by Christopher Robin Zimmerman
WrestleLine/WrestleManiacs
AWARDS: Get thyself over to Usenet - the rec.sport.pro-wrestling Awards
are UNDERWAY!
QUICK QUOTE: WWFE 23 1/16 (+ 1/16)
LISTEN TO ME: I *liked* Survivor Series. Sue me. Never hurts to take away
Austin - that's what I always say! Now if we could just lose that Rock guy
for a few...
TONIGHT: There'll be lots of signs! We'll tell you how Steve Austin is
doing! In fact, take a look at that car running down his stunt double
right now! Also, the Big Show's first title defense - his first WHAT
defense?
One World TV-14-DLV Leader Attitude - WWF!
Opening Credits tell us this show is closed captioned - I thought that was
Jeff Jarrett for a minute but it was Mr. Ass
FIREWORKS and SIGNS welcome us to Pittsburgh, PA and the Civic Arena - we
are LIVE 15.11.99 because tonight, RAW is WAR! Let's waste no time...
Are you ready? D-GENERATION X walks to the ring to start off tonight's
festivities. X-Pac enjoys a Hansen's Energy Drink while Triple H TAKES THE
STICK! "For the benefit...["asshole" chant]...I am REALLY not in the mood
tonight. For the benefit of those that did not see Survivor Series last
night, I will enlighten you as to the situation...you see, last night some
THIEVERY took place. Last night, a crime was committed - MY property was
STOLEN. I was not beaten for the World Wresting Federation title, it was
STOLEN from ME. Vince McMahon - I have been a *thorn in your side* since
the moment that I won the World Wresting Federation title. You can not
LIVE with the fact that I was the champ here. It has burned a hole in you
like nothing has ever burned a hole in you before, so you tried to do
everything in your power to take it from me. You put your son in the ring
against me, you put your son-in-law in the ring against me, you put your
SELF in the ring against me. You tried everything. Special referee this,
timekeeper that, enforcer this, special this, special that, *all a load of
crap.* Vince, you made me fight one guy - two guys at a time - three guys
at a time - FIVE GUYS in one damn night...and still, you could not get the
job done - why? Because I AM - THAT - DAMN - GOOD. So it comes down to
last night...in a CRIME. My property was stolen; Vince McMahon - you
committed a crime. And you will pay for your crime, starting tonight,
Vince McMahon, D-Generation X WILL BE your judge, your jury, YOUR
executioner, and you will pay for your crime starting NOW, so get your punk
ass HERE - NOW." After a respectful pause, "No Chance in Hell" is played
and out walks BILLIONAIRE VINCE. "Oh boy. Triple H - you seem ... upset.
I agree with you, Triple H, that people should pay for crimes. And if I
were a member of DX, I'd be thinking about paying for my crime - I'd be
thinking about...if I were somebody by the name of X-Pac, whether I could
do the time. And if I were someone by the name of Mr. Ass, I'd REALLY be
worried about doin' time. And Road Doggy Dogg, if you and your other
members of DX go to jail, I'm just afraid that you're REALLY gonna know
what Doggy Style is all about. All of ya...especially you, Triple H. So
why don't you take a look at the crime YOU committed last night - the crime
against Stone Cold Steve Austin - take a look. Take a look at this
footage." Let Us Take You Back to Last Night where Kevin Kelly's interview
with Austin was cut short when Triple H barged on the scene. The chase was
on...and outside, the now infamous headlights and the now infamous car ran
down the now infamous Stone Cold - or at least his reasonable
approximation. Later, fingers were pointed and accusations made while the
EMT's attended to Austin. Back to real time. "So...did ya do it, Triple
H? Nononono.. before you answer that question, and tell all your lies to
all these people - why don't you answer the questions of the detectives who
flew all the way from Detroit, Michigan - who are about to ask you
gentlemen a few questions - the DETECTIVES along with these POLICE
OFFICERS! NOW we're gonna get to the bottom of this! NOW we're gonna find
out whether or not DX had anything to do with Stone Cold Steve Austin!"
Triple H calls off "Mark Fuhrman" but they insist. The four members of DX
eventually start to leave the ring as we fade out.
