I GET LETTERS: Here are two randomly selected letters that arrived at the
exact same time last week.
Hey usually I like your shit, but today you suck. Give it a rest,
buddy. If you hate WCW and WWF then do something else with your time
instead of ripping the shit out of probably what was one of the best Raw's
in a long time. Your complaining about the non-wrestling, who cares, it's
all about the story lines that lead to the matches, unlike in WCW when
they put on matches like with Sting & DDP for no reason, no story behind
it? You're getting a little over cynical, your reports used to be
entertaining now you just rip on everything, get over your bad self.
That was from James Brown, I think.
You are by far, the FUNNIEST PERSON ON THE NET!! Thank God for recaps
like yours since those other guys obviously do a crappy effort trying to
imitate you. I not mentioning names like Scott Keith or Brian French, oh
hell, I guess I just did. Oh well, fuck 'em. Keep up the good work.
Henry Hernandez
Like most things, the truth lies somewhere in the middle. But thanks,
Double H!
Here's another one, solely for entertainment purposes:
What determines if a wrestling match is good or bad??? I still believe
that it is fake!!!! Oh yeah but I keep forgetting you are a so called
internet reporter so you have to write something!!!! Your reports about
monday night wrestling would be a lot better if you would stop trying to
be funny and sarcastic!!!!!!
He's right!!!! I better get right on that!!!! Because I am a so called
internet reporter so I have to write something!!!! I need to stop trying
to be so funny and sarcastic!!!! Don't you agree???? But what do you
mean wrestling is fake????
Let's move on...
One World Leader Attitude - WWF!
This clip montage is rated TV-14-DLV! LAST THURSDAY we are introduced to
the Corporate Ministry (OH MY GOD!) and also watch a great big tag team
contest, and also see Vince KO his son, then get KO'd by an Undertaker
chair shot. Shane beats up his unconscious old man, and Austin gives a
Stunner to Shane. LAST NIGHT the Corporate Ministry takes out Mankind,
Shamrock, Test and Show (oh oh, Shane said the forbidden words "Paul
Wight!") - and Shane promises a confrontation with Vince TONIGHT!
Opening credits - closed captioned logo - RAW IS WAR'S A PORN TO BOB RY!
(der)
FIREWORKS! greet us to the Sports Arena in San Diego, CA - the HOME of
AARON ZIMMERMAN and the recently displaced Ken Shamrock - it's 3.5.99 (but
this show was taped 2.5) and it's RAW is WAR on USA and TSN! This show is
en espanol donde sea disponible! Your hosts are Jim Ross and Jerry
Lawler.
The CORPORATE MINISTRY makes their way to the ring for the opening
interview. I have to say I don't mind the new music as it's less like the
incredibly annoying "No Chance in Hell." Shane says he's not responsible
for anybody foolish enough to get in the faces of anyone in the Ministry.
Shane pauses for the "asshole" chant. Shane does his best Vince
impersonation, going on and on about "compassion" and finally declaring
the people in the crowd "losers," while he's "got it all." Power is good,
we learn. "How many of you out there would have the balls the size of
grapefruits to slap your maker?" Triple H gets the mic and promises Bad
Things for the (C)rock, ensuring that the Rock gets the face treatment.
"Why, because he can raise an eyebrow and drop a little elbow, and he
stays up all night thinking of catchphrases and marketing ploys for each
and every one of you? Well you keep coming out here Rock, and you sing
your little songs and you do your little comedy routine. But Rock, at
Over the Edge, there's gonna be nothing funny about the way I end your
career." Gosh, don't you just HATE when the heels say TRUE stuff?
Undertaker: "Real simple - I hate everyone. But Austin, your name is on
top of the list. Who in the hell do you think you are? You come out here
and try and be everyone's saviour. Well let me tell you something, boy.
