by Christopher Robin Zimmerman
WrestleLine/WrestleManiacs
I GET LETTERS:
David Jewel writes: I just wanted to let you know the good folks here
in the DC area are getting SCREWED tonight instead of Smackdown we are
getting UNC VS Duke Basketball. Jesus I mean 2 NC teams are pre-empting a
DC TV Station how screwed up is that. I guess I'll have to be happy with
reading the spoilers and re-cap. I already sent a nasty email to WDCA
noting my disgust over their decision. Please do make mention of this
attrocity when you do your re-cap. I mean the WWF loves DC so much we're
getting RAW and Smackdown back to back at MCI in a month so obviously were
are a big wrestling fan base here and we're missing Smackdown due to some
IDIOT at Channel 20 deciding its better to air B-ball then Smackdown and
whats better they aren't even gonna air Smackdown on Tape Delay after the
game <which would have made sensea right??> nope instead we got Deep
Space Nine after the game.. Ugh.. Ok Im through venting. Thanks for the
listen dude and a shout out to all the Fans in DC who Im sure are also up
in arms over this injustice.
Hmm......maybe you should have written the Torch.
XFL: I don't know *anything* about *anybody* on *any team* this league,
and you want me to make PICKS? You can't even pry RAW and Nitro ratings
out of me - you really think I'll make PICKS? Yeah, I'm SURE I'll regret
not getting in on the ground floor...but not enough to lose sleep over it.
Ha ha.
KINGS UPDATE: Hey, still in first even without me paying close attention!
30-12, 1GB but six percentage points ahead of the Blazers - and the second
best win/loss percentage in the league behind the Sixers.
BEHIND CLOSED DOORS: I hope you caught that A&E show last night - a true
testament to the lag time between production and airing. Russo was there -
in fine form as usual...dig him talking about how the Miss Hancock
pregnancy angle will bring in the female viewers. Looking at all the women
on the very DAY that word leaked out about their cuts, and thinking "oh,
Paisley, if you only knew what's to come - you probably wouldn't be
spending all that time taking bumps."
If I haven't told you by now, I'll be at the WOW PPV Sunday in some sort of
"media" capacity - what exactly that means is still a little unclear, but
I've borrowed a MiniDisc recorder for some interviews and I think I'll be
able to take some photos for WrestleLine as well. If you're 'round and not
currently running wow-fan.com (wink wink), gimme a holler. I'll try to
have something filed Sunday night for publishing Monday morning, but we'll
just have to see how late we go. (You're just trying to set up another set
of excuses for another week of late RAW and Nitro reports, aren't you?) No
no, I'm sure I'll be good to go with the reports next week. (Aren't you
coming off pneumonia and bronchitis?) Well, yeah...but.....but....
(Shouldn't you be sleeping NOW, in fact?) Hey, if YOU'RE well enough to
get on my case, I should think I'M all right for now...
Ah, hell, let's knock out this thing and worry about getting that SCAIA
RULES sign on TV later...
It's UPN! And it's Thursday! That makes it UPN Thursday!
One World Leader Attitude - TV-PG-DLV - WWF!
You know, I think I've seen this highlight package before. Showing repeats
so I can hit the FFWD past three minutes is XTREME!
You know what...this is LAST week's show. I have the wrong tape in the
VCR. Sorry...lemme fix that.
Ah, of course. It's not UPN Thursday - it's EXTREME FEBRUARY UPN THURSDAY
TV-PG-DLV - One World Leader Attitude - WWF!
Opening Credits (with lotsa red X's) - close captioned logo (with no red X)
XTREME PYRO! XTREME FANS! GET XTREME WITH XTREME...XTREMENESS! From the
Xtreme Nationwide Arena in Columbus, OH (which isn't particularly xtreme)
1.2.1 (but taped 30.1.1) and transmitido en xtremo espanol SAP on XUPN
(which, I believe, is the San Diego UPN affiliate - hey Aaron) and The
Score up north, THIS is WWF SmackDown! XTREME!
TONIGHT: The WWF Championship is on the line as Kurt Angle meets the Rock!
Don't forget that first blood match to come! But first...
WWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP: HARDY BOYZ v. THOSE DAMN DUDLEYZ in a table
match - The window at the end of the Time Tunnel has the big red X...and so
does the chyro I'm sensing that these are XTREME GRAPHICS. Brawl starts,
Matt dumps D-Von and gets Buh Buh Ray in the back. Into the corner, Poetry
in motion, clothesline takedown by Matt - D-Von in to bowl *both* Hardyz
over. Into the ropes, two heads down - Buh Buh Ray kicked, D-Von whipped,
but he holds on - Buh Buh Ray surprises Jeff and they hit the big double
neckbreaker. Matt tries to punch Buh Buh Ray, but he reverses a whip into
the ropes, slam, "wassup" - apparently an XTREME "wassup" (doesn't look
much different to me). Testify dance, D-Von, smell my navel. Table is
slid into the ring and this might be a short one - no, Matt has D-Von on
the outside, forearm, into the STEEL steps, right, right, meanwhile Jeff
hasn't moved, so Buh Buh Ray moves him - laying him on the table...Buh Buh
Ray on the second rope but Matt grabs the ankles...and Jeff pops up to hit
him in the nuts. Jeff up top for the Frankensteiner, but D-Von moves the
table (which probably wouldn't have been near their landing anyway, but...)
