I've been spending my holiday here in Modesto, and let ME tell you: the
only thing people HERE *really* feel strongly about is that the "media" is
spending too damn much time hounding our representative. Just 'cause he
won't speak to THEM doesn't automatically make it a STORY. (Of course,
now he's come out and admitted he was getting some on the side, so he's
toast. Too bad, too - he was our greatest rep since Tony Coelho - HEY
WAIT A MINUTE)
I *think* KMAX is doing some strange local pre-emptions on the ad side, so
if I miss making fun of your favourite WWF-related spot, it's probably the
fact that the local UPN affiliate here HATES YOU.
Which affiliate? UPN! And what night? THURSDAY! I think it bears
repeating that this bumper may be the most widely seen, most obsolete
display of talen assembled in a clip - here's the roll call one more
time: Rock, Chyna, Chris Jericho, Dudley Boyz, Trish Stratus, Triple H,
Eddie Guerrero - ay
TV-PG-DLV - One World Leader Attitude - WWF!
LAST MONDAY: Wow, great, a Special Look at our Vince/Torrie "story" -
gosh, that strange blue tinting sure makes their backs look kinda...
umm... ROUGH - say, go read the RAW report but
don't say I didn't warn ya - it's not worth it - yikes, what's up with
that weird background music?
Opening Credits - Close Captioned
BOOM BOOM BOOM - once again from the TacomaDome and transmitido en espanol
SAP, tonight on UPN and the Score, 5.7.1 from Tacoma, WA (taped 3.7) -
what did I forget? Oh yeah - THIS... is WWF SMACKDOWN!
TONIGHT: WWF Tag Team Championship - Dudley Boyz vs. Spike Dudley & Chris
TONIGHT: WCW Championship - Booker T. vs. Diamond Dallas Page!
WWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP: CHRIS THURSDAY JERICHO & SPIKE DAMN DUDLEY v.
DAMN DUDLEYZ (with Let Us Take You Back to RAW) - well, on one hand
Jericho beat the champs by himself, so he should have no problems teaming
with Spike - on the other hand, Spike couldn't beat the champs teaming
with Kane, so how can he win teaming with Jericho? Gawrsh, I guess it IS
an "any given night" kinda thing. Hey, this match is FIRST? Hmmm. Sure
enough, there's referee "Blind" Earl Hebner jerking the curtain one more
time. Jericho and D-Von start - kick by D-Von, right, right is blocked,
Jericho right, right, right, right by D-Von to come back. Right in the
corner, right, right, kick, kick, right, right. Pulling him back up for
a....right. Into the opposite corner - Jericho springs out with a
clothesline. Kick, into the ropes, D-Von ducks the clothseline, but not
the chop - chop, chop, into the ropes, knee in the gut - armdrag. Off the
ropes, springboard dropkick and D-Von goes out. Bubba Ray in - backdrop
by Jericho, dropkick puts him out - Spike in, Jericho on all fours -
there's a boost on the plancha! D-Von rolled back in for Jericho - scoop
slam - oh, no, Jericho holding D-Von for "What Are You Doing?" from Spike!
Of course, Bubba Ray is protesting SO much that Hebner looks at him
instead of the illegal headbutt. Spike winds up - then hits a Piper
eyepoke - into the ropes is reversed - Spike ducks the clothesline -
gutshot, going up for the 'dog - but D-Von catches him and sits him on
top. Bubba Ray decides to Tree of Woe him while he's sitting up there.
D-Von with stomps in the gut, and Spike falls back to the mat.
PlayStation Double Feature. Back to the corner - open shot by Bubba Ray -
right, right. Into the ropes, BIG back body drop. Bubba Ray measures an
elbow...but decides to just walk over his face instead. PlayStation
Double Feature of the backdrop. Tag to D-Von - Spike into the ropes for a
HUGE double flapjack. How about another PlayStation Double Feature?
Spike put in the corner - evades the splash, but D-Von dumps him on HIS
attempt - Spike ducks the clothesline and runs the apron - into Bubba
Ray's boot, which puts him on the floor. Bubba Ray over with a right,
then rolls him back in - D-Von covers - 1, 2, Jericho saves. Scoop...and
a slam. D-Von to the second rope - legdrop MISSES (that must be like
Bubba Ray's senton) and both men are down - crowd clappin - tag to Bubba
Ray, HOT TAG to Jericho! Duck, off the ropes with the flying
jalapeno! Off the ropes with a clothesline! Off the ropes, ducks Bubba
Ray, shoves D-Von to the floor, Viscera kick for Bubba Ray! Into the
corner, bulldog out misses, but Jericho recovers - double leg takedown and
Walls of Jericho! D-Von makes it back in, though - Jericho lets go and
forearms HIM. Tag to Spike - D-Von tossed out - Jericho after him -
missile dropkick by Spike on Bubba Ray - 1, 2, NO!! Spike punching away
on Bubba Ray - off the ropes - sunset flip attempt - Bubba Ray has too
much mass, though - duck-walking to the ropes...but Jericho is up on the
apron! Right hand and Bubba Ray falls backwards - 1, 2, NO!! D-Von grabs
Jericho off the apron and throats him on the barricade - ouch. Back in
the ring, Spike goes for the 'dog once again - Bubba Ray throws him off
again - Spike ducks a clothesline from D-Von, but falls into 3D (Dudley
Death Drop) - Bubba Ray covers - 1, 2, 3. (6:38) Here's a
replay. Coming back, Jericho pounds both Dudleyz in the back before they
can add any insult to injury. Play HIS music - 'cause he LOST!
