Say there, did you happen to catch E.C. Ostermeyer's report of Vincent K.
on ByTe ThiS! last week? Something's up, guys. I can't put my finger on
it, but I always get funny feelings when Vince does "state of the
business" appearances - it's not *desperation* but it's along that same
slippery slope. (Was I vague enough for you?)
QUICK QUOTE: WWF 14 (- .20, last year: 12.26, two years ago: 17 5/8)
TONIGHT: Two King of the Ring Qualifiers - one is Brock Lesnar vs. Bubba
Ray Dudley! Also, Shawn Michaels is in the house - will he speak? Find
out in a few!
T(O)N(I)G(HT): "The Pegasus" Hey, can't go wrong with Romulans! A rare
"not bad" episode stands out from the oft-turgid Season 7. And didn't we
ALL wonder why the Federation hadn't gone ahead and developed a cloak?
(No) Oh. Let's move on, then
You're watching THE NEW TNN!
TV-14-DLV - CC - Attitude - Entertainment - WW!
Opening Credits
HARDCOPYRO! Coming atcher LIVE from the Philips Arena in Atlanta, GA
10.6.2, this is the WWE - where they (verb) 'til it's RAW! Transmitido en
espanol SAP on TNN & TSN, we waste no time...
RIC FLAIR is out to start the show. Strangely, he's NOT dressed like
Hacksaw Jim Duggan. "Last week, I lost a match to Stone Cold Steve Austin
- that's right - Stunner - 1, 2, 3. I don't like it...I'm not proud of
it...but it happened. One of the stipulations in that match was that the
*loser* would become the winner's...assistant. His personal - he would do
anything the winner says. I don't like that, and I'm not happy about it,
but I came to Atlanta, G-A tonight - to take it like a man. The only
problem is, Stone Cold Steve Austin did not show up." Well, hold the
phone, BILLIONAIRE VINCE is on RAW. Did Ross just describe his walk as
"cocksure?" McMahon takes a mic and here we go. "Yeah, yeah, I know.
Yeah, I know this is RAW - this is Ric Flair's show - I'm not, I know I'm
not supposed to be out here. You see, Ric, just for the record - I
created this show almost ten years ago. Now I know you're sorry - I know
you're sorry that Austin no-showed here tonight. I can appreciate that.
You're sorry that Austin walked out on you - these people are sorry Austin
walked out on them - you're sorry, Ric. Oh, you're sorry, you're the
sorriest excuse of an owner I've ever seen in my LIFE. Ric...you see,
quite frankly what you've done is you've taken this show RAW, the show
that I created, and you've driven it right into the toilet. So Ric..."
pause for chant "...see, Ric, you may be a sixteen-time world's champion,
woo, but as an owner, Ric, as an owner, let's face it: you SUCK." Fans
chant "you suck" in the other direction. "I'm sorry that I haven't lived
up to your expectations, but since you're out here on RAW talkin' down to
me, what do you propose we do about it?" "See, uh, unlike Austin, who
didn't have the balls to show up here and look you into the eyes and tell
you what he really thought, I do. So not only do you suck as an owner,
Ric - I've got a proposal. You see, unlike everybody that's here tonight,
I don't have to work for a living. I've got all the money in the world -
you look it up - I'm a certified BILLIONAIRE. I don't do what I do for
the money, Ric - not anymore - unlike all these people, you see, I do what
I do for ego. I admit it - my own ego, Ric. And my own ego cannot stand
one further day with you owning one half of what I created. I can't stand
it! So, I'm a gamblin' man, Ric. Tonight...I'm proposing that I gamble
my LIFE, Ric. 'cause that's what World Wrestling Entertainment means to
me - WWE is my LIFE. So tonight, right here, Ric - In This Very Ring, I
propose a match between Ric Flair...and me (Vince McMahon). And this
match will be 'no holds barred.' And this match will be for ONE HUNDRED
PERCENT OWNERSHIP in World Wrestling Entertainment! I don't have a damn
thing to lose!" Flair smiles...and slowly removes his jacket. "You -
wanta - wrestle - me - for 100% ownership of the entire WWE? Well, let me
tell you, you Nature Boy Ric Flair WANNABE - WOOOOO!" Mic dropped, off
the ropes, strut, off the other ropes. "You got it! Tonight, and we're
gonna bleed, and sweat, and we're gonna pay the price of your - and my -
wrestling - lifetime!" Flair drops the mic and sneaks in one more woooo!
before the music hits. Man, now I REALLY got me an uneasy feeling about
this whole situation...
Let Us Take You Back to 6:03 PM (since the EALIER TODAY graphic is so
helpfully precise), when the unblinking eye of the WWF camera caught Nash
reading "USA Today" outside the EXCITING door with the "NWO" placard on
it! X-Pac arrives. "Hey, Kev!" "It's locked." "Why's it locked?"
"Shawn's in there." "What's he doin'?" "Private time." They share a
chuckle - and the paper! Show arrives - he'd like to talk to Shawn but
again, the door's locked. So he decides to expel some Mexican food in the
nearest bathroom. This leaves Booker's arrival - and there it is.
"BOOM! What's goin' down, man? Yeah, I came here to talk to the
Heartbreak Kid." "It's locked!" "It's locked?" "Yeah, you want some of
the paper? Lakers about to sweep!" Dammit, Nash.. "No man, I don't want
no paper, man, I want to talk to Shawn, man - Mr. Michaels - about his
music. SHAWN, SHAWN, SHAWN, I'm just a sexy boy, I'm just a boy, look
man! I *know* I'm sexy! I ain't gotta put it in my music - look, man, I
need to go in there and collaboratize on these lyrics, you dig?" "It's
'collaborate,' man, and you need to switch to decaf! Wassup witchoo,
man?" "Yeah, yeah, right? You brought him in, right? You brought Mr.
