by Christopher Robin Zimmerman
RECURRING PLUG: If you haven't hit the CRZ EZboard lately, you've probably
missed a whiz-bang discussion about Monday's RAW (and a few specific
commentators and segments thereof) which shows that my readers now react
more strongly to Downtown Dave and Steve FREAKIN' Anderson than to me -
well that's just *gotta* be a crime. Not only that, but an AMAZING layout
of how Debra, the Rock and Austin are merely Elizabeth, Hulk Hogan and
Randy Savage twelve years into the future - and why this is a GOOD thing!
And, hey - if THAT'S not enough...coming Friday: learn what music I bought
last week - prepare to be surprised *and* disappointed in my bizarre
tastes! That address once again is http://pub30.ezboard.com/bcrz.
Bookmark it NOW!
I GET LETTERS: All *I* said was "Where's my WRESTLING?" SpArkLeK1D
responds: I know you feel you are are your way to being referred to as
a wrestling purist, but give me a break if you didn't find that segment
between Vince and Trish entertaining, than something is wrong. Normally I
wouldn't have a problem with someone disliking the angle they did last
night, but you of all people have lost credibility considering you
constantly put over that cheesy ass Women of Wrestling show. Wheres your
wrestling on that show??? I guess I forgot that your just a a wannabe
shill who is dying to have something to do with the wrestling business
even if it means working for that joke of a company WOW.
What's WOW got to do with it? By the way, I DON'T work for WOW, and I
DON'T have ANYTHING to do with the wrestling business (other than being a
SUPERFAN! who occasionally tricks companies into comping him to shows)
but...you should know that already without me telling you. I guess you
aren't paying attention. Thanks for (not) reading!
Now with an editorial reply is Joe: You know our freind Vince did it
again He found another way to waste 15-20minutes of my life and made me
wonder why I still watch wrestling. Would I like to see Trish
naked...sure. Do I want to watch her do this so Vince can shoot a load in
his pants...no. With the internet full of petitions why can't someone
make a petition to get vince off my damn television set. Vince isn't
wasting 15-20 minutes a week anymore. Oh no he is wasting 15-20 minutes a
show and maybe more with all the recaps we have to see of his acts
fairness or whatever you want to call them. This time could be spent on
angles for the light heavy weight division or the euro division. This
time could be used for 2 maybe 3 stars get over with the crowd with little
5 minute sketches of their own. But no it is not to be and maybe never
will it is to bad that the WWF is the only show in town right now because
I wouldn't mind a change of scene.
Hey, Joe, have you met SpArkLeK1D? HE'S a REAL wrestling fan and YOU are
Graham "Grum" Hudson offers: For the 06/03/2001 writeup, you forgot to
mention the funniest part of the midget sketch with Al Snow. When he
introduces them to McMahon, he says "I'd like you to meet my friends,
Mark, Henry." A shoutout to a struggling co-worker! Hilarious!
(at least, that's what I think he said...I didn't tape it and it was what
I hope you're right - that IS hilarious!
And finally, the "it's JUST a report" email of the week, from Anders
Bothun - which I believe is an alias of Sean Waltman: X-Pac never jobs
singles matches? Are you sure that you're watching RAW is WAR and
Smackdown! X-Pac put over Chris Jericho in every one of their matches
last year and hasn't held a singles title in over two years. He he never
jobs singles matches he would have taken back the European Championship
from Shane McMahon, beat Triple H at Backlash 1999, won the 1999 King of
the Ring, beat Kane in their Steel Cage Match at Armageddon 1999, won the
Intercontinental Championship from Eddie Guerrero or Chris Jericho in
2000, beat Y2J in a singles match at Unforgiven 2000, beat Y2J again, this
time in a Steel Cage match at No Mercy 2000, and beat Chris Jericho, Eddie
Guerrero, or Chris Benoit for the Intercontinental Championship at No Way
Out 2001. In all of those matches, and in many other matches featured on
RAW is WAR and Smackdown! programs in between, he was pinned, or
sacrificed. X-Pac still hasn't won the Intercontinental title, and for
one of the hardest workers in the business, that's not right. He's worked
in the company longer than Jericho, Benoit, and Guerrero combined and
still hasn't tasted the title held by virtually everyone in the company.
You're not as smart as you think.
P.S.--What do you have against Sean Waltman anyway. What, you only like
wrestlers that receive titles that they don't deserve. Hardcore Holly,
D'Lo Brown, and Al Snow are more deserving champions than the Crippler,
Y2J, and Latino Heat.
Oh no, next you might tell me I'm losing my "street cred!" What would you
do if you found out that I not only call Rick Scaia a longtime close
personal friend but think he's a fine read three to four times a week?
