by Christopher Robin Zimmerman
WrestleLine/WrestleManiacs
EGO: The two of you who asked me to start regularly posting to a message
board can now find me over at EZboard. If you can't find the hyperlink,
let me know and I'll mail it to you. Think of it as a semi-public "I Get
Letters," only more interactive, and without the three month wait between
issues. Of course, it isn't Delphi, but after seeing what Delphi did with
the WrestleLine forums, that might be a plus - come on over and say "CRZ
sucks!"
KINGS UPDATE: 1-1, tied for second place, half a game behind....oy! The
WARRIORS? Yup, Golden State is 1-0 on the basis of a thrilling finish in
their opening game against the Suns. They're the only undefeated team in
the Division...but don't expect it to last...
UPN! Thursday! Hey, did I just see Rikishi dancing with Too Cool? I
better check that again later.
One World Leader Attitude - TV-PG-DLV - WWF!
LAST MONDAY: Go read the report, I covered all this stuff there. I
*promise*. Really, go read it...I'll be here when you get back. It's
okay. By the way, in case you missed catching the vibe from me
Tuesday...last Monday's RAW *smoked.* The ratings sucked, but I wouldn't
be surprised if they went up THIS Monday as word got out about the overall
smokedness of Monday's show. Hell, it just might be reflected in
*tonight's* show. LET'S FIND OUT!
Opening Credits
PYRO! Crowd! Signs! And JUST THE TWO OF US - from the Unnamed Arena in
Rochester, NY and transmitido en espanol SAP on some UPN stations - *this*
is WWF SmackDown!, airing 2.11.2K (taped Halloween - what, no costumes?
Remeber that one year Vince dressed up like a convict? That was HILARIOUS!
They better do that next year...)
IF YA SMELLLLLLLLLLLL is probably gonna kick things off with something a
certain webmaster likes to call "plausible deniability," and I don't know
WHY I chose to say it THAT way. I wonder how Rock will start tonight! Oh,
I'm wrong... "Stone Cold Steve Austin - you and the Rock, we're not
friends, probably never will be friends. But although we're not friends,
the Rock has always considered you a pretty sharp guy. The Rock would like
to think that you would see through what Rikishi said last Monday
night...but it seems that's not the case, Austin. You see, the Rock has
tried calling ya - the Rock has tried voicemail, email, carrier pigeons,
sent ya smoke signals, but obviously you didn't answer the Rock. So seeing
as you didn't answer the Rock, Stone Cold Steve Austin, the Rock knows that
you're in the building tonight...so the Rock says: come down. So we can do
this, toe to toe, face to face, and man...to man." Crowd chants "Rock E"
... or is it "Austin?" "Stone Cold, maybe you didn't understand the Rock
correctly - you see, the Rock isn't asking you to come down - the Rock is
TELLING you to come down!" Ooh! Well NOW I hear glass and STONE COLD
STEVE AUSTIN is out, and looking rather Disturbed to boot. Will this
encounter top the Rock/Jericho verbal joust of Monday? Austin to all four
corners for a suck up to the crowd as the Rock politely waits...although
his waiting is mixed with *just* a small amount of pacing. Austin has a
mic as well...but it's still Rock with the floor. Are those dueling chants
from the crowd? "You see, Stone Cold, regarding last November at Survivor
Series, the Rock had nothing to do with that. Now why Rikishi came out
last Monday night, said what he said, the Rock had no idea. Maybe it's
because the Rock didn't have his back in the cage match you had. Maybe
it's because Rikishi knew that he couldn't beat you. Or maybe it's
because, quite frankly, Rikishi might be one crazy s(beep). But regardless
of the fact, the bottom line is...the Rock didn't have a damn thing to do
with running you ...over." "Let me get something straight right now.
Stone Cold Steve Austin didn't come out here because you told me to. Stone
Cold Steve Austin came out because he wanted to. There ain't a (beep) here
that tells Stone Cold Steve Austin what to do...and that includes you.
Ever since I've been here, Rock, I have lived by the words Don't Trust
Anybody - I'm gonna live by those words, and I'm gonna die by those words.
Maybe Rikishi is a liar. But how do I know that you ain't a bigger liar
than Rikishi? How do I know that you and Rikishi ain't workin' together?
How do I know that it wasn't you that dressed up in black last week on
SmackDown! and hit me in the head with that steel wrench? Ya see, the real
bottom line is this: everything I been through this whole last year...the
only person Stone Cold Steve Austin trusts is that (beep) I look in the
mirror every day...and his name happens to be Stone Cold Steve Austin."
Did he used to refer to himself in the third person this much? Before we
get any further, RIKASHMONEY enters our picture and takes position at the
top of the ramp. I love Rikishi because he talks MUCH slower than I type.
