Three letters, one day
TV-PG-DLV - One World Leader Attitude - WWF!
Earlier Today, Austin stood on a table...and said this: "All right, guys,
guys! C'mon, listen up. I got some important things to say. Well before
I get to that...lemme tell you guys I look around this room, and I see
unity. I look around and see on your chest, you're flyin' the WCW, the
ECW colours...and it makes me feel good inside. It makes me realise that
this unit is coming together. It makes me realise that the World
Wrestling Federation ain't so strong after all. Nobody can stop us, men,
nobody! I wanna single someone out right now. My lovely wife Debra, and
say thank you from the bottom of my heart. See what, guys, happened is
Debra last Monday night caught Lita red-handed runnin' down the good name
of Stone Cold Steve Austin, yeah! She ran me down." "Oh, she ran him
down." "(everybody says YEAH or something)" "That ain't gonna happen,
that ain't gonna happen to Stone Cold, that ain't gonna happen to anybody
here, because we stand together. So what did I do after we caught Lita
runnin' me down? I challenged Matt Hardy to a match, and I got in that
ring, I wore his (beep) out, 1, 2, 3, Stunner in the middle of the ring."
"In the middle of the ring!" All: "Yeah!" "That's one of the proudest
victories in recent memory for Stone Cold, and then, I stunned his little
girlfriend Lita. Why? Because I wanted to. Why? Because I think she's
weak. Why? Because I think she's trash. Why? Because I stunned her for
each one of you guys. I stunned her for Tommy Dreamer. I stunned her for
Bubba Ray. I stunned her for Lance Storm. I stunned her for the damn
Alliance!" "The Alliance!" "YEAH!" "It's leadership by example, guys -
it's watchin' each other's back. At SummerSlam, your champion, Stone Cold
Steve Austin, your fearless leader takes on the Olympic champion, Kurt
Angle...and what am I gonna do? What? What?" (everybody) "You're gonna
crush him!" "You're damn right I'm gonna whip his (beep) I'm gonna crush
him, I'm gonna do whatever it takes. By example, I'm gonna whip that
man's (beep). Now tonight, guys, the WWF is comin' for everybody in here.
Do ya understand me? They're breathing down our neck. I want you to
watch each other's back, I want you to fly your colours, I want you to go
out tonight, each and every single one of you, and open up a can of
whoop(beep) Stone Cold Steve Austin style, are you with me?" "YEAH!"
"Are you with me?" "YEAH!" "Are you with me?" "YEAH!" "Then go and
whip somebody's (beep)!" General shouting, rah rah mirth and merriment
Opening Credits (including close caption logo)
WE GOT PYRO! Coming to you tonight from the Staples Center in Los
Angeles, CA - 16,444 in the house and you and me at home - UPN is the
place (or the Score) the night of 9.8.1 (taped 7.8) and there's doin's a
transpirin'...
TONIGHT: Tag team elimination! Austin & the Dudley Boyz vs. Angle & the
Hardy Boyz!
WWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP: APA
v. KANYON (with Let Us Take You Back to RAW) and
DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE - Wow, the APA are still competing? I almost
forgot all about them! Faarooq starts with Page, and we're off. Faarooq
ducks the punch, kick, right, right, right, into the ropes, reversed,
shoulderblock by Faarooq. Page rolls out. Faarooq out after him - right,
head to the apron, rolled back in. Kick, field goal kick, scoop...and a
slam. Elbowdrop. 1, 2, kickout. Page manages a jawbreaker and runs to
his corner to tag. Kanyon up top...but leaps into a powerslam from
Faarooq! 1, 2, no. Tag to Bradshaw. Forearm in the back. Right, knee,
forearm to the back, knife-edge chop, into the opposite corner...but
Kanyon gets the boot up. Tonight, in addition to the big six-man
elimination match, we'll have a hardcore title defense for Rob van Dam
against Edge, and I hear tell the Rock will be around later as well.
Kanyon going up top, but Bradshaw recovers quickly. Pair of forearms in
the back. Bradshaw on the second rope - super fallaway slam!! 1, 2,
ohhhh foot on the rope...and somehow referee "Blind" Teddy Long caught
it. Kanyon rakes the face and makes the desperation tag, but Page doesn't
have any better luck - right by Bradshaw, knee, chop, right, into the
ropes is reversed, head down so Bradshaw forearms him in the
back. There's an ugly but effective DDT - 1, 2, Page kicks out. Kick
between the shoulderblades. Tag to Faarooq. Bradshaw holds Page open for
the right. Kick, stomp, off the ropes...but Kanyon hooks the ankle,
stopping Faarooq and turning him around - Page takes advantage with a big
forearm to the back of the head. Bradshaw around the outside to catch up
with Kanyon, rolling him in...and allowing him to assist Page in a double
neckbreaker while Long works on getting Bradshaw back to his corner. Page
covers - 2. Faarooq catches the kick, but spins Page into landing a
discus lariat for 2. Off the ropes, duck, Faarooq with a spinebuster and
both men are down. Long puts on the count - both men tag before 3 -
shoulderblock by Bradshaw, into the corner, follow lariat, kick, into the
ropes, big back elbow, big boot for Page, one for Kanyon, Page
clotheslined out, clothesline for Kanyon, into the ropes, powerslam - 1,
2, Kanyon kicks out...I guess - we're watching the outside, where Faarooq
was having his way with Page...until TEST TEST THIS IS A TEST showed up
and gave Faarooq the Wotsitolla Boot, knocking him out on the floor. Back
in the ring, rake of the face to Bradshaw, and into the corner with
him...but Bradshaw ducks the charge, then lands the Hades lariat on
Kanyon...but Test is in, BRAINING Bradshaw with a tag team belt - Kanyon
drapes an arm over him and Long comes back to the real world - 1, 2,
3! Ladies and gentlemen, we have NEW tag team champions. (4:19) Test
grabs the belts...and raises the hands of Page & Kanyon. Here's a
replay. Hey, remember when we all figured Test was turning WCW? Looks
like we all came correct after all.
