QUICK QUOTE: WWF 14.10 (- .55, last year: 21 1/8)
TONIGHT: A huge main event - Taker & Kane vs. Page & Rhyno! Oh man, it
starts already - "when we last saw WWF Champion Stone Cold Steve Austin,
he was leaving SmackDown! dejectedly. Will the OLD Stone Cold (1) return
tonight to RAW to lead Team WWF into inVasion? We'll find out LIVE
One World TV-14-DLV Leader CC Attitude - WWF!
Let Us Take You Back to SmackDown! Vince needs the OLD Stone Cold! (2, 3)
Go read the
Brent Musburger - sorry, Jim Ross narrating: "You are looking LIVE at the
Friendly Tap - a tavern just fifteen minutes from where we are here now in
Providence, Rhode Island - and inside the Friendly Tap... there you see
him, the World Wrestling Federation champion Stone Cold Steve Austin - and
what must he be thinking? And will he be here tonight to lead Team WWF
into inVasion? What must be going through the mind...of the Texas
Rattlesnake?" Looks like BEER to me, Ross...
PYRO HERE, PYRO HERE - coming to you LIVE from the Providence Civic Center
in Providence, RI 16.7.1 and transmidito en espanol SAP on TNN and TSN,
THIS is WWF RAW is WAR! inVasion is six days away, but it might as well
have already started with the interpromotional matches we've got
TONIGHT: Tazz takes on William Regal!
TONIGHT: Undertaker & Kane take on Rhyno & DDP!
WOW! There are PEOPLE! In WWF NEW YORK!
We open up the "entrances" portion of the show with...SPIKE DAMN DUDLEY?
He sports the popular "Shane/Vince" inVasion T-shirt - I wonder if they're
still selling them given that this angle is all about Paul and Stephanie
now....well, maybe I'm overstating things...STILL, you have to scratch
your head and ponder the short-term-thinking-ed-ness of it all when you
look at that T-shirt and think back to that poster...yep. Oh listen to me
natter. It's SPIKE'S time! "Sorry, folks - I don't want to take up too
much of your time. I know that inVasion is first and foremost on
everybody's minds, but - to be honest I've got something that's been
building up inside of me for a while now, and I've got to get it off my
chest, so uh - Molly, would you come down here, please, I have something
I'd like to tell you." Hit her music! MOLLY
HOLLY be out. "Now Molly...you've heard me say I like you - and
you've heard me say that I really, really like you. Now I know I'm a
Dudley...and not a Partridge..but Mar - Molly - I think I love you."
Smiles. "Spike...I think I love you too." Awwwwwwwww. "Well...I've got
something for ya - this is for you." It's a rose. "Well Spike - I have
something that I'd like to give you, too." "You do?" "What is it?"
"Well...I can't give it to you here - it's..." and she whispers something
to him. Spike drops his mic. "Ladies and gentlemen - thank you, good
night." SPIKE'S GONNA GET SOMETHING ELSE OFF HIS CHEST, IF YOU KNOW WHAT
I MEAN HUH HUH HUH... Anyway, "This is Extreme" starts playing - IT'S ALL
ABOUT PAUL is out. "Get him a chair, the man has a broken leg - excuse me
a moment, gimme a chair. Sit down, I wanna talk to you. Sit down, I'd
like to talk to you. Hello, my brother? Have a seat. Hello Molly."
Crowd: "YOU SUCK!" Spike gives the chair to Molly. "You don't mind if I
bring the *camcorder* - I mean, listen, listen listen." I think that just
sailed over EVERYBODY. "Seriously...I just wanna let you know that before
this gets out of hand - before anybody else gives you bad advice, I wanna
let you know that you came to me five years ago in a business that didn't
HAVE guys that were 5'5", 155 pounds. And I took you in like a little
brother - and I listened to Bubba Ray and D-Von and I gave you a job,
because they loved you, and I love you, and I spoke to Bubba and D-Von
tonight and they wanted to let you know that on behalf of everybody in ECW
and WCW, it's time for you to come home, Spike. It's time for you to come
back to ECW! So what I want you to do is I want you to go to the
penthouse suite and take care of your business with Molly, and in the
morning kiss her goodbye, and I'll see you at the ECW offices bright and
early tomorrow morning." "Paul...Paul, you know me and you know how
grateful I am to you for everything you've done for me..." "So let's go!"
"...I've made my decision, I'm staying with Molly." Cheers. "Oh, that's
okay - that's okay because...Molly, there's a place in ECW for you, too!
There really is. We need a gorgeous blonde like Molly! And all it will
take is...uh...like a little bit of liposuction, a whole lot of breast
enhanchement, and--" Molly is ready to deck him but Spike holds her back.
"Whoawhoawhoawhoawhoa, Molly, Molly, I'll take care of this man - man, who
the hell do you think you are? What do you think you're - what are you
doing talking about my girlfriend like that?" "What the hell is a
one-legged man gonna do to the BOSS of ECW?" "I'll TELL you what I'm
gonna do - I'm gonna KICK YOUR ASS!" But before he does, the same music
we heard for Spike fires up again as THOSE DAMN DUDLEYZ hit the ring.
Wait a minute...did Paul just call himself the BOSS? "Last time that we
saw you - or should I say, didn't see you - you cracked that crutch over
my back and cost us the WWF tag team titles! It's a real shame that
you're not comin' back home to ECW with us. Now that you're staying here
in the World Wrestling Federation (pause for pop), who's gonna steal all
of me 'n' D-Von's SPOTLIGHT? We're sick and ti'ad of gettin' in this ring
night after night, putting OUR bodies on the line, going through the pain,
the agony, getting OUR asses kicked - and what do people wanna talk about?
What's the big question on the world's minds? HOW'S SPIKE AND MOLLY."
"You know something, Bubba - if the people wanna talk about Spike and
Molly, then maybe we should give them something to REALLY talk about."
