by Christopher Robin Zimmerman WrestleLine/WrestleManiacs UPN Thursday: Smell it TV-PG-DLV - One World Leader Attitude - WWOR - SECAUCUS! Close captioned - Opening Credits I GET LETTERS: Tom Ryan writes: Chris, Despite the fact that you seem to love that old bastard Don Imus, I sent you the Smackdown opening clip montage. Use it for filler if you need it. If not, we'll pretend like I did it for fun. Undertaker
Smackdown! X-Pac crotch chopping behind Tori and then just X-Pac Smackdown! Triple H in ref's shirt with World Title Smackdown! Mr. Ass Road Dogg Kurt Angle Smackdown! Undertaker Godfather Godfather with hos Chris Jericho Jericho written on the Titan Tron Chris Jericho Smackdown! Steve Austin with beers Smackdown! Steve Austin with beers Triple H spitting water with the World Title Smackdown! Scotty 2 Hotty Smackdown! Big Show with "ahhh the chokeslam" hand motion Smackdown! Chyna Smackdown! Triple H hugging Stephanie Godfather Smackdown! Chris Jericho Smackdown! The Rock smelling it Kane lighting the ringposts on fire Smackdown! Rock with a Rock Bottom on Shane through the announce table Smackdown! Rock with a Rock Bottom on Bubba Ray Dudley through a table in the ring Big Show chokeslamming someone through the ring Smackdown! Chris Benoit top rope belly to back suplex on Jeff Hardy Smackdown! Chris Benoit flying headbutt to Kurt Angle Jeff Hardy flying off off the top Chris Jericho with a lionsault X-Pac off the turnbuckle with a crossbody to Hardcore Holly Big Show (as Fat Bastard) with a power bomb to Kurt Angle The Rock with a Rock Bottom to X-Pac Smackdown! Edge with a spinning heel kick to D-von Dudley Bubba Dudley flying Smackdown! The Rock with a Rock Bottom to Road Dogg Chyna in the middle of her handspring elbow Jeff Hardy to the outside onto Chris Benoit Rikishi's ass coming right at the camera from a Bonzai Drop perspective Smackdown! Triple H pedigrees The Big Show as Steph distracts the ref Undertaker chokeslams Shane McMahon Same chokeslam different angle Chris Jericho nails Kurt Angle with a title belt Lita from the top to the floor onto Eddy Guerrero as Bubba Dudley ducks Jeff Hardy swanton bomb Smackdown! The DX bus gets blown up The Rock hits Bubba Ray Dudley with a title belt at the announce table Triple H with the World Title Smackdown! Steve Austin with beer Smackdown! *end* Couple of observations: 1) The show is called Smackdown; 2) Steve Austin likes beer; 3) Triple H usually has the strap; 4) No Dean Malenko, Perry Saturn, Crash Holly, Acolytes, Taz, T&A&V, Al Snow, or Steve Blackman - but no Vince McMahon either; 5) This took much longer than I thought it would. PYRO! En espanol donde sea disponible! UPN! WWF Smackdown! Ft. Lauderdale! National Car Rental Centre (have it back by 8PM)! On tape airing 6.7.2K (taped ID4) and I am SHOCKED that we've eschewed highlights and are moving along so quickly into the OPENING MATCH: KING KURT ANGLE v. CHRIS THURSDAY JERICHO - Angle still carries the sceptre and crown (although he doesn't wear it) - also, his tights have added a crown to the motif. Let Us Take You Back to Monday Where Angle Pissed Off the Undertaker. And now, a few words from Angle: "Your Olympic Hero doesn't do this very often, but I'd like to make a few apologies tonight. First of all, I would like to apologise to the many fans here in Ft. Lauderdale tonight for having to live ignorant, miserable lives by not showing the proper respect to your newly crowned King of the Ring. See what I mean? Secondly, I'd like to apologise to the many old people here in Florida - and there are many - it's true...it's true. Because I realise that you'll all die very soon, and you won't have the opportunity to see Your Olympic Hero win the WWF title. And lastly, I would like to apologise to the Undertaker and his brother...for costing them the WWF tag team titles last Monday night. But my intentions were only to help my good friends Edge & Christian. And I know that you, Undertaker, will have more than enough integrity to forgive me. And that, my friends...is true." Let Us Take You Back to Last Thursday - and to RAW - where Jericho caused great grief to Triple H. Jericho, too, gets some time on the mic: "Kirk Angel, you wanna talk about apologies - I've got some apologies to make myself. First of all, I wanna apologise to all of the