... I let you go your own way. I thought we might have been able to
coexist. But that ain't gonna happen. Because now I'm not gonna play the
role of saviour - I'm the role of executioner. At Over the Edge, let me
tell you what's gonna happen. First, I'm gonna take your title. Second,
I'm gonna beat you like you've never been beaten before. Third, after
I've beaten you - after I've taken your title, I'm gonna take your beaten
carcass, throw it over my shoulder, I'm gonna walk out of the arena with
ya, and I'm gonna take you to Monday Night RAW, and you will be the
ultimate sacrifice. You will be sacrificed to a power even greater than
I. And you will know my name is the Lord of Darkness, and there ain't a
damn thing you, or any of YOU, can do about it nuuuhhhhh..." Hey, he said
ULTIMATE! "And Austin, just remember that I will firsthand witness the 1,
2, 3, because I will be wearing the black and white as the Special Guest
Referee where the Undertaker will once again become the World Wrestling
Federation champion." Shane says Vince has two hours to come out - Shane
has his master plan, and the last piece of the puzzle will be put in
place. Before Shane can finish, at the top of the ramp are the four folks
Shane boasted about hurting so badly last night. MANKIND, KING KEN
SHAMROCK, WELL IT'S A BIG SHOW, and TEST, all with 2x4's in tow. "Well,
lookee lookee what we've got here, Shane. Every one of us at one time or
another worked for the Corporation - and now every one of us stands here
as - well, I guess you can call us Disgruntled former employees. So what
we've done, Test, Shamrock, the Big Show and myself, is we've ah kinda
banded together to form a Union. Now, we do not have fancy initials -
we're not FIST for the Federation of InterState Truckers - we're not SAG
for the Screen Actors Guild - we're simply a Union of people you oughta
respect, son! Wait wait wait - Union - people - you oughta respect - well
I guess we DO have initials, you can just call us - UP YOURS, Shane!"
Wight advances but Mankind stops him. "Wait Big Show - wait wait - you
see, your dad used to come out here and the whole crowd used to chant
A-hole, A-hole, and maybe they were right. But at least when Vince was
running the show, we were compensated - I think I speak for all of us when
I say that since you took over, our paycheques suck, Shane. So you may
think you have our financial future in our hands - but you mess with the
Union, you little twit, and you will find that we have your testicles in
ours. Hey! Let's go grab some balls, guys!" And they advance on the
ring. The Ministry stands their ground until met with 2x4's - a hasty
retreat is beat, leaving the Union in the ring. Shane promises that
they'll go down later and they haven't seen the last of him. Crowd chants
"YOON-YUN" and let's take an ad break!
Austin vs. Brown - winner calls collect!
Happy Hour is NEXT!
BADD ASS BILLY GUNN v. X-PAC - Let Us Take you Back to last week where
Kane & X-Pac hold onto the title against the Outlaws, Gunn beats up X-Pac,
then on Heat Gunn apologises, then turns on X-Pac again. Road Dogg makes
the save. Good Lord that there "Ass Man" theme sucks the high hard one.
X-Pac storms the ring but ends up on the low end of some stompin'. X-Pac
reverses a whip into a spinning heel kick, then dumps him over the top
rope. But Gunn manages to turn the tide when 'pac follows. Head to the
steps blocked, Gunn's head (sorta) meets the steps. Back in the ring.
Whip into the corner, but X-Pac crotches himself and misses. Stinger
splash to his back! Gunn with some sort of pelvic thrust heat grabber.
Choke on the second rope. Here's a fifteen minute suplex (half a half
hour suplex) for 2. To the reverse chinlock. Lawler notes the fans'
fickleness towards Mr. Ass. X-Pac rises and elbows out, Gunn whips him
into the ropes, then hits a high powerslam. Gunn works the crowd some
more with his new pelvic move. 1, 2, no. Kneedrop. Whip into the
corner, coming out - press and a slam. Gunn makes the "ooh, my ass
sizzles when I lick my finger and touch it" motion. Back to the choke.
Whip into the opposite corner - here comes another splash, I bet it misses
- yup. GUNN FLOP! Both men down, count is on from referee "Blind" Tim
White. Both men up at 6. X-Pac with the
Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine. Spinning heel kick. Whip, reversal,
duck, spinning heel kick, 1, 2, no! Into the corner, kick, kick, spinning
kick, broncobuster - nope, foot in the crotch. I always love that
counter. Double feature brought to you by 1-800-COLLECT. There's the
fame'asser. 1, 2, 3. (5:00) Wow, clean (sorta) pin and everything!
Gunn still on him - now he's got a chair. ROAD DOGG runs out to prevent a
chair piledriver - he wants to know what's up - well Gunn punches him.
Dogg quickly gets the upper hand, so much so that he can dance between
punches (ugh) and Gunn goes outside. Dogg checks up on his chum, allowing
Gunn to come back in and whack his ex-tag team partner with a chair. Now
the lights are out - the theme starts up - THROUGH HELLFIRE AND BRIMSTONE
IT'S KANE walks v-e-r-y slowly to the ring, and even THEN Gunn almost
sticks around waiting for him to show up. Replay of the broncobuster
counter, fame'asser, chairshot, and Kane carries his partner back up the
ramp, leaving Dogg in the ring.
