teaser: Is that Pens/Flyers game over YET?
by Christopher Robin Zimmerman
WrestleLine/WrestleManiacs
KINGS UPDATE: 2-2! The Lakers NEVER led game four! Is it a colossal choke
- or just the refs giving the calls to the home team EVERY time? We'll
find out tomorrow as the deciding Game 5 is on at 7:30 from the Staples
Center. Hey, how about a guarantee?
"...there's no doubt in my mind we're going to win Friday night's game. I
don't think we lost three games straight [this season]. Well, then,
what's the problem?" - Ron Harper
For an encore, Harper asked Laker "fans" to leave their cel phones at home
on Friday.
I hear that Phil Jackson has compared Kings fans to "rednecks" - but at
least they're more civilised than Puerto Rico fans. Damn, who knew he was
such a racist?
It's Thursday UPN! You know what that means - CONSTANT REMINDERS
One World Leader Attitude - WWF!
LAST MONDAY: A clip here, a clip there - Rock and Shane in a cage, fifteen
different screwy situations, and so forth - three minutes or so - I think
there was a TV-PG-DLV ratings box in here, too
Opening (close captioned logo) Credits
Hit the pyro and start the show - it's 4.5.2K (taped 2.5) - it's en espanol
donde sea disponible - it's the Richmond Colesium - it's Richmond, VA -
it's WWF SmackDown! Only on...I forget
"Richmond's own" EARL HEBNER gets his own introduction
CHRIS THURSDAY JERICHO v. CHRIS BENOIT for the intercontinental
championship - and the rights to the first name "Chris" - We start with a
match, as recent history seems to demand. Challenger enters first but gets
no mic time. Let Us Take You Back to Sunday, where we had this same match,
but with a screwy ending...and presumably, a lot longer than it could be
tonight. We are told that Benoit broke his nose Sunday landing on the
title. Staredown in the middle of the ring - nose to nose - many words
exchanged here. Jericho shoves, Benoit slaps, Jericho slaps, Benoit with a
double leg takedown and a pummelin'. Now they're rolling a bit - and to
the outside before you can say "catfight!" Both men quick back INTO the
ring and Benoit takes down Jericho with a clothesline. Right, kick, into
the ropes, flying forearm by Jericho, mounting him and punching away.
Benoit ducks a clothesline, and now they're trading chops - like gunshots.
Jericho to the face, whip into the ropes, reversed, pounding on the back,
Jericho with a powerbomb! Running for the Lionsault, but Benoit is quickly
over before he can get off the ropes - waistlock - into a German suplex!
And now holding on for a second...the third is coming up - got it!
Bridging - 1, 2, NO! Benoit picks up Jericho in a fireman's carry - over
the head and dropped into a gutbuster. Kick to the head by Benoit, in the
corner, kick, chop, repeated kicks - Hebner pulling him off and now they're
having words. Another chop. Whip into the opposite corner is reversed,
but Benoit puts up a boot. Benoit charges but runs into a spinning heel
kick! 1, 2, no! Chop from Benoit takes Jericho to the mat. Benoit's nose
is bleeding again. Benoit stomping on Jericho. Head to the buckle. Chop.
Chop. "Y2J" chant. Chop. Into the opposite corner, but Jericho puts up
an elbow - second rope missile dropkick! Both men slow to get up - now
they are trading punches - now Jericho is taking command - repeated knees.
Off the ropes with the bulldog - cover - 2. Right hand, against the ropes,
Jericho chops - three times. Benoit reverses - fireman's carry - another
gutbuster attempt but Jericho rolls through into a small package - for 2!
Benoit the first man to strike when they get back to their feet - after the
elbow, there's a backdrop suplex. Benoit's going up top...but Jericho is
up and against the ropes, crotching him. Jericho climbing up the corner
and punching and chopping away. On the second rope...Benoit headbutts him
several times and Jericho falls back into the ring - Benoit flies off the
top into a Sunset flip (!), but Jericho rolls through and grabs the legs!
But before he can turn it into the Walls of Jericho, Benoit punches, then
kicks him in the face. Benoit trying to lock in the Crippler crossface -
Jericho fighting it...both men to their feet - Benoit has him in the
backdrop position - and dropping him over the top rope to the floor!
