by Christopher Robin Zimmerman
I GET LETTERS: Lord Shadow writes I imagine you're much too busy
receiving tons of emails to reply to this, but I did want to make an
observation that, if you feel so inclined, you could reply to. I've been
reading your reports for quite some time now, and enjoyed them as well,
but I must complain about wrestleline or whatever the hell it's called and
their censorship of your material. First it was you couldn't use the word
"fuck", and now I've noticed you're having words like "shit" edited to
And I, for one, think that's a bunch of bullshit.
Censorship is wrong, and tell the pricks at wrestleline to quit changing
In the interests of equal time, now a word from (go figure) WebTV from
someone who doesn't mind AT ALL that WrestleLine pays editors to pepper my
words with asterisks:
i just read your article about wcw nitro. you really think you are
fucking funny calling goldberg a cold beer you fucking idiot. go watch the
jerry springer show i mean wwf and stop trying to write about something
you dont know shit about. wcw may not have all the ratings but people will
get sick of wwf. the only star that is keeping the wwf alive is stone
cold. alteast until goldberg beats his ass. so try t be more respectful to
the wcw roster, you never know if they read your articles asshole. by the
way a friend of mine is in wcw and his name is none other than goldberg.
we went to college together dickhead. anyways i am saying that you have
freedom of speech, but you go to know that the wrestlers might get pissed
off the way you insult them especailly bill goldberg. he is the athlete of
the world he can run circles around anyone including you. so in closing
stop being and asshole and start learning more about the wrestlers as
people and not by what they do in the ring, you may fin that they are good
people. just think about owen hart and sting they are great guys. owen
was a great family man and sting has the biggest heart in the world.
goldberg fan "
Hey, WAIT A MINUTE! I think he used some of those SAME NAUGHTY WORDS! Why
... HE DIDN'T TAKE WRESTLELINE'S SIDE AT ALL!!!!!!! SOMEBODY'S been
QUICK QUOTE: SportsLine USA (SPLN) 21 3/16 (+2) - check out their
HILARIOUS press release where they try to con you into thinking they got
MORE visitors last month than ESPN - you'll be rolling, I swear.
PICTURE OF THE WEEK: It's back, baby, and it's a doozy. The fantabulous
Kim sent this scam - I mean, SCAN - I swear that was a typo. IT
SMELLS like WCW! (117K JPEG)
I'm NOT David Letterman and this sure as HELL isn't CBS - or was it NBC?
Well, it isn't that either. So let's drop the facade.
I would LOVE to drone on and on about all the other WrestleManiacs
columnists but I don't HAVE to - because they *already* talk about **me**
FOR FREE! So NO SNAPS FOR YOU!
I'm thinking of starting up a new site - calling it [sl*sh] wr*stl*ng.
What do you think?
*n f*ct, p*rh*ps *t'd b* b*tt*r t* s*v* y**r *y*s fr*m b*rn*ng **t *f *
j*st w*nt *h**d *nd f*x*d *ll th* *v*l v*w*ls f*r y**.
You laugh now, but in a YEAR it'll be JUST like that. Sooooo gradual you
won't EVEN notice it...
The sad thing is, with SportsLine scoring me a free pass to the Cow Palace
show on Friday, *I* technically owe THEM a free pass. Maybe next week.
Or, wait! Starting...NOW!
By the way, have I mentioned lately what I fine site for wrestling fans
the Other Arena is? Intelligent discussion and LOADS of swearing - all at
Other Arena Dot Com! If you can't figure out the URL, you don't DESERVE
to be there!
I should be sleeping now.
I've gone almost a week without saying HUMMER!
And SLASH! SLASH! SLASH!
Enough of this infamous prattling on - we got a SHOW! A SHOW that
deserves nothing less than my utter contempt - errr, I mean - let's give
it a CHANCE! Start with a clean slate and force them to EARN my bitching!
GO GO WCW - I just KNOW you can pull it off!!
Hey, wait a minute - what's with the "SUPERSTATION TBS ATLANTA" test
pattern? Man, I almost didn't get to see the DEEZER D. credit for ER!
