ONE LINER: Surely you've heard by now that the official WWF Slurpee flavour is designated by 7-Eleven "Bruisin' Berry" - what you may NOT have known is that that was actually the SECOND choice...the first being "Smarky Smark Smark," mainly due to the fact that the taste can so easily be described as "sour grapes." KINGS MAGIC NUMBER: *3* QUICK QUOTE: WWF 14.70 (+ .65, last year: 12.70, two years ago: 14 3/4 - think about this - if you bought WWF stock two years ago, you'd be down a nickel today - boggles the mind, don't it?) TONIGHT: The Backlash main event is HHH vs. HHH - wait, that's not tonight! Undertaker and Steve Austin are rumoured to have reaction - maybe *that* will be tonight! Also, Kane takes on X-Pac in a Falls Count Anywhere match - that WILL be tonight! All right! T(O)N(I)G(HT): "Imaginary Friend" - UGH UGH UGH TV-14-DLV - CC - One World Leader Attitude - WWF! Let Us Take You Back To Last Thursday, because ALL SHOWS MUST OPEN WITH VINCE - hey, this'll probably be the only time we see Hogan on RAW tonight, right? Ah ha ha. Go read the SmackDown! report Opening Credits THERA-PYRO! Once again, it's on - coming to you from the SOLD OUT Crappiest Airline On Earth Arena in Phoenix, AZ 8.4.2 and transmitido en espanol SAP on TNN & TSN, THIS is WWF RAW! AWESOMETAKER kicks it off with a leisurely drive to the ring on His Beautiful Bourget Python Bike as well as the cover to the WWF's latest CD, "Forceable Entry/Rape Fantasy." Our streak of opening this show with a match halts at....one. "Can SOMEONE explain to me what the hell is goin' on around here? 'cause I just happened to be just a little bit confused, and a whole lotta pissed off. Monday night, right here in the middle of the ring, I came out here, I challenged Triple H to a match for the Undisputed title. He ACCEPTED the match and Ric Flair sanctioned the match right then, and right there. Now I find out, at Backlash, I'm completely out of the picture...the title match is Triple H and Hulk Hogan. You see, that's just unacceptible - no, no, see that's a buncha bull - no, that's a buncha bull(shit)! So I tell you what - RAW stops right here, right now, because I'm gonna stand right here in the middle of the ring until somebody comes out here and explains to me--" Well, not for long - RIC FLAIR is already on his way to the ring. Let's pause for our recurring installment of GOOD OL' JR: THIS WEEK: "I'm still trying to figure out why Ric Flair made the Undertaker Flair's #1 Draft Pick...other than the fact to make the Undertaker's life miserable, but..." JUST LAST WEEK: "...so he can make the Undertaker's life a living hell, and anybody that can't figure that out must be a REAL idiot!" "You want an explanation? I'll give ya one. You know, maybe last week, I was a little bit too ambitious, my first day on the job. Hell, I wanted to see you and Triple H go at it big time. But I was wrong; McMahon did have the right to make a championship match at Backlash. However, while you're rantin' and ravin' out here, givin' directions, tellin' everybody what to do, don't think for one minute that you run this place or own it; you don't - I do. And I'll tell ya something else: even though McMahon got to make the championship match at Backlash, I get to make the championship match after Backlash, so if I were you, I'd just calm down and take a deep breath, big man." "Well that's what you think, right? Well, you know what I think? I think you're a LIAR. No no no, I think...you're a no good son of a bitch. You see, what I think, Flair - see I think you're still all tore up about what I did to you at WrestleMania...and to tell you the truth, I can't say that I blame ya, because if somebody beat me up like I beat you up, I'd be hot too. Now that bein' said, the way I see it, you got one option. I can't do a damn thing about Backlash, but you can make me the #1 Contender for the match AFTER Backlash. 'cause Ric you know, there ain't NOBODY that deserves that match more than ME. You know it's true! So you tell me, Ric, what's it gonna be - are you gonna make me the #1 Contender...or am I gonna have to reach down in my bag and pull out another WrestleMania moment?" We've been waiting far too long for the breaking of glass, and here it is...along with STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN. Ross sneaks in the announced attendance of 16,665 as Austin hits all four corners, pausing to give Flair a glare on his way. "Whats" removed for your reading convenince - as well as my typing sanity. "That's what I said, let me get this straight. You're about to hand this man The Undertaker a championship match after Backlash. That's whatcher doin'. That man right there. A championship match. After Backlash. Why? 'cause he deserves it? 