Hebner putting on the count - Benoit ready to go outside but Hebner stops
him. Some words are exchanged, escalating into shoving - Benoit shoves
Hebner outside! Jericho comes in and waffles him with the title belt, then
Lionsaults onto Benoit - Hebner staggers in and counts...1, 2, 3! Ladies
and gentlemen, we have a new Intercontinental champion. (6:31) Replay of
Jericho cheating - and Hebner's count.
Outside, two limos arrive - DX in one, and the McMahons and Stooges in the
other. Now they're all WALKING! Vince tells no one in particular that
tonight's gonna be a fun night...
Triple H lifts some weights and shills Metacuts by Metaform. "Metacuts
makes YOU ... the Game!" Is this like ICOPRO (you gotta want it)?
You're watching UPN, yup
Tomorrow, "Bad Boys" airs on Blockbuster Shockwave Cinema - Tea Leoni's a
real stick, ain't she? Hey, is Martin Lawrence still in that coma or what?
If it's Segment Two, it must be time for a few words from the
McMAHON-HELMSLEY REGIME. "How nice it is to be here in Richmond, Virginia!
Richmond Virginia is a town of great historical significance. Indeed,
Richmond historically is known as the capital of the Confederacy. Richmond
is the home of Jefferson Davis! Here in Richmond, this is the location in
which Patrick Henry gave his impassioned speech: 'Give me Liberty or give
me death!' Richmond is the capital of the great state of Virginia.
["Rock-E!"] I don't think Patrick Henry had these problems - you're
interrupting my speech. However, more recently, Richmond has been known
more for it's corrupt city council. And, as of late, Richmond is known as
'the home of referee Earl Hebner?' Now this would be - this would be the
same Earl Hebner who was reinstated as a referee by my wife (Linda) - the
same Earl Hebner who counted Triple H's shoulders down for 1, 2, 3 - the
same Earl Hebner who raised the hand of the Rock as the new WWF Champion!"
Sign in crowd: "Earl Hepner Fan Club" Yeah, you're a REAL fan if you spell
his NAME wrong, right? "Then, it's only right, then, that Earl Hebner
returns back to that ring tonight...here in his home town. Only this time,
Earl Hebner will not be returning as a referee - no, tonight In That Very
Ring Earl Hebner will have his very first wrestling match." Aww, geez,
didn't I go to a lot of trouble to NOT type out that I thought this would
happen on Monday? Now look what they go and do! "And Earl Hebner, if you
disobey my orders, that means you've breached your contract, and that
means, not only will you be fired again, but by God, you'll stay fired!
However, it would be right for Earl Hebner to have to face singles
competition in his first wrestling match in his hometown - that wouldn't be
fair. So therefore tonight, Earl... ["ass hole"] - naww, don't refer to
Earl Hebner like that! Tonight, Earl will have a tag team partner, that's
right, tag team action, and Earl will be happy with this and so will you.
Because tonight, Earl's tag team partner will be...the Rock!" Crowd: "He
said the Rock's name! Rock E! Rock E! Rock E!" "So therefore, we've got
Earl Hebner teaming with the Rock to face the opposition of...X-Pac -
X-Pac's tag team partner, the Road Doggy Doggy Doggy - oh, and THEIR tag
team partner - the next World Wrestling Federation champion, Triple H! You
see, it's two versus three - you might call this a Handicap match.
However, oh I almost forgot. This match will be for the World Wrestling
Federation championship! Now then, if the Rock's shoulders are pinned to
the mat, the Rock loses the WWF Championship. And, if the Rock's tag team
partner, in his very first match in his hometown, Earl Hebner - if Earl
Hebner's shoulders are pinned to the match, 1, 2, 3...the Rock loses the
WWF Championship! So tonight, here in Richmond, we will crown a NEW World
Wrestling Federation champion and once again, HISTORY will be made in
Richmond, Virginia!"
Judgment Day is coming - and its promo is...eerie
WWF SmackDown! returns in a moment on ... UPN!
Earlier Today, Christian and Edge get some deep pore cleansing from Janet,
the makeup lady. Edge reminds Janet that he needs "every inch of ass off
of my face!" Christian tells Edge (and us) that Rikishi is gonna "SO pay
for inventing that stinky, disgusting, vile move!" Edge: "I can't believe
we lost the cover of Tiger Beat because of this!"
