KINGS UPDATE: Q: How can they keep WINNING and yet LOSE GROUND? A: I
hate the Lakers. 26-9 (1.5 GB)
UPN - Thursday!
TV-PG-DLV One World Leader Attitude - WWF!
START GAME: Let Us Take You Back to RAW for this set of clips! Starring
Triple H as "the Red Baron" and Kurt Angle as "Snoopy"
TRIPLE H RETURNS SMACKDOWN! TONIGHT! Wait - I thought he *already* returned
Backstage, Stephanie shows off her backstage pass to Debra and
says....something or other
Closed captioned Opening Credits are Beautiful, People!
PYRO away and so are we - coming to you once again from the Great Uncle of
them all, Madison Square Garden in New York, NY and SAP transmitido en
espanol 10.1.2 (taped 8.1) on UPN and the Score, THIS is WWF SmackDown!
TONIGHT: The ROck & Rob van Dam vs. Test & Chris Jericho!
STEPHANIE IS A LITTLE TEAPOT, SHORT AND STOUT makes her way down the aisle
- THERE is her handle, THERE is her spout. Why are they giving her the
mic? "I just could not WAIT to come to this arena tonight to thank all of
you for showing my husband the respect that you did Monday night! Triple H
isn't even here yet, but I know that I can do whatever I want because THE
GAME IS BACK! And I'M the Game's wife. I said I'm the Game's wife! You
heard me. Because, you see, without me, without my business savvy and my
brains, Triple H never would have been the success he is in the WWF. I'll
explain further! Triple H never would have been the four-time WWF Champion
without my passion and dedication. Triple H never would have returned to
this ring after a career-threatning injury in only eight months without me,
his precious wife, by his side! Listen, Triple H appreciates me. He
appreciates what I'm capable of. And with me by his side, Triple H will go
on to win the Royal Rumble and become the undisputed WWF Champion! See,
Triple H does something that none of you people ever have, he appreciates
me. He knows that my brains will get him farther than any other WWF
superstar has ever gone. You see, I don't think you people understand, so
let me explain it to you: Triple H, the Game is BACK in the WWF! And I'm
the Game's wife! I point my finger, and Triple H destroys. And nobody in
the WWF wants me pointing my finger in their direction, especially not Ric
Flair. 'cause, you see, if Flair would have listened to me in the first
place, he wouldn't be laying up in bed with a concussion right now. But I
believe in second chances, so I hope that Flair understands he doesn't want
me pointing at him, because when I point at Flair, believe me, my husband
will destroy him. And that goes for any one of you - including all of
you!" Four SECURITY DUDES are heading down the ramp, FINALLY, to collect
Stephanie. "You don't want me to point in your direction, because Triple H
will kick your (butt)es. (edit)You see, the Game is back...and so am I."
I wish I could figure out what her point was...and when's Triple H coming
back to the WWF already??
Backstage, Christian and Lance Storm are WALKING! "I'm telling you, Lance.
I'm telling you, there has never been a better opportunity for you to win
gold, and for me to win gold, than tonight. I mean, Tazz and Spike as the
tag team champions? Come on! It's a gimme! It's - it's money in the
bank, I mean they're gonna be easier to beat here at the Garden than the
Knicks...and that's easy." "Yeah...'cause American's suck at hockey."
"Yeah, they suck at basketball, too."
The WWF Slam of the Week is brought to you through the kind sponsorship of
Final Fantasy X! From RAW, Spike and Tazz take down the Dudley Boyz to win
the tag team straps
WWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP: TAZZZZZZZZ & SPIKE DUDLEY v. CHRISTIAN & LANCE
STORM - these guys need a team name already..hmm. "Short & Skinny?"
"Fireplug & Toothpick?" "Tike & Spazz?" Poor Christian, all his pyro is
obscured by Tazz' smoke. Pier Four Brawl to start - Spike upends Christian
out of the ring, but Storm superkicks Tazz - and Spike sends *Storm* out -
climbing up top - there's a splash to the floor - Christian tosses Spike
into the steps to turn it back their way. Back in the ring, kick, kick,
kick, stomp. Arm wringer, pulled up on the shoulders - over the head -
into a gutbuster. Tag to Storm, open kick, stomp, kick to the head, stomp.
Into a knee in the gut - fireman's carry - Fit Finlay forward roll gets
Storm 2. Head to Christian's boot - tag. Tonight, news of former WWF
superstars return for the Royal Rumble, as well as a sitdown interview with
Vince McMahon! Knee by Storm, holding Spike for the open shot. Spike
comes back with elbows to the gut, but Christian pounds him down again.
