BLATANT PLUG: If you go click your way over to Ollie's Wrestling Resources, you'll find the Workrate Reports. Then you will shake your head, laugh, and say "It's funny because it's TRUE!" when you read gems like (NOT a fruit booty) Phil Schneider's THUNDER! report excerpt:
Hey Wrath blew his knee out. KICK ASS!! I heard Hugh Morris blew his knee out at the tapings too. GOD SMILES ON THE WRESTLING FAN
Well, at least *I* did. Also Dean Rasmussen does a Nitro report that will make you WEEP. No foolin'. Get over there NOW - I mean, AFTER YOU READ THIS!
Oh yeah, if I don't mention Tony Gancarski he'll say something bad about me,
(like I still listen to Boy Krazy or something) on rec.sport.pro-wrestling.moderated and
I can't take that kind of hit at this point in my career, so read his Saturday
Night reports, too. They're good like SOUP.
I GET LETTERS: Bill Stiteler writes:
I found this on the Brunching Shuttlecocks website (brunching.com).
Thought you might enjoy it. Perhaps we can pass it on to Schiavone...
It's good for a larf - more amusing to some than others, I'm sure. I hit that
thing for half an hour, 'cause I'm a simpleton. Thanks, Bill!
Rev. Ray Duffy offers: I think "The Big Show" theme is bad, but Ricky
Steamboat "Family Man" and "American Males" is up there too.
OH MY GOD!!! Everybody sing with me:
"American Males / American Males / American Males / American Males /
American Males / American Males / American Males / American Males..."
Geez, THANKS Ray.
On with the show!
WCW - now with MATZOH BALLS!
Speaking of kosher wrestling, a white car pulls up, Goldberg (rated
TV-PG-DV) gets out and shouts to the camera. "Who's next? I'M next! Me
and Page TONIGHT! for the World Heavyweight belt..." then he walks off.
Closed captioned is RIKI RACHTMAN with DJ RAN ("Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Yeah!") along with some women. Or something. Hey, is that top G-rated?
Let's light ALL the pyro and try to drown out DJ Ran screaming "What -
What - What - What" and - hey, look! It's the Nitro Girls!
WE ARE LIVE from Gainesville, FL 19.4.99 and the Illegible Center! Your
hosts are Tony Schiavone and Bobby Heenan, who can't be heard over the
pyrotechnics. Tonight: Will Page accept the challenge? Also tonight,
Scott Steiner and Konnan - the real losers are the FANS! And so much
more, but first...
ARMSTRONG BROTHERS v. VANILLA MIDGETS (with Arn Anderson) - we start off
with a match that I dare say could be a main event at ANY ARENA IN THE
COUNTRY. Referee is "Controversial" Charles Robinson. Somebody forgot to
tell these Gators that the Horsemen aren't faces anymore as the Armstrongs
get booed mercilessly. Boy that Steve's a Pistol, isn't he? Look at the
crowd go nuts when Arn and Dean put the boots to Steve as he's outside the
ring. Benoit with the drop toehold into Dean's sliding dropkick. That's
the only thing to note in this squash. Crowd is chanting "Goldberg - " or
is it "Boring?" Either way, they know a squash when they see it and so do
I. Again Steve goes outside and this time it's Arn & Benoit doing the
honors behind the ref's back (har har). Heenan: "This is a great opening
match!" Oh Bobby. Later tonight: PIPER! Four way Cruiserweight title
match, also. And a trash can kendo stick match, or something. Buff
Bagwell! Disco Inferno! We'll talk about ANYTHING but this match!
Kidman vs. Raven! Don't you DARE change the channel! Hey, what's on
Dilbert? Oh, rerun. Did Benoit call the Northern Lights suplex in an
audible fashion just now? "Who cares?" Well, you get your jollies where
you can. Dean shows off his new "dick" person by putting a knee in
Steve's throat and shouting "Give up Armstrong! Give up Armstrong!" Now
they collide in the centre of the ring and I can't WAIT for the HOT TAG TO
SCOTT! SCOTT'S A HOUSE ON FIRE! Back bodydrop on Dean! Double dropkick
on Chris! Steve is out to mess with Arn! Meanwhile, Scott gets a
surprise rollup for 2 - Benoit saves (as in, the Armstrongs were about to
win?) Anyway, Benoit is outside to make sure Arn doesn't get hurt while
Malenko reverses an attempt into the Tejas cloverleaf for the quick tapout
(7:26) and for a squash, this was much better than I described it.
'course, it was still a squash...it's all the rage to call this "good
Southern booking" but I don't know what that means - that's why I'm
plugging the Workrate Reports - you and I can learn together! Okay,
everybody look here. This was a PRETTY GOOD SQUASH. Good match, good
match #1, WCW is good tonight. Anybody else need me to spell out that
this was okay and I may be biased but I'll say "good" when it's good?
OKAY? Is there a chip on my shoulder? Yer damn right.
Piper admires some papers that Ric Flair signed. If you watched THUNDER!
you know what this is about. If you didn't, well, go read Keith's report.
I'll be here when you get back.
Nitro Opening credits - NITRO'S ON FIRE!