Michaels here? You probably like this act, too, right? BOOK, BOOK, BOOK,
I'm just a Booker T (BOOOOKER TEEEEEEEE), I'm not yo sucka
(SUUUUCKAAAAAAA)...." and he goes off singing "Booker T - sucka" - Nash &
'Pac share another laugh - and the paper!!
SPIKE DUDLEY & TOMMY DREAMER & SHAWN STASIAK (already in the ring) v.
X-PAC & THE BIG SHOW (725 pounds - representing the NWO) and BOOKER T
(Houston, Texas - 256 pounds - NWO member)
referee: NICK PATRICK
Since we get no entrances on the jobber - I mean, first team side, we
might as well split the *second* team's entrances in two, right? We also
take time to notice TOUGH ENOUGH 1'S CHRIS NOWINSKI (aka Chris No, aka
Harvard Chris, aka Chris Harvard) in the front row before the match starts
- hmmm. Dreamer has his bucket, don't worry. 'Pac and Spike start.
Lockup, elbow by Dudley, elbow, elbow, knee, into the ropes is reversed,
shoulderblock by 'Pac - up and over, 'Pac with a powerbomb for 2. In the
corner, 'Pac hits the kick trifecta. Broncobuster coming up - 'Pac adds
some punches instead of bouncing. Flair/McMahon tonight! Guerrero/van
Dam tonight! Bubba Ray/Lesnar tonight! Dudley pops up and turns the
tables - elbow, elbow, into the ropes is reversed, Dudley ducks,
tilt-a-whirl into a flying headscissors by Spike, to his corner to tag
Stasiak - 'Pac ducks the swing and hits the spinning heel kick - then tags
in Show. Well it's the big clothesline. Well it's the big beal. Well
it's the big delayed release suplex. We take a look backstage at the nWo
locker room, where Michaels and Nash are looking on - Michaels motions to
the door and Nash closes it on the camera. Wow, they actually noticed a
cameraman! Back to the ring, where Stasiak has been shoved to his corner,
so Dreamer gets a tag. Meanwhile, T is in on the other side - Dreamer
fakes a barf, causing T to turn his back, then dumps the bucket - but it's
only full of Rip Taylor's confetti. Gutshot by Dreamer - DDT - 1, 2, 'pac
in to make the save. Lawler asks "Who threw up in there, a clown?"
Somehow, all six men end up in the ring - Stasiak tossed - Show presses
Dudley to the floor and onto Stasiak - meanwhile, T delivers the Harlem
sidekick to Dreamer and covers for the pin (2:50), and is ready to cut off
the NWO's music almost immediately. "Cut that music! Wassup Hotlanta
G-A? Oh no, I'm not leavin' here until I give the people what they paid
to see...the spinnaronai, now hit my music!" And so he goes. Show & 'Pac
are dutifully entertained...at least, to his face, they are. Tonight, no
holds are barred as Vince McMahon and Ric Flair face off for total control
of the WWE! Strange...I don't think they mentioned Austin's name ONCE
during this segment.
Catch the WWE live tomorrow in Greenville! Saturday, Honolulu is SOLD
OUT! Sunday, Anaheim! Next Monday, Fresno! And a week from Tuesday at
the world famous Arco Arena in Sac-town!
Take a gander at the Atlanta skyline - tonight, no holds barred between
Vince McMahon and Ric Flair for 100%
Your hosts are a pair of kings, LARRY & JERRY. The King of the Ring is
getting closer - Big Valbowski, Chris Jericho, X-Pac & Booker T have
already qualified for the tourney, and more names will be added...
TONIGHT: Rob van Dam vs. Eddie Guerrero in a KOR Qualifier!
TONIGHT: Brock Lesnar vs. Bubba Ray Dudley in a KOR Qualifier!
Backstage, the cameras catch up with a triumphant T, who's talking
to...nobody. "That's what I'm talkin' about, man! The Big Teezy,
knockin' these suckas straight out the box--" "Psssssst! Booker -
Booker!" "Who is that?" Goldust emerges in wrestling garb, gaudy shirt
above it, and giant afro. "It's me, Booker - (inhales) - The Undercover
Brother." And he clamps on a pipe. "Tell me you didn't just do that,
man." "Yeah, I did." "Look, man, I already told you - I tried to get you
in the NWO - it ain't happenin'! I gotta go!" "Whoa whoa whoa, I don't
wanna join the NWO." "Well whatchoo want?" "Goldust wants Booker T to
QUIT the NWO!" "Look, man - I'm over like rover, man - I'm in - I'm NWO,
dog!" "I know Shawn Michaels very well, though - if he's the same person
that he used to be...well then Book, I'm afraid, my feeling is that your
days are numbered in the NWO." "What are you talkin' about?" "Let's just
say that Mr. Sexy Boy Toy Shawn Michaels isn't exactly a fan...of...(looks
at his hand)...our kind." "Look, man! I AIN'T your kind!" T DOES
consult his hand one more time, though
TERRI stands ready to interview Molly Holly. Does she have a personal
vendetta against the Women's Champion? "Of course I have, Terri - I mean,
she hit me over the head with the title last week! But, I'm over that
now. Now, my problem is with you. I'm supposed to take you seriously as
a credible journlaist when all I can think about is this - I mean, look at
this! You can practically see your nipples! And to think that you have a
monthly column called 'RAW Sex?' Ugh! Disgusting! You and Trish, you're
just alike - you set a horrible example for women today by exploiting
their bodies." In the meantime, Stratus has snuck up behind her. "Wow -
what else you got in there?" "Excuse me?" "Sorry to interrupt, but you
know it's just that I finally figured oat why you dislike Terri and I so
much - I mean, you know, you talk about this and that but really it's,
it's 'cause you - you got a big ass!" "What did you just say to me?"