Into the ropes, Spike ducks the clothesline but takes a knee in the gut.
Head to the buckle...and while Christian distracts Tazz (and referee
"Blind" Nick Patrick), Storm works a choke. Christian adds punches. Tag
to Storm. Head to the buckle, again, shoulder in the gut, shoulder,
shoulder, suplex...attempt countered into a rollup - Spike gets 2, but
Storm barrels him down again. 1, 2, no. Another gutbuster. "That's your
boy, huh? That's your boy!" Tazz ain't happy. Spike shot into the ropes,
but he comes out with a headbutt to the gut and both men are down. Tag to
Christian...FINALLY a tag to Tazz! Clotheslines all around, clothesline
for Christian, head and arm Tazzplex for Storm, T-Bone Tazzplex for
Christian, clotheslining Storm out - Christian shoves TAZZ out, but Spike
is in from behind - ducks Christian's swing, gutshot, 'dog
attempt...blocked. Christian with a gutshot, going for the Christian
backbreaker but Tazz is back in - TAZZMISSION! Spike kicks Storm back out
of the ring to prevent any interference...and Christian taps! Champs
retain. (4:07) The celebration is short, however, as THE DUDLEY BOYZ
surprise the champs and lay a beatdown. Champs manage to turn things
around, though - Spike gives Bubba Ray a bulldog and Tazz gives D-Von a
head-and-arm Tazzplex. Play Spike's music!
Trish Stratus shills organized crime - I mean, Stacker 2
ROYAL RUMBLE RETURN: VAL VENIS
Your hosts are a pair of kings - MICHAEL KING COLE & JERRY LAWLER - so the
Royal Rumble list of participants includes Kurt Angle, Steve Austin,
Undertaker, Triple H, and...Val Venis. Well
WWF INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP: KING EDGE CAUSES SEIZURES (with
SmackDown! is brought to you by "Black Hawk Down," truth, and "Final
Fantasy X!") v. BOSSMAN ISHEBIG - still to come, JR interviews Vince
McMahon! Lockup, to the corner we go - referee "Blind" Teddy Long wants
the break but doesn't get it - Edge shoves him back - right by Bossman,
right, and tosses him across the ring. Right, right, right, left, right,
right. Blatant choke into blatant hairpull toss. Bossman poses - crowd
boos. Running boot. Head to the buckle blocked - Edge puts HIS head in
the buckle, elbow, elbow, into the opposite corner is reversed, sidewalk
slam (not the Bossman Slam?) turns it around. Punch to the kidneys.
Bossman slides under for his trademark punch - I don't think Edge knows
that spot. Right hand from Bossman. Back in the ring - Edge fires back -
right, right, off the ropes but into a Bossman back elbow - and Bossman
covers for 2. Commentators suggest Edge is off due to his brass knuckles
shot from Regal Monday. Running kneelift by Bossman. Into the ropes, Edge
ducks - crossbody block - CAUGHT - and Bossman drops him into a backbreaker
across his knee. Bossman steps into the small of the back - I think he's
picked a body part! Bossman has him by the neck - bending him over
backwards in the choke...then just shoving him down in an unusual slam.
Sent into the corner - Edge manages to get the boot up. Edge coming back -
right, right, dropkick, Bossman bounces off the ropes into a Viscera.
Edge-o-matic gets 2! Edge off the ropes - oops, into a spinebuster from
Bossman. I think he thinks that's it...no, he's outside to grab his
nightstick, having apparently forgotten he'd only left it in a corner.
Back in the ring and Long's warning him - which ties him up long enough to
eat a SPEAR from Edge! Now Edge has the stick - Long convinces him a DQ
would be bad, and he drops it. Bossman tries to sneak in, but Edge
sidesteps, rams his head into the buckle, gutshot, Edgecution (on the
stick), 1, 2, 3!! (3:56) You see how it works? STORM gets ONE minute -
BOSSMAN gets FOUR. Regal's on the big screen, though. "Bravo, young man,
bravo. Another fine victory. Now I must also congratulate you, Edge,
because you did your best to destroy my ruggedly handsome face, and a
bloody good job you did of it as well - three separate surgeries I've had
to endure - that's a lot of blood that I have lost. And I wonder if you've
considered your actions wise - because the blood that flows from my veins
is pure, English blood. And if you'd bothered to scholar yourself, you
would know that the English were the most barbaric, sadistic, evil, wicked,
spiteful (bugger)s that ever walked on this earth, and I am very proud to
be one of them. As I've told you before, you gamble with the devil, the
devil always wins, and unfortunately for you, sunshine, the devil has come
to collect." "Well, thanks a lot, Bill Zebub, but what the hell are you
talking about? If you want something, here's a novel idea: speak English!"
