TONIGHT: Oh no, it ain't over yet, not by a long shot. Trish and Stacy
tussle tonight in a BRAWN PANTIES match! Oh, and the Rock takes on Kurt
Angle & Chris Jericho in a handicap match but it won't have any bras or
panties in it. All this, plus JR says "Oklahoma" FOUR HUNDRED TIMES over
the course of just over two hours! Back in fourteen!
TNG: "Unnatural Selection" demonstrates why Diana Muldaur's Dr. Pulaski
actually WAS a GOOD cast member despite the fact that most everyone hated
her on the show. A fine episode with good performances, most notably my
main man Chief O'Brien actually participating in a senior staff meeting
AND saving the doc's life at the end of the show (and getting NO credit in
the process! How do you like that!) Anyway - a good show. Don't let the
Pulaski-hatas get you down.
QUICK QUOTE: Despite the shocking revelation that Ric Flair was revealed
as a 50% owner, stock in the WWF still traded as normal....well, whatever
"normal" can be considered these days. WWF 12.74 (+ .49, last year: 14
1/8, two years ago: 20 15/16)
Back to One World Leader Attitude - TV-14-DLV - CC - WWF!
Earlier Today, Ric Flair paced! And Vince McMahon entered! "Hey, Ric -
partner! How ya doin'?" "Vince, how are you." "Good, good." "Hey, you
know I respect ya - and I respect what you've done in this great sport -
but ya really, really wore me out at SmackDown! We're partners THREE DAYS
and you're talkin' down to me on national TV - talkin' down Woooo! to the
Nature Boy Ric Flair. Then ya take Jericho and put him in a handicap
match, and then Regal and five guys jump on Austin and leave him layin'.
I'm 50% owner here - we're patners - we work together! From now on,
nothin' goes down that I don't know about! Fair enough?" Uneasy
handshake. "Fair enough. I think I have a way to make it up to you, Ric.
No no - I think you're gonna like this, it's big, okay? Bear with me.
Okay? You're all right?" "I'm back - I'm back."
Opening Credits
PYRO OUT - WE ARE LIVE from the Unnamed Arena in Oklahoma City, OK 26.11.1
and transmitido en espanol SAP! Also, there are people in WWF New York!
This is THE NEW TNN and the same old crappy TSN. Move along...
TONIGHT: Trish vs. Stacy in a bra and panties match!
TONIGHT: Rock vs. Angle & Jericho in a handicap match!
THE ASS leads KURT ANGLE to the ring to "No Chance in Hell" - no sign of
the Ass in McMahon's entrance video yet, thank God. "Well well! You know,
one week ago tonight, one week ago, we had our first inductee in the Vince
McMahon Kiss My Ass Club." Oh oh... "And I've gotta admit, it felt good.
I'll admit something else - I LIKE people kissin' my ass! It feels good!
And tonight, a second individual will join the Vince McMahon Kiss My Ass
Club right here tonight. And before I reveal that individual's name, allow
me to introduce to you an Olympic champion, an Olympic Hero, an American
Hero, a WWF hero ("No Chance in Hell" briefly plays but they catch it), a
man who has never kissed my ass - the first-ever soon to be undisputed WWF
Champion, Kurt Angle!" Handshake. "You know, all my life..." "Ang Gull
Sux!" "No I don't suck, I'm an Olympic Gold Medalist. You know, all my
life, I've always been a winner. Ever since I was a little kid growing up
in my neighbourhood, I was the toughest kid in my block. Nobody EVER
stepped foot in the neighbourhood sandbox unless I said so. Then, came the
Boy Scouts. Oh yeah. I was the absolute toughest, most decorated Boy
Scout in the history. My Boy Scout leader told me I was special - many
times! Then came high school, where I was all-state athletics, all-honours
in academics, I was the toughest kid in the glee club, not to mention the
prom king. And then I got a full scholarship to Clarion Universtiy where I
won two national titles in wrestling...not to mention, I grauduated magnum
cum laude - for you people in Oklahoma that means top honours. ["Ass
hole!"]" Vince takes the mic. "Would you people please show a little,
just a little bit of respect!" "Then came a little thing called...The
Olympics. In 1996, I won an Olympic Gold Medal for the United States of
America - and I became the best in the whole, entire world. But that
wasn't it, that was just the beginning...because then I joined the World
Wrestling Federation and won every title there is to win. Which leads me
to right now. In less than two weeks at Ven gea nce, for the first time
ever in the history of this business, we will crown an undisputed champion
of the world. Oh yeah - an undisputed world champion. And I will face
Stone Cold Steve Austin for the WWF title. And when I beat Stone Cold, the
winner of the Rock...and Y2J for the World Championship will have to face
me - and they will bow in defeat, as I will become the first-ever
undisputed world champion, oh it's true, it's damn true! And Mr. McMahon,
you're right - I'm not an asskisser - by the way, how was your
Thanksgiving?" "Mine was great, Kurt, how was yours? Matter of fact, we
have a little Thanksgiving footage we would like to share with the many of
you who did not see this...let's roll the footage - this little incident
that occurred on Thanksgiving - there, uh, Stone Cold Steve Austin - yeah,
go ahead, thinks he's having his way with William Regal [actually, that's
Kurt Angle from Monday] - oh, but look, who comes to save the day - look at
this, that son of a bitch attacked me! Oh yeah, well, then what happened
to old Stone Cold just a little bit later on, huh? [Now on SmackDown!]