'cause he's got that stupid bandana? Them stupid tattoos? Those stupid gloves? Those stupid pants? Those damn boots? Does he scare you? Does he make you shake? Are you intimidated? Is he special? Are you scared? Is it because he's got 'dead man' on his shirt? What does that mean? That you're dead? You don't breathe? You got no pulse? You're not alive? You bought the farm? You bit the big one? You kicked the bucket? Do you think you're special? You deserve a championship match - WHY? I wanna know why? Because you ride that stupid bike? I'll get on that sumbitch - kickstart it - and ride that sumbitch as long as I want to! ... Ric, you know what my watch is tellin' me? You know what this sumbitch is sayin'? It's talkin' loud and clear - and I can hear it. I ain't got no hearin' aids - I got no problem - it's sayin' - it's time - for Ric Flair - to make a decision. Look at me - when I talk to ya - is it gonna be - Stone Cold - Stone Cold - Stone Cold - I said Stone Cold. Or is it gonna be The Undertaker - the dead man - in that championship match - after Backlash - I think you need to make up your mind - right now - thank you - you're welcome." "You heard him, what's it gonna be, Flair. Who is it?!" "Lemme see...Stone Cold Steve Austin, #1 Contender. How's that sound? Maybe it's The Undertaker, #1 Contender, how's that sound? Before I make a decision, I'm get - I have to get something straight with both of you guys - we both are goin' in the wrong direction here. From the time I drafted you, you have made my life miserable. You have threatened me with WrestleMania moment after WrestleMania moment - you've worn my ass out - hell, you ran down when I was in a tag match, booted me in the face, walked up the ramp, left me layin' there - I don't appreciate it! And...in what should have been one of the greatest moments in the history o' RAW, while I was celebrating - dancing around the ring! Crazy! Overwhelmed, trying to toast YOU, you turn around and give me the Stone Cold Stunner. That doesn't work for me either. So lemme tell ya both something - it's a new day around here. And I want to make one thing very clear: everybody here, especially you two. One thing I'm not is Vince McMahon - I'm Ric Flair - and from now on....thank you. From now on, anybody puts there hands on me, THINKS about puttin' their hands on me, there's gon' be HELL TO PAY. But let's get on with the theme of tonight's show. Hell, we're gonna have TWO #1 Contender's matches. As a matter of fact, in this very ring, it's gonna be The Undertaker, in a nontitle match, against the intercontinental champion Rob van Dam. And...and...you, Austin, are gonna have a WrestleMania rematch against the NWO's Scott Hall. Lemme explain what that means." "Hey! I know what it means - what it means is you're fulla crap! That match is MINE - I deserve it - Austin don't deserve that match! I'm the #1 Contender! The only thing he deserves is to get his ass kicked! Now you talk about hell to pay - you listen up and you listen good. If you don't make me the #1 Contender, there's gonna be a lot of hell to pay around here...and there ain't a damn thing you can do about it, cueball." Austin decides to waffle him and it's on - right hands here, right hands there, and Austin clotheslines Taker over the top and outside. Austin goes to give Flair a kick in the gut but pulls short. Flair ducks out when Taker makes it back to the apron and Austin turns his attention back to him to shove him off again. REFS & OFFICIALS quickly show up to stand between Taker and the ring as Austin's music plays. No real explanation of how this double #1 Contender match is gonna work out....but there's a lot of show to go... Kurt Angle shills angina - no, wait... www.lifeheart.com is the site - Get Tough on Angina! Greyhound presents the WWF Overdrive of the Night - goooo Greyhound! From last week, Bubba Ray Dudley wins the hardcore title with the Bubbabomb - and tells D-Von it was for him WWF HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP: BUBBA RAY DUDLEY (champion - Dudleyville - 325 pounds - with RAW is brought to you by 1-800-CAL-LATT, The Scorpion King and Stacker 2!) v. BOOKER T (Houston, Texas - 251 pounds)
referee: JACK DOAN