"You know exactly what I want. At the Royal Rumble, I want a match with
you for your intercontinental championship. What do you say, Edge, are you
man enough?" "Man enough? I'm not the one running around stuffing things
down my pants...in order to win my matches. But you know what, I guess you
need those brass knuckles because you definitely don't have a set of brass
(testicle)s. So Regal, I accept your challenge at the Rumble, and I hope
that big shnozz is fully functioning, because you're gonna need it to smell
me - totally - reeking - of - awesomeness."
It's the WWF live! Saturday, Lubbock! Sunday, Houston! RAW is Dallas and
Tuesday is Bossier City!
Okay, I've seen that Enterprise ad three times in three ad breaks. I THINK
I got it, all right?
ROYAL RUMBLE RETURN: GOLDUST - man, if I don't get some good movie quotes
out of him, I'll be REALLY disappointed. I wonder what Terri thinks about
this?
Backstage, LILIAN GARCIA stands with Kurt Angle. "Whoa whoa, Goldust?
Goldust. That's all we need around here are more freaks. If I wanted to
see freaks and weirdos, I'd just step outside into midtown Manhattan. You
know last Monday night, I made a very important, major announcement....that
I (Kurt Angle) will be entering my first-ever Royal Rumble. Now Triple H
tried to steal my thunder...'cause that's just the glory hound that he is.
But that didn't get to me. THIS did - the fans of New York City chantin'
'what?' inbetween each one of my sentences! Stop it! That's just rude.
I'm an Olympic Gold Medalist. You don't do it to me! All right, I know
this will work. Please don't say 'what?' again. Cut it out!! This is all
Austin's fault. Makin' up this stupid catchphrase! Go ahead, say it
again. You say it again and I'm challenging Austin to a match tonight and
I'm kickin' his butt! Is that what you people want? I'm gonna kick
Austin's butt tonight. You got it - Austin's mine! What what what what
what what what what what - I hate this freakin' city!"
To the bathroom (hmm, those WWF cameras are EVERYWHERE) and Booker T,
wanting only to brush his teeth, is distracted by...something that smells
funny. "Damn! (fart noise) Damn MAN! Would you do something with that
brah - geez. (fart noise) DAMN man what's up with that brah? Why don't
you put some water with that or something? Smell like something crawled up
in you and DIED, man - it's a nuclear explosion or what - I'm trying to
brush my teeth out here - GEEZ." Rikishi emerges from the stall - damn I
figured it was Big Show. "Hey man, what the hell are you doin' in there?"
"It's my pre-match ritual." "Pre-match ritual? Man I feel sorry for your
opponent. You know what, why don't you watch up, or better yet (pulls out
some Arrogance), why don't you spray some of this here on, man, make you
smell real good for tonight - you know what I'm sayin'? Yeah! That's what
I'm talking - by the way, who you got anyway?" "Me? I'll be backin' that
ass up tonight...on YOU." Off he goes, leaving T to remark to the mirror,
"Tell me he didn't just say that."
UP NEXT: The Rock & Rob van Dam vs. Chris Jericho & Test!
"The Game" Magazine ad
You're watching WWF SmackDown! on UPN!
And now, the WWF Overdrive of the Night, presented by Greyhound! From RAW,
van Dam collects the win over Test thanks to the van Daminator and Fivestar
frog splash
There's the Empire State Building - and THERE'S the Garden
MR.
JERICHO (with TV-PG-DLV & SAP transmitido en espanol) and THE
NARCISSIteST v. POINTS TO SELF and THE
ROCK - This match allegedly has "Royal Rumble implications" but bugger
if *I* can figure out what they are - any more than I can figure out why
Rock and Rob van Dam are teaming up...AGAIN. Since when does the second
hour start at 8:47? This must be a damn long match coming up...that, or
these four entrances are gonna take us up to 9:00... Rob van Dam has new
music but the website, we presume, is still in limbo from the whole ECW
bankruptcy thing. As you can imagine, Rock REALLY wants to start things
off against Jericho - which is why, as soon as the bell rings, Jericho tags
in Test. Test shrugs and comes on in. Stupid Rock lunges for Jericho
anyway, allowing Test to level him. Right hand, right, right, right,
right, making referee "Blind" Mike Chioda flinch - into the ropes, Rock
ducks, Rock with the flying clothesline. "Just Bring It" for Jericho -
then he brings him in the hard way - but Test is back up before Rock can
connect. Rock with "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," right, into the
ropes is reversed, Rock ducks Test's clothesline...but not Jericho's.