All right - Stone Cold gets a couple of points - and then all hell breaks
loose. Look at this - Austin is mauled. And then, William Regal - oh ho -
you can hear Austin scream. It was a magnificent Thanksgiving. Which
brings up, certainly, one point I wanna make and that is: you see, there's
a moral to that story. That is that Stone Cold Steve Austin doesn't want
any more of Mr. McMahon. You see, Austin learned his lesson before, and he
damn sure doesn't want to go through McMahon/Austin II. That's just a
little sample of what would happen if Stone Cold continues to cross Yours
Truly and Kurt Angle. So therefore, I don't think it's too much to ask if,
tonight, Mr. McMahon takes his jacket off, drops his trousers.....pulls my
underwear down so all you can see my magnificent keister...it's not too
much to ask for Stone Cold to come out and kiss my ass. And if he knows
what's good for him, that's exactly what will happen, right here tonight,
here in Oklahoma City. I thank you very much!" Vince raises Angle's arm -
ewww, pit stains!
Regal is jubilant at the news, and amuses the Dudleyz, Christian and Test
with his imitation. Regal reminds the rest of them that Austin will
probably try to seek some revenge on them for Thursday and suggests they
stick together no matter what - if they have a match, if they go to the
carpark, even if they have to go to the toilet (facial expressions change).
Ric Flair lets himself in and congratulates them on their magnificent
five-on-one performance tonight. But the deal is no interference in any of
their matches tonight or they'll be suspended. Test says "not me" 'cause
he's got immunity, but Flair reminds him that his immunity is from being
fired...not suspended. Christian calls timeout. "I have to defend my
championship of Europe next against Jeff Hardy, that means...I have to go
out by myself?" Flair says right. Regal says if they can't interfere,
then Austin can't interfere either. Flair says he'll keep Austin away, but
he can't control him in the backstage area. "Rattlesnakes are hard to
handle when they're mad. Woooo!" He leaves them to again discuss sticking
together...while WE take our first ad break.
THQ's "SmackDown! Just Bring It" for the PS2 ad
"Super Smash Brothers" ad - head over to smashsweeps.com to win a trip to
the WWF Entertainment Complex! Oh boy!
WWF EUROPEAN CHAMPIONSHIP: JEFF HARDY (with Lita - and Let Us Take You Back
to Survivor Series, Courtesy WWF Home Video) v. CHRISTIAN - Poor Jeff is
STILL holding his back from the swantonbomb off the cage through the table,
which you see here. Is it just me or did referee "Blind" Brian Webber
(Hebner) just move back to the WWF despite the fact that all the WCW
referees were out of a job after Survivor Series? Hardy ducks the first
punch, right, right, right, kick caught, mule kick lands, right, right,
whip is reversed but Hardy flips out of the hiptoss attempt...then
collapses (he's light headed you see - more than normal or something) -
perpendicular backbreaker by Christian gets 2. Stomp, stomp - MATT HARDY
is out to argue with Lita about Jeff competing tonight. Christian working
him over in the corner but we're watching Lita and Matt. Chop by Christian
- chop - pulled out by the hair - blow to the back of the head - stomp,
stomp, standing on the neck - Matt doing a lot of yelling. Right by
Christian - Hardy still stuck to the mat. "How's it feel boy?" Jeff
lunges and misses - and again. Christian looks right at Matt, winds up,
but Jeff blocks it and comes back - right, right, right, into the ropes,
reversed, Hardy with a flying clothesline. Dropkick! Double leg takedown
- speaking in tongues legdrop - but he gets woozy and doesn't execute - so
Christian kicks him in the head. Tomokaze attempt countered - neckbreaker
by Hardy! Matt screaming at him to make the cover...but Jeff would rather
climb to the top rope and go for the swantonbomb...Christian has enough
time to roll outside. Jeff is ready to leap to the floor instead - but Matt
blocks his path. While they argue, Christian recovers - shoves Matt into
the post, sending Jeff flying to the mat - Christian back in to fold up
Jeff - 1, 2, 3. (3:01) Give it a replay.
Behind the door with the "STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN" placard on it...well,
MAYBE something's happening.
Rob van Dam limbers up - pshaw, I've seen Steve Blackman do that a MILLION
times. Anyway, he defends his hardcore title against D-Von Dudley - NEXT!
Hey! The Rock's on the cover of TV Guide this week! Don't believe us?
Take a look here!
Trainer Chris works on Jeff as Lita looks concerned - and Matt tells him
he's stupid. See, Matt's RIGHT. Matt's all "Ever since we were kids, I've
been trying to protect you" and Jeff's all "Ever since we were kids, you've
been trying to RUN MY LIFE." Lita tries to stop their argument but Matt
tells her "Look, shut up! Please, you're not in this." "I thought you
were in here 'cause you cared about Jeff. It's pretty obvious the only
thing you care about is yourself." Women. "Who feels stupid now, Matt?"
"Lita!..."
