I GET LETTERS: Last week, while valiantly attempting transcription of
Warrior's latest assemblage of vocabulary calisthenics (some would just
call it "monologue" but I feel that Warrior is probably not one of them
and I respect that), I had to give up on a word that I couldn't figure out
- it sounded like "vote" or "boat" but neither word seemed to make sense
when placed in context. Thankfully, two alert readers have enough free
time to cruise by Warrior's website, then to write ME about it!
Ed Morris writes: In case you were wondering (and what sane man
would?).... the word the Warrior was saying in his interruption of Sting's
interview is "foke". On ultimatewarrior.com, his web site, he talks about
"foke" (a word he invented... i.e. foke us...focus, get it?). I think
it's stupid, and even dumber that he said it in an interview when no one
knows what the hell it means. Check out that site sometime...Hellwig
really thinks that he is God's gift to pro wrestling and the world in
general. Pretty sickening.
Keith Patrick writes: He is actually referring to "foke"...short for
"focus". Part of the Way of the Warrior diction is the ability to create
new words to make up for the shortcomings of the normal man's vocabulary.
On his web page, he describes it as the focus of on person or something.
Check it out at http://www.ultimatewarrior.com/foke.html
Thanks, guys, and as for checking out his site, I will NOT, I will NOT, I
will NOT. Still, it's good that others have, so that I may Know. For
those of you who wonder how I managed to remember "destrucity" if I've
never visited the site, well, let's just say I watched way too many
episodes of the "WWF Action Zone" and obviously, it's stuck with me, to
the probable detriment of lots of useful information that well could have
gotten me ahead in life. MY loss is YOUR gain!
DISCLAIMER: Not only am I biased, but this week I have a vicious sore
We start off the big show with a TV-PG-DV ratings box and a pastiche of
clips (closed-captioned) from last week's excitement revolving around that
Bischoff guy, that Flair guy, that MacArthur guy, them Horsemen guys, that
arrest thing, and probably some other stuff I wasn't paying attention to.
Hey look! It's the Nitro Girls! Do you think they take turns putting
body glitter on each other? What do you MEAN I shouldn't give you mental
pictures like that this early in the morning?
First hour FIREWORKS are almost as bright as Tony's Halloween Havoc Hype!
We're in the Target Center in Minneapolis, MN and the Horsemen are on
their way to the arena! It's LIVE 19.10.98 and your hosts are Tony
Schiavone, Mike Tenay, and thelivinglegend Larry Zbyszko who thinks he
hears the fans calling his name.
Let Us Take You Back to Last Week's Nitro where Gen. MacArthur does that
thing with those guys, causing that other guy to have that thing happen to
him. I have a feeling we'll be revisiting this all night long. Swarm,
(perry) SATURN v. KENNY KAOS - Lockup, armwringer by Saturn, full nelson
into hammerlock, reversal, reversal, back elbow by Kaos, big clothesline.
Kaos with the knee, whip, Saturn stops and cracks his jaw on his knee. Two
swinging neckbreakers by Saturn. Headlock, but Kaos busts out.
Back'n'forth ends with a kick by Saturn and a springboard double axe for
2. Clothesline ducked and Kaos drops Saturn out of the ring, then
follows. Head to the barricade. Tonight, the six man tag they didn't
give us last week (right). To the corner, follow lariat and Saturn goes
down. Gutwrench into a powerbomb by Kaos for 2. Elbow by Kao. Whip, big
back body drop by Kaos. Tonight, Kidman vs. Rey Mysterio Jr. for the
title (yeah! about time!) Kaos with a military press-alike, but he hurt
his elbow. Saturn comes back with some punches but Kaos throws him into
the corner. Kicksaplenty. Kaos poses to the crowd, who is working up
some good chanting for Saturn. Big Superkwang kicks by Saturn. 2 count.
Jawbreaker by Kaos. Belly-to-belly overhead suplex by Saturn to regain
the momentum. Michinoku driver - time for the Spicolli Driver - that's a
lot of drivers there. 1, 2, 3. (4:23) Not a bad match at all
considering Kaos was one half of it. You know, Saturn can say "Mind over
matter - I don't mind, he don't matter" as much as he wants but I still
won't think it's cool. Wendy's Spicy Chicken Sandwich brings you the
replay (no, not LITERALLY).
Mike Tenay Walks Amongst the People - fans think that Bischoff being
arrested was just the coolest shit ever shown on television. I wish Tenay
would talk to these fans after they figure they've been screwed out of $30
to watch Nitro live in the arena when they would have had more fun staying
home and watching it on the ol' tube.
This portion of WCW Monday Nitro is brought to you by VALVOLINE!
Halloween Havoc promo #1 - Hogan/Warrior, Bride of Chucky.
I guess no opening credits tonight - just as well.
Whoops, there's the opening credits just at the quarter hour mark. My bad
- hell, I TOLD you I was sick.