WOW! The ROCK! The ROCK! THE ROCK - IS - WALKING!!
Commentators shill "Roswell" - they're good buddies, Tazz & Cole
HEY! ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER in the crowd! But where's his box office
belt?
SATURN (with Moppy - and Let Us Take You Back 2 Weeks) v. RAVEN (with Nipples) - I don't know if it's anything
to do with seeing Terri walk out with Raven, but Saturn decides to get the
jump before the bell with a tope through the ropes! Raven rolled in (bell
rings), Raven manages a right but Saturn regains control, whip pulling him
into a belly-to-belly overhead suplex! Second rope springboard legdrop
MISSES - Raven rams his head into the buckle (right next to Moppy), opens
up the face - Saturn with a right, right, Raven ducks, Saturn with an
explodah. Into the corner is reversed by Raven, off the ropes with a
clothesline as he comes out - right, right, right. Raven to the second
rope - but Saturn catches him as he leaps, turning Raven's whatever into a
double leg takedown...thumbs up to Moppy...and there's the WOW Catapult
into Moppy! Moss-covered, three handled family gredunza - 1, 2, 3 - well
at least we broke that magic one-minute mark, eh? (1:14) Saturn jogs the
ring...then stops in his tracks when he discovers Moppy's gone missing.
Saturn upends the steps and checks under the ring...but there's no sign of
the mop.
In the back, Page and Kanyon and Test celebrate. Test tells them (and the
world) that if you mess with him, you're gonna eat his boot. But
tonight's not aboot that, it's aboot celebrating...and he's gonna get them
a table at the Viper Room. Gosh I hope nobody KILLS themselves. As Test
leaves, Regal enters the frame and tells them that now that they hold WWF
gold, they fall under his jurisdiction....so he's booked them in a match
for SummerSlam against Taker & Kane. In a STEEL cage. Kanyon
appears...crestfallen.
Got nothing better to do next Saturday? Head over to Paramount's Great
America and get signatures from the APA! (Oops, they're not tag team
champions anymore, though)
This reminder that SummerSlam is only TEN DAYS AWAY is brought to you by
Drowning Pool!
LOOK! The exterior of the Staples Center!
YIKES - FORMER WCW CHAMPION DAVID ARQUETTE is in the crowd! Perhaps
wisely, nobody mentions he's a former champion...
To the commissioner's office - Spike & Molly are BACK! and looking for
action - before they can get some, however, X-Pac interrupts the
proceedings and berates Regal for letting Tajiri's title win stand despite
blatant cheatery with the dreaded green mist. What kind of commissioner
IS he, anyway? "You know what - you suck." "Actually, I think the
expression is 'X-Pac sucks.'" "Think I suck, huh? Well if you think I
suck so bad, how 'bout you and Tiejirisan take on Albert 'n' I
tonight...we'll see who sucks." "That's fine with me." Spike tells Regal
he knows how busy he is - he'll be happy to take his place. Regal okays
it. "Oh really? You better be careful, boy. You might wanna thank, uh,
Commissioner here for what's gonna happen to you later. Bring it
on." Regal sums it up after X-Pac leaves by saying "OOOH"
WWF HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP: KING
EDGE (without trophy - but with Let Us Take You Back to RAW) v. ROB VAN DAM - Did you know that van Dam isn't
contractually obligated to do the job until AT LEAST August, 2003? Why
would I make that up? Lockup, side headlock by Edge, van Dam powers out,
shoulderblock by Edge off the ropes. van Dam does the splits to let Edge
go up and over - van Dam wants a rollup, but Edge grabs the wheelbarrow
and drops van Dam face first to the mat. van Dam manages to pull Edge
through the ropes to the floor - and lands a pescado on him for 2. Kick,
whip into the barricade is reversed...Edge charges but gets dumped over
the barricade to the floor. van Dam on the barricade - somersault
senton!! Tazz says "beautiful hilo," so maybe it was a hilo. Cover on
the floor - 1, 2, Edge kicks out. van Dam stays in control - elbow to the
mush - over the barricade and back to the floor. van Dam leaping onto the
barricade - Edge crotches him, though. Edge under the ring - found a
ladder. Ladder into the chest! Edge sets the ladder against the far
post, goes after van Dam...but he lands an elbow, and a legsweep. WOW
Catapult into the ladder, and Edge hits hard. 1, 2, Edge kicks out.