EDDIE GUERRERO & THAT SLUT CHYNA v. ESSA RIOS & LITA - Let Us Take You Back
to Backlash where Lita relieved Chyna of her prom dress, and Lawler said
"bra and panties" but failed to have his head explode. Lita seems
unwilling to get into this match, but Rios kinda drags her down the ramp.
Let Us Take You back to Monday, where Chyna took a measure of revenge by
relieving *Lita* of the stolen prom dress. Chyna looks like she's licking
her chops at a chance for Lita. Rios steals the roses from Chyna and
presents them to Lita. She rolls under the bottom rope while Chyna
advances - but it's Eddie taking control of things as we start the match.
There's his version of the backdrop suplex. Chyna tagged in - double
brainbuster - into the ropes, drop toehold by Chyna, dropkick to the face
by Guerreo. Chyna kicking away on Rios - scoop slam, tag, Eddie into the
ring with his rolling senton over the top rope. Kick, Rios comes back with
a couple punches, Guerrero catches the leg, ducks the enzuigiri, Rios
backflips, slips, but covers by elbowing Guerrero on his way down.
Dropkick for Chyna, who wasn't paying attention, and she falls to the
floor. Lita over with a few tentative stomps as we take a break from
watching the ring - when we turn back, Rios hits a powerslam for 2. Lita
deciding to take a stroll away from the advancing Chyna - referee "Blind"
Tim White leaves the ring to prevent her from continuing towards that
corner. In the ring, Guerrero whipped, reverse, Rios lands on his feet out
of the backdrop, armdrag by Rios, Guerrero in the wrong neighborhood - Lita
chokes him on the second rope and slaps him one. Rios to the back, again,
into the ropes, reverse, drops down, big back elbow by Guerrero. Tag to
Chyna. Guerrero has him in a backbreaker, Chyna off the ropes with an
elbow to the heart. Stomp, picking him up, into the ropes, back elbow, off
the ropes, duck, double clothesline and they're both down. Rios telling
him to cover - no, she wants the tag? And she's got it. Lita climbs to
the top - but Chyna hits the ropes and she ends up sitting on the top
turnbuckle. Chyna's got her on her shoulders - BIG powerbomb! Guerrero
goes outside and takes Rios to the barricade. Chyna puts LIta in the ropes
- press - and drop. Chyna puts a foot on Lita - 1, 2, 3. (4:01) Replay
of the powerbomb and press slam.
"Gladiator" ad
Last Monday, KURT ANGLE, along with contest winners JOSH OLSON & PETE
LICATA spent the night at the big premiere in Hollywood. Angle's excited
to be a part of it!
LILIAN GARCIA stands backstage with Kurt Angle - he thought "Gladiator" was
an incredible movie. "You have movies in Madrid, right? Anyway, it was
the best movie I have ever seen." "So, Kurt, what are you saying - do you
like gladiator movies?" "Like 'em? I LOVE gladiator movies! I could
watch 'em all night long, I can't get enough of 'em! As a matter of fact,
my friends and I are thinking about having a gladiator movie party, and
you're invited! Bring a friend! See ya later!" As he walks off, Garcia
give us an "I wonder if he knows what he just said" face.
Trash Talkin' Stage ad
WWF Smackdown returns in a moment - but first, more ads!
KURT ANGLE v. HARDCORE HOLLY - "You know...you know I have a little problem
with my opponent tonight, Hardcore Holly. You see, when I think of the
word hardcore I think of hardcore pornography. What is wrong with you
people? There are CHILDREN here tonight! But then again, we're in a state
where the motto is 'Virginia is for lovers.' Not to be a critic, but as I
look around the crowd tonight, I realise that motto should be extended a
little bit further. Maybe something like this... 'Virginia is for lovers -
provided those lovers are not from the same family.' And that, my friends,
is true." Not to be outdone, Holly also brings a mic in hand. "Kurt...just
two things. One: I don't give a rat's ass about your philosophy, and
neither do these people. And two: Virginia might be for lovers, but it
sure as hell isn't a place for a thirty-year-old virgin who's about to get
his ass kicked!" Holly rushes the ring, ducks a lariat, and takes command.