Here's a major onsale announcement! Tickets on sale Friday for Roanoke,
Johnson City, Knoxville, Savannah, and Charleston for THUNDER! Saturday,
tickets on sale for Greenville for Nitro and Augusta! If you noticed the
lack of a NWO logo in this segment, give yourself a gold star!
This portion of WCW Monday Nitro is brought to you through the slippery
slime known as Valvoline!
Gorgeous George and Randy Savage try to enter the ring - Doug Dillinger
says he's suspended but Roddy Piper says the former heavyweight champ can
come in - he's the Commissioner and he'll take responsibilty.
GENE O. works tonight! and he welcomes out Heavyweight Champion DIAMOND
DALLAS PAGE, who comes out wearing the belt backwards until he's in the
ring, when he turns it around. Page sends a shout out to Hogan despite
Gene's protests. Page does his Road Dogg impersonation
("Wooooooooooorld!") and then tells Goldberg that he knows how badly he
wants to be him. Page says he'd like nothing more than to put the title
on the line tonight - BUT - that's not gonna happen. Before we find out
WHY that's not gonna happen, the music fires up and out strolls COLD BEER.
They stand nose to nose and take turns jacking jaws (Page sticks his
tongue out at him - heh) and apparently Page decides to agree to the
match...at least that's the impression the commentators give us. Oh-kay.
Later tonight, World Heavyweight title bout - Page and Goldberg! I
already give it four stars, Dean!
Meanwhile, back on the sofa, Roddy Piper is now joined by David Flair
(huh?) - he's showing off the papers - "It's for only 72 hours?" "72
hours - just for observation..." David signs the papers...and smiles...
so Piper's gonna...weeeeelll...
The commentators ignore these goings on and talk about tonight's title
bout and how it came 'bout. Tony throws it to
Gene O. back in the locker room asks Page to confirm that there's a title
match tonight. Page says he never walked from a challenge in his life,
and they're gonna blow the roof off again. Gene throws it to
Let Us Take You Back to Spring Stampede, where Page did that nasty Bret
Hart invented figure four 'round the post to Hollywood Hogan, "snapping"
his something or other - despite all this, Hogan doesn't give up and end
the match right there.
PSICOSIS c. BLITZKRIEG c. 'JUICE' GUERRERA c. REY MISTERIO JR. en un
emparejamiento de cuatro terminales para el campeonato de Cruiserweight
del mundo - Psychosis enters first, to Blitz' music and no graphics - so
he probably entered out of order. Oh well. Rey enters to Konnan's music,
'cause he ain't his own man. Referee is Johnny Boone - good luck. Camera
focuses on a goofy lookin' fan and Tony could SWEAR it's ALEX WRIGHT.
Somebody must have told him, 'cause that mohawk and Goth gear sure masks
his appearance pretty well...anyway he's sitting in the front row. Crowd
boos everybody except Mysterio as they take their poses. Boone is having
a great deal of trouble keeping two men out of this match. Psychosis and
Juvi are apparently in cahoots as they run Rey into Blitz. Double whip on
Rey into Blitz, who back bodydrops him to the apron (Rey lands on his
feet) - Blitz steps aside and Psych's shoulder hits the post - Blitz
clothesline Juvi. Blitz on Juvi's shoulders - Rey in with a Thesz press
off a springboard - no cahoots for the good guys. Juvi covers for 2 and
Rey breaks it up. Back body drop to take Rey out of the ring. Juvi and
Psych back to teaming up - Psychosis off the top rope with a dropkick as
Juvi holds him in the spinebuster position. Juvi gets another 2 and Rey's
in to break it up. Rey's taken out of the ring again - Psychosis has
Blitzkrieg up - Juvi off the top rope with a Rocker Dropper - but Blitz
steps aside and Psychosis takes it instead. Brief offense for Blitz and
Rey - 2 count broken up. Juvi and Psychosis up - now THEY'RE fighting.
Psychosis off the ropes with the spinwheel kick. Too fast. Double
dropkick from the ersatz faces and the ersatz heels go outside. Double
baseball slide dropkick - DOULBE ASAI MOONSAULT! which the camera misses
(chumps). All four men on the outside - Blitz back in now. Rey back in -
Blitz punching him - smart move. Rey takes his head to the buckle -
poised on the top - coming off - Blitzkrieg hits a dropkick on the way
down. Blitzkrieg with his twisting standing somersault, forward and
backward - only 2. Chop (woooo!). Psychosis kicked off the apron.