Ah, here's the show. *shrug*
LAST WEEK: Sid ruined a bunch of matches - and allegedly, this is what
gets the ratings. "Sid's Vicious Rampage" - and lots of other stuff that
gets no caption. Did Hogan KISS Sting there?
Oy gevalt - the WCW logo!
Opening credits - in a strange twist, actually AT the opening
Hey, look, it's never too early for the NYTRO GYRLS! Fyre hys ryylly byg
WY YRY LYVE from the MGM Garden Arena in Lost Wages, NV 23.8.99 and it's
the great big WCW MONDAY NITRO all the kids have been talking about -
TONIGHT: Sting vs. Hollywood Hogan (I thought he was Hulk?) for the WCW
World Heavyweight Title! Also, the first of many KISS promos! Shout it
Your hosts are TONY SCHYAVONY and BOBBY HEENYN. Tonight, a new wrestler -
well, an old wrestler with new facepaint. Also, speculation runs rampant
about a new President of WCW. Apparently, the Internet is abuzz -
speaking for THIS corner of the Internet, I'm QUITE abuzz about this
story, but probably not in the way that Tony's talking about it.
MIKEY SHIPWRECK v. CHASE NO-LIMIT - Tatum appears back to being a big dumb
white guy, actually, although Tony mentions all the other No Limit Soljas
when talking about Chase. Now I can give you play-by-play here, or I can
wait for Sid to run in. I'm gonna take my chances on Sid here. While I
have you here, I'll ignore Tony's attempt at making the world believe
there's a real excitement in the arena, just KNOWING that KISS is nearby,
and tell you that I FINALLY saw Mikey win a match on Saturday Night,
making him, what, 1-273? Hey, here's SID VISCOUS, making my job easy.
NEVER pay attention to these matches! Sid, for some unknown reason, is
out with referee "BLIND" CHARLES ROBINSON - here's a powerbomb for
Whipwreck - referee "Blind" Scott Dickenson counts a pinfall (2:19?) -
here's a powerbomb for Tatum. After each pinfall, Robinson changes signs
- oh, he's holding up signs. 66-0. 67-0. 68-0. Sid imitates Vader -
oh, sorry, that's Goldberg he's doing, I guess. Sid gets no transcription
and likes it. I'd tell you that I *personally* witnessed a pinfall on
Sid, by Sting, last Friday at the Cow Palace but that would seem to
indicate that the "zero" in his record is incorrect. I must be mistaken.
Backstage, Kidman and Kimberly have a chance meeting. Kidman tries to
explain himself and Kimberly says she understands, and he's really sweet,
and she'll talk to Page, that hothead.
Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim, Naya water, David (Flair)
sunflower seeds, Motel 6 7/8, and the tangy whip of ONE HUNDRED
SIXTY-EIGHT MINUTES LEFT IN THIS SHOW, and Armor All shiny stuff.
WOW! There's Goldberg just arrived at the Arena! And...he's talking to
Diamond Dallas Page! Wow, Page called him a "Meathead!" WOW! A timely
intervention of security prevents a conflagration. (Look it up.)
This portion of WCW Monday Nitro is brought to you by Wendy's - hamburger
Apparently, Page was beating up Kidman and I missed it. Okay, that jibes
with the last segment. Fortunately, DA TRIAD is out to kill some more
time. Bigelow has an Italian accent just to test the limits of my skull's
ability to handle pressure. Page instantly makes me forget why I was
interested in him last week by INSISTING on his alleged catchprase
collection that nobody wants to hear. Kidman isn't even fit to BREATHE
the same air as Kimberly. Goldberg challenge is issued - Page will KICK -
HIS - - - TEETH - IN. Awww.
Closed captioning where available (eh? what's that?) brought to you by
George Foreman and MEINEKE!
See WCW next Monday in Uniondale for Nitro and Tuesday in Binghamton.
Friday tickets go on sale for Chapel Hill for Nitro, Florence for
THUNDER!, Greenville, and Cincinnati for Nitro!