That's right - CRZ *PROUDLY* HANGS WITH THE RICK (in a virtual sense,
anyway) SO SUCK IT SUCK IT SUCK IT
KINGS UPDATE: 40-19, half a game behind the Lakers but one percentage
point ahead of the Blazers! A win on TBS! A win on TNT! Hell, forget
the Maloofs - I'LL mow Chris Webber's lawn!
It's UPN, it's Thursday, it's our favourite bumper
TV-PG-DLV - One World Leader Attitude - WWF!
LAST MONDAY: Hey, remember when this happened? Oh, and this here? Hey,
this too! Go read the RAW report
Opening Credits - close captioned logo
What's your favourite sorority? PI RHO! We are in our second of two
tapings this week from the (allegedly) SOLD OUT MCI Center in our nation's
capital, DC 8.3.1 (taped 6.3) and transmitido en espanol SAP - THIS is WWF
SmackDown! What a lineup we claim to have you tonight! In the main event,
the Rock takes on Rikishi & Haku in a handicap match! Al Snow meets
William Regal for...the Commissionership? And some may call it a return
bout, but I like to call it our opening bout...
WWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP: HARDY BOYZ (with Lita...and Let Us Take You Back
to Monday) v. THOSE DAMN DUDLEYZ - Pier Four Brawl - and *all* four men go
out. Matt and Buh Buh Ray bakc in - rights by Buh Buh Ray - Jeff in from
behind to break it up - whip into the corner, Poetry in Motion by Jeff,
sitout clothesline by Matt...for 2. Right, right, right, discus right
ducked - death suplex by Buh Buh Ray. Tag to D-Von - right, right for
Jeff, into the ropes with matt, jumpin' back elbow. Jeff thrown under the
bottom rope, powerslam for Matt gets 2. Off the ropes - Jeff trips him up,
Matt drops an elbow. Blatant choke on the second rope - and when referee
"Blind" Mike Chioda pulls him off to warn him, Jeff drops the leg on the
apron behind his back. Kick by Matt, tag to Jeff. Into the ropes, double
back elbow, fistdrop/senton combo, 2 for Jeff. Second rope...second rope
nothin' - into a D-Von clothesline and he's down. Tag managed to Matt -
drops the elbow to his back, stomp, right, Northern Lights suplex -
fistdrop, hooks the leg...2. Ahhhhhh! No, D-Von backdrops him out of the
Twist of Fate attempt. Both men down - both men tag! Blok, right, left,
Jeff tossed out, Matt gets a hot shot. Jeff ducks a clothesline...but not
the back body drop. Buh Buh Ray covers - 2! Matt runs into a sidewalk
slam. Jeff on the shoulders - Dudley Device! 1, 2, Matt with a second
rope legdrop to save. D-Von back over - they brawl outside the ring. Jeff
has an arm draped on Buh Buh Ray - 1, 2, shoulder up!! Jeff pulling Chioda
over for a word...Lita with a pendulum rana on Buh Buh Ray! Jeff splashes
him - 1, 2, NO!!! D-Von in - Hardy with two rights, whip into the corner
is reversed but Jeff climbs to the top...but D-Von swats aside the
corkscrew moonsault. Crowd chants for 3D - and they get it! Dudley Death
Drop! Buh Buh Ray hooks the leg while D-Von *dares* Matt to come in - 1,
2, CHRISTIAN pulls him out! D-Von out after him - big forearm. Meanwhile,
Buh Buh Ray is watching - Matt from behind with a neckbreaker..and putting
Jeff on top. 1, 2, 3. (4:57) Outside the ring, Christian is working over
D-Von...but Buh Buh Ray is over and bringing him in from the floor by his
hair. Scoop...and a slam. "What are you doing?" Testify dance. D-Von,
let me babble. Here comes the wood - and there's nobody left to save
Christian....it's superbomb time! Play their music! Have a replay!
On the phone, Vince promises....I don't know who...something even better
than Monday - because *this* humiliation will be personal. His phone call
is interrupted by Debra. She's unhappy with the way he treated Trish
Stratus on Monday. Vince says he understands that she (and a lot of other
women) are upset - he has the utmost *respect* for women...but Trish is
*trash*. She's not like Debra. He admits he got carried away (although
she could have said no at any time) and offers an apology. Debra says the
second thing that's upsetting her is that he tricked her into managing the
Rock, knowing that he's going up against her husband at WrestleMania.
McMahon says that he's not as Machiavellian as everyone makes him out to be
- he says that her resignation on Monday shocked him. The best way to
reward her for all her loyalty, he thought, was to let her manage the WWF
Champion. He sees the conflict now, though, so if she wants to go back to
Texas and be a housewife, he'll understand, but he always saw her as a
career woman and willing to accept a challenge. She says she'll do it, but
she doesn't agree with the way he went about it. "I get it. So you're
still in, and you still wanna accept this challenge?" "Oh, yeah,
absolutely." Just one other thing, says McMahon... "That's a
very...beautiful necklace you're wearing..."
