by Christopher Robin Zimmerman
RADIO RADIO: There's a rumour - only a rumour, mind you - that CRZ MAY be
a guest of the Ron and Fez show
tonight, provided (1) they are talking about wrestling and (2) their
producer and I actually stop playing phone tag and *talk* to each other.
No promises, but if you've got nothing better to do tonight, tune in the
show! (Visit the website to see if you get them locally - in my neck of
the woods, it airs via four hours of tape delay on KYCY 1550)
QUICK QUOTE: WWFE 14 5/8 (- 7/8)
TONIGHT: Austin got hit by a car - take a look! Mick Foley has GUARANTEED
we'll know who was behind the wheel! Ha, you thought they'd let you in on
a match or two - SILLY YOU
TV-14-DLV-CC One World Leader Attitude - WWF!
SmackDown! Highlight Reel includes RAW highlights - how many times can you
reheat something before it stops tasting like food? Triple H, Stephanie,
Angle, Benoit, Austin, Foley, go read the SmackDown! report - I got no TIME
Opening Credits - I don't know what The Rick was talking about on Thursday;
it's OBVIOUS they're singing "Why am I the thorn in your eye?"
PYRO! And PYRO! And....EVERYBODY brings a sign! WE ARE LIVE from the
Arrowhead Pond at Anaheim in Anaheim, CA 9.10.2K - it may only be 6 o'clock
on the west coast, but they're STILL jam-packed to the rafters here - and
at WWF New York - because tonight, the driver WILL be revealed...tonight,
on RAW - IS - WAR! (Transmitido en espanol - SAP - hey Telemundo, THANKS
for rescheduling Metal without telling me - bastards)
Here comes COMMISSIONER McFOLEY for 38 minutes or so. While we have a
minute, Ross lets some matches slip - Rock and Rikishi vs. Angle and Kane,
Triple H and Jericho vs. Benoit and X-Pac - huh? "Well...(boos)...I see
that some of you are cheering me, and some of you are not...which means,
apparently some of you realise why I did what I had to do Thursday
night...and some of you don't. Now I wanna be real clear, I enjoy getting
cheap pops from audiences around the country, but not at the expense of
doing my job correctly. So do I think I was justified in suspending Stone
Cold on Thursday, you're damn right I do. But am I going to let the fact
that he gave me a Stone Cold Stunner and embarrassed me for a second time
(cheers) on national television prevent me from doing my job, you're damn
right I'm not. Now I promised on Sunday night that I would deliver the
person responsible, and whether you all want to believe it, or whether
Stone Cold wants to believe it, I am on his side, and I have spared no
expense to bring in a very important person here tonight. Somebody who,
like Stone Cold Steve Austin, is a fellow Texan. Somebody who's been
hanging a little bit low - somebody who, like Stone Cold Steve Austin, is a
former WWF Champion - hell, he's one of the greatest competitors to ever
step inside this ring. Some of you know him as the former WWF Commissioner
- some of you know him as the Heartbreak Kid...ladies and gentlemen, I
bring to you tonight...Mister SHAWN MICHAELS!" Well lookee here, it's Mr.
Whyspyr in the flesh...himself, tight pants, black cowboy hat, sleeveless
shirt unbuttoned to the navel - sure, he's got a wife and a kid, but LOOK
at him. "Shawn Michaels, as the new WWF Commissioner, let me say welcome
to Anaheim, California, my fellow...my fellow broken down, washed up
wrestler." "Damn glad to be here, Mick." "Now listen, Shawn, out of
respect for you and everything you've done in this ring, I'm not going to
come out here and accuse you of running down Stone Cold Steve Austin - what
I am going to do, however, is present you with the opportunity to explain
just you - where you were and what you did on the night that Stone Cold was
run down by that automobile." "Well, gee, Mick, you go through the trouble
of flying me out here (first class, by the way), set me up in a five star
hotel, you dust off the old HBK music...but still, nonetheless, you do it
while accusing me of running down Stone Cold Steve Austin. Now being the
guy I am, Mick, I'm not only gonna tell you what I did that night, hell,
I'm gonna tell you what I did the whole damn day. Now you're gonna have to
bear with me, as I'm sure you can understand this head's taken a lot of
chairshots, so I might be a bit foggy. Now, I remember opening my eyes in
bed, rolling over, and squeezing my white-hot wife on the butt and giving
her a kiss on the cheek, good morning. Then, I got up, brushed my teeth,
had a little breakfast, and let me see, did I jump on a plane, fly to
Detroit, sneak into the Joe Louis Arena and run down Stone Cold Steve
Austin? Now, you know my head isn't always there, Mick, but I think I'd
remember if I ran down another human being - call me crazy! - but I'm
telling ya, that thud on the bumper woulda jogged my memory. See, Mick,
there's one problem with your scenario - the person you're lookin' for
needs a motive. And, well, the Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels sure as hell
doesn't have one, but I wanna wish you all the luck in the world, and I
hope you find your man." "Wait wait, just a second. You claim not to have
a motive, maybe indeed you do need a little bit of refresher - let's take a
look at the TitanTron - a little footage from WrestleMania two short years
ago - going for the kick, but no - Stone Cold BAM a Stunner - BAM a Stunner
- 1, 2, 3, and not only that, Shawn Michaels, when you were down, when you
were out, when you had to legitimately pass the torch, he reaches down and
offers a Stone Cold salute. So, Shawn, I say to you, do you have the
motive? Let me remind you of a little something - you know a question I
get asked just about more than everything else? I get asked what was *my*
greatest match - everybody assumes it's Hell in the Cell with the
Undertaker, every single time I say without fail it was Mick Foley and
Shawn Michaels at Mind Games, September 1996. You know what their reaction
is - 'uuh?' No one remembers 1996, Shawn - nobody appreciates the trail
you blazed so that the WWF Superstars of today could rake in the cash - no
one seems to care. And then, Shawn, if it had been me, if I'd rolled off a
hospital bed, come to main event the WrestleMania, and not only passed the
torch, but been awarded for of all that by having Stone Cold Steve Austin
put his middle fingers in MY face, if all that had been done to me, I'll
tell you what, Shawn - *I* woulda run the son of a bitch over! So you ask
me for motive - I say, you look up at the screen, and when Stone Cold put
his middle fingers in the your face, you've GOT your motive!" "Are you
finished? First off, I don't ever want to see that on the screen again,
and secondly, you've got a hell of a lotta nerve coming out here and saying
what you just said. I guess it's time for the truth, isn't it, Mick--" "I
would appreciate the truth - I think everybody here would appreciate the
truth." "Fine, it's time for the whole world to hear...the #1 suspect
Shawn Michaels - where was he that faithful night? I'll tell you where I
was, Mick. I was sittin' at home...watchin' Survivor Series, thinking to
myself, what in the hell has the World Wrestling Federation come to when
guys are gettin' run down backstage? Now...do I like Stone Cold Steve
Austin? No. But I don't hate him either. Now did I do it? I have to
tell ya...if I did, I'd be the one guy doin' what I've always loved to do -
be in the spotlight - I'd be the #1 guy once again, right here in the World
Wrestling Federation, if I was the man that ran down Stone Cold Steve
Austin! And anybody that knows anything about me knows that I THRIVE on
being #1 - I THRIVE on bein' in that spotlight. But I haveta tellya Mick -
I'm ashamed to say it, but it wasn't me. But I got an idea about who it
was. There's one guy here in the World Wrestling Federation that loves the
spotlight as much as ol' HBK - hell, he loves it more than I ever did!
