As 1998 draws to a close, I am reminded that I haven't done anything to
celebrate it yet. Ollie Posthlewaite, who keeps a damn fine page at http://infoweb.magi.com/~ollie/wrestling.shtml
(Go! Now!) managed to be the only person smart (or dumb) enough to keep my
"1993 RAW in Review" textfile, which I have once again retrieved and
mirrored on my Archives here. So the
deal is I'd like to extract all the almost-funny bits of my eight or so
months of reports for THIS year and compile them into a similar document.
But the thing is, I'm REALLY lazy. So what I'd like to do is invite all
of YOU to waste time poring through all my reports of this year (located
at the Archives here) and
suggest good bits for me to use. If you could include the date of the
report in question and the quote, that'd be boss. Also, I'll give you
credit if you include your name (I may STILL include credit if you don't,
unless you have one of those annoying AOL screen names that I hate - ha!).
The catch (and there's always a catch) is that you have to give them to me
in time for 1999! So today, Wednesday, EARLY Thursday good - later than
that, forget about it. Go! Waste time! Then mail me! Oh yeah, if you can't find
anything funny that *I* wrote (and it's entirely possible), then you can
just give quotes of other folks that I've transpired, sure.
Okay, on to tonight's show. BUT FIRST, I have to give mad props to Mad
Joe Mendes for the wrestling-related presents for Xmas - not only did I
get STEVE BLACKMAN: THE LETHAL ACTION FIGURE, but a duo-pack of Kurrgan
and the Jackyl ("Warning: The Jackyl does not feature bone-crunching
action") which is already hopelessly out of date - gotta love it. I meant
to give you a link to a picture of me posing with the Blackman action
figure, but not only did I not get around to it, I don't look particularly
photogenic at the moment, so there. Ha! Maybe next week, when I
reinstall my ugly filter on the QuickCam (you know, the one that helps
make me look like a movie star).
I got another groovy gift of Yule (yule?) but it'll have to wait for the
Nitro report as it's WCW related. Yowza! Now you HAVE to read both of
One World Leader Attitude - WWF!
LAST WEEK: As the TV-PG-V ratings box clutters up the top left of my
screen, we are treated to Vince leaving Shane in charge, Shane challenging
Mankind, Shane getting his ass handed to him, Shawn holding back Team
Corporate, Vince McMahon presenting Kane as the Christmas Bonus, and some
footage which I presume was from last night's "Heat" as Vince told Kane he
was *his* freak, followed by Kane saying "Thank you, Mr. McMahon."
Opening credits. I DEFY you to figure out them lyrics.
We are LIVE in the Pepsi Arena - the Arena of GeneratioNEXT! in Albany, NY
28.12.98 for the final RAW of 1998! Not only are we closed captioned, but
en espanol donde sea disponible (courtesy Carlos Cabrera and Hugo
Savitovich). Your English speaking hosts are a pair of Kings, Michael
King Cole, and Jerry the King Lawler and we are broadcast on USA and TSN
(more or less) LIVE.
Backstage, we see Mr. McMahon talk about firing Commissioner Michaels
later tonight, and promising that everybody responsible for Mankind
putting his hands on Shane last week will get theirs tonight. Then they
enter the bowels of the building(tm) to find Mankind. Eventually, they
do, as Mankind attacks - but they quickly swarm on him and present him to
Mr. McMahon. McMahon reveals that his new year's resolution is to be
kinder and gentler, even to Mankind - so tonight he's going to get a shot
at the Hardcore title. As they walk out, the Outlaws' music plays - Vince
asks what the hell is this? Shane says Commissioner Michaels already
scheduled a Hardcore title defense tonight - Vince says "we'll see about
ROAD DOGG JESSE JAMES v. VAL VENIS for the Hardcore Championship - James
says it anyway, yippee. "Hello ladies, you know something for the next
couple of days, this leg will be known as Christmas, and this leg will be
known as New Year's - so ladies, why don't you come visit the Big
Valbowski between the holidays.." - Back and forth punch punch punch to
start. Venis takes him down, head meets the turnbuckle, whip, duck,
jukin' and jivin' punchin' and breakin' from the Dogg. Big back bodydrop.
Wobbly kneedrop (sucks). 1, 2, no. Whip, reverse, Venis spinebuster.
