by Christopher Robin Zimmerman
WrestleLine/WrestleManiacs
QUICK QUOTES: WWF 12.70 (- 1.30, last year: 14 3/4), SPLN 4.21 and welcome
to decimals (+ .42875, last year: 22 3/4)
TONIGHT: Paul handles the pre-show hype - lookit this clip from
SmackDown! What will Vince do when he goes face to face with Linda? What
will he do? Well.....wait until the top of the hour to find out!
THIS WEEK'S SPECIAL MIAMI VICE GUEST STAR: No! They killed
Zito?! WHY?! You get NO special guest start because I'm SAD that LARRY
ZITO IS DEAD, BY GOD, DEAD - in reality, this was Miami Vice's "last
gasp" and final brush with greatness and I had no idea we'd moved so
deeply, so quickly into this series...
Let Us Take You to a Series of Clips, just in case you've missed
the epic saga of Vince and Linda....from Vince's request to a divorce to
his second thoughts to Linda's commitment to SmackDown! What happened to
the standard opening?
One World Leader Attitude - TV-14-DLV - ahh, there it is
Earlier Today, Vince addressed some Bruins jerseys - "winning season is
over" - then catches up with a just-arriving Jim Ross. "Hey, hey, easy
now...easy. What the hell happened to you? My God, look at your face!
You been through an automobile accident or something? Or fall down twenty
flights of steps? Look at you! Okay, all right, I'll accept partial
responsibility for what happened...and on my part, perhaps I owe you an
apology, and we need to discuss that because I don't think you're in the
right frame of mind to work tonight." "Oh, the hell I'm not - I came here
to work - I'm ready to work." "Easy now. I don't want you going out
there with your head full of - of ill thoughts about me or about other
people and saying the wrong thing, so before you go to work tonight, we
need to have a little discussion in my office, if you don't mind. I just
wanna make sure you're in the right frame of mind, if you understand..."
Vince puts a hand on Ross' shoulder...and he takes off in a different
direction. "Hey hey hey - hey, JR - I'll see ya in my office, pal."
Opening Credits
LET PYRO BE - we are LIVE from the Baked Bean Capital of the World,
Boston, MA and the SOLD OUT Fleet Center 9.4.1 and transmitido en espanol
SAP - here, WWF New York, there, on YOUR TV and mine, on TNN and maybe
TSN...RAW IS WAR!
KING KURT ANGLE is our first man out tonight - Ross isn't out to join PAUL
HEYMAN just yet - Heyman provides an Oklahoma impersonation to
cover. "Believe it or not...don't start. Believe it or not, Your Olympic
Hero is still a little bit naked. Now I know that the people here in
Boston are not used to winning championships - oh, it's true - hell, the
Boston Red Sox had made a habit of it for over eighty years! TIM
WAKEFIELD...you're still active? Only in Boston. And I thank the good
Lord above that I'm nothing like the Boston Red Sox. I am a Champion for
life, and In This Very Arena, I was crowned King of the Ring. Oh,
yeah. So it's only fitting that tonight I win something again - so I'm
issuing a challenge to any champion back there with enough guts to come
out here and give me a title shot. And unlike so many others, Roger
Clemens, Bill Parcells, Rick Patino, I'm not gonna leave this town until I
win championship gold! So Austin, Triple H, hell, I don't care WHO it is
- why don't you come out here so I can get what I deserve? Hey, I'm not
like Nomar Garciaparra, I'm not gonna fake an injury (boos) - don't make
me come back there, come on out right now..." Now you all KNOW what
happens next, right?
WWF HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP: KING KURT ANGLE v. KANE - Angle decides he'd
better meet him out on the ramp - right by Kane, right, right, put in the
ring - Kane going BETWEEN the ropes (when's he EVER done that?), so Angle
clocks him and Tests him in the ropes - Angle outside - stomp, stomp,
stomp, stomp. Angle under the ring for some plundah - he catches on
quick! Unfortunately, he holds a garbage can right in front of his face -
and gets a big boot to the can. Kane outside - press and drop on the
barricade. truth Double Feature likes the can shot. Vertical suplex out
on the floor! Kane has a can - WHACK! Paul Heyman doesn't know there's a
light heavyweight championship, I guess, since he keeps saying this is the
one belt Angle's never won. Kane puts Angle back in the ring, and
follows. Pressed up - but Angle wriggles free and drops down to find an
ankle...but Kane turns it over and gets him away. Angle with a garbage
can lid - "classic Olympic style," proclaims Heyman. Angle going up top -
Kane is over to beal him onto a garbage can! Kane motioning for the
chokeslam - but WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW rumbles out - elbow to the back,
Final Cut (!), Angle covers - Show pulls him off and headbutts him down,
HE covers Kane - 1, 2, NO! Well it's a big right hand - Kane fires back -
rights traded - Angle over with a clothesline and now it's a
hastily-fashioned doubleteam. Well here comes TAKER - Soupbone for Angle,
another, soupbone for Show, three more, Show pinballing between Kane and
Taker - Angle pops up and nails Show to show he's a team player - but they
ain't buying it - double punch for Angle. Show put into the ropes -
DOUBLE CHOKESLAM!! Kane covers as Angle backs up the ramp. 1, 2, 3, and
Kane retains. (3:55) Taker lays a "NO DUMPING ALLOWED" sign on Show's
carcass as Kane sets the turnbuckles alight.