To the Fun Room, where Vince paces about in his cabana shirt - yes, he's
wearing pants. Here come Steve and Debra - she carrying three packages.
"How ya doin'?" "I'm not doin' good at all, I - you know, I mean last
Monday was a nightmare for me, I've never been...seen with my pants...and
my underwear were down around my ankles...I mean, and that woman - that
conniving woman - I mean, and..." "She set you up." "That's exactly what
she did, and....I'm not over it. I just can't come to GRIPS with it, I'm
not over it." "You've got to get yourself together, man.... You're Vince
McMahon!" "I know I am, but..." Debra: "Well, if you don't mind ME
sayin' - Mr. McMahon, I think you TOTALLY got what you deserved." "This
is Vince McMahon, Debra...he didn't deserve to be humiliated on--" "Yes
he did." "No he didn't!" "Hey - I brought something to lighten the mood
a little bit. I brought you a present. I brought you a present from
Texas." "You - really, for me?" "Yeah!" "You'll love it." "Really?"
"And I was...well I was in the gift-givin' mood, so I bought myself one
too." "Yeah?" "Got it right here." "Umm...should I open it now?"
"Well...let's open 'em together!" "All right, let's open them together!"
And so they do. Smiles all around as a pair of white cowboy hats are
produced. "You like it, don't you?" "I can't believe you did this for
me." "You know, being from Texas and all, I thought this would be the
thing to cheer you up." "Well, here goes..." "Put it on, pardner!" HA!
"What do you think, Debra?" "Oh, that is SO you." "Goes with the shirt,
doesn't it?" "Oh, absolutely." "You look great." "Oh, thank you."
"HOW ARE YA DOIN' THERE, COWBOY?" And now for more fun, here's Kurt
Angle. "Hey how are you? Vince, how are you doin'." "Kurt how are you
doing." Vince takes the handshake - Austin doesn't. "Well - I'm here.
...hey, I don't know if you guys realise this, but you have the same,
identical cowboy hats on!" Pause for laughter. "Look, I don't know if
you remember what happened to me on Monday, okay?" "Yeah, yeah, Vince,
I'm really sorry about that...." "And...you know what? And, and
Steve...brought me a gift. This is a gift from Stone Cold Steve Austin
all the way from Texas, and quite frankly, it's doing a hell of a lot to
cheer me up." "I'm glad." "That's great." Angle mopes - maybe fights
back tears. Austin: "What's wrong." "Well, you got Vince a gift - you
even got yourself a gift...you didn't get ME a gift." Austin laughs.
"You know, you think Stone Cold Steve Austin's a big tough guy all of the
time, but..." taps his chin. "I gotcha something, you little rascal.
Yeah, I didn't forget about you! You and me are pals! I like ya - not
very much, but I like ya." "Is that it?" "Here it is - it's for you."
"Oh man, this is great." "Sit down, open it up." "Aw, guys!" Vince and
Austin adjust their hats as Angle, behind them, opens his package...and
puts on his hat. "Hey guys, how's this look? I feel like a real cowboy.
Yippee-kie-ay!" Angle reveals his hat - a kids hat, complete with red
sheriff's badge emblem. "You look great." "Tank you. I FEEL great!"
"You look really great." I guess Austin's disappointed Angle doesn't
recognise it's a kid's hat...? Whatever, Angle looks DAMN funny, and
that's all that counts.
"WWF: The Music (Volume 5)" ad - get it at Target
Commentators shill "Player's Club"
Your hosts, by the way, are MICHAEL STONE COLE &
TAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. There's tension in the locker room, yo - it's all
them WCW folk
Earlier Tonight, Earl Hebner told Nick Patrick to keep his crappy shirts
on his side. Things degenerated to...get this...a shoving match. Say,
who holds back the referees when REFEREES fight? Hebner's got a point
about their shirts, though...
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, GIVE CRASH HIS LAST NAME BACK (with Let Us Take You
Back to RAW) v. JACQUELINE
(with "Next week, the San Francisco Giants game pre-empts SmackDown! until
Saturday" crawl) - Crash runs right at her and barrels her over - stomp,
stomp, stomp, stomp. Pulling her to the ropes - chinlock, trash talk.
Pulling her back up - into the ropes, Jackie ducks, slides under, forearm,
forearm, ducks a clothesline, chop, chop, Crash with a knee, and a forearm
in the back to put her down. Toss through the ropes. Crash checks his
nose to see if it's broken - yikes! Crash tries a baseball slide and
misses - Jackie hits a clothesline. Tonight: Booker T. vs. DDP! Jackie
runs the arm into the post - then pulls him into the ring by that arm.
