by Christopher Robin Zimmerman
WrestleLine/WrestleManiacs
I GET LETTERS: Terry Anderton offers: Thought I'd rop you a short note
- when The Rock said that his character in "The Mummy Returns" is
'nonlinear', what he really meant was 'he has no lines'. Thank you, thank
you.
Ahhhhhhhh...
QUICK QUOTES: WWF 12.70 (- .97, last year: 17 7/8), SPLN 3.91 (- .02,
last year: 16 15/16)
KINGS UPDATE: Remember what I said about hating the Lakers? Well, I hate
the Lakers. (0-1)
TONIGHT: Feuds will END in Long Island! The Dudley Trio takes on X-Factor
in a six man table match! Chris Jericho takes on William Regal within the
confines of the STEEL cage! Also, news of the Rock! When we say "sweeps
month," by God...we MEAN it
SPECIAL MIAMI VICE GUEST STAR OF THE NIGHT: Sheena Easton? Nah, she's in
ALL of these. Annabelle Gurwitch? Not big enough. Let's say... Iman
One World Leader TV-14-DLV-CC attitude - WWF!
Let Us Take You Back to SmackDown!, where Taker took back his yard...and
Michael Cole's voice
Opening Credits
ONCE AGAIN IT'S ON - coming to you LIVE from the SOLD-OUT Nassau Coliseum
in Uniondale, NY - and two hours away in WWF New York, this is the WWF and
RAW is WAR 7.5.1 on TNN, maybe TSN, probably transmitido en espanol SAP
aaaaaaand
TONIGHT: Jericho and Regal battle within the confines of the unforgiving
cyclone fencing - LOOK! There it is, hanging up there!
Our first appearance tonight is by...MICK FOLEY? "Thank you. That
sounded pretty cool, can I hear that a little bit
more?" "Fo-ley!" "Thank you. Well I guess probably a lot of you know
this already, but...I'm no longer the WWF Commissioner. And basically my
job is to just kinda wander around the world aimlessly and make personal
appearances...so I figure, what better place to make a personal appearance
than my hometown, right here in Long Island New York? Yeah, I also have a
lot of time to watch TV, so I caught SmackDown! - I'll be honest, when I
saw Undertaker throw poor old Stone Cold Steve Austin - oh, he threw him
through a plate glass window - then the Undertaker, he beat up Stone Cold
Steve Austin in the ambulance...well, it gave me and I guess all of us a
chance to do something that I hadn't had a chance to do in a few weeks,
and that is - I cheered my damn ass off. You see, what the Undertaker was
doing was, he was involved in a little process called making him famous -
that's something I know first hand because after all, it was at the Hell
in the Cell in Pittsburgh about three years ago, the Undertaker made ME
famous by throwing me sixteen feet to the ground. And the thing you have
to remember is, the Undertaker wasn't even MADE at me when he did that, so
I have a feeling that come Judgment Day - hell, as famous as Stone Cold
Steve Austin is, he's gonna be just a little bit more famous before it's
all over!" "Fo-ley!" "Now, I also had a chance to see - wait, wait,
wait, I don't want Stone Cold Steve Austin to get upset, because Steve,
being famous is not the worst thing in the world, as a matter of fact when
the Undertaker made ME famous, well it allowed me to do some other things
with my life, and to tell you the truth, it was that level of fame that I
achieved that allowed me to write a book like this, Foley is Good,
which will be available in book stores everywhere tomorrow, making it the
perfect Mother's Day gift." The camera cuts backstage to see Vince
motioning to...Stephanie - arm in arm they go WALKING! They are met by
Commissioner Regal, who stooges off Foley's presence in the ring. "I
guess it looks like our little party is going to end soon, but listen - I
know this isn't the most impartial crowd in the world, but what do you
think of Steve Regal as your new commissioner? I mean, come on, I may not
have been the perfect commissioner, but I sure as hell didn't wear tweed
coats, I didn't drink a spawt of tea, and I didn't certainly didn't call
Triple H 'Triple Haitch.' I mean, after all, Regal, what the Haitch-E-L-L
is wrong with you? I think after all, that what Steven Regal needs is a
little bit of speech therapy, and what better place to get a little speech
therapy than right across the street at Nassau Community College." Hit
the music, here come BILLIONAIRE VINCE, STEPHANIE CAN'T ACT & STEVEN -
WAIT, I THINK HE MEANT WILLIAM - SPLIT THE DIFFERENCE: COMMISSIONER
REGAL. After a fan hops the rail for some face time with the chairman,
Vince talks. "You know something, Mick Foley - look at yourself - look -
there's Nassau - that's what Nassau Community - right - oh yeah. That
guy's from Long Island, just like YOU. You know something Mick Foley,
Long Island's Own Mick Foley - you know something - you know what you
remind me of? You remind me of an unwanted house guest. That's right, an
unwanted house guest, because you never know when you're gonna show up,
and when you do, you're damn sure gonna stay way too long. You see Mick