WWF HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP: D-
VON DUDLEY (with Let Us Take You Back One Week) v. POINTS TO SELF - van
Dam makes the mistake of pointing to himself in the ring - so Dudley clocks
him with a STOP sign. Stomp, stomp, outside for a garbage can...which van
Dam dropkicks into dudley - on the apron - moonsault to the floor! Cover -
1, 2, kickout. OH NO VAN DAM PISSED HIS PANTS AGAIN - kick, Dudley in the
ring, van Dam in, kick, right, into the opposite corner is reversed - boot
up but Dudley catches it - switch in the corner - but Dudley counters and
powerbombs him down. Stomp, right, garbage can lid in hand - WHACK! Chair
in hand - chair in the corner. Lugz Replay of the lid shot. Straight
right by Dudley - whip into the chrir - no, van Dam reverses, reverses back
to the non-chair corner, then superkicks as Dudley bounces out. The chair
fell out, so van Dam grabs it - somersault leaving the chair behind - but
Dudley's not in the corner anymore - second rope running hangman's
neckbreaker (!) onto the chair! Testify dance - cover - 1, 2, yeah right
van Dam's gonna get pinned by D-Von Dudley. Give it a Lugz Replay anyway.
Dudley chats with referee "Blind" Teddy Long as Ross blames the "rain
dance." Scoop - van Dam frees himself and connects with a roundhouse kick.
Vaults up top - but Dudley shoves Long into the ropes, crotching van Dam on
top. Right hand by D-Von - lidshot - climbing to the second rope...
superplex coming up - van Dam fighting it - right to the body, right,
right, shoving D-Von off and he lands on the chair - Fivestar frog splash
on the chair - and D-Von sells it OLD SCHOOL STYLE twitchy witchy - 1, 2,
3. (3:19)
The other four guys are unhappy. Regal says he needs to go to the loo -
the WC - Test and Bubba Ray are confused, but Christian speaks fluent
European and relates that he needs to take a bathroom trip. "Look, you
never know where Stone Cold Steve Austin's gonna strike - that's exactly
why we need to go together - now come on, I'm bursting!" Bubba Ray: "I
ain't holding nothin'!"
"SmackDown! Just Bring It" ad #2
"WWF Desire" Special Video Look at Edge - you go see SmackDown!, I FUHFUHWID
Here's a look at the exterior of the.....umm, whatever it's called.
Ha ha, everybody's pissin' - there's a noise at the door and everybody has
a start - but it's not Austin, it's the Big Show. Regal sneaks a peak and
is aghast. Another slam - it's D-Von this time...and somehow, in the
process, Regal...well, sprays some stuff on Show's leg. Show ain't too
pleased. Everybody scatters...
I GET LETTERS: Jason Hoagland writes: William Regal was quite
astounded by the Size of the Big Show, but Val Venis has been, inthe past,
puzzled as to why he's called the Big Show. So does this mean that Regal
is shockingly small or Val is amazingly, well, Holmesian?
Well, he WAS a porn star...and yet, Show is "big all over..." or so his
T-shirts said...wow, I'm really puzzled by this apparent non-continuity.
I'm sure if I weren't completely sleep deprived I could weave it together.
Here's the slow pan upwards on Stacy. MICHAEL KING COLE manages to keep
his eyes upward asking why she thinks she can win tonight in a bra and
panties match given that she sucked on SmackDown! "Michael, when I'm in my
bra and panties, I always come out on top." I don't even know what that
MEANS!
UP NEXT: Trish Stratus vs. Stacy Keibler in a Bra & Panties Match
That be a nothin' segment yo
WWF Home Video ad - "Hardy Boyz: Leap of Faith" and "Unforgiven" available
THIS month!
Your hosts are a pair of kings - LARRY KING & JERRY LAWLER. They want to
see Regal piss on Show again - looks like the Magistrator is back, although
it's now called the Royal Telestrator... Did we need to see this again?
During the Break, Big Show exited from behind the door with the RIC FLAIR
placard on it, saying Thank You. WHATEVER COULD HAVE HAPPENED?????
WWF WOMEN'S CHAMPIONSHIP: STACY KEIBLER (with Let Us Take You Back to
SmackDown!) v. TRISH S
TRATUS - THE FITNESS MODEL in a Bra & Panties Match - coming up
tonight, the Big Show takes on William Regal (NO WAY DUDE)! I don't write
up bra & panties matches BECAUSE I'M SO BUSY BEATING OFF TO THEM.
Seriously, the highlight of the match is me laughing at referee "Blind"
Jack Doan starting a three count, forgetting the stips of this match.
Stacy loses her pants, but pulls them back up. Trish loses her top. Stacy
loses HER top. Crowd hoots and hollers. Lawler says "giblets." Stratus
goes for Stratusfaction but Stacy manoeuvres her legs between the ropes and
into a crotchin'. There's the hairstandhandpull - but Stratus manages to
hook her arms into a rollup - 1, 2, WHY IS DOAN COUNTING - and off comes
the bottoms. But the bell hasn't rung! I give up. Stratus with a kick -
leg is hooked - 1, 2, 3. Well shoot, and here I thought I knew what the
rules of a "bra & panties are." Nonetheless, champ retains. Is this the
longest match of the night? Close? Ugh. (3:15)
The Rock - is - WALKING!
In a way, it's cool to have Lord of the Rings goblets, because
commemorative glasses from Burger King seems like such a 70s style
promotion - and, hell, Lord of the Rings seems so 70s as well so it works
perfectly!
WWF - live! Tomorrow, Wichita! Saturday, the Joe in Detroit! Sunday,
Champaign! Next week, Milwaukee hosts RAW! And the Allstate Arena gets
the Tuesday show! There's NOTHING like it!