And they punk him out - Paul fends off Molly as Spike gets tied in the
ropes for the doubleteam - Bubba whacks Spike in the cast with the crutch
as D-Von finds some furniture. Molly finally manages to figure out that
Paul's in prime position for an uppercut in the nuts - Molly grabs the
chair and gives Bubba Ray a WHACK in the back - but D-Von catches the
chair before she can get HIM head on - D-Von grabs Molly as Bubba Ray
takes the crutch to the cast one more time. Bubba Ray sets up the
table... "This is for you!" D-Von hands over Molly - second rope -
SUPERBOMB through the table! They hit the Dudleyz music as Spike, STILL
tied in the ropes, emotes. The REFS come out too late - Bubba Ray takes a
poke at the EMT's, too, who already have the back board ready. Here's
your replay - first of the bomb, then of Spike reacting to the bomb.
Well, they DID manage to make it through that entire opening bit without
saying Austin's name - think that streak will continue? (Hint: would I be
counting if *I* thought so?)
Rock ad. Are SummerSlam tickets REALLY still available?
When we come back, it's Kurt Angle pacing about! "Let's see, let's see...
'sir, I'm ready to be your leader.' Nah, that ain't gonna work.
Uh...here we go, here we go. 'Mr. McMahon - I humbly accept your offer as
leader for Team WWF.' Nah...oh oh, 'I'm goin' for the gold again - for
leadership.' Eh...let's see." "Kurt!" "Oh, Mr. McMahon." "What are you
doing in my office?" "I'm waiting for you!" "Waiting for me for what -
where's Stone Cold?" "Not only is Stone Cold not here, but he's at some
local bar drinkin' - DRINKIN', mind you!" "Here's here in Rhode Island?"
"Yeah, he's in Rhode Island, but don't you worry about that, because I'm
here to lead Team WWF into inVasion." "Thank you very much, what's the
name of the bar?" "I don't know - some bar called the...the Friendly Lap
or something, I don't... so what? I mean, I don't know what he's doing,
he should be here." "The Friendly TAP, that's the name of it." "Yeah,
something like that." "Okay, thank you very much, I appreciate it. I'll
be back in a few minutes." "But...but..." "I gotta go find Stone Cold."
ACOLYTE FAAROOQ (with Acolyte Bradshaw) (with "INVASION THIS SUNDAY"
graphic) v. CHUCK PALUMBO (with Sean O'Haire - or is it "O'Hara," Lilian?)
- Palumbo rushes the ring before intros are complete, and we're off -
Faarooq gets the early advantage, but Palumbo pokes the eyes. Right,
right, right, right, into the ropes, back elbow. Right hand puts him
down. Discus right. Right puts Faarooq down AGAIN. Palumbo with the
half hour arm wringer - so Faarooq flattens him with a clothesline.
Right by Faarooq, right, right, (to the crowd) "ain't no damn inVasion
happenin' tonight!" Right, right, into the ropes, nice powerslam. 1, 2,
no. Palumbo surprises Faarooq with a dropkick after Faarooq takes too
long following up. Write it down, friends: the tag team champions meet in
a nontitle bout at inVasion! Faarooq goes outside - Palumbo with a
baseball slide out to meet him. Right hand. Faarooq back in. Climbing
up...Palumbo with a huge super shoulderblock! 1, 2, NO! Right hand, into
the sleeper (4)...Faarooq manages to counter with a death suplex.
O'Haire up on the apron - Bradshaw over to meet him - into the STEEL
steps. Referee "Blind" Teddy Long goes outside to attempt to separate
THOSE two, while inside the ring it's Faarooq with
"Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," into the ropes for a clothesline,
Palumbo reverses a whip but Faarooq lands a shoulderblock. Into the
ropes, head down - Palumbo with a DDT. Leg is hooked - 2. Right hand by
Palumbo - off the ropes - but Faarooq hits a spinebuster. Faarooq with
another show for O'Haire, who was on the apron again...but he probably
shouldn't have taken his eyes off his opponent...turning back into THE
JUNGLE KICK! Palumbo shoots the half - 1, 2, 3! (2:51) O'Haire and
Palumbo quickly run off...then pose on the ramp.
Kurt Angle has found someone to complain to - Steve Lombardi. "I don't
believe this. I mean, what do I have to do to prove to Mr. McMahon that
*I* should be the leader of this team? I don't get it, Bomber." "It's
Brawler, Kurt." "Whatever. I mean, I'm an Olympic Gold Medalist.
Hello? What more do you need? I mean, doesn't Vince think that I'm Tough
Enough? Just because I'm not the 'Stone Cold of old' (5) - well I can be
extreme! I drank milk a day after it expired - THAT'S extreme!" KURT
ANGLE STEALS CHRIS JERICHO'S GIMMICK: FILM AT ELEVEN Anyway, Raven happens
by and shoves Lombardi out of the segment. "I can't believe you have the
AUDACITY to claim that anything you've ever done even REMOTELY resembles
something extreme!" "Huh?" "You know, Kurt - seeing you in that
ridiculous children's cowboy hat and strumming that guitar reminds me of
ALL the reasons I left the WWF in the first place." "Well believe me,
you're not missed!" "As the shadows of darkness fall upon the paths of
despair, they leave a path of darkness in their wake, Kurt." Angle
nods...then gets confused, and says "What the hell are you talking about?"
"I'm challenging you to a match, Kurt." "Oh, YOU'RE challenging ME."
"Oh yeah." "I'll take you on in any match you want, buddy." "Fine. ECW
rules, then." Raven walks off. "Fine. By the way, the ECW doesn't rule
- the *WWF* rules, PAL. How do you like THAT?"
Tough Enough ad - somebody's GONNA - HE'S GONNA - HE'S - HE'S GONNA -
HE'S! GONNA! PEEEEYUUUUUUUUKE!
Criminy! Who thought it was a good idea for the GIRL SCOUTS to advertise
during this show?!?
