by Christopher Robin Zimmerman
I GET LETTERS: We haven't done this in a while - let's take a few slices.
John Petersen writes: CRZ,
You know, maybe the "G" in G-TV stands for "God." After all, God is
supposed to be everywhere and see everything, right? In addition to all of
His daily God chores, I'm sure He plops down and watches the WWF along
with His creation. Stepping in to bring videotaped balance and justice to
the WWF, the way only God can.
This would also explain why, say, Eddie Guerrero doesn't flip out upon
seeing a WWF cameraman taping his soapy menage-a-trois with Victoria and
Mandy. It's the intangible voyeurism of God! Filled with outrage, God just
couldn't sit by and let Chyna marry a guy who showers with two hos while
he ought to be prepping for another four-star mixed tag match.
WWF. Even God is watching.
Long-time SOMETHING Lars Hoel weighs in again: CRZ,
If you're going to transcribe Mr. William Regal's commentary (WWF RAW
10/9/00), you're going to have to get hip to some Britspeak. Looking at
Trish Stratus, Regal did not say "She's a buxom wench, isn't she? Nice
bristles!" as you have it in your current report. He actually said "nice
bristols," which is Cockney rhyming slang for breasts. Ted Duckworth's Web
bristols Noun. Breasts. From the rhyming slang Bristol City - titty.
By the way, if you ask me, I think it was probably *Mamie Van Doren* that
ran down Stone Cold Steve Austin.
Hey, Lars - don't correct me and then follow it with a GREVIOUS error -
Kick me when I'm down - Linus Ingoldby also offers: Hi CRZ
I know you feel this deeply and that accuracy is your watchword, so I'd
just like to tell you that when Steve Regal was referring to 'Nice
Bristols' on Trish Stratus, it's rhyming slang. Bristol City=titty, what
cards the English are.
I really like reading your recaps, keep up the good work.
Big Nate fills in a gap from Monday: The detective that they made fun
of in "Murder By Death," I believe is Hercule Poirot (pronounced
Poo-wa-ro), a detective used in novels by Agatha Christie like Murder on
the Orient Express and Death on the Nile. He's a Belgian who everyone he
meets (stupid British people) think he's French. Anyhoo, Foley followed
Poirot's usual formula...eliminating each suspect by interviewing them one
by one. Then provided the answer at the end with something only he saw.
Funny thing, my dad made the comment that he's doing "Poirot."
See, if my mom had been watching, she would have said the same thing. It
must be generational - 'cause I NEVER got through a Christie novel, and I
KNOW she's read like ALL of them. Thanks Nate.
Maddog2o1 asks: i would like to become a wwf westler how do i do it
Maddog, you must twain, say your pwayers and take your vitamins...and
always beweive in yoursewf.
And finally, Gav Duenas does what all the kids are doing: Chris
Just wanted to be a smart-ass and correct your English!!..... Regal was
not referring to Trish Stratus' "bristles", what he actually said was
"bristols". It's cockney rhyming slang for tits/breasts/whatever: Bristol
Cities = titties. (Bristol City is my local football, not soccer, team.
and they are rubbish). Does this make any sense? Does RIKISHI RUNNING DOWN
STONE COLD make any sense? should've been Robert Fuller, he has motives.
or bobby eaton, still pissed off that a rookie Austin went over him in
1991. or lee majors, he's got blond hair these days, and he must HATE
Hey, the CLOSED CAPTIONING guy said "bristles" as well, so I took a
guess. Thank GOD we got it corrected, though, RIGHT??
Quite a few of you have had a problem with me bringing up Yokozuna.
"Yokozuna? He's JAPANESE! JAPANESE!" you cry. Now I KNOW that Mr. Fuji
walked around with him, and I KNOW he waved a Japanese flag, but you can't
let that blind you! Or should I say deafen you, because the deal is:
*EVERY* time you actually LISTENED to a WWF television program which had
Yokozuna wrestling, he was always *always* ALWAYS *ALWAYS* announced as
"hailing from the Polynesian islands." If you actually LISTENED, you knew
he wasn't Japanese - he was merely a tool of Mr. Fuji to get Japan over. I
mean, you didn't think he was *American* when he carried around that *USA*
flag, DID YOU? So stop writing me with "Yokozuna was JAPANESE!" because
*I* have the tapes and *I* pay attention and *you* need to be more like
*me* and I don't want to have to talk down to you like this EVER AGAIN,
Oh, and somebody keeps mailing me SWEARING that the WWF is going to buy
WCW and we'll hear about it by the end of the month. If I were into
rumours, I'd spread this one, but we all know I'm not that kind of
writer. Heh heh heh.
QUOTE OF THE WEEK: "By the way, if you ask me, I think it was probably
*Rikishi Phatu* who ran down Stone Cold Steve Austin." - ME! from last
week's SmackDown! report, proving that I'm a FREAKING CLAIRVOYANT (as long
as you ignore all the other names I listed)
If you ARE wondering when they decided Rikishi was the driver, you might
want to take into consideration that they taped him dancing with Too Cool
in this UPN bumper...or you might not.
