by Christopher Robin Zimmerman
RADIO RADIO: A pair of appearances on your radio dial - well, not YOURS,
but yours. Yeah, you - over there. FRIDAY I'm rumoured to be
intereviewed in the 4 hour on "Sports Entertainment Weekly," on WJOB and
WIMS in Indiana. Prior to that, I'll be taping a short interview to be
included in an upcoming spot airing on Syracuse's WJPZ - I *think* it
might air Tuesday morning, as there's a Thunder taping in town that night.
As usual, if you happen to be in the area and have the access to make me a
tape, not only would my parents appreciate it, but I'll be happy to
recognise you at the top of the column.
AND, if you happen to be a radio guy looking to kill some time talking
wrestling, I not only have a flexible schedule, but I am told I have a
GREAT face for radio, so drop me a line!
(My dream is that one day I'll get to work a segment with Gary Radnich -
somebody put a bug in KNBR's ear for me, wouldja? I mean, come on -
that's a pretty modest dream, isn't it?)
KINGS UPDATE: The final season tally was 44-38 - .537. 23 games out,
fifth place, eighth seed - WELL IT'S A BIG CHOKE...one COULD only hope
that the rather disastrous run of losses to close out the season was
INTENTIONAL, so as to put off a rematch with the Jazz until the conference
finals - but for one to to believe that, one would have to be a HELL of a
lot more optimistic than I am. Still, the Kings HAVE shown in the past
that they can run with the Lakers....it might even go to Game 5. Alas,
they STILL probably won't make it out of the first round. Did anyone NOT
pick the Lakers to go all the way? Marty McNeil says to keep an eye on
Nick Anderson in the playoffs...game one is 2:30 (Pacific) on Easter
Sunday, game two is Thursday at 7:30... yep, the SmackDown! report will
be EVEN LATER NEXT WEEK
LOCAL PLUG: UPN 44 is sponsoring an autograph session with CRASH HOLLY at
Six Flags Marine World on Friday, 28 April between 2 and 4. Visit their website
for more information.
Instead of the standard UPN tag, we get a little Rock highlight package
along with a "WWF Smackdown: Now" graphic - yep, this IS UPN Thursday, and
sweeps month is coming soon - time to trot out some new branding graphics!
TV-PG-DLV One World Leader Attitude - WWF!
We open with a highlight package - "9:14 PM - Triple H's Bad Day Begins" -
clips of the H/Jericho title match - "9:27 PM - Triple H's Backlash" -
clips of the Hebner situation - "10:02 PM - Triple H: Screwed Again" -
clips of Linda McMahon adding Stone Cold Steve Austin to the mix, the
ensuing family fracas, and a few words from the Rock.
Opening Credits and close captioned logo
AND PYRO!! WE ARE ON TAPE from the First Union Center in Philadelphia, PA,
en espanol donde sea disponible, and UPN has Foxified things by putting a
"WWF Smackdown - UPN" logo on the bottom right of the screen - *just in
case we forgot which show we were watching.* Today is 20.4.2K (taped
18.4.2K) and, because this IS SmackDown!, it's time to start with a match...
ROAD DOGG v. EDGE (you teeth you white him) - Let Us Take You Back to
Monday, where DX made fun of Christian and Edge, then punked 'em out, and
NOW they've got another tag team title shot. Whoopee! Road Dogg fancies
himself a poet, don'cha know it? Dogg tries to attack Edge as he poses in
the corner, but Edge must have teeth in the back of his head - wait, I
meant eyes - and elbows him just out of camera range. "SD JONES COUNTRY"
sign! YES! Right hand, right, off the ropes is reversed, but Edge springs
off with a shoulderblock and Dogg goes outside. Edge with a baseball slide
dropkick. Dropping him on the barricade, head to the STEEL steps, clubbing
blow, and Edge rolls him back in the ring - Dogg actually manages a
dropkick between the ropes that connects! We take a Double Feature of the
back elbow from the second rope that started this match - give the
production guys credit, they clean up their mistakes...unlike..say....well,
you know. Dogg working him over on the outside during this replay - and
now we're back in. Into the corner, Edge sidesteps it and works into a
Northern Lights suplex for 2. Dogg kicks out, and stomps on Edge - HE gets
2. Right cross. Next right is blocked, Edge manages three rights of his
own, off the ropes, duck, left, left, left, juke, jive, Edge ducks that
right and rolls him up for 2 - Dogg rolls it over and grabs the tights for
good measure - Edge is under the rope as well, but referee "Blind" Chad
Patton misses ALL this and sneaks in a 1, 2, 3. (2:22) This is supposed
to get you interested in the title match, since a challenger pinned a
champion. Could it happen again? But DO you care?
