QUICK QUOTE: WWF 12.06 (+ .01, last year: 19 5/16)
This SPECIAL report is dedicated to Mike Lavieri!
TONIGHT: From the HOME OF THE KINGS, Sara challenges Diamond Dallas Page -
yes, Sara - stick around, it'll get uglier! Also, THE ROCK! No way! THE
ROCK? On RAW? Believe it - NEXT!
AND NOW, AS A PUBLIC SERVICE, AN EIGHTEEN WORD REVIEW OF "TNN'S ROBOT
WARS: EXTREME WARRIORS" - It should come as no surprise to *anyone* that
this series is *vastly* inferior to "Robot Wars UK."
TV-14-DLV - One World Leader Attitude - WWF!
Earlier Today, Austin (and wife) entered the dressing room to find an
applauding Alliance waiting inside, clapping and chanting "Steve! Steve!
Steve!" TV-14-DLV again, in case you missed it "Yeah, you know...God dang,
it feels like family in here. Everybody feling good? Lemme tell ya, it
makes my heart feel good to see all the Alliance members here tonight.
It feels like family. To know that you guys - heh heh - are here to
honour me. First ever Stone Cold Steve Austin appreciation night. Do you
know how long I've waited for this? You know, if you guys appreciate this
half as much as I appreciate it, that means I appreciate it twice as much
as you do? That's a joke." Crowd works up some quick laughter - what,
does NOBODY watch Monty Python's Flying Circus any more? "Anyway, I
appreciate the fact that you guys appreciate me, and ah...you know I've
led by example, ever since I jumped on board here with the Alliance, I've
led by example. I led by example last night when I whipped Kurt Angle's
ass, that's what I did. And it's stickin' together, it's stickin'
together and following my example that's gonna create huge superstars in
this room, I guarantee that. And for the record, just for the record, I
will continue to lead by example tonight. If Kurt Ankle shows up his
little face here tonight, I got plenty more o' where last night come
from. Do I make myself clear? I'll see ya'all later tonight, and I
appreciate how much you appreciate me." "Steve! Steve! Steve!"
(Same Old) Opening Credits
PYRO AWAY - once again it's on, one night removed from SummerSlam, the WWF
is LIVE at the HOME OF THE KINGS, the Arco Arena in Sac-town, CA and the
Capital City is jumpin' and pumpin' and transmitido en espanol SAP 20.8.1
on The National Network!
TONIGHT: It's Austin Appreciation Night - well it's about damn time!
TONIGHT: Sara takes on Diamond Dallas Page - and the REAL winners are the
LOOK! There's PEOPLE in WWF NEW YORK!
LITA & MOLLY HOLLY &
JACQUELINE (with Let Us Take You Back to Heat) v. IVORY & TORRIE
SAMUDA & STACY KEIBLER - Wow, they sure got Lita looking like Joanie with
that headband, don't they? Interesting choice. Ivory starts with Holly -
lockup, Ivory with a full nelson...Holly slips out, Ivory tries for a
snapmare but Holly lands on her feet after a handstand out - off the ropes
with the shoulderblock, off the ropes, up and over, dueling hiptosses go
nowhere, Holly with a northern lights suplex for 1. We start over.
Lockup, Holly with a hammerlock - Ivory reverses - Holly reaches back for
the rolling snapmare...Ivory ends up in her corner - but Wilson & Keibler
both drop off, fearing a tag in. Ivory does some yelling to no effect;
meanwhile Jackie has tagged in behind her and lies in wait - chop, chop,
into the ropes, back elbow, cover - 1, 2, Ivory kicks out. Jackie waits
for her to get up - then dropkicks her. Ivory lunges for her corner and
tags Torrie. Torrie has the "deer in the headlights" look which suggests
she still hasn't learned improvisation yet...then runs into a spear from
Jacqueline. Jackie in the mount - ramming Torrie's head into the mat
repeatedly, then throwing rights (five) - got her by the hair and pulling
her back to her feet...knee, into the ropes is reversed, Stacy manages a
kick to the back to take her down. Torrie with a kick. Torrie invites
Stacy in illegally - into the ropes, Jackie ducks the double clothesline
and lands one of her own. Jackie asks if the crowd wants Lita? Hell yes,
they do, so here's the tag. Lita comes in...to find the ring clear of
everybody except referee "Blind" Chad Patton. Ivory reluctantly comes
back in - and runs into a drop toehold. Into the corner is reversed, Lita
up and over....but landing on her injured leg and coming up lame. And
speaking of lame, the commentators are spending WAY too much time talking
about everything but this match. Ivory smells blood - stomp, stomp,
stomp, stomp, stomp. Got the injured leg...but Lita manages a monkey
flip..then limps to her corner - nope, Ivory's got her leg again - that's
usually the cue for the enzuigiri. Sure enough! Lita tags Jacqueline as
Patton says "you've got one minute." Right hand, Jackie waits for Torrie
& Stacy - they missed their cue again - here comes Torrie, falling
backwards before Jackie can even throw the back elbow, Stacy falling
backwards before Jackie can grab her hair, GOOD GOD this is embarrassing
for BOTH of us - now I know why Ross and Heyman are talking about Austin
and Angle - Ivory manages a gutshot and a Wendi Wheels Blowout to take
over. Ivory with a right, right, putting her on the top buckle - Jackie
blocks the next punch, gutshot, tornado DDT - that'll do ya. Leg is
hooked - 1, 2, 3 - it ain't joshi. (3:43)
UP NEXT: The Rock! We promise! Don't let all this wrestling make you
turn the channel before you miss THE ROCK!
