I GET LETTERS: Jon Doe writes: Hey, I've been a long time reader, when
Wrestlemaniacs was still independent from Wrestleline. I'm just e-mailing
you because you didn't point out in your Raw recap that after the Hardy
Boyz won the titles, they kissed. Now, I know Jeff is gay, but I didn't
think Matt was too. I think what's worse is that they are incestuous too.
It must be a Carolina thang. This doesn't bode well in disproving that
wrestling fans are inbred hicks.
Oh, and I just want to say that I'm glad you are keeping your article
title names to CRZ instead of Christopher Robin Zimmerman, like you had at
Wrestlemaniacs, because the Christopher Robin part reminds me of Winnie
Pooh, Jon! There's nothing wrong with the bear - he's a
close personal friend of mine! Unfortunately, I seem to have misplaced
the pictures to prove it. Oh, bother.
As for the other thing.....well, I ain't touchin' THAT with a ten foot
pole. I mean, a straight pole. No, wait...
SPECIAL THANKS: Mad props to Alex T. from St Andrews (which we have hashed
out is NOT in Scotland - I think), John Spykerman, Goetz, Jerell Price,
and probably a few others I may have missed for offering their expertise
in der Deutsche language on my behalf. Special thanks go to Marc Wyman
because I'm still talking to him....and need to write him back pretty
MORE PROPS: To Jon Davis and Bill for thinking of me when they sent me
the link to that story in THE ONION. I'm not sure WHY I didn't use
it...hey! I'll do it now! Click here
now - or later!
YOU WANT PROPS? Write me a letter. Go on!
OBLIGATORY LOCAL SPORTS REFERENCE: Go A's! Boo everybody else!
AWARDS: Stop asking me! I'll start on them on MONDAY! (Monday's
tomorrow, you know.) Aw SHIT....
NON-RHETORICAL QUESTION: By now you've seen the HotJobs.com posting for
"On-Air Talent" at WWFE. I was thinking.....MAYBE it's crazy, but hey,
should I go out for it? I mean, why *shouldn't* I go out for it? Now I
know that granted, my television experience has been limited to six years
of live call-in on public access....and about Star Trek, but I mean that's
*almost* JUST LIKE sports play-by-play - right? And heck, isn't getting a
math degree JUST LIKE earning a journalism degree? And SO WHAT if,
although I have been called "telegenic," the truth is that actually I'm
butt ugly - I mean come on, have you seen some of the OTHER "on-air
talent?" I'm READY! Let's MOVE out of the Silicon Valley, and
with a lower rent to pay, I could handle the inevitable pay cut
that would come with working for the WWF! Yeah! Psyched, I am!
Perhaps the REAL question is.....would any of you like to be listed as one
of my references?
Let's see, I've got Rick Scaia....my junior high journalism teacher....I
wonder if Ron and Fez would mind....I wonder if Ron and Fez remember who I
am....I should put down Jim Ross - we shook hands once, and I think that
means we're almost best friends - besides, his son frequently contributes
to [slash] wrestling....
Also, what the heck is a composite photo? I don't think that means what I
think it means...
I hope Jerry Lawler isn't applying. He'd probably get it over me.
STOP WRITING THE INTRO AND GET TO THE DAMN SHOW ALREADY: Just a final
cryptic comment before we get underway - I'm about to do something on my
site that I NEVER thought I'd do - but he assures me that I won't regret
giving him a forum here on slashwrestling.com and I'm going to take him at
his word. You'll find out all about this on the 23rd of October - and the
fact that it's a Tuesday is NOT a coincidence.
Network - Day!
TV-PG-DLV - One World Leader Attitude - WWF!
Here's a Special Video Look at Why Regal Why? not to mention the most
important main event in the history of the previous RAW recap - about
Opening Credits are Beautiful, People
I WANNA BE SO PYYYYYYYYRO - the big fist comes right atcha from the Mark
of the Quad in Moline, IL - we are SAP transmitido en espanol on UPN and
the Score! Cole proclaims it "perhaps the biggest screwjob in WWF
history" and the ratings don't lie - it's 11.10.1 (taped 9.10) and it's a
great night for the Alliance...
