I GET LETTERS: Theresa Clifton writes: CHYNA IS NOT A SLUTE SHE WHOOPS
ALL SHE IS THE BEST SHE RULZ GET YOUR FACTS STRAIGHT BEFORE U SAY SOMTHING
K? THAT IS WHAT I THOUGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
BLATANT PLUG: Check out my 1998 Quotes list elsewhere on this
fine site. Even if you've seen it earlier, you may want to check it
out again...I added some stuff after I originally put it up. OK!
HERE'S ALL I'LL SAY ABOUT IT: Rice fumbled.
One World Leader Attitude - WWF! TV-PG-V!
Clips from last week - Vince fires Commissioner Michaels. Career
retrospective has fun Rockers clips - lookit that bleached hair! Lookit
him grow up before our eyes! Lookit him destroy lots of people no longer
in the WWF! As we see Shawn and Vince, and the voiceover says "Shawn's
relationship with the WWF owner..." we hear the voice of VINCENT K. say
"Get that sentimental CRAP off the TitanTron!" And since it's the opening
bit, it must be time to see VINCENT K. & TEAM CORPORATE making their way
to the ring. Previously, McMahon vowed to "dismember" Michaels if he set
foot in a WWF arena again, and Michaels also vowed to show up tonight,
just 'cause. Speak Mr. McMahon! "It's no secret that Shawn Michaels has
threatened to show up here tonight on RAW. I would suggest, as a piece of
advice that none of you hold your breath, because if you do, you are
likely to turn blue and pass out due to oxygen deprivation, because Shawn
Michaels wil be a no-show here tonight." This whole thing is linked to
the "disparaging" of Shane two weeks ago on RAW. Vince vows that anyone
who had anything to do with Shane's emotional scarring will pay, and pay
plenty, boy. "They will be punished - BY ME." The TitanTron manages to
cut to a shot of SHAWN MICHAELS coming into the building and walking to
the entranceway. At this point I'll note that Kane has a "Brisco Bros.
Body Shop" sign taped to his back. Ken Shamrock is looking forward to
breaking his bones. "VinMan, obviously the sheriff is back in town. And
this time, Vinny, I brought the cavalry with me." Breakitdown...huh?
D-GENERATION X standing with Michaels? I thought they didn't like each
other anymore. Lawler: "I just don't get it!" CRZ: "Yeah!" Shawn: "Now
Vince, according to my overpriced lawyers, my contract as WWF Commissioner
is iron-clad. In fact, it was you, Vince McMahon, who said on national TV
that this Commissioner would answer to no one, including Vince McMahon.
So guess what, Vinny? You CAN'T fire me! In fact, the only way that
Shawn Michaels would be incapable of being the WWF Commissioner would be
if I were to resign, and Vince, there is no way in hell that that is EVER
going to happen! So you may safely assume that you will be singin' to the
tune of Sweet Chin Music, for a long, long, tiiiiiime." He sounds like
Jason Sensation here. "So now that I'm back in office, let's get to
bidness. Vince, you yourself have said that you can make dreams come
true, well VinMan, you've made mine come true, so now, I'm gonna make YOUR
dreams come true." Let Us Take You Back to 3 weeks ago as Vince hopes
that Shane draws #2. "Now Vince, as you know, I have say-so over all WWF
competitors, with the exception of Stone Cold Steve Austin. Well, Vinny
boy, when you entered the 1999 Royal Rumble, you yourself became a WWF
Competitor. So Vince, it is *I* that has control over *you*. Vince
McMahon will not be entering the Royal Rumble as the 30th competitor, as
he picked, no no no no no. Stone Cold Steve Austin will be the first man
to enter the Royal Rumble - and the second man, who will be entering the
Royal Rumble will be VINCE McMAHON. So as best I can tell, that oughta
give old Stone Cold all night to open a can of whoop-ass on you. Now
Vince, before I leave, I wanna leave you with one just one small detail -
some time this evening, some time within the next two hours - the
Heartbreak Kid is gonna leave this building and go out and get you a
surprise. And Vince, I guarantee you that this surprise is gonna drive
you Stone Cold Crazy." So everybody goes nuts, 'cause he said "Stone
Cold." Shawn asks them to "hit OUR music" so I guess he's all chummy with
the DXers again. Never mind that that doesn't make sense.
