BLATANT PLUG: Tomorrow, I hope you'll visit slashwrestling.com for our
Third Annual HYPEBRATION, coincidentally commemorating the third
anniversary of the opening of [slash] wrestling! Heck, why not visit it
TODAY and kick off the party early?
QUICK QUOTE: WWE 13.09 (- .91, last year: 14.65, two years ago: 21) WHAT
positive earnings report?
TONIGHT: No, we *ain't* talking about tonight - we're gonna watch the end
of the Taker/Angle match instead! Mr. McMahon has a MAJOR announcement at
the top of the hour and that's ALL that you get, so that'll have to hold
you for the next fifteen! Baaaaaaaah
TV-14-DLV - CC - Attitude - Entertainment - WW!
Let Us Take You Back to Thursday, 'cause it's a whole other show
From...somewhere, it's BILLIONAIRE VINCE to mug for the camera...and also
wish us a "Good evening. Based upon the fact that last week the
Undertaker defended the Undisputed championship against Jeff Hardy on RAW
and against Kurt Angle on SmackDown!, I have taken the liberty of giving
The Undertaker a well-deserved night off. Furthermore, the Undertaker is
preparing to welcome...The Rock back to SmackDown! this Thursday night.
However, due to the controversy surrounding the Kurt Angle vs. Undertaker
match, the highlights of which you've just witnessed, and in the interest
of fairness, the main event at Vengeance will now be Kurt Angle vs. The
Rock....vs. The Undertaker in a triple threat matchup for the Undisputed
WWE Championship. Thank you." Hmm, Vince *again* failed to tell us how
he's going to make it up to SmackDown! for moving Benoit over to RAW...
Oh, Those Opening Credits - they refuse to see the change in me, WHY WON'T
THEY WAKE UP
GIMPYRO! Coming to you live from the First Union Center in Philadelphia,
PA 8.7.2 and transmitido en espanol SAP on the New TNN and TSN this is WWE
RAW! ECW! ECW! ECW! Wait...we don't do that anymore, do we. Man, you
need to read the "One Year Ago" report!
As BOOKER TIO hits the ring, we learn that tonight Bubba Ray Dudley will
take on Chris Benoit. "Kill my music! Wassup Philly! You know, we gon'
cut to the chase. You know, all week long, only thing I hear is 'Book,
you better watch yo back - Book, the NWO *promised* to take you out for
what you did to X-Pac.' Well I tell you what - NWO can do whatever the
hell they wanna do to me - I ain't worried about that. But I tell you
what - I'm gonna make you a promise tonight. The first promise is I won't
be screamin', moanin' and groanin' like that Chuck E. Cheese, rat-faced
punkass X-Pac. And the second thing is, y'see, I don't want it backstage,
see, I don't want it in the parking lot. I want it right here, right now,
in this ring. Yeah, I might get my ass kicked, but like my daddy said,
you got to bring some to get some. Like my daddy said, get some want
some, you better be big and bad enough to take some! And like my daddy
said, he said just one more thing, he said 'son, now can u dig
that....suckaaaaaa?'" T to the corner. "Get some!" But that's not the
NWO - it's EDDIE GUERRERO. Guerrero asks for the mic - and T lets him
have it. Everywhere I put ellipses is probably Eddie talkin' in a
language I don't speak. "Orale, holmes. Ese - who you calling a sucker,
vato? 'cause you know what, ese, if anybody's a (mamon?), if anybody's a
sucker it's you, holmes. ...ese, you know what, the NWO, they promised to
kick your ass...it's gonna be on their terms. Not on yours, holmes. You
know, man, last week - the Dudleys, they cheated me out of my win, ese,
and I promised Benoit and myself that this week I was gonna do something.
I was gonna take out my frustrations on the first (chapete?) that ran his
mouth. And that...it's obviously you, holmes." T takes a poke at him -
right, right, right, Guerrero goes behind, right, right, right, right,
into the ropes is reversed, big back body drop by Booker - Charles
Robinson hits the ring and a bell rings - hey, I guess this *is* a match!
BOOKER T. v. EDDIE GUERRERO - Right by T, clothesline, T grabs the arm and
strikes with the back kick - right, right, chop, chop, chop, Guerrero
right, T whips, reversed, reversed back and T knees the gut. T wants the
axe kick but Guerrero decides to dropkick him in the knee instead, putting
him on the mat. Guerrero stomps - stomp, stomp, elbow, elbow, kick, kick,
kick, stomp, stomp. Rollup - 1, no. Stomp. Into the ropes, back elbow.
Again stomping the knee. Guerrero with feet on the ropes - 1, 2, no.
Elbow to the head, right, right, right, right, right, right. "Eddie
sucks!" Elbow. Another elbow to the back of the head. Right, right,
right, right, right, T reverses - T right, right, right, Guerrero with a
single leg, elbowdrop on the leg, stomp, somethin' in Spanish. T shot
into the ropes, reversed, Guerrero ducks, but eats a Harlem sidekick on
the rebound. T clutches his leg but get back up - Guerrero with a gutshot
- almost a brainbuster there, 1, 2, nope. Death suplex from Guerrero.