...because they're out first. Here Come De Money, SHANE CAN'T leads
STEPHANIE CAN'T EITHER to the ring. Settle in. "Well I know you don't
hear this expression often, but life is great! And life just got a little
bit better last Monday night, and why? Because Stone Cold Steve Austin
became the World Wrestling Federation Champion once again! Right here In
This Very Ring, Austin defeated Kurt Angle 1 - 2 - 3 yeah! And by doing
so has put the Alliance right back on top. The most dominant force in
sports entertainment today - oh, hell yeah!" "You know...last Monday
night...last Monday night, I felt pretty great. And nothing any one of
you says can get me down tonight, because after Stone Cold's victory I
feel UNBELIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVABLE! You know, Stone Cold winning the WWF
Championship back from Kurt Angle only goes to show what truly great
people are capable of, and that's what the Alliance is all about - truly
great people. So with that, allow me to introduce you to the newest
member of the Alliance, the WWF COMMISSIONER WILLIAM REGAL!" And here he
is. "Shane, Stephanie - as you both know, it is my duty as the WWF
Commissioner..." "asshole" chant is drowned out in post-production to
protect our virgin ears "...to uphold the virtues of honesty, fairness and
integrity. It is my responsibility to see that the WWF title is around
the waist of someone who is representative of everything that a chompion
should be - strong, virtuous and courageous. But unfortunately, the WWF
didn't have anyone to fit that description - but the Alliance, I'm happy
to say, most certainly does. I am very proud to introduce to you...a man
that personifies everything that a champion should be. Ladies and
gentlemen - the World Wrestling Federation champion - STONE COLD STEVE
AUSTIN." I wonder who *Austin* is gonna introduce. Is Regal saying that
he HIMSELF couldn't fit that description? I guess so. MRS. AUSTIN is
right behind her husband. Austin hits all four corners and lets everybody
know he's carrying a belt. Well, we haven't heard from the man in almost
three weeks - let's hope he's still awesome: "Ahem! Ahem! AHEM!" Yep,
he's still awesome. Austin lowers the mic - HAHAHA "Hold it - hold it,
allow me to speak....excuse me....I'm very emotional tonight. What? I
said I'm very emotional tonight. I wanna thank everybody in this arena
tonight...and I wanna thank everybody around the world for their support
in my journey back to the World Wrestling Federation championship! Last
Monday night, In This Very Ring, STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN what? Stone Cold
Steve Austin beat Kurt Angle in this ring - 1, 2, 3. And I felt the
excitement - I felt the excitement of millions and millions of
Americanscoursing through the veins of my body and it felt good! So I had
a long speech all written up, had a long written up speech to thank
everybody, but I decided I would make it kinda short and sweet and change
it to two words, what? I said I would change it to two words, and those
two words are 'it's over.' Kurt Angle, I know you're here tonight, and
you're thinking to yourself, 'Stone Cold Steve Austin, I deserve a
rematch,' and my reply to you is 'It's over, what? It's over, what?
It's over, what? IT'S OVER IT'S OVER IT'S OVER IT'S OVER IT'S OVER IT'S
OVER IT'S OVER I WILL NEVER, EVER LET YOU DO THIS TO ME--" Oh oh -
"WrestleMania" is playing and ANNE ROBINSON - SORRY, LINDA McMAHON - THE
JACKET THREW ME OFF is out. "Stone Cold Steve Austin. Let me suggest to
you, Stone Cold: it's far from over. As a matter of fact, Stone Cold,
tonight marks a whole new beginning. And William Regal, I'm gonna begin
with you. As of this very minute, your services as the Commissioner of
the World Wrestling Federation are no longer required. William...to be
more blunt, to be perfectly blunt with you, so there's no mistake, you're
fired!" "You can't fire him!" "I just *did* fire him, Stone Cold. Now,
there are other announcements to be made tonight...but I'm gonna allow the
NEW WWF Commissioner to make those announcements...and Stone Cold, listen
closely, Stone Cold, as I remind you that as the World Wrestling
Federation champion, your activities and your championship matches are
*governed* by the World Wrestling Federation commissioner. And you know,
Stone Cold, something it'll do you well to remember: as old expressions
go, when you live by the sword, you DIE by the sword, it's
true...it's...true!" KURT ANGLE emerges from behind, from the crowd, hits
the ring...and Austin ducks out as quick as he can. Shane eats a
clothesline to go outside and hit the floor. Regal bowled over - Angle
assumes the "hockey fight" position, pulling his jacket over his head and
wailing away. Austin in to try to save him...Angle goes for him again -
Austin takes off - but Angle has the ankle...but Austin wriggles free!
Austin delivers a stomp on his way out. Shane in with a chair - Angle
stops HIM short - belly-to-belly overhead suplex! Angle grabs the chair -
the ring clears. Play his music! Is he the new WWF commissioner?
Trish Stratus shills Stacker 2 - some other guy stands next to her
Moments Ago, Linda brightened all our nights
Backstage, Regal is unhappy to Shane & Stephanie - he's never been fired
before (ha), much less in public! "What kind of a bloody mother do you
have?" Stephanie offers "you can choose your friends, but you can't
choose your parents." Shane wonders who the new commissioner is - and
what other announcements are gonna be made tonight. Then he DOESN'T look
directly into the camera and say "stay tuned to find out - TONIGHT - ON
SMACKDOWN!" but I think he WANTED to.
WWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP: DUDLEY BOYZ (with Stacy Dudley - and Let Us
Take You Back to RAW) v. WELL IT'S A BIG SHOW & SPIKE DUDLEY - Torrie is
off recuperating, and Tajiri is off watching her - so don't look for them
tonight. You know what, if I hadn't been told about the "CRZ IS WALKING"
sign out in the crowd during this entrance, I probably would have
completely missed it myself! HEY HYATTE WHERE ARE YOUR SIGNS NOW? Sorry,
I always wanted to do that.Bubba Ray attacks Show from behind and we're on
- forearm in the back, forearm, forearm, right, left, right, into the
ropes, reversed, well it's a big hiptoss. Well it's a big clothesline.
Well it's a big scoop slam. Well it's a big elbowdrop misses, tag to
D-Von. Forearms by Bubba Ray - into the ropes - well it's a big double
clothesline. Bubba Ray is tossed. Well it's a big headbutt and D-Von
goes out. Tag to Spike - Show presses him over the top and into a plancha
onto his half- brothers! Spike beats his chest and rolls D-Von back in.
Let's take a Subway Replay as Spike stays in control - D-Von into the
ropes, running forearm smash. Neckbreaker. 1, 2, D-Von kicks out. Sent
into the corner - D-Von dumps him over the top. Spike tries an apron-run
clothesline but D-Von ducks - and Spike stops in his tracks as Stacy is
right in front of him, bending over to tie her boots, leading Spike to an
eyeful of booty - until D-Von clocks him in the head, dumping him onto the
floor. Bubba Ray tosses him back in as referee "Blind" Teddy Long tries
to get Stacy back to ringside. D-Von stomps away - stomp. Right hand.