"Stone Cold...like the Rock, you and I have never been friends. But not
until last November...we have never been enemies either. You see, one cold
November 9th of last year, I received a phone call. And it was from...the
Rock. And he said 'Rikishi...I need a favour. And it's a big one. I need
you to take out Stone Cold Steve Austin.' He said that the WWF wasn't big
enough for the both o' you. And he begged me...'Rikishi...please do me
this favour.' You see, his merchandise sales were goin' down. And he was
worried about that. The Rock - the Rock - after all I've done for you, you
said you'd have my back and I watch your back. Well what happened? After
I ran over Stone Cold at Survivor Series - after YOU hit him with the
wrench on SmackDown! ... All I ask you was for a little help last Monday
night in the steel cage match, and YOU, Rock, turned your back on ME! And
you know what, Rock? I thought about that. And you know...I know now why
you did that. Maybe because...you were scared. I was starting to become a
big superstar...just like Stone Cold Steve Austin." "Well, Rikishi, the
Rock didn't think that it was possible, but your story stinks more than
your fat (beep). You see, Stone Cold Steve Austin, let's get something
straight. The Rock KNOWS that you don't trust anybody. With everything
you and the Rock have been through, you damn sure don't trust the Rock, but
the fact of the matter is this: is that the Rock has always done everything
face to face. The funeral incident, over a year ago, the Rock did it face
to face. Throwing you over the bridge in Detroit city - the Rock did it
face to face. And at WrestleMania, the Rock/Austni, biggest of all
time...the Rock did it face to face. And the Rock hopes he makes himself
perfectly clear...and one more thing the Rock wants to make perfectly clear
tonight, is that Rock is gonna face the WWF Champion, Kurt Angle, and one
more time become the WWF...Champion." Well, serves you right...here comes
KING KURT ANGLE...maintaining respectful distance from Rikishi but also up
on the stage. "Hold on a second! Rock, I know that you have your title
shot set for here tonight, but there are several reasons why this match
SHOULDN'T happen. First of all, my business advisor, Stephanie
McMahon-Helmsley, is still very ill - so ill that she was unable to make it
here tonight - not that I'd want her to come to Rochester, New York anyway,
because we all know how easy it is to catch something contagious in this
town...oh it's true...it's damn true...but more importantly, I have a
problem with you, Rock. I mean, if what Rikishi says is true (and I don't
doubt it), then I'm not only fearing losing my title, I'm fearin' for my
life! See, Rock, you remind me of another great athlete slash movie star
who had it all, did something very terrible, and then walked away scot
free. Rock, to paraphrase Johnny Cochran, 'if taking out Austin is the
plan you hatch, I see no other choice than to call off this match.' It's
true. It's true." "Well, the Rock says this, Kurt Angle, why don't you go
ahead and get Johnny Cochran to paraphrase this...why don't you, Kurt
Angle, and you, Rikishi, bring your candy (beep) out here so the Rock can
whip both your (beep) all over Rochester!" "He said Rochester!" Rikishi:
"No no no, Rock. We're not gonna come in there to the ring tonight. You
know, just from listening to you - just from looking at your eyes - just
like Steve Austin said...we don't trust you either." Are Angle and Rikishi
leaving together to Rikishi's music? Meanwhile, in the ring - hey Rock
shouldn't have turned his back - KICK WHAM STUNNER #22! STEP OFF BECAUSE
THE MAN SOMETHING SOMETHING YOU KNOW IT'S ONLY THE BEGINNING...
Not bad, for twenty minutes. I'm the LAST person who'd say this, but
adding Austin to the mix - and taking Foley OUT - sure made the opening
interview segment seem fresher.
Even the WWF stops for "the legend of Zelda." For some reason, the Hardyz
seem PERFECT for this ad. They probably play "Magic," too
Chris Jericho eats ravioli...and is, like, the only guy wearing a shirt in
this ad...well, except for the band...and that sea cap'n. Arrrrrr!
Debra is WALKING! She hits Foley's office and puts a "Lt. Commissioner"
nameplate in front of the "Commissioner" one...rubs her hands...and grins...
Moments ago...KWS. Please don't go!
CRASH (Let Us Take You Back to Last Week...and Monday) v. T&A in a hardcore
handicap match - I think what the Rick meant to say was that Crash was "the
Leprechaun" Erin O'Grady back when he was competing in APW. I *think*.
Maybe you better ask him. Crash has a big stick - but Albert takes it from
him. He dares Crash to strike him - then offers him a lollipop. Ha! Test
drops down and Albert shoves him backwards in an OLD SCHOOL schoolboy! A
hearty laugh is shared at Crash's expense. Crash pops up and shoves Test.
Backstage, we see that Steve Blackman is once again looking on, thanks to
the Magic Window. Albert with a yaaaaaaaah press. Test holds on his arms
as if to catch him...no, Test pulls away! They share another laugh...and
then drop to their knees to give him a fighting chance. But Crash swings a
garbage can lid and takes 'em both out with a shot each. Poised on the
outside with a garbage can and laying in wait - shot for Test, but Albert
gets a yaaaah kick from behind. A poundin' we will go, and now we're out
alongside the ramp. Tonight, three big main events: Rock vs. Angle -
Jericho vs. Rikishi - Triple H vs. Benoit! Backstage we go and we get
another look at Blackman watching the Magic Window...then that camera walks
over to find Test and Albert discuss bowling scores. "This one's mine!"