Wanna have lunch with Kurt Angle in the middle of the ring at WrestleMania?
Go to Kmart or bluelight.com for details!
WWF INTERCHRISINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP: CHRIS THURSDAY JERICHO (with SmackDown!
is brought to you by Chef Boyardee Overstuffed Ravioli, Wacko Tobacco and
Lugz) v. BALD VENIS (with the rest of Right to Censor) - Ivory takes third
headset, just for a larf. Lockup, no, knee by Venis - Jericho blocks,
right, chop, right, right, hard whip into the corner - off the ropes with a
spinning heel kick - 1, 2, no. Right, kick, kick, right, chop, chop, whip,
reversed, kick by Jericho - off the ropes, and THIS time Richards grabs his
ankle - the way referee "Blind" Jack Doan was standing, I expected that the
first time. Anyway, Venis runs at him with a back elbow off the
distraction - elbowdrop, off the ropes with a kneedrop. Mount ... and six
punches. Blue Thunder powerbomb - 1, 2, no. Neckbreaker. Cover - 1, 2,
Jericho kicks out. Whip into the corner - trying to suplex him out but
Jericho flips out of the attempt - kick is caught - but the enzuigiri
lands! 1, 2, I guess he kicked out - we were busy watching Ivory. Both
men slow getting up - Jericho blocks, right, right, into the ropes,
reversal but Jericho hits the flying jalapeno! Going off the ropes again
but Buchanan lowers the bridge - he and Goodfather work him over on the
outside - into the STEEL steps, into Goodfather's clothesline. Thrown back
in...but now the ACOLYTES are out - they and Goodfather & Buchanan go at
it. Meanwhile, Richards lands the Stevenkick on Jericho! Venis hooks a
leg - 1, 2, NO!! Head to the buckle by Venis, right, whip into the
opposite corner is reversed, Jericho with the bulldog, forearm for Richards
on the apron, Lionsault, leg is hooked - 1, 2, 3!! (3:17) Jericho signals
to the Ass Pounders that he'll owe 'em a beer later. Replay of the finish.
Your hosts are a pair of - oh, no it isn't. Your hosts are MICHAEL KING
COLE & TAZZZZZZZZZZZ.
Let Us Take You Back to RAW, where Kurt Angle snapped Scotty 2 Hotty's
ankle. I think I *finally* figured out how they pulled that off.
Backstage, KEVIN "NAILZ" KELLY asks Angle if, now that he's had some time
to reflect on what he's done, does he have any regrets? "What is this,
some kinda joke? Well actually, Kevin, I'm a little upset over how long it
actually took me to break the damn thing. Back in '96, I woulda snapped it
in HALF the time! So actually, that's something I really need to work--"
A disruption to our right interrupts Angle - it's Grand Master Sexay, held
back by Blackman, Test, Garea and a couple refs. "You think that's funny,
huh?" "Oh, this is rich. Whatever Grand Master - you wanna go? Guys, let
him go - come on! What are you gonna do? You couldn't last five minutes
with me! That's right, I'm an Olympic freakin' Medalist! Come on, come on
little man! Where's your worm now, little man? Come on!" Test leaves
that pile and moves over to Angle. "You know something, Angle? You gotta
big mooth. You wanna fight somebody? Step up to the plate...little man."
"Oh 'little man?' I'm not scared of you either, Test. I'll break your
freakin' ankle too! I will break your ankle! And that's true, Test!"
The XFL cheerleaders appear in a Stacker 2 ad
LOOK! It's WWF New York!
Vince is now on the phone with Trish...who apparently wasn't watching the
show earlier. She was apparently dispatched to bring Linda to the arena.
Oh, good, I was just thinking "you know, the ONE THING that could make this
even better is if they worked LINDA into it..."
The camera follows Chris Benoit into the dressing room...where the rest of
his crew are engaged in a discussion...which quickly stops. "Oh, am I
interruptin' somethin'? You guys wanna talk about me, go ahead, keep
talkin'. Go ahead, Eddie, especially you seem to be quite vocal today -
why don't you let your actions speak for your words? Hmm? You wanna take
a shot at me? Go ahead, let me make it easy, go ahead, Eddie." He turns
his back and outstretches his arms...and Eddie lunges, but Malenko and
Saturn hold him back. "Come on, Eddie...I can hear you but I can't feel
you, Eddie....come on, Eddieeeeee...I'm waiting, Eddie. We - we - *we'll*
pick our spot? Well let me tell you something, I'm going to the ring right
now. And *we* can settle all of our issues one at a time. I know I can do
it - why don't you try to prove me wrong?"