It's RAW, coming to you from the Unnamed Arena 4.1.99 (but taped
29.12.98), closed captioned and en espanol donde sea disponible, broadcast
on USA, TSN, and probably some other places. Your hosts are Michael King
Cole and Jerry the King Lawler, who provide commentary. As the
Corporation huddles up in the ring, we learn that tonight, Jesse James
takes on Al Snow tonight for the Hardcore title.
KING KEN SHAMROCK v. STEVE BLACKMAN (with Riggs & Murtaugh) in a nontitle
match - This is the wrestling equivalent of a game of horse - "I can do
this, now you do this." Then Blackman turns it up, then Shamrock comes
back. Commentators are talking about Shawn Michaels and DX, of course.
This match has gone an entire minute before DAN SEVERN comes out to
confuse us further. He's got his neck brace, yup. Shamrock with a front
chancery into a suplex. Kneedrop. Kneelift. Blackman with the surprise
rollup for 2. Lariat from Shamrock, who finally spies Severn. Whip is
reversed, nice dropkick from Blackman. Neck on the top rope, Blackman
hops over and takes his neck with him. Backbreaker across the knee.
Whip, Shamrock ducks and hits the belly-to-belly suplex. Shamrock yells
to Severn, Severn is up on the apron, Shamrock throws a right at him and
he falls to the floor. Meanwhile, BILLY GUNN is in and delievering a
Rocker dropper while referee "Blind" Tim White is tied up with Severn. 1,
2, 3. (3:26) Shamrock runs after "the #1 contender."
Mr. McMahon and the Rock are on the front cover of the Southwest Airlines
magazine. Man, I've gotta get me a flight this month just so I can read
10-10-220 brings you the WWF Rewind! "Moments Ago" footage of Gunn's
Rocker dropper and Blackman's pin. Hey, doesn't this make BLACKMAN the #1
Backstage, we see Shamrock has caught up to Gunn and they're fighting,
boy. This mainly consists of whips into clangy metallic objects.
MANKIND is on the way to the ring. Let's Take You Back to two weeks ago
as Mankind takes it to Shane, then applies Mr. Jocko to Patterson (ugh).
"I swear it was the first time I'd ever grabbed a man's testicles in my
life. Patterson I gotta tell ya, in a rugged, manly kinda way, I enjoyed
it." Humm. "It was also the first time that Mick Foley used the words
'suck it' without a 'please' in front of it." And also, he has a new
hobby that he really enjoys, kicking the McMahon family's guts. Mankind
asks for a title shot at the Royal Rumble. "And I think I deserve it!
Not because I made your son Shane cry like a 2-year old with a poop in his
pants. Not because I bounced your head off the kegs like Ricky Ricardo
playin' the bongos." Foley says he deserves the shot because he DID beat
the Rock at Rock Bottom. "Can I say ass on television? Get your ass out
here now...DAD!!! I'm waiting for you, Mr. McMahon." VINCENT K. does
walk out. "You're nothing but a disillusioned, decrepit, disfigured
monster. You, asking to be the #1 Contender for the World Wrestling
Federation?" Vince says he'd had his shot, and he didn't listen to
McMahon, he listened to the fans. Vince makes fun of all the sacrifices
he'd made "for them." Mankind soiled the McMahon name when he put his
hands on Shane. "Let me say this, you know and everyone in this building
knows, you don't deserve the RIGHT to be the #1 Contender. You haven't
paid your dues, Mankind, Mick Foley, Cactus Jack, Dude Love, whatever the
hell your name is, if you even know - you haven't paid your dues. Maybe
one day you might come back up the ladder and attempt to take the Hardcore
title away, but you've even failed in that as of late." Vince says it's
not even funny enough to laugh at his request. So, basically, no. "You
will never, ever, again have that accolade. However, being the benevolent
individual I am, Mick, I'll tell you what I will do for you, and I'll do
it tonight. You will have the opportunity to enter the Royal Rumble -
see, you can get close to the title but no cigar - story of your life."
