KINGS UPDATE: 14-5 (3 GB the Lakers, who I hate) WILL Webber start
against the Lakers Friday? WILL HE?
What do you MEAN, you're urinating nitrogen today? U P N - Thursday!
One World Leader Attitude - TV-PG-DLV - WWF!
LAST MONDAY: Go read the RAW report - and imagine what it's like if they
mute out every utterance of the word "ass" - that's your set of clips
Opening Credits are Beautiful, People!
PYRO! From the Allstate Arena in Chicago, IL 6.12.1 (taped 4.12) and SAP
transmitido en espanol on the United Paramount Network AND The Score,
THIS...is WWF SMACKDOWN!
TONIGHT: The Rock & Stone Cold team up to take on Kurt Angle & Chris
Jericho! WOW - they just saved me the cost of a house show ticket!
Thanks, WWF! Let's not waste any more time, as after all Ven gea nce is
only THREE days away...
KING EDGE (with Rob Zombie CD cover & Let Us Take You Back to RAW) and WELL
IT'S THE BIG SHOW and KANE HAD NOTHING BETTER TO DO TONIGHT v. WILLIAM
REGAL and DUDLEY BOYZ (with Stacy Dudley) - Referee "Blind" Mike Chioda
actually does a big frisk job to make sure Regal has no knux on him - holy
crap, somebody's FINALLY thinking out there! Heels storm the ring en masse
and Katie needs to bar that door 'cause we're all the way out to Pier Six
here. Show tosses Bubba Ray, Kane clotheslines out D-Von and we're down to
two in the ring - Regal into the corner, Edge backdrops him out. Right,
into the ropes is reversed, D-Von grabs the hair and pulls Edge down, Regal
with the knockdown - and the tag to D-Von. Right by Dudley, right, right,
right, right, right, right. Right to the back of the head. Right. Choke
on the second rope. Tag to Bubba Ray. Into the ropes, double
shoulderblock. Dudley with the elbowdrop, elbowdrop, double axehandle - 1,
2, no. Right hand, into the ropes, Edge ducks the clothesline, DOUBLE
clothesline and both men go down. Tag to D-Von - tag to Kane! Kane with
"Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," right, back body drop for Bubba Ray,
clothesline for D-Von, clothesline for Bubba Ray, clothesline for
Regal...outside, up to the top, and down with the flying clothesline to
Regal - but the Dudleyz have numbers and the chance to strike from behind -
they take over. Free shot to shove Show to the floor. Double clothesline
by Kane is ducked - THEY double clothesline Kane to the outside, but not
before Edge takes the blind tag. Regal gives Edge a running kick, though,
and he doesn't make it into the ring. Show HAS made it back in - forearm
to Regal's back - clotheslines to Bubba Ray, then to D-Von - looks like
Stacy just passed the knux to Regal, and now she's on the apron wigglin'
her ass in Show's direction..but also eye to eye with Kane, who shocks her
through the ropes and into the ring - landing at Show's feet! Show gives a
"me like" face, puts her over his knee, hikes her skirt, licks his hand (!)
and goes for the...but JUST before the spanking can commence, the Dudleyz
are back in to make the save. Into the ropes - double flapjack (!) and
Show is down - Kane in with uppercuts to both Dudleyz - Bubba Ray into the
corner, but he gets the elbow up. 3D (Dudley Death Drop) for Kane! Show
back in - clothesline for D-Von, ahhhhhhhhTHECHOKESLAM for Bubba Ray - and
now REGAL is back in - loaded left hand TIMBERRRRRRR and Show is down.
Edge back in - SPEAR for Regal! Edge ducks a swing from D-Von - gutshot -
Edgecution - 1, 2, 3! What's that, Mike Chioda? BOTH MEN WERE LEGAL
OWWWWWW HAVE MERCY (3:38)
Backstage and outside we go - Kurt Angle, distraught, paces about outside
the arena. "Where the heck is he?" Finally a limousine pulls up...it's
Vince. Angle, understandibly, is much relieved. "Kurt!" "Mr. McMahon,
thank God you made it." "What, did you think I wasn't gonna show up here
tonight? Did you think for one moment that I was gonna let you forfeit
your opportunity to be the Undisputed champion this Sunday?" A jet flies
overhead - or was it the Hurricane? "Well, no...but, but...I wanted to
apologise for last Monday night. It wasn't my fault...it was Stone Cold's
fault! It was Stone Cold's fault." "I understand that, and believe me,
I've got big plans for Austin later on tonight." "Hey, speaking of plans,
you know how you're supposed to kiss the Rock's behind tonight? Well, I
have a major--" "Whoa whoa whoa...we're not goin' with your plans tonight
- we're goin' with my plans - and I know this is suppose to be the night I
kiss the Rock's behind, but don't be surprised by the time this night is
over that the Rock is not puckering right on up to my keister himself."