The WWF Boot of the Week (brought to you by Lugz!) is Edge and Christian's
Conchairto on Mike Awesome, leading to a hardcore title change. I wonder
what this does to that hardcore title shot Rhyno won against Test...oh
wait, that was a whole TWO WEEKS ago. We probably shouldn't be expected
to REMEMBER that far back
AWESOME MIKE AWESOME (with Lance Storm - and Lance Storm's music) v. KING
EDGE (with Christian) - Point: "If I can be serious for a minute....I am
out here tonight to issue a challenge. At inVasion, Mike Awesome and I
want to two guys that epitomize everything that is wrong with this
business...Edge...and Christian. These guys think that five second poses,
cheesy sunglasses and offbeat shenanigans is what this business is all--"
"You think you know me..." Counterpoint: "Holy Jurassic Park! I
can't believe we've actually stumbled upon a living, breathing Reekasaurus
Rex!" "Really, Christian, which one? Hey Lance - if you and your partner
(Mike Totally Not Awesome) want a fight at inVasion, you got it. Oh, and
by the way...IF I CAN BE SERIOUS FOR A MINUTE...offbeat shenanigans RULE!"
Christian dutifully guards the King of the Ring cup for the remainder of
the segment, and probably the night. Still on ECW referees, I see - WCW
referee Billy "William E. Daley" Silverman is the third man in the ring.
Well, actually he was there first - it's EDGE in third, and Awesome takes
control right away with a series of rights. Knee, right, right, into the
opposite corner, running splash. Right hand. Into the ropes, Edge ducks
the swing and hits a flying clothesline of his own. Off the ropes with a
swinging neckbreaker - for 2. Right, right, right - Silverman pulls him
off and warns him about the use of the closed fist...Awesome gathers
himself and pulls in Edge - posting his shoulder on his way out of the
ring. Awesome follows - Edge's back rammed into the barricade...then into
the apron. Awesome runs Edge into the STEEL steps. Storm has been
occupying Silverman's attention all this time, looks like. Edge rolled
back in - Awesome with a slingshot over the top rope into a nice splash -
1, 2, no. Stomp, stomp. Awesome going up - going for a plancha, but Edge
dropkicks him on the way down! (6,7) Edge with
"Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," again (8), jumping heel kick, off the
ropes with a shoulderblock (9), scoop...and a slam - Edge staying on him -
into the ropes, reversal, Edge ducks - full nelson into a ...bulldog?
Wow. Gutshot - going for a suplex but Awesome fights off with gutshots of
his own - and there's a German release suplex by Awesome! Awesome thinks
that's it...going for the Awesomebomb - but Edge shifts his weight back to
land on his feet. Gutshot by Edge - Buzzkiller (impant DDT)! That's his
move! 1, 2, Storm puts Awesome's foot on the rope and Silverman notices
at JUST the right time. Christian chasing after Storm, Storm in the ring,
Edge with a Viscera kick to Storm! Edge calls to Christian for some
chairs...ohhhh, that's not good. Silverman tells Edge not to do it, but
Edge shoves him back. Silverman actually GRABS Christian's chair...while
Silverman and Christian tussle over the chair, Storm comes in with a
superkick for Edge - Awesome hooks the leg - 1, 2, 3. (3:58) Cole
proclaims the WWF "0 for 3."
Backstage, it's Stephanie and Booker T. "Booker, my brother and I are
just SO incredibly proud to have you as the WCW Champion - and the US
Champ!" "Thank you very much, Stephanie." "Oh, you're welcome - I mean,
you just - you even look like a champion, you dress like a champion, you
talk like a champion." "Looks good, doesn't it." "It does, it looks good
- I even noticed you have a gold tooth." "DING!" "This gold, I mean..."
Stephanie stops short and gets the stinkeye as the camera pans left to
reveal...Chris Jericho. "Hello, Stephanie." "Hello, Jericho." There's
Wayne Knight! "Hello, Jerry." "Hello, Newman." Jericho: "I just wanted
to come by and congratulate you on acquiring ECW. I guess now we know
what those letters finally stand for: Every Customer Welcome." "Ah -
ahaha - yeah - every customer...except you." OUCH! "Well I know you do
consider yourself to be the Queen of Hardcore, but unfortunately, movies
don't count." "YO! Back the hell up, man. Don't you see grown folks
talkin'? You a real big man to talk to a lady like that." "That's
right." "You know right now I got the mind to take you out in the middle
of that WWF ring and whoopin' your WWF ass - whatchoo think about that?"
"Well if you want to challenge Y2J, why don't you put that WCW
championship on the line. What do you think aboot that?" Booker looks to
Stephanie, who is nodding vigorously. "Mmmm hmmmm - mmm hmmmm." "You want
it, you got it." "You want it?" "Yeah, you got it." "Okay, we'll see
you out there. E-C-W - E-C-W - E-C-W..." Off goes Jericho. "You sure
you wanna do it for the gold?" "Oh yeah. You've gotta put the titles on
the line. And just like at inVasion, you're gonna kick Chris Jericho and
the WWF's ass."
Corn Nuts proudly presents the Hardcore Smack of the Night! From
SmackDown!, Tazz gives a beatdown to Tajiri
In his office, Regal laces up. "Tajiri, the WWF's not doing very well
tonight, we're having our backsides handed to us. Now, I know you will
teach that miserable, filthy specimen Tazz a lesson at inVasion, but
tonight I will teach him a lesson in respect." "(lots of Japanese)
Srabnaka srabnaka!" "You want to commentate in my match against Tazz
tonight? Well, since you've done such a wonderful job on SmackDown!, yes,
you can commentate, yes." Tajiri produces a comb and mirror and starts to
Meanwhile, we head to the Shane/Steph/Paul powwow. "I am so excited - for
Booker T. to RIP OFF Chris Jericho's head tonight...and again, this Sunday
at inVasion!" "I love her enthusiasm, Shane - think about this, this
Sunday at inVasion, an Inaugural Brawl that's our five best against their
five best, and their VERY best, Stone Cold Steve Austin...ain't at his
best anymore, now is he?" "Now, let's get down to our five best. We're
in agreement: Booker T...DDP...the Dudley Boyz...and Rhyno..." "GORE!