Elsewhere, Austin and Debra have a chat. McMahon tricked her plan and
simple - do you understand the kind of position he's put in? "Well I just
hope it all works out for the best."
Meanwhile, WOW! The ROCK! is! WALKING!
Xtreme vs. Bolts Sunday on UPN!
WWF: The Music (Volume 5) ad
You're watching WWF SmackDown! On UPN!
And now, the WWF Boot of the Week, brought to you by Lugz! From RAW,
Benoit boots Eddie with a headbutt...umm....boot...he boots...oh I dunno.
Benoit told Guerrero to take the IC shot, then screwed him with a swandive
CHRIS BENOIT (with WWF.com hype - win tix to Limp Bizkit & WrestleMania and
some chocolate starfishes and hot dog water!) v. R4DICALZ PERRY (with
Terri) & DEAN MALENKO & EDDIE GUERRERO in a Gauntlet match - Saturn hits
the ring and the punches fly - Saturn takes command with repeated strikes,
forearms to the back...then stomps as Benoit falls to the mat. Into the
ropes, Benoit slides under, double leg by Saturn, but Benoit flips over and
improvises a body scissors. Kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, chop, chop,
elbow, chop, kick, kick, kick, headbutt, kick, into the opposite corner,
Saturn puts up an elbow, then pulls him over into a belly-to-belly overhead
suplex. Clothesline. Death suplex. Saturn hooks the leg - 2. Pulling on
an arm - Rocker Dropper, but with an added snap to turn Benoit's head over
on the way down - THAT gets 2. Headbutt by Saturn - kick, Benoit fires
back, Saturn kicks again. Another big kick - now trying to open every
orifice in his face AND make some new ones. Big slap. Benoit sat on top -
another big slap by Saturn - climbing up after him - thumbs up to his
fellow Radicaz - and the SUPERPLEX!! Saturn going up *again* - whoa, his
cheek is opened up...Savage elbow MISSES! Both men up at the same time -
Benoit blocks a right, right, block, right, catches Saturn's kick - dragon
screw leg whip! Chop, snap suplex, death suplex, "that's it" hand motion -
swandive headbutt lands - 1, 2, NO!! Benoit argues the count with referee
"Blind" Tim White but goes back to the stomp. Saturn tries to get him on
his back for the DVD but Benoit falls to his feet - right to the chest, off
the ropes with a double spin clothesline - Terri grabs the ankle next time
- Benoit pulls Terri to the apron - then steps aside as Saturn charges,
knocking her to the floor - and Saturn turns back into the Crippler
crossface - he taps! (3:48) Malenko is the next man to the ring - and
they ring another opening bell, so we'll call that a thirteen second break
for Benoit. Kick by Malekno, forearm across the back, another, into the
ropes is reversed, but Malenko kicks - dueling arm wringers, Malenko
catches a kick, ducks the enzuigiri and drops an elbow on Benoit's back.
Pulling him up and putting his head to the buckle, forearm, forearm, kick,
kick, kick, kick - high sign for Eddie - oops, took too long as Benoit
strikes back with a reversal - Malenko ducks the swing, and turns his back.
Saturn is up on the apron, drawing White's attention - Malenko's trick knee
acts up to stop Benoit from pounding on his back with forearms. Right by
Malenko, into the corner is reversed - Malenko sternum first - falling back
into a (quick edit) German suplex for 2 - holding on for two but Malenko
elbows out - Benoit pulled into the corner, clothesline followup - pulling
him out and trying for a suplex - Benoit goes behind and hits a TOUGH
suplex from the Slop Drop position all the way over! Chop by Benoit, chop,
into the ropes, knee is caught by Malenko into a schoolboy for 1 - Malenko
floats over, trying a crossface but Benoit picks him up across his back -
Malenko drops down to try another schoolboy but Benoit puts his knees just
past Malenko's shoulders and hooks both legs - 1, 2, 3! (1:29) Guerrero
looks unsure...but slowly walks down the aisle to the ring. Benoit dares
him in, even going so far as to part the ropes for him. Guerrero says
"Latino Heat" a few times, makes sure Benoit is looking directly at
him...then waits for Saturn & Malenko to punk him out from behind. OHHHH
it's the backbreaker across the knee/super kneedrop combo - devastating!
Guerrero rubs his hands and asks Malenko & Saturn to clear out. The
opening bell rings exactly one minute after the last match ended. Guerrero
stomps, stomp, stomp, picking him up for a suplex (almost a brainbuster,
but we know those aren't legal around the WWF parts) - FROG SPLASH!! 1, 2,
3. (0:25 - 6:35 start to finish) Guerrero celebrates with the other
three. "I TOLD you he wasn't a Radical!"