T has the mic. "Before we start this match tonight, I just wanna say one thing, and the ONLY thing these people came here to see tonight. It's not the Hardcore match; these people paid their hard-earned money to see Booker T and the most electrifying move in sports entertainment." They hit the music again as T consults his hand, drops down, shakes his head, and performs his breakdancing routine. "Now what you got, sucka?" "I'll tell ya what I got. Hey Mr. Music Man - play some funky music for this white boy." What might have once been one of 3 Count's old backing tracks plays - along with some lighting effects - and Bubba...ahem...gets his groove on. Ross proclaims Dudley "overly Caucasian." When Bubba stops to look at his hand, T decides to strike - so here we go - Dudley ducks, right, right, right, into the ropes, back elbow. Running clothesline puts T on the floor - Bubba out after him. T manages a back kick. Chop by T - into the STEEL steps is reversed and T hits hard. T put back in the ring and now Dudley's going for some weaponry. Lid in, can in, sign in. Dudley back in. T has a lid but Bubba ducks - death suplex on...a trumpet? All right. 1, 2, no. Head to the buckle by Dudley - scoop...and a slam. Setting up for a Vaderbomb (Ross: "That....that......bomb") - but MISSES. T with a Harlem sidekick! Stomp - kick, kick, kick, kick. Right, Dudley to the eyes. Dudley right, right, into the ropes is revesred and T pulls him into a knee, doubling him over so he can come off the ropes with the AXE KICK. STOP sign in the back. Trashcan to the head! "Get up you son of a bitch!" ANOTHER big can shot by T. Dudley tries to slap back but T gets another shot to the eyes. Right. Pulls him out, but Dudley reverses and pulls T into a Samoan Drop! Both men slow to get up. Dudley with "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," again, chop, slap, inot the ropes, clothesline, scoop...and a slam. Ross says "D-Von is a proud member of the SmackDown! group" but that sure wasn't the impression *I* got on Thursday! Elbowdrop, elbowdrop, "sucka!" and drops the double sledge. Dudley looks around - nobody to get the tables, so he goes out and gets his own. Table in the ring! But T is back up - ducks the clothesline - nice spinebuster. Now it's T working with the table, standing it up in the ring. "Getyo punk ass up!" But GOLDUST has led referee Chad Patton out to the ring and punks T out from behind with a lidshot to the back. There's a DDT for Booker T - over to Dudley - but he reverses out of the DDT attempt - gutshot - powerbomb through the table - and Doan counts the 1, 2, 3! (3:57) Dudley does a few jiggy moves, but stops as soon as the music changes from his theme to the dancing music - so Doan chases him up the ramp and tells him to dance some more. Dudley stops at the top of the stage and gets jiggy with it one more time. Backlash spot hypes Hulk Hogan/Triple H - wow, they really say Hogan's name first? Huh, how 'bout that. Drowning Pool's "The Game" is spotlighted in this Forceable Entry spot - have you bought YOUR copy yet? Me neither... JONATHAN COACHMAN is backstage with Trish Stratus. Her head's fine. Let Us Take You Back To Last Week and show you WHY her head hurts. This leads to tonight, when Trish takes on Molly Holly. "Oh, Coach, she got me good, yep - from behind. But tonight's gonna be a little different. Tonight, she's gonna have to get in the ring with me, and Molly's gonna have to face me. You know, I don't know what's gotten into Molly, *but I'm pretty pissed off.* And tonight I'm gonna show her how pissed off I am--" At this point, William Regal interrupts. "Who cares about you, you filthy little scrubber. All you're good for is standing around in your knickers, flashing your bristols to everyone. Molly simply put you in your place. Now, if you want to talk about a real match, Spike Dudley--" "That's right, yes, yes. I remember. Actually, if anyone was when Spike Dudley pinned you, 1, 2, 3." "Spike Dudley...that miserable little toerag who stole a victory over me and besmirched the good name of William Regal? Spike Dudley, that low-class little cretin who degraded my reputation as the European champion? Spike Dudley's victory over me was a fluke, an accident, just like he was an accident to his mother, and an abortion on society! For besmirching me, I'm not only going to put an end to Spike Victory's (?) winning streak - I'm going to turn him into a bloody vegetable!" Meanwhile, TERRI catches up with Kane, who's reading a copy of the Divas swimsuit issue. She didn't know he was into this whole Divas thing! "Just because I have a burned face...that doesn't mean the rest of my parts aren't working...just fine." "Gotcha. So, um, what I really wanted to ask you was - I've noticed that you've been approaching life differently, and you know, what do you attribute that to?" "What do I attribute that to? Terri, all my life I've been called a monster - a FREAK! And I used to be ashamed to be one. But when I was teaming with Rock and Hulk Hogan a couple weeks ago, and seventeen thousand screaming Kanenites rose to their feet in unison...I realised something. I realised that FREAKS KICK ASS. FREAKS are cool! And just like fellow freak Randy Johnson mows down batteres one by one at the Bob, that's exactly what I plan on doin' with the NWO, starting tonight with the Falls Count Anywhere match with X-Pac. Now don't get me wrong...X-Pac is talented, but is he cool? Well let me put it like this. Just like the lion roars and the chicken clucks, it's a simple fact of life: X-PAC SUCKS!" Meanwhile, X-Pac demos his 'chuks for Hall and Nash. 'Pac acts that they stay back tonight - he's got something to prove, man. "Look at 'Pac, man - Jack and the Beanstalk, David and Goliath, he's truly a giant killer." Nash adds something which I'm sure is hilarious if only I'd heard it. "The Rock IS The Scorpion King" magazine ad X-PAC (Minneapolis, Minnesota - 212 pounds) v. KANE (Parts Unknown - 326 pounds - with Forceable Entry CD cover...but not his Forceable Entry theme, oh well) with falls counting anywhere