PREDICTION - MYSTERY - CULMINATION - ENCORE ... well, that seems a bit much
for an encore ad...
Hey! Some PITTSBURGH STEELERS in the crowd! Ehh...Packers are
under .500 - so sad.
MANKIND v. BALD VENIS - Let Us Take You Back to Val placing Rocko in a
special spot, Venis doing a little book burning, Venis costing Mankind and
Snow the tag team titles...hmmm, now why would these guys wanna fight?
Mankind's ready to riff: "Hello, Pittsburgh. You know something, Mankind's
a lot like the Pittsburgh Steelers...we suffered a little disappointment
yesterday, but we're ready to kick some ass tonight!" Foley is at #2,
bookwise. Ross says he spent the night with Austin - today he was
medi-vac'd back to Tejas. Mankind attacks mid-promo and it's on. And now
it's outside. Crowd chanting "Foley" as Mankind takes control. Venis
dropped against the barricade. Head to the STEEL steps. Choking away.
Rolled back in the ring, Mankind follows. Right to the back of the head.
Grinding his face into the top rope. In the corner, now trading blows, now
Mankind throwing unanswered punches. Running knee is blocked with both
boots up - lariat from Venis, cover, kickout. Mankind's head taken to the
buckle, and again. One more time, why not. Venis throws a right and
Mankind hits the apron. Standing on the neck, using a little leverage.
Off the ropes - holding on for the elbows. Side Russian legsweep and a
cover - nope. Right, Mankind back with a right - now trading - now Mankind
- Venis' head to the buckle - whip, reversal, followed with a lariat. To
the other corner, but Mankind takes him down by the legs and punches away.
Off the ropes, caught - enzuigiri? No, this is Foley! It's a lariat.
Mankind motioning for the sock - but Venis takes him out with a KO blow.
Another right - there's one more. Off the ropes, head down, double
underhook DDT. Mankind grabs the sock again - can't he do that move
without the sock? - Venis ducks it and punches away. Foley again falls to
the mat. Venis on the second rope - but lands on a Mandible Claw. Venis
punches - and breaks the hold - but Mankind puts it back on. Down to the
mat - shoulders are down there, ref...but "Blind" Mike Chioda rings the
bell - guess it's a KO. (4:54) Ross has a feeling that tonight's RAW will
be like none other.
Backstage, the detective asks Road Dogg his real name - Dogg offers "Dees
Nuts." Gunn says his itinerary can be checked. Another detective says
that DX are the main suspects in an attempted vehicular homicide - Triple H
stands up and tries to build up Vince McMahon as the #1 suspect - offering
that for the better part of two years, he's been trying to get rid of
Austin, except for recently...when he's been Mr. Nice Guy for some strange
reason. What's up with that? Hmmm, he's actually got a point there. H
says normally he'd have two words for them, but until his attorney arrives,
he's got NO words for them. I can't think of a better time to take an ad
break!
But first, a few words about "WWF: The Music (Volume 4)." Buy it! It's
bad ass! Well, that's what that announcer guy said anyway...
Local spot plugs SmackDown! on UPN 44
Test and Stephanie - ARRIVE! Luna meets them with a present. She says she
too has found somebody special. After encouraging them to open it,
Stephanie opens the present to find - a stuffed squirrel. "I heard you
like stuffed animals!" Har har har!
GODFATHER (with ten - no, five ho's) v. KURT ANGLE (with many medals) - I
can't help but notice a prominent "World Wide Filth" sign in the crowd -
the other side saying "WWF is immoral." An angle - or a real sentiment?
Godfather's a fun loving guy who loves to have fun - also, he smokes
weed. Speaking of angles, Angle (who has inherited the Patriot's music) is
booed in his home town, it's quickly pointed out. Godfather offers to
trade the gold medal for ... but Angle takes the mic. "I'm here to
wrestle." Let me say that last night's Angle/Stasiak match was pretty damn
good and made both men look good. We start with the mat wrestling as the
"World Wide Filth" sign walks back and forth in front of the camera. Angle
plays to the crowd...and from behind, Godfather hits a surprise rollup for
2. Angle plays to the crowd - "I can't believe this! You cheer a pimp and
his ho's over an Olympic gold medalist! What is WRONG with you people?"