Backstage, Trish brings Mr. McMahon a present - his wife, Linda. He asks
her to wheel her on out so the entire world can get a good, long look at
her. "You wanna talk humiliation, huh? You wanna talk humiliation?
You're gonna be humiliated! Now come on let's go! Push her out there..."
This month's WWF Fanatic Series presentation is "TLC: Tables Ladders
Chairs" Hmm, you think these three teams will compete once again at
Lita & the Hardy Boyz eat Chef Boyardee Ravioli
Commentators shill "Gary & Mike"
Here's another look at the exterior of the MCI Center - I hear it's five
cents a minute to use the can in there
BILLIONAIRE VINCE is out - oh boy! Oh boy! OH BOY! "Oh I have a big
SURPRISE in store for all of you tonight. I've got a rare treat - oh yeah.
You see, in a moment, in just a moment, I'm gonna bring my charming wife
Linda out here to meet you all. But I've gotta warn ya - my wife Linda,
well, she hasn't been feeling all that well as of late, and she's under
medication. The last time my wife was in a WWF arena, well it was right
here on this program about three months ago - right here on SmackDown! And
my wife and I were In That Very Ring, and I looked at my wife's beautiful
blue eyes and I said...*I WANT A DIVORCE.* Unfortunately, as a result of
that and my wife not being able to handle the emotional trauma...my wife
had a nervous breakdown. And, well, when - when that happened, I stopped
the divorce proceedings - I - I still wear my wedding band. I stopped the
divorce proceedings, because after all, what kind of a human being would I
be if I divorced my wife and she just had a nervous breakdown? And of
course, there was that little matter of my wife winding up with fifty
percent of every nickel I've ever earned, but...that's beside the point.
So again, I want you to keep in mind the mental state, the fragile mental
state that my wife is in...so, without further ado, allow me to present my
wife LINDA, accompanied by the beautiful TRISH." And here they are. It's
the part Linda was BORN to play! "Come on now, let's give it up for my
wife Linda - come on! Yeah! And by the way, even though she's heavily
medicated, she can hear and see everything. And you know, it - it occured
to me that - that I spare no expense for my wife's comfort, considering the
condition she's in; I want you all to know that actually I provide her with
the best sanitarium money can buy...24 hour, around the clock nursing
service. And one of the things that I also insist on, I insist on every
Monday and every Thursday night, I insist that the nurses wheel my wife up
in her little wheelchair and put her right there in front of the television
set, and my instructions are to leave her alone, so that my wife can
proudly watch her husband run the World Wrestling Federation on SmackDown!
and on RAW each and every week. It occurred to me - just last Monday night
it occurred to me, as my wife was there watching by herself in her room, it
occurred to me what must my wife be thinking? I mean, what did my wife
think when I asked Trish to remove her coat? What did my wife think when I
asked Trish to remove her blouse? How uncomfortable was my wife when I
told Trish to take her skirt off? What was going through my wife Linda's
mind, when I told Trish to take her bra off, hah? I wondered that. And
then, of course, before it was all over I had to put my jacket back around
Trish because Trish had proven to me, more than my wife ever had - Trish
had proven to me that once again she was loyal, that once again Trish would
do ANYTHING that I asked her to do, and do it whenever I wanted it -
something that I could never say about my wife Linda. So therefore, my
wife saw a lot on Monday...you know what? I think she needs to see a
little bit...more. I think my wife needs to see something else, so if you
don't mind, Linda, I'm gonna ask you to hold this microphone." He places
it in her lap...then walks Trish in front of her...takes off her coat and
lays it across Linda's lap...and then plants a big ol' mouthy kiss on Trish
in front of his wife. No reaction. Play the music!
Kurt Angle is WALKING!
Moments Ago, the TV-PG-DLV ratings box lent an ironic note to this replay
TEST TEST THIS IS A TEST (with Earlier Tonight) v. KING KURT ANGLE (with
WWF: The Music [Volume 5] CD cover) in a nontitle challenge match - Right
for you, right for you, back and forth we go - now it's Test only with the
rights - into the corner, followup clothesline. Right. Right, kick, kick,
kick, kick, kick. Double choke - and tossed over the top to the floor!
Test Diesels over the top rope and rams Angle into the barricade. Right
hand. Right, right, whip into the opposite side of the aisle and into THAT
barricade. Angle put into a post...Test after him but nobody's home - what
a WHACK on Test! Give it a Double Feature! Angle picks him off the floor
and rolls him into the ring - kick, kick, kick, stomp, stomp, stomp. Head
to the buckle - right, right, right, kick, kick, five quick stomps. Big
"Angle sux" chant. Death suplex. Test back up - Angle suplexes him AGAIN.