TV-PG-DLV - One World Leader Attitude - WWF!
Opening Credits - Close Captioned - Rikishi's "you are there" buttdrop is
still in it
PYRO! SIGNS! From the sold out Staples Center in Los Angeles, CA and
Transmitido En Espanol SAP Columbus Day (the REAL Columbus Day) 2K (taped
10.10), this is WWF SmackDown!
Outside the arena, a Stone Cold Ford pickup is parked - and in the driver's
seat, Stone Cold Steve Austin seems none too happy about things. We are
told he's been there since early in the morning - and he's waiting for
TONIGHT: Triple H & Road Dogg take on Chris Benoit & Perry Saturn! And
Kane and Kurt Angle go at it once again!
THOSE DAMN DUDLEYZ v. LO DOWN (already in the ring) in a table match - Lo
Down try to get a jump on those bearing the table, but they raise the table
and they slide out under it to the floor - then they bowl them over with
the table. Punchfest ensues, but now some music starts and out
come...well, let's call 'em DOUBLE GOLD, who join the commentary team as
everybody gets back in the ring and the opening bell sounds. Pier Four
brawl continues. "Mira! Mira!" "Who are you guys?" "Uno." "Dos."
"Uno." "Dos." They *are* identified as the Conquistadors. Every question
is answered with "Si, Senor." Cole identifies their language as Latin and
not Spanish. "Wassup!" for each man. "Arriba!" "D-Von, get the tables!"
Why's that guy in the front row have a chicken with him? Lawler says they
need Hugo and Carlos out with them to translate. Suplex through the table
ends up not through the table as Chaz moves it out of the way. D-Von
tossed, Chaz whipped in by Buh-Buh Ray but he puts an elbow up. Tornado
DDT. "Chimichanga!" "Burrito burrito!" Table to Buh-Buh Ray's gut.
Dropkick to the...lower abdomen. "Do you have a favourite in this match?"
"Si senor!" Chaz with a rana off the second rope - but D-Von moves the
table just in time. "Mil Mascaras!" "Essa Rios!" It's finally a
one-on-one as Brown punches Buh-Buh Ray - but he comes back with
"Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine." Atomic drop from the full nelson.
"Dos." "Uno." Each man tags - down goes Chaz! Down goes Chaz! Another
right! Into the ropes, jumping DDT. Brown in, Brown out. Dudley Device on
Chaz. Table set up AGAIN, but Brown is in and Buh-Buh Ray is tossed. Sky
high (not through a table) on D-Von. Isn't that that Sliders dude in the
front row? D-Von put on a table - Brown going up - Buh-Buh Ray crotches
him just in time, though. Crowd knows it's coming...3D! Dudley Death
Drop! (6:10) "Si senor!" "Si senor!" "Si senor!" You know what we
need? Stevie Ray popping in and saying "HIS HOUSE!"
Let Us Take a Special Video Look at Eddie Guerrero & Chyna...and GTV...and
Our commentators are a pair of kings - MICHAEL KING COLE & JERRY LAWLER.
Is it just me or is that Michael Clarke Duncan doing a lot of mugging
directly behind them?
TONIGHT: Chris Jericho & Billy Gunn vs. X-Pac & Eddie Guerrero!
UP NEXT: Rock sits down for a chat with Jim Ross
Austin's still in his truck. Did he have to pee today? What'd he do THEN?
Wow, that was a hell of an opening segment compared to the talkfests we've
had to endure. Three matches were announced, we HAD a match, stuff to
come...yeah! Do THIS instead of twenty minutes of yakkin'! YEAH!
This Sunday on "WWF Superstars," you'll meet Moongoose McQueen, the leader
of Fozzy, and learn his feelings towards Chris Jericho - Sunday at 10am on
Here's a picture of Rikishi
And Here's a Special Video Look at the Mystery of Who Ran Over Stone Cold
Steve Austin - starting with a flashback to Survivor Series, moving to
Shawn Michaels, through the whole show as Mick Foley talked to lots of
other folks, and finally to Rikishi 'fessing up. During the snippets of
'kishi's speech they show pictures of Rogers, Sammartino, Backlund, Hogan
and Austin, and also Maivia, Snuka, Afa and Sika, Samu, and the Tonga Kid
(but not Haku). Quite an editing job.
Rock, thanks for joining us. Now that some time has passed since
RAW, and the fact that Rikishi has confessed to running down Stone Cold
Steve Austin like a damned dog, what are your thoughts on this whole
I really don't know what to think about that, JR, I don't know what's more
confusing - whether it's the fact that he said that he ran over Stone Cold
Steve Austin, or whether it's the fact that we actually know he DID run
over Stone Cold, or it's the fact that he said he did it for me.
What about that? What about the fact that Rikishi says "I did this
in the name of the Rock. I did this all for the Rock." How does that make
you feel? What are your thoughts on that?