You want WRESTLING? T.S. buddy. (THIS IS) STING is back - and back in
black - and is it or is it not showtime? Actually, I wrote that while he
was walking to the ring. He actually says "Stizzing in the Hizzouse!" and
suddenly, there's a crossed wire and I'm listening to the director calling
shots. Sting says last week that Hogan said he'd kick his - and then he
chokes on "ass" because he's Born Again, ha ha. Sting warns Hogan not to
let his mouth override his "butt." Suddenly, some familliar old music
strikes up and hey look! It's THE NARCISSIST for the first time since 21
June (his press conference was supposed to be 3 May, in case you're still
wondering) and I guess I can't call him the Total Wolfpackage anymore as
he's in a Blue Adidas shirt and jeans. Handshake - and a hug, awwww.
Luger takes the mic. I am again mesmerised by the sounds of the director
cutting between cameras. Luger's been watching Sting really close while
he's been rehabbing his injury. He's here for two reasons - one, to offer
his support; and two, to warn him about Hogan. "I never mean to lecture
you, Stinger, but I got a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach when I see
Hollywood Hogan out here in the red and yellow, everybody's clapping and
putting their hands together...he's out here saying he's Goldberg's best
friend all of a sudden, he's Sting's best friend all of a sudden, we've
been through 13 years, Stinger - there's no history between you and Hogan
other than mostly competition and I gotta say I think the whole thing has
a foul stench to it. I don't like it, and I'm telling you - be careful of
this guy, I don't trust him." "You're saying I shouldn't trust the
Hulkster tonight. With all due respect, Lex, after 14 years I think you
should understand this. Tonight the Hulkster is putting the World title
up for grabs with me here on Monday Nitro - I don't think you can get any
more straight up (finally Craig Leathers is removed from the mix) than
that. So tonight, I'm gonna take the Hulkster on for the World title, and
that's just the way it is." "Stinger, I wish you the best, bud." Luger
points to the mic as they leave - I bet he's saying "hey, did you hear the
director over this mic during that segment?"
Sting carries the power of the card - the WCW MasterCard, that is!!
Who are these Flair and Konnan guys, anyway? Har, har.
If you'd like a copy of the WCW Catalog for $2, you're lame
Mike Tenay, outside the MGM Grand Garden Arena, meets up with a Hummer
pulling into the driveway. Hey, Eric Bischoff drove that Hummer! Tenay
asks him what's up with the Presidency of WCW - is he in line for that?
Bischoff scoffs - Biscoffs! "I don't know what you're talking about."
"It's just some speculation we heard on the Internet..." "You're getting
the rumours off the Internet, and they're saying that I'M gonna be
President of WCW again? That's the Internet for you..." Oh boy,
mentioning the Internet gets me MOIST! I'm sure to pledge my undying
allegiance to WCW FROM THIS POINT IN TIME FORWARD.
THREE TIME WORLD KARATE CHAMPION AND THE GODFATHER OF SOUL (with Sonny
Onoo) v. ? - whoops, lost me again. Onoo has handcuffs to keep the
slipper briefcase on his person. Cat says he wants Buff Bagwell one more
time, and I'm guessing it has to be a fake one back there. Cat getting
his revenge and all. Nope, it really IS BUFF IS THE STUFF. Tony talks
about a video game coming out a month from now - I'm not listening 'cause
I'll have a month to do that. Charles Robinson is the ref despite holding
up signs for Sid earlier in the hour. This is a Pay-per-view quality
matchup, I'm told. I'm distracted by the 60's-"Batman" like "OW!"
explosions that are superimposed over impacts on the video screens.
What's up with THAT? Anyway, when Bagwell is thrown out for the Onoo
interference, who should stroll out but THE NARCISSIST. Apparently, he's
not cottonin' to them heely tactics. Cat, distracted, falls into the
Blockbuster (which the camera totally misses, naturally) and suffers the
pinfall. (3:38) Lugz sponsors the replay of Luger walking out. Why
exactly does he care? Obviously, by acting in such a manner on behalf of
the face, it sets up a SHOCKING heel turn in about two and a half hours.