Off the ropes, off the other ropes, Blockbuster-like rolling neck
snap (!) gets Guerrero 2. Guerrero with an elbow, right, into the
opposite corner, T up and over, crisscross rollup - 1, 2, 3! We wait a
few seconds but DO ring the bell - Booker T is your winner. (3:12)
Guerrero tries a swing after the bell but T ducks - and gives Guerrero a
superkick. T says it's time...but before he can start spinning, CHRIS
BENOIT is out to take T down and now the double stompdown is on. Bring on
GOLDUST - he means well, but also ends up on the wrong side of a
doubleteam. But *now* BUBBA RAY & SPIKE DUDLEY hit the ring with chairs
in hand - Guerrero escapes but Benoit takes a WHACK in the back courtesy
Bubba Ray before getting out of the ring. Play...Booker T's music? Okay!
HE'S COMING - a lot closer look at him this time
Backstage, Goldust catches up with T. "Booker - yes! BookDust is once
again victorious! May I have your hand?" Goldust grabs his hand and puts
his other hand on his hip, and they start..a tango. "Booker T and
Gol-DUST! Booker T and Goldust!" "MAN! What the hell is wrong witchoo?"
"Nothin'!" "We ain't outta the woods yet. Only thing this mean is the
NWO is gonna take me or you later." "Not necessarily. I have derived yet
another plan to ensure--" "Look, man. You and your plans. Didn't you
get enough last week? You GON' get yo ass whooped again!" "Peharps.
But like you said...if I'm goin' down...like a rugged young Jon Bon Jovi
in Young Guns 2, well then I'm goin' (inhales) down...in a blaze...of
glory... (bites)" Goldust tangos off. "Man you're losin' your..."
spotting X-Pac, T says "It's on now!" and superkicks him...only to
discover it isn't really X-Pac, but a pretzel vendor looking like X-Pac.
"Get yo ratty ass up - oh...oh, dawg! Oh, dawg!" T puts the pretzels in
his lap. "You all right." Then he comes back, steals a pretzel and walks
off. Once a thief...
Jonathan Coachman can't contain his shit eatin' grin as he is bookended by
Trish Stratus and Jackie Gayda. Let Us Take You Back to Last Week where
Molly and Jackie had a tussle, then Trish pantsed Molly, and....no, that's
it. "I think Molly got what she had coming to her...in the end."
"That's funny! I thought that fight started between me and Molly, though.
Yet, somehow Miss Trish Stratus seemed to get involved. I think it's
because you're jealous of me." "Jealous of what?" "Well, standing head
and shoulders over you...and I am beautiful, and I DO have quite a
body...it's obvious you're jealous. You're jealous of all the attention I
got during Tough Enough. You're jealous of the fact that even before I
ever stepped foot in a WWE ring, I got attention." "Somebody sounds like
they're living in a fantasy world--" Wow, here comes Chris Nowinski to
find a way to add even LESS acting talent to this mix. "As a fellow Tough
Enough and Harvard graduate, I couldn't help but overhear. Now if
anyone's living in a fantasy world, it's you, Trish. I mean, what's the
deal with that cowboy hat, anyway? Is it mandatory for everyone in this
company to have the mental acumen and dress like they're coming from a
seven year old's birthday party?" "You know what - why don't we settle
this little discussion out in the ring in a mixed tag match. It'll be the
kids from Tough Enough - Jackie Gayda and uh...Mr. Havard over there,
versus me and a partner." "Trish, that's fine but...who are you gonna get
as a partner? I mean, Roy Rogers? Wait wait wait - how 'bout the Lone
Ranger? Hi ho silver! Wait, no no - how 'bout Yosemite Sam! That'd be
great!" "Actually, you're gettin' close, Einstein. My partner'll
be...Bradshaw." They leave Chris and Jackie to fail to register any sort
of emotion. Could Tori have been making SO much more money that they felt
they had to replace her with Jackie?
Check out the SmackDown! crew in Atlantic City, Ottawa, St. Johns,
Binghamton and Wilkes-Barre!
THE PEOPLE'S MOMENT - Rock sexually harrasses Lilian Garcia
CHRIS BENOIT (Edmonton, Alberta - 229 pounds - with Eddie Guerrero...and
Let Us Take You Back to Last Week) v. BACKSTAGE...
The Dudleys are taken aback. "What in the frickin' hell are you?" It's
Goldust, dressed as....well. "What do you mean? It is I, Ben Franklin!
Travelling through time to bring you both a very important message! I saw
what you did for Booker T & Goldust - and that got me to thinking! Ha ha
ha ha ha! I think you should join forces with Booker T & Goldust and take
care of the NWO! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!" "First of all, Ben Franklin
does NOT laugh like Santa Claus, and secondly, we went out there earlier
to take care of Benoit & Guerrero. We don't even like, nor give a damn
about Booker T and...Goldust! We don't even like them." "Like? What's
like got to do with anything? You think all of our founding fathers liked
each other? Not all the time, no they didn't! Sometimes I just wanted to
punch Thomas Jefferson right in the gonads but I didn't! No, I didn't.
We're all in this thing together, fighting the British! You're all in
this thing together, fighting the NWO!" "We're not fighting the NWO.
