MAD PROPS: Chris Schneider deserves many, many thanks from me - but all
he gets is this lousy mention at the top of the SmackDown! report
ABSOLUTE LAMEST THING I'VE READ ALL WEEK: Bob [Ryder] has done sooooo
much for wrestling and the Internet. Actually, Bob was the man who made
the Internet/wrestling connection. - 1wrestling's Scrap Dog
KINGS UPDATE: 35-25, fifth place and 15 GB
You're watching UPN!
One World Leader Attitude - WWF! TV-PG-DLV!
"TENSION MOUNTS" says the highlight reel as we see clips from last week's
show - "POWER STRUGGLE ERUPTS" brings us to RAW - "KANE - BIG SHOW"
continues with RAW - "TRIPLE H - RIKISHI" is next up, and both see more of
the Rock than the people mentioned - "PAYBACK" leads us to the Rock/Benoit
cage match and its aftermatch - what all the REALLY is, is three minutes
of stuff I recapped in earlier reports so I can laze through it...
Opening credits include a close captioned logo and no Benoit
It's pyro time, it's "en espanol donde sea disponible" time - it's crowd
pan time - we are ON TAPE from the Fleet Center in Boston, MA 9.3.2K
(taped 7.3) and tonight it's...well, I forget the name, but it is.
TREBLE H & STEPHANIE ONO come out to "My Time" to start us off. And more
and more, I'm starting to notice that Stephanie REALLY has trouble...you
know, ACTING. "Can I have your attention please?" "No Chance in Hell"
starts instead and WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW & SKIPPY come out to meet them.
"I know what you all want me to do...you want me to - walk over to my
sister and get a little payback at what she did to me last Monday night on
RAW. I know that you all want me to, uh...slap her right across the
face." Stephanie completely fails to look scared, despite her best
efforts - geez, how embarrassing for her. "But! Seeing as that's what
you all want me to do, I'm not gonna do that!" Crowd goes "Oh yeah -
they're HEELS" and boos. H's turn: "And I know what all of you want ME
to do - I know what you want to see...they wanna see me and you - they
wanna see me and you rip each other apart." He stands toe to toe with the
Show. "But they're not gonna get to see it - they're gonna have to wait
until WrestleMania." Show: "But, let me tell you what IS gonna happen
tonight!" Crowd: "Rock E!" This chant is apparently so loud and long
that they have to edit it down...or overdub it. "Now that that boring
chant's over with...you know, talking to Shane O. Mac, *Kane*, I should
have chokeslammed you to HELL last Monday night. But I'm gonna tell you
what is gonna happen tonight - YOU, my friend, are gonna be in a handicap
match, Kane - against X-Pac...and the Road Dogg." Did Show just book a
match? Shane says HE'S been inspired to book another handicap match -
after talking for a bit too long about his ass, Shane says that tonight
Rikishi Phatu will take on Triple H and the Big Show. H says that he's
got a handicap match of his own - Chris Benoit & Perry Saturn will take on
the Rock. Stephanie gets the mic one more time and says that she can't
act - no, she says to Rock that "after Benoit & Saturn finish getting
Radical on you, then I'm gonna have a personal surprise - call it a
figurative slap in the face...from me (Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley)."
Everybody shakes hands - guess they're friends again...at least until the
main event, I reckon.
Let Us Take You Back to Earlier Today where the Mean Street Posse promised
a dinner to Teddy Long to accompany them to an area laundromat - you can
tell that Crash Holly is doing his laundry because it's the same evening
gown he had in the motel. Holly flings some Tide in Rodney's eyes and
breaks a broom over his back (what's a broom doing there?) but still,
Rodney manages to get him down for the pin - only to once again be denied
when Joey Abs and Pete "Gas" take turns breaking it up. The Cheer goes
flying! Holly manages to abscond with his gown and the Hardcore title,
leaving the Posse to fight amongst themselves. Pete pours some liquid
Tide on Rodney to cleanse our palates.
Rock is WALKING! You telling me he's in the opening match?
Exterior of Boston - apparently the state name is too long to fight in the
box in the upper left corner...