Punches in bunches. Head meets the turnbuckle again, another right. Arm
wringer, whip, charge, miss. Lotsa rights from James and TEAM CORPORATE
is walking to ringside. Meanwhile, Venis is back, whip, follow knee to
the gut, repeat, side Russian legsweep. Bump'n'grind and Test is in -
BULLDOG! Referee "Blind" Earl Hebner calls for the bell - which answers
the riddle, "how do you get a DQ in a no-DQ match?" (2:03) As Shamrock,
Bossman and Test take the boots to Venis while Kane watches, D-GENERATION
X storms the ring to join the Dogg. "Well, well, well, it seems to me -"
VINCENT K. is out. "Road Dogg, due to circumstances beyond your control
Road Dogg, this match is officially over. Not to worry however, because
later on Road Dogg, you will be defending your Hardcore Championship, but
it won't be - it won't be, Mr. Dogg, against Val Venis, oh no. You will
be defending your Hardcore title later tonight against your newfound
friend, Mankind. Now as far as all of DX is concerned - X-Pac for bronco
busting my son Shane last week in the ring, we just started with you, pal,
and that goes for each and every one of the members of DX. Every one of
you is gonna pay. Nobody ridicules the McMahon family, NOBODY laughs at
my son, Shane. NOBODY. And by the way, apparently there's a little DX
left in the Commissioner Shawn Michaels as well, because Michaels, not
only did not come to the aid of my own flesh and blood, an innocent young
man simply doing his job, simply doing in essence what is his birthright,
no, Michaels actually held the Corporation back from coming down to help
my son. The moment Commissioner Michaels arrives in this arena, if I have
to drag him down this ramp myself, I will, and I'm gonna put him in the
ring, and I'm gonna humiliate him, and I'm gonna publicly fire his ass,
just like I wish I could do each and every one of you." The DX theme
plays as Hunter appears to disrobe - fortunately we cut to a shot of the
Kings. Tonight, X-Pac vs. Bossman! Gunn vs. Godfather! Helmsley vs.
Shamrock! Sable defends the Women's title! And another Hardcore title
defense against Mankind! And Shawn gets fired! Don't you DARE change the
Backstage, Al Snow rants and raves - he apparently hasn't washed out any
of that technicolour blood he received last week.
While Mr. McMahon talks to Kane, Patterson and Brisco crack each other
(and me) up by making faces behind Kane's back. Vince catches Patterson,
and Brisco shows righteous indignation. Funny. McMahon promises that
Kane will make sure every member of DX falls one by one, and he's got
another one tonight, right? Kane pauses - then nods.
The 1999 Rumble Royale comes to you through the kind courtesy of
10-10-220! Actually Cole said 1998 but I think he's just clueless.
AL SNOW (with Head) v. EDGE (you think you know him, but really you don't)
- Head has been shaved (?) and Snow is still a vision in red. Let Us Take
You Back to Last Week where Snow got up from his pool of blood and said
"Not again, not again" or whatever it was. Edge comes out through the
crowd to his cool music. Snow attacks like a madman, which is the idea, I
guess. Edge goes out, Snow follows, Edge takes charge, whip reversed and
Edge runs his shoulder into the STEEL post. Snow with slaps and a choke,
causing referee "Blind" Theodore Long to come out and break it up. Back
in we go, Edge with a whip and a dropkick. Snow says "Look what I've
done!" and Edge punches and kicks anyway. Snow with a lariat, then he
tells Head to shut up. Scoop slam - Snow goes to the top - moonsault! No
cover? Snow continues to yell at Head, then he goes outside and
comandeers a chair - in we go - Snow up to the top - Edge pops up and puts
Snow on his shoulders - forward slam and Snow lands on the chair - Edge to
the top rope - senton misses. Snow with repeated heabutts, to the corner,
even more headbutts. He pushes Peanuthead! Snow has Head - shot,
repeated Head shots - FINALLY the bell is called for (DQ 2:49) and
CHRISTIAN & GANGREL come out to take charge. Now the J.O.B. SQUAD is out
to retake charge - Snow PASTES Duane Gill with Head and walks out through
the crowd (the shot on Gill is completely missed by the commentators, oh
well). The Brood's music plays as a cartload of refs break things up - we
see Edge on the ramp, a weird grin on his face.