THE
ROCK (with RAW credits, Transmitido en espanol SAP, TV-14-DLV, CC and
LIVE! boxes) hits the ring and poses at at least two of the four corners.
I HOPE HE SINGS!!!! "Finally, the Rock HAS COME BACK to Oklahoma City!
.... ["Rock E!"] .... In less than two weeks from now, at Ven gea nce,
history will be made. There will be one ONE Undisputed Champion. Now last
time the Rock checked, there were two champions - WWF Champion Stone Cold
Steve Austin...and World Champion - People's Champion......the Rock.
["Rock E!"] It seems like everybody is hyped up here in Oklahoma City!
[Yeah, but there's a guy in Sunnyvale who's REALLY REALLY BORED] Oh the
Rock is right there with you, he's just as hyped, but...the Rock has never
claimed to be a genius, but the Rock figures this: if you have two
champions, and you wanna have one champion, would it not make sense to have
the two champions face each other? Like the Rock said, he's no genius, so
People, you gotta help the Rock out on this: would it not make sense to
have Stone Cold Steve Austin face the Rock, one on one, champion versus
champion....nonononono, champion versus chapion, undisputed champion
rematch, WrestleMania, THE biggest, the world will ever see! But
obviously, Vince McMahon doesn't see that logic. Vince McMahon woke up one
morning and said - 'champion versus champion? That's absurd. Quite
frankly, that's reediculous. That doesn't make sense, but what does make
sense is that I put two losers like Chris Jericho, Kurt Angle in the ring
one more time to get their ass whooped. However, what does make even more
sense is that I drop my pants and have a grown man kiss my ass! Oh ho ho,
oh ho, Mr. McMahon's not done yet, no no no, yeah I figured what I'd do is
I'd go to the nearest forest and find a...a woodchuck and then I'll have
that woodchuck nnnnnibble on my scrotum! Oh yes, yeah, oh yes, that's
right, pal, oh yes, that's right, oh, but Mr. McMahon's not done yet,
people, no no no. Then what I figured what I'd do, I'd go find the nearest
forest here in Oklahoma City, and I'd find a, uh, I'd find a deer - and
then what I'd like to have that deer to is to stick his antlers right up my
billion dollar (beep), yeah. Oh yes! Oh hello, Mr. Deer, how are ya?
Vince McMahon, good to meetcha. Go ahead, Mr. Deer. Go ahead, oh yeah,
Vince McMahon has had this done before, yes, go ahead...go ahead, mmmMOO,
that's okay - woo hoo HOO hoo - oh, wow, now we're talkin', now we're
talkin', Deer. You see, now that does make sense, because I'm Vince
McMahon and I can do anything, dammit, ha ha ha ha! Ah ha OOH hoo hoo, oh
ho, oh very good oh very oh VERY good,' aw shut your mouth, Vince McMahon,
ya antler lovin' (beep). ["Rock E!"] You see, Vince McMahon, you wanna do
things your way? Fine. You wanna throw the Rock in a handicap tag team
match on SmackDown!? Fine. Handicap match tonight with the Rock? Fine.
But the Rock says this: Vince McMahon, come Ven gea nce, two weeks from
now, you can do anything you want to the Rock, the fact is at Ven gea nce,
in front of the millions...of Rock's fans, what the Roc--" The Y2J
countdown interrupts at this point - this seems familiar... hey look, it's
EGO
EGO EGO EGO EGO EGO EGO EGO EGO EGO I SAID EGO DO YOU HEAR ME EGO EGO EGO
EGO GOD DAMMIT YOU WILL ASSOCIATE THIS MAN WITH THE WORD EGO IF IT KILLS ME
EGO EGO EGO EGO EGO EGO EGO EGO EGO EGO EGO EGO EGO "Millions, huh?
It's funny, Therock, that you mention the millions. 'cause there was the
millions that have led me to a certain epiphany - yeah, last week on
SmackDown!, when I beat you *with your very own move*....I had a moment of
clarity. And in that moment I realised what the problem with Y2J *was*. I
realised what the biggest weakness of Y2J was! And you know what it was?
["You suck!" I don't think that was it.] Yeah, that weakness was...I
cared. I actually cared about what the People thought about me. I
actually cared about their opinions! When I arrived at an arena, I wasn't
concerned with how I was gonna win my match tonight; no, I was concerned
with how I was going to entertain the people. Well you know what? You
know what? That was a lot of fun but let's be honest: where did that EVER
GET ME? Where did that ever get me? And now, I have turned the biggest
turning point in my career when I stop worrying about the millions and
started worrying about the one - the one that I've neglected more than any,
and that one was me: Y2J. And now, as a result of that, I have become an
even bigger star than I ever could have imagine, a bigger star than even
these people could have imagined, I have become LARGER THAN LLLLLLIFE! And
now I'm completely focused on the task at hand, Therock, and that is
beating the living hell out of you at Ven gea nce and becoming the
Undisputed Champion, and further cementing my status as the new living
legend of the World Wrestling Federation!" "Rock E!" "So you wanna be a
living legend? Oh, you're gonna be a legend all right, Chris Jericho.