Jericho back to his corner as Test stomps away - I think that was an even
dozen stomps. Standing on the neck and using the ropes...NOW Jericho is
ready for a tag. Held up for Jericho's right - into the corner, kick,
kick, kick, kick, kick, right, right, right, right, shoving away Chioda,
standing on the neck for 4, scoop...and a slam. Off the ropes with an
elbowdrop. Jericho still in control - ANOTHER elbowdrop. Make it a third
elbowdrop - leg is hooked - 1, 2, no. Tag to Test - held open for a right
hand. Another looping right by Test. Rock is done with that - block,
right, right, into the corner, but Test gets the elbow up. But then Test
walks into a HIDEOUS Samoan Drop - don't know if that's Test's fault or
Rock's - and both men are down. Tag to van Dam! Ducks the clothesline and
keeps running to give Jericho a free shot. Elbow to Test, elbow, elbow,
into the ropes, reversal, but van Dam hits the heel kick off the ropes.
Kick caught, stepover heel kick by van Dam. Jericho in - HE gets a heel
kick. Back to Test - stomp - off the ropes for Rolling Thunder for
Jericho. Ducks from Test, heel kick, vaults to the top - but opts for a
somersault onto Jericho when HE tries coming in. Test finally catches van
Dam...wants a powerbomb but van Dam slides up and over - rollup - 1, 2,
Jericho saves it with a dropkick. Baseball slide by Jericho puts van Dam
outside - while Test talks to Chioda, Jericho goes to work on the outside -
dropped on the commentary table. Jericho puts him back in for Test. Head
to the buckle by Test - right hand, back elbow, right, standing on the
neck. Into the opposite corner, follow clothesline by Test - van Dam sent
back to the other corner, another clothesline, manhandled to the mat, cover
- 1, 2, ha ha of course not. Jericho puts up the boot - Test runs van Dam
into it. Tag. Chop by Jericho, chop, van Dam punches back, right, Jericho
rakes the eyes. Suplex coming up - nicely done. "C'mon Baby" gets 2. Tag
to Test. Open right. Big suplex by Test for 2. Shot into the corner- but
van Dam gets the elbow up. van Dam up top - but Test CATCHES him - he
wants Snake Eyes but van Dam breaks free and runs him into the turnbuckle,
then uncorks a superkick as Test bounces out! Both men are down - who will
make the tag? van Dam's crawling - Test is crawling - tag to Jericho - HOT
TAG TO THE ROCK! Right, right, right, right right right right right right,
into the ropes, belly-to-belly throw. Jericho comes up in the corner.
Rock unleashes NOW KISS THAT RIGHT from all the way across the ring, with a
running start! Test takes a free shot and Rock waits for Jericho to show
up - ROCK BOTTOM! 1, 2, Test JUST makes the save. Test clotheslines Rock
down and signals for the boot...Rock slowly gets up - DUCKS the boot -
gutshot, DDT! Chioda finally decides to get to work putting the illegal
man outside - completely missing Jericho pasting Rock with the belt in the
meantime, unfortunately. van Dam climbing the corner now - jumping thurst
kick for Jericho! Now running the ropes - NO-HANDS TOPE ONTO TEST!! van
Dam stays on Test on the floor - rights and elbows - Test over the
barricade and now van Dam's following (whoa THAT chick is SURPRISED) -
looks like we're down to one on one in the ring. Chioda's count is up to 5
as Jericho crawls into a cover - 1, 2, NO!! Jericho vigorously protests
the count as Chioda points to his WWF patch. Shove - shove back - Jericho
back into Rock's right hand, right, Jericho ducks, gutshot, off the ropes
with the "bulldog!" Lionsault....HITS THE KNEES!! Rock tries to clear the
cobwebs - and gets up same time as Jericho. Jericho - it's JERICHO with
"Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," right, right is ducked, Rock tries Rock
Bottom but Jericho elbows out of the attempt - off the ropes, Rock with a
spinebuster! And the SHARPSHOOTER!! AND Jericho quickly taps! (9:30)
Well, what else are you gonna do - title isn't on the line, so tap now and
live to fight another day - or in another ten days, when it'll be Jericho
and Rock one on one for the Undisputed WWF Championship.