Right. Right, right, right, right, right, right - Long gets him to stop.
Tag to Bubba Ray - held open for the (wait for it) right. Overhand right
puts Spike down. Bubba Ray laying in the badmouth - Spike comes back -
forearm, forearm, forearm, off the ropes, ducks a clothesline from Bubba
Ray, but Bubba Ray doesn't miss the press and drop next time by. Free
shot for Show to put him on the floor - turning Long's back for the
"headbutt to the graun" spot. D-Von stays in without a tag and does the
testify dance. Right hand. Right, "who's da man?" Spike ducks the next
one, switch positions in the corner, forearm, forearm, forearm, into the
opposite corner is reversed and Spike hits it like a brick wall. Give it
a Subway Replay! Stomp by D-Von. Tag to Bubba Ray - held open for the
double sledge. Into the ropes, but Spike comes off with a battering ram
headbutt! Sunset flip - no - but he's out of the way as Bubba Ray
attempts the big butt drop - nothing but mat! Spike off the ropes - Bubba
Ray with a monkey flip counter - nice. Bubba Ray going to the second rope
- NO NO DON'T...oh, the senton misses. I am *surprised*. Will Show get
the tag? He sure wants it! Tag to D-Von - HOT TAG TO THE SHOW! Well
it's a big clothesline! Well it's a big clothesline! Into the ropes -
well it's a big boot! Bubba Ray comes in - HE gets a half chokeslam, half
uranage, half spinebuster. D-Von walks into a big sidewalk slam. Tag to
Spike - Spike on the shoulders - ten story splash!! 1, 2, Bubba Ray puts
D-Von's foot on the rope. Spike with a forearm shot as Show runs after
Bubba Ray - and ends up avalanching the post instead. Oops. Knee by
Spike - into the ropes is reversed and you know what's next - 3D (Dudley
Death Drop). D-Von covers - 1, 2, 3. Champs retain. (5:22) Show
forearms D-Von from behind, but Bubba Ray delivers a belt show to put HIM
down. A table is found and placed at the base of the ramp - Spike into
the ropes - HOLY SHIT super flapjack over the top rope DOWN to the floor
THROUGH the table - he had to fly about twelve feet forward and ten feet
down. Give it a replay - two angles - amazing. A TRAINER & EMTs are
out...this may take an ad break.
WWF Home Video ad
Commentators hype Buffy & Roswell - the way the ratings are going, they're
going to need BUFFY to hype THEM
DDP's smiling face is looking back at me! "It's ME! D D P! And I have a
very special message for a very special person. Kurt Angle. Ya know
Kurt, your losing the WWF CHampionship to Stone Cold Steve Austin on RAW -
it wasn't a bad thing, it was a good thing! Why? Because Kurt, YOU
learned a valuable lesson - you learned that sometimes you have to lose
things to realise just how valuable they really are. And now that you've
lost the WWF Championship, you realise that nothing is more important to
you than that. And when you're not the WWF Champion, you feel like a
NOBODY. A NOTHING. A LOOOOOOOOOSER. But Kurt! You're not a nobody -
you're a SOMEBODY. And even if you're not the WWF Champion, people still
like you - I mean, *I* like you. I know YOU like ME. And I just
Hey! It's the Marquee of the Quad!
Here's a Special Video Look at Rock and Chris Jericho - partners - rivals
- two wrestlers bound by a single set of clips tinted in various hues
Earlier Today, Rock and Jericho had a discussion - amazingly, just OUT
range of the hearing of our intrepid WWF cameraman. From their hand
motions, however, it appears they've patched things up...for now.
In the Room of Fun, Debra tries to calm down her husband: "Steve, you've
just gotta calm down, just settle down. I mean...you've won the match -
you're the champion!" "I know I'm the champion, Debra, but I'm out there
trying to celebrate, and I get jumped by Kurt Angle! I don't deserve
that! I'M A HUMAN BEING!" There's a knock. "Come in!" It's Shane &
Stephanie. "Umm....sorry for interrupting, but..Shane and I have a great
idea." "You do?" "Yes. Austin, you believe in leadership by example.
So, Shane and I felt you'd wanna reward one of your own. Shane and I
think that that person is RVD - because, after all, if RVD didn't defeat
Angle last week, you wouldn't have even had your championship match on
Monday." "So - so check this out, all right? We already have the World
Wrestling Federation championship back here where it belongs, back her in
the Alliance, right (taps belt) across your shoulder--" "Easy." "...all
we need now is the WCW Championship to come back to the Alliace - so we're
thinking, Points to Self versus the Rock - that way RVD brings the gold
home for us - for the Alliance." "I can see your psychology, I can see
what you're trying to do there but NO! What? I said no. Why you gotta
hand the Rock to RVD? The Rock is something special. You wanna reward
that guy, go ahead and reward him.....but don't give him the Rock. Make
him work for it. Make him earn his stripes man. Make him work like Stone
Cold Steve Austin did. (to Debra) Did anybody ever give me anything?"
"No." "Did I work for everything?" "Everything." "You heard her! You
wanna give that man a match, give him a match, but the winner of that
match goes on to the Rock." "Okay, I see where you're coming from. Earn
the stripes. You gotta EARN it - you gotta EARN things in this lifetime."
"Right!" "Perfect. Chris Jericho. Tonight, versus RVD. The winner of
that match takes on the Rock at No Mercy! That'd be perfect, 'cause..."
Stephanie: "Why Jericho? Not Jericho, no! No!" "Listen, Steph. RVD
continually humiliates Chris Jericho. Don't you get that? It's a
win/win! You understand? That way he's EARNING his stripes, and..."