Backstage, Sable is stretching. Oh boy.
Gotta love the Glove, for Glover presents the Slam of the Week - from
Survivor Series, Sable with the Sablebomb on Jacqueline to win the WWF
In the locker room, we see Dennis Knight talking to X-Pac. Apparently,
Knight said "*he* told me to be here" when X-pac asked why he was around.
Reading between the lines, I guess Mark Cantebury is gone for good. Too
bad, I'm gonna miss the ol' pigger.
(THE LOVELY) SABLE v. SPIDER LADY for the Women's World Championship -
Sable is accosted by a fan prior to the match - oh, so THERE'S that Terri
Power chick I've been wondering where she is. Anyway, we're not supposed
to know who it is, just "a fan" who hands Sable a yellow rose and is
quickly skirted away by security - Sable looks puzzled. Lawler reminds us
that the last time we saw Spider Lady, it was Moolah - trust me, it AIN'T
Moolah this time. Before the bell, Spider Lady totally THROTTLES Sable on
the ropes, then kicks a field goal with her ribs. Another big kick. Her
belt is off and there's a whuppin' goin' on. Sable hasn't looked this
great in a LONG time. Finally, the ODDITIES are out to hold back the -
whoa, she unmasks and it's LUNA TUNES! She goes for Sable one more time
before thy stop her. Hey, there's George Steele! I need to watch "Heat"
some more, I think, when did HE join that group. Anyway, Luna walks off,
yelling "it's about me! It's about what *I* deserve!" as the Oddities
check on the Champ. I guess this means no more Jennifer Tilly-esque
performances from Princess Luna, which is a shame, 'cause she's HOT, ya
Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago as Spider Lady attacked Sable from
behind, including some mean belt shots to both Sable and the apron next to
her, Luna unmasking, and backstage, we see the four male Oddities checking
on Sable, while Steele utters one word non-sequiturs.
X-PAC v. BIG BOSSMAN for the European Championship - Last night on Heat,
Kane demolished X-Pac, despite 'pac hitting the X-Factor on the big man.
Let us take you back to Last Week, where Mankind interfered in the
Hardcore Championship match enabling a win by the Road Dogg. Lockup,
X-Pac ducks away and gets off a stinging right. Lockup, Bossman pushes
him to the corner, misses a charge, rights from X-Pac, Bossman whips and
shoulderblocks him down. Another whip, X-Pac is caught and powerbombed to
the mat. Too much power. Big sitdown, right hand to the back of the
head, head to the buckle, whip out to the opposite corner, he falls hard -
Bossman dares him to punch, several punches are absored and Bossman clocks
him again. Whip into a bearhug, and to the corner - hard into the
opposite corner and the bearhug is STILL on. You know, it's just so WEIRD
that Ray Traylor sucked so, while Big Bossman is cool. X-Pac rakes the
get out finally, whip into the corner, charge misses and X-Pac staddles
the second turnbuckle - Bossman SQUASHES him in the corner. Looping right
hand, but only 2. To the rear chinlock - X-Pac gets up, elbow, elbow,
elbow breaks the hold, X-Pac off the ropes but is caught and dropped
across the knee. Headbutt. Big right hands from Bossman. He says "suck
my ass" to random fans, then goes back to the big bows. Scoop slam.
Bossman to the top rope? Nothing lands - he shouldn't try those moves, I
think. Both men up, X-Pac to the gut. Right hand, another right, right,
kick, kick, Bossman down! Spinning heel kick on the button! Bossman gets
up again. Bossman up - repeated rights from the Kid - he's down - in the
corner - bronco buster! But TEST is out to distract him. Whip is
reversed, Bossman puts up a big boot. VAL VENIS is out and attacking Test
from behind - Bossman goes out and for some reason the bell rings (DQ?
5:00) - X-Pac gets a GREAT pescado on Bossman (that's how it's supposed to
look - like it totally hurt Bossman and didn't hurt X-Pac at all) and now
they're paired off. The requisite barrowful of refs and officials try to
break things up.