We see a door with "Shane McMahon" written on it. We also hear some
muffled shouting - Shane's gonna show that there Union, yup yup.
Hey, it's the CORPORATE MINISTRY again! You know, I always thought
*Robin* was the "Boy Wonder." Let Us Take You Back to Earlier Tonight and
show you what you just seen. "I've made a few changes for tonight's
lineup...Shane McMahon is in charge." Backstage, we see Vince, Stephanie
*and Linda* arrive in the building, with two cops. Shane announces a four
corners match - Bossman, Viscera, Midian, and Test. Also tonight, a
Hardcore matchup - Mankind vs. Acolytes. Triple H draws Ken Shamrock - oh
and Chyna will be the special guest referee. The Mean Street Posse will
take on Patterson & Brisco in a "rehabilitation" match. The Big Show,
being the only man left, will get a match with the Undertaker. And
tonight, for no apparent reason other than Shane's a lech - an Evening
Gown Match between Debra and Sable. We take a look backstage and see the
three McMahons and other Musketeers watching TV (presumably Shane).
After Triple H whispers in Shane's ear one more time, Shane announces a
match between the Rock and Steve Austin (what? People who purchase
pay-per-views are idiots!) - oh and that match will be a lumberjack match
- the lumberjacks being the Corporate Ministry. Oh, just one more thing.
But before we get that - VINCENT K. appears at the top of the ramp and
walks to the ring. And then, STEPHANIE & LINDA McMAHON and TWO COPS also
make their way to the ring. We get a good shot of Undertaker making the
eyes at Stephanie. "Isn't this cute? Mom and Daddy's little girl. What's
up, Vince?" "Shane, stop now before you go too far-" "Nononono, I haven't
begun to go far. No nono I haven't gone far enough. This is MY time.
This is me we're talking about, not you - I'M running the show." "I
think, you're about to make a big mistake. And I think you better think
long and hard before you do. And you better get your stuff together
because your family is not standing behind you." "Come on, you wanna
bring it? I'm right here for ya, Vinnie Mac! How 'bout me and you? Think
of the box office, Vince! You know what, I've taken your company out from
under you - I've taken everything - the only thing I wanna take now is
YOUR ASS. Think of the box office, Vince vs. Shane in this very ring -
how 'bout it, POP?" "Nope, the answer's no - but if you won't listen to
me - you won't listen to your sister, Stephanie, maybe just maybe your
mother Linda - maybe you'll listen to her." Wow! "Shane, I'm beggin' you
son, in the name of our family, please-" "Shut your mouth, Mom!" Vince
grabs him and Shane eggs him on. "How 'bout it, me and you?" Vince turns
to his wife and daughter and encourages them out of the ring. Huge "VINNIE
MAC" chant. Vince leaves the ring and the McMahon Trio walks off. "Hey
Vince, you know what? I can have him do it again...who do you think was
the Mastermind abducting your little girl Stephanie? It was me!" Vince
gulps in dramatic fashion - he did it again! "I knew if Daddy's little
girl was in a weakened position that you would crumble - that you would
leave the business like a hot potato and I was there to pick up the
pieces? How do you think the Undertaker got into our house? How do you
think he got Stephanie's little teddy bear? How do you think the pictures
were taken? It was all me! And Stephanie, who do you think picked out
your wedding dress? Wasn't it the BOMB?" Linda, horrified, holds her
daughter closer while Vince, who couldn't take any more, rushes the ring
and promptly gets beaten down. Stephanie and Linda make their way to the
apron and plead for it to stop. Linda, mouth agape, makes her way into
the ring as the Corporation leaves. "I'll take that as a yes. I'll see
you tonight!" Then Vince says "You're damn right!" and we hear it just
fine even though there's no mics around. Crowd pops.
Good Lord, did they just make EIGHT matches tonight? How the HELL they
gonna get that done in just over eighty minutes?
Back in Vince's office, Stephanie and Linda plead with Vince to not take
the match with Shane. Vince says he's gonna kick HIS ASS! And then he
tells the cops to escort his wife and daughter to the hotel so they don't
have to see it.