"Chris Jericho gets HUMILIATED once again! Okay." "That makes sense to
me." "Thank you. You know, you're always such a teacher, Austin. Thank
you." "No, you guys...had a good idea. Go ahead and reward the kid."
Shane points to himself. "I hate when he does that."
"Please. Don't Try This At Home" PSA
WWF SmackDown! returns in a moment on UPN!
Nothing beats the experience of the WWF LIVE! Tix on sale Saturday for
Albany for SmackDown!, Charlotte for RAW, Fayetteville for SmackDown!,
Daytona and Lakeland!
Edge chats with Jericho in the locker room for our benefit: "Man, you
have a hell of an opportunity tonight. You and RVD - the winner of the
match gets a title shot against the Rock at No Mercy. I gotta know, are
you up for it?" "Am I up for it? You're damn right I'm up for it! And
tonight, I am going to beat RVD - and at No Mercy, I'm going to beat the
Rock and become WCW Champion." "That's what I like to hear. And speaking
of the Rock...is everything cool with you and the People's Champion after
Monday night? What happened?" "It was a lack of communication, it was a
misunderstanding - everything is fine with myself and the Rock, it's not a
problem, and speaking of problems, you gotta take care of your little
problem of CHRIS-TIAN!! You gotta win that IC title back. Ladder matches
are tough, you can do it though." "Yeah, I think I can." "I know you
can." "Good luck." Off walks Edge...in walks Stephanie to do her Newman
impersonation. "I know you're comfortable in the men's locker room,
Steph, but do you ever knock?" Stephanie asks Jericho if he thinks he's
really got a shot tonight, seeing as his track record seems to indicate he
always loses the big ones. "If anybody knows about big ones, Steph...it's
you." Stephanie takes a while to get it. Get it?
WCW CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP: BILLY KIDMAN - YES, BILLY KIDMAN v. X-PAC
- Feeling out process to start - finally, they lock up. Waistlock by
Kidman, standing switch, back elbow by Kidman. Off the ropes,
shoulderblock by Kidman, up and over, leapfrog by X-Pac, headscissors off
the ropes by Kidman. Into the ropes is reversed, X-Pac tries a backdrop
but Kidman whips off a Frankensteiner for 2. X-Pac senst into the ropes -
he goes up and over, grabs Kidman and rams him into the corner...and out
to the floor. X-Pac runs the ropes - dropkick THROUGH the ropes connects.
Knife-edge chop. Chop. Subway replay of the dropkick as Kidman is rolled
back in - 'Pac climbing to the top - superlegdrop finds the mark...but
Kidman kicks out at 2. Hit the headlock. Kidman fights back...he's up -
back elbow, elbow, elbow breaks it - off the ropes, but 'Pac hits a
spinning heel kick right on the jaw. 'Pac is taking a while climbing to
the top...off the ropes - Kidman with a midair dropkick! Both men are
down. Referee "Blind" Chad Patton puts on the count in this WCW title
match - wait a minute, Patton is a WWF....whatever. Both men up around
the same time - Kidman ducks the clothesline, and hits the jumping back
elbow. Clothesline. X-Pac catches the kick - and catches the enzuigiri
in his head - 1, 2, no! Into the ropes is reversed by X-Pac, but Kidman
slides under - short powerbomb puts him down. Kidman drags him to the
corner and climbs up - but X-Pac is up early and crotches him on top.
X-Pac with a foot on the throat - the skip - the broncobuster. Up to the
second rope to pose - Kidman powerbombs him down! 1, 2, NO! He should
have put his feet on the ropes. Kidman runs for the tornado bulldog...but
'Pac leaves him at the altar - gutshot, X Factor - 1, 2, NOOO foot on the
rope!! X-Pac - OH GOOD LORD he's going for a powerbomb - YOU CAN'T
POWERBOMB KIDMAN! You'd think he'd know that. Kidman covers - 1, 2,
KICKOUT!! X-Pac with a rake of the face, backslide, feet on the ropes -
1, 2, NO!! Into the corner is reversed, but X-Pac gets the elbow up -
X-Pac up top - Kidman meets him - "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine" by
Kidman - Kidman backs up to the corner - YIKES - let's call it a "sitout
facefirst reverse crucifix powerbomb" and hope nobody notices - Kidman
sits down and grabs a leg - 1, 2, 3! Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new
cruiserweight champion. (4:44) I guess X-Pac won't be joining the
Alliance after all.
Shane delivers the pep talk to van Dam. van Dam says "Cool." Then he
points to himself.
UP NEXT: Rob van Dam vs. Chris Jericho - a WCW title shot is on the line!
Trish Stratus shills Stacker 2 - again
You're watching UPN
And now, the Whack of the Night, presented by Lorillard Tobacco Company's
Youth Smoking Prevention Program - tobacco is whacko (if you're a teen) -
from Earlier Tonight, Spike took a stretcher ride thanks to the Dudley
Boyz. Apparently, the preliminary diagnosis is: bruised ribs and a
THURSDAY JERICHO with TV-PG-DLV ratings box - and Subway presents No
Mercy in ten days!) & v. POINTS TO SELF (with SAP - transmitido en espanol
- and MSG matinee house show hype) in a nontitle match for a shot at the
WCW Championship at No Mercy - HERE WE GO: Lockup, tussling to the corner
- referee "Blind" Earl Hebner brings the break. Jericho with a chop, van
Dam with an elbow, kick, kick, catches Jericho's kick, goes for a kick of
his own but Jericho lands an enzuigiri. Into the ropes, back elbow by
Jericho. van Dam with a monkey flip. Superkick. Kick, elbow, elbow,
into the opposite corner, Jericho dumps him onto the apron, forearm, head
to the buckle...springboard plancha attempted but van Dam ducks and
Jericho sails to the floor! van Dam with a Fivestar frog splash from the
apron to the floor! Jericho rolled back in as we take the Subway Replay.