"Yeah, you know you talk about morals and about us not doing our Diva
thing, and I think the problem is you just, you got a big ass - and...your
ass is like an amphitheatre! I mean...it's so big you can show like a
whole drive-in movie on that thing! What I'm trying to say, Molly, is
that you got a whole lotta junk in your trunk." "So...you're sleazy AND
crass. Trish, you don't deserve to be a champion. In fact, you bring
that title down. A WWE Women's Champion should be pure, wholesome, and
virtuous...like me. So whaddaya say you and I get this over with, and get
in the ring?" "Okay, Molly...I'll give you a match tonight - and if you
beat me, you get your title shot. But if you lose - well - then you're
gonna have to wrestle in one of these" and she pulls her pants down enough
for us to see she's talking about a thong. "Fine. I'll see you in the
ring!" And as she walks off, she covers her butt with the RAW Magazine.
Well, that's just said.
Meanwhile, Ric Flair is paid a visit by Eddie Guerrero and Chris Benoit.
"C'mon in - hey, guys - what's up." "What's up? Orale, man, what's up?
You put half the company on the line, ese? (Espanol) You didn't even
consult us as to what's up? Wassup with YOU, Holmes?" "Hey, my brother,
I'm out there thinkin' on my feet - McMahon walks out on RAW, insults me,
jumps down my throat, I'm'a tell it like it is - besides that, I've been
tryin' to make a deal with McMahon for him for weeks - if I win tonight, I
run it all--" "What the - wait, wait - IF IF? No - WHEN - WHEN you win -
okay, Ric? When." "Yeah, when. But you'd better start worrying about
your match with RVD tonight for King of the Ring. Benoit, trust me - I'll
be all right." "Well, I really hope so, Ric....I really hope so." Nobody
mentions Austin.
GEEEZ how many times does Lita have to drive that car before the pit crew
realises IT AIN'T KENNY IN THERE
And now, the WWE Slam of the Week, presented by Burger King! From last
week, Bradshaw wins the hardcore championship from Steven Richards
WWE EUROPEAN CHAMPIONSHIP: BRADSHAW (challenger & hardcore champion -
Sweetwater, Tejas - 292 pounds) v. WILLIAM REGAL (champion - Blackpool,
England - 240 pounds - with Greenville hype)
referee: JACK DOAN
Bradshaw goes retro, opting for his New Blackjacks getup. Doan gives the
extended patdown to Regal but fails to turn up any foreign objects. Here
we go! Lockup, Bradshaw backs him into the corner - Doan forces the
break. Lockup, side headlock by Bradshaw - Regal powers out, Bradshaw
shoulderblock. Regal with a nice leglace drop toehold, floating over into
a
headlock. Back up, Bradshaw counters with a leg trip that sends Regal
into a full flip! Bradshaw goes to work - knee, elbow, elbow,
headlock...Regal powers out, drops down while Bradshaw goes over -
Bradshaw with a shoulderblock - elbowdrop off the ropes - 1, 2, no. Knee,
elbow, into the ropes, head down and Regal kicks him. Regal off the ropes
with a running knee. Cover - 1, 2, no. Another forearm on the face - 1,
2, no. 1, 2, Bradshaw kicks out a third time. Double jumpin' knee by
Regal puts Bradshaw down. Kneedrop by Regal. Forearm on the chest,
European uppercut, again, elbow, elbow, elbow - Doan asks him to take it
out of the corner - Regal waves to the crowd. Bradshaw right - right,
right, right, right, opposite corner whip, reversal fails and Bradshaw
lands a clumsy clothesline. Back to the first corner - this time Regal
gets a foot up. Regal wraps up Bradshaw with his own arm and takes him
down with a neckbreaker (I need to come up with a name for that someday)
for 2. Regal applies the half nelson choke - Bradshaw punches the gut to
get out - but runs into the elbow. Regal leaps at him - oh no - that's
the COFS for Bradshaw. Regal sent into the ropes - back elbow by Bradshaw
- Regal into the corner, follow clothesline, opposite corner, another
clothesline, into the ropes is reversed, head down by Regal, clubberin'
forearm by Bradshaw, gutshot, DDT, 1, 2, no! Regal put into the ropes -
big boot by Bradshaw puts Regal down. At this point, Chris hops the rail
- security tries to put him down - in the ensuing distraction, Chris
tosses a set of knux to Regal - Power of the Punch connects, and Regal
gets the easy pin to retain. (3:42) Regal and Nowitski back up the ramp
slowly - eww, they've given him a slicked hairdo and a sweater with a big
"H" on it and everything. I *believe* they may be overstating the gimmick
for the benefit of the slower viewers.
Trish Stratus is WALKING!
This week on WWE Confidential: Bobby Heenan! YEAH!