referee: NICK PATRICK
'Pac jumps him before the bell and we're on - stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, forearm, forearm, right, chop, chop, kick trifecta, ANOTHER jumping kick on top - but Kane takes all that and still clotheslines him down. Kane clothesline again. Into the corner, 'Pac gets the boot up, but runs into Kane's boot afterwards. 'Pac wants to leave but Kane pulls him back - into the ropes, press...and drop. Running clothesline puts 'Pac outside. Kane's out after him - uppercut. Right to the back of the head puts 'Pac over the barricade. They're through the crowd - right by Kane, right, right - now out through the curtains... The cameraman catching up with them backstage catches Hall laying in wait as they brawl by - there's the lead pipe to the back of the neck by Hall - and Nash adds a 2x4 - one more from Hall - and a chairshot from X-Pac - cover - 1, 2, 3. (No bell - 2:01) Hall gives him another pipe shot - Nash breaks the 2x4...and X-Pac removes the mask! One more chairshot to the back of Kane's head - Bradshaw shows up late and only gets a shot in on Hall before everybody runs off. "You're next, Bradshaw!" Scorpion King ad Big Show shills Stacker 2 - hey, you know what would have been interesting? Ric Flair could have said "You know what Undertaker, Austin...I'm giving the title shot to The Big Show because he helped me out last week with Vince and I think he deserves to be rewarded for not being a jackass to me." See, and not only would it have made SENSE, but it would have PISSED OFF EEEEEEEVERYBODY Moments Ago, Three Paragraphs Ago - Man, 'Pac almost yanks out a big chunk of Kane's hair while getting that mask Coming back "live," Bradshaw helps the EMT's get Kane on the back board Meanwhile, X-Pac models his mask - Hall and Nash act "scared" of his impersonation. Nash requests, "bring in the Gimp!" Here comes Flair. "Enough! I told you guys when I drafted you, it's gonna be a new day. No more gang warfare, no more two on one, no more three on one - you guys aren't gonna run your own show here, man!" "Oh yeah? Well WHAT'RE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT? Yeah!" Nash grabs Flair by the lapel - oops. "I'll TELL you what I'm gonna do about it - I'm gonna suspend you indefinitely! Without pay! You want some? You want some?" "Oh yeah? I'll sue YOU! Yeah, I'll sue you - how 'bout that, Flair - I'M gonna sue YOU." "Jump on. You guys wanna go home with him, tear somethin' else up." Flair leaves. "I'm suin' you!" WWF EUROPEAN CHAMPIONSHIP: WILLIAM REGAL (Blackpool, England - 240 pounds - with Let Us Take You Back To Last Week) v. SPIKE DUDLEY (Dudleyville - 150 pounds)
referee: Doan Regal drops his knux on the way in the ring, and Doan spots them...but while he hands them off to the timekeeper, Regal stashes *another* pair of knux in a turnbuckle - then goes back to Doan to continue protest of the FIRST pair - ha ha, Regal's CRAFTY. Spike runs out before he can even be introduced, grabs the SECOND pair out of the turnbuckle, and waylays Regal in the back of the head while he (and Doan) aren't looking! Dudley hooks the leg as the bell rings - 1, 2, 3, holy crap. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new European champion. (0:04) Regal hasn't even taken his belt off! Spike's up the ramp and outta there - Regal *still* hasn't come to! Replay takes longer than the match, as you might gather. Backstage, Coach congratulates Spike. Tommy Dreamer runs up and dumps a WWF Bruisin' Berry Slurpee (get it at 7-Eleven!) on him. Here's Jackie with a..tentative hug. Show with congratulations - and a Slurpee for Coach's head as well. "Don't feel left out, Coach!" Here's Bubba Ray Dudley...but he takes Spike's hand and gives him a bro shake. Everyone nods knowingly. UP NEXT: #1 Contender's Match - RVD vs. Undertaker WWF Shop Zone Dot Com spot ROB VAN DAM (Intercontinental champion - Battle Creek, Michigan - 235 pounds - with Forceable Entry CD cover) v. THE UNDERTAKER (Houston, Texas - 328 pounds - with RAW Credits & transmitido en espanol SAP & TV-14-DLV & CC boxes) in a nontitle match to determine the #1 Contender at Judgment Day