Matt in the ring, shots for D-Von, repositions the table - D-Von back up,
right, into the ropes, double flapjack misses the table as Jeff moves it.
Dropkick for Buh Buh Ray puts him outside. D-Von on him, whip is reversed,
Jeff takes him down to the mat. Table moved again - D-Von on the table -
Jeff on top...but Buh Buh Ray crotches him. Buh Buh Ray shoves D-Von off
the table and climbs the corner to superplex Hardy....Matt, from the
opposite corner, double legdrops the table, breaking it before Dudley can
superplex him through the table. Matt outside - got a ladder - runs into
Buh Buh Ray - runs into D-Von. Matt has D-Von on the aisle...whip into the
ladder! Jeff's back up and out - stomp for Buh Buh Ray on his way. The
Hardyz set up another table on the floor....and a second next to it. Back
to D-Von - Matt puts him on a table and throws some rights to keep him
there. Now the *ladder* is being set up between the ring and the tables.
Matt is up top...Buh Buh Ray behind them in the ring - knockdown for Jeff,
and grabbing Matt. D-Von climbs the opposite side of the ladder while Buh
Buh Ray occupies Matt...Matt and D-Von trading rights...in the ring, Jeff
is running at Buh Buh Ray, who dumps him overhead and into the ladder,
sending Matt and D-Von flying - and MISSING the table! That was SICK.
Back inside - BIG back body drop for Jeff by Buh Buh Ray. Jeff rolls out
and Buh Buh follows. Weider brings the Double Feature of the hundred feet
high backdrop. Jeff and Buh Buh Ray are alongside the stage - into the
barricade - Buh Buh Ray spies some tables in the production area and gets a
funny look...but Jeff fires back. Maybe he should have waited on that
trance. Back up the stage we go - right for you, right for me. They're at
the Time Tunnel now, and back to throwing rights - Buh Buh Ray tries to run
Hardy off the stage but Jeff catches himself and stops the momentum. Right
for Dudley, right, uppernut, motioning to the crowd, but Buh Buh Ray slips
under the whatever (another right?), applies the full nelson and takes
Hardy off the stage through both tables into the Buh Buh Bomb! Both men
went through, but that's apparently a "champs retain" situation right
there. (7:26) Eh...that was *kinda* XTREME. Matt and D-Von *still*
haven't moved from their sick SPLAT. And we still haven't gotten a look at
them. Instead, we watch Buh Buh Ray and Jeff writhe in pain. Here's your
replay...and here's another angle. And one more angle. Now let's check
the Eyevision. What, not *this* sweeps month? I thought this WWF was
cutting edge!
Steve Austin is drinking beer! Because *drinking beer* is XTREME!
Chyna shills Stacker 2 - it doesn't do much for your neck...unless your
neck is all fat and it needs some burning
Moments Ago - three XTREME paragraphs ago
All four men are getting medical help backstage - Lita arrives to tell them
how crazy they are. Matt: "Lita, Lita - look, we're big boys, we can take
care of ourselves...just go worry about winning the women's championship.
We're okay - just worry about yourself."
Steve Austin is *still* intently watching a monitor (and drinking beer)
This is the sort of video clip package that usually opens the show...so
don't be *too* confused that they waited sixteen minutes to show it - you
see, that is the XTREME way to handle RAW highlights
Steve Austin watched that, too - ooh, he threw a beer at the wall! Now
he's heading somewhere else! XTREME!
WWF WOMEN'S CHAMPIONSHIP - LITA DOT COM (with SmackDown! is brought to you
by Weider Muscle Builder, Chef Boyardee Overstuff Ravioli, and Sega.net) v.
JACQUELINE DOT COM v. IVORY TO CENSOR - Jackie and Lita decide to slide out
of the ring together and attack the champ - but she slides in at the same
time. Everybody in - furious pummelling unleashed...and double suplex.
Hardy-esque elbowdrop/double legdrop combo. Jackie turns on Lita here -
right, right, crowd chants "Lita." Gutshot for Ivory, right, knee,
scoop...and a slam. Leg is hooked - 1, 2, Ivory kicks out as Lita pulls
Jacqueline off. Lita stomping on Jackie in the corner - Ivory over,
gutshot for Lita, into the ropes, trying the sidewalk slam, but Lita turns
it into a 'rana for 2 - Jackie saves. Jackie with a right for Lita, into
the ropes, Lita with a flying clothesline. Gutshot for Ivory - Twist of
Fate...Jackie starts stomping on Lita while Ivory rolls outside. Into the
ropes, sidewalk slam by Jackie - 1, 2, kickout! Jackie with a right - Lita
into the ropes, but she goes up and over, gutshot for Jackie, side Russian
legsweep, and THE SHIRT COMES OFF SQUEEEEEEEEEAL - moonsault HITS - but
Ivory breaks it at 2. Lita tossed through the ropes to the floor -
covering Jackie - 1, 2, 3. (2:13 DC) Replay of Lita's shirt coming off -
the moonsault - and Ivory pulling Lita out by her bra.