GENE O. works tonight! He calls out THREE TIME WORLD KARATE CHAMPION THE
CAT, who walks out without Holly. (You know I get more letters for Red
Dwarf references than for any other obscure references?) Cat says he
hates this city and he hates Okerlund, and he's gonna knock him out 'cause
he's a chump, so Okerlund gives him the mic - and THEN, he gives him a
gesture that is not appropriate for the family television atmosphere of
WCW! Way to go, Gene. You don't get to work for ANOTHER four weeks,
unless Chucky is involved. Cat goes on to do his poor man's Mohammed Ali,
daring ANYBODY to fight him, which of course brings the plant from the
crowd over the rail and into a Security Swarm. THIS IS THE STUPIDEST
COURSE OF ACTION A FEDERATION CAN EVER TAKE. But of course, they've done
it again. Anyway, Cat encourages Security to let him get in the ring, and
they comply - because this is incredibly stupid. Cat kicks him in the
head and rains more kicks down on him. Finally Security breaks it up.
The fan will go on to sue WCW, win the entire Federation, fire Bischoff
and replace him with Flair. Well, no, that won't happen, but it DESERVES
to happen. Don't mess with "fans" over the railing - it's STUPID. It's
stupid when the WWF does it, it's stupid when the WCW does it. One day
you WILL be sorry you've done it. It's not if, but when. Dammit. Enough
Let Us Take You Back To Last Week Where Scott Hall Makes Kevin Nash Almost
Run And Later Their Limos Chase Each Other
Promotional Consideration paid for by Slim Jim, Tiger SportsFeel Games
(hey baby, want a SportsFeel?), ToasterBreaks Melts, WCW Bashin' Brawlers,
Tootsie Treats, and THE CLUB.
WCW MasterCard ad.
Looks like a Nitro Party video. Because it sucks.
Hey look! It's the Nitro Girls!
The Nonstop Cavalcade of Interviews And Recaps that is Hour One of Nitro
continues as Tony provides us with the Nitro Party address. Looks like
Mug is off the ticket, as Tony fails to mention that The Foam Goes
Straight To Your Brain.
Scott Steiner promo runs down Rick Steiner. You know it's cool 'cause
it's in BLACK & WHITE!
The Treacherous Three talk about the Steiners, which somehow segues into
Chuckytalk, oh God no...
Let Us Take You Back To Last Week, where Chucky insults our intelligence,
and Rick Steiner piles it on.
Closed captioning where available sponsored by Western Union STOP Half
hour pass with no wrestling STOP CRZ coughs up lung then shoots self STOP
Diamond Dallas Pag BANG! T-shirt ad.
Goldberg/Page hype - Halloween Havoc promo #2
The Treacherous Three talk about Page and Goldberg. Tony says, and
remember, the best stuff is the stuff I can't make up: "Page will give it
110%. I know, realistically, that's not possible, but he will."
EL DANDY, DAMIEN (666), PSYCHOSIS (PSICOSIS) y HECTOR GARZA v. LA PARKA,
CICLOPE (HALLOWEEN), LIZMARK JR. y CHAVO (CHAVITO) GUERRERO JR. (con Pepe)
- I'll give somebody some credit, this is just the thing to keep it from
totally being a crappy hour one of Nitro. Parka has a chair, of course,
and sets it up and dances on it in the center of the ring. Damien gets up
on the chair and Parka kicks him in the head - nice move. There's no way
in hell I'll keep up with this, but work with me here. Lizmark and Damien
start - Lizmark misses a dropkick. Whip and a reverse - Lizmark start the
ten punch countalong but Damien reverses and counts in a mocking fashion.
Lizmark regains the advantage but puts his head down and there's a
clothesline. Whip, Lizmark climbs to the top and hits a moonsault for 1
before it's broken up. Parka and Garza are in. Oh yeah, the first four
are all LWO you see. No, it's Dandy and Parka. Big right by Dandy,
repeat, chop, chop (woooo!), to the ropes, leapfrog, Parka stops him,
removes his glove and chops away (woooo!), shoulderblock, cover, no count,
repeat, enziguiri by Parka, tag to Ciclope, tag to Garza, big dropkick by
Garzy. Reverse, reverse, missed move, tilt-a-whirl backbreaker by
Ciclope, but all the LWO guys come out and stomp on him. Tony says
"speaking of Halloween," when talking about Ciclope's outfit, not knowing
the irony. Tag to Damien. Psychosis sets him up in the corner, and
Damien climbs the ropes and hits a 'rana for 2. Tag to Garza, to the top,
missile dropkick, but Ciclope slides to his corner and tags Chavo. Chavo
and Dandy in, lockup, power out, shoulderblock by Dandy, leapfrog, duck
under, monkey flip, kick out, whip into the opposite corner, dropkick.
Psychosis and Lizmark are in. Back'n'forth, nice tilt-a-whirl backbreaker
by Lizmark but Damien hits him in the back as he goes off the rope.