Back in Vince's office, he asks if Ross is comfortable. He brought him
here to get him in the right frame of mind. Ross declines coffee. Vince
wants nothing but the very best for WWF fans - he wants Ross to go out
with a clear conscience and work as he normally does, so to get him in the
right frame of mind, he's invited Steve Austin to join them. Austin takes
the seat next to Ross on the couch. "You don't mind if I join ya, do ya?
... Pretty little cowboy hat you've got on, son." "Now, just calm down JR
- this isn't exactly what it looks like. No, you see, we're here to
ENTERTAIN you - and in a few minutes, we're gonna show some movies."
Ross puts on his best glum face.
Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago, when Angle Kane Show Taker.
Look for Taker to say "now" - Kane does NOT do karaoke during this replay
Show holds his back and WALKS! backstage. KEVIN "NAILZ" KELLY asks for
his reaction to what just went down. Show is displeased with Taker
sticking his nose in his business - he wants him tonight, one on one, and
we'll find out just whose yard this is.
Meanwhile, Vince has a movie for Ross - "The Life and Times of Good Ol'
JR" - Let Us Take You Back to SmackDown! - aka "Read the SmackDown!
report" - aka FUHFUHWID - every minute or so we cut to a reaction shot
from these three - mainly, Steve Austin patting Ross on the shoulder and
Vince mugging for the camera - I liked this segment a lot better the FIRST
time I saw it, by the way...hey, why'd they bother to bleep it TONIGHT?
I mean, this ain't JAKKED...where I also saw this clip...oh, they edited
out Cole and Tazz, okay. Man, that blood sure looks SICK. Okay, I admit
it - I'm not fast forwarding COMPLETELY through this - but, damn, couldn't
this segment have been better utilised? Back to Vince. "Now, then - what
you think of our film? Is that a double thumbs up or what, JR?" Austin:
"Don't eyeball me. Don't you dare eyeball me, you son of a bitch."
Watching that tape makes Austin realise just how weak and pathetic JR is.
"Don't ever look at me like that. I ain't got nothin' else to say to
you," so he takes off. "So now...are ya in the...right frame of mind to
go to work tonight, JR?" "Oh yeah." "Good...good." "I've also
talked to my attorney, and he tells me I got a hell of a lawsuit here if I
choose to go that way...but that's never been my style...so...my other
options, I guess - I could just quit tonight." "Oh yeah - ya know, you're
the quittin' kind, aren'cha - is that - is that what you wanna do, you
wanna quit?" "And, if I quit tonight, Vince, uh, I'm goin' to work
tomorrow for your son (Shane) down in WCW." Vince's expression changes.
"So if you'll excuse me, I"ve got a job to do - I'm goin' to work." "You
better damn well do it, too!"
Kane scooter Stacker 2
Kane items or less Stacker 2
*Damn!* It was TRUTH that stole the speakers out of my car!
Here's a look at the Budweiser billboard tacked to the wall of the Fleet
Center
LARRY KING makes his delayed entrance - Heyman mutters about the show
doing just fine without him...then gets euphoric when Ross is actually
within earshot. Too funny!
CRASH & MOLLY HOLLY (with Let Us Take You Back to Monday) v. RHYNO in a
handicap match - No matter how you slice it, it's still SQAUSH. Molly
never gets in, making the Highlight of this match the wwf.com logo
appearing and disappearing. (Gore -> pin Crash 1:29) Post-match, Rhyno
is ready to gore Molly once again, but KOOL MOE DEE makes his triumphant
return and gives him three punches and a clothesline (but not with the
bionic, deadly arm - oh, wait)
Backstage, Vince tells Stephanie he has a feeling tonight will be an
unusual night, and it's not a good feeling. Stephanie tells him not to
worry about JR, Shane or WCW - Vince says it's his business to worry about
things - the monitor behind them magically cuts from the picture you and I
are watching to a picture of Linda's limousine pulling up and LInda
getting out...Vince asks for water.
XFL on UPN Playoff hype (the what?) The XFL! Don't you remember the
XFL? (Hmmm, doesn't ring a bell)
I don't know if I fast-forwarded by one of these tonight or not, but
here's MY first "The Mummy Returns" ad - you have to look close to see the
Rock since they don't mention him, but he's definitely in the ad
Are Kirby and Jigglypuff related?