How do you think it makes me feel? It makes me sick to my stomach. To
think that, you know, with everything I've accomplished here in the WWF,
and before Survivor Series, before Steve got ran over, I was already
multi-time WWF Champion, as you know. So, you know, for him to say that he
did it for me, for him to say that he did it for me so I could rise to the
top of the WWF, almost, you know, insinuating, or actually telling me and
telling the fans out there - negating everything that the Rock has already
done like I couldn't have done it on my own is, is sickening to my stomach.
It...it, uh...I don't know what to think when I hear something like that,
and, you know, and then, for him to say that he did it for me, and for me
to be in the same ring with him, and I looked this man in the eyes, now
here's a guy who I knew my whole life, or I thought I knew my whole life,
for that matter. And I looked him in the eyes, and he's telling me he did
it for me, and I sincerely *believe* that he actually believes he did the
right thing...which scares me. Scares the hell out of me.
What do you think about the fact that Rikishi said that the WWF is
all about the Great White Hope?
That's a bunch of (beep) to me, JR. For him to sit there and say something
like that, for him to bring up all these other guys, all these great
champions in the WWF, Bob Backlund, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Bruno
Sammartino, and to say that our people have been held back...y'know, I
mean, I was given the same opportunities everybody else in my family was,
from my grandfather, my dad, and we all took advantage of it, as far as I'm
concerned. You know, for him to - to throw the race card in there is ...is
ridiculous, and for anybody that knows me, knows that that's my biggest -
that's my biggest turnoffs, my biggest pet peeve, for somebody to say
something like that. But, you know, again, I go back to the fact, JR, that
I was in the ring with him - we were all in the same arena that night but I
was in the ring with Riksihi, I was in there, Mick Foley was in there, and
I looked at him, and he - he honestly believes he did the right thing by
running over Steve. He honestly believes that he did the right thing - for
uh, for me, for that matter. And what (beep) me off is, is the simple fact
that he says, the he casts a doubt in some people's minds out there that...
"Well maybe the Rock *couldn't* have got it," well the fact of the matter
is he didn't cast a doubt in my mind. You know, I could have done
everything I've done here in the WWF with Steve Austin standing right by my
side, or right in front of my face for that matter. Either way.
Stone Cold is expected here tonight. What are you gonna say to him
when you see him?
I've already talked to Steve. I talked to him Monday night; we were on the
phone for an hour. I talked to him this afternoon. I've been talking to
him throughout his whole, rehab, so - you know, I hate like hell that it
even happened to him, and I was happy as hell for the fact that he came
back. You know, I talked to him already, and he knows that I didn't have
anything to do with it...and he's, and he's cool with that, but what he's
not cool with, obviously, is Rikishi.
And do you have a problem with that as far as Stone Cold having
this intense rage at Rikishi?
*laughs* Why would I have a problem with that? Why would I have a problem
with Stone Cold wanting to beat the living (beep) out of Rikishi tonight?
Quite frankly, sure - and I'm torn, I'm torn between kind of emotions
because I've known Rikishi my whole life, and I've never known him to do
anything like that, but seeing as he did do it, well he deserves what's
coming to him, so no, I have no problem. I have no problem with how Stone
Rock, given the kind of temperament that Austin has today, what
kind of advice would you give him?
Well, I'm not here to give Stone Cold advice; that's just not the Rock's
way - the Rock doesn't give Stone Cold advice, Stone Cold doesn't give the
Rock advice, but I will say this: you know, you and I both know Stone Cold
very very well, and I just hope that Steve Austin doesn't do anything to
Rikishi that, that Austin's gonna regret for the rest of his life.
Commentators reflect on what we've just heard. They don't want Stone Cold
to end up in jail. Lawler points to the part where Rock said he'd be doing
just as well WITH Austin in the picture...and says there's only room for
one at the top. What WOULD really have happened?
UP NEXT: Gunn (can't call him Ass on UPN!) and Jericho vs. X-Pac & Guerrero!
Look! It's X-Pac - he's WALKING!
And here's Mr. Ass - getting attacked from behind by Eddie Guerrero! Run
into the metal garage door! Tire iron! Tire iron!
Was that the old "he wasn't really cleared to compete so we'll trick you
with this angle instead" deal?
Hey, this UPN only has WOMEN in it - oh, except for those Hardy Boyz
During the Break, Mr. Ass was loaded up on a stretcher. Commissioner Foley
watched - and heard from the EMT's. Guerrero shows up as they take him off
to lay in the badmouth. "That's what happens when you mess with Mamacita!"
Foley shows some righteous anger and says that his match has just been
rebooked as a triple threat IC title match - and it's coming up NOW!
WWF INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP: CHRIS THURSDAY JERICHO v. X-PAC v. EDDIE
GUERRERO in a triple threat match - probably need to get him some new
music, huh? Several people have "LATINO CHEAT" signs. Here we go - all
three giving each other cagey looks - X-Pac going for Jericho, duck, right
by Jericho, right, right, into the ropes, knockdown, 1, 2, Guerrero save,
right, right, into the ropes is reversed, shoulderblock by Guerrero.l Up
and over, leapfrog by Jericho, monkey flip, right for X-Pac, spinning heel
kick for Guerrero, springboard dropkick puts him outside! X-Pac runs for
him and HE is thrown to the floor! LiveWire airs Saturday morning on TNN -
just look at that graphic! Jericho goes outside with a baseball slide
dropkick to Guerrero - but eats a spinning heel kick from X-Pac. Fistdrop.