Crash goes to the face. Kick in the gut, kick, into the opposite corner,
but misses a clothesline in the corner - Jackie with an armdrag - arm
wringer - I think she's picked her body part, but Crash yanks her hair and
pulls her back down to the mat. Elbowdrop - MISSES. Jackie back to the
arm wringer. Crash winds up for a punch - Jackie pulls the arm and he
forgets. Jackie climbing up the corner, STILL holding the arm - legdrop
on the arm to the canvas! Into the corner - Crash gets a knee up to stop
her. Crash going for a DDT, but Jackie slips out and manages another snap
arm wringer, taking him down - going for the tornado DDT but Crash
reverses into a Northern Lights with bridge...for 2. Crash going up -
Jackie crotches him - Crash's nose IS bleeding - Jackie climbing up -
looks like a Frankensteiner! 1, 2, 3! (3:14) I'm awaiting word from the
slashwrestling.com official scorer... Number of times "Tough Enough" said
during this segment: 8
This month's WWF FANatic Presentation is "WWF Hardcore!"
Edge & Christian shill Stacker 2
The WWF Rewind is brought to you by RC Cola! From RAW, Jeff Hardy saves
Trish Stratus from the Big Show
In the locker room, Trish catches up to Jeff...and thanks him for the
save. Jeff starts to say he dropkicked the Big Show not to save her, but
just to...but catches himself and stops. Matt and Lita barge in. "I'm
not here to cause problems - I was just here to thank Jeff." Off she goes
- suspicious looks all around. Jeff: "What's goin' on?"
Cole reminds us that Lita is still mad that Trish kissed Matt last week -
man, I forgot all about that. I guess it's a good thing he reminded me,
Let Us Take You Back to RAW where the historic WCW Championship matchup
ended in...a run-in. At least Angle and Austin got some yuks outta me by
beating up Buff Bagwell after it was all said and done.
Earlier Today, the all-seeing WWF cameras caught Booker T. entering the
building. Hardcore Holly met him first. "Oh Booker, you're back for some
more, huh? Enjoy yourself last Monday night?" Booker goes through the
second door to find Raven, Buchanan, K-Kwik, Goodfather, Haku and the APA
clearing a path for him. As he walks by, Bradshaw can't help it: "Boy
that was a hell of a (beep) whuppin' you took Monday night,
Booker." Faarooq: "Damn shame - how you feelin'? DAME." Booker turns
back. "Yeah I got my (beep) kicked. I might get it kicked tonight. But
you know what? I'm the WCW Champion...tonight, I'm gonna defend the WCW
Championship." Off he goes. Is that respect in the APA's eyes? Naaah
"What the hell is Booker T doing here?" "He didn't get enough last Monday
night?" "No he didn't, I guess." "I guess he'll just gonna have to get
more tonight." There's a knock - Angle is dispatched to get the door.
"Who is it?" "Mr. McMahon." "Ahhh, and who are you?" "I'm Mike Holmes."
"Oh, sure, come on in...come on in, he's right in here." "Vince McMahon?"
"Yeah?" And he slaps an envelope on him. "Have a good day, sir!"
"'Have a good day, sir?' Do you know who you just let in here?" "No."
"Do you know what this is?" "No." "It's a damn summons, I'll
guarandamntee it!" Austin: "What are you thinkin'?" "He asked for Mr.
McMahon, I let him in--" "Loosen the damn string on your damn cowboy
hat!" Vince opens it. "I gotta be in court...on the 23rd of this
month...for that witch's settlement." He rips it up. Austin: "Look what
you caused! I tried to settle this guy down! Gimme the hat back."
"You're not gettin' my hat!" "Gimme the hat back, you don't deserve it!"
"No way - no way!" "Gimme the hat." "If I give you my hat back...you're
an Indian giver." "You're a jackass!" "No, I'm not - I'm not a jackass,
you're an Indian giver." "Jackass!" "Indian giver." "Jackass."
"You're an Indian giver!" And so on... Vince: "DAMMIT! Dammit PLEASE!
I just got SUBPOENAED!" "Jackass!" "Indian giver."
Catch the WWF Live! Saturday tix go on sale for San Diego and Uniondale!
WCW CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP: BILLY KIDMAN v. SHANE - CHECK THAT,
GREGORY HELMS - SCOTT HUDSON & ARN ANDERSON take the commentary position
as the WCW graphics take over. No word as to why he's Gregory now - must
be a Regal thing. Later tonight, Booker T. vs. Diamond Dallas Page!