A THIRD death suplex - 1, 2, shoulder up by Test. Stomp, stomp, stomp,
forearm to the back. Choke on the second rope - referee "Blind" Teddy Long
muscles him off after 4. Right by Angle, into the opposite corner, elbow
up by Test. But he runs into a drop toehold - Angle going for the
Anglelock but Test fights it, crawling to the ropes, then turning over and
punching Angle in the head - Angle grabs it again but Test kicks him away a
second time. Angle moves again, Test hits a small package for 2!!
"Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine" by Test, again, Test ducks the next one
and hits a full nelson bomb - but only gets 2! Test waits for Angle to get
up - big boot DUCKED - Angle going for the Olympic Slam but Test lands on
his feet - right, right, clothesline and Angle's on the floor once again.
Again Test Diesels his way out and stalks Angle. Right, right, right.
Right, right, right, Long pulls him off - Angle grabs the Euro title and
CLOCKS Test with it. Test is dead weight as Angle gets him back into the
ring. Angle's going up top? Good God - the Hollybreaker moonsault!! 1,
2, NOOOOOOO! Test gets a shoulder up and NONE of us can believe it! Angle
with a right, Test ducks, gutshot, pumphandle...but Angle lands on his feet
as Test tries to put him on his shoulder, shoves him into Long, uppernuts
him as soon as Long is turned away - Olympic Slam - 1, 2, 3. (5:38) GRAND
MASTER SEXAY runs out and gets him some of Angle...until Angle trips him up
and grabs the ankle. Before he can break it, though, Test is over to break
it up - and then deliver the big boot! Play his music! Replay of the big
Al Snow is on the phone with Mick Foley - sure, he's a little battered from
his hardcore match with Big Show from Monday, but he'll have no problems
defeating Regal, becoming commissioner, and THEN they'll get theirs against
McMahon! He hangs up and moves away...revealing the midgets on the short
phone behind him, talking on a sexline - Al hangs them up - "Al, that was
$3.95 a minute!" "And keep your hands out of your pockets!"
WrestleMania Limp Bizkit music video
Eat lunch with Kurt Angle - he *probably* won't try to break your ankle -
by winning the contest at Kmart (bluelight.com)
And now, Stacker 2 presents the Burn of the Week! From Monday, Big Show
tosses Al Snow onto a half dozen Musical Chairs...and delivers the Final
Steve Austin is ... PACING!
WILLIAM REGAL v. AL SNOW (with Vito LeFinger & Frankie Knuckles & Heat hype
- Snow hosts!) - "Hallo to all my friends, how are you? Hallo! Now,
George Washington once said 'I cannot tell a lie,' and *I* cannot tell a
lie, because once I am commissioner, I vow to listen to each and every one
of you fine people. I am so excited so let's begin...the REGAL REGIME!"
Snow's friends toss campaign buttons and carry signs...but Regal wastes no
time as Snow hits the ring - kick, left, left, left, left, kick, into the
ropes, big back body drop. That's twelve lefts there. Kick. A MIDGET
with a MULLET. Kick. Death suplex. Cover - kicked out at 2. Snow fires
back with three rights, but Regal grabs his head and uses each knee. Sat
on top - Regal climbing up after him but Vito & Frankie each grab an ankle
- the superplex attempt goes nowhere - Snow punches Regal off - top rope -
plancha!! Regal kicks out at 2. Right by Snow, DDT - 1, 2, Regal is up!
Rega's head taken to the buckle, kick, into the opposite corner - Regal
tries to spring off but they collide and both men are down. The little
people hit the apron (and don't reach the top rope) and fire up the crowd -
Regal is content to knee one to the floor. Snow checks on his friend -
Regal from behind with a forearm - and there's the snap cobra clutch
takedown - 1, 2, 3. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new commissioner.
(3:08) The other midget is in - gutshot! SUPLEX! Tazz can't stop
laughing - me either.
Hey look! It's Triple H and Stephanie! And they're WALKING! Trish wheels
Linda in their opposite direction..."HI MOM! HI MOM!" They wave the hand
in front of the face - nope, nothin'. "NICE TALKIN' TO YA MOM!"
XFL cheerleaders Stacker 2 gotta hurry so late
WWF.com hype - it's his way or the highway - hey, are these guys gonna
perform at WrestleMania or what?
Vince reacts with joy to Regal's victory - every commissioner prior to him
was appointed, but he - HE went out there and EARNED it. "Mr. McMahon, I
promise to you that I will be the most dignified commissioner that the
World Wrestling Federation has ever had, and I also make a solemn promise
that I will always - *always* do what the fans want."