MEAN STREET POSSE v. PAT PATTERSON & GERALD BRISCO - a promo is cut before
the Musketeers enter - let's let that go. A shove from the Posse starts
this off. Brisco with fists o' fury while Patterson prefers kick to the
nuts (Make your own joke here) - Waistlock into a takedown by Brisco!
Patterson with another kick to the nuts! Poor Pete "Gas." Patterson
whuppin' him with a belt. Brisco with the head to the buckle - Brisco
tosses Rodney out of the ring, and he gets caught on the ropes on his way
down - heh. Patterson dumps Pete over the barricade while Brisco - well,
something happens. Next thing we know referee "Blind" Earl Hebner is
raising the hands of the Stooges - why? Dunno. (ref stop? 1:27) Geez,
you'd never know what bumbling idiots these guys were just a short month
ago...
Shane promises "an office visit" and as the Corporate Ministry - WALKS -
away...
The US Coast Guard presents the Rescue of the Week - Vince rescuing
Austin, taking a chairshot in the process - from Smackdown!
There's the Corporate Ministry - they're still WALKING!
TEST v. BIG BOSSMAN v. MIDIAN v. VISCERA in a four corners match - not
surprisingly, the Corporate Ministry members walk out together. Lawler
notes that it was only a short while ago that the Ministry hung Bossman -
how can he ever trust Midian & Viscera? Geez, Lawler, that's almost
INTELLIGENT of ya! Bossman and Test start. Test blocks a punch and gets
a flurry, but Bossman strikes, whip - as he comes out, Bossman clubs him
in the back of the head from behind, taking him down. Piledriver - no,
back body drop from Test. Stomps on him. Right hand. Bossman takes him
to Viscera's corner and tags out. Test manages to punch Bossman and throw
back elbows to Viscera, but Viscera overpowers him - until Test regains
control. But a whip is reversed - slow splash. He should have tagged
Bossman there! Whip into opposite corner, boot up. Dropkick! Test tries
to tag Midian, but he jumps off the apron. Belly-to-belly suplex from
Viscera. Tag to Midian. Punches exchanged. Jawbreaker from Midian.
Head to the turnbuckle. Right hands. Half-snap suplex. 1, 2, no.
Headbutt. Elbow to the back of the head. Choke on the top rope. Right.
Right. Another headbutt. This offense is best characterised as
"deliberate." Whip - Test holds on - ersatz Samoan drop - while referee
"Blind" Jim Korderas argues with Viscera, Bossman comes in with a kick.
Midian holds Test for a nightstick shot - now you KNOW that won't hit the
right guy. Test with the big boot to Bossman - elbow for Viscera - cover
Midian, 1, 2, 3. (3:39) Bossman and Viscera are quickly back on Test -
tripleteam is on now - here's the UPYOURS and their 2x4's to make the
save. "Well it's the Big Show" plays - gee, why not. And THEN ... man,
it was unreal! The Big Show chokeslammed Test and pinned him in under a
minute! No, wait, sorry, that was a Smackdown! flashback. I'm sorry.
That didn't happen tonight.
Backstage, we see Triple H leave an office, holding his hand - we see
Vince thrown against a wall - Undertaker getting a stomp in for good
measure as he leaves. Paul Bearer gives "seeya!" as JR shouts "Vince has
been assaulted! Vince has been assaulted!"
wwf.com promo
Austin and Brown and just keep playing that 1-800-COLLECT ad, go ahead!
AND Happy Hour is NEXT! Well, in about an hour...
1-800-COLLECT presents WWF: Over the Edge! 23 May!
SKIPPY v. VINCENT K. - wow, they're gonna go in the changeover slot?
There's the RAW credits and the TV-14-DLV ratings box to start the second
hour a couple of minutes late. Big "asshole" chant. "Come on, Vince!
Don't keep me waiting! I knew you wouldn't show up! I know you didn't
have the grapefruits to come face me, because everybody knows that I can
take you! You probably hopped into your limo with your precious little
girl Stephanie and good ol' Mom and skeedaddled! You couldn't take your
son! Nononono! You can't face the facts! You can't face it - that I
have the power - that I run the Corporation - it's Shane McMahon's show!
It would please me so much if you walked down that aisle because if you
were in this ring I would annihilate you for the entire world to witness!