He's young, he's hungry, he's successful, and he's got the whole world
wrapped around his finger! Think about it, Mick....if ya
smelllllalalalalalalala what I'm cookin'."
By the way, if you ask me, I think it was probably *Viscera* that ran down
Stone Cold Steve Austin.
Moments Ago, Shawn pointed the finger of suspicion at...somebody
WWF WOMEN'S CHAMPIONSHIP: LITA v. JACQUELINE (with Let Us Take You Back One
Week) with hardcore rules - Champ enters first because she doesn't have a
long clip montage during her entrance - nor a shopping cart full of
weapons. Jackie graciously stays at the top of the ramp while clips from
RAW and SmackDown! play. Lita decides to meet her outside - forearm. Into
the ring we go - into the ropes, gutshot by Lita, off the ropes, wacky
bulldog. Lita outside and grabbing for - but Jacqueline from behind.
Cookie sheet to the head! Lita put back in the ring. Jackei brings in a
hair dryer and a garbage can...and a broom. Broom broken brover the brack.
Garbage can put into the corner - crowd chanting "Lita." Whip into the
garbage can. Cover - 1, 2, no. Jacqueline with the hair dryer - whack.
Lawler is advancing his "Mick Foley did it" theory, which naturally means
Foley DIDN'T do it. Jacqueline outside for the fire extinguisher. She
tries to fire it off but forgets to pull the pin. Lita with an uppernut -
too preoccupied with the hardware, apparently. Wait, Jackie's got no nuts!
(upperovary?) Kick to the back. Lita outside - SHE finds a ladder. Wow,
is my TNN picture AWFUL tonight. The sound isn't too great either. Lita
stands the ladder up in a corner. Jackie from behind. DDT on the cookie
sheet - cover - 2! Jacqueline outside - now climbing up the corner, and
now up the ladder! Presto provides a Double Feature of the DDT. Lita up
the opposite side of the ladder - Jackie shoves her down. Jackie over to
the inside of the ladder - crossbody block MISSES. Lita firesoff the fire
extinguisher, blinding Jacqueline. Swinging wildly, she misses every time
- but Lita makes sure that her cookie sheet shot finds the mark - 1, 2, 3.
Backstage, Chyna is WALKING! She seems happy to see somebody, though - we
pan around to see - wow, it's Debra! Debra pulls aside a few strands of
Chyna's hair to reveal a Playboy logo on her shirt. "And what is this?"
"A big set o' boobs!" "Hahaha - I thought *I* was the one with the
puppies!" They discuss Debra's honeymoon and Chyna's ring. Has Debra seen
Eddie? No. Does Chyna know where Foley's office is? Yup. Where's Eddie?
What does Foley want with Debra? Come back, won't you?
By the way, if you ask me, I think it was probably *Dustin Runnels* that
ran down Stone Cold Steve Austin.
TNN allegedly has pop. I know you know, but did you know that I know you know?
When we come back, a camera pans up Debra's greased legs as she enters
Foley's office (and/or the laundry room - the stuffed dog is riding in the
dryer). How is Steve? "Well, he's a little ticked off, but...I think you
know why." Foley says he has some news that'll probably make him feel a
little bit better. Talk turns to the silver lining (as Foley sees it) of
Austin getting run over - when Steve was hurt, he needed somebody to take
care of him. "Mick, what are you really getting at here?" Foley asks how
the wedding was...and the honeymoon. Then he cuts to the chase - the wives
*always* hate the life on the road - did she hate it enough to do something
about it? "No, I'll tell you one thing, Mick - and that's Steve Austin is
my husband, and I love him very very much! And I had to sit there every
day and watch him hurt, and that is the hardest thing I have ever had to do
in my life. And I'll tell you one thing, Mick Foley, I am just so thankful
that Steve Stunned you out there, I just regret that *I* wasn't out there
with him. Thank you." "Debra? Don't leave the arena just yet, okay?"
"Yeah, right." "Have a nice day." Slam.
Meanwhile, Triple H expresses disbelief that Foley made the match
with Jericho as his partner. A month ago he was beating him in Last Man
Standing matches and now he's his partner? And against his best buddy
X-Pac? Stephanie says H definitely needs her out there with him. H says
"we've been over this a million time" for the millionth time, and reminds
her that his (business) decision is final. "Speaking of business
decisions, I'm glad you made the right business decision and decided not to
accompany Kurt Angle to the ring on a permanent basis. I'll see you after
the match, okay?" Peck on the cheek - and Stephanie makes a face.
