by Christopher Robin Zimmerman
PICTURE OF THE WEEK: Michael Fourre: I am hoping that you've seen the
Raw Deal CCG. I picked it up recently, it's quite good. Well, in a bout
of absolute boredom, it occured to me that while there's a card that
specifically reverses a Kick, there is not a card that specifically
reverses a punch. Boredom + Sick Day + Reading your recaps...I came up
with the attached card. :)
The quote sucks, but after spending alot of time looking for a jpg that
even LOOKED like that maneuver...well, that's what you get.
MAD PROPS: I hear tell that the ubiquitous Larry Musso got his sign on
camera again at another ECW TV show, sometime during the Anton/RVD crowd
brawl during "Hardcore TV." Larry, once again you are the man...and
thanks again for keepin' it real. Or something.
I'm thinking about going into the tape business. Would anybody buy from
me? I promise that I'd AT LEAST have a faster turnaround time than Keith!
(ha HA!) See, basically I'm BROKE, but I have this rather sizable tape
library that I should be using as a resource. Right?? That, and I hear
that I may need to start up a legal defense fund soon...
QUICK QUOTE: WWFE 21 55/64 (+ 7/64)
TONIGHT: The America West Arena is sold out - will we find out who ran
down Steve Austin at the Survivor Series? I'm guessing not, but stick
around - I *could* be wrong!
One World Leader TV-14-DLV Attitude - WWF!
Opening credits, close captioned logo
And pyro! Everything's in place and we're back in prime time across the
great 48 - broadcast on the USA Network and maybe on TSN, from the America
West Arena in Phoenix, AZ, 11.9.2K - RAW - IS - WAR!
Who ran over Stone Cold? Strangely enough, we start with the music that
begins with the sound of a crashing car - COMMISSIONER McFOLEY is out!
Tonight: Kurt Angle takes on T&A in a handicap match, the Hardyz against
the Dudleyz for a tag title shot, Lita vs. Ivory for the Women's strap, and
Blackman jobs to X-Pac - or will he? "Thank you very much, but I feel
almost as if I should be out here issuing an apology for coming out here as
simple, plain, ordinary Commissioner Mick Foley...I mean, considering the
rugged terrain and the indigenous plant life right here in Phoenix, Arizona
(thumbs up)...maybe, just maybe I should have come back as Commissioner
Cactus Jack! But as, as much as I'd like to get a cheap pop by simply
going 'Bangbang!' there is someone else's return that overshadows even that
of Cactus Jack, and I'm talking about Stone Cold Steve Austin. No, Stone
Cold was on SmackDown! Thursday night saying he was going to show up at
Unforgiven and question each and every WWF superstar until he found out who
ran him over last November. Now, as much as I look forward to seeing Stone
Cold interrogate an entire locker room, I'm here to say it doesn't have to
happen at Unforgiven - no, Austin is not here tonight [boo!] - I'm talking
about Mick Foley making his own formal interrogation. You see, the way I
see it, if any of the WWF superstars wants to come forward and admit their
wrongdoing last November, it'd be a lot easier facing calm, cool, collected
Commissioner Foley than that Unforgiving Rattlesnake Stone Cold Steve
Austin. Now it's real simple, Stone Cold's waived all criminal
proceedings, so nobody's going to be criminally negligent - I'm not saying
there's not going to be any repercussions, but what I am saying is if
anybody has the guts to come forward, then we'll settle matters right here
in Phoenix, Arizona! So, whoever the culprit was, come out come out
wherever you are! C'mon, we're not gonna wait all night. Anybody, if
you've got the guts, come on out here and face the music." Who ran over
Stone Cold? IF YA SMELLLLLL is out. Foley looks shocked. Ross is ready
to have a heart attack - surely this beloved figure couldn't have been the
man to perpetrate such a henious act? "I don't wanna believe it!" Crowd
doesn't care - they still get to chant "Rock E!" "You?! It was you? You
come out here, you walk down the People's Ramp to say that it was you all
along? To say that you ran over Stone Cold Steve Austin? I say, you've
got some audacity, putting out the Rattlesnake, you cold-hearted, callous
s-" Hand up, silence from Foley. Rock ready to speak. No, wait for the
chant. "Rock E!" "The Rock admits it -" "You admit to running over Stone
Cold St--" "The Rock admits that this is the biggest halfass criminal
investigation the Rock has ever seen!" "So Rock, what you're saying is you
didn't run over Stone Cold Steve Austin, did you?" "Not only is the Rock
saying no, but considering that it's Stone Cold Steve Austin, the Rock says
oh, hell no! You see, the Rock gave his word to the cops that he didn't do
it, the Rock gave his word to the People that he didn't do it, the Rock
gave his word to Stone Cold himelf that he didn't do it. And it doesn't
matter whether or not the charges are dropped, it doesn't matter what's
dropped, it doesn't matter if Austin's name is dropped, if your pants are
dropped, the only thing that matters is that Austin go to Unforgiven, find
that son of a (bleep) that ran him over, and deal with him the only way he
knows how, and that's Stone Cold Steve Austin style!" "I hear what you're
saying, but looking at these first few rows, I definitely say that it DOES
matter if my pants get dropped, but if you're not out here because of
Austin, then why ARE you out here, Rock?" "Rock E!" "What are you, the
Rock's mother? Well the Rock just has to come out here and explain why
he's out here to you, but he will, seeing as you're the Commissioner, the
Rock is out here for one reason and one reason only, and that's...payback.
And what the Rock is talking about is last Thursday night on SmackDown!, on
the Rock's show, the Rock still walked out WWF Champion, but Kane
chokeslammed the Rock through the table. Now whether it's one chokeslam,
two three four five, it doesn't matter to the Rock, it's how he did it.
