PG-DV travesty that I
like to call Bret Hart's 1247th turn since joining WCW about 11 months
ago. Closed captioned! So if it was all a big plan by Hart and Hogan to
get Sting, does that mean that all that wrestling Hogan and Hart did was
FAKE? Lots of old Hart sound bites are supposed to make Hart look really
disingenuous - ah, screw it. I'm sure we'll hear about it all night.
Hey look, it's the Nitro Girls! Whisper can't dance! Before Tony can
crank up the hype machine to full smarm, we immediately move to a
Halloween Havoc promo. "The shadows have unleashed a forgotten soul /
awakening the evil within / releasing the havoc that is halloween /
(brightly) sponsored by SNICKERS!" Just for grins, the MANIACAL LAUGHTER
shows up on the soundtrack of this ad.
LIVE from the Carolina Colesium in Columbia, SC, it's WCW Monday Nitro!
Broadcast 5.10.98 with FIREWORKS!
Your hosts are Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay and thelivinglegend Larry
Zbyszko and Tony is ALL OVER that maniacal laugh - what could it be?
Where is it from? The sound guys aren't doing it! Yeah, right. Tony
quickly turns to the SHOCKING! events of last week, culminating in Hart
turning on Sting. Tenay talks a bit. Larry begs the fans to cheer his
name.
Let Us Take You Back to 31 August, where Roddy Piper asks Bret Hart to act
like a man.
Let Us Take You Back to 14 September, where Piper tells Hart his dad would
be really proud of him for talkin' honest to these people like he is, and
he should be soarin' with the eagles and not let the people down again.
The Treacherous Three continue to talk about Bret Hart. Zbyszko says as a
liar, he's "the best there is, was, and ever will be."
Let Us Take You Back to 31 August, where Hart and Hogan team up in a tag
team main event against Luger & Sting. Hart grabs Hogan's weight belt and
stops him from whipping Sting. This leads to a countout loss for Hogan &
Hart. Do you see the logic here? Can't you put it all together? Well I
sure as hell can't.
Tonight, Hart vs. Sting for the United States title! Good thing Sting
didn't REALLY suffer from all that legwork Hogan and Hart gave him...
This portion of Nitro is brought to you by TWIX!
Get the WCW MasterCard! Hurry and get the Giant one before he's gone!
Opening credits (which must mean it's ten past the hour)
LIZMARK, JR. v. (perry) SATURN - I hate Saturn's theme, by the way.
Commentators, of course, talk about Sting vs. Hart. Then for a change of
pace, commentators talk about Hogan vs. Warrior at Halloween Havoc (only
20 days away!) because, and I think they KNOW this, NO ONE is interested
at all in any of the moves that take place in a Lizmark/Saturn matchup.
Even Saturn looks bored after hitting a superkick (ooh, that won't make
GLACIER happy!) Anyway, Spicolli driver for the pin (2:29) and Castrol
GTX should try to get their money back for sponsoring a replay from THIS
match.
Diamond Dallas Page vs. Goldberg is the World Heavyweight Title Match -
Warrior vs. Hollywood Hogan is the Crappiest Match on Earth - see them
both at Halloween Havoc! And buy SNICKERS!
Tonight, Hart/Sting for the US Title!
Lee Marshall narrates the SNICKERS Pin on a map Road Report (what happened
to Starburst?) Next Monday, Nitro is in Chicago! I already miss Marshall
lowering his voice when he said "Give it some jooooosss."
Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim, Motel 6 7/8, Hot Pockets
Toaster Breaks, Tiger SportsFeel Games, and Tootsie Caramel Apple Pops.
Halloween Havoc promo #3. Ok, no more jokes tonight with these promos -
just a running count. THREE IN TWENTY MINUTES.
Hey look, it's the Nitro Girls! The nonstop cavalcade of promos, clips,
and interviews CONTINUES! Later tonight, our second match: Hart vs. Sting
for the United States Title!
WCW Monday Nitro Party call for tapes sponsored by Mug Root Beer where the
foam goes aw screw it.