Tonight, Mankind will take on Triple H (Vince actually uses the words
"Hunter Hearst Helmsley!") in a match - winner going to the Royal Rumble -
loser not. Oh, and by the way, there's a guest referee - Shane McMahon.
Vince rolls some footage of Mankind preparing Mr. Socko for Shane to let
us know that Shane may have some payback to dish out in his role tonight.
Backstage, we see Chyna and - her friend - talking.
RAW is brought to you by Castrol and WWF: The Music (Volume 3) and Burger
SEXUAL CHOCKLIT MIZARK HENRY v. GOLDUST - he actually has "SEXUAL
CHOCOLATE" in his graphic now, ugh. Lockup, Henry pushes him away.
Lockup, to the corner, Henry charges after the break, Goldust ducks and
gets in a shot. Henry with big shots. Whip, duck, Goldust with kicks to
the thigh - Henry with an eyepoke. Off the ropes - Goldust with a double
leg takedown for 2! Uppercut from Goldust. Whip, reverse, duck,
powerslam from Henry. Stomp. A coupla gutshots from Henry. Scoop and a
slam - man, he IS strong. Big elbowdrop. Stomps on him again. Goldust
punches back. Henry picks him up and lets him fall. Big legdrop! Before
going for the cover, Henry looks back to the entryway, and sees THAT SLUT
CHYNA & HER FRIEND. Goldust manages to take the distracted Henry's head
into the mat. Head to the buckle - oh boy, it's Shattered Dreams time!
Nothing like a big ol' DQ to make a match interesting. Well, referee
"Blind" Theodore Long doesn't know how to DQ yet. (about 3:44) Goldust's
music plays and he walks off while Chyna & Friend enter the ring. It's
Cloudy, isn't it. Isn't it. Chyna gives Henry a kiss on the cheek. "I
hope you're not hurt too bad, Mark, 'cause there's something I need you to
hear. I have a little confession to make. The other night with you was
incredible. No, I'm serious, it was. But I'm afraid that I'm not enough
woman for you. No, I'm serious, because the fact is that you're way too
much man for one woman, Sexual Chocolate. You are. So I want you to meet
my friend Sammy. Now I know you like tall women, and I know that you like
exotic dancers. So I have a little proposition for you. I thought, now
only if it's okay with you, that Sammy and I can help you take a load off
your mind." And Henry faints - well, he falls backward but it's LIKE
Shots of Jesse Ventura's Inauguration - letterboxed to probably hide a
C-SPAN logo. Hey, look, there's Ahnold! Lawler: "The WWF opened the
doors for Ventura to become governor - what's next, the White House?"
Jesse Ventura video ad. I think ONE more of these and I'll have to accuse
them of milking it.
Oh damn, I missed Keith Olbermann on his new show. How WILL I live.
Dennis Knight is hanging from the ceiling in chains. Was this trip really
GODFATHER (with eight - no, four hos) v. TEST - let us take you back to
last week where the Corporation took out Godfather so Kane could beat up
Billy Gunn. Godfather has the crowd say "Pimpin' ain't easy" so we can
remember that he's a pimp. Test has some pretty cool entrance music, I
guess. Let us take you back to last week where Val Venis and Test have a
couple of close encounters. Test has the early advantage, but puts his
head down to eat a boot and a clothesline. Scoop slam - legdrop, 1, 2,
no. I wish they'd stop saying "Stone Cold Surprise." Godfather with the
choo-choo train splash. Hey, look, VAL VENIS is up on the ramp for no
reason. Big boot to the sternum by Test. They're both on the outside
now, and Godfather strikes. Head to the apron, head to the steps, Venis
seems to approve. Test reverses a whip into the STEEL post. Referee
"Blind" Mike Chioda decides that Godfather can have all the offense he
wants on the outside, but when Test gets one move, well, it's time to call
for the bell (double DQ 1:59). Of course, Venis rushes Test and they
brawl until the boatload of refs and officials separate them.