BYRLYN vignette - Take My Breath Away!
DJ RAN gets all up in your area. He showed no skills Friday, by the way
Hey, look, it's the NITRO GIRLS!
DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE (with Kanyon) v. COLD BEER - seems a little...early to
have this match. Page gets mic time for the SECOND time, despite being
completely undeserving. "Crush 'Em" starts up as I wonder where Bigelow
is. The pyro goes off - and when it's done - yup, there's TRIPPA B with
something or other, but the blow doesn't faze him. Kanyon and DDP try the
doubleteam, but it fails. There's a spear for Kanyon - now Bigelow is in
to eat a spear. Page scoots out through the crowd as Goldberg says "next
week." Next WEEK? There's over two hours left in TONIGHT'S show! "Page!
Ya bit off a little more than you can chew, boy. They like blood and guts
in New York - next week - you're next. I'm gonna rip your throat out!
You and those other two punks! Bring 'em on...I don't care." (no
Promotional consideration paid for by David sunflower seeds (again),
Targon mouthwash, IceSport from Aqua Velva, the law offices of Roni Deutch
(huh?), and Hooked on Phonics!
Later tonight, Sting and Hogan!
The Dynamic Duo hype an upcoming debut of KISS' wrestler again, the title
match, news of the presidency, AND the debut of the new Curt Hennig & West
Tejas Rednecks video. PLEASE stay tuned, even though RAW starts in four
Here's "Good Ol' Boys" from the aforementioned Rednecks. I think they
told Hennig to INTENTIONALLY sing bad. Here's a funny rhyming lyric.
"We got an old hound dog / And a pickup truck / We like long legged
country girls / Who know how to LOVE" Well, you take your yuks where you
can get 'em.
Megadeth's album comes out 8-31-99 at Best Buy....yup.
Kevin Nash suffers from Monster Truck Madness - I wish it'd clear up and
Well, now that THAT hour is out of the way, it's time for the GOOD
STUFF, right? Here's a Nitro Party video - I leave it to you to decide
whether or not it's real. Apparently, they're all Lodi fans. And they
love to fight the food fight.
NEVER SURRENDER JUVENTUD GUERRERA v. LENNY (with Lodi) for the World
Cruiserweight Championship - Guerrera shakes his ass, and Lenny approves.
Off camera, of course. "Every needs a blow...pop." After Lodi is
forcefully removed from the ring, we run the ropes, here's Lenny with some
Ambiguously Gay waistlocks. Lenny won the title on THUNDER!, didn't you
watch it? No? The best part was he DEFIANTLY wore his "Lane Rules"
trunks despite the fact that WCW *desperately* wants us to forget he has a
last name. Lodi catches Guerrera off the ropes with a full nelson.
Guerrera manages to put up a boot for Lenny, then drop down with a hot
shot for Lodi. Flying headscissors for Lenny, who rolls out to seek a big
hug from his - brother - while Guerrera plays to the crowd. Pescado!
But it only finds Lodi. Lane climbs up to the top turnbuckle and hits a
twisting moonsault to the floor (!). Rolled back in - scoop...and a slam.
Lenny plays with his "Christy" pigtails, skips, covers - and only gets 2.
Lenny drives a knee between the shoulderblades and pulls back with the
chinlock. I'm guessing he won't surrender. Lenny pulls Guerrera back to
the mat, asks us to talk to his hand, and gets another 2. Juvi on the
shoulder - shoulderbreaker, holding on for another, and a bodyslam for
another nearfall. Lenny asks the fans to please hold it down and they
don't. They DID have to wait an hour to see some wrestling, after all.
Off the ropes, Sunset flip by Guerrera for 2. Lenny springs back up with
a lariat for 2. Reversal for 2. Back rake from Lenny (he learned that
from Hogan!). Head to the buckle. Lenny throws him out to Lodi, who gets
in a shot, and one for the barricade, then rolls him in. Lenny, done
discussing life partner benefits with referee "Blind" Billy Silverman,
tries to hook in for a suplex, but Guerrera reverses into an inside cradle
for 2. "Baby Juice?" Off the ropes, Lenny drives a knee into the gut,
and hits a powerbomb - for 2. Lodi on the apron, high ten and hip bump.