Meanwhile, a limousine pulls up outside the arena - no, it's not Steve
Austin, it's...Linda McMahon! And now she's WALKING!
Lessee...three segments so far - one with wrestling - aie
By the way, if you ask me, I think it was probably *Sycho Sid* that ran
down Stone Cold Steve Austin.
When we come back, Foley meets McMahon and they have a chat while the
commentators talk over it
RAVEN v. STEVE BLACKMAN (with Riggs & Murtaugh) - this is apparently not a
hardcore match, despite the fact that ring flowerpot LILIAN GARCIA
mistakenly identifies the match as a hardcore title match. Makes sense - I
mean, we already HAD a hardcore match tonight, right? Ross overcompensates
by saying "nontitle" fifteen times. Hey, Ross, we don't correct YOU like
that. Raven off the ropes, Blackman drops down, Raven ducks a clothesline,
Blackman goes behind for the waistlock, Raven to the ropes and bumping him
off, running at him, Blackman drops for a reverse leg sweep. Superkick.
Right, right, kick, kick. Into the ropes, reversed, knee in the gut by
Raven. Off the ropes, Blackman with an atomic drop to counter the
leapfrog. Right hand puts him down. Running at Raven, who sidesteps and
tosses him out. Wacky quasi-pescado by Raven. Hard into the barricade.
Head into the barricade again Referee "Blind" Teddy Long asking them to
take it back inside. Whip into the barricade is reversed. Blackman in the
ring - and back out. Gutwrench - and swung into the STEEL steps (ow!).
Straight right from the Lethal Weapon. Raven manages a drop toehold into
the steps when Blackman charges again. Long finally starts a count - both
men back at 3. Blackman into the corner, and a left-handed clothesline
when he comes out. Cover - 1. You don't even GET 2 with Blackman! Off
the ropes, gutshot, discus right by Raven gets 2. Well, okay, you can get
2 on Blackman. Snapmare by Raven - backslide is countered with a Blackman
backslide for 2. Death suplex attempt but Raven counters into a crossbody
for a near fall. Off the ropes, leapfrog by Raven - no, THAT'S the Lethal
Kick - and that's a pinfall for Blackman. (2:57) It's STILL his house!
Raven attacks with a clothesline after the fact, putting Blackman outside
the ring. Blackman comes back in with his sticks. Blackman with It's
Party Time! One final stick shot for good measure puts Raven out. Play
his music again! Hey, his music best be on the next WWF theme music CD or
I'm not buying it. (I'll probably get it free either way, mind you, but
it's the PRINCIPLE of the thing)
In Foley's office, Linda and Mick have a sitdown for the benefit of this
here cameraman who needed something to tape. "You made me the commissioner
because you knew I was willing to cover all the bases." "Mick, you've
always been straight with me - I've been straight with you. Let me look
you in the eye and tell you I did not run down Stone Cold Steve Austin."
Foley produces a Detroit hotel registry with Linda's name on it. McMahon
says a lot of people knew she was in Detroit that night. Foley brings up
the fact that Stone Cold has humiliated her husband, beaten up her son, and
wouldn't probably hesitate to beat up her daughter as well. "Well, Mick,
you know, in and out of the ring Vince, Shane, Stephanie kind of control
their own business and they handle themselves very well. But put my family
aside, and I don't want anybody to mess with my family but put them aside,
as the CEO of this company it wouldn't be good business to take out one of
the top stars of the WWF." Foley asks who's selling the most merchandise
and benefitting the most financially since Austin was taken out. "The
Rock. Why?" Did she really NEED to ask why?
Look! Chris Benoit is WALKING!
By the way, if you ask me, I think it was probably *Ric Flair* that ran
down Stone Cold Steve Austin.
And now, the WWF Rewind, brought to you by THQ's MTV Sports: Pure Ride!
From last week's RAW, Triple H chose to save his wife rather than become #1
Contender - a SHOCKING display of prioritising
CHRIS BENOIT and X-PAC v. CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO and THE NEW MAN -
Wow, kinda early in the show to have *this* match...isn't it? Also, when
was the last time we had four entrances with a set of clips or quick
adverts to break it up? 1, 2, is this on? Heh! Yo Jimmy, hit me with
that Triple H shhhhhhhhhhhhhh....see, they won't actually SAY "shit" but
they'll IMPLY it. Somebody cut'n'paste this and send it to The Rick for
me. (I call him "The") X-Pac gets H's back while he stands on the apron
to hit his pre-match yawn. Jericho and H have a few words about teamwork
prior to the match. Bell rings and they quickly pair off - H with Benoit
and Jericho with X-Pac. Benoit tossed outside, H follows, Benoit takes
command. Back in the ring, it's Jericho on top - THEY go outside as X-Pac
is clotheslined out. Referee "Blind" Tim White spots an opening, and tells
Jericho to go to his corner. H puts Benoit in and this may approach a tag
match. Benoit's got the chance as Triple H comes in - stomp, stomp, stomp,
stomp, kick, kick, H still getting up, right, right, in the corner, kick,
chop, right, right, Benot's a buzzsaw - into the ropes, H with a back
elbow. Suplex. H backs up to wind up a kneedrop, but Jericho reaches
forward and tags him in the back. HE wants a piece of Benoit as well.
Right, into the ropes, reversed, duck, Jericho with the flying jalapeno.
