PICTURE OF THE WEEK: Yes, I *will* do anything for a cheap laugh. (31k jpeg)
Several people asked me to quote myself from a year ago: [Kevin Nash]
promises that WHEN he wins the belt, he *ain't* givin' it to Hogan.
Poor Sting! Someone left him out in the rain and now he's getting all
wet! Good thing he's got that trenchcoat! I hope he takes that baseball
bat and hits the person who left him out in the cold!
World Championship Wrestling - Our Logo is NOT the Star of David, dammit!
This new opening is rated TV-PG-DV and closed captioned! Hey, only six
Nitro Girls- hmm...
Goldberg WALKS through the building carrying the lottery hopper! It's a
BRAND NEW EXCITING ... WALKING!
Get ready for the millenium! It's happened again! In honor of my one
year anniversary with WrestleManiacs, Nitro revamps it's set, jungles up
it's theme, and lets the FIREWORKS fly!
The Awesome 3 are no more - your hosts are Tony Skeeavone and Bobby
Heenan. WE ARE LIVE from the MGM Grand Garden Arena in Lost Wages, NV
5.4.99 for WCW MONDAY NITRO! YES, NITRO AGAIN BEGINS AT EIGHT, BABY!
Tonight - two semi's in the US Title Tourney - Jericho, Steiner, Booker
T. and Meng
GENE O. made the cut and works tonight! He wastes no time saying "crap
tables" to show how edgy he is. Here's COLD BEER come down to the
ringside to protest WCW's new Star of David logo! Actually, he's still
carrying the (TL) hopper and Okerlund wants to know what's up with that.
"You know Gene...ever since that fateful day that I lost my belt, you know
it, I know it, and all these people know it - that I've been on the
receiving end of that whole (mute). I was conveniently left on last
month's pay-per-view, and if it was up to Flair, he'd leave me off this
one too. But tonight, I take matters into my own hands. As of tonight,
you can call it the Goldberg lottery. And everybody's name's in it -
including yours, President Flair. So as of right now, the name that I
pull out of this hopper is the next victim - at the next pay-per-view."
Jesus, they're not going to ANY lengths to hide their booking style, are
they? There's a howl and there's BIG POOCHIE come out to join the
festivities. "Before you think about spearing me there, Billy Boy, you
don't know what I got underneath this hockey jersey!" Har har, Nash is
wearing a Red Wings jersey. Nash reminds the crowd that HE'S the one that
stopped his streak (what, is he a heel tonight?) Goldberg says he can
live in the past if he wants, but today is another day. Nash asks
Goldberg to forget the lottery and take HIM on at Spring Stampede.
Goldberg says "the way I see that, Merry Christmas Goldberg!" Huh?
In the President's office, Flair and Anderson watch TV. Flair sends Arn
out to take care of ... huh? Well, I'm sure it'll get shoved down my
throat later if I don't get it now.
The NEW WCW Nitro - IT'S ALL ACTION, BABY!
"Chriiiiiiiiis....you're not being faaaaaaaaair!!!" Oh sorry. I'll give
them one more quarter hour to put some damn wrestling on - otherwise
they're still trying to outRAW RAW and there's already too much RAW on
Goldberg and DDP video ad
This portion of WCW Monday Nitro is brought to you by Valvoline - WITH A
BLAST OF BUTTER!
Hey, look - it's the Nitro Girls! There are FOURTEEN TV sets in the new
WCW logo up there (which is not a Star of David). In honor of the new
logo, the Girls - ummm - dance.
RIKI RACHTMAN has a new ugly jacket and a new pink streak in his - ummm -
hair. Then he hypes the WCW hotline. He also blows the Canada number,
choosing instead to use the area code of Riverside, California. (Go
Highlanders!) Oh well.