GORE! GORE!" "...will represent us...and this Sunday," "WCW/ECW."
"...this Sunday, sports entertainment as we know it, the course of it...
will be changed forever."
Meanwhile (3), Austin sips a beer. Debra and her bottle of water are deep
into the background - but the first to meet Vince. "Hi, Debra!" "Oh, hi
Vince." "How ya doing?" "I'm real good, thanks." "Good - good to see
ya. How's he doing?" "Oh...I haven't seen him like this in a very long
time." Vince approaches. "Steve, how ya doing? Good to see ya, man.
Listen, if I upset you last Thursday on SmackDown!, you know, I mean -
maybe I put you on the spot, okay, maybe I shouldn't have done that...but
I can't impress upon you how important that that is to me, because...I
need, the World Wrestling Federation needs Stone Cold, the OLD Stone Cold
Steve Austin (10)..." Austin finally looks at him...then goes back to
looking straight ahead. "...to lead the WWF into inVasion, this Sunday.
I need you tonight. I really didn't mean to put you on the spot, but...I
mean, there's nothing wrong, don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong
with...the current Stone Cold WWF Championship but I need that old Stone
Cold (11) back for inVasion. We've never been threatened like this ever,
Steve. No one's ever threatened the WWF like this...WCW/ECW combination.
We've never had that kinda threat, Steve! Steve? Steve, I need your
help." Austin turns his back. "All right, I'm gonna go back to the
arena. I hope I see you there...later tonight." Austin doesn't budge.
Vince (to Debra): "Can you help me out on this?" "I'll try."
Mick Foley eats Chef Boyardee Big Beefaroni
WWF Poster magazine ad - oops, the Dudley Boyz aren't "WWF Superstars"
Here's a look at the Providence "skyline" (12)
TAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ (with RAW is WAR is brought to you by Corn Nuts,
1-800-CAL-LATT, and the JVC Giga-Tube) v. COMMISSIONER REGAL (with Tajiri)
- Tajiri takes third headset, and Tazz is out of the ring to stalk him -
but Regal heads him off and unleashes a series of forearms and lefts -
Tajiri immediately starts doing an Akira Fukuzawa impersonation (ha, I bet
you didn't think I'd pull THAT comparison out of my ass!) - into the ring
and the bell rings. Kick by Tazz as Regal comes in - right, right, right,
right, waistlock...Regal fights it off with elbows - off the ropes,
kneelift. Regal mounts - Tajiri: "Srabnaka srabnaka - punch punch punch!"
That's thirteen lefts by Regal. Left, left, left, left, left, left, left.
Wow. Into the opposite corner is reversed - boot up by Regal. T-bone
Tazzplex! Tajiri removes the headset and heads to the apron - looks like
he's already loaded up with mist...Tazz tells him to "come on" but Tajiri
holds up a hand - no no. Tajiri removes his polo shirt...to reveal an ECW
T-shirt! Crowd chants "ECW" - Tazz starts to smile - Tajiri beckons to
Regal - Tazz goes to Regal...and Tajiri unleashes a spinning roundhouse
kick that knocks Tazz loopy! Referee "Blind" Charles Robinson calls for
the bell (DQ 1:34) as Tajiri locks Tazz into the tarantula - while Regal
throws left after left - this is a PUMMELIN' folks. Tajiri climbs the
corner, removes his T-shirt - and gives it the GREEN MIST. Play Tajiri's
music! Here's a replay of the kick, since, as the DVDVR folks say, that
AAA'd it when it was live, opting to focus on Regal's facial expression
In the locker room, Page catches up with Rhyno. "Tonight is gonna be a
night to remember in the WWF - one they'll never forget. When we get in
the ring with Undertaker and Kane, something really big's going down."
"Yeah - maybe Undertaker and Kane won't even make it to inVasion." "I'll
tell you what else, got a little special treat here. I want you to do me
a favour, go get a few of the boys - I got the UNEDITED version of
Undertaker's old lady. Got a little special screening, I call it the King
of Ba-da-bing's Best of Sara." "Sweet."
NEXT: Chris Jericho takes on Booker T. for the WCW Championship!
At the Friendly Tap - HEY! - it's Tim White! "Steve! Hey man, this one's
on the house. You know, I know what you're going through - I closed the
whole place for you tonight. All right? I'm your friend. I know you'll
make the right decision." White slaps Austin on the shoulder...then
thinks better of it when Austin looks his way. He backs off. Austin goes
back to sippin'...
WCW CHAMPIONSHIP: NAPPY T. (with Shane O. Mac & RAW Credits & TV-14-DLV &
CC) (13) v. (14) CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO - Champ enters first because this is
a WWF show, dammit! Question: How can you tell T is the heel? Answer:
New stubble Cole asks Ross how Booker compares to WCW champs of the
past. Ross: "He's a sellout!" SHEESH "He's not a Ric Flair, let me tell
you that - a proud champion who wouldn't turn his back on his - on his
fans and the people." What is Ross smoking? Ross reminds us that Nick
Patrick is the official in this matchup, which should tip us off to the
ending straight away. Patrick takes on Earl Hebner Sunday, by the way -
get your flusher ready! Feeling out process to start - T tries a
roundhouse kick but Jericho ducks it. (15) "Booker T sux!" chant - very
admirable given the number of syllables. Lockup, T with the side
headlock, chain wrestling to the hamerlock (16), reversed by Jericho, back
elbow by T. Off the ropes, shoulderblock. Off the ropes, up and over,
leapfrog by Jericho, flying jalapeno by Jericho! Armdrag, hiptoss over -
T outside to the apron - Jericho to the second rope with a springboard
dropkick!! Shane checks on him - here comes Jericho - baseball slide
dropkick hits! Knife-edge chop (woooo!), forearm, dropped on the
barricade. Jericho rolls in to stop the count - and back out. Head to
the STEEL steps. Patrick is out to try to get them back in - good luck.