Triple H and Stephanie are in a good mood...until hitting their office.
"Hunter, what is this? It reeks of beer in here." Oh, I get it - Austin
was in the Helmsley dressing room all along! H slaps away the can pyramid
- there's a flush in their bathroom. Austin steps out. "Hey Triple H, Hey
Steph, what's going on?" Austin says he isn't trying to antagonise him -
it's like he has a forcefield around him and he can't touch him. Also, he
used the facilities. "You used MY bathroom?" I hope you can properly
imagine Stephanie's HIDEOUSLY melodramatic overacting here. "Yeah, but
it's okay, 'cause I wiped the rim for my protection, and it stopped up and
it's kinda leakin' everywhere....but when I get around to it, I'm gonna
send you guys a plumber, 'cause I'm real busy, but I'll see what I can do
for you probably wanna use the bathroom before the night's over. I'll see
ya round, okay? It was good seein' ya again!" H growls and tosses
something else.
The Hardyz rip it to the extreme and maximize their asses with Chef
Boyardee Overstuffed Ravioli
WWF: The Music (Volume 5) ad - available EVERYWHERE 20 February
And now, the WWF Slam of the Week, presented by Dynamic Muscle Builder from
Weider Sports Nutrition! From RAW, Kai En Tai get a title shot thanks to
Edge & Christian....but lose.
EDGE & CHRISTIAN v. ? - We are told that a challenge was issued - an XTREME
challenge. "You'll have to forgive us if we're not in the best of moods
today...because we showed up at the arena today only to find out that we've
been put in one of the toughest matches of our career. And I know this is
SmackDown! Xtreme and everything, but come on, this is ridiculous!" "It's
okay, Christian, be strong. First of all, we'd like to thank you for that
rousing ovation. Unfortunately, it could be the last one we ever hear.
Because tonight, we face the biggest test of our lives - so we hereby
accept the challenge of (laughs) KAI EN TAI!" Yes, we *did* all see that
coming. But, you see, that's what makes it so XTREME! "Fools! Your
interference in our match last Monday night has incurred our wrath.
Normally, you would face the consequences, but lucky for you, Funaki has
developed a rash that is most painful and will keep him out of action."
"InDEED!" "Therefore, because we are evil, we shall introduce you to your
NEW opponents! Prepare - to - DIE - ahahahahahahaha!"
EDGE & CHRISTIAN v. ACOLYTES - Pier Four Brawl to start - Edge gets taken
out and Faarooq follows - Christian eats a clothesline - right, knee,
forearm to the back, side suplex - 2. Edge climbing up - Bradshaw punches
HIM down, but Christian sneaks in a dropkick...and a tag. Right, right,
into the ropes, reversed, head down, right by Edge, off the ropes into
Bradshaw's big boot - elbowdrop - cover - Christian in, Faarooq in, referee
"Blind" Jim Korderas immediately hones in on Faarooq like a laser.
Doubleteam - whip into the corner, boosted crossbody by Christian is
caught...and there's a fallaway slam. Edge climbs to the top again - the
dropkick hits this time. Stomp, right, right, standing dropkick, tag to
Christian. Right, right, right, Bradshaw with a right, trying to punch out
of the corner, but Christian rakes the face. Edge sneaks in a choke. Tag,
more doubleteaming. Edge with a right, right, right, Korderas warns him,
and Bradshaw gets up the boot. Bradshaw with the shoulderblock. Both men
are down and Kaientai lead the cheers. Tag to Christian, HOT TAG to
Faarooq! Clothesline, right, right for Edge, Christian into the ropes,
powerslam, 1, 2, Edge saves. All four men in now - Bradshaw takes Edge
outside and follows (and the ref goes with them). Faarooq going for the
Dominator but Christian breaks free (leaving a lock of his hair on
Faarooq's head) - uppernut...and DDT. Edge has two chairs and passes one
to his partner. Taka on the apron, desperately trying to help 'em out, but
Korderas keeps him outside. Funaki sneaks in, shoving Faarooq away and
taking the Conchairto himself! Edge outside and the chase is on....but he
doesn't catch Taka; instead, he catches a Hades lariat right in the mush.
Meanwhile, Faarooq avoids Christian's chair swing by giving him the
spinebuster - 1, 2, 3. (3:39) Commentators say Faarooq scalped Christian.
Replay of Funaki taking one for the team...Edge taking the Clothesline from
Hell...and Christian taking the with authority spinebuster.