Foley, things have changed around here since I fired your ass as
commissioner, and I might add they've changed for the better. Maybe you
don't know this but I've formed a very successful and mutually beneficial
alliance with Stone Cold Steve Austin. And maybe you don't know some of
the other things that have gone on around here, I mean, due to
unprofessional conduct, I have had no alternative but to indefinitely
suspend the Rock. And things got better after that; I mean, my very own
son-in-law, Triple H (or should I say my very own son) who, by the way,
unfortunately is under the weather, and in all likelihood will not be here
tonight, but nonetheless...since you were fired as commissioner, once
again Triple H is intercontinental champion, once again, Mick Foley, Stone
Cold Steve Austin is the World Wrestling Federation champion - oh yeah -
and things continue to look up, Mick Foley, you know why? Because finally
we have a new commission - a man with dignity, a man with respect in
William Regal. So therefore, Mr. Foley - therefore, Mr. Foley, it is now
time for you to take your leave - in other words, get out of my ring. I
own this ring, Foley - don't make me have to put MY hands on
you. And...God forbid, the new commissioner would have to put his hands
on you to extricate you from this ring. But you know what? I've got a
better idea because, on the way from the parking lot a moment ago, I ran
into someone who will throw your ass outta here, and I won't have to soil
my hands - he's a big four hundred pounder, RIKISHI, come on out
here! Come on down, big man! Come on! Yeah, step through these ropes -
I want you to take care of - well, it's not exactly the light work, so to
speak...oh, what's the matter, Mick?" "Wait a second, Rikishi. You don't
have to do this, you know why? Because I said I watched SmackDown! and I
saw the Undertaker throw Stone Cold through a plate glass window,
right? You know what else I saw? I saw Stone Cold Steve Austin come back
and almost take your head off with a steel chair, over and over, while the
commissioner and Mr. McMahon sat there and did absolutely
nothing. Listen, how long have we known each other, Rikishi, twelve
years? Remember the pond scum promo? You always liked that. What I'm
telling you is - you deserve better in the WWF than to be Vince McMahon's
pawn." "Now you listen to me, sunshine - you're not the commissioner any
more, I am, and if Mr. McMahon wants you out of here, then I'll bloody
well take you out--" "Shut up, Regal! Shut your mouth! Rikishi, you got
Regal standing behind you now - you got Vince McMahon standing behind you
now - but let me ask you this: where were they when you needed
them? Where were they Thursday night? They were not
around." Stephanie: "Rikishi. Don't you dare let Mick Foley brainwash
you! Mick Foley didn't listen to my daddy, and Mick Foley got FIRED. And
you know what, you better listen to my daddy, 'cause you don't want the
same thing to happen to you. I - I think, Rikishi, my daddy told me you
should give Mick Foley the stinkface! Take your big, fat, cheesy, oily
cakes, and stick 'em in Mick Foley's face, rub 'em in his face! DO IT
NOW!" "Slut!" "Don't make me have to slap some sense into you" and then
she does. "If Stephanie can't slap some sense into you, perhaps I better
beat some bloody sense into you--" but he runs into a Rikishikick. Ladies
and gentlemen, we have a face turn. I guess. Confused? Well, not as
confused as the music guy - he plays *Foley's* music! We're STILL not
out...Foley has the stick once again. "Wait a second - wait a second -
hey, let's cut my music, let's cut my music. I don't wanna hear my music
anymore...I wanna hear...Rikishi's music. You know, Rikishi's OLD music,
come on - hit the music. Rikishi, Long Island wants to see you
dance. C'mon, 'kishi wants to dance, play his music." They play the old
Too Cool music. "Wait, I know it's been a while, I know it's been a while
so I'm gonna show you how it's done." Foley tries to bust a move...and
the music stops. Anyway, Rikishi complies and woo hoo look at the dancing
fat man. And now he's removing clothes! Light up the
turnbuckles! Vince's voice re-emerges. "Cut the music, cut the music,
hey, cut the music, cut it, wait a minute, cut this - there's not gonna be
any celebration here tonight. You're not gonna get away with this! Mick
Foley, I'm gonna have a police escort throw your ass right outta here -
and Rikishi, I'll tell you what, Rikishi, right there In That Very Ring,
it won't be for the title, but you're gonna get the beating of your life
by Stone Cold Steve Austin tonight. Now hit MY music." This segment was,
how you say, weak. If you wanted to turn Rikishi back to the face side of
the ledger, I'm sure it could have been done without looking so...oh oh,
I'm gonna say it... so "on the fly."