KENDELL WINDHAM v. (Hardcore) HAK (with Chastity) in a Kendo Stick match -
THIS IS THE NEW MONDAY NITRO! The Blackman influence spreads - oh yes -
Blackman IS professional wrestling in 1999. Chastity has the "Catholic
high school girl in trouble" look which ALWAYS works. Hell, it even made
BRITNEY SPEARS look attractive - that slutty whore. Oops. I guess there
are WORSE matchups to give the "first ever" slot to...more newness -
referee "Blind" Johnny Boone sports the new "striped shirt" duds. Windham
with the stick! Windham with the stick! Windham with the stick! Windham
with a spinning toe hold, and now WINDHAM WITH THE STICK! Windham with
the stick! Chastity comes in - CHASTITY WITH THE STICK! Now Hak taking
control - Hak with the stick! Hak with the stick! Hak ... aw shit, I'm
tired of this. Choke with the stick. Tony and Bobby talk about the
return of the "moody, angry" Sting with the white face paint and the hey
hey hey. Sting speaks - TONIGHT! Chastity now has both sticks on the
outside, because apparently this match is too boring with the sticks. Hak
with a back bodydrop. Hak on the outside, procuring a stick. Windham
prevents him coming back in - Rocker Dropper-like legdrop. Chop (woooo!),
whip into the opposite corner, Hak goes upside down but fails to tie
himself to the Tree of Woe. Whip off the ropes, Windham lariat. Windham
to the outside, stalking Chastity for a kendo stick, but Hak meets him
with a lariat. Rolled back in. Windham with a sneaky rollup but only 2.
Clothesline from Windham, he's got a stick - Hak with a surprise rollup
for 2. Stick's out of play again - Hak with a DDT. Hak's got a stick -
Hak with the stick RIGHT to the forehead. Windham drops like a ton of
bricks. Hak with the choke - Kendo stick side Russian leg sweep - that's
all, folks. (5:08) Meng and Steiner coming up!
Let's Take a Special Video Look at Meng - "oh hohohohoho - oh hohohohoho -
(unintelligible) - oh hohohohohoho" - man, Meng MUST be cool if he has a
SPECIAL VIDEO PACKAGE! Still, I don't know HOW he can defeat Big Poppa
Promotional consideration paid for by WCW Bashin' Brawlers ("Heygetoffmy -
NOSE!"), Slim Jim, America (ha!) Online, Super Soaker CPS 2500 & 3000 (ah
hell, did Super Soaker season start up again?), Croissant Pockets from Hot
Goldberg WALKS! He busts into "President Ric Flair's Office," where Flair
and Anderson are chatting amiably with - Lex Luger and Liz? Goldberg asks
wassup - Flair says Anderson might want to speak with him, but Goldberg's
busy what-the-helling Lex' presence.
Well...one kendo stick match, no BLOOD, half hour gone by. It's Nitro!
Anderson, backstage, finds Nash, telling him that Flair needs to see him
real quick. Nash is busy laughing and drinking coffee. Stay tuned for the
next installment of this thrilling saga!
Let Us Take You Back to Disco Inferno doctoring Konnan's video, Konnan
accusing Disco Inferno of trying to perpetrate - setting up a big match
Sunday at Spring Stampede!
I HATE KONNAN v. LIZMARK, JR. (no entrance) - Konnan speaks on this,
saying "strawberries," then disses David Penzer for no apparent reason.
Happy birthday, Konnan - I won't make fun of your match this week! I
*will* notice that Lizmark spends an awful lot of time adjusting his pants
for some strange reason. Then he kinda laughs "ah ha ha!" randomly. Then
he does the Robot! Then he loses. Well, after an eternity - oh sorry
Konnan. (submission 5:52) This replay is the Wendy's Big Slam of the Show!
Flair's on the phone - now he's off the phone - now he's talking to Arn -
now Nash enters the office - now we fade to black. Oh MAN this is some
SLOW plot development.
Closed captioning made possible through the kind courtesy of Compu$erve!
Get captions by logging into COMP$ERVE! Or....
Let's Take a Special Video Look at Scott Steiner! Unfortunately, this
video is accompanied with snippest of Steiner speaking.
Flair and Nash are pretty happy walking out - Nash HAPPENS to walk by
Hogan, who caught the good times and wants to know why they were speaking.
Nash said it was just business. Hogan mutters (to us, not to Nash) that
"it better be."
What, THAT was the whole segment?
Local spot hypes Spring Stampede - SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY!
In the stairwell, Nash and Charles Robinson chat about Robinson's 4FLAIR
license plates - since it's been established that Flair is what Robinson's
all about, see. Robinson sees Hogan enter the frame and hastily departs.