Doubleteam is on - Psychosis misses and goes outside. Damien hits a
dropkick on Lizmark but Ciclope is in and HE hits a missile dropkick from
the top. DOBLE TOPE SUICIDA to the floor by the non-LWO guys to the other
LWO guys. Now the other four take turns missing moves on each other in
the middle of the ring. When it's all said and done, Parka dropkicks
Dandy and Chavo dropkicks Garza. Parka with a ... corkscrew pescado? on
Dandy while Chavo hits a reg'lar pescado on Garza. Ciclope picks up
Psychosis and Lizmark hits a springboard dropkick to accentuate the
powerbomb. Only 2. Amazing. Ciclope and Lizmark take turns
clotheslining Psychosis. La Parka is in with the chair - he HITS HIS OWN
PARTNERS! Commentators completely miss it, of course. Psychosis to the
top - guillotine legdrop - 1, 2, 3. (5:50) Tenay finally notices that La
Parka hit his own partner as EDDIE GUERRERO walks out with a mic and an
LWO T-shirt. Ciclope and Lizmark, presumably not being Latino enough this
week, walk away unseen as Eddie rants to Bischoff, and tells Parka that
he's shown him tonight that he has what it takes to be LWO, so here's your
shirt. Won't that shirt hide his cool outfit, though? Chavo decides to
walk away without talking to Eddie, talking about the Pepe World Order.
Guerrero yells some more then points to his rump, where he would like
Bischoff to kiss him, yeah.
Lee Marshall narrates the Snickers Pin on a Map Road Report. THUNDER!
comes to Albuquerque and the Center makes me feel all Tingley!
Let's Take a Special Video Look at Bret Hart - in a lot of clips, he talks
a lot about Sting, then turns on him, then talks about Sting some more. I
guess this is to remind us that they're fighting at Halloween Havoc!
Censors bleep the word "suck." Oh, come on.
(khris) KANYON v. POLISH PIRATE SCOTT PUTSKI - Kanyon has his own "play
along with me" segment now which I won't bother to relate. He refers to
his opponent as "Obi-Wan Jabronie" which it good enough to make me smirk.
Now, pretend that you're one of the commentators and you have to call this
match. What do YOU talk about? If you said "by all means, I talk about
Wrath and Meng," YOU ARE RIGHT! Tenay goes on to give us a history lesson
about Ric Flair, which seemlessly segues into a hallo to all the Gagnes
out in the audience. This week's "innovation of offense" involves Kanyon
setting up the ring steps against the ring, picking up Putski, walking up
the steps, then dropping him to the ground, making sure he hit the corner
of the ring apron on the way down. This manouevre shakes up Tony, as
those "couple of revolutionary moves" causes him to tell us how innovative
Kanyon is, leading into almost relevant commentary. Finish comes when
Putski motions for the Polish hammer, Kanyon ducks it, then hits the
Fireman's Carry into the flapjack, then the Flatliner. 1, 2, 3. (4:12)
Halloween Havoc promo #3 - Hogan/Warrior hype.
Random shot of the crowd - why not?
WCW/NWO Magazine ad. I'm not in the mood.
WCW comes to Mankato, Duluth, Albuquerque for THUNDER!, and El Paso THIS
Dok Hendrix is on my TV? That must mean it's time for another San Jose
house show - Sunday afternoon 22 November!
Second hour FIREWORKS! Right on time! Hooray! The first hour is OVER!
Bret Hart is here. Hollywood Hogan is here. The Horsemen are making
their way to the arena, and probably won't arrive for at least another
hour. That familiar theme rises up...
SUPERSTAR SCOTT STEINER is out to amaze us with his rather alarming
physique. Is THIS how you counterprogram against the beginning of RAW?
Maybe they're just throwing in the towel. Steiner takes the mic and runs
off ring announcer David Penzer. Scott says "freaks" about a dozen times,
which doesn't seem appropriate for the family atmosphere WCW television.
Scott says "hookup." Then, to advance the angle, he refers to Judy
Bagwell as a "tramp" and proclaims himself the greatest athlete and dares
any Minnesota atheletes to come out and take him on. I wonder where Curt
Hennig is. Anyway, RICK STEINER comes out and asks him if he wants to get
it on in the Dog pound. Scott walks away, but Rick asks him to "show me
what you got," and Scott approaches the ring. Scott says "suck" a couple
times, which should be censored next week. "Is this gonna be a fair
fight?" "Hell, no-" and Rick waffles him with the mic. Man, that one
looked RIGHT on the button. Big punches by Rick, Steinerline. More
punching. Whip, reverse, boot to the head by Rick. Is Scott bleeding?
His hair is red in two spots. Scott Golottas Rick to regain the mo.
Another shot to the groin. Fieldgoal kick by Scott and he's out of the
ring - back in with a chair, and he's swinging for the fences - or rather,
the small of his back. The bell rings (well, we didn't really have a
match here). BUFF BAGWELL is out. He grabs the chair from Scott - Scott
thinks he's going to hit Rick - but Buff swings at Scott, who ducks and
ducks out of the ring. Buff puts up his hands as the crowd cheers - he
turns to Rick - and we take an ad break. Huh?
Let's Take A Very Special Look at the Nitro Girls because we don't have
any wrestling to show.
Hey look! It's the Nitro Girls! Who would have expected that they'd
follow up that video with this?
And here's a special message from UNICEF featuring Sarah Jessica Parker -
TNT MADE them show it.
Here's a Special Look at Goldberg with many of his fans, chanting like
zombies, then saying "Trick or Treat for UNICEF!" To make a credit card
donation, call 1-800-FOR-KIDS.