Because it's at Ven gea nce that all these people, the FORMER Jerichoholics
are gonna witness the Rock beat you, 'cause it's gonna be at Ven gea nce
that the Rock whoops your ass, and the Rock is gonna whoop your ass
tonight, oh yeah yeah yeah - yeah - the Rock is gonna whoop your ass at Ven
gea nce, the Rock is gonna whoop your ass tonight, and the Rock won't stop
WON'T STOP until he goes into Ven gea nce, walks out
Undisputed Champion AND since ya walked out and interrupted the Rock in the
first place, you straight punk (beep).... this, one time, is for you on
behalf of the millions....and millions IF YA SMELLLLLLLALALALALALALOOWWWWWW
what the Rock is cookin'!" Jericho uses subtle hand signals to remind the
Rock it's later tonight and it's one on two on one (huh?)
"SmackDown! Just Bring It" ad #...3?
Local ad hypes the 8 December Rock/Austin match at the Compaq Center in San
Jose - probably a good chance to see the PPV matches being practiced the
night before Ven gea nce
The Boot of the Week is brought to you by Lugz! From Thursday, Test
interferes in the Edge/Christian IC match and I think a boot may actually
be involved in the Boot of the Week, for once!
WWF INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION: KING EDGE v. TEST TEST THIS IS A TEST -
Champion enters first because he has Rob Zombie music, I guess. For a
change, Test enters between the top and middle rope instead of Dieseling
over. Test with a knee to start, right, right, right, into the opposite
corner, but Edge gets the elbow up - second rope clothesline finds the
mark, leg is hooked - but only 2. Elbow, into the ropes, reversed, Edge
ducks the clothesline, but Test buries the knee. Six quick rights from
Test. Head to the buckle, right, back elbow, right, back elbow. Back
elbow, foot on the neck for 4. Test glowers at referee "Blind" Tim White
and goes back to work - into the opposite corner, follow lariat. Leg is
hooked - 1, 2, no. Test thought it was 3. Edge tries to come back -
right, right, right, Test with a knee. Verticaul suplex attempt is
countered - Edge with the reverse Slop Drop. Clothesline - Test ducks the
next one, but Edge connects with the Viscrea. Edge put into the ropes,
head down, Edge kicks. Test ducks a swing, tries for a death suplex, but
Edge escapes and hits the Edge-omatic for 2. Edge right, into the ropes,
reversed, Wotsitolla Boot DUCKED, Edge gutshot, Edgecution doesn't happen -
Test with Uncle Slam. Test going for the ol' feet on the ropes cover - 1,
2, White notices and stops. Test again gets on White's case for not
getting to 3. Gutshot by Test - pumphandle - but Edge goes down the back
to evade the Meltdown - gutshot by Test again - powerbomb countered with a
Frankensteiner! Edge ready for the SPEAR - but Test puts White in the
oncoming path! Test *does* hit the Wotsitolla Boot but White is already
weakly calling for the bell (DQ 3:33) Test goes outside and brings a chair
back in...but before he can use it, SCOTTY 2 HOTTY & YAAAAAAALBERT are out
- Albert grabs the chair, Test ducks, superkick by Hotty - Albert whips
Hotty whips Albert into a yaaaaavalanche - and Edge DOES hit the spear.
Play Edge's music! Replays. Can we call these three guys Team SAE?
Angle and McMahon share a private moment. "Don't worry about this (???)
You got bigger things to think about. Like, which cheek are you gonna have
Stone Cold Steve Austin kiss, huh?" They share a laugh. "Well, quite
frankly, I haven't decided, I mean, uh....you know, I... I'm not too sure
if it's gonna be the right cheek or the left cheek or whether or not I'm
gonna wait for him to just (sound effects) pucker up and just BACK one up
right in there when he's not expecting it, you know..." "You know, that is
gonna be a moment. I'm really counting on that, I'm really waiting on that
moment." "It's a moment, yeah." "You know what, though? If there's one
thing that's the most pathetic thing in the world, it's an asskisser."
"Come in...I'd have to agree with that." "Mr. McMahon." "Hey, how you
doing there, William?" "Hullo, Kurt, how are you, nice to see you."
"Regal, are you prepared for your match with Big Show?" "Well actually,
that's what I wanted to talk to you about, I mean can you not pull a few
strings, I mean I don't want to bloody fight the Big Show; I've just
urinated all over him - he's gonna rip me apart!" "Understand I've got a
partner now, I can't pull all these strings but I can do a little something
for you with...." Vince turns his back to the camera and says something.
"And the other thing is, just a word of advice would be..." and he whispers
something. Regal brightens. "So, uh..." "Right you are, thank you."
"Good luck, Mr. Regal in your match." "Thank you, thank you. Bye bye."
"He's quite the gentlemen." "Yeah, don't kiss any ass, Regal." Vince
elbow Angle - but Angle's grinning broadly. When'd HE get so damn clever?
Hey! I just saw Booker T! He told me I was watching the NEW TNN! (Also
it said "RAW is WAR" - oops)
The Foot Locker logo briefly obstructs my view of the EXCITING DOOR with
"STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN" on it
KISS ASSMAN (with Let Us Take You Back to Earlier Tonight - again - and RWA
is brought to you by Foot Locker - DUH - the JVC GigaTube and Snickers
Cruncher!) v. WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW - Show still ain't too happy. Regal
tries a forearm before Show can get in - forearm, forearm, Show shoves him
away - then presses him back in the ring. Show in, the bell doesn't ring
but referee "Blind" Jimmy Korderas does call for it. Well it's the big
headbutt. Well it's the big right hand. Knee, knee, knee, right, right,
open-handed slap. Into the opposite corner...no, whipped back to the first
corner, well it's a big avalanche splash. DOWN COME THE STRAPS but WHOA
NAPPY T is out from the crowd in streety clothes - Show brings him in the
hard way - Regal has brass knux!! Show falls from the loaded left -
TIMMMMMMBERRRRRRRR - Regal covers as we watch SECURITY chase Booker out of
the arena - 1, 2, 3! (Call it 1:01) Regal manages to make it without
bloodying his nose - although his chest is bright red.