Backstage, Shawn Michaels chums it up with the rest of DX. This doesn't
make sense, by the way.
You gotta love the Glove, 'cause Glover brings you the Slam of the Week!
More clips from the Mankind/Shane match.
SKIPPY comes out to some new music which MUST have been composed by Jan
Hammer. As the credits are displayed and the TV-PG-V box appears, it
looks like the War Zone starts a bit early tonight.
TRIPLE H (with Chyna) v. MANKIND - during the entrances, Shawn makes his
way to the commentators and promises that he'll call it "right down the
middle." Shane has a funny look as we start. Lockup, Mankind pounds him
down. Right hand, rake of the back, arm over the shoulder and yanked
down. Again. Triple H with rights to come back. Now HE'S yanking on an
arm. Mankind doesn't give up, go figure. Hey, who's SUSHI X and why is
someone holding a sign for them? Ha ha. Up we go, Mankind with some
pounding, whip into the opposite turnbuckle, bulldog as he walks out.
Triple H pushes him off, hits a back elbow and a clothesline. Right
hands. Mankind pushes him through the ropes, then hits a baseball slide
dropkick. Triple H - back in - nope Mankind hits him again and he falls.
Head to the gut as Triple H comes back in again - Sunset flip - Mankind
holds the rope - Shane kicks Mankind's arm off the rope and counts a
lightning fast 123 and calls for the bell (2:57). Triple H is in the
Rumble and Mankind's been screwed again. H takes the mic. "Mick - hey,
I'm sorry, but business is business - a win is a win - and when it comes
to the WWF Title, I'll take it any way I can get it. Hey, but I will say
one thing - happy new year" and then he Pedigrees Shane, who was raising
his arm. The DX theme plays again. "Hey - he's all yours" and H leaves
the ring. Mankind takes the mic. "I wanna show you a little move that
Jim McGonnagal taught me back at Ward Melville" which Dan S. emailed to
say that was the Long Island high school that Foley attempted. Mankind
says he's going to break his (beep) shoulder (which I guess would be
"Goddamn") - "Vince, Vince, I've changed my mind. You see, I no longer
desire a title shot at the Royal Rumble - I want a title shot tonight."
Shane is screaming nicely - what is that, the Rings of Saturn? Vince is
very unhappy, but agrees. Mankind says, "not good enough - I want a
stipulation - no DQ" Vince: "All right! No DQ! You got it. Just let
him go!" Vince has a real Achilles heel in that lad, you know. Vince IS
a real Achilles heel, har har. The Musketeers retrieve Shane, who holds
his shoulder convincingly. At the top of the ramp, the ROCK comes out to
express his disapproval. Rock is SO mad he repeatedly forgets to say "the
Rock," and instead uses the verboten word "I" when referring to himself.
Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago - Shane screws Mankind, Triple H
presents a New Year's Gift to Mankind, Mankind makes Shane scream, Vince
EDGE (you think you know him) v. WHO IS THAT GUY? HE LOOKS SO FAMILIAR.
WHO - OH, IT'S D'LO BROWN. I DIDN'T RECOGNISE HIM - Let Us Take You Back
as D'Lo has problems with PMS (read it again). Edge has a funky Cheshire
cat grin. Lockup, side headlock by Brown, off we go, shoulderblock. Head
waggle. "Stone Cold Surprise" is said again. Nice dropkick by Edge.
Boot to the gut, whip, hiptoss attempt fails, chokeslam attempt fails,
head over the top, no it's an ENIGMATIC rana! Here's a MYSYERIOUS tope!
Edge screams for no reason. 10-10-220 Double Feature shows that that was
one UGLY tope. Not that I could do better, mind you. D'Lo takes control
on the outside and we're back in. Brown with his flourished legdrop and a
pose to the crowd. Edge up - Edge down. Brown chats with ref "Blind" Jim
Korderas. To the corner, chop (woooo!), chop (woooo!), Edge reverses and
tries to chop around the chest protector. Whip into the opposite corner,
but he runs into the boot. Running Ligerbomb! (which I shouldn't call the
Sky-Hi) Brown poses again, then tries a cover, but only 2. 10-10-220
shows the "running powerbomb." Scoop and a slam - Kneedrop misses,
though. Edge with a right, another, whip, leg lariat, to the corner, whip
out, Brown takes him over the top rope to the apron but he's up - head
down - on the top rope - high cross body for 2. PMS is out - meanwhile,
Brown has hit ANOTHER Ligerbomb. Or is it Tigerbomb? I don't care.