KAZ HAYASHI (with Sonny Onoo) v. THREE TIME WORLD KARATE CHAMPION THE CAT
(without Kryten) - in a shocking display of irony, Schiavone complains
about Miller's referring to himself as a three time World's karate
Champion "ad nauseum, over and over and over and over..." - Onoo is with
Hayashi by virtue of something that happened on one of those WCW shows
that I don't watch. Miller gives Hayashi five seconds (after calling him
"Jackie Chan" just to make the smarts go "Ooooh!") but he doesn't leave
the ring, of course. Anybody remember when ONOO was the big-shot karate
champion? Is the crowd chanting "Pussy cat" here? Is Miller trying to
use THE CLAW here? Hayashi gets a couple flurries, but of course he's
facing a three time world karate champion so he loses, despite the fact
that none of Miller's kicks actually come close to connecting anywhere.
What a sick joke. (kick -> pin 2:36) Guess what? Miller does a poor
man's Ali postmatch. For an encore, Onoo tells Miller he *is* the
greatest and appears to be vying for a managerial role with him, dumping
Hayashi in the process.
Nitro Party video, which appears to be a 7th birthday pool party. Make
your own Lawler joke here.
This portion of Nitro is brought to you by Jolly Time popcorn - it's not
too late for them to try to get their money back!
Goldberg T-shirt ad.
Diamond Dallas Page/Goldberg video package (complete with weird video
distortion) - Halloween Havoc promo #4
JERRY FLYNN v. NEVER SURRENDER JUVENTUD GUERRERA - THIS poor excuse for a
match is saved only by DISCO INFERNO telling Mike Tenay he has a phone
call and taking his place at the announce team's set. He runs down
"Juvenstooge" and reminds us that he's a svelte 215 pounds and well within
the Cruiserweight limit. He also says that Jerry Flynn is a fine
Cruiserweight, which is damn funny if you've ever seen Flynn. (Juvi
Driver -> pin 3:08)
Halloween Havoc promo #5 - Goldberg/Page
Mike Tenay walks amongst the people - everyone who talks in this ad, with
the possible exception of Tenay, might be a redneck. Most of them figure
Goldberg will crush Page like a bug.
Tenay hasn't come back, so Bobby Heenan is out to complete the threesome.
The talk is Hogan/Warrior. I want to die. Crowd chants "We want Flair."
Halloween Havoc promo #6 - Warrior/Hogan
VILLANO V (no entrance) v. (DON'T GIVE A) WRATH (ATH) - You might have
figured out by now that these "matches" aren't exactly holding my interest
for this first hour. Count the number of times the commentators call
Wrath "undefeated" despite the fact that when he was with James van den
Berg he sure as hell WAS defeated at least a *couple* times. (Meltdown ->
pin 2:15) Commentators make lotsa nuclear references just to be annoying.
Halloween Havoc promo #7 - Warrior/Hogan (last week's opening)
Mike Tenay walks amongst the people - more Southern opinions on
Goldberg/Page.
This Friday tickets go on sale for WCW in Ft. Myers, Sarasota, Roanoke for
THUNDER!, Johnstown, Topeka, and Saturday on sale for Wichita for Nitro
THUNDER! ad - it's live this week on Thursday.
Backstage, we see a Hummer limousine pull up - apparently the WOLFPACK is
in there. And there they are. Sting takes on Bret Hart tonight, by the
way. They're ... they're WALKING! A bunch of luchadores are hanging out
- they walk by them. Konnan has a broom. Apparently, they're looking for
somebody. I guess they found whoever they're looking for. It's the NWO
dressing room! VINCENZO, STEVIE RAY, SCOTT NORTON, and BRIAN ADAMS I can
see in there. A mirror was broken - that's bad luck! There's GIANT,
there's SCOTT STEINER, there's BUFF BAGWELL. Steiner's shoving a lady cop
- what a man! They're still fighting (Steiner is still attacking cops,
what a lunkhead). Tony proclaims this the most of out of control we've
ever seen it. Even though they all seem to be standing around. The
fracas flares up again. Now we follow out Sting, Konnan and Scott Steiner
- now Buff gets Konnan from behind and goes after Sting for Steiner. La
Parka peeks his head out to look - too funny. Now Nash is on Steiner.
Sting is looking - he's round Bret Hart - those punches look GOOD.
Anyway, RAW is on - change the channel! Sting and Hart continue to brawl
despite the intervention of Dillinger and Columbia's finest. Nash staves
off the cops ("Get off him!") as we take the ad break.