Test takes Crash across the table of goodies. Ever closer to
Blackman...and now right by him. Outside, past a garage door (where we
get a good view of an XFL painted truck. They're ready to do that "arms
and legs swing into the pool," only without the pool, but Blackman shows up
and takes a kendo stick to both men. He rolls over Test and puts Crash on
top. 1, 2, 3. Shouldn't Blackman have mentioned that it was party time?
(2:34)
Lita congratulates Debra for her recent promotion. Ivory comes looking for
Foley...but finds Debra in charge. "As a female in power I'm sure you're
gonna want to start cleaning up this organisation - you know you could
start with the Women's division. Why don't you give me a title shot so we
could finally have a woman's champion that truly depicts the proper image
of a woman? Yes, and second of all...why don't you clean up *your*
image...I mean, the way that you push up your...puppies. You really
shouldn't be.. encouraging adolescents to look at your breasts." At this
point, Trish enters the picture to protest interference in hardcore matches
(now THAT'S brain power!). Ivory: "Speaking of breasts...the only title
you should have is something out of an adult magazine!" Then Jacqueline
shows up and says that if Ivory gets a title shot, then "Ebony should get
one too." Then she snaps like she was on a morning talk show. YOU GO,
GIRL! Debra decides that a four corners match is in order. I don't know
why that's doing it "Debra-style," but I'm SURE there's a good joke in
there somewhere! Well, that was a tough choice, wasn't it? Debra *also*
says that no members of T&A, Hardy Boyz, OR RtC will be allowed at
ringside. Jacqueline, of course, HAS no friends...I suspect racism - hey,
maybe Bobby Walker was RIGHT!
Yo. Yo. Yo.
Yo.
Patty Patty Buke Buke - HE'S no drunk driver
You're watching WWF SmackDown! - on UPN! Sure enough, there's Rikishi
hanging with Too Cool....if only for a split second. May I repeat? If
they had known Rikishi was the driver...they wouldn't have taped them
together, knowing they'd be breaking up so soon thereafter. You buy that?
And now, the WWF Boot of the Week! From RAW last Monday, Steven Richards -
with just a SMIDGEN of help from Eddie Guerrero - stripped Mr. (Beep) of
his very name.
Speaking of which, STEVEN RICHARDS is out. "The Right to Censor has fought
to help this program be raised from the sewers of filth and profanity. The
truth stares each and every one of you right in the face - but, by no fault
of your own, you have been conditioned to believe that lewd and disgusting
behaviour is not only acceptible...but entertaining. And you have
Hollywood and the WWF to thank for that; however, I am happy to say that
those days will soon be over. Both Democrats and Republicans have realised
that there is no 'biz' in show biz, and Hollywood has hidden behind our
First Amendment rights too long. So, politicians and the Right to Censor
now stand together and say NO MORE. And just think of all the changes the
Right to Censor have already made in the World Wrestling Federation due to
the strength of our conviction. Just imagine how many changes will be made
when those convictions are conveyed to our politicians! So we ask for your
support, we ask for your trust, and we ask for your vote - the vote for
censorship...and it is for...your own good." BONG. Are you scared? He's
here. HEY HEY HEY HEY I hope he's out to tell him he's talkin' funny! MY
GOD! THE STEEL STEPS! How DO they DO that? 'taker is clad in blue jeans,
blue bandana and "CRIME INC." T-shirt. He raises a fist...and everybody
returns it. Richards continues. "Mr. Undertaker - I find this to be a
great opportunity to ask you right here in front of all these people...to
join us." Now THAT'D be cool and totally make no sense. The Reaper grabs
the mic...and Richards' tie. "Did you say...join you? Hell, I can't even
stand to look at you. As a matter of fact, I think you, the Right to
Censor, and alllllll those politicians that back you...SUCK." Knee to the
gut - wedgiebomb! Cole: "Now that's freedom of expression!"
Umm....Richards has a right to HIS freedom of speech, too. Doesn't he?
The American American drives up the ramp...almost running over GOODFATHER &
WALL BUCHANAN & BALD VENIS in the process!
Earlier Today, ADAM SANDLER met all sorts of WWF Superstars. His favourite
superstar is.....Earl Hebner? Gag me! "I was wondering if I could take
you out for a beer, but you pay." That Sandler's A CARD, I tell ya! By
the way, "Little Nicky" starts 10 November!
Look! It's Trish Stratus! And she's WALKING!
Hey! It's Ivory! And SHE is WALKING!
Look there! It's Jacqueline! Can you believe it? She's WALKING!