Jericho finally rolls T back in, and climbs up top - what a plancha! gets
2. Knife-edge chop. Whip is reversed, Jericho slides under...but T lands
the heel kick full-on. Now T unloads the chop. Chop. Right hand.
Patrick seems just a BIT more wishy-washy about the closed fist when it's
Booker T throwing it. Jericho reverses position! Right, chop, kick, into
the opposite corner is reversed, but Jericho gets the elbow up. Double
leg! Going for the Walls...Shane up on the apron and Jericho immediately
lets go to run for him...that's a mistake. Jericho turns back to eat a
thrust kick - 1, 2, NO! Just barely - I think Patrick DID hit three but
Jericho kicked out in time. T goes for the arm wringer, Jericho reverses,
T reverses back and hits a back heel kick, taking him down for 2. Elbow.
Elbow. Into the ropes, Jericho with a kick...running at T but he throws a
HUGE spinebuster - or even a whip powerbomb - but AGAIN only gets 2!
Give that a PlayStation Double Feature as T hits the headlock. Crowd
coming alive for Jericho - back to his feet - elbow, elbow, right cross,
chop, chop - T with a knee. Jericho put into the ropes, reversal, big
flapjack by Jericho! Both men are down and Patrick puts on the count.
Ross: "I never thought much of a champion that wears an earring, but..."
CRIMINY, WHAT AN OLD FOGEY. Patrick's count is up to
six...seven...eight...BOTH men up slowly - right by T - right by Jericho,
T, Jericho, T, Jericho, Jericho, Jericho, chop, into the ropes is
reversed, but Jericho hits the back elbow - off the ropes with a
clothesline! T ducks the next one but Jericho lands a chop, chop, chop,
into the corner is reversed, boot up by Jericho - second rope - dropkick -
leg is hooked - 1, 2, T kicks out - but it doesn't matter, as Patrick
clutches his shoulder...ohhhhh you always go back to the classics, and
Patrick's the master. Jericho up and threatening Patrick - T going for
the double axehandle...but Jericho steps aside in time, and T hits the
buckle instead - Jericho running out with the bulldog! Going for the
Lionsault but T rolls away - Jericho lands on his feet (!) - T ducks the
swing - knee to the gut - T off the ropes, but Jericho evades the scissors
kick! Double leg takedown! WALLS OF JERICHO! Patrick doesn't know what
to do - until he feels a twinge in his leg, and has to walk it off -
unfortunately, completely missing seeing T tap out right behind him!
Cole: "This is a buncha CRAP!" Here comes EARL HEBNER - forearm to
Patrick's back, taking him down for real. Cole: "Hebner HEBNER HEBNER"
T taps *again* - Hebner goes to call for the bell - but Shane BLOCKS it!
I didn't even know that was possible, but I guess that isn't a WWF
timekeeper, 'cause the bell does NOT ring - Shane with a right hand to put
Hebner down. Jericho releases the hold (they'll NEVER learn) and shoves
Shane to the barricade with a forearm. But T hits an uppernut - in plain
sight of Patrick - rolls up Jericho with an inside cradle - Patrick fast
counts 1 2 3, and the Champ retains again. (7:36) Replays FORYA.
You know what - Booker T is STILL awesome - well, to me, anyway. I know
that it would be natural to say "man, if he NEVER gets a decisive victory,
how will he EVER look any good?" but I understand there's a story in play
here - although I really have no reason to believe it, I DO believe that
there will be plenty of time down the road for Booker T. to get some clean
pins. He got Angle last week and Jericho tonight, both times in
moderate-length matches - really, now how can I NOT love that?
Still, you know what would have been great? That's right. Stevie Ray
defending the belt in his brother's place
WWF LIVE hits Boston tomorrow, Cleveland for inVasion, RAW next week in
Buffalo and Pittsburg takes Tuesday!
To the dressing room, where Perry Saturn's mop now sports...a face. "Per
- it's really nice what you've done to the mop, that's great. Did you do
that by yourself? Hey Per, listen to me - I don't think you should go out
there with me tonight, I've got a big match with Trish, and um...I don't
think you should be out there tonight, okay? ... Okay?" Here comes Paul.
"Well AREN'T we the happy threesome! HI, TERRI!" "Hi." "How ya doin'?"
"Good." "Hey, do you mind if I talk to Perry for just a moment or two?"
"You know what?" "What." "He's all yours." "Thank you VERY much.
Wow....nice boots, huh? Hey Perry! How ya doin', man? You know this
whole ECW/WCW thing - if we're gonna get all the guys from ECW back
together, Perry - it just ain't the same withoutchya! I mean what's a
solar system without a Saturn? What's ECW without Perry Saturn? Y'know,
and I'm - I'm looking at the WWF, and how can they in good conscience put
you back in the ring after all the concussions that you've suffered? Now
Perry, you know in ECW we CARE about the health and welfare of our
performers...and Perry, we want you to be one of our performers again.
So what do you say? Why don't you come back to ECW?" "Snausages!"
"Snausages. Snausages. Well listen...I'll take that one back to
Stephanie..and um...we'll get back to you. Thanks a lot - it's good to
see you! And the mop, too! Snausages..." "You're welcome!"
CAW CAW CAW v. KURT
ANGLE (with INVASION: THIS SUNDAY) under ECW rules - Angle runs at
Raven with a BIG OL' SPEAR before the bell - right, right, right, right,
right, right, right, right, right - every punch assisted by Angle
clutching his medals (Cole: "an object") in that closed fist. Stomp.
Right - into the ropes, head down - Raven with a kick, and a trashcan lid
to the back. (17) Into the corner - Raven off the ropes with a
clothesline out. Kneelift by Raven. Trashcan set up in the centre -
Angle into the ropes - drop toehold into the can! Leg is hooked - 1, 2,
no. Into the ropes, reversed - Angle pulls Raven into a belly-to-belly
overhead suplex. Angle standing over Raven on his knees - MAULING forearm
across the face - left forearm, right forearm, left forearm - RIPPING off
Raven's shirt...and choking him with it! Angle VERY aggressive here.