You see, Kane, the Rock understands that you've had a hard life growing up,
a rough childhood. When you were a little kid, all little kids would come
to your house, 'Kane, Kane, come out and play,' what'd you do, you'd come
out, 'well, I'd like to play with you but the - but the rage of fire is
consuming my soul, and' ahhhh shut your mouth, you little punk!" This
isn't a MILLIONTH as funny as Squeaky Lawler thinks it is. "You see, Kane,
the Rock could care less whether or not it's your body's on fire, your face
is on fire, liar, liar, your (bleep) are on fire, the only - the only thing
that matters to the Rock is that you bring your candyass to Unforgiven, you
are the #1 Contender, and you just bring it, bring it, bring it to
Unforgiven so the Rock can layeth the smacketh down on your big red candy
ass!" This brings out CHRIS BENOIT, who probably has some issues with that
#1 Contender thing the Rock just snuck in there. "Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa
whoa who whoa. Hold it right there! Mick Foley, I KNOW you're not stupid
enough to let something like this happen - PLEASE - the Rock and Kane? One
on one for the WWF title? I don't think so!" "Ass Hole!" "The last time
I checked, the WWF stands for World WRESTLING Federation. And not only am
I the best damn WRESTLER in the company, I'm the best damn wrestler in the
entire industry, period! I've already beaten this joke of a champion once,
if ANYONE deserves a title shot...it's me." "Okay, Benoit, I understand
what you're saying. What you're saying is you think you oughta be the #1
Contender and not Kane." "Prove me wrong." "Well, I tell you what I'm
going to do - he brings up a good point - I'm gonna go back to my
Commissioner's table--" WELL IT'S KANE makes his entrance at this point -
and points to Benoit - and points to Foley - and real quicklike, "American
Badass" plays and THE GHOST RIDER - ERR, WALKER walks out. And HE has a
mic. "Now since everybody's talkin' about #1 Contenders, let's don't
forget about the ol' Dead Man." Undertaker starts down the aisle and Kane
meets him - they start brawling as, inside the ring, Benoit hits the ring
and he and *Rock* start brawling. It's a Pier Four Brawl now as
everybody ends up in the ring - Foley wanting things stopped, but finding
himself on the wrong end of a Kane clothesline as 'Taker ducks it. The
REFS & OFFICIALS are *just* a little late. Say - let's play Rock's music
one more time! Ross actually says "from where I sit" out loud - golly!
Give me an ad break so I can digest all this! I hope there's a replay when
we come back!
Hey, *I'll* tell ya who ran over Stone Cold Steve Austin. Now, if you
don't wanna know, just skip this sentence and head over to the next
paragraph, okay? Don't get on MY case when I spoil it for you - I'm giving
you EVERY opportunity to pull out without knowing. Okay? It
was............... Savio Vega
Moments Ago, Foley took a shot from Kane. Whew! I was SO worried we
wouldn't get this replay - good ol' WWF!
MICHAEL KING COLE asks Foley if he's okay. Foley says he *is* okay...and
by the end of the night, he'll name the #1 Contender! Also, if those four
guys want a piece of each other - he'll book 'em tonight (in Phoenix,
Arizona!) in a tag match - Benoit and Kane against Undertaker and Rock
THOSE DAMN DUDLEYZ v. HARDY BOYZ for a tag team title shot at Unforgiven -
I feel like we've seen this match a MILLION times this year - am I close?
Before the match begins, our commentary team is joined by EDGE & CHRISTIAN.
Dudleyz take advantage of a distracted Hardy team by striking first, and
it's on. Buh-Buh Ray tosses Jeff, while Matt dumps D-Von. Now we're down
to one on one - Buh-Buh Ray with a clothesline for Matt. On the outside,
Jeff hits the barrier run clothesline. Apparently, referee "Blind" Tim
White has managed to put Buh-Buh Ray on the outside, because Jeff rolls
D-Von into the ring for a bodyslam. Matt going up top - second rope
legdrop hits - 1, 2, no. RC Edge provides the Double Feature of the
barricade run by Jeff Hardy, who's getting tagged in over on the live
frame. D-Von put in the ropes, Poetry in Motion, right, right, D-Von ducks
a clothesline and tries to catch him in the reverse DDT, but Hardy wrestles
out of THAT, punches away, ready to try for a suplex, but D-Von slips THAT
and ends up hitting the big ol' reverse DDT anyway. Tag to Buh-Buh Ray,
tag to Matt - Dudley with a clothesline. Crowd wants the table - too bad
they don't want *wrestling* - into the ropes, big sidewalk slam gets 2.
Jeff in - full nelson atomic drop, D-Von in to help out with a double
neckbreaker on Matt - leg is hooked, but Jeff dropkicks Buh-Buh Ray in the
back of the head at 2. D-Von whips Jeff, reversed, clothesline takes him
out. Jeff runs the ropes - somersault plancha onto D-Von! Christian:
"That was quite a spill - I better see if these guys are all right!" Edge:
"Time for an ECRI." If you can't figure out that's "Edge Christian
Run-In," well, I just told ya. That'll answer the "outside interference or
ref bump?" question, too. Meanwhile, in the ring Buh-Buh Ray tries a
second rope senton (!), but misses. Matt to the top rope - but Edge
waffles him with a title, sending him backwards - STILL, he lands on
Buh-Buh Ray on the way down, and somehow they end up in a pinning
predicament. White duly turns back round to count 1, 2, 3. Hardyz get the
shot. (2:18) What, are we running late ALREADY? Edge & Christian
immediately start giving lumps to the Hardyz...until the Dudleyz come in -
Edge gets a quick waffle, while Christian gets "wassup." It's time for
Buh-Buh Ray to ask D-Von to please get the table. Ross predicts that this
is gonna reek of tabletude...Edge takes 3D (Dudley Death Drop) through the
table, which doesn't break - rather, it slowly lowers to the mat as the leg
collapses. Replay shows the comatose Matt Hardy landing on a comatose
Buh-Buh Ray for the pin. Just ignore the Dudleyz music being played here.