New "get the F out" spot - baa
TRISH
STRATUS (Women's champion - Toronto, Ontario - with Earlier Tonight)
v. MOLLY HOLLY (Mobile, Alabama) in a nontitle match
referee: CHARLES
ROBINSON
It's downright deplorable how the focus on this match is on
Holly's ass, and in just about the most negative light they can muster.
The cameraman helpful provides a "You Are There" shot as Trish tires to
knock her off the apron, but ends up on the wrong end of a hot shot.
Molly in - hairpull takedown. Lawler: "Caboose like a moose!" Head to
the buckle, again, again, stomp. Stomp. "If somebody told Molly to haul
ass, she'd have to take two trips!" Into the ropes, Stratus connects with
a clothesline - dropkick - elbow, elbow, kick is ducked, and Molly goes
back to the hair to turn it back around. Cover - 1, 2, no. "She's
obviously been training at Blimpie's!" Another hairpull and Molly rams
her head into the mat - twice. Stomp. "I'm not gonna say Molly's ass is
big, but she *does* get fanmail from Rikishi!" Ross adds the "golly you
sure are funny, King" chuckle and fuck BOTH OF Y'ALL. Stratus sent into
the corner, Molly with a tumbling run elbow - leg is hooked - 2. "Molly,
I got two words for ya - Thigh Master - lookit her cheeks, JR!" Ross adds
that Holly's well-developed in "her...glutemus area." Kick, kick, kick.
"She's a real nutritional overachiever there!" Into the ropes, but
Stratus counters into a neckbreaker after ducking the clothesline. Both
women down. Maybe we'll hear from Shawn Michaels tonight! Stratus blocks
- elbow, elbow, elbow, elbow. "I do wanna see Molly in a thong next week,
though - YES! I wanna see *anybody* in a thong!" Holly reverses a whip,
Stratus wants the Stratusfaction but Holly pulls her up and suplexes her
instead. "I've had several wives, JR - three of 'em my own! I actually
liked one of 'em!" Holly going up - Molly-go-round, which suddenly nobody
knows the name of - 1, 2, 3! (2:28) "She hit Trish with those thunder
thighs..." Some writer is really, really lonely these days, I have to
guess. For an encore, Molly reveals she still has the pair of panties
Trish left with her last week...and chokes her out with them! "Buffy the
Puffy Slayer! Ample caboose! Watch old blubber butt come down here."
Replay of the finish - and post-match choke. You know, Molly needs to
KICK LAWLER'S ASS STAT.
Vince removes his jacket...and turns back to see Arn Anderson. "Tough Guy
Double A, what brings you here?" "I'd like to tell ya - you're wrestling
toinght? What could you POSSIBLY be thinking? Now, we all know there's
not a better business man in the world than Vince McMahon - Ric Flair is
not the business man you are - I know it, you know it, he even knows it!
But, but lemme get this right - you're gonna roll the dice and risk
everything, risk SmackDown! on the chance, the CHANCE, that you can beat
Ric Flair in a wrestling match? Are you crazy?" "Ya know, Arn, maybe I
am a little bit nuts tonight. I take risk, I'm a gambling man, but I take
calculated risk. And you took a calculated risk walking in here." And he
shoves him one. "Well all right then, I'll tell you what, Vince - let's
just get ready for YER early retirement."
Here's Times Square - and *there's* The World!
KING OF THE RING QUALIFYING MATCH: ROB VAN DAM (intercontinental champion
- Battle Creek, Michigan - 235 pounds - with RAW Credits & transmitido en
espanol SAP & TV-14-DLV & CC AND RAW is brought to you by Snickers, "Eight
Legged Freaks," and Stacker 2! - SHEESH) v. EDDIE GUERRERO (El Paso, Tejas
- 228 pounds - with RAW is Oakland hype - I'm not going, as far as I
know)
referee: CHAD PATTON
"RVD" chant from the start. Feeling
out process. Lockup, to the corner - Patton wants the clean break - but
he doesn't get it as Guerrero tries a swing - van Dam catches it, they
switch positions in the corner and Patton tries a second time to get the
break - Guerrero runs in but ends up on the wrong end of an armdrag.
Second armdrag by van Dam and he holds on. Guerrero back to his feet -
hiplock takeover by Guerrero but van Dam STILL has a hold on the arm -
Guerrero with a headscissors - van Dam back, forth, sits back and gets 1,
2, ALMOST 3! Guerrero, finally having freed his arms, quickly grabs an
anklelock and leg scissors. No submission, so Guerrero lets go and we're
back to square one. Pause for crowd reaction, which isn't too bad.
Another feeling out process - Guerrero finally manages to shoot and grab
the ankle - going for the STF and getting it - too close to the ropes,
though, and van Dam grabs it fast. Everybody back up. We go again -
lockup, armbar by Guerrero, takes him down with a leg trip, van Dam nips
back up, counters into a hold of his own, adds several kicks while
standing on one leg, jumping reverse kick puts him down. Guerrero goes
behind, elbows to the head, head to the buckle, elbow, elbow - "ECW"
chant breaks out for no apparent reason - into the ropes is reversed, van
Dam with the splits to duck Guerrero, then manages a monkey flip, picture
goes out - oops - when it comes back, Guerrero is standing over van Dam
out on the floor. Guerrero in control - elbow, up the ramp...whip into
the apron is reversed and Guerrero hits hard. Scoop slam on the floor -
van Dam onto the apron - points to himself - Fivestar frog splash onto the
floor!! Stomp by van Dam. Snickers Cruncher provides the replay.