Is that enough to keep you from changing the channel? After that first
fifty minutes of CRAP? Maybe you should be writing this column, then.
When we come back, the second hour must have started, because the TV-PG-DV
box is back. Cops are trying to hold back the Wolfpack, but Sting has his
eyes on a forklift. He takes it over to what we hear is the NWO's limo -
PICKS IT UP AND DROPS IT ON IT'S BACK. Meanwhile, Nash and Luger take
some sledgehammers to it. Zbyszko: "At least they didn't key it!" Sting
asks for a knife - I wonder who's dumb enough to give him one. Meanwhile,
it's sledgehammers a plenty for the WOlfpack and Sting must have gotten
his knife because the tires are slashed. Then Konnan takes the hubcaps!
Sting vs. Bret Hart, TONIGHT! Let's take another ad break! After all,
it's only been less than three minutes!
Second hour FIREWORKS! Tony can't wait for Sting vs. Bret Hart later
tonight!
DAMIAN v. HECTOR GARZA - well, THIS is a step up - at least I don't know
who's going to win. Although I could probably guess. Not bad lucha-style
match doesn't last one minute until out walks EDDIE GUERRERO with a mic.
Nick Patrick stops the match (No contest 1:12) "One moment, let me talk to
you - relax, just let me talk to you and relax, okay? I got one question
for you - what has Eric Bischoff done for YOU - what has Eric Bischoff
done for YOU - that's exactly what, he hasn't done NOTHING for you. Just
like you and you and me, he's got us wrestling each other week in and week
out, right? We're wrestling each other. He never gives us the
opportunity to wrestle somebody else, to try to climb the ladder of
success you could say. He doesn't give you any money to where you can get
your own rentacar, huh? All you guys have to share a rentacar, and I'm
talking there's five or six guys to one car, three or four guys to one
room." They nod in agreement. "Who's got all the money? It looks pretty
full to me in here tonight, it's rocking and rolling, but who's rolling
around in the money? Hey, if you don't have your nose where Eric Bischoff
has his nose - Hollywood Hogan - if you ain't part of his clique, then
you're not gonna make any money, they get the Lear jets, they get the
limos, they get everything, they get to wrestle whoever they want and when
they want, and they're always the main event, and you know what? They
probably couldn't even tie your wrestling shoes. So I'm telling you this
right now, I can't do nothing by myself, you can't do it by yourself, or
you. But we can do it together, united, La Raza, man, I'm talking about
what we are - we're Latino! I want you guys to join me, man! LWO - Latino
World Order! Together we can do this, we can go against you - you wanna be
part of ??? (sounds like "McMahon" but I'm sure that isn't it) You wanna
be together? Put these on boys, and follow me! Now Eric Bischoff I'm
telling you one thing, we're gonna do what it takes to get our piece of
the cake and you know what you can do Eric - (kiss, plant on butt) right
here!" Damian and Garza don the shirts, which are like the NWO shirts,
except "LWO" and the colours of the Mexican flag (green/white/red). You
know, I like Guerrero, so I'll try to refrain from a smartass comment like
"Boy, if *I* were starting an organisation from scratch, the TOP TWO names
on my list would be DAMIAN and HECTOR GARZA!" but I suppose at least
they'll sell a lotta T-shirts out of it.
Backstage with Mike Tenay, who is with the Wolfpack (in discussion).
Tenay asks Nash where Scott Hall is - Nash says that he's been with him
for seven years - Hall is in one of five places in this town, so they're
going to go looking for him. Tenay decides to follow them around like a
lost puppy. Stay tuned for this exciting saga!
Let Us Take You Back to 27 July, where Bret Hart says he hasn't joined the
NWO out of respect for Sting.
Hey look, it's the Nitro Girls!
PSYCHOSIS v. (billy) KIDMAN for the WCW World Cruiserweight Championship -
Let me TRY to gear up for a proper blow-by-blow description. Lockup, to
the corner, semi-clean break. Shoving match. Lockup, arm wringer by
Psychosis, to the rope, cheating. Kidman flips him over to escape the
hold. Back'n'forth, hiptoss by Kidman. Whip, reverse, suplex by Kidman.