"You are gay" chant is atempted. 1, 2, no. Into the corner - Juvi steps
aside and Lenny only finds turnbuckles. "fah - git" chant is stopped with
a ten punch count along. Juvi signals - places Lenny on the top
turnbuckle, steps outside - but Lenny's got him - setting him up - but
Juvi slides down and hits a powerbomb! 1, 2, NO! Oh boy, it's SID
VISCOUS just in time as Guerrera hits the Juvi Driver. Guerrera tries a
top-rope manoeuvre anyway, and lands in a choke. Here's a powerbomb.
Here's one for Lodi. Here's one for Lenny. Cover. 1, 2, 3.
Sheeeeeeeeeasteriskt. (8:20) CHARLES ROBINSON displays a "69-0" sign as
the lights go out. There's the "70-0" sign. No wonder Lodi had no signs
tonight, Vicious needed the raw materials for his OWN signs tonight. Sid
again says a few words for the enjoyment of the fans at ringside, in
effect practically BEGGING them to start up a "Goldberg" chant. Vicious
says "Sid" a couple hundred times. The sad thing is, the crowd is
kinda losing interest in chanting "Goldberg" so it kills the whole point
of him cutting promos. The REALLY sad thing is, there's no end in sight
to this crap. SOMEBODY actually thinks this will bring in the dollars!
Sid coming in and ensuring NO clean finishes - that's your Nitro.
Except for matches featuring the Cat - what the hell's up with THAT?
COMING UP: More wrestling action with KISS! (Note subtle irony)
CURT HENNIG & THE WEST TEJAS REDNECKS perform "Good Ol' Boys." Next week,
Nikolai Volkoff will be back to perform "Cara Mia." The sad thing is this
probably can't do WORSE than Megadeth. It makes you pine for the days of
the Honky Tonk Man, doesn't it? It almost makes you wish they'd put a
KONNAN video on. Well, that's a toss up. Or a toss of my cookies.
This portion, coindicentally enough, of Nitro is brought to you by
Have I mentioned that the new Burger King logo kinda sucks, too?
Hey, look - the Nitro Girls - Jazz not with them this week...wonder why.
I have a new appreciation for her after seeing her Friday.
BARBARIAN & HUGH MORRUS & BRIAN KNOBS (with James Hart & some ripoff
music) v. DEAN MALENKO & PERRY SATURN & SHANE DOUGLAS - If you take
nothing else from this match, take the image of Shane Douglas having to
sell for the Barbarian. That and RICK WOOF WOOF coming out to bulldog
Saturn when referee "Blind" Mickey J. is caught trying to break up a Pier
Six brawl. Knobs splash and pin. I have been DAMN lucky not bothering
with play-by-play tonight... (4:47) CHRIS BENOIT is out after the fact,
and somehow this leads to a US title shot for Steiner. Ummm, Steiner
still has the TV title, right? Douglas gets to say "Out with evolution,
in with Revolution" at least.
BYRLYN promo #2 - Ridin' on the Metro oh oh
Konnan sells his bombay off da hook str8 up g'z 4 eva T - all that NWO
stuff is really confusing to me, because I've forgotten what that NWO
INSANE CLOWN POSSE (with Vampiro) v. (billy) KIDMAN & REY MYSTERIO JNR -
Fair to middlin' match - Violent J. hits a sweet brainbuster but
there's a little too much clown luv in this match for my tastes. Cut to
the end - Vampiro pushes Kidman out of a shooting star press attempt,
Vampiro in but Kidman ducks and Shaggy 2 Dope feels the brunt of the blow
- Kidman covers, Scott Dickenson turns around and counts 3. Oops, no run
in this time - so I have no excuse for not providing play-by-play other
than I'm pretty much not in the mood from the earlier crap. (4:23)
Three on two beatdown postmatch is cut short when EDDIE GUERRERO makes the
save. Heenan forgets who wins during the replays.