van Dam up top - thrust kick finds the mark! van Dam covers - 1, 2,
kickout! Stomp by van Dam. Head to the buckle, headbutt, headbutt,
superfluous backflip - Jericho sidesteps the next oncoming headbutt and
van Dam shoulders the post. Jericho pulls van Dam out - then throws him
into the ringpost a second time. Jericho pulls him out - on the shoulder
- down with a shoulderbreaker (!) - 1, 2, van Dam kicks out! Jericho
stomps the head - again - brings him up, right hand, chop, chop, into the
ropes, head down, van Dam kicks. Jericho put into the ropes, but he holds
on and the dropkick only hits air. Jericho tries the Lionsault - but
meets the knees! van Dam goes up top - Fivestar frog splash but THAT hits
the knees! Both man are staying down this time - we'll take another
Subway Replay, because it's all about frog splashes to the guy doing
replays, I guess. "RVD" chant - or "Y2J" chant - blame post-production
for confusing us all. Both men are up now - van Dam ducks a clothesline
and lands a spin kick. Off the ropes - Rolling Thunder and the senton
lands - 1, 2, Jericho kicks out! Boot to the head by van Dam - in the
corner - right, kick, into the opposite corner is reversed, van Dam up and
over, backflips back - up on the shoulders to try the Frankensteiner but
Jericho stops him halfway - WALLS OF JERICHO!! van Dam reaches
through...and grabs the bottom rope. Hebner forces a break - and Jericho
is none too pleased about it. van Dam going for the clothesline - Jericho
steps aside and Hebner takes the brunt! (Trivia: When was the last time
Hebner didn't take a shot in his match?) Bulldog by Jericho, Lionsault,
cover...down for a million but Hebner is dead. Jericho is over to bring
him back to life - no luck. van Dam up - spin kick to the mush.
Split-legged moonsault hits - but, amazingly, there's STILL no live zebras
on the plantation. Jericho mauls a distracted van Dam down with a
clothesline. van Dam into the corner - boot up by van Dam. "Y2J" chant.
van Dam leaps to the top - Jericho trips him up, crotching him on top.
Jericho up after him for a superplex - oh no STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN is
out and he's got a chair - Jericho backs off and *van Dam* takes the
chairshot! Did he mean it? We'll all wonder. Hebner is finally awake -
1, 2, 3! Jericho advances to No Mercy, and a WCW title shot against the
Rock! (6:13 - ATD?) Replay shows Austin's expression...plays it close to
the vest. Coming back, van Dam is up...and wondering just what Austin was
trying to accomplish. Austin looks back...blank. van Dam wants ANY
reaction from Austin...but doesn't get one. Ooh, lookit! van Dam makes a
FROWNY face! Cole says it's the first time we've ever seen this side of
Rob van Dam. Austin has put down the chair - and picked up a mic. "I
want every single member of the Alliance to come to this ring RIGHT NOW.
I want EVERY single member of the Alliance to come out here and witness
what is about to happen In This Very Ring." Austin climbs into the ring.
Cole: "Are Austin and van Dam gonna go at it right here?" Well, not until
after this ad break...DAMMIT
Moments Ago, ...eh, you know what happened
When we come back, the ring is full of TEAM W/ECW. "You know ever since
Stone Cold Steve Austin has been the leader of the Alliance, I've led by
example. I give credit where credit is due. I would not be the World
Wrestling Federation champion right now if it wasn't for one person. One
person gave me the opportunity. I took that opportunity and became the
champion...and I have one man to thank for that. Since I always give
credit where credit's due...I'd like to thank Shane McMahon. That's
right, I wanna thank Shane McMahon, because you're the guy that made it
all happen. You're a genius! I'm proud of ya. I'm not only proud of
you, dammit, I love you. Thank you very much." HUG! BOO YA! "That's
all I wanna do was say thank you, and give you credit where credit's due.
And RVD thanks for, hey, thanks for covering Kurt Angle after Shane hit
him in the head with a chair. You did your part, too." Austin goes
through the ropes...and stops as van Dam says "that's all I get." Back
in. "You sassin' me? Are you sassin' me? I just said thank you. What
are ya all mad about? What, you're mad 'cause you lost your match?
Yeah, you lost your match - you mad about that? Are you mad because you
lost your opportunity to fight for the WCW title at No Mercy? You know
what, while I was gone, you know while I was gone, I watched ya - I'll
touch you again - I watched ya, I watched you give advice to the Alliance
while I was gone, and you know what? You gave 'em hope. You tried to
take 'em under your wing like Stone Cold Steve Austin did. You tried to
be a leader...and answer all their questions." Austin pauses - crowd is
chanting "What?" "See look whatcha did. You tried to be a leader...but
Stone Cold Steve Austin is back to take these men and women under my wing.
If it weren't for me, they wouldn't have a JOB. I got a piece of advice
for you, RVD - I want you to keep your feet on the ground...and keep
reachin' for the stars. You know why? Because in two, three, four...five
years from now, you're gonna be a big star. You gotta lotta future -
you've gotta lotta potential. And I don't like you - I don't love you -
but I appreciate what you did for me, so - I'll gonna go ahead and offer
this, uh, handshake as an olive branch of friendship." van Dam scowls.