Handicapped sign WHACK to the head. Angle with a trashcan - TO THE HEAD!
To the back, to the back, to the back, and to the back one more time. In
the corner, "stupid son of a bitch!" To the opposite corner, reversed -
clothesline follow, going for the bulldog but Angle shoves him off into
the corner. OLYMPIC SLAM!! ANGLELOCK! Raven taps!! (2:18) Referee
"Blind" Jimmy Korderas tries to get Angle to release it - he threatens HIM
- then goes back to - NO, it's a - holy cats, I think that's a PLUM
STRETCH (grapevine/facelock abdominal stretch)! Korderas pulls him off
again - ANGLE with a JUJIGATAME! CODE RED! CODE RED! CODE RED!
*Again* Korderas gets Angle to relent on the armbar - but STILL he's not
done! Outside - bringing back a chair - you wanted ECW Rules, Raven?
Here's the point of the chair to your sternum! Again! AND AGAIN! Here
come the reinforcements - CHRIS KANYON, SHAWN STASIAK and JUSTIN CREDIBLE
- Kanyon gets a chair in the gut...and the other two back off. CHAIR IN
THE BACK for Kanyon! Angle out of the ring (ALMOST tripping on the ring
curtain, but not) and Stasiak and Credible run off. "COME ON!!" Play his
music again! It's a whole new Angle, and I LIKE it!
Austin...shoots pool! With extremely bad sound! Set irony sensors to
maximum! Ross: "I can't believe this 'I don't give a damn' attitude -
Stone Cold Steve Austin...the old Stone Cold (18) that I knew would not
turn his back on a fight - he started the fight - and by God he finished
it - and why isn't he here?" You know, I've been thinking about it - if
Austin DOESN'T do what Vince wants....well, doesn't that mean the old
Stone Cold Steve Austin IS back? I mean, that's "anti-authority," right?
HARDY BOYZ v. THOSE DAMN DUDLEYZ (with Earlier Tonight) - Hey, is it just
me or are all those ECW chyrons using the "Star Trek: TOS" Credits font?
(Or, if you prefer, the "Tribal Gathering '96 Mix" box set title font)
D-Von and Matt start, and here we go. Kick by D-Von, right hand, right,
right, right, right, right is blocked, Hardy with a right,
"Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine" again, right, right, into the ropes,
shoulderblock, kick in the gut, off the ropes with the neckbreaker - 1, 2,
no. Overhand right, right, Dudley to the eyes. Whip into the ropes, but
Jeff manages a blind tag in the process - Matt hooks the ropes to halt his
momentum, and Jeff strikes with a right hand, Hardy in the Hooss double
legdrop 'twixt the legs - Bubba Ray in - double hiptoss for him. Into the
ropes, Poetry in Motion on Bubba Ray. D-Von punches Matt - whip into the
corner is reversed, but before Jeff can run into a second Poetry in
Motion, Bubba Ray manages a hairpull to bring him back to the mat - Matt
turns to look at him and takes a clothesline in the back. D-Von stomps,
stomp, right hand, head to Bubba Ray's boot - tag. Open right hand to the
gut, right, right, into the ropes, back elbow. Elbowdrop. 1, 2, Jeff
kicks out. Jeff sat up on top (18) - and Bubba Tree of Woes him down to
the mat. Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, right hand untangles him
down. Tag. Into the ropes - double flapjack. D-Von pulls on the top
rope to accentutate his foot on the face. Jeff put into the ropes -
there's the jumpin' back elbow. Tag to Bubba Ray - open shot to the ribs.
Headbutt. Bubba Ray on the second rope...Matt nearing him on the apron -
Bubba Ray (and referee "Blind" Mike Chioda) distracted just enough for
Jeff to spring up and punch Bubba Ray in the sack. (19) Hardy climbing up
top - Frankensteiner! 1, 2, shoulder up! Crowd clapping for a HOT TAG -
tag to D-Von - HOT TAG to Matt! Clothesline! Clothesline! Bubba Ray
back in - Matt ducks a clothesline - gutshot - DDT! Into the corner with
D-Von is reversed - boot up by Matt - ahhhhhhhhhhhdrop - 1, 2, Bubba Ray
breaks it up, JUST barely. Jeff runs over with a dropkick - Bubba Ray
goes outside. Matt with the Twist of Fate on D-Von - Jeff with a
swantonbomb - Matt covers - 1, 2, Bubba Ray pulls him outside! Matt and
Bubba Ray trading punches...here comes Jeff with a pescado onto Bubba Ray!
Matt with a shoulder to the gut through the ropes - sunset flip coming up
- ohhhh this never works...sure enough, D-Von fights it long enough for
ROB van DAM to run out and provide enough leverage for D-Von to get the
pin (4:38) and I must say it takes a truly HEROIC effort for Chioda to
*completely* miss his presence. Matt pops up with a right hand for D-Von,
but van Dam is up to the top - missile dropkick (sorta) lands on Matt!
Jeff in and stomping away - but Bubba Ray takes HIM out from
behind. The Dudleys hold down Jeff...for a Fivestar frog splash! OH MAN!
HE POINTED TO HIMSELF!!!!! "This is Extreme" plays - that was van Dam's
theme for the two days he was actually IN the WWF, by the way - OH MAN!!
HE POINTED TO HIMSELF AGAIN!!!!!!!!!! Replays away.
The APA react to this from their sofa (SOFA?!? They couldn't put a
monitor in their office?) Vince comes in. "Yeah, I saw it - and what are
we gonna do about it?" "Where's Steve? Is Steve coming?" "I don't think
he's gonna make it." "I'll be DAMNED. Whaddayou mean?" "I don't think
he's gonna make it, so that means...it's just us. We need to round up the
rest of the boys - we've gotta get together, have a little town meeting,
because we're damn sure gonna do something about that." The APA agree -
off they go. "I'm countin' on ya to get 'em together - get 'em ALL
Tough Enough ad #2
When we come back, it's pep talk time...for the W/ECW folks. Why does
Heyman have his head down? Stephanie: "I hope that every single one of
you understands how important this Sunday, that inVasion will be.