C'mon, Spike, I got a match." "Well....when the NWO's finished with
Booker T & Goldust, ohhhh boy you'll be sorry, by crikey!"
Benoit & Guerrero look *thrilled* to have been able to watch that on the
big screen, by the way.
CHRIS BENOIT (with Eddie Guerrero) v. BUBBA RAY DUDLEY (Dudleyville - 325
pounds - with Spike Dudley)
referee: CHAD PATTON
Dudley lunges for
Guerrero out on the apron, which is a bad idea - Benoit from behind with a
forearm, right, kick, kick, into the corner and he hits hard. Into the
ropes, forearm by Benoit. Snap suplex! Kick to the head. Head rammed to
the turnbuckle. Big chop. Kick, right, kick, kick, kick, stomp, stomp.
Right, reversed by Dudley, right, right, forearm in the chest, axehandle,
open-handed slap, into the opposite corner, high death suplex out. Head
to the buckle by Dudley. Scoop...and a slam. Dudley going up - Guerreo
on the apron again, just enough of a distraction for Benoit to put two
forearms in the chest. Dudley shoves off the superplex attempt, but STILL
tries the senton - of course, it misses. Waistlock by Benoit, standing
switch, reversed back, Benoit with forearms in the back (four), pulls him
up, grabs the waistlock and DOES deliver the German suplex. Crowd is
silent for some reason. Benoit puts Dudley into the ring, another
forearm. 1, no. Kick to the head by Benoit - kick - Dudley chops, Benoit
chops, Dudley, Benoit, kicks traded, head to the corner by Benoit - into
the ropes, head down, Dudley kicks, ducks the swing and Bubba throws a
German suplex of his own! Both men down - Spike leads the clapping as we
enjoy a fresh Subway replay. Both men up - Dudley with
"Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," left, right, chop, right, into the
ropes, biiiig sidewalk slam - 1, 2, no! Meanwhile, Guerrero's collided
with Spike, dropping him out on the floor - Guerrero on the apron again -
Bubba takes a swipe and misses, Benoit from behind with a forearm in the
back - into the ropes is reversed, Bubba with the full nelson - the
Bubbabomb! Leg is hooked - 1, 2, Guerrero tosses Spike into Patton to
break up the count! Amazingly, Patton does NOT call for a crafty DQ here,
but Guerrero again manages to draw over Bubba - this time he DOES land a
right hand, taking Guerrero off the apron and to the floor, but this time
when Bubba turns back, Benoit is ready - Crippler crossface!! Bubba
doesn't last too long before tapping out. (3:58) Guerrero tosses Spike
into the STEEL steps, then hits the ring to stomp on Bubba Ray. Spike
brought in - into the corner, right, right, right, right, right, right,
right, Benoit runs Bubba Ray into Spike - then REapplies the crossface -
Guerrero off the ropes with a dropkick. Guerrero also pulls back on
Bubba's head - now BOOKER T & GOLDUST hit the ring and run off Benoit and
Guerrero. Play...Booker T's music again!
Neurotica ad
"WrestleMania X8" for the Nintendo GameCube ad
Wow, we're like 35 minutes in and except for the backstage stuff, we've
seen the same six people. I don't rightly know what that means, but I
*do* think it's interesting enough to mention here...
Well, I guess we're close enough - Christopher Nowinski takes us on a tour
of Harvard. "I decided on Harvard because...when they said they wanted me
to come here I couldn't turn them down. Ah, this is historic Harvard
Stadium, the oldest football stadium in the country, erected in 1904.
You know, Harvard football has no equals on this campus, there is no
rivalry between... in any other sport (laughs) Harvard/Yale football is
the only game of any significance here. I mean there's more sports at
Harvard then any school in the country, there's 41 sports here. It's
really a jock school! But...fulla nerd jocks. Right here they have the
head of the Charles every year, which is the biggest crew race in the
country, and probably half a million people are lined up on the river
watching it. When there's a football game that same day and usually it
kinda hurts our crowd a bit, and I just can't understand why people would
rather watch people row boats than watch a game. The boathouse has
absolutely no significance whatsoever...it's just where the butch girls
are hangin' out. (laughs)"
The WWE camerman takes us on a tour of the parking lot! It's ALMOST as
exciting!
Your hosts are a pair of kings, LARRY & JERRY.
Let Us Take You Back to Last Week for Highlights of the Ladder Match
Earlier Tonight, Jeff Hardy arrived - and was STILL feeling his side from
the punishment of that match - or else he just forgot to eat (food) again
and his tummy was rumbling. Ric Flair meets him with a handshake.
"Jeff, how are you, man? I wanted to grab you and pull you aside for a
moment, just to tell you that that match that you had last week with The
Undertaker was one of the greatest performances I've ever seen in my day."
"I was THIS close." "You're on your way, man. I'm real proud of you. A
lotta guts, man." "First off all, can I just say WOOOO! coming from you,
man, that means a lot." "Well, I'm honoured, but I see you got a big
European title match tonight with Regal. He's a tough customer, man."
"Right on." "You okay?" "Yeah, I'm cool, man. I live for the moment.
I'll be all right. Thank you." "Knock it down. It's all you, buddy."