LA ROCK v. CHRIS BENOIT & PERRY SATURN in a handicap match - well, golly,
Rock's out to jerk the curtain! Wait - I mean I AM OUTRAGED THAT BENOIT
IS BEING WASTED BY THE WWF BY OPENING THE SHOW - whew, hopefully I get to
keep my "smark" membership card now. Let's listen to the man speak:
"Finally, the Rock HAS COME BACK to Boston. Shane and Stephanie, the Rock
says you think you got all the answers. Well, Shane and Stephanie, Donny
and Marie, Joanie and Chachie, the Rock says you got absolutely nothing!
The Rock says you don't have a damn thing on the Rock, because the Rock
says this: you think that you can intimidate the Rock by putting him in a
handicap match against Chris Benoit and Perry Saturn? Well, let the Rock
make one thing perfectly clear: regardless of how many obstacles you throw
at the Rock; regardless of what type of roadblocks you put in front of the
People's Champ, the Rock just keeps on coming - back. Now Chris Benoit,
on Monday night, the Rock took you to war and beat you inside of a steel
cage match. Now...Perry Saturn? Well, the Rock doesn't know much about
you, other than you've got a bunch of Mickey Mouse tattoos, you've got a
goofy name, a little bald shiny head, and you've got one eye that goes
that way, and another eye that goes that way! So the Rock says this:
Benoit, you come on down, let the Rock kick your money ass again; and
Saturn, you come on down and let the Rock do you a favour and knock that
lazy eye straight, so for the very first time in your life, you can get
20/20 vision - crystal clear - on looking at the Rock - watching the Great
One layeth the smacketh down on your candyass! If ya
smellllllllllllllllllllllllll what the ROCK is cookin'!" (2:45) We look
backstage at the four folks watching on the monitor. Saturn and Benoit
rush Rock and put the boots to him with great vigor. Double whip into the
opposite corner, Benoit whips Saturn into Rock, who clothesline him - then
Benoit - Saturn dumped over the top rope, Benoit off the ropes, back
elbow, stomp, stomp, off the ropes, reversed, Benoit drives a knee in the
abdomen (Rock FLIPS! even) and tags in Saturn. Rock scoops Saturn up and
slams him. Stomping away, so Benoit comes in for a sidewalk slam to stop
him. Saturn clotheslines Rock down, stomp, snap suplex with a quick look
backstage one more time, Rock blocks a right and throws three rights of
his own - Saturn hits a drop toehold, sending Rock into the second rope
throat first. Whip is reversed, though - Rock going for Rock Bottom, but
Benoit is in - German suplex, holding on for two, to a full nelson but as
Saturn goes for a standing side kick, Rock manages to duck out and Benoit
eats the kick! Spinebuster for Saturn, DDT for Benoit, Rock Bottom for
Saturn, see ya. (2:10) Benoit attacks from behind before the music even
gets started, and DEAN MALENKO & EDDIE GUERRERO come out to join them in
working over the Rock. Malenko with a scoop slam and a lightning
elbowdrop, legdrop by Guerrero, swandive headbutt by Benoit, then Malenko
& Guerrero KICK DIRT ON HIM. How cool is that? Their music plays while
the refs come out to separate them out...
Stephanie says it's time to spring her surprise...
Design a sign and win a trip to WrestleMania! Visit wwf.com for details!
Mankind invades Manhattan - and eats ravioli!
WWF: The Music (Volume 4) ad
And now, the Free-for-all of the week, brought to you by phonefree.com -
from RAW, Stephanie's slap for Shane. Hey, you can't say "slut" on
SmackDown! but you can have all the nekkid chicks you want on "Secret
Agent Man"
STEPHANIE ONO comes out to "My Time" and she is INCREDIBLY annoying now -
she just goes through her entire repertoire of facial expressions, each
one more annoying than the last. "Now I know that a lot of you are fans
of the Rock. And as fans of the Rock, I can understand how you must feel,
personally disappointed in the Rock's performance tonight. I mean, after
all, the Radicals did PUMMEL the Rock. And you're all thinking that you
won't have the opportunity to see him here again. Well, as usual, you're
wrong. You WILL have the opportunity to see the Rock here tonight, but
I'm not going to slap him in the face - instead, I'm going to *kick him in
the pants.* Because tonight, in a very special match, the Rock will take
on - the Dudley Boyz. This match will be a handicap - TABLE match. And
Rock, the only way that you can win is if you put BOTH Dudley Boyz through
tables; however, the Dudley Boyz only have to put YOU through one. So
tonight I promise...as a matter of fact, I GUARANTEE that tonight will be
the night the Rock gets PULVERISED."