Women's title on the line...NEXT!
Chyna shills Stacker 2 - WHERE WAS EDDIE?
Obsolete Fall Brawl ad in the local slot
WWF WOMEN'S CHAMPIONSHIP - LITA v. IVORY - Champ enters first because
tradition takes a holiday. So, Lita's music is semi-public, eh? I just
heard it on "20/20 Downtown." I guess Johnston was sick that day or
something. Hey, CHARLES BARKLEY in the front row! If you saw Heat last
night, you're one up on me - I'll get to that tape when I'm dead. Ivory
comes out, pulls her trunks down far enough to look like Lita, makes the
"guns to the head" pose, then flips off the crowd. Ivory's pretty cool.
ESPECIALLY since that damn scarf seems to have been left behind. Lita
ducks, drop top hold. Into the corner, *amazingly* bad "flying"
clothesline. Snapmares her over, dropkick in the back, hooks the leg, 1,
2, nope. Into the ropes, but Ivory holds on to reverse - there's a
sidewalk slam for 2. Clubbing blow in the back of the head, stomp, stomp,
got her up across her back - wow, overhead into the falcon arrow! Leg is
hooked - but only 2. Ivory has words with referee "Blind" Chad Patton
while Lita gets up - Ivory catches a kick...then catches an
enzuigiri right in the face. Tonight, Angle vs. T&A and Blackman vs.
X-Pac! Lita with a front facelock... Outside interference or ref bump?
Whoops, here's NUDEON to do a bit of confusin'. Ivory spends a little too
much time looking in the direction he left, and not enough at Lita. She
turns back to eat a gutshot, and the Twist of Fate. Ivory put into
position for the moonsault - yikes, that'll probably leave a mark. 1, 2,
3. (2:03) Replay of the moonsault
At the Commissioner's office, Kurt Angle checks on Foley's health. "Kurt,
I appreciate your insincerity, I'm a little banged up but to tell you the
truth I think I'm doing better here tonight than you were last week."
Mankind reminds Angle that Triple H was kicking his butt around on
SmackDown!, and Angle says that that's why he's here. Angle promises to
defeat T&A - something Triple H couldn't do last week - but he asks why
Triple H has the night off, going unpunished after his attack Thursday.
Mick says he'll make Angle a deal - he'll book Triple H against "a suitable
opponent" if he'll stop talking. The deal thus struck, Foley has the
forklift driver take him away...
Your hosts are a pair of kings - LARRY KING & JERRY LAWLER. Talk turns to
the rapidly degrading relationship between Chyna and Eddie Guerrero.
Either I can't shock those of you still reading me anymore, or you all
agree with me when I said "bitch got what she deserved." At SmackDown!,
Chyna came through in the end, reversing a cradle to score the pin for
Guerrero over Road Dogg. Post-match, Eddie let Dogg have it - again and
Earlier Today, the unblinking eye of the WWF camera caught Chyna in her
dressing room...and Eddie repeatedly knocking. "C'mon baby, you gotta talk
to me sometime - you can't be angry forever." "I'm fine, Eddie..." and she
shoves him away. "Okay, what happened last week won't happen again ever, I
promise." "Yeah, it won't!" shove. "Okay, Mami - Wait wait before you
push me out, listen to me, okay? Look, I was wrong, okay? Really, I was.
I'm sorry. Mami, you just gotta realise something, okay, I know I lost all
control - and I'm SO sorry - it's just - losing you, I mean, I had the belt
gettin' in between us, I was losing you, you were losing - you were looking
over there, I mean I was losing sight of you, and to -to me, losing you is
losing my whole world." "I know, Eddie, but you have to learn to control
your temper." "Yes. I realise that, I realise that, you're right. Chyna,
just...baby, I love you. I mean, you're everything to me. I love you more
than life itself - I love you more than myself, more than anything in my
life. And more than I want a partner in the ring, I want a partner in
life. Baby, it's you, Mami - you're my partner in life. I want you
forever. God, I - that's a side of me I wish you would never seen, and
unfortunately it happened, and all I can do is just...forgive, just
forgiveness, baby, I'm so sorry, I just don't wanna lose you..." "Eddie, I
already forgave you." "(sigh) Thank you. Thank you. Look, why don't you
say we celebrate, okay? Come on - come on, Mami! Let's go dance, okay?