"All right." "How's that sound?" "Let's get to work." "Oh, it's true."
"Oh, it's true!" "Yeah!"
Jakks Pacific's WWF RealSounds Arena ad
Look! It's the Allstate Arena! It's in good hands! WOW!
Let Us Take You Back to RAW, where the Hardyz...exploded!
EARLIER TODAY! this conversation took place in the locker room twixt Jeff
and Matt: "Hey man, I hear that you have a hardcore title match tonight
with RVD." "Yeah, what about it?" "Well, what about it, I mean, Matt, I'm
a little confused. What about you telling me not to even compete in
singles matches? What about you talking about us being the best WWF tag
team?" "We are." "I mean, what about all that, Matt?" "What about it, I
think I detect a little bit of ah, jealousy in your voice, Jeff. I think
you're jealous that I've got a title match tonight. Actually, it's just a
warmup match for our match at Ven gea nce, and by the way that you've been
performing recently in the ring, it might not be a bad idea if *you* had
some sorta warmup match." "Oh. All right, cool. You know what, Matt? I
hope you go out there, I hope you beat RVD tonight." "Yeah, I will."
"'cause then at Ven gea nce, I'm not only gonna beat you, I'm gonna
leave...the hardcore champion." "Yeah? Well, I guess you're saying that
Lita - MY Lita - the Special Referee for the match, is gonna be seein'
things your way? That what you're thinking?" "Matt, if she was seein'
things your way...then where is she tonight?" Jeff walks off - and Matt's
smile slowly morphs into a sneer.
Back to here and now, as Vince has finished laying it out for Angle. Too
bad we weren't listening to them earlier - we could pushed this Hardy clip
to later and everything! "So those are the plans, those are the plans for
later on tonight, Kurt." "Oh, I think they're tremendous! Stone Cold
won't see it coming! He's gonna get what he deserves." "You damn right."
"And as far as plans for the Rock are concerned, what I.....you don't, you
don't look so good. You feeling all right?" "Ah, it's been a rough coupla
days." "You haven't been gettin' any sleep, huh. 'cause I haven't,
thinking about, you know - what's gonna happen. But, you - your voice is
hoarse." "Yeah, it's just a throat (gimmit?)" "Cold, something like that?
You know, what...I got some throat lozenges. Pop one in there." "Thanks,
Kurt." "You're welcome!" "Good." "You know, me being an Olympic Gold
Medalist, I was trying to put myself in your shoes about what's gonna
happen tonight, you know, what was supposed to happen. You know, I can't
imagine being Mr. McMahon right now, having to go in that ring, in front of
twenty thousand fans...let alone the millions and millions watching out
there, I mean - the whole world's gonna be watchin', and you're supposed to
get on your knees, and the Rock's gonna drop his drawers and
his...*buttocks* is gonna be sticking out, and you're gonna kiss his rear
end, I mean OH MY G--" Vince spits out the lozenge. "As far as the Rock
is concerned, you wanna know the plans for the Rock tonight?" "Yeah!" "I
think you're gonna like this." Damn, they keep going to break just when we
get to the good bits!
Catch the WWF live! Saturday, San Jose! Sunday is Ven gea nce in San
Diego! RAW is Anaheim, and Tuesday is Bakersfield!
Man, you sure can tell when it's a TV-PG show, can't you? "Keister!"
"Buttocks!" "Rear end!" "BUTT!"
AND...how come TNN can air the "fuck" but has to pixellate out the boobies?
The Boot of the Week is brought to you by Lugz! Fro RAW, Rob van Dam
manages to get the duke over Christian with the Fivestar.
WWF HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP: POINTS TO SELF (with SmackDown! is brought to
you by truth, Gundam, and EA Sports' Madden 2002!) v. MATT HARDY - Lockup,
side headlock by Hardy, powered out, shoulderblock - off the ropes, up and
over, leapfrog by van Dam, Hardy drops down and van Dam backflips over him
- gutshot, into the ropes, head down, swinging neckbreaker by Hardy.