Jericho makes the mistake of walking within range of H's tag. Right by H,
right, right, commentators only talking about Foley. Into the opposite
corner, boot up from Benoit. Collision in the center, shoving him back
into the corner, right, right, right, kick, kick, into the opposite corner,
H ducks the clothesline and slips on the hangman's neckbreaker. Jericho
with another tag in the back - and now H and Jericho are shoving - Benoit
over with a shove for Jericho, right into Triple H! Benoit grabs Jericho,
stomp, kick for H, chop for Jericho, chop, into the opposite corner, up for
a death suplex attempt but Jericho flips backwards out of it - dropkick to
the back! Jericho with a chop, chop, Benoit tries an arm wringer, but
Jericho hits a gutshot - off the ropes with a bulldog...for 2. It's been
all Benoit so far. Into the corner is reversed by Benoit, Jericho puts up
an elbow - second rope dropkick is swatted away. Stomp, tag to X-Pac.
Big-time boos from the crowd. Against the ropes, chop, chop, chop, Jericho
punches back - into the ropes is reversed, Jericho with a shoulderblock,
off the ropes, X-Pac leapfrog, Jericho chops him down. Chop. Ross: "These
two guys - they ever go one on one, folks, get a chance to see this one.
Don't miss it!" Umm, Ross, we've seen it like SIX TIMES already. Chop is
ducked. Gutshot, kick, calling to Benoit - whip into the unfriendly corner
is reversed, but X-Pac goes up and over, and when Jericho runs under him,
he's met with Benoit. But he blocks the right and throws one of his own,
sending him to the floor. Turning round, Jericho blocks the right from
*X-Pac* and throws one of his own...but Benoit pulls the ankles...then
crotches him on the post. X-Pac tags out. Benoit in with the death
suplex. 1, 2, nope. Backbreaker gets a looong 2. Tag to X-Pac. Gutshot,
in the corner, kick trifecta(tm). He's going into the wardance - but
Jericho pops up and clotheslines him before he can hit the broncobuster!
Did Triple H make sure X-Pac tagged out before he held out his hand for the
tag? Either way, both men make the tag - Triple H with a clothesline,
clothesline, into the ropes, duck, high knee. Right. Ross: "Boy, I want
to see these guys go one on one somewhere. It would be a *classic*
matchup!" Quite a memory on that Good Ol' JR, no? Into the ropes,
reversed, head down, facebuster. Cover, leg is hooked, only 2. H with a
right, Benoti pinballs to Jericho, to H, then to Jericho. X-Pac rushes in
and shoves Jericho to the mat. Benoit's head hits the buckle. Right hand.
Jericho back in - it's all breaking down now. Jericho puts X-Pac into the
corner, but X-Pac ducks the clothesline and hits a spinning heel kick.
Unfortunately for him, he backs into the back of Triple H - who promptly
turns around and swings without asking. X-Pac goes down to the right hand,
and then H makes the "ee" face and checks on him. Benoit sneaks up from
behind and bridges the German suplex - for 2!! Right, right, H put on the
top turnbuckle. Benoit climbing up - H headbutting him back down. X-Pac
trying to clothesline Jericho but he ducks - clothesline takes X-Pac over
the top to the floor...also crotching Triple H in the process! Benoit
adroitly covers - 1, 2, 3!! (6:43) We look outside the ring, where X-Pac
has left Jericho laying. Benoit backs up the ramp...with a big smile. H
points his way and says something or other. Oops, we're out.
WWF Fanatix debuts in October with "The Rock: The People's Champ!" Only
$9.95 SRP! Check your pay-per-view schedule!
By the way, if you ask me, I think it was probably *B.B.* that ran down
Stone Cold Steve Austin.
Moments Ago - uhh, gee, I forget
Edge & Christian have an audience with the Commish when Triple H and the
RAW Credits interject. H demands a one-on-one match with Benoit. Foley
says he'll give him the match...at No Mercy. There's the TV-14-DLV-CC
boxes. With one more glare at Edge and Christian, H takes off. "That was
completely uncool of the Game. I mean, The Game - what's up with that?
Who's his manager, Milton Bradley?" "What a reek-a-zoid - I AM THE
PARCHEESI" They slap five. Foley cuts them off by asking about Survivor
Series. They first congratulate Foley on suspending Steve Austin, as his
actions were full of felonosity and completely reeked of rudosity.
Finally, they say that they were preparing for a four-way tag match with
the Hardyz, Too Cool and the Hollyz. The trainer can back up their story
as well. "Remember - you gave him that wedgie?" "Yeah, I had his
underwear up over his head." "Good stuff, eh, Mick?" Edge and Christian
excuse themselves - they've got some surfing lessons... Foley bangs his
gavel in disgust.
Meanwhile, Triple H is WALKING! Check out the guy with the light behind
the cameraman - he seems to REALLY be having problems not tripping. We
follow H all the way back to Stephanie, who is quick to point out that H
hasn't been winning too much since he asked her to stay away from
Yep, another non-wrestling segment.
By the way, if you ask me, I think it was probably *Skip Stephenson* that
ran down Stone Cold Steve Austin.
TNN promo wisely highlights the WWF and its fans
Stephanie, Lita and the Kat encourage you to smack down your vote!
The WWFvote.com tally is over 120,000 voters. Why, oh why are Bush and
Gore ignoring their offer? Better yet, why, oh why is the WWF ignoring the
third-party candidates who would HAPPILY take the time?
WWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP: HARDY BOYZ (with Lita) v. LO DOWN - Lo Down
fighting for the titles? What's next - the Rock gives Gangrel a title
shot? Everybody gets to stomping as wel start. Chaz tossed, Brown
doubleteamed. Double suplex. Jeff with a gutshot, kick, into the opposite
corner is reversed, Hardy gets the feet up on the shoulders and hits a
rana. Brown manages a back elbow. Tag to Chaz. Commentators are talking
about Foley having to resign if he can't deliver the goods. I guess I
can't blame them for ignoring THIS match...Chaz falls into a back body
drop. Tag to Matt, double leg takedown, tandem legdrop combo. Matt
punches away - Brown in, right, right, discus right for him. Chaz dumped
on the outside. Matt on the apron - running clothesline to the floor.