GENE O. works tonight! And if YOU KNOW WHO rates poorly in this segment,
well, there's always the ICP, Vampiro, and the Filthy Animals to blame.
Sign in crowd: OLD MAN EQUALS LOW RATINGS - ha! Hogan says "hangin' and
bangin'." He'll never double cross his son. He's gonna train a little
bit, say one prayer, and kick Sting's ass. Whatcha gonna do when Hulk
Hogan runs wild on you? Hogan and Gene take turns cupping their ears. I
need a vacation.
JIMMY BARRON is a cheap bastard - it's amusing to see Randy Savage on the
cover of the magazine he's reading, though. Barron hypes Thursday's
THUNDER!, which is a taped show. Kinda defeates the purpose of a Road
Report, but 1-800-CALL-ATT doesn't care.
Kevin Nash has Monster Truck Madness! Is it just me or does that nurse's
face from certain angles seem strangely reminiscient of adult film star
Stacy Valentine? Reach out and crush someone!
wcw.com spot - they should stop showing Alex Wright if they want us to
think of Byrlyn as a separate person, don't you agree?
Another "WCW Catalog" spot
RICK WOOF WOOF v. CHRIS BENOIT for the United States Heavyweight
Championship - Again I have to wonder why nobody questions Charles
Robinson reffing this match while holding signs for Sid Vicious in other
segments. Buzzsaw beginning - Benoit hits a German suplex for 2. You
know what, I'm gonna fast forward to the end and if Sid runs in, I'm not
gonna bother. Awww shit. You know, why should ANY viewer bother to
invest ANY time in watching ANY match on this fucking program? It's a
Goddam joke. This can be the greatest five minutes in wrestling history
but you tack such a bad taste in your mouth at the end and there's
just...NO FREAKING POINT. And you know, you can write me and bitch and
complain all you want but I'm getting REAL tired of putting up with crap
like this JUST because it's "pro wrestling." Following the triple German
suplex, Steiner pulls Robinson on top of him to absorb the top rope
swandive headbutt. Steiner grabs the US title, but before he can use it
PERRY SATURN is out and punching Steiner. Here now is the promsied
appearance of SID VISCOUS who hits a fluid chokeslam on Saturn. Double
powerbomb on Saturn. Benoit's come to and swings the US title belt - Rick
and Sid take off. This is supposed to make you want to watch the big
Revolution/Vicious & Steiner tag team match which will main event THUNDER!
on Thursday. Oh, and Smackdown! will debut. Benoit says that this isn't
about evolution, it's about Revolution. Will somebody PLEASE explain to
me what exactly they mean by "evolution" anyway? Sid gets a chance to
speak some more, just what I needed, yeah. Benoit tries to start a
"Revolution" chant and barely succeeds. (under 6)
KENDALL & BARRY WINDHAM (with Curt Hennig & Bobby Duncum Jnr) v. HARLEM
HEAT for the World Tag Team Championship - Stevie Ray hates fruit bootys -
he told me so. Kendall and Bokker T. start. Arm wringer. Reversal.
Counter into an arm bar. To the rope, chop by Windham, off the
ropes, shoulderblock, arm drag by Booker T. Uuhhhhh!!! Cheap shot from
Windham, throat shot, off the ropes, flying jalapeno by Booker T. Arm
wringer, tag to Stevie Ray, knocks him down. Scoop - and a slam. Off the
rope, elbowdrop misses, gut shot from Windham, tag to Barry, right, right,
right, off the ropes, reversal, powerslam-alike. Takes him into the
ropes, reversed, gutshot, DDT from Windham. Punch block, punch hit, scoop
slam, tag to Booker T. Double whip, double foot, Ray knocks him down, T.
covers but only 2. Quick tags from Harlem Heat. Barry manages a foot to
the face and a lariat to take Stevie Ray outside the ring, where Duncum
gets in some licks. Back in, off the ropes, double clothesline ducked,
Ray takes both men out with clotheslines, tags Booker T. in and HE'S ON
FIRE!! Off the ropes, spinning heel kick, 1, 2, Barry makes the save.