But obviously that's not gonna happen now." Ross: "This kid needs an ass
whippin'!" Shane: "So Mr. Referee, I think you should raise my hand and
declare Shane McMahon the winner!" But there he appears on the top of the
ramp - staggering down the ramp, then collapsing on the ramp. Shane
leaves the ring and rushes him with a clothesline. Shane lays on the bad
mouth. Field goal kick coming up - measure measure measure - kick "to the
face." Shane grabs him by the hair (easy now!) and throws him in the
ring. The bell sounds to start the match. Shane sets him up in the
corner - steps on the throat - I thought a broncobuster was coming - oh,
wait - here it is. Referee "Blind" Earl Hebner asks Vince if he wants to
quit. No answer. Shane picks him up - then takes him down with a
clothesline. Shane poses to the crowd, who dutifully boos on cue. Shane
picks him up again (watch the hair!) Clothesline is ducked, VINCE hits a
clothesline of his own. Kick to the gut - STONE COLD STUNNER! Vince
barks at him - then covers! 1, 2, 3!! (1:48 bell-to-bell) The roof
blows off the joint. Damn, that was pretty cool, wasn't it? Oh sorry.
I mean, "that sucked and it wasn't wrestling." Don't burn my workrate
membership card, PLEEEEEEEEEASE. Crowd chants "Loo-Zer" to Shane. Shane
says this ain't over as we watch neat facial expressions from first
father, then son.
Austin Hell Yeah Snake Shirt Costs Money
Let Us Take You Back to Earlier Tonight as the Corporation lays the smack
down on Vince - then a bit later, Vince managed to stagger out for his
match with his son. We pay special attention to the double bird before
the Stunner - then see many angles of the Stunner, there's the jawjacking,
and the cover.
MANKIND (with 2x4 but without American flag) v. ACOLYTES (with shovel) in
a Hardcore Handicap match - the Acolytes rush the ring but Mankind gets
first shot with a 2x4 across the back of Bradshaw. Gutshot for Faarooq,
and again. Mankind stays on Faarooq, apparently forgetting Bradshaw has a
shovel. That waylays him. Double team is on - whip, double elbow.
1-800-COLLECT brings us the double feature. Now he's outside the ring and
grabbing whatever's handy. Something very soft hits Faarooq, and Faarooq
wisely nosells the cotton candy shot. Steps thrown in the ring - Bradshaw
whips Mankind into the steps, held by Faarooq. JR makes an obscure
Kentucky Derby reference. Thrown outside the ring again. "Foley" chant
as Faarooq works over Mankind with the 2x4. Back in the ring again -
Off the ropes - Mankind with a double clothesline! Faarooq thrown through
the ropes, Mankind follows - let's hope he does better than cotton candy -
oh boy, a box full of plastic peanuts! Again, Bradshaw wisely ignores
that shot. Acolytes work him over again, head to the STEEL steps. Ross
says Mankind usually has time to prepare some better weapons. I wonder if
they're poking fun at something here? Mankind whipped into the
timekeeper's table. Now Faarooq standing with one leg on the table and
one on the barricade and punching away - Mankind manages a nice kick to
the nuts but Bradshaw hits a bell shot. Mankind FINALLY finds a suitable
weapon - a trash can to both Acolytes' heads - DDT of Bradshaw on the can!
Cover - 1, 2, Faarooq with a chair to the back to break that up. Faarooq
rolls him back in the ring. Stomp, stomp - chairshot while Bradshaw looks
for more plunder. Another chair in the ring - Bradshaw holds Mankind for
the chairshot - well you know he's gonna hit his partner. Sure enough -
Bradshaw knocked cold. Mankind with a double underhook DDT on Faarooq!
Mankind up - time for the sock - Mandible Socko for Faarooq - but Bradshaw
hits his "clothesline from Hell." 1-800-COLLECT brings us the inadvertant
chairshot replay. Bradshaw winds up and chairs Mankind in the back.
Faarooq kicks. Chairs set up a la Wight's chokeslam - assisted powerbomb
on the chairs. 1, 2, 3. That was the right result, you know. (5:40)
Many replays, including one with sound (they seem to like doing that
tonight) Mankind shows off his sock one more time while Lawler crows
about puppies later tonight.
Steve & D'Lo share a tender moment - I feel I'll see this ad one more time
tonight
Austin and Undertaker highlight this Over the Edge promo - it's the 23rd
and 1-800-COLLECT is the sponsor
RAW is WAR is brought to you by Castrol Motor Oily, Burger King, and WWF:
the Music (Volume 3) - get it at Target!
