UPN - Thursday!
TV-PG-DLV - One World Leader Attitude - WWF!
LAST MONDAY: Or as I like to call it, the Austin show - go read the RAW
report during this three minute set of clips
Opening (close captioned logo) credits
HERE A PYRO, THERE A PYRO - once again it's on and tonight it's the
Baltimore Arena in Baltimore, MD - transmitido en espanol SAP on Flag Day,
14.6.1 (taped 12.6) on UPN and the Score, THIS is SMACKDOWN!
TONIGHT: Undertaker vs. Kurt Angle - one more time!
TONIGHT: Tag team championship - Jericho & Benoit vs. Edge & Christian!
WWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP: EDGE
& CHRISTIAN v. CHRIS BENOIT & CHRIS THURSDAY JERICHO - I *think* the
graphic just SAID we were gonna have this match. Tonight: Austin! (What
else?) Apparently, he's got a petition in hand - we'll learn more about
that tonight. Also tonight: a night of titles! In addition to this
match, Kane puts it down against Albert, Rhyno lays it out, Matt Hardy
defends, and the last two KOR Qualifiers! Cor! But it all starts now
with Christian and Benoit in the middle of the ring. Kick by Benoit,
Christian kicks back, Benoit kicks, Christian kicks, Benoit, Christian,
Christian, right, right, right, right, Benoit switches positions in the
corner - seven kicks, and two big rights. Benoit stomps on the head,
continuing to kick away. Crowd is *so* impressed with Benoit...they chant
"Y2J." Referee "Blind" Jack Doan not having much luck getting it out of
the corner until now - whip into the opposite corner is reversed, but
Benoit gets the elbow up - chop! Chop! Chop! Snap suplex! Into a
cover, but only gets 2. Christian surprises him with a knee to the gut.
Forearm to the back. Tag to Edge...who runs into a knee and flips out.
Hard into the buckle, gutshot by Benoit, gutbuster, head to the buckle and
Jericho's in - doubleteam kicks, Jericho puts Edge in the rope, big back
elbow. Knee by Jericho, knee, double underhook, into a backbreaker (wow)
then covers for 2. Right hand, into the ropes, Edge ducks, sunset flip
off the ropes but Jericho rolls through, going for the Walls but Christian
comes in - Jericho lets go, then knocks down Christian, who rolls out.
Kick for Edge, into the opposite corner, Jericho follows - going for the
bulldog but Edge has that scouted - ducks, and hits the Edge-o-matic!
Edge to his knees - five quick rights to the head, and a tag out.
Christian with the open kick, forearm in the back, kick, right, right,
right, right, right. Jericho put into the ropes, wow nice dropkick by
Christian - 1, 2, no! Put in the unfriendly corner, Edge gets on the
choke while Christian goads Benoit into providing ample distraction for
the zebra. Christian with a right, Jericho kicks back, Christian,
annoyed, kicks and unloads a right. Tag to Edge. Right by Edge, European
elbow knocks Jericho down. ANOTHER quick tag. Jericho put in the ropes -
Edge down on all fours for a boosted splash but nobody's home for
Christian! Jericho with the bulldog on Edge! Hmm, maybe he should have
tagged again - ah, but he DOES make that HOT HOT TAG! HERE comes Benoit -
left-handed lariat for Edge, same for Christian, ducks a swing from Edge,
snaps into a waistlock and German suplex with a release! Ducks a swing
from Christian - ANOTHER German suplex! Now has Edge - German suplex #3!
Again Christian swings - Benoit grabs the arm and drops down - CRIPPLER
CROSSFACE! Edge starts to make the save but Jericho heads him off...which
causes Doan to work very hard to get Jericho out of the ring, as opposed
to, say, noticing Christian TAP right behind him. Edge is in with a tag
team belt - and a big shot for Benoit! Edge runs over to Jericho to give
HIM a free right hand, then slides out to run back over to his corner.
Christian and Benoit are both out in the centre - Christian manages to
roll over and put an arm on Benoit - 1, 2, NO!! Christian can't believe
it - blatant choke. Front headlock applied. Benoit lifts Christian up
and takes two steps to his corner. Again, Benoit gets a bit closer.