Time now for the WWF Slam of the Week - brought to you by Castrol Motor
Oily! From last night on Heat, the Dudleyz interfere on Spike's behalf in
his match against Lita - huh? I really should start watching this show
again
Linda is WALKING! She meets and greets the Acolytes - then checks out a
photo session with CREEPY Chyna
MICHAEL KING COLE stands with Spike Dudley, who isn't afraid to admit he
lost to Lita - X-Pac, Justin Credible and Albert enter the picture to lay
it on thick - 'Pac: "I've heard of laying down for women before (sure,
sure), but never in the wrestling ring, punk!" Spike says he'll be happy
to fight his own battles without his brother - Albert blocks the coffee
toss (for the most part) and then yaaaaaaaaah tosses him into the cyclone
fencing. Good yuks are had by all - then 'Pac kicks him while he's down,
just for good measure.
Let Us Take You Back to SmackDown! when Chris Jericho saved Chris
Benoit from a broken ankle - Later that Night, Triple H won the
intercontinental title from Jericho when Regal snuck in a little revenge,
STEEL chair style
JONATHAN COACHMAN responds to the commissioner's summons - Regal has
decided that tonight, Jericho and Benoit need to have the next chapter in
their classic rivalry and it's up to the Coach to deliver the good news.
Meanwhile, Big Show is WALKING!
Meanwhile, Taker is BOXING WITH SHADOWS
And now, the Blast of the Night, brought to you by JVC's big ol' boombox!
From SmackDown! last Thursday, Show opens the wrong door - and Kane and
Taker said "We're the Brothers of Destruction and WE can't tolerate BAD
MANNERS!"
WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW (with Earlier Tonight) v. TAKER (on his Beautiful
Titan Bike - oh sure, they SAY it's some other brand, but YOU and I know
better) - Hey, remember when these guys were SUCH good friends that they
ACTUALLY had their own theme? Neither do the writers! Highlight of this
match is the finisher, which sees Taker thwart a Ten Punch Count Along by
powerbombing him off the second rope for the pin. (1:33) Show jobbed
twice tonight - I think his head is in the right place, already.
Holy cow! Linda McMahon is WALKING!
"WWF Divas in Hedonism" video ad
WWF RAW hits the Compaq Center at San Jose Monday May 21st! Tix on sale
Saturday! Wait a minute - the WHERE? Did they name the Arena and not
tell me? Sheeeeeeeeeeit.
Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago and the only good move in the previous
match - from two angles, even.
Good ol' LINDA McMAHON - she'll *always* come out to "WrestleMania."
Sign in crowd: "GO for the NADS Linda" - stonedgoat.com? Here's
the RAW Credits. "Thank you." TV-14-DLV ratings box. "Thank you ALL,
all of you, very very much. I came here tonight because I wanted to make
three announcements. One: as you can see, and as I said last week, I have
fully recovered and of sound body and mind...and I have resumed all of my
responsibilities as the CEO of the World Wrestling Federation. Secondly,
I want to again say how proud I am of my son (Shane), who did...a
tall-standing McMahon who did what he felt he had to do at WrestleMania.
And Shane, I want you to know that I wish you all the luck and the world
and success with your new acquisition. My third announcement, and my most
obvious reason for being here tonight doesn't really involve so much my
son (Shane) and me, but it is about my husband (Vincent K. McMahon). So,
Vince being the one who ALWAYS likes to do things in such a public
fashion, I would like to request his presence to join me here, In This
Very Ring." Well hit the music, BILLIONAIRE VINCE saunters out - Vince
wants the big hug but Linda stops him. Vince wants to settle for the
handshake - and gets a head shake instead. Vince gets angry and goes
looking for a mic. "All right, okay, all right. I know why you're here.
And, quite frankly, I admire you for it. I know why you're here - you -
you came out here...to apologise to me. You came out here, Linda, that's
your announcement, you wanna apologise to me for what you did at
WrestleMania. You wanna apologise to me for kicking me in the...gonads.
So go ahead!" "Vince...shut...up. I'M the one who's gonna do the talking
in this ring tonight. Maybe you recall, or maybe you don't, the last time
you and I had a public chat in the ring. I do remember it. It was last
December in Madison Square Garden. But in case you don't remember, let's
take a little stroll down memory lane with this little piece of
videotape." You can almost hear the audience audibly groan at having to
endure another clip. Vince wants a *divorce*. Vince talks over the end
of the clip... "I was just a little angry that night - I didn't--"
"Angry? ANGRY? You weren't just angry, Vince, you were furious. You
were over-the-top furious. And you made me ill. I was stunned - but I
guess anyone would be when something like that comes out of the blue after
thirty-four years of marriage. I admit it, Vince...you broke my heart.