Your hosts are a pair of kings - MICHAEL KING COLE & JERRY LAWLER. Things
look bad for the Rock! Boo hoo!
CHRISTIAN (with Edge) v. ESSA RIOS (with Lita) for the Light Heavyweight
Championship - after the challenger hits the ring from the crowd, we see
NIPPLES walk down the ramp and give some instant helium to Lawler. Four
title matches tonight! Must be a "night of champions!" Lockup, arm
wringer by Christian, Rios flips and backflips out, Christian punches, off
the ropes, dropkick misses as he holds on - monkey flip by Christian as
Rios advances, but he lands on his feet. Gutshot, shove to the mat,
Christian flips him AGAIN, out of the ring to the floor! Then Christian
springs off the second rope with a plancha! Back in the ring we go...whip
into the corner, Rios up, on Christian's shoulders, Christian spins him
around and powerbombs him (!) - Cole calls it a "spinebuster" - well,
MAYBE, I guess. Somehow, only a 2 count. Christian off the ropes, Lita
grabs his ankle, stopping him - somehow referee "Blind" Chad Patton
managed to turn his head at JUST the right moment to miss it. Christian
turns around and Rios and he meet in the middle with a double face jam.
As Terri gets on the apron to get Patton's attention, Lita climbs up to
the top and moonsaults Christian! Edge comes in the ring to spear her (!)
- for some reason, Patton calls for the bell (DQ 1:49) even though Edge
didn't interfere with either participant - oh well. Terri walks back up
and she really likes doing that "devil" thing. Rios is announced the
winner, and Edge and Christian are left in the ring to argue. Cole loses
A MILLION points for not bringing up the fact that Christian is a former
light heavyweight champion.
Backstage, Kurt Angle delivers a lecture on the word "intercontinental" to
an uninterested security guy
WWF SmackDown! for the PlayStation ad features plenty of the Rock - but if
you don't blink, you might catch D'Lo Brown, Kane and Edge as well
WWF BackTalkin' Crushers ad ("Heygetoffmy - NOSE!")
Cole shills "Secret Agent Man" - without puking, even! You can tell he's
a good radio man!
OLYMPIC GOLD MEDALIST, CELEBRATED REAL ATHLETE, AMERICAN HERO, AGENT OF
CHANGE AND FIGHTING FORCE FOR DEMOCRACY KURT ANGLE v. TAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
for the intercontinental championship - "You know, there's something about
this town...there's something about this town that inspires its athletes
to greatness - once they leave, of course. It's true! Think about it!
Babe Ruth, Roger Clemens, and finally, after twenty years, Ray Bourque has
come to his senses and realised the only way to become a champion is to
get the heck out of this town as soon as possible - it's true! It's true.
But the good news is - your Olympic hero doesn't have to leave this town
to become a winner - I already I am winner." Tazz is going to get HIS OWN
shot with THE STICK: "Kurt Angle, you got all those championships around
your waist, and all that metal around your neck - well, I'm gonna show YOU
some heavy - metal!" and he punks him out. Wow, Tazz is a MASTER of the
microphone! Two rights, into the ropes, drop toehold, clubberin' away,
clothesline ducked, but not this one. T-bone Tazzplex and Angle rolls
outside. Tazz goes out with him and pounds away. Head to the apron. Into
the steps, but Angle climbs up and hits a back elbow flying off of them.
Right, right, Tazz punches back, Angle pounds him down. Back in the ring,
pound, pound. Suplex by Angle. Going for this finisher, but Tazz slips
out and puts on the Tazzmission! Angle falls backwards, but Tazz holds
on. Angle with a takeover, but he won't let go! Angle reaching for the
ropes - Tazz rolls him to the centre! But now MR. BOB BACKLUND is out and
he's got Tazz in the crossface chickenwing!! There's an explosion and out
comes CHRIS THURSDAY JERICHO - clothesline for Angle, throwing him out -
now stomping on Backlund until the hold is broken. Elbow, Backlund
swings, Jericho ducks, and he's got him in the Walls of Jericho! Angle
climbs to the top, Tazz is over to meet him, and then SUPERPLEX him back
in! The refs come out to break up Jericho's hold and we see that Backlund
is bloodied and twitching - 'cause he's OLD SCHOOL!