Benoit with a backdrop and a right hand to the face - Edge decides he'd
better come in - sure enough, Doan MISSES THE TAG! Edge makes the illegal
switch and stomps away on Benoit - also a blatant choke - cover, 2! Edge
with the slow swing into the neckbreaker - 1, 2, no. Right hand, into the
ropes, Benoit ducks the clotheline, crossbody by *Benoit* for 2! Edge
grabs a leg and pulls him away from Jericho - tag to Christian. Stomp to
the head as Edge continues to hold his leg. Christian brings Benoit up -
Benoit strikes. Elbow in the gut, elbow, right, Euro forearm, off the
ropes but Christian gets the gutshot - and his Slop Drop backbreaker! 1,
2, Jericho saves! Christian goes to a chinlock. Crowd comes alive - or
tries to. Tag to Edge - Christian holds the headlock until Edge can kick
him. Forearm in the back. Snapmares him over - HE goes to a chinlock,
adding a knee between the shoulderblades. Again the crowd starts the
clapping - and here he comes! Elbow by Benoit, elbow, chop, knee by Edge.
Into the corner, tag to Christian - head to the buckle, into the opposite
corner - but Benoit gets the feet up! Benoit charges...and runs into a
clothesline. Christian on the second rope and he wants a double sledge -
Benoit blocks it - belly-to-belly OVERHEAD suplex! Can Benoit FINALLY
make that tag? Doan is up to 4 - tag to Edge - HOT TAG TO JERICHO!!
Shoulderblock by Jericho, clothesline, off the ropes, flying jalapeno!
Shot for Christian! Ducks an Edge clothesline, chop, chop, into the
ropes, reversed, Edge drops down, Christian takes ANOTHER shot as Jericho
goes off the ropes, but Jericho falls into a SNAP small package - 1, 2,
NO!! Edge puts Jericho in a corner - elbow up to stop the charge, though
- Jericho up top...but Christian crotches him on the top rope! Christian
repositions Jericho on top - not a STACKPLEX?? YES! Off the superplex,
Edge and Christian untangle - Edge on top but Benoit is climbing as well -
1, 2, SWANDIVE HEADBUTT SAVE!! ALL four men are down and out - Doan puts
on the count again. Your legal men are Edge & Jericho - Doan is up to
five - at six Jericho crawls over to Edge - hooks the leg - 1, 2,
NO!! Christian up - trying to spear Jericho, but he steps aside - and
Christian NAILS Edge! Benoit tosses Christian, Jericho with a LIONSAULT
on Edge - cover, legs hooked - 1, 2, 3!! Champs retain! (10:43) Replays
of the ending. When we come back - whoa, Edge just shoved Christian
away! Christian isn't ready to stop talking about it as Edge tries to
leave the ring... they're nose to nose... no, they're leaving the
King of the Ring spot
Maybe it's all old-timey of me and stuff, but I sure like THAT kinda
"first twenty minutes" as opposed to Monday's....
Whoa, seems like a short ad break as we quickly hit the RC Cola
Rewind! From Monday, Spike and Molly get all gooshy
And here's Spike and Molly sharing a look at the latest copy of RAW
Magazine, which just happens to have a story on Molly therein. The other
two Dudleyz walk up behind - "well, well, well, if it isn't Romeo...and
Juliet. Spike, I think it's about time we had a little talk." "Go ahead,
I'm listenin'." D-Von (to Molly): "ALONE. Get outta here." "Molly,
it's okay, I'll catch up to you later." "Spike, what you did last Monday
- that was a disgrace, man. I mean, you chose that girl over your own
flesh and blood - over your own brothers, man! What's the matter
witchyoo? What's goin' on in your head?" "Oh, I'll tell you what's going
on in his head. He's thinking about himself - and he's thinking about
her...because he sure as hell ain't thinkin' about us. So guess what?
If you get into any trouble tonight....guess who WON'T be thinking about
you." Spike waits until they walk off, and then cues the foreshadowing:
"What kind of trouble could I possibly get into?"
KING OF THE RING QUALIFYING MATCH: WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW v. CAW CAW CAW
(with WWF: The Music [Volume 5] CD cover & wwf.com
logo) - Raven sidesteps the tomahawk chop, right, right, right, right,
right, Show shoves him into the corner HARD. Well it's a big kick and
Raven tumbles outside. Show follows - head to the commentary table. Well
it's a big slap on the chest. Well it's a big headbutt. Calling Hacksaw
Duggan - Show is in the three-point stance - but Raven evades the
shouldertackle and Show collides with the STEEL steps. Raven back in the
ring - winding up for a big dropkick through the ropes...but it has little
effect. Coming up: Kevin Kelly talks to Stone Cold Steve Austin! Raven
tries to catch Show on his way back into the ring...stomp, stomp,
kneelift, another kneelift, another, stomp, stomp, overhand right -
Show, from his knees, shoves Raven into the ropes, but Raven comes off and
puts a boot to the face. Show says "nah," grabs the goozle, screams "I
own you" two or three times - ahhhhhhhhTHECHOKESLAAAAAM - good
night. (1:37) Show is IN the show - the seventh qualifier for the King
of the Ring.