Jerichoholics ["Yay!"] for having to listen to another one of your boring, long-winded speeches...secondly, I want to apologise to Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley...actually, I don't wanna apologise to her. ('Cause she is a filthy dirty disgusting brutal bottom-feeding trashbag tramp.) And lastly, I wanna apologise to Triple H for putting him through a table last week on SmackDown! To be honest, I really, really enjoyed it, and I hope you've picked the splinters out of your (beep), jerky, 'cause I can't wait to do it agayne!" Here we go. Well, first of all, here's STEPHANIE ONO come out to distract all of us. Angle off the ropes, back elbow by Jericho, right, into the ropes, reversed, head down, kick by Jericho, running at him, dumped on the apron, running to the top - missile dropkick for 2! Jericho with a chop, chop, chop, Angle turns it around and throats him on the top rope. Right, kick, right, right, right, vertical suplex, hooks the leg for 2. Jericho punches back - slugfest - back and forth - Angle puts Jericho through the ropes and follows. Jericho taken to the commentary table. Back in the ring...Angle with a right, into the ropes, clothesline, cover...2. Big "Y2J" chant. Angle holding the chinlock on the mat - referee "Blind" Tim White checking in, but Jericho's not gonna give up with that. Jericho to his feet, elbwoing out, off the ropes, strange collision - we'll call it a "knee" taking Angle down. Angle stomping on Jericho - right hand, into the ropes, Jericho ducks, gutshot, double underhook into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for 2. Angle pops back up with a lariat. Cover - 2. Elbow to the back of the head by Angle. The Rock's here tonight! Right hand, right, Angle pours it on, right, right, standing on the neck, right, into the opposite corner is reversed, booy up by Angle, but he runs into a spinning heel kick. Angle runs at him but eats several rights - Angle punches back, off the ropes, duck, Jericho with a flying jalapeno, kick, kick, into the ropes is reversed, Angle runs into a powerslam - but only 2! Jericho unleashes a massive chop, puts Angle into the ropes - Angle has the bulldog scouted and tries to surprise Jericho with a clothesline - Jericho ducks, gutshot, off the ropes, THIS bulldog hits...but White is over to talk Stephanie off the apron, where she has mysteriously appeared. Jericho off of Angle...taking a swipe at Stephanie (!), but she drops down to the floor to avoid it. Sceptre shot by Angle is avoided when Jericho hits a gutshot - double leg takedown - Walls of Jericho! But Stephanie manages an uppercut between the legs with the sceptre. Just as in their match at King of the Ring, Angle is one Olympic Slam away from another stolen victory. (5:27) Replay of the interference - in case you missed it. WWF New York ad - check that...LOOOOOONG WWF New York ad Moments Ago - they call that a "low blow." Backstage, Angle celebrates in his usual inimitable style - including the upending of several bowls of foodstuffs at the buffet table. Mideon stops Angle long enough to point out that Angle's managed to dump some milk on Undertaker's motorcycle. This begs two questions: what the heck is Mideon doing at this arena, and what the heck is 'taker thinking parking near the buffet table? (No "fat Undertaker" jokes are acceptable as answers, by the way.) Your hosts are a pair of kings - MICHAEL KING COLE & JERRY LAWLER. They agree that Angle's run of luck regarding the Pale Destroyer has been somewhat...unfortunate...lately. Outside the arena, Angle comandeers a taxicab and takes off. COMMISSIONER FOLEY is out for his twenty minute spiel. "Well...for about an hour and fifty-five minutes on Monday night, I had myself a tremendous time. I think we all did, and then things kinda went downhill from there. And I will take partial responsibility for some of the decisions I made, but I will not take it all. Because there are two gentlemen who also deserve some blame, that being Shane McMahon...and Chris Benoit. And I'm dying for either one of these two to come down here into this ring and explain themselves to me. I am DYING to hear an explanation! Who's got the guts?" Looks like CHRIS BENOIT does, out in tights and snappy (tight) black T, and carrying a mic. "Chris, let me speak first. I wanna make