Training footage of Vince and Shane - Shane is the trainer, egg cracker,
and motivator. Vince lifts weights and drinks raw eggs. This segment was
actually pretty funny, but I NEVER want to see it again (yet I'm sure we
will). "You gotta eat lightning and crap thunder!" Shane says "Austin"
about a million times until Vince says "IHATEAUSTIN!" about a million
times. Vince says "Ahhhh!" a lot, too. Oh yeah, that's the gym in the
ICOPRO ads! McMahon does the double bicep pose - well, they're bigger
than mine, that's for damn sure.
Backstage, we see "the McMahon cam," focused on the door Shawn Michaels
should be using to enter the building. Wow, it's fun to see a door
without Kevin Kelly standing in front of it, isn't it?
RAW is WAR is brought to you by Castrol, Burger King, and America (ha!)
GOLDUST & STEVE BLACKMAN (with Riggs & Murtaugh) v. OWEN HART & JEDOUBLEF
JADOUBLEREDOUBLET (with Debra McLegs) - Let Us Take You Back To Two Weeks
Ago and One Week Ago Respectively, where Blackman unmasks two different
Blue Blazers to reveal Hart and Jarrett. Hart is wearing a new T-shirt
which people in the crowd actually have. I'd rather have bought an "and
then there was OWEN" shirt but I'm not in charge of those decisions. God
damn, Debra gets me hotter than I'm comfortable to admit. I hope we see a
Blue Blazer in this match! Goldust and Jarrett start, Jarrett with the
big mo, whip, duck, nice powerslam for 2. Another whip is reversed,
Jarrett ducks but a clothesline hits. Goldust is ALREADY setting him up
for Shattered Dreams? Hart distracts Goldust, Jarrett gets out, armbar
drop. Hart tagged in, doubleteam, "Nugget" chant. Hart with kicks to the
(not unsizable) gut of Goldust. Whip into the ropes, dropkick misses as
Goldust holds on. Tag to Blackman! He's a house on fire! No he's not,
elbowdrop misses. Enziguiri from Hart. Whip, spinning heel kick misses
the mark but still gets 2. Another near fall for Hart. Chop, whip is
reversed, Hart reverses into a Sharpshooter setup - Cole says Owen
invented that move - huh? Sharpshooter is on. HUH? DAN SEVERN walks out
with a neck brace on. Hart breaks the hold and goes outside to confront
Severn. He apologises *again* and backs off as Severn gets closer.
Finally, Hart backs up to Jarrett, who puts Debra in Severn's path. Hart
back in the ring but Blackman takes advantage of the distraction to hit a
schoolboy for the pin. (3:42) Severn walks away, Jarrett has a "what the
hell?" thing going and he, Deb and Owen walk off. Goldust and Blackman
shrug and accept the victory.
Backstage, we see Triple H and Chyna walking - Chyna has a new, slutty
outfit on. Cole says "They're doing WHAT in the parking lot?" as we go to
And here we are in the parking lot. The Acolytes have just shut Dennis
Knight in the trunk of his own car - Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago
as they jump Knight, beat him up, throw him against a dumpster, then load
him in the trunk. The car drives away. "He told me to be here tonight."
Is "he" Jackyl? Is he finally putting into motion his plan to take over
the WWF? Stay tuned...
TRIPLE H (with D-Generation X) v. KING KEN SHAMROCK (with Team Corporate)
for the Intercontinental Championship - The TV-PG-V ratings box and
copyright notice that accompany the respective entrances mean we're into
War Zone time. Remember, Triple H had to forfeit the IC belt due to
injury and it was Shamrock who took the title in a one-night tourney
seemingly an eternity ago. I nab a quick cup of coffee while H wastes
time with his Buffer spiel. We are reminded that Shamrock lost to Gunn
last week, although it was later revealed that the match was actually
non-title. Rather sizable "Shamrock sucks" chant. Lockup, armdrag by
Shamrock, rights and rights. Another right, here's a kick, punch, Triple
H finally starts to punch back, back and forth punching, whee, H whip,
atomic drop, Rude awakening! Shamrock rolls out of the ring. Hey, Cole,
Tony Schiavone called - he asked if you'd stop calling actual moves as
they happen because you make him look bad. H pulls Shamrock back in - or
tries, as Shamrock gets the head to the gut. Clothesline as he comes in.