Kick, pound, pound, whip, reverse, knockdown, back and forth, leapfrog,
gutshot, powerbomb for 2. Head to the buckle, into the opposite corner,
clothesline, into the ropes, head down, Angle tosses him and follows him
outside. Elbow to the back, head to the barricade, head to the apron, whip
into the STEEL steps is reversed and Angle goes down hard. Holly ready to
whip him again but Angle reverses THAT, and Holly hits the post. Back into
the ring we go. Belly-to-belly gets Angle 2. Right, whip into the ropes,
head down, Holly pounds on him and there's a suplex. Into the ropes we go,
Angle with a leapfrog, but he lands wrong and clutches his knee. Referee
"Blind" Chad Patton tries to keep Holly off of him, but Holly decides to
continue on him. Working the injured knee with kicks, until Patton moves
him away. Now Holly and THIS ref are shoving - Holly falling into a German
suplex and bridge - 1, 2, 3! (2:51) Angle WAS just faking it - I think
Patton owes him an apology! Holly hits the Best Dropkick in the Business
post-match, then goes outside for a chair. Hollycaust on the chair! Play
his music!
There's a shot of Rikishi's ass that I JUST didn't need
"The Rock: The People's Champ" video/DVD ad
The UPN Fan Cam LOVES that one guy who does the Wurm
Here's a look at a statue outside the Richmond Colesium
EDGE (you stinkface no him) & CHRISTIAN v. RIKISHI PHATU (with TV-PG-DLV
ratings box abd Judgment Day is brought to you by Army Men: World War) in a
Handicap match - Christian lets all the fans know that their faces are now
100% ass-free. Edge tells Riksihi he'll rue the day he ever decided to
wear a thong to the ring and deface the faces that the people love -
namely, theirs. Phatu tells them to kiss it - champs rush the ring and
fall to a double clothesline. And there's anotherone. Right for Edge,
right for Christian, Edge whipped into the corner, Christian whipped into
Edge, fat ass splash on the pile. Edge slumps in the corner - and he gets
another stinkface. Christian runs at him, but gets caught - setting up for
the Rikishi Driver, but Christian slips free - Phatu turns around and gets
speared by Edge. Punches and kicks are the order for the day, Christian
showing Phatu his own ass by way of mocking him. Double headbutt -
Christian's cover only gets 2 before he's powered out. Double dropkick and
Phatu goes outside. Baseball slide by Edge. Holding him for Christian's
springboard into a clothesline. Christian on all fours - but when Edge
goes for the assisted splash, he ends up splashing the ringpost. Phatu
knocks down Christian and gets back in the ring - JUST as referee "Blind"
Jim Korderas gets to 10. Phatu steals one from the champions. (COR 2:04)
Post-match, Christian attacks from behind, ANOTHER spear from Edge - and
now they're bringing in the bell once again. Christian has Phatu in a full
nelson and Edge is ready to waffle him - but TOO COOL come out to save the
day! Sexay superkicks the bell into Edge (complete with "ding") and
Christian is sent into the corner, bulldogged by Hotty, and I have a
feeling he just MIGHT do the Wurm here. Go figure! Play their music! As
the champs walk off, disgusted, Rikishi is ready to go out after them...but
Hotty's got a pair of sunglasses and the crowd must not be denied. NOW IS
THE TIME ON SPROCKETS WHEN WE DANCE! This dancing is SO special that they
set off pyro on the four turnbuckles.
Backstage, Stephanie and Tori play "hide the money in Tori's cleavage" -
the Dudleys appear just to say "excuse us" - this launches Stephanie into a
diatribe against the way they treat women. "These are two girls that you
don't mess with." It's pathetic the way they have to beat up on women to
feel like real me. Buh Buh Ray is ready to take a swipe at them as they
walk off, but D-Von holds him back. "Do you know what the repercussion is
puttin' that girl through a table?" Buh Buh Ray twists his face into a
sick grin...
Hey, what network is this? I forgot
And now, the WWF Boot of the Week, brought to you by Lugz! Where they at?