1, 2, kickout. Flying headscissors by Kidman. Commentators are talking
about Sting. Pescado by Kidman. Kidman throws him back in and hits a
guillotine legdrop from the outside in for 2. Right hand by Kidman, kick,
whip, head down, double sledge by Psychosis. Faceslam by Psychosis, who
does an airplane imitation to gloat. 1, 2, no. Psychosis scales the
ropes and hits the corkscrew legdrop ("top rope flying body attack") to
the back of the head but again gets 2 after a little gloating. Reverse
chinlock applied. Kidman stands up and elbows out - duck, dropkick, nice.
Whip into the ropes, reverse, Psychosis puts the head down, big kick from
Kidman but after following, Psychosis hiptosses him over the top rope to
the outside. Psychosis with the guillotine over the top rope to the
floor! It'd sure be cool if he won. Kidman whipped into the STEEL steps.
Psychosis stops the count at 8. Back outside - Nice dropkick by
Psychosis. Psychosis throws him back in at 6. Bridge for 2. Psychosis
again appeals to the fans and draws boos. He seems surprised at this
reaction - hmm. Whip, reverse, Psychosis hits the turnbuckle, Kidman with
the lariat as he walks back, 1, 2, rope grabbed. Whip into the corner,
double axehandles misses. Psychosis with the belly-to-back suplex with
the release. 1, 2, nope. Back to the chinlock. Again Kidman stands up
and elbows out. Sunset flip by Kidman for 2. Psychosis drills him again
and again he's down, and AGAIN he's jawing with the fans. Back to the
chinlock. To the canvas, repeated stompin' by Psychosis. Snapmare into
the chinlock. Psychosis with the powerbomb attempt, but Kidman carries
the momentum through and turns it into a faceslam for 2. Up for a move,
Psychosis goes behind and hits a 'rana for 2. Bulldog by Kidman for 2.
Whip into the ropes, reverse, tilt-a-whirl bodyslam for 2. Suplex attempt
and Kidman flips - powerbomb for 2. Kick by Kidman, whip into the
opposite corner, but Kidman runs into a boot. Moonsault by Psychosis for
2. Psychosis makes the "thumb-'cross-the-throat" gesture. To the top
rope - huracanrana attempt but he forgot Kidman - Kidman with the shooting
star press on the prone form of Psychosis (knee looked like it landed
RIGHT on his breastbone - ouch) and scores the pinfall (10:40). WHY did I
have to wait EIGHTY minutes for a great match like this?
Here's a special video interview with Warrior, which I won't transcribe.
It does have some editing, though, some smoke, some flashing siren lights
- hey, they haven't done this sort of thing on Nitro for YEARS. Usually
it's Gene O. and it's all the way live. Warrior's still talking. Now
he's explaining the OWN philosophy. Hey, if Warrior were Latino, wouldn't
it be OWL? Hoot hoot! Don't pollute! And he snorts at the end, yeeha!
Let's Take a Special Video Look at SUPERSTAR SCOTT STEINER as he talks to
Ricky. He was the one that made the Steiner Brothers famous - lots of old
family photos and trophies and ...
Mike Tenay is stalking the Humvee limousine as they drive through
Columbia. He has nothing to report, he just wants you to know he's out
there.
SUPERSTAR SCOTT STEINER & BUFF BAGWELL come to the ring to kill some time.
Tony reminds us that it was in this building that Bagwell suffered the
injury that almost killed him during THUNDER! Steiner repeats everything
he just said in that previous promo. And at Halloween Havoc, why, he'll
have no problem taking out Rick Steiner. Just to make it interesting, out
comes RICK STEINER with a mic of his own. "Every time I come out here,
one of you - or both of you - have to fake an injury so we don't have to
wrestle. I think you're both sissies!" Ooh, pile it on Rick. "But
Bagwell, it was here where you lay for three hours, paralyzed. It was
here where you got hurt for real, and you went through rehab and you wanna
come out here and make a big joke of it. Well I brought someone back here
who doesn't think it's a joke - I got YOUR MOM - MRS. JUDY BAGWELL!" And
out comes Momma. "Maybe she can talk some sense into you." Rick hands
her the mic and she does a lot of screaming and shouting but it's cool.