Let's go dance and kick some ass! Yeah?" "All right - who? Who're we
gonna beat up?" "Let's beat up Too Cool! Yeah! Come on! What are you
waitin' for? C'mon, let's go!" "But they're our friends, though - Too
Cool." "Oh, come on, Mami, exactly, they're our friends, they're good
sportsmen, you know. It's all - Who cares about winning or losing? As
long as we all dance afterwards, we're gonna have a great - c'mon baby,
trust me." "Okay..." Eddie takes off and Chyna bites her lip
TOO COOL (with RAW is WAR is brought to you by Burger King, Castrol Motor
Oily, and Chef Boyardee Overstuffed Ravioli!) v. EDDIE GUERRERO & THAT SLUT
CHYNA - Chyna gives each of her opponents a high five - Eddie chooses to
attack them before the bell, instead. Stomp, stomp for Sexay, stomp for
Hotty, tossed through the ropes, whip for Sexay into the ropes,
clothesline. Scoop...and a slam. Grinding the foot into the face. In the
corner, right, right, right, right, right, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp,
stomp, words for referee "Blind" Mike Chioda. "Eddy Sux" chant. Big right
hand by Guerrero, who works some facial reaction to the chant. Whip into
the corner, but Sexay puts up the foot. On the second rope, bit of
dancing, missile dropkick. Tag to Hotty - patty cake patty cake, make a
wish! Hotty off the ropes with the elbowdrop. Right, right, right, right,
big of a flip flop and right butts Eddie on his keister. Eddie goes to the
face on his way back up - Hotty's head to the turnbuckle, Eddie with a
right, right, into the opposite corner is reversed, Eddie tries to put up
the feet, but Hotty slides under and goes outside, grabs the ankles and
drops him. Hotty to the top rope...crossbody gets 2. Right, Eddie with a
right, right, right, right, into the ropes, reversed, Eddie hooks the
clothesline attempt and hits a European uppercut. Into the ropes,
duck under, Hotty with a death suplex. Crowd starts clapping - Chyna wants
the tag but Eddie won't do it, shrugging it off. Sexay in with a scoop,
and in the process of spinning him around, Eddie's feet collide with Chyna,
putting her down on the floor. Sexay completes the bodyslam, and calls in
Hotty to hit the bulldog. Must be time for the Worm, and while that
happens, Chyna pulls Sexay down to the floor by the ankles. Chyna in the
ring - clothesline for Hotty. As she goes outside to make the "what have I
done?" pose, Sexay is back on the top rope - and he's wearing the goggles.
Hip Hop Drop finds the mark on Guerrero - 1, 2, 3. (4:00) Hey, where was
my outside interference or ref bump? Guerrero shakes it off, looks to
Chyna, and tells her not to worry. So are they gonna dance? Eddie whips
them around...and offers the Hand of Friendship. And Too Cool takes it!
Eddie and Chyna each get a pair of glasses. NOW IS THE TIME ON SPROCKETS
WHEN WE DANCE-- whoops, Eddie slips outside in the middle of the routine
and comes back in with the intercontinental title belt, then waffles both
members of Too Cool. As you might expect, Chyna is a bit taken aback here.
RIKASHMONEY is out - ducks a belt shot, right, right, superkick! Rikishi
with the phat ass splash. Guerrero flumps down as Chyna grabs the belt and
makes the "aw, hell" face - she don't WANNA waffle him with the belt, but
she's not gonna save her man if she DON'T. So there it is - and not a bad
clockin' at that. Guerrero and Chyna walk off - Guerrero tries to coax a
smile out of her, but she can't help but look back...
In the dressing room, Triple H wonders aloud if everybody's gone nuts. He
has a dire prediction for Angle in his "copycat" match. He also thinks
it's crap that Foley's booking him tonight. He doesn't trust Foley and
thinks there's more to this mystery opponent than meets the eye, so
tonight...Stephanie's directed to stay in the back. "Later, you'll get to
see me in action up close, okay? But for now, you just stay back here.
All right? I'm serious."
'nother Fall Brawl local ad
Moments Ago, Eddie Guerrero stopped a perfectly good dancing spot with some
wafflery - as did Chyna...on Rikishi
During the Break, Grand Master Sexay made merry mit der rot food colourin'
(like David Hasselhoff, I am big in Germany)
THE NEW MAN (by his damn self) v. ? - hey, won't be Gillberg, will it?
Before the second entrance, we look backstage where Chyna reveals to Eddie
Guerrero that she'll be on the cover of Playboy - and not just for an
interview - somehow, Eddie's been living in a cave for the past few months
and only now becomes aware of this. And for an encore....he doesn't take
it too well. "Nude pictures my butt!" He vows to go beat up Hugh Hefner
himself. "Stop the presses, baby!" Lawler promptly raises his voice five
octaves and "yahoos" away. So who's the mystery opponent? The Y2J
countdown greets us - it's CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO! "Welcome to RAW is
JERICHO! And Triple H, I was quite surprised (RAW Credits here) when I
found out I was wrestling you tonight, but...hell, you're no (TV-14-DLV)
stranger to surprises, I mean it must have been a huge surprise for you
when you saw Kurt Angle plant a big, juicy, wet...'friendship' kiss on your
wife Stephanie! And it must have been an even bigger surprise when not
only did she complain about it, but...she actually looked like she enjoyed
it! But I really don't care if Stephanie enjoyes kissing Kurt Angle, or if
Kurt Angle enjoys kissing Stephanie, or, hell, if Kurt Angle enjoys kissing
Triple H...because as far as I'm concerned, all three of you can kiss my
ass!" So that makes Triple H a...and Jericho's the....oh my, how
confusing! 59.50Lockup, to the corner, tussling about, to an adjacent
corner, looks like Triple H is on top of this scuffle. Referee "Blind" Tim
White doing his darnedest to separate them but it ain't workin'. Jericho
turns it around - STILL they clench. Finally, White puts some space
between them - shove by H, Jericho shoves back. H with a right,
Jericho with a right, H with a right, Jericho with a right, H with a
kneelift, kneelift, kneelift. Into the ropes, Jericho ducks, and comes off
with the flying jalapeno. Right, right, into the ropes, head down, kick by
the Game. But he runs into a spin kick from Jericho. Jericho runs at H,
who dumps him out to the floor...and follows. Double axehandle. Scoop -
Jericho dropped on the barricade. Jericho shoulder-first in the post.
Back in the ring we go...Jericho to the corner, springing off the top with
a dropkick! Jericho outside to continue on Triple H - kick, chop, chop,
head to the STEEL steps - H falls over the barricade into the crowd,
scaring the HELL out of that one chick. Jericho over the barrier as well -
H with a right, Jericho with a right that takes H back over to ringside.