Backstage, Steve Austin is WALKING! He comes across Sergeant Slaughter
and apologises for those Stunners he gave him all the way back. Austin,
all smiles, offers a hearty handshake and asks how the family is. After
the small talk, Austin offers his petition - which says it's unfair for
him to have to wrestle Benoit and Jericho in a Triple Threat match.
Slaughter says that it IS unfair, but from one champion to another, he'll
sign the petition. Another handshake. Here comes KEVIN "NAILZ" KELLY,
who asks Austin to explain his petition. "The undersigned hereby agree
with Stone Cold Steve Austin (that's me) that a Triple Threat WWF
Championship match at King of the Ring is unfair and should be rescinded."
Austin says he's been going to airports and shopping malls across America
gaining signatures and support. Austin's all about the airports, isn't
he? "I've got over a thousand signatures (including Sergeant Slaughter's)
and I'm gonna present these signatures to Linda McMahon on RAW is WAR, and
she's got no choice but to listen to the voices of the people, the
supporters of Stone Cold Steve Austin, and change her mind about this
match - that's what I'm doing." Kelly thanks him and starts to
leave...but Austin invites him back. "You don't mind signing the
petition, do ya?" "No sir." "Appreciate it - that line right there. I
think you're a great announcer." "Thank you." Austin wishes his wife and
Edge & Christian may be having their differences....but it looks like
they're still hanging out with that giant bottle of Stacker 2.
"Tough Enough" debuts next week - here's the first of many ads
The scene: A fine restaurant. We spy the R2dicalz and Terri - Saturn
playing with the decor...Malenko speaking: "You know, I'm starting to
think this was a bad idea. I know Commissioner Regal gave us the day off
and everything to go on this double date, and get Perry an opportunity to
take a, take a rest but - I don't know, I just got some bad feelings about
this." "You're nervous because you're married, aren't you?" "No, that's
not it at all - it's just that my buddy set me up with this model, and I
think I got a chance to score with this girl tonight, and I don't want
your boyfriend here to make me look stupid, that's all." "Dean, this is
not about you tonight, this is about Perry...and giving him a break...my
God, I don't want his head hit again, you know, and I think he's finally
starting to get better." The model (Sherry) is taller than all thre of
them - or maybe it's the heels. Dean and Terri make their introductions,
then... "Sherry, this is - well, this is Perry." "Hi Perry." Terri
directs his attention away from the frame on the wall. "You smell like a
Viking! You're welcome." Terri (softly): "Oh, God..." Dean: "It's gonna
be some long night..."
WWF EUROPEAN CHAMPIONSHIP: MATT HARDY (with Lita) v. K-KWIK GETTIN' ROWDY
- tut tut, looks like rain, and Kwik is demonstrating the haute couture
that one can only create when the raincoat of choice is of the clear
plastic variety. Wow, it's sure been a while since I had to endure me
some "Gettin' Rowdy," haanit? WWF Live crawl encroaches on our action as
they tie up - side headlock by Hardy, elbow by Kwik, elbow, into the ropes
but Hardy gives him a shoulder. Jeff Hardy defends HIS belt Sunday on
Heat! Hardy helps him up - for an arm wringer - pounding on the arm -
working that armbar, baby. Austin is looking for Jim Ross. Kwik takes
him to the ropes - reversed whip - Kwik blocks the hiptoss attempt and
manages a body scissors rollup (hey!) for 2. Hardy responds with a small
package for 2. Both men back up - let's do it again. Lockup, hammerlock
by Hardy - Kwik reaches behind and finds nothin'. Crowd can't stand all
this wrestling stuff, I guess, because they chant "Lita." Kwik backs
Hardy to the corner - and connects with a back elbow before breaking.
Kwik with a charismatic schoolboy with his feet on the second rope - 1, 2,
NO! Lita up on the apron to argue with referee "Blind" Mike
Chioda. Hardy ducks, right, whip is reversed...and tragedy is narrowly
averted as Hardy manages to pull up before colliding with his girl - Kwik
takes advantage, however, with a forearm in the back. In the corner,
kick, kick, right, whip is reversed but Kwik goes up and over - a
superfluous backflip is Cole's cue to say "charismatic," of course -
there's a Harlem sidekick! Kwik picks up Hardy but he fights back -
right, right, right, into the ropes, Kwik ducks the clothesline, crossbody
works for Kwik - leg hooked - 1, 2, no! Kwik goes to a front face. Lita
starts the rhythmic clapping as Hardy rises to his feet. Hardy punches
out but Kwik puts a knee in the gut, off the ropes, body scissors but
Hardy reverses into a wheelbarrow suplex! Lita AGAIN starts pounding the
canvas. Matt with a straight right. Kwik gets up to eat another
right. One more right for Kwik. Sitout clothesline gets
2. Undertaker/Angle tonight! Kwik put in the corner, scoop...and a
slam. Off comes the shirt SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAL - second rope
AHHHHHHHHHHdrop - 1, 2, NO! Hardy says that's it - signalling for the
Twist of Fate - maybe took too long, as Kwik shoulders him into the corner
before he can hit it. Hardy out, Kwik ducks the swing and hits a death
suplex. Kwik going up! Looking around and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHing himself
- that's probably a poor idea. Sure enough, Hardy gutshots him on his way
down, Twist of Fate, 1, 2, 3. Back to Jakked for you, O Charismatic
One! (4:19) Kiss for the winner!