Let's go: lockup, side headlock by Kidman, Helms elbows out - off the
ropes, Kidman with a rollup for 1. Sunset flip for 2. Right hand by
Helms. Right by Kidman, right, right, right, right - into the corner,
Helms dumps him on the charge - shoulder to the gut by Kidman,
headscissors takeover back in - nice dropkick takes him out - PESCADO by
Kidman! (Hudson: "tope") - hmmm, X-Pac watching on the Magic Window -
Helms put back in, Kidman climbing up top...plancha (sorta) lands - 1, 2,
no. Forearm by Kidman - into the ropes is reversed, head down and Kidman
kicks. Dueling hiptosses all the way to the ropes - Helms wins and Kidman
goes up and over...and out. Helms out after him. Stomp, stomp,
stomp. WOW Catapult - into the ringpost! Kidman tossed back in - Helms
with the press - 1, 2, nope. Sidewalk slam - check that, it's a
backbreaker across the knee - again Helms gets 2 from referee
"Blind" Charles Robinson. Going for the Vertebraeker but Kidman forearms
out of the attempt - running to the corner and Kidman hangs on to hit the
bulldog. Kidman with "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," again, right,
into the ropes, Kidman slides under a kick and hits a Rydeen bomb for
2. Sternum first into the corner, but Helms ducks the clothesline off the
ropes - Sugar Smack! Make that a "Gregory Smack" - 1, 2, Kidman gets
out. Going for a front suplex but Kidman fights the attempt - falcon
arrow by Kidman hits. Kidman's going up top - shooting star press
(!) MISSES! Helms picks him up - Nightmare on Helms Street! 1, 2, NO! I
wonder if Big Show will use the Final Cut anymore... Helms going for the
Vertebraeker...Kidman leans back and lands on his feet. Kidman on the
shoulders - Kidman down to his knees, giving Helms a Pedigree-esque plant
on his head - cover - 1, 2, 3! Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new
cruiserweight champion. (SF 4:15)
Back to the Fun Room. "That woman - those women - those conniving
women..." Vince says they're trying to ruin his reputation. Debra says
she doesn't think that's possible. Vince says he won't let it happen -
all he's gotta do is go to the public and tell his side of the story -
they'll understand! "It's simply about ME telling the truth! Excuse
me." Angle relates to Austin how he first learned to tell the truth back
in the cub scouts. "The cub scouts?" "Yeah, cub scouts, Webelos, Boy
Scouts...I did 'em all!" "What do you mean, 'you did 'em
all?'" "Huh?" That one was kinda pretty weak.
Lugz brings the WWF Boot of the Week - from RAW, Torrie connives Vinces
into a chance encounter with...his wife.
Christian gets friendly with Edge's trophy...as Edge comes in. He's got
an IC title shot tonight but nobody's allowed at ringside for the
match. "Oh...I guess I'll just stay here with this, then." Christian
hugs the trophy.
MR. McMAHON (with the TV-PG-DLV ratings box) hits the ring - OH THANK GOD.
This hour will ALSO be transmitido en espanol SAP - of course, it's eight
to the hour, but I have a suspicion Vince may talk us up to 9 o'clock.
Vince puts his hat on the ringpost - we look back to see Austin and Angle
watching intently. "You know they say - they say when you come into this
world, and when you leave this world, likewise you have nothing. I'm here
to tell you that's just not the case. Because, when each and every one of
you leave this Mother Earth when you die, you leave with either a good or
a bad reputation. That's what you leave with - something dear to me.
So, therefore, I would just like to state that my wife (Linda McMahon)
would have you all believe...that, quite frankly, I have a bad reputation.
My wife (Linda McMahon) would have you believe that I am a womanizer -
that I'm a philanderer - a skirt-chaser - even a lech - and last Monday
night, my wife conspired with WCW Torrie Wilson - and the two of them
conspired against me and tried to ruin my reputation. And by the way,
just for the record, I wasn't going to go that far with Torrie Wilson - I
wasn't... I admit, I admit...I may have had a little lust in my heart - I
admit, I may have thought about her soft, warm, moist lips...but I wasn't
gonna let her go too far - I was simply testing Torrie Wilson's loyalty -
that's all I was going to do, as a prospective WWF superstar. Now then,
these last few days have been quite traumatic for me, and even tonight
I've experienced quite a bit of trauma - I was served a subpoena tonight
to appear before a judge on the 23rd of July of this month (huh?), one day
after inVasion - and the subject matter is division of assets. Now, I
must say that I'm coming before you here tonight to simply protect my
reputation - to simply say to all of you that are here in this arena -
each and every one of you - to say that, to all the people all over the
world who may be listening to me as we speak, and to say to that judge who
may be presiding over this division of assets on the 23rd of July...I'm
simply saying...I'm sorry. ... No, I...if I've ever caused anyone any
pain, I'm really sorry. I'm sorry...from the bottom of my heart. I'm