"Go ahead, shake my hand." SKEEEEEEECRASH he's back. He's MICK FOLEY.
"Well! There's no place like home - there's no place like home. You see,
it turns out that Linda McMahon thought that I - I would make a pretty
good choice as your NEW WWF Commissioner! Thank you very much. And...as
my first act as commissioner, what I'd like to do right here tonight is
make a match between you, William Regal, and the Olympic champion Kurt
Angle! Yet, I'd *like* to make that match, but - but I can't, you see,
William, I know that I can't force an Alliance member to take on a member
of the WWF, but what I can do is make an appeal to your, your British
manhood. Ey matey? Wotsa mattah guvnah? Kneeza littah wohbbly eh?
Afraid to tangle it up with the Olympic champion Kurt Angle? Well let me
put it another way - Regal, maybe you don't have the testicular
fortitude...to step In That Very Ring here tonight against the Olympic
Champion. Whaddaya say...Willie?" "Listen to me, you bloody imbecile.
You're bloody well right I'll fight Kurt Angle right in this ring
tonight!" "All right, that's what I wanna hear, now...wait a second. Is
that...is that Stone Cold Steve Austin? Steve-o! Congratulations! WWF
Champion, remember when you and me were tag champs back in '97? I gotta
tell ya you look GREAT, Steve! Have you been exercising? You see, I've
been exercising a little bit too, and right here tonight I'm
gonna...exercise my authority! Maybe you're wondering why, right about
now, Kurt Angle's not In That Very Ring kicking your Tex-ass....(little
play on words) all over Illinois. Well, that...well that's because I did
something to appease the Olympic Champion, you see what I did was give him
a guarantee that he would indeed have a title shot against you at No
Mercy. Now, wait...hey you, the young man with the initials - what are
those initials again?" van Dam climbs a turnbuckle and points to himself.
"You, yeah. RVD. Listen, son...I've been watching you and you've been
blowing my mind, but I wanna know if you know something about me, Mick
Foley, the WWF Commissioner. I'll tell you what. The fact is that I like
to give the fans - all of the fans, including the fans right here tonight
in (edit) Illinois....the best damn main events that I possibly can. And
RVD, I just happen to think that that main event at No Mercy would be just
a little bit better with you involved. What I'm talking about is a Triple
Threat. Kurt Angle - Stone Cold - and RVD. But wait wait wait, wait,
once again I know my power is kind of limited, RVD, I can't force you as
an Alliance member to take place in that WWF championship match, so what I
guess I'm gonna have to ask you to do is make a choice as to whether or
not you wanna compete in the biggest contest of your career. So I guess,
RVD, it's all up to you whether or not, or as Meat Loaf said, what's it
gonna be, boy - yes or no?" RVD takes the mic. "Far be it for me to
ignore the advice of our leader, Stone Cold Steve Austin. Yeah I'll touch
you again. I know when you're talking about me reachin up for the stars,
you do NOT want me to pass up this opportunity. Stone Cold's cool with it
- RVD's cool with it. I'm in." Austin is unhappy. "So it's a Triple
Threat at No Mercy - Stone Cold - Kurt Angle - and P T S. Have a nice
day!" Austin and van Dam continue to chat...
WWF SmackDown! returns in a moment - on UPN!
This Saturday on Excess - the APA are the Special Guest Stars!
Backstage, the Austins and Shane talk for our benefit. "You know, I don't
get it Shane. I just won the World Wrestling Federation championship
back, and now my life is turning into Hell. Mick Foley comes back as the
commissioner of the World Wrestling Federation? What is that? You know
how much I hate Mick Foley? Do you know he's going to try to make my life
a living hell as commissioner? Do you know that? What? Right. RVD
accepts to be in the triple threat match? What? Why? What? He got no -
look at me. He got no business stickin' his nose in my business. Do you
see what I'm saying?" "I see exactly what you're saying, but hear me out
- this is an opportunity, look at it this way. Look at it as an
opportunity for the Alliance." "How?" "Hey don't you - don't you
understand this? We just increased our odds of winning that matchup by a
third. Stone Cold Steve Austin...if you win, of course you retain the
World Wrestling Federation championship. And if RVD wins, then...."
Austin's look prevents Shane from completing his thought. "Come on." He
and Debra walk away as Shane makes a shocked face.
THE HURACAN & MIGHTY MOLLY hit the ring as we learn that SmackDown! is
brought to you by whacko tobacco, "The Mummy Returns," and Clearasil.
"Greetings, true believers! My hurrisenses are telling me it's time to
defend the super European championship. So, if there's any mere
mortal...(they give thumbs down)...who wishes to be vanquished. Please
feel free to step forward in a flash, but be forewarned - through howling
winds and pouring rain, all evil shall fear...the Hurricane!"
WWF EUROPEAN CHAMPIONSHIP: HURACAN (with Mighty Molly) vs. KANE -
Hurricane lets Molly through the ropes - then steps up. "Citizen Kane!