Chaz thrown back in - Brown grabs Matt as he tries to come in - flapjack
onto the barricade. Into the ring for Chaz - stomp, right, 2. Kick,
forearm, tag to Brown, into the ropes, leapfrog by Chaz, heel kick by Brown
for 2. "Count faster!" Referee "Blind" Mike Chioda: "I'll do my job, you
do yours." Hear that? Lo Down's gonna JOB. Brown with a right, Hardy
fires back, right, right from Brown, into the ropes, head down, kick by
Hardy, right, off the ropes, Brown with a spinebuster...for 2. Tag to
Chaz. Pounding away with clubbing forearms. Blatant choke. Choke on the
second rope. Chioda has some words with Chaz while Brown puts on another
choke behind his back. Off the ropes, duck, sunset flip by Hardy for 2.
Chaz with a big clothesline. Stomp. 1, 2, no. Crowd chants "D'Lo sucks"
even though Chaz is in there. Tag, double stompin'. Right by Brown.
Commentators are reduced to either talking about this match or talking
about Patterson's Heat karaoke job. That's right. Blatant choke. Right
hand. Into the opposite corner, but Matt puts the boots up as Brown
charges in. Brown with another right hand to put him down. Scoop...and a
slam. Standing legdrop (no flourish) for 2. Tag to Chaz. Forearm - up
across the back...and dropped face first. 1, 2, Jeff makes the save. Off
the ropes, legdrop MISSES. Matt makes the slow crawl to his corner - but
Chaz bumps Jeff off the amt. Jeff tries to come in but Chioda holds him
down. Into the corner is reversed, boot up by Chaz. Lita decides she
might as well cheat here, pulling Chaz' ankles out from under him and
crotching him on the post. Somehow, Chioda doesn't question the logic of
looking away and looking back to see Chaz' legs wrapped around the post.
Both men tagged - Hardy ducks, flying forearm smash, scooped up, but into a
rana. Stomping away - Matt joins Jeff - into the ropes, Poetry in Motion,
NOW THE SHIRT COMES OFF!!!!, punch for Brown, Poetry in Motion for Chaz -
Brown clotheslined out. Scoop slam for Chaz - going up for the swantonbomb
- but TWO GUYS IN GOLD BODY SUITS AND MASKS WHO JUST MIGHT BE EDGE &
CHRISTIAN BUT MAYBE NOT, WHO KNOWS materalise from nowhere - one shoves
Jeff to the floor while the other one...stands around, I guess. Back to
the ring where Chaz has Jeff on the top rope - superplex! Frog splash!
But as Brown covers, Chioda tries to get Chaz back into his corner...giving
Matt just enough time to come off the top with the legdrop, turning it over
for the pin. (7:00) Chaz gives a free belt shot after the match. Play
their music 'cause they LOST!
Back to the Commish's office, where Foley is playing a game of
checkers with Al Snow...who wears a blonde wig. Foley wonders if perhaps
he's sending a subliminible message that perhaps he's the criminible.
Foley's voting for Bush? Snow says he's wearing the wig in tribute to
Sweden, where they're all blonde. Foley wonders aloud if perhaps it was
someone wearing a wig and not really blonde. "Do you know who has a lot of
wigs?" "No...who?" "I don't know, I was asking you." Foley says his
match is next, he better get dressed.
By the way, if you ask me, I think it was probably *Emma Bunton* that ran
down Stone Cold Steve Austin.
Chris Jericho eats Chef Boyardee Overstuffed Beef Ravioli - now on sale for
only 99 cents a can at Albertson's
WILLIAM REGAL joins our commentators, LARRY KING & JERRY LAWLER at ringside.
WWF EUROPEAN CHAMPIONSHIP: AL SNOW (with Head) v. TEST (with Trish Stratus
- the fitness model) - Tonight, Al is representing not Sweden but Greece -
although he seems a bit confused as he's dressed in a T-birds jacket,
pompadour wig, throwing combs to the crowd, wearing soap on a rope and
carrying a portrait of John Travolta & Olivia Newton-John. Head has a
beehive hairdo as well. "What on Earth is this? ... What is he dressed
like that for? Greece has thousands and thousands of years of wonderful
culture and history - mythological wonders! I don't understand. This is
your European champion? The World Wrestling Federation's European
champion? He is mocking me and he is mocking Europe. He's a disgrace! An
absolute disgrace! She's a buxom wench, isn't she? Nice bristles!" Still
to come, Rock and Rikishi take on Kane and Angle. Chyna and Eddie,
assuming she can find him, will take on two Right to Censor folks. "Europe
has a wonderful culture. Europe has great wrestlers. Why are we
represented by this buffoon?" Lockup, Test shoves him away. Lockup,
waistlock by Snow, going down, single leg, Test kicks him away, duck, Snow
with an arm drag, right, right, kick, right, into the ropes, head down,
Test whips him back to the mat. Scoop...and a slam. Scoop...and another
slam. Forearm to the back. Forearm. "Do you know, do you know today I
was in a restaurant, and although the waitress was a lower standard than
me, I said thank you and please to her and it made her day. It's a
wonderful feeling for me." Ross: "Well, that's very nice." Ross asks who
ran over Austin, and Regal says all signs point to Rock. Snow put into the
corner, it's a hard whip and Snow falls to the mat. Into the ropes, Snow
ducks the clothesline and dropkicks the knees. Off the ropes, but Stratus
grabs the ankle. Test runs at Snow with a big boot, but Snow sidesteps it
and Test crotches himself on the top rope - then falls outside. Snow goes
outside to chase Stratus - but runs into a Test clothesline. "Can you
believe the sportsmanship here in the WWF? I mean, there is no need for
all this...shenanigans, all this malarkey - get back in the ring and
wrestle like gentlemen!" Test puts Snow back in the ring - Snow pops up
and stomps as Test comes in - repeated fists in the back, kicks, off the
rope and runs smack dab into a big boot from Test. Cover gets 2. Test
with a right, into the corner, Snow with a back elbow, right, right, Test
ducks, gutshot, gutwrench into a powerbomb...for 2. Test to the top - Snow
over to crotch him. Can Test's crotch survive this match? Snow with a
right, right, climbing to the second rope - third rope - superplex! Snow
can't make the cover, though. Referee "Blind" Teddy Long puts on the count
- at 3, Snow manages an arm on Test - 1, 2, no! Snow right, right, kick,
chop, right, uppercut, into the opposite corner, reversed, Snow slides to a
stop - but runs into a full nelson into a uranage...for 2.