Shane, Stephanie and Triple H are WALKING! Shane says he's going to round
everybody up and catch up with them later.
WWF's Greatest Hits 2 airs Friday, 28 April at 8 (7 central) - ONLY on UPN!
"STONE COLD STRIKES" clip - "January, 1998 - Austin Strikes Tyson" -
"bitch" is bleeped, and the bird is airbrushed - hey, you know, actually
this is more Tyson shoving Austin...oh well
UPN helpfully reminds me that I'm watching "WWF Smackdown" and here's
TREBLE H & STEPHANIE ONO out to give us some Generic Segment Two luv. Now
that I get that long entrance, I'll tell you NOW that the commentataors
have made a big deal of Vince McMahon's "European trip" ending this weekend
Monday, where we'll undoubtedly get a RAW heavily featuring Vince's take on
this entire developing situation - just in time for Backlash, even. Okay,
you say "asshole" and give me one more sentence before Triple H starts
talking - thanks. "That's SO painful coming from - you! You know, over
the last couple of days, Steph, I've heard a lot of people talk about
Monday night - how the McMahon-Helmsley regime had a bad day - more
importantly, how *I* had a bad day - let's face it, I really don't have
very many bad days, and that wasn't one of them. I think, because as time
goes on and you look back in the record books, the record books will
clearly show that it really wasn't a very bad day; I mean, hell I never
lost the World Wrestling Federation championship to Chris Jericho...I mean,
that NEVER - never took place! The records books will also show that there
was never a quick count by an incompetent official. It will never show
Earl Hebner trying to screw me. It will also never show you, me and Shane,
then FIRING that incompetent official and cutting the problem off and just
getting rid of it. Now, I have to admit, though - possibly the one thing
Monday that DID happen that could be considered bad... ["Rock E!"] ...the
one thing that happened Monday that could be considered bad was when Linda
McMahon (your mom) came out here to make her very special announcement.
And you know, Steph, while we're talking about your mom, you know... look -
you and I have always talked about havin' kids someday, and...doing the
whole family thing - to be quite honest with ya, I wouldn't feel
comfortable leaving our kids with your mom - she's a psycho - she needs
some help. What the hell kind of mother would slap down her own daughter?
Linda McMahon (your mother) rared her hand back and struck down her only
daughter. What kind of a woman does something like that, that's sick! I
won't bring our kids anywhere near - what's, she gonna slap them around
too? She'll be kicking the kids and smacking them all over the place -
she's sick, she needs help. And all right, maybe I snapped a little bit -
seeing you get slapped, maybe I did snap - I grabbed Linda - I wouldn't
have REALLY give her the Pedigree - I mean, come on - let's face it, deep
down inside, I'm a hell of a guy - I'm a nice guy!" I wish he'd said "I
have footage!" here, but he didn't. "I wouldn't have actually given her
the Pedigree, I mean, I was just scarin' her, I would have let her go, but
no, your hot-head brother runs over and punches me in the face! And, I
mean I understand...Shane's always been a little bit of a mama's boy - but
that's okay! Hey, there's nothing wrong with loving your mommy...(the way
Shane does, I mean...) But you know, now that I'm thinking about it, when
I talk about your mom and I ask the question what kind of a woman would do
something like that, I guess it's the same kind of a woman that would come
to this ring and do something such as take a fair contest between two great
athletes, for the World Wrestling Federation champion - take a fair
contest, and then try to stack the odds against me by putting in the Rock's
corner none other than Stone Cold Steve Austin...but as far as the Rock
goes - Rock, you want somebody in your corner? Well, tonight I'm gonna
give you a chance to get used to that very thing, to have somebody in your
corner - hell, I'm gonna give you somebody in every corner - no, I'm gonna
give you somebody all around the ring, because tonight, In This Very Ring,
it will be none other than the Ayatollah of Butt-holah, Chris Jericho -
going one on one with the People's Champ, the Rock. Oh...but I forgot to
mention that it will be a lumberjack match - and those lumberjacks are
right now at this very moment being carefully hand-selected by my
brother-in-law (your brother) Shane McMahon. So as it goes, never fear.