Jericho puts him in the ring and climbs to the top - super back
elbow...gets 2. Jericho with a right. Kick, kick, into the opposite
corner is reversed, but Jericho gets the foot up. H tries to
recover...managing to put up a high knee as Jericho charges him. Leg is
hooked - 1, 2, kickout. H with a right. "Y2J" chant. Into the ropes,
Jericho holds on, but H hits a gutshot - Pedigree coming up...but STEPHANIE
ONO is out, all smiles. Of course, H sees this and loses complete control
of the match, 'cause he didn't want his wife out here. Jericho quickly
pops up, double leg takedown, going for the Walls. H fights it - Jericho
can't turn it. Jericho settles for a catapult into the top turnbuckle
instead. There's the bulldog! But the Lionsault...MISSES as H puts up the
knees. KING KURT ANGLE is out at this point - taking Stephanie by the
wrist (and in her mouth an amethyst!) and demanding she come back with him.
See, he's just trying to make sure Triple H's wishes are fulfilled...right?
Triple H (apparently) beats the ten count, sees what's going on outside and
completely ignores Jericho AGAIN. Jericho up, attacking from behind, into
the ropes, head down, H with the facebuster. Now he's outside to meet his
wife and Angle - pulling her away from Angle and making the Furious Point.
Angle trying to make his case here but H isn't interested. Meanwhile -
outside interference or ref bump? X-PAC has appeared from nowhere and he's
got a spinning heel kick for Jericho. (DQ 5:09) There's the X Factor!
X-Pac with the big looping punches as Jericho is announced the winner X-Pac
continues dropping fists on Jericho...H is back in. "What're you doing?"
A heated argument turns to shoving - they play Triple H's music as
Stephanie makes a blow-up doll face. X-Pac calls him a (bleep) and walks
off. Triple H back down with his wife, and...it's break time!
Courtesy: 2000 MTV Video Music Awards - aka, "the crappiest VMA's EVAH" -
the Rock was there. Chyna was there, too - wearing an outfit she probably
stole from Geri Halliwell - hell, SHE don't need it anymore, right? I
should point out that Eddie Guerrero was NOT there. You know what was
cool? Mankind's pre-show segment
WALL BUCHANAN & GOODFATHER (with Let Us Take You Back) v. ACOLYTES. Let Us
Take You Back to Last Week where Val Venis and Steven Richards disappeared
from our collective radar...in a white van, yet! Pier Four Brawl to start
- referee "Blind" Teddy Long manages to separate Faarooq and Buchanan,
leaving Bradshaw and Goodfather to whip, reverse it up in the ring.
Goodfather with a clothseline. Bradshaw with a kick, chop, back elbow off
the ropes, "save the ho's," and as Godfather springs out of the corner with
a clothesline, BALD VENIS appears at the top of the ramp with chair in
hand...despite being clad in his white boots and trunks, I still smell
*shocking swerve*, but keep it under your hat. Bradshaw with a death
suplex...and a tag. Right, right, into the ropes, Goodfather holds on and
reverses - kick, forearm, tag to Buchanan. Right, right, right, into the
opposite corner is reverse, Buchanan pops out with a clothesline. Into the
ropes, reversed, Faarooq with a powerslam...for 2. Head to the buckle,
tag, into the ropes, double shoulderblock, elbowdrop by Bradshaw for 2.
Into the ropes, head down, Buchanan with a swinging (sorta) neckbreaker,
and his patented "what agility" clothesline. All this time Venis has been
slowly ambling down the ramp to ringside. Whip into the corner, but
Bradshaw comes out with a shoulderblock. Both men are down, and both
partners are looking for a tag - Faarooq gets it, though. Clothesline by
Faarooq. Into the ropes, powerslam, clothesline for Goodfather as HE comes
in, Faarooq ducks a Buchanan clothesline and hits a spinebuster...but
Goodfather breaks it up with a stomp. Bradshaw in now and on Buchanan -
right, right, Goodfather slips the clothesline and dumps him to the
outside. Back to Faarooq and Buchanan - it's Faarooq trying a gutwrench,
but Goodfather gets a blindside kick in and he goes down. 1, 2, 3. (2:36)
Well, I'll be jiggered; an actual CLEAN PIN (sorta - no outside
interference or ref bump, anyway) this Monday night. Post-match, the
Acolytes attempt to secure a measure of revenge - but Venis comes in,
and..and...chairs both Acolytes. STEVEN RICHARDS appears, smiling broadly.
"You don't think Venis drank the Kool-Aid, do ya?" There's the
handshake! Venis is one of THEM, now...let's go to break.
Another Fall Brawl promo - NO SCRIPT!! THEY MEAN IT!!
WWF EUROPEAN CHAMPIONSHIP: AL SNOW (mit Kopf) v. TAZZZZZ - well, dammit,
Snow went and stole my joke - he's out in full Deutsch mode wearing
lederhosen, carrying a string of sausages, wearing a funny hat - as is Head
- and *carrying a picture of David Hasselhoff.* Snow comes out to a polka
riff, complete with a German approximation of his lyrics "Was jeder man
wollen? KOPF! Was jeder man brauchen? KOPF! Was jeder man lieber?
KOPF! Ja! KOPF!" I think that's probably "helf mich" reversed in there,
too. For the slower amongst us, the TitanTron helpfully displays a picture
of Germany (labeled "GERMANY") along with a picture of Snow waving a German
flag, alternating with a "KOPF (HEAD)" graphic. Snow kinda looks like
Kenny Mayne in that one SportsCenter ad, you know? The mood's about to
change, though - for some reason, I don't think this guy is all into the
jokes. Let Us Take You Back to SmackDown! where the King did a bit of work
mit einer leder strap von den throat. Geez, I haven't used this much
German since high school... Tazz gets first shot, clubbing Snow with
forearms as he removes his festive outerwear. T-bone Tazzplex, stomp, Snow
blocks the next Tazzplex and suplexes him down. Stomp, stomp, right, into
the ropes is reersed, Snow slides to stop it, they meet in the center, and
Snow takes him down with a choke into a powerbomb. Commentators are
partisan. Snow's moonsault meets the knees. Tazzmission! Snow walks up
the turnbuckles and pushes backwards - Outside interference or ref bump?