Terri is up on the apron - Brown approaching - Terri SLIPPED off the apron
and hit the floor. And now - now she's OVERACTING! Brown doesn't know
what to do here - he didn't touch her but he's quite flustered. Terri is
overacting some more, crying and screaming. The EMT's and TONY GAREA are
out. This match is apparently over (no contest, under 5:00). Terri is
loaded on the gurney and wheeled away and also, she's overacting. What,
you thought I'd just climb aboard 'cause it's the WWF's doing it?
Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago as Terri slips as D'Lo approaches.
"During the Break" footage shows her being wheeled away. D'Lo is pounding
the wall behind them and looking on, distraught. The doctor - did he
express skepticism when Terri said she was pregnant? Well, we don't know.
Clearly we're supposed to believe that D'Lo's done something bad to
the unborn child, but I wonder. Stay tuned!
Meanwhile, the lights dim and that familiar music plays, so THROUGH
HELLFIRE & BRIMSTONE IT'S KANE, flanked by GERALD BRISCO & PAT PATTERSON,
and SKIPPY. Kane is wearing another Brisco Bros. ad on his back.
Patterson and Brisco are still doing the juvenile bit behind Kane's back,
okay. Shane is doing a world-league selling job on his injured
shoulder, by the way. "Ladies and gentlemen, there's a special
announcement tonight, a special event - it is a handicap match. Tonight
you will see Kane take on, about to make their way down the aisle,
weighing in at 422 pounds combined, ladies and gentlemen, give it up for
Gerald Brisco & Pat Patterson - the Stooges!"
KANE v. STOOGES - this is payback, ya see. "Remember," says Vince, who
has just appeared, "remember how I said that everyone who was remotely
responsible for my son's emotional scarring had to pay? Kane, make them
pay." Shane provides commentary over the PA. Brisco with a deadly
knuckle lock on Brisco. Patterson offers a cigarette (?) and is denied.
Patterson offers money, but that's no good either. Brisco takes a shot
across the back but Kane doesn't feel it. Kane with a lot of shots and a
chokeslam. Meanwhile, Patterson's picked up a chair - Kane turns around
and Kane puts the chair down like he's offering Kane a seat. Kane PUNTS
the chair over the top. Chokeslam for Patterson. Brisco gets crotched on
the ringpost. Patterson is set up "no no Kane, not my nuts" - he really
said it - elbowdrop in the jimmy. Kane grabs SHANE - but demurs when
Shane AND Vince both tell Kane "you'll go back!" Vince: "Ladies and
gentlemen, the winner of the match is Kane." Shane and Kane (hey that
rhymes!) walk off - Vince and Shane embrace while Brisco and Patterson
take turns blaming each other. "Bonus!" "Hard time!"
Another shot of Dennis Knight in his bondage gear. The Acolytes approach.
"It's time. He's waiting for you."
ROAD DOGG JESSE JAMES v. AL SNOW (with Head) for the Hardcore Championship
- Snow walks out, places Head on the stage, and hides behind the curtain.
He's still wearing the shirt the Brood dipped in red stuff while his
forehead now says "FEARME" inverted. Dogg sees the Head and is distracted
so Snow can jump him. Down the ramp he rolls. Right hand by Snow. Elbow
from James and Snow meets the STEEL steps. There's a table! Snow is on
the apron and rushing him but James throws a chair up on his way down.