When we come back, we're backstage again where the Dudley Boyz
congratulate Test for their SummerSlam victory - he can tag with them any
time. In comes Stephanie: "Excuse me...Bubba, D-Von - would you mind
leaving Test and I alone for a moment?" "Whatever you need, boss."
"Thank you. Listen, Test. We might not have ended things on the, the
best note, but - you know, we were kids then, I mean I didn't know what I
was doing, you didn't know what you were doing. We're so much more mature
now. And I really need your help - the Alliance needs your help." "I'm
listening." "Okay, you know me very well, and you know that I can be a
real witch when I don't get what I want. And last night at SummerSlam, I
did not get what I wanted. Rhyno did NOT defeat Chris Jericho in the
middle of the ring. And that's where you come in, Test. Because you're
the man - and I firmly believe that you can take Chris Jericho out for
good, tonight." "You know somethin', Steph? You're not a witch. You're
a (beep). But you're a GOOOOOOD (beep), and I always liked that about
you. And I'm a team player, so I'll help I'll help you take oot Chris
Jericho tonight - except tonight, I'll get the job done." "Hey Test..."
and they shake hands. "See ya out there." What, she can't call him
Out walks THE ROCK - I notice there's no stage set up this week. That's
usually the international sign of "somebody drives a large vehicle into
the arena tonight" so we'll keep one eye open. Rock hits the
corner pose, then pauses for the chant. That title must be heavy - lookit
the Rock constantly twitch his shoulder! "Finally, the Rock HAS COME BACK
to Sacramento! Booker T, last week you said that come SummerSlam you were
gonna take the Rock to school. Well Booker T, after last night at
SummerSlam it was the Rock that took you to school...and not only did the
Rock take you to school, but he taught you lessons of a lifetime. You
see, Booker T, Professor Rock, he taught you...People's Elbow 101,
Advanced Rock Bottom 407, and above all else the lesson the Rock taught
you was gettin' your monkey ass whipped, 1, 2, 3!" "Rock E!" I should
probably make the standard racism joke 'cause he said "monkey," but...I
believe I shall postpone. "See, Booker T, there is one more lesson that
the Rock taught you - a lesson that you will never, ever forget, and that
lesson is this: is you can try to talk like the Rock, you can try and act
like the Rock, but the fact remains, Booker T, is there is only one, AND
THE ROCK MEANS ONE People's Champ, electrifying man, and that man, Booker
T, is the ROCK. So Booker T, after last night, the Rock knows that you
couldn't POSSIBLY be feeling good right now. The Rock knows that you're
probably feelin' two feet tall. So the Rock wants one thing: Booker T,
the Rock wants you to come out here, face the Rock, eye to eye, and maybe
JUST MAYBE the Rock can make you feel a little bit better. So,
Sacramento, let's give Booker T a warm welcome by chanting his name."
Crowd chants "Booker T" - no, they chant "Boo-urns," actually. And now a
pretty good "Sucka" chant. T's music plays and ... yeah, your spider
sense was tingling correctly....it's A MIDGET, complete with Book-esque
hairstyle and "puff" flame pyro. Ross laughs to let us know it's all good
clean fun, folks. "Now Booker T, after last night at SummerSlam, the Rock
wants to know...how do you feel?" "How do you THINK I feel....SUCKA?"
Actually, take that hair off of him and he'd be a DEAD RINGER for Stevie
Ray - no foolin'! Only, about 1/3 height compared to the genuine froot
booty merchant. "Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa, Booker T. You don't have to
get mad at the Rock, don't be angry at the Rock! 'Cause you're still a
fantastic athlete, you still have a great body..." "Yeah, and my hair's
pretty, too...SUCKA." "Well Booker T, well I'll tell you what. The Rock
called you out here 'cause he wants you to feel better, and he knows
there's one way you're really gonna feel better and that's by doin'
that...move. You know the move that you do better than anybody else."
"Yeah, you know - spinaroonie - SUCKA." "Well why don't you go ahead and
make yourself feel better and ah...treat the Rock to the spinaroonie."
He goes down on one knee, extends his hand and shakes his head...and
breakdances back to his feet...then hops around on one foot. Nicely done!
"That's pretty good, Booker T. Why don't you show the Rock a little,
uh...moonwalk? Runnin' man? You know, the Rock's an athlete, he used to
play football...why don't you show the Rock a little...Deion Sanders?
Booker T...Rock knows you feel better. Can U dig that?" "No, SUCKA!"
Rock ponders the response. Then, waits out another "Rock E!" chant.
"Let the Rock ask you one more time. Can U dig THAT?" "Yeah, I can dig
it, SUCKA." Rock regards this again...and hitches his shoulder for the
487th time this segment. "Let the Rock ask you one more th-- let the Rock
finish. Let the Rock ask you one more thing. You wanna keep dancing?"
"Let's do this, sucka." But the music of LANCE STORM isn't much to dance
to. "This is a sad, sad display, Rock. It's a sad day in this business
when mocking your opponent via midget is an acceptible form of
entertainment. Now no one enjoys a good laugh more than I do...but this
ain't funny. You want somethin' that's funny, Rock, you want a real joke,
that's you carryin' the WCW title. Which brings me to why I'm out here:
to challenge you to a WCW title match right here tonight." Rock considers
a response, but waits for one more chant. "Who IN THE BLUE HELL are you?