Because there are no other chances for us - this is our last chance.
When nobody else believed in you - when nobody else would believe in your
ability, Shane and I have. We believed in you so much that we have SOLD
our WWF stock. We've invested all of our money - we have nothing left but
all of you. And this Sunday at inVasion, it is up to every one of you to
take out the WWF forever." "Listen, this is the moment of truth, you
understand that? The line in the sand has been drawn, there's no goin'
back! Hey after this Sunday, there is no tomorrow. You understand that,
we are on this side. The WWF will NEVER take you back - they will never
take us back, you understand that? But yeah, we divested ourselves.
This is it, this is the new core, this is ECW and WCW, the biggest threat
that has ever fakest - that have ever faked (faced?) the WWF - you
understand that? You understand that? You guys need to take 'em out.
This is what needs to happen this Sunday. There is no goin' back! There
IS no goin' back! You understand? There IS no goin' back!" "Do you
people understand how much they fear you now? DO YOU? Do you understand
how much Jeff Hardy fears Rob van Dam - how Jeff Hardy thinks he is gonna
fly through the air - how Jeff Hardy thinks he's hardcore - Jeff Hardy
knows nothing about hardcore like Rob van Dam - and how 'bout you, Tazz?
How 'bout what Tajiri did to you tonight? When he spit on that ECW
T-shirt, he might as well have spit in your face! He might as well've
kicked down your door and spit in the face of your wife and your son!
The only way that Tajiri survives this Sunday is if you let him, because I
promise you, we all come together at inVasion, and we all witness the
Inaugural Brawl, when Diamond Dallas Page, and the Dudley Boyz, and Rhyno
and Booker T. take out the five best that the WWF has to offer." Shane:
"Are you with us?" "YEAH!" "Are you with us?" "YEAH!" "Are you with
us?" "YEAH!" "Are you with us?" "YEAH!" "Let's do this!" Great
Meanwhile, the masses are assembled - the camera never pans to the whole
room, probably because they weighted one side down with humanity to make
the room look fuller. Vince, Undertaker, the APA and Kane enter. Kane
takes a seat in the back - the other four take the front. "All right
guys, listen up here for a minute, please." Faarooq: "Hey, hey. I'm
sure y'all saw what happened here tonight. Look, they still don't damn
get it. But you know what, tonight we're gonna show their asses that we
mean business." Bradshaw: "These second-rate sons of bitches wanna ride
piggyback offa us? 'cause they can't make it on their own? Then tell 'em
to bring their little inVasion on, because starting tonight, we ain't
takin' this (beep) no more. It's TIME we got knee-deep in somebody's
ass!" Vince: "Guys, let me just say this, that - make no mistake about
what's going down here tonight - make no mistake about what's gonna happen
this Sunday. Because no one in this room has ever been threatened
personally...like you're threatened now. None of us have ever been
threatened collectively like we're threatened now. This coalition of WCW
and ECW - they wanna eat each and every one of you alive. They wanna do
it tonight, and they wanna finish us off on Sunday. Now I was hoping that
we were gonna have someone with us tonight to lead the way, Stone Cold
Steve Austin." Taker: "To HELL with all that! I've heard all of that I'm
gonna hear. What it's time for is to find out who the phony tough is, and
who's the crazy brave. Austin - he's made a hell of a name for himself
here in the WWF. And now he don't have the heart to fight for the company
that made him? I say the HELL with him! The rest of you, you need to
understand this - there's no shame in goin' out and fightin' and gettin'
your ass kicked. But there's no honour in not fighting at all. So who
wants to fight? WHO WANTS TO FIGHT?" Hollering ensues...but Taker raises
an arm for quiet as - Whoa, Steve Lombardi wheels in Fred Blassie!
"Gentlemen...there comes a time when every man must fight for what he
believes in!" Blassie rises up out of his chair. "You understand?
Now's the time! Get up, stand up, and fight!"
Meanwhile, Austin watches all this....and we watch him. Austin hurls some
pool balls, bounces one off the table, then breaks his pool cue over the
table and takes off. Debra: "Steve! Where're you goin'?"
So wait - they SOLD their STOCK?
And they're still on TV?
Does this make YOUR head hurt, too?
Here's a look at WWF New York
Here's a look inside WWF New York - come here Wednesday for the "Lita Home
Video Party" - hmm, that's probably *not* what I think it is...
STRATUS - THE FITNESS MODEL (with Bra & Panties tag match graphic -
and PlayStation presents inVasion in six days!) v. NIPPLES
- Hmm, they gave Terri the Kat's old music - that's kinda interesting. I
guess, once and for all, PMS is finally dead. I'm not exactly sure why
they've scheduled this match, but WOW LOOKIT TERRI'S WEDGIE. Okay, here
we go - Terri with a slap - ooh, she's feisty! Another slap. Stratus
tries a clothesline, Terri ducks and tries to leave the ring - only she
gets lost on the way (no, REALLY - she stops, all confused like) - Trish
pulls her back by the legs, turns her over and...WOW! GIANT SWING!! FOUR
REVS! Trish with a handful of hair - Terri sent into the corner - (Cole:
"Is he goin' back to Texas?" YEAH that's why he came to Rhode Island in
the FIRST place, so he could just GO BACK) Trish runs at Terri but Terri
ducks out. Got her by the hair and tossing her into a spin. Terri stands
on the hair and pulls on the arms - tug tug - Stratus manages to roll her
into a 2 count. Terri with a jawbreaker (!) - buttdrop on the abdomen -
again - Terri with the press - 1, no - 1, no - and... 1, no. This match
is a car wreck and I can't turn away! Stratus shoves her off - Terri
tries again - whip is reversed, gutshot by Trish - bulldog - THAT'S HER
MOVE, NOAH! Leg is hooked - 1, 2, 3. (1:58) For no reason apparent to
me, Trish starts to untie Terri's top - this brings out TORRIE SAMUDA &
STACY KEIBLER for no apparent reason - hairpull takedown by Stacy - double
gutshot - Stacy whips her into Torrie's clothesline. Stacy holds her for
a kick, kick, Torrie looks to the back to see if Lita's out yet, no, kick,
kick, kick, NOW LITA is out - clothesline for you, clothesline for you,
right hand for you, Twist of Fate for you, play my music, let's move on.