Single leg - enzuigiri ducked, and Angle grabs the arm - armdrag takeover -
Godfather back up - another armdrag. Into the corner. Godfather with a
right as referee "Blind" Tim White breaks it up. Off the ropes with a
clothesline. Scoop - and a slam. Godfather on the second rope - but the
Vaderbomb finds the knees. Another armdrag takeover, hey, why not one
more. Arm wringer - but Godfather throws a clothesline to break it up.
Another look at that sign. Godfather kicks away. Okay, that guy's gotta
be a plant. Into the corner hard - it's time once again for the Ho Train.
But the guy with the sign is over the rail - JIM DOTSON escorts him back
over the rail and possibly to jail. We never got a good look at his
face... Anyway, as a distracted Godfather rips up the confiscated sign,
Angle catches him in a "reverse fireman carry" for the pinfall. (2:58)
Replay of the end of what happened as Ross lectures us about jumping over
the railing...you just DON'T do it unless you're part of a "reality-based"
angle.
The police are seen knocking on Mr. McMahon's door...
WWF Slam Cam ad..."awesome!"
When we come back, Vince McMahon is explaining his relationship with Steve
Austin - he can't believe they're questioning him now. "Mr. McMahon, is it
true Mr. Austin once attacked you with a bedpan?" While McMahon has an
alibi, the cops can't account for the whereabouts of Brisco and Patterson.
"Well, you'll just have to ask them." Oh man, stand by for MIRTH and
HILARITY!
RAW is brought to you by WWF Feed Snacks - available at 7-Eleven! Much
better than those nasty smelly Slim Jims! Also, the JVCkaboom!box - and -
SPACE INVADERS!!
CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO (at the end of the Y2J countdown) v. GANGREL (with
Luna Tunes and a burning ring o' far) - hey, Chris, why the long face? Is
it that "sex change" promise that you made during Heat last night? So I
guess we now know who Luna's Someone Special is - I'd tell you they're
married in real life, but who cares? Before this match starts, THAT SLUT
CHYNA and MISS KITTY make an entrance - she brandishing a tree pruner, and
she dressed like a nurse. "I believe I distinctly heard you say that if I
beat you last night, that you were gonna have a sex change. Well, um,
nurse Kitty and I thought we'd help you get surgically started.." Kitty
says they don't need those - she brought some the right size - and pulls
out a teensy pair of scissors. Chyna also produces some birth control
pills, some Tampax - and of course, what would RAW be without douche?
Gangrel decides to attack from behind. Off the ropes, Jericho slides under
and rares back. Big clothesline off the ropes. Lionsault! Right, right,
right, right, and now shouting to Chyna and Kitty, who are approaching the
ring. Gangrel fires back on the distracted Jericho. Nice butterfly suplex
from Gangrel. Whip into the rope sis reversed - boot up, though -
second rope into a Sunset flip, but Jericho floats over it, and puts
Gangrel into the Walls of Jericho! But now Chyna is up on the apron in a
surgical mask while Kitty tosses tampons at Jericho. Jericho over to the
ropes - Chyna off to the floor - Gangrel up from behind the once-again
distracted Jericho - combo Northern Lights/fisherman suplex with a bridge!
1, 2, 3! (1:29) Chyna and Kitty brandish a bra and panties as Jericho
gives us the textbook definition of "mortified" facial expression. In
fact, he better watch it or his face will FREEZE that way - whoa, maybe it
has! Jericho slowly walks back up the ramp, his expression unchanging.
Ross wonders if we'll see him again in the WWF...
Backstage, Big Show asks Vince if he could have the Bossman tonight instead
of the Bulldog - Vince says he understands what he's feeling, but HE makes
the matches. Tonight, Bossman has the Rock in a Hardcore match, and the
winner will be named #1 Contender. We follow Vince to the DX dressing room
- he thanks them for alerting the detectives about his past, and as a
reward, how about some matches tonight? Road Dogg gets Al Snow, Mr. Ass
draws Test, and Triple H will start all over again at the bottom of the
ladder - by facing Kane. Kane is now the bottom of the ladder? Huh. I'm
gonna have to check with Jeremy Billones on that...