>From Backlash, Trish Stratus gave the ol' Greco-Roman liplock to Buh-Buh
Ray Dudley - but still ended up going through a table
HARDY BOYZ (with SmackDown! is brought to you by 1-800-COLLECT, Metaform
Weider products, and "The Rock: The People's Champ") v. T&A (by their damn
selves) - Matt and Albert start. Lockup, Albert powers him to the corner,
but Matt ducks a right, drop toehold, side headlock, Albert tries to pick
him up, but he holds on - powered into the rope, and knocked down. Right
by Hardy, right, right, into the ropes, reversal, duck, Matt slides under,
Albert follows and the chase is on - back in, tag to Jeff, Albert isn't
looking that way and Jeff get a surprise attack. Into the opposite corner,
Matt on all fours, Jeff leaping off with the leg - 1, 2, kickout with
authority. Jeff off the ropes, Albert with the press, but when he goes for
the powerbomb, Jeff rolls it onto his feet and dropkicks Albert in the
face. Army Men: World War provides the Double Feature of the flying leg
as, in real time, Albert tries to turn it around - right, into the corner,
but Hardy hits a flying fist to Test in THAT corner. Ten Punch Count Along
is halted at three - Albert's going to try to powerbomb him again, I
think...well, instead of dropping him, he pulls him back up - ahh,
countering a 'rana attempt, got it - Hardy still punching away - put Albert
pushes him away from his body and THERE'S a powerbomb. Give that a Double
Feature as Matt breaks the pinfall count. Test in behind the back of
referee "Blind" Teddy Long as he tries to put Matt out - into the ropes -
tilt-a-whirl flapjack (I guess) - Test with the Uncle Slam - for 2.
Somehow Earl Hebner's name has been worked into the commentary of EVERY
match. Head to the buckle, tag to Albert. Five kicks, five uppercuts,
Long asserts HIS authority - into the opposite corner, back to the FIRST
corner, but Jeff leaps onto the turnbuckle, climbs up top, and flies off
with a kick! Both men are down as we check the Double Feature - tag to
Test, hot tag to Matt! Duck, head to the mat, another hairpull, gutshot,
neckbreaker, Albert back in, and HE goes down to a standing tornado DDT.
Twist of Fate for Test - 1, 2, Albert saves. All four men brawling now -
Jeff thrown outside - Test puts Matt in the corner, Matt ducks the
clothesline but not the uppercut from Albert. Pumphandle by Test - Jeff
pulls on Matt's leg, but can't free him - Albert is over with a shot for
Jeff, slam by Test. But as he covers, Long is busy with Albert and doesn't
see Jeff come in from the top - with the Swanton bomb! Jeff over with a
shot for Albert - as he punches away, Long turns around and sees the cover
- 1, 2, 3. (5:11) Lawler proclaims Long "Hebnerized," and Albert wants
some revenge. Jeff is tossed outside, and Matt is stomped. Holding him up
for an open shot from Test - several of them, in fact. Now Test holding
him for Albert to punch away. Albert hits his Argentinian neckbreaker,
then Test flies off the top with a Savage elbow. One more kick for Jeff as
he tries to get back in. Play T&A's music!
Backstage, JONATHAN COACHMAN stands with Earl Hebner. "Imagine how I'm
feeling - how in the hell would YOU be feeling if you had to go out there
and do something that you don't do? I'm a referee, I'm not a rassler - and
they are forcing me - do you hear me - FORCING me to go out there and get
my ass kicked...or lose my job!" The Coach asks him how he'll feel if he
costs the Rock his title. "I'm gonna feel awful, but what kind of
condition am I gonna be in to make a living for my family - tell me! Tell
me!" Coach wishes him luck - he storms off. What, didn't Hebner EVER put
any money away?
WWF Smackdown can't come back until you watch some more ads
The Fastest Slam of the Week is brought to you by Western Union Money
Transfer - from RAW last Monday, lotsa neat cage stuff happened, but the
Rock held onto his title
SHONAN THE BARBARIAN v. BULL BUCHANAN - "Making his World Wrestling
Federation debut, from Parts Unknown, weight unknown (bet ya haven't heard
that in a long time) - Shonan the Barbarian!" It's the Big Show (of
course) in Berzerker/Perro Aguayo fuzzy boots, carrying a sword and wearing
Hagar the Horrible horns - and coming out to Papa Shango's old music. How
about a few words? "I will crush my enemies beneath my feet - I will show
now mercy - for I am Shonan the Barbarian." Buchanan produces a
telescopin' baton and takes it to him before the bell - referee "Blind"
Mike Sparks just kinda watches all this. Buchanan spits in his face - that
might have been a mistake. Show removes the wig, rushes him, into the
corner, kick, kick, over the top rope to the floor, following...dropped on
the barricade. Back into the ring we go - signalling for it -
ahhhhhhTHECHOKESLAAAAAM - hey, how 'bout another one? Picking him up by
the choke - ahhhhhhhTHECHOKESLAAAAAM - Big Show's "Aggression" track plays
- hey, was there even a match here? (No contest)
In the back, Vince meets with Hebner - Vince says he hopes there aren't any
hard feelings - he's just gotta do what he's gotta do. Vince REALLY hopes
he doesn't get hurt, and loses the Rock's championship, but even if he
does, everyone will know he tried his best. Vince wishes him luck - hey,
I'm getting the feeling that he just MIGHT not be sincere!!