Now it's a Pier Four Brawl - Duncum and Hennig on the apron - whoops, both
men down quickly. Booker T. axe kick on Kendall Windham - to the top as
Stevie Ray stands guard - missile dropkick. Of course, referee "Blind"
Nick Patrick can't make the count as he's still with Barry and Stevie Ray.
Meanwhile, Curt Hennig is in with the cowbell - whack. Kendall is
covering. 1, 2, 3!!!!!!!!!! Holy crap! Ladies and gentlemen, we have
new World Tag Team Champions. (4:32) 1-800-COLLECT provides replays -
yup, Kendall & Barry Windham are the new world champions.
BYRLYN promo #3 - No More Words
Konnan T-shirt ad #2 - what does "bombay off da hook" mean anyway? (I
don't REALLY want to know, so don't email me if you're just gonna tell me
Yep, WCW invades QVC Tuesday - thanks for asking. 6PM on the West Coast
(el) VAMPIRO (canadiense) v. EDDIE GUERRERO - Bob Barnett said that lots
of people in the Southland were interested in seeing Vampiro at the Great
American Forum card on Sunday - of course, WCW, in THEIR infinite wisdom,
booked Vampiro at a Michigan NASCAR event instead. Eddie tries to attack
before the bell but Vampiro strikes first. Into the corner, lariat
follows. Overhead belly-to-belly release. Kicks in the corner, chop
(woooo!), right hand, still to come, KISS, into the corner, splash misses
- Eddie chops and punches. European uppercut. Dropkick while he's on his
knees. Off the ropes, drop down, high knee from Guerrero. Snap suplex,
right hands. Off the rpoes, reversal, monkey flip by Vampiro, Guerrero
pulls the top rope and halts an aerial attack by sending him out to the
floor. Following, to the barricade, to the STEEL steps, back in the ring,
off the ropes, reversal, big boot ducked, pickup, gobehind, leg caught,
mulekick following a spin from Vampiro. Sends him into the corner, on the
second rope - spinning leg lariat from Vampiro for 2. Vampiro climbs but
Eddie is up too quick - superplex!! Eddie makes the "diggin' the grave"
sign and here's the INSANE CLOWN POSSE as he's on the top - Eddie decides
to go for them instead and ALMOST slips off the top in a scary moment -
still managing to land on the clowns. Eddie back in - but Vampiro sees
the injured knee and attacks it. Big ol' kick for 2. "Spin
inside crescent kick" - sure, Tony, sure. Eddie punching back, now
trading blows, Violent J and "Blind" Billy Silverman discussing regional
soda brands as Vampiro catches Eddie and takes him to the ropes - his head
and Shaggy 2 Dope's collide and Eddie falls to the mat. Vampiro goes
ahead and covers. 1, 2, 3. (4:34) Before the tripleteam beatdown can
happen in earnest, REY REY & KIDMAN make a save. What about Raven,
Too bad when Kevin Nash lost that match with Hogan, he didn't also have to
stop appearing on television claiming to have "Monster Truck Madness"
Fall Brawl ad - don't miss a minute or...
This portion of Nitro brought to you by 1-800-COLLECT! Pick up the phone
and call somebody who cares!
Hey, look! It's the Nitro Girls! Who wears short shorts? They wear
The title match is NEXT!
Yeah, that was the "nothing" segment of the night.
MICHAEL BUFFER is out. Are you telling me they'll have the title match
NOW and that KISS is the main event? L*t's g*t r**dy t* r*mbl*!!
(THIS IS) STING v. YOU KNOW WHO for the WCW World Heavyweight Championship
- your referee is Mickey J. Please God, no screwjob tonight, for once.