Cole says "we encourage the fans, as always, to have freedom of expression
at RAW is WAR - you know we love the signs, we love seeing them, but we
reserve the right, when the signs are obscene, to take 'em away." This is
referring, no doubt, to the big "SUCK" set of signs, that had an "F" on
the back side of the "S" which took up a rather prominent spot on camera
earlier in the show and probably caused a few heart attacks to TSN
viewers. Triple H lets the presence of Test at ringside get the better of
him, when he decides to give a show to him instead, and Shamrock takes
control after the distraction, attacking the knee. 10-10-220 sponsors the
Double Feature. Shamrock continuing to kick the knee. Commentators
speculate on Kane's willingness to be part of the Corporation. Crowd is
trying to jack Triple H up but he's still down. Kick, but Shamrock
absorbs it and returns fire. Right hand knocks him down. Another right.
Whip out of the corner and Triple H collapses - the knee is too hurt. The
Technical Assassin continues to kick the knee and the "Shamrock sucks"
chant is up and out again. Tonight, Shawn Michaels gets fired! Punches,
whip is reversed and Shamrock hits hard as H falls down again. Punch to
the back of Shamrock's head. H climbs up the ropes - right, right, right,
whip, duck, high knee but it hurts him just as much as Shamrock. Forearm,
repeat, repeat, whip, reverse, Shamrock puts his head down and there's the
kneedrop with the head on top - Bossman is up on the apron but Triple H
dispatches him with one right. Returning to Shamrock, Shamrock grabs the
leg, rolls and the anklelock is on. Wow. Helmsley struggles to get to
the rope - crawling, biting his hand to block out the pain - he gets to
the rope! Shamrock isn't letting go! Shamrock gets two five counts from
referee "Blind" Tim White and when he STILL doesn't let go, he has no
choice but to call for the bell (DQ 6:36). Gunn clotheslines Shamrock
from behind to break it up - Katy bar the door, it's a pier six brawl.
Boss Man and Test are quick to join DX in the ring, but it takes PATTERSON
& BRISCO coming out and ORDERING Kane to get in to bring the Big Red
Machine into the ring - before he lays a hand on anybody, DX leave.
Kane's music plays and we take a break.
10-10-220 brings you the WWF Rewind - footage from last week's pin of
Shamrock by Gunn, Shawn Michaels announcing that it wasn't a title match,
and Shamrock still the champion.
Kevin Kelly interviews Billy Gunn, who tells us that Ken Shamrock is
walking around with HIS Intercontinental title - Shamrock shows up and
they exchange lame insults but no blows.
SEXUAL CHOCKLIT MIZARK HENRY comes out with OH YOU BETTA RECOGNISE D'LO
BROWN. Sign in the crowd: "I am Sexual White Chocolate" Apparently,
Jacqueline and Terri are now calling themselves PMS, which stands for
"Pretty Mean Sistas." And also, they're done with men. What now? "Now
hold on a second, I owe a serious apology to my girlfriend. Chyna, last
week, what I did with those women, it was absolutely wrong. I mean, after
the nights of passion that we shared, it was completely wrong. But, I
just want to let you know, that I'm very sorry, and my apology is from the
bottom of my heart. And baby, I'm down on my knees - I just want you to
come back - please." That sounds like EVERY Boyz II Men song. Anyway,
the PMS come out - Terri says she LIKES to see men down on their knees -
they have big plans in store for Henry. Brown takes the mic and calls
them "glorified ring rats. You need to keep your damn distance,
especially after what you did to Mark Henry last week. Now you damn sure
better recognise, and you're damn sure lucky that I'm a gentlemen,
otherwise I'd come right over there right now, and-" the DX theme starts
and who should walk out but THAT SLUT CHYNA. She takes the mic from D'Lo.
"He may be a gentlemen, but I'm not! And I'm telling you two, for the
first time - for the last time - for the only time - stay away from my
man." Crowd goes nuts. Terri has already hidden out on the apron, Jackie
decides to mock Chyna's physique, and gets a choke into a big shove for
her troubles. "Next time, I'm not gonna be so ladylike...and I'll see you
later." Hoo boy, they got a big time shot of a lot of metal on her lower
set of choppers - I'm talkin' "guest shot in Moonraker and not as a Bond
girl either" teeth. I guess the reconstruction continues - kind of a
shame, she was just fine before you know. Is Chyna smiling? Crowd seems
to dig it.