you aware, because I'm not sure that you know how Chyna spent the three hours before RAW, are you? Well, let me tell you how - she spent three hours before RAW with my six-year-old little girl, doing her hair, putting on makeup, playing with little dolls. I genuinely like Chyna, not because she's the 9th Wonder of the World, but because she's a good person, because she's a funny person, and because she's my friend! And then Chris, you did this to her - take a look! Take a look, Chris, because you did this. Chyna comes from behind - and I know you felt it, didn't you Chris? Now she's down - now she's down, Chris, and what do you do? You do what you always do - you take advantage. Down goes Eddie Guerrero! And now you take a helpless woman and you torture her! She went from playing with my little girl to having her neck stretched - her shoulder torn, and I'm telling you right now, as we stand here in this ring, Chris, that that sick little smile on your face...I'm telling you, Chris, that you make me sick! So if you've got an explanation, I'd like to hear it! I guess not. So then let's take a look at your little fun later on in the show after I'd booked a tremendous main event - let's take a look. Here's the Rock - laying the smack down! He's got him dead to rights, People's Elbow, and from behind - not like a man, Chris, but from behind - time and again as hard as you could, you brought it down upon the Rock, and then when he lays helpless, once again the Crippler Crossface, as your little buddy winked and lays in some boots, and you're proud of yourself, aren't you Chris? The same sick little smile and I look at you Benoit as I stand here face to face, and you know what I see? I see one of the damn best wrestlers I've ever seen in my entire life. But there's certain things, Chris Benoit, that I do not see when I look at those dead eyes. I do not see an ounce of remorse, I do not see compassion, and I sure as hell don't see a sense of humour. So Chris Benoit, I think I speak for everybody when I ask this one simple question: WHY? Why Chris Why? I wanna know!" "You don't see any remorse... ["Benoit Sux!"] You don't see any remorse because I don't have any. You don't see any compassion, because I have none. I don't need a sense of humour - I sure as hell don't have to explain myself to you...or anyone else. I'm the greatest technical wrestler in the world today, as well as the greatest technical wrestler in the history of the WWF - that is the way it is! Prove me wrong! And if you don't like it, that's just too damn bad! You see, I have only one thing on my mind right now, and that's WWF gold - and I'll go through anyone - or anything - that stands in my way. If you really want to find out why I did what I did, I suggest you put me in a title fight tonight against the man who calls himself the People's Champion. Against the man who calls himself the WWF Champion. Against the man who calls himself the Rock. And my actions will speak louder than words." "So you wanna piece of the Rock, huh? ["Rock E!"] Well let me tell you what, Benoit, you are damn good, that's for sure, and I'm gonna think real hard about your little request, and we'll see what comes out - how does that sound?" Here come EDGE & CHRISTIAN to interject. Whaa? "Chris Benoit - you have no idea how so very proud we are of you!" "On Monday night, you totally reeked of awesomeness! And more than being a former intercontinental champion, and more than being the greatest technical wrestler in the history of the World Wrestling Federation - you are a fellow Canadian." "And it fills our hearts with Maple Leaf Pride to see a fellow Canadian that kicks as much (beep) as you - and besides all that, the crossface rules!" High fives between the tag team champs. Christian continues: "Now Mick, sorry if we seem a little winded today, but that's 'cause we're tired from carrying around our World Wrestling Federation tag team titles all day, after successfully retaining them against the Undertaker and Kane on Monday night - nice try, though." "And since we're the WWF tag team champions, it's only fitting that this man be THE WWF Champion!" "You know, I - I like Canada, too. But as I got in my car today, I noticed it was a little hot. I realised - we're not in Canada tonight, are we boys? No, we're in Fort