Holding him for Guerrero's rights. All three men back in the ring - X-Pac
stomps on Jericho, right, doubleteam stomping - Jericho trying to fight
back but it's not working. X-Pac into the gallop - there's the
broncobuster, Guerrero egging him on. Kick, right, Jericho fires back on
both men, and starts to turn the tide - Guerrero into the ropes, back
elbow. Right for X-pac. Hardy Boyz put 'em on the line against Tazz &
Raven later! Guerrero into the ropes, reversed, duck, going for the Walls
of Jericho but X-Pac breaks that up. Knife-edge chop by 'Pac - chop,
calling over Guerrero - double into the ropes, double clothesline.
Guerrero pops X-Pac one lest he get too comfortable. Into the corner with
Jericho - but Jericho dumps him onto the turnbuckle when he charges in!
Clothesline for X-pac, right for Guerrero, right for X-Pac, off the ropes,
reversed, flying jalapeno! Guerrero over - into the corner is reversed,
Jericho off the ropes with the bulldog - clothesline to put X-Pac outside
the ring. Guerrero into the ropes, standing powerbomb - Lionsault! X-Pac
with an uppernut before he can capitalise, though - and there's the X
Factor! Cover - Guerrero dropkicks him out of the ring - hooks the leg -
and retains the title. Wow, X-Pac didn't job? WOTTA SHOCK!! (3:50)
X-Pac quickly gets back in to take it to Jericho, but he turns it around -
back and forth we go - Tim White calls out the rest of the REFS and they
try to get these guys separated.
Outside, we see the glare of police beacons reflected in the Stone Cold
headlights. "Hello, Mr. Austin...I hope you don't do what everybody's
thinking you're gonna do. Vehicular manslaughter is not what the case is
here - it's premediated murder, which is a capital offense, punishable by
25 years to life. Mr. Austin, would you rethink..." but Austin rolls up
his power windows and stops listening. The cops decide to drive off.
Golly, I wonder what the PTC thinks about Pat Buchanan buying ad time on
SmackDown! I wonder if the WWF will give them any FREE time like they
CLAIM they want to do for the Republicans and the Democrats. HAR HAR HAR
UPN bumper - hey! Undertaker! Whatever happened to that guy?
Cypress Hill performs this Sunday on MTV's Heat!
Speaking of Cypress Hill, check out B-REAL in the front row.
Here's a look at Times Square - and WWF New York. This week's guest host
on Heat is Mick Foley!
Right to Censor practices their lines in a hall. Kurt Angle shows up and
shines 'em on, then suggests that some WWF championship gold would really
help them be taken seriously. If they could win the title tonight, we
could go into No Mercy with a good, clean, hard-fought, athletic contest,
but they'd have a guarantee that a good upstanding member of society that
we could all look up to as Champion. "I mean, I get goosebumps just
thinking about it! Well, you can't see them, but they're there, trust me."
Richards: "Mr. Angle, I like the way you think." "You're welcome - and
WILLIAM REGAL joins our commentary team. What ARE those chickens doing in
WWF EUROPEAN CHAMPIONSHIP: AL SNOW v. ALBERT (with Trish Stratus, the
fitness model) - Snow is representing Hong Kong tonight, dressed in early
20th century Chinese stereotype garb, tossing fortune cookies to the crowd
and carrying a photo of Hong Kong Fooey (or, if you're working the close
captioning - "Ha Ha Foo" - or "Hacka Fu") Lawler speculates that Snow
still thinks Hong Kong belongs to the British, explaining his costumery.
Regal on Trish: "Lovely bristols, and a fine bottom as well." Snow with a
headlock, powered out into the ropes, big shoulderblock by Albert. Snow
ducks the clothesline, superkick, right, right, right, into the ropes is
reversed, knee takes Snow outside. Albert follows - clubbing blow, right,
into the barricade. "Where is the sportsmanship?" Right, into the
barricade is reversed and Albert hits hard. Kick, kick, forearm, forearm,
back into the ring. Snow with a glare for Stratus. Albert with an
uppercut when Snow returns - uppercut - uppercut. Now they're trading
blows. Now it's all Snow. Albert goes to the eyes. Into the opposite
corner, Snow slides to a stop, but runs into a yaaaah clothesline.
Catapult into the second rope. Into the ropes, duck, Snow dropkicks the
knee. Kick to the back of the knee, another takes Albert down. Big
clothesline. Head to the buckle. Right. Right. Into the opposite corner
is reversed - yaaaah splash misses. Snow drops out and crotches him on the
post - fortunately, referee "Blind" Teddy Long is occupied with Trish and
doesn't notice. Snow had Head - Albert ducks. Snow points to Stratus -
misses HER as well. Albert has him up with the double underhook - and over
with the slam. 1, 2, NO! Set up for a yaaaah powerbomb - Snow tries to
drop down with a headscissors, but Albert halts him. Albert yaaaah pulls
him back up - Snow peppers him with rights and DOES take him over with the
head scissors - and stays on him for the 3! (3:24) Post-match, Albert has
Head - Snow tries to kick, but it's caught - enzuigiri lands, however.