"Hardcore!" he shouts. Outside for the ladder...van Dam tries to take it
from him - Hardy on the apron, eats a right, but leaps down and seesaws the
ladder into van Dam's jaw - he ends up leaping over the top and landing on
the floor. van Dam back up, trying again to take control of the ladder -
Hardy runs the ropes and attempts to baseball slide the ladder, and totally
misses - but van Dam's a trooper and sells like it worked anyway. van Dam
up the ramp - Hardy outside - ladder to the gut! Another ladder in the
ribs. They're at the top of the stage now - Hardy tosses the ladder but
van Dam ducks it - and van Dam bulldogs him onto the ladder! van Dam goes
behind the curtain - and throws out a garbage can and chair - then rolls a
STEEL case out into Hardy - he rides it ALMOST to the edge but van Dam
stops it - he climbs up, points to himself, then drops the leg across the
back of the head - 1, 2, Hardy kicks out. van Dam sets up the ladder while
Hardy grabs the can - THUMP. Hardy puts van Dam in between the legs of the
ladder and closes it on him. Hardy climbs the case - then cannonballs the
ladder (very gently) - 1, 2, shoulder up! "RVD" chant. Hardy stands up
the ladder, then grabs the chair. Up two - three rungs - leaps off, but
van Dam catches him with a van Daminator! Matt's STUPID. Cover - 1, 2, 3.
(3:58) Post-match, AWESOMETAKER comes out and pops van Dam from behind in
mid pose - soupbone! Head to the "broken glass" paneling of the set - and
again! Taker grabs the ladder - ladder DEEP into the gut...Taker stands
tall, smirks...and then *points to himself!* Play "Rollin'!"
Ven gea nce ad
Triple H is guesting on Mad TV Saturday - don'cha dare miss it! Well,
unless you wanted to watch "Excess."
"As I was sayin'...by the way, these throat lozenges you gave me? They're
really good - I'm feeling better already." "Great, hey you know I bought
'em at the drug store today." "I'm feeling better about our plans...you
know, and especially the double whammy - first we take out the Rock
tonight, and then...we take out Stone Cold." "Rock and Austin, double
whammy tonight! You know what? This Sunday, I'm gonna have my double
whammy - I'm gonna take out Austin 1, 2, 3 - and then I'm gonna beat the
winner of Rock and Jericho and become the Undisputed World Champion, my
dream." "But back to things at hand tonight, what if tonight when I'm out
there with Rock, what if I take this throat lozenge...and instead of using
it as a throat lozenge, I use it as a suppository on the Rock!" Angle lets
loose with the hysterics..."That's a good one, Mr. McMahon! You're funny!"
...commentators will be quick to tell us Angle's kissin' butt. Tell us
ABOUT A HUNDRED TIMES.
SCOTTY 2 HOTTY & ALBERT 2..... ALBERT v. THE NARCISSIteST and CHRISTIAN -
Strange to see Earl Hebner in THIS match...? Hotty and Christian start -
check that, Christian immediately tags out - Test wanted it - Hotty ducks,
right, right, knee by Test, thrown into the corner, right, back elbow,
right, back elbow, going for another back elbow but Hebner stands in front
of Hotty - ohhhh THAT'S why he's out there. Test spends too much time
arguing...Hotty on the second rope - missile dropkick lands - 1, 2, kicked
out with authority. Right by Hotty, right, whip is reversed, Christian
from behind, ducks Hotty's swing and clamps on a full nelson...Test runs at
him for the boot, but Hotty stops him with HIS boot - then elbows
Christian, stun gun, and shoves a charging Test into Christian, knocking
him to the floor - but Test comes back with a clothesline. Right, right,
right. Head to the buckle. Right, back elbow, right, back elbow, right,
right, right, right, and AGAIN breaking to take issue with Hebner's
enforcement of the rules. All that does is provide recovery time for Hotty
- OH NO HEBNER POINTED TO THE WWF PATCH ON HIS SHIRT!! Right by Test,
right, right, more arguing with Hebner. Test advancing again on Hotty out
on the apron - Hotty with a headbutt through the ropes, back over the ropes
to try the sunset flip...Test hanging onto the topes - Hebner kicks them
away - 1, 2, no! Test clotheslines Hotty down and then REALLY gets in
Hebner's face. Hebner hightails it to the ropes, but *still* points to his
WWF patch. Back to Hotty - into the corner - but he gets the elbow up!
Hotty ducks a clothesline and uncorks a superkick! Say, there are other
people in this match...maybe they'll get the tag? YES! Tag to Albret!
Clothesline for Test, shoulderblock for Christian, ducks a swing from Test,
left, left, dancing, right. Christian runs at him - double leg - Giant
Swing!! Three rotations only - then knocks down Test. Scotty in - do si
do yaaaaaaavalanche on Test - and a cross-corner splash for Christian.
Christian outside, Albert out after him, leaving Scotty to notice Test's
predicament, make the "I'm going to bulldog him" face, then bulldog him,
get jiggy, W, O, R, M, but just before the karate chop, Christian gets him
in the back, sets up the Unprettier...but Hotty shoves him into Albert, and
a BALDOBOMB! But Test is back in - Wotsitolla Boot to Hotty! Wotsitolla
Boot for Albert! Hotty's leg is hooked - 1, 2, 3! (3:47) THEN TEST
WOTSITOLLA BOOTS HEBNER!!! Yeah! Now THAT is how a man with IMMUNITY acts!