Nice suit on Robinson by the way. Hogan and Nash discuss Robinson, then
Hogan tells Nash he doesn't call anymore. Nash turns it into girl talk.
Hogan: "Are we on the same team? ... You're not the same anymore." Nash
makes faces and I guess we're supposed to start to think that just MAYBE
there's some Trouble in Paradise...
Gene O. says "shank of the evening," but unfortunately, the mic doesn't
work in time for us to actually hear it. Aw shucks. It's ten to RAW so
it's time for THE MAN to come out as Tony notices the booing from the
crowd. Flair is epitomizing styling and profiling and you keep your mouth
shut fat boy. Flair tells Nash he IS Big Sexy and because he's feeling so
good, he's pulling the Spring Stampede title defense and taking on Hogan
TONIGHT instead (yeah, there's a money decision!) Before we get too far
with this, the Wolfpack theme fires up and out rumbles YOU KNOW WHO,
weight belt in hand - Flair beats a retreat and Hogan makes the crowd
happy. (The crowd is full of idiots, you see.) Flair tells Hogan that if
he lays a finger on him before the match, there won't BE a match. Hogan
tells everybody he'll prove who's the most powerful man in wrestling, 4
life. Flair does some ranting and raving - Hogan does some talking that
isn't as good, ya know. Hogan says "wolfpack in da house" 'cause he's
down. Flair says this is the last time he'll ever hear the name Hogan
ahead of his. Hogan says yeah, 'cause I'll never give you a title shot,
neener neener. Before this is wrapped up, out comes DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE
to muck up the machinery. He'd like to be part of this main event "worthy
of the MGM Grand" (local suckup!) and this should be a 3-Way Dan! (I
think he meant "dance.") Flair says "ass" and it isn't muted! Hogan's up
for it, Flair's not. Before Flair can finish speaking *again*, COLD BEER
is out. Backstage, we see Arn massage his temple in unhappiness.
Goldberg says if there's a heavyweight match, "I'm in the dance." Why's
everybody so keen to call this match a "dance," anyway? When Flair
demurs, Goldberg grabs him by the lapels and shoves him away. Flair,
incensed, tells a kid to shut up, then says he'll be happy to see all of
them later. So apparently we've got a four-way "dance" in the main event
slot. Don't you DARE switch to RAW, even if it IS 59 after! Hogan: "The
Wolfpack - it be in da house." Oh shut up, white boy. Hogan and Goldberg
have a staredown in the aisle - words are spoken but I don't hear them.
We cut to Schiavone and Heenan, who talk about this to kill a little more
time so you don't switch channels. Looks like no ad break - that explains
the non-segment earlier...and the fact that RAW just started on the other
SUPERSTAH SCOTT STEINER v. MY GUILTY PLEASURE MENG in a United States
Heavyweight Championship Tourney Semifinal - Steiner makes fun of "Diamond
Dallas Trash," obviously using the DDP "scum" technique of namecalling.
Inexplicably, Steiner brings up the "30 days of Kimberly" clause one more
time, just to confuse us. Steiner says "hooches" a couple times and then
butchers "phenonemon" for good measure. He IS the Big Bad Booty Daddy.
Steiner says that if Page wants revenge on him, he'll have to give up his
wife for one night. Oh boy! It's an Indecent Proposal! Or something.
In another step to make Meng the COOLEST MAN EVER, Meng has been given the
Dungeon of Doom music - yeah! It just gets BETTER AND BETTER! Why yes,
he IS wearing the pants that all the kids are talking about. Steiner
rushes the commentators and forces Tony to proclaim him the man. Of
course, Tony proclaimed this a "double match segment" despite the fact
that we haven't had a match in half an hour, so I wouldn't put too much
stock in what he's saying. Lockup, to the corner, clubbing blows, forearm
shivers, nothing affects Meng, though. What the HELL is all that static?