Lauderdale, Florida! (thumbs up) And you two boys have just opened up my eyes, you see I can tell the three of you need to spend a little more quality Canadian time together, and I can tell that Chris Benoit deserves - no no, I can tell that the Rock deserves a piece of you! So what I'm gonna do is very simple - we're gonna have ourselves tonight, In This Very Ring, a friendly six man tag team contest! Pitting you three Canadian gentlemen against Eddie Guerrero, the 9th Wonder of the World Chyna...and the People's Champion, the Rock!" Foley's music plays as Benoit raises his eyebrows in homage to the Rock. Backstage, a beaming Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley paces back and forth "Don't Try This At Home" promo Oh boy! That UPN "more ads in this block" bumper! When we come back, Stephanie is practicing her one pose (belt over shoulder, opposite arm on hip, leaning to the side with head cocked as Spaniel) when Triple H's limousine pulls up. "Where have you been?" "Don't worry about that." Stephanie expresses her pride at embarrassing Chris Jericho - Triple H says he doesn't want her out where Jericho could attack her. Stephanie says there wouldn't have been problems - Kurt Angle was out there, so it's okay. Triple H makes a beef about Kurt Angle - honestly, don't tell us we'll have to SPELL IT OUT FOR YOU - anyway, H asks where Commissioner Foley is, and she leads the way... THOSE DAMN DUDLEYZ v. CHAZ (warrington) & D'LO (brown) - graphic says "D'LO BROWN & CHAZ" but Chimel says "Chaz & D'Lo" - who knows. Where's Glen Ruth? Crowd chants "we want table" despite the fact that this is supposed to re-introduce us to these two kids from Jersey who just want to have fun - no, wait...two kids who want to be recognised - wait...one kid who's trying to make it on his own while...ohhh, my head hurts. Anyway, Chaz pulls the old "ohh, I'm hurt" bit, fooling both referee "Blind" Jim Korderas and the Dudleyz. Chaz manages a nice apron-to-the-floor clothesline, and Brown busts out a no-hands tope onto D-Von. Still, this is the kind of filler you usually see on Jakked, not that I have any right to complain about match quality in the year 2000 when it could be nothin' but prime 80's squash for two hours...the REAL point is, I'm doing a hell of a lot of stalling to prevent calling this action. Buh-Buh manages his full nelson atomic bomb, the "head butt to the graun" spot - both for D'Lo Brown - D-Von goes outside and sets up the table. Tori's at WWF New York and I'm not. Buh-Buh Ray has Chaz up for the table bomb, but Chaz rolls through and hits the Sunset flip - Dudley rolls through THAT - off the ropes, double clothesline takes both men down - outside the ring, both D'Lo AND D-Von are laid out on the outside. The sirens flare and out comes STEVEN RICHARDS, who collapses the table and runs off with it. Chaz picked up - Buh-Buh Ray just noticed his table is gone. "Where the hell's the damn table?" He goes out to find another one, while Brown comes in and axehandles D-Von from behind. Into the ropes, Brown flapjack, Chaz legdrop. Brown with a pescado on Buh-Buh Ray as Chaz covers - but only gets 2! Buh-Buh Ray reverses a whip into the ringpost, then comes back in to help D-Von apply 3D (Dudley Death Drop) to Chaz. D-Von covers - 1, 2, 3. (6:37) Despite securing the victory, all is not well with the Dudleyz - they'd really like to know what happened to their table. Replay of Richards running out and "censoring" the table. Replay of the 3D. Replay of the pin. KEVIN "NAILZ" KELLY catches up to Richards backstage. "First the Godfather - now the Dudley Boyz. Do you have some kind of death wish?" "Mr. Kelly, not only will I censor vulgarity and indecent women, I will also censor actions that I deem gratuitously violent, such as putting people through tables. There is absolutely no need for a table in a wrestling match - EVER. And I will censor such action, because the American public, the viewing audience...allows - no, they don't allow, they *embrace* such activity, and I will censor that action, because the American public - our viewing audience, Mr. Kelly, does not know what's good for them....but I do." Got cash? www.auctions.wwf.com! Trash Talkin' Stage ad More SmackDown! to come - more ads to come, too Tonight on the UPN 9 news - a news story at least tangentially