Hardy walks off and we pan left to see that Steven Richards put down his
paper and join the House of Sarcastic Clapping People. "Very moving
speech, Mr. Flair. I have one question. When you were talking about
'your day,' did you mean the Roaring Twenties...or the Jurassic Period?"
"You talkin' to me?" "Yeah - yeah, I'm talkin' to you. Because it's guys
like you - like the legend, Ric Flair, who quite frankly if you want my
honest opinion, you haven't looked that legendary as of late, Ric. It's
guys like YOU that have taken the spotlight away from Steven Richards!
Yeah, I have a problem with that - because your time has passed. Your run
- your last big run - is over." "Steven Richards, say no more. I'd like
you tonight, and if my run is to end, let's end it right now - I don't
think you're man enough to end ANYTHING that's got my name on it." "Oh,
really?" "Yeah." "You think so?" "Yeah." "Fine - fine." "I'm sure of
it." Richards throws a right hand and catches Flair off guard, taking him
off his feet. Richards walks off - Flair seems pissed...but before he
gets up and runs after him, we head to the break
"WrestleMania X8" ad #2
The WWE Slam of the Week is presented by the science fiction thriller
"Eight Legged Freaks!" From last week, Nowinski pins Bradshaw in a
nontitle match that actually didn't take much longer than these clips
TRISH
STRATUS (Toronto, Canada) and BRADSHAW (Hardcore champion -
Sweetwater, Tejas - with RAW is brought to you by Stacker 2, JVC's Tower
of Power HX Series, and Honda!) v. CHRISTOPHER NOWINSKI & JACKIE GAYDA in
a mixed tag
referee: JACK DOAN
Lawler proudly demonstrates the
poster included in the latest copy of WWE Magazine (I'm guessing that's
what they call it now?) and Ross calls him "Pootie Tang." I wonder how
long Nowinski is gonna have that shiner, anyway. Looks like the men are
gonna start. Nowinski assumes a three point stance and dares Bradshaw to
do the same - then, when he does, Nowinski hits the Heisman pose - ha!
Bradshaw is not amused and lunches for him, so Nowinski tags out and hits
the floor. Doan demands Bradshaw tag out, so he does. Gayda runs into
the new women's division showcase manoeuvre, the Japanese armdrag.
Stratus with a dropkick, elbow, elbow, elbow, into the ropes is reversed,
clotheslined down by Stratus - 1, 2, Nowinski breaks it up ALMOST too late
but Doan lets it slide. Bradshaw wants in but Doan holds him back -
behind his back, Stratus runs at Gayda and...nothing happens, so she kinda
plays with the top rope. I have NO idea if Gayda was supposed to shove
her over the top or what, and Trish can't come up with a good improv, so
she bounces back to the ring - tries a drop toehold but Gayda utterly
fails to figure it out, ending up falling on top of her - they roll a bit
and the Philly crowd wastes no time turning on them. Boooo! Gayda
settles on a choke and Trish decides she can work with that. Bottom rope
choke. Stomp. Another stomp. And, as you all know, once you have the
advantage in a mixed tag - it's best if you tag out. Nowinski decides to
ignore the rules and attempts an elbowdrop on Stratus - but she rolls out
of the away. Another elbowdrop misses and Bradshaw gets the tag.
Shoudlerblock by Bradshaw. Into the ropes, big boot - into the ropes,
clothesline ducked, Nowinski tries a crossbody - well, shit, you KNOW
Bradshaw's gonna catch you for the COFS but go ahead. Nowinski manages a
tag. Gayda climbs Bradshaw's back but he won't fight her - throwing her
off and tagging Stratus. Stratus attempts to grab and hold a headlock as
Bradshaw goes outside to chase Nowinski around the ring - they eventually
go over the barricade and away through the crowd. Back in the ring,
Stratus snapmares her over - in the corner and you can see her trying to
run down the spots for her - chop - chop - chop - whip is reversed,
clothesline by Gayda - kick, kick, foot on her neck. Gayda sits her on
top - forearm, forearm, climbing to the second rope - Trish is all "the
hell you are, I don't trust you with NOTHIN'" and shoves her off. Gayda
flails around in the centre of the ring, completely cluess, while Stratus
patiently waits - Gayda runs into a boot - Stratus off the top with a -
well, I'm sure it was *supposed* to be a bulldog, but Gayda doesn't figure
out what's happening until she sees Stratus hit the canvas, having
completely passed her by. In what seems like an eternity of moments,
Gayda finally falls to the mat, having seemingly suffered a delayed
reaction on Trish's hand grazing her hair. Crowd boos again. Stratus
covers - 1, 2, looks like Gayda kicked out but Doan hits 3 anyway. Ross:
"Mercifully, it's over." (3:15) Stratus looks incredibly pissed off, ha
ha. GOOD OL' JR quickly makes sure we all know he had *nothing* to do
with that by dropping his infamous "bowling shoe" bomb. Not to suggest
that it wouldn't be a good idea to put Jackie back on the taped show, but
there's *gotta* be better ways that live burial on nationwide
television.....?