Your hosts are a pair of kings - LARRY KING & MICHAEL KING COLE. Ross
firmly believes he'll be back - 'cause we NEED (20)
UP NEXT: Undertaker & Kane vs. Rhyno & DDP!
inVasion ad (again)
DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE (with INVASION THIS SUNDAY) and RHYNO THE MAN BEAST
(with Let Us Take You Back to SmackDown!) v. THE FUN BROTHERS - What
happened with the Sara footage screening, anyway? Did they watch that
before the big pep talk - or maybe after? Oh well, we'll never know.
Pier Four Brawl with the men from the WWF getting the better of the
punching battle - both Page and Rhyno end up outside in quick fashion.
Taker to the outside, Kane awaiting an opponent. Page pumps up Rhyno -
"KICKIZASSSSSS!" and once again Page manages to get his partner to be a
sucker and get in there. Rhyno ducks the clothesline, right, right,
right, Kane says "no sale" with a double choke - into the corner, right,
right, right, right, right, right, stomp. Into the opposite corner -
scooped up on the shoulder (21) - and powerslammed down. Overhand forearm
to the back. Into the ropes, head down, kick by Rhyno - no sale - Rhyno
with a choke...Rhyno pounds on the shoulder to get him to release - kick -
off the ropes, Kane ducks - Kane with a big boot. Elbowdrop MISSES.
Rhyno whips Kane into the corner - shoulder to the gut. Into the opposite
corner - Kane up with no effect - catching Rhyno running at him and
there's a powerslam. Tag to Taker - open kick. Soupbone, soupbone, head
to the buckle, into the ropes, clothesline, legdrop off the ropes, 1, 2,
Rhyno kicks out. Arm wringer - cranking on it - and over to the corner
for Old Skool. Page gets a shove as well - that was enough of a
distraction for Rhyno to come up behind and shove him out of the ring.
Page with no delay in taking advantage - shoveed into the apron, forearm
in the back, forearm, into the STEEL steps, and rolled back into the ring
to Rhyno. Right hand, right, kick, tag to Page - held for the kick, kick,
right, right, right, back elbow, back elbow, (22) into the opposite
corner, clothesline follow - sidewalk slam - 1, 2, Rhyno breaks it up.
Kane in as well - it's all broken down again. (23, 24) Worse than we
know...the OTHER THREE MEMBERS OF TEAM W/ECW are out - referee "Blind"
Earl Hebner decides to let it go (I guess) - it's five on two and the two
aren't having much luck. Here come SIX MORE WWF GUYS - here come LOTS
MORE W/ECW GUYS & IT'S ALL ABOUT PAUL - again the numbers take over -
STILL no bell.
Outside in the parking lot, the Hollys are taking damage from Justin
Credible, Hugh Morrus and Mark Jindrak - a truck pulls up - it's Austin!
He's the only one smart enough to bring a weapon! Swinging his half pool
cue, he takes out all three men, one at a time.
We look back to the ring - Paul is making wild gesticulations towards the
EntertainmentTron but nothing else has changed.
To the backstage area, where Stasiak and Helms are working over Edge &
Christian - in walks Austin - stick, stick, stick, stick, into the crates
with you, into a table with you - how come all these WCW guys are wearing
inVasion T-shirts, anyway?
Back to the ring - lookit Paul point. Ha ha ha, Paul's so funny. I
wonder if we'll ever get a bell to this match? Hebner back in the
ring...and running through the crowd to the other side and out. SO much
weirdness. Crowd chanting "Austin." Or maybe "bullshit," what do I know?
Anyway, the music hits...and Ross explodes - yeah, I WISH. (25, 26)
Punches all around - when Austin throws punches, they're like grenades -
down you go, down you go, down you go, KICK WHAM STUNNER for O'Haire, KICK
WHAM STUNNER for Tazz, KICK WHAM STUNNER Bubba Ray, KICK WHAM STUNNER
D-Von, KICK WHAM STUNNER Palumbo, KICK WHAM STUNNER Kanyon (now THAT man
can sell!), Dreamer's all "do me! do me!" so KICK WHAM STUNNER Dreamer,
and Kidman and Guerrero get a double chokeslam from the Fun Brothers.
Play Austin's music! Why hasn't Ross lost his voice yet? (27) The five
members of Team WWF are left in the ring - perhaps one of the most
important things you'll see tonight, but of course the commentators (28)
don't bother to call ANY attention to it...Undertaker *helps Angle up with
a handshake.* Kane helps up Jericho. All five men stand - each man goes
eye to eye with Austin - I'm BEGGING Austin to give ANY of them the
Stunner - or beat up Ross again - oh well.....not tonight.
We look to the exit, where Lombardi is wheeling Blassie out and telling
him how great he did tonight....but Shane and Stephanie stop him. "Hold
on a sec, hold on a second! Stay right there. You think what you said in
there had any impact at all?" "Hey Freddie. You think that what Stone
Cold Steve Austin just did out there - you think THAT had any impact?"
"You think that the WWF is gonna have any impact at all - any impact at
all this Sunday on ECW & WCW? The answer is no." "Hahahahaha - but I
tell you what WILL have a lot of impact - you see, Freddie, because you
and the WWF have a lot in common...you're BOTH about to DIE." "Get him
outta here - go!" Steph and Shane strike a pose - War Zone credits - WWF
logo - see ya.
Maybe THURSDAY they'll explain to us how the winner of the Inaugural Brawl
can CHANGE THE FACE OF SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT AS WE KNOW IT BY GOD
Maybe then we'll find out ... JUST WHICH SIDE.... JERRY LYNN IS ON
Who had 28 in the pool?