Edge rolled back in - van Dam grabs the ladder and shoves it into the
ring. van Dam on the apron and the ladder is on the second rope - Edge
leaps from the corner to seesaw the ladder into van Dam - sorta. Edge out
- 1, 2, no. The Double Feature doesn't make that semi-blown spot look any
better, but A for effort. Edge rolls van Dam back in - and follows.
Right, right, LANCE STORM is out, right, into the ropes is reversed, van
Dam going for a splits leapfrog but Edge catches him and delivers an
atomic drop. Edge off the ropes - but Storm lowers the bridge, sending
him to the floor. Whip into the barricade...is reversed! Edge with a
clothesline for Storm, knocking him down. Edge back in - van Dam tries a
grab, but Edge slides in under the legs...grabs the waistlock, but van Dam
manages a back kick in the vicinity of the face (not really). Edge ducks
the clothesline and manages a release German suplex. Both men are
down...and Storm's back up. Looks like he's ready to try the
superkick...but Edge is ready, meeting Storm with a Viscera kick!
Clothesline for van Dam - Edge-o-matic for Storm! But van Dam hits a
sweet dropkick. Under the ring, finding a second chair (Storm had put one
in the ring earlier, but nobody's used it). Stomp for Edge, chair set in
the centre. Stomp - whip, no reversal, no, van Dam reversed back into the
corner. Edge runs to the chair, vaults off of it and connects with a
SPEAR onto Storm! (So what was van Dam gonna do with the chair but set up
a spot for Edge? Or am I *thinking?*) Edge runs with a clothesline for
van Dam. Gutshot for Storm, going for the big ol' DDT but van Dam stops
that attempt with a spin kick. Now Storm and van Dam each have a
chair...it's a CONCHAIRTO! That'll do it - 1, 2, 3. (5:21) Storm takes
advantage of a fallen Edge to tell him a few things about a few things.
Tough Enough ad - the Hardyz & Lita appear!
Edge & Christian shill Stacker 2
And now, the Blast of the Night! Thank you, JVC, for your Giga-Tube
system, and thank you for the Blast of the Night! From RAW, Tajiri mists
X-Pac, kicks, and pins to win the light heavyweight championship.
To the Room of Fun: "It's a six man elimination tag, Debra. The thing
about it is...I hate Matt Hardy, I hate Jeff Hardy, and I really hate Kurt
Angle. It makes me sick! At least I got the Dudleyz. What, come in!
Hey, man - Chuck Palumbo, Sean O'Haire, I been watching you guys, you're
lookin' good." Are those new belts? "Steve, listen, we're fired up. We
know the Dudleyz have your back tonight, but in the future, we wanna be
there for you. I mean, you're our champ, we're the champs, I think we can
help you out." "Stone Cold, we wanna lead just like you do." "By
example." "I like it, guys. You're showin' Attitude, you're showin'
initiative, you're showin' the traits of a winner, I like that! What you
gotta do here in the World Wrestling Federation to make a name for
yourself is not be afraid to challenge people. Don't listen to nobody, do
it on your own! Stand up for yourself! Raise some hell out there!
Believe in yourself." "We're not scared." "You're damn right. Don't
ever back down from nobody! Don't ever back down! You're damn right.
You guys are gonna be big, big superstars. I've got no doubt. Go out
there and just raise some hell and whip some (beep)." Off they go. To
Debra: "We're gonna raise some hell AND whip some (beep)!" "A couple of
go-getters right there." "That's right." Did I mention Austin's wearing
a WCW shirt? Well, what did you WANT me to do, figure out what the heck
just happened between Palumbo, O'Haire and Austin or what it meant?
SPIKE DAMN DUDLEY (with Molly Holly) and TAJIRI v. X-PAC & YAAAAAAAAALBERT
- X-Pac (sucks?) starts with Tajiri - Albert's jawing from the apron, so
Tajiri unloads a crescent kick to UNjaw him...and send him to the floor.
'Pac tries to take advantage of the distraction to run in, but only
manages to trade blows with him - into the ropes, Tajiri reverses -
dueling hiptosses fails, 'Pac with the leg over the neck and flippy
flippy, Tajiri ducks the spin kick and connects with one of his own. Arm
wringer, tag to Spike - off the top with an axehandle to the arm.
Keeping on the arm wringer...'Pac pops him one to break it up - overhand
forearm to the back - off the ropes, Spike ducks the swing and manages a
headscissors takeover on the way back. Free shot for Albert - X-Pac into
the ropes, reversed, duck...Albert catches him - presses - and tosses him
over his back, from the apron to the floor. Albert gives Spike a look.