sorry..." Crowd chants "Bullshit." "No - believe me - no, I - I - I'm
sorry! I'm sorry for the pain I've caused - I'm sorry for the heartbreak
that I may have given! I'm sorry for being misunderstood! I'm sorry for
being misinterpreted! I'm sorry - I'm genuinely SORRY! My God, I'm sorry
for having been born! I'm sorry--" "Mr. McMahon, please listen to
reason!" It's COMMISSIONER REGAL & TAJIRI. I should point out that we've
been cutting backstage to Angle & Austin - Austin has been holding his
heart, and even wiping tears from his eyes in reaction to Vince's
words. Vince, meanwhile, has made it down to both knees in his
contrition. "I cannot bear to see you looking like this! Please, stand
up - please. Mr. McMahon...it is your overwhelming kindness that has made
YOU the victim. It is NOT your fault! It is not your fault!" Tajiri
nods. Vince...HUGS Regal! This brings Angle and Austin to their
feet. Shock. "You're right, Commissioner! It's NOT my fault! No - no
it's not - it's not my fault that women find me incredibly attractive and
irresistible! No! It's not my fault I happen to be a virile man! It's
not my fault I happen to be charismatic! It's not my fault that I happen
to be a self-mad billionaire that people take advantage of! It's not even
my fault that my personal physician claims that I'm well-endowed! It's
not my fault - and quite frankly, I don't have a damn thing in common with
any of you here in this arena - THANK GOD! Thank God my name is Vince
McMahon, and I'm DAMN PROUD OF IT!" Play his music! Regal and Tajiri
applaud, while Angle and Austin share a look. WOW CAN YOU *IMAGINE* THE
*WRESTLING MATCHES* THAT WILL COME OUT OF THIS...ohhhh actually no
Jakks Pacific Hardcore Ring & Finish Moves Action Figures ad
BOYZ (with Lita - and SmackDown! is brought to you by Stacker 2, the
JVC Giga-Tube, and PlayStation 2!) v. THA 1 BILLY GUNN and WELL IT'S THE
BIG SHOW - I won't even BEGIN to explain how THIS match came about (mostly
'cause I can't) - something about Gunn and Show believing everyone's
against them ... and they're right! Gunn and Matt start - lockup, to the
corner - right by Gunn, kick, kick, kick, kick - not much of a clean break
- into the opposite corner is reversed, but Gunn puts up an elbow - then
rungs into an armdrag - and a second one - Hardy working the armbar. Gunn
elbows out - into the corner - and runs into a drop toehold into the
buckle. Tag to Jeff - doubleteam in the corner - to the other corner -
Poetry in Motion - GUNN FLOP! Jeff covers - but only gets 2. Edge/Albert
coming up next! Gunn breaks the armbar with a face rake - tag to Show -
Jeff tossed into the corner - evades the elbow - evades the clothesline -
going for a flying leap from the second rope - Show decides Hardy needs to
take a flying leap, calmly catching him - stopping the 'rana attempt (ha
HA!) from THERE - Hardy peppers him with punches again - Show throws him
over his shoudlers and falls back into a Giant flapjack. Well it's a big
forearm across the chest. Well it's a big headbutt. Referee "Blind" Mike
Chioda wants him off the hair - not having much luck there. Tossed into
the corner. Well it's a big knee to the chest - another - well it's a big
hair beal. Well it's a big elbowdrop. Jeff is dead. Well it's a big
legdrop. Show drags Jeff to the centre - what's he gonna do now? First
rope - second rope - ahhhhhhh - elbowdrop MISSES! Tag to Gunn - over in
time, dragging him away from his corner - but Hardy manages the mule kick
- and HOT TAG! Clothesline! Clothesline! Into the ropes, reversed by
Gunn, but the head is down - swinging DDT gets 2 for Hardy. Right by
Hardy, off the ropes but Gunn sidesteps and puts him through the
ropes. There's a tag and there goes Show after him - behind everyone's
back, Lita is in with a Cheaterana for Gunn, putting him outside. Show
presses Matt over the top rope from the floor. Jeff flies over - Show
shoves HIM away - shove for Matt, shove for Jeff - Matt grabbed in the
choke - Jeff up top, though - missile dropkick! Matt dropkicks the knee -
Twist of Fate!! Jeff going up top - swantonbomb LANDS! Matt Hardy with a
top rope ahhhhhhh drop - but Chioda is putting Jeff back in his corner,
and this allows Gunn to come in and hit his cobra clutch slam on
Matt. Show makes the cover as everybody heads back into position - Chioda
finally awake - 1, 2, 3. (5:21) Replay of the legdrop, the One and Only,
Back to the room of fun - Vince, Austin, Angle, Debra, Regal and Tajiri.
"Well then - so, tonight, I'm gonna go celebrate! I'm gonna go celebrate
the fact that I'm Vince McMahon! That's what I'm gonna do, as a matter of
fact, if it's all right with you guys I'm gonna take the rest of the night
off." "You do that, partner." "Yeah! And, as a matter of fact, I think
what I'm also gonna do, no offense Debra - I think I'm gonna go to the
nearest nudie bar and have a drink. C'mon, Tajiri, you're coming with me
- c'mon, let's go. C'mon. You'll be all right - guaranteed to have some
fun." And...they're off, leaving Austin and Angle to scowl at Regal.
Austin: "What were you thinking?" "Yeah, what WERE you thinking?"