Snow picks up Head and waffles Albert. Now *Regal* is in - and working
over Snow, culminating in a toss over the top rope. Regal strikes a SEXY
pose as his music plays.
Outisde, Jim Ross tries to get Austin's attention - his gaze doesn't
change, but he DOES roll down his power window. Ross asks him to listen to
reason - Austin looks right at him. "All right, easy..."
Road Dogg & Triple H are WALKING!!
And now, the WWF Rewind, brought to you by THQ's MTV Sports: Pure Ride!
From RAW, Chris Benoit manages a pinfall over Triple H thanks to an
untimely crotching at the hands of X-Pac.
CHRIS BENOIT (with Presto presents No Mercy...22 October!) and PERRY (with
Terri) v. EL PERRO DEL CAMINO and THE MAN - During the break, Foley booked
a WWF title match - Rock vs. Val Venis! Will his emotional state come into
play tonight? Stay tuned! Pier Four brawl starts us off - Dogg with
Saturn and H stomping a mudhole into Benoit. Right hand, Dogg joins him,
into the ropes, double spinning back elbow. H mounts him and opens up with
rights. Referee "Blind" Earl Hebner getting on his case about the closed
fists. Benoit manages to recover enough to fire back - kick, kick, kick, H
with a right, Benoit kick, chop, kick, kick, kick, elbow, elbow, elbow,
into the ropes is reversed, duck, high knee. Tag to Dogg - holding him on
tohe second rope for a reverse Boss Man straddle - off the ropes with the
wiggly wobbly woogly kneedrop...for 2. Hard sternum-first whip into the
corner, big boot puts him down, cover, 2. Benoit manages a gutshot,
another, and a death suplex. Saturn gets the tag. Poised and waiting for
him to stand - big clothseline. Stomp, stomp, into the ropes, head down,
kick by Dogg, off the ropes with a forearm smash that flips Saturn. Into
the ropes, but Saturn holds on and drives a knee in the gut. EXPLODAH!
Tag to Benoit. Dogg put into the ropes, big knockdown - 1, 2, shoulder up.
Backbreaker gets 2. Benoit argues the cadence. Benoit going to an armbar
I haven't EVER seen in the WWF. Dogg reaching for the tag - but he's just
too far away. Benoit with an elbow, then one for Triple H. Crippler
crossface! H is up to make the save, and there's a DDT for Benoit. Saturn
wants in but Hebner won't let him. H desperate to get Dogg over to make
the tag...but the crowd is erupting in a scattered chant of "Triple H!"
Saturn gets the tag - and Dogg gets an elbowdrop in the back, keeping HIM
from doing the same. Scoop...and a slam. Saturn to the top rope -
moonsault!! Misses. Oh. Dogg pulls himself over to the corner - and
makes the HOT TAG! Clothesline for Saturn, one for Benoit, one for Saturn,
right, right, into the opposite corner is reversed, clothesline ducked, H
with the hangman's neckbreaker. Right, into the ropes, reversed, head
down, facebuster. 1, 2, Benoit breaks it up. Dogg is in and Benoit is
out. Into the ropes, double clothesline ducked, Dogg with the left jab
while H hits a right in sync. Dogg starts the juke and jive but H won't go
along - Dogg shrugs and they both throw a right. Benoit dumped over the
top rope and Dogg follows him. H sets up Saturn for the Pedigree...but
Terri comes in to try to break it up. H turns to her - and she quickly
takes off. Saturn with a forearm in the back, since it's turned...outside
the ring, Benoit waffles Dogg with a chair. Elbow by Saturn, right, right,
right, into the ropes, reversed, into a collision with Benoit, and into a
Pedigree! 1, 2, 3! Triple H is OVER!! (5:48) Benoit quickly in with the
Crippler crossface - H does some screaming for our benefit. Hebner tries
to get the hold broken but fails - the rest of the REFS & OFFICIALS are out
- Benoit relents for a moment, but then clamps the hold back on - Dogg has
recovered and Benoit takes off up the ramp...and smiles...and actually
breaks out into laughter!
Mick Foley is WALKING!
Meanwhile, Austin still sits in the truck
WWF Fanatix ad - "The Rock: The People's Champ" airs throughout October!
Moments Ago, H got the pin on Saturn...but it was *Benoit* showing NO MERCY
- can you hear the shoulder rippin' and tearin'?
Back in the dressing room, Stephanie tells her husband that that would
NEVER have happened if only he'd let HER out at ringside! "I'm a necessary
component!" She repeats her request for a reconsideration. "Stephanie,
what part of no don't you understand?" "I understand completely..." and
she walks off. H tries to rotate his shoulder, and feels pain...