THE NEW MAN & STEPHANIE CAN'T ACT (with WWF: The Music [Volume 5] CD cover)
are out to chew up some time - and this entrance will certainly do that. I
hear Triple H is the Game - which game, Ultra Outburst? Still to come:
Rock vs. Rikishi & Haku! "I want you people to take a good look at what
you see in this ring. I've been in the World Wrestling Federation for
seven years. And in that seven years, I have kicked, scratched, clawed,
screwed people over to get to where I am today. I am married to one of the
most powerful women in the world. And physically and mentally I am
superior to anyone else that dares to step in this ring. And there is
NOBODY that can stop me. I am not only on top of the mountain, I *am* the
damn mountain! But...at WrestleMania, in the main event, wrestling for the
World Wrestling Federation championship, it will be the Rock versus Stone
Cold Steve Austin. Yeah, two men that you praise. But your cheers can not
erase the fact that I have beaten BOTH their asses. Now I have earned
respect, and I damn sure well demand fear. And I would like it explained
to me ["Rock E!"] I would like it explained to me how you can be the best,
how you can beat every single person that there is to beat, and still not
be in the main event at WrestleMania--" BONG. Well here comes THE GHOST
RIDER on his beautiful Titan bike - hey, I don't think those steps have
moved 'cause he has to stop at the bottom of the ramp and walk into the
ring! After acknowledging all four sides of the building, Taker reveals a
mic of his own. "Two things: first, I don't know if you realise it or not,
but you're trespassing on private property. You see, when you walk through
here, through these ropes...you're in my yard. And I can tell you this -
you don't wanna be here. Bad things happen in my yard. Bad things have
been happening here for a very long time. I think they call it a Decade of
Destruction. Hell, you oughta know that better than anybody else, because
while you were scratching and kicking and clawing - (motions to Stephanie)
and screwing - your way, your way to the top of the mountain, ya see - I
was burying people underneath that mountain makin' it bigger all the time.
And that brings me to my second point: yeah, you come a long way in seven
years. You play the game real well. In fact there may be a day when you
even run the yard - but this ain't your day, boy. Now I heard you say you
beat the Rock, you beat Austin, you beat this guy, you beat that guy -
yeah, that's real good - good for you, Triple H! But I'm gonna let you in
on somethin' - I ain't the People's Champion, I ain't no Rattlesnake - I'm
the Dead Man. And if you try me...I'll make you famous. Because it's like
this, little man, you ain't EVER beat me. Now I don't LIKE you, I don't
RESPECT you, and I sure as hell don't fear you. But seein' how you're
standing in the middle of my yard...I will break you." H drops the mic and
appeals for calm - or begs off, depending on your point of view - he backs
Stephanie out of the ring...then lunges at him with a right - block,
soupbone! Soupbone! Soupbone! And a toss over the top to the floor - as
soon as H lands, "Rollin'" starts up again. H sits on the ramp and ponders
for a spell as Taker dares him to come back in. H lets Stephanie hold him
Kevin Kelly anixiously stands outside an exciting door!
Rikishi asks Haku if he knows what their orders are for tonight - Haku
(with the 'fro pick!) says something in a language I don't know. "Exactly,
exactly right - that's exactly what we're gonna do, we're gonna TAKE the
Rock out - and you know, I ran down Stone Cold Steve Austin with a car, but
tonight, I'm gonna run my ass into his wife's face..." we pause for them
both to inhale in comic fashion "...and THEN, she's gonna smell what I'M
cookin'." Haku rubs his belly as if to do Kamala's "hungry dance."
Kurt Angle shills SmackDown! 2 - then BREAKS SOME ANKLES
Greyhound presents the WWF Overdrive of the Week - from RAW, Vince
announces that Debra is managing the Rock...and later, Rock steals a pin
from Austin (despite the fact that Rock was legal and Austin was not)
Moments Ago, Rikishi said whatever I typed three paragrahps ago. That
double inhale belongs in a time capsule somewhere, to be preserved for all
Kelly stands with the Rock...who *isn't* with his manager, strangely
enough. "You know, Kevin Kelly, you ask the Rock about the road to
WrestleMania - well ever since No Way Out, the road to WrestleMania was a
very clear road - it was the Rock and Stone Cold Steve Austin on a
collision course to a date...with . But now,
however, the road to WrestleMania is a very unclear road - a foggy road, a
bumpy road, and there's a roadblock in that road and her name...is Debra.
You see, Debra, let the Rock make one thing perfectly clear - 'cause
personally, the Rock has no problem with you. The Rock respects you. But
the only problem is this: is that the Rock doesn't NEED you. You see,
Debra, the Rock's entire career, he's never had a manager, never needed a
manager, but now just weeks away from the biggest match in the history of
the Rock's career, weeks away from the biggset match in the history of this
entire industry, Stone Cold Steve Austin - his wife is now the Rock's
manager. And Debra, the Rock realises, now that Vince McMahon has
appointed you the manager to the Rock, the Rock has no choice but to accept
it, but Debra - let the Rock ask you just one question JUST ONE question,
and that question is this: is can you accept the fact that in weeks from
now, April first, WrestleMania 17, the biggest of all time, the Rock and
Stone Cold the biggest of all time, Debra, can you accept the fact that you
can't stop CAAAAN'T STOP the Rock from whippin' your husband's candyass?