And...you did make me ill. You - you made me sick. But not sick enough
that I should have been put in a private sanitarium and medicated heavily
against my will...but then, you didn't stop. The next few months, you
kept saying 'you KNOW that you can hear me, you know what's goin' on,
watch this' and then you did THING after THING, episode after episode, so
in case you don't remember, Vince, let's take a look at THAT footage
because I want you to see how sick I think YOU are...please!" Let Us Take
You Back Three Months where Trish Stratus deserves a spanking - Vince
talks to Linda's doctor on the phone and doubles the medication - Two
Months Ago, Trish sits in a bathtub and Vince takes off to meet her -
Valentine's Day, Vince steals Linda's flowers and gives them to Trish - is
it just me or are all these clips from SmackDown!? Back to Linda: "And
all of that then finally led to the match at WrestleMania, when you and
Shane had your match, and I have to tell you a lot of wrongs were righted
at WrestleMania - Trish kept the doctors away, I wasn't so heavily
medicated, and Trish even got to slap you across the face. Then, Mick
Foley pummeled you senseless into the corner. I had a very - strategic -
kick. Then Shane finished it off with a dropkick into the trashcan for
the 1, 2, 3. Now, there are a lot of people, Vince, who would think that
I had revenge enough...but I'm not one of those people." "Whoa whoa whoa
whoa - wait just a minute, okay, then I'll give you what you want, I know
what you want - and I'll give it to you. I'll do this because...I've
always been the one to sacrifice in our relationship so I'll do it one
more time, okay? And I'll do it here. All right? What you want
is...okay, I'll give it to you. Publicly, I will - I.....apologise. Now
wait a minute. Wait a minute. I'll go one step further, here we go.
(on knee) Just like it was 34 years ago when I asked you to make the right
decision then and you did, all I'm asking for ya is to make the right
decision now, Linda - that's all I'm asking. Read my lips, Linda...I
humbly, truthfully apologise for my actions." Pause. Linda puts a hand
on his shoulder. "Vince...I didn't come here for an apology. You read my
lips - *I* WANT A DIVORCE." Now play "WrestleMania!" "Whoa oh, whoa
oh..."
XFL on NBC playoff hype (hmm, that SHOULD ring a bell, but it doesn't...)
Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago - no, let's NOT, in fact
Backstage, Linda is ready to head into her limo - but first, Lita catches
up to her to let her know how inspiring she found the previous
segment. Wow, didn't take HER long to suck up, eh? Linda gets in the
limo...and Vince catches up and demands she roll down the window. But she
drives off instead. Vince looks back at Lita...and fixes a gaze on her
that roots her to the spot. "So! 'Inspiring!'" "Yeah, I just wanted to
comment--" "Shut up. I tell you what's inspiring to me. YOU - in a
match tonight - against my daughter Stephanie. No, it's better than that
- you can bring the Hardy Boyz, okay? This is gonna be a six PERSON tag
team match - you and the Hardyz against Stephanie, against Triple H, and
Stone Cold Steve Austin. 'Inspiring.'"
THOSE DAMN DUDLEYZ - ALL THREE OF 'EM v. THREE CRACKERS WITH MUSIC BY
UNKLE CRACKER - yup, Team X Factor's new music was so great they've
already replaced it with another version! Wahoo! Pier Six Brawl outside
the ring to start and allow me to read your mind: you're thinking "when is
the next McMahon segment and/or SmackDown! clip?" Buh Buh Ray puts
Credible into the ring, so let's watch them: block, right by Dudley, into
the opposite corner, Credible goes up and down and comes back to take
Uncle Slam - check that, a Buh Buh Bomb. Head to the buckle, tag to Spike
- right hand, into the corner, Credible slides under and points to his
head...but Spike clocks him anyway. Free shot for Albert, NO SALE -
Albert holds him but Spike ducks Credible's shot and Albert eats it -
double noggin knocker for 'Pac and Credible - Spike up top - DIVES onto
Albert - but he just catches him and yaaaaaaah rams his back into the
ringpost. truth brings the noise a second time with a Double Feature.
Tag to X-Pac - blatant choke with the bandana. Spike punches back as the
wwf.com logo plays "Where's Waldo?" a second time. X-Pac ducks a swing
and lands a spin kick. Gore in the friendly corner, tag to Credible.
Into the ropes, double clothesline ducked, double flapjack countered with
a...double face jam, let's say. Can Spike make the hot tag? Why yes he
can! In comes D-Von - avoids a swing from X-Pac and clotheslines down
Credible, right for X-pac, free shot for Albert, Credible with a right,
into the ropes is reversed, nice powerslam by Dudley, X-Pac saves at 2.
Well, all six men are into it now and it ain't purty, folks. D-Von
sidesteps a yaaaaaaaavalanche and Credible eats it. Double clothesline by
Buh Buh Ray and D-Von puts Albert out - 3D (Dudley Death Drop) on Credible
- D-Von covers - 1, 2, 3. (2:38) Post-match, X-Pac - yes, X-Pac - gets
"What Are You Doing?" Testify dance. D-Von, let's eat maple. I LOVE it
at Levitz, but no sooner is the table in the ring than Albert is back in -
yaaaaaah double clothesline puts both D-Von and Buh Buh Ray down. In
comes Spike - down goes Spike, tossed to the floor off a yaaah press.