Backstage we go, where a guy on the phone is busy affixing his signature
to Austin's petition. "Oh my God I've got something to tell you when I
get home - you are not gonna believe this..." Austin lunges at him to
make him flinch...then walks on - there's Jim Ross and there's a startle!
"Where ya goin', Jim? Huh? TALK TO ME FOOTBALL BOY! Heh heh heh... huh?
How 'bout it there, hillbilly? You gotcher ears on? What's wrong, Jim,
you announce for a living, all of a sudden cat got your tongue? You
cain't talk to...STONE COLD! STONE COLD! STONE COLD! Hehehe - talk to me -
look at ya - got your shirt all pressed, got it starched up boy! You lose
some weight? You look like a million dollars! Hehehe...(suddenly turns
serious) - you know what this is." "Yeah, I know wha--" "Sign it. Write
your stupid little name. J.W. Ross, whatever the hell it is, write it
down." "I'll sign it...under duress." "Anything you want." Austin
watches him walk away - and sneers.
And now, the Blast of the Night, sponsored by JVC's GigaTube something
something! From RAW, Austin lays a major league beatdown on Tajiri.
Your hosts are MICHAEL KING COLE & TAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. What's up with
that stalker? Sign behind them: "KAMALA STALKS SARA" Ahhh, I see....
Let Us Take You Back to RAW Where This Tape Played
Commentators react - how will Taker be affected...and how will Kurt Angle
be affected, coming up next?
In the dressing room, X-Pac tells his mates that it takes gold to get
noticed...and they need Albert to beat Kane tonight to get that
gold. Kurt Angle comes in and agrees with them about the gold
thing. Albert has Kane tonight - Angle has his brother. He suggests that
if they all work as a team tonight, they can both get what they
want. They think they probably COULD work together tonight. "All
right! You X-Factor guys, you're pretty cool...Albert, X-Pac, Justin
Credible...Justin...you know, if you say your last name immediately after
your first name, it sounds like 'Just Incredible.' Get it? 'Just
incredible!' Incredible!" "See ya, man." X-Pac snickers.
Meanwhile, at the restaurant: "...which is why orphans like porridge.
You're welcome." "You are so funny! Dean, your friend is
hysterical!" "Oh yeah, a real riot." "Hi, you ready to order?" "Yeah,
thank God, you know, I think I'm gonna have--" "Do you have any
dinosaurs?" "Excuse me?" "You know, some dinosaurs ate meat while others
ate gravy." Sherry keeps laughing. Terri asks for a minute or
two. "You're welcome!"
Meanwhile, at the Hall of Justice, Regal commends Tajiri for stepping in
on Monday against Stone Cold - despite taking a bloody good hiding. Regal
says he'll get a chance to wrestle tonight. Tajiri says....something in
Japanese. Regal says he'll be entered into the King of the Ring
Tournament tonight. Tajiri is ready to explode with delight. At this
point, Austin comes in - Tajiri craps his pants and cowers. (Look
carefully to see where the set ends) "Relax, little fella. Relax. That
was all a misunderstanding!" Regal readily offers his signature. "I
think you're doing a great job. What about the little fella? WILL YOU
SIGN - can he understand me?" Regal directs Tajiri to sign - Tajiri hands
it back to Regal, though. Austin offers his hand to Regal - Tajiri bows
instead of shaking. Austin bows, and Tajiri offers his hand. Austin goes
to take it - another bow - Austin bows, Tajiri offers his hand...Austin
leaves. "Thanks!" Tajiri goes back to his own special ecstasy.