Snow gets a shot in on James and gives a chairshot of his own. Chair to
the gut. Chair set up a la Sabu - Springboard leg lariat! Lawler: "This
is the kinda action you're gonna get from WWF Superstars - they're not
just gonna WALK and TALK" - James is almost over the barricade when Snow
gives him ANOTHER chairshot to the head. ASAI MOONSAULT OFF THE BARRICADE
ONTO THE TABLE! but unfortunately, James moved out of the way. 10-10-220
Double Feature deserves another look. Cover - 1, 2, no! James has found
his cookie sheet, shot, Snow grins, shot, Snow grins again, another shot,
Snow goes down. 1, 2, no. Remember, falls count anywhere, no DQ in those
Hardcore matches. James takes Snow's head to the barricade again, Snow
with kick to the gut, they're aside the ramp and on their way to the back.
Choke by Snow, right hand by Snow. James' head taking to a scaffold.
Snow tries to climb to the stage but James grabs him. Another shot from
Snow and here's another table. James with a forearm to the back and now
HE'S positioning the table. HIPTOSS into the table! Snow's now gone
through two tables. James on the staircase to the stage - axehandle to
the floor! Somehow they're both up. Right hand by James, Snow with a
thrust to regain control. Now they're backstage. Snow is ranting and
raving "You're real funny - ah - are we havin' fun now?
TagteamchampionsoftheWOOOOORLD!" James thrown into some random custodial
implements - choke with a hose - Snow turns on the hose and douses him!
Box of toilet paper rolls to the head! What is this, a Jackie Chan movie?
So visual. Broom broken over James' back! James manages a shot with a
cardboard box (come on, THAT doesn't hurt). James takes Snow's head to a
cart of poinsettias. Snow comes back and PASTES James with a poinsettia.
"That's a potted plant!" James thrown into some steel poles. Snow
reminds us he used to be Shinobi by giving some thrusts with a pole after
some twirlin'. Whip, reverse, thank GOD, I thought those beer kegs were
just gonna STAND there. Snow to a case. Snow: "Oh yeah!" They're
brawling to another section of backstage. Whip into some barricades.
James has a fire extinguisher - oops, it's empty so he just waffles him
with it - they're out the door! Setting off an alarm in the process -
cool. SNOW SHOVEL TO SNOW! It's snowing, yeah. Snow is in a cart filled
with snow (and Snow) and James pushes it into a steel garage door. James
with another right, Snow with a right, referee "Blind" Jack Doane is
sliding all around. James whipped into a cyclone fence. Snow with a pylon
shot. "Hey, that's a Snow cone!" says Lawler. PILEDRIVER onto a wooden
pallet by James! 1, 2, 3! (8:38) That was pretty damn entertaining,
don'cha know. James makes it all the way back to the ring, presumably so
he can do his "championofthewoooooooooorld" spiel which we are thankfully
spared - THIS time. Replay of the piledriver.
Knight dragged into a room filled with eerie smoke - where he screams.
Faarooq and Bradshaw stand outside. Ohhhhhh...kay.
Backstage, we see Michaels ready to go get his surprise. Triple H hands
him a key and gives him a hug. "See you guys." Triple H: "Maybe - maybe
not." X-Pac: "What goes around comes around." Outside, Shawn finds out
that the key doesn't work - he goes back to the door and finds it locked -
a sudden realisation hits him, and a voice off camera says "Hey, Shawn!"
God, gotta love those ONE MINUTE LONG SEGMENTS between ad breaks.
Does ANYBODY want to see "Varsity Blues?" Or am I just too old now for
thinking it's an incredibly stupid MTV Films movie that doesn't deserve to
make *10%* of the gross that "Joe's Apartment" made? In fact, MTV Films
should just up and die? THE M STANDS FOR MUSIC! and all that.
When we come back, Shawn is face down on top of the car - looks like his
head has been put through the windshield. "Moments Ago" footage shows
Shamrock, Bossman, Test and Kane taking Michaels out of camera range (as
the camera falls over). Maybe we also heard Mr. McMahon's voice barking
orders. Shawn is bleeding like crazy - a neck brace is put on (it falls
off, oh well), he's put on a back board, onto a gurney, and loaded into an
ambulance which drives away. We see a shot of the windshield, blood, and
snow peacefully falling on both of them.