KING KEN SHAMROCK v. TRIPLE H (with that Referee Chyna) - Chyna points to
the stripes as if to say "Hey, look, I'm wearing stripes." Shamrock won't
let Chyna check him out. Lawler: "I think all referees should dress like
that!" Ross: "I wouldn't want to see Teddy Long in those shorts."
Lockup, off the ropes, arm drag by Shamrock, into an arm bar, into an arm
breaker, back to the arm bar. Fireman's carry takeover as H treies to
squirm away. Shamrock still on him, arm wringer, eyepoke from Triple H,
to the corner, punch blocked, Shamrock's rights hit. Into the armbreaker.
Knee to the elbow. H grabs the ropes and Chyna asks for the break.
Another stomp on his way up. Right hand from H, another. When did
Shamrock move from Lodi to San Diego, anyway? Whip into the corner,
Shamrock throws up an elbow, deep arm drag takeover, this resembles
WRESTLING, doesn't it? How about that? Still working the armbar,
grabbing the chin with the other arm. Triple H punches out. Off the
ropes, back elbow by Shamrock knocks him down. Rights, off the rope, gut
shot, punch, 'rana blocked and Triple H hits a powerbomb. Takes him to
the corner, kicking, punching, stomping, oh oh Ross says "Helmsley" many
times. No break here as Chyna appears to be staring at her nails instead
of the offense in the Corner. Whip into the opposite corner, Shamrock
hitting with his chest. As he comes out, H comes off the ropes with a
lariat. Cover, quick count - but only 2. Several rights. Time for some
KNEE offense, right? No, another punch. Off the ropes, head down -
Shamrock manages a sunset flip - now in a leg breaker...Chyna rakes the
face! Triple H takes him off the ropes and into the high knee (THERE it
is!) - Chyna covers her eyes as Triple H spreads the legs, then drops the
knee in a sensitive area. Head to the turnbuckle. Right hand, right,
right, right, right, right, crowd tries to come alive for Shamrock. Whip
into the opposite corner - but Shamrock catches Triple H as he rushes him
and hits a powerslam. Chyna fails to put on the 10 count. Both men up.
Shamrock with the Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine. Lotsa punches - off
the ropes - back elbow. Off the ropes again - leg lariat. Cover - but no
count. Shamrock asks what's up - and Triple H attacks from behind. Whip,
reverse, charge, boot up. Gutshot, Pedigree coming up - no, Shamrock with
the double leg takedown - anklelock! Trying to reach the ropes - can't
quite get there - Chyna walks over and pulls the rope to his outstretched
hand, then calls for the break. But Shamrock won't let go - 1, 2,
3...Chyna with a chokehold on Shamrock to try to break it up. Shamrock
breaks it and turns to face her. He's got her in a waistlock! But before
we see the suplex Triple H is on him from behind with a punch to the back
of the head. Right, right is blocked, Shamrock hits one, but Chyna hits
the Golotta from behind. Pedigree. Chyna with the normal cadence - 1, 2,
3. (7:34) Lawler makes the "Oh my God, they've killed Kenny!" joke.
Split screen shows Undertaker - and the Big Show - and - oh my God -
they're - they're - WALKING!
The FRAM Sure Grip of the Week (the what?) is the Big Show's grip on the
2x4 that demolishes every window in one of the Corporate Ministry's
limousine.
I guess FRAM is one of those sponsors that forgot to talk to Time/Warner
before signing on with the King of Cable...
WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW v. UNDERTAKER (with Paul Bearer) - I can't BELIEVE
they're giving this match away for free. I must be smelling screwjob!
Let Us Take You Back to last week, where the Big Show tried to rescue
Stephanie, only to eat a bat shot from the Undertaker. Undertaker quickly
on him with punches to start - referee "Blind" Tim White tries to get him
to break in the corner, but Undertaker makes a threatening menace - when
he turns around - Big Show's got him in a double choke - setting him down
in the corner, Undertaker ducks and goes back to the right hands.
Headbutts. Undertaker again stalks the ref, who hightails it.
Undertaker goes for a splash but he's caught - big bearhug. Undertaker
crumples in the bearhug - but claps the bell to get out of it - off the
ropes - runs into the big boot! Clothesline takes Undertaker outside the
ring. Paul Bearer has some chloroform ready, but Undertaker grabs it and
douses his elbowpad with it. He's bleeding from his beard! Brought back
in - big forearm, off the ropes, duck, sleep applied, Big Show smelling
the "ether" although the ref can't, apparently. Down on one knee. But
no! Snapmare! Bearer fishes under the ring and finds a baseball bat.