Look! The Rock! The Rock is WALKING! He makes sure the camera follows
him as he walks away...then lifts his shirt to point to his bum for our
benefit.
The WWF Smack of the Night is brought to you by EA Sports! From RAW, the
ending of the main event, showing just why Vince has to get smoochy later
THQ's "WWF SmackDown! Just Bring It" for the PlayStation 2 ad
You're watching....UPN!
MOMENTS AGO! Test made merry with his mighty boot - I wonder if this'll go
somewhere?
As THE
ROCK (with SAP transmitido en espanol & TV-PG-DLV boxes) hits the ring,
perhaps NOW we'll find out why we've had so damn many damn long ad breaks
in the first "hour" (fifty minutes, really) - this segment'll probably end
up being a real lulu. Rock pauses before speaking to unleash his rather
Page-esque smile. "FINALLY the Rock HAS COME BACK to Chicaw-go! Now
before tonight's tag match, before the Rock goes into Ven gea nce and
becomes the Undisputed Champion this Sunday night...before all that, the
Rock has got some serious business to take care of, right here in Chi-town!
Now Chicago is known for a lot of things - known as the Windy
Sssssssscity...known for the - first-place Bears (fuck you, Rock! The Pack
RULES! And I hope to God we prove it on Sunday!) ... [we see BRIAN
URLACHER in the crowd - fuck you, Brian! We NEED a win on Sunday! I can
say "we" 'cause I own ONE share, by the way] - and now Chicago will also be
known as the site where Vince McMahon got down on his knees and kissed some
ass! And it will be done...In This Very Ring!" THE BUTT (I can't POSSIBLY
say "ass" - it's still the first hour, after all...even if Rock doesn't
know it - and even if I've already dropped the f-bomb twice in this
paragraph, hmmmmm) makes his entrance at this point. Vince RIPS the mic
from Rock's hand. Strangely, Vince is *also* smiling broadly - Rock hasn't
stopped. Crowd chants "ass hole" but gets muffled out with some other
crowd noise. "Now let me get this straight...you expect to humiliate me,
Rock? Let me get this straight - you expect me to come out to this ring
and...YOU belittle ME, Rock? ["Ass hole!"] I'd like to remind you of a
couple of things. My name is Vince McMahon. And I'm a certified
billionaire. That means I can buy and sell you and everybody in this arena
over and over - and a man of my distinction, no no no...a man of my
distinction, I don't kiss ass - much less, the People's Ass. So you see,
Rock - in a few moments, what's gonna happen, Rock, is...you're gonna
pucker up, okay? In a few moments, Rock, that's right, in a few moments,
you're gonna apologise to me, Rock. In a few moments, Rock, you're
probably gonna wish--" "What?" "I said..." Austin's on the video
screens! "What? What? What? What? What? What? What? Vince if you
think that you weren't gonna kiss somebody's ass tonight...what? Is that
what you thought? Did you think Kurt Angle was gonna run down and save the
day? Did you think Kurt Angle was gonna be a big hero? Did you think Kurt
Angle was that special? It's a funny thing - Stone Cold Steve Austin just
kicked the crap outta yer little backup plan! What? Oh - oh - oh.."
Camera pulls back to see Angle crumpled in a heap on the floor. Austin
goes back to work on him. "What what what what what what what what" and
back to stomping. "You know what, Vince?" Austin consults his watch -
more stomping. "Stone Cold Steve Austin came here tonight to make sure
that you were gonna kiss somebody's ass. What? What? Do you understand
me? Vince, if you come back up this ramp, Stone Cold Steve Austin will be
waitin' right here to deal out some of these knuckle sammiches. If you
wanna see - if you wanna see Vince McMahon kiss somebody's ass, gimme a
hell yeah!" Sammiches? Man, where's Undertaker when you need him? Rock
repossesses HIS stick. "Rock E!" "Oh it sure SUCKS to be you tonight,
doesn't it Vince? Now where was the Rock..." But NOW we're interrupted by
the music...and eventual entrance of THE MAN! "Woooo! Hey - hey - hey
partner! What's up tonight? Plan A didn't work...just in case there's a
Plan B, if anybody tries to interfere in this tonight, they're suspended.
Woooo!" And just like that, with his music playing again, he takes off.
Well so much for My Undertaker, I guess. Good job by the people normally
leaving those plot holes open, that. (So why damn them with faint praise?)