THE ROCK (with Team Corporate) v. MANKIND (with D-Generation X) in a no-DQ
match for the WWF Championship - Man, Earl Hebner must have SPRINTED from
that ambulance to the ring to officiate this match! Oops. Apparently,
neither Lawler nor Cole heard what H and 'pac said before Shawn left the
building because they're really confused. Rock's in a warmup suit,
because he wasn't prepared to fight tonight. Shane is still in his ref
outfit and still selling the arm. Rock punches away to start. Mankind to
the apron, now outside. Shamrock gets in a shot (see, no DQ) but Rock
says no need, he can handle it on his own. To the commentary table,
Mankind blocks and takes Rock's head to the table. Right hands - Rock is
trying to escape but nothing doing. Whip, reverse, Mankind flies over the
STEEL steps. Lawler says we're not getting a wild "shmozz" tonight, Cole
adds "not like the other league." Is it like that tonight? Rock slams
the steps onto Mankind, then slams the OTHER set of STEEL steps on the
first one (which is gently resting on his shoudlerblades). That's worth a
10-10-220 Double Feature, i'n't it. Snap suplex by the Rock on the floor.
And now Rock has grabbed Cole's headset and he's going to provide a little
commentary. Mankind comes back quickly, though, pounds on Rock while
Lawler calls for help. Rock taken to the timekeeper's table while Mankind
grabs the headset and does some commentary of his own. Rock LEVELS
Mankind with the bell. HE RANG HIS BELL! Ohsorry. Choke with the mic
cable. Lawler offers "he's all choked up," all right. They're both on
the table - URANAGE THROUGH THE TABLE! No commentary now. One more
10-10-220 Double Feature. Mankind is wearing a J.O.B. Squad T-shirt under
his corporate shirt and tie. Back in the ring (finally!) sees Rock with
repeated rights and a cover but only 2. Both men are back on headset now.
Choke on the second rope - Shane gets a shot in. Lawler: "This isn't a
title match that's gonna start two minutes before we go off the air!"
Lawler is TONY! 1, 2, no. Maybe Lawler has a point, of course. Whip,
charge, Mankind puts up an elbow. Big ol' barrelin' knockdown. Whip,
reverse, back elbow by Rock, scoop and a slam - must be time for that
Corporate elbow all the kids are talking about. Rock punctuates it with a
Mr. Socko impersonation before dropping it. 1, 2, NO! Both men up, right
hand from Rock, duck clothesline, Mankind with a swinging neckbreaker!
But both men are down. Manind up, Bossman holding the leg while Test
slides the belt into the ring. Belt shot, that's it. 1, 2, NO!! How is
that possible? Rock has the belt again - but Mankind ducks - kick to the
gut, belt falls - DDT on the belt! 1, 2, no! Rock was watching the ref
the whole time. Mr. Socko is out. Mandible claw is on!! Shamrock is in
the ring - chairshot! Billy Gunn comes in and rushes Shamrock! Now it's
all breaking down - DX and Team Corporate - when I hear glass - and STONE
COLD STEVE AUSTIN is out, dressed to hunt - big chairshot on Rock - he
drags Mankind onto Rock - Hebner is over for one of his patented slow
counts - 1...2....3!!!!!!!!!!!!! MANKIND WINS! MANKIND WINS! MANKIND
WINS! MANKIND IS THE NEW WWF CHAMPION!!!!!!! Austin flips the double
bird to McMahon and walks off. Team Corporate collects Rock and helps him
off as Mr. McMahon gives a healthy array of pained expressions. McMahon
promises to the Rock that he'll get the belt back around his waist. The
ovation here is phenomenal. Jesse James announces the NEW World Wrestling
Federation Heavyweight ChampionoftheWooooooooooooooooooorld - Mankind!
"Hey Vince, I gotta tellya, this feels pretty damn good." Shane screams
randomly. "At the risk of not sounding very cool, I'd like to dedicate
this match to my two little people at home and say - BIG DADDY-O DID IT!"
Vince: "That makes me wanna PUKE..." Foley takes a lap with the belt.
Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new WWF Champion. (8:48)