"What're you doin' hugging Vince McMahon." "I was just trying to console
the poor fellow..." "Don't you ever..." "And Stone Cold means EVER..."
"hug Vince McMahon again. You understand me?" "I think so, yes." "You
make me sick." "Yeah - sick." "YOU make me sick." "He makes me sick."
"Both of you guys make me sick." "Why do I make you sick?" "You do."
"Well you make me sick." "You make me sicker." "Not as sick as he makes
me!" "He makes me real sick!" "He makes me disgustingly sick!" "You
make me wanna throw up." "Oh...ho...." "Top that."
Tough Enough ad - oh man I NEEDED one o' those
WWF INTERALBERTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAALBERT (with Let Us
Take You Back to RAW) v. KING EDGE (with ByTeThiS! hype) - How about a few
words from the challenger? "Wow - this is like a mixed bag for me,
Albert. On the one hand, I have a shot at the intercontinental
championship - on the other hand, no one's gonna see it, because once they
hear your music hit, they're gonna totally change the channel! That song
is BRUTAL! Did you actually pay someone to sing that? I, King Edge the
Awesome, am not dealing with the X Factor - I'm dealing with the CRAP
factor! Edge hits the ring - and eats a right - and two more rights.
Tossed over the top - Edge lands on the apron, slides under, gutshot,
right, trying for a 'rana but Albert stops him - Edge with rights to the
head, trying a sunset flip...Albert stops THAT as well. Got him by the
throat, Edge breaks free before he gets ideas of using a finisher or
something. Edge ducks a right and lands one of his own - ducks a left,
right again, right, dropkick - off the ropes but Albert ROCKS him with a
pump kick. We see Christian looking on - and eating popcorn from the King
of the Ring trophy! Scoop...backbreaker. Holding on for a second
backbreaker before letting go. Remember, the Giants are on next week.
Right hand. Into the opposite corner, and Edge hits hard. Forearm in the
back. Into the opposite corner - Edge slips out but Albert stops himself
- Albert sidesteps the charge and helps Edge hit the corner. Albert puts
him across his back - that's a yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaArgentine backbreaker,
and that's 2. Sent into the corner again - elbow up by Edge...but runs
into a bearhug. Edge punches out - bell clap - off the ropes but into a
yaah clothesline. Off the ropes but nobody's home on Albert's splash.
Referee "Blind" Teddy Long puts on the count - both men up at 4 - right by
Edge - off the ropes - but into the double choke...SOMEHOW Edge counters
into a DDT! Edge ducks a swing and hits the Edge-o-matic! Edge going up
top - missile dropkick finds the mark! 1, 2, Albert kicks out!! Edge
climbing to the second rope - Ten Punch Count Along stops at four as
Albert uppernuts him. Baldobomb - oops, that's all I wrote. 1, 2, 3.
Champ retains. (3:36)
The Midcarders have assembled. This week's roll call: Jerry Lynn,
Hardcore Holly, Kai
en Tai, Essa Rios, Haku, Bull Buchanan, Goodfather, Raven, and the
APA...oh and Test. Faarooq: "I know how you feel, but I'm sure everyone
here feels like I do - hey, we're sorry for kickin' your ass." Bradshaw:
"Test, it was just bad information, that's all. Don't get hot, you'd have
done the same thing, okay? Now come on now, have a damn beer with us!
We apologise!" Test takes off - as Austin and Angle arrive. "I'm glad
you guys are all... what's wrong with him? Anyway, I'm glad you guys are
here, I've been wanting to talk to all of you. And I understand, I
understand that y'all whipped Test's ass, and it's for a good cause -
because you thought he was betraying World Wrestling Federation loyalty -
that's whatchya thought! You was wrong and you whipped his ass and that's
just too bad, but he's gonna get over it - it's gonna make him
stronger...but what's happening here, guys, is right now we gotta stick
together. We got the WCW invadin' the World Wrestling Federation right
now. It's like a big bacteria, a big *viral*, a big - a big INFECTION
that's comin' into the World Wrestling Federation, and right now if we
don't band together, we ain't gonna be able to stop it. I'm telling you -
Booker T. is here tonight, and Booker T. is the head of the snake - WCW is
the snake - Bradshaw, if you wanna kill a snake, how ya kill a snake?"
"You cut his head off!" All: "YEAH!" "That's right! Yeah, you cut off
his damn head - that's what you do - so that's what we gotta do tonight,
guys, stick together and we're gonna go make an example of Booker T. Are
ya with me? Are ya with me? Are ya with me?" Everyone's whipped into a
frenzy...until Angle starts talking. "Stone Cold is right! Yeah - our
WWF Champion, he's ALWAYS right - and he could do this by himself if he
wanted to, but no - because he's our WWF Champion, he could do this - but
no no, he wants YOU guys WITH him! And I'll tell you what - he could kick
Booker T.'s butt all OVER the place...just like he could kick every single
one of your butts if he wanted to. Because he's Stone Cold Steve
Austin...and I say you LISTEN to what he says! Because Stone Cold Said
So. And I say we all stick together, as a team and we start with Booker
T. tonight - what do you say, guys? Let's do it! Yeah, come on,
yeah! Come on! Woooo! Come on!" Bradshaw: "You know, stickin' together
is pretty important - why don't we, uh, get the hell out of our stick
together and have us some beer - go get 'em, tough guy!" And they all
walk off. Austin glares at Angle. "What?" Austin throws his hat to the
floor and walks off.