Madison Square Garden, RAW is WAR returns June 25th and tickets are going
fast!
Your hosts are LARRY KING & PAUL HEYMAN.
During the Break, security escorted Foley outside - Foley saw fit to read
from his book while being carted off.
In the locker room, Edge & Christian read the latest copy of RAW
magazine. "Look at Eddie Guerrero - what's Spanish for chumpstain?" "El
chumpstain?" Kurt Angle catches up to them - he wants to apologise for
snapping at them last week. "I can understand why you guys snapped at me
- probably because you were just as upset as I was about my medals being
taken from me - probably more so." "Kurt, it was traumatizing - ruined
our week." Angle tells them if they see Benoit, grab him and hold him
down so Angle can take back his medals and snap his ankle. After he
leaves, Edge says he hopes he can help Kurt get his medals back. "You
think they mean that much to him?" "Well there's that....and we don't
have to hear him talk about them anymore."
ACOLYTE BRADSHAW (wwfapa.com) (with Let Us Take You Back to
Insurrextion) v. KING KURT ANGLE (with WWF: The Music [Volume 5] CD
cover) - Saturday in England, Bradshaw may have had a little help from
Test, but the record books only say he kept the Big Show down for
3. Angle wants a waistlock but Bradshaw shoves him to the corner - back
elbow, forearms, overhand rights, into the ropes, Angle's shoulderblock
does nothing - next try runs into a big boot. Angle tries a single leg -
no good - forearm by Bradshaw - big death suplex. "Angle sux!" Forearm,
knee, clubbing forearm, into a short clothesline is ducked, another swing
ducked by Angle, there's an overhead belly-to-belly suplex. Bradshaw back
up, right, right, Angle dropkicks the knees. Angle kicks the back of the
leg, kick, death suplex. Angle's temple is bleeding. Angle going up top
to try the Anglesault but Bradshaw crotches him! Forearm to the back,
forearm, forearm, climbing up after him - Angle with a right, back elbow,
shoving him off - crossbody...is caught. Bradshaw with the fallaway
slam. Into the ropes, back elbow. Into the ropes again, big
powerslam. Bradshaw wants the powerbomb - Angle drops down, dead
weight. Bradshaw pounds on the back, but Angle crawls under and grabs a
leg - Bradshaw rolls over, and the anglelock is applied - Bradshaw manages
to grab the bottom rope - then roll outside, as CHRIS BENOIT's music
plays. Oh, he's not here; he's at WWF New York enjoying a
meal. He asks what kind of credit cards they accept there - specifically,
do they accept... gold? And he shows off the medals. Of course, Angle is
happy to keep his back turned for all of this - finally turning
back...into the Hades lariat from Bradshaw! Angle rolls to the outside
and immediately starts staggering to Manhattan. Presumably, referee
"Blind" Tim White is completing a blitz count to ten, but the bell doesn't
ring...although "Theme from the Acolytes" plays. (COR? 3:26?) Here's a
replay.
Outside, Angle asks for some keys - the security guy doesn't have any keys
- Angle runs up on a guy unloading his trunk, throws him aside and steals
his car...hmm, can he make it in this traffic??
Here's Kane on a scooter for Stacker 2
Here's Kane in the queue for Stacker 2
The WWF Slam of the Week is brought to you by Snickers Cruncher! From
SmackDown!, Eddie Guerrero helps Matt Hardy retain the European title
against Edge
Earlier Today, Matt Hardy tells Eddie Guerrero they don't trust him, and
the only reason they're teaming up is that Edge, Christian and Rhyno ran
to Regal to get a six-man booked. Guerrero says it's not about trust,
it's about the match tonight, so take a chill pill. It's not that he's
the one who stuck his neck out for the person that beat him for that belt,
and it's not that he might have an interest in seeing Lita beat up Chyna
at Judgment Day, nooooo. Go ahead and kiss his butt. (Oooh! He sais
"butt!") Lita says it'll take more than talk to get them to trust him.