The Rock doesn't know who you are, but he knows what you say, and if *the
Rock* can be serious for a minute - as far as for your challenge goes: you
and the Rock, WCW title match tonight, well the Rock says.....just bring
it." "That's splendid, Rock, 'cause not only will I bring the WCW title
back to the Alliance, but your days of unabashed hijinks are about to
end." "And your nights of the Rock whoopin' your ass is about to begin!
If ya smell...what the Rock......is cookin'." Storm turns to leave - then
superkicks the midget!!!
Tough Enough ad - this week, *everybody* quits
An exterior view of the SPECTACULAR Arco Arena - haha, lookit that
Let Us Take You Back to Last Night, where Shane interjected himself in two
matches - with varying degrees of success
A.P.A. & SCOTTY 2 HOTTY & SPIKE DAMN DUDLEY & THA 1 BILLY GUNN & WELL IT'S
THE BIG SHOW v. THOSE DAMN DUDLEYZ & CHUCK PALUMBO & SEAN O'HAIRE & HUGH
MORRUS & TOMMY DREAMER - this twelve man tag is fairly similar to the main
event of last Saturday's house show in Fresno...which got some rave
reviews, so my expectations are a bit higher that this'll be pretty
smokin'. I'm not sure how referee "Blind" Jack Doan is going to be able
to keep things in check by his lonesome, but good luck. It's Faarooq for
Team WWF, and Palumbo for Team W/ECW. Lockup, Palumbo with a knee, right,
right, discus right. Shoulder drive - wow, slapping the back of his head
like Faarooq was his BITCH - I don't think he's gonna take that very well.
Sure enough, Faarooq counters the arm wringer with a big clothesline.
Tag to Hotty - arm wringer, but Palumbo pokes the eyes and tags out to
O'Haire - Hotty ducks, right, right, right, into the corner is reversed -
boots up by Hotty - off the ropes but O'Haire lands a clothesline. Tag to
Dreamer, but Dreamer AND Morrus come in for the open shot - into the
ropes, Hotty ducks, double clothesline lands! Tag to Gunn - right for
Dreamer, right for Morrus, Dreamer, Morrus, free shot for D-Von, Palumbo
in - HE gets a cobra clutch slam - Bubba Ray Dudley in with a clothesline
- scoop...and a slam - holding him for "What Are You Doing?" but Faarooq
meets D-Von at the turnbuckle while Spike comes in and uppernuts Bubba Ray
from behind. Bradshaw in and to the corner - got D-Von, ALMOST dropping
him...but managing the super fallaway slam! Bradshaw has Dreamer in the
friendly corner - head to the buckle, chop, right, knee, right, overhand
right, tag to Spike, scoop slam - Spike in with PERRO AGUAYO - the double
stomp to the chest from the top rope. Going for the 'dog, but Dreamer
recoveres and shoves him into the corner, then sits him on the top
buckle...then pulls him out with a neckbreaker. Spike into the ropes,
pressed up - and powerbombed down. Half crab applied - Bradshaw comes in
to boot Dreamer in the head. Bubba Ray in without a tag - elbow, Spike
into the ropes, BIG back body drop. Stomp, tag to D-Von - into the ropes
- double flapjack and Spike sails about ten feet high. 1, 2, shoulder
just up. D-Von with a right hand, to the Alliance corner as we take a
Clearasil Double Feature. Right, right, tag to Morrus. Spike into the
ropes, running clothesline. Into the corner, boot up by Dudley, gutshot,
Dudley 'dog! But both men are down. Crowd starts the clap as Spike
crawls to his corner...and tags in the Show as Morrus tags in Dreamer.
Ross: "Oh, MY." Show is ready and rarin' - clothesline for Dreamer!
Clothesline for O'Haire! Clothesline for Palumbo! Right for Morrus on the
apron, back elbow for Bubba Ray, right for D-Von - HE'S a house on fire!
But Palumbo and O'Haire run over Show with a double clothesline that takes
all him outside! Palumbo went with him but O'Haire was left standing -
but as soon as he turns around, he is met with Bradshaw's Hades lariat!
JUNGLE KICK by Palumbo on Bradshaw! Faarooq with the SPINEBUSTER on
Palumbo! 3D (Dudley Death Drop) on Faarooq! Spike in with a gutshot on
Bubba Ray, going for the Dudley 'dog but Bubba throws him over his
shoulder - 3D (Dudley Death Drop) on Spike! Gunn in as Show pulls out
D-Von - Bubba Ray's punch is ducked, and Gunn hits the Fame-Asser on Bubba
Ray! Morrus back up - flapjack on Gunn...and up for No Laughing Matter -
but MISSES!! Hotty in - bulldog off the ropes! W - O - R - M - hoo hoo
hoo YAAAAH - but Dreamer DDT's HIM...and mocks the Worm dance - oops, Show
is back in - ahhhhhhhhhTHECHOKESLAAAAAM - BOTH MEN ARE LEGAL, JOE - 1, 2,
3! (5:28) Man, throw in eight or nine crazy-ass submission holds and
slap masks on all of 'em and you've got a preview of the next AAA
pay-per-view. I bet this match ROCKED ROCKED 'TIL IT DROPPED back in
STONE COLD TRIBUTE: Hurricane Helms talks for about half an hour about the
Green Lantern (okay, we get it)...and then concludes by saying that Stone
Cold Steve Austin has supplanted the Green Lantern as his #1 Superhero.
Chris Jericho is WALKING!
WWF Magazine ad - if the Rock's on the cover, NOW will you buy it?