Must be a faulty ring mic. Several mighty chops (woooo!) and a big kick
takes Steiner outside the ring. Tony announces some stipulations for the
main event coming over his headset - it'll be a Tejas Tornado Rules match
(all four men in the ring at the same time). Steiner back in, Meng
standing on him, and his "Oh hohohohoho" is in full effect. Standing kick
from Meng and Steiner wants timeout. Now he's offering the Hand of
Friendship! Meng kicks him instead. Meng all over him, whip into the
opposite corner - Steiner puts up a foot - belly-to-belly suplex! Meng is
finally showing some effects of the punishment. Steiner throws him out of
the ring and follows. Whip into the barricade. Kick - head to the STEEL
steps. "Oh hohohohoho - oh hohohohohoho" - I love Meng. (People FAINT
when I say stuff like that, you know.) Back in the ring we go. Off the
ropes, Steinerline, elbowdrop. 1, no. Steiner and referee "Blind" Johnny
Boon discuss cadence. Shots traded - now Steiner with a big backdrop. 1,
foot on the rope, 2, foot noticed. Steiner choking Meng on the second
rope. Later tonight, Booker T. and Chris Jericho in the other semi, tag
team title match tonight, Texas Tornado four corners match for the
World Heavyweight title tonight. Meng headbutts Steiner - chop to the
throat to take him to the canvas. Second rope flying clothesline from
Meng! He does it all! Steiner up first - Meng blocks the punch and
delivers one of his own. Again. Punch, chop, chop (woooo!), off the
ropes, clothesline, another clothesline - STANDING DROPKICK FROM MENG! 1,
2, no. Sidewalk slam! He's doing the motioning - TONGAN DEATH GRIP!
Steiner with an eye gogue - Golotta! Belly-to-belly overhead suplex -
feet on the ropes, Meng's feet under the ropes - ah nuts. 1, 2, 3.
(6:13) Steiner will be in the finals Sunday.
That's one pointy logo, ain'tit?
NWO Wolfpack T-shirt ad. Hey, it might be $20 mail order, but I know for
a FACT that Wal-Mart sells 'em for $9.94!
Hey, look - it's the Nitro Girls!
Yep, another productive segment there.
WCW/NWO THUNDER! for the PlayStation ad.
The WCW Battle for the Beetle gives away a Beetle! And some Beetles! And
go enter now!
We pan the rafters but don't find Sting. But stay tuned - we might see
him later! And he might speak! Wait - THERE'S STING! THERE'S - no,
wait, it's some other guy. Sorry.
Repeat of the wet, sad mime Sting clip.
Damn, is this the second hour? It feels like the first! Two segments of
ads and ads!
Back in Flair's suite, Flair invites some woman to a party - then, for the
first time in forever, notices the camera and asks him to vacate, giving
him a little privacy. I guess I'd note that Tony and Bobby aren't
commenting about this, but nothing important's happening here.
Tony hypes WCW Live, the nightly Internetcast on wcw.com - Who are Bob
Ryder and Jeremy Borash, anyway?
Last summer, Hacksaw Jim Duggan told us he had cancer. A while back, Jim
Duggan returned on THUNDER! and promised he shall return! This Special
Video Look hopefully has a purpose - what? He's coming up next? Get
LENNY LANE v. HACKSAW JIM DUGGAN - It's funny hearing the Washington Post
March without the Faces of Fear theme in front of it, isn't it? Damn,
call me a mark but it's GOOD to see ol' Duggan back. Sure this match
sucks from a workrate perspective, sure there's no drop toeholds or
standing dropkicks, but hell - this guy's still got charisma in buckets.
Not to mention Lane has no problem getting his assed whooped all over the
ring, outside the ring, in the corner. Hoooooo! Fans have no problem
chanting USA for the man, and if I were there I guarantee I'd be doing the
exact same thing. Hey, maybe he and Meng will rekindle their friendship!
Vertical suplex - Duggan pulls up at 1 even as Lane puts a foot on the
bottom rope. I hope that isn't a mistake! Off the ropes - Duggan scoops,
spins and slams. Old Glory kneedrop is back on my list of worst finishers
of the year - but who cares! 1, 2, 3. (4:28) 2x4 toss. Come back for
the EXCITING NWO Black'n'White battle royale (with cheese)!
Riki Rachtman hypes the hotline. Funny to see him dis Disco Inferno in
Last week on THUNDER! Hogan has a private meeting with the black & white -
he reveals that he was trying to shake out a leader, to rise to the top,
or something or other. Anyway, Monday he's calling for a battle royal
amongst the Fab Four to once and for all settle the leadership issue. God
knows why they just don't have Hogan lead the group, right?
