by Christopher Robin Zimmerman
WrestleLine/WrestleManiacs
KINGS UPDATE: 7-3, second place! (1 GB Suns) Unfortunately, my first look
at the Kings was a loss as the (damned) Lakers ended a five game win streak
by erasing a 13 point lead. Still, considering the Kings were without
Webber for the entire game, and without Williams for pretty much all the
second half, I'm surprised they managed to keep a lead until the last shot
in regulation from the Lakers. Of course, *another* way to look at it is
"the Kings choked against the Lakers...again...." Phil Jackson may think
Kings fans are rednecks, but he's GOTTA be wrong - I know a few rednecks,
after all, and I know they'd DEFINITELY be offended if *I* were included
amongst their numbers...
UPN!
One World Leader Attitude - TV-PG-DLV - W - W - F!
Highlights from RAW show Austin's spider sense...tingling...and Benoit and
Rock brawling backstage with HILARIOUS results. WHO WILL SURVIVE?
Opening Credits
SET IT OFF 'cause Survivor Series won't be waiting - 72 hours from the
pay-per-view extravaganza but we'll chop off two tonight - from the Conseco
Fieldhouse in Indianapolis, IN and airing 16.11.2K (taped 14.11) on the
UPN, not to mention transmitido en espanol (SAP), THIS is WWF SMACKDOWN!
Tonight, Steve Austin meets Eddie Guerrero one on one, and Chris Jericho
and Undertaker team to take on Kane and Kurt Angle!
RIKASHMONEY lumbers out with his sledgehammer. Sign in crowd: "BACK THAT
ASS OFF A CLIFF" Crowd manages to get around the multisyllabic "Rikishi
sux" - or is that just "Rock E?" "You can chant all you want...but the
Rock ain't here. You idiots throughout the world just don't Get It. So
let me help you recognise. You see, the Rock comes out here, night after
night, after night runnin' his mouth about what he's gonna do to me. Then
he comes out here talkin' about at Survivor Series he's got a special gift
for me. Well I tell you what the Rock would do if he was here...not a damn
thing. Because if he was here, all the Rock would do is walk down the
People's Ramp...walk up the People's Steps...and walk into the People's
Ring, just so I could slap his (beep) right back down. Of course, while
the Rock is down, all you people would do is just cheer and chant his name.
(cue chant) Ya see, like the Rock, this Survivor Series, like the Rock,
Rikishi is a very giving man. I like to give, and give, and give, until
you can't take it anymore. Hell, I just gave Rock a gift, and if you don't
know, the gift I gave the Rock was a sledgehammer straight through his
chest - roll the footage. Now there you go, right there. There you go,
right there, there you go. Now see, Rock is very ungrateful - after all
the trouble me and Triple H went through giving him that gift, he's a very
ungrateful man, and of course thanks to the Radicalz...speaking of them
I'd like to take this time right now just to say thank you to the Radicalz..."
We look back to the dressing room, where Benoit says the pleasure was all
theirs. Guerrero asks his mates to stick around and watch him kick
Austin's teeth down his throat. Saturn says after that's done, it'll be
"one down, one to go..."
Back to the ring. "You see, Rock, the difference between me and you is
that I will stop at nothing. I will take you out, Rock, this Sunday, until
there is no more People's Champ. I will take you out, Rock, until there is
no more Rock - unlike Stone Cold Steve Austin, Rock - that was just
business. But between me and you...this is personal, man. So what I'm
sayin' to you - come Sunday, Survivor Series, if you think that this
sledgehammer was painful to your chest - you ain't felt nothing yet...until
I beat yo (beep) at Survivor Series." COMMISSIONER McFOLEY is out to offer
another viewpoint. "Rikishi, do you think running the Rock down, putting
him down with a sledgehammer makes you tough? You think it makes you
feared? It doesn't make you tough OR feared, it simply makes you a gutless
coward! So after what you've done to Stone Cold, after what you've done to
the Rock, I got to thinking, maybe I need to take some action as WWF
Commissioner. Maybe I need to fine you. Maybe I need to suspend you.
Hell, maybe I need to fire you from the WWF! Oh no no no, you see, I'm not
going to do any of those things...because I'm going to leave your
punishment completely up to the Rock, because I guarantee no punishment I
could come up with would compare to what the Rock will do to you at
Survivor Series! And because of you it's doubtful, it's questionable that
the Rock won't even be here tonight. So the way I see it - if the Rock
might not be here, then I definitely don't want you here, because you make
me, and you make all the people right here in Indianapolis...just a little
bit sick to our stomachs. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to invite
some gentlemen over here...come on, guys...they're gonna have themselves a
little walk to the ring..." FIVE COPS come out. "They're going to be nice
enough to escort you right the hell out of the building, and I don't wanna
see your face until you and the Rock are standing toe to toe at Survivor
Series! Now get him the hell outta the ring - get him out now!