EARLIER TODAY! Vince McMahon sat down with JR - that exclusive interview
is NEXT!
Commentators shill "Enterprise"
TONIGHT: Stone Cold Steve Austin's accepted the challenge - another boffo
match with Kurt Angle is imminent!
EARLIER TODAY! Jim Ross sat down with Vince McMahon. Here's your transcript:
Mr. McMahon, we're here to talk about--
Hang - hang on a second. I don't want you to be uptight. I want you to
relax. I want you to ask me anything you wanna ask me, go ahead.
That's very nice of you. Thank you. We're here to talk about your
match at the Royal Rumble with Ric Flair.
Right.
However, on a side note, Triple H returned to the World Wrestling
Federation Monday night on RAW, certainly in Madison Square Garden got the
longest, loudest sustained ovation I personally have ever heard in over 25
years in this business. What are your thoughts on the reception that your
son-in-law received?
It was overwhelming.
You know, I would think that this could cause a, a major problem
for you.
In what respect?
Well uh, Triple H is married to your daughter Stephanie. You and
Stephanie are certainly estranged as we speak. And I would think that
there would be, uh, some animosity there between you and Triple H - would
there not be?
I'm not gonna discuss my personal life tonight. So you wanna keep it on
the subject that we agreed to talk about? You may proceed.
All right, fair enough. You will meet Ric Flair one on one at the
Royal Rumble. Your actions - and you said to be honest, you said to be
straightforward with you - in my view and I'm sure the view of many fans,
was somewhat reprehensible, your actions of Monday night. I would like
your comments on that; your motivation for that unprovoked attack with a -
with a pipe. But first, let's take our fans that didn't see it, and maybe
to refresh your memory as to what happened Monday night on RAW.
(Video package - go read the RAW report)
You know, I don't think you fully realise--
(Smiling) Hang on a second, you ask me to respond to that piece, I watched
it, okay? You stated that my actions were unprovoked, I'd like to beg to
differ with that point of view. And here's why. Because November 19 will
forever be embedded in my mind as one of the worst days in my life.
November 19 was the date that Ric Flair came out and publicly humiliated
me, and announced to the world, before I knew, that he had bought my rotten
son's stock and my even more rotten daughter's stock. Now what kind of an
underhanded businessman does something like that? I thought it was
illegal, it almost is. Ric Flair is an underhanded businessman - then from
there Ric Flair comes out and challenges me, one on one, to a match at the
Royal Rumble in the ring. I've got no problems accepting his challenge.
He had no call to bust me in the mouth. Ric Flair, therefore, is no
gentleman. And then, a week ago tonight, JR - mm - Ric Flair - mm - and
you want to talk about an unprovoked attack, I'm down at ringside, I turn
around, and Flair is charging like a bull, and he hit me so hard....you saw
what he did to my eye - seven stitches total. And all of that, then, is
unprovoked, JR? Let me just say I don't need any more provocation, but
what I'm gonna do to Ric Flair at the Royal Rumble...oh will be so
magnified, compared to what I did to him last Monday night.
Well, be that as it may, I've known Ric Flair for over twenty years
- longer than I've known you, sir. I think I know Ric Flair very well. He
has been called on many occasions, and rightfully so, "the dirtiest player
in the game." And quite frankly, I'm not so sure you are fully prepared
for what retribution you're going to receive at the Royal Rumble, not to be
argumentative. So my final question to you is: Mr. McMahon, are you ready
for the price that YOU'RE gonna pay at the Royal Rumble?
Oh, JR, I'm ready. I don't think you really know me all that well, do you.
You know I'm the kinda guy, definitely, you think you know them a little
bit...you find out you don't know a damn thing about 'em. Oh, I'm willing
to pay the price. You see, JR, I'm a - I'm a risk taker. A calculated
risk taker You can all me a bad guy, but you see, I just hope that Ric
Flair, when he comes to the ring at the Rumble, I hope Ric is there with
his family at ringside. Yeah. Because I want his family, and I want the
whole world to see what I do to Ric Flair. I don't know if you're gonna
think ill of me, but...I enjoy destroying lives. ... It turns me on.
Especially an icon like Ric Flair. ... After the match, and my hand is
raised in a token of victory, Ric Flair has *lost* to Vince McMahon. Flair
won't be able to live with himself to be so humbled. I'm gonna destroy
Ric, all right - from the inside out. Flair will be humbled at the
Rumble...I hope his wife and children are crying as a result of what I do
to Ric - I'm being honest - and then, Flair will *beg* me to buy his stock.