VINCENZO v. HORACE (hogan) v. BRIAN ADAMS (cuts like a knife) v. STEVIE
RAY in a Battle Royal for Leadership of the black and white NWO -
"Breaking necks, and cashing cheques, now can u dig it?" I bet Stevie
doesn't win. Hey, where's Scott Norton? Blah. I'm sure this means this
WON'T end this angle, because it WILL NOT DIE. They pair off by race to
start - now they switch partners. Oh, the excitement. It's so sad to see
these guys fight when they should all be on the same page! Stevie Ray
goes over the top rope but lands on the apron - completely missed by the
camera, but thanks to the commentators being near the action, it gets
called! Woo hoo! Two minutes gone by and nothing's happened.
Commentators run through cliches to kill time. MAN this is exciting.
FOUR minutes gone by with nothing happening. Vince misses a clothesline
on Adams and teases going over but doesn't - Adams delivers a kick to the
face and out he goes. (4:26) Vince tries to get back in - har har.
Horace and Adams have a little talk and decide to team up on Stevie Ray -
that's RACIST, MAN! Double whip, double back elbow. Both men putting the
boots to him. Into the ropes again, double clothesline ducked, Stevie Ray
delivers a double clothesline of his own, everybody down. Stevie's a
house of fire on Adams, now on Horace. Booker T.-esque call to the crowd.
Stevie takes Horace over but he lands on the apron. He turns to Adams,
but Horace clips him from behind. Lariat from Adams. Now they're arguing
over who's going to throw him out of the ring - now they're exchanging
blows. Horace off the ropes, tilt-a-whirl backbreaker from Adams. Adams
has Horace in a press - Horace goes for the eyes to force the release -
Ray comes up from behind and clotheslines Adams over the top (7:17).
Horace commences the beatdown. Coming off the ropes to take him out -
Stevie Ray ducks and flips him over the top rope to win. That was kind of
a surprise... (no bell - 7:36)
Let's look at Diamond Dallas Page back in the locker room - he's
STRETCHING! Geez, he looks like he's in pain there...
Let Us Take You Back to Last Week where Benoit & Malenko lost the tag team
titles to Mysterio & Kidman thanks to Raven & Saturn - oh, the
Hey look, it's the Nitro Girls!
RAVEN & SENSATIONAL PERRY SATURN v. REY NO MYSTERIO, JR. & KIDMAN for the
World Tag Team Championship - Listen to me here - I will mail a DOLLAR to
everyone reading this if Raven & Saturn don't come out of this with the
belts. And I HATE predictable matchups. This just in - THUNDER! on
Wednesday this week. The challengers come to the ring with Raven's theme,
because Saturn's used to open up Monday Night RAW. The Champs come to the
ring to Konnan's "Psycho," because Rey's theme has a cool Morris Day
sample and I'm not allowed to listen to it if I like it, I guess.
Besides, Konnan believes he's a bus! Saturn and Mysterio start (I was
gonna say Kidman as I hadn't noticed their completely matching - tank top
and jeans combos). Into the corner with the forearm shots. Saturn whips
into the opposite corner, boot up - Rey charges - Saturn catches him, but
it's a headscissors from Rey. Raven in - gutshot - Raven catches him in
the headscissors attempt - DOOMSDAY DEVICE! Ref tries to get Raven out of
the ring so Saturn gives Kidman a shot for good measure. Doubleteaming on
Mysterio. Tag to Saturn - Rey laid out on the second rope as Saturn comes
off the corner with a legdrop. 1, 2, foot on the rope. Pickup and a slam
- Saturn climbing the ladder - senton misses. Mysterio tags Kidman -
dropkick, dropkick to Raven! We're in Brunzell land! Pedigree to Saturn!
Tornado bulldog to Raven! Both men up - stereo splashes on Saturn - 1, 2,
no! Raven dumps Mysterio out, Kidman dumps Raven out, Kidman to the top
but as Raven moves to crotch him and prevent a move on Saturn, we take an
... AD BREAK?!?
Mortal Kombat is NEXT!
Saturn and Kidman in the ring as we come back. Off the ropes, head down,
kick from Kidman - Kidman charges for a clothesline - Saturn catches him
and hits a belly-to-belly overhead suplex that takes Kidman TO THE FLOOR.