The McMahon-Helmsley regime is in complete control. We are taking care of
business, and read my lips: there will be no more bad days." Tonight's
counterpoint is offered by TAZZZZZZZZZZZZ, who is still wearing the ECW
World Heavyweight championship and BREATHES VERY LOUDLY. "Is that right,
Champ? You know, it's good to see that you're in such a pleasant mood -
but - THE MOOD () IS ABOUT () TO CHANGE! You know, you run around here ()
like you got () everything under control - () all your bases covered - but
what I say, you open that big mouth of yours () just a little bit wider ()
and take a bite () outta something () you () can't swallow! [Did H just
mouth to Stephanie "I never swallow?"] And you ain't gotta put that title
on the line, () all's you gotta do () is lace 'em up () real tight, () get
in that ring, () and find out () why () they () call me () the Human ()
Wrecking () Machine!" "You want a piece of me? Tonight? You got it. You
bring that little belt you got around your waist - what does that stand
for? ECW or something? ["E-C-W!"] Well, Jack, understand this - you step
in the ring with me tonight, this is the World Wrestling Federation, and I
am gonna prove to the world - I am gonna prove to YOU - and I am gonna
prove to every one of these idiots that was just chanting those three
letters that E C W SUCKS!" "Well I'll tell you what, Big Time! From one
champion () to another champion, () get prepared to be choked out! And by
the way, you call yourself the Game? I don't play games!" Tazz' music
plays one more time as Cole speculates that this might be history in the
making - the first time a champion from one organization goes one on one
with the WWF Champion. I guess the fact that Benoit never lost his belt is
lost on our short-memoried friend...
Chyna and Lita are WALKING! Tonight Eddie's in a good mood, he's giving
Essa Rios one more chance to team up with him, but she BETTER not screw it
up again like she did Monday! Lita gives us fear (I think). Eddie got his
GED, by the way.
Chyna stars in "Alien Fury" - tomorrow on Blockbuster Shockwave Cinema! 8,
7 central - ONLY ON UPN!
Our commentators shill "Alien Fury," just in case we missed the earlier ad
While UPN reminds us that we're watching "WWF Smackdown," we see Kurt Angle
WALKING down the hall! Stephanie catches up to him and after a brief
amount of flirting, invites him to be a lumberjack, because his GREATEST
quality is his *credibility*. He accepts and we get some sexual tension -
well, I guess it's abstinence tension for Angle - before they walk their
THOSE DAMN DUDLEYZ v. ESSA RIOS (with Lita) and EDDIE GUERRERO (with That
Slut Chyna) - somebody ask Meltzer if Eddie really DIDN'T have his GED,
'cause it sure seems too weird to be a pure storyline. Again Eddie hands
Chyna roses - and again, she drops 'em on the ramp as she walks on down.
That's probably symbolic and I just don't get it. Dudleyz get T&A at
Backlash. Buh-Buh Ray all over Rios with clubbing blows to the back to
start. Into the ropes, backdop, but Rios lands on his feet - scoop by
Dudley, Rios counters with a head scissors takeover - spinning heel kick,
duck, full nelson into a drop on da butt. Tag to D-Von. Open shot, into
the ropes, shoulderblock by Dudley. Off the ropes, leapfrog, kick by
D-Von, off the ropes, punch ducked, shoulderblock, cover, 2. Right by
D-Von again, Rios breaks it up, kick, kick, knee to the head, tag to
Guerrero who climbs up top and hits a missile dropkick (!) for 2. Head to
the corner, right, right, right, peppering him with quick punches, into the
opposite corner is reversed, Guerrero lands on the second turnbuckle, but
before he can spring off, D-Von is over to hit him in the small of the back
- and there's the patented neckbreaker! If Lawler says "Mamacita" one more
time, I will have to kill him. Tag to Buh-Buh Ray, tag to Rios, hiptoss
takeover - big-time slam for Guerrero, back body drop for Rios, sidewalk
slam for Guerrero, Rios into the ropes, head down, kick by Rios, 'rana
attempt countered with a powerbomb, Eddie breaks it up. Now all four men
in - Guerrero sent outside by D-Von as Buh-Buh Ray calls for 3D. Rios sent
into the ropes while Buh-Buh Ray runs the wrong way to do 3D, but the right
way to get pulled to the outside by Guerrero (oh well), while Rios manages
a DDT on D-Von. Guerrero and Buh-Buh Ray fighting on the outside while
D-Von tries to take a breather on the outside - but Rios is up on top -
plancha to the floor! Buh-Buh Ray whips Guerrero into Chyna...who stop
him. Lita perched on the top rope in the mimic position - but Buh-Buh Ray
ducks and she takes out GUERRERO! Chyna is over to express displeasure,
while inside the ring, they DO hit 3D (Dudley Death Drop) on Rios. Buh-Buh
Ray covers - 1, 2, 3. (3:03 acid) Lita in to check on her man while Chyna
follows - and grabs her by the hair! Meanwhile, the Dudleys are out to go
table-huntin' - and they bring one into the ring. Dudleys back in the
ring, and Chyna turns around to see them looking back at HER. Chyna thinks
on this a bit - then shoves Lita into D-Von's arms and takes off. Buh-Buh
Ray sits on top - gets Lita handed to him - and puts her through the table
with a superbomb. Yow! Tell me...if this is such a "euphoric" trance, why
the heck isn't he smiling? Also, how come they NEVER list B.B. amongst the
list of victims? "Oh, no, we didn't fire her - we SWEAR!" Not that I miss
her...I'm just saying. Several replays from various angles. "Nobody's
The other three R4dicalz share a moment in their dressing room. Saturn
says Tazz looks like Donkey Kong with his challenges. There's a knock on
the door - it's Shane. He asks Benoit about his IC defense. "It won't
take long." Shane asks the three in front of him if they wouldn't mind
being lumberjacks. They like the sound of it and accept.