EDGE & CHRISTIAN & RHYNO (with wwf.com logo) v. EDDIE GUERRERO and HARDY
BOYZ (with Lita) - Guerrero wants to start, but Matt insists - across the
ring is Christian. Guerrero asks again if Matt wants him to start - Matt
takes his eyes off his opponent and Christian gets in a forearm to the
back, again, into the ropes, Hardy ducks, head down by Christian, kik by
Hardy, sitout clothesline. Both men reach for the tag - Matt waits a
beat, then tags his brother. Kick by Hardy, into the ropes, double back
elbow, fistdrop/senton combo. Stomp - double leg on Edge, who comes in -
double legdrop between the legs. Christian manages a knee, and the
Christian backbreaker. Stomp, tag to Rhyno, open shot. Right, into the
ropes, belly-to-belly. 1, 2, nope. Tag to Edge, open kick, right hand to
the ribs, knocking Eddie off the apron which is sure to bring him in -
while referee "Blind" Mike Chioda works on keeping him in the corner, Matt
sneaks in - but before he can put the Twist of Fate on Edge, Christian
sneaks in with an Unprettier. Jeff gets a DDT once everybody is put back
in place. Top-rope elbowdrop MISSES and both men are down. Eddie screams
for the tag - Matt is still out of the ring thanks to the
Unprettier. Rhyno gets the tag, Eddie DOES get the tag, sidestepping a
charge and putting Rhyno out. Christian puts Guerrero into the ring, but
Guerrero snaps off a nice 'rana. Another shot for Rhyno - Edge from
behind with a clothesline, Guerrero up with fists of fire - Christian
joins him and the two men take charge. Christian unloads the rights while
Edge brings in Matt ...but Lita is in, up top, 'rana down. Rhyno is ready
to gore Lita...but Guerrero takes the bullet for her! 1, 2, 3. (Roland
TB-3:03) Lita gives us "shock" as we wonder if maybe Guerrero *is* trying
a face turn before our very eyes. Replay of the GORE! GORE! GORE! and he
*still* hasn't gotten up.
Let Us Take You Back to Heat, where the Helmsleys were the special guest
hosts. Sorry, I went to the WFMU Vinyl Fair and missed it - NEXT week,
the Big Show is your host.
Given the night off to "cool off," Taker is instead in the Prime
Time Studio in Stamford - we'll hear from him later tonight, if only they
can get that boom mic properly adjusted!
WWF LIGHT HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP: GRAND MASTER SEXAY (with RAW is WAR is
brought to you by FRAM!, PlayStation 2, and Skittles) v. CRASH v. TAKA
MICHINOKU v. JERRY LYNN in a fatal four-way - Despite was Ross says, Sexay
is NOT a former champion, but his partner is! Damn, he's even got Heyman
believing Sexay was a former champ. Crash and Taka pair up while Lynn and
Sexay pair up. Everybody tries for pins, and everybody else usually
breaks it up. In fact, this is pretty much a cluster from start to finish
- not that it goes that long. (Lynn DDT Crash -> pin 2:21) See, we've
got to move quickly to
"Damn, JR, why did McMahon decide to let me cool down? Well hell it seems
pretty simple to me - after what happened at SmackDown!, McMahon's worried
I might take Austin's other eye! Or better yet, maybe he's just worried
I'll take Austin out, period. McMahon is trying to protect his investment
plain and simple. But Austin, just so you know, there's no one or no way
to protect you now. You made your deal with the devil, boy. You made it
for that WWF title - now you have to live with the consequences. And the
consequences are - you're #1 on Dead Man Inc's hitlist. Austin, the pain
and suffering is just begun. I looked into your eyes, Austin...I saw the
fear, and believe me - you should be scared. You should be very
scared. McMahon can ban me from any arena he wants, he can tell me to
cool down, he can do everything in his power to protect you, Austin - but
in the thirteen
days between now and Judgment Day, you'd better be lookin' over your
shoulder, boy - 'cause every time you arrive at an arena, every time you
leave an arena, you just don't know who's lurkin' in the shadows - and
Austin, I'm no fool, so don't treat me like one. I know if you get the
chance, you'll take those rattlesnake fangs and you'll stick 'em right in
my ass, but I ain't gonna let that happen, see. Austin, I'm goin' into
Judgment Day to rip that title from your waist, but also I'm gonna take
care of you the way I take care of any other snake - the way you take care
of a snake is you skin them - in thirteen days, Austin, I'm gonna skin
your rattlesnake ass, hang it on a shed, and when your hide is nice and
try - I'll be wearin' you on my feet. How do you like that? (click
click)" I thought the way you dealt with a snake was to CUT OFF ITS HEAD
Here's a look at the ominous, imposing....well, it's the cage
The WWF Fanatic Series presentation for May is "Best of WrestleMania 1-17"
MSG RAW ad #2
The cage has lowered and the cage music is playing
MICHAEL KING COLE stands with Chris Jericho - the rivalry ends tonight
inside the cage. "Well it may have been two months on the calendar,
Mitchell, but up here in my head, it's been a lot longer than that,
because this whole situation started when Regal first became the
commissioner, and I said if you're gonna be legit, if you're gonna be
upstanding, there's no problems; but if you're going to be the slimy,
suckup ass clown to Vince McMahon that I think you're gonna be, there's
gonna be trouble. And when he decided to relieve himself of his
legitimate commissioner duties, I decided to relieve myself...in his
tea. And now, after two months of handicap matches and bad decisions,
Regal has made the worst decision of his career, in putting himself in a
cage match with Y2J, because the English have a saying - GOD SAVE THE
QUEEN! Well tonight, it's not gonna be the queen who needs saving - it's
William Regal's ass."