Saturn outside to bring him back in. Chair grabbed for good measure. Is
this Raven's rules? Tag to Raven - chair set up - off the ropes - DROP
TOE HOLD! 1, 2, Mysterio makes the save and takes the chair back with
him. Referee "Blind" Billy Silverman apparently has no problem with any
of this. Tag to Saturn. Tag to Raven - off the ropes - gutshot from
Raven, kick to the head from Saturn. Who's legal? Another tag - faceslam
from Raven - FROG SPLASH to the back by Saturn! Another quick tag.
Raven tries the powerbomb - that NEVER works. Kidman reverses, of course
- tag to Saturn, tag to Mysterio - Thesz press off the top rope
springboard! Off the ropes, reversed - Rey springs off for the moonsault
and practically lands on his head, but Saturn catches him - Rey pushes
Saturn into the corner, dropkicks him as he comes back. Spinning heel
kick for the charging Raven - broncobuster for Saturn! Broncobuster for
Raven - nooo, the boot is up and in a sensitive area. Saturn covers -
Kidman saves at 2. Off the ropes, clothesline ducked - "short powerbomb"
from Kidman for 2, Raven saves. Off the ropes, Kidman reverses, kick in
the gut, dueling backslides, Raven wins, Mysterio saves at 2 with a
dropkick. Superkick from Saturn to take Kidman out of the ring while Raven
dumps Rey over his head - into a dropkick on Saturn, which squashes
Silverman! Rey up to the top rope - diving - 'rana on Raven! Raven
pulled out by Kidman and they brawl on the outside - Rey springboard but
Saturn CATCHES him - Spicolli Driver!!! But there's no ref! Now the
VANILLA MIDGETS are out and causing havoc - Malenko with a vertical suplex
on Saturn. Benoit is going to hit the swandive headbutt (in THAT outfit?)
Malenko pushes Rey onto Saturn. 1, 2, 3! (9:52)
Oh, you probably want your dollar now, don't you. Okay, send a SASE and
$2 shipping and handling to PO Box 64405, Sunnyvale CA 94088-4405 and I'll
send one of your dollars back to you. Trust me! (Remember, kids, a
good scam beats clicking on ad banners ANY day!)
Hogan's doing squats - I think - I don't EVER want to get that close to a
man doing whatever he's doing - EVER AGAIN!
THUNDER! is Wednesday!
All that fire surrounding that Star of David makes me uneasy...
CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO v. BOOKER T. in a United States Heavyweight
Championship Tourney Semifinal - Jericho made his way back into the
tournament by replacing an injured Curt Hennig and defeating Chris Adams.
Welcome back, "Blind" Nick Patrick! "Jericho sucks" chant is quickly
turned down because you can't say "sucks" on the BRAND NEW Monday Nitro!
Booker T. doin' that chain wrestling thing. Standing switch, reversal
again, off the ropes, shoulderblock by Jericho, who milks it for the
crowd. Off the ropes again, nice dropkick from T. Into the corner and a
follow lariat. Is that a ponytail, Nick? Come on. Head to the buckle by
T, into the opposite corner, foot up from Jericho. Suplex attempt
countered, kick to the gut, T. suplex attempt doesn't work, Jericho
crotches him on the top rope - springboard dropkick! Open hand slap from
Jericho - NOW you've made him mad - Jericho holds the rope off the whip
and clotheslines him. Lionsault meets the knees! Kick in the gut by T -
axe kick! Off the ropes, reversal, powerbomb from Booker T. 1, 2,
Jericho rolls a shoulder. Youch! Jericho manages to flapjack him down,
but he breakdances back up. Harlem side kick. Wait, SUPERSTAH SCOTT
STEINER is in with a chair - I guess he's still got a little problem with
that TV belt thing. T ducks and kicks the chair into Steiner's face.
Jericho runs at him - but T. flips him up, over, and ONTO STEINER! That
looks *incredibly* painful to Steiner's back. Patrick calls for the bell
and it looks like Booker T. is going to get the victory (DQ 3:45) although
I'm not sure what brought that on. Heenan correctly pegs it as a bad call
- anyway, it'll be Steiner and Booker T. for the US Title at Spring
This portion of WCW Monday Nitro is brought to you by 1-800-COLLECT! Call
someone who cares!