When we come back, the detectives talk to Brisco and Patterson. Brisco
gives a glowing character reference of McMahon. Patterson reminds Brisco
that one time Vince had them taken out, and one time Austin took McMahon
hostage. Brisco tells Patterson not to stooge off McMahon - the detectives
tell Brisco not to tamper with a witness. You know, this isn't as mirthful
and hilarious as I thought it'd be...
Meanwhile, the Acolytes are playing cards. Dave Hebner approaches and says
a couple guys are in the back - looks like the same guys they had trouble
with last night in Detroit. Should he call security? The Acolytes say
they'll go back and meet them. All three men WALK back to take a look -
and there's four burly guys waiting. As you might imagine when the
Acolytes are around, a hockey game breaks out. This is what we call "the
1999 version of a squash - " hey, them jobbers still gotta EAT in these
jobberless times. In fact, the ensuing fracas is such an easy night for
Faarooq and Bradshaw that now they're ready to go out and find ANOTHER
fight. Sorry, I didn't check the time on this one.
And now, the WWF Slam of the Week - thanks to the WWF Slam Cam - yow!
Double suplex on the Big Show from the Rock and Triple H! From last
night's Survivor Series. That poor Spanish announce table! You know what
was cooler? When the Quebecers did it to Mabel at WrestleMania X. THAT
was an awesome spot.
Dave Hebner directs the Acolytes once again to the four guys from Detroit.
Huh? Anyway, the fight's on once again. Whoops, it's over. Bye. Man,
I'm confused.
WELL IT'S A BIG SHOW v. BRITISH BULLDOG (with Mean Street Posse &
TV-14-DLV ratings box) for the WWF Championship - oh yeah, last night the
Big Show won the WWF Championship. Sorry I didn't tell you earlier.
Champion's out first?!? Bulldog on him with punches, whip is reversed,
well it's a big alleged kick. Well it's a big elbowdrop.
ahhhhhtheCHOKESLAAAAAM. Oops, it's over. (:34) Here's one for Pete, and
here's one for Rodney - and here's one for Joey Abs.
ahhhhhtheCHOKESLAAAAAM - YOU WILL LOVE IT. Well it's a big set of replays.
Geez, I didn't even really get to WORK this riff tonight!
MICHAEL KING COLE attempts to interview the Rock - will he answer Big
Bossman's challenge of a hardcore match to become the #1 Contender? Yup.
That kinda match makes his bacon sizzle - speaking of bacon, here's the two
detectives. Apparently the car that ran down Austin was registered in the
Rock's name. Hmmmmm.... Rock says he reported his car stolen last night,
and furthermore, it doesn't matter what your names are. Rock tells the
cops to take a jelly donut, squeeze all the jelly out, turn it sideways and
stick it straight up...I DARE them to do something to the Rock. Of course,
they don't. Heyyyyy...I'm starting to think those aren't real cops! On
the plus side, Rock decides against filling those donuts with monkey piss.
How about another local spot for SmackDown! Why not?
AT&T (nee TCI) fills the other local spot with an ad for WCW Mayhem - which
includes Hogan, Savage, Raven, THE GIANT?, Wolfpack Sting...oy
Here's an exterior of Pittsburgh, as we inform you that MechWarrior 3
brings you WWF Armageddon!
Backstage, Jerry Lawler is with the detectives - then he attempts to
implicate Jim Ross in Austin's attack - "he's been a little...unstable."
ROAD DOGG v. AL SNOW (with Head) - Ross throws a right fit at Lawler's
actions. Dogg goes for some local heat by dissin' the Steelers - ha ha.
Quick look at your hosts, a pair of kings - LARRY KING and JERRY LAWLER.
Ross gives what for as Lawler comes back to his seat. Let Us Take You Back
to last week as Mankind gave Snow Head - yeah yeah. We come back and the
match has already started. Snow fends off the wiggly woohly kneedrop with
a testicular claw. There's about a million (well, 12) stomps from Snow.