COMMISSIONER McFOLEY is out for the "70 minutes in" talking segment, which
is probably just a clever disguise for the "standard opening" talking
segment. But first, another plug for Heat - Foley guest hosts! "Well I
guess I followed through on Monday night, and I delivered the man who ran
over Stone Cold Steve Austin. And logic would say I should be feeling
pretty good about it - instead, to tell you the truth, I feel a little bit
sick...because I have a feeling this whole thing isn't over - instead, I
have a feeling it's just beginning. Now I guess it goes without saying
but, hell, I'm going to say it anyway - Stone Cold Steve Austin is no
longer suspended from the WWF. But I also know that Stone Cold is out in
our parking garage with some pretty bad intentions running through that
mind. What I want to say to him, to please come out of that garage...and
come down to this ring, because, Stone Cold, I am the man who can deliver
Rikishi to you. Now, Steve, I have got all night, if need be I will sit in
this ring until you come down. But until then, I will be waiting, so if
somebody could give me their chair, I'm gonna go on a little Austin strike
here. We're all gonna wait for Stone Cold to come on down. And this WILL
be your episode of SmackDown! - 'Mick Foley Sitting in the Middle of the
Ring' - unless Stone Cold Steve Austin decides to make his presence know,
but Steve, if you're there..."
We go outside where Ross is *again* trying to talk sense into Austin.
"Dammit - you OWE it to yourself to get outta that truck and get in the
ring and listen to what he's got to say..give him the benefit of the doubt,
dammit!" Austin gets out of the truck...and now he's WALKING! Lucky Ross,
right past him...
I hear glass - STEP OFF for STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN. "Stone Cold, I wanna
thank you for coming down to this ring. I wanna say one thing, I know
you're sitting out there all night in your parking lot, and you've got some
damn bad intentions in your mind. I made the mistake a couple weeks ago of
trying to tell you what to do...and I've now learned that nobody tells
Steve Austin what to do. So I'm no longer telling you, Steve, I am asking
you - if you are thinking about running down Rikishi like he did to you,
DON'T DO IT. First off, Steve, I don't think the guy's dumb enough to show
up tonight knowing you're looking for him. And second, you run down
Rikishi, then it's no longer a wrestling matter, it's a police matter and
you WILL go to jail. So as commissioner of the WWF, I'm asking
you...please don't do it. As somebody who's known you for ten years, I'm
asking you, please don't do it. And I'm asking you please to wait 'til No
Mercy and then I will guarantee that I will deliver Rikishi to you In This
Very Ring. Wait wait wait--" "No, you talkin' about deliverin' Rikishi -
why would I wanna wait for you to deliver Rikishi, when I can go right now,
sit in that truck, put it in 4-wheel drive, and when that sum(beep) shows
up, run over him AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN and again, like some big fat-ass
speed bump!" "Because if you do it, Steve, then you go to jail! Means, as
WWF Commissioner, I don't get what I want. It means the fans right here in
Los Angeles, California...they don't get what they want, because you will
go to jail for a very, very long time. So I'm saying, lookin' you in the
eye, if you can wait 'til No Mercy, then I can guarantee you a match with
Rikishi--" "Oh, you wanna give me a match - some (beep) run over me like a
dog in the street - ten months out of my life - and you wanna offer me a
MATCH." "It's not a match! It's not just any match, Stone Cold. It's No
Holds Barred. It's anything goes! It means you can do any damn thing you
want to Rikishi, and it's all LEGAL!" "It's all...legal." "Nobody goes to
jail." "Nobody goes to jail." Is this the Jedi mind trick? "Everything
goes...it's your match and you can do whatever you want." "Well then,
officially, I accept your match. Ten months of sittin' on my ass watchin'
all these WWF superstars, you can call it a match, but there ain't gonna be
no armdrags, no dropkicks, it's gonna be one solid flat-out Stone Cold
ass-whippin'! This match is gonna take brutality to a whole 'nother level,
so I got just one question for ya: what did you say the name of that
pay-per-view was?" "No Mercy." "Damn right."
UPN bumper shows Rikishi hanging with Too Cool - oops
Sunday at 9am, there will be XFL cheerleader tryouts at the Spectrum Club
in Manhattan Beach! Jerry Lawler will be there trying to get arrested!
WWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP: HARDY BOYZ (with Lita & SmackDown! is brought to
you by Acitivision's Spider Man, Crunch 'n Munch, and the WWF Shop Zone Dot
Com!) v. TAZZ & RAVEN - Matt and Raven start. Slap by Raven. Slap by
Matt! Slap by Raven. Matt spears him and wails away. Into the ropes,
head down, kick by Raven - discus right off the ropes. Into the corner,
right, right, Tazz pulling the hair at the same time. Matt plays pinball
with his fist to Raven and his elbow to Tazz, right to Raven, right, discus
right, shot for Tazz as well, ducks a Raven punch, grabbing his neck and
pulling him down - Tazz breaks it up at 2, bringing in Jeff - Jeff puts
Raven out, then dropkicks him through the ropes - Tazz dumped outside, Matt
on all fours for Poetry in Motion to the floor! Tazz put back in, Matt
covers - 2. Presto Double Feature of Air Jeff. Into the corner, down on
all fours, Tazz ducks Poetry in Motion but Jeff lands on the top turnbuckle
instead. Backflip back into the ring, but Tazz catches him in a
belly-to-belly overhead Tazzplex instead. Stomp, stomp, Raven in for the
doubleteam as referee "Blind" Jim Korderas is busy with Matt. Jeff rammed
into the turnbuckle three times. Into the corner is reversed, boot up by
Raven, Jeff manages a leapfrog when Raven charges in and he ends up in the
corner, schoolboy gets 2. Raven with an arm wringer, Jeff reverses and
shoves Raven into the corner. Raven has the leg, but Jeff turns over and
connects with a mule kick with the free leg. Tag to Tazz, tag to Matt!
Right hand puts Tazz down - scoop...and a slam, into the corner is
reversed, boot up by Hardy - second rope clothesline, ducks Raven's charge
and Raven runs into Jeff's boot. Jeff with a double leg on Tazz - tandem
legdrops. Raven stomps on Jeff while Matt tries to set up Tazz for the
Twist of Fate - Raven breaks it up, going over the top, Matt hits the Twist
of Fate anyway as Jeff attempts to take Raven over the top rope to the
floor. At this point, LOS CONQUISTADORS come out - as one distracts
Korderas, the other gives Matt a slop drop. Tazz drapes an arm on him - 1,
2, NO! Raven puts Jeff into the STEEL steps, then distracts the referee.
Tazzmission! Jeff manages to climb up the steps, up the ropes, and
swantonbomb Tazz, rolling over the pile - Matt's on top as Korderas turns
back - 1, 2, 3! Maybe Tazz should have let go of that hold. Maybe Raven
should have gone back to his corner. Maybe...eh. (4:17)
The Rock paces...
Meanwhile, Kane is WALKING!
And now, the Lugz Boot of the Week! From RAW last Monday, Kane beats up
his tag team partner, Kurt Angle, prior to their match - then chokeslams
him later that night.
STEPHANIE ONO walks to the ring with no music. "And now, allow me to
introduce you to the man whose corner I will permanently be in! He is the
next World Wrestling Federation champion...he is Kurt Angle!"
KING KURT ANGLE v. WELL IT'S KANE - again - Angle goes for a hug, but
settles for a handshake. No mic time for Our Olympic Hero. With Stephanie
in his corner, will Angle FINALLY get a victory against this guy? Angle
tries to hightail it, but Kane follows outside the ring. Kane with rights
after catching up - head to the STEEL steps. Stephanie runs up the aisle
when Kane looks at her. Angle over the barricade and into the crowd...Kane
follows. Kane with a right. Got him in a headlock...on his shoulder...and
back over the barricade onto the floor. Scoops him up - and a press that
just barely cleared the top rope! Double choke - lift - drop. Angle put
in the corner - but he gets an elbow up. Kane put into the corner - German
suplex out (!). Sliding dropkick puts Kane out on the floor - Angle
follows. Kane's shoulder rammed into the STEEL steps. As referee "Blind"
Chad Patton lectures Angle on the questionable legality of his tactics,
Stephanie tosses a cup of water onto Kane. Angle has him by the hair...but
Kane drops down and hits a hot shot on Angle! Into the ropes, Angle ducks,
waistlock, block, Angle with two clubbing forearms, Kane turns around - but
ends up in a belly-to-belly suplex. Angle celebrates...as Kane starts to
no-sell. Right, no. Right, no. Right, no. Right, no. Angle expresses
frustration and possibly says "Oh my God, he's a monster!" Well, Cole
*said* he said it, anyway. Kane with an uppercut, another, another, into
the ropes, big boot, into the ropes again, head down, kick by Angle, off
the ropes but scooped onto the shoulder. Kane with the powerslam. Kane
outside - he's gonna fly - and that's the clothesline. Kane motions for
it...Stephanie up on the apron - Kane still chokeslams Angle anyway. Kane
going after Stephanie - and got her by the hair! But Angle is up from
behind with a schoolboy - holding the bottom rope as well - Patton misses
all this to count the 1, 2, 3. (4:25) Kane takes umbrage and promptly
chokeslams Patton, even as Jim Korderas comes out to tell him not to do it.
Korderas gets a chokeslam as well. Play HIS music! Angle and Stephanie
raise arms at the top of the ramp, nonetheless.
Hey! Stone Cold Steve Austin is still WALKING! Spotting Funaki chillin'
in the hall, he asks where Too Cool are. Funaki points the way 'cause he's
Man, ANOTHER Reform party ad! Hey, I heard a nasty rumour that
"buchananfoster2000.com" was a porn site - anybody else hear that one?
Special Highlight Package from Heat to help promote the upcoming Heat
Here's a Beautiful View of Los Angeles - and an exterior shot of the
Hey, that *is* JERRY O'CONNELL in the front row! They mention him not as
the star of "Sliders" (or even "Joe's Apartment") but "Jerry Maguire,"
In Too Cool's locker room, Austin asks 'em to tell him where Rikishi is.