Juventud off the top to kick Blitzkrieg out of the ring. Juvi celebrates
- the turns around to see Rey waiting for him. Punches aplenty from
Mysterio. Flying headscissors with a full rotation. Rey with the
quebrada - 1, 2, Psychosis hits a dropkick. Cover - 1, 2, REY hits a
dropkick. Psychosis and Blitzkrieg brawling on the outside while Rey
shoots Juvi into the ropes - counter, standing bulldog from Guerrera. 1,
2, kickout. Guerrera signals for the Juvi Driver - where are the other
two guys yet? Mysterio switches, Guerrera reverses the position and hits
HIS Slop Drop instead. Psychosis comes in off the top rope - 1, 2, Juvi
breaks it up. All four men in the ring now. Blitzkrieg chops Juvi out of
the ring and follows. Rey and Psychosis - Psychosis positioned on the top
- as Juvi meets the STEEL steps, Rey snaps off the superbulldog but can't
cover. Rey to the apron - split-legged moonsault to come in - 1, 2,
KICKOUT! As Blitzkrieg hits a springboard dropkick, we take an AD
Promotional consideration paid for by WCW Bashin' Brawlers ("Ohmyachin' -
ARM!"), Slim Jim, America (ha!) Online, Hi-Ener-G scam pills, David
When we come back, the TV-PG-DV box appears early and all four men are in
the ring. Paired off now - heels slide out of the double whip but
nobody's in control. I guess this is a Tejas Tornado match...by the way.
Psychosis dropkicks Blitzkrieg out of the ring. Juventud hits a flip off
the top rope onto Rey and Blitzkrieg - Psychosis with a moonsault (with a
twist!) on all three. Psychosis brings Juvi in the ring with him.
Psychosis whips him, reversal, back body drop, lands on his feet, hairpull
to the mat - Juvi perches - flying headscissors! Both men down, Juvi
covers - 1, 2, Rey drags him off. Rey takes Juvi - powerbomb? Yes. 1,
2, Psychosis pushses him off. Everybody trying to shake it off.
Blitzkrieg with a figure four, of all moves. Rey to the apron with a
springboard guillotine legdrop to break the hold. Juvi hits one of his
own on Psychosis - kickout at 2! WE GOT ACTION! Rey taking Psychosis,
whip is reversed - tilt-a-whirl backbreaker - 2 count. Blitzkrieg and
Juventud back and forth, Juventud on his feet - powerbomb. Rey covers
Blitzkrieg for 2 - Psychosis saves. What does "Juvi shakes" mean? Rey
with Juvi on the top - Frankensteiner! Cover - 1, 2, Psychosis pushes him
off! Crowd is restless, but fuck 'em. Psychosis turns to Blitz -
brainbuster suplex - but only 2. Juventud grabs Blitzkrieg - Juvi driver
is wriggled out of. Now Blitzkrieg has him for a neckbreaker - no, Juvi
reverses and hits one of his own. Rey with a dropkick on Guerrera and now
he's on Blitzkrieg. What's the time limit? Har har. Broncobuster on
Blitzkrieg! Psychosis in the opposite corner - broncobuster him too, why
not. Rey says "West side!" to confuse me. Juventud sneaks in to try for
the Ligerbomb but Rey manages a 'rana counter instead. Psychosis is up -
La Majistral cradle is broken up by Blitzkrieg. Blitzkrieg with La
Majistral! 1, 2, no! Rey shot in - Rey swirls (tm). Juvi runs at him,
up and over - stun gun on Rey. Springboard dropkick coming in, and Rey
goes out. Juventud clotheslined by Psychosis to join him. In the ring -
Psychosis with a belly-to-back - Blitzkrieg flips out - punch takes him
down. Scoop and a slam - to the top rope - that looked like his finisher!
- 1, 2, Juventud breaks it up. Blitzkrieg and Juventud trading counters -
JUVI DRIVER! 1, 2, REY breaks it up. Rey whips Juvi, reversal,
confusioni, counter, faceslam - now Rey's on him - they both tumble over
the rope. Psychosis misses a broncobusteralike. Blitz positions him on
the top rope and climbs - what's he gonna do? Superplex? No, Psychosis
drops him on his face - now HE'S on the top rope - GUILLOTINE LEGDROP! 1,
2, 3!!!!!!!!! Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new World Cruiserweight
Champion! (20:40) AND IT'S ABOUT FUCKING TIME. Psychosis rocks your
sheep. Wendy's presents the Big Classic Slam of the Show - Psychosis
takes out three men with one dive. Here's the legdrop on Blitzkrieg and
the pinfall. I hope he keeps the belt A YEAR. (Yeah, not likely - but
at least TONIGHT I'm happy).
If it's 54 past the hour, it's time for Gene O. to welcome THE MAN to the
ring - accompanied tonight by ARN ANDERSON - I think Flair tries to
pretend to trip on that ramp *on purpose* now. "Mean woooo by God Floria
Gator Gene..." and so forth. Flair gets local to make the Gators happy -
also, he's wearing a GATORS T-shirt. He's gonna buy a round for EVERY
Gator who goes to him with the Swamp. Of course, the seeds have been
planted for him to not be around by the end of the night, and as soon as
the pipes and drums fire up, you KNOW it's on. Here's ROWDY RODDY PIPER,
who walks to the ring amidst a cavalcade of boos. Flair asks Piper why
he's jumping on his bandwagon. Piper calls Flair "the Dennis Rodman of
WCW" and I think he goes on to make a homosexual reference, 'cause he
loves to do that - but Piper kinda filters into a "mwah mwah mwah" while
I'm listening to him. It doesn't help that he's getting the LOUDEST boos
I've heard on a Nitro in quite some time. Piper says he's the reality
check. He turns to Arn and asks if throwing $600 shoes to the fans is
presidential. Arn says he's Ric Flair, he can do what he wants. Flair
throws his CURRENT pair of shoes to the fans. Piper asks if he's got
handcuffs on him. Piper again turns to Arn and asks if taking off all
your clothes and handcuffing yourself to the top rope is presidential.