FIT FINLAY v. BRITISH BULLDOG - tonight, Bret Hart has a special challenge
for Sting - stay tuned. THIS particular match has some potential, I say.
Lockup, to the ropes, forearm by Finlay, referee "Blind" Nick Patrick has
words with Finlay. Tonight, Hollywood Hogan has something to prove as he
takes on his nephew Horace. Side headlock by Finlay. Bulldog picks him
up but Finlay holds on. Snapmare by Finlay, shoulderblock off the ropes,
leapfrog, duck, hiptoss by Bulldog for 2. Nice snapmare into a chinlock
by Bulldog. Finlay gets up, to the corner, whip into the opposite corner
but Finlay puts a boot up. Bulldog still manages a powerslam counter for
2. To the chinlock. Finlay is up, turns it, wristlock, short clothesline
by Finlay. Honker claw (nosehold) by Finlay, then a trapezeus hold, AND
he stomps on his hand. European uppercut by Finlay, another. Elbowdrop
after Bulldog goes down. Cover for 1. Kick to the back of the head. Dig
them green boots! Finlay takes his head to the outside and hurts his neck
on the apron. To the opposite corner after coming back in, Bulldog makes
him miss. Back elbow by Bulldog. Whip into the ropes, back body drop.
Commentators are yammering about Hogan and Warrior. Bulldog is punching
away, and Patrick gets shoved just in time for DAS TANZENKIND ALEX WRIGHT
to hit a missile dropkick on Bulldog. Meanwhile, Finlay has Bulldog set
up for the Tombstone, but instead of the piledriver, he just falls forward
with a slam. Wright turns Patrick to Finlay who counts the pinfall
(3:27). While Wright dances, Finlay grabs HIM and gives him the forward
roll drop. Finlay leaves the other two Europeans grabbing their injured
Gene O. brings out CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO who walks out with his personal
security and a "JERICHO-3 GREENBERG-0" shirt. "First of all, Gene Mean, I
am absolutely livid...I have beaten Greenberg THREE times, I have broken
the streak THREE times, I have put him in his place THREE times, and I
have received no acknowledgement from the WCW Championship Committee."
Jericho challenges Goldberg yet again, while Okerlund protests that he's
at a UNICEF function. Jericho calls him "jerky." Jericho goes on to
issue a challenge to "Pa-zhay" (french pronunciation of "Page," yeah).
After talking a while, DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE comes out. "Yo, Jerkicho.
Bottom line is, son, you gotta real..." and he shoves the Personal
Security aside with his foot. Page goes on to say "son" again, which
means he must have been watching Austin too many times. Anyway, Page says
we should have a match tonight, which is good enough for Okerlund.
SCOTT HALL is drinking. I guess that's like saying "CRZ is sarcastic."
Tonight, Hall is SUPPOSED to be part of that giant six-man tag that was so
big, we had to hype it two weeks in a row.
TOKYO MAGNUM v. WRATH - is that Jushin Liger's old music? Oh, wait, Wrath
is out. Who cares. (Meltdown 1:18)
Here's another special message from UNICEF.
Another WWF house show ad. Hey, why don't they advertise during RAW fer
cryin' out loud?
Let Us Take You Back to Earlier Tonight - during that ad break, Buff
Bagwell shook the hand of Rick Steiner, then removed his NWO T-shirt.
Hmm, he could be the next RAY TRAYLOR!
Bobby Heenan replaces Larry Zbyszko, and not a moment too soon!
DISCO INFERNO & DAS TANZENKIND ALEX WRIGHT v. SUPER CALO & SILVER KING -
The luchadores laugh heartily at the dancers, then say to wait a minute,
'cause they have a surprise - apparently, the surprise is that they're
going to step aside for the Horsmen, as their new theme plays and they
come. So here we've now got
DISCO INFERNO & DAS TANZENKIND ALEX WRIGHT v. DEAN MALENKO & CHRIS "GOD OF
RSPW" BENOIT (with Arn Anderson) - before the match begins, CRACKA EAZY-E
comes out and takes away Tenay's headset. Wright and Malenko start as
Bischoff says there are now five guys working for free - "those two
Village People rejects, Anderson, Malenko and Benoit." Wright has a good
start, but Melanko comes back until putting his head down and taking a
shot to the back. Tag to Inferno and Malenko hits a big kick to take him
down. Vertical suplex. Whip into the ropes, but Wright is there to
attack from behind. Tag to Wright, who hits another big kick. Stompin'
away, slam. Tag. Second rope elbow drop. Bischoff drops the name
"Crockett" to mess with the smarts. Malenko manages to tag Benoit while
Inferno is posing. Chop (woooo!), repeat, Disco to the corner and Benoit
kicks and stomps away. Benoit with the OKIE BLOW! BOTH NOSTRILS! Stomp
to the head. Whip, reverse, duck, back elbow by Benoit. Crippler
crossface is on and while Malenko deals with Wright, Inferno taps. (2:55)
Bischoff promises this will be the last time this ever happens on HIS
show. Arn points to Bischoff and Bischoff rants some more, dropping the
phrase "breach of contract" while Arn says that it's THEIR company.