Pumphandle...looks like a Meltdown attempt, but Snow's feet hit the mat -
gutshot, is that the Snowplow? 1, 2, kickout! Guess it wasn't. Snow
points to Head...Trish is over to try to stop him - and *does* get a hold
of Head. As they tussle, Test runs towards Snow - but ends up knocking
Stratus off the apron! Snow with a Head shot - hooks the leg - Long back
around - 1, 2, 3! Snow retains. (4:45) "He just - he just used the head
- he just used that mannequin's head to beat that fellow! What kind of
sportsmanship is this?! It's bloody disgraceful!" Regal makes a
succession of entertaining faces.
As Chyna waits in the dressing room...Guerrero FINALLY appears. "Did you
forget that we have a match tonight?" "How can I for... take a look at me
and tell me if I forgot we had a match tonight, Mami, come on!" "I have
been looking for you all day - now look, just because we're fighting only
two members of Right to Censor doesn't mean that you can take this match
for granted, now come on!" "Let me ask you a question, Mami, when have I
ever let you down? I mean, I do it all for you...I've given my whole world
to you." "And I wanta make sure that you're gonna do it all for me
tonight, okay?" "Where's the trust? Don't you have any trust in me?
Huh?" "That has nothing to do with this conversation, trust, Eddie." "Yes
it does, it's got everything to do with it! We're supposed to be getting
married and you can't trust me?" "I didn't say that--" "That's a buncha
crap. You know what? I'm ready to go to the ring! If you wanna go to the
ring, then come with me, I'll see ya in the ring!" Chyna, frustrated,
leaves shortly after he does...
By the way, if you ask me, I think it was probably *Dee Snider* that ran
down Stone Cold Steve Austin.
Hey, look, another (better) Dukes of Hazzard promo
Here's a look at WWF New York
Earlier Tonight, we took a look inside the WWF New York where Road Dogg led
a dance contest...and rapped VERY VERY BADLY. Hey, I can see that girl's
EDDIE GUERRERO & THAT SLUT CHYNA (with RAW is WAR is brought to you by
Activision's Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2, M&M's, and Honda ATV's!) v. GOODFATHER
& BALD VENIS (with Steven Richards) - Guerrero and Venis start. Kick,
right, right, right, into the corner, right, right, right, right, right,
right, right, right, right, right, stomp, stomp, why'd I type all that out?
Guerrero's ON FIRE! No, wait, Venis rakes the eyes. Gutshot, reversal,
right, right, into the ropes is reversed and Venis hits hard. Right by
Guerrero, right, knee by Venis - GTV takes over the EntertainmentTron as we
take a look at a shower - sounds like Guerrero in there...in fact, that's
him leaving the shower. "Keep it warm, baby, I'll be right back!"
Victoria's head pops out from behind the shower curtain. "Yo quiero Eddy
Guerrero!" Mandy's head on the other side of the curtain. "Bye Eddie!"
We look back at Chyna, who seems...unhappy. Crowd digs it, though.
"Eddie! Eddie!" Chyna turns her back and takes a step down the steps.
Eddie tries to explain it to her...but both RTC members take Guerrero down
from behind. Into the ropes, bodyslam by Goodfather, legdrop, we watch
Chyna make forlorn faces. Back elbow off the ropes by Goodfather. Stomp,
stomp. Right, right, right, right, right. "Eddie! Eddie!" Tag to Venis,
open shot. Guerrero's head put into the turnbuckle - double underhook
suplex. Stomp, stomp, stomp. Vertical suplex - make that a half hour
suplex. Right hand. Tag, holding him for an open shot - Guerrero tries a
kick, but Goodfather hits five rights. Goodfather takes him to Chyna's
corner and chokes him on the second rope inches away from her. "Chyna, you
want your cheater? Here he is!" Death suplex. Arrogant cover - 1, 2,
kickout! "Gimme that boot!" Run into Venis' boot - tag. Kick, kick,
scoop...and a slam. Off the ropes, elbowdrop. Stomp. Stomp, stomp,
stomp. Chyna fingers her ring - and looks around. Censorbomb is gonna end
it - 1, 2, 3. (4:32) Richards is over to taunt Chyna - and eat a crappy
forearm. Venis and Goodfather are quickly over to grab her - holding her
in the ring for Richards - but Chyna manges a kick in the 'nads before MR.
ASS comes out to clean house and make the save. BIG HUG!! "I'm an ass
man...yes I'm an ass man..." Aww, what a touching moment. Richards is the
best comedic 'nads holder in the business, folks.
If you missed Heat, here's a short series of clips to show you what you
missed. Highlight was definitely Pat Patterson punking out DJ Skribble.
MTV's Sunday Night Heat airs at 7/6 Sunday night!
By the way, if you ask me, I think it was probably *Jennifer Lien* that ran
down Stone Cold Steve Austin.