Arn says he's seen him with his pants off many times, it don't mean
anything, that's just Ric. Piper's got a big opening here, but he doesn't
take it - good for him. Flair strips down to his Gators boxer shorts.
Flair reminds Piper once again that he's the President. "I'm Ric Flair!
I'm the president! I'm the man!" "Shut up, I'm the Commissioner! I'm not
done talking to you! ... I didn't want to have to do this, but..." Flair
once again mis-speaks, saying he's "President of the United States."
'cause he's nuts, you see. CHARLES ROBINSON is out with a robe for the
Champ, who refuses to wear it. Piper hands the paper to Flair - it's a
court order from Roderick Piper and David Flair - "...Ric Flair, incapable
of exercising rational judgement, is incapable of weighing the
consequences of his acts, represents a forseeable risk of harm to his
well-being and the well-being of WCW - he is therefore determined to be
incompetent...it is further ordered that Ric Flair shall be removed from
the office of President of WCW during this incompetency..." Flair fires
Piper (cheers all over the world!) and for an encore gives Florida the
national title back from Tennessee, which is good for the crowd, but not
for the story, I'd think. Piper also reveals that amongst the papers
Flair signed last week was a match with Kevin Nash. Arn faints - Flair
says he'll have no problem kickin' his ass from here to Knoxville. Flair
and Piper take turns saying "You're fired!" "I'm not fired!" Then Flair
challenges him to a match at Slamboree. If Piper wins, he can run WCW.
"You're fired! But I'll fight you first! You're fired! But I'll fight
you first!" Piper and Flair go outside, then punches are exchanged, and
we fade out.
Umm. Well...the crowd was hot for it - too bad they can't HELP but cheer
Flair. Same for me - I know how I'm SUPPOSED to react to this story, but
I can't. And it'll probably make me cynical and biased and stuff. Sigh.
THUNDER! ad - it's this Thursday!
I bet this next segment contains NOTHIN'.
Backstage, the NWO Black'n'White is hangin' out - Konnan (pink shirt!
Ewww!) happens by and Stevie Ray asks him if he's got a minute - Big Kev's
lookin' for him. Konnan says he doesn't run with the 'Pac anymore, so a
four on one beatdown commences. I don't know what all that's about, but I
liked seeing it!
DJ Ran is all up in my area, with - whozzat, Storm?
WCW World Title Match has a GRAPHIC! This is HISTORICAL! Pix of Goldberg
Hey, I was RIGHT about this segment! It gets a pass on the basis of that
GROOVY Cruiserweight match, though.
BRIAN KNOBS (with garbage can) v. HAK (with barbed wire, "kendo stick",
Chastity and a hampah full o' plundah) in a garbage can vs. kendo stick
match, or something - I guess I wasn't paying attention, but Knobs is back
- at least they aren't using that old crappy Nasty Boys music...Knobs
starts right on him with the trash can. Chastity slides random plastic
objects in and Knobs commences to break them over his head. PIT STOP!!
Aw, that's all nostalgic and old-timey - now let's never see it again. Ha!
To the outside, chairshot by Knobs. Hak's done NOTHING so far. Head to
the STEEL security railing. Finally, some offense for Hak - the
clothesline takes out the cameraman. Whip into the STEEL post. Into the
guardrail. Table procured from under the ring and put in the ring.
"ECW" chant is turned down. Knobs with the chair. Hak run into the cart.
Hak coming back - Knobs run into the cart. Hak finds a ladder under the
ring and tosses it on him. Ladder in the ring. Punch for Knobs.
Another garbage can thrown in. Knobs in first, Hak meets a garbage can.
Soda tray off the second rope to the head. Nobody bleeds in WCW, though.
Knobs gets a caneshot into the gut. Hak taken into the ladder. Ladder
taken to Hak. Wasn't Knobs fired by Bischoff for talking out of his ass?
Bulldog by Hak to the ladder. What exactly is "Blind" Billy Silverman's
job in this match? I predict one pinfall attempt, which will succeed.
Table time! Setting him up with lefts - laid down on the table, more
lefts and now he's scaling the corner - Forward somersault MISSES - 1, 2,
KICKOUT? Knobs wears the ladder and spins around into Hak, twice. Takes
him down again and he's got the cane. whack! whack! Chastity is in -
Knobs threatens her, but that's enough distraction for Hak to use the
"very lethal" trashcan on Knobs. Chair placed under his head - outside -
guillotine legdrop! Knobs dragged into position, rolled onto the ladder -
BAM BAM BIGELOW appears from nowhere and hits a caneshot on Hak, who
tumbles from the top rope to the mat. Knobs bulldogs a trashcan onto Hak
and gets the pin. (no opening bell - about 7:00) Knobs says "As nasty as
I wanna be" twice to let us know he's as nasty as he wants to be.