referee: EARL HEBNER
Of course, nobody's said "Judgment Day" all night...but I owe that more to the fact that they think that we're so stupid that to give us more than one pay-per-view name would be so confusing that we might forget to spend money on them one month or seomthing than to the fact that they might not be calling it "Judgment Day" this year. I guess we'll know in a couple weeks or so. Taker shoves van Dam to the corner to start - soupbone left soupbone, soupbone, soupbone, soupbone, soupbone, soupbone, soupbone, soupbone, back elbow, headbutt, Taker opens up every orifice in his face, knee in the back, knee in the back, back to the corner, knee, knee, knee, threatening motion to Hebner, Irish whip into the opposite corner....and a follow lariat. Cover...2. It's been all Taker thus far - stood up in a corner again - winds up for the soupbone - soupbone. Whip into the opposite corner...runs into a boot from van Dam. Now it's van Dam - elbow, elbow, elbow, off the ropes....caught in a sidewalk slam and put down. Taker covers - 1, 2, no. "RVD" chant. van Dam tries for a charley horse by punching the thigh - right, right, right, Taker with a kneelift to kill that. Kick in the gut, kick, Taker goes outside as van Dam lies across the apron - big elbow by Taker. Hebner having a tough time getting Taker back in the ring. Big boot to the face from the floor. Taker runs for another forearm across the chest. Hebner finally puts on a count and Taker is back up to the apron at 5. Taker decides to try for an apron run legdrop....but ends up landing butt-first on the mat on the way down - van Dam's long gone! van Dam slides out with a dropkick - onto the apron - STANDING MOONSAULT from the apron to the floor!! van Dam's ready to take over - elbow, elbow, kick, elbow, kick, elbow, elbow, elbow, elbow, elbow, elbow, kick, elbow, kick, head to the commentary table....but even after all that, Taker STILL comes back with a knee. Taker scoops him up...but van Dam goes down the back, shoving Taker into the ringpost! van Dam with an overhead kick - and rolled back into the ring - van Dam vaults to the second rope from the apron - springboard kick completely misses but Taker sells like a champ - van Dam with a spinning legdrop before covering - 1, 2, no. Stomp - off the ropes with Rolling Thunder - 1, 2, no. van Dam vaults to the top....but Taker runs into the ropes to crotch him! Taker to the corner - soupbone - climbs up - soupbone - wants a superplex - HE WANTS A TOP ROPE SUPERPLEX - HE GETS IT!! Taker covers - 1, 2, van Dam JUST shoots a shoulder out from under him! Taker drops the elbow and covers again - van Dam escapes AGAIN at 2! The look on Taker's face says he's thinking "MotherFUCKER." Taker goes outside...and comes back in with some hardware. Spying the chair, Hebner begins again to verbalize his concerns - Taker makes HIM flinch, and while his back is turned van Dam connects with a van Daminator! van Dam goes up top once again...but instead of connecting with Taker, he leaps to the floor, as EDDIE GUERRERO has appeared at ringside! van Dam throws a right, an elbow, Guerrero connects with a right (which Hebner must have missed so as to not call a DQ), van Dam puts him into the post, into the timekeeper's table, and goes back in the ring - where Taker is back up - CHOKE - CHOKESLAM! Taker catches his wind and crawls over to make the cover - 1, 2, NO! Taker makes another GREAT face. Taker makes the international sign of the Last Ride and picks him up - onto the shoulders - van Dam follows through and escapes - ducks the soupbone - kicks the back of the leg and puts Taker down! van Dam to the top - springs off with the kick and connects! van Dam to the top one more time - FIVESTAR FROG SPLASH!! Hebner is over to check on Taker as van Dam leans back against the ropes - where Guerrero strikes from behind with the intercontinental title belt in the back of the head! Guerrero drops back down, pretending to continue his injury - and, of course, Hebner is none the wiser. Taker crawls over, audibly says "kick out" and covers - 1, 2, NO! Taker is LIVID, despite calling for the kickout, wink wink - ahh, I see now. Taker gets it in - The Last Ride finds the mark (in me)! Taker with a deep, deep cover, folding up van Dam and hooking of the leg - Hebner's in position - 1, 2, 3! (9:02) Replays of this and that - we've got ourselves a #1 Contender...but there's another #1 Contender's match to come?? Scorpion King ad Moments Ago, Two Paragraphs Ago - check out Taker's face on that Last Ride. Taker is a master of emotion and my personal hero JAZZ joins our commentators at ringside....why put on the headset if you're not going to SAY anything? TRISH STRATUS (Toronto, Ontario) v. ...