Crowd is rabid. Bagwell lets her rant and then talks back to his momma -
crowd wants to KILL Bagwell. I love it. Bagwell goes lowest when he says
"Without Buff Bagwell, you wouldn't even eat!" Momma enters the ring,
talks a bit, then slaps Bagwell right in the mush. She turns to Steiner,
who grabs her - but Rick takes care of Scott while Judy takes out Buff by
the ear. That was pretty cool, but let's never see her again or it'll be
too much.
During the break, Brian Adams came out to get the advantage on Rick
Steiner. Scott and Brian work over Rick because the scheduled match,
which we join in progress, is
RICK STEINER v. BRIAN ADAMS (everything he does, he does it for you) (with
Superstar Scott Steiner) - we come back as the doubleteam continues. J.J.
DILLON is out to bar Scott from ringside, and two cops escort him out.
Meanwhile, Adams has Rick in a chinlock. Arm falls twice but not thrice.
Crowd barks and Rick rises. Elbows aplenty, Adams whips Rick and gives
him the big boot as he comes off the ropes. Right hand by Adams.
Snapmare, stand on the head. Adams seems keenly interested in how much
time is left, in a sneaky way of course. Piledriver for 2 by Adams.
Referee "Blind" Billy Silverman sneaks in a time cue for Adams. Is Adams
using THE CLAW? Or is that just a nipple twister? Tony calls it a nerve
hold on the shoulder, hmmm. Tony also talks about Rick's old shoulder
injury although he forgets to mention that Adams was the one that attacked
him with a chair months ago for storyline purposes. 1, 2, no. Guy in the
crowd says "black 'n' white sucks " Bodyslam by Adams. Kneedrop
misses. Whip, reverse, UGLY slam by Rick. Steinerline! Splash for 2.
Adams with an atomic drop. Suplex attempt is countered with a DDT. Rick
to the top rope - time for the bulldog. 1, 2, 3. (about 6:00)
Third hour FIREWORKS! only two minutes early. Coming up tonight, as Tony
called it, "a match for all the marbles in the US Title division." The
HUH? Hart vs. Sting, you know.
Let's check in with Mike Tenay, who is following the Wolfpack into the
Columbus Brewing Company - if this were REALLY live, wouldn't there be a
whole lot more people in the place? Then again, with all this exciting
WALKING AROUND, it just MIGHT be live.
Promotional consideration paid for by Electronic Hot Shot Basketball, Moen
faucets, America (ha!) Online, You Don't Know Jack, and Tootsie Treats.
This portion of WCW Monday Nitro is brought to you by Wendy's Spicy
Chicken Sandwich!
I smell Voodoo Chili...TV-PG-DV...it's time for CRACK EAZY-E to lead the
way for YOU KNOW WHO - I can't help but think that EVERY time Hogan says
he loves Bischoff, he's probably just lying to swerve the smarts.
Bischoff makes a couple moves towards David Flair, Ric's son who somehow
got a front row seat. Hogan talks loud and says nothing. Hogan calls out
Warrior just for grins. Bischoff asks for any living cartoon characters
in the building to come on out. I'm not touching THAT one. Hogan goes on
to shill Halloween Havoc, making him - a Halloweenie, I guess. Hogan
calls himself "'wood," reminding me if his incredibly lame interview of
last week. Hogan once again calls himself the god of wrestling. Warrior
is just a stepping stone to once again reclaiming his heavyweight title.
4 life, 2 sweet, 50+ minutes to go.
Let's Take A Special Video Look at the IV Horsemen.
Hey look, it's the Nitro Girls!
KANYON (with Raven) v. DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE - Page shocks the world by
actually using the entryway to get to the ring instead of sucking up to
the crowd by walking through 'em. Kanyon climbs the ropes to pose, so
Page hits a superinside cradle for 2. Another surprise inside cradle for
2. I'm thinking Kanyon should stop turning his back to Page. Trip and
Kanyon complains of a hairpull. Lockup, armwringer by Kanyon, reverse by
Page, he runs into him a few times. Off the ropes, shoulderblock, dueling
hiptosses, belly-to-belly suplex by Page for 2. LODI comes out to bug
Kanyon about getting back with Raven (with Raven right there?). Page hits
a pescado on Kanyon AND Lodi just for fun. Going back, while referee
"Blind" Charles Robinson tries to get Lodi outta there, Raven comes in and
hits the Evenflow. Still, Kanyon can only get 2 when Robinson puts on the
count (right). Kanyon with a top rope Rocker Dropper! Damn, that's
innovative! Knee on the throat by Kanyon. Kanyon poses to the crowd,
'cause he's stupid. "DDP" chant is loud. Page comes back like a house on
fire. Kanyon with a second rope superfaceslam (whatever) for 2. Chinlock
by Kanyon. Arm falls once, arm falls twice, arm doesn't fall thrice.