Commentators shill "The Assignment"
(on his beautiful Transmitido En Espanol SAP, with TV-PG-DLV ratings box)
KURT ANGLE - call me crazy, but I think this one just MIGHT be
quick. "Undertaker, you had the audacity to interrupt me last Monday
night on RAW when I was addressing Shane McMahon for no reason at all - so
allow me to continue. I'm an American Hero! Oh it's true - it's true -
in fact, I'm a SUPERhero! And the best wrestler in the whole entire
world. Hold on a second! I was inducted into the National Wrestling Hall
of Fame! And at King of the Ring, after I win back-to-back King of the
Ring titles, I'll be the first ever WWF superstar to do so! So Shane
McMahon, to wrestle you in a straight up wrestling match....that would be
unfair! And since you happen to be from the 'mean streets of Greenwich,'
I (Kurt Angle) challenge you (Shane McMahon) to a street fight! And
Undertaker - Undertaker - I demand an apology from you! And since I know
I'm not gonna get one, I guess I'm gonna come in there, and BEAT one out
of you! It's true!" Angle ducks a soupbone and begs off - ducks another
soupbone, right - nothing. Right - nope. Right is blocked - soupbone,
soupbone knocks him down. Head to the buckle, back elbow,
soupbone. Taker looks to referee "Blind" Tim White as if to say "Not
tonight." Into the opposite corner, clothesline, BIG sidewalk slam, off
the ropes with an elbowdrop - 1, 2, HE PULLS HIM UP! Blatant choke. Take
chases White out of the ring, then goes back - but Angle surprises him
with an elbow. Right, right, right, right, right, ANGLE argues with
White...then runs into a big boot. Angle ducks a soupbone - and hits a
death suplex! Right, right, right, right, right, kick, right, right,
right, right, choke...White manages a break at 4. Angle back in - Taker
just grabs him by the neck and puts him in the corner -
soupbone, soupbone, soupbone, soupbone, stomp. Taker picks him up - into
the ropes, head down, kick by Angle - no no. Taker swings and misses, but
dumps Angle over the ropes to the floor on HIS charge. Taker out after
him. Angle rolled back in the ring - Taker has some hardware - STEEL
steps top half in the ring as you please. White telling him not to do it
- somehow, I don't think he's listening. WHACK to Angle's head - that'll
do ya. (DQ 2:36) Soupbone, soupbone, soupbone, soupbone, soupbone -
again White takes a dive rather than risk retribution for daring to
attempt to enforce the rules. Here comes X-PACTOR & JUSTIN CREDIBLE - not
much doin' there - chokeslam for Credible - chokeslam for X-Pac. I think
Angle must have made his escape - Credible gets a second chokeslam...and
X-Pac gets a Last Ride. BONG. Credible gets a something extra stomp just
for grins. Taker decides to get on his bike and drive off into the ad
When we come back, Austin approaches John Demico (which I probably spelled
wrong - no, I don't know who he is, leave me alone) - shakes his hand,
then rubs his own hand on his shirt. Austin presents his petition and
gets another signature. Then he calls him Don. Then he shakes his hand
and wipes it off again. AUSTIN AUSTIN AUSTIN
WWF HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP: TEST TEST THIS IS A TEST v. RHYNO (THE MAN
BEAST) - Coming up: Crash/Tajiri for the last KOR slot! Kick by Rhyno,
right, right, into the opposite corner is reversed, big clothesline by
Test. Back to the first corner, another clothesline. Through the ropes
to the floor - I hope Test - NO, he DOESN'T Diesel over the top on his way
out! How DISAPPOINTING! Right, right, right, whip into the barricade is
reversed and Test hits hard. Rhyno goes treasure hunting and produces
several garbage cans and signs. Test rolled back into the ring - Rhyno
grabs the fire extinguisher but Test is ready with a trashcan lid -
WHACK to the head! WHACK! Going for another swing...but Rhyno buries the
fire extinguisher in Test's abdomen! Rhyno stomps, stomp, here's your
Double Feature. Trashcan lid to the back. Right to the body, into the
opposite corner, spear into the ribs. I think he's picked his body
part. Rhyno perches on the turnbuckle, but before he can do anything off
of it, Test just tosses a trashcan at his face. Test with a right,
another right - Rhyno is STILL sitting on the top buckle - SUPERPLEX
THROUGH A TRASHCAN! Test going for the Really, Really Big Boot but Rhyno
ducks it - gutshot by Test when they turn around. Meltdown hits. Test
hooks the leg - 1, 2, NO!! Double Feature of the
supertrashcanplex. Kane/Albert still to come! Test is outside - he's
found a table. Back in the ring - Rhyno is waiting with a trashcan lid -
WHACK! Rhyno positions the table in Goreland. Test with a boot to the
midsection...got him up over the shoulders but Rhyno uses the momentum to
drop to his feet - but Test manages a clothesline before Rhyno can gore
him through the table. Test moves the table out of the corner and sets it
up in the centre. Gutshot by Rhyno - going for a powerbomb but Test
counters with a backdrop. Rhyno swings - Test hooks the arm and hits
Uncle Slam. Rhyno on the table - Test climbing to the top. Could this be
the famous Savage elbow through the table? YES!! But that took a lot out
of Test - he's down, too. Oh, well here comes the sound and video of wCw
- and here come the money as SHANE O MAC comes out to remind us that white
men can't dance - he points backstage...and out comes STACEY KEIBLER,
workin' the hips and those shorts are JUST a bit too short, not that I'm
complaining, I guess, and Rhyno's eyes are LOCKED. Test - "here, catch
this" - that's probably a Van Daminator with the garbage can, yup - boot
to the can, to the head - 1, 2, 3. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new
hardcore champion. (6:35) Second time around for Test - SECURITY is out
but Shane and Keibler are ready to leave anyway. Here's your replay.