Referee "Blind" Jim Korderas is the unfortunate recipient of the collision.
Tazz tosses Snow outside...and over the commentary table into the laps of
our commentary team! Amazingly, Tazz does NOT get tangled in any cords
while outside. Back in the ring now, but the crowd chants "Jerry." Tazz
waiting for Snow to get up so he can put in the Tazzmission again, but
unfortunately his back is to Lawler - who has made his way up to the apron.
King breaks the Hasselhoff photo over Tazz' head. Snow with an inside
cradle - Korderas back to life - 1, 2, 3! (1:28) Play the Snow polka once
again! Tazz has THE STICK: "King - that's it. No more! I lose - you
win. Ya see, week after week you cost me a match. Well, you know what?
I'm not playin' games no more. You see, I can't compete with your
political power in this company. Ya see, I'm the guy that nobody wanted
here anyway - I'm the outsider, right? Well, I'll tell you what - the
outsider - the outsider just tapped out. And...Tazz becomes Just Another
Victim to the World Wrestling Federation." And with that, Tazz...goes
home. Lawler: "Goodbye and good riddance, that's all I got to say about
THAT jerk!" Man, I hope Tazz brings back PUBLIC ENEMY with him!
WWF fans register to vote at the wwfvote.com table - not as many as you'd
find at, say, a WWF merchandise stand, but...
"Why should George W. Bush & Al Gore take on the SmackDown challenge?"
Random fans read rehearsed responses - all involving copious references to
"people our age." Believe it or not, between 18 and 30 I can think of A
LOT more "important life decisions" than who I voted for in the FREAKIN'
PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION - Hey, check out that dude with the "And then there
was Owen" T-shirt. I am OUTRAGED that that guy is wearing that shirt
The wwfvote.com tally is up to *60K!* There's an online petition
encouraging Gore and Bush to take the SmackDown! challenge for you to sign
over there. (Don't hold your breath)
T&A (and Trish) are WALKING!
Meanwhile, Kurt Angle is WALKING!
During this ad, Chyna is WALKING! And shilling Stacker 2. Hey, you know
what would have been really funny in this ad? If, with all those dudes
running off to buy Stacker 2, there'd been some LESBIANS clamoring to buy
the stuff as well
Chris Jericho eats Chef Boyardee on a desert island - along with lots of
bouncy-breasted women (no, he doesn't eat the women - that's the uncensored
Here's an exterior shot of the America West Arena - I wonder if they'll use
this same shot for SmackDown!
KING KURT ANGLE v. T&A (with Trish Stratus - the fitness model) in a
Handicap match - "First of all, I'd like to dedicate this match to
all the prospective American Olympic athletes who will attempt to go for
the gold this month - and by gold, of course, I mean the Olympic gold
medals which I won back in 1996. And there's one other person that I'd
like to dedicate this match to - and this my good friend Stephanie last
week. And Test and Albert, it disgusts me with what you tried to do to my
good friend Stephanie last week. And you know something? you two remind
me of Randy Johnson and Curt Schilling...two big lugs that have ultimately
accomplished nothing in their careers - and that is true. Steph, this
one's for you!" Say...who's the heel in this match? Albert's gonna start.
Gutshot, right, right, kick, kick, kick, right, into the opposite corner,
shouting splash misses, and Angle hits a nice German suplex. Test in with
a surprise big boot. We cut to the dressing room, where H is getting quite
jolly seeing Angle, suffer, while Stephanie feels less so. Into the ropes,
double press and six storey drop. Albert with a double underhook...and
over for the slam. Man, a brainbuster would have been so much cooler there
- too bad the WWF *ties their hands* when it comes to cool moves...tag to
Test - he likes to come in straddling the top rope; did you ever notice?
Right hand. Right, right, kick, kick, kick, stomp, standing on the neck
for 4 - referee "Blind" Jack Doan barely keeping control of the rules here.
Into the ropes, back elbow, head to the buckle, right, right, right, right,
Doan pulls him off and patiently explains that the closed fist is illegal.
Test back in - Angle blocks the punch, throws a right of his own, another
right, right, Test ducks the next one and drops Angle with a full nelson
slam. Angle clotheslined outside. Back to the dressing room where H yuks
it up - alone. It seems that his wife has left the room. H's demeanor
quickly changes and, having a pretty good idea of where she's gone, he's
out after her. Back to the ring, where Angle is struggling to get back in
- Test knocks him back down to the floor. Test occupies Doan's time while
Stratus comes over to put HER boots to Angle. Well now STEPHANIE ONO is
out to counter that - Stratus' head taken to the floor. Stephanie with a
bit of a step on her - Test is over to stop THAT. Stephanie backs up, into
the ring...no, that's not a wall behind you, Steph; that's Albert. Caught
between a rock and a hard place, she is. Test grabs her by the hair and
puts her in position - hey Test, is this like the good old days for ya?