And here's the WWF Women's Champion - and you KNOW that Lita is WALKING!
"Can You Take the Heat? The WWF is Cooking!" ad. Nobody walks in it...as
far as I saw
Hey, what's the deal with that Thunder Tanks annoucer guy's package in that
ad there? It's...well, it's THERE. We don't need THAT to sell video
games, do we?
You're watching WWF SmackDown on UPN! You didn't FORGET, did you?
They should call this Round Table ad "two gay guys talkin' 'bout pizza"
And now, the WWF Slam of the Week, presented by THQ's "Summoner" for the
PS2! From Earlier Tonight...Rikishi said some tings, and I heard some
tings. Also a Stunner!
Edge & Christian (and their kazoo) approach Debra (the "anti-Foley") and
ask for her to waive the "sucktacular" rule about them not ever taking on
the Hardyz again and granting them a tag team title shot. "You can totally
do it, 'cause, like He-Man, YOOOOUUUUU HAVE THE POWAAHHHHHHHH!" Debra says
she's not Mick Foley, but she's also not an idiot, and sweet talkin' her
ain't gonna work. "As fare as you are concerned, I *am* Mick Foley - tag
team title shot...(chirping) denied!" she squeaks. "She's not Foley -
she's worse!"
Our hosts are a pair of kings - MICHAEL KING COLE & JERRY LAWLER. AL SNOW
happens by to offer Lawler another bribe - a plate of delicious cold cuts.
Lawler tries to give him a WWF cookbook in return. This week, Lawler is
the guest host on Heat! Special performance by Godsmack!
WWF WOMEN'S CHAMPIONSHIP: LITA (with SmackDown! is brought to you by THQ's
"Summoner" for PS2, Slim Jim, and "The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask" from
Nintendo!) v. JACQUELINE v. IVORY v. TRISH STRATUS - THE FITNESS MODEL in a
four corners match - what's this, the second match? Jackie starts pounding
on Lita - into the ropes, back elbow, elbowdrop...2. Right, into the
ropes, side salto, leg is hooked, 2. Swinging backslide gets 1. Lita
returns the favour with a clothesline and cover for 2. Into the ropes,
Stratus makes a blind tag - arm drag takeover of Jackie by Lita, but Trish
sneaks in the bulldog - alleged suplex - leg is hooked - Lita kicks out at
2. Lita with a kick in the gut, off the ropes, clothesline. Slightly
better suplex from Lita. Off the ropes, but Ivory puts a knee in the back
and comes in - stomp, stomp, to Trish - handful of hair, and a beal to a
neutral corner. Ivory parts the ropes, then tags herself in. Apparently
that was a clever way to get her to tag herself in. Poungind on Lita - arm
wringer - NICE Northern Lights suplex for 2! Lita drops out of the suplex
attempt and manages a Twist of Fate out of nowhere, so Jacqueline comes in
to break it up at 2. Forearm for Lita - into the ropes, got her up but
Lita takes Jackie down with a 'rana. Sort of - YIKES. Stratus in -
gutshot by Lita, into the ropes is reversed - got HER up, but there's
another scary 'rana. Man that's UGLY. All four in now...referee "Blind"
Jim Korderas occupies himself with Jacqueline and Stratus, missing Lita get
the upper hand, behind his back, with a scoop slam. Lita removes her shirt
(!), then goes upstairs. Moonsault! But Korderas *still* misses it. He
also misses the cover. He also misses EDGE & CHRISTIAN coming in...sidewalk
slam/slop drop combo - they quickly take off and Ivory covers...1, 2, 3!
Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new Women's champion. I guess I was wrong
about them being Jacqueline's friend....but I was close! RIGHT TO CENSOR
(sans Richards) are out to celebrate with Ivory, who gives a Stevenesque
look to the crowd.
JONATHAN COACHMAN asks Rikishi if he's prepared to take on Chris Jericho
tonight. "You know, you're as stupid as you look. You question if I'm
ready for Chris Jericho? There isn't nothing in this world that I'm not
ready for! You see everyone knows the truth - I told the truth that the
Rock was the one. The Rock knew it - I knew it - and now Stone Cold Steve
Austin knows it. You know I don't blame Stone Cold, not one bit, for
Stunning the Rock. But you know what? Words of warning, that the Rock did
it once, and the Rock will do it again, and as far as Y2J, you're just
another person for ME to run over." He was BEGGING to say "just another
victim" there, I bet..
The Hardyz are mesmerised, yet again, by ........ the legend of Zelda. Did
I mention a contest at wwfzelda.com? No? Eh.
Hey, you seen this "Flick Trix" ad? So the guy goes to open his parachute,
righ? And he pulls his rip cord...and it just breaks, right? He's got no
parachute...he's FREE FALLING. And he just *looks* at us and says "Over
the Edge!" What the HELL is THAT about? Could you TRY to make a more
unfortunate choice of words?