Backstage, Austin gets Howard Finkel's signature - as well as a free rub
of his noggin.
Chyna (who?) shills Stacker 2
King of the Ring ad #2
Here's a look at the exterior of the Baltimore Arena
During the Break, it was quite the escort as we took another look at the
gams. Shane asks them to tell his father that WCW is definitely...heating
up. Golly that new logo is soooooooo crappy.
KING OF THE RING QUALIFYING MATCH: CRASH HAS NO LAST NAME (with SmackDown!
is brought to you by Stacker 2, the JVC GigaTube, and Universal Pictures'
"The Fast and the Furious" - sweepstakes at wwf.com!) v. TAJIRI (with
Commissioner Regal - and Commissioner Regal's music) - Tajiri apparently
brought his own gear. WWF Live crawl as we start. Feeling out process -
Tajiri rolls through a tieup attempt - lockup, waistlock by Crash, Tajiri
counters with an armbar. "ECW" chant goes ignored for storyline purposes.
Tajiri moves to a hammerlock, Crash reverses to one of his own, arm
wringer, Tajiri flips out into another arm wringer, Crash revereses, to a
side headlock...chain wrestling to that hammerlock again - spinning Tajiri
around for a right hand. Into the ropes, Tajiri holds on and stops
himself. Crash runs at him, but Tajiri dumps him onto the apron. Crash
tries to grab Tajiri's head - but Tajiri reaches back with a LIGHTNING
back kick that almost takes Crash's head off and DOES send him to the
floor. Tajiri dares him to come back in as we check the Doubel Feature.
Knife-edge chop. Tajiri asks Doan to please shhhhh so we can all hear
this slap. Crash reverses, slap, kick, kick, sat on top but Tajiri ducks
under Crash's legs as HE climbs to the top - ohhh that's the Tree of Woe
and it hurts when you stand on Crash's neck - well, it hurts *Crash*
anyway. Tajiri winds up, backs up...and squeals into a baseball slide
dropkick to Crash's head! Judging by the bugged-out-edness of his eyes, I
think Regal likes what he's seeing. Tajiri nips up (oh come on) and puts
Crash into the ropes - Crash ducks the clothesline, body scissors rollup
surprises Tajiri for 2, but he pops up with another big superkick. Crash
put into the ropes - Crash hangs onto the ropes and the roundhouse kick
whiffs. Crash ducks the clothesline - European forearm, make it three -
into the ropes, back elbow. Clothesline puts him down. Crash's corner
whip is reversed, but he gets the boot up - nice missile dropkick! 1, 2,
NO! Tajiri kicks out. Tajiri put into the corner - trying to leap up as
Crash comes in - Crash's head between the legs - wrapped up in the ropes -
that's the TARANTULA! Doan tries to get all this out of the ropes...and
actually succeeds. Loud "ECW" chant. Tajiri with a gourdbuster - now
signalling...winding up...and *unleashing* the BIG OL' KICK TO THE FACE.
That'll do ya - legs are hooked, 1, 2, 3 - Tajiri will move on. (3:09) I
don't know, I think that match probably SUCKED because there was no GREEN
MIST. No, wait, that match RULED and YOU suck.
Austin is looking for the Big Show...and finds him on the john. Woo hoo,
poo poo jokes! Fart noises! I wonder - is this part of that "attitude
"WWF: The Music (Volume 5)" ad - get it at Target
The WWF Slam of the Week is brought to you by Jared - and Subway! From
RAW, Albert sneaks in a Baldobomb to help Christian get past Kane in their
King of the Ring Qualifier
Here's a look at WWF New York!
Back to the restaurant where Perry and Sherry are conversing
thusly: "Ready?" "Ready?" "I
one the garbage can." "I... two the garbage can?" "I three the garbage
can." "I four the garbage can." I five the garbage can." "I six the
garbage can." "I seven the garbage can." "I eight the garbage
can." "You ate the garbage can! She ate the garbage can! She ate the -
she ate the garbage can." Waiter: "That's super." "She ate the garbage
can..." Malenko: "Unbelievable! You know pigeons, they wear lipstick so
they can get out of speeding tickets." "I don't get it." "She ate the
GARBAGE can!" Terri pats his head. "You're welcome."