Backstage, X-Pac tells Dogg that he wants nothing more to do with Kane...
The Rock will host SNL on the 18th! Good thing UPN doesn't have a
Saturday night show so they can plug it here!
Just in case you forgot, you're watching UPN!
Got no life? WrestleMania all day long - 2 April - only $49.95
ROAD DOGG & X-PAC (with Tori) v. KANE (with Paul Bearer and the TV-PG-DLV
ratings box) in a handicap match - Dogg rhymes without reason, but makes
up for it by selling fear of Kane's exploding pyro in comedic stumble
fashion. Kane hits the ring and, after the obligatory flashpots, goes
right for X-Pac but Dogg takes him out from behind to break the choke.
Uppercut by Kane to Dogg, to X-Pac, to Dogg, to X-Pac, finally the two
manage to overcome the one with punches. Into the ropes, but Kane hits a
double clothesline, then dumps X-Pac over the top rope to the floor, then
goes out after him. Dropping him on the barricade. Dogg jumps from the
apron, but Kane catches him in a choke - X-Pac kicks to break it.
Repeated kicks by the Kid. Back in the ring we go, kick, kick, chop,
chop, chop, kick, Kane shrugs all this off and fires back with rights.
Into the ropes, X-Pac ducks, but flies into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker.
Dogg in, Dogg down. Hiptoss for X-Pac out of the corner. Tori on the
apron, Kane outside, now climbing to the top, Dogg over to push away the
leg and crotch him. X-Pac stomps on the head, then makes the tag. Dogg
kicking away, himself. Dogg argues with referee "Blind" Teddy Long while
X-Pac does the sneaky stuff behind his back. Dogg going to the rights,
but Kane is starting to hulk up. Now the places are switched, and Kane's
firing away. Dogg puts up the boots, though, and makes the tag. X-Pac
all over him, stomping on him in the corner. Now HE'S tying up Long so
Dogg can choke up. Paul Bearer chasing Tori on the outside, apparently.
X-Pac cutting loose with rights, but Kane's coming back. Right, right,
right, off the ropes, duck, spinning heel kick by X-Pac. ZOMBIE SITUP!
X-Pac flies off the top, anyway - Kane catches him, then starts to put him
in position for the tombstone - X-Pac wriggles free - gutshot - X Factor!
BUT KANE SITS UP! X-Pac punches twice, Kane comes back. Into the corner,
hard - X-Pac sidesteps the charge and hits his trifecta of kicks - Kane
calmly walks out and puts X-Pac in the corner, punching away. Dogg comes
in to help, and after they overpower him, they attempt a double whip into
the corner - Kane holds on, though. Dogg is sent into the first corner -
unfortunately, sandwiching Long - X-Pac whipped into Dogg to boot. X-Pac
pressed - then dropped onto Dogg! X-Pac whipped into the corner - double
choke - but Dogg hits him from behind. Double suplex attempted - but Kane
counters with his own DOUBLE SUPLEX! Zombie situp, too. Off the ropes,
big boot for X-Pac - ditto for Road Dogg. Kane's gonna fly - clothesline
for X-Pac! And here's the choke - and chokeslam for X-Pac! Dogg comes
over and tries the lefts, the juke, but Kane chokeslams HIM as well. At
this point, Tori shoves Paul Bearer into the ringpost - why? Dunno. Kane
grabs Tori by the hair and pulls her into the ring. Got her in place -
but X-Pac has a chair - WHACK. THEN an X Factor on the chair! Dogg
brings Long back to consciousness - 1, 2, 3. (6:54) The DX theme plays
and they scurry with Kane following.
Let Us Take You Back to Last Monday where Mae Young busted the bronco of
D-Von, the Dudleyz hit 3D (Dudley Death Drop) on Mark Henry, then Buh-Buh
Ray superbombed Young through a table.