Let Us Take You Back To Moments Ago - or you can just reread the previous
paragraph
The JVC Blast of the Night is brought to you by the GigaTube! From
SmackDown!, Vince is ready to chair Taker - but all HE wants is respect...
Undertaker pays a happy Vince a visit - but he's got a hand for Vince to
talk to. "Since when do you send for me?" "Look, I asked you to come here
tonight to ask you, did you have a good Thanksgiving?" "Like you give a
damn." "I do care." "Oh really." "Yeah. I mean, it was me (Mr. McMahon)
that put you in the main event against my so-called Boy Kurt Angle on
Thanksgiving night. You remember that?" "Mm hmm - what do you want, a
thank you?" "I didn't ask for one, I asked you if you had a good
Thanksgiving, and I know you did, and I wanna clear up one thing right now.
When I came down to that ring with the chair in my hand, do you know what I
was gonna do with it?" "Why don't you tell me?" "If you didn't let go of
Kurt Angle....I was gonna knock the hell outta you." "Is that right?"
"Yeah...'cause I care." "You WHAT?" "'cause I care. You see, I've been
caring for eleven long years." "You have a funny way of showing it."
"Maybe I do. When you said in the ring Thanksgiving night you were just
looking for a little respect, that's all I've ever given you for eleven
long years is nothing but respect because...I never had to look behind me
to know you were there. I took it for granted. Yes, I did. In a
roundabout way, Dead Man, that's the ultimate respect you can pay somebody
- to take for granted they're gonna be there through the thick and the
thin, when everybody else runs and flees like rabbits, you were right
there. I could count on you, that's resepct, you think about that. Now
then, you think about something else: you owe me." "I what? Wait a
minute, I didn't hear you." "You OWE me." "Oh, do tell." "Because, you
see, you're the real deal. You are the American Badass, there's nobody
like you. You kick ass, yeah, major league, but you do it here in the
World Wrestling Federation...if you were to kick ass on the outside, they
call that assault & battery, your ass would be in jail. You do what you do
here in the World Wrestling Federation, thank you, Mr. McMahon. And one
other thing I want you to think about." "What's that?" "You may not
agree, but in my view, you and me....we're a lot alike." Vince walks off
to leave Taker...puzzled.
Look! Times Square! WWF New York!
Inside is LANCE STORM. The tight camera view leads me to believe he's
serving fries or something. Listen for the cue. "What am I doing now?
I'm biding my time. I'm waiting for the perfect moment to come back and
get my revenge, and believe me, JR, I will have it. 'cause truth be told,
I'm too big of a talent to be ignored, too great of an athlete to be held
back, and some day...I'll get my spot. And some day, I will wreak havoc--"
Pull back. "Hey Storm! When you're through mopping the floor, there's a
toilet in the back that's not gonna unclog itself!"
Last Thursday, Lilian Garcia sang "Living in America" for about ten seconds
during NBC's broadcast of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade. Here's a
short clip!
UP NEXT: Rock vs. Angle & Jericho - it's a handicap match and it's NEXT!
Local ad for Ven gea nce is all about Triple H - oops - also they sneak in
another graphic for the 8 Dec San Jose house show
CHRIS MON
DAY JERICHO and KUR
T ANGLE (with Lugz presents Ven gea nce in thirteen days!) v. THE
ROCK in a handicap match - before the match gets underway, THE MAN
comes out to say a few words - and maybe insert Austin into this match?
"Hey Woooo! I don't think my business partner will mind at all the fact
that I'm changin' this handicap match into a tag match Woooo! so without
further ado Wooooo! the Rock's partner, KANE. Woooo! Woooo!
CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO & KURT ANGLE v. ROCK & KANE - Angle and Jericho
quickly get to work on Rock before Kane can get into the ring. Double whip
into the ropes - but Rock hits a double flying clothesline! Jericho put
outside, where Kane is waiting. Jericho dropped on the barricade - Angle
tries a whip, but Rock reverses into a clothesline. Right for Jericho,
right, right, NOW KISS THAT oh Angle caught him in a German suplex before
the spit punch could land. Doubleteam stompdown while referee "Blind" Earl
Hebner tries to get Kane into his corner. Front face by Angle - into a
snap suplex. Jericho wants the tag. Crowd chants "Rock E" - tag. Angle
holds up Rock - right by Jericho, right, right, off the ropes, big
clothesline. Head to the buckle - chop, chop, chop, kick, kick, kick,
kick, talking to Hebner...allowing Rock to come back - right, right, right,
whip is reversed, and Jericho hits the bulldog - 1, 2, no. Tag to Angle -
held open for the kick. Right hand by Angle, right, into the ropes,
belly-to-belly overhead suplex by Angle. LIVE! Right by Angle, pulled
into the ropes, reversed, Samoan Drop by the Rock! Ross: "Rock DESPERATELY
needs to make the tag!" What, it hasn't even been three minutes! Slow
crawls by both men - tag to Kane! Right hand, right, right, Angle backed
into the corner, whip out, follow lariat. Into the ropes, scooped up,
powerslammed down. Big boot as Jericho comes in. Angle put in the corner,
double choke - but Jericho from behind to break it up. Kane right on
Jericho - Angle right on Kane, right, into the ropes is reversed, big boot
ducked - caught in a choke - but Jericho hits a missile dropkick right to
Kane's head. Rock tries to come in, ensuring Hebner misses the
doubleteaming hijinks behind his back. Jericho puts Kane's head to the
buckle, kick, kick, kick, kick, right, right, tag to Angle, kick by Angle,
right, Kane right, Angle right, Kane right, right, Jericho holds him back -
Angle with a shoulder in the gut...and tag - Jericho with a forearm. Knee
by Jericho - Angle rejoins him - DOUBLE snap suplex!! Jericho hooks a leg
- 1, 2, Kane kicks out. Tag to Angle - held open for the shot to the ribs.