Page stands up and elbows out, Kanyon catches the leg, then ducks the
spinning clothesline, backslide attempt, no, Sunset flip, 1, 2, reverse,
1, 2, duck, duck, Page with a clothesline. Both men are down. Both men
up at 9. Page with the Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine. Punches in
bunches from Page. Ten turnbuckle headbutt countalong. Belly-to-back
suplex for 2. Kanyon manages an inside cradle for 2. Flapjack for 2.
Raven is up on the apron. Page turns to Raven - Kanyon pushes Page into
Raven and grabs the tights - 1, 2, no! I'm guessing that this won't end
until I see the Diamond Cutter. Swinging neckbreaker by Kanyon for 2.
Jawbreaker by Page, tilt-a-whirl backbreaker, diamond sign, Lodi's in and
he eats a clothesline, but Raven waffles Page with the microphone (DQ
7:19) oh I guess I was wrong about that Diamond Cutter. The tripleteam is
on until, yes, you guessed it, GOLDBERG comes out to save Page. Page does
manage a Diamond Cutter on Raven before the staredown occurs. J.J. DILLON
is out to make sure it doesn't go beyond that. They kinda yaarr.. at each
other and then Page poses to the crowd. Let's take an ad break!
Tenay is at the New Brookland Tavern, and so are Konnan, Nash, and Luger.
Some hillbilly says "Who's the big ugly white boys?" which must mean it
actually *IS* live. More of that exciting walking around. Konnan: "Hey
Kev, why don't we check out the strip joints?" Nash: "He's been thrown
out of every strip joint in the country." Nash swears but the mute button
catches it. Tenay: "Strike two!"
THE BRAND NEW DISCIPLE v. LENNY LANE (no entrance) - Lane undoes his
ponytail and shags out his hair, then he does a Warrioresque running job,
then he shakes the top rope and beats his chest - and that's the highlight
of the match. You know, I've ALWAYS thought that Disciple was more of a
"third hour of Nitro" kinda wrestler. Is the crowd BOOING Disciple? We
can only hope. (Stone Cold Apocalypse -> pin 2:08) He gets the mic. "I
got something to say - Hollywood! I'm all done carrying your bags, I'm
through, I'm my own man now - now and forever!" I think just afterwards,
he said, "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go get Warrior's bags!" As
he walks away, the cameraman feels compelled to follow him, mostly because
Hogan and Bischoff are hot on his tail. Some more of that
exciting low-speed walking ends at the dressing room, where Disciple
apparently vanishes - lucky for us, the image of Warrior appears in the
mirror - Hogan can see it, we can see it, the commentators all see it, but
apparently Bischoff CAN'T see it. I don't think I'm exaggerating when
I say that this is the LAMEST thing they've ever put on Nitro. I mean,
this is lamer than the giant ice cube containing the Giant Ninja Yeti
exploding when the Taskmaster shouted a lot. Lamer than Loch Ness
waddling into the ring. Lamer than...damn, this was lame.
Kevin Nash Big Sexy T-shirt ad.
What the hell was that fart noise? Mike Tenay has stalked Luger, Nash,
and Konnan to "Les' Private Club" where they find out that indeed, Scott
Hall is most definitely in the house. Nash and Hall brawl for a while,
tussle on a pool table, then grapple in a bathroom. Make your own joke.
Also, there are a bunch of idiots there. Nash invites the camera into the
bathroom, where Hall is draped over the commode. Wow, what a payoff.