BUFF IS THE STUFF v. BAM BAM BIGELOW - when Tony says "biweekly," I think
he means "semiweekly." But who cares. Bigelow and Hak will go at it at
Spring Stampede. Bagwell poses by way of making fun of Bigelow - I don't
know how smart that is. Lockup, Bigelow pushes him back into the corner.
Lockup, knee by Bigelow, shot to the back, shot to the head. Bigelow jaws
with the crowd and gets back on him. Off the ropes, clothesline ducked,
dropkick from Buff, repeat, clothesline, kick, kick, off the ropes,
running lariat and Bigelow is up and over! Bagwell poses. Bigelow back
in the ring. Lockup, Bigelow to the eyes. Bigelow working him over now.
Forearms and punches. Kick to the abs. Whip into the opposite corner -
Buff with the foot up - again. Buff steps aside for the third charge.
Face to the mat. Field goal kick. Head to the buckle. Buff kicks and
punches. Bodyslam - no dice, Bigelow falls on him for 2. Bam Bam off the
ropes with the headbutt. Grabs the face, then takes umbrage at the count
by referee "Blind" Mickey J. Snapmare, elbow to the head. Bigelow elbows
him in the back of the head again. Scoop slam. Bigelow going to the top
rope! Flip finds nothing but mat. Bagwell strikes - clothesline takes
him down - another clothesline - crossbody for 2. Bigelow to the eyes
before Buff can hit the elbow. Staying on him - Bigelow picks up Bagwell
and as he spins around he takes out the ref. Bigelow pulls the top rope
and Bagwell goes sailing. HAK & CHASTITY are out to make sure we get no
clean finish - Hak with his Singapore cane and Chastity with the fire
extinguisher. Cane shot! Skirt shot! Fire extinguisher shot! Somehow
the ref fails to notice all this fire extinguisher haze - Buff Blockbuster
- 1, 2, 3. (6:08)
WCW SPRING STAMPEDE SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY
Promotional consideration paid for by WCW Smash'n'Slam Wrestlers, David
sunflower seeds, LA Looks hair junk, Dispos'l Clean, and Blimpie!
Hey look, it's the Nitro Girls!
Let's Take a Special Video Look at Goldberg and Nash - wow, lucky for them
to have this clip in the can since this match was only made tonight! Short
segments with no action sure suck. Hey, you don't think this match will
end with a ... no, I've already been wrong ONCE tonight.
SPEAKING of Scott Hall and tasers, a "We Want Sting" chant has fired up -
oh yeah, I almsot forgot we were supposed to see him tonight. Apparently,
so has WCW as MICHAEL BUFFER is out to introduce the folks in tonight's
main event. Kevin Nash has joined the commentary team at ringside. I
*believe* he makes the joke about instant video clips that I tried to
make, but I couldn't hear what he was saying over the music and
fireworks. WHY is Flair introduced first? Who can say. And he's alone.
Hogan comes out second. Buffer says Hogan has fans on Antarctica! Page
is the third man out - I need to be spoon-fed whether or not this guy's a
face or heel because I'm so confused. This may be the BRAND NEW Nitro but
Goldberg has the same old fireworks. Is that a touch of grey in his
beard? Naah. And of course, it goes without mentioning that the referee
assigned is "Controversy" Charles Robinson.
THE MAN v. YOU KNOW WHO v. DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE v. COLD BEER for the WCW
World Heavyweight Title - Hogan and Flair pair up - Page and Goldberg
quickly brawl to the outside. Hogan punching Flair - Flair switches -
whip is reversed, back body drop on Flair. Clothesline, clothesline,
clothesline. Flair with the cheap shot. Chopping away (woooo!), Hogan
absorbs everything. Jackhammering Hulk-up! Three punches! Big boot!