Coming up tonight - Flair vs. Nash! WITH A GRAPHIC! Graphics are good,
by the way. I don't really understand why they stopped using 'em years
ago. Hey, is it just a PATTERN or COINCIDENCE that Nitro gets better when
Hogan's far away from it? Think about it.
WCW Superstar series tapes feature Goldberg and Diamond Dallas Page - who
coincidentally, fight for the title tonight - not that that figures into
this ad, which we've seen a HUNDRED times, but I thought I'd mention it
DJ Ran gets all up in my area, then - hey look! It's the Nitro Girls! I
guess I should have mentioned by now that Kimberly's back with 'em - if
you keep track of stuff like that.
Randy Savage, back in the locker room, lets us know how crazy Ric Flair
is, lets us know that Gorgeous George has NO experience, so he got him a
trainer for her match with Charles Robinson - and holy smokes, Batman,
it's MADUSA! She's always wanted to wrestle a man, so she'll be happy to
help train George to beat ANY man in WCW. She's in WCW to make a
difference. Damn, is it just me, or does she look - older? oh sorry
Yes, no action in that last segment. Now they're pushing it. Ha!
Slam Society ad. How secret can it be if they're gonna push it on one of
the hottest wrestling shows of the week?
Nash catches up with the Black'n'White in the locker room - he has issues
with Konnan's beatdown (sure, sure) - before anything happens, Scott
Steiner appears and tells Nash he's got a problem with Nash having the
title shot after HIS title shot ended with "his tramp" chairing him last
week - he deserves another title shot, not Nash. Nash and Steiner are
gonna have problems...oh no! Stevie says "brah" a couple times - "we know
what's going on behind our back - and it ceases." Nash says "you want
none o' this. Watch what you're doin'." After Nash leaves, everybody
tells Stevie what a great leader he is. Toinght their plan is to send in
Norton in Steiner's match when he flied in. Now can you dig it? Is it
just me or are they almost acting as one, and how scary is THAT?
BUFF IS THE STUFF v. DISCO INFER-NWO - Buff says since everybody else is
calling their shots, HE'D like to call out Scott Steiner for a US title
shot at Slamboree. Then he steals the whole "freaks" bit - yeeha! Disco
is wearing a lovely necklace tonight. Shoving match - Disco takes him to
the corner and stomps away. Tonight - Flair/Nash - Page/Goldberg! Back
elbow from Bagwell, to the mat - Buff rips off the shirt and chokes him
with it. Arm wringer - Disco punches out. Whip, reversal, off the ropes,
hiptoss of Disco - there's the dropkick. Disco rolls out and Buff poses.
Disco: "-the HELL is that?" Back in, back on him. Hairpull to get to the
ropes - head to the gut, again, off the ropes - dueling hiptosses and Buff
wins it - Disco's outside. Buff brings him in by the hair (NOT THE HAIR!)
and Disco counters with a hot shot. Right hand as he comes back in. Head
to the buckle - off the rope, gutshot - posing. Swinging neckbreaker hits
anyway! Blatant choke by Disco Inferno. Second rope choke. Elbow to the
back of the head. We take another look at Alex Wright. What the HELL is
on his fingers? Atomic drop by Disco - clothesline. Fistdrop, scoop and
a slam. Disco's going to the rope - second rope pelvic thrusts to work
the crowd - kneedrop misses. Buff with the
Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine, punching away, off the ropes, back
bodydrop. Right, right. Off the ropes, powerslam, no cover - instead he
climbs the ropes - Disco hits the ropes and crotches him. Disco takes him
off the ropes, gutshot - Stunner attempt is pushed away - Buff off the
ropes with the Blockbuster! 1, 2, 3. (5:08)
Later tonight - Goldberg vs. Page for the World Title! With a GRAPHIC!
SUPERSTAH SCOTT STEINER & SIX - NO, THREE HOOCHES walk to the ring - these
look like three of the girls we saw at the very beginning of the show. I
actually thought I heard Tony's voice change as one of the women made it
into the ring! Of course, since Nitro is G-rated, we immediately go to
crowd shots. This must be what watching RAW on TSN is like. Steiner
immediately says "hooches" to excite me like none other. Crowd plays
singalong with the US Champ. Steiner says that Marcus Alexander Bagwell's
biggest claim to fame is strapping on a G-string and being a male dancer.
"Real men don't wax their eyebrows, and real men aren't Chippendale
dancers!" He also says that perhaps he should change his name to "Boy
Bagwell" now. "Steroids" chant is quite audible.
Coming up later - Flair vs. Nash! AND A GRAPHIC! I can't say how good it
is to see some graphics, by the way. That isn't even sarcasm, you people
who twist EVERYTHING I say into some sort of WCW bashing!
The Sacramento Kings on TNT: 0-2. Maybe we SHOULDN'T want to be on
National television so much...
wcw.com can't be considered "ALL NEW"
until they get that old WCW logo out of there, in my opinion...
I guess I should note that Tony and Bobby, who are suckups, are both
wearing Florida colours. They are drowned out by a "Let's Go Gators"
Let Us Take You Back to Last Week where George slaps Charles Robinson
'cause he called her a "bimbo."