Before he can deliver the jackknife, though, THE NEW MAN is making his way
down. Outside interference or a ref bump? Triple H comes in and Doan has
no choice but to call for the bell. (DQ 2:52) Clothesline for Albert,
three right for Test, five rights for Albert. Test in from behind and now
the two take over on the one...until Angle enters the fray and puts Test
out of the picture while H turns the tide on Albert. Angle quickly over to
check on Stephanie while Triple H does a bit more badmouthing to T&A on the
outside...but then he turns round and sees Angle and Stephanie in close
quarters. The crowd gets just a bit louder. H makes a face, then grabs
Angle and manhandles him to the ground. Angle pops up and they stand
nose-to-nose - Stephanie attempts to break it up, but H actually shoves her
on her ass (ooh!) and now they're back to shoving. Stephanie tries to come
between them AGAIN - Doan over to gallantly offer to play buffer on
Stephanie's behalf, but she slaps him down (what a wuss - hey, THERE'S our
ref bump!). H with a spear on Angle while this goes on - mount, right,
right, Angle rolls it over, right, right, Stephanie grabs Angle and pulls
him off. Mike Chioda comes out and eats a right from Helmsley - ditto
Korderas Angle. Angle back around - gutshot from Helmsley, going for the
Pedigree but Stephanie comes up behind him and grabs him in a waistlock to
prevent him from executing the move - and H throws a back elbow! H
suddenly realises that's his wife he's busting up and makes the "aieeeee"
face. As he checks on his wife, Angle is up from behind, spinning him
around, right, right, and H staggers and falls on his wife (in an
elbowdrop?). Angle can't believe that - words for H - now they're trading
punches again. Stephanie at least manages to roll out to the apron while
this goes on. Back and forth we go, culminating in a reversed whip, where
Angle coincidentally collides with Stephanie, knocking her off the apron
and to the floor (including a rather nasty back-to-the-corner-of-the-apron
shot on the way down). H turns Angle around, right, right, right, tossed
over the rope to the floor - ALSO ugly and painful looking. H goes outside
to check on his wife - we cut to the cleavage cam (Stephanie has cleavage?)
as H grabs Stephanie in his arms and walks her around the ring and back up
the aisle...but Angle isn't finished. He spins them both around and, with
a smile on his face, delivers one last right (no, not "last rites") that
puts H on the ramp, and Stephanie on top of HIM. Angle accuses H of being
an ingrate for reacting thusly instead of just accepting his help
willingly. Crowd tells Angle what they think of him as we lay out for the
break. Golly, that was some segment, though.
It's WWF Live! at the San Jose Arena Saturday 7 October! Somehow, I think
Big Show WON'T be there...
Fall Brawl takes the other local slot
Moments Ago, Stephanie took a back elbow from Triple H and an apron
collison from Kurt Angle - man, it sure looks like she landed RIGHT on the
small of her back on the apron there - I think she was hooked in the ropes
on her way down or something. Later, Kurt Angle got in the last shot -
unfortunately, Triple H was carrying Stephanie at the time.
Coming back to real time, Triple H puts some ice on Stephanie's head. "You
guys have to stop fighting like this. Mick Foley comes in and announces
that this has gotten out of hand - so he'll book a match with H and Angle
for Unforgiven - and to make sure there is a winner, HE'LL ref it himself.
WWF HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP: STEVE BLACKMAN (with Riggs & Murtaugh) v. X-PAC
NEVER JOBS IN SINGLES MATCHES - EXCEPT OCCASIONALLY TO STEVE BLACKMAN - Let
Us Take You Back to Earlier Tonight where X-Pac made his presence felt.
This just in: main event will be "no DQ." Lockup, side headlock by X-Pac,
to the ropes, powering out, Blackman knocks him down. Off the ropes, X-Pac
leapfrog, Blackman's enzuigiri is ducked, X-Pac's kick is ducked,
Blackman's dropkick hits. Outside we go. Big forearm by Blackman -
dropping him across the barricade - tossed back in. Blackman looking for
props - here's a garbage can and lid. X-Pacclubs him on the way in
- another clubbing forearm - and grabs the garbage can lid and strikes
Blackman on the noodle. "Get up, boy!" X-Pac gives him the chinup with
the lid, but Blackman counters by kicking the lid RIGHT into X-Pac's face!
Blackman grabs another lid - into the ropes, lid to the kneecaps, lid to
the back. "It's time to have some fun!" There's the spinning lidshot to
the back of the head that I really need to name already. Blackman has the
first lid - into the ropes, press up, and lidshot on the way down. Cover -
1, 2, kickout. "X-Pac sux!" Blackman positions the lid in the corner and
whips X-Pac...but it's reversed, and Blackman ends up hitting it headfirst,
drop toehold style. X-Pac sneaks in his kick trifecta here. Broncobuster!
X-Pac goes outside, "let's see what they got under here!" X-Pac finds the
fire extinguisher and remembers that that ALWAYS works against Blackman -
but he ends up firing into an empty ring! Blackman on the outside with a
shot, HE grabs the extinguisher and sprays X-Pac! Wow, Blackman's FINALLY
seen that fire extinguisher coming for once! Up the ramp we go - but
Blackman first grabs a pair of nunchuks and a kendo stick...just in case
there's any "difficulty." Garbage can to the back! All the way to the top
of the stage now - gutshot by Blackman, can to the head. Blackman takes
out the 'chuks and delivers his new catchphrase - "All right, it's time to
party!" But X-Pac tosses the can Van Daminator style - Blackman catches it,
and X-Pac pulls himself up by the scaffold and kicks the can. Meanwhile,
Ross and Lawler are discussing...geography. Sheesh. X-Pac grabs the
'chuks and does a masterful job of displaying his knowledge of the deadly
martial arts, but fails to actually make contact with Blackman before...
Outside interference or ref bump? CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO appears from the
stage and gives X-Pac the kendo stick in the back...then takes off.
'course, that's legal in the hardcore division, so I shouldn't complain,
right? Besides, Blackman covers - 1, 2, 3!! (3:27) Blackman's got TWO wins
over the Man Who Daren't Job - that's why he's the MAN. And if that wasn't
enough - "Oh, it's party time" has GOT to be my new favourite catchphrase!