The NWO Nitro theme plays, so I guess we're going to be subject to another
CRACKA EAZY-E talkfest. One can only hope we get some Horsemen stuff in
this segment. Bischoff assures us that Hogan is just fine, then turns his
attention to a man named Flair. (All right! It's about time.) He goes
into his fake-hillbilly accent for a spell, then says that Flair isn't in
the building. Whoops, he's interrupted by ARN ANDERSON. "Oh, with all
due respect, boss, last time I was in this town, and you know, for a smart
guy, you need a geography lesson, because this is Columbia and this is a
Horseman town! Now last time I was here, I gave these people some bad
news, but tonight I've got some good news - the fact of the matter is,
I've got a new job description Eric, and it's "in charge of head games."
And I got a good one for you tonight - because you see, Flair IS here,
Flair IS in the building...well, it's just this thing about authority, I
don't hear it good, you know what I'm talking about? Matter of fact, the
Champ is with me right now, so let's bring him down!" But "the Champ"
doesn't refer to the Man, no, it's his soon REID FLAIR. Reid calls Eric
"Meeeeeeean WOOOOO Gene!" which means he's not too bright. Well, cheap
shot. Is Reid wearing Vader style design tights? Anyway, Eric huffs and
puffs and then when he turns his back, Reid gives him a takedown, then
another one. Before Eric can pop him one, Arn blocks the way. Everyone
has a good laugh that a ten-year-old took down Bischoff twice, and Reid
runs his fingers through his hair a la Ric. Eh.
LIZ has come out with a cel phone. Bischoff wants Flair in the ring, NOW
- apparently Bischoff has ranted and raved throughout the entire ad break.
Liz probably needs to call Janie Engle. I guess they got Beth on the
phone, and she's giving him what for. Finally after some more time
killin', "Thus Spake Zarathustra" fires up, and THE MAN is out. Liz
quickly exits the ring. Ric removes his coat and does a little struttin'.
Real quicklike, Adams, Stevie Ray, and Vincenzo surround the ring - but
almost twice as quickly, the rest of the Horsemen are out and NWO
Hollywood has scattered. David and Reid Flair join the Horsemen in the
ring and all of them show the four fingers.
And still to come tonight, Sting vs. Hart! (Well, there's only six
minutes left in the show, but...) The commentators talk about the
Horsemen, then turn to the Wolfpack, there's now FOUR minutes left in the
show, can we please get to it? Thank you. I guess Michael Buffer got the
night off...
(THIS IS) STING v. BRET HART for the WCW United States Heavyweight Title -
Hart comes out to his own music, and just to annoy me, Hart is STILL not
wearing an NWO T-shirt. Instead of walking to the ring, he turns around
and walks back. Sting, who is incredibly stupid, follows backstage after
Hart. When he catches him, it's just the two of them, amazingly enough.
Lots of STIFF shots by Sting on Hart. Sting grabs a dry-erase board and
takes it over Hart's back. Hart meets a soda machine. Hart FINALLY gets
some shots in on his own. Now they're battling against tables. Sting
meets a supporting column. Suplex on a table! Table breaks. Hart takes
a trashcan to Sting's back. Hart hits the side of the knee and grabs a
chair - he's back to the leg attack he started last week. He's going to
PILLMANIZE Sting's leg! Wrapped in the chair, he drops the trashcan on
it...The punding continues. Hart wants the camera outta here but we're
still watching. Sting wheels a - something on wheels - at Hart and Hart
goes down, dropping the chair. Both men arm limping now. Sting has a
trashcan, and Hart has a pole. Sting tosses the can aside. Now they both
have poles, swing and a miss. Both poles dropped, both men behind a door
- Now Sting crotches Hart on a door. Hart comes back with a pole shot.
Another pole shot. Hart's got a golfcart! But it didn't work, I guess.
Sting with a pole shot. Now they're fighting over a pole - gee you think
by now SOMEBODY would have broken them up. Hart is turning blue from the
pole near his neck. Another pole shot from Sting. Scorpion Deathlock
time. Hart: "You cheater! Hogan!" But Hogan's nowhere to be seen.
Sting tries a trashcan but it's attached. Dillenger is back with backup
and I think they're finally going to be separated. Crowd is booing
lustfully. Credits come up as both men limp away - Dillenger offers Sting
a chair and he starts to sit - NO! This show is OVER!
Christopher Robin Zimmerman
chris@kzim.com
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