Oh...well, sorry again, then. "Well there's really only one thing left to
say. Vince...get down on your knees." Vince shakes his head - he ain't
gonna do it. "Come on." Wait - the jacket's off... "Come on...it's okay.
You can do it. Come on. THE ROCK SAID GET DOWN ON YOUR KNEES!" *That*
puts him down. "And now...the moment we've all been waiting for...the Rock
is gonna turn around...and now it's time for the People's Ass." The camera
zooms in (ugh) - gets the standard hilarious reaction from Vince - SKIN!
SKIN! (we don't see it, mercifully) Vince (get ready) gulps....but Rock
lifts his warmups back up....but then exposes his OTHER cheek. And then he
pulls his warmups back up again. "You know what, Vince? Your lips are not
good enough to kiss the People's Ass." Vince seems relieved he might get
out of this after all. "Oh, you look so happy. Why are you so happy?
Just because you're not gonna kiss the Rock's ass does not mean you are not
gonna be kissing...ass tonight! No no no, your lips aren't good enough for
this - you trust the Rock on this one, Vince...the ass you're gonna kiss is
gonna be a SLOBBAKNOCKA." The OU fight theme leads out LARRY KING, who's
deep into finger-wagging mode all the way to the ring - then slaps his rump
for our benefit. Bark bark bark! "Oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah. Jim Ross,
Vince McMahon. Vince McMahon, Jim Ross. You guys know each other very
well. And last week, you looked so good in Jim Ross' hat, so Jim Ross, why
don't you put your cowboy hat on Vince McMahon tonight." Ross makes a big
show of it. "Yeah, how's that feel, Tex? You like that, Jim Ross? You
put a little barbecue sauce on that booty tonight?" Ross goes for his
belt... "Whoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoa!"
Thank GOD. "Vince...you're not gonna kiss Jim Ross' ass, no no no no no,
no no. The Rock has something else in mind. Jim Ross, Jim Ross, go take a
seat over at the announce position, take your cowboy hat off Tex - Rock's
got a plan - Rock's got a plan - Vince McMahon, you're gonna like this.
You're gonna love kissin' this ass, because the real ass you're gonna kiss
is gonna give you nothing but Stratussssssfaction..." TRISH STRATUS - THE
FITNESS MODEL walks out - and Vince perks right up. Ross joins the
commentary team but hasn't said anything worth nothing. "Well now the Rock
TOLD you you were gonna like to kiss this ass tonight. You like that? The
Rock's not a bad guy. You want some ChapStick?" Vince eagerly puts it on.
"Turn around, Trish...turn around." Whoop whoop! Stratus shows thong (we
don't see it, mercifully) Vince licks his lips... "Well what are you
waiting for, Vince? Go kiss that ass!" Vince moves in...but Rock puts a
hand in the way to stop him.
"Whoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoa!
What in the blue hell do you think you're doing, you sick fffffffreak? No
no no. The Rock's just got another plan. That's not the ass you're gonna
kiss. Trish, go take a seat over there by the announce position. As nice
as that ass is, that's not the one you're gonna kiss, because now the time
has come. The jokes are over, the games are over! You're not gonna kiss
the Rock's ass, you're not gonna kiss Jim Ross' ass. You're not gonna kiss
Trish's ass. There is one ass that the Rock has chosen essssspecially for
you." Some oddly familiar music hits...it's the return of RIKASHMONEY!
Hey, the Rock's finally paying him back for running down Austin for him!
Vince tries to stand up and get outta there...so Rock gives him ROCK
BOTTOM! Rock holds up Vince - Rikishi with a self-imposed wedgie - a
Stinkface - and great, some special fart sfx by Lawler.
"The Rock says: on behalf of the millions...the Vince McMahon Kiss Your Ass
club is officially closed IF YA SMELLLLLLLLLLLALALOOOOOOW what the Rock is
cookin'!" Well, why not: let's give it a replay! At least....at least
they kept it under twenty minutes...
Here's your weekly look at Times Square - and a reminder that you can watch
Ven gea nce at WWF New York on Sunday!
MOMENTS AGO! Rikishi backed it up - give it two angles, but make 'em both WIDE
CRASH (almost already in the ring) v. JACQUEL
INE (with special onsale announcement for DC's LIVE SmackDown!) - Cole
runs down how this match came about, saying in essence that the vignette
they'd taped either (a) sucked or (b) had to be cut to fit in the
asskissin' segment. Jackie took exception to Crash wishing Trish luck back
on Monday, and Crash said something about it only being a girl's match, and
said she was acting all gay about it, and then he probably said something
unkind about black chicks, and then.....no, no, he probably didn't do any
of that. Anyway, here we go: Lockup, gobehind by Crash, Jackie elbows out
- chop, into the ropes, head down, Crash with a hairpull takedown.