WWF Superstars Poster Magazine ad
WWF Live spot
SCOTTY 2 HOTTY (with PlayStation presents inVasion!) v. DEAN MALENKO IS
NO JAMES BOND (with Perry & Terri - and the mop) - lockup, side headlock
by Malenko, takeover, head scissors by Hotty, back up, repeat side
headlock takeover headscissors back up okay. Gutshot by Malenko, side
headlock - Hotty powers out, shoulderblock by Malenko - nip up by Hotty -
Malenko runs into a drop toehold. Dropkick by Hotty. Armdrag - working a
pump handle - right by Malenko breaks it up - off the ropes - then Malenko
holds on and Hotty's dropkick goes nowhere. Stomp by Malenko. Malenko
grabs the knee, and drives it into the mat. Stomping the back of the
knee. Kicking the back of the leg, kicking the front, kick, stomp, stomp,
stomp, stomp, stomp, standing on the knee. Malenko grabs the left leg -
Hotty fires off an enzuigiri but Malenko ducks it, then drops the
elbow on the back of the knee! Malenko going for the cloverleaf...but
Hotty is way too close to the bottom rope. Malenko sits Hotty up top -
right hand. Malenko on the second floor - Hotty holding onto the ropes to
block the suplex - right to the ribs, shoving Malenko off - Hotty on top -
missile dropkick (the Night of a Thousand Missile
Dropkicks) connects! Saturn is enjoying sitting 'pon the lap of ring
announcer HOWARD FINKEL - Fink enjoying it not NEARLY as much, it should
be noted. Hotty with "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," again, again,
into the ropes is reversed, head down by Malenko, Hotty with a backslide
for 2. Small package for 2. Gutshot by Malenko - going for the veritcal
suplex but Hotty counters in midair and hits a schoolboy for 2. Off the
ropes - flying jalapeno! Malenko put into the ropes, but hits a kick to
the dropped head off of them. Powerbomb attempt flipped out by Hotty -
off the ropes and going for the bulldog but Malenko has that scouted and
ducks - forearm, going for a death suplex - Hotty punches out of THAT
attempt. Hotty rolls out of the ring as Saturn comes in with Hotty's
visor on - Saturn with a bizarre version of Hotty's dance, four quick
hops, some pushups - HOO HOO HOO - Malenko gives Saturn a gutshot and
tosses him out - Hotty up from behind with the bulldog - ay caramba - W O
R M - and so on - hiya - 1, 2, 3. (4:10) Saturn appreciates the worm -
Terri does everything but say "BAD SATURN"
Backstage, Page limbers up! Billy Silverman walks by and wishes him luck.
Page takes several hours explaining why he doesn't need any luck. We
learn that Kane is watching Sara but Taker is probably still somewhere in
town - but if he wants to show up, Page would be happy to cut off his head
with a Diamond Cutter. I wonder if Silverman ever thought he'd be back in
"WWF: The Music (Volume 5)" ad
And now, the Blast of the Night! Blame JVC's Giga-Tube. From RAW, Angle
and Austin attack Booker T. during his title defense...
Check out that Tacoma Dome!
Here's a Special Video Look at Last Week's Episode of Tough Enough
Back to the Room of Fun. Oh, and the Giants game will pre-empt SmackDown!
next week. "I can't believe it, I can't believe it. The ass whoopin' I
give Booker T last Monday night, he dare step foot in a World Wrestling
Federation arena - I don't believe it." "Well what are YOU gonna do about
Booker T?" "What are you tryin' to say to me, woman?" "You're the tough
guy!" Yeah - you're damn right I'm the tough guy! Booker T. got no
business bein' here Debra! Look in my eyes! My name is Stone Cold Steve
Austin! I am the World Wrestling Federation champion!" "And Stone Cold
Steve Austin needs a breath mint!" Austin breathes on his hand to check
that statement. "How you like that?" "I'll TELL you how I like that.
I'm gonna go down there and I'm gonna whup Booker T.'s ass! I'll turn
that sum(beep) upside down and I'll scrub the floor with him! I'll go
down there and I'll toss him across the ring--" Angle leaps to his feet.
"He would KILL Booker T! He would ANNIHILATE him!" "I'll stomp a mudhole
in his ass and walk it dry!" "Stomp him." "Hit him with a Stone Cold
Stunner." "Everything." "BAM! T--I'll pound knots on top of his head."