Again D-Von and Buh Buh Ray are back up and putting Albert outside. The
table is put in place - X-Pac is whipped into position...but Credible
rescues him from 3D (Dudley Death Drop) by an ankle grab. Albert is back
in AGAIN - Baldobomb for Buh Buh Ray through the table! Play Uncle
Cracker again! Almost all three of them trip over Spike's corpse while
backing up the aisle - heh.
Vince packs up - he's headed out after his wife. Stephanie and Helmsley
show concern about being booked in a six-man, but Vince asks them to
PLEASE not be so damn selfish all the time, thinking only of themselves...
Meanwhile, Chris Jericho is WALKING!
Replace "Jericho" with "Benoit" and Bob's your UNCLE!
While Jeff twiddles his thumbs, Matt and Lita have a talk about how they
got into this match. Matt proclaims tonight will be "inspiring" for sure.
Jeff is pumped for the match, though - this is a big opportunity for them,
hot on the heels after their win over Big Show.
CHRIS BENOIT (with WWF: The Music [Volume 5] CD cover & RAW is WAR
is brought to you by M&M's, FRAM!, and the JVC GigaTube) v. CHRIS MONDAY
JERICHO in a "we're mates - but not *those* kinda mates" match - also, the
loser can't call himself "Chris" anymore - we're ready to go but there's
an important missing ingredient in this match...the *screwjob waiting to
happen*, so the lack of a zebra in the ring is remedied as the music of
COMMISSIONER REGAL fires up - ha ha, YOU thought there'd be some WRESTLING
tonight! "Being the WWF commissioner, and having made this match for my
friends, the fans, I think I am the ONLY gentlemen that has the honour and
the dignity to officiate such an epic battle." Here we go. Feeling out
process to start - finally they lock up - Jericho pushes to the corner,
Benoit reverses, Regal breaks it up and tells them to "bloody get on with
it" - hey, I thought the closed fists were illegal! Lockup, Benoit with a
knee, knee, into the ropes, duck, flying jalapeno by Jericho! Gutshot,
another kick, Benoit catches the next one and hits the dragon screw
legwhip - kick, kick, kick, elbow, into the opposite corner, boot up by
Jericho. Drop toehold by Benoit, going for the crossface but Jericho
flips out - both men back to their feet. Gutshot by Jericho, "Regal
sux" chant starts up, elbow, into the ropes is reversed, rollup by
Jericho, Benoit tries to roll into a crossface, Jericho up and tries a
double leg, Benoit grabs the bottom rope and Regal demands a
break. Jericho catches the chop attempt, underhook, DOUBLE underhook,
into a backbreaker by Jericho - cover - Regal slowly over to count - 1,
check...kickout before 2. Benoit with a double sledge as Jericho protests
- gutshot, into the corner, forearm to the back as he backs out, another
forearm, forearm, waistlock, German suplex - but as he covers, Regal is
waving to the fans. Benoit spins him around - Jericho from behind,
forearm, into the ropes is reversed, but Jericho gets the elbow
up. Jericho on the second rope...but the missile dropkick hits Regal when
Benoit uses him as a shield! Jericho with a clothesline for
Benoit. Regal with a surprise elbow for Jericho - and one for
Benoit. Regal giving some mouth to both men...they're back up and
eyeballing HIM - Regal continuing to remind them that he's in charge -
Jericho with a gutshot, Benoit with a right, Jericho with a right, Benoit
removes Regal's ref shirt, Jericho chops, Benoit chops, Jericho chops,
Benoit with a death suplex, Jericho with a Lionsault, Benoit with a
swandive headbutt, Jericho with the Walls of Jericho AND Benoit with the
Crippler crossface - Regal taps (like that'll help) - the bell rings
(Double DQ? No contest? 3:50) as the REAL REFS come out to get Jericho
to release his hold - Benoit takes a little longer to remove HIS. Play
Jericho's music! (Why Jericho's music?) Hey, I'M not the guy running the
show here. Jericho and Benoit finally remember to give each other uneasy
stares.
"The Mummy Returns" ad #2 (I think) - there's that Rock guy again - come
to think of it, this is the only time we'll see him tonight, isn't it...
I watched "That's My Bush" for about two minutes and then realised...maybe
I *was* just a bit too old to fit the demographic of people who would
enjoy this show - by which I mean, "older than about 14"
XFL hype - FUHFUHWID - MY dream is no more XFL hype
Did JR have all those funny lookin' wounds on Saturday's telecast? Did
anybody actually WATCH on Saturday who could tell me? Saturday's playoff
is San Francisco at Orlando; Sunday's is Chicago at Los Angeles. Aw,
shucks, no New York game to show? Phone numbers are given for tix for Los
Angeles and Orlando - if you want 'em, go visit their site 'cause I got no
TIME for you
Earlier Today, the RtC accosted Raven backstage - and the cameras were
there. Richards: "May we have a word? We are only trying to help you.