Let Us Take You Back to Earlier Today where KEVIN "NAILZ" KELLY stands
with Henry, Young and Moolah - Young in a neck brace and wheelchair. He
asks Young how she's feeling. Young says how do you THINK she's feeling -
that's a stupid question. "Mark, the emotional toll." "Man, I am tired
of the stuff that's going on around here - somebody's going to seriously
be injured. She is too delicate, man - too fragile for this kinda stuff,
man - excuse me..." and they walk off. Hey, so Young can have a four
hundred pound man on top of her and suffer no ill effects, but...wait,
what was my point?
Backstage, Buh-Buh Ray asks D-Von to remind him to give Stephanie a big
wet one next time he sees her - he's pretty happy that they get a shot at
a Rock already weakened by the Radicals.
JEFF HARDY (with Matt Hardy) v. STEVE BLACKMAN (with Riggs &
Murtaugh...and Al Snow & Head) - backstage, Snow tells Blackman he's found
his biggest fan - then some guy (who WASN'T me - I swear) wearing a giant
cheese on his head gushes while Blackman acts annoyed. A Polaroid is
taken, and while Snow watches it develop, Blackman gives a backhand to the
solar plexus of the young lad. Snow asks what happened to him and
Blackman suggests his heart must have fluttered from seeing his hero.
Then he tells Snow to go on, and he'll catch up and he pastes the guy one
more time, leaving him laying.
I GET LETTERS: STILL think that guy was me? Talk to Christopher Morgado, baby! Chris-
The dude with the glasses who was Steve Blackman's number 1 fan on Smackdown
is my old roommate from my freshman year at Salem State college in MA. His
name's Will Carbo, and I laughed my ass off watching him act like a complete
nerd... or maybe I was just laughing so hard because the last time I saw him
he was a mall security guard...
Snow encourages the chants - when Blackman isn't looking at him. That's
kinda funny. Hardy rushes, Blackman side steps and punches away. Kick,
punch, standing on the neck, referee "Blind" Jim Korderas argues the
quasi-legal tactics, and Hardy kicks back, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick,
rake of the face by Blackman. Off the ropes, reversed, Blackman ducks a
lariat, Hardy ducks an enzuigiri. Front face by Hardy, into the ropes, up
and over, Blackman holds onto the rope, Hardy ducks a Lethal kick,
crisscross, Hardy handstands over Blackman, then tosses him through the
ropes. Hardy on top - plancha to the floor! Hardy gets up first, head to
the barricade, kick, whip is reversed, Hardy walks up the steps and lands
on the barricade, Blackman hops up onto the barricade to meet him - then
BACKDROPS HIM TO THE FLOOR! Damn, Blackman's the INNOVATOR, baby! Give
it a Snickers Double Feature! Back in the ring - 1, 2, no!! Into the
ropes, press, gutbuster. Blackman tells the crowd he's the Lethal Weapon,
then mocks the "gun" post to Matt on the outside. Stomping away, sidewalk
slam. Blackman climbing to the second rope - but the Vaderbomb meets the
boots. Hardy whips him into the corner, Blackman ducks and dumps Jeff
onto the apron - hairpull takedown by Hardy, springing up and into a
split-legged moonsault! But only 2! Hardy pounds on Blackman, then goes
up with a moonsault kick - again Blackman is out at 2! Into the ropes,
reverse, head down, Twist of Fate by Jeff! Snow's up on the apron,
Korderas is over, now MATT is up on the apron and Korderas is over to keep
HIM from getting involved. Snow pulls Blackman out of the way of the
won-ton bomb - Blackman up to the top for the Lethal Kick! 1, 2, 3!
(4:02) Blackman's showing you something, right? Eh? Right? Blackman's
defeated both Hardy Boyz this week - replay of the missed senton bomb and
top rope martial arts kick.
The Rock is holding his side - MY GOD! ROCK IS *SELLING*!
And now, the WWF Slam of the Week, presented by Jakks Pacific BackTalkin'
Crushers! From RAW - Buh-Buh Ray superbombs Mae Young through a table -
yowza!
DUDLEY BOYZ v. LA ROCA in a handicap table match - "table match" means "no
DQ" is added to the stips, we learn. Oh, this is nontitle, too - well,
DUH, Rock isn't a tag team! D-Von meets Rock on the ramp and it's on.