X-Pac outside to stay on him - axehandle from the apron, chop, forearm in
the back, rolled back in...vertical suplex...for 2. Into the corner, tag
to Albert - right hand, kick, right, "fight back! You're BORING me!"
stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp. A few more kind words for Spike ("Are
you ready to fly?" Hmm, didn't know he was a ROZALLA fan) ...then he
casually hurls him into the centre of the ring. Albert picks him up by
his belt (heh) over to the corner to make the tag. Held open for the
headbutt in the abdomen. X-Pac with the scoop...and the slam. Off the
ropes with a lightning legdrop for 2. Quick tag. Right hand by Albert.
Yaaaaaaaah stomp. Into the ropes - yaaaah running him over. Going for
the yaaaaaah scissor kick but Spike ducks it and Albert crotches himself
on the top rope! Crowd comes alive for Spike...and he makes the tag!
Ducks Albert's forearm and keeps running until he forearms X-Pac. Back
kick for Albert - X-Pac reverses a whip, Tajiri with the handspring elbow,
covers X-Pac (not the legal man) - 1, 2, out of the way as Albert tries to
break it up with a splash - but hits X-Pac instead! Spike in - gnoshing
on Albert's dome while Tajiri tosses X-Pac - Albert has Spike...but Tajiri
kicks the back of his leg to chop him down - off the ropes - double
dropkick to Albert! We look outside where X-Pac has found Molly...what's
he gonna do? He's gonna EAT a slap, looks like! X-Pac shoves her (!) so
Spike comes out of the ring with a pescado! Tajiri, meanwhile, is trying
to get the tarantula on Albert....but X-Pac punches him in the head to
break that up. Tazz: "Always in the right place at the right time."
Tajiri sent into the corner...but escaping the yaaaaaaavalanche. Tajiri
with a kick, kick, right, right, right, and so on, and while THIS is
happening, X-Pac is trying to bring in his title belt - Spike with a right
and a grab, but then and only then does referee "Blind" Jack Doan see
shenanigans to put a stop to. As he and Spike argue, Tajiri kicks X-Pac,
then tries to use him to provide a Hardyesque boost...only, Albert catches
him in a choke anyway. X-Pac takes the OTHER title belt, clocks Tajiri on
his way to a hard landing in the Baldobomb - Albert covers, Doan turns
back round, 1, 2, 3. (5:11)
Shane and Booker are WALKING! OH MY!
SmackDown! is LIVE! next week! Superfluous exclams!
Psst....you're watching UPN
We return to the commissioner's office - Saturn looks for Moppy until
Regal shoos him away, telling him Terri probably has a better idea where
Moppy is. Saturn checks Regal's teapot one more time, says "You're
welcome," and takes off...just as Palumbo and O'Haire arrive. THEY want a
match tonight with ANY tag team. Regal says the Hardyz are already
booked, and we've already seen the APA, so he'll have to think about it.
Oh...by the way, the WCW tag team titles will be on the line? But of
course. Regal agrees. I have a feeling he's already got somebody in
mind...
Accompanied by the TV-PG-DLV ratings box, NAPPY T & SHANE CAN'T DANCE
are out...this entrance is transmitido en espanol SAP, by the way. Hey,
guess who speaks first? That's right! The WHITE guy. "Wow, Booker, look
at this crowd - FILLED to the rafters with self-important, sanctimonious
Hollywood phonies. And I can tell, by looking in each and every one of
their eyes, that none of you, and I mean none of you, have ever been in a
fight in your life! But I'm out here tonight to remind you that in a
Street Fight, it's not important who walks away with their hand raised in
victory - it's not important. What's important is the man who walks away
period. And last Monday night, it was Shane O. Mac and Booker T that
walked away from that Street Fight at the expense, at the expense, of the
so-called 'Great One,' the Rock." "HE SAID THE ROCK!" "I keep hearing
the millions and millions of fans chanting the Rock's name, so let me take
you back....but Booker, let me remind everyone, let me take you back to
last Monday night on RAW, and let's show exactly what happened to the
People's Champ, the Rock, roll the footage for me! There it is, the
Rock's right there, I'm about to snap the Rock's ankle right in two right
there, no no, but then Booker T wanted to save the Rock's ankle but BOOM a
decapitation. And then from there, lookit that, Booker T puttin' the
boots to the People's Champ yeah, that's it Booker, and then checkitout
WHAM taste some gold, Rock, taste some gold. And then from there, uh oh,
Shane O Mac going up top and OH YEAH, up up and away. That's what I'm
talkin' about. I told ya it was the man who walks out from a Street
Fight...period. So Booker T, I gotta ask you a question: after seeing all
that, who's the sucka now?" "Good question. Good question, Shane. I
would say the sucka is the man who got his (beep) kicked last Monday
night. I'd say the sucka is the man who is not five-time WCW Champion.
I'd say the sucka is....the man who's scared and jealous of Booker T.