Rikishi...have a nice day." Rikishi doesn't want any trouble, so he walks
up the ramp...the cops flanking him all the way...
Triple H sits in the WWF Studios in Stamford, CT - what's he got to say?
We'll find out later!
The Hardy Boyz are all into Zelda. Visit wwfzelda.com and ... something
You're watching UPN! Did you forget?
During the Break, Foley told Rikishi to get into his car and leave.
And...he did! "Hey, Mick...you know I like to drive!" HAAAAAAhahahahaha
that's a good one.
T&A (with Trish Stratus - the fitness model) v. CRASH (with Molly Holly)
and KOOL MOE DEE - Meet Shawn Michaels at the Frank Erwin Center Box Office
in Austin, Tejas! Say "hi" to Palacios while you're there. Hardcore wants
to start, and he's there with Albert - lockup, powered into the corner,
right, yaaah right, yaaaaah right, yaaaah right, yaaah kick, yaaaah into
the opposite corner, yaaaah Hardcore got the boots up, but ran into a
yaaaaaaah press - 1, 2, reps, but Holly frees himself - single leg takedown
and peppering him with punches. Big right hand. Right. Tag to Crash,
kick, doubleteam kicking. Crash with an elbow. Another elbow. Ducking a
right, Crash with two more elbows. Albert manages to lift him over into
the corner, but Crash ducks AGAIN and goes back to the European elbow -
four quick ones - off the ropes, duck, yaaaaaaaah sidewalk slam is gonna
stop that. Tag to Test. Right hand. Into the opposite corner, but Crash
gets up the elbow. Got the boot up THIS time. BIG DDT by Crash and both
men are down. Hardcore gets the tag! Clothesline! Clothesline! Into the
ropes, reveresed, duck, Best Dropkick in the Business, but Albert breaks it
up. Crash comes in....and quickly goes out, thanks to Albert. In the
ring, Hardcore puts Test on the ropes, lifts his legs and kicks him in the
nuts - we may need to name that if he keeps doing it. Stratus on the apron
- just enough distraction for Test to hit a full nelson slam for 2. Into
the ropes, Holly goes behind, rollup - 1, 2, 3! (3:09) Albert with the
yaaaaaaahbomb post-match. Crash back in - pumphandle Meltdown by Test.
Test and Albert move to get on either side of Molly...who backs into the
ring - where Stratus is ready with a surprise bulldog. Boot is removed -
BOOT TO THE HEAD! T&A's theme plays as they take off - Stratus all smiles.
Back in the Radicalz dressing room, the meat is served by a bald guy in
chef's hat - Malenko: "Hey, Stone Cold, how about a couple beers with
this?" Terri: "What kinda meat *is* that?" Guerrero: "It's just like
Stone Cold....DEAD meat."
Triple H stews in his chair at the WWF Studios - coming up next, we'll hear
from him!
You're watching WWF SmackDown! on UPN - or rather, an ad break during
SmackDown!
WOW! TWO GAY GUYS TALKIN' 'BOUT ROUND TABLE PIZZA! Strangely enough,
though, during this ad when he says "it's a solid wall of meat..." well, he
*ain't* talkin' 'bout pizza
How about a shot of the statuesque Conseco Fieldhouse?
Ring announcer TONY CHIMEL directs our attention to the OvalTron, where
"live from our WWF Studios in Stamford, Connecticut, a special message from
TRIPLE H!"