Kane keeps opening those cans of Chef Boyardee Big Beefaroni - you think
eventually he'd remember HE CAN'T EAT
Sara shadowboxes - oy
CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO v. TEST TEST THIS IS A TEST (with Stephanie Can't
Act) - wait, I thought he had a concussion? "Last night at SummerSlam,
Y2J FINALLY beat the vicious Rhyno. But it came at a price, as Rhyno beat
the living hell out of me...he actually showed a true set. Unlike you,
Test. After seeing you reunite with your ex (Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley),
a question comes to mind: how can a man whose name is short for
'Testicles,' have absolutely none?" OH NO STEPHANIE'S HANDS ARE
STUCK TO HER HIPS AGAIN Test rushes the ring and it's on - Jericho ducks,
right, right, chop, chop, into the ropes, reversed, flying jalapeno by
Jericho - punching from the mount, but Test shoves him off. Jericho put
in the corner, but he gets the boot up - Test ducks the clothesline, hooks
the arm and hits Uncle Slam. Now TEST is punching from the mount -
referee "Blind" Mike Chioda breaks it up. Clearasil Double Feature of
Jericho's head taking the brunt of the full nelson slam. Both men up -
right by Test - into the opposite corner, Test with a follow lariat.
Powerbomb coming up - no, Jericho frees himself, ducks the punch and lands
a kick to the back of the head. Both men down. Chioda puts on the count
- Jericho up at 4 - off the ropes, back elbow to the mush - off the ropes
with the swinging neckbreaker. Test ducks a clothesline - Jericho with
the gutshot - and bulldog off the ropes. Now going for the Lionsault - OH
MAN *BEGGING* for trouble by choosing to go off the ropes next to
Stephanie, and wouldn't you know Stephanie obliges by hooking the ankles
as he tries to bounce off the ropes. Dumb, dumb, dumb. Test is waiting
for Jericho to stand up so he can deliver the big boot...but Jericho ducks
and Test crotches himself on the top rope! Right hand puts him to the
floor...Jericho over to grab Stephanie by the hair...RHYNO THE MAN BEAST
is out - Jericho over with a forearm - and outside with another
forearm...Rhyno sent into the STEEL steps. Jericho turns back to
Stephanie - and smiles. The chase is on - inside the ring - oops, Jericho
doesn't notice Test laying in wait and the Wotsitolla Boot LANDS - and
lands BIG-TIME. 1, 2, 3. Give one back to the Alliance. (2:33) Replay
of the final moments. Tune in Thursday when Jericho starts talking to a
The JVC Giga-Tube presents the Blast of the Night! From SummerSlam,
Christian's interference goes wrong, yet Edge still manages to capture the
To the locker room, where Edge is admiring his new belt. "Dude, dude, how
exciting is this? Not only are we seven-time tag team champions, the
tag team champions in the history of the World Wrestling Federation, but
first we won the King of the Ring, then last night at SummerSlam, we won
the intercontinental championship, and tonight I'M gonna win singles gold
when I beat that chumpstain Matt Hardy and become the European champion."
"All right, well, good luck man." "Thanks! Hey - get some sodas on ice -
I'll be back in a little bit." "Okay." "Almost forgot old senorita
trophy." "Knock 'em dead, tiger."
STONE COLD TRIBUTE: Shawn Stasiak takes 43 takes to get his piece down -
and they show ALL of them. Strangely enough, the board says "8-6-01"
which was hmmmmmmm two weeks ago "...and it's only a matter of time...that
Shawn Stasiak makes his mark. Thank you, Steve."
To WWF New York we go!
MICK FOLEY is inside. He
says HE never kicked out of the Stone Cold Stunner, so to see Angle do it
three times - well, it was pretty inspirational. (Or pretty business
exposing, he may have wanted to add, but didn't.) He thinks Angle is
NEXT: The Rock takes on Lance Storm!
It's a brand new show at a brand new time - WWF EXCESS debuts Saturday at
10 - the guest host is Triple H and it will be LIVE and INTERACTIVE!
(Unless you're in the Pacific time zone like ME, in which case you're
WCW CHAMPIONSHIP: LANCE STORM (with Earlier Tonight & RAW Credits &
Transmitido En Espanol SAP) v. THE ROCK (with TV-14-DLV & CC boxes) - Rock
rushes the ring and it's on - Storm ready for him with forearms to the
back of the head - right, into the ropes, reversed, clothesline by the
Rock, clothesline, into the ropes, Samoan Drop - 1, 2,
kickout. Rock kicks the ribs, right, into the ropes, reversed, Rock ducks
the clothesline, Storm ducks a clothesline, Storm with a superkick (!) and
Rock goes outside. Storm outside, rolls Rock back in, 1, 2,
NO! Clearasil Double Feature of the kick. Storm right, Rock blocks,
right, right, right, into the opposite corner, but Storm gets an elbow
up. Second rope clothesline gets 2. LIVE on TSN! Storm dares Rock to
get up - kick to the head - another kick. One more boot to the
head. Rock fires back, right, right, right, right, Storm blocks the next
one, right, right, right, right, right, "Stay down!", but he doesn't -
Rock meets him coming off the ropes with the spinebuster. Referee
"Blind" Brian Hebner puts on the count - they stir at six - and are up at
eight. Rock with "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," again, right, right,
right, NOW KISS THAT NO Storm ducks - but Rock doesn't miss the second
time. Into the ropes, Storm tries a reversal, Rock ducks the swing,
gutshot, DDT, 1, 2, Storm kicks out! Storm manages a knee in the
midsection, right, right, right, right, pulling out of the corner - Rock
reverses and pulls Storm into ROCK BOTTOM - whoops, it's over. 1, 2,
3. (3:09) Replay of the end of the match. Rock calls to the back -
BOOKER WEE, as Ross called him, comes out. Rock directs the midget into
performing the People's Elbow on Storm - unfortunately, he trips over
Storm as he comes off the ropes. Rock calls him back over - "next time,
you JUMP - JUMP over him" Storm gets up - Rock gives him another
spinebuster to keep him down. Here comes mini-Booker - and there goes an
amusing variation on the People's Elbow. Play the Rock's music
again! Rock demands another spinaroonie - this one isn't as
good. Rock: "Nah, that's bullshit - one more!" So he gets one more.