Backstage we go, where Terri (Ross: "We send it now to the Coach") is standing with Molly, who has a new hue, hairwise. "What possessed me? You know, I dropped that whole superhero sidekick thing because it was holding me down. I happen to be one of the best women wrestlers in the entire world, but instead of being able to showcase my talents on RAW, I'm stuck in the back watching some bikini/paddle on a pole match. Gimme a break." Terri suspects jealousy. "You know, I'd expect something like that from you, Terri. But for your information, I AM the most beautiful, desirable diva in the WWF. And unlike SOME people, I'm also...pure and wholesome." TRISH STRATUS (already in the ring) v. MOLLY HOLLY (Mobile, Alabama)
referee: CHAD PATTON
The Cubs Fan says if I make a Mandy Moore joke here, it'll go over like gangbusters. Guess I'm too old 'cause I don't know what the HELL he's talking about - but PLEASE *don't* email me to explain it. I'd just rather be old. Ross: "Yeah I know the difference between Coach and Terri." Hey, *I* wasn't sure! Stratus decides to meet Holly out on the floor with a forearm - Holly right back - forearm by Stratus, head to the mat, into the ring for the opeining bell. Holly wants timeout but won't get it - Stratus kick, elbow, elbow, kick, kick, kick, chop, chop, chop, kick, monkey flip but Holly lands on her feet - Holly ducks a clothesline but not the dropkick. Stratus elbow, elbow, into the ropes, Holly hooks it and goes outside to catch a breather. The count's at 3 before Stratus is out after her...and putting her back in the ring - Holly finally connects with a gutshot - Holly with a chop - into the ropes is reversed, head down, Holly with a kick - and a clothesline. She throttles her for 4. Holly down to one knee, putting her shin across Stratus' neck while arguing with Patton - he doesn't catch on until Stratus is good and choked. Handful of hair - head to the turnbuckle. Kick by Holly. Hard into the opposite corner - tumbling run handspring elbow conects. Leg is hooked - 1, 2, NO! Stomp, stomp. Holly runs her head into the mat - one more time to the mat. Choke on the second rope for 4. Holly with a - well, we look at Jazz not talk again. Holly hooks the leg - ANOTHER 2 count. Stomp. Molly going up top...Trish manages to crotch her on top! Stratus runs to the corner, does a handstand on the bottom ropes and manages a headscissors takeover! Then, she decides to go outside and start something with Jazz - well, THAT ain't smart. Molly out to try to get her from behind - nope, Stratus is around and tagging her with a gutshot - Jazz throws Patton into the barricade, knocking him out while Trish prepares Holly for an out-on-the-floor Stratusfaction...except Jazz clocks Trish with the Women's title belt in mid-move! Molly puts Trish back in the ring, then adjusts her hair - classics. Molly back in - Molly with a - whoa, an Indian Deathlock with bridge, twisting Trish over into a cover - 1, 2, 3! (4:00) The graphic don't lie - it's Triple H vs. Hollywood Hulk Hogan for the Undisputed Championship at Backlhash! We take a close look at Brock Lesnar's tattoo - he's pacing. Over to Paul Heyman. "Please, please, please calm down. We're about to walk out to the ring in of all place, Phoenix, Arizona. Home of the worst audience in history. These people don't respect a man of your size, of your strength, of your power, they don't even respect themselves! No matter how bad they disrespect you, you cannot grab a member of the audience, you cannot attack the fans! Keep your temper under control - please leave everything to me; that's what an agent is for. You got your temper under control? You ready? Let's go - calm, cool..." "WWF Live - Feel This" spot Here's a look at the America West Arena - and a few people who couldn't get in Now he's got an "agent" - and an entrance video/theme - it's BROCK and his pokemon, GASTLY. Heyman's gonna do some filibusterin', but not before we ride out a "Yankees Suck" chant (for Heyman's cap). "Thank you - thank you, ladies and gentlemen, for your irrelevant opinion...but don't worry, I assure you that as long as Brock Lesnar is standing here, we will take as long as we deem appropriate. Ya see, when you stand next to Brock Lesnar, you can do ANYTHING you damn well please. And it pleases me this evening to educate all of you - you're welcome, by the way - to educate all of you on some historical facts - historical facts that led Brock Lesnar to the monumental decision of hiring ME as his agent. You see, it was a historical fact that I (Paul Heyman) managed Steve Austin and groomed him to be Stone Cold. It is a historical fact that I represented The Undertaker, and groomed him to be The Dead Man. It is a historical fact that I was the architect of a concept called ECW that spawrned WWF Attitude and created the multi-billion dollar conglomerate of sports entertainment that you see today. There is a moral to this story...and that moral is, I - better than any single one of you - can spot The Next Big Thing, and ladies and gentlemen, the next big thing is Brock Lesnar. NC-double-A Heavyweight Champion Brock Lesnar. The Invincible Brock Lesnar. The