THE NEW MAN sits in the Prime Time Studios - does that make this an OLD
SCHOOL promo? Crowd boos. "Austin... Monday night at RAW, you had a
feeling. You couldn't explain what it was - you just knew that, deep down
inside you, something was wrong. Let me tell you what that feeling was,
Austin: it was me. Because I was there, and deep down inside you knew it -
you could feel my presence in that building. You could feel me around you
- you KNEW something was wrong. And why you had that feeling - it's a
little thing called fear. Fear, Austin. Fear of me - and you should be
afraid. You should be VERY afraid. Austin, I know you've had that feeling
before. It all started about a year ago, didn't it - that feeling. Just
about this time, one year ago, Survivor Series - that's where the fear all
began. (Survivor Series Clip) You were doing a little interview - you and
Kevin Kelly - when suddenly you're attacked. You see it's me - and what am
I doing Austin, why would I attack you for no apparent reason, in the
middle of an interview? Because it's a setup. You see, and the chase is
on - you wanna chase me down a hall - why would I wanna run from you,
Austin? Because it's a plan. Because I wanted to set you up. I wanted to
take you to a place that you would never, ever forget, Austin. (sinister
music and red tint) Joe Louis Arena. Parking garage. It was a cold night,
Austin - about to get colder. You see, you had that feeling again. But
before you could think to see what it was, WHAM - run down like a dog in
the street...and Rikishi makes a clean getaway. You see, I didn't do it
all by myself, Austin - not one man can do it all...I had to have an
accomplice, (black and white replays) and Riksihi - he's one hell of a
driver. And what happened from there? You see, Rikishi went on to dance
his way into everybody's hearts - I opened the door for him. That was
Rikishi's payment. And as far as me - I went on to reign supreme as the
World Wrestling Federation champion. In your absence, Austin, NO ONE - no
one could touch me. Hell, I even married the boss' daughter. The
McMahon-Helmsley Era reigned supreme, and it went on...and on. And when
somebody got in my way - I took them out. Mick Foley - yeah, Mick Foley
was a legend. But I retired his ass - I put him on the shelf to get him
outta my face. And it was smooth sailing, Austin, from there on
out...until you decided to show back up. (Backlash clip of Austin chairing
Triple H) Austin, you just couldn't stay away, could ya - you had to come
back, you had to get involved...you had to cost me the World Wrestling
Federation championship, didn'tcha. And all because you had to know. You
came back because you had to find out who ran you over - you had to know
who ran you down like a dog, who tried to end your career. Austin, you
can't believe the feeling of power I had when you looked me in my eye and
you asked me the question."
(RAW is WAR 2 months ago: "So I want you to look me in the eyes and give
me your story." "I'm the kinda guy that would look you dead in your eye
just like I am right now...and I'd do the job like a man...in your face,
but I did not run you over with that car, and I do not know who did."
"Well, you're either a liar, a crazy son of a (beep)...or maybe...just
maybe you *are* telling the truth.")
"You know, you're right Austin - maybe I am a little bit crazy. But, you
gotta admit, with the things that are going on around here lately...hell,
that's just pure genius. (SmackDown! last month) I mean, Austin, the
parking lot incident - come on, that's pure genius. Rikishi lures you out
there, and I pull out in the car. You take off in hot pursuit, but let's
face it, Austin, the whole thing was just to send a little message to your
good buddy, JR. (SmackDown! 3 weeks ago) And then Rikishi called you to
the ring, Austin...and you just COULDN'T wait. And neither could I.
(dramatic slo-mo's of the black gloved hand with wrench hitting Austin -
last one in super slo mo, zoomed in, and in black and white - sinister
background music too) (SmackDown! 2 weeks ago when the crate fell) Austin,
you just can't look straight ahead when I'm around. You gotta look up, you
gotta look down, you gotta look everywhere. And when you look to see where
I am, I won't be there anymore. (RAW 10 days ago) But I was there,
Austin, standing right next to you - maybe just a foot away in Houston,
Texas, and I gave you some advice:"
"Like you always say...DTA, Austin - Don't Trust Anybody."
"But you did trust me, Austin...and look what happened."
Clips of the sledgehammer attack and the black glove punches.
"Austin...you're search, it's over. It's all - it's all over. Now ya know,
ya dumb son of a (beep)."
"Yeah, now ya know....or do you? Do you really know, Austin? All you know
is...the feeling. All you know is that feeling of fear...just like you did
Monday night:"
(RAW is WAR 3 days ago) Cole: "Stone Cold, you are moments away from your
huge tag team matchup tonight, taking on the Radicalz, your teammates
Chyna, Billy Gunn and of course the Rock." "Well I know that Stone Cold
and the Rock, then all hell's gonna break loose....but I got a funny
feeling in my gut...something ain't right...."
Clips of the Rock's attack.
"Austin, the rules have changed. This is a new Game...and it's one you
cannot win. This is a Game played with fear...and it's a feelin that you
know pretty well. The man that said we have nothing to fear but fear
itself....never...met....me."
Hey, look! Stone Cold Steve Austin is WALKING! Well, he's not looking
over his shoulders all *that* much....
You're watching WWF SmackDown! on UPN!
YIKES! My first Christmas themed commercial! DAMN YOU OSH!
And now, the WWF Boot of the Week, presented by Lugz! From RAW,
miscommunication between Raven and Tazz leads to a loss. Then Tazz puts
Raven through a table.