Backstage, we see the McMahons and the Musketeers talking about something.
The Sable episode of Pacific Blue is rerun Sunday after Heat! Miss it
not! It's a WOMEN'S PRISON episode! Ehhh.
Team Corporate is searching for ... who?
Here's a Special Look at the Year that Was. Nice package of clips from
1998 that certainly doesn't need any embellishment from me.
We come back to see Team Corporate putting the boots to the Godfather
while the ho's scream. Bossman gives Kane a tongue-lashing, and then HE
joins in the stompin'.
As we check the McMahon-Cam, we see that Shawn has still not entered the
building. Lawler calls Vince "McMuscles."
BADD ASS BILLY GUNN v. GODFATHER - of course, with Godfather out, there
must be different ideas afoot tonight. Gunn stumbles over the big word
"Intercontinental." Gunn says next time he sees Shamrock, he's gonna kick
his ass, and Lawler comes back with "you just saw him a while ago, and you
did nothin'!" As Godfather's music plays, out comes SKIPPY, who says
there's been a little change in the program - "just ask the Godfather,
'cause pimpin' ain't easy! Your opponent tonight is - CORPORATE - KANE!"
BADD ASS BILLY GUNN v. THROUGH HELLFIRE AND BRIMSTONE IT'S KANE (with Pat
Patterson & Gerry Brisco) - Cole says it looks like Gunn is the targetted
DX member of the night. You know we haven't had any wrestling for almost
half an hour? Nah, I didn't notice either. Gunn strikes first but Kane
strikes best. The Musketeers bark out orders and are generally unhappy
with everything Kane does - or doesn't do. Neat springboard into a
clothesline to the back of Gunn. This is all Kane, need I tell you. Back
body drop. Gunn manages a Rocker dropper but it does nothing.
Clothesline takes both men out but only Kane lands on his feet. Head to
the apron is blocked and Gunn's head meets the apron. KING KEN SHAMROCK
is out and there's an anklelock while Patterson discusses options trading
with referee "Blind" Mike Chioda. Brisco gets Shamrock out of the zone,
Kane picks up Gunn from the outside, here's a chokeslam. Cover - Brisco
and Patterson tell Kane to give him another one. And there IS another
one. Brisco demands one more time, but before tha can happen - X-PAC
comes in and dropkicks Kane (DQ 3:58), who falls out of the ring but again
lands on his feet. Gunn is quickly rescued by DX - boy, he went from
almost IC champ to Kane's ragdoll REEEEEEEEEALLY quickly, didn't he? I
mean, the Shamrock spot was supposed to show that Kane needed help to beat
him, but I guarantee nobody in the building OR watching on TV thought that
Kane was really needing the help at that point in the match. Oh well, who
THE ROCK, who we have not seen all night, incidentally, comes out to join
the commentary team for the next match.
ROAD DOGG JESSE JAMES v. MANKIND for the Hardcore Championship - The Rock
*blasts* James for his opening spiel. "Oh shut your mouth, jabronie -
yeah, that's real creative, real innovative, saying the same damn thing
night in and night out, be like the Rock! Be electrifying like the Rock!"
Rock talks about the Smackdown Hotel on the corner of Know-Your-Role
Boulevard and Jabronie Drive. As Mankind enters the ring, we see that
Shawn Michaels has just arrived and we take our final ad break.
When we come back, the match has apparently started during the break, as
James is taking it to Mankind. Head meets buckle as Rock says
"electrifying" several times, then says that both competitors are pieces
of trailer park trash he couldn't give two pieces of monkey crap about.
Mankind gains the big mo - clothesline and both men are out of the ring.
James's head is taken to the barrier. Up the ramp we go, punch, punch,
head to the STEEL, boot to the head. Cole says Mankind was named wwf.com Man of the Year because Time
"screwed" him out of their Man of the Year award. Ha! Further up the
ramp we go, punch, snap suplex on the stage! Mankind goes to the back,
then emerges with a technician's table - scaring off a technician in the
process - he suplexes the table on Road Dogg, sending cables and equipment
flying. 2 count. (Hebner pounds on the table so we can hear it - very
neat) Right hand from Mankind, Dogg back bodydrops him as he charges
again. Cole asks Rock when he'll defend his title, and Rock says any time
he damn well pleases. Dogg rushes Mankind with the table and clocks him.