Invulnerable Brock Lesnar. The Indestructible Brock Lesnar. The Impervious To Pain Brock Lesnar. Ladies and gentlemen, The Next Big Thing, Brock Lesnar! Now, in all fairness, please - don't take my word for it, no - as a matter of fact, if you would please turn your attention to the giant screen, you will see some footage that I assure you will amplify my point. Mr. Producer, please roll the footage." Here's a Special Video Look at Brock Lesnar "Did I tell you? Ask Spike Dudley about Brock Lesnar! Ask the Hardys about Brock Lesnar! Ask Rikishi about Brock Lesnar! Ask any single one of his opponents about Brock Lesnar!" Lesnar and Heyman are suddenly joined by the HARDY BOYZ - Heyman sneaks out as the Hardyz doubleteam continues in the corner. Whip into the opposite corner, Poetry in Motion...is CAUGHT, and Jeff is tossed to the floor. No fair catches in the XFL, Ross! Lesnar grabs Matt - presses him over his head - and throws him onto Jeff. Thanks for coming out tonight, Boyz! Wait, we're not done - Lesnar daring them to come in, even WITH a chair in hand for each man - Lesnar stomps on Jeff, but Matt gets a gutshot in with the chair. Lesnar with a gutshot - ready to powerbomb Matt but Jeff WHACK with the chair. Matt adds a WHACK that takes Lesnar to the floor...but he lands on his feet. Heyman works to keep Lesnar from going back in the ring. Play the Hardyz' music! Lesnar...is smiling. Here's a replay of what we done just seen. WWF Forceable Entry CD ad Theeeeeeee WWF Rewind is brought to you by Castrol Motor Oily! From RAW last week, The Big Show puts Vince McMahon over his shoulder and throws him out of the building MR. PERFECT (Minneapolis, Minnesota - 262 pounds - with Backlash is brought to you by Backlash!) vs. THE BIG SHOW (Tampa, Florida - 500 pounds)
referee: Patrick
We take one more look at the mangled STEEL chair that was wrapped around Lesnar's head - the chair lost. Perfect tries to take the early advantage using the ropes while Show is Diesling over the top - axehandle, axehandle, chop, NO SALE. Show puts Perfect in the corner - kick, kick, kick, well it's a big slap and Perfect goes outside. Show grabs him by the hair - up on the apron - another slap across the chest and Perfect's gum flies. Show out after him - Perfect pokes the eye. Whip, no. Whip, he ain't movin'. Show tosses Perfect over the top rope from the floor. Back in and Perfect wants time. Perfect tries a kick - it's caught - well it's a big clothesline. Show runs in and runs into two big boots. Show wants the avalanche but Perfect scoots out...and Show has to hold up, lest he put out Patrick (who Perfect had pulled into his place). Show back around - Perfect with a kick, right, blatant kick in the nuts, Perfectplex (!!!) - 1, Show kicks out. Perfect is incredulous. DOWN COME THE STRAPS 'CAUSE HE'S MAD AHHHHHHHHTHECHOKESLAAAAAM - 1, 2, 3. And yet, not ONCE did they mention that HE might want a WWF Undisputed title shot... (1:44) Moral: don't kick him in the nuts Stone Cold! Stone Cold! Stone Cold! Stone Cold! Stone Cold! Stone Cold! Stone Cold! Stone Cold! Stone Cold! Stone Cold! Stone Cold! Stone Cold! Stone Cold! Stone Cold! Stone Cold! Stone Cold! Stone Cold! Stone Cold! Stone Cold! Stone Cold! Stone Cold! Stone Cold! Stone Cold! Stone Cold! Stone Cold! Stone Cold! Stone Cold! Stone Cold! Stone Cold! Stone Cold! Stone Cold! Stone Cold! Stone Cold! IS! WALKING! Finding Flair not in his office, Austin pulls up a chair...puts his feet on the desk, and kicks back... Backlash ad - Hogan/H again - of course, they haven't made any OTHER matches for this card yet.... Big Show shills Stacker 2 - again "WWF Divas: Tropical Pleasure" ad Your hosts are JIM ROSS & JERRY LAWLER Earlier Tonight, Austin - had a lot - of pauses - so people - could say "What" - also, Undertaker staked HIS claim to the #1 Contendership - words were said, tempers were raised, punches were thrown, and hell, we've SEEN it ONCE tonight, let's move on I sense we have to squeeze in another ad break before the final match. Earlier Tonight, Undertaker won HIS "#1 Contender's match" against Rob van Dam, thanks to a little devious help from Eddie Guerrero Back to Flair's office where Austin is playing with some pens - and I think he's using Flair's laptop to order DVD's from Amazon.com (proud sponsor of Onslaught!) Here's Flair. "I been waitin' on ya. Because you got some explainin' to do. Tell me what's goin' on. I'm confused, and I shouldn't be confused. Undertaker just won his match, so that makes him the #1 Contender? I'm already out just 'cause he won?" "First of all, thanks for making the right decision and not Stunning me out there. As far as Undertaker, all that means is tonight if you win your match, you two will go to Backlash, you'll wrestle each other, the winner will be the future #1 Contender. Hey, I like you, Steve, I got a lotta respect for you." "That doesn't mean I have to like you, does it." "Hey, all you have to do is win tonight, you're right there at Backlash - you and Taker. Okay? Future #1 Contender." "Thank you for explaining it to me, because I was a little confused." Austin walks off - we almost see a boom mic OOOH Tough Enough 2 ad The Rock IS your guest host for "Saturday Night Live" on Saturday! SCOTT HALL (Miami, Florida - 282 pounds - with X-Pac) v. STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN (Victoria, Texas - 252 pounds) in a #1 Contender's match