Outside we go - Dogg to the apron. Chair to the ringpost misses. Lawler
runs down why Ross might be wacko - both parents died in the past year, two
bouts of Bells Palsy - and Ross tells him to check himself. Dogg comes
back, taking Snow into the STEEL steps. Whip into the barricade is
reversed. Arabian leg lariat! ("Arabian" means "off a chair," I believe)
Lawler brandishes the vile action figure and tells us once again about that
Atlanta Journal-Constitution article again. Dogg takes Snow into a chair
following the low blow. Back in the ring, Snow slides under the whip.
There's an enzuigiri from Snow. Right hand, again, whip into the corner is
reversed, Snow slides, Dogg with a gutshot and a swinging
neckbreaker...2. Strange to hear them talk about Ross building the
commentary table after what happened on Nitro - Lawler reminds Ross about
his broken arm - did Austin pay him back for suffering that? Snow ties up
the arms and unleashes the headbutt. Now climbing the ropes - Snow with
the moonsault - but only 2. Off the ropes, reversal, crossbody from Snow -
Dogg rolls it over - and almost gets the fall. Side Russian legsweep from
Dogg - cover - 2. Snow ducks a crossbody, gutshot, sitout powerbomb (!) -
but only 2. Snow motioning for the Snow Plow...got him up - Dogg goes
behind, gutshot, pump handle slam, 1, 2, 3!! (4:13) Snow is rather
distraught that victory was seemingly stolen from him at the last moment as
Dogg walks off. Here comes MANKIND to try to lend a hand to his friend.
He's GOT THE STICK! "Al, Al...come on...come on, Al, turn that frown
upside down - it doesn't matter that you lost - I lost last night! And the
fact that your dolls have been pulled off shelves across the country
doesn't matter either!" "They say I beat women!" "Al, the important thing
is...Pittsburgh still loves you! Well, maybe they never really loved you,
but I think they still like you, and more importantly, *I* like you, and I
think that me, Mankind, and the city of Pittsburgh can help cheer you up,
so if everybody would sing along with me, let's make a man very happy..."
and they sing "For He's A Jolly Good Fellow" to Al. Sing along with Mick!
Snow hugs him - they take turns singing "which nobody can deny" until Snow
comes up smiling. Mankind says he's got even better news - the office has
consented to give them a vacation ... to Las Vegas! Mankind says they'll
party like it's 1999. I will TRY to look past the fact that this is "Las
Vegas" week on UPN...
Let Us Take You Back Once Again to Last Night - a stuntman looking
remarkably like Stone Cold is run down by a car. Hey, about last night -
was it just me - did I hallucinate the outline of the state of VERMONT on
that ambulance? I mean, they were Michigan plates, but that just looked
kinda funny. Go back and check your tape for me, I'm feeling lazy.
Tom Berenger! Come ON! Tom Berenger!
Backstage, X-Pac has some words for Tori - to lure Kane into a trap.
Triple H attacks from behind - hmmm, this'll probably affect their match
later tonight.
Meanwhile, Chris Jericho commandeers the cameraman and drags him over to a
dark room...where Chyna is duct taped to a chair. "No matter what happens,
keep filming. You understand me, eh? This isn't too funny of a
situation, is it Chyna? It's not as funny as walking to the ring with some
hedge clippers, maybe? Making some penis jokes with your little buddy?
It's not so funny anymore, is it - not as funny as causing me to lose
another match in front of millions of people and embarrassing me again?
Not as funny as embarrassing me like you did yesterday? Huh?" Jericho's
pretty much gone plum loco. Last night was much more than a loss...he lost
his career. Nine years! He still hears the ringing of the bell in his
head. What he wants is for her to admit to the world that last night he
was better than her and that he should be the Champion - not her. "Tell
them! You understand me?! TELL THEM!" "Screw you, Chris." Jericho
brandishes a hammer and demands again. Chyna says she won't lie to him.
"You do what you have to do." "I guess you called my bluff - I guess you
are the better - I could never - I could never hit a defenseless
person's...hand - I guess you really are the better person, I could never-"
then he BREAKS HER HAND, demanding that the camera operator film it and get
it on tape. Well, actually he completely misses her hand, and you can
TOTALLY tell thanks to the lights and the contrast of white tape and black
glove and black other object that really gets hit, but, you know, they're
ACTING, see, so...