Big Show eats Chef Boyardee Spaghetti and "jumbo" meatballs
So like, that's the Jack in the Box boy band with Urkel there, right?
That's kinda weird...
It's STILL UPN!!
"Nash Bridges" will once again see Stone Cold Steve Austin in a starring
role - tomorrow, on "some other network"
Backstage, Crash Holly is ready to go home as he has no official defense
tonight...but he walks by some inflatable fun stuff and can't
resist....what's that stuff doing back there, anyway? Maybe it's all a
terribly involved plan to trap him...and as Dean Malenko appears with
referee "Blind" Jack Doan in tow, you can't help but wonder. 1, 2, no!
They're on the big air bag! Drop toehold by Malenko, dropkick by Holly,
splash misses, they're bouncing all over the place. Elbow misses, Holly
manages a jawbreaker - Cole invents "chinbuster" on the spot to commemorate
the occasion - and Holly exits the big house of air and walks off - Malenko
following.
CRASH HOLLY v. DEAN MALENKO for the Hardcore championship - they're out
into the crowd - kickout at 2. Schoolboy by Holly for 2. Now they're over
the barricade - whip into the STEEL steps. Malenko searches for plunder as
the Hardcore championship graphic makes an appearance. He's got a garbage
can in the corner - Holly whipped, reversal, Malenko stops himself, dumps a
charging Crash over the top rope, block, right by Crash, right by Malenko,
Malenko has the garbage can but Holly punches him again - Holly climbing
the corner and sticking a foot out to halt the advances of the garbage can.
Malenko with a right, and HE'S climbing up int the corner - superplex!
PERRY SATURN appears and pulls off Malenko at 2. Brainbuster by Saturn -
1, 2, Malenko pulls HIM off - words are exchanged - what, are these guys
the Mean Street Posse or something? Holly from behind with the trashcan -
Malenko collides with Saturn, who goes outside as Holly covers - 1, 2, 3.
(2:40?) Holly makes a run for it, leaving Saturn and Malenko to exchange
punches. "Earl Hebner's cult" comes out to separate them. With Tazz
injured, looks like we needed a quick issue for Saturn - this'll do.
Backstage, Show asks Shane what he thinks of his latest escapades -
Showkishi, Shonan the Barbarian - Shane makes a face.
Weider Metacuts ad #2
U! P! N!
"During the Break," Shane turned back. "You know, Show, I'll tell you what
I think. I think you let me down at WrestleMania. See, I wanted - I
wanted to make you somebody - I gave you the opportunity to become someone,
to become the World Wrestling Federation champion, and what happened?"
Well, what happened was he was the first man eliminated - that really
embarrassed Shane. Then he told him he wanted to go out on his own and
entertain the public - but instead, he's just acting like a fool. "I think
that you are...pathetic, pea-brained, waste of perfectly good oxygen, an
unmotivated SLOB. And no one - none of those people will ever care about
anything that you do out there, Show - your performance, nothing. Andy
why? Because you don't deserve it." Show is fighting back tears - man,
NEITHER of these guys can hold a CANDLE to Vince in the acting department...
Your hosts are a pair of kings - MICHAEL KING COLE & JERRY LAWLER. They
discuss what we've just seen.