In this TNN spot, you can pretty much tell that, for the most part, they're
NOT talking about TNN
Moments Ago, GTV confused us all - why's it only show up every couple of
months or so? Does the "G" stand for "Got Caught?" Chyna's reaction
probably looks better when not in slo-mo
Here's an exterior of the lovely Arrowhead Pond of Anaheim
Here's a look at MICHAEL CLARKE DUNCAN in a sweet seat
Foley hangs up the phone to talk to Crash. He talked to Hardcore over the
weekend. "Did he say hi?" "Actually, he said he was gonna kick your ass,
but listen - I can't help but notice that you're letting that blonde hair
come in a little more naturally this time around." "Yeah, yeah, you know,
I figured there's too many blondes around here anyway - you know, really
tall, angry, really bad drivers if you know what I mean." Crash is excused
as Foley sees Scotty 2 Hotty walking (WALKING!) by. "Hold on, Mick. I had
nothing to do with that. Myself, the Grand Mastah, and Rikishi were
backstage ALL NIGHT LONG." Asked what they were doing backstage, Hotty
replies, "what do you mean, what were we doin' backstage, we were chillin'
like villians, waitin' for the Rock to finish up with his match so we could
go PAR-TAY." "Did you just say par-tay?" "Yeah...you know what I mean."
"I know what you mean. I also know that the Rock's name seems to be coming
up an awful lot tonight." "Hey, Mick, I'm not saying the Rock had anything
to do with it...I'm just covering my own tracks." "Hey, I appreciate it."
"Hey...glad I could help." "I think you have...I think you have."
Meanwhile, Chyna walks off with Eddie close behind, desperate to
give an explanation. "Those ho's meant nothing to me, baby - you mean the
world!" "Eddie, I am not a ho - I am not a floozy - I loved you - I
trusted you, I respected you....this ring was the most important thing in
my life..." She tosses it to the ground. "I never want to see you again."
Chyna gets in her car as Guerrero tries to tell her he's nothing without
her. "You already ARE nothing, Eddie!" And she drives off. Was that a PT
Cruiser? Guerrero looks for the ring - but sees Billy Gunn instead.
"You...dumb...bastard. You've just lost the best thing in your life over
what, two cheap-ass ho's? Hey, I'll tell you what. Why don't you pick
this cheap-ass ring up, take it back to the pawn shop, get your twenty
bucks back, because I promise you that is as close as you will ever get to
her, as long as I'm around. Comprende, S A?" "Comprende." Then he breaks
a bottle over his head. Stomp for good measure. Guerrero walks off...but
not before picking up the ring. Ross: "He got his ring back! What a
jerk!" Me: "What, he was just gonna LEAVE it there?"
By the way, if you ask me, I think it was probably *Melissa Bellin* that
ran down Stone Cold Steve Austin.
The TNN guy tries to break into the Rock's mansion - he'll be searching for
pop in the hoosegow if he keeps up THAT action
And now, the Lugz Boot of the Week! From SmackDown! last Thursday, Angle
runs out and brains Kane with a chair - and then gives Rock a shot as well.
See, he's the #1 Contender, so it's only *natural* that he'd start swinging
a mean chair....er....I forgot where I was going with this
KING KURT ANGLE (with Presto presents No Mercy 22 October! - and also makes
the Pizzazz pizza oven) and WELL IT'S KANE v. RIKASHMONEY and IF YA
SMELLLLLLL - Kane wastes no time waffling Angle with uppercuts as soon as
he enters the ring, knocking his tag team partner to the mat each time,
climaxing with a big boot that takes him off the apron to the floor. For
an encore, Kane sets the turnbuckles alight. As soon as Rikishi enters,
Kane starts to work on HIM - repeated punches, kicks to the head, and NOW
the music hits. He might want to move just a BIT quicker - ahh, there we
go. Right, right, right, right, right, off the ropes, into the big boot.
Guess we're not gonna get an opening bell, so let me go back and
check...okay, I'm back. And so's the Rock, eating a right hand. Another
right from Kane. Rock's head put in the corner. Right. Right. Whip into
the opposite corner, reversed, Kane puts up the back elbow. Rock comes
back with a clothesline. Tag to Rikishi. Right, right, right, right, into
the opposite corner, Kane pops out with a clothesline. Cover - 1, 2,
shoulder up. Angle is hanging out by the security railing and looking on -
we look backstage to see Stephanie watching things on a monitor. Off the
ropes, Samoan Drop by the Samoan. Tag to Rock - block, right, right is
blocked, right by Kane. Right. Rock right, switching positions, right,
right, right, right, NOW KISS THAT RIGHT! But Kane absorbs all of that,
catches Rock on his shoulder, and powerslams him down. Choke on the second
rope, and another one. Referee "Blind" Earl Hebner puts on the count.
Into the ropes, big clothesline by Kane. Elbowdrop. Leg is hooked - 1, 2,
nope. Angle muttering to himself. Big legdrop from the Machine. Another
2 count. "Rock E!" Block by Rock, right, right, off the ropes, but Kane
puts up the elbow. Standing on the neck with a little rope leverage added
to boot. Kane with a suplex. Cover - 2. Kane decides to go for the
headlock. Rock almost laid out now. Arm falls once...arm falls
twice...arm does not fall thrice. Rock to his feet - right to the body,
right, right, off the ropes...into a sidewalk slam. 1, 2, shoulder up.
Man, Kane can't cover for SHIT. Another look at a blase Angle - and
another look backstage at Stephanie watching a monitor. Kane with a right
hand. Right hand. Right. Plodding, it is. Rock manages a spinebuster
and both men are down. Rikishi wants the tag - Rock crawling towards
Rikishi...and making the tag! Right by Rikishi, right, right, into the
ropes, head down, uppercut by Kane, clothesline by Rikishi - off the ropes,
drumstick drop! Hooks the leg - but only 2. Kane sent into the ropes,
head down, DDT by Kane - that shouldn't hurt, right? Rikishi back up - but
into the chokeslam. NOW Angle is up on the apron and asking for the tag.
Kane walks over...and chokes him - CHOKESLAM! That was apparently a
tag, as well, and Kane walks off. Geez, Angle ain't none too bright now,
ain't he. Angle actually manages an Olympic Slam on Rikishi (although
neither of the commentators calls it anything but a "suplex," diminishing
the fact that he just hit his finisher), but celebrates too long, allowing
Rock to come in and hit Rock Bottom on him. The buttdrop by Rikishi is
academic, but he *was* the legal man - 1, 2, 3. (9:26) The celebration is
short-lived, however, as Rikishi's music is interrupted by COMMISSIONER
McFOLEY's. Foley's gaze has been fixed on the Rock ever since he emerged
from the curtain. "I've come out here in the past - I've made wild
accusations - but that's not going to happen tonight. I promised to
deliver the person who ran over Stone Cold Steve Austin, and I will!