Kevin Kelly stands with Test. How does it feel to beat Rhyno and once
again become hardcore champion? "Kevin, winning the hardcore title is one
of the hardest titles to win - and with the 24/7 rule, it's even harder to
defend - but hey, I welcome all challenges. And as far as Shane O Mac is
concerned, Shane's a helluva guy...and it doesn't really hurt to have a
little help from your friends. And how about that Stacey Keibler? How
hot was that?" They get interrupted by a video on the Magic Window...
"Undertaker...you've left Sara alone again. Once again, Sara's hiding
out. This time, though, with protection. Undertaker - there is no
protection from me. Because what I want, Undertaker, is beyond what
you've ever imagined. I'm tired of your gamesmanship, Undertaker - your
twisted, sordid mind. It's time for me to come forward. It's time for
me, Undertaker - it's time for MY dreams to come true."
We look back to the set, where Kelly and Test are gone - and Taker is seen
watching the Magic Window. He grits his teeth and pounds on the
wall...and takes off.
Cole asks us to imagine the angst and torment.
While Spike tells Molly how great the past few weeks have been, Molly says
she's never felt this way before. Fortunately, we're spared a
continuation of this line of chatter by Stone Cold Steve Austin.
"Hahaha! Isn't this special? Hey Spike - the two little lovebirds, huh?
Hehe - am I interrupting ya? Huh? Talk to me, you scared of me? You
know what I got goin' don'cha Spike? You know exactly what's going on,
you know what's going on? Never mind. I want you to sign it, Spike, I
need to have your name on this thing. Right there, that's the King of the
Ring deal, that's your little name, Spike. You sign it, your little bimbo
girlfriend can sign it too--" "Ho...ho - what'd you call her?" "Molly.
She's a bimbo, hadn't you heard?" "Hey - man, you can't go calling her a
bimbo." "Well, I'll call her anything I want! I'm Stone Cold Steve
Austin! All I need you to do is sign the damn petition, Spike! She's a
golddigger, look at her!" "Look, I don't care what your name is, I don't
care if you're Stone Cold Steve Austin, you can't talk about my girlfriend
like that!" "Yeah I can" "No you can't." "I just did. She's a tramp!"
"Well to hell with your damn petition then!" And he rips it
up! "**You're not talking about my girlfriend like that!**" Off they
go. Austin, stunned, looks at the remains of his petition in
disbelief. Just as we head to break, he looks about ready to snap...
Moments Ago, Four or Five Sentences Ago
Regal congratulates Tajiri on a job well done - he can continue on in the
King of the Ring on Monday night (hmmm, quarters on TV instead of the PPV,
huh? Interesting) - suddenly, Austin barges in. "Commissioner,
Commissioner! Look! L-L-Look what he did!" "Who?" "Spike! Spike
Dudley! This is my contract, my petition, he ripped it all to shreds, he
ruined every single thing I've done! And if he's gonna ruin my damn day,
I'm gonna, I want that son of a (beep) tonight, in the ring, I want Spike
Dudley - Stone Cold! Put the title on the line - oh yeah - I wanna defend
the WWF title against Spike Dudley and I want you to make it happen!"
Regal says he's got it.
WWF INTERKANETINENTAL TITLE: KANE v. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAALBERT (with Let Us
Take You Back to Earlier Tonight) - make it FIVE title matches tonight -
Albert is alone thanks to Taker punking out his comrades earlier. Kane
with "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," right, right, Albert with a
right, Kane, Albert, Kane, block, right, right, kick, back elbow, right,
into the opposite corner - but Albert gets the boot up - off the ropes
yaaaaaaah into a Kane powerslam, though. Albert blocks the head to the
buckle and does yaaaaaah one of his own instead. Yaah kick, kick, yaaaah
forearm in the back, yaaaah again. Into the opposite corner -
yaaaaaavalanche misses. Kane with a running clothesline in the corner.
Uppercut. Kane puts Albert into the ropes, reversed, Kane ducks the yaah
clothesline, but Albert yaaah hot shots him. Yaaaaaaah bell clap.
Yaaaaaaah stomp. Kane comes back with an uppercut - and another - Albert
with a right - shoved into the corner - yaaaaaah press out - and drop.