involved to the WWF! I'm told that this is a lot like EVERY Thursday on the UPN 9 news...come to think of it, it's just like that in Los Angeles, too...I suppose if UPN 44 had a news show, I'd talk about this EVERY week - we can ALL count ourselves lucky, I suppose... Lovely exterior of the FABULOUS National Car Rental Center in Ft. Lauderdale. Hey, look! ZACK THOMAS sits in the front row! Earlier this week, the XFL announced an Orlando franchise at a press conference Triple H and Stephanie finally find the Commissioner's cage - H wants Jericho tonight, and if he won't make the match, they'll make it themselves. Foley says that with the genetic jackhammer out, he's the man with Linda's authority - their days of screwing people over are through. H says he'll just beat his ass, then. Foley says each punch costs five grand. "Steph, get my wallet. This is gonna be expensive." "Go ahead, Triple H, and when I get up, it won't just be your wallet I hurt, it'll be your pride. You understand me? I want you on our shows because you are that damn good, and I want that match with Jericho at Fully Loaded because it will be that damn good, but as good as you are, as much as I want you, I do not need you! You are not bigger than the WWF, and you are not bigger than me! You take one punch and when I get up I'll make damn sure your days of main eventing are over! You understand me? I will book you at every circus and sideshow in this country - I will book you in gymnasiums. Nobody will know who you are." Foley says he'll give him Jericho on Monday, provided he can win in a handicap elimination match. "If you're screwin' with me, Foley, I will get every penny's worth out of my money." "Until then, Triple H, get the hell out of my office." IVORY & JACQUELINE v. SMILIN' DEAN MALENKO (with four - no, two women) in an intergender handicap match - women come out to Jackie's music, while Malenko carries some title belt of some sort...it looks familiar, but darned if I can't seem to place it. (If you write and tell me, I'll kill you.) Women swarm on Malenko as he steps through the ropes, and have quite a go of it until they make the mistake of putting their heads down as Malenko goes off the ropes. Malenko puts Ivory outside, then takes Jackie's head to the mat. Dumping Jackie to the mat, he turns back to Ivory, who is back in. Front face, Ivory reverses, snapmare, Malenko...what is this, mat wrestling? I can't handle this. I'm outta here. Okay, I'm back. Jackie with a plancha to complete an Ivory Sunset flip - only 2, though. Malenko dumps out Ivory, but Jackie is on his back - Malenko throws her over and pokes the eyes. Off the ropes, Ivory grabs an ankle, Jackie slides under and pulls the other one. On the floor, double suplex for the ladies! Jackie holding him for Ivory's kicks. Put back in - punching away - whip into the ropes, double clothesline ducked, Malenko clotheslines them both. Two fists of hair, but the women sweep his legs - then make a wish. Double elbowdrop. Into the corner, Ivory whips Jackie into Malenko, who avoids her, knocks down Ivory, spins a sidewalk slam on Jackie, gutshot for Ivory, into the ropes, back elbow puts her outside. Vertical suplex from the apron...but as this happens, CRASH runs out and pulls on Malenko's ankle - Ivory falls on Malenko in a press - Jackie on top of the pile, Crash still holding the ankles, referee "Blind" Jack Doan missing all of it as usual - 1, 2, 3! (2:48) Malenk ogoes out after Crash and delivers a beatdown while Ivory and Jackie pose with the Light Heavyweight title (huh?) Malenko back in to get it - well, he got it - right between the eyes. Ivory's music plays again... Val Venis and Trish Stratus are....WALKING! An intercontinental title shot is NEXT! WWF SmackDown! continues on U! P! N! Commentators hype UPN's "7 Days" WWF INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP: RIKISHI v. BALD VENIS (with Trish Stratus - the fitness model) - say, did you know this cable system I'm viewing this week in Manhattan does NOT have TNN? They better fix that before September, naah mean? Tonight, SmackDown! is brought to you by RC Edge Maximum Cola, the Lorillard Whack Tobacco Company, and Bally Total Fitness! Champion enters first because promos aren't as much fun when they don't have Too Cool's music behind them. Venis