Encore presentation spot #2
Should I make note of "End of Days" ads now? I think......not!
Local spot hypes the 26 November WWF show at the Shark Tank - still hyping
Steve Austin even though we all know he probably won't be around
When we come back, Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago - actually, this
time it looks a bit better. I was too hard on them up there. Chyna does a
good job of screaming and crying, to.
SmackDown! is brought to you by WrestleMania 2000 - oops, wrong show -
wrong graphic - hang on a tick...
TEST v. KING ASS - backstage, we see the EMT's attending to Chyna - well,
that's some gory lookin' blood on her hand now. Where was Kitty earlier,
anyway? Ass holds his nose as he walks to the ring to remind us that Test
broke HIS nose on SmackDown! (at the hands of Gunn, the story now goes).
Test attacks before the bell and Ass takes a shellackin'. There's a big
ol' sidewalk slam with full rotation for 2. Clothesline takes him out of
the ring. Test follows out and they're on their way to the commentary
table. Head to the table! Ass finally punches back. Clubbin' blow to the
back. Head to the barricade. Test reverses a whip and Gunn hits the
ringpost. Referee "Blind" Mike Chioda convinces Test to get back in the
ring. Gunn comes back with a hot shot as Test tries to meet him on the
apron. Back in the ring, Gunn goes right for the nose. Gunn stands on the
face. Stomp. To the chinlock. Back up - punches him in the nose. Off
the ropes, head down - Test manages a gutwrench powerbomb and now both men
are down. Test checking his nose. Chioda at 4. Both men up -
"Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," right, right, off the ropes, big boot,
off the ropes again, reversed, hiptoss misses - swinging neckbreaker from
Test for 2. Meltdown attempt is blocked - Fame'Asser is also blocked, into
a slam of Gunn - but only 2! Arguing with the ref, Gunn up from behind -
gutshot, jackhammer! But only 2! That move NEVER works! Picking him up
by the hair - head into the turnbuckle - whip into the opposite corner,
Test up and down with a surprise half victory roll - for 3! (4:29) Gunn
FINALLY hits the Fame'Asser on the broken nose, too late for the victory,
but it's a MORAL victory - I guess...
Marissa Mazzola has a sitdown with Arnold Schwarzenegger - we check some
clips from Thursday's SmackDown! then are reminded that "End of Days" opens
soon...nothing much new here.
Triple H - is - WALKING!!
And now the WWF Rewind, presented by MechWarrior 3! From last night, Tori
comes out to lend a hand to her man - only to fall to a spinning heel kick
from X-Pac - yow!
Let Us Take You Back to Earlier Tonight as X-Pac says "dugout" and draws
Kane into an ambush from Triple H
"No Chance in Hell" leads BILLIONAIRE VINCE out one more time - will he
have an announcement for all of us? Eww, what'd they throw into that
camera? McMahon joins the commentary team but he appears to have taken a
bit of that spill as well. McMahon with pleasantries about Pittsburgh
("Yeah, kinda nice here in Pittsburgh") when you KNOW deep down he's
swearing out at 'em and promising to never hit the Igloo again. HE'LL show
'em, by God! They'll never spill a drink in HIS face again! (Well, while
he's a face - it's okay when he's a heel)
TREBLE H v. THROUGH HELL FIRE AND BRIMSTONE IT'S KANE - Kane's
entrance is cut short as X-PAC hits him from behind - Triple H gets a
running start on Kane as his back is to him. Down the ramp we go - H
punching and punching. Right hand. Into the ringpost. McMahon says yeah,
it IS a little personal. The bell finally rings to start this match as
they make it in the ring. Off the ropes, reversed, head down, facebuster
from Triple H. Clothesline off the ropes is ducked, gutshot, up and a
powerbomb FOLDS him up. Uppercut to the throat, right, right, uppercut,
into the ropes. Let's get this one out of the way: "Triple H screwed
Triple H." Double choke from Kane. Into the corner - charge misses.
Triple H forces a neckbreaker. Zombie situp! Swinging neckbreaker this
time. Still down - H over him - punching away. Kane up slowly. Head to
the buckle. H burying the shoulder in the gut. Right hand. Right. Kane
no-selling - right - no effect - again - H punching away - crowd coming to
life - Kane reverses and kicking away. Off the ropes, H ducks and hits a
DDT. 1, 2, no! Triple H going into the corner as we see the zombie situp.