Staredown, handshake. Here we go, lockup, in the ropes, in the corner,
rolling to the next corner - no break, to a third corner, 1, 2, 3, 4, J.
comes between them and FINALLY there's a clean break. A few words
exchanged. Lockup, side headlock from Hogan, Hogan's one chain wrestling
chain, Sting reverses, Hogan reverses, Sting grabs the head but Hogan
won't let go of the hammerlock. To the ropes, clean break. Lockup,
arm wringer from Hogan, another rotation, Sting reverses into an arm
wringer of his own. Wrenching Hogan's arm...to the ropes, no, back in the
centre. Hogan powers out - off the ropes, they meet in the center and no
one moves. Again Hogan off the ropes, but Sting goes nowhere, lockup,
Hogan rolls him up for a surprise 2. Test of strength. Crowd not exactly
excited about this knuckle lock. Sting to his knees - back up - Hogan
tries to go back to the hammer lock but Sting surprises Hogan with a small
package for 2. Lockup, to the ropes, in the corner - clean break, but
Hogan is immediately on him and they're to the opposite corner. Now Hogan
hits some knees in the abdomen, to the the opposite corner, follow lariat,
Hogan covers, 2. Off the ropes, lariat from Hogan. Backdrop suplex from
Hogan! 1, 2, no. If Hogan pulls out his drop toehold, that'll be
everything. He'll have run out of moves. Off the ropes, Sting ducks,
then hits a clothesline of his own. Sting calls to the crowd. Right hand,
right, right, ten punch countalong. On Hogan? You go, Sting! STING rakes
the back! Kick to the gut, another, scoop - and a slam. Sting off the
ropes, but the elbowdrop misses. Hogan getting fired up. Right, right,
right, into the opposite corner, boot to the gut, right, righr, right,
Hogan throws him through the ropes and follows. Hogan takes Sting to the
barricade, now grabbing him by the hair and taking him to another
barricade - but Sting blocks it and puts HOGAN there. Sting spies the
commentary table - and drapes Hogan on it. Elbowdrop. Another elbowdrop.
Hogan rakes the face, then drops STING on the table. Series of rights
from Hogan. Mickey J. tries to get the match back into the ring and Hogan
grudgingly complies. Everybody back in. Hogan with a scoop slam. Off
the ropes with an elbowdrop, and the cover...but only 2. Hogan shoots him
into the ropes, but Sting fires back with a gutshot, chops, kicks, scoop
slam - VADERBOMB!! 1, 2, no! Sting to the rear chinlock. They managed
almost nine minutes before the resthold, how about that? Hogan fighting
back to his feet - one knee - no back down to the mat. Over near the
entranceway, a giant curtain has gone up. Hogan twitching and the arm
falls once. Arm falls twice. Arm - points to and fro. Yep, it's the
Hulk up. Elbow, elbow, elbow, break the hold, off the ropes, face plant.
Right, right, right, right, off the ropes, big boot, call to the crowd,
legdrop MISSES!! Crowd goes nuts. STINGER SPLASH!! ANOTHER - finds the
big boot. Sting tries again and Hogan's out of there. Hogan
jackhammering. Hogan winds up and hits a right - aw fuck, here's SID
VISCOUS AND RICK WOOF WOOF (DQ 11:33) and serves me right for even
BOTHERING to get interested in this match. COLD BEER is out - now THE
NARCISSIST is out. Hogan makes a point of shaking Goldberg's hand, and
Sting's ... but not Luger's... Hogan promises another title shot for
Sting - and Goldberg and Luger can watch their backs to make sure this
interference doesn't happen again. Again Hogan won't slap hands with
Luger... ah hell, let's have a posedown for old time's sake.
The Dynamic Duo can't wait for the debut of a brand new wrestler from KISS
- boy, will THEY be disappointed when it turns out to just be Brian Adams
again. Tony lets loose with it. "All right, Las Vegas, you wanted
the best, you got the best - the hottest band in the world - KISS!"
KISS plays some music. Perhaps it's really wise of them to stick this in
the overrun. This is muddy bad sound mix. Oh well, it IS a wrestling
show after all. Ummm.....isn't it? Yep, 'cause here's the EXCITING debut
of the KISS WRESTLER. He's wheeled out in a giant iron maiden-alike,
which opens to reveal Adams himself, in Simmons makeup (I think) and with
a cape - and....well...he'll be main eventing Starrcade, I'M SURE.
Reminds me of the Yeti's debut, for some reason.
Christopher Robin Zimmerman