COMMISSIONER REGAL (with RAW credits) v. AD BREAK - "Rikishi - Rikishi,
earlier on this evening, you besmirched me, your WWF commissioner. You
will learn your lesson when Stone Cold Steve Austin gets his hands on you
later - the same as Jericho, you will learn YOUR lesson. Now being an
English gentleman, I hate to soil my hands in such a barbaric state....but
Jericho, the one thing you shouldn't do is take my politeness for
weakness, because if you had the sense to read your history books, you
would know that the English were the most barbaric race ever to exist on
this earth, so get your miserable little carcass into that cage and
proceed to get the thrashing of a lifetime!"
Second airing of the batch of "TNN's got pop" flimsily-disguised "The
Mummy Returns" ad phone calls
Kane Stacker 2 #3 & #4
COMMISSIONER REGAL v. CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO within the confines of the
STEEL cage - pinfalls aren't counting tonight - you get out of the cage or
you don't win. Referee "Blind" Jimmy Korderas manages the door, so look
for me to say BUT THE DOOR IS RIGHT THERE! two or three times during this
match. "Y2J" chant. They still have yet to lock up - ha, Regal goes
right for the door (he's BRILLIANT!) but Jericho pulls him back in. Euro
forearm, right, into the corner, follow lariat, kick, kick, kick, kick,
kick, kick, kick, right hand, into the ropes, back elbow. Regal wisely
goes for the door again - Jericho runs over to stop him. Forearm, chop,
chop, springboard dropkick - Regal has nowhere to go but into the wall of
the cage. Jericho decides to climb up the cage - Regal over to grab his
ankle - Jericho kicks him off - Jericho up top - Regal manages to grab the
hair at the last moment - headbutt, headbutt, headbutt, headbutt, pulling
Jericho over the top and back into the centre. Regal nonchalantly walks
to the door...looks back...and decides to close the door and head back
over to Jericho. Well, so much for his brilliance. Kick, stomp, stomp,
pulling him up, knee, knee, European uppercut, wave. European
uppercut. Into the ropes, but Jericho comes off with a flying
jalapeno! ("Scoring" count: one) Jericho tries to climb the ropes, but
Regal pulls him off, into a hot shot. Euro forearm, again, then rammed
face-first into the wall of the cage. Regal waves again. Again Jericho's
head meets the cyclone fencing. Regal makes coleslaw out of the cabbage
that is Jericho's face. Another big forearm to the back. Euro forearm (I
think). Into the ropes, Jericho ducks the clothesline, but not the back
elbow. Regal grabs two handfuls of hair - Jericho whipped into the
corner, but he gets both boots up - climbing up top - Regal up after him -
both men on the top turnbuckle - Regal with four headbutts - double
underhook - SUPERPLEX!! RC provides the Double Feature. Regal is up
first...with a friendly wave to the crowd. Jericho manages a (rather
low) right hand - another right, on his feet, right, double leg takedown,
WOW catapult into the wall of the cage, right, into the ropes, and ramming
Regal into the wall of the cage! Again Jericho runs Regal into the
cage. And now Jericho has found something he likes - five times, Regal's
head meets the cage. "C'mon baby!" Jericho with a death suplex on Regal
- Lionsault - MISSES! Both men are down...Regal is up first and
going...up over the top? THE DOOR IS RIGHT THERE!! I guess he's dazed
from the earlier moves? Jericho up after him, grabbing an ankle but now
deciding that he'll climb up as well. Regal tries to kick him away but no
dice. Jericho bounces Regal's head off the cage three times - and Regal
crotches himself on the way down. Regal does his tribute to the late Rick
Rude as Jericho climbs up and onto the top of the cage. Meanwhile, Regal
decides maybe he should use that door after all. Jericho over the top -
Regal through the door - Jericho kicks the door into Regal, whipping him
back into the ring, then drops to the floor! (8:04) Ross says Jericho's
slammed the door shut on this feud. Several angles of replay on the final
set.