Right, right, right, Angle whips, Kane reverses, Angle goes behind - but
Kane breaks the waistlock! Angle sent into the corner - back elbow up by
Angle...but Angle runs smack dab into a powerslam! Rock wants that tag -
he also wants Jericho to get a tag as well - and he gets both his wishes -
right for Jericho, right, right, right, right, right, NOW KISS THAT RIGHT
and Jericho leaps over the top to the floor. Angle brought in the hard way
- into the ropes, belly to belly throw, tossed over the top to the floor,
spinebuster for Jericho as he comes back in, into the Sharpshooter.....but
Angle breaks it up. Kane off the top with the flying clothesline to Angle!
Angle rolls outside, Kane follows. Jericho waits for Rock to get up to
give him Rock Bottom gain - but Rock elbows out (three back elbow) -
gutshot, DDT, leg is hooked, 1, 2, 3! Holy crap! Rock wins with the DDT!
(7:00) Kane walks off before Rock can thank him - not that he would've,
mind you, but...Rock poses...ready to leave, but he looks back and sees
Jericho getting up - Rock back in - Rock waits - ROCK BOTTOM! Play his
music again! Rock leaves the ring this time...or does he? He looks back -
I think the crowd wants him to do it again. This time, he leaves the ring
and brings back a chair...but Kurt Angle pulls Jericho out before he can
connect with it. Play his music again again! You know, there's STILL
about twenty minutes left in this show....don't tell me another long,
loving tribute to Vince's...
Vince addresses the five members of the Alliance - they get the last laugh
tonight - there's not a damn thing Mr. Flair can do about Austin kissing
his ass in the ring tonight. Regal says to thank him for the gift he'd
given him earlier tonight, he'd like to return the favour...and presents
Vince with a tube of ChapStik. Vince makes sure the five have his back.
"...and, uh...Austin's gonna have MY back."
The EXCITING DOOR is open - Austin is gone, but there's empty Bud cans
littering the dressing room...
"SmackDown! Just Bring It" ad #4 (I think)
By the way, we're LIVE! and here come THE ASS just one more time. I ask
you: who - WHO decided that the solution to the sagging ratings was "wow,
Vince McMahon needs to bare his ass on WWF TV. That - THAT WILL FIX
EEEEEEEVERYTHING!" "All right, let's get on with it - cut the music. In
just a moment, Mr. McMahon is gonna drop his trou...I'm gonna take my
jacket off, I'm gonna pull down my underwear...and Stone Cold Steve
Austin's gonna kiss my ass! But for, for the few Stone Cold fans that are
here tonight, let me just say that, no, hang on, let me just say this -
Stone Cold is not gonna do anything that each and every one of you wouldn't
do yourselves. Oh, come on....c'mon, you kiss your boss' ass, don't tell
me you don't! Come on...when you look in the mirra, when each and every
one of you look in the mirra, you see a genuine asskisser, that's what you
see! Now don't be upset if Austin simply does exactly what all of you
would do, so with that in mind, please welcome the next individual, the
second man who joins the Vince McMahon Kiss My Ass Club, Stone Cold Steve
Austin! Dammit - St--" Crash. STONE
COLD STEVE AUSTIN *is* out, one final beer in hand. "Ahh, you can
obviously see Mr. Austin's enjoying a little liquid courage. I mean, come
on - it's not like you have to kiss some big ol' fat greasy hairy Oklahoma
ass. Come on. I've got a nice ass. And it's worthy of being kissed
because we wanna end this thing once and for all, so I'll tell you what I'm
gonna do. I say we get down to business." Jacket off. "I say, it's
time...for you to get on your knees." "What?" "I said it's time for you
to get on your knees." "What?" "You don't wanna do this--" "What?" "You
don't wanna have McMahon/Austin II." "What?" "You wanna end this tonight
by publicly kissin' my ass and it's over." "Let me think about it."
Austin downs the rest of his beer. One more tossed to him. "Well,
uh...while you're--" "I'm still thinking about it." "Are you gonna kiss
my ass or not?" "You know I've been thinking about that Vince, and in the
last few months, I've seen ya for what you are. I think I've gotten a
little smarter in the process.....I don't want Austin versus McMahon II.