Albert with a running yaaaaaaah field goal kick. Yah right. Double
Feature of the press. Kane fires back - right, right - Albert to the gut
- double underhook yaaaaaah butterfly suplex - 1, 2, no! Yaaaaah headbutt
MISSES. Kane right, right, whip is reversed but Albert puts the head down
- Kane with a neckbreaker. Back into the ropes but Albert reverses and
pulls Kane into yaaah but Kane ducks - Albert doesn't miss the next
clothesline, though. Kane up in the corner - avalanche DOES find the mark
this time. Whip into the opposite corner - head of steam but Kane gets
the elbow up. Kane with a big boot. He's going out, he's going up - he's
coming down with that trademark flying clothesline. Albert staggers into
a scoop...and Kane hits a powerslam - but only for 2! Kane makes the
international sign of the goozle - choke - NO, Albert counters into a
DDT! Both men are down - Albert trying to roll - got an arm on him - 1,
2, NO!! Albert back to his feet - winding up - there's the bicycle
kick! 1, 2, NO!!!! Kane kicked out of the pump kick! Albert's got one
move left - and he sets up for the Baldobomb...but Kane dropkicks out of
the attempt! Albert tries to come back - whip into the ropes - Kane
ducks, choke - CHOKESLAM! Leg is hooked - 1, 2, 3! (5:23) Champ
Back at the restaurant, dessert is served. "Here you go, and for the
gentleman...a bowl of mustard...and a side order of crayons." "The blue
ones are for fiber." "Uh huh." Sherry: "Here, try this." And she feeds
him a bite of hers. Terri seems kinda annoyed. Dean seems kinda...well,
he says "oh, kill me. Just kill me." Terri: "You know what? I have had
enough of her. Excuse me." She whispers something in his ear and gets
up. Dean slides over one seat. "Hey, Perry - LOOK! A spoon!" Terri is
up from behind with a serving tray. "Say good night, Sherry!" She swings
- but Sherry ducks and runs off - BONG - Perry takes the shot. Malenko:
"Sherry! I'll call ya!" Saturn: "Yahtzee! You're welcome." Terri feels
pretty bad, yup.
Tough Enough ad - again
WWF CHAMPIONSHIP: SPIKE
DAMN DUDLEY (by his damn self) v. MY NAME IS STONE
COLD STEVE AUSTIN (with what's left of his petition) - Austin wastes
no time running into Spike, running over Spike, and raining down on Spike
with punches in bunches. Spike quickly leaves his feet - Austin just
won't stop stomping. I think that's eighteen. Austin runs Spike into a
cornerpost as MOLLY HOLLY bounds out. Austin using his own boot and the
bottom rope as a vice on Spike's neck. Austin using BOTH boots on Spike's
face. Big boot drop. Austin with a threatening glance to referee "Blind"
Earl Hebner. Spike tries to pull himself up by Austin's leg - right hand,
right, right, right, no effect - Austin rakes the eyes. "Austin sucks!"
Head to the buckle. And again. Austin sails Spike over the top to the
floor - and then goes out after him. Head to the STEEL steps. Scooped up
- and throated on the barricade. Austin readies Spike - but Spike manages
to counter, and it's *Austin* going over the commentary table! Austin
rolls back to the floor - Spike barrels over him again! Spike with right
hands - Spike is BITING him! Spike stomping away - but the whip into the
steps is reversed and Spike hits hard. Austin rams Dudley's head into the
commentary table. Back into the ring we go - CROSSFACE!! Austin lets go
before Spike can tap - Austin with the WALLS OF JERICHO!! Look at
Austin's eyes. Austin lets THAT hold go - he is a wild man, letting
everyone in the audience look into his eyes. Austin picks Dudley up - and
rams his head into the turnbuckle again. Forearm to the back - again -
again - head to the turnbuckle. Spike's trick knee manages to act up just
when Hebner finds himself not watching the action. Spike runs at Austin -
but ends up running into a big spinebuster. Double bird, KICK WHAM
STUNNER, Austin hooks both legs AND grabs the pants (just in case) - 1, 2,
3. (4:32) Austin grabs his belt and curls up his lips as he climbs the
corner. Replay of the finish. Molly is in to check on her
boyfriend...Austin turns back, looks in the ring....and heads back in -
but not before waylaying TONY CHIMEL and grabbing his chair. Molly runs
out - but Spike is a dead duck. Point of the chair right in Spike's
sternum - again - three times. WHACK to the back! WHACK! WHACK! Molly
comes in to check on Spike as Austin rants to the crowd - he turns
back...and sees Molly in front of him...his eyes light up and he starts
SMILING. Will he? No! Because CHRIS THURSDAY JERICHO & CHRIS BENOIT are
out and THEY also carry STEEL chairs. Austin swings for Benoit and
misses - Jericho with a shot in the back! Austin rolls under the bottom
rope and back up the ramp - play Benoit's music! Benoit and Jericho help
Molly check on Dudley....while Austin grabs his back. Credits are up and