TOO COOL (already in the ring) v. TAZZ & RAVEN - 50,790 tickets were sold
over the weekend to WrestleMania - only a few thousand remain! And this
thing ain't until APRIL! Earlier Today, Raven forgave Tazz for putting him
through a table. They shook on it, but Tazz had a warning: "you do your
end...I'll do mine." There's a joke about Raven and ends in there, but *I*
ain't touching it. When we come back, there may have been a cut to make
this match shorter, but we see Tazz and Sexay in there - Tazz is the one
doing the punching. Into the ropes, Sexay ducks, slides under, kick
caught, enziguiri not. Hotty in - forward roll dropkick (!) gets 2. Tazz
puts Hotty in the corner, kicks, and tags. Raven with shoulderdrives.
Hotty gets a boot up, though - and fights his way out with elbows for Tazz
and punches for Raven. More rights for Raven - but he ducks one, gutshot.
Into the opposite corner is reversed, Hotty going for the Bulldog, but Tazz
pulls him outside by the ankles before he can come off the ropes. Sexay
over on the outside to work on Tazz, who rolls Hotty in, then tells referee
"Blind" Tim White that that guy shouldn't be all the way over here. Raven
and Hotty on the outside - side Russian legsweep into the barricade.
Rolled back into the ring for Tazz (wait - he's not legal?) who covers (oh
well) for 2. Overhead forearm by Tazz - into the ropes, clothesline.
Stomp. Head to the buckle and tag. Raven puts Hotty in the corner - boot
up by Hotty. Raven tries a sleeper - Hotty backs him into the corner,
hard. Hotty stumbling for the tag - but Raven locks on the sleeper again.
Hotty manages a jawbreaker. Tag to Tazz, HOT TAG to Sexay! Clothesline!
Off the ropes with a clothesline! Raven climbing up top and Sexay is over
to beal - no, check that, crotch him - and Raven falls all the way to the
floor from that (ouch). Tazz with a clothesline on Sexay - Hotty in and
putting Tazz through the ropes to the floor. Raven back in - Hotty gets a
forearm in the back. Whip into the corner is reversed, Hotty tries for the
bulldog AGAIN but eats a fist instead. Sexay gives Raven a superkick into
a bulldog that FINALLY lands, and now Hotty's going to get to give him the
Worm. Tazz pulls Sexay's ankles and brings a chair in the ring - Hotty and
Tazz fight over it, but Tazz gets it...but White pulls it away before he
can swing it. Right for Sexay by Tazz. Hotty with a shoulder into Raven,
and a hot shot for Tazz...he stumbles backwards into a DDT from Raven! One
Hip Hop Drop later, Sexay pins Tazz. (3:22) Raven almost seems happy
about his mistake??
Back in the dressing room, Saturn tells the chef to go get them some
meatballs. Guerrero says it's time to go beat up Austin. Benoit: "As soon
as we get our meatballs and Austin's in the ring....the trap will snap
shut." Me: "Hey, Benoit, IS IT POSSIBLE Austin's watching you say that on
a monitor?"
Either my eyes deceive me, or this is the first "No Mercy" for the N64 ad
I've seen tonight.
Moments Ago, Raven gave Tazz a free DDT
During the Break, Raven gave Tazz some free punches...AND a DDT from the
apron to a chair on the floor!
EDDIE GUERRERO is already in the ring when we get back. "Heeeeeey! MISTER
Austin! Mister 3:16! Where are you? Come on, esse, I'm waiting for you,
vato, what's taking so long? Huh? Do you think I'm scared, esse? Do you
think I'm scared of a little Rattlesnake...or is the Rattlesnake afraid of
my Latino Heat? I don't know, man - if you keep taking so long, maybe I'll
start drinking some of your beer. Of course, it's not as good as Tequila,
but...it'll do. I tell you what, Austin, ha, I'll even make it easier for
you, okay?" He lays down. "I'll give you the first shot, okay? Come
on, I'm waiting! Where are you? Austin? Hello! Come on, Austin - huh?
What's going on?"
We look back to the dressing room where the other Radicalz are watching in
rapt attention. The catering cart pulls up - but the man in the chef's hat
is Steve Austin! "You guys want some meatballs?" Malenko: "Hey I know
that voice - UHHH!" Cookie sheet to all the Radicalz! Champagne bottle
for Malenko. Punches in bunches for Benoit. We look back to the ring to
see Guerrero's expression change. Austin upends the fruit and vegetable
trays AND the catering cart, pretty much trashing the place. Going outside,
he backs up a forklift against the door. Now, I'd guess there's another
door but let's not spoil the story, huh? We look back at Guerrero who is
expressing fear. Ha! He's trying to get the crowd to please shhhhh...