Right, right, right, then for Buh-Buh, right, right, right. D-Von taken
to the ramp, then a punch into the ... err, Little Dick Dudley. Now over
to the floor to take on Buh-Buh Ray - head to the timekeeper's table!
Shot for D-Von, who's been walking over. Double noggin knocker! Rock
grabs the bell and hits a bell shot (complete with sound effect) of both
men - wow, he really rang their bells! BWAAAAAAAAhahahahahaha - I kill
me. Rock over to grab a chair - WHACK! for Buh-Buh Ray, who falls over
the barricade. WHACK! for D-Von as well. Now Rock is over the barricade
and taking Buh-Buh Ray out through the crowd, borrowing a drink and
spitting it in his face. D-Von is over to offer help and there's a brief
flurry. However, he charges, Rock recovers and dumps him back over the
barricade. Buh-Buh Ray meets the same fate. Rock back over and I think
we just MIGHT be going back into the ring - no, the Dudleyz are leaving, I
guess. Rock runs up the ramp and hits a double clothesline! Buh-Buh
doing a lot of screaming. Vertical suplex on the ramp for Buh-Buh Ray!
We see H, Show and the McMahons watching on. Back in the ring, Rock
wailing away on D-Von with rights. Buh-Buh Ray up from behiind and
charley horsin' him - back suplex - "head to the graun" spot. Another
look backstage. Punch by Buh-Buh Ray, D-Von holds the legs while Buh-Buh
Ray drops the elbow - then the fistdrop. Into the ropes, Rock ducks
Buh-Buh's clothesline, hits one of his own - then meets D-Von and goes
down. D-Von directs traffic, and his half brother comes over. Double
whip into the ropes, two heads down, kick for Buh-Buh Ray, face plant for
D-Von, Samoan Drop for Buh-Buh Ray - D-Von runs at him, spinebuster! And
now it might be time for the most electrifying - no, Buh-Buh Ray spears
him. YEAH! Give it a Snickers Double Feature! Buh-Buh Ray...is smiling.
Outside and going for the table, D-Von stomping on the Rock in the
meantime. Calling for the 3-D - but Rock breaks free of D-Von and DDT's
him! Buh-Buh Ray climbs over the table and runs into ROCK BOTTOM through
the table! We give THAT a Snickers Double Feature while Rock grabs a
quick rest. Rock goes outside and produces a second table. Buh-Buh Ray
goes outside, out on his feet. D-Von, also outside the ring, staggers to
his feet. Rock goes outside and brings D-Von - no, D-Von puts ROCK into
the STEEL steps. Now back in the ring, D-Von pounds away - off the ropes,
Rock reverses into the Rock Bottom attempt, but Buh-Buh Ray is back in
with the chair - WHACK! And now, D-Von won't lose him - 3D (Dudley Death
Drop)! Through the table! That's it. (7:04) Rock holding his side once
again - Buh-Buh Ray doing that bit with the stare. Replay of the 3D
(Dudley Death Drop) as well as the jubilant reaction from the office. The
EMT's join the usual suspects in the ring...
Mankind Chef Boyardee ad - once again - when WILL the madness end?
Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago. During the Break, Rock shrugged off
the offered help.
WWF SmackDown! is brought to you by SmackDown! (for the PlayStation),
10-10-220, and WWF: The Music (Volume 4 - available at Where? The
Wherehouse!)
IVORY v. JACQUELINE for the Women's Championship - Ivory cold-cocks her,
then goes outside and the chase is on - back in the ring, head to the
stomach by Jackie, flips in and tries the Sunset flip, but Ivory sits
down, 2, Jacqueline hooks the arms, 2, off the ropes, collision in
midring. Jacqueline up first, two kicks, YES hairpull takeover, cover, 2.
Ivory takes her down and pounds away on her - now Jacqueline turns the
tide, pounding her head into the mat. Ivory sorta spears except
Jacqueline stays on her feet. Into the opposite corner, bulldog attempt
misses and Ivory gives herself an atomic drop. Got her by the hair, Ivory
headbutts out of it. Arm wringer - WORKING AN ARMBAR? Holy cow!
Twisting the arm again - Jacqueline holds the top rope, backflips, and
hits a HUGE lariat. Elbowdrop - 1, 2, foot on the bottom rope.