Rikishi Phatu is WALKING! And they STILL insist on giving his ass screen time!
Meanwhile, Big Show is ALSO WALKING! We even get a very special view of
HIS rump! Well, at least they're not being discriminatory...
In addition to walking, Big Show eats Chef Boyardee spaghetti and jumbo
"WWF Smackdown returns in a moment on UPN!" Translation: this is an EXTRA
long ad break
And now: the WWF Rewind, from Star Wars Jedi Power Battles - Scotty Too
Hotty wins the light heavyweight title from Dean Malenko - from RAW
RIKSIHI PHATU v. WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW (with "WWF Aggression" track) -
Say, what show is this? Oh, thanks UPN! Show walks out with a Bischoffian
arm pose - he's in "fun" mode tonight, we are told. What is an "A to Z"
personality? I only took two psych courses in college, but I missed that
one. "Yo, Rikishi! This is my town, this is PHILADELPHIA, BABY! [Crowd:
"He said the name of our town!"] In Philadelphia, they don't call me the
Big Show - they call me the Big Fonkeh! So you dance a lot - you shake
your rump - well, right now, I want to have a little dance contest to see
who shakes their rump BETTA. So they gonna hit my music and I'm gonna go
first." They actually hit the Too Cool music, but that doesn't stop him
from hittin' the old breakdance moves - even Rikishi can't help but smile.
"Go Big Show! Go Big Show!" Phatu's turn coming up - the shades are
doffed and the music plays. HE gets special lighting as well...Phatu makes
the mistake of turning his back on his opponent during this dance segment,
and Show waffles him from behind with a clothesline - oops, I guess he's a
heel tonight. Well it's a big headbutt, well it's a big open-handed slap -
well it's a big whip into the opposite corner. Phatu puts up a boot as
Show charges in. Right, right, standing side kick puts the big man down -
Phatu motioning for the stinkface, but Show decides he don't want none o'
that and rolls outside. Phatu goes out after him and the v-e-r-y s-l-o-w
chase is on. Back in the ring, well it's a big stomp, repeat, well it's a
big headbutt, well it's a big whip, reverse, holding on for the DDT. Phatu
pats his ass again - that's a big drumstick drop - but it only gets 2.
Scoop - and Show falls on him, thwarting the (ha) slam attempt. Show has
his right knee wrapped tonight, by the way. Well it's a big elbow to the
back of the head. Building up a head of steam, well it's a big clothesline
- Phatu spins. Show's getting an idea - nice face there - ahhh, HERE'S his
version of the Wurm! And THIS time, he *hits* it because he actually uses
the karate chop at the end of it instead of trying the elbowdrop variation.
Well it's a big whip into the corner - Phatu sidesteps the charge again -
wow, that's got to be the UGLIEST armdrag takeover in the world. Ugliest
Samoan Drop in the world as well. Phatu warming it up - there's a fat ass
splash - Phatu building up a head of steam - clothesline that takes BOTH
men outside over the top rope! Referee "Blind" Mike Sparks puts on the
count...was there an edit in there? Well, anyway, he hits ten (DCOR 2:50)
and nothing's settled tonight. Crowd boos the double countout, but before
Show can get up the ramp, Phatu has THE STICK: "Whoawhoawhoawhoawhoa - Big
Show - Rikishi and Philadelphia wants you to back that butt up! Bring your
big body in here so we can finish what we started!" Show's amenable and
walks back into the ring. Staredown. Phatu whips out a pair of shades and
places them on Show. Show reciprocates with a pair for Rikishi. They
assume the position - well, who knew. NOW IS THE TIME ON SPROCKETS WHEN WE
DANCE! We look backstage, where Kurt Angle is watching on an oval - and
not believing what he's seeing. Each man busts a move. Show looking for
some love - and Phatu superkicks him! Then he takes back his shades!