"Beat him UP." "What could YOU do with him, tough guy?" "What could I do
with him?" "Yeah." "Haa, I would bounce him around like a pogo stick - I
would MANHANDLE him!" "Now you talkin'!" "I would hit him with my
Olympic Slam WHAMMO." "Tell me about it!" "I'd put him in my ankle lock,
I'd make him tap, UH!" "Tell me some more!" "And then I'd crank that
ankle and I'd BREAK it in two." "AHH!" "Yeah!" "You'd break it?" "I
would BREAK it!" "You'd do that?" "YEAH!" Austin offers his hand.
"Thanks. I appreciate it." "Huh?" "GO GIT HIM, KURT!" "Well..." "You
get that son of a (beep)" Angle thinks about it.. "All right." "You're
the tough guy, go git him." "All right...just....hold onto my hat."
"All right, man." "Be careful." "Go git him, cowboy."
TONIGHT: Booker T. vs. D.D.P. for the WCW Championship!
One more Tough Enough ad - featuring Triple H!
WCW CHAMPIONSHIP: DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE v. NAPPY T - if we take nothing else
from this week....it IS good to see T. back in the ring. Page doesn't let
him get through the ropes before striking - right, right, right, right,
right, right, right, T fires back - right, right, right, right, into the
ropes, reversed, T ducks - elbow puts Page on the floor. T down the steps
with a double sledge in the back. Head to the barricade. Knife-edge
chop. Rolled back in - Page back up with a double sledge, stomp, stomp,
right, right, into the opposite corner - T tries to reverse but Page pulls
him into a shoulderdrive - another - going for the Cutter but T shoves him
into the corner, then clotheslines him in the corner. Up for the Ten
Punch Count Along, stops at three when Page drops him into Snake Eyes.
Page stomps, stomps, grabs the arm and stomps some more. Picking him up
for a short clothesline down. Again T is brought up - again Page hits the
short clothesline. Stomp. T tossed through the ropes to the floor.
Page out after him - T blocks, right, right, tosses Page over the table -
and Page ends up kicking Hudson right in the ear on his way down -
SHEEEEEEIT get that man some hazard pay. T with a right hand and Page
falls over the barricade into the crowd. Superkick and Page is reeling.
Page comes back, though - right, right. Right. So many moves to choose
from - right. Clothesline puts him back near the ring. Page with a head
to the table. Oh, look, a WCW logo on the table, too. Whee. T rolled
in. Anderson compares Page to "a shark chummin'" - Page with a flying
clothesline for 2. Page to the chinlock - and a butt to the back.
Stomp. Stomp to the head. Page brings T up - right hand. Into the
corner - avalanche from Page follows it up. T crumples to the mat - Page
boots him. But T fires back - right, left, right right right - into the
ropes - Page ducks the Harlem side kick (which nobody's yet called
"Harlem" in the WWF) - gutshot by Page - OOOOOH POWERBOMB - 1, 2, NO!!
Page argues the count with referee "Blind" Nick Patrick but doesn't get
far. Right hand from Page. Into the corner - T ducks the splash and Page
is hung up on top. Page slowly over - T with
"Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," again, right hand,
clothesline...clothesline...into the ropes, reversed by Page, but T hits a
flying jalapeno! T dares him to get up - gutshot - off the ropes with the
axe kick - breakdancing back up - Harlem sidekick tags Page...and he goes
outside. T out after him - Page drives a shoulder into the gut and, in
turn, drives T into the apron. T thrown into the STEEL steps. Page grabs
a chair on his way back in as well. Page gives Patrick a shove - oh well
- DDT on the chair. Huh - I guess Patrick somehow missed ALL that, 'cause
he's down to count - 1, 2, SHOULDER UP!! Page grabs the chair
again...but it's... TAKER?!? Page turns to face him...allowing T to hit
the surprise schoolboy rollup - 1, 2, 3 (well at least we got
our...finish? Ukiah 7:07) and Page hightails it out of the ring and back
up the ring - Taker trundling in lukewarm pursuit - we stick with the
ring, where T is quickly joined by KURT ANGLE - got his back to him -
forearm in the back - going for the Olympic Slam but T is out - right,
right, right, gutshot, axe kick!! And T stays on his feet - now he has
the belt...WHACK! Play his music! Angle plays mackerel until we move
Taker is outside - and he's found Page again. "Oh, you brave now,
huh?" Just before he catches up to Page, he tells him "It don't look too
good for you right now," and Taker turns round to find himself surrounded
by Awesome, Chavo Guerrero, Bagwell, Storm, Stasiak, and Kanyon - six-way
beatdown ensues culminating in them running him into a door - and then
Page spears him into the door as well. Page begs them all off - "he's
mine?" Here comes Shane McMahon, pulling off Page - "that's
enough!" Page clotheslines him in the back! Into a metal door! And a
right cross! The other guys ask Page what the heck he's doing. Booker is
out, standing over Shane. Awesome: "This doesn't CONCERN
you...CHAMP!" making sure to punctuate the last word with a shove - T pops
HIM one and now it's a five-on-one on T. Page is standing over Taker -
"You don't look so famous now! Nothing! You're nothin'!" Taker, Shane,
and T are all left laying as the credits - and reminder that Tough Enough
is next on MTV - come up.