ROCK, I would say YOU'RE the sucka...sucka. But you know what? Rock, if
you feel any different about what I said, all you have to do is accept my
challenge at SummerSlam, and I will give you everything you got comin' to
you. First thing would be... ["Rock E!"] ...like I said, the first thing
will be...the scissor kick. BOOYA! The second thing is gonna be...the
spinaroonie. ONE, TWO, THREE, now can u dig that, SUCKAAAAAAAAAAAAAA."
IF YA SMELLLL out for the rebuttal. But first, another chant. "Finally,
the Rock has come back to Los Angeles! Booker T, you wanna go one on one
with the Great One at SummerSlam? Well congratulations, 'cause you're
GOING one on one with the Great One at SummerSlam. But before the Rock
faces you at SummerSlam, he has...one question. What in the blue hell is
a spinaroonie? Who came up with the spinaroonie, Fisher-Price? And just
so the Rock understands this, so the Rock's thinking is clear, the Rock
has got...the Sharpshooter, the Rock Bottom, and the...People's Elbow.
And you've got...the spinaroonie, the dipsy-doodle, and the sufferin'
succotash!" YES ROCK MADE A LIST ROCK E ROCK E ROCK E "You see, Booker
T...you can get involved in the Rock's Street Fight on Monday night...you
can come and challenge the Rock on the Rock's show (SmackDown!) to a match
at SummerSlam, you can come all the way out here to Hollywood just to get
your hair done by Whoopi Goldberg..." GOLD BERG GOLD BERG GOLD BERG
"...but, Booker T, all jokes aside, there is nothing - AND THE ROCK MEANS
NOTHING that's gonna stop the Rock from giving the five-time WCW Champion
a five star ass (beep)in' all over SummerSlam! But now we have...one
problem. At this moment, the Rock is not interested in SummerSlam. The
Rock's interest...is tonight." "I know you want the Bookerman real bad,
so I tell you this: why don't you walk down that so-called People's
Ramp....step into the People's Ring....and face Shane O. Mac and Booker T
in a handicap match, right now." "Allow the Rock to think for one
second--" and he drops the mic and walks down the ramp. Shane tries to
keep him from nearing the ropes, kicking through the ropes - finally,
Booker holds him back and dares Rock to come in. Rock has backed around
to the commentary area...where he decides to grab TONY CHIMEL's chair and
make a run...but T drops the hammer as soon as he's underneath the rope.
Big-time stompin' by Booker T - repeated rights. Shane gets to lay HIS
feet on him as well. T brings Rock back to the center to take a heel
kick. He asks Shane to lift him up and hold him for a chairshot - well,
we all know where THIS will go - whoops, I was wrong. I was SURE Shane
would take an errant chair, but instead Rock just elbows out of the hold
and lands one on T before he can swing - gutshot, right, right, right,
right, into the ropes, spinebuster on the chair! Stomp, stomp, stomp, and
as T rolls out, Shane flies over to deliver a forearm to Rock's back -
again, again, again - Rock back to his feet like "you expecting me to sell
THAT?" Block, right, right, right, right, NOW KISS THAT RIGHT and Shane
goes over the top to the floor. Rock goes out...and removes the top of
the commentary table, the removes the monitors. Looks like he's out for
revenge from Monday. Shane's tried to hightail it through the crowd, but
Rock goes out, gets him, and brings him back to the ringside area.
Running clothesline by the Rock! Rock brings Shane over to the commentary
table...ROCK BOTTOM! Cole: "Team Bring It says: let the bodies hit the
floor!" Me: "Whut?" Play his music.
TONIGHT: Tag team elimination!
Drowing Pool sez: 10 DAYS 'TIL SUMMERSLAM
Moments Ago, three paragraphs ago
Backstage, Saturn is still searching for Moppy. Terri walks up. "Hey,
Perry!" "Have you seen my Moppy?" "You talking about the same rotten,
stinky, smelly mop that you chose over me? Huh? Yeah? Well, you know
what Perry - you lost the mop the same way you lost me...and by the
way...you're welcome."