Haaa! Coming up next, Tazz takes on Triple H!
Hey, Kes is gonna be back on Voyager for sweeps? I may have to watch it!
Oh boy, Dr. Zimmerman's back! Oh boy, Counselour Troi! NOW I'm starting
to think it's GIMMICK MONTH ON STAR TREK! Woo hoo! The FREAKIN' BORG
"WWF Aggression" ad
"WWF Smackdown returns in a moment on" - yes, you HAVE seen this bumper
Hey, that kid still sees dead people - how 'bout that
Yeah! 7 UP commercial SAVES this ad break!
And when we come back, it's ANOTHER ad - for "The Gladiator." Is that
movie about Awesome Mike Awesome? I have a feeling - not
KEVIN "NAILZ" KELLY stands with Kurt Angle ("WWF Smackdown UPN") and segues
into a question about Angle being labeled a "modern day gladiator." Angle
quickly busts out "it's true, it's true" and sucks up to Dreamworks. Angle
says Steven Spielberg has PERSONALLY invited him to the premiere. "And
what I mean by 'big screen,' that's, ah, Hollywood talk for (turns to
camera) the movies." Kelly asks Angle about Big Show's dancing routine.
Angle says Rikishi doesn't know any better, but the Big Show used to be the
WWF Champion - and used to stand for something! But now...well... Angle
promises that when he wins the intercontinental title tonight, the stock
market will rise, the world will be a better place to live...and he'll see
us...at the movies.
TAZZZZZZZZZZZZZ (with TV-PG-DLV ratings box) v. TREBLE H (with Stephanie
Ono) in a nontitle match - again, we hear the line about Tazz winning the
belt "on his night off, in under three minutes." Lawler says it's no big
deal; HE used to take his nights off and kick butt in ECW as well (ha!).
WWF Backlash is presented by the motor oil that lubes you up real nice -
Castrol GTX! Boy, I sure NEEDED two really long Triple H entrances
tonight. Cole says Philly is ECW country; Lawler counters with "WWF
country - (moron)." Staredown - they try to give a friendly camera angle
so you don't think "MAN Tazz is SHORT" but it doesn't quite come off.
Attendance is 18,129 tonight. Lockup, to the corner - Mike Chioda attempts
to force a clean break. H tries a punch, Tazz blocks and hits a right of
his own, knocking down the champ. H backs off and stands back up.
Gutshot, right, right, right, Tazz goes down. Into the ropes, reversed,
lariat by Tazz, clothesline, clothesline, H in the corner, kick, kick,
kick, right, right, right, right, right, Chioda manages to get Tazz out of
the corner - H walks into a Tazzplex attempt, but H elbows to the head -
three elbows breaks it, there's a clothesline to take him down. Right by
Tazz, right, right, into the ropes, head down, kick from H, clothesline
ducked, TAZZ hits a clothesline to take H outside. He follows - right,
head to the commentary table, scoop - and a slam. But a whip into the
STEEL steps is reversed and Tazz hits hard. H rolls in to break the count,
and rolls back out. H drops his throat on the barricade - repeated punches
to the head - Chioda out to break that up. H rolls him back in the ring as
the crowd chants "slut." Triple H with a vertical suplex. Running
kneedrop. Cover - 1, 2, no. Head to the turnbuckle. Right, Tazz back
with a right. Rights traded, rights traded, now it's all Tazz, right,
right, H back with a knee. But he walks into the backdrop suplex! Both
men are down. Tazz with "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," right, into
the ropes, back elbow, into the ropes again, caught in a head-an-arm, but H
AGAIN gets out of the attempt with a headbutt. Off the ropes, Tazz hits a
Northern Lights Tazzplex and bridges! 1, 2, NO! Tazz argues the count.
Back on him, right hand, off the ropes, H with a facebuster. Tazz ducks a
clothesline - TAZZMISSION! Stephanie up on the apron, Chioda over, H's
trick knee acts up with the ref's back turned. H is ready for the Pedigree
- and there it is. But before he can cover, there's a fan up on the apron
- Chioda trying to keep him from coming in - H over with a forearm shot to
take him to the floor (and also knock out the ref - oops) - wait, that's
TOMMY DREAMER! Dreamer grabs a chair and comes back in the ring...but he
accidentally (?) hits Tazz. H with a gutshot - and a Pedigree. Dreamer
sells it OLD SCHOOL STYLE, twitching away. H covers - Chioda is over and
giving an homage to Hebner with the slowest count in
history.....1..........2..........3. (5:53) Saturday at the ECW Arena
should be pretty interesting, no?