Look at yourself, Raven. The world is crept in and let you corrupt your
very soul. Follow us - and we can change that!" Venis: "What we stand
for, Raven, is just and true. You see, we have meaning in our lives, and
today we're here to share that joy with you." Raven: "Shhhhhh - No, fate
- fate has brought you to me, and destiny - destiny will expose your
hypocritical convictions, and pain - pain will be your penance. Fate,
destiny and pain." Venis pulls him back. "If you're not with us, Raven,
you're against us, and that is not a place you want to be." "The only
place that I don't wanna be is trapped inside your belief
systems!" Ladies and gentlemen...we have a face turn?
Here's a look at rainy, rainy WWF New York
Inside, EDGE & CHRISITIAN have a "7x champions" cake. Let Us Take You
Back to Earlier Tonight when Rhyno gored Crash, Molly tried a sleeper and
got shrugged off, but Hardcore saved the day in the end. Edge pronounces
it "B-R-UTAL" and gives the Hollys a tag team shot for Thursday. Seven
sodas with umbrellas ('cause sodas rule), a seven-layer cake, and for the
benefit of those with flash photography...a seven-second pose.
Hit Edge's music! I think that was about thirteen seconds.
Triple H and Steve Austin have a strategy chat. Stephanie: "Do you guys
wanna include me on this?" Triple H: "Naw...we're done." He promises
that this is gonna be good...
"WWF: The Music (Volume 5)" ad
BALD VENIS (with Steven Richards & Goodfather & Wall Buchanan) v. CAW CAW
CAW (with "WWF: The Music [Volume 5]" CD cover) Tix go on sale this
Saturday for Judgment Day in Sacramento! God willing, I WILL get those
sweet seats! (Wait, didn't you want to get San Jose RAW tickets
Saturday?) Aw, shit - NOW how do I make it work? Ross says "hi" to the
Rock, making it the first time (not counting the "Rock E" chant in the
SmackDown! highlight and CD ads) the man's name is said during the show.
Kick by Venis, right, right, right, into the opposite corner is reversed,
off the ropes with a clothesline by Raven, kneelift, into the corner,
clothesline followup, bulldog out, all Raven, right, into the ropes,
reversed, Raven holds on, gutshot, Evenflow DDT - 1, 2, Richards pulls
Raven off of Venis. Raven with an Evenflow on the floor on Richards! 1,
2, Buchanan pulls referee "Blind" Teddy Long outside to have a chat.
Goodfather in with a double sledge - into the corner, Censor Train splash,
Venis covers - 1, 2, NO! Venis with the Perfectplex - 1, 2, NO! That
move NEVER works. Goodfather on the apron to argue with Long - behind his
back, Buchanan hits the scissors kick - Venis with the Censor shot - 1, 2,
3. What was the point? Maybe we'll find out later. Then again....maybe
we won't. (1:44)
Team Xtreme is WALKING!
Steve Austin and the Helmsleys are single-file WALKING!
"Mick Foley: Hard Knocks & Cheap Pops" video ad
HARDY BOYZ & LITA (with Castrol Motor Oily presents Backlash!) v. THE NEW
MAN & STEPHANIE CAN'T ACT and STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN in frosty, chilly,
intergender action - Heyman *really* wants "Billion Dollar Princess" to
get over as a catchphrase, but it ain't workin' with me. Austin and H
take it to the Hardyz while Lita...watches on until Stephanie elbows her
from behind, taking her outside. The Hardyz are turning it around, in the
meantime, Austin out, Helmsley out, Hardyz ready to pose. Helmsley back
in and on Matt - to the corner, right, kick, right, right, right, right,
right by Hardy, right by H, right by Hardy, right by H, truth Double
Feature, right by Hardy, right, discus right and H goes down. H up - Jeff
punches him down again. Tag to Jeff. Into the corner, Poetry in Motion
on H. Austin in without a tag - Matt with a right, and a right - into the
corner, Poetry in Motion on *Austin*. Matt clotheslines him out - and OFF
COME THE SHIRTS SQUEEEEEEEEAL. Jeff on top - Austin takes a powder on the
outside, so Jeff tries a corkscrew moonsault onto Triple H in the
ring...only, MAYBE his elbow hit (if anything). Still, Austin pulls Jeff
off the cover - just in case. Jeff with a right for Austin and back in -
man, this whole match is HIGHLY UNLIKELY - shoulder in the gut for H -
sunset flip in...but H steadies himself - Matt in with a clothesline to
complete the sunset flip - 1, 2, NO! Matt with a right, H put in the
ropes...but he hits a facebuster to turn it around. Tag to Austin. Matt
reverses a head to the buckle attempt by ramming *Austin's* head into the
buckle - and again - and give more times - right, right, right, right,
right, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, he's fired up! Austin goes to
the eyes to bring it back - Matt into the ropes, Austin with a sleeper.
Hardy turns in and hits a death suplex. On the second rope - ahhhh
legdrop. 1, 2, NO! Austin to the corner, tag to Jeff, gutshot, into the
ropes, reversed - did Jeff want to counter the spinebuster with a DDT?