Jacqueline argues with referee "Blind" Mike Sparks - Ivory over to take
advantage - off the ropes, Jacqueline hits a floatover DDT (!) and gets
the pin. (2:05) Funny, we usually only get this match on Jakked...WOW!
Jacqueline gives us a free look!
Backstage, the Rock reluctantly accepts some medical assistance
WrestleMania is 4 SNICKERS WEEKS AWAY! Tupac can't sue, he's DEAD!
CRASH HOLLY (with Scale Holly) v. PRINCE ALBERT IN A CAN for the Hardcore
championship - Holly hides in the time tunnel to jump Albert from behind.
Of course, the double sledge has little effect on him - easier to start
out here, anyway, since what we REALLY want is to get behind the curtain.
Holly spends a bit rolling down the ramp, then they go off to one side,
and sure enough behind a curtain. Crash finds a plastic garbage can that
just *happens* to have a metal lid, then runs Albert into a large crate.
Albert comes back and slams Holly into the back of a truck. Crash comes
back with a "handicapped parking" sign to the head. Crash leaps - but
Albert catches him in a backbreaker. Whip into a - BIG BOX!! Scooped up,
into a laundry cart...then slide into a nearby hockey net. (Crowd:
"Goooooooooal!") Cover - 1, 2, I guess Crash gets a shoulder up - more
likely, the MEAN STREET POSSE missed their cue to break up the pin.
Rodney and Crash run out of the building while Joey Abs and Pete "Gas"
find themselves brawling with Albert back out to the ring. Unfortunately,
Long went with these guys instead of the champ. In the ring, Albert hits
that move I forget the name of and don't want you to remind me on Abs,
then a double choke into a short powerbomb on Gas. (under 3:00?)
In the locker room, Too Cool tells Rikishi they've got his back. Rikishi
says it's about time to back that ass up. Hoo hah!
WWF: The Music (Volume 4) ad
Whoa! stanlee.net? I thought Stan Lee was DEAD!
And now, the Smack of the Night, presented by SmackDown! for the
PlayStation - the Dudley Boyz' 3D (Dudley Death Drop) through the table on
the Rock!
Snickers presents WrestleMania LIVE 2 April! The main event now has a
graphic - Big Show vs. Triple H - and maybe I'M the only one, but I think
it'd be cool if they actually kept it there and HAD that match at
WrestleMania. And you know? I'm almost ready to think that the WWF could
pull off having that be the title match. There IS something of a slow
burn developing here between these two guys, "Coalitions"
notwithstanding...
TREBLE H (with Stephanie Ono) and WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW (with Skippy) v.
RIKISHI PHATU (by his damn self) in a Handicap match - Hey, how about a
little mic time to start? "Rikishi, I know you've been in the back
watching - I know you've seen the ass kickin' the Rock has taken all night
- well that is NOTHING, compared to what you are about to receive."
Rikishi does a mini-Bischoff, mouthing along with the words. H and Show
have a debate over who's going to start the match - they settle it with a
Ro-Sham-Bo - Rock beats scissors (Lawler: "That's the only Rock that
HASN'T been beaten on tonight!") H charges but it's blocked, four rights
from Rikishi, off the ropes, back body drop, clothesline, punch blocked
from Show, four rights for HIM as well, Show knocked outside, back to H as
we see Too Cool watching on backstage. H slips a clothesline and hits
"what a" neckbreaker to gain control. Tag out to the Show, who comes in,
off the ropes, and misses the elbowdrop. Phatu with a right, right,
scoops him up, collapses under the weight, Show drops the knee, again, and
HE scoops him up and slams him. Yow! Tag out to Triple H. Right, right,
right, right, right, kick, kick, kick, kick, referee "Blind" Earl Hebner
muscles him away, so Show sneaks in a little choke with the foot as well.
Outside now, Phatu reverses a whip into the barricade and gets back in the
ring. After blocking a punch, right, right, off the ropes, head down,
facecrusher by Triple H. One, two, nope. H mounts him and lays into him
with rights. Tag to the Big Show, forearm, headbutt, open-handed slap,
elbow, head to the buckle, Show shows HE can use his butt as well - into
the opposite corner, followed by a lariat. Stomp. STANDING SIDE KICK!