EDDIE GUERRERO v. STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN - Austin seems
rather...determined. I didn't hear an opening bell but referee "Blind" Jim
Korderas did gesticulate wildly. Right left right left right, right,
right, head to the buckle, into the ropes, Thesz press, right, right,
right, right, right, right, right, right, off the ropes with a forearm,
another forearm drop, vertical suplex, got him by the mullet, and through
the ropes to the outside. Head to the STEEL steps. Right hand, Guerrero
tries to fight back with a right, Austin right, Guerrero right, Korderas
trying to stop these closed fisticuffs and get it back in the ring, but
Austin shoves him across the floor and out of the picture. Guerrero gets a
chair in the meantime - WHACK on the left knee - another WHACK. Austin
rolled back in the ring...Guerrero wraps the left knee around the post.
Another post wrap for the left knee. "Eddie sux!" Austin fires back -
right, right, right, Guerrero rakes the face. Rolled back in the ring and
Guerrero follows. Right, right, right, right, right, stomp, stomp, stomp,
stomp - every stomp on the injured knee. Going for a dropkick to the knee,
but Austin steps aside and Guerrero ends up crotching himself by a baseball
slide to the post. Austin stomps. Austin outside and HE'S got the legs -
crotching him on the post. Guerrero: "OH MY GOD!" Austin up to do it
again. Austin rolls back in - is he praying over the body? "Oh no no no."
Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp. Picking
him up by the mullet again - birdy - KICK WHAM STUNNER. 1, 2, 3. (3:16 -
I DON'T BELIEVE IT BILL) I shit you NOT on that count - somebody is doing
some CAREFUL editing and this chronicler will take a moment to appreciate
it. Replay of the KWS (please don't go!) - Austin makes the "drinky
drinky" hand motion - I think he even got a non-light beer tonight! And by
God, he EARNED it!
A limousine arrives...it's the Rock! He's WALKING! Albeit gingerly...you
know, his stomach and ribs and insides are all injured...
You're watching UPN!
Moments Ago...Stone Cold Stunner, 1, 2, 3.
Backstage, Guerrero walks by somebody pulling away from the door in the
forklift.
Inside we go. "Ahh! Great plan, guys! Real good! Thanks a lot!"
Commissioner Foley comes in and lifts a fork. "Hey, forklift!" He
announces that Saturn & Malenko have a match with Road Dogg & K-Kwik, and
Benoit's going to have a one-on-one matchup with the Rock, per Rock's
request, so have a nice day. "No! You just MADE my day. And I'll be more
than happy to finish what Rikishi started...and finalise the Rock." Was
that the word he was looking for?
Your hosts are a pair of kings - MICHAEL KING COLE & JERRY LAWLER - and
they are joined by EDGE & CHRISTIAN, who want a closer look at their
Survivor Series opponents....
DUDLEY and HARDY BOYZ (with Lita and SmackDown! is brought to you by THQ's
"WWF No Mercy," Honda, and Sega!) v. RIGHT TO CENSOR (with Ivory) - RtC are
announced at a combined weight of 1089 pounds, which is a very
mathematically significant number...look it up. All FIVE members of hit
the ring and a Pier Nine breaks out. Goodfather and Matt Hardy stay in the
ring as it empties out onto the floor. When Cole brings up their obsession
with the Hardyz, Christian busts out "frosty-haired reekazoid" in response.
Sidewalk slam gets 2. Head to the buckle, right, right, into the opposite
corner, Censor Train is cut off by a spear from D-Von Dudley. Matt hits
the second rope legdrop - Ivory breaks up the pin at 2. So *Lita* comes in
to take HER down. Matt watches this, and Goodfather hits a surprise death
suplex...then turns to Lita. She manages to make it to the outside, and
the Dudleyz are in behind her. 3D (Dudley Death Drop) - Jeff with a
swantonbomb, then a tope through the ropes onto Venis as Matt covers
Goodfather for the pin. I GUESS both men were legal, since nobody ever
really stayed in the ring. Hey, I have a riddle for you. When is an eight
man NOT an eight man? (1:44) Post-match, Richards is brought into the
ring (did he roll his ankle AGAIN?) Bodyslam by Buh Buh Ray Dudley -
"wassup." Play their music! D-Von does his dance, and all THREE partners
ask him to get the table. Before he can, Edge and Christian strike - it
all breaks down AGAIN. Stereo death suplexes on the Hardys by Buchanan and
Venis. Richards takes the belts into the ring and they get used - "hey Buh
Buh, catch this belt - AWWWWW STEVENKICK." Sure enough, Richards is
limping again. Belt shot for each Hardy. Lita is in...Ivory clocks her
with HER belt. Richards can't put any weight on his superkickin' foot."