WCW TAG TEAM TITLE: CHUCK PALUMBO & SEAN
O'HAIRE v. FUN BROTHERS (with Sara) - Chimel says this match is for
the "WCW tag team champions" but I think he meant something else. Your
hosts are MICHAEL KING COLE & TAZZZZZZZZZZZZZ, by the way. The champs
ain't exactly thrilled to see Kane & Taker come down the aisle second,
nonetheless Palumbo stands at the ready to tie it up with Kane. And here
we go - Kane shoves him to the corner, kick, right, kick, right, back
elbow, Palumbo ducks and switches - right, right, right, kick, right, whip
is reversed and Kane pulls Palumbo into a short
clothesline. Uppercut. Into the ropes, scooped up on the shoulder - but
Palumbo goes down the back and shoves Kane to his partner. Kane blocks
the free shot and takes him off the apron with a right. Kane turns back -
Palumbo right, right, discus right, Kane spins around into a hot shot from
O'Haire, then eats a clothesline from Palumbo that FINALLY takes him off
his feet - but only for 2. Tag to O'Haire - open shot - right, right,
into the ropes, reversal, Kane with a powerslam. Palumbo in - Palumbo
down with a right. Kane grabs O'Haire and tags Taker - open kick,
soupbone, head to the buckle, into the opposite corner, follow lariat,
back to the first corner - O'Haire tries to clothesline out but Taker
ducks it, scoops him up and drops him in...well, kind of a half
spinebuster/half sidewalk slam kinda thing. Whatever it was, it gets
Taker a 2 count. Arm wringer, shoulder drive, kick, climbing the
corner...if you're in the crowd, say "old school." Head to the buckle,
into the ropes, head down, O'Haire with a kick - no effect. O'Haire ducks
a clothesline, lands one of his own, taking Taker outside...except he
lands on his feet. Taker pulls O'Haire out by his ankles, back elbow,
head to the barrier. Palumbo can't let this go on and leaps off the apron
with a clothesline, taking Taker down. Here comes Kane - uppercut for
Palumbo - referee "Blind" Tim White is busy with Kane, missing O'Haire
catch Taker in the head with a chair. Palumbo sneaks in some stomps -
White isn't having much luck here. Palumbo back in the ring - O'Haire
stomps Taker and sends him back in to Palumbo (illegal man but I guess
there was an implied tag somewhere) - stomp. Right, into the ropes, head
down...so Taker DDT's him. White puts on the count - Taker tags Kane at 4
- he's up top - flying clothesline down! Right hand for O'Haire - into
the ropes, big boot. Clothesline for Palumbo, O'Haire's head meets the
buckle, into the corner, clothesline follow, sidewalk slam. Palumbo
scooped up - powerslammed down. O'Haire in the choke...Palumbo in the
other hand...frantically trying to get out with punches and kicks, and
succeeding! They're gonna turn it into a double suplex...oh no they're
not, Taker is in to shift the pile back - Taker with a choke on Palumbo,
Kane ducks a swing from O'Haire and HE's got a choke - DOUBLE CHOKESLAM! -
I'm not gonna tell you who's legal, but it looks like you live by the ol'
double pin, you die by the ol' double pin - 1, 2, 3. (4:48)
"WWF SummerSlam Celebration" at Great America spot #2
The RC cola rewind is Jericho putting a pie in Stephanie's face as two
members of the Planet of the Apes watch - yuk yuk yuk
In a dressing room, Hugh Morrus and Stephanie have a shouting contest.
Then Morrus attempts to clue us in to what his "WWF personality" is gonna
be like by adding, "Hey, how do you think he made those monkeys do that,
anyway?"
CHRIS
THURSDAY JERICHO (with SmackDown! is brought to you by Corn Nuts,
Clearasil, and Warner Brothers' "American Outlaws") v. HUGH MORRUS - Poor Hugh, they made him shave out the
rubber bands! Hugh gets to pounding - open-handed slap, slap, right,
kick, into the ropes, Jericho ducks, ducks again and hits the flying
jalapeno. Jericho...kinda backs into him (?), chop, chop, into the
opposite corner, off the ropes but Morrus has the bulldog scouted and
ducksericho with a gutshot, and...off the ropes with the bulldog. Oh
well. Jericho going for the Lionsault (why not, it's been 45 seconds) but
Morrus gets the knees up! Morrus with a belly-to-belly suplex - leg is
hooked - 1, 2, no! I'm shocked, the ref being Nick Patrick and all.
Morrus wants the powerbomb, but Jericho follows through, climbing down the
back, rolling him up, grabbing the legs and turning into the Walls of
Jericho - Morrus taps - and Patrick actually rings the bell! A MARATHON
Jericho match clocking in at (1:25). In fact, I think we're spending
*more* time watching Jericho walk up the ramp than in the ring...oh, but
it turns out there was a reason we stuck with him - Jericho is caught with
a clothesline by RHYNO THE MAN BEAST - right, right, suplex on the stage,
and a GORE! GORE! GORE! that takes Jericho through the screen in the
middle of the Time Tunnel! Look carefully and you can see the rear
projectors. Here's a replay. Say, isn't it a tradition that the
unveiling of a new set is usually heralded by a wanton act of destruction
'pon the OLD set?
Kane shills Stacker 2...as only he can
See previous paragraph
Next week....it's LIVE!
Moments Ago, four paragraphs ago
In the back, Stephanie overacts to Rhyno. He enjoyed it....but he's not
finished with Jericho. He'd like to finish him at SummerSlam. Stephanie
overacts to this great idea.
During the Break, Saturn called in the police to help find Moppy. "You
called us all the way out here for a mop?" "Moppy Q. McMopperson - you
guys have to help me find her!" "We'll put our best men on
it...Perry." "We'll give you a call when we hear something." "Thank you,
thank you..." "No, thank YOU, Perry..." "You're welcome..."
NEXT: Tag Team Elimination!