We look backstage as Too Cool decides they need to go out and help - but
as we follow them, we find out that Road Dogg & X-Pac were laying in wait
- Sexay and Hotty and promptly punked out. Back in the ring, Phatu is
whipped into the corner, and Show hits an avalanche splash. Over to make
the tag - but Triple H doesn't want to tag. A discussion ensues, getting
a little more heated, and now Show shoves H! H trying to make up, but as
the hand shakes, H throws a right to the Big Show! Show headbutts the
champ! H staggers into a superkick from Phatu. Show tries another splash
- but misses! Phatu with a right, right, superkick, H whipped into the
Show, priming up his giant ass - fat ass splash! BELLY-to-belly suplex
for H, Samoan Drop (!) for Big Show! H slumped in the corner, it's time
once again for the big stinkface! Stephanie is up on the apron to tie up
Hebner while Shane comes into the ring brandishing a chair. whack. Well,
THAT was a weak chairshot - and indeed, it has no effect as Phatu turns
around and gives a stare to Shane. But from behind, the Big Show hits a
clubbing blow - Rikishi slumps forward into a right, the bounces into a
clothesline from the Show that has him spinning. Show says it's time -
ahhhhhhhTHECHOKESLAAAAAM. H is over - Pedigree! Surely that's it. H
covers...1, 2, 3. (7:22) But they're not done - H takes the chair and
WHACKS him in the back a few times. Choke with the chair. Before they
remember to attack the bad leg one more time, the music hits and out comes
LA ROCA, holding his side (some ribs are taped) - but actually hiding a
lead pipe behind his back - Show rushes him and gets a pipe in the mush.
In the ring, blows are traded - now it's all Rock with rights - NOW KISS
THAT RIGHT! Got him ready for the Rock Bottom - but Shane hits Rock right
in the ribs with the pipe. Shane throws it to Triple H - who bobbles it -
then takes the pipe to Rock. Lotsa pipe shots, some with fun "ping" sound
effect. PING to Rikishi's head! ahhhhhhhhTHECHOKESLAAAAAM to the Rock!
Rock is dead weight, but H will STILL pick him up for the Pedigree. I'm
sensing that they've forgotten their issue...at least until Monday. All
four raise their arms - trash starts to fill the ring - we look back to
see the Rock making faces. What desperate measure will this desperate man
take? Well, tonight...nothing! The credits are up and WE ARE OUT! See
you later!
AFTER THE FACT: Michael Sherman was there, baby: Hey Chris, love your work! Let's do lunch!!
Anyway, some random thoughts from the Smackdown tapings in Boston that
haven't been covered:
During several of the matches where one of the Hebner's was refereeing
(I'm not sure which), there were signifcant chants of "You screwed Bret"
which were accompanied by Hebner mocking the Crowd by conducting the
chant.
Best sign that I saw: "The Guy Behind Me Can't See"
We were about two rows up in the Loge section (behind the floor seats)
and just to the right of the Oval, and the noise from the pyro displays
was downright scary! Jericho's entrance was the loudest, with the
opening from Heat coming in a close second. We could feel the heat from
the flames from the ringposts for Kane's entrance from where we sat
(about 50 feet away).
The signholding is getting obnoxious. Whenever anybody on the floor
held up a sign, we couldn't see what was going on in the ring. The
younger fans in the audience near the ring didn't even watch the
matches. They just watched the Jumbotron and when they thought the
camera was on them, they held up their signs. Security only stopped
them a couple of times.
Lillian Garcia gave a pretty good rendition of the National Anthem ( her
legs aren't too shabby either!!)
A lot of the crowd left once the taping ended, and they missed the crowd
pleasing stuff with Rikish and Too Cool. The Rock was in the ring at
the time (Rikish and the Rock had beaten down both HHH and the Big Show
after the taping was over), and Too Cool tried to get him to dance.
However, staying in character, he left, and the Sprockets episode was
on. Got a good pop.
Jericho seemed as much over as the Rock, although he only wrestled
officially for the Heat tapings.
The crowd just about fell asleep during the Women's match. Too bad, it
was actually a pretty good match for the short time it lasted.
Terri must have had her costumes taped on. There was no other way her
tits could have been held in with what she was wearing.
Well that's it for now. Look forward to reading your recap.
What'd you think, Mike?
Christopher Robin Zimmerman
www.CRZ.net