(pats Ross' knee) Good job. I've enjoyed this interview. Thank you.
Booker T is WALKING!
And now, the Stacker 2 Burn of the Week! From RAW, Rikishi burns Nick
Patrick with a stinkface.
ROYAL RUMBLE RETURN: MR. PERFECT !!!! And ABOUT FREAKIN' TIME. Now bring
back Jeff Jarrett!
BOOKER T (with Royal Rumble is brought to you by Squaresoft's "Final
Fantasy X!") v. RIKASHMONEY - T is noticably distraught about the current
state of his life. Lockup, to the corner - referee "Blind" Tim White
forces the break and T sneaks in an eyepoke - right, right, right, right,
Rikishi ducks - T wants a sunset flip but thinks better of it when Rikishi
starts slapping his ass. T runs into a back elbow. Scoop...and a slam by
'kishi. T put in the corner, elbow up to stop the charge. T runs into a
powerslam - 1, 2, no. T rolls out...'kishi stops him on the apron, but T
manages a hot shot. Back in the ring, heel kick gets T 2. Gutshot - chop,
gutshot, chop, off the ropes - Rikishi with a Samoan Drop. Clothesline by
'kishi, clothesline, BELLY-to-belly suplex. Into the corner, Rikishi goes
for a splash...whoops, looks like an edit as T comes out with a Harlem
sidekick instead. Axe kick! T drops down...shakes his head...and
breakdances back up! Too bad he took too long - smack dab into a
RIKISHIKICK! T dutifully backs up to the corner and flumps down - Rikishi
pumps it up, raises the roof, gives himself a wedgie, and...yep. We give
it a full-screen replay, which means shenanigans are going on that we're
not supposed to see...sure enough, when we come back, T...well....T blows
chunks all over Cole. Cole takes off, asking Rikishi what's up on the way.
The music starts - oh is the match over? (No contest? 3:37?) and Rikishi
starts dancing in his hat. We take a replay of Booker...bringing it all
back, so to speak. 'kishi still dancing - so they set the turnbuckle
sparklers off. Let's take an ad break and try to recover.
Trish Stratus shills Stacker 2 - again
When we come back, LARRY KING has taken Cole's place at ringside next to
Lawler. "It smells like Granny had the sour belches."
MOMENTS AGO! we are most unfortunate to see it again - and hear cackle, as well
TONIGHT: Stone Cold vs. Kurt Angle!
Back in the bathroom (man, that cameraman needs to get out more), T tries
to rinse his mouth out...and finds himself joined by Diamond Dallas Page.
"Hey, Booker!" "--the hell you want, man?" "Hey, you need to know that
you receiving the stinkface from Rikishi isn't a bad thing!" "What the
hell you talking about?" "Bro! It's...okay, okay, it's a REALLY bad
thing. Bad bad bad bad bad! Horrible! Disgusting! BUT! At least, it
didn't happen to me. (D - D - P) And that's a good thing! Go get 'em,
Book!"
LOOK! An EXCITING DOOR! Come back to find out who's going to be speaking
in front of it!
The WWF! LIVE! Beaumont, Waco, Dallas and Bossier City! NOTHING SEGMENT!
YES!
ROYAL RUMBLE RETURN: THE GODFATHER
Well, we're nowhere NEAR the Rock's door now....instead, JONATHAN COACHMAN
catches up with Rock as he's WALKING! backstage. He congratulates him on
the win, and asks if he can defeat Jericho at the Rumble as well. "Shut
your mouth, Coach. That's not the big question. The fact of the matter is
this: is that the Rock has been WALKING! New York City for five straight
days and still has not said 'finally, the Rock has come back to New York
City!' You see, Chris Jericho, tonight, on the Rock's show, on the Rock's
show SmackDown!, you got your ass whooped by the Rock and come Royal Rumble
2002, it's not gonna change. Chris Jericho, you call yourself a living
legend. You call yourself larger than life, well the fact of the matter
is, Chris Jericho, is you don't know large. You know nothing about large.
You see, the Rock has something that's large. The Rock has something
that's enormous, the Rock has something that's HUGE, the Rock has-- what
in the blue hell are you SMILING at, you sick ffffreak? Your eyes stay
LOCKED on the Rock's eyes, period. What the Rock...was referreing to is
his size 14 boot, which means, Chris Jericho at Royal Rumble 2002,
Undisputed Championship, the Rock is gonna take his size 14 boot, and shove
it straight up, pull it back out, shove it straight up, pull it back out,
shake it off, rub it all over Coach's face 'cause he likes it, and then
he's gonna take a big step back, turn it sideways, and shove it straight up
your candy ass! ["Rock E!"] Chris Jericho, the countdown is on.