Stepover big ol' hairpull. Another yank on the weave. Referee "Why Does
He Have a Job?" Charles Robinson forces a break. Big suplex by Crash for
2. Hooks the leg, again gets 2. Scoop...and a slam. Cole suggests Crash
is taking this match lightly. Crash up to the top...Jackie walks over and
crotches him - Crash falls into the Tree of Woe, and Jackie winds up for a
big dropkick to the...hip. Right, right, ducks a swing, rollup, 2. Jackie
climbs up to the shoulders and manages a victory roll for 2. Right, into
the ropes is reversed, but Jackie gets the gutshot - Crash tries to counter
the DDT but Jackie counters back and hits it - 1, 2, no! Off the ropes -
Jackie leaps up but Crash counters - Jackie with a body scissors roll up
but Crash rolls her over AND grabs the tights - 1, 2, 3! (2:13) Jackie
takes umbrage at the decision - Crash denies pulling the tights, then
piefaces her down when she continues. She pops back up and throws a big
forearm smash that knocks him to the mat. Play her music! Doesn't this
make you want to order Ven gea nce and watch Jacqueline take on Trish
Stratus? ....doesn't it?
Angle on the cel: "Mr. McMahon! Oh...thank God I caught you. You know, I
don't blame you for leaving...I mean, the sight of it, I'll never forget
it! You knelt down and your face buried in Rikishi's ass, oh my--!" Angle
has to pull the phone away from the yelling ont he other end. "Mr.
McMahon...listen, I'll - I'll make it up to you. This Sunday, I'm gonna
become the Undisputed Champion of the....hello? Hello.....?"
RealSounds Arena ad #2
"Just Bring It" ad #2
Commentators shill "Roswell"
Hey look, Booker T is skulking about backstage! He knocks on the door
marked "Mr. McMahon" - "Come on in!" "Hey what's up, Vi--" but that's Ric
Flair inside eating Vince's vegetables! "Hey Booker, man, what's up?"
"Hey what's up, Ric man." "How you doin'?" "Hey man, what's happening,
man? I'm looking for Vince, man, I gotta talk to Vince, I gotta meet him."
"He's not here." "You understand, I need to talk to him, the way..."
"He's gone...and uh, you know, I own 50% of the company, you got a
problem...or an issue with the company, you can talk to me. I'm
available." "Well you know, I need to talk to Vince, because see, me and
Vince, we got something in common. You know we both hate Stone Cold Steve
Austin's guts to the core, and I need to talk to him so I can get my job
back, you know what I'm saying?" "Yeah, well...you might say that he got
rear-ended." "Rear-ended?" "Yeah he's not gon' be here the rest of the
evening. But speaking of rear-ended...was that you I saw driving down that
driveway Monday night in Stone Cold's truck? That you?" "You saw that,
huh?" "Yeah!" "It was real smooth how I did - bzz bzz bzz - c'mon, baby.
Hey, we had a-- hey man, it was all good, man, just went down to the hood,
had a little joyride, let some of the brothers hang out a little bit, you
know what I'm saying, I brought it back to him, man, it was all good."
"You had a good time, huh?" "Hey man - I just need to talk to Vince,
though, man. About gettin' my job back." "Well, you know Vince isn't here
like I said...and I'm not lookin' at applications tonight...and I'm not
hiring tonight." "You didn't say that. Tell me you didn't just say that."
"I'm not hirin' tonight. Woowoo! Now, adios. See ya." Flair holds out
the fist but gets no luv. "All right...that's cool."
Meanwhile, in the APA offices, Undertaker walks by - and feels four eyes
looking at him. He turns back. "Is there a reason why you two are
eyeballing me?" "Don't you think you owe us just a bit of an explanation
there, uh, Dead Man?" Taker tosses a beer can aside. "No." "Wrong
answer. You see, outta this whole company, we are the two people you DO
owe an explanation to. Let me give you a little history lesson, you have
obviously forgotten. When you were fightin' for the WWF title, WE were the
ones, when you stepped in the ring with Stone Cold Steve Austin, that were
watchin' YER back. When you were out ridin' on the dark side, we were the
ones that rode with ya and watched YER back. Now you're walking around
here like the whole damn universe revolves around your ass." "Hey, and no
matter what, who was always there for you, man? It was us. Now everyone
that was loyal to you, you slapped in the face. And who was more loyal to
you than us?" "And that biker boy (inaudible) we're beginning to take this
personal!" "Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa, you guys just need to calm down just
a little bit. Now I ain't slapped anybody in the face, 'cause if I'da
slapped anybody in the face, you two'd be sittin' here crying like a couple
little babies. Oh, so what, now you now gonna respect me now. I guess you
two think JR didn't get what he had coming. I guess you think JR's better
than me. And the way the two of you are acting...I think you two think
you're better than me. Now boys, you're taking this thing WAY too personal.