Everybody back in - van Dam with a suplex and follows through the motion
with a floatover into the cover for 1, 2, no. Elbow, elbow, kick, kick,
elbow, elbow, elbow, kick, into the opposite corner, elbow up by Guerrero
on the charge - BIG clothesline - stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp.
Right, right, kick, kick, van Dam still on his knees - but back to his
feet as Eddie shuffles. Right. Right, right, right, right, right, "Eddie
sucks" chant starts up. Eddie laying in wait - running boot to the head.
Guerrero picks him up, into the ropes, van Dam ducks the first swing but
not the second - elbow connects. 1, 2, no. Guerrero to the jujigatame
(!) - actually has his shoulders pinned but van Dam bridges up. van Dam
tries to roll up but Guerrero grabs the hair and puts him back on the mat.
Lawler reminds all the kids that "it's only cheatin' if you get caught -
always remember that, kids!" and he and Ross devolve into a very odd
conversation. van Dam finally rolls to the ropes as Guerrero is forced to
let go. Guerrero stays on him - stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp. Kick to the
head. Right, right, right. Death suplex - 1, 2, no. van Dam still can't
make it back to his feet unless Guerrero is pulilng his hair. Elbow to
the back of the head. Into the ropes, reversal, van Dam with a powerslam!
van Dam to the corner - springs up - Guerrero meets him there with a
crotchin'. Guerrero up after him - right, right, right, right, on the top
rope - pulling up van Dam - SUPERPLEX!! That took a lot out of both men,
however - Patton puts on the mandatory ten count. McMahon/Flair later
tonight! Guerrero up at six. Forearm in the back - into the ropes,
Guerrero with a crucifix...but van Dam steadies himself and hits the
forward roll slam, continuing the tumbling run into a springboard
moonsault off the second turnbuckle - 1, 2, Guerrero kicks out! While
Snickers Cruncher lets you see that again, van Dam is getting busy on
Eddie - kick, elbow, elbow, kick, left kick, elbow, into the opposite
corner, tumbling run into the points to self monkey flip out of the
corner! Guerrero ducks the swing, van Dam on the second rope - fakes him
out - to the top for a split-legged moonsault - MISSES! Guerrero adds a
seated dropkick and hooks the leg - 1, 2, NO! Guerrero with a right -
into the ropes, reversed, Guerrero pressed high, tries a Frankensteiner
attempt, but van Dam keeps rolling, 1, 2, van Dam actually completes the
cover, 3, everyone's confused! (9:42) Let's check the replay - well, it's
just a matter of Patton starting his count too early, but that was
probably the way we would have finished... Well, you could *probably*
call that a controversial call, as van Dam was still flipping from one
cover to another without Patton stopping his count, but the bell rang, the
music's playing, the hand is raised and you know, at least it saves you
reading three paragraphs of me saying "time limit draw" because we were
THAT close to *that* scenario whether the bookers were aware of it or
not...which is to say I was kinda hoping a draw would lead to us getting
this matchup AGAIN *next* week - ah well.
Backstage, The Undertaker is ... RIDING!
King of the Ring ad - Undertaker/Triple H is hyped
RAW in Oakland gets a local cable system spot - remember, things have to
start at 5:30 when they're live on *this* coast!
JONATHAN COACHMAN knocks on the NWO door...but the room must be empty,
because Nash & Michaels enter the picture from outside to go in.
Michaels says nothing. Coach says he just wanted to get a few words -
Nash says Michaels HAS some words, "but he's gonna say it to the people,
not you."
THE AWESOME UNDERTAKER rides out, around the ring, parks his Beautiful
Bourget Python Bike and climbs into the ring. Taker undoes the Undisputed
Championship belt from around his waist, then hands it to a tech outside
the ring, demanding he hold it high above his head so everyone can see it.
Too cool. "Some people just don't get it! And quite frankly, I'm gettin'
tired of repeating myself - I am the WWE Undisputed Heavyweight Champion
of the World! And as Undisputed Champion, I deserve to be treated in a
certain manner. Now, I know the people right here in Atlanta, Georgia
("he said Atlanta! YAY!") are not known for bein' very smart ("Hey, wait!
BOO!")...but even you people know that I deserve to be treated with
*respect.* Now speakin' o' smart, that brings me to Triple H. Triple H is
s'posed to be some smart guy - hey, JR - what'd you used to call him?
'The Cerebral Assassin?' Well answer me this - if he's so damn smart, why
didn't he know I was lurkin' back there in the shadows waitin' to jump on
his ass last Thursday night? You see, what Triple H has to realise is
there's blood in the water now, and I am the Great White Shark." HEY!