Austin didn't go along, so we'll call it an Austin spinebuster. Austin
motions to Triple H, drawing over referee "Blind" Tim White - behind his
back, Austin parts the legs and stomps betwixt 'em. Up by the hair -
right hand down. Right hand by Austin. Tag to Triple H, Austin standing
on the neck while H stomps away. Right by H, right by Jeff, right, back
elbow for Austin, right for H, back elbow for Austin, H with a drop
toehold - tag - Austin with an Up Yours elbow off the ropes. Blatant
choke for 4. Austin gives White a look. Hairmare - Austin off the ropes
with a kneedrop. Austin standing on the hair and tugging on the
arms. Head stomp. Tag to Triple H. Crowd chanting "Lita." Stomp by H,
stomp by Austin. Knee by H. Jeff crawls to the corner...H waits a bit,
then drops an elbow well short of his corner. H pulls him back - trying
to tag Austin - Jeff lands on enzuigiri (but he doesn't "score," Ross -
you've been good all night, but at the same time, you've had nothing to
call) - Jeff starts crawling as H tags Austin...who stops him, grabbing a
boot - Jeff manages a mule kick to get *Austin* away...H grabs the ankle
again - but Jeff dives and tags Matt - double clothesline from the
top! Right for H, right for Austin, right, right, into the ropes is
reversed, Austin runs Matt out of the ring and follows. To the barricade
we go - to the commentary table - and again to the table. Jeff flies out
onto Triple H - back in the ring, Lita is in and bringing Stephanie in the
hard way - Twist of Fate! Lita going up for the moonsault - and landing
it! 1, 2, 3! (7:00) I don't think either woman was legal - oh well. H
is in and he's pissed - Lita turns around and quick doubletakes. Austin
is behind HER with a chair - Lita turns round again and comes face to face
with Austin - will he swing it? Well, he doesn't have to - Triple H from
behind with an elbow to the back of the head. Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp,
stomp, stomp. Pedigree coming up - aaaayup. Matt in and spearing H -
Austin chairs Jeff...then gets Matt in the back - and again. Austin puts
the edge of the chair into Matt's sternum six or seven times, WHACKS Matt
in the back a few more times - Lita covers Matt...WHACK! WHACK! WHACK
WHACK WHACK - Austin with the edge of the chair in Lita's abdomen - THREE
times! Jeff gets a Pedigree as Austin puts the edge of the chair to Lita
one more time. H has Lita up by the hair for all of us to see - wait, I
don't think Austin is finished. Austin with a middle finger - KICK WHAM
STUNNER! Austin is Disturbed! Credits, WWF logo, see ya Thursday...when
it MIGHT be a good idea to start putting on some MATCHES once again...
AFTER THE FACT: Thanks to Justin McIsaac (who knows Jakked enhancement
talent Alex Arion *personally* and also recommends the All Star Wrestling
show if you live in New Hampshire) and Brian Heavey, but it's our old
friend from OSCS, John Orquiola, who sent in the first on-site report.
So go visit oursocalledsport.com already and
PREPARE TO LAUGH!!
CRZ,
Just got back from a grueling endurance test of a live
RAW from the FleetCenter. I enjoyed the show when
there was a show to enjoy and we weren't just watching
last week's Smackdown on the Titan Tron, but the
crowd's enthusiasm was killed off pretty quickly
during that first hour. 19,000 people watching three
people on a video screen watching last week's
wrestling promo on a TV screen is pretty damn
ridiculous. Of course, to alleviate boredom, the
crowd chanted "Yankees suck!" all night long. Really,
Boston fans are some of the most insecure sports fans on Earth. Oh, it's
true, it's true.
Here's the stuff that wasn't shown or will be shown
this weekend on the best (and only?) wrestling show in
syndication, Jakked.
Prototype defeated Chris Chetti in the opener. It was
neat to see Chris Chetti and people in the crowd
seemed to recognize him. They booed him anyway.
Prototype was pretty green, which one would expect by
his name. There are a lot of kinks to be ironed out
before the final draft is issued. Lots of blind
charges in the corner, which would become a theme of
these dark matches. Chetti used a lot of martial arts
style kicks. Prototype pinned him with some spinning
something or other. Neither man looked particularly
good in the match.
Scott Vick and Steve Bradley defeated the Haas
Brothers. If Prototype was green, the Haas Brothers
were Kermit the Frog. They did a pretty impressive
car crash sequence outside of the ring. I lost track
of who exactly was doing what but one of the men dove
through the ropes and smacked his head and shoulders
into the aisle pretty good. There was also a pretty
sweet Asai moonsault done by one of the four men, I
just don't remember who. Bradley used a very fast
reverse Shake Rattle and Roll neckbreaker (Roll,
Rattle and Shake?) to get the pin.
Jerry Lynn defeated the American Dragon. The crowd
seemed to know who Lynn was and responded favorably.