Backstage, Vince is ranting to the road agents. "I, I don't care. Please,
just shut up. You've gotta understand, I've got problems OF MY OWN, OKAY?
I've got pressures of my own! I got an XFL kickoff this Saturday night! I
got SmackDown! out there! I don't wanna hear from your problems - I got
problems of my own." Regal interrupts to tell Vince he has a very
important phone call. Vince says unless it's Ebersol from NBC, he aint'
takin' it. "It's more of a person nature...it's..." and he whispers in
Vince's ear. Vince's demeanor changes and he tells them he'll be right
back.
XFL hype - Saturday at 5 on NBC and Sunday at 1 on UPN. Hmmm, guess I'll
have to tape it.
You're watching WWF SmackDown! on UPN!
Extreme February ad - the Rock wants to get it on
The Demons kickoff special is Saturday at 8! I'll be taping THAT, too...
Sure is rainy outside. Better wear a BLUE JACKET! Hoo hoo hoo ho ho hee
hee hee ha
Vince talks on the phone - the person on the other end has a surprise for
him - they're here - HERE in Columbus, Ohio
Your hosts are a pair of kings - MICHAEL XTREME KING COLE & JERRY XTREME
LAWLER - they plug Chyna...err....they hype Chyna's recent appearances in
support of her biography.
Courtesy NBC Studios, here are clips from Chyna's appearance on "Late Night
with Conan O'Brien."
JONATHAN COACHMAN stands with Billy Gunn, who talks about Chyna's recent
hectic schedule. Big Show walks up and says "Entertainment Tonight, Extra,
Good Morning America - who really gives a crap, man I'm sick of hearing
about Chyna!" Gunn tells him to wait his turn - Show says he'll take it
now and throws him against a nearby door. THEN he envelopes Coach's head
in his hands. "And you - first of all, I've been gone for six months - I
come back, since the Royal Rumble, when have you asked ME any questions?
When are you gonna ask me 'Show, what's going on inside your head?' Well,
you wanna know what's going on inside my head, Coach? The Big Show's back
in town, and that's bad, bad news for everybody....except......ME." Show
shoves him down...I think that's Coach's first big bump! XTREME!
Meanwhile, inside a bubble bath, surrounded by candles, strawberries and
Martinelli, Trish Stratus talks on the phone. "Well now would be a perfect
time! Because I just slipped into something uncomfortable - mm hmmm - I'm
in a big, hot tub. Mmmm hmm, of course it's wet in here. (Laughs) I want
you to come! I want you to come down here right now - come on, there's
plenty of room. Well, you know what they say....you wash my back, and I'll
wash yours. (laughs) That's what I thought. Good. I'll see you soon -
bye." Trish eats whipped cream with one finger. Now *that's* XTREME!
Demons kickoff is coming Saturday!
Triple H gets ancy. Stephanie - is she reading cue cards or what? She's
gonna go talk to her dad...he needs to stay there and focus.
WWF INTERCHRISINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP: CHRIS THURSDAY JERICHO v. ? - That's
either a new belt or Jericho has some KILLER belt shine. "So the word of
the night is Xtreme. Well, considering that I've been in steel cage
matches, Last Man Standing matches...and hell, even one of the most brutal
and violent ladder matches in WWF history, I would sasy Y2J knows Xtreme.
So it's only apropos that tonight I am issuing an open Xtreme challenge for
*this* intercontinental championship, right here, right now, on SmackDown!
But who will accept? Will it be Albert, with his Xtremely huge cranium?
Or will it be Chris Benoit, with his Xtremely brutal gap in his teeth? Or
will it be Triple H, with his Xtremely large schnozzola..." The music hits
and we soon learn together...it's TAZZZZZZZZ. "You know, Jericho, there's
no doubt that you're an Xtremely funny guy. But you see, tonight ain't
about fun. And compared to Tazz, you know NOTHING about being 'Xtreme.'
So I'll tell you what...I'll take the challenge - I'll take yer title.
Hell, Jericho, I'll take you and you will be...just - another - victim!"