Backstage, Lita - hello - limbers up
When you hear Marilyn Manson, that's your cue to keeeeeeeeeep
fast-forwarding
JONATHAN COACHMAN stands with Stone Cold Steve Austin. "YEAAAH, you might
as well just stop flapping your gums right there because the Undertaker
makes me SICK. I think he's completely PATHETIC. That son of a bitch
throws me through a plate glass window, and then when they tie me down to
a stretcher, proceeds to beat the crap out of me. And then you know what
he does? You know what he does? Shut up! Because he knows it's payback
time, he says Vince McMahon says it's a 24 hour cooling off period -
that's BS! Undertaker is running scared, he's got a yellow streak going
down his back a mile long and a yard wide and it makes me SICK! He wants
to sit there and talk about awwww Judgment Day, he's gonna do this and
he's gonna be wearing a pair of snakeskin boots - BS! I'm gonna be
wearing the Undertaker's ass on my feet, and it makes me even sicker that
big-ass Rikishi's gotta go out there and listen to a Mick Foley like he
knows what he's talking about - he's gonna talk Rikishi into being this
superhero - eh eh! That ain't something that you do to Stone Cold Steve
Austin. Rikishi, you're out there, dancin' around like a Kansas City
jackass - it made me wanna puke! You couldn't get the job done in an
automobile, behind the wheel of a car, you couldn't take Stone Cold Steve
Austin out! So why does he think he's got a chance against the World
Wrestling Federation champ tonight? He doesn't! And that's all I got to
say about that ya little bastard!"
BAZOOKA JO(ANI)E (chyna9.com) (with WWF: The Music [Volume 5] CD cover) is
out to yuk it up with the commentators - right after posing in the ring
with her title belt. When I said "smark trap," last week, what I meant
was they wanted people like me and them and that guy over there to go over
the top with our "oh LOOK at her - she DOESN'T EVEN SELL - she's a PRIMA
DONNA - she's ONLY interested in HERSELF" and unknowingly sell the angle
they're trying to "surprise" us with. Got me?
MOLLY HOLLY v. LITA (wwfdivas.com) - Chyna wastes no time talking about
"spanking" once again. Lita is busy watching Chyna, so Molly sneaks in a
surprise rollup for 2. Lita with a swing and a miss, Holly with a gutshot
- into the ropes, Lita with a flying headscissors. Armdrag takeover, into
the corner - Molly leaps over the charge, dropping down for a nice
headscissors out of the handstand. Japanese (or Mexican, I
forget) armdrag by Holly. Into the corner is reversed, back elbow up by
Molly - Lita put in the corner - Lita drops and dumps her onto the apron -
elbow by Molly - climbing up - Lita tosses her back into the ring. Side
Russian legsweep. Lita sets her up for the moonsault - 1, 2,
3. (1:26) Chyna hits the ring and raises Lita's arm herself...then goes
to check on Molly. Lita playfully moves in from behind and gives her two
spanks. Yuk yuk yuk yuk yuk. Maybe the kidz like it?
D-Von and Buh Buh Ray carry a table...and give Spike a ride. A six-man
table match is NEXT!
Judgment Day ad
And now, Lugz presents the Boot of the Week! From SmackDown!, Debra slaps
Taker
Speaking of Debra, Vince invites himself into their dressing room and
congratulates Debra on her SmackDown! highlight. "Oh yeah, sorta like
that night that I slapped you - right?" "Uh - say would you mind, I wanna
get a little juiced up before Stone Cold goes out and destroys
Rikishi...do you mind getting me a cup of coffee? Sorry - I'll get my own
coffee. Thanks anyhow, though." Debra makes some more faces.