Obviously, I've really been missing out by fast-forwarding through these ads...
Backstage, Austin paces...he's on the cel phone...but who's on the other end?
RIKASHMONEY (with Let Us Take You Back to RAW is WAR) v. CHRIS THURSDAY
JERICHO - you know what Rikishi's lighting treatment reminds me of?
Vader...only with white light instead of red. Rikishi wants him to bring
it...so he does. And he knocks him down. Another big right. Into the
ropes, clothesline. Stomp, stomp, stomp, knee, Jericho rolls outside.
Rikishi follows. Head to the STEEL steps - yowch. Referee "Blind" Teddy
Long comes outside and asks him to please consider taking it back inside.
Headbutt on the outside. Now he's rolled back in. Another hard shot.
Into the opposite corner, back to the other corner. Rikishi warms it
up...but Jericho gets the boots up before he can splash him. Jericho with
kicks - whip is reversed easily, but Jericho gets up the heel kick off the
ropes. Outside we go - Jericho with a forearm, head to the barricade, head
to the ringpost, head to the next ringpost. You know, them island boys
have the hard heads - Jericho keeps plugging away - about six rights there.
Knife-edge chop as they come back inside, chop, gutshot, off the ropes but
Rikishi shrugs it off and locks in a sleeper. Jericho fights it as we take
a look at Rikishi's freshly-opened cut. Jericho elbows out...but Rikishi
grabs him by the hair and puts him back in. Jericho goes behind - forearms
- to the corner - schoolboy - 1, 2, shoulder up but he's still on him.
Trying to roll him over for the Walls of Jericho? Long counts his
shoulders down...as he lifts a shoulder, Jericho tries to finish rolling
him over...but it ain't happening. Finally, Rikishi goes to the eyes and
breaks it up. Jericho gets up an elbow. Bulldog! Jericho off the ropes,
flying jalapeno, springboard dropkick takes him through the ropes to the
floor! Ah, hell, it's apparently time for WELL IT'S KANE to make with the
red lights and disqualificationery and the like. Jericho awaits him with a
chair - WHACK - no effect on Big Red. ahhhhhhhTHECHOKESLAAAAAM. (DQ 3:59)
Cole: "Is this all over that damned spilled coffee? Jericho apologised!"
Kane's music plays as he leaves him laying in a pool of red light. And
NOW, Rikishi is back in after Kane leaves...dragging him to the corner. Is
he? WILL he? YES! BAN! ZAI! DRAWWWWWWWP! Play HIS music! (even
though he lost)
Well, lookee here, it's Chyna and Billy Gunn...AND THEY'RE WALKING!
I heard Randy Savage's voice in that Slim Jim ad. Can I start a rumour?
Moments Ago, Kane screwed up another interesting match. I guess the kicker
is the way the WWF loves to remind us that "it's all about spilled
coffee..." like they're rubbing in our faces that they don't NEED but the
flimsiest of reasons to build a feud.
During the Break, KEVIN "NAILZ" KELLY caught up with Kane, and asked
wassup. "You think this is about...coffee?" And he scares him off.
Oh. Well, I guess *I* sound like an idiot, now. Oh well.
BALD VENIS (with Earlier Tonight) and EDDIE GUERRERO v. (CENSORED) and THAT
SLUT CHYNA - Venis is a replacement for Richards, who took the Last Ride in
the first hour. As "Ass Man" plays, Venis expresses a tough of righteous
indignation. "WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA cut the music! CUT THE MUSIC!
Billy, you lost your name in a stipulation match to our cherished leader,
Steven Richards, who just so happened to sacrifice himself here tonight for
each and every one of you here...and at home. So I will not let you
disgrace his efforts by continuing to use that disgusting music. So Billy,
we censored your name, and now we will censor your music." Chyna's on "Mad
TV" Saturday. Venis and that no-name guy start. Commentators are all
confused as to what to call him. Umm, you *could* call him BILLY GUNN.
Lawler suggests "Billygee," which is...well, pretty gay. Of course, lookit
Billy. He looks ready to change gimmicks and hook back up with the Village
People. Lockup, Guerrero from behind with a sneak attack. Doubleteam
stompdown as referee "Blind" Tim White duly walks over to keep Chyna from
coming in. Venis on him in the corner - whip into the opposite corner is
reversed and Venis hits hard. Tag to Chyna, Venis put in the opposite
corner, Chyna's crappy handspring elbow has been sprinkled on top with an
assisted backflip from Gunn. Whip to the other corner and Chyna returns
the favour by helping Gunn out with a cartwheel into an EQUALLY crappy back
elbow. Yikes. Well, at least keeping these two together means only one
awful match containing them instead of two. Double bulldog on Venis.
Guerrero over, Gunn hiptosses him. They're both out, leaving Venis and
Chyna as we watch the Warriors of Might and Magic Double Feature of the
.....brrr...handspring elbow with superfluous assisted backflip. Crappy
forearm back in real-time - into the ropes is reversed, Guerrero grabs the
ankle. Chyna's head run into the corner, tag to Guerrero, doubleteam.