Taker watched E!'s "Jaws: True Hollywood Story" last night!! Let Us Take
You Back to SmackDown! "Now see, Triple H, by beating Hogan last week on
SmackDown!, he thinks that now that he's the #1 Contender that he has a
shot o' beatin' me at King of the Ring - well, Triple H, let me make this
real clear for ya - the only shot you got at King of the Ring is me
walkin' in that the ring and kickin' your face right off your head! Now
Triple H, he's not the only one that needs to learn about respect. Now
last Monday night, Jeff Hardy...he came in the Yard, he kicked me in my
back, and made me land in a pile of human...vomit." Let Us Take You Back
to Last Monday. "He KICKED me in the back, and I landed in a pile of
human vomit! Now Jeff Hardy, I know you're extreme...and you live for the
moment(tm), but what I'm askin' ya now, son - are you ready to DIE in that
same moment? Jeff, what I'm sayin' is, we can do this the easy way - and
that's you come down to the ring, I slap you around like the little bitch
you are..." AHHAHAHAHA I love it "...you show me the proper respect, and
I'll let you walk away. But if I gotta come back to that dressing room
and hunt you out, I will inflict more pain on you than what you physically
thought was possible - I will make you suffer. Now all I wanna know now,
Jeff - what's it gonna be? Is it gonna be the easy way, or is it gonna be
the hard way?" Long pause. "Well, what's it gonna be?" The music
plays...but that's not Jeff, it's MATT HARDY - and he's got a ladder...and
a mic. "Hey Taker! This isn't about Jeff - last week, you disrespected
Matt Hardy!" "Why don't you come down here and I'll disrespect you
again?" JEFF HARDY isup through the crowd - but Taker catches him as he
leaps off the top turnbuckle - CHOKESLAM! Matt's in the ring - duck,
right, right, right, into the ropes, reversed, Matt ducks, sitout
clothesline! Gutshot, wants the Twist of Fate but Taker barrels him into
the corner. Matt ducks the soupbone - right, right, right, right, right,
into the opposite corner is reversed - scooped up - Snake Eyes by Taker!
Big boot off the ropes and Matt goes down! Last Ride coming up - no, Jeff
with a last-second chop block to take down the big tree! Matt adds
several punches from the mount - elbowdrop, elbowdrop, elbowdrop -
meantime, Jeff's brought in the ladder - ladder clothesline! Ladder
clothesline! Matt mounts - right, right, right, right, right, right,
elbowdrop, elbowdrop - Jeff's got the ladder in plce - Matt right, right,
right, stomp - Jeff on the top turnbuckle, vaults over the ladder and
lands the high, high legdrop on Taker! Play their music! They walk off -
or limp off, anyway. Sorry Robert, no hanky code from Jeff tonight.
Let's take a replay - Taker manages the impressive chokeslam on Jeff, but
eventually the numbers do make their presence known. And here's the
climax - that legdrop. The last shot we get is of Taker reacting to the
replay - he ain't exactly jovial, no sir. Ross: "Somebody's career is
about to be executed!" Hmm, I wonder whose!
WWE Shop Zone Dot Com ad
Terri catches up to William Regal and Chris Harvard as they're leaving the
arena. "Make it quick! From Tough Enough, no dear, this is Chris
Nowitski - he's more than from Tough Enough, he's a Harvard graduate -
he's the first person in World Wrestling Entertainment to have a Harvard
graduate - to be a Harvard graduate - tell them!" "Well, William, I don't
like to brag, but yes - yes, I am. Graduated top 5% of my class, was
captain of the football team, and I even had perfect attendance." "Tell
them your GPA, it's very impressive." Jeff Hardy enters the picture.
"Blank remains unfilled! - Jeff Hardy." then runs into a nearby vehicle
and drives off. Chris reax: "That man's like Harvard in the summertime -
no class."
KING OF THE RING QUALIFYING MATCH: BUBBA RAY DUDLEY (Dudleyville - 325
pounds) v. BROCK LESNAR (Minneapolis, Minnesota - 295 pounds - with Paul
Heyman - and himself on the cover of the new WWE Magazine)
referee: Robinson
Brock strikes first - five shoulders in the corner, blatant choke, into
the opposite corner and Dudley hits hard. Right hand. Knee across the
back of the neck, against the second rope for a choke. Lawler and Ross
both call Chris Webber "the Man" so I take back every bad thing I've said
about them tonight (except that crap about Molly's figure, which is
unforgivable). Dudley reverses a whip into the corner and hits an
avalanche. Gutshot, swinging neckbreaker. "Bubba - get the table!" Umm,
that's illegal in this match, dude. Heyman throws logic out the window
and decides to try to punk out Bubba from behind - Bubba turns back, and
Heyman gets bleeped on "oh, (shit)!" and does a swandive over the
commentary table into Ross' lap, much to his dismay. Lesnar out but
Dudley catches him in time - gutshot - head to the commentary table. Whip
is reversed, and Lesnar pulls him into a BIG belly-to-belly suplex on the
floor! Lesnar takes over - stomp, back into the ring, Snickers Cruncher
replay, stomp, stomp, stomp. Into the opposite corner, and Dudley backs
into a bearhug. The "Cold beer" eventually chant fades out into the
"We want tables" chant. Dudley elbows out of the attempt - off the ropes
- caught again but Dudley unleashes a headbutt to get out. Ducks a swing
- Lesnar BACK to the bearhug - then reaches down and muscles him over with
a gutwrench suplex! Dudley pulls himself up - Lesnar with ANOTHER
belly-to-belly overhead release wow. Cover - 2! 1, 2, NO! Dudley sent
into the corner - nobody home on the shoulder and Lesnar hits the post.
Now it's *Dudley* with a German suplex! Both men are down - Robinson's up
to five before both men are up - Dudley right, left, right, left, whip is
reversed, head down, kick by Dudley, ducks the swing, big pancake as
Lesnar comes off the ropes, left, left, left, flip flop and bionic elbow,
ducks another swing, German suplex takes him down - cover - 1, 2, NO!