THOSE DAMN DUDLEYZ - ALL THREE OF 'EM (wwfdudleyboyz.com) (with Hartford
hype - tomorrow!) v. X-FACTOR (with wwf.com logo) in a table match
- Albert around the ring as Credible and X-Pac hit the apron - and get
shoved off. Spike tossed onto Credible and X-Pac! Albert with a surprise
double clothesline on the men in the ring. Yaaaaavalanche on Buh Buh Ray
- X-Pac with a shoulderblock, Credible with a superkick. Stomp, right,
knee, knee, knee, right, standing on the neck, quick stomps, RC Double
Feature, right, tag to X-Pac, kick, kick by X-Pac, right, right, Dudley
fires back, right, right, off the ropes...but into a kick from
X-Pac. 'Pac covers but "Blind" Teddy Long actually remembers that
pinfalls don't count in a table match. Head ot th ebuckle, right, kick,
right, kick, right, kick, tag to Credible, RC Double Feature. Into the
ropes, double clothesline dropped, Spike ankles X-Pac out of the ring as
Credible gets a Buh Buh Bomb. Will he tag? Crowd claps - D-Von gets the
tag - right for Credible, right for X-Pac, Credible into the ropes,
jumpin' back elbow, hiptoss for X-Pac, powerslam for Credible, Albert
stops all this noise with a yaaah lariat. Spike tries a dropkick but it's
only absorbed. Buh Buh Ray clotheslines Albert out, but eats a roundhouse
kick from X-Pac. He's not home for the broncobuster, though - Buh Buh Ray
with a scoop and a slam - "What Are You Doing?" Testify dance, D-Von,
let's win this thing. Table in but Albert is ready - bicycle kick takes
out Buh Buh Ray AND D-Von AND the table! Spike in - forearm, forearm,
forearm - off the ropes, clothesline ducked by Spike, bicycle kick NOT
ducked. Albert goes outside for a table of his own. He's got Spike...but
before he can Baldobomb him through the table, CAW CAW CAW sneaks out and
gives Albert a kendo stick in the back. Credible and X-Pac chase after
Raven - this gives Spike just enough time to hit the Acid Drop from the
apron to the floor, through the table! (3:58) Replay for you.
A limousine pulls up...why, it's Chris Benoit - he's wearing the medals
and he's WALKING! Gosh, I hope Kurt Angle didn't go to WWF New York...
"WWF Divas in Hedonism" video ad
Let Us Take You Back to Earlier Tonight, where Stephanie tried her hardest
to turn Rikishi face. Then Regal helped. Then there was some dancing.
Michael King Cole stands with Rikishi. This oughta be good. "Well you
know, Vince McMahon comes out here and he guarantees me Stone Cold Steve
Austin. Well that's cool, Michael Cole. But Rikishi's got some
guarantees of his own. See I guarantee to back that ass up here tonight,
and I also guarantee this: that someone is gonna get the stinkface -
*RIIIIIIIIIIIIGH*."
Our commentators reflect on what we've just heard.
Meanwhile, at WWF New York, Kurt Angle actually made it - he's looking for
Benoit - but he's taken off - and taken his medals with him. Benoit's
music hits again...
And here comes CHRIS BENOIT with Angle's medals. "Kurt Angle - you know,
I guess we - we musta just missed each other. You know, I know how much
these medals must mean to you and well - quite frankly, you kinda look
naked without 'em. But you see the fact is, well, I've kinda grown
attached to them. You see I walk around with these medals, and they make
me feel like a real-life gold medalist. And Kurt, Kurt, just - just -
just look at how great these medals look around my neck. Kurt...look, I
know how BAD you must want these medals back - I can FEEL your pain - the
suffering - the agony - so you know what? I'm gonna give you your
chance...at Judgment Day, you see, Kurt - I'll come to the ring...I'll
bring the medals, and if you want them back, well, all you gotta do is
take them. Whaddaya say, Kurt? Whaddaya say, Kurt?" "Chris Benoit, I'll
see you at Judgment Day, and I will take my medals back, and I will break
your ankle in half for doing this to me, Benoit - it's true, it's damn
true!" "Well that sounds good, Kurt...but I can see just - you know, how
stressed out you are right now, so...to keep your mind at ease, well -
just like I did in the United Kingdom, I'm gonna keep these medals in a
very...safe...and warm place." And he stuffs them in his trousers. Play
his music!
"Foley is Good (and the real world is faker than wrestling)" ad -
check mickfoley.com for book signings!
Here's a look at the Nassau Veterans Memorial Coliseum - in the middle of
NOWHERE
Backstage, Chris Benoit is walking funny - Edge & Christian catch up to
him and tell him they can do this the easy way or the hard way. "Well,
there's two of you and there's only one of me - I guess it's the hard
way," and there they go. They make the mistake of ramming Benoit through
a door that happens to have Jericho on the other side - the tide is turned
and Edge & Chritsian are run off.
TONIGHT: Stone Cold Steve Austin takes on Rikishi! Wait, isn't that NOW?