Venis further shields the ref from what's going on in the corner behind
him. Guerrero working the body, so to speak. Guerrero shadow boxing for
no other reason than 'cause he's COOL. They draw Gunn into the ring, then
doubleteam Chyna with stomps while White dutifully puts him back. Venis
puts Chyna in the ropes, head down, kick by Chyna, kick, off the ropes, but
Venis hits a back elbow. Laboured neckbreaker attempt is countered when
Chyna's trick knee acts up. Both men - sorry, I didn't mean that - they're
both down - White puts on the count...at 4, each man - PERSON - makes a tag
- Gunn is a house on fire! Clothesline for Guerrero, big back body drop
for Venis, who rolls outside. Gutshot and jackhammer on Guerrero gets 2.
Venis in to break it up - Venis out...again, at the hands of a backdrop.
Tag to Chyna - double neckbreaker. 1, 2, but Guerrero kicks out! Venis
pulls Gunn outside the ring and they brawl as Chyna tries a press...but
Guerrero wriggles free...and falls to the mat. Going for a slop drop, but
Chyna backflips over, then hits the WORST "neckbreaker" in the world (she
starts with a sleeper, then flings her legs backwards, dropping Eddie to
the mat in the clothesline position - hell, YOU name it) for the fall.
(3:58) Oh boy, Chyna just pinned the champ - we better give her a title
shot at the next pay-per-view or something! Replay of the ... thing.
Austin's still talking on his phone...WHOA! A heavy metal crate falls EVER
SO CLOSE to him from above, just missing him. Austin walks off, trying to
find the person responsible...
You're watching...a show of some sort...on some network
Moments Ago, a big heavy crate didn't fal on Austin
Coming back live, the referees and officials take a look and try to figure
out what just happened...
Meanwhile, Jonathan Coachman knocks on the Rock's door....but *he's not in
his dressing room.* OOOOOOH
AL SNOW (with Head - and the lid from a head...and an ad for "Little
Nicky") v. TAZZZZZZZZZZ (with Raven) - Snow carries a decorated toilet lid
with "KING" written on it. Let's watch this ad! Ahh, it's for the King's
"throne." Methinks it'd be a touch uncomfortable to sit on the jewels on
that seat. Lawler again declines the opportunity to help out Snow. Raven
takes third headest as Tazz surprises Snow, then puts him in the ring.
"What about me? What about Raven? I just want to say I've been listening
to you two - what a bunch of uninspiring, long-winded sanctimonious drivel
you two are puttin' forth." Snow with a stomp, pound, in the corner, kick,
kick, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right. Into
the oppostie corner, reversal, Snow slides to a stop - Tazz ducks the
clothesline and hits a head-and-arm Tazzplex. Lawler suggests he and Tazz
team up - they can be the "Z team." Raven says he's out to make sure
Lawler doesn't interfere in this match. See, Raven's ALL about fairness.
Man, I miss Johnny Polo on colour commentary. Into the corner, Snow slides
- side kick, spin kick, sitout powerbomb. 1, 2, Tazz gets a shoulder up.
Tazz put in the corner - their heads collide as he tries to come back. And
now, Raven says *he's* set to interfere, and does so...but before he can do
anything, Lawler is up and pulling him down... Referee "Blind" Jack Doan
keeps his eyes on Lawler as Raven walks around, ducks a Head shot, and
holds him for Tazz...of course, Snow escapes, Raven takes the punch, and
Snow rolls him up with a schoolboy for the 1, 2, 3. (1:23 Plaza Sesamo)
But the flash pin didn't do much for Tazz' mood - in fact, I think you
could say it's about to change, as he and Raven doubleteam Snow...until
Lawler decides that he's a man that does the right thing, making the save
and using the toilet seat as a weapon. He actually horsecollars Raven for
a few moments, letting him wearing the seat around his neck. FLUSH YOU!
Play Lawler's music!
LILIAN GARCIA stands with Triple H, who asks for some reaction to this clip
from Monday. Let Us Take You Back as Triple H gives Angle a superbeating
after Stephanie leaves the building. "See, what Kurt Angle doesn't realise
here is I'm about to bury the hatchet - and this is how I did it: Pedigree
through a table. This whole thing with Kurt Angle and I has been coming to
a head for a long time, and now that his manager - my wife is out of the
picture, I'm free to take it all out on Kurt Angle. And as far as the
referee's decision, the referee wants to disqualify me, I don't care - my
goal wasn't to - to pin Kurt Angle, my goal was to destroy Kurt Angle and I
did - Edge and Christian - birthday present for Edge, Christian, little
Pedigree, you guys wanna hang out with the game, you gotta know what it's
like to play the game." What did Stephanie think of that vicious attack,
and how did it affect their relationship? "My relationship with my wife,
Lilian, is none of your business - it's none of anybody's business. My
wife is home under a doctor's care right now trying to get rid of a virus.