KEVIN "NAILZ" KELLY stands with Earl Hebner and the Rock. Rock pauses so
they can chant his name. "Once again the deck is stacked against the Rock
- once again all odds against the Rock! If the Rock gets beat tonight, he
loses the WWF title. If Earl Hebner gets beat tonight, the Rock loses the
WWF title. Well the Rock says this, Vince McMahon, what you're failing to
realise is the Rock isn't gonna lose the WWF title. And you come out on
the Rock's show, you come out on SmackDown! and you run your mouth - you
run your mouth about Patrick Henry. Yes he did, Vince, say 'give me
liberty or give me death.' Well the Rock has a little saying of his own
and it goes like this: give the Rock X-Pac, give him Road Dogg, give him
Triple H - roll 'em all up in a ball and shove 'em straight up your
candyass! ... (do you hear something? Let's pause) ... If ya smell...what
the Rock...is cookin'."
Lookit all them people WALKING!
Judgment day promo #2
Oh boy! Monsters of Rap ad! Let's see...already got that, got that, don't
have that one, got that one, got that one, got that, nope, yeah, no, yeah,
HELL no, yeah, yeah, nope, got that one, nope, nope, yeah, yeah, plus many
more! Got that one, got that one - but the Chill Rob D version, not the
crappy Snap! one...and I don't think I have that one. Well, I guess I can
save my $26.99 and make my own tape....well, maybe tomorrow
Hey, I can't get enough of that bumper! More ads to come!
Time now for the Smack of the Night, presented by milk! Got milk? Gulp it
down! The Smack of the Night is....highlights of Vince's interview? WEAK!
D-GENERATION X (with Stephanie Ono, Tori, Skippy, and the Three Musketeers
- whew!) v. LA ROCA y EARL HEBNER in a Handicap match with the WWF
Championship on the line - geez, there's now enough folks in the
McMahon-Helmsley Regime to fill up Hollywood Squares. These entrances
better take a while - we got like twenty minutes left in this show! Hebner
wears his ref pants (with belt) and a Rock T-shirt and puts on his "deer in
the headlights" look. They're ACTUALLY making the ref wrestle. So how can
they stop X-Pac or Road Dogg from making off with the belt, anyway? I hope
they worked that out beforehand! Road Dogg and Hebner start - just
kidding, the Rock starts. Right, right, right, right, right, right, right,
right, into the opposite corner, Dogg puts up an elbow, but Rock
clotheslines Dogg as he charges him. Elbow to the back of the head, elbow,
kick, elbow, Dogg to the eyes, pounding on him, tag to X-pac, doubleteam
kicks, right, right, right, kick, kick, I think Hebner's actually asking
referee Mike Chioda if he's blind. Dogg over to taunt Hebner but he
doesn't go in the ring. X-Pac with a chop, chop, hey today's Rock's
birthday! Rock comes back with a right, right, right, right, into the
ropes, reversed, duck, tilt-a-whirl slam - 1, 2, Dogg in, but Rock moves
away and Dogg drops the elbow on his own partner! H in with a clothesline
(with the arm not in a sling) and that's the end of THAT flurry. Dogg tags
in Triple H, then holds Rock for an open shot. Head to the buckle, kick to
the gut, kick, kick, right, right, right, Rock calmly switches places with
him, right, right, right, right, NOW KISS THAT RIGHT! Rock holding his
arms back - for an open shot from Hebner! Right by Rock. He's removing
the slin! And stomping all over the left elbow. Arm wringer on the bad arm
- what's this psychology? Rock elbows the left elbow, again, again, into
the ropes is reversed, and X-Pac kicks him in the head from behind. Rock
calmly turns around and punches X-Pac, who falls to the floor - a right for
Dogg as well, but H ducks the clothesline and hits a neckbreaker. X-Pac
tagged in. Stomp, kick, kick, elbow, kick, elbow, kick, elbow, elboc,
elbow, Earl Hebner actually comes in at this point, Chioda promptly walks
over to put him back in his corner - while Triple H and X-Pac work a
doubleteam choke on the rope, right hand by Triple H. X-Pac with a choke -
Chioda finally over to count and stop it. Again Hebner walks into the ring
- you think after all those years of officiating he'd have learned a thing
or two about snookering the ref, but again Chioda spies this and puts him
back in his corner. While THEY argue, Vince is over to choke Rock on the
bottom rope while X-Pac lays in with kicks and elbows. Tag to Triple H -