Backstage with Benoit and Guerrero. "Those son of a bitches are going to
pay!" "Ese you don't think I'm annoyed too, ese? I mean, come on, man.
first the Dudleys come in on my match, holmes? And then Booker T &
Goldust come in on yours, ese? I mean, what's going on, man? Ese, can
this night possibly get any worse, ese?" Meanwhile, the NWO has been
walking by... "Well what the hell do you want?" X-Pac: "What do you mean,
what do I want, man? Chill out, Benoit. Damn, man!" "What'd you say?"
Show: "Hey, Wolverine. He said take it easy. Okay?" "Hey, you know -
they have been gettin' their asses handed to 'em all night." The NWO yuks
it up. Benoit thinks about going for 'Pac, but Show tells him "easy, bro,
easy." Nash: "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, guys, listen. As good as you
two are, remember - there's strength in numbers." They walk off - but
Michaels backs back into the picture. "And by the way, Big Daddy Kev's
got some important things to say - you two...might wanna listen up."
THE PEOPLE'S MOMENT: Highlights of Rock's high spots - no doubt all
suggested by Vince Russo (heh)
THE NWO hits the ring - too bad *they're* in black and white, and the RAW
Credits and "Transmitido en espanol SAP" box aren't, but who thinks that
far ahead? (They USED to.) Commentators say Triple H hasn't been heard
from since we heard the NWO talking about him last week. The second
TV-14-DLV-CC hour kicks off with Michaels. He's gon' stand in council and
filibuster, eef you weell. "The NWO - you're either with us, or you're
against us. Now, at King of the Ring, all of you saw it - Triple H was
definitely WITH us." Let Us Take You Back to King of the Ring - courtesy
WWE Home Video. "That still brings a tear to my eye! Now, you all know
that as of last week, we have extended the offer to Triple H to come back
home - to come back where he belongs - you see, about five years ago
myself, Kevin Nash, Kid, Scott Hall, Show you weren't here yet, and Triple
H, we were a...pretty powerful group in this line o' work. We traveled up
and down the roads together, we trained together, we got uh...we got
hammered together - we uh, not proud of it, but we carried one another to
our rooms. You name it, and ah...and we did it. But, at twenty plus days
a month on the road with each other, each other was all we had." Audible
voice in crowd: "Get to the point!" "We were family. Now Triple H, we've
extended this offer, and as of right now, we've heard absolutely no reply
from you. So...at this time it's very important for me to inform you that
the NWO, although we are a very forgiving family, we will in no way be
ignored by anyone. You, Triple H, need us a heck of a lot more than we
need you. I mean, look at you - you used to be one of the biggest,
baddest SOBs in this company, and now, you come out here...you extend your
arms, flex your back, and for what? All for the approval of the faaanz.
Triple H...two weeks. Two weeks you've got - you're either standing WITH
us - or you're standing against us. Now Hunter, buddy...long before the
NWO, there was the Clique - but just like the NWO, the Clique is 4 life.
So in two weeks, at Vengeance, you will either make the best decision of
your life, or you will make the LAST decision of your life." Nash: "For
the last three months, I been sittin' around here injured, watchin' my
friends have all the fun, beatin' everybody's ass week in and week out.
As you can clearly see, I'm in my gear tonight. I've been medically
cleared! And you know what, Big Sexy's got a lot of uh - aggression - a
lot of uh - emotion built up inside of him. And what I really want...is a
little physical contact tonight. So let's see...Booker T's been runnin'
his mouth, what should we do here - he's kinda got a couple of friends
with him. I say...why don't we allow Benoit and Guerrero to join us
tonight in a ten man tag...against Booker T., Fairydust, the two
Dudleys...and since we've always been talkin' about strength in numbers,
hey guys, either get a fifth guy or don't, we'll take the advantage. But
tonight, there's a ten man tag - and it's gonna happen in Philly. And
Hunter, I know you're watchin', 'cause it's RAW. And I know you're not
gonna turn your back on family - but if you do...Hunter, what I do to
Booker tonight, I'm gonna do to you."
Ric Flair is WALKING!
"Confidential" ad - Torrie Wilson walks around Idaho! BOY!
The Extreme Blast of the Night is brought to you by the JVC Tower of
Power! From SmackDown!, Edge and Hogan take the tag titles - that Edge
sure is a Real American
RIC FLAIR (Charlotte, North Carolina - 234 pounds - with SmackDown! in
Atlantic City hype) v. STEVEN RICHARDS (Philadelphia, Pennsylvania - 235
pounds)
referee: NICK PATRICK
This is certainly
an.....*interesting* way to make use of Ric Flair, isn't it? I rolled my
eyes there, in case you couldn't tell. Flair's got black trunks tonight,
by the way. Still to come, that huge ten man tag! WHOA! In an
unbelievably shocking display of continuity, Richards uses *Kronik's*
music on his way to the ring! Lockup, side headlock by Richards, Flair
powers out, Richards with the shoulderblock. Lockup, to the corner, Flair
blocks the punch, switches positions and chops. Right, left, right, left,
right, left, right. Chop! Right, left, right, left, right, stomp, stomp,
stomp, stomp. Patrick finally gets Flair out of the corner. There's an
onsale crawl on the bottom of the screen, by the way. Chop! Right hand.
Richards crawls to an adjacent corner. Left, right, left, right, left,
right, right, right, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp. Woooo! Chop!
Left, right, taken through the ropes to the outside. Flair decides he'll
go after him, too. Chop! Left, right, right, right, right, right.
Patrick is out so he doesn't have to count them out. Richards back in,
Flair back in - kick by Flair. Into the opposite corner is reversed, big
back body drop by Richards. Richards chops, chop, into the ropes, Flair
hooks the ropes as Richards misses a dropkick. Flair struts - woooo! -
off the ropes with an elbowdrop. Richards stood in the corner - chop -
right, left, right, woooo!, into the ropes, head down, Richards grabs the
facelock but Flair blocks the suplex attempt, elbows the ribs, chops,
death suplex - now! - figure four. Richards taps. (3:43) Nothing
happening here, folks - let's move on
"Triple H: The Game" DVD ad
"WrestleMania X8" ad #3
THE PEOPLE'S MOMENT - Rock sings...a lot
KING BROCK LESNAR & IT'S ALL ABOUT PAUL hit the ring to stand in council.
Heyman appears to wait for an "ECW" chant that doesn't happen. "Yea, tho'
I walk through the valley of the extreme, I fear not reprisals from my
enemies, for I walk with the Next Big Thing Brock Lesnar. You see, Brock
Lesnar and I have a very keen interest in the main event at Vengeance -
The Undertaker vs. Kurt Angle vs. The Rock for the Undisputed Championship
- because whoever leaves Vengeance with the title will be the sacrifical
lamb at SummerSlam in the champion vs. champion match against Brock
Lesnar...or haven't you heard the news? You see, the match at Vengeance
between the Next Big Thing Brock Lesnar and Rob van Dam is now for the
intercontinental championship. And let me go on record right now by
saying not only will Brock Lesnar decimate Rob van Dam at Vengeance, but
Brock Lesnar will leave Vengeance the intercontinental champion. And you
see, ladies and gentlemen, I...I can make that prediction, I can make that
evaluation because right here in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania - like you had
anything to do with it, I MADE Rob van Dam. I CREATED RVD! Better yet,
to be honest with everybody, Brock, I didn't just create RVD, I exploited
RVD - just like I exploited the Dudleys, just like I exploited Tommy
Dreamer, and Rhyno, and Tajiri, all to satiate the bloodthirsty appetite
of *these* Philadelphia animals. Because, Brock Lesnar, the moral of this
story is, it was these Philadelphia animals that crowned me the Mad
Scientist, they called me, Brock, a genius. And because the animals in
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania called me a genius, I was able - I was able to
sign the man that will dominate this industry for the next ten to twenty
years, I was able to sign Brock Lesnar. All by exploiting the blood--"
"Excuse me, excuse me - I was just listening in the back and I needed to
come out here." Hey it's TOMMY DREAMER! He *does* get a bona-fide ECW
chant, ha. "You didn't make anybody! Every single person that busted
their ass in ECW did it because they loved this business! And they love
performing in front of these fans!" "Are you done? Excuse me, Tommy
Dreamer, I mean are you done? Because if you are done, maybe you can take
your extreme reputation and go in the back eat some wacky things, or stick
your head in the toilet and drink the water, or do something that you're
*good* at now." "Before, I was the so-called crazy guy that ate strange
things, I WAS the Innovator of Violence! And there is no beating that
Brock Lesnar can give me that I can't take. So Brock, right now, if you
want, let's take it - to the - EXTREME!" Dreamer swings his Singapore
cane to Lesnar's shins, again, in the ring, stick, stick, stick is caught,
but Dreamer kicks him low, Lesnar lets go, and Dreamer gets him in the
head. Lesnar outside, Dreamer after - chair in the ring, chair in the
ring, got the cane - whack! Dreamer inside and positioning the chairs for
a powerbomb 'twixt them - Heymen hits the ring and forearms Dreamer in the
back - NO SALE! Dreamer wants to powerbomb *Heyman* but Lesnar is in to
make the save. Stomp. Dreamer falls outside - Lesnar follows - there's a
Move With a Crappy Name out on the floor! Dreamer twitches OLD SCHOOL
STYLE. Meanwhile, POINTS TO SELF is in the ring to give Heyman a spinning
heel kick. van Dam with a dropkick through the ropes as Lesnar climbs to
the apron - van Dam with a pescado! Jumping kick! van Dam finds
*another* chair and hits the ring - van Dam climbing up top - Heymen is in
an adjacent corner - looks like it's time for a Van Terminator! Our
friendly director manages to use a mid-move camera cut to make it look
like van Dam actually connects, too! (Does that make it a Van
Silfesenator?) Lesnar grabs Heyman and drapes him over his shoulder as we
take a replay without the cut. van Dam really should go after Lesnar
here, right? Or check on Dreamer on the oustide? No, no, no, dummy! He
has to *pose in the ring some more!*
Well, at least Dreamer has *finally* managed to appear on RAW more times
than Raven has since they had that "loser never appears again on RAW"
match, making that gimmick actually feel like it has some meaning...
Hey, you know something, that gimmick worked SO WELL...that they haven't
bothered to repeat it ONCE with any other wrestlers? No, they opted
instead to simply brand some wrestlers as "Heat-exclusive" without the
formality of a RAW match, yuk yuk.
Catch this crew soon in Lakeland, Daytona Beach, Bethlehem, and East
Rutherford for RAW!
MOMENTS AGO, Rob van Dam did this, and this - and that
JONATHAN COACHMAN is in the front row to interview PAT CROCE - who may
wish to consider switching to decaf. They shill the New TNN's upcoming
series, "Slam Ball," premiering 3 August.
WWE EUROPEAN CHAMPIONSHIP: JEFF HARDY (challenger - Cameron, North
Carolina - 219 pounds - with Let Us Take You Back to Last Week - and "Meet
Jeff Hardy in Seattle" hype) v. WILLIAM REGAL (champion - Blackpool,
England - 240 pounds)
referee: CHARLES ROBINSON
Hardy ducks,
right, right, right, into the corner is reversed but Hardy springs off
with a crossbody for 2. Right, kick, into the corner is reversed, Hardy
up top, twisting somersault kick gets 2. Cover, 1. Cover, 1. Hardy with
a double leg, and speaking in tongues legdrop. Regal finally pulls him
through the ropes to the outside - then follows and rams him into the
STEEL steps. Shoved into the ropes for the bounces back to the floor.
Regal kicks. Hardy put back on the apron - and Regal bashes his head
against the mat. "Regal sux!" chant. Regal makes a face as he comes back
in. Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp. Double underhook - butterfly powerbomb -
1, 2, no! Wasn't that one of his finishers? Regal stomps again. Stomp.
European uppercut and Hardy hits the apron. Hardy manages a headbutt
through the ropes - sunset flip back in - completes it - 1, 2, no! Right
by Hardy, whip is reversed into the Union Jack - 1, 2, NO! Well, so much
for Regal's finishers tonight. Uppercut knee by Regal, running knee off
the ropes (oh, Shining Wizard? Feh) - 1, 2, no. Choke on the bottom rope
by Regal. Like Charlotte Church, Regal just waves hello! Regal
grapevines the leg and applies a chinlock and neck vice. No submission
here - Hardy with a right, right, breaks the hold, off the ropes but runs
into a back elbow. Regal with an elbowdrop - 1, 2, Hardy kicks out.
Double underhook - going for another powerbomb but Hardy counters with an
armdrag! Into the ropes, ducks, crossbody by Hardy gets 2. Regal with a
kick, throws Hardy out to the floor, then starts to undo a turnbuckle
cover. Took too long - Hardy with a dropkick in the back. Clothesline
takes Regal down - Hardy climbing up - swantonbomb! 1, 2, 3! Ladies and
gentlemen, we have a new European champion. (4:24) Replay shows that
Hardy actually connected with a hell of a lot more of his back than he has
in a long long while. Hardy does a lot of looking at the belt, then not
looking at the belt - in time with the music. It's hypnotic!
Belt...shiny!
"WrestleMania X8" ad #4
THE PEOPLE'S MOMENT - "This Is Your Life's" "Poontang Pie" bit
THIS THURSDAY: The Rock Returns! Boy they're sure putting all their eggs
in that one basket, aren't they? What do they do if even THIS isn't
enough?
The graphic don't lie - at Vengeance, it's a Triple Threat Match - The
Rock vs. Undertaker vs. Kurt Angle!
Backstage, Coach catches up with William Regal, who...breaks down and
cries. Nowinski shows up to collect him...wow, male bonding
Meanwhile, Bubba Ray Dudley talks to...? "Hey - you know what I'm talkin'
about - we been through a lot together, especially in this town - five
minutes up the road in that bingo hall that everybody used to make fun of
- the place where we made our reputations - where I kicked your ass and
yeah, even some times you kicked mine, but we did it for one reason - just
to get here - just to get to WWE. So when they came to us and they said
that we had to find a partner for the ten man tag tonight, I looked at
Spike and I said, who's the most extreme? Who's the most hardcore guy
that we know that'll step in there with us and go toe to toe with the NWO,
Benoit and Guerrero? We think that man is you. And if we don't draw the
line right now, the NWO is gonna walk over everybody. So what's it gonna
be? I say do it for yourself, do it for your roots, do it for this
town...but most of all, do it...because you're Rob van Dam." van Dam nods
- and they all do the Wonder Twins hand touch. Wow, and I was *convinced*
it would be Kane.
EDDIE GUERRERO & CHRIS BENOIT (457 pounds - with Subway presents
Vengeance! - and Smokin' Joe Frazier is in the front row tonight!) and THE
NWO (1050 pounds - with Shawn Michaels) v. AD BREAK
EDDIE GUERRERO & CHRIS BENOIT & NWO (with Shawn Michaels) v. ROB VAN DAM
(intercontinental champion) & BUBBA RAY DUDLEY & SPIKE DUDLEY & GOLDUST &
BOOKER T. (1216 pounds)
referee: EARL HEBNER
When van Dam's music
hits, they don't even bother to take a reaction shot from any of the men
in the ring - so much for the dramatic element of the *surprise* pick for
the fifth man, huh? van Dam is happy to start - he faces X-Pac. Dueling
missing roundhouses. Lockup, side headlock by X-Pac, grinding it in -
powered out by van Dam, splits under X-Pac, monkey flip. Arm wringer,
X-Pac with an elbow, elbow, whip into the ropes, reversed, leapfrog as
X-Pac rolls under, kick caught, stepover heel kick by van Dam, backflip
press, 1, 2, no. Tag to Goldust. Kick by Goldust, into the ropes, atomic
drop, clothesline. Right hand in the corner, right, X-Pac reverses -
right, right, into the opposite corner, but X-Pac runs into a 100MPH
powerslam. Tag to Bubba Ray. Right. Scoop...and a slam - off the ropes
with an elbowdrop, elbowdrop, bust a move axehandle gets 2. Tag to Spike.