As far as Kurt Angle goes, I don't give a crap about Kurt Angle. I never
have, and I never will. Monday night, I beat Kurt Angle's ass...because I
can. Because I felt like it. If Kurt Angle, tonight, loses the World
Wrestling Federation Championship to the Rock, it'll be because I softened
him up Monday night on RAW. Now I'm on a little mission here...I'm
finishing some unsettled business. Monday night I finished my business
with Kurt Angle....tonight, I finish my business with Chris Benoit."
Jakks Pacific's "WWF Backstage Mayhem" ad - the only appearance of the Big
Boss Man tonight, I'm guessing
CHRIS BENOIT (with Warriors of Might and Magic - who also present the
Survivor Series!) v. THE NEW MAN - When you think "Survivor Series," do you
think "radar screen?" Just curious. During H's entrance, Cole runs down
the recent history betwixt yon two warriors. Benoit rushes him and it's on
- trading blows - now just Benoit - kick, kick, kick, into the ropes,
reversed, back elbow by H. Gutshot, immediately going for the Pedigree,
Benoit reversing to try for the crossface, H pounding his back - armdrag
takeover by Benoit. Still jockeying for position - rolling to the ropes -
and under, to the floor! Referee "Blind" Mike Chioda tries in vain to get
them in the ring - Benoit runs at him, H with a drop toehold into the STEEL
steps. H drops Benoit onto the barricade. H back in the ring and Chioda
counts - not even past 2 before H is over to bring him in the hard way -
suplexing him into the ring! H in the corner - running Flair kneedrop gets
2. Right hand by the Game. Benoit put into the corner - no, it's reversed
- sternum first for H - shot to the back by Benoit - BIG death suplex and
both men are slow to get up. H pulling himself up in the corner, Benoit
kick, kick, kick, into the opposite corner, boot up by Triple H (who is
getting a CHANT?) - trying for the armbar, but H punches out - into the
corner, kick to the gut, H going for the Pedigree AGAIN - Benoit with a
double leg - punches by H - kicking him back...oh oh, into Chioda, knocking
him out. Benoit with a right, right, into the ropes, head down, facebuster
by Triple H. Gutshot, and this time the Pedigree DOES ...no! Because DEAN
MALENKO is out - duck, right, right, clothesline to take *him* out - PERRY
SATURN is out but H deals with HIM, reversing a whip, duck, dumping him
outside with a backdrop. Gutshot to Benoit, and the Pedigree FINALLY lands
on Benoit...leg is hooked...but Chioda is STILL out. EDDIE GUERRERO
completes the quartet - IC belt shot to the back of the head - and putting
Benoit on top. Saturn rousts Chioda. 1, 2, 3. (3:41) And the music that
plays is an old, familiar favourite...that of the R4DICALZ. Brief four-way
beatdown, and all four strike a pose in the middle of the ring. Of course,
H can't lose his heat, so he brings in a chair and gets a WHACK on Saturn
before everybody scatters. Even TERRI is out now, and they've tied up all
the loose ends, indeed...but probably not the way H meant it when he was
talking earlier. Play Triple H's music! You know, if Triple H doesn't
watch it, I'm gonna have to launch into a lengthy diatribe about "showing
ass" and BOY OH BOY THEN he'll be sorry!
TONIGHT: WWF Championship on the line as the Rock takes on Kurt Angle!
Stephanie's in this graphic but don't count on seeing her!
One more Pat Buchanan ad. He's against immigrants, I've heard.
"WWF Backstage Mayhem" ad #2
Man, I haven't heard that Godsmack ad since....sniff...since ECW was still
on TNN. Whatever happened to ECW anyway? Rumours that I'll be at WWF New
York for Heat are just that - I'll probably be somewhere close to the WFMU
vinyl fair, if you care.
Oh yeah, a big shot of WWF New York.
Moments Ago, Triple H had no problem against three of the R4dicalz...but
fortunately for us, there's IV of them. Slow-mo shot of all four men
standing in the centre with arms raised
Our commentators pump up the Radicals. There's strength in numbers...and
it's scary to think about what these four men could do...together. "They
could become the most powerful force we've EVER seen in the WWF!"
Commentators turn to a wonder aloud of who was behind the big crate.
Earlier tonight, Steve Austin delivered that move we all know so well.
Could it have provoked the falling anvil?
Earlier tonight, a few hundred pounds of metal made a big noise.
Hey, there's Rock! Kevin Kelly catches up to him and asks him to explain
his whereabouts earlier in the show? "What are you, the Rock's mother?
Where the Rock was earlier is the Rock's business, not yours! The only
thing you have to concern yourself with is that tonight's the night the
Rock is gonna go out there and, against Kurt Angle, become six-time WWF
Champion. And just for the record, don't you ever concern yourself with
the Rock's business again."