I think you're making a mistake withyourlife. Think about it: you've got
a cool costume, you got a cool mask, you're seven feet tall, and you don't
fight crime - WASSUPWITDAT? I think you would be a great addition to the
Hurrileague, and together with the Hurricane and Mighty Molly...we would
be the superest super team that ever lived? Whaddaya say - Hurritwin
powers - activate!" THEY TOUCH RINGS!! Then Kane grabs his fist and
twists - golly, that looks painful! Referee "Blind" Jack Down breaks it
up for no apparent reason - Kane chases him almost completely out of the
ring. Hurricane with a right. Pose, pose, off the ropes, ducks a
clothesline from Kane. Going for a drop toehold on Kane...Kane ain't
budging. Kane grabs him and pulls him up with a double choke - into the
corner - Hurricane ducks the clothesline - right, right, axe
handle...pose...Kane pulls him down to the mat. Big boot. Hurricane goes
outside - where Molly puts on the cape. Hurricane poses! Kane pulls him
up by the head - Hurricane DOES manage a hot shot, at least. Hurricane to
the top - he's gonna fly! He's gonna get caught. Hurricane manages to go
down the back and land on his feet - and decides to try a belly-to-belly
suplex. Again, Kane ain't leavin' the ground. Kane with the scoop...and
a big overhead slam. Right hand. Off the ropes...elbowdrop MISSES!
Hurricane wants a gutwrench - no. Up on the shoulder, Kane with the
powerslam. Molly on the apron to beg for mercy (maybe) - Kane looks at
her long enough for Hurricane to dropkick the back of his knee. It's all
over now - the big powerbomb - the big - the....nope, Kane lifts him up on
his shoulders and powerbombs HIM down. Meanwhile, TEST TEST THIS IS A
TEST is out to make sure we don't get that title change. Kane locks his
eyes on Test until NAPPY T can come out through the crowd...but Kane turns
around - choke! Test is in and HE lands the forearm to the back. Doan
calls for the bell (DQ 2:24) as the doubleteam ensues. Yes, TAKER *does*
come out - right for T, right, right and T goes out. Test is already gone
having finished the job on Kane. Play "Rollin'!" Taker helps Kane to his
feet - and they stare at the two men on the aisle. Meanwhile, Tazz leaves
the commentary table - he's got a little business of his own coming up...
"Look, I'm very proud of the fact that you're challenging Tazz again
tonight, and I'm gonna let you fight your own battles...even though what
Tazz pulled on you last week - that's true to form, that's who he is."
Hearing a voice sing "I am the com-mish-shun-er," Al says "Look, look,
don't make eye contact. We'll just stand here, we'll stare at the wall.
Maybe--" Nope, Foley is here. "Al! Al, hey Al. Guess who's going to be
on Millionaire next week." "Ummmmmm....YOU are!" "Right, and hey - wanna
be my lifeline?" "Yeah, sure! That could be kinda cool!" "Maven! Nice
to meet you." "Pleasure." "And did you know..." "Tough Enough
champion." "I KNOW he's the Tough Enough champion, and did you know if it
wasn't for Al Snow I wouldn't be here tonight?" "If it wasn't for me, you
wouldn't be here in (???)." "Remember when Al was hangin' with the
midgets about six, seven months ago, challenged Regal to a match for the
commissionership, ended up losing BIG TIME which caused Regal to ascend
into a position of power, screwed over Kurt Angle for the WWF
Championship, and put Austin in position where HE could be the new WWF
Champion, necessitating the reason for my return tonight. Pretty cool,
huh?" "Really?" "Don't listen to him!" "Hey, good luck in that match
with Tazz tonight, okay?" "Get away from him - you remember those people
I told you NOT to associate with? That's one--" (offstage shout) "Al, I
need my gavel back!"
Kurt Angle talks about life on the road - and how he plans to later
divorce his wife. No, wait...buy the book, that can't be right.
Trish Stratus shills Stacker 2 - again - again - I almost miss those Kane
Nothing beats the WWF Live - find out Saturday in Saginaw, Sunday in
Toledo, RAW in Ottawa and Tuesday in Montreal!
Backstage, Test and Booker T laugh it up. "What's wrong witchoo, man?"
"Man, what you did on Monday..." "Uh huh" "...to the Undertaker" "Yeah!"
"...was great!" "Most definitely!" "You called his bluff! You PULLED
his punk card...and handed it to him! And at No Mercy, Book, I KNOW
you're gonna BEAT HIM DOWN." "BOO YA!" "Just like I... beat down Kane...
tonight. Kane - the big red machine. The invincible Kane! The
unbeatable Kane! Well, I'll tell you what, Book. I'm gonna do you proud.
I'm CHALLENGING Kane...to a match..." "Oh yeah!" "...at No Mercy."
"Most definitely!" "And when he feels the boot to the face BAM! He's
gonna know that he IS human - and Kane's gonna know that he can be beat."
"Do you know what, man?" "What's that?" "I can dig that." "I knew you
AL SNOW is out to join MICHAEL KING COLE at ringside. This Sunday on
Heat, Booker T takes on Edge!
TAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ (with Let Us Take You Back To Last Week) v.
MAVEN - again - Maven STILL hasn't bought any ringwear - man, he had a
whole WEEK! Tazz piefaces Maven - Maven says "well the dropkick went over
pretty well last week" and delivers. Hiptoss (not), scoop....and a
slam. Maven isn't sure what to do...so he goes up top - moonsault
MISSES! Field goal kick by Tazz - another - in the corner, kick, kick,
right, right, right is blocked - elbow by Maven, elbow, open-handed slap
by Tazz, slap, slap. Pulled out - T-Bone Tazzplex. Slap to the
face. Into the ropes, Maven ducks - Maven with the sleeper!! Tazz steps
in and goes for the death suplex - Maven lands on his feet! Tazz ducks
the clothesline and quickly applies the Tazzmission and body scissors -
Maven taps again. (1:15) Tazz pats him on the back...he won't do it
again, will he? Maven pops up with a clothesline! Play Saliva! Snow
hits the ring to raise Maven's hand 'cause Nick Patrick won't for sure.
At the Magic Window set, The Rock paces! He'll be talking SOON!