TONIGHT: Austin Appreciation Night CONTINUES
Let's Take A Special Video Look at Saturn's Separation from Moppy - whose
countenance now graces milk cartons across our nation
WWF EUROPEAN CHAMPIONSHIP: CHRISTIAN (with Edge's
music - and Edge's trophy - and RAW is WAR is brought to you by
PlayStation 2, M&M's, and Lugz!) v. MATT HARDY (with Lita) - "Greetings to
all my fans in Sacramento! Now we all know you people are paying hundreds
of millions of dollars to Chris Webber....for a championship you know he's
NEVER gonna win...but worry not, my friends, because tonight, I'm gonna
win the European championship free of charge!" Lita remembers to
limp; good for her - AND the creepy Chyna headband is gone, too! Hardy
turns his back to Christian to make eyes at his girlfriend, and Christian
makes him pay with a knee in the back - right, right, right, stomp. Hardy
fires back, right, right, right - off the ropes, ducks a clothesline by
Christian, gutshot, swinging neckbreaker off the ropes for 2. Into the
ropes, reversed, Christian puts him through the ropes to the floor, but he
lands on his feet...Hardy pulls Christian out by his ankles, right, runs
at him but Christian drops down and gives Hardy a drop toehold into the
STEEL steps. Back in the ring we go - 1, 2, no. Christian right, right,
right, right, right, right, right - cover, 2. 1, 2, no. Boot to the
head, again, right to the back of the head. You know what, Heyman needs
to SHUT UP about how great "WWF vs. WWF" matches are for the Alliance,
because there have been FIFTY YEARS of "WWF vs. WWF" matches and BESIDES,
they've already proven that having Alliance vs. Alliance matches is
RATINGS POISON. Christian pulls Hardy up - Hardy tries to come back with
shots to the body - right, right, right, block, right, block, right,
catches Christian's kick, spins into a discus right, right, off the ropes,
ducks, sitout clothesline, into the ropes, Christian FINALLY manages a
kick - up and over, going for the Tomokaze, but Hardy shoves him off -
gutshot, going for the Twist of Fate but Christian shoves HIM off - into
the corner is reversed, but Christian gets the elbow up - feet on the
ropes - 1, 2, referee "Blind" Jimmy Korderas manages to catch the
illegalosity and halts his count...much to Christian's
consternation. After a brief discussion, he decides to try to throw
Korderas into Hardy - but Hardy pulls up without making contact. Then he
pulls Korderas' head out of the way of an oncoming clothesline, which he
ALSO ducks... Christian ducks a swing, and hits a Slop Drop - leg is
hooked - 1, 2, NO! Christian: "Shit!" Christian waiting for him to get
up - going for that Tomokaze AGAIN, but Hardy counter out, Twist of Fate,
1, 2, 3! (2:39) Lita gimps over to celebrate. Christian throws a
major league tantrum in the ring.
Still shots Take Us Back to last night's WWF Championship match - a match
which, I must say, had a GREAT, LOGICAL ending that ADVANCED A STORYLINE -
and, dare I offer *kudos* to Nick Patrick for having the COURAGE to do
what Earl Hebner, Mike Chioda and Tim White could not.
Booker T has finally arrived...and finds himself greeted by snickers from
every random person he passes by - unfortunately, he's not yet aware of
what's been going on...
MICHAEL KING COLE is backstage with Diamond Dallas Page. "One on one.
Me. DDP....And Sara. Now, even though last night's endeavour... I
wouldn't consider successful, and I am...hurtin' like hell off that cage,
it all pays off tonight. You see, Cole, Sara requested this match. You
think she wants to hurt me? No, you idiot, she doesn't wanna hurt me -
she doesn't wanna beat on me - she wants to BE with me. She wants to feel
her BODY up against mine - she wants to feel flesh to flesh. It's obvious
that's why she requested this." How's he feel about Undertaker
accompanying his wife to the ring? "That doesn't concern me. The only
thing that's better than me gettin' my hands all over Sara, is gettin' to
do it in front of her old man, 'cause he's gotta watch. Now I know he's
gonna be watching his precious little gem. I KNOW he's gonna wanna
protect her. But...sometimes you gotta pay the price to fulfill the
fantasy. And that works for me."
STONE COLD TRIBUTE: Tazz appreciates that Austin unleashed the Tazz
within, thanks to his tough love. "Thank you, Stone Cold...thank you for
making me tougher than I already was."
To the Commissioner's office we go. "Very handsome, aren't I. Mother
says so, she's showing all her friends. What part are you looking at
about me?" Tajiri reveals the Terri pictorial. "You filthy swine, put it
down, you'll go blind. What's the matter with you. What the bloody hell
do you want?" It's Booker T barged in. "You saw what happened, man - the
whole world saw it. The Rock stole something from me...the WCW title, and
I want a rematch tonight. Can U dig that? Tonight!" "You're too late,
sunshine, the Rock's already successfully defended his WCW championship
against Lance Storm." "What the hell you talkin' about, man." "In fact,
your quest for the WCW Championship has...come up a little short." We
pause for snickers. "Yo man, I want some answers. Ever since I got here
today, people've been laughing and snickering. I wanna know what the hell
is goin' on right now." "You mean you don't know?" "No I DON'T KNOW."