Scott Hall is continuing to let the good times roll - it looks like he's
found a nice young 50-something woman to hit on. This reminds me of
something that I have to say. You know, I don't condone Chris Hyatte's
actions, but I think that even though he may be involved with SCOOPS, he
is still one of the finest writers in our sport and I hope that he can
find the help he needs to kick this dangerous drinking habit and if
there's anything we can do to help him or wish him well, we should do it.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. I don't mean Hyatte, I mean Scott Hall. And I
don't mean SCOOPS, I mean the New World Order. Oh, and I don't mean
"writers," I mean "athletes." OK. Sorry about that confusion there.
Halloween Havoc promo #4.
DDP BANG! T-shirt ad #2.
CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO v. DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE for the WCW World Television
Championship - Page walks out through the crowd because he's a suck-up. I
predict a time limit draw but hope I'm wrong. I also predict that if it
IS a time limit draw, it won't be anywhere NEAR the correct time. Didn't
Goldberg actually get counted out on THUNDER! once a few weeks back? Oh,
forgot about that, didn't we. Anyway, Jericho stalls to start which leads
me to believe that time limit thing - lockup, Jericho knocked down. He
complains to referee "Blind" Mickey Jaye about a hairpull. Hey, anybody
seen Jimmy Jett lately? Lockup, Jericho with armdrag, Page reverses,
Jericho down, kip up, reverse, reverse, Jericho pushes him to the canvas
and quickly exits the ring when Page pops back up and chases him. Back in
we go, lockup, side headlock, Page with the elbows to the back, powers him
off but Jericho knocks him down. Dueling hiptoss attmepts after coming
off the ropes, nice somersault by Jericho but Pag hits the left-handed
lariat. Faceslam - 1, 2, Jericho grabs the rope. In the corner, Page is
going for the ten punch countalong but Jericho picks him up and drops his
face on the turnbuckle. Nice dropkick and Page falls from the apron to
the floor. Jericho goes out, kicking Page in the head on the way down.
Whip into the barricade. Back in the ring, three minutes down. Arrogant
cover for 1. Hmm, Page is in the main event at Sunday's PPV - think
Jericho will win? Another 2 count. Knee to the chest, head to the
canvas. Page fires back with rights and lefts and a "discus clothesline"
To the corner hard, when he comes out Page catches him in a belly-to-back
suplex, but only gets 2. Jawbreaker by Jericho - clothesline - quebrada
for two. Suplex attempt is blocked and countered into a cross armbreaker,
which for some reason Page drops to try a cover - only 2. Diamond Cutter
attempt is countered with a backslide attempt, and unseen by the ref, a
back Golotta by Jericho. Jericho tries to put on the Liontamer, but Page
fights it - then legs to whip Jericho to the canvas. Duck clothesline,
Page hits a tiltawhirl slam. Page motions for the Diamond Cutter. But
here's GREENBERG, spearing Jericho (DQ 5:31) and Page manages to give
Jericho the Diamond Cutter before he and Goldberg try to get at each
other. All five refs and J.J. DILLON are out to try to separate them, and
this exciting action can only mean it's time for an ad break.
Come to think of it, I think I *would* have preferred a time limit draw.
Scott Hall continues to hit on anything female in the bar. He's talking
about how Kevin Nash isn't the boss of him.
RAVEN's music plays but it must have been wrong.
(billy) KIDMAN v. REY MYSTERIO, JR. for the WCW World Cruiserweight
Championship - nice pop for Rey as he makes his second return from that
knee injury. Kidman has new music which isn't as cool as his last music -
well, my opinion. This should be hot. Commentators are actually going to
call it at the start, too! Lockup, to the rope, switch, break. Mysterio
ducks another lockup attempt and puts on a waistlock. Standing switch.
Kidman takes him to the mat and keep the hold on, Mysterio counters with
an arm bar - Kidman gets his shoulders to the mat for 2. Kidman with a
leglock, they're back up. Headlock by Kidman, he's wrenching it in.
Mysterio power him out but Kidman knocks him down. Running the ropes,
leapfrog, knees to the gut, headscissors by Mysterio. Whip, reverse, Rey
does that spinning thing in the ropes he does. Kidman runs at him but is
backbodydropped - he lands on his feet on the canvas, head to the gut,
flying headscissors to come back in (wow!). Forearm by Kidman. Whip, Rey
ducks but Kidman grabs him and puts him in the - Mysterio flips over and
tries a gutwrench but they get to the ropes, Kidman shrugs him off and
hits a dropkick for 2. Lots of counters and counter counters. Snapmare
by Kidman, elbowdrop. We've crossed over into the third hour but no one's
noticed, and they shouldn't, it's a good match. Reverse chinlock by
Kidman here. Stomp on the chest and head. To the corner, whip out, Rey
hits his back HARD and goes down. Elbow by Kidman, whip into the opposite
corner, axehandle, kick, whip, reverse, Kidman up to make him miss but
Mysterio hits a "jumping spin wheel kick." Now he's on the top rope - UNA
PLANCHA! 1, 2, no. Whip, reverse, Kidman catches him and throws him over
his head to slam him for 2. Rey tries to roll out of the ring but Kidman
catches him on the outside of the ropes - suplex in attempt is blocked,
blocked again. Rey suplexes him out of the ring! Kidman lands on his
feet but grabs his knee. Referee "Blind" Billy Silverman puts the count
on, so Rey goes out to get him. TV-14-V box is out - hmm, that's not the
rating the first hour got. Lightning legdrop. What's the crowd chanting?