Beals him across the ring - TRIPLE H IS RIC FLAIR! Right, right, into the
corner, clothesline - FLAIR FLOP! Kane to the top rope - flying
clothesline. Cover - 1, 2, no. Kane advances - H dumps him up and over.
H follows - but Kane is in charge - until the whip into the STEEL steps is
reversed. Rolled back into the ring. H motioning to Vince. There's a
shove by the face. Vince follows back into the ring. H with
"Iblockyourpunchyoublockmine!!!!!" (DQ 4:42) Kane is up and on Helmsley -
now VINCE is on him. Kane's got him - CHOKESLAM! X-PAC is back out to
collect Triple H - the winner of the match. In the ring, Vince offers his
apology to Kane - instead of accepting it, Kane just leaves the ring and
walks off.
Backstage, Bossman prepares some weapons for the Rock.
Meanwhile, the Rock is pacing - it's a little bit like WALKING!
Slam Cam ad #2 - it's so cool it's got it's own website!
Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago - apparently, that's called a
"pieface." Helmsley blocks the punch! Wail on Vince! H off the ropes at
the hands of Kane, big boot - Vince now wailing away.
Hey, who drove that car, anyway? Dark horse money would say Shane, but
that'd really be a longshot. I still like the idea of Gunn doing it, only
Lawler bringing it up would seem to preclude it...unless it's a swerved
swerve...oh my head
BIG BOSSMAN v. LA ROCA in a nontitle, hardcore, #1 Contenders match - holy
crap, we're live on TSN! How often does THAT happen? Bossman tries to get
in the first shot, but he ain't the Rock. Quickly we're outside. Now
trading punches. Bossman over the railing - Rock follows. Right, right,
into the crowd - good luck keeping track of it NOW. Something -
something's happening! But I can't see it! Bossman produces a rope - but
it has no effect on the Rock - Rock hangs Bossman instead. Now Rock
dragging him back by the rope by the neck. Right, right, lassooing him
back over the barricade. Thank goodness. Bossman manages to take Rock's
head to the ringpost. Bossman under the ring - breaks a broom over his
back. There's a chain. Head to the commentary table is blocked -
Bossman hits it nice, though. There's a pitcher of ice water. Rock with
the broomstick to the exposed crotch. Rock procures a camera, takes some
snaps, then - well, that was an expensive camera, just as well. Bossman
manages to take Rock into the STEEL steps. Bossman has the top half of the
steps - but Rock has a chair - Bossman falls under the steps - Rock
whacking them with the chair. Rock with referee "Blind" Earl Hebner's belt
- whip! Whip! Whip! Whip! We're going up the ramp - Rock Bottom on the
ramp! Cover - but PRINCE ALBERT is out. Albert actually takes him INTO
THE RING? That's not very hardcore! Albert slides a chair into the ring.
Now another. Bossman holding the Rock - now this NEVER works - sure
enough, Bossman feels the STEEL. Rock with the other chair, to the chair
to Albert's cranium. Time now for the People's Elbow. 1, 2, Albert elbows
- Bossman. Rock punching Albert - over the top rope and he almost KILLS
himself with the wreckage ust outside the ring. Sidewalk slam from the
Bossman! 1, 2, 3!!!!! (4:42) Rock has the nightstick, and there's the
Bossman out. Outside, monitor to Albert's head! Now back in the ring and
wailing away on a bloodied Bossman with the chain. Referee "Blind" Mike
Chioda is out - Rock Bottom! TOM PRITCHARD is out - Rock Bottom for him!
Back to the chain - back to Bossman, and back to a bloodied Prince Albert.
The rest of the referees and officials are out - geez, Rock's a really poor
loser, isn't he? Rock still taking it to Albert and Bossman - chain shot
for SLAUGHTER! Rock still all over Prince Albert - geez, if I didn't know
better....Rock with the chair to Bossman and Albert - there's the credits -
are we planting the seeds for a heel turn?
Christopher Robin Zimmerman
www.CRZ.net