Lockup, round and round we go - to a corner...referee "Blind" Tim White
manages a clean break from Jericho. Back to the centre, "Y2J" chant,
lockup, side headlock attempted by Jericho, powered out, shoulderblock by
Jericho. Off the ropes, up and over, slides under Tazz' kick - chop by
Jericho puts him down. Doing for an armbar, but Tazz turns it around, to a
headlock, Jericho reverses to a headlock, Tazz knees, gutshot, trying a
suplex but Jericho backflips out, forearm, chop, into the ... no, Tazz
holds on - head and arm Tazzplex! Running clothesline puts Jericho over
the top rope to the floor. Tazz out after him - forearm in the back, whip
into the barricade is reversed and Tazz hits hard. Jericho running at him
but Tazz dumps HIM onto the barricade! Into the commentary table! Tazz
yelling "You're looking at the next IC champ" at Cole, but Jericho elbows
him away, elbow, Tazz pokes the eye. Right hand. Jericho rolled in under
the bottom rope, Tazz back in, stomp, T-bone Tazzplex, "ECW" chant. What
is ECW? Right hand, snapmare, right to the back of the head, going to a
headlock. "Y2J" chant fires up - elbow, elbow, hold broken, elbow, chop,
Tazz back to the face, Jericho chops, into the ropes is reversed, but
Jericho drops down and rolls him up for 2! Clothesline by Tazz. Jericho
put in the corner, catching the boot...Jericho hits the enzuigiri. Weider
brings the Double Feature of Tazz' clothesline. Huh. Jericho with a
right, into the ropes, big hiplock, off the ropes with the flying jalapeno
- 1, kickout at 2. Right by Jericho, chop, into the ropes is reversed,
head down, kick by Jericho - Tazz ducks the next one off the ropes and
clamps on the Tazzmission!! Jericho's trick knee has to act up to break
it. Jericho with the bulldog, the Lionsault, and the pin. (4:26)
Outside, Vince yells at his chauffer to open the door for him. "Hey! Wake
up, dammit, open the door! Where's my driver??" Vince opens the door
himself and loads up the luggage. "Dad! Where are you going?" Vince says
something important's come up. Stephanie remarks that Vince has never left
in the middle of a show (a lie), and Vince says this is important t
him...but he'll be back later. Stephanie asks Vince to put Triple H in the
WWF Championship match tonight. After confirming that Austin won't be
involved, he okays it - now he's off...behind the steering wheel, yet!
"Something's come up - or it's about to." Vince starts the motor and burns
some rubber on his way out. Stephanie reacts with...confusion. And nipply
chill.
You're watching UPN!
The WWF Fanatic Series presentation for February is "Austin vs. McMahon."
I've managed to miss every one of these since the first one (the Rock), so
we'll see if I can catch this one or not.
ERNEST MILLER (and the TV-14-DLV ratings box) are out - let's ponder
together how long it's been since a non-TV-PG hour of SmackDown! - but not
for too long, because that's an attractive top Kat's wearing - or not
wearing. "You know, everyone's making such a big deal about SmackDown!
Xtreme. We've got First Blood matches, we've got table matches, but you
know, there are other ways of taking things to the limit. There are other
ways to be Xtreme. Other ways that can be just as exciting...just as
hardcore...and just as exhilirating. And that's where I come in. Because
everyone knows there isn't anything I wouldn't do to get a rise out of the
fans...it just so happens that I excel and take great pleasure in it. I
*know* what turns men on. And I know what men want to see. And seeing as
how tonight is about being Xtreme, I plan on taking Xtreme to a whole new
level. I plan on giving you and everyone at home exactly what you're dyin'
for - FULL FRONTAL NUDITY. Hit the music!" Where's the Right to Censor
already? I'm SURE that was their cue - anyway, there's one shoe...and
another. The pants come off - Lawler reminds us she doesn't wear
underwear....except now, I guess. Reaching for the bra - well *there* are
the RIGHT TO CENSOR, complete with "NO" robe. "GET HER OUTTA HERE! OUT OF
HERE! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!" Richards is so angry he actually
has to LOOSEN HIS TIE! "What is wrong with you?! There are children in
this audience! I used to blame the World Wrestling Federation for its
depraved behaviour, but no longer will I let all of you hide behind your
ignorance! Don't you people realise that we're only trying to help you?!
The Right to Censor blames each and every ONE OF YOU! Well...." "You
suck!" chant. "Well, my good people...if you want Xtreme...we will show
you Xtreme. And it will be...for your own good." Richards works up a top
button unbuttoned laugh...and heads back.
Our hosts segue to Tough Enough hype. And crappy, crappy videos. I'd
*almost* rather watch XFL hype than this.
KEVIN "XTREME NAILZ" KELLY stands in the awesome power of the Rock, and
asks for comment on his title match being made into a Triple Threat match.
"Rock E!" "Finally, the Rock HAS COME BACK to Columbus! You know, the
Rock has seen the show tonight, he knows what's goin' on. Triple H, you
hit the jackpot when you married Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley. You pulled
the handle, got a joker's wild...on fastest, loosest (beep) machine the
world has ever seen! So Triple H, just like that, you got yourself a title
shot - an UNEARNED title shot - the Rock's title shot. Well let the Rock
clue you in on something - for the past two years, the Rock has been the
main event at WrestleMania. In order to do that again, the Rock has gotta
win the WWF Championship and that's *exactly* what the Rock's gonna do. So
Triple H, don't worry, 'cause the Rock will take care of you in the ring,
just like he ALWAYS takes care of you in the ring. And as far as for you,
Kurt Angle, the Rock says he wants you to go down to the local arcade, get
in one of those little picture booths, take as many pictures as you can
with your WWF title. Tape 'em all together, tie 'em around your waist like
a little belt, because after the Rock takes your WWF title, you're gonna
need something to hold up your pants so they don't expose that pimply, pale
hemorrhoid - don't get excited, the Rock said 'hemorrhoid,' not
'hermaphrodite' - that pimply, pale hemorrhoided all-American candyass!"