Ticktock....ticktock. If you smell....what the-- whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa
whoa whoa whoa whoa, no no no no, this is SmackDown!, this is SmackDown!,
this is the Rock's show, SmackDown!, New York City. IF YA
SUHMELLLLLLLALALALALOWWWW what the ROCK is cookin'!"
UP NEXT: Stone Cold vs. Kurt Angle
Royal Rumble ad hypes Jericho/Rock - the battle of the mouths (that wrestle)
Wow, TWO nothing segments in a row! This main event must be incredibly
long and awesome.....RIGHT? Or am I dreaming? Stay tuned.
And now, the WWF Royal Rumble Replay - from 1992, Ric Flair wins the best
Royal Rumble ever. What will happen on its tenth anniversary?
Another look outside New York - hmm, no looks at WWF New York on this of
all nights?
And here's a look at Kid Rock's "Cocky" CD
KUR
T ANGLE v. STONE
COLD STEVE AUSTIN - No kidding, they're gonna do a Triple H final
segment AGAIN? Wow, SOMEBODY thinks that kid equals RATINGS - and by
"somebody," I mean...nah, I *still* can't bash the man. As on Monday, "You
suck" chant greets the playing of "Medal." Staredown to start. Every body
movement Angle makes, Austin mimicks. Then Austin adds a (blurred out)
double bird on top. Okay, here we go. Hey what the hell happened to Earl
Hebner's HAIR? Angle shoots out for a single leg takedown - which Austin
evades to the crowd's delight. Austin gives Hebner a middle finger as
well. Lockup. Crowd chants "What?" but Angle stays in control to the
corner - Hebner works hard to get the break....and FINALLY gets it. Angle
is amused. Austin pauses to adjust a knee brace. Back to the
collar-and-elbow - this time it's Austin controlling to the corner. Hebner
wants the break again...and again, it takes a goodly amount of time to get
them untied. "What?" chant takes over again. A third tieup - Austin to
the side headlock. Angle tries to grab a waistlock but Austin holds fast.
Angle tries to reverse to a wristlock - no dice - Austin back to the
headlock - and a side headlock takeover. Austin grinds it in, even while
Angle gets back to his feet. Matwork is fun! Angle goes to the forearm to
the ribs - another forearm - and manages to shake off Austin...only to have
Austin connect with a shoulderblock off the ropes. Another side headlock
takeover and Austin is back in control. Angle tries for the headscissors
but can't reach him. Back to their feet - Angle back to the forearm in the
back - forearm - Austin goes chain wrestling (!!!!) and grabs the legs to
take him down - got the left leg - elbowdrop on the knee, elbowdrop,
elbowdrop - Austin grabs the ankle, but Angle rolls over and escapes to the
corner. Both men on their feet. These two are SO awesome when they
wrestle. I mean, this is too awesome for words and I'm glad you're here
reading it. ("Feel the luv! Wow, what a PANSY.") AHHHHHH BLOW ME HEEEEEY
Austin wants the test of strength! Man this just gets BETTER and BETTER.
Perhaps it's more than coincidence that this match is taped on the one year
anniversary of their best match of 2001 (MODO)? I wonder if we'll get the
piledriver, too - I'd have to retire or something if they pulled THAT out.
Oh, you're probably wondering about that test of strength - well, Angle is
reluctant, and eventually refuses to lace the knuckles. Standoff. Lockup
- now ANGLE grabs a side headlock - Austin powers out, but Angle knocks him
down off the ropes. Up and over, Austin helps Angle sail over the top to
the floor - and now he's coming after him. Austin with a chop, chop, chop,
chop, chop, rolls him back in - geez, I was worried the wrestling was over.
Austin tries to ram Angle's head into a turnbuckle but Angle blocks, back
elbow, head to the buckle, right, chop, chop, chop, chop, Austin reverses
back, chop, chop, chop, chop, Angle shot into the opposite corner, Angle
reverses, Angle runs at Austin but Austin steps aside - Angle shoulders the
post and sails out of the ring! Austin agrees to stand back while Hebner
counts - but immediately leaves the ring to go out after him. Crowd's
chanting "holy shit" - for Angle? Austin pulls Angle's shoulder into the
ringpost - twice. Austin stays on Angle - hard shove into the STEEL steps.