Kurt Angle walks (WALKING!) up and down the same set of stairs and talks to
himself. He sure misses Stephanie, golly, he sure does.
New "RAW is WAR" on TNN ad - despite the script, which sounds like it was
recycled from that Castrol (Castrol?) ad.
"Backstage Mayhem" ad #3
WWF SmackDown! returns in a moment on (U! P! N!) UPN
Hell, THIS Round Table ad has a "MEAT CAM" - YOU tell ME those guys talking
about pizza aren't gay
Meat Cam. HA HA HA
Smack Down your vote - TUESDAY! "I will vote because I believe in Harry
Browne." Why don't they say THAT?
WWF CHAMPIONSHIP: IF YA SMELLLLLLLLLLLL v. KING KURT ANGLE - does the fact
that the champion enters second cement the fact that Rock is being pushed
in a different, non-face direction....or did they just *finally* get it
right? Rock brings him in the hard way and it's on - right, right, right,
right, right, NOW KISS THAT RIGHT. Angle ducks a clothesline and hits a
big German suplex. Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp,
stomp, stomp. Angle's been LEARNING. Choke on the second rope - referee
"Blind" Earl Hebner forces the break. Right hand by Angle. Right. Rock
fires back - right, right, right, into the ropes, back elbow. Right, into
the ropes, reversed, Angle with a powerslam. 1, 2, Rock gets the shoulder
up. Stomp. "Angle sux" chant is rather muted. Right, right, right.
Right, and Rock goes down...and out. Angle goes outside - commentary
table shot is blocked - and Angle's head his it instead. Another head to
the commentary table - that can't help his head, considering the Pedigree
he took Monday! Whip into the barricade is reversed, however - powerslam
on the floor! Angle stomps. Back in the ring and Angle goes to the
headlock. "Rock E!" Arm falls once...Rock to his feet - elbow, right,
right, right, into the ropes, reversal, duck, double clothesline and BOTH
men go down. Hebner puts on the ten count..."Rock E!" a bit stronger.
Here's the Warriors of Might and Magic Double Feature. Both men up at 6 -
Rock ducks, clothesline, clothesline, clothesline, into the ropes,
reversed, gutshot, floatover DDT, cover, 2! Right hand, into the ropes is
reversed, head down, Rock kicks...but Angle catches him coming in - BIG
belly-to-belly overhead suplex. Angle looks at Rock...and gives a "to
hell with this" and leaves the ring, grabs his belt and takes off.
Hebner threatens to count - and Angle DARES him to get to ten. 6, 7, 8,
9...Rock puts up the hand before Hebner says ten. Rock goes outside and
runs up the ramp - forearm to the back of the head, at the top of the
stage! Rock puts Angle's head under his elbow, and walks him all the way
back to the ring. Rolled in. Angle to the face, right, right, right,
right, into the ropes, reversed, Rock with a belly-to-belly throw...leg is
hooked...but only 2! Right, right, into the ropes, Samoan Drop, leg is
hooked but Angle rolls the shoulder at 2. Rock with a right hand, Angle
gets underneath the Rock's clothesline attempt and hits the Olympic Slam!
Slowly he gets over to cover....1, 2, SHOULDER UP!! What's left for Angle
to do? He runs at Rock...but he throws him over the top rope to the
floor! Angle clutches his ankle and asks Hebner to stop the count.
Hebner stops at four and goes outside to check on Angle. Warriors of
Might and Magic Double Feature as the commentators wonder aloud about the
severity of Angle's ankle injury. Didn't look THAT bad on the replay.
Two more refs are out. Angle: "That's it, it's over." Did he just give
up the title? Oh, I guess not. Rock goes outside and brings him back in!
Rock catches the kick, dragon screw legwhip, sharpshooter! Will he tap
out? Well, maybe RIKASHMONEY has something to say about all this. Rock
lets go of the hold to punch Rikishi before he can get on the apron.
Angle tries to sneak in from behind while Rock's back is turned, but he's
back around - catching him in a SPINEBUSTER! But Rikishi made it in with
a shot to the head. Damn. (DQ 7:46) Rikishi stomps away - now it's a
*doubleteam* stompdown by Angle and Rikishi...suddenly, the glass breaks
again and STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN *sprints* out ... but who's he out FOR?
Looks like Angle to me - at least right now. Right, right, KO right. To
Rikishi now, right, right, right, right, right, through the ropes he
falls. KICK WHAM STUNNER #23 for Angle. Tossing him outside, but Rock is
back up and poised...ROCK BOTTOM for Austin! IF YA SMELLLLLLL Credits are
up, as Rock stands over Austin with a look of vengeance in his eyes...but
we're out. For now.
Wow, good show tonight - good show Monday - ohhhh, it's SWEEPS MONTH? Check.
I got a flight to New York to catch...we'll see you Monday, from the east
coast!
Christopher Robin Zimmerman
www.CRZ.net