hits the ring and it's on - Rikishi right, right, right is ducked, block, right, into the corner hard, Venis tossed outside. Rikishi going out after him - into the STEEL steps, he's got a chair but referee "Blind" Teddy Long prevents him from using it. Back into the ring, gutshot by Venis, DDT - hey, those aren't supposed to hurt Samoans...indeed, as he climbs up to the top rope, Rikishi may have been playing possum - crotching him on the top turnbuckle, bealing him across the ring, and unloading a big bodyslam. Warming up his rump - but opting for the legdrop instead - 1, 2, no. Rikishi back to the punches - right, right, into the opposite corner, Venis tries to reverse, but Rikishi sends him back to the first corner - unfortunately, directly into Long. Samoan Drop by Rikishi, but there's no ref. Stratus motions to the back - and T&A come out - both men take a shot from Rikishi, but Albert manages a clothesline from behind. Test up top for the Savage elbow - and hits it. Test and Albert take off just as Long starts to recover. Venis slowly over to cover - 1, 2, kickout! Venis ends up on Long's back. Looking back at the ramp, TOO COOL appear and conk T&A from behind. Big brawl on the ramp as inside the ring, Rikishi reverses a whip, Venis tries a sunset flip, but Rikishi drops his ass on him. STILL no ref. Rikishi warms it up - his wrap FINALLY falls off (don't worry, he still has trunks on) but he manages to hold onto it on his way to a fat ass splash. As he puts it back on, TAZZZZZZZZZZ appears, takes a TV camera from a cameraman and waylays Rikishi with it...then takes off. Venis slowly to the top rope - Money Shot coming up - 1, 2, 3. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a NEW World Wrestling Federation intercontinental champion. (4:19) Replay of Tazz's camera shot - and Venis' Money Shot. Neat replay of the camera shot from the very camera. Yes, everyone Tazz has helped is Canadian - let's call it coincidence and wish very hard. Too Cool is back out to check on Rikishi...but we're out. Moments Ago, one more "Cameracam" angle - Money Shot, 1, 2, 3. And one more look at Tazz doing the deed. Coming back, we see the Stratus camp celebrate with the pouring of sparkling bubbly in the locker room. The intimation is that what happened to Venis, will happen to T&A in due course...thanks all to Trish Stratus. WWF HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP: BIG BOSS MAN v. STEVE BLACKMAN - Blackman carries his black bag of weapons, but Boss Man ducks it and immediately goes to the nightstick. Blackman absorbs the shots, and sweeps his legs on the ramp - the nightstick flies. Boss Man goes for a pole - but Blackman has better luck defending himself against it. Blackman breaks the pole and ends up with a pair of batons. Boss Man heads outside and goes under the ring. A fire extinguisher finds the mark. Boss Man covers - 1, 2, no! "Boss Man Sux" - yer damn right. Boss Man goes under the ring for plundah and produces a trashcan lid. Whack! Blackman manages to kick it into Boss Man's head before he can take a second try. Off the ropes, trashcan lid, trashcan lid, cover, 2. Boss Man picks up a stick and goes for the nut uppercut. Boss Man seems to think this'll make a fine ersatz nightstick - across the back - into Blackman's throat - 1, 2, referee "Blind" Jim Korderas probably could have counted 3 - except his shoulder never really was EVER down, so...trashcan shot misses; Blackman puts Boss Man's face into it instead. Another trashcan shot gets 2. Boss Man manages a garbage can shot. And one to the back - Blackman goes outside. Boss Man following - and putting Blackman over the barricade with another trashcan shot. Boss Man back to recover his nightstick - over to Blackman, but from the crowd...was that AL SNOW? And what the heck did he break over Boss Man's head? Blackman with a stick - 1, 2, 3. Blackman retains. (3:40) Replay shows that is it *was* Snow...and it was...some kind of vendor container? Backstage, Mideon stooges off Angle (with a touch of embellishment - "I TRIED to stop him, but he wouldn't listen to me!" and so on) to Undertaker. UPN bumper The WWF whack of the night - presented by the Lorillard Tobacco Comany's Youth Smoking Prevetion Program - is Kurt Angle saving his friend's tag titles...and possibly starting an