Dudley tries another whip - it's reversed - elbow up by Dudley on the
charge. To the second rope - SENTON HITS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 1, 2, Heyman
pokes in and Dudley is fooled into letting off of him! Dudley outside and
the chase is on - back in the ring - Dudley with a spear on Lesnar, then
pulls Heyman around - good thing he's wearing dark pants (OMG Ross says it
as I type it!) Heyman decides he'd better try to defend himself, winds up
- Dudley ducks the swing and shoves him into the corner - full nelson
applied - but Lesnar is up from behind with the forearm in the back -
scoops him up - Move with No Name (I *know* there's a name in the WWE.com
RAW report but it's STUPID so I'll pretend it's just a placeholder)! 1,
2, 3! (4:50)
More live dates are coming up! Friday, Albuquerque! Saturday, San Diego!
Sunday, Bakersfield! And Monday is RAW in Oaktown!
Let Us Take You Back to Earlier Tonight when Vince made a challenge - and
Flair accepted. Have you noticed that nobody's mentioned Stone Cold Steve
Austin since that first segment? This was how they got rid of Ultimate
Warrior the first time, by the way - just never mention him again... I'm
worried!
TONIGHT: Mr. McMahon - Ric Flair - No Holds Barred for Ownership of WWE
Vince is limbering up - and we're watching! There's a knock at the door -
it's Paul Heyman. "Vince - I know we don't always see eye to eye, but
business is business and I know you're gonna win your match with Ric Flair
tonight and get total ownership of the WWE. I also know, quite frankly,
your mind is on Stone Cold Steve Austin. Well I want you to forget about
Stone Cold Steve Austin, 'cause you need to start thinking about the Next
Big Thing, Brock Lesnar. Now Vince, don't have your mind on Lesnar
tonight - have your mind on Flair - be focused on total and complete
ownership of WWE. And once you get total ownership, Vince, you might just
wanna give me a call, because have I got an idea for King of the Ring for
you!" "I just might do that." "Good!" Well, at least he *mentioned*
Stone Cold Steve Austin...
Meanwhile, Nash lets Shawn Michaels out of the NWO dressing room. Shawn
has a sip of coffee.... "Now I'm ready." Eww, they're sharing the same
cup!
Hey, you know I bet we find out that Kenny was in the *men's room* all
along....wow, look at that! And they say I lack hard-hitting analysis!
Neurotica's "Ride of Your Life" is the official theme song of King of the
Ring! Coincidentally, folks, Neurotica is the first band signed to the
SmackDown! Records label - *hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm*
From WWE Confidential, the Rock said "The Rock is comin' back."
*HMMMMMMMMMMMM*
Lawler proudly displays his paperback copy of "Can You Take the Heat?"
complete with "WWF" logo
MR. WHYSPYR is finally here to skip to the ring and spill the beans (we
hope) - yes, they DID find his old pyro, drag it out of mothballs and put
it in the ring for his double bicep! Clad in NWO T, black pants and natty
beret, will Shawn Michaels finally make use of the live mic? Not before
riding out this "HBK" chant! "You know, this is a funny business. Not
funny ha-HA, but a funny business nonetheless. You know, back in my day
here in the WWF - oh, WW*eeeee*, we had it all! We had garbage men, we
had clowns, you name it, we had 'em all runnin' around in this joint!
There was, however, one thing that was real, and it was very, very real.
And that was me...the Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels...the Showstoppah.
Night in and night out, I gave you everything I had. Let's face it - I
literally gave you my BODY. Then came WrestleMania XIV, and Vince and the
boys decided, 'well, Shawn's back is broke, maybe we should go another
direction. Maybe we should go with Attitude!' Man, I was Attitude in this
place before it was a *catchphrase!* Nonetheless, they decided to put this
huge promotional machine behind Stone Cold Steve Austin. And Stone Cold
had no problem stealin' my spotlight - but I'm not here to place blame on
Stone Cold Steve Austin...as Vince McMahon always says, it's you, the fans
of this company that determine where we go as an organisation. So, it was
really you fans that dumped me and ran to Stone Cold Steve Austin...like a
CHEAP NICKEL-AND-DIME PROSTITUTE RUNS TO A MILLIONAIRE! So that begs the
question...why am I here? I can assure you, I'm not here to wrestle! I
did that for ya ONCE; rest assured I will never, EVER make that mistake
again. A couple weeks ago, I said 'HBK is dead.' And he is! Because each
and every one of you KILLED him. There is, however, one man - one man
that stood by me through every bit of it. One man... who, when everyone
else in this company, everyone else in this industry HATED me with a
passion - this man stayed mah friend. When I got kicked to the curb, and
I sat at home, this man picked up the phone and he called me. He was
there for me. It is my pleasure and my honour to introduce to you my best
friend in the entire world and the leader of the NWO, KEVIN NASH!" And
there he is, with the rest of the NWO in tow. Hugs between Nash and
Michaels. "Now, Big Kev, as I stand here and I look at you...it's hard
for me to find the words to describe how proud I am of you. When you came
here, you were my bodyguard Diesel! And look at you now...one of the
biggest names this industry has ever known. Moreover, you're the leader
of the most dominant, the most powerful group the wrestling business has
ever seen! But I have to tell ya, as I've sat at home, and I've watched,
I've seen the NWO and I've thought to myself...somethin's missin'.