Trish Stratus gives her boys a pep talk before the match. "Let's focus on
the match - not on the cleavage!" I *think* this is a "yuks" segment...I'm
You're watching - U! P! N!
THA GODFATHA & D'LO BROWN (with ten - err, five ladies) v. T&A (with Trish
Stratus - the fitness model) - "WWF Smackdown UPN," yeah yeah, I got it.
D'Lo is wearing his D'Lo Brown outfit for a change. Godfather gets
interrupted mid-spiel by T&A's entrance music. Let Us Take You Back to
Monday where Trish done put a Greco-Roman liplock on one Buh-Buh Ray
Dudley. Test and Brown going at it when we come out of that footage - off
the ropes, Brown slides under, but eats a clothesline. Right, into the
ropes is reversed, duck by Test, but into a back suplex. Gutshot, out of
the corner, Test holds on for a full nelson (Uncle) slam as we notice
BUH-BUH RAY DAMN DUDLEY up in the Time Tunnel, checking out Trish (I
guess). Tag to Albert. Uppercut, right, into the ropes, Brown slips the
attempt, gutshot, right, right, we're spending no time watching this match
now, alternating between shots of Stratus and Buh-Buh Ray - now he's joined
by D-VON DAMN DUDLEY, who is trying to talk some sense into him. In the
ring, Godfather hits a bodyslam, legdrop by D'Lo, spinning around legdrop
by Godfather. Into the ropes, gutshot by Godfather, another kick, 1, 2,
Test breaks it up. All four men in the ring now - Dudleyz have walked off.
T&A collide from stereo whips - Brown takes Albert out of the ring while
Godfather gets really to warm up the Ho Train - but Albert is over and he
grabs the ankle. Brown with a shot for Albert. Both men whip Albert into
Test - NOW it's time once again for the Ho train splash, on both men.
Godfather has Test up for the Pimp Drop, but before he can hit it, D'Lo
accidentally comes off with a forearm that hits his own partner when Albert
ducks it. Test KO's Brown while Albert hits the double chokebomb on
Godfather and gets the pin. (2:20) Post-match, Godfather and Brown try to
sort out what happened. Brown wants to raise the roof - Godfather walks
over to forgive and give him a hug - SKY HI! SKY HI! D'Lo's music plays
and I think can pencil in a heel turn here.
And Now the Hard Drivin' - the Slam of the Hard Drive - Hard - the Slam of
the Week, sponsored by Castrol GTX - H fires Hebner, and he gets beaten up
good - from RAW
X-PAC (with Tori - and "WWF Smackdown UPN" graphic) v. CHRISTIAN - Tonight,
SmackDown! is brought to you by "WWF Aggression" - buy it at Best Buy, milk
(got milk?) and Western Union Money Transfer! Did Christian just say
something not very nice while he was perched on the top turnbuckle?
Lockup, side headlock from X-Pac. Powering out, off the ropes,
shoulderblock by X-Pac. Back and forth we go, up and over, under, gobehind
by X-Pac, Christian runs to the rope and X-Pac falls through. X-Pac back
on the apron, Christian sliding under to the floor, then pulling him down
to the floor, cracking his jaw on the apron on the way down! Christian
back in - running the ropes, baseball slide dropkick! Tori over to try to
get something done from the backside - Christian shoves her down, but turns
back into a heel kick. X-Pac rams him into the STEEL steps, then breaks
the count. Christian slow to get back in - a little help from X-Pac -
trying to run his head into the turnbuckle after running him across the
apron, but Christian blocks it - gutshot, X-PAC's head to the buckle -
standing on top, but he's over with a martial arts kick and Christian gets
crotched. Pulled back down to the mat and it may be time for the
broncobuster - ayup. Snapmare takeover, and he clamps on a headlock.
Christian elbows out, they're trading punches - spinning heel kick ducked,
Christian going for the slop drop, but X-Pac wriggles free and comes off
the ropes with a clothesline and a flip - 1, 2, shoulder up! X-Pac giving
the high sign - and climbing up top - somersault legdrop MISSES (and it
would have KILLED him if it HAD hit, so lucky him, I guess) -
"Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," again, Christian ducks a clothesline
and hits a dropkick, into the ropes is reversed, duck - slop drop HITS! 1,
2, KICKOUT! X-Pac sent into the corner, boot up to halt the charge - X-Pac
runs into a fireman's carry...into a gutbuster! Setting him up for the
Tomokaze, but ROAD DOGG is running down the entryway - EDGE appears behind
him (what was HE doing anywhere NEAR the entrance? They come out through
the crowd!) - Christian, however, is sufficiently distracted to fall into
the X Factor - we are told that referee "Blind" Jim Korderas was distracted
by Tori at the same time, but he's back around now - 1, 2, 3. (3:31)
Post-match, it's a Pier Four brawl as Edge and Christian get the upperhand
on Dogg, then put X-Pac outside as well. Play Edge's music! Well, both
champs got pinned tonight. Do you care about the tag team title match yet?