Hey look, it's the Nitro Girls! And they have CHAIRS!
DJ Ran gets all up in my area - NITROSTYLE.
Let Us Take You Back to Earlier Tonight, where we didn't learn what "72
hours" meant - I wonder if we'll learn later tonight. That Piper/Flair
match sure will smoke, though won't it? Wait...not smoke...what's the
word I'm looking for....oh yeah, "suck!"
There better be another 20 minute match coming up if they're throwing all
these ads all up in my area!
What does that mean, anyway?
TCI's local Slamboree spot has the old WCW logo - oops. Have I mentioned
tonight that 10-10-220 is bringing us Slamboree?
TV-PG-DV ratings box heralds the de facto beginning of the third hour, and
- yes! - a match!
(billy) KIDMAN v. RAVEN (with Sensational Perry Saturn) - I wonder if
they'll mention the history these two guys have between them. Whoops,
Tony just did. Good for him. Raven takes him to the corner, punching
away, off the ropes, duck, flying headscissors by Kidman, Kidman on him,
reversal, knee to the gut. YOU CAN'T POWERBOMB KIDMAN! 2 count following
the faceslam. Raven blocks a suplex attempt - front suplex for Raven for
2. Saturn cheers him on. Off the ropes - gutshot - kneelift! and Kidman
goes over the top rope to the floor. Raven follows. Penzer's chair
appropriated and introduced into the ring. Kidman rolled in - I smell
drop toehold - crowd cheers for some reason. There's the drop toehold,
not well done - oh well. Chair on head - legdrop! Raven sets him up on
the top. Superplex attempt is blocked - Kidman throws him off. Shooting
star press! But Raven has the chair up to block it. Both men down. Now
the VANILLA MIDGETS are in - Saturn quickly disposed of and now they're in
the ring. Referee "Blind" Scott Dickenson calls for the bell (in a Raven
rules match?) (DQ 2:44) and the attack is on - on Raven. Raven whipped
into the corner, where the chair has been placed. Now attacking Kidman -
Saturn is back in - REY NO LONGER A MYSTERIO JR. is back in - and the
Horsemen are fought off. I'm waiting for Rey and Saturn to shove each
other like last week - yup. As Saturn goes to pick up Kidman, against
Mysterio's wishes - Mysterio spinds him round, so Saturn lariats him.
Counter - flying headscissors from Rey! Saturn takes him down. "Short
powerbomb" by Kidman! Evenflow by Raven! Now seeing an opening, the
Horsemen are back in. While they're brawling, let's cut away to
Let Us Take You Back to Earlier Tonight where Flair acts nuts and Piper
tells Flair he signed a match between himself and Nash.
WCW MasterCard ad - hey, can you have Page as a pitchman if he wants the
boos? Hey, is that WHYSPYR? Hey, is that the OLD WCW logo? Hey...aw
BIG SCOTT NORTON v. SUPERSTAH SCOTT STEINER for the United States
Heavyweight Title - Konnan, who was supposed to have this title shot,
perplexes the commentators with his absence...ahh, but YOU and I know the
SECRET! Sigh. Isn't it sad to see the NWO fighting amongst itself like
this? Hey, what does Norton think about Stevie Ray running things despite
the fact that he wasn't involved in that battle royal... Steiner's
entrance takes about an hour - needless to say he scares both
commentators, which is kinda funny I guess. Norton's growing his hair
back in, yeah! To the corner, big forearms from Steiner. Norton comes
back with rights, chop (woooo!) Tony says Tenay broke something over the
weekend but I can BARELY make out what they're saying. Apparently he's
okay, I think. Maybe MiCasa will tell us later. Norton's taken Steiner
to the outside, so he can piss off a few more fans. Commentators
speculate on what happened to Konnan - oh, give it up. Norton with the
power moves on 'im. He sets up for a suplex but Steiner's trick knee acts
up - he must have watched the tape of the Mysterio match! Steiner tosses
him out and follows. Whip into the safety railing. Steiner rolls him
back in and now he's in. Off the ropes - Steinerline. Elbow drop. Cover
for 1. "Steroids" chant is up as Steiner punches away. Raining rights on
him. Steiner poses and the chant is in full effect, yo. Whip into the
corner, Norton puts a boot up. Big rights from Norton. Off the ropes,
lariat KNOCKS his block off. Sidewalk slam with authority. 1, 2,
kickout! "That's it!" Setting him up for the powerbomb - Norton just
happens to elbow referee "Blind" Johnny Boone in the eye as he's setting
up (in an AWFUL spot) - Steiner hits a Golotta on Norton as the ref can't
see it, here's a belly-to-belly suplex - feet on the ropes. 1, 2, 3.
NEXT! Flair! Nash! You can't handle the graphic!
AND Mortal Kombat is also NEXT!
Goldberg "Who's Next?" T ad.
DJ Ran makes a plea for noise.