Right to Censor celebrate in the middle of the ring...then wave to Edge &
Christian on the aisle....do they seem just a touch more...uneasy?
Backstage, Kurt Angle catches up with Kane, and says that although neither
of them is too keen on teaming with the other, Angle thinks that Kane's
better than Jericho...and Undertaker! Kane says "Good - meet me in the
ring," and walks off.
Heeeeeey! It's Chris Jericho! And he's WALKING!
Hoooooo! It's Undertaker! And he's WALKING!
OH MY GOD I MAY HAVE TO BUY A VERY SPECIAL PIKACHU N64 JUST SO I CAN PLAY
"HEY YOU PIKACHU"
Jakks Pacific's "WWF Backstage Mayhem" playset ad
You're watching WWF SmackDown! on UPN! Hey, who's that one woman? She
reminds me of Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley...whatever happened to her, anyway?
And now, the WWF Slam of the Week, presented by 3DO's "Warriors of Might
and Magic!" From RAW, Kane performs an emergency defenestration on Jericho
CHRIS THURSDAY JERICHO and HEY HEY HEY HEY (on his Beautiful Titan Bike) v.
KING KURT ANGLE and WELL IT'S KANE in a "no DQ" match - Jericho has a few
spots of tape but very few scars of his attack - ohh, I see, the trainer
spent AN HOUR with him on Monday - nice try, Cole. I just DON'T KNOW how
the STEEL steps manage to stand on edge and somehow drift away from the
Undertaker's lap around the ring. Amazingly, Cole remarks that Stephanie
McMahon-Helmsley is conspicuous by her absence. Is this the night of no
opening bells? Everybody brawls on the outside of the ring - the brothers
pair up, and now Angle and Jericho go inside, where the opening bell DOES
sound. (Oh, sorry.) Right by Angle, right, right, kick, stomp, right,
into the ropes, reversed, Jericho chop, chop, into the ropes, reversed,
spinning heel kick by Jericho. Flying clothesline gets 2. Tag to
Undertaker - Angle says it's go time...but backs up to tag Kane. Gutshot
by Kane, uppercut, soupbone by Undertaker, right by Kane, soupbone, right,
soupbone blocked, right, right, into the ropes, head down, DDT by
Undertaker. Elbowdrop - 1, 2, kickout. Into the ropes, reversed, big boot
and 'Taker goes outside. Kane follows. Head to the STEEL steps (still
standing against the barricade!) - again. Inside the ring, Angle and
Jericho are going at it again. Kane moves the steps and tries to whip
'Taker into them - but it's reversed and HE collides with them! Back in as
Angle and Jericho go back to their corners. Whip is reversed, powerslam by
Kane. Elbowdrop, elbowdrop, and Angle wants the tag now. And gets it.
Right, right, right, kick, kick, kick, right, into the opposite corner is
reversed, scooped up...big powerslam. 1, 2, Kane breaks it up - Jericho
flies over with a clothesline that takes BOTH of them over the top rope to
the floor. And now they brawl on the outside - boot up by Jericho, elbow
by Kane. Kane removes the commentary table top, and the monitors...got
Jericho in the choke - right by Jericho, right, kick in the nuts, bulldog
onto the STEEL steps...Walls of Jericho on the floor! Angle comes over
with a BIG clothesline to the back of the head. Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp,
right, 'Taker is over - soupbone, soupbone, whipped into Jericho - who
flapjacks him onto the barricade. Jericho grabbing the bell and trying to
use it on Kane, but a big boot stops him. Kane on the STEPS -
ahhhhhhhhTHECHOKESLAAAAAAM through the commentary table! Inside the ring,
Angle into the ropes, big boot by the Undertaker. Kane comes back in to
stop the powerbomb - turning it into a Thesz press-alike for Angle! Angle
rolls outside while Kane decides to get him another piece. Big right hand.
Into the ropes, 'Taker ducks it, choke - chokeslam! Angle with a chair to
the back at 2. Angle runs at Undertaker...but he puts up the boot, running
the chair into Angle's skull. Clothesline puts him down. *Kane* has the
chair - WHACK! Angle sees a fallen Reaper and immediately runs over to
hook a leg - referee "Blind" Earl Hebner in position - 1, 2, 3!! (5:49)
Undertaker is none too pleased that the man doing the celebratingn at the
top of the ramp is doing so at his expense. 'Taker's thumb crosses his
throat and Angle's expression quickly changes to one of trepidation...
Moments Ago, Jericho took a chokeslam through the commentary table. Also,
Kane saved Angle from the Last Ride, and delivered the chairshot that made
the pin possible. Then Undertaker got mad. You know, Undertaker probably
would have won if he'd still been able to use that tombstone.