Hotty says he hasn't seen him since Monday. He never once mentioned in ten
months that he ran over somebody with the car. Turning to Grand Master
Sexay, who says "Naw, G. He didn't holler at me once about it. Rikishi
doin' his own thing, brotha. I stay outta his game...and he stays outta
mine." "Oh, is that right...G." Big right hand puts Sexay down.
The Rock is still pacing!
Meanwhile, Val Venis is doing pushups...but he has visitors. Stephanie:
"Hey Val! Val, tonight is your night. In order to have the people listen
to you, you've got to defeat the People's Champion (Angle: Oh, it's true)
and the Rock has never been more vulnerable than he is right now. But you
know, Val, you've got something on your side that the Rock has never have -
you've got right on your side - and RIGHT will always defeat wrong." "And
THAT is true."
WWF CHAMPIONSHIP: BALD VENIS (with Steven Richards) v. IF YA SMELLLLLLLLL -
before the match starts, Rock's posing is interrupted by KING KURT ANGLE &
STEPHANIE ONO. Hey, Angle DOES get mic time! "Steph and I were just
talking...and we find it very interesting that last Monday night, Rikishi
declared that the Rock had nothing to do with running down Stone Cold Steve
Austin. How convenient, Rock! But I guess if they can find OJ innocent
out here in LA - oh, it's true, it's true, then maybe you can find some Los
Angelenos gullible enough to believe that the Rock had nothing to do with
it, too. And that is true." Rock is ready to go out after Angle...but
Venis meets him up the ramp - but fails to land as Rock turns it around and
punches away. Back down the ramp to the floor. Whip into the barricade is
reversed into a Richards clothesline. Venis stomps and throws him in,
where the bell rings. Right, right, right, stomp, stomp, stomp, standing
on the neck. Richards with a choke when Venis turns referee "Blind" Mike
Chioda around to have a chat. Rock *still* manages to pop up and out with
a clothesline for Venis. Waistlock - death suplex - 1, 2, Venis kicks out.
Elbow to the back of the head by the Rock, stomp, stomp, elbow to the back
of the head, into the ropes is reversed, Richards grabs the ankle - Rock
grabs Richards - his eyes in the back of his head alert him to Venis up
from behind, so he steps aside, allowing Venis to clothesline *Richards* -
right, right, right, into the ropes, reversed, Richards lowers the bridge
and Rock falls to the floor. Stephanie whispering in Angle's ear -
strategy for the PPV? Richards with a clothesline that takes Rock over the
barricade and into the crowd. Venis goes out to meet him but eats several
rights...and another one, taking him back over. Rock puts Venis's head ot
the commentary table, but he blocks it and puts *Rock* there instead.
Knife-edge chop. Rock thrown back in the ring, Venis follows, vertical
suplex. 1, 2, shoulder up. Venis to a headlock. "Rock E!" Venis really
wrenching it in now. Rock to his feet - gutshot, gutshot, right, right,
off the ropes, Venis with a back elbow, elbowdrop, kneedrop off the ropes -
1, 2, no. Venis back to the headlock. Arm falls once...arm falls
twice...if you think the arm's falling thrice, you're very special. Rock
tries to grab the hair, but there's nothing there, yuk yuk. Rock to his
feet - gutshot, gutshot, right, Venis to the eyes, off the ropes and Rock
catches him in a Samoan drop. Right, right, right, NOW KISS THAT RIGHT!
Gutshot, DDT. 1, 2, Venis gets a shoulder up! Right, into the ropes is
reversed, clothesline ducked, double clothesline and both men are down.
Chioda puts on a count...Rock stirs at 6 as Richards brings the belt into
the ring and distracts Chioda. Rock avoids the belt shot while giving
Venis Rock Bottom! Chioda STILL looking the wrong way - *finally* looking
back and ready to count - 1, 2, SHOULDER UP!! Richards motions to Rock -
Rock runs for Richards but he slips to the floor and avoids it - Venis with
a belt shot! Venis is gonna cover - 1, 2, ah hell, Rock's shoulder is up.
Venis decides to go for it - slowly climbing to the top...Rock getting to
HIS feet...Venis perched - crossbody hits, but Rock uses the momentum to
roll it over! 1, 2, KICKOUT! *Richards* is in - Rock catches him with
Rock Bottom - Venis runs at him and gets a spinebuster - it's time now for
the People's Elbow - 1, 2, 3! (7:03) Angle immediately comes down to the
ring and clotheslines Rock - stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, right, Rock
right, right, right, right, Stephanie charges - caught, but before he can
give her Rock Bottom, Angle saves her with an uppernut..and the Olympic
Slam! Stephanie directs him to give him ANOTHER Olympic Slam. Stomping
away - now holding him for a SLAP from Stephanie! Another slap! Angle
with an elbow in the groin. Play his music again! Stephanie and Angle do
a bit of celebrating and that'll be our last picture this week. SEE YA!
Christopher Robin Zimmerman