Something is making me feel uneasy. And as I stood back and I looked at
this picture, I think to myself, 'what stands out?' Well, one thing that
stands out JUST a little bit is this seven foot, five hundred pound
MONSTER. Easy big man, that's what I love aboutcha! Think about it, who
in the world is gonna mess with this group with this seven foot, five
hundred pound wreckin' machine watchin' our back? So then I thought, well
maybe, maybe it's a lack of focus - and when I think of lack of focus, I
think o' you. To say that your short-term memory leaves a little
something to be desired would be just a SMIIIIDGE of an understatement -
but, you are, without a doubt, the most talented performer in our business
today - and I got news for ya, buddy, (hug) you can play on our team any
day of the week. So I started to think to myself" SUPERKICKS T!!! "I
thought to myself, well YOU'RE the problem! Ya see, you tried to steal
the spotlight from the NWO just like Austin tried to steal it from me,
just like the Rock tries to steal it from Hunter, and I've got news for
ya, from this day forward, absolutely nobody, and I mean NOBODY will EVER
steal the spotlight of the NWO again!" Show picks up T and Nash and 'Pac
relieve him of his shirt. Four Wolfpac signs meet in the centre of the
ring as "Theme from NWO" plays. Give it a replay. Give it several!
Damn those RACIST-- oh, just kidding about the racism thing, guys.
UP NEXT: Ownership of the WWE is on the line! Man, you don't think...I
mean, surely they're not gonna try to bring the Vince/NWO "inject the
poison" thing full circle, are they? I sure hope not! I mean, I'm as big
a fan of closure as anybody, but guys, it has to make SENSE, and this is
just too convoluted to work....well, you know I'm getting ahead of myself.
Let's find out what happens together.
MR. McMAHON (co-owner, SmackDown! - Greenwich, Connecticut - 255 pounds -
with Snickers Cruncher presents King of the Ring!) v. RIC FLAIR (co-owner,
RAW - Charlotte, North Carolina - 234 pounds) in a No Holds Barred match
for 100%, complete ownership of the WWE
referee: EARL HEBNER
Say,
is this our first post-split RAW vs. SmackDown! matchup? And if so, isn't
THAT ironic. Vince wears his usual black tank and jeans; Flair opts for
the red trunks, kneepads and boots. Flair runs to the ring and we're off
on the floor - chop, chop, chop, chop - uppercut, uppercut, head to the
barricade, chop, chop, McMahon to the eyes to turn it around - right,
right, kick, chop by Flair, right by McMahon, running knee, FLair switches
positions, tries to clothesline him over the barricade but he ain't
budging. So - get this - they redo the spot! How INDY! Flair out after
him - chop, now going through the crowd - very brave of McMahon to let
Flair grab him by the hair you know...walk, walk, walk, all the way around
this section - scoop - and a slam on the concrete! Flair lifts him up by
the jowls - chop - and back over the barricade. McMahon put in the ring
and they're all in the ring for the first time this match (almost two
minutes in) - chop, chop, McMahon with a thumb to the eye - HE scoops up
Flair - and a slam! McMahon outside - walks around the commentators,
finds the ring bell and goes back inside. Vince runs at Flair, then
clocks him with the board of the bell! McMahon and Hebner have a few
words - McMahon shoves him away but does let go of the bell. McMahon
outside, where Flair has tapped a vein. Right by McMahon, right, right,
right, right, into the ringpost, and Flair leaps onto the commentary
table. McMahon keys on the cut - right, right, right, Flair's blood all
over the place. Right. Flair fires back - gutshot, chop, goes for the
chair but Vince chokes him with a cable before he can grab it. Again,
McMahon takes Flair to the post - and now to the STEEL steps. McMahon
with a running kick to the face - yikes! McMahon puts Flair back in the
ring, and follows. Snickers Cruncher of the kick which sure looked like
it landed flush. McMahon with a right - Flair with a FLAIR FLOP!!
McMahon keying off - right hand and Flair goes down again. Flair slowly
back to his feet - McMahon is shuffling - another right hand - hooks the
leg - 1, 2, no! Flair manages a kick in the guts - chop, chop, chop,
left, right, left, right, into the opposite corner is reversed - McMahon
with a clothesline. McMahon waits for Flair to get up - and clotheslines
him down again. 1, 2, no. McMahon demands he get up - then kicks him
right in the nuts! Flair doubles over and goes down - McMahon hooks the
leg - 1, 2, NO! McMahon outside again - grabs a chair and comes back in -
runs at Flair but Flair gets two boots up! I think Vince managed to part
Flair's feet with his head but it still looked good - DOWN GOES VINCE!
Flair picks up the chair - WHACK! Flair pulls up McMahon - running kick
to the left knee - another kick on the same knee. In the corner, gunshot
chop - chop - grabs the leg and drapes it across the bottom rope - sits on
the knee - and again. You know, there was ONE other thing I was worried
about, and watching ARN ANDERSON walk down to ringside, I'm starting to
worry again. Flair parts McMahon's legs and gives him an uppernut - make
it double! Flair goes into a .6 Muta strut - grabs the leg and says
"Now." Flair walks to and fro - and locks in the figure four! Anderson
in the ring - oh no - but praise the Lord he does NOT turn on Flair...all
he's doing is laying the verbal smack down on Vince - well now that
they've swerved me out of the swerve, it's time for the real story and
it's BROCK LESNAR. Anderson's eyes turn to saucers and he backs out of
the ring and back up the ramp. Lesnar with an elbowdrop on Flair - picks
him up and gives him The Move with No Name. Lesnar & Heyman go up the
ramp after Anderson while McMahon hooks the leg...1, 2, 3. (9:01) Lawler
breaks into a standing ovation as McMahon leaves the ring and limps up the
ramp. "It's MINE! It's MINE! It's all mine!" Credits are up. Ross:
"Satan...is back...in business!"
I've got a whole different kind of bad feeling about THIS.