LILIAN GARCIA runs up to Stone Cold Steve Austin and tries to get some
words about his match with Triple H upcoming at Survivor Series. "You
know, Triple H keeps talking about fear. Well, let me ask you a question:
how scared do I look?"
ROAD DOGG & K-KWIK GETTIN' ROWDY v. PERRY SATURN & DEAN MALENKO (with
Terri) - K-Kwik has a nice no-hands tope. That's the only good thing I'll
say about this complete lameness. They do the bump before the double back
elbow? That's GAY. And I mean that in the "men loving men" way!
Backstage, Chyna (whoa! No makeup not good!) and Billy Gunn attempt to
make us care about this new team by sharing their feelings...and hoping
that they become ours. "That K-Kwik's pretty good!" "Yeah! Him and the
Dogg make a pretty good team!" The irony is that Kwik does gymnastics
better than Chyna. Kwik with a twisting flying jalapeno. Terri kicks him
in the nuts to turn the tide. God, seeing Road Dogg out there with an
orange shirt and "hip" overalls just.....waaaaaaaaa. Saturn busts out a
dragon suplex (well, a full nelson into an over-the shoulder uranage) -
TOTAL ELIMINATION!! But it only gets 2 because referee "Blind" Jack Doan
is out of position. Saturn with a headbutt and a pile o' punches. Tag to
Malenko - put into the corner - do si do whip is ducked, Memphis sidekick
for Malekno, but Saturn clotheslines him. Dogg comes in to take Saturn
out. Now Kwik and Malenko are left reaching - and the HOT TAG is in
effect. I think years of playing face in peril have hurt Dogg's ability to
be a house on fire, because he seems to have forgotten the moves - right,
into the ropes (or, if you're Cole: "big right hand - and there's another
one!"), big back body drop. Right for Saturn. Into the ropes is reversed,
but Dogg holds on - Malenko ducks, but Dogg hits a death suplex - wiggly
wobbly wooaly kneedrop. Gutshot, going for the pumphandle but Saturn is in
- forearm for HIM - *Malenko* with a right to the head. Into the ropes,
blind tag, Malenko gives him a shot, the turns around to eat the triple
left jab from the Dogg - Saturn comes in to try the superkick, but Dogg
ducks and Malenko eats it! Dogg puts Saturn outside while Kwik hits a
turnaround splash from the top rope - 1, 2, 3! (4:27) Maybe if they lose
the crappy rapping...wait, better yet, Kwik could just lose Road Dogg and
turn into "New Jack with Talent." Yes, I think THAT'S the way to go.
(Then again, this MAY be why I'm writing about television shows and not
handling talent.)
Kevin Kelly - WOW! - stands in front of an EXCITING door!
"No Mercy" for the N64 ad #2
During the Break, JONATHAN COACHMAN was on hand to catch Mick Foley and
Debra announcing another match for Survivor Series. TIGER ALI SINGH: "I
would assume that this new match at Survivor Series involves Lo Down?"
Foley does a semi-classic spit take. No. Chyna & Gunn & Kwik & Dogg v.
R4dicalz in an elimination match
"Chris Benoit! You come out and you run your mouth - and you say that
you're gonna finish the job that Rikishi started. Well the Rock is
begging, the Rock is PLEADING, come and finish the Rock - Chris Benoit,
PLEASE finish the Rock. You know, Rikishi, ever since you had Chris Benoit
lure the Rock out and you hit the Rock in the chest with a sledgehammer,
well the Rock hasn't been able to sleep a wink, been spittin' up blood, all
he's been able to think about is this Sunday, Survivor Series. Rikishi,
you run your mouth about how it's personal - well, you damn right...it's
personal. Rikishi, you come out and you run your mouth about a couple of
things how the Rock IS gonna walk down the People's Ramp, well you're
right, the Rock IS gonna walk down the People's Ramp, IS gonna walk up the
People's Stairs, IS gonna walk in the People's Ring! But a couple of
things you're misinformed about, Rikishi, is that one thing you damn sure
ain't gonna do is beat the Rock down. Nononononono - no. What's gonna
happen this Sunday, Rikishi, at Survivor Series, quite simply put, is you
are gonna get, literally, the single biggest ass kicking of a lifetime. If
ya smell what the Rock ........................................is cookin'.
NEXT! Why are we showing you a picture of Jesse Ventura?
Survivor Series is SUNDAY!
"Backstage Mayhem" ad #2
WWF SmackDown! returns in a moment on UPN!
Yes sir, Governor Jesse Ventura will be part of the commentary team on
NBC's Saturday Night XFL telecasts. Here's a big long press conference
clip to take the place of all the little tiny edits we made earlier tonight.