Legdrop of doom! 1, 2, Page figures out there's a match in the ring and
makes the save! Page stomping on Hogan while Flair takes a powder - then
bumps into Goldberg. Chops aplenty (woooo!), Goldberg absorbs all THAT
and presses him into tthe ring. Hogan with the big boot off the ropes on
Page meanwhile. Flair pulls Hogan away and Goldberg goes to Page. Now
Flair on Page and Hogan pulling Goldberg outside with him. Goldberg's
head meets the barricade. BACKRAKE! IN the ring, Flair flip from Page,
clothesline on the apron. DIAMOND CUTTER! 1, 2, Goldberg pulls Page
outside. Hogan sneaks in the ring while Page and Goldberg brawl on the
outside - Flair to the top rope - THAT NEVER WORKS! Hogan beals him into
the centre of the ring. WEIGHT BELT WHIP! WHIP! WHIP! Robinson tells
him to get off it with the belt but Hogan's ignoring him. Choke with the
belt. Hogan puts the belt back on and Flair hits the Golotta. Crowd
chants "We want Sting!" which says something about the four men in this
ring - and the one at ringside. Well, that's what I think. All four men
in the ring now. Flair and Page in the corner as Page hits the ten punch
count along. Hogan tries a cover of Goldberg but only gets 2. Hogan with
an inside cradle - Goldberg rolls it - dueling 2 counts and you wonder if
Robinson remembers a 3 for either man takes the belt off Flair (or if he
cares). Flair putting a figure four on Page but Goldberg stomps on him to
break that up. Nash openly rooting for Goldberg so his match Sunday can
be a title match. Goldberg with a nice powerslam on Flair. Hogan and
Page brawling on the outside. Goldberg fails to cover. Flair with an
eyepoke and he slips out of the ring while Goldberg and Hogan fight.
Flair's got a chair. Page gets Flair before he can get in and use it.
Page tries to make a wish on the STEEL ringpost - Flair kicks away but
still gets crotched. Page and Flair on the outside - Goldberg trying a
cover but the shoulders aren't down apparently. Page standing on Flair's
neck on the outside. Hogan with a belly-to-back for 2. Page all over
Flair on the outside. All four men out. Now they're at the commentary
table - Nash stays put but the other two bolt. Hogan takes Flair's head
to the table. Page gets a 2 on Goldberg in the ring as Flair and Hogan
have fun on the outside. Page tries to take Goldberg to the buckle, but
Goldberg blocks it and elbows Page instead. Hogan suplexes Flair on the
outside, but we don't see it. Bodyslam by Goldberg. 1, 2, Page manages
to kick out. Hogan back in the ring. Flair with a hot shot on Page.
All four men in the ring now - Hogan knocks Goldberg down, stepping on the
face. Page and Flair outside. Flair's head to the STEEL ringpost, again,
Flair falls as Goldberg hits a suplex on Hogan - that has no effect. Hogan
lariat on Goldberg - but THAT has no effect. Crowd is much louder for
Goldberg. Superkick from Goldberg! Page in and clotheslining Goldberg to
the mat. 1, 2, kickout! Page staying on him - Suplex attempt is reversed
- jackhammer! 1, Hogan saves. Flair clips Hogan. Flair all over the
knee. Nash asks if Goldberg seems a little more hesitant since Toronto -
what's he talking about? Spear on Page! Spear on Flair! Spear on Hogan!
Cover of Hogan - 1, 2, Hogan pushes him off! Nash has removed his
headset... Goldberg is jackhammering Hogan! 1, 2, Nash is too late to
make a save so Hogan has to KICK OUT OF A JACKHAMMER - aw nuts to that.
Nash kicks at Goldberg, so Robinson calls for the bell (DQ 10:58) - And
NOW (THIS IS) STING repels from the ceiling with bat in hand. Gee whiz,
what great timing Sting. Goldberg, Page, and Robinson stay in the ring
while the rest hightail it. Sting points to the monitor - a familiar
voice narrates the following words as they appear on the screen...
"SUNDAY APRIL 11TH ON PAY-PER-VIEW THE FOLLOWING MEN WILL MEET FOR THE WCW
WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE IN A FOUR CORNERS MATCH - RIC FLAIR, DIAMOND
DALLAS PAGE, HOLLYWOOD HOGAN, AND THE MAN THEY CALL STING. THE RULES ARE
SIMPLE. THE MAN THAT GETS THE PINFALL BECOMES THE WCW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT
CHAMPION, AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST, THERE WILL BE A WINNER AND I WILL
REFEREE. OOH YEAH!"
Ummm...Sting didn't talk.
Who signed this match, anyway?
Didn't Randy Savage nail the Giant so Ric Flair could beat Eric Bischoff
to become President?
All this and more, SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY!