One world leader attitude - WWF!
It's WWF RAW, coming to you on 23.5.98, Memorial Day (observed) (in the
US) but taped 17.5, from Chattanooga, Tennessee and rated TV-PG-V.
Your hosts are Jim Ross and Michael Cole.
MR. McMAHON, flanked by the Yes Men and three cops, starts us off with a
bang - I mean, with TALKING. "What a glorious night last Monday night
was! Last Monday night on RAW not only did Gerald Brisco and Pat
Patterson come out of retirement for one more action-packed match, but
indeed (as we see clips of last week) they gave Stone Cold Steve Austin
all he could handle. Congratulations. (handshakes all around) It's fair
to say, that Patterson and Brisco, with an honorable mention to
Commissioner Slaughter (clip of Slaughter "helping" as special guest
referee), tamed the rattlesnake last week, however it was one individual
and only one individual - me - that person who drained the venom from the
rattlesnake's posionous head. What'd you think, Austin when the fan
jumped the rail with the Austin T-shirt, the Austin mask, did you think he
was going to help you? I helped you all right...it felt so good when I
took that chair and hit Austin squarely in the back. I *assaulted* Stone
Cold Steve Austin and got away with it. It was indeed a very special
night for me and my associates, however it will pale in comparsion to the
glory and the honor that we'll get this Sunday when the WWF goes *Over the
Edge.* You, Mr. Brisco, will have to honor of rinigng the bell signifying
the end of the match - you, Mr. Patterson will have the honor to announce
the new World Wrestling Federation champion, and by my hand, as the guest
referee, I will have the privilege of counting 1, 2, 3. It will be the
dawning of a new era in the World Wrestling Federation, but more
importantly, the demise of Stone Cold Steve Austin - I thank you very
much!"
I hear glass, must be time for a counterpoint. STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN
walks to the ring and climbs the ropes to the undying adulation of the
fans. "I hope you're proud of yourself because what you've done is proved
without a shadow of a doubt, you are the world's dumbest sonuvabitch!" -
McMahon glowers - "Officers, he just told the world, step back jackass (to
Patterson), he just told the world that he assaulted Stone Cold Steve
Austin - that's exactly what you said, so since I was assaulted, I want
you to do your job and arrest that piece of trash right now." "Figure of
speech - I'm Vince McMahon!" And sure enough the cops arrest him. Austin
encourages the officers to frisk him, too. "Knock him out if you have to
- How you like that hotshot? You think you're so damn special, don'cha.
I'm not a lawyer but if you ask me, wouoldn't that be obstruction of
justice?" And sure enough, Brisco and Patterson ALSO get arrested for
trying to interfere with McMahon's arrest. And then to add insult to
injury, he gives McMahon a gut shot, and when Vince doubles over, Austin
pours a beer on him. Lite beer? I run the wrestling world and you dunk
me in Lite beer? Needless to say, McMahon is livid.
WWF Over the Edge is THIS SUNDAY! and rated TV-14 because I know you're
dying to know.
Let us take you back to "Moments Ago" where McMahon is arrested and beer
poured on him. I guess pouring beer on a guy is ... ok?
THE DISCIPLES OF APOCALYPSE (with Those Beautiful Titan Bikes) v. LOD TWO
THOUSAND (without Sunny) - since this match is happening Sunday at the
PPV, why bother? Anyway, we learn that the third man in this tag match is
Darren Drozdov, aka PUKE. Before he can - er - hurl - on one of those
beautiful Titan bikes, Chainz takes him out with a double sledge and the
6-man tag begins. Puke actually looks ok in this outing, but what this
really comes down to is that this is another DOA/LOD match and I won't
provide details, nope, I won't, I won't. Suffice to say all hell breaks
loose, all six men go at it, but with Puke and Chainz left in the ring,
Puke hits what looks like an old Pearl River Plunge but I'm sure it will
have a different name. 1, 2, 3 (4:05) - they're still fighting, yippee!
This feud will NEVER end. Well, maybe Sunday. But I doubt it.
Backstage, Austin directs the cops to put the three Musketeers in a squad
car, and it looks like they're going to comply. Vince is still giving the
"Don't you know who I am? I'm Vince McMahon!" line.
Wanna Raise SOME HELL? Buy the shirt!
They're being put in the cop car when we come back - Austin still
directing.
OWEN HART v. THE BEAST DAN SEVERN - clips from a RAW from last month show
Owen snapping Shamrock's ankle with the Pillmanizer "ankle in the chair"
manoeuvre - another clip from two weeks ago at a signature appearance
shows Ken Shamrock with a huge cast on his ankle. Severn comes to the
ring wearing the NWA belt (which no one mentions) and with a special
little case for his mouthpiece. Severn with the fireman's carry takedown,
another, and an armbar attempt. Hart with kicks but Severn with a
takedown and choke. Severn with a cradle for 2 but Owen punches out. To
the outside and Hart stays on him. Kick to the gut by Hart. Hart throws
him back in and delivers the European forearm. Hart with gutwrench
suplex. To the corner, Hart with the head to the gut. Open faced slaps
by Hart, Severn's had enough, he reverses and works over Hart. While
referee "Blind" Jim Kordera (I think I've FINALLY got that spelling right
- thanks to Herb posting a newspaper article which quotes him in his
TidBits report) is distracted, Hart hits a Golotta kick. Severn absorbs
this punishment and takes over. Big slam and armbar attempt - just when
Owen should tap out, the Nation makes their appearance for the DQ (3:15)
Eventually the five of them manage to get control. (Ha!) A bevy of WWF
officials prevent Owen from repeating his Pillmanizing of Severn's ankle
as he did to Shamrock. Well, at least Owen didn't bite any ears this
week. I should probably also mention that Cole finally got around to
giving us the backstory on Hart joining the Nation - and yes, it does
pretty much revolve around his post-match interview at the last PPV.
Stone Cold will again appear on MTV's Celebrity Deathmatch this Thursday.
Yeah, but isn't it on during THUNDER! ?
We see the cop car full of Musketeers again. Mr. McMahon is practically
frothing at the mouth like a rabid dog.
EDGE promo. He looks like he needs a hug.
JACKYL leads Hank, the Angry, Drunken Dwarf and Crackhead Bob to the ring
- this can only end in tears. The Howard Stern connection is emphasized,
when what they SHOULD play up is that their guy (Hank) beat the other guy
(Flair) in the People's Poll. Anyway, Jackyl introduces his friends to
the audience - and DOES play up the People poll win for Hank. Hank says a
lot of bleepable stuff so I have no idea what he said, but I think the
gist is he doesn't like that Internet thing. Turning to Bob, Jackyl asks
him to quote "Network" and he complies. The Jackyl's "parade of human
oddities" continues with Princess Luna (yeah!), Golga (John Tenta in a
mask), and a great big guy whose name gets edited out of the broadcast.
THRASHER (with Mosh) v. GOLGA - Mosh tries to take a swing at Hank -
funny. Oops, sorry, I'm taking delight in other's misfortune, aren't I.
Bad Christopher. Jackyl delivers Crackhead Bob to the commentary table.
What follows is a totally uneventful match which sees Thrasher dominate
until Golga hits a power move - repeat until consciousness is lost. Jackyl
does a stellar job at weaving storytelling into his commentary, as always,
but nothing worth quoting here - just lots of, for lack of a better word,
"Koreshisms." I'll come up with a better word later, I promise, Jackyl.
Golga's finisher is a powerslam (2:55) - I guess that big guy's name is
"The Largest Man in the World." He demolishes Mosh with a headbutt
post-match. Hank takes a headset just after the match and says - nothing.
Well, this whole thing just kind of...well. Just for grins, we cut to a
shot of Al Snow and the Head, who are wearing JR style hats and sneaking
around the crowd.
We see another shot of Austin, the cops, the cop car, McMahon, and they're
coasting, baby.
The Super Soaker Rewind is last week's War Zone clip of the announcement
that Paul Bearer IS Kane's father.
WWF RAW is brought to you by Twix, Castrol GTX, WWF The Music Volume 2
(get it at Blockbuster Music) and the Super Soaker Constrant Pressure
System.
JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET (with Tedoublenedoublesdoublee Ldoublee but
without blinking outfit) v. (the man they call) VADER - Jarrett takes on
the Lethal Weapon Steve Blackman Sunday, while Vader draws Kane in a
"loser unmasks" match. As we take an ad break following the
introductions, JR screams about something going on in the locker room.
When we come back we learn that Mr. McMahon and company might be released
if they follow certain conditions. The match, joined in progress, shows
Vader firmly in control; however, the pinfall count never happens as
Tennessee Lee is successful in distracting referee "Blind" Jack Doane
every time Vader atempts a pin. Finally, Vader's had enough, and at least
gets to spit on Lee before Jarrett chop blocks Vader to take control.
Going outside, Jarrett drives Vader's leg/knee into the mat. "Vader"
chant fires up. Jarrett continues on the knee. Jarrett with the Boss Man
leap-and-butt-drop while your opponent is on the ropes. Jarrett misses
another butt drop and Vader's back up. Knocks him down. Big short
clothesline. Vader to the second rope - BIG SPLASH! Out come Kane (DQ
3:48+) who attacks Vader from behind. Paul Bearer directing, Kane pounds
Vader, then SLAMS him (very impressive!) and clotheslines him to the
outside. Both men on the outside. Vader absorbs some more punishment,
then is whipped into the steel steps. Bearer tells his son that that's
enough, and they make their way back, with Vader never coming back and
causing any damage to Kane. Dammit.
Glowering, Mr. McMahon is let out of the car to apologise to Steve Austin.
In his most humble voice, McMahon apologises - but as the cuffs come off,
his expression turns very dark.
Jim Ross is joined by Jerry Lawler, and they both talk over the opening
credits for the War Zone. It's rated TV-PG-V, by the way.
The three Musketeers walk out, looking haggard. "I hope you've had some
fun here tonight, Austin. I hope you're real proud of yourself, for what
you've accomplished. How dare you have me arrested in public like a
common criminal! And pour beer down the back of my neck! And then place
conditions upon my release - a condition of apology - which I did not
mean! And yet another condition, that for Sunday's match, someone should
volunteer to stand guard" to make sure that Vince's officiating is on the
up and up. Vince swears that "not one WWF superstar" intimidates him so
he accepts the condition. "[But] your fun ends right here
tonight...because Stone Cold Steve Austin, I am ordering you to compete
one-on-one here tonight with the Undertaker!"
"Earlier today at a clandestine airport somewhere in North America" clip
of DX and their latest plan. It involves Triple H in a plane, apparently.
Of course, by a staggering coincidence, Triple H will take on the Rock
tonight in the main event. No wait, those two events are completely
unrelated. Never mind.
AL SNOW & THE HEAD make their appearance. Snow asks Lawler why he hasn't
gotten his meeting with McMahon yet. Lawler tells Snow he sat next to him
last week, and it's not Lawler's fault that he didn't know about it.
Security escorts Snow away before he can smack Lawler around.
TAKA MICHINOKU v. DICK TOGO (with Yamaguchi San) [for the Light
Heavyweight title?] - Taka with spinning heel kick and that cool
springboard splash which gets Double Feature treatment. Taka with the
missile dropkick. Going up top again, Taka runs into a dropkick on his
way down. Togo knocks Taka off the apron, then hits a senton off the
apron to the floor (also a Double Feature). Back in the ring, Whip into
the corner, German suplex but Taka lands on his feet. Togo with a Golotta
and a somersault kick. Vulcan nerve pinch by Togo, whip, powerslam for 2.
Bodyslam by Togo, who goes up and comes down for 2. Whip into the corner,
Togo misses the follow splash. Taka tries a tornado DDT but doesn't hold
on. Whip, duck, Frankensteiner, pin. (3:50) Hmm, I wish that were a lot
longer. Taka gets his hands on Yamaguchi - but before he can take a
swing, Mens Teoh and Sho Funaki are in, and they apply the beatdown. Taka
eats a fishermanbuster from Funaki, and a senton bomb from Togo.
Kaientai's music plays as they exit through the crowd. We are told that
Bradshaw isn't around this week, so it looks like Taka won the battle but
lost the war.
Backstage we see the Undertaker gettting ready for his match.
Castrol GTX presents the Slam of the week - Val Venis' Money Shot splash
from the top rope.
Let us take you back to that same airport - where the remaining members of
DX are wondering where Triple H has gone. Jesse James calls Gunn
"Rocka-billy" to break us up. Har har.
MARVELOUS MARC MERO (with Sable and Contract) v. FAAROOQ - Clip from last
week's RAW shows Funk defeating Mero while Sable looks on in contentment.
Mero asks Sable to remove his jacket, and she RIPS it off in a violent
fashion. Ross hypes "Backstage at Over the Edge," available at
www.wwf.com Sunday. Mero tries to use Sable as a shield, until Faarooq
turns his back and then he gets taken down. It's all Mero until he puts
his head down. Faarooq with a big powerslam and Mero rolls outside.
Faarooq follows and drives Mero into the steel steps. Mero again uses
Sable as a shield. Of course, that means he takes control after pushing
Sable into Faarooq. I liked this routine better when it was Randy Savage
and Miss Elizabeth doing it. Mero's delivering the bad mouth to Sable and
a running kneelift to Faarooq. More talk for Sable. DDT on Faarooq and
Sable is up on the apron. Can you see what's coming? Faarooq with a big
clothesline and a pin. (2:30) And Sable's pretty smug about it. We
learn that Faarooq has an IC title shot Sunday. Mero grabs a mic and asks
the fans to shut up while he displays the contract. "This Sunday at Over
the Edge, you go out and find any WWF Superstar that can beat me without
your help, and I'll tear up this contract and you're free to do whatever
you please, however, and this is a big however, when I win, you have to
leave the World Wrestling Federation forever! We got a deal this Sunday?"
"I will see you this Sunday, Marc." Well, that's not an answer, is it,
Sable?
Vince McMahon narrates a Pat Patterson puff piece - he's the first
Intercontinental Champion, you know. What a swell guy he is, too!
DX's secret mission, it turns out, was skywriting over WCW's Nitro site.
Whoopee!
THE ROCK (with Mark Henry) v. TRIPLE H (with Chyna) in a nontitle Champ
vs. Champ match - The Rock gives us his thoughts on Viagra - he doesn't
need it so he can't comment. He goes on to promise that Faarooq has no
chance at his belt Sunday. And he goes on to badmouth Triple H. And then
we take an ad break.
Castrol GTX brings you WWF Over the Edge SUNDAY!
Are you ready? Finally, we start this match. Lockup, wristlock, reverse,
headlock, out, shoulderblock by the Rock. Lockup, headlock by the Rock,
gobehind into a keylock, HHH elbows Rock in the mush and chops his [own]
crotch. And now they're taking turns giving rights to each other. Rock
takes charge, and knocks down HHH, then chops HIS crotch. The Rock runs
at Helmsley, who steps aside and brings the Rock to the outside over the
top rope. Chyna delivers a punch, which brings over Mark Henry. While
referee "Blind" Mike Ciota is distracted by these two staring down,
Helmsley is basically running Maivia into anything nailed down at
ringside. Back in, and the Rock hits Helmsley on his way in. To the
corner, the Rock kicks and punches away and Hunter is sitting on the mat.
Ciota and Maivia jaw about the five count, and Henry chokes Helmsley, then
gets a shot in with the Intercontinental belt, much to Chyna's dismay.
Ciota turns around, and counts - 1, 2, Chyna pulls Rocky off of Hunter.
While Ciota turns to Chyna, lets take an ad break!
But first, a reminder that Over the Edge will be broadcast Sunday on PPV!
When we come back, the Rock is winding up for the People's Elbow - and he
delivers. 1, 2 - no. Ross says no more commercials for the last 12+
minutes of the show. Meanwhile, Hunter's finally come back and has
brought Mark Henry up on the apron to boot. While Ciota turns to Henry,
Chyna waffles the Rock with the European title. 1, 2, no. See? Cheaters
NEVER prosper! Helmsley with kneedrop for 2. Chop (woooo!) by HHH, and
another. And now Helmsley is kicking away until the Rock is lying on the
mat. Whip into the corner, head down, swinging neckbreaker by the Rock.
1, 2, no. 1, 2, no. They're toe to toe, trading blows, head down,
Helmsley tries for the pedigree, but the Rock backdrops him over the top
rope - to Henry, who stomps away. Chyna grabs a chair, and takes a shot
at Henry. So Henry turns to Chyna - and Helmsley gets to attack from
behind, and Henry meets the steel steps. So the Rock comes out to help
Henry, then next thing we know Triple H and the Rock are brawling on the
outside, and - yep, double countout. (10:50 give or take an ad break).
The Rock backs away, still laying the smack down on Helmsley - but he ends
up backing into Faarooq, who PILEDRIVES him on the stage. Wow.
We immediately turn to the next match, and learn that MR. McMAHON will be
the special guest referee.
THE UNDERTAKER v. STEVE AUSTIN - Before Austin comes out, Undertaker walks
up to McMahon, who takes a step back - UT takes another step forward -
McMahon takes one more step back - UT takes another step forward - And
Undertaker CHOKESLAMS McMahon! Before we can see McMahon tombstoned,
though - Kane runs to ringside. They brawl for a while on the outside,
and then over the rail and out through the crowd. Meanwhile, Brisco and
Patterson have come out to help McMahon - and that's the cue for the
broken glass. Stunner for Brisco - Stunner for Patterson. Austin ties
McMahon in the ropes, and grabs a chair - before McMahon can take any MORE
punishment, DUDE LOVE storms the ring with a chair - Austin swings his
chair at Dude's chair and with a mighty *crack* down goes Love.
Meanwhile, McMahon is snuck out of the ring. Cue Austin's music while we
see replays of everything we just saw. Austin flips the double bird and
walks offstage as we fade out.
Oh yeah ... (no contest) .
See you at the Pay-Per-View!
Christopher Robin Zimmerman
chris@kzim.com
Miss a week? Check out the CRZ Archives at
http://www.aimnet.com/~kzim!
Just look for the WM logo!