"Well the Rock came to the ring, and he had this little fellow with him,
he looked just like you." "What?" "And he had these little bowlegs, he
looked like a boomerang, and he could have stopped a pig running down a
back alley..." "You think you're funny, don't you." "...he was dancing
around, wasn't he--" "Yo what the HELL you laughing at? You think that's
funny? You just dissed the Bookerman. Bookerman no like that. And you
know what? I'm so mad right now, I'm so frustrated, I'm gonna take it out
on somebody, and guess what - you gonna be that somebody. TONIGHT, I want
you in a match, sucka. YEAH! YEAH!" Tajiri removes his shirt and pulls
away his pants to reveal his tights. "What the hell---? You know what, I
ain't gonna even put my gear on for this. YO ASS belong to me." "He'll -
he'll...he'll be along shortly! Sucka!" Regal can't help another bout of
Tough Enough ad - Mick Foley guests! This is right before EVERYBODY
It's the WWF LIVE! Thursday SmackDown! is LIVE from Denver, Friday is
Wichita, Saturday is Des Moines, Sunday Ft. Wayne, RAW is in Grand Rapids,
and Tuesday it's Detroit! Yikes - six straight nights can't be much
NAPPY T v. TAJIRI - "Every since I came to the WWF, I've got nothing but
DISrespected! And tonight, all of that will change because tonight, the
Bookerman wants his respect! So what I want is for Tajiri to get
his ass out here RIGHT NOW." T removes his shirt but remains in street
clothes everywhere else. "Now Tajiri, I wanna let you know, you just got
threw from the frying pan into the fire." Aha, T throws his shirt at
Tajiri, then kicks while his vision is obscured - smart. Forearm.
Tajiri kicks back - there he goes, kick left right kick right left kick
left right kick right left kick left right kick right left kick, into the
ropes NO T holds the rope and kicks Tajiri back instead. Tajiri sent into
the ropes - Tajiri into the handspring...but when he bounces off, T
forearems the back of his head, sending him crashing to the mat. T
rubbing his face in the mat - repeated blows to the back of the head
(five), even shoving away referee "Blind" Charles Robinson when he tries
to step in. T tosses Tajiri over the top to the outside...and follows.
"You wanna laugh at something?" Knee to the gut, forearm to the back,
head to the post. It's all good, baby. Running kick, another kick,
right, right, right, right, right, right. T picks him up - and rams him
shoulder first into the STEEL steps. Kick, kick, kick, kick. Robinson is
*screaming* for T to take it back into the ring, but he's not listening.
"Booker sux" chant. Ross: "He should have been disqualified MINUTES AGO!"
(Match time thus far: about 1:20) T finally puts Tajiri back in the
ring...but stays out on the floor, unleashing repeated overhead forearms
to Tajiri's chest. T back in - BIG WOW catapult into the bottom rope. T
laying some verbal smack down that makes me glad the children are in bed.
Tree of Woe time - T outside, grabbing his shirt and choking away on
Tajiri. Ross proclaims this "not a wrestling match - this is an assault!
This could happen in Central Park!" Ross is RACIST! Robinson *again*
leaves the ring in an attempt to restore order - and *this* time, T gives
him a HARD shove, putting him on his keister. Well, that's all Robinson
will take. (DQ 2:44) T back in - kick to the gut - glare - off the ropes
with the axe kick. T down on one knee - his head is shaking....but there
will be no breakdancing tonight. Play his music! T continues to cast a
steely glare. Commentators wonder if Rock will get the message. This
match was very "Wrestling Challenge" and I dug it. Sucka.
Sara continues to limber up. She's been doing this, what, an hour?
Here's her supporting husband. "Hey. You warm?" "Gettin' there." "You
sure you wanna do this thing." "Damn right I wanna do this!" "Then I
wanna see you kick his ass. Let's go." Did Taker just roll his eyes
before he left to follow his wife?
Hey hey, time for the FRAM FRAM OF THE WEEK - from SummerSlam, we take a
few clips from the hardcore ladder match...won by Rob van Dam.
DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE (with Clarasil presents Unforgiven - 23 September!) v.
SARA (with Taker - on That Beautiful Rude American Bike) - Page is a
little gimpy - and by "a little" I mean "a whole bunch." Funny, they can
usually roll out the ride without having to remove the stage...can that be
it? Page has a mic. "Hold on, sport. Before you start this, I got
something I wanna say to Sara. C'mere, c'mere - I'm not - hey - I wanna
talk to you. Just wanna talk to ya. Come a little closer. Since I'm
such a sport myself, and you want to get PHYSICAL with me...I'm gonna give
you the first shot. Right here, baby. Right here, I'm BEGGIN' ya, right
here. You wanna get it in?" Slap. "HA ha ha ha ha ha...Ohhhh - thank
you Sara. May I have another?" Another slap puts him down - he pops up
and shoves HER down - Taker on the apron, but Sara tells him to get back
down. Sara assumes the Ken Shamrock fighting stance - swing and a miss,
swing and a miss, Page grabs her head and walks her over to the corner -
Taker on the apron AGAIN and this time Page sneaks in a back elbow to the
mush, putting him on the floor. Referee "Blind" Earl Hebner (yep, this is
a main event) now spends a lot of time talking to Sara - behind his back,
Taker pulls Page out by his ankles - soupbone, left, soupbone, left,
soupbone, left, soupbone, left, soupbone, left, soupbone, left, soupbone,
left, soupbone, left, soupbone, soupbone, soupbone, soupbone, soupbone.