1, 2, no. Pounding by Kidman - Tigerbomb for 2. Back to the chinlock.
Knee to the gut by Kidman, to the corner we go, whip out, Rey puts up a
knee. Kidman manages to reverse a whip and hit a lariat. Oh, the crowd
is chanting "Green Bay Sucks." Hey, fuck you Minnesota. 1, 2, no.
Ratings box is still up there - something DREADFUL must be happening in
the third hour for them to beat into our heads that it's a TV-14 rating.
Whip, duck, Rey manages a headscissors to take Kidman out of the ring -
Mysterio landing on the apron. Punch to Kidman as he tries to come back
in - somersault splash by Mysterio to the floor. Kick to the head by Rey,
another kick. Rey breaks the count and climbs to the top. Now Kidman is
climbing to the top. Kidman hung on the top rope, Mysterio with a top
rope guillotine legdrop. To the center of the ring, cradle for 2 by Rey.
Ratings box is still there - go away! Elbows by Rey, Kidman fights back
with elbows of his own. Scoop slam by Kidman. He's climbing to the top!
Big splash finds nobody. Rey is going to climb to the top himself! He
leaps - sits on him for 2! Arm bar - Rey is up, they're both down - no
idea what that move is but it gets him two. Forearms by Rey. Kidman
manages another powerbomb for 2. Both men up super slow. To the corner -
bulldog by Kidman. Kidman to the top - ratings box still there - Rey
crotches him on the top rope. Rey climbs up - huracanrana time but both
men are down. Count is on, Rey is up for the cover - 1, 2, no. Crowd is
booing?! Fuck you, Minnesota. Whip, reverse, gobehind, what was that?
Mysterio drives his head into the mat. 1, 2, no. Mysterio signals and
climbs the ropes, Kidman dropkicks him as he splashes and the bell rings.
Time limit draw? Yup, so sayeth Charles Robinson. (12:23)
The TV-14-V ratings box is STILL on during the ad break. Ha!
Another WWF San Jose house show ad. Because my cable company dropped it
in, it covers up the TV-14-V ratings box - for now.
This TV-14-V portion of WCW Monday Nitro is ALSO brought to you by
Gene O. brings out SHARON SALES FELTON (your spelling guess is as good as
mine), the Mayor of Minneapolis, who comes out to a reaction I would best
describe as "mixed." She's flanked by seeral police officers. She asks
the crowd to welcome KIRBY PUCKETT and JOHN RANDLE, two famous
Minnesota-type athletes which I am probably spelling wrong again. This
segment must be rated TV-14-V because that ratings box is still darkening
the upper left corner of my television. Has ANYONE noticed this yet?
"Green Bay sucks" chant fires up again. Her Honor the Mayoress introduces
yet another hometown favourite - and of course, we all can figure out it
must be THE MAN. Flair gives us about a dozen "woooos" as he makes his
way to the ring. Flair hits on the mayor! The mayor reads a Special
Proclamation - more like yells - and today is "Ric Flair Day in
Minneapolis." Before Flair can go completely nuts on the mic, CRACKA
EAZY-E is out to whine to the mayor of the "pig farming capital of the
world." "Excuse me, but I'm the mayor of THIS town, and *I* decide what
happens here, okay? All right?" "This is my ring!" "This is MY town!"
Puckett and Randle block the way. A cop speaks up - if Bischoff lays a
finger on anybody in the ring, he's going to jail, oh and by the way he's
got some unpaid warrants that he needs to take care of. If you're REALLY
bored, watch Bischoff mouth along what the cop's saying. Oh, sorry, I'm
not supposed to notice that. Bischoff promises that he'll be back before
the show is over - don't feel you need to keep that promise, E. The
camera follows Bischoff backstage, where it turns out that his car is
being towed away, while Doug Dillenger and another cop look on. Something
about those unpaid warrants...oh yeah, when Bischoff says "this is my
arena," well that reminds me of McMahon. Oops.
TV-14-V box stays up through THIS set of commercials. Unreal.
Hey look, it's the Nitro Girls! And they're rated TV-14-V!
STEVIE RAY & SCOTT NORTON & SCOTT HALL (without Scott Hall - oh wait there
he is) v. KONNAN & THE NARCISSIST & KEVIN NASH (without Kevin Nash but
lots of cool fireworks) - Hall is WAY behind his NWO mates and clutching
what is presumed to be an adult beverage in his hand. Oh yeah, Norton has
the IWGP title we've all been hearing so much about. Let's see, what's
the rating on this, oh yeah, TV-14-V, thank God that box is still there.