"Rock E!" "Kurt Angle, Triple H, the Rock says just bring it.
Just...bring it. IF YA SMELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL what the Rock is
cookin'!"
XFL Premieres hype
Triple H shills Weider Dynamic Get the Chickser
Good God, TWO "Breakin' 2001" ads in ONE break
"Chyna: If They Only Knew" ad
In a locker room Steve Austin drinks a beer, then shakes up two other
beers. Oh oh, I bet he's set to do something XTREME
WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW (with Earlier Tonight) v. THA 1 BILLY GUNN - Gunn
hits the ring, slides through Show's legs, right, right, right, tries a
whip but Show pulls him to the corner instead, well it's a big elbow, into
the opposite corner, Gunn gets the boot up. Gunn off the ropes...into a
mule kick. Well it's a big elbowdrop. Pulls him up with one claw - into
the ropes, Gunn ducks and hits a dropkick, right, right, right, right, off
the ropes and into a belly-to-belly suplex (Cole: "What a slam") from the
Show. Show palms him back to his feet - shoved to the corner. Show stands
back to front and unleashes back elbow after back elbow. Referee "Blind"
Teddy Long finally convinces him to step away from the ring...and Gunn
falls. Well it's a big field goal kick. Well it's a second one. Got him
by the heart..and dropping him down again. Going for two...that's
deceptive how they make it look like he's just got a FLESH MAGNET in his
hand. Standing on the sternum - ow. Well it's a big elbow taking Gunn
down. Well it's a big headbutt. Well it's a big knee. Well it's a big
right. Gunn pulls himself up again - well it's a big right to put him down
again. Well it's a big headbutt. (Don't you usually say "I would describe
the pace of this match as 'deliberate'" here?) Why yes...yes, I do. Well
it's a big scoop.....and a slam. Pulls him up by the hair again - well
it's a big right. Well it's a big scoop onto the shoulder...Gunn throwing
rights to try to stay in it...clawing at the face - Show drops him - Gunn
off the ropes...and caught in a sidewalk slam. Well it's a big
elbowdrop...MISSES! Gunn up first - bulldog - 1, 2, kickout - with
authority. Signalling for the Fame'Asser...but Show catches him in the
choke. ahhhhhhhhTHECHOKESLAAAAAM. 1, 2, 3. And they said the standard
garden variety "WWF Wrestling Challenge" SQUASH was dead! (5:04)
There's a knock at the Helmsleys' door - Hunter is dumb enough to say "come
in." It's Austin with the two beers. "Triple H! Hey Steph. Hey, hey, no
hard feelings man, I'm sorry about cloggin' up the crapper earlier, you
know, no big deal, I know you got a championship match, I just wanted to
come in here, wish you good luck, maybe drink a beer with you. You don't
want the beer. Well you don't mind if I drink a beer. Okay? I mean, I
don't drinkin' beer if you got the match..." And he opens it all over him.
"(beep)!" "Man, I - I'm just gonna leave, you got a big match, man, I
ain't no good today. So long, Triple H!" H makes halting growls and heads
for the bathroom.
Rock wants to GET IT ON! This is EXTREME FEBRUARY!
WWF: The Music (Volume 5) ad
WWF Shop Zone Dot Com ad
LILIAN GARCIA stands with Kurt Angle and asks for reaction to the Triple
Threat decision. "Oh, I was expecting it. I wasn't surprised at all. In
fact, I thought, why stop there? Why not add the Big Show, or Chris
Jericho, or the whole state of Nebraska for that matter? And don't you
think a wrestling ring is a little old school, Lilian? Why not put the
match in a shark tank, with real live sharks? Hungry sharks! And the only
way to beat your opponent is to stuff him down a shark's throat, and pin
the shark. Wouldn't that be a hoot? But the way I see it, nothing would
surprise me. Because it's quite obvious that that the WWF, and its mostly
ignorant fans, would stop at nothing to see me lose this title. But guess
what, Lilian? When it's all over with, the Rock, the Brahma Bull, the
Great One; and Triple H, the Game, will be leaving this arena just like the
people who came to see them...depressed, disappointed, and most of all
losers, and that is true."
Our hosts fill a little more time by pumping up Kane's performance in the
Royal Rumble.
Here's a Special Video Look at Kane's performance in the Royal Rumble
Kelly stands with Undertaker and Kane. Tonight they get the match they
requested Monday: a First Blood match with the Island Boys. "You know,
it's funny you'd mention Monday night, 'cause Monday night people seen a
side of the Dead Man they ain't seen in a while, have they? It's a side
most people don't want to see again. You know, I don't know if it was the
taste of my own blood reminding me of something I used to be, or whether it
was the simple fact Kane just flat out told me. He says 'man, you gotta
get back to doing what you do best, and you know what that is? That's
kickin' people's ass!' Well tonight, belileve me Kevin Kelly, it's on.