And you're getting all up here in my face - if you wanna take this thing to
the next level, I'm on my way to the ring right now. You get it together,
son, and I'll show you what it means to respect someone...even if I gotta
beat it outta ya." "Let's dance." "Yeah." Goody, they're gonna DANCE!!
Don't worry, fans - right after we left for the ad break, I think Faarooq
probably must have said "Damn."
ACOLYTE B
RADSHAW (with WWF.com streaming video ad) v. AWESO
METAKER (on his Beautiful Titan Bike) - Boot by Taker, into the corner,
back elbow, soupbone, into the oppostite corner, but Bradshaw gets the
elbow up. Gutshot by Bradshaw - right, right, whip is reversed but
Bradshaw hits the shoulderblock. Right, right, elbow, right, right, right,
into the opposite corner, follow clothesline, strange swinging neckbreaker,
elbowdrop, 1, 2, no. Taker wants to stop and talk...but it's all a ploy to
sucker him in, as he grabs Bradshaw and pulls him through the ropes to the
outside. Soupbone is blocked - Bradshaw with a right - scoops him up on
his shoulder...but Taker breaks free and shoves him into the ringpost -
then clotheslines him on the bounce. Bradshwa put back on that apron -
Taker with an elbow to the heart - and one more. Taker back in - soupbone
- left - soupbone - Bradshaw out on his feet - Taker off the ropes - big
boot up by Bradshaw! Elbowdrop, elbowdrop, cover, 1, 2, no. Elbow by
Bradshaw - Taker put into the ropes, head down so Taker DDT's him. Referee
"Blind" Teddy Long puts on the count...meanwhile, ACOLYTE FAAROOQ is out -
and climbing on Taker's ride!! Bradshaw ducks a clothesline and
clotheslines Taker over and out - and he notices what's going on with the
bike. Before he can go after him, Bradshaw hits him from behind and puts
him back in the ring. Into the corner is reversed, Bradshaw slips out -
off the ropes but Taker lands the big boot. Got him in the choke -
CHOKESLAM! 1, 2, 3! (5:19) Sadly, Bradshaw did not perform a fallaway
slam in this match. Taker quickly walks up the ramp to reclaim his
ride...but no sooner does he get there than POINTS TO SELF surprises him,
waffling him with a chair! van Dam - YES - points to himself! Play HIS
music!
"WWF Desire: Steve Austin" rerun
SHARMELL SULLIVAN stands backstage with Chris Jericho. "Didn't fare well
against Austin? Who says I didn't fare well against Austin? You? Is that
your opinion, Sharmell? Did I let you know? Did I not live up to your
lofty expectations? Do you know how I feel knowing that I disappointed
you? I feel NOTHING - because YOU are NOTHING. And your opinion means the
same to me as all the people out there - it's worthless. The only person's
opinion that matters is mine - Chris Jericho - and it's my opinion that you
should sit still and shut up, and see how I fare against Rock and Austin
tonight. And it's my opinion that at Ven gea nce, I'm going to walk away
the Undisputed Champion, and I'm going to further cement my status as a
true, larger than life...living legend. And I'm going to become the
biggest star in World Wrestling Federation history - the biggest they've
ever, ever, ever seen." If Sharmell keeps her brow furrowed like that,
she's gonna get crow's feet!!!
UP NEXT: Austin & Rock vs. Angle & Jericho!
Ven gea nce ad #2
Did you know the theme from Ven gea nce is Drowing Pool's "Sinner?" Well,
gosh, NOW you do!
MR.
JERICHO and KUR
T ANGLE (with Ven gea nce is presented by LUGZ - in just under three
days!) v. THE
ROCK and STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN - WHEN WEBSITES COLLIDE! Angle's
still suffering from his earlier beatdown...at least during his walk from
the curtain to halfway down the ramp. Rock decides to rush the ring early
because he's stupid, and gets tangled in a doubleteam stompdown until the
sound of breaking glass brings out Austin. Angle tries to meet him, as
Rock and Jericho head outside -block, right, right, right, right, right,
right, right, right, into the ropes, KICK WHAM STUNNER! 1, 2, Jericho
manages the save - and stomps Austin. Then he drags Angle to the corner
and commands him to tag him. Jericho is SMART. Austin meets HIM, though -
right, right, right, cross-corner whip and Jericho hits sternum-first -
death suplex attempt but Jericho backflips and lands on his feet - but
Austin hits a lariat. 1, 2, no. Austin drops the hammer - head to the
buckle, again, double leg, WOW catapult into the turnbuckle, lariat, double
leg...he's going for the Walls of Austin!! But his back is to Angle - and
he comes in to knock him down with a clothesline in the back. Angle heads
back to his corner, turning HIS back to Austin - so he shoves him through
the ropes to the floor. Here's a tag to the Rock - held open for a right,
right, right, right, Jericho tries to escape but Rock pulls him back in -
off the ropes, Jericho ducks, Jericho with the flying jalapeno! Jericho
with a dropkick...and a tag. Held open for a kick. Angle right, right,
right, right, chop, chop, chop, and taking issue with referee "Blind" Tim
White's insistence that he get him out of the corner. That's just enough
time - Rock switches positions - chop, chop, chop, into the opposite corner
is reversed, but Rock comes out with a lariat. Belly-to-belly throw!