CHRIS BENOIT (with Warriors of Might and Magic present WWF Survivor Series
- this Sunday!) v. IF YA SMELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL - THESE guys are gonna start
out in the aisle - Rock rolling him in, ring the bell, right, right, right,
into the ropes, reversed, hard knockdown by Benoit, stomp, drops the leg,
sternum first into the corner, knife-edge chop. Notice Benoit's already
working on the chest. Bringing him up - and kicking him in the chest.
Kick, kick, block, Rock right, right, right, off the ropes, but Benoit
buries a knee in the gut - Rock actually FLIPS! 'kishi must have taught
him that. Benoit drops an elbow. Sternum first into the post - Euro elbow
puts him down. Stomp on the chest. Stomp. Rock firest back - right,
right, right, right, Benoit with a right, clothesline, into the ropes,
reversed, Rock takes Benoit over the top to the outside...then holds his
booby. Rock goes outside, anyway, and puts Benoit's head into the steps -
head to the timekeeper's table. Rock with a chair - but referee "Blind"
Earl Hebner takes it away from him. Rock is distracted long enough for
Benoit to put a boot right into the chest. Benoit and Hebner have a chat.
Right hand. Choking him with an electrical cable - Hebner finally forces
him off. Rock slumps across the barricade - Benoit puts a forearm to the
back - then drops him chest-first onto the barricade. Rolled back
in...elbow from Benoit. Knife-edge chop! Chop! Chop! Rock somehow sucks
it up (ha) and reverses positions - right, right, right, right, NOW KISS
THAT - oops, Benoit got the boots up to the chest. HA! 1, 2, shoulder up.
Benoit stomps on the back of the neck. Kick to the chest. Elbow, kick,
kick, into the opposite corner is reversed, Benoit ducks the clothesline,
German suplex, holding on for two - Rock elbows out of the third attempt
and busts a Samoan Drop, but both men are down. Hebner's up to 5...no
movement. 6, 7, arms start moving - Rock on his stomach - I guess the
count's stopped. Both men slooooowly up.
"Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," again, right, right, Benoit right,
right, right, into the ropes is reversed, Rock with his belly-to-belly
throw, hooks the leg....and gets 2. Benoit slumps in the corner - Rock
with a big right. Whip out, no, back to the first corner, gutshot out,
DDT! Rock floats over...but only gets 2. Both men slow to get up, once
again. But Benoit grabs the arm and locks in the crossface!! Will he give
up? No, he's too close to that rope. Benoit stomps on him. Benoit
grabbing the arm to do it again...but before he can, Rock grabs *Benoit's*
arm and drops down with a crossface of his own!! Benoit quickly grabs a
bottom rope and the hold is broken. Rock catches the kick, dragon screw
legwhip, Sharpshooter!! Benoit grabs the rope. Benoit with a big
clothesline - off the ropes and dropping down with the headbutt. Stomp to
the head. Benoit still trying to shake off the headbutt effects... Off
the ropes, but caught in a spinebuster! Benoit ain't moving...Rock's gonna
go ahead and drop that People's Elbow, no matter HOW much it hurts him.
And it looks like, indeed, it hurt him quite a bit. Both men down and
Hebner at 5. Both men up simultaneously - Benoit ducks a clothesline and
hits a BIG death suplex. BENOIT UP TOP - FLYING HEADBUTT!! Both men down
and AGAIN Hebner goes to the count. We look to the crowd to see
RIKASHMONEY slowly making his way to the barricade...and over. He's
wearing a pair of black gloves, too... Rock goes outside to meet him!
Forearm, right, right, kick, stomp, stomp, stomp, right, right, right,
right, Benoit from behind. Into the barricade. Back in the ring, German
suplex - ANOTHER German suplex - THE THIRD ONE LANDS!! Hebner warning him-
why? Who can say. All *I* know is Benoit is NOW trying real hard to
obscure his view as Rikishi hits the ring and unleashes quite a pummeling
on the affected area. FAT ASS SPLASH! Right hand. Apparently, Hebner
DOES see it, but Benoit's keeping him at bay - BAN ZAI DRAWWWWWWWWWP.
Benoit raises a finger high to the ceiling - and Rikishi raises his arms as
well. Rikishi's music plays as Rock spits up some blood. Hmmm, I wonder
how it officially ended. (DQ? call it 12:16) Rikishi lays some verbal
smack down, daring him to rise and face him...but he's too hurt. Can he
POSSIBLY recover in time for Sunday? Credits are up...I'll tell you then.
Christopher Robin Zimmerman
www.CRZ.net