BIG POOCHIE v. AD BREAK - Someone, somewhere, is in some house, let me
tell you. Nash is apparently in Hogan territory when it comes to getting
no chyron love (because you're SO BIG you don't NEED a graphic with your
name on it!) Nash promises to Hogan that he'll break Page's back - and to
Goldberg, if he wins the title, he'll be happy to break that 1-1 tie at
Slamboree. "Goldberg" chant starts up, and gets
an...interesting...reaction from Nash. Nash sucks up to the fans, saying
"you got good taste." Bah. Let's take an ad break!
Let Us Take You Back to Earlier Tonight, where Flair and Piper argue over
who's fired, set up a match for Slamboree, and try to get over that
Flair's lost his mind. Sigh again.
When we come back, the familiar strains fill the arena - the fans rise to
their feet as one - oh, but he's EVIL now. He's DRUNK WITH POWER. He's
THE LAST PERSON IN THE WORLD we should want to cheer. Did I have to tell
you the referee is Charles Robinson?
BIG POOCHIE v. THE MAN (with Arn Anderson) - he doesn't LOOK crazy to me.
Flair walks RIGHT up to Nash - words are exchanged - then Nash pushes him
away. Nash does a Hogan shirt removal. Ring the bell! Nash takes Flair
down, and again. Flair off the ropes, but he meets a brick wall and goes
down. Flair goes outside to talk it over with Anderson. Back in - whoa,
he backs up. Nash asks for the test of strength - then goes in with the
knee. In the corner - knee, knee, knee - whip into the opposite corner -
giant back bodydrop. Nash does a Flair-esque hair move. Flair on the
outside, Arn asks for a timeout and Robinson gives it - the second time
the commentators have missed this move. Tony ALMOST catches it this time,
but he's busy hyping 10-10-220 presenting Slamboree. Flair's back in,
there's a headlock from Nash. Flair manages to take him to the corner -
no clean break. Knife edge chop (woooo!), another, but Nash doesn't feel
it - switch, knees, into the turnbuckle and another back bodydrop. Nash
holding the throat with both hands - clubbing blow. Right to the temple,
and another. Robinson demands the break. FLAIR FLOP! Fans go nuts. Nash
picks him up and puts him in the corner - framed elbow(tm). A second one!
Nash stands on the throat. Arn grabs Nash's other leg, Flair knocks him
to the mat. They're making a wish - and it works! Poor Charles has
something in his eye and totally misses it. Flair to the blatant
chokehold. Arn in as Flair turns Robinson his way, away from the action.
They're taking turns stomping on him - Robinson sees Arn and politely asks
him to leave the ring. Flair kicks the knee. Again on the left knee.
Flair asks Robinson to check the time, so he can kick Nash in the nuts
while he's talking to the timekeeper. Like he NEEDS to do that with this
ref in there. Well, he's the dirtiest yadda yadda yadda. Flair punching
away. A little strut and the fans go wild. Right hand, on the button.
Nash struggles to get up, Flair helps him out - knee draped over the
second rope and he attacks the OTHER knee. You don't suppose Nash would
job out himself a THIRD time this year, do you? I'll change my whole tune
on him if he does. Arn attacking away as Robinson is distracted with
Flair. Flair back to the inner thigh - but Nash finally pushes him away
and comes back! Punch, push hair back! Punch, push hair back! Sidewalk
slam! 1, 2, no! FLAIR FLIP! Flair ducks a lariat, but not the second
one. Nash goes outside, limping. Head to the guardrail. Back in - Flair
begs off(tm). Kick to the gut by Nash, whip into the opposite corner,
Flair throws up a back elbow. DON'T CLIMB TO THE TOP!!! Nash beals him
across the ring, of course. That NEVER works. Off the ropes - the big
boot! Nash with a shot for Anderson. Nash takes off the shoulder straps.
Nash points to the turnbuckle - grabs Flair - Jackknife powerbomb!
Robinson says "nuts to this" and WALKS OUT OF THE RING. Nash turns to
Robinson and wonders where the count is. Meanwihle, GORGEOUS GEORGE has
hit Robinson from behind, relieved him of his ref shirt, and walked in the
ring. Nash is standing on Flair with one foot - 1, 2, 3. THIS is what
I've got to look forward too? (10:15) Tony says this will impact the big
match at Slamboree (sponsored by 10-10-220) as THREE GUYS IN WHITE COATS
come out with a stretcher - you know, I don't think these "doctors" are
what they THINK they are, you know? Arn thinks they're handling him a
little roughly - oh look there's ROWDY RODDY PIPER following the doctors,
Flair, Arn and Robinson. He keeps saying "I'M the fired one? You fired
me?" and FINALLY we get the point - this isn't an ambulance - it's an
empty van. Arn's going ballistic and FINALLY we see a sign on the van
"CENTRAL FLORIDA MENTAL HOSPITAL" - Arn seems to regain his ability to
read and we quickly cut
This portion of WCW Monday Nitro is brought to you by Wendy's hamburger
Promotional consideration paid for by WCW Smash'n'Slam Wrestlers, David
sunflower seeds, the Super Soaker CPS 2500 & 3000, Hot Pockets, and Moen
DUSTY RHODES & A BOTTLE OF SURGE join the commentators at ringside. They
are almost drowned out by a "Goldberg" chant and I've never been so happy
to hear it. In a few moments, that big match, but first
Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago where You See what You Just Seen -
apparently, there's no way to open this van from the inside as we see
Flair flail around and look for escape
Coming up next - Goldberg and Page - this is the LAST time you'll see this
graphic tonight! (okay, MAYBE they overdid it with the graphics)
That's gotta be the last break, yeah? The CHAMP is introduced first?