Haku, Rikishi, it's First Blood, my island brothas. And you know what that
means? It means no strategy, no holds, no pinfalls, uh uh. That don't
mean a thing. It's all about the blood. And them two laying in a puddle
of their own blood. Looking up at us, and realising that Kane and the
Undertaker - they do run the yard." "Kane, why have you been siding with
your brother?" "Because blood's thicker than water." "You know if I was
you I wouldn't (beep) him off."
The Islanders are WALKING!
Jesse Ventura pimps the XFL. If he's so gung-ho about the XFL....how come
he's wearing a WWF sweatshirt?
Commentators shill "Gary & Mike"
THE FUN BROTHERS v. THE ISLANDERS 2001 in First Blood - Undertaker and
Rikishi provide the music for the entrances of their respective teams.
Well, *technically* I suppose it's Limp Bizkit and Jim Johnston, but you
know what I mean. Taker & Kane meet them out on the ramp and it's on -
nothing fancy, just brawl around ringside. Haku, meet the STEEL steps.
Rikishi becomes the pinball on the floor. Taker promptly appropriates a
chair to open up somebody, but Haku recovers enough to get Kane from
behind, so Taker drops the chair to help him out. Rikishi with an uppercut
as he goes back for the chair - Taker's head hits the annouce table.
Another uppercut, another table shot. Rolled in under the bottom rope -
right by Rikishi, right, uppercut, bock, soupbone, soupbone, soupbone,
right by Rikishi, into the ropes, Taker ducks, flying clothesline takes
Rikishi off his feet. Kane pounding Haku on the outsider. Old school -
don't know how it helps him bleed, but that might be why I'm not a
wrestler. Haku's head hits the announce table. Rikishi triple spin sells
the clothesline from the Taker. They're outside now. Soupbone. Kand and
Haku in the ring as Rikishi meets the STEEL steps - and again - no blood
yet. "Damn!" says Undertaker - one more shove into the STEEL steps. Let's
look inside - Kane with a clothesline to take him off his feet. Legdrop!
Taker goes for another chair...Rikishi meets him with an uppercut.
RIKISHIKICK! Haku manages to get an elbow up to stop Kane's charge. Now
*Rikishi* has the chair - WHACK! But the back doesn't bleed, usually.
Kane with a bodyslam...on the apron, and onto Rikishi with a double
axehandle! Kane has the chair...winds up - but only gets the post. All
four men outside the ring now - Haku from behind on Kane - HAKUKICK!
Rikishi has the edge of the chair - into Taker's gut! Into Kane's gut!
Haku kicks Kane - Rikishi gets the WHACK! But it doesn't open him up.
Rikishi in the ring, where Kane and Haku have already set up in a corner.
Haku with the hundred hands on Kane. Into the opposite corner, Rikishi
warms it up while Haku goes outside - wedgies himself and hits the FAT ASS
SPLASH on Kane! Haku going for the chair, but Taker meets him with a
soupbone...and five more quick ones. WHACK! Rikishi going for the
stinkface, but Kane hits the low blow (must have been watching his Rock
tapes to scout that) - got him in the choke - chokeslam!! Taker tosses the
STEEL steps inside the ring to Kane - Haku *is* bleeding but the ref hasn't
see it. STEPS TO THE HEAD! Haku's chest is quickly getting covered in
blood as well as his face. Kane stomps away on Rikishi. Referee "Blind"
Mike Chioda finally catches glimpse of the copious amount of blood on Haku
(.7 Muta - or at least enough to keep us from getting a real GOOD shot of
him on this show) and calls for the bell (6:09) - Rikishi is now busted
open as well. Kane and Undertaker not done - STILL wailing away on Rikishi
and Haku. More REFS come out...and get intimidated and chased away. Haku
tries a headbutt - no effect - soupbones put him down. Rikishi and Kane
trading blows...Kane rams him into the STEEL steps one more time! Haku &
Kishi manage to roll out of the ring...why is Rikishi SMILING? Must be
'cause he only rates (.2 Muta) from your humble recapper. Both Kane and
Taker set the turnbuckles alight... (replay of the chairshot to Haku...and
the steps shot to Rikishi) ...AND make the "Power to the People" salute at
the top of the ramp.
Kurt Angle is WALKING!
Meanwhile, the Helmsleys are WALKING!
Wonder what I'll say next?
Meanwhile, the Rock is WALKING!
I *knew* I'd say that.