Or....do you find yourself asking what happened to that heel turn these
guys were gonna have? I wonder what Rebecca and Sharon think of all this...
Those Damn Dudleyz are WALKING! For a change, they're walking away from
the camera - this is so we are surprised when Shane enters the picture and
asks them if they could be lumberjacks? "Any tables involved?" "Hey,
anything can happen in the WWF..." After Shane says they can hit 3D on the
outside, they agree.
"WWF's Greatest Hits 2" ad #2
U - P - N!
"Stone Cold Strikes" clip - "March, 1999 - McMahon Beer Bath"
KURT ANGLE (already in the ring) v. CHRIS BENOIT for the intercontinental
championship - Psst, this is "WWF Smackdown on UPN." Pass it on. Lockup,
to the corner, switch, referee "Blind" Jack Doan asking for the clean
break, Benoit gives it - then pats him lightly in the cheek - heh heh heh.
Angle runs at Benoit - gobehind, waistlock, takedown. Benoit back up -
down from a dropkick. Angle turns his back to celebrate - big mistake.
Benoit back up and on him - knife-edge chop. Chop. Into the ropes,
reversed, overhead belly-to-belly release by Angle, yow. In the corner,
repeated punches, and kicks. Standing on the neck - Doan physically
restrains him. Angle walks back into some kicks from Benoit - snap suplex
gets 1. Into the ropes, back elbow, 2 count. Scoop - and a slam. Benoit
off the ropes with an elbow. Crowd trying on a "USA" chant - say, who IS
the face in this matchup? Off the ropes, Angle slides under a clothesline,
laces the arms for a backslide attempt, Angle turns it around and hits a
(Tiger?) suplex for 2! Benoit with a surprise small package for 2. Angle
with a fireman's carry takeover for 2. Head to the buckle, right, into the
opposite corner is reversed, Angle hits sternum first, then backs into a
German suplex - another German suplex - Benoit holding on for the THIRD
German suplex and we haven't seen that third one hit for quite a while!
Crowd chanting "Ang Gull." Benoit going up for the swandive but WELL IT'S
THE BIG SHOW, who shoves him to the floor (DQ 3:07), then goes in the ring
for Angle, who promptly runs away - Show chases off after him. Benoit is
the winner, but he seems pissed that he didn't get the chance to pin this
Bull Buchanan and Big Boss Man are chatting in the locker room - Triple H
approaches them and asks if they'll be lumberjacks tonight - of COURSE
Another ad for "The Gladiator" - this one leads to the sweepstakes - win a
trip for you and a friend to attend the premiere - with Kurt Angle! Get
thee over to wwf.com and ENTER NOW!
Another ad for "Blockbuster Shockwave Cinema" - you can have your choice of
Syndra or Chyna.
Oh boy! Another Flintstones movie! I bet I miss THIS one, too! (Did I
use this one last week? I forget)
You're watching...well, you know
Here's an exterior of the First Union Center - and an obvious graphic from
UPN telling us what we're watching
DX exchange congratulations all around - Shane suggests the following
strategy for the Jericho/Rock match coming up. "Someone gets out - hammer
"Earlier Today," the unblinking eye of the WWF cameras caught CRASH HOLLY
visiting the Ringling Brothers Barnum & Bailey circus and meeting up with a
couple clowns. Wait, that's not a clown - that's Teddy Long in a funny
hat, trenchcoat and Groucho glasses! Crash manages to avoid the clown,
only to get beaten down by ANOTHER clown - and then a third one - hooray!
A bucket of shit! One of the clowns takes off his big clown shoe and wails
away on Holly with it. Seeing Long STILL in hat and fake nose is
surreal... Now the clowns are fighting amongst themselves...and Holly's
making his break. Say...those aren't clowns - that's the MEAN STREET
Kevin Kelly attempts to have a few words with the Rock. Rock starts with
"Finally, the Rock..." This week's list is "things Triple H can do with
the title until Backlash" and includes having a picnic, flying a kite, and
going down to the Philadelphia zoo and sucking a monkey nipple. Rock says
if Vince wants to get involved, he's got a Rattlesnake ready to strike on
his candyass. It doesn't matter! In ten days, he'll become the new World
Wrestling Federation champion, if ya smell.
WWF Backlash promo has A LOT of Austin clips in it
"WWF SmackDown! returns in a moment on..."