Hall tries to climb the ropes and stumbles quite a bit. Nash doesn't come
out with HIS mates, so who knows what's happening here. AFTER TWENTY
MINUTES, THEY FINALLY REMOVE THE GODDAMN RATINGS BOX. Hey, maybe they can
put off this match for ANOTHER week! Konnan does his bit which seems a
little unfair 'cause Hall didn't do HIS bit. Oh well. Backstage, we see
Nash stagger out of his locker room, apparently tipsy as well. In fact,
he turns around and goes back into the locker room. He's wearing an
Outsiders T-shirt. Still drinking, he's slowly making his way to (I
assume) the ring. Tony says the Outsiders were truly the greatest tag
team ever in our sport. Nash says he's got to go to the bathroom and
holds his peepee. The crowd brings up a loud cheer as Nash makes his way
out. Luger and Konnan exchange quizzical looks, much as Ray and Norton
earlier exchanged disgusted looks after seeing THEIR partner. Konnan and
Luger go down to check out Nash, while Hall raises HIS drink to toast
Nash, who seems to return the favour. They're both laughing hysterically
and the other four men are greatly annoyed. Konnan and Stevie Ray start,
finally. Konnan is all over him until Ray decides he can kick his ass and
does so. To the corner, whip out, Konnan does that somersault clothesline
instead. Tag to Luger, big double sledge. Ray elbows him in the gut and
tags Norton. Luger manages a big back suplex on Norton, and a slam.
Norton pops up each time, though. To the corner, big punch, big whip, big
reverse, but Luger steps aside and Norton hits the corner hard on the
charge. Big hip toss from Luger, big clothesline, another big
clothesline, big Ace toolbox forearm shiver and Norton is down. Ray hits
him from behind, causing Luger to turn his back and Norton wallops him.
Norton with a lariat and a tag. Shot to the gut. Snapmare by Stevie Ray.
Kick to the head on a seated Luger. Right hand. Stomp, again, tag to
Norton. Chop (woooo!), head to the turnbuckle. Whip, duck the
clothesline, double clothesline and both men are down. Both men out of it
- Norton makes it to his corner but HALL gets the tag. Luger makes it to
his corner, but NASH gets THAT tag. Well now, this is interesting. Both
men can hardly stay on their feet. They laugh hysterically, exchange the
Wolfpack hand symbol, wrap their arms around each other and drink as if
they were just married. But Nash turns his cup over and reveals it to be
empty, suddenly he's REAL sober. Hall has yet to turn around and find
this out. Nash has a big smile...big boot to the drink! Right hand. Big
punch fro LUger, big punch from Nash, big punch from Konnan, Nash
continues to clobber him until Hall goes out of the ring. Referee "Blind"
Billy Silverman calls for the bell for no particular reason (DQ? 6:18) and
the Wolfpack are left alone in the ring as Norton and Ray take Hall to the
back, giving him the badmouth all the way. You can bet Hogan will hear
Promotional Consideration paid for by Electronic Hot Shot Basketball,
Tootsie Caramel Apple Pops, WCW Bashin' Brawlers ("You'rebustinmy -
ARM!"), America (ha!) Online, You don't know Jack tabletop version, and
the Bill Clinton Growing Nose Wristwatch.
Halloween Havoc Promo #5 (I think - I've lost count). Warrior/Hogan hype.
While I have a minute, I'll note that the EERIE SMOKE pipes *are* in the
corners of the ring tonight - I noticed it during the Kanyon match, which
should again show you how exciting I found THAT match.
MICHAEL BUFFER is out to kill some time. I wonder why nobody ever throws
crap at HIM. Are you telling me that Hogan/Horace is the friggin' MAIN
YOU KNOW WHO walks out as the wrong music is played - then they go into
the cupboard for a little Voodoo Chili. Hogan interrupts Buffer's intro
and starts talking. Hogan says the commentators said that he was going to
turn on Horace tonight, but he's gonna show who's running the show. He
calls out HORACE, who comes out to that music we heard earlier. Gee, I
really WANTED to hear Buffer give an introduction to this guy. Well,
let's see what happens. "Tell 'em what your name is." "I'm Horace."
"Tell 'em what your whole name is, tell 'em - wait a minute, shoot with
this thing and tell the world what your real name is." "I'm Horace
Hogan." Oh, give me a break. "Is there anyone in here that doesn't
understand what that means? This is blood - my brother was his father.
His dead father, my blood, my blood, God rest his soul is his father, do
you understand that? The blood in his veins came from my brother's body.
The same blood that's in Horace runs through my veins. And when
something's that important in life, when it comes down to blood, I want
the NWO out here. I want you people to see exactly what you mean to me.