issue with the Undertaker in the process KANE and UNDERTAKER v. T&A (with Trish Stratus - the fitness model) - Earlier Tonight, Angle poured some milk on the Undertaker's ride. Undertaker is so unhappy about the condition of his bike he actually deigns to WALK to the ring, leaving the bike in the back! MY guess would be that the champagne may have had an effect on Test and Albert's performance. T&A manage to hit most of their "big man" moves - even Albert's bicycle kick gets a WWF Double Feature - but ultimately T&A go down to the monster team with the monster push. (Kane chokeslam Albert -> pin 4:29) Post-match, Test gets the Last Ride powerbomb because neither man is allowed to perform a tombstone anymore. LET THE MEN DO THEIR DAMN MOVE! As an added bonus, Kane is set to give Stratus a chokeslam as well...but BALD VENIS runs out and uses the interncontinental title belt on Kane, saving Stratus just in the nick of time. They run off to his theme. And now, get ready for some Maximum Power! Delivered by RC Edge Maximum Power Cola - from RAW last Monday, Chris Jericho interjects himself once again in Triple H's affairs THE NEW MAN (with Stephanie Ono) v. ? in a handicap elimination match - well, who haven't we seen tonight? Perry Saturn? Is he hurt? Mean Street Posse? I know Foley likes THEM a lot...Patterson & Brisco? My, my, this is a long-ass entrance. Road Dogg & X-Pac? Wouldn't make sense, but we haven't seen them at least. Lawler mentions the Acolytes...that would work. Well, nope - it's KAI EN TAI. Triple H brightens right up seeing THEM - yeah, but Taka almost won the WWF title from him a few months back...but the men from Japan have a partner: THE BROOKLYN BRAWLER. Hmmm. Why not bring out some Los SuperAstros minis while we're at it? Anyway, Brawler directs Michinoku and Funaki to other sides of the ring - then, from three sides they swarm on Triple H - tripleteam beatdown actually works despite the fact that the three are Kai En Tai and the Brooklyn Brawler. Funaki puts H in the ropes, reversed, but Funaki manages a 'rana to take H to the mat. Swinging neckbreaker by the Brawler - for 2. Missile dropkick by Michinoku for 2. Into the ropes, two heads down, Michinoku eats a kick, Funaki's swing ducked and HE'S put outside with a right. Brawler clotheslines H to the outside (!) and Taka is onto the apron - ASAI MOONSAULT!! But unfortunately he lands on Funaki instead. H in the ring, Brawler...brawling with him. Chop! Chop! Right, into the ropes, head down, facebuster by Triple H - leg hooked - 1, Taka dropkicks him in the face. Uppercut thrust, another, karate chop, off the ropes but H sidesteps it and puts him outside. Running at Funaki, who puts the boots up - on the second rope, right, right, right, tornado DDT attempt is shrugged off. Pedigree! 1, 2, 3, Funaki is out. (2:16) Michinoku tries a top rope plancha - but H ducks it. Another Pedigree puts Taka out. (2:31) Brawler with a gutshot, chop, backhand, right, H with a gutshot, kick, kick, kick, stomp, standing on the neck despite the protestations of referee "Blind" Earl Hebner - oh oh, looks like it's shoving match time - Hebner pulls H off by the hair, H shoves him into a backwards somersault. Setting up Brawler for the Pedigree...but CHRIS THURSDAY JERICHO is out - bulldog! Lionsault! Keep in mind this is in PLAIN view of Hebner - maybe he's the fourth partner or something? Brawler covers - 1, 2, 3! (3:21) Wow, I haven't seen Brawler win since that Challenge match with Brady Boone back in '91. Anyway, Triple H goes ballistic after the match and annihilates his three opponents. Brawler actually blades for the benefit of selling. Triple H finally DOES hit that Pedigree on the Brawler...time to cue his music. Backstage, Jericho makes his way to Triple H's limousine and tells the chauffer that Triple H, despondent over his pinfall loss to the Brooklyn Brawler, has released him to Jericho for the night. They drive off to party as the Helmsleys attempt to get their in time to stop him - bet they JUST miss him relaunched wwf.com promo - the new site is SOOOOOOOOOOO SLOOOOOOOOOOOOOW, isn't it? Moments Ago, Chris Jericho did that - and that - and then he did that. Hey, I didn't think he'd do THAT! Lawler takes special note of Hebner staring RIGHT AT Jericho as he hits the quebrada Checking out WWF New