And now, the WWF Boot of the Week, brought to you by Lugz! From RAW, Linda
blocks a slap from - and delivers one of her own to - her daughter
Stephanie. Triple H wants to deliver a Pedigree in return, but Shane stops
The LUMBERJACKS come out to "the Kings" and I hope this is the LAST time I
have to see "WWF Smackdown UPN" tonight. Let's break it down - we've got
the whole of DX, the Dudleys, Angle, Benoit, Malenko and Saturn, Boss Man
and Buchanan....hmm, that's it.
CHRIS THURSDAY JERICHO v. LA ROCA in a lumberjack match - Triple H, always
the gentlemen, takes a special timeout to show Jericho his nice, shiny
belt. Rock still has a nice scar on his forehead from last Monday.
Nervous looks to ringside by both men, but now we're off - both men
punching simultaneously, knee by Rock, elbow to the back of the head,
right, right, right, right, into the ropes, Jericho with a flying forearm,
right, right, right, chop, chop, kick, kick, kick, kick, into the opposite
corner is reversed, boot up by Jericho - but he runs into a back elbow.
Rock stomps, stomp, stomp, Jericho nearing the ropes, stomp, pound, Jericho
fires back, right, right, right, running at the Rock, but he puts him over
the top to the floor, where the lumberjacks have a bit of fun with Jericho
before putting him back in - 1, 2, no. Rock with a vertical suplex. 1, 2,
shoulder up. Rock with a kick, back elbow, crowd with "Rock E," elbow,
into the ropes, reversed, spinning heel kick by Jericho. Rock rolls to the
mat - oops, not too brainy - Boss Man and Buchanan getting in some shots.
Jericho with a springboard dropkick to take him to the floor. NOW they all
swarm on him. Triple H gets in a shot of his own as well. Back in the
ring, Jericho with a stomp to the head, stomp, stomp, Rock blocks, right,
right, off the ropes, but running into a clothesline - Jericho covers, 2.
Jericho putting Rock outside and the lumberjacks get right on him. Tossed
back in the ring. Lionsault! 1, 2, shoulder up! How come they always
call it an Asai moonsault? I thought Asai's took place OUTSIDE the ring -
otherwise it's just a quebrada. Somebody get Mike Tenay on this for me.
Right by Jericho, into the ropes is reversed, head down, kick by Jericho,
but he runs into a scoop slam - hell, almost a Falcon arrow, but this IS
the Rock - for 2. Rock decides to go outside the ring and attack - but
he's one and they're a hell of a lot more, so Rock (rightly) gets his ass
whupped big-time. Jericho ends up in a pile of lumberjacks as well, but we
don't see if he's pulled out or if he's stupid as well. Jericho is POWERED
into the STEEL steps. Both men put back in the ring, where referee "Blind"
Mike Chioda puts on the count. Will we get a double countout? Triple H
gets up on the apron, drawing the referee over - behind his back, Benoit
comes in and hits a swandive headbutt on Jericho. Rock over - hooking a
leg - 1, 2, NO! Again, Triple H is on the apron - X-Pac in the ring with
an X Factor for the Rock. Jericho manages to hook Rock's leg - 1, 2, NO!
Jericho runs at the Rock - spinebuster! Now, the lumberjacks get up on the
apron, black ninja style - Buh-Buh Ray Dudley goes down with one punch,
Angle, D-Von, benoit, Triple H brought INTO the ring, right, right, right,
right, NOW KISS THAT RIGHT! From behind, it's *Shane* with a clothesline
to the back. Shane dancing around like he's in a boxing match - Rock turns
around with a look for Shane, who promptly goes into "sprint" mode. Rock
catches him at the ropes, but Jericho is back up and on the Rock from
behind. Right, right, right, into the ropes, no, chop, into the ropes,
Rock holds on - Rock Bottom! 1, 2, Shane is over to break it but before
THAT happens, H pulls Rock out of the ring. Lumberjacks try to get him -
Rock is back in - a SECOND Rock Bottom for Jericho, and as he hooks the
leg, Shane is up on the apron and grabbing Chioda to make sure he doesn't
see what's going on behind him - namely, Triple H waffling Rock with the
title belt and putting Jericho's arm on top of him. 1, 2, 3. Jericho pins
the Rock! But...why's Triple H's music playing? (7:11 - Free Slurpees!)
Well, 'cause Triple H is your REAL winner tonight. We close out the show
with a shot of DX celebrating on the ramp - and the credits - and HAPPY
EASTER/PASSOVER/WHATEVER! We'll see you Monday!
Christopher Robin Zimmerman