Austin brings Angle up - and rams his left arm into the steps. There's a
second steps collision for Angle's left arm. Back into the ring - Angle
reverses the whip and buries his knee into Austin's gut. Now he's working
on turning things around - big knife-edge chop. Into the ropes, another
knee in the gut, and Austin flips to the mat. Angle with a field goal
kick. Angle stomps - stomp - stomp - stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp. Hebner
warns him but Angle stays on Austin - stood up in the corner, shoulder into
the gut, shoulder, shoulder. Angle stops to argue with Hebner - and that's
a mistake. Austin pops out with a spear - mount and eight quick rights.
Angle manages to reverse the whip - and catches him in a belly-to-belly
suplex! Angle hooks the leg for the first time - 1, 2, no! Think about
that, guys - we went almost eight minutes without a pinfall attempt - and
we didn't *need* it because these two are SO good at telling the story in
the ring. Angle back to the stomp - almost kicking Austin with his shin -
stomp, stomp, stomp. Hebner tells him to cut it out. Angle stands Austin
up - chop, chop, chop. Angle's just about had it with this crowd...but he
shouldn't have let up on Austin. Austin roaring back with a right, Angle
right, Austin right, right, right, Angle tries to grab a headlock but
Austin shoves him into the ropes - Angle hits a shoulderblock. Off the
ropes, up and over, Austin's clothesline ducked, but Austin catches him on
the way back, stun gun on the ropes, Fuck You elbowdrop (Ross: "driving the
knee"), into the ropes, Angle ducks a clothesline, ducks again, gutshot
CAUGHT...so Austin clotheslines him instead. Into the ropes is reversed by
Angle, but Austin gets the boot up - coming out with a clothesline which is
ducked - Angle grabs the waistlock - Austin elbows out - Austin ducks the
swing, grabs a waistlock of his own and hits a German suplex - AND holds on
for two! Austin has the waistlock again - Angle elbows, and elbows out -
ANGLE with a waistlock - Angle with a German suplex! Holding on - TWO!
Holding on - AUSTIN elbows out - Austin with a waistlock, but Angle,
noticing Hebner is out of position, lets his trick knee act up. Angle
clotheslines him down, then grabs the ropes to try to catch his breath.
HE'S CLIMBING UP! The moonsault is on the way - AND HE HITS THE
MOONSAULT!! Leg is hooked - 1 - 2 - NO!!! Angle is visibly upset by his
inability to put Austin away - Austin wants the gutshot again but Angle
catches the boot again - and THIS time, drops down into the ANGLELOCK!!
Austin screams in pain as Angle torques the ankle. Austin crawls - crawls
- ANGLE PULLS HIM BACK! There's nowhere for Austin to go - so he shoots
his right leg back, and when Angle catches THAT, he flips Angle into a
rollup - leg is hooked - 1 - 2 - ANGLE KICKS OUT!! Angle is up first -
gutshot - Olympic Slam NO - KICK WHAM STUNNER YES - both men are down,
and....what the hell? The wall of flame hits, the music hits, and KANE HAD
NOTHING BETTER TO DO TONIGHT. Austin punching away on Angle as Kane enters
the ring - CHOKESLAM on Austin! What the hell was that about? Damn, this
is like Triple H ruining the 1/8/01 match...hmmm wait a minute. Angle
laughs and gives Kane a thumbs up - then gets to stomping on Austin....but
Kane is up from behind - ANGLE GETS A CHOKESLAM! Kane sets the turnbuckles
alight....but now WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW is out. HE hits the ring, Kane
punches, right, Show right, right, Kane ducks a swing, choke, SHOW with a
choke - Show's choke wins. AHHHHHHtheCHOKESLAAAAAM. This brings out THE
NEW MAN, who swigs some water, removes his jacket and slowly walks the
aisle. Show is in the ring waiting for him...hey, you think they're gonna
hug? Remember what Show said on Monday...anyway, H is through the
ropes...running at Show...CHOKE! But H kicks him in the balls! Off the
ropes, H with a clothesline - nothing. H with a right hand - nothing. A
second kick in the balls - THIS works. PEDIGREE! Play Motorhead again! H
removes his shirt and shows off his back (and, some will say, his back
acne.) H poses on the second rope...but looks up at the stage, where
AWESOMETAKER is silently standing...
Well that was quite a segment, but...oh, yeah. (No contest? 12:12?)