No Mercy ad
Time now for the WWF Slam of the Week, presented by Jared and
Subway! From RAW, Taker gives Booker T the last ride, helping the Hardyz
take the WCW tag team titles away from T&T
LOOK! It's WWF New York!
Who's inside? It's....well, nobody. We instead look at MICHAEL KING COLE
& TAZZZZZZZZZZ, your hosts.
The graphic don't lie - Saliva's CD cover brings you No Mercy! The main
event is set: the WWF Championship will be decided in a Triple Threat
match between Stone Cold Steve Austin, Kurt Angle, and Rob van Dam! The
WCW title is on the line when Rock takes on Chris Jericho! And don't you
dare forget the lingerie match - Stacy Keibler takes on Torrie Wilson!
The challenge is accepted - Booker T. clashes with Undertaker! It's a
ladder match for the intercontinental title between Christian and Edge!
And just added is a special challenge match between Test and Kane!
JONATHAN COACHMAN stands backstage with the Rock. Are he and Jericho
cool? Rock starts to answer, but pauses for the chant. "Finally, the
Rock HAS COME BACK TO THE QUAD CITY! So now, the match is set. Ten days
from now, No Mercy, the Rock, Y2J, for the WCW title. Allow the Rock to
answer your question, everybody's question, the Rock has been answering
all week long. Are you and Y2J cool? What's going on with the Rock and
Chris Jericho? What's happening with the Rock and Y2J? Well let the Rock
confirm that everything is 'cool' between the Rock and Y2J. No problems
between the Rock and Y2J. Ancient history - water under the bridge. So
trust the Rock - just because he doesn't wanna whoop Chris Jericho's ass
tonight, or tomorrow, or the next night, ten days from tonight, at No
Mercy, it's gonna be the Rock, the Brahma Bull, the People's Champion,
against Y2J, the Ayatollah of Rock and Rollah..." we pull back to see
Jericho standing there. Jericho finally notices a camera. "Oh I'm sorry,
Rock, I didn't know you were doing an interview, I was just so enthralled
by what you were saying--" Rock pulls the mic back to his face. "You're
sorry, you didn't know the Rock was doing an interview...can the Rock help
you, Chris Jericho?" "Like I said, I was just listening to what you were
saying, and this is exciting, Rock - this is huge. The Rock and Y2J at No
Mercy? Are you kidding? I'm excited, every Jerichoholic is excited, THIS
is going to be HUGE." Rock pauses for the chant again. "Oh there's no
question, Chris Jericho, it's gonna be huge. The Rock is geeked, the Rock
is AMPED. It's gonna be electrifying, but as far as for you, Chris
Jericho, never winning the big one...
nonononono, simply not true because tonight, you won the big one, and the
Rock can't WAIT for No Mercy. Good luck." Handshake. "Good luck,
Rock. People are going to be talking about this one." And then Jericho
brushes Rock's shoulder on his way out, even taking the belt off Rock's
shoulder in the process! Rock looks back...and smiles. "He has no
idea. No idea." Oh oh, he forgot to ask us to smell what he was - oh
that just might have been the point.
William Regal is WALKING!
UP NEXT: Regal vs. Angle!
Tough Enough video/DVD ad
And now, the Stacker 2 Burn of the Week! From RAW, Regal turns on the
WILLIAM REGAL v. KURT ANGLE - is it just me is it four minutes to the end
of the show? I smell the earthy aroma of squash in the air... Angle hits
the ring quick - right, right, right, right, knee by Regal, elbow - off
the ropes - Angle catches him with a belly-to-belly overhead suplex.
There's ANOTHER belly-to-belly. Angle tosses Regal over the top to the
outside and follows. Stomp, stomp. To the mat, chop, chop, chop, head to
the barricade, walked over to the commentary table - head to the table -
again - right, Regal manages to shove Angle into the post, cutting the
"USA" chant short as well. Regal tosses Angle into the ropes and lets him
bounce off to the floor (neat). Kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick,
kick - every left footed kick from Regal aimed at the base of the neck.
Angle rolled back in - Regal follows - Angle right, right, right, into the
ropes is reversed, back elbow by Regal. Cover - 1, kickout. Angle right,
right, rollup - 1, 2, no. Angle grabs an ankle...Regal kicks him away
with his free foot. Knee to the face - Euro elbow, elbow, elbow, Euro
uppercut - Angle ducks the next left and lets Regal's chest hit the buckle
- up from behind - forearm in the back, forearm, forearm, forearm, forearm
forearm forearm forearm forearm - pulling him out, he's got the waistlock
- GERMAN SUPLEX!! He's holding on - there's ANOTHER! Regal frantically
grabs for the ropes - and doesn't get them - THIRD GERMAN SUPLEX! Angle
mounts - right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right,
right - that's a Ten Punch Count Along - DOWN COME THE STRAPS! OLYMPIC
SLAM!! RAVEN is in - huh? HE gets a belly-to-belly - AWESOME MIKE
AWESOME takes a belly-to-belly - KANYON in - Angle ducks a punch and hits
a German suplex on HIM - TOMMY DREAM is out with a chair - Angle takes it
from him - WHACK! Thanks for coming out, Tommy! WHACK Raven - WHACK
Awesome - WHACK Kanyon! Wooooooow! Play his music! (No contest? 3:22)
Regal mugs at the top of the ramp - he didn't get pinned...maybe later.
You didn't think they'd blow off this burgeoning feud TONIGHT, did you?
(Maybe - it HAS kinda been like that lately...) Oh, quiet you. This was
a pretty good show. (Yeah, for once.) That's it. I don't wanna hear
from you until Monday!