Chris Benoit gives Kane a pep talk. "You know Kane, no matter how you look
at it, tonight, you and I have to function as a team - a tag team.
Regardless of who becomes #1 Contender, tonight is aboot you and I working
together. Hey, I understand you don't play well with others. Maybe that
started at an early age. Maybe you weren't the most well-liked on the
playground, maybe your report card read 'does not get along with others,'
maybe you were the last one picked at kickball - but that doesn't matter,
'cause tonight is aboot the Rock and Undertaker - and us tearing them
apart. Understand?" Benoit turns to leave, but Kane spins him back around.
"Benoit - I was NEVER picked last." "What?" "In kickball. I was NEVER
picked last!" Kane walks off while Benoit makes the "man, that guy IS a
Moments Ago, Jericho denied X-Pac the Hardcore championship through use of
the kendo stick
During the Break, X-Pac tried to gain a measure of revenge by taking the
'chuks to Jericho in mid-autorgraph signing
Rock meets up with Undertaker. "Undertaker!" "What's up?" "Last time you
and the Rock were tag team partners, the Rock took a double chairshot to
the head. If it's gonna happen like that again, the Rock would just as
soon as go out by himself. Now we're not friends; we probably never ever
will be friends. so you tell the Rock - tonight - how's it gonna be?"
"(spit) Lemme tell ya how it's gonna be - you right - we ain't friends.
But I'll be there for ya - and when Foley, he announces the #1 Contender -
(taps title) - I'm gonna be there for you THEN, too."
Yep, that was our nothin' segment.
And now, the WWF Boot of the Week, brought to you by LUGZ! Aight? From
SmackDown! last Thursday, Kane chokeslammed Rock through the announce
table. Good week for the Rock last week, wasn't it?
WELL IT'S KANE (with a shot of a bleeding Jericho backstage - guess they
forgot to cue it up last segment) and CHRIS BENOIT (with RC Edge presents
Unforgiven LIVE - in just under two weeks!) v. COMMISSIONER McFOLEY?
But...but those steps have magically levitated over to the barricade and
stood on end! We've GOT to have an Undertaker lap! Foley takes third
headset and says he just wants to be close to the action - he HASN'T made a
decision on the #1 Contender yet, but hopefully by scouting out this match,
he'll be able to make that decision.
WELL IT'S KANE and CHRIS BENOIT v. HEY HEY HEY HEY (on his Beautiful Titan
Bike)and IF YA SMELLLLLLLL in a "no disqualification" match - We're
already in the overrun; I have a feeling this'll be a short match. Benoit
and 'taker start, lockup, Benoit shoved in the corner, soupbone left
soupbone left soupbone, soupbone, soupbone, soupbone - back elbow. Into
the opposite corner hard, Benoit staggers out into a big scoop - and a big
powerslam. Kane breaks it up at 2 just in case. Arm wringer, tag to Rock,
right, right, right, right, into the ropes, back elbow, right, Benoit with
an arm wringer, but Rock drops down and clamps on the Crippler Crossface!
Kane comes in and breaks THAT up. Doubleteam stompin' on Rock. Benoit
with a snap suplex as Kane goes back to the corner. Benoit has the leg -
tag to Kane, who pulls him outside. As Benoit distracts referee "Blind"
Earl Hebner and keeps Undertaker out of the action, Kane drops Rock across
the barricade. Back in the ring, Kane with the stomp. Into the ropes, big
boot. Tag to Benoit - open gutshot. Stomp. Benoit picks up Rock - elbow.
Stomp. Foley says he wasn't the guy that ran over Austin. Rock blocks the
right, right, right, right, into the corner, reversed, but Rock comes out
with a clothesline. Shot for Kane on the apron - and Benoit runs into a
spinebuster. Rock sets up for the most electrifying - but of course, he
goes the wrong way as Kane grabs the ankle and trips him up. Benoit with
the scoop slam - he's going up top for the headbutt - and it hits!! Benoit
tries to shake it off - slowly over to hook the leg - 1, 2, kickout! I'm
*amazed* that Undertaker would just stay in the corner KNOWING this is a
no-DQ match! Benoit with an elbow, gutshot, elbow, into the ropes, (Foley:
"We got a fan here!") Rock with an overhead belly-to-belly suplex as
security takes down the fan. Of course, everybody's distracted now despite
the best efforts of the director and the commentators. Still they get back
into it as we get the hot tag to Undertaker! Right! Right! Kane in -
right for him, gutshot, Kane tossed out (Hebner BARELY ducks in time) -
Benoit runs into a big boot, poised for the chokeslam...and it's a
one-armed chokeslam! Meanwhile, Kane is running Rock into the commentary
table on the outside. Undertaker going for the Last Ride, but Kane
clotheslines him down - Benoit rolls over while in the powerbomb position -
into a cover! 1, 2, 3!!! Benoit gets the pin - he and Kane get the win.
(5:02) Undertaker quickly over to beat up on Kane as Lawler tells Rock
that he's lost. Rock in the ring and HE takes Benoit outside as Undertaker
does Kane. Foley, meanwhile, decides that the only fair decision he can
make is a Fatal Four-way. Perhaps he's inspired by the Pier Four currently
taking place in the ring, as Benoit and Kane are back in to get them some
more, preventing us from finding out what comes after the staredown between
Undertaker and Rock. The REFS & OFFICIALS are out, but that only means
more bodies in the ring. Rock gets Benoit in the Rock Bottom as Undertaker
simultaneously chokeslams Kane - let that be your last shot - credits up,
WWF logo up, IT'S THE MUTHAFUCKIN' FARM CLUB! Solid.
Christopher Robin Zimmerman
Christopher Robin Zimmerman - Sr. UNIX System Administrator & Coffee Achiever
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