Austin's boot up - Angle's head into it. Tag. Rock holds him for a kick.
Austin with a chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, into the ropes is reversed and
Jericho hits Austin from behind - Angle sets up a belly-to-belly but Austin
gouges the eyes to break free. Angle ducks the swing and grabs the
waistlock - Austin elbows out of THAT. KICK WHAM Angle shoves Austin away
- he collides with Jericho, sending him to the floor...and Angle finally
hits that belly-to-belly. Austin's head meets the buckle, right, kick,
kick, kick, kick, kick. Tag to Jericho - Angle holds him for the right
hand, right, Jericho shuffling, right, off the ropes, big forearm. Chop,
chop, chop, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick. White pulls him out of the
corner - and that's enough to allow Austin to hit a spear (GOOOOOOOLD
BERRRRRRG) - right right right right right right right. Off the ropes,
Jericho ducks, Austin goes for the Austin press but Jericho has that
scouted - shoves him to the mat - and has both legs, turning to the Walls
of Jericho! Rock quickly runs in to break THAT up. Both men are down and
White starts the count. At 6, Angle gets the tag...and he roars like a
freight train to shove Rock off the apron. He turns back to Austin, though
and gets tagged - right, right, right, double bird, KICK is CAUGHT and
Angle wrenches the leg around and ends up with the ANGLELOCK!! Outside the
ring, Jericho runs Rock into the ringpost - he ain't saving Austin THIS
time. Austin feels the pain...but tries to crawl to the ropes. Austin
reaching - reaching - needs one more step - GETS IT! Angle won't let
go...and now Jericho drags Austin back to the centre of the ring! Angle
KEEPS the anklelock applied - now Rock is FINALLY back up and clotheslines
Angle down - but has the damage already been done? Jericho screams for the
tag - Rock is reaching as well. Tag to Jericho, HOT TAG TO ROCK! Rock
with a lariat, right, into the ropes is reversed, but Rock flies with the
clothesline! Angle brought in the hard way - right, right, gestures, NOW
KISS THAT RIGHT! Jericho tries a clothesline, but Rock ducks and he ends
up taking out his own partner, Angle! Rock with a gutshot DDT for Jericho
- 1, 2, Angle JUST breaks it up! Austin in - right hand puts Angle out and
Austin is out after him - chop, chop, chop, meanwhile Jericho manages an
uppernut on Rock while White wasn't watching. JERICHO WITH ROCK BOTTOM!!
1, 2, Austin makes the save with a double axehandle! Angle back in and
AGAIN Angle and Austin are outside - back in the ring it's Jericho - right,
right, right, into the ropes, revesred by the Rock, spinebuster...into the
Sharpshooter! Angle can't help him as Austin has his legs...and JERICHO
TAPS!! (8:01) Post-match, Angle hits the ring and throws a tantrum about
his partner tapping out - he picks up Jericho - OLYMPIC SLAM ON JERICHO!!!
Angle leaves the ring. THEN, and I couldn't believe it myself, Tim White
gives Jericho a BIG SPLASH! And THEN a hot dog vendor hops the barricade
and gives Jericho a MOONSAULT! And THEN Yokozuna comes back from the dead
and gives Jericho a BANZAI DROP! And finally, Vampiro - yes, even Vampiro
comes out...and spikes Jericho with the NAIL IN THE COFFIN. Man, when
*Vampiro* makes you his bitch....and that's the end of THAT chapter! But
let's look back in the ring...Austin has two beers...and meets Rock in the
middle of the ring. Austin offers a Bud...Rock takes it...two men, two
belts, two beers...three toasts. Rock toasts the WWF Championship, while
Austin toasts the World Championship...then they click beers. Play
Austin's music and hit the credits - we'll see you Sanday in Sun Diego...by
God, it'll be...VENGEFUL!