Now that's just wrong. Page comes out alone, again wearing the belt
backwards so he can turn it around on camera - I'm sure there's a good
reason for doing that after your first defense but I don't know what it
is. I'm gonna speculate that THIS "Goldberg" chant is real. Again,
they're so loud that they're drowning out the commentary team - and I'm
torn to decide whether this is good or bad.
DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE v. COLD BEER for the World Heavyweight Championship -
referee is Mickey J. Nose to nose - words are exchanged - J. says let's
get it going - both men shove him to the mat. They touch fists and we're
off. Lockup, Goldberg shoves him to the corner, repeate, third time,
armdrag takeover by Page. Sizing each other up again. Lockup, side
headlock from Page, Goldberg powers him off the ropes, he falls through to
the outside. Back in, lockup, shoulder drives from Page. He tries the
Diamond Cutter, Goldberg pushes him off and again through the ropes.
Back in, lockup, to a wristlock from Goldberg. Page holds on and turns it
to a headlock, Goldberg takes him down, Page sweeps the leg and tries a
cover for 0. Goldberg with knees to the gut. Takes him down - floatover
into a cross arm breaker - Page manages to grab the bottom rope with his
leg. Everybody back up - Goldberg powers him off again - Page comes back
with a shoulderblock that knocks GOLDBERG down. Page runs the ropes,
Goldberg pops up and spears him. Advancing on Page, Page grabs the tights
and takes his head to the buckle. Swinging neckbreaker - Goldberg kicks
out right at 2. Page pushes him to the corner - Goldberg tries to elbow
out, Page ducks under, belly-to-belly suplex for 1. Page to the chinlock.
For the first time tonight, I actually HEAR Rhodes on commentary. Crowd
brings up the "Goldberg" chant until I can't hear him anymore. Page tries
to hit knees but Goldberg punches out. Page tries a spear of his own but
Goldberg catches him in a headlock and suplexes him out of it. 1, 2, NO!
Barely. Right hand from Goldberg. Off the ropes - sidewalk slam.
Goldberg roars for the people. Elbow, Page reverses a whip attempt, hits
an elbow, tries another Diamond Cutter, gets pushed off again, and
Goldberg hits a Meltdownalike for 2. Page rolling to the ropes - trying
to pick himself up - Goldberg's got him, whip off the ropes - in position
for another sidewalk slam - Page ROLLS through it into a flying head
scissors! Page with a lariat and BOTH men are on the floor. Page rolls
him back in, and climbs the ropes - top rope clothesline for 2! Goldberg
counters with a jawbreaker. Goldberg catches the boot, ducks the discus
lariat and hits the superkick. Ready for the spear - but Page won't run
out of the corner. He DARES him to come at him - Goldberg tries the spear
- Page raises himself up and Goldberg HITS the STEEL post. DIAMOND
CUTTER! Page slowly covers - 1, 2, GOLDBERG POWERS HIM OUT ONTO THE REF!
Page goes into his tights - he has an international object! Knux around
the fingers - but Goldberg is up - Page puts Mickey J. between him and
Goldberg and he takes the brunt of the spear. Page tries a kunx shot but
Goldberg ducks it - Goldberg with an elbow, a gutshot - suplexing him in -
no, he HOLDS him for the Jackhammer! But there's no ref. Goldberg checks
him but he ain't movin'. Goldberg doesn't know what to di. Page CLOCKS
him in the back of the head with the knux, then kicks him out of the ring.
Page going for MORE shots with the knux. Page staggering over to the
stairs - he's picked 'em up and is walking over - Page drapes a leg across
the steps, grabs a chair and makes the big WHACK sound - Tony compares
this to his dismantling of Hogan's leg at Spring Stampede as Page says
"Boo me now, baby!" Another chair shot for good measure. JOHNNY BOONE
comes out and tries to grab the chair - Page takes HIM from the apron to
the safety rail, then gives HIM some shots for good measure. Goldberg has
managed to climb back into the ring - Page grabs him and he's gonna do the
ringpost figure four - but BIG POOCHIE is out to break things up...he's
*rescuing* Goldberg! MY HERO! I think Goldberg just helped him move his
hair out of his face! Page gets a belt shot on Nash, there's another.
Ladies and gentlemen, I think the heel turn is official now. Credits are
up and we're out.
(No contest? 8:18-11:13 depending on how you want to time it)
8 matches - let's call it 68:39. Good show, even if they're not telling
the story the way *I* want it told, I can't complain too much, 'cause this
is pretty much good stuff. That's, like, a COMPLIMENT, in case you're
ready to overlook it and write me asking me why I'm so hard on WCW. Not
that I'm bitter or anything. Ha!
See you next week!