open kick. Right hand and the Rock is down. Another right. Crowd chants
- Dogg tagged in - open kick, right, scoop - and a slam - wiggly wobbly
woogly kneedrop - cover - 2. Tag to X-Pac - block, right by the Rock,
block, right, right, off the ropes...but into a spinning heel kick -
clotheslined out of the ring. Triple H is over and cutting loose with
rights while holding his head in his left arm - which seems to have
miraculously healed? Rock put into the post. This is like the second time
this match Cole has told Lawler to shut up - what insolence! H sends Dogg
into the ring, and he and X-Pac dare Hebner to get into the ring - Hebner
sees two men, counts himself once, and decides this isn't a good idea. He
drops off the apron and backs up - but Triple H has moved into place behind
him. Hebner does one of those slow, dramatic turnarounds to spy H, double
take, H puts him in the ring. Hebner begging off - Rock, meanwhile, has
had JUST enough seconds to completely shake off all the previous attacks,
and pulls H off the apron - clothesline. Back in the ring, right for Dogg,
right for X-Pac, right for Dogg, KISS the right for X-Pac, gutshot for
Dogg, DDT - Shane in, spinebuster for HIM - Patterson on the apron, have a
right - Brisco, have a right. Just as Triple H is ready to reenter the
ring, CHRIS THURSDAY JERICHO appears and starts punching away on HIM. Rock
standing on Dodg's neck in the corner, Vince over to deck Jericho (!),
X-Pac in the ring with a chair - but Hebner from behind with a Golota!
Rock Bottom on X-Pac! 1, 2, 3! (7:30) But - we've still got eight
minutes of show left! The celebration is cut short as Triple H takes down
the Rock from behind. Hebner decides he better try to take off - but Vince
and Shane grab HIM. Shane takes out Chioda with one HAND OF STONE! while,
in the ring, Dogg & X-Pac hold up Rock for a belt shot. And there's a
Pedigree. Vince tells him that's gonna be him. Vince and Shane rolls
Hebner in the ring - he tries to crawl very quickly, but H stops him.
Crowd chants "Rock E" so Dogg comes over to stomp on him, just to make sure
he doesn't come back just yet. KO blow for Hebner by Triple H. X-Pac
stomps on Rock, then kicks Jericho back to the floor. Another right hand
for Hebner. Hebner's been chomping on some red stuff and drools it out for
our benefit. And now they've got the chair - Hebner is proudly displayed
for the crowd...and I think Helmsley's gonna Pedigree him on the chair -
no, just another right hand. Dogg punches away on the Rock - now we ARE
gonna get a Pedigree on the chair...that looks like it hurts H's knees more
than his head...ah well. Knee to the groin for the Rock, for good measure.
RIKISHI PHATU lumbers out as fast as he can (not very) to get him some -
Dogg goes down, X-Pac goes down, Triple H goes down, *Shane* goes down, but
now the numbers take over. WELL IT'S A BIG SHOW coming out with headbutts
for everybody. Shane tries to get on his back and bring him down with a
choke - X-Pac boots him in the head as well. Rock decides he's completely
recovered and strats to punch away on X-Pac and Road Dogg - Triple H
promptly Golotas him. I think he's found a weakness! Golota for Big Show
as well. Triple H DDT's Show. Vince ready to get into the ring and
celebrate - but THOSE DAMN DUDLEYZ come out with a table, and THEY clean
house. Stephanie and Tori take off, so no table for them tonight. The
ring is cleared of Corporate - I mean, Regime folks - and six men (and
Hebner) stand in the ring. Can a twelve-man tag be far behind? Or at
least Monday's slate of matches? Looks like Patterson and Brisco were
dawdling about at ringside - they'll make pretty nice sacrifices, thinks
Rikishi, who gimps out and puts them in the ring following a double noggin
knocker. Show headbutts Patterson, Rock punches Brisco, crowd chants "Tay
Bull" and Patterson gets the stinkface (make joke here). The table IS set
up...looks like Gerry Brisco is your sacrifice tonight. Cole keeps saying
Brisco deserves it - ummm, why? Buh-Buh Ray makes his face - is he
bisexual now? The EMT's come out to collect Hebner. Rock helps them roll
the stretcher up the ramp. Here's a replay of Hebner's Pedigree. Ahh, a
solemn moment - as we slowly walk up the ramp... this is far, far from over!
GO KINGS!
Christopher Robin Zimmerman
www.CRZ.net