It's time for Stone Cold Steve Austin and Vince McMahon to bury the
hatchet." "Exactly my point. So pucker up..." There go the
pants...shimmy shimmy. "You're about the ugliest stripper I've ever seen
in my life. Is that supposed to be sexy?" "Before you kiss my ass, hang
on a second. Your lips look like they could use a little of this."
ChapStik passed. "If I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do this the right way."
"Well, if you're gonna do it the right way, then...your breath smells like
beer. Here's some gum." "Does it really smell that ba?" Chew chew chew.
"All right..." "This is something you said anybody here would do, right?"
"There's absolutely no doubt. Now hang on...I just happen to have a bottle
of mouthwash with me, imagine that. Gargle before you kiss my ass." "Now
you're starting to get on my nerves." Gum spit out. "But if I'm gonna do
this, I'm gonna do this the right way. That's the way Stone Cold Steve
Austin does things." Gargle gargle spit bleah. "You satisfied yet?" "On
your knees." Down comes the skivvies. "Go ahead - take a look at that ass
- there's not one blemish, not one blemish on the beautiful ass, not one.
That's it." Austin clears his throat. "Before you - before I kiss your
ass, can you make it do one of those tricks you're talkin' about?" Vince
complies. "Now dammit, let's get on with it." "And if I kiss your ass
that means it's over between you and me, right?" "That's exactly right.
Now...kiss....my....ass." "Austin's pretty close... "Ya ever use any
toilet paper? You gotta understand how hard this is fer me." "I don't
have all night, dammit. Kiss my ass and it's over between us. Now dammit,
do just like any of these people would do - pucker up and kiss - my - ass!"
Austin sighs, drops the mic - and uppernuts McMahon! Austin removes his
belt and starts whipping Vince's bare ass. I didn't need to see this.
Here come THE DUDLEY BOYZ not too soon - WILLIAM REGAL, CHRISTIAN and TEST
TEST THIS IS A TEST complete the quintet. Crowd chants "Rock E" but that
ain't gona happen. As they take Austin out of the ring, over the barricade
and out through the crowd, we're left examining the - err - stripes - on
the Ass. KURT ANGLE is out to offer....moral support. Replay away. Ross
laughs loud and long to let you know how hilarious it is. In fact, this is
start to look like REALLY BAD ACTING by Ross. Vince notices. "Hey - hey!
Hey - you laugh at me, Hillbilly Boy? All you people laugh at me (Vince
McMahon)? I'll give you something to laugh at. Vince and Angle leave the
ring, collect Ross and drag him into the ring. Ohhhhh... "All right - hey
- it's real funny, isn't it, huh? Hey JR! It's real funny, isn't it, huh?
All you people laughin' at me (Vince McMahon). Well guess what - guess
what's gonna happen, JR. You know what? I'm gonna make you do exactly
what vicariously each and every one of these people are gonna do. You know
what? 'cause these people are gonna kiss my ass through YOU - get him
down. Angle puts him on his knees as Vince again goes for his Lethal
Doughplates. "All right - dammit, kiss my ass! Dammit!" BONG Keep
rollin' rollin' rollin' rollin' AWESOME UNDERTAKER WHO IS AWESOME is out to
save the day...or, hell, turn. Ross cowers behind Taker, who grabs a mic.
McMahon arms himself with Austin's belt - Taker picks up JR's hat and hands
it to him. "Now I been here a long damn time and just when I think I've
seen everything...you gotta take the cake. Let me see if I got this right.
You - want this man - to kiss your ass? And you - you're gonna force this
man to kiss his ass. You know in eleven years I've seen a lot of people
come and I've seen a lot of 'em go - Hogan, Warrior, Savage, Piper, Bret,
Shawn Michaels...I seen the games they played, and I've seen the games you
play. But you know what? When it was all said and done, some way or
another, they all kissed your ass. You know what the saddest thing about
that is? The one that kissed your ass the most.....was me. Eleven years I
been here, eleven years I kissed your ass, I stayed and I'm STILL puttin'
up with your crap! So JR before I take care of this situation...I just
wanna know. Were you gonna kiss his ass?" "Hell no I wasn't gonna kiss
his ass - hell no!" "Do you WANNA kiss his ass?" "HELL NO!" "The man
said no. So JR, tell me this: is that because you're better than me?" We
take a pause for that to sink in. POP! Soupbone for Ross! "ARE YOU
BETTER THAN ME?!" Ahhhhhh yeah. "Because right here, whether you like it
or not, in front of your family and all these Okie podunks, you are gonna
kiss his ass. Vince, drop your pants. You think that you are better than
me! Don't you? You're better than me, you can't kiss his ass. Well let
me tell you something, JR, you're gonna kiss his ass, and I'm gonna see to
it." Taker brings him to his knees. "Pucker up, bitch." He starts to
shove him - but Vince stops him. "You're right, Vince, he can't kiss your
ass, that ain't right - that just ain't right. He can't kiss your
ass...'til you're wearing the man's hat. Now, get over here and kiss his
ass!" There's CONTACT (well, cheek to cheek so to speak) - and Vince does
some wigglin' to make it look worse. A triumphant Vince does the "cowgirl
slap my ass gallop" dance with JR's hat. "Rollin'" plays. Well I'd say
this is just about what NO ONE wanted to see...but, gosh, I'd just *hate*
to be proven wrong later. Let me just say that all you Undertaker Hatas
are getting just what you deserve. You're gonna miss how awesome he USED
to be.