Fortunately, my announcement will conclude what has undoubtedly been the
worst week of my professional career. Unfortunately, all of the evidence
points...to you, Rock. It was your rental car that ran down Stone Cold -
only your fingerprints, only your DNA were found inside the car - hell, a
pair of the Rock's sunglasses were found inside the glove box. And as
Linda McMahon herself stated, no one else had as much to gain by Stone
Cold's departure, did they, Rock? No! With Stone Cold out of the way, who
sold the T-shirts? Who picked up the media appearances? Who's book went
to #1? Who showed up on television? Who got movie roles? You have not
fooled me, Rock. And therefore, right here in Anaheim, California...in the
case of who ran over Stone Cold Steve Austin at Survivor Series, Mick Foley
finds the Rock....not guilty. But if you didn't do it, who did? And I'm
going to tell you who did...he did. I hadn't quite figured it out until
Scotty 2 Hotty said something about hanging out backstage with Rikishi -
hell, Rikishi, you weren't even part of Survivor Series - you hadn't even
debuted on television. Who else is close enough with the Rock to go inside
his dressing room? Who else is close enough with the Rock to reach inside
his bag and get his keys? The mirrors and the seat were configurated to
fit not just a large man but a very large man. That very large man is
YOU...the only thing I don't know is WHY." Rikishi slowly takes the mic.
"Okay. I did it." Crowd goes nuts. Rock gives a look of shock. "In case
you didn't hear...I admit...I did it. I ran over Austin. And you ask why?
I didn't do it for me..no, I didn't do it for me. I did it for....the
Rock. You see, Rock, I took your keys out of your bag that night when I
went to go check in the hotel. And when I jumped into the car, I saw Stone
Cold Steve Austin standing in the middle of the parking lot all alone. And
suddenly, everything flashed right through my eyes. You see, the WWF has
always been all about the Great White Hope. And I'm talking about such
people as Buddy Rogers...people like Bruno Sammartino...people like Bob
Backlund...people like Hulk Hogan....and now, people like Stone Cold Steve
Austin. You see, the WWF has always let the island boys in...but, we were
always held back. Now, listen to me, Rock, and I really want you to listen
to me. And I'm talkin' about people like your grandfather - a
well-respected man, High Chief Peter Maivia, coulda became a WWF Champion,
but no - they held him back. People like Jimmy 'Superfly' Snuka...coulda
been a WWF Champion, but no - they held HIM back. And people like Afa and
Sika...Samu...and the Tonga Kid...they were ALL held back. So you see,
Rock, I ran Stone Cold over, and I did this for you. I don't expect any
favours from you, Rock - no, I don't expect no favours or no payback.
Before, I want you people to know all around the world, and set the record
straight that the Rock did not have a damn thing to do with this. I take
full responsibility. And you know what, Rock, just you being who you are
today is good enough for me and our people. And before I go, one more
time. I RAN OVER STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN. And to tell the truth....I'd do
it again." Rikishi's music plays...and he walks off. Ross: "I can't
believe this - Rikishi - the assailant - Rikishi - the perpetrator that ran
over Stone Cold - ya son of a bitch, ya ran over Austin...what is Rikishi
thinking? He almost took a man's livelihood away! Took a man's living
from him! How is Austni supposed to take care of his family! That son of
a bitch is gonna have hell to pay - I promise you - I swear to you - that
on SmackDown! Thursday night, Austin is gonna gut and quarter Rikishi!"
Out last look is of Foley looking up the ramp at Rikishi...and Rock looking
at the ground. Credits are up and that last WWF logo means we're OUT.
Damn, 'kishi almost seems NOBLE, doesn't he?
Hey, was anybody else thinking REFORM THE NATION OF DOMINATION WHERE'S
AHMED JOHNSON FAAROOQ NEEDS TO KILL BRADSHAW IT'S A NEW URBAN STREET GANG
WAR oh, no? Just me? Oh well
How come Foley had all this information about the car I hadn't heard until
tonight? This reminds me of...well, I forget which detective it is, but
they made fun of him in "Murder by Death" - "YOU always held VITAL pieces
of information until the LAST chapter!"
So all this time Rikishi's been reprazentin' da island boys! Damn, he
TOTALLY had me suckered in when he said he was standing for all the "fat
(and healthy) people" back in '99! But the one big problem with the big
speech can be summed up in three words: Yokozuna, Yokozuna, Yokozuna.
Selective memory sure can be a BITCH sometimes, can't it? (Also, I'm
pretty sure Rikishi Fatu debuted just *before* Survivor Series, but since
Foley nailed it, he's allowed to be wrong on that one.)
Don't get me wrong. As a payoff, I can't complain TOO much about the
outcome. And that speech... well, it *worked* for me. Call it an internal
continuity, call it an ending I didn't feel I could write in my sleep, call
it what you like... Given that this thing had been afforded an awful lot
of hype over the past month, I don't think ANY outcome would have yielded
*complete* satisfaction, but I have to say my (admittedly lowered)
expectations, I guess the thing I like about it the most is the future
possibilities it sets up...you have to admit that as things stand, it's a
LOT easier to turn the Rock heel than worm Vince McMahon back into this
picture and, in the process, try *really* hard to go to that well once too
often. Hell, I could even see Foley as the mastermind down the road - it'd
certainly explain how he seemed to know so much about the car (when DID
they recover the car, anyway?)
In the end - and after it's all said and done on THIS night - I want to
watch the WWF again. I want to see where this story goes. And isn't
*that* what it's all about?
I don't know....
...ask Vince Russo.
Christopher Robin Zimmerman