I want witnesses! The NWO is the life of wrestling!" Here's NO SMOKIN'
GIANT, VINCENZO, SCOTT NORTON, and STEVIE RAY. Hogan's gonna waffle him,
isn't he. "You know something Horace, I've let you fight your own
battles. I'm damn proud o' ya, and I love you Horace. Every time I look
in your eyes, I see your father, I see my dead brother in your eyes. You
look exactly like my brother, and I love you. Vince, get over here, hold
this, you don't have to say that brother, I know you love me. You see
this NWO shirt?" And he takes it off. "This NWO shirt means the world to
me. And Horace, when I say I love you, usually I make people prove
themselves to me. When you're inducted to the NWO, that's as close to the
man as you can get. And brother, because I love you so much, I'd even give
you the shirt off my back. And all the people that are out here - the WCW
idiots that wanted to see a sacrifice, that wanted to see the Warrior make
me a sacrifice - people don't understand what I'm all about. When it
comes to blood, when it comes to sacrficin', when it comes to the NWO,
Horace, the Warrior doesn't get it, because just like this shirt off my
back, the Warrior talks about sacrifices, well at Halloween Havoc, I'm
gonna show the Warrior a sacrifice..." [it looks like he's going to rip
the NWO shirt up here] "...and Warrior, here's one right now." Of course,
he waffles Horace. The other four try to hold Hogan back, but Hogan goes
apeshit on his nephew, including a beatdown with his weight belt.
"Warrior! You want a sacrifice? If I'm gonna do this to somebody I love,
imagine at Halloween Havoc what I'm gonna do to you Warrior!" And he
gives him a chairshot right to the skull. Bang! "Get him out of here!
Warrior! You talk about sacrifices! You talk about payin' dues! You
talk about being the man! Well Warrior, Hollywood is gonna rule
wrestling. Hollywood is gonna make you beg at Halloween Havoc! Don't
help him!" There's a pool of blood left in the ring (oh, THAT explains
the rating). Hogan tips over the stretcher. Hogan continues to harangue
Warrior, telling him he's going to admit that Hogan was the guy who ran
him out of wrestling eight years ago. Hogan tells Warrior he better
train, say his prayers and eat his vitamins because "you're MINE!"
Finally, to REALLY make things confusing, MR. DESTRUCITY runs out with a
cricket bat, and singleshandedly demolishes the NWO four (Hogan having
conveniently slid out of the ring first chance). Hogan says he'll take on
Warrior right now, but only if he puts the bat down. Of course, as
Warrior turns to face Hogan, Giant gets a hold of him from behind.
CHOKESLAM! Hogan has the spray paint. He paints "NWO" on the chest of
the Warrior. "Warrior, this will be Halloween Havoc - the way you end,
get ready, it's going to be a one" [legdrop] "a two, and a three" [legdrop
again]. Hogan closes it up with "4 life" and "2 sweet." When we come
back, Bret Hart makes his challenge to Sting!
Mortal Kombat is NEXT!
BRET HART walks to the ring with a mic of his own and no music. "Yaknow,
I just want to say that what Hulk Hogan, Hollywood Hogan just did out here
has INSPIRED me - because I come out here week after week after week and
prove all the time beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am the greatest
technical wrestler in the history of the world of wrestling, and week
after week it seems like I get little or no respect from you fans...by the
way I want to say hi to my one little fan out there, hello Smoky, my cat.
And you know, I try to dream up ways to get even with all the fans out
there who have no respect for me, and it dawned on me the perfect way to
do that was to kick the living crap out of Sting, and why wait 'til
Sunday? By the way, you know this guy, I'm so tired of him trying to kiss
up to me in the dressing room all the time, always trying to carry my bag.
For years and years and years, this guy's tried to pretend that he was as
good as me if you can believe that. This guy had the nerve to copy my
hold. He's copied every single thing about me, but let's face it - he's
not the best there ever is, the best there ever was, or the best there
ever will be. In fact, he's the STUPIDEST there ever was, the STUPIDEST
there ever is, and the STUPIDEST there ever will be, and I just wish that
he would SUCK it up and get the guts to come out here -" sure enough,
(THIS IS) STING. Sting puts his coat on Hart and hits him and a bell
rings and a ref appears.
(THIS IS) STING v. BRET HART - Ten punch count along by Sting. Right to
the gut. Atomic drop. Hey, is this like the PPV match for free on
Monday? Sting throws him out of the ring. Hart's head meets the
barricade. Kicking continues outside. Sting takes Hart to the STEEL
steps. Hart meets another barricade. Sting throws Hart back into the
ring. Sting with the Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine. Sting talks trash
and steps on his hands repeatedly. Bodyslam. Elbowdrop. 1, 2, kickout.
Another scoop slam. Vaderbomb attempt meets the knees. Hart on the
offense - head to the lower abdomen. Hart rakes his face on the top rope.
Hart pounding away at the small of the back. Now standing on the neck for
the 4 count. Headbutt by Hart. Punches by Hart. Backbreaker. Second
rope - boot to the face counter by Sting! Sting with a hot shot.
Scorpion is on! Hart grabs the bottom rope. Sting says he ain't gonna
let go. Referee Mickey Jaye calls for the rest of the refs but all five
of them can't get the hold broken. (DQ 4:06) STEVIE RAY & VINCENZO come
out and FINALLY the hold is broken. Sting takes out both men (RACISTS!
Maybe Hard Work Bobby Walker was RIGHT!) and Hart is helped out by the two
NWO Hollywood members. Sting poses to the crowd - now the chase is on -
we're outta here, and so am I. SEE YOU IN VEGAS!
Christopher Robin Zimmerman
Miss a week? Check out the CRZ Archives at
http://www.aimnet.com/~kzim/ - Just look for the WM logo!