Down the ramp we go, Mankind picks up James and drops him on the apron.
Another 10-10-220-sponsored Double Feature. Meanwhile, Mankind has found
a toolbox under the ring, but before he can take it to James, it opens up
and a lot of tools, screws and nails fall on him. James has found a
cooking sheet and gives Mankind some shots with it - we miss some action
as a fan jumps the barrier and we're not supposed to see it. Back in,
James has a chair and Mankind gets a shot. Side Russian legsweep on the
chair! 1, 2, kickout! whip, head down, Mankind with a piledriver! 1, 2,
feet across the ropes. Cole wishes JR well, and so do I. Piledriver on
the chair by Mankind! Cooking sheet laid across the face - LEGDROP! 1,
2, shoulder up *somehow*. Mankind pulls out some hair, just for kicks.
Mankind puts Dogg through the ropes. Kick. Rock tells Cole he's gonna
rip off his face and wipe his ass with it. Over the barrier we go - into
the penalty box we go! Repeated rights from Mankind - he's got a monitor!
But James ducks out before it can hit him - hey, it's just like the
Nintendo game! Attack with the TV! Chairshot from James - mic cable
choke - Mankind over the railing and he drops, and James hits the railing.
Socko is out - Mandible claw! Cole: "Rock you know what THAT tastes
like!" Rock: "You're gonna taste my foot in your ass!" James set on a
table - Mankind climbing up the stands - ELBOWDROP THROUGH JAMES THROUGH
THE TABLE! But Rock has left the booth - he's counting down from 5 - ROCK
BOTTOM ON MANKIND! Cole: "I think he got his spleen slammed through his
stomach!" James manages a cover - and Hebner counts 3. (9:30+ads) James
is worse for wear but he's still the Hardcore Champion. Replay of the
Rock Bottom on the "concrete" floor. Road Dogg sees this replay on the
Titantron and gets a little pissed off that he won the match that way.
Then he swears, not terribly creatively I might add.
VINCENT K. walks out alone. Gee, I love hearing about his pythons, King.
"I've asked Team Corporate to stay back in the locker room, because I've
got some business to handle and I want to handle this one personally. So
therefore, Shawn Michaels, I know you're somewhere here in this building,
and Michaels, if you can hear me, and if you've got the guts, Michaels,
come out here, because I've got something to say, face to face, to YOU.
Come on, Michaels!" While Michaels comes out, is it all right for me to
bring up the rhetorical question of how (or why) Michaels' character could
be so drastically rewritten in the span of one week? Could it be that
somebody...well, somebody made some creative demands all of a sudden?
Well, I shouldn't speculate. McMahon talks about Michaels coming in ten
years ago, McMahon spending millions on marketing for Michaels, and
Michaels becoming Champion - and that was the beginning of his downfall.
McMahon plays some carefully edited excerpts of a Michaels interview from
March prior to WrestleMania, where he basically runs down McMahon and
gives the ol' ego a workout. Vince bemoans his own son, his own flesh and
blood, getting the crap kicked out of him while Michaels held back the
Corporation. "You became an ingrate, Shawn Michaels - you - you bit the
hand that feeds you - my God, I thought you'd make a great Commissioner -
I gave you a second chance, and look! Look what's going on - my son,
Shane, my own flesh and blood - my God, how could you possibly - how could
you have donw that? Sure, you're one of the great WWF Superstars of all
time, there's no doubt about that, but as a Commissioner, you suck. And
let me just say this - before I leave you with these parting words - Vince
McMahon doesn't lay down for anybody. Shawn Michaels, read my lips. As
far as the WWF Commissioner is concerned, Shawn, you're fired." Shawn
looks rather sad, but then rares back and give Vince the Sweet Chin Music.
Michaels music plays, the tie is removed, the shirt is removed, and he
gives McMahon a dry hump as TEAM CORPORATE runs into the ring - Michaels
is out of the ring and through the crowd.
Anybody seen Steve Austin or the Undertaker? Three weeks and counting...