Hey, that can't be legal! Bat TO THE HEAD. Somehow, White notices this
and calls for the bell. (DQ 2:45) Damn, I mean, that couldn't have been
a real bat but it STILL looks damn impressive. Big Show dutifully blades.
Undertaker stands over him and says "This - this is MY show!" Choke,
punches, stompin'. That's quite a cut there. Too bad Mankind didn't find
that bat earlier...but wow.
Here's Debra in her "evening gown" - she's - she's WALKING! Lawler is
already annoying me enough to consider climbing a clock tower.
Hey, there's Austin and D'Lo talkin' collect calling!
And oh yeah, Happy Hour is NEXT!
Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago - the good thing about this bat shot
is I can't figure out how they done it. "During the Break" footage shows
us the Big Show staggering back up the ramp, bruised and bloodied.
DE-BRA v. (THE LOVELY) SABLE in an Evening Gown match - anybody actually
SEEN Sable lately? I still think we don't have this match. The music
plays - and no one shows up. On the TitanTron, Sable appears, and says
that she's out at Hef's mansion preparing for her second Playboy shoot and
can't compete tonight. But don't worry, "like all Hollywood divas, Sable
has a stunt double who will be filling in for me tonight." I'll bet you
figured it out that it's NICOLE BASS before she came out, right? Why's
Ross keep calling him "the teflon King?" Well, Debra doesn't want any
part of this, so she just removes her dress (about :12) and that's that.
Now she's posing for the crowd. Bass grabs Debra anyway. Now JEDOUBLEF
JADOUBLEREDOUBLET is out with a guitar to save his manager - WAFFLED her.
VAL VENIS is out? God knows why he'd help Nicole Bass but he takes
Jarrett out of the ring. Ohhhhh...he did it for DEBRA apparently. He
grabs her and carries her out honeymoon style. Jarrett comes to and
chases after them.
Split screen shows the Rock and Steve Austin - Oh God - they're - WALKING!
Hey, this is the first time we've seen Rock tonight...and the first time
we've seen Austin not in a flashback or commercial...just thought that was
interesting enough to mention. Eh.
The USA update is apparently in the final ad break from now on...
Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago where a dress is removed, a guitar is
kabonged, a wrestlin' pornstar comes to Bass' aid and walks off with
Debra. "During the Break" footage shows Jarrett catching up with Venis
and bouncing him off various set items. Dave Hebner and Mike Chioda try
pretty hard to break it up.
THE ROCK v. STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN in a lumberjack match - By my watch,
about six minutes left in this show. I wonder if we'll actually get a
match here? Have I mentioned lately that Austin is over? The lumberjacks
enter third. As the opening bell sounds, Rock and Austin don't actually
tie up, as the lumberjacks try to rush the combatants. And since there's
about ten of them and two of them, you figure eventually the numbers will
be in their favour. And you'd be right. Referee "Blind" Earl Hebner has
no choice but to call off the match (No contest :22) as SKIPPY makes his
way down the ramp with sneer affixed to his face. It's a MASSIVE ATTACK!
But up on the ramp appears VINCENT K., who sends the REST OF THE LOCKER
ROOM into the ring - it's on. Everybody pretty much clears out except
Triple H and the Undertaker who are having their way with the ROck.
Chyna getting in a shot as well. We're still on this shot - but now
Austin's re-emerged from the Brood's elevator, and he's on the Undertaker!
ROck and Triple H are brawling and now Undertaker and Austin are back on
the elevator, which descends through the stage. Triple H and Chyna are
back in control of the Rock - whoops, spoke too soon. Must be the "Rocky"
chants. Rock strikes Chyna! But Triple H has one of the big cop lights -
big shot on Rock, who falls off the stage - Austin is back and on Triple H
- but now Undertaker is back. Down goes Austin - he's gonna throw AUSTIN
off the stage! Austin goes through some tables and doesn't move once he
hits. We see Rock and Austin, both lying amongst table remains.
Undertaker, Triple H and Chyna pose at the top of the stage as their new
theme plays...out!
9 matches, 28:27.
I'll be late next week. Starting right now - it's vacation time, baby!
And I've EARNED it!