Page tries a swing...and misses. That's a chokeslam on the floor, folks.
Taker puts Page in, and says "ring the damn bell" - and there's the bell.
Sara folds up Page's arms, Undertaker style and does a pushup over him -
1, 2, 3. No bell, oh well - call it (:06). ROLLIN' ROLLIN' ROLLIN'
The members of the Alliance are WALKING!
Excess ad - visit "WWFExcess.com
to learn how to email your questions to Triple H
Drowning Pool - and let this be the LAST time the Bodies hit the
floor - plays to accompany the arrival of MRS. AUSTIN, STEPHANIE CAN'T
ACT, IT'S ALL ABOUT PAUL and then the rest of TEAM W/ECW - looks like
they're all wearing Austin shirts - well, the men, anyway. The Alliance
members surround the ring, which contains the first three people I
mentioned. Guess who speaks first? "The Alliance appreciates your love,
because tonight - TONIGHT is Stone Cold Steve Austin appreciation night!
Now if you look through history, you will see great leaders - MEN like
Alexander the Great, MEN like Julius Caeser, MEN like Richard Nixon - MEN
who could LEAD their men, MEN who could inspire other men, but there's
never been a man - never, in history, not since Biblical times that has
ever led a FORCE like the Alliance...until now. Ladies and gentelemen, it
is an honour, it is a pleasure, and it is a privlige to introduce to you
YOUR WWF Champion, a leader amongst men, ladies and gentlemen, STONE COLD
STEVE AUSTIN!" Austin hits all four corners. "First of all, sir, thank
you so much for taking time out of your busy schedule to allow us to
appreciate you, and Stone Cold, I have to tell you personally how much I
appreciate what you've done for this industry...but I'm on the only one.
Your men, sir, that you have led to greatness, that you are giving all
this opportunity to - they all appreciate you as well. And we have gifts
for you. We have gifts - Hurricane! Hurricane, come up here! Hurricane
- Hurricane, sir, has a gift for Stone Cold Steve Austin." Happy
Birthday, Hulk! "Mr. Austin, my whole life my hero, my idol has been the
Green Lantern, but with your actions last night at SummerSlam, your
leadership, and your dedication to the Alliance, I've made a decision.
From this day forward, YOU'RE my new hero, Stone Cold Steve Austin! And I
got somethin' that I want you to have - this is my own personal Green
Lantern T-shirt - this is my own Green Lantern T-shirt, and I want you to
have it. For I have a new T-shirt that I'm gonna wear from now on."
Helms removes his shirt to reveal...he too is wearing a Stone Cold Steve
Austin shirt. Paul: "Oh, look at this!" Helms gives the shirt to Austin,
then gives him a hug - Austin doesn't return the hug, but he does smile at
Helms. Paul continues: "You are a respectful and appreciative young man,
Helms. You really are. You're a hell of a Hurricane. That's not all.
There's more. Do you know why there's more? Because unlike the WWF,
Stone Cold Steve Austin, we appreciate you, sir. And someone here
appreciates you almost more than anybody. Who appreciates Steve Austin
more than Kanyon? Come on up, Kanyon - come on in!" "I'm sorry...I'm a
little choked up, I mean I can't believe I'm in the ring with Stone Cold
Steve Austin. Stone Cold - Steve - for years, the question has always
been 'who better than Kanyon.' Last night, FINALLY, I think that question
was answered - it's you, Stone Cold, it's you. So I think - I think I
speak for everyone here, and everyone everywhere, when I ask the new
question for the ages [reveals shirt] 'Who Better Than Austin?'" Another
shirt over Austin's shoulder - another one-way hug. "You're a good man,
Kanyon, you know... That question has to be rhetorical because we all
know, especially Kurt Angle knows, ain't nobody better than Stone Cold
Steve Austin. And you know what, sir? If I may take the liberty of
saying so, there's an old saying that behind every great man is a great
woman, and tonight, sir, I would like the privlige of introducing to the
world, and to you publicly, Mrs. Rattlesnake, ladies and gentlemen,
someone that has a gift for you, ladies and gentlemen, Stone Cold Steve
Austin's wife, the lovely and talented Debra!" "From the bottom of my
heart, I know you worked really hard last night to beat Kurt Angle, and
you're really sore and tired from it all, and to show my love and
appreciation I stayed up all last night AGAIN and baked these famous Debra
cookies for you. I know you love them." Austin is reluctant to take the
tray. "Take 'em! Yeah! They're good, I promise." Debra with the buss
on the cheek. Ross dares Austin to eat one and show how tough he really
is. Paul with the save: "I know how much you want to eat those...but, but
before you do, I don't want you to get a sugar rush, because the Alliance
has prepared a rush for you, the likes of which you can't imagine. A
video tribute to the greatest leader the sports entertainment industry has
ever known! You paid for it - it was paid for, it was purchase, the
Alliance spent its money, and if we could roll it right up there, I want
you, Stone Cold, to see just how much we appreciate your grand
accomplishments. Okay, let's roll that footage for Stone Cold!"
Let Us Take a Special Video Look at Austin Causing Mayhem and Carnage -
when do they give him the motorcycle with his picture on it? Will Austin
kiss Heyman? Will leaflets fall from the ceiling? Will Rick Rude come
back from the dead? Will I realise I'm mixing up my continuity?