Man, it's beat up on 'Pac night. Top rope axehandle. Into the ropes is
reversed, but Spike hits a head scissors. X-Pac FINALLY hits a death
suplex to tag out. Benoit. Kick, into the ropes, knee in the gut.
Gourdbuster. Head to the buckle, kick, kick, kick, tag to Guerrero.
Bodyslam by Benoit, slingshot senton in by Guerrero. Man, Spike is the
X-Pac for the other team, wot? Into the ropes, Spike ducks, Spike takes
the back elbow. Elbow by Guerrero, elbow, elbow, into the ropes,
reversed, Spike with a dropkick. Tag to van Dam but Guerrero gets the
jump - kick, elbow, elbow, elbow, into the corner, out of the corner is
reversed, monkey flip out by van Dam. Guerrero ducks, blind tag by Benoit
- kick, kick, kick on van Dam. Death suplex. Scoop...and a slam. Tag to
Show. Well it's the big headbutt. Shoved into the corner. Well it's the
big open-handed slap. Well it's the big hiptoss. The pace has...what's
the opposite of "quickened?" Well it's the big half hour suplex. "Who
wants some?" X-Pac gets the tag - drops the knee - three times. 'Pac
with a pose while choke van Dam with his shin. Chop! In the corner so
let's get that kick trifecta ticked off the checklist. Into the ropes,
van Dam rolls under the clothesline and lands a kick. Scoop by van
Dam...and a slam. Springs up - but Michaels crotches him before he can go
airborne. 'Pac with a forearm. Drops the knee, knee, knee to a choke.
Into the ropes, head down, van Dam goes back to back over him, then lands
the jumping spin kick. Tag to Bubba Ray Dudley - Dudley with a right,
free shots for Guerrero, Benoit and Show (only Guerrero sells it)
clothesline for 'Pac - Show is in - clothesline by Dudley, nope - another
clothesline and Show doesn't leave his feet. Did he tag in or something?
Dudley tries again but Michales ankles him before he can come off the
ropes - Dudley grabs Michaels (!) but Show gets him in the back. Show
with a big death suplex. Meanwhile, van Dam has run around the ring to
pull Michaels off the apron (hey, that's almost a bump!) and the chase is
on - up the ramp and to the back - but KING BROCK LESNAR is waiting at the
top with a clothesline for van Dam! Michaels goes into a pony dance.
Lesnar with an F-5 on the STEEL (Ross: "CONCRETE!") stage! Meanwhile,
back in the ring - scoop...and well it's the big slam. Tag to Benoit.
Stomp. Into the corner. Kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick.
Dudley gets a hard whip into the opposite corner. As we see van Dam
getting help backstage, only one man can help them now - one man...named
*Justin Credible.* Maybe not. Tag to Guerrero - right, right, right, into
the ropes, reversed, big back body drop by Dudley - there's the tag and
for the first time in this match, Booker T is in! Forearm for Guerrero!
X-Pac comes in and HE gets a clothesline! Forearm for Benoit! Another
for X-Pac! Harlem sidekick for X-Pac! Free shot for Nash on the apron!
Back to X-Pac - kick - off the ropes but Nash forearms him in the back.
Nash gets the tag - Diesels over the top rope - crowd comes alive - T into
the ropes, ducks the swing - but eats a big big boot. Nash to the corner
to give Bubba Ray a free shot...but suddenly clutches his left knee and
collapses. Hebner immediately rushes to check on him as it all breaks
down (in more ways than one) - we got us a Pier Nine Brawl here - I think
Hebner just made the super secret "he's really hurt" sign (crossing his
arms above his head) and now they're screwed. With Nash and T most likely
involved in the finish, half of the participants are most likely unable to
continue. Michaels rams Goldust into the ringpost, whispers to Show (who
goes to whisper to Hebner), then picks up T so he can give him Sweet Chin
Music - then pulls over Show, who covers - then decides he'd better also
give him ahhhhhhTHECHOKESLAAAAAM - Show says "let's go" and covers - 1, 2,
3. Wow, that sure was bizarre. (9:28) Michaels has THE STICK but the
attention turns to Nash. Getting the word from Hebner, Michaels motions
for the music to be cut. "Triple H - what you see here is your future -
at Vengeance you will either stand tall with the NWO [LIKE NASH!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA ohhh no], or you will end up face down like all the rest."
Play their music again! We take a replay of the superkick...and the
chokeslam...and the "let's go" pin. When we come back, trainer CHRIS I
FORGOT HIS LAST NAME is out - he and Show help Nash walk up the ramp, and
that sound you hear is the raising of eyebrows all across the nation at
the timing of another Nash injury. Credits are up and we out.