["Rock E!"] IF YA SMSELLLLLLALALALALALAOOOWWW WHAT THE ROCK.... ........
Why, Austin is still pacing! What fierce battle rages within? Will we
find out - NEXT?
XFL hype - blatant ratings desperate attempt or something
Kmart Angle one more time
Local "XFL on UPN" spot - why they keep starting "Xtreme" with an "E" I'll
There's only 24 days left until WrestleMania X-Seven! Feel it!
HAKUSHI v. IF YA SMELLLLLLL (with Mrs. Austin) in a handicap match - Haku
starts - I predict right hands will soon be thrown. Rikishi threatens to
enter the ring - of course, Rock turns his way and quickly falls to Haku's
attack from behind - right, right, kikc, kick, kick, right, into the ropes,
Rock rams his head to the mat - NO SALE! Rock clotheslines him - that
works a bit better. Haku pops up with a right - forearm across the back.
tag. Kishi right, kick, kick, kick, kick, but Rock is back with a right,
right, right, right, right, off the ropes but Kishi puts up an elbow - off
the ropes but the drumstrick drop MISSES! Rock with a right, into the
ropes is reversed, Haku from behind, clothesline by Rikishi. Tag to Haku -
right is blocked, right, right, right, Haku to the throat to stop that.
Into the ropes, Haku rammed into Rikishi - tries a cover - 2! Rikishi
brings a chair back in with him - Rock takes him down with a right. WHACK
for Haku - NO SALE!! HEADBUTT puts Rock down! Haku off the ropes with the
standing diving headbutt! Stomp. Haku stands over him, does the dance,
and throats him with a martial arts chop. Double Feature of the chairshot
- and Rock's reaction when he realises that it don't work on him. Isn't
Rock Samoan? I guess he's only part Samoan - and not the part with the
hard head, yo. Tag to Rikishi - into the ropes, drop toe hold by Haku,
DRUMSTICK DROP by Rikishi! His belt with his name on it has fallen off -
RUN! Rikishi stands ready to measure a right...but Rock blocks, right,
right, right, right, off the ropes...into the Samoan Drop by Rikishi!! Tag
to Haku - yeah, fix your skirt there, buddy. Haku puts Rock in the corner
- hundred hands! He's dancing again - but Rock blocks that right, right,
right, right, off the ropes, into Haku's BIG BOOT! Rock REALLY should stop
going off the ropes... Another diving headbutt by Haku...and another tag.
Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp
- that was eleven. I'll bet Rock doesn't feel a thing. Whip into the
opposite corner, whip back to the first corner...ready to back it up...but
Rock pops out with a clothesline! Rikishi twitches OLD SCHOOL STYLE, just
in case his triple spin didn't sell it enough. I can see them before the
match - "don't worry, Rock, I'll sell enough for BOTH of us!"
Rikishi...makes the tag. Nobody for Rock to tag - block, right, right,
right, into the ropes, reversed, flying clothesline by the Rock, right for
Rikishi, whip, reversed, Rock holds on, gutshot, DDT, right for Haku,
right, right, NOW KISS THAT - no, Kishi hooks the arm while he tries to
spit in it and tomahawks him down. Haku with a stomp, stomp, stomp. Put
in the corner...Haku whips Rikishi his way - Rock ducks his clothesline
while running out to clothesline Haku! Spinebuster for Rikishi! He's
waiting for Rikishi to get up - but Haku is behind him - but Rock ducks the
clothesline and catches HIM in the Rock Bottom instead! (6:57) Rock gets
to pose at one corner before the losers strike back - there's a
RIKISHIKICK!! If he'd done that *during* the match, they may have
won...OHHHH BAN - ZAI - DRAWWWWWWP. Rikishi turns to Debra, kisses his
hand, and slaps his rump. Debra cowers in the corner...not the best of
ideas - Haku holds her down while Rikishi raises the roof...and backs it
up...but SOOO SLOOOOWLY - sure enough, the glass breaks and STONE COLD
STEVE AUSTIN comes out to make the save - see ya, Rikishi, so long, Haku,
KICK WHAM STUNNER for Rikishi, play his music again...and Austin walks off,
leaving his wife in the ring with Rock...with Rock...hmmm. Austin catches
a glimpse of the two on the OvalTron...and turns back to make sure he's
seeing it right. Yup. But the credits are up - it's time to go.
Christopher Robin Zimmerman
Christopher Robin Zimmerman - email@example.com -
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