WWF Home Video "Break Down the Walls" and "Kurt Angle: It's True It's True" ad
Chyna shills Stacker 2 - again
"XFL on UPN" bumper
Local ad hypes the Demons kickoff show...one more time
And now, Stacker 2 presents the WWF Burn of the Week! From RAW, the Rock
earns a title shot in a Fatal 4-Way, which burns....which is a
burn.....which...eh, I got nothin'
WWF CHAMPIONSHIP: THE NEW MAN (with Stephanie Can't Act & Weider Sports
Nutrition presents No Way Out!) v. IF YA SMELL DOT COM v. KING KURT ANGLE -
Rock and H don't wanna wait to start throwing right hands - so much for me
getting happy about the champ getting the traditional last entrance. Angle
runs to the ring to make sure nobody gets pinned, and Rock throws Angle
over the top rope to the floor. Back to Triple H, ducks a swing, gutshot,
DDT, 1, 2, kickout! Right for H, Angle back in, Rock blocks, right, right,
right, NOW KISS THAT RIGHT and Angle is back out again. Rock turns around
- H with a gutshot - PEDIGREE! 1, 2, Angle pulls Rock out from under him -
then pops him one, leaving him on the outside. Angle on the apron - H
clotheslines him to the floor. Huh? I hear glass, here's STONE COLD STEVE
AUSTIN walking to ringside carrying a cooler. H focuses on Austin - Angle
in from behind - OLYMPIC SLAM!! Referee "Blind" Earl Hebner has his eyes
locked on the outside while making the count, so you *know* Rock saves just
in time. Austin walks to the timekeeper's table and steals ring announcer
TONY CHIMEL'S chair - Stephanie already having run around the ring to safer
ground. Back to the ring - Rock with a right on Angle, into the ropes,
Angle holds on and pulls him into a belly-to-belly suplex. Hooks the leg -
1, 2, no! Angle to his feet - kick, stomp, stomp, right hand, Rock with a
right, right, right, Angle blocks, right, right, right, off the ropes, but
into a variation of a hiptoss by the Rock - 1, 2, H breaks it up. Austin
is drinking beer, got it. Back to the ring, please. Thanks. Right by H
on Rock, right, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick. Front face...suplex. H goes
outside...to the top...H salutes him with his beer - Rock up - right,
right, and beals him in. That move NEVER works! Angle behind the Rock -
block by Rock, right. Right for H. Into the corner, nope, swung around
back to the first corner, and H flies up and over and to the floor! Angle
ducks a swing from the Rock and hits a big death suplex on the Rock!
Austin walking around...Stephanie runs around again. Austin stands over
H...then lays a beer at his head. Austin back to his chair...and Stephanie
running around the ring yet again. H swipes the beer away. In the ring
Rock blocks, right, right, right, Angle rakes the face. Right hand by
Angle, into the ropes, reversal, Angle tries a kick, Rock catches it,
dragon screw legwhip into the sharpshooter...will Angle tap? Not with
Triple H in this match! DDT (!) breaks it up. All three men are down.
Austin strokes his beard and ponders many things. H drapes an arm over
Rock - 1, 2, NO! H to his feet - nope, tripped back. Trying again to be
first up - this time he makes it. Rock blocks the punch and hits a right,
though. Right, right, whip is reversed, Rock ducks the clothesline, ducks
again, but H hits the high knee. H trying God knows what, but Rock hooks
his arm to try the Rock Bottom, but H shoves him off, ducks another
clothesline and hits the hangman's neckbreaker. Leg is hooked - 1, 2, NO!
Angle back up...overhand forearm to Triple H - right hand, right, right, H
with the knee, right, right, into the ropes is reversed, head down, kick by
Triple H - off the ropes - Angle catches him with the belly-to-belly!
Angle gives Stephanie a look - should be looking behind him, as Rock is up
- ROCK BOTTOM! But Hebner misses the hooked leg because Stephanie is up on
the apron. Rock gets off the press and approaches Stephanie, who makes a
bunch of faces - Rock grabs her hair...but Triple H is in from behind. Big
right hand. Into the ropes, reversed, spinebuster by the Rock! He's ready
for the People's Elbow...but Angle is up under him after the elbowpad throw
- OLYMPIC SLAM!! Hebner is again occupied with Stephanie. 1, 2, KICKOUT!!
Angle expresses his extreme displeasure at Hebner's inability to be in
correct position. H from behind - right hand. Right. Irish whip into the
corner is reversed, gutshot by Angle, going for the gutwrench but can't
lift him - double leg by Triple H - Angle kicks him backwards...into
Hebner. Angle with a right - into the ropes, head down, facebuster by
Triple H. Gutshot, going for the Pedigree (and making sure to point to
Austin first) but Angle has enough time to uppernut H. Small package -
Austin rushes the ring and moves Hebner's hand for him in double time - 1,
2, 3! Kurt Angle has pinned Triple H TWICE in one week! (9:06) Austin
heads up the ramp as Stephanie makes her one "mean" face. I bet she has a
hand on her hip, too. We'll never know, though - credits are quickly up
and we're out.
I don't know - it was a good, solid show and all, but I don't think XTREME
was the way I'd describe it. On the other hand, it's gotta fit with the
UPN sweeps month concept so whatcha gonna do? (More Blackman?) Oh
yeah....this show needed just one more thing: More Blackman.
SEE YA AT THE FORUM!
Christopher Robin Zimmerman
www.CRZ.net