Lots of counters and reversals in the opening part of
the match. Lynn used a few different moves to try to
put Dragon away, including a tornado DDT, but Dragon
escaped the three. Lynn finally put him away with
some sort of tilt a whirl-like sit out power bomb.
Pretty decent action. Dragon seemed disheartened at
having to lay down in his native country but he gave a
game effort.
Jakked tapings were up next. Coach got a surprisingly
warm reception, while Dr. Tom Prichard and Kevin Kelly
followed behind without much acknowledgement. A
special treat for me was hearing "Badstreet, USA" live
as Michael Hayes came out. Jeff, Lance and I agreed
that Buddy Jack Roberts was the ugliest and least
likable Freebird. I dropped the name Jimmy Jam Garvin
several times, mostly because it's fun to say.
Grandmaster Sexay and Steve Blackman defeated
Kaientai. I remember as recently as the last time the
WWF was in Boston back in November, it was
unfashionable to root for Kaientai. Now, the place
goes nuts when they come out. This was a fun little
match. Hip Hop Drop finished Funaki and then it was
time for Too Lethal to dance. Blackman doesn't even
pretend he doesn't want to anymore. First truly big
pops of the night were, in ascending order of volume,
Too Lethal's intro, "Indeed!", and then the dancing.
All four corners lit up in pyro for the dancing.
At this point, I was starting to feel a little down
and I needed a pick me up. I needed Haku. And then
out Haku came to take on a jobber, which was just
delightful. Howard Finkel by this time was just
inaudible on the mic when it came to announcing the
names. Jeff astutely observed as the match progressed
that Haku has eliminated selling from his wrestling
style. A Tongan Death Grip garnished the squash
rather quickly. No Kick of Fear, and there I was all
ready to pop for one. Crowd was really not interested
anyway. Oh, and I hear the "Yankees suck!" In fact, I
heard that a lot.
The Radicalz defeated two more jobbers whose names
didn't carry well at all via Finkel's annunciation
over the house sound system. I actually left to get
some pizza here, but by all accounts I didn't miss
much.
K-Kwik defeated Swinger. I hate K-Kwik and as a
general rule I don't watch his matches unless he's
being squashed, so I concentrated on my pizza.
Lillian came out and by popular demand, we forgoed the
national anthem. Paul Heyman came out to Limp
Bizkit's "My Way" and man, what a relief. I was
getting worried there since it had been almost a whole
day since I'd heard that song. Heyman got some cheers
but mostly boos. He is not liked by the vast majority
of the fans and the disparaging comments I heard
seemed to indicate they are displeased with his
announcing.
RAW time. You all saw the show of course. The crowd
was really unhappy and bored during the replay of
Smackdown. It really didn't help that we just
couldn't hear what was being said during the backstage
vignettes. The in house audio for the promos and
vignettes was pretty bad all night.
I would be remiss if I didn't comment on the match OUR
so-called SPORT has long waited for, the big blowoff
between the Undertaker and the Big Show. Mind you, we
saw the Big Show walking, we saw the Taker shadow
boxing, we knew the match was next, during the break
we heard the Harley revving up backstage, but we NEVER
saw the stairs moved from the ring corners. I just
don't understand how that is. Anyway, holy crap, I
loved this match. Now I don't normally rate matches,
but this match needs a rating. What else? *******3/4
A near perfect match, which loses 1/4 * because Show
got some offense in. Taker rolled off on his bike
after the match, while the Show Frankenstein staggered
all the way up the ramp, still selling the
debilitating effects of the Last Ride.
Triple H and Stone Cold got tremendous babyface pops
for their entrances, but all those good feelings went
away when they beat the living sh*t out of Lita. That
was a heel tour de force. It was pretty awe inspiring
to see the vicious bastard Steve Austin back with a
vengeance. That beatdown was just heel-rrific. After
the cameras stopped rolling, Triple H and Austin
tossed the Hardys and Lita out of the ring. Lita took
a really nasty spill over the top rope. Austin then
yelled at JR, yelled at Lillian, drank a lot of beer,
gave some beer to Triple H and Stephanie, drank even
more beer, beat on Matt Hardy, drank more beer,
Stunnered a referee on the aisle, and picked fights
with the ringside crowd. Austin kept teasing that
he'd come back to the ring when the Hardys were
staggering to their feet, but he and the Game
eventually retreated backstage as the Hardys got their
music played.
But let me tell you, I heard not a single ROCKY chant
all night. There was no mention of the Rock, his
merchandise was not even pushed by Lillian or the
Fink. Boston was never really a Rock town, and it
looks like at least in Boston, the Rock is happily
forgotten about for the time being.
And that is that. Not the best show I've ever been
to, but the main event was hot and I had a good enough
time. Now, if I could, I'd like to sneak in a quick
plug for my humble little website,
oursocalledsport.com. I swear there will be new
material on the site in a few days so please check us
out. Now I've gotta get some sleep.
Peace out.