York, where we are told Tori is. This show is taped, though, so don't expect no live drop-in or nothin' Here's a Special Video Look at Chris Benoit's fun and games Monday - isn't this the sort of thing that usually OPENS the show? Not that I'm complaining - it's nice to open the show without a clip package now and again Kevin Kelly stands with Eddie Guerrero & Chyna. Guerrero says Benoit crossed a line Monday - their friendship is over and the war has begun. Chyna says that the guys who haven't taken her seriously in the pack ended up with icepacks down their shorts. She's got an icepack with his name written on it...and it's not that big. JONATHAN COACHMAN stands in the presence of the Rock. If I take no other advantage of my vacation this week, let me do so at this time by condensing Rock's speech to "Finally, the Rock has come back..........home. ...if ya smellll what the Rock is cookin'!" and say that Benoit is all over tonight's promo. Rock's list of the night is arm bar, candy bar, monkey bar, topless bar, oh it doesn't matter what type of bar it is - admittedly, a pretty weak list tonight for the Rock. For a written transcript of this promo, please consult the very fine SmackDown! reports written by Scott Keith over on...oh wait, he doesn't EVER transcribe promos for you, DOES he. Oh, well. Last bumper of the night CHRIS BENOIT and EDGE & CHRISTIAN v. EDDIE GUERRERO & THAT SLUT CHYNA and LA ROCA - By the way, don't the tag team champions still owe a shot to the Acolytes? Guerrero says he'll start for his team, and he wants Benoit...but Edge attacks him from behind and it's on. Pounding away - backbreaker across the knee, right, right, into the ropes, got him up but Guerrero hits a flying head scissors on his way down, right, right, got him in a headlock but Benoit comes in before he can try the suplex - referee "Blind" Earl Hebner is forced to keep the Rock from entering the fray as Benoit and Edge doubleteam Guerrero behind his back. Benoit stays in despite not making the tag. Into the corner - press - but Guerrero rolls him up - Benoit escapes - Guerrero with a dropkick. Off the ropes, double thrust by Benoit - backbreaker for 2. Tag to Christian. Guerrero manages a right, right, into the ropes, Christian holds on, gutshot, inverted DDT, right, right, right, Guerrero reaching but Christian holding on - into the ropes, ducked, big powerslam by Christian gets 2. Stomp, stomp, stomp, head to the unfriendly turnbuckle, tag to Edge, kick, forearm, right, Guerrero reaching again but Edge holding the side headlock and keeping him away - suplex gets 2. Crowd chanting "Rock E." because they're nitwits. Stomp by Edge, tag to Benoit, open kick. Euro elbow, backdrop suplex, stomp, kick, kick, Guerrero punches back, right, right, block, elbow thrown by Benoit, to the chops - chop, Guerrero ducks a clothesline and puts him in the corner, but Benoit get the boots up and Guerrero falls to the mat. Cover - 2. Guerrero been in the whole match! Into the ropes - Guerrero up and down with a 'rana! Will he make the tag? Tes! Rock is in - Christian goes down with a right, right for Edge, right for Christian, Samoan Drop for Edge, spinebuster for Christian - People's Elbow? I hate the Rock. Chyna BEGGING for a tag - Rock ignoring her (ha!) - off the ropes, shot for Edge, shot for Benoit, Chyna tagged in, clothesline for Edge, gutshot for Christian, up and down in a powerbomb - folding him up, 1, 2, 3. (4:34) Wow, did they run out of time for this match or what? Rock and Benoit take turns making funny faces towards each other. BIG SKIPPY comes out and clotheslines Rock from behind. Rock turns around and chases Shane back up the ramp - as Guerrero and Chyna watch this, Edge & Christian punk them out from behind. Now Benoit is once again putting the Crippler crossface on Chyna. I'll NEVER get tired of watching that. Meanwhile, Shane and Rock are back with their sprinting demonstration - Rock punches away on Christian after blocking one - his spit actually MISSES his right hand, but it's still *devastating*. Rock Bottom for Edge. Shane tells Benoit to hightail it and they make their way back up the ramp, having avoided contact between Rock and Benoit all night. Benoit smiles once again, credits are up...and we're out. See you Tuesday! Christopher Robin Zimmerman
www.CRZ.net