Heyman with the handshake. "Thank you for all you've done for us. Thank
you for the opportunity that you've granted us. And thank you for giving
me the honour of introducing to the world the woman that paid for that
video, the co-owner of the Alliance, Ms. Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley!"
Thanks, Guy Smiley. "Thank you for the introduction, Paul - but this
night isn't about me. This night is about Stone Cold Steve Austin!
That's why I want all of the members of the Alliance to get in the ring
right now - this is Austin Appreciation Night - this is your night!" And
so they do. "Now Stone Cold, that video - and more importantly, your
performance last night at SummerrSlam - the way you, you RAN Kurt Angle
into the mat, the way you BASHED his head into the ringpost and BLOODIED
his face, I mean - you ARE the WWF Champion, you are the leader of the
Alliance and you are an INSPIRATION! That's why we've all gotten together
and we've put together a little song for you. For you - Stone Cold Steve
Austin. LILIAN GARCIA, are you back there? Lilian, please come into the
ring. Get in the ring! GET - IN THE RING, thank you Lilian. Stone Cold,
you've heard the song Wind Beneath My Wings? Well, the Alliance's
version is called Wind Beneath Our Ring. Lilian, would you
please look at the screen and follow our leader." The music begins -
looks like a little karaoke action. Austin BEAMS as the members of the
Alliance behind him start waving their arms. Ross: "I need a little
Maalox - Maalox, please! How 'bout a Pepto? JR needs Pepto?" We look at
the EntertainmentTron, where "follow the bouncing ball" is replaced with
the head of Austin bouncing along the words. Stephanie quickly cuts off
Garcia. "Okay, no no no, Lilian I'm sorry - please stop. Stop - stop the
music, please. Lilian, where's your HEART? Where's your SOUL? This is a
song for the leader of the Alliance, Stone Cold Steve Austin. No offense,
Lilian, but we need a singer the likes of...Barbra Streisand! We need a
singer the likes of Bette Midler herself! And I know that singer...ladies
and gentlemen, allow ME [Ross: "Oh my God, not that"] to lead you in song!
Please start the - start the song from the beginning." Oh boy, this'll be
a treat. Still, the shot of all the men of the Alliance arm-in-arm,
waving their arms - very Promise Keepers - very, very amusing.
"It's very cold here in your shadow / But you spread the sunlight on our
face / We are content to let you shine (that's our way) / We always walk
one step behind. Sing it Chavo!" "You are the one with all the glory"
"That's right, all the glory, now Terri!" "You are the one with all the
fame" "ALLLL THE FAME! Raven!" "A beautiful face that has no shame"
"No shame, no shame, Justin!" "A beautiful smile every time Angle's in
pain!" "EVERYBODY!" "Did you ever know that you're our hero / You're
everything we would like to be / We can fly higher than an eagle / 'cause
you are the wind beneath our ring." "Oh yes, oh yes!" "'Cause you are
the wind....beneath our ring." The bouncing head gets bigger and bigger
until it fills the entire EntertainmentTron. "YES! YES! That's for you,
Stone Cold - we put that together for you." "Thank you. This is...this
is one of the proudest moments of my life. I look in this ring and I see
family. I see - I see people I feel good with. People that appreciate
me. People that love me! It's a family, and I'm gonna tell you something
from the bottom of my heart, when I was beatin' the living hell out of
Kurt Angle last night, I did it - I did it for you. I did it for each and
every one of you!" Crowd starts an "Angle" chant. "I did it for the
Alliance! Look atchya, ya make me so proud - everybody's got an
ECW/WW/WCW/Stone Cold shirt on - everybody's flyin'..." Austin stops as
everyone in the ring suddenly realises that Tazz has broken the dress code
with is orange T-shirt. "What are you doin'? What? What kinda shirt is
that on your chest? What? What kinda shirt is that? What? Is that a
Stone Cold shirt? Is that an ECW shirt? Is that a WCW shirt? What? I
thought we were here to appreciate Stone Cold Steve Austin, what? I said
I thought we were here to appreciate Stone Cold Steve Austin? What?" He
rips the shirt. "Take that stupid shirt off! Take that shirt
off. What? I said take the damn shirt off. You're damn right it's your
bad, take the stupid shirt off. I wanna--" KURT ANGLE's music interrupts
at this point...where is he? HE'S the guy behind the wheel of the MILK
DELIVERY WAGON! Angle drives up to the ring - backs up a bit - then
exits - and starts throwing CARTONS OF MILK at the ring! Heey - Crystal
milk! It's LOCAL! Here comes Shawn Stasiak - Angle steps aside and rams
him into the front of the truck. (Guy in crowd: "You suck, Meat!") -
Angle's got a hose - and he's *spraying the ring with milk!*
Ross: "Milkamania is running wild! It's Milkman Madness, my God! You've
Got Milk! The Million Dollar Prince has become a Dairy Queen!" AUstin
climbs onto the hood of the milk truch with a red, white and blue cooler
in hand as everyone in the ring (except Austin) slips and falls. "This is
what I'm talking about - this is what I'm talking about - woooo!" A quart
in each hand - and making as Austin would with a pair of beers! ANOTHER
quart poured on Angle! And all Austin can do...is look really, really
pissed. "Kurt Angle is the Olympic Dairy Man! Milkomania has run wild on
RAW! Stone Cold will not forget this night!" War Zone credits up - and
Hey, that got a lot better towards the end there.