Tough Enough ad #2
Oh man, I gotta get me a Code Red Slurpee
And now, the Hardcore Smack of the Night, presented by Corn Nuts! From
RAW, clips of the Austin/Hardy match - including Lita's Stunner
THOSE DAMN DUDLEYZ and STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN (with Austin/Angle
SummerSlam graphic) v. HARDY
BOYZ and KURT
ANGLE in an elimination match -
Wow, only 9:37...this match MAY break the one minute mark! Angle and the
Hardyz hit the ring...and Austin and the Dudleyz back out. Hey, you think
it'll come down to Angle and Bubba Ray Dudley again? Naaaah. Angle wants
to start with Austin - Austin shakes his head. Ha ha, Austin RULES.
Looks like Angle will start with Bubba Ray...no, Angle tags out to Matt -
no, Austin tags Bubba Ray - ha ha ha ha ha. Austin ties up with
Hardy...side headlock, grinning at Angle the whole time. Really grinding
in that side headlock. Angle urges Matt to reach his corner and get that
tag so he can get a piece of Austin...Matt is closer...but Austin kicks
away Angle's outstretched hand. This brings Angle in...and allows Austin
to take Matt back to his corner for an illegal tripleteam behind the back
of "Blind" Earl Hebner, who's too busy trying to get Angle back out of the
ring. Austin with a chop, chop, chop - into the ropes, reversal, Hardy
with a sleeper! Austin backs into his own corner..and the Dudleyz lay in
a beatdown from the corner. D-Von is in - right, into the ropes, Hardy
ducks, gutshot, off the ropes with a swinging neckbreaker. Tag to Jeff
SQUEEEEEAL hey Jeff take your damn baseball cap off, this ain't a BARN,
doubleteam in the corner, into the opposite corner, Poetry in Motion, Matt
with a clothesline, Jeff with a cover - 1, no. Jeff with a kick, D-Von
with a blind tag - Jeff up and over D-Von...and PASTED with a clothesline
by Bubba Ray. Elbowdrop, elbowdrop, elbowdrop, 1, 2, kickout. "We want
tables!" Tag to D-Von - into the ropes, double flapjack and Jeff almost
overrotates on the landing. 1, 2, no. Tag to Bubba Ray. Head to the
buckle - open-handed slap, rips up the shirt and slaps again - into the
opposite corner but Jeff jumps to the top rope and flies off with the Gay
in the Gay, knocking down Dudley! Both men are down...Bubba Ray tags
D-Von, and Jeff makes the HOT TAG to Angle! Right hand, right, right,
into the ropes, reversed, Angle ducks the clothesline, crossbody block -
clothesline for Bubba Ray, belly-to-belly for D-Von - 1, 2, Austin drops
the hammer and breaks it up! It's all broken down now - Matt runs over
Austin, taking him outside while on the opposite side, Jeff hits a pescado
on Bubba Ray. In the ring, Angle's whip is reversed - D-Von trying for a
Slop Drop, but Angle backflips, grabs that ankle - Anglelock! D-Von has
to tap. (Call 4:11) Bubba Ray completely misses Angle, but does manage
to run him over to gain control. Head to the buckle. Bubba Ray pulls
down the strap so he can land the open-handed slap on skin only. Right,
right, stomp, stomp, stomp. Into the ropes, head down, kick by Angle, and
clothesline. Angle to his corner - tag to Matt - right, right, right,
right, into the opposite corner is reversed - Bubba comes in and eats a
boot - Matt up top - flying clothesline lands - 1, 2, Bubba rolls the
shoulder! Gutshot, Twist of Fate - nope, Dudley shoves him into
Austin...who helpfully provides a big right hand - Matt staggers back into
the Bubbabomb - 1, 2, 3! (5:33) In comes Jeff Hardy...pounding on the
back - into the ropes is reversed, and Bubba Ray hits a big back body
drop...and we take...an AD break?? Wow, how OLD SCHOOL
Dear Jesus, let there PLEASE be an "American Pie" movie made EVERY year so
I can spend at least one month out of every year watching "American Pie"
ads
WWF SmackDown! returns in a moment on UPN!
When we come back...we look at the GRAPHIC again?? What's up with THAT?
Don't know how much time has passed, but Bubba Ray is going up for the
SENTON THAT NEVER, EVER LANDS - and....get ready...he MISSES! Hardy
crawls to the wrong corner...oh, wait, he just wanted to climb up top and
land the SWANTONBOMB - and MAN, he landed FULL FORCE on Dudley's stomach
that time. Hardy covers - 1, 2, OHHHH Austin pulls Hebner outside!!