MICK FOLEY returns - apparently, he found one of those magic ticket booths
that sells front-row seats long after the show starts
The Rock was on the Tonight Show - he's a rehash! Oops, I mean "here's a
rehash!" Anyway, "the Mummy Returns" had the highest non-holiday opening
weekend in movie history, which surely must be a sign of the impending
apocalypse...or something
Foley signs some more autographs from his front-row seat - will he figure
into the main event?
Meanwhile, Rikishi - man, I don't *care* if he's a face now, but I *still*
don't wanna see him doing squats from that camera angle
When we come back - yep, Foley is still there. I wonder how he feels abou
missing that cage match
RIKASHMONEY (with old RIKISHI PHATU entrance & RC Cola presents WWF
Judgment Day!) v. MY NAME IS STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN in a nontitle match -
well, actually, that's BILLIONAIRE VINCE & STEPHANIE CAN'T ACT making the
second entrance. You don't REALLY think we'll go the entire show without
seeing Triple H, do you? I mean, we've all spent WEEKS talking about him
and everything! Vince walks over to Foley...who proudly displays his
ticket stub. I bet HE didn't have to pay a $6.75 "convenience fee." You
know, I thought I *knew* this man. Actually, I didn't, but it's cool to
say. HERE WE GO! Lockup, Rikishi pushes him back, referee "Blind" Earl
Hebner wants the break - and eventually gets it. Lockup, ,side headlock
by Austin, chain wrestling to a hammerlock - back elbow by Rikishi to STOP
that noise. Austin dares him to take the test of strength - ha ha, just
kidding, kick in the gut, right, right, right, right, into the ropes is
reversed, Austin ducks, ducks again, but falls into a sidewalk slam from
the big Samoan. Nice vertical suplex by 'kishi. Austin decides to roll
out to the floor and take a powder. Vince offers words of encouragement.
Austin trips up Rikishi and rams his knee into the post - and make it
twice. Back in, head to the buckle (shouldn't hurt a Samoan), kick, kick,
kick, kick, kick, kick, kick. Into the opposite corner is reversed, big
clothesline by Rikishi, Austin flumps down...Rikishi perks up...will he
get it done? Vince is up on the apron, drawing over Hebner - now drawing
Rikishi's attention...allowing Austin time for an uppernut to turn it
around. Stomp. Stomp. Lower abdomen stomp. Austin outside as Rikishi
lies under the ropes - elbow to the heart. Austin with a running elbow.
Back in the ring - Rikishi put into the ropes...Austin labours into a
sleeper, but it doesn't last as Rikishi turns into a death suplex. Going
for the drumstick drop, but Austin escapes. Stomp. Austin mounts him -
right, right, right, right, right right right right right right right
right right right. Shove for Hebner. Right to the back of the head,
right, right, right...Rikishi trying to stand up with Austin riding
piggyback - and dropping back into the electric chair! Rikishi with
"Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," right, right, right, into the ropes,
clothesline, clothesline in the corner, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick,
kick, kick, kick, into the ropes, RIKISHIKICK - no, Austin sees it coming
and hooks the ropes, letting himself outside. Austin grabs a STEEL chair
but on his way back in, Rikishi manages the legdrop, sandwiching Austin
between his hock and the chair! Rikishi wants to give a swing of the
chair himself, but Hebner manages to take it away. Here comes Austin -
Rikishi with a right, right, into the ropes, Samoan Drop! Rikishi stands
waiting...Vince is in - HE gets the RIKISHIKICK! He goes ahead and gives
him a legdrop for good measure! Rikishi standing over Austin -
SQUAAAAAASH. 1, 2, AUSTIN KICKED OUT!! Rikishi ready - FAT ASS SPLASH!
Austin staggers back over - BELLY-to-belly suplex! Rikishi drags Austin
to the corner - could it be? Before going for the Banzai Drop, Rikishi
catches glimpse of Stephanie in the ring, trying to help out her father.
Rikishi advances on her, warms it up, backs her into the corner - aw rats,
Austin is back up and forearming Rikishi into the big collision. KICK
WHAM STUNNER, that'll do ya. 1, 2, 3. (7:19) Austin goes for ANOTHER
chair, but he's right in front of Foley - Foley tries to grab the chair,
so Austin pops him one, then drags him over the barricade and into the
ring. Rikishi has a chair, so Austin decides maybe he'll stay outside for
a while longer. Austin tries instead to grab Stephanie, who is still in
prime position for the stinkface - *Foley* staves him off with a chair and
Rikishi manages to back it up. Play the music! What'll happen when
Triple H finds out about this? Credits are up, WWF logo is up, I'll be
back in California Friday. SEE YA!!
Christopher Robin Zimmerman
www.CRZ.net