referee: E. Hebner
'Pac proudly carries Kane's mask with him. Austin straight to Hall, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, head to the buckle, chop, chop, chop, chop, into the ropes, back elbow, vest is off, and Austin chokes him with it. Choke on the second rope - off the ropes with a Boss Man Straddle. Scoop...and a slam. 1, kickout by Hall. Arm wringer, clothesline, cover, 1, 2, no. Out through the ropes and Austin follows. Chop. Chop. Chop. Chop. Hall finally fires back - right, right, Austin to the eyes. Hall rolled back in the ring - Irish whip into the corner - back to the first corner - into the ropes, reversed by Hall, Hall shoves Austin over the top to the floor, then catches Hebner's attention while X-Pac gets in a cheap shot. right, right, Austin right, right, right, X-Pac to the eyes - Austin ducks a clothesline - scoops him up and throats him on the barricade - stomp, stomp, right for Hall, right, right, into the STEEL steps and Hall hits hard. Austin puts Hall back in the ring - KICK WHAM Hall shakes free and backs way off. Austin puts Hall into the turnbuckle - head to the buckle again - Hall's trick knee acts up to FINALLY stem the tide. Hall takes over - stomp, stomp, stomp. Hall nudges Austin out of the ring with his boot - and starts out after him, but Hebner holds him back. Behind his back, 'Pac goes to work - stomp, stomp, stomp, right. Hall goes out as Austin staggers towards 'Pac - Hall and 'Pac EACH land a right hand at the same time, sandwiching Austin. Hall with another big right hand. Austin rolled back in the ring - Hall follows. In the corner, Hall stands him up - open-handed slap sounds like a gunshot. Another slap. Into the ropes - hiptoss fails, Austin's counter hiptoss fails, Hall with a short clothesline into the cover - 1, 2, no! Hall picks up Austin - into the ropes - and into the sleeper. Austin is fading...but the crowd is coming alive - Austin turns into the hold, wants the death suplex but trips up Hall in the process (oops) - helps him back up and DOES hit the death suplex to break the hold. Austin with a choke on the second rope...into the ropes for ANOTHER Boss Man Straddle but this one misses and Austin bounces high. Hall into the cover - 1, 2, NO! Hall with a stomp. Stomp. Stomp. Stomp. Hall brings Austin back up - and puts him down with a right hand. Hall to the second rope - waiting for Austin to get up - leaping off, but Austin stops him with a right hand in the abdomen! Here comes Austin - right, right, right, into the ropes, Hall ducks, DOUBLE clothesline off the ropes and BOTH men are down. Hebner starts the 10 count - up to six and neither man is on his feet - Hall tugs on Hebner, turning his back to X-Pac getting in ANOTHER free shot from the ringside area. Hall back up...but Austin spears him down - mount, eleven (or so) rights - into the ropes, Hall ducks, but Austin hits the Austin press - another six right hands - and drops the hammer off the ropes! X-Pac on the apron - HE gets a right - KICK WHAM NOOOO Hall shoves Austin off and into Hebner! Wotta shock, Hebner goes down like a sack of shit. Austin ducks a clothesline, then catches Hall in a spinebuster. X-Pac in - HE gets a spinebuster. And now here comes AWESOMETAKER - soupbone, soupbone, choke....CHOKESLAM!! He doesn't want none of Austin at Backlash, says Ross...well here comes BRADSHAW - right, right, right, right, right, clotheslines him out of the ring and follows - kick, right, Taker iwth a knee, right, Bradshaw right, Taker tries a steps shot but Bradshaw blocks - TAKER into the steps, clotheslining him over the barricade and brawling to the back - meanwhile, Hall has an arm draped over Austin - 1, 2, NO!! Hall doesn't know what to do with him. Crowd chants "Austin." Hall picks up Austin, swinging his feet into Hebner (putting him down YET AGAIN) - and hits the fallaway slam, leaving his feet on the throw. Hall motions to X-Pac - who comes in to unleash a barrage of forearms and feet. This means that the SEVENTH man involved in this match is RIC FLAIR - pulling off 'Pac (and probably telling him he's had more world championships than he's had pieces of ass!) - a heated discussion ensues but 'Pac won't lay a hand on him. Hall wants the Razor's Edge in the meantime - yeah, right, on Austin - needless to say, Austin reverses to the back body drop. Flair decks 'Pac right into KICK WHAM STUNNER from Austin - Austin ducks a swing from Hall, KICK WHAM STUNNER, leg is hooked, Hebner isn't even LOOKING as he counts 1, 2, 3 - there's your second #1 Contender. (9:36) Flair goes to raise Austin's hand - KICK WHAM STUNNER! Austin instinctively put Flair down there - will there be reprisals? We won't tell ya 'til next week, fans - this show is OVER! I leave you with the words of GOOD OL' JR: "Austin has stepped in it - and he has just tracked it, right into the house!" Beer me, beer me, beer me, beer me, Raw Zone credits, see ya.