Austin in the ring - KICK WHAM STUNNER! Angle is in, kicking Austin
outside...but it's too late. Dudley covers Hardy as Hebner recovers - 1,
2, 3. (5:43 + 0:55) It's two on one - and Angle seems unaware, chasing
Austin into the ring - and taking a pasting from Bubba Ray Dudley. Cover
- 1, 2, Angle kicks out. Dudley tries again, and gets another 2. Dudley
in a mount - right, right, right, right, tomahawk chop - forearm in the
back - Austin wants him now, and he'll get the tag after one more Dudley
forearm. Austin with a shot to the back of the head...and a blatant
choke. Austin with a knee to the back of the head. Snap suplex. 1, 2,
Angle gets the shoulder up. Austin's probably happy he did - stomp,
snapmare, knee in the back to accentuate the chinlock. Angle struggles
back to his feet - elbow, elbow, right, Austin right, Angle right, Austin,
Angle, Austin, Angle, Austin, Angle, Angle, ANGLE, into the ropes is
reversed, Angle ducks the backhand, but goes down to the Austin Press -
Austin with six rights, and bounces off the ropes with the Up Yours elbow
- leg is hooked - 1, 2, NO! Austin tries again - AGAIN Angle kicks out at
2! Angle put in the corner, whipped to the opposite corner...but he gets
the shoulder up to stop Austin on the charge. Angle runs at Austin...and
falls in a spinebuster. Steve crawls over to Angle - 1, 2, no! Austin is
starting to feel frustrated. Austin with a double leg - now sitting back
in a Boston crab - we don't see this often from Austin, but desperate
times call for Boston crabs. Angle reaches back and grabs Austin's
leg...and manages to roll into an Anglelock! Bubba Ray is quickly in with
a boot to the face to keep Austin from tapping. Austin rolls to his
corner as Dudley gets back - there's the tag. Dudley with a stomp.
Dudley calls to Austin - but Angle pops up with a right! Dudley with a
gutshot - ready to ram Angle into the corner, but Angle reverses and ends
up shoving Dudley into a collision with Austin! Austin falls to the floor
as Angle grabs a waistlock - GERMAN SUPLEX! Everybody's down...Dudley
wants a tag but he can't make it to his corner - Angle has the waistlock
once again. Dudley with a back elbow, another, Angle with a forearm - and
the GERMAN SUPLEX works again! Hebner puts on a count...up to 4. Both
men slowly up - Angle with "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," again,
Dudley lands one but has no effect, right by Angle, right, into the ropes,
reversal, Angle with the flying jalapeno! Angle heads off Austin, who's
coming in - "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," right, right, into the
ropes, belly-to-belly!! Dudley is back though - and he's the legal man -
gets a forearm in the back - trying for an Irish whip but Angle reverses,
slips under...and hits the OLYMPIC SLAM! Leg is hooked - 1, 2, 3! It's
down to Angle and Austin. (5:43 + 5:58) Austin's back in - but Angle has
HIS ankle!! Austin reaches the bottom rope, AND taps, but ALL of this is
missed as Hebner is trying to roll Bubba Ray out of the ring. Meanwhile,
D-VON DAMN DUDLEY is back out, and he's got a chair - WHACK. D-Von is
admirably selling a hurt ankle in the ring, despite his full-on sprint
just seconds ago (must be adrenaline!) - D-Von stomps away on Angle...he
and Bubba Ray hold up Angle as Austin hops on his good leg, pokes his
stomach with his bad leg and hits the STUNNER. Austin tells the Dudleyz
to go ahead and give him 3D (Dudley Death Drop) for good measure as
well. And now Austin has the chair - ohhhhhh he's gonna PILLMANISE Kurt
Angle's ankle! The leg is in the chair - Austin on the second rope - and
down he comes. Here come the HARDY BOYZ (too late?) to clear the ring and
make the girlies squeal. They check on Angle..."ah man, it's broke, it's
broke, watch it." Replay of the Pillmaniser (two angles). The EMTs are
out - Angle is gonna get the stretcher ride out. We get a shot of Austin
watching all this...and smiling. Austin's got a mic...and he's crawled
into the ring. "That's right! You ain't such a hero now, are ya. Huh,
you ain't so tough, are ya, Kurt. HEY! You ain't so tough now, ain't
ya. C'mere" Austin rolls out and walks up the ramp. "Look atchya,
c'mere - hey Kurt, 'I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States
of America, and to the Republic,' and that's a buncha crap." Just out of
hearing range, Bubba Ray adds "one Nation under Stone Cold Steve
Austin!" "Go get them sum(beep)!" The Dudleyz bum rush the Hardyz, and
the EMTs scatter, leaving Angle easy pickings. "Look atcha, the red white
and blue. You ain't such a hero now, are ya uh? Uh? Uh?" Austin upends
the stretcher. OHHHHHHHHH Stomp. "'I pledge ALLEGIANCE (stomp), to the
FLAG (stomp) of the united STATES (stomp) OF (stomp) AMERICA (stomp
stomp)!'" Austin turns to the crowd. "THIS is a piece of trash! A red,
white and..." Angle grabs his ankle and applies the Anglelock
AGAIN! Austin taps...like it'll help. Bubba Ray makes the save, a little
too late, then Jeff Hardy punks out Bubba Ray...and holds back Angle to
keep him from going after Austin again, and possibly hurting himself some
more. Austin is still shouting "I BROKE YER DAMN LEEEEEEEEEEG!" while
Angle is...looking intense. Tough Enough over on MTV!
Hmmm...I'd'a called it a DQ, but I guess we'll call it (No contest 5:43 +
7:23) - my cutoff point was the Pillmaniser. Hmmm, strange that I would
say that so many times on the night of the Pillman Memorial. Or WAS it
all that strange?