KINGS UPDATE: 46-18. Fortunately everyone else is so concerned with the
college game that the Kings losing to the Knicks slides RIGHT under the
radar...
UPN! Thursday!
TV-PG-DLV - One World Leader Attitude - WWF!
LAST MONDAY: The dog ate my montage
Opening Credits are Beautiful, People!
PYRO AWAY and this is it - the last big show before WrestleMania! Coming
to you from the Gund Arena in Cleveland, OH and SAP transmitido en espanol
14.3.2 (taped 12.3), THIS is WWF SMACKDOWN! on UPN and the Score!
TONIGHT: Triple H has a big, big announcement! Look again at the clip of
him being helped backstage!
KURT
ANGLE v. POINTS TO SELF - This match is no doubt set up by van Dam
pinning Regal in a six-man on RAW - huh? Lockup, gobehind by Angle,
reversal, Angle drops down for the fireman's carry but van Dam lands on
his feet (before falling anyway) - van Dam off the ropes, ducks, dropkick
connects. In the corner - kick, forearm, forearm, into the opposite
corner is reversed, but van Dam goes up and over back to back, tumbling
run to the corner, springs off and connects with the high crossbody for 2.
Clothesline puts Angle outside! van Dam follows. Hangs him on the
barricade - there's an uppercut - on the apron to Point To Himself - then
leaps into a legdrop. He Points To Himself again! Kick to the head,
SmackDown! replay, back in the ring, forearm, forearm, into the ropes,
Angle ducks, goes behind and hits a German suplex - 1, 2, no.
Commentators would rather talk about Triple H's knee, Mr. McMahon's acting
ability, and anything but this match. Angle takes charge - right, chop,
chop, into the ropes, back elbow, hooks the leg but only gets 2. Angle
clamps on a headlock. Angle takes it to the mat while van Dam flails his
arms and legs in an attempt to nurture an "RVD" chant. Now he elbows out
- ducks off the ropes, there's a heel kick. Angle into the corner,
shoulder by van Dam, shoulder, superfluous backflip, and Angle evades the
third shoulder but van Dam comes right back with a superkick. Off the
ropes - Rolling Thunder - cover - 1, 2, no! Angle right back with a knee
to the gut. van Dam catches the next kick and goes for the stepover heel
kick, but Angle has that scouted (good on him!) and ducks it - then grabs
the ankle!! van Dam manages to roll onto his back and kick Angle away -
Angle bounces out of the corner into a small package - 1, 2, NO! Angle
immediately barrels over van Dam with a clothesline. DOWN COME THE
STRAPS! He waits for van Dam to get up - going for the Olympic Slam but
van Dam lands on his feet...and hits a spinning roundhouse kick. Vaults
up top...but before he takes off, WILLIAM REGAL runs out, causing van Dam
to look at him until Angle can run to the corner and throw him off with a
belly-to-belly superplex - and immediately put on the Anglelock.
Amazingly, van Dam taps! (4:35) Regal quickly hits the ring for a noble
stompdown. Angle is content to head back up the ramp...until KANE HAD
NOTHING BETTER TO DO TONIGHT makes *his* entrance here. Uppercut,
uppercut, Angle put back in the ring - they go in and out, but since Kane
brushes by Regal on his way out, Regal stops stomping on van Dam and grabs
Kane, preventing him from following Angle - so HE gets a chokeslam for his
troubles.
Vince talks (TO ME!) on his cel phone - but has to call (ME!) back when
Ric Flair enters the office. "Isn't it my lucky day - I walk in the arena
tonight...the first thing I hear is you wanna see me." "Well, I do, Ric -
I wanted you to see me because... I wanted you to see the man who has
complete control and complete authority and power here in the World
Wrestling Federation, as voted by the Board of Directors, remember that
vote of confidence? That was for me, Ric, because you insisted on having
this match with The Undertaker at WrestleMania - oh, and by the way, since
I do have all the power and authority, at least through WrestleMania,
allow me to inform you that your match with The Undertaker is now a No
Disqualification matchup, Ric. But that's at WrestleManiap; as far as
tonight is concerned, the good news is that since you're just another WWF
superstar...I'm giving you the night off. I, you don't have to compete at
all tonight. I'm not having you wrestle at all. So uh, have a good
night, Ric." "You've always got my best interests at heart, don'tcha.
If it's all the same to you, I think I'll stay and watch the show." "OH
whoa whoa. Whoa whoa whoa, Ric, it's NOT all the same to me. I'm not
about to take a chance of you and Undertaker crossing paths tonight. And
the reason for that is, I am concerned about your safety and welfare, at
least until I see you in the ring at WrestleMania, because it's at
WrestleMania when I personally wanna watch The Undertaker rip you limb
from limb. Easy... So for your own protection and safety, Ric...there's
the door." "I'm gonna leave...I've already embarrassed the Board of
Directors once. I'm not leaving because you're asking me to. It's
because of the World Wrestling Federation...and respect that I have for
this great company. Not you. As a matter of fact, you are the piece of
(shit) that everybody talks about."
So Ric owns half the company, but........ohhhhhhhh
Booker T shills puddin'
According to the countdown, WrestleMania is 3 DAYS AWAY
Also, Drowning Pool's "Tear Away" is a WrestleMania theme song. You know
what ELSE is a WrestleMania theme song? "Oh oh oh / oh oh oh /
WrestleMania"
JEFF HARDY (with Matt Hardy & Cheata) v. ACOLYTE
BRADSHAW (with Acolyte Faarooq - and SmackDown! is brought to you by
"Van Wilder," adidas ClimaCool, and Blockbuster!) v. BANDANA BOY BILLY
(with Bandana Boy Chuck) v. BUBBA RAY DUDLEY (with D-Von & Stacy Dudley)
in a Fatal Four-Way - Those Dudleyz hit the ring to their "Forcible Entry"
theme as performed by Saliva, we are told. Bubba will start with Billy -
hmm, two heels? Lockup, side headlock by Dudley, holding it - Billy with
two elbows to the ribs to break it - but Dudley knocks him down off the
power out. Off the ropes, Billy tries a leapfrog but Bubba stops short
and pops him with a right. Head to the buckle, head to the adjacent
buckle, wraps his arm around the top rope, goes for another shot in the
corner but Billy ducks out and makes a desperation lunge to Jeff. IT'S
JEFF HARDY SQUEEEEEEEAL LIKE A YOUNG GIRL - Dudley quickly powers him
down, pounds him, but the whip is reversed and Hardy hits the armdrag.
Armdrag, dropkick, running start on the dropkick in the corner and Dudley
has nowhere to go. Hardy with a Ten Punch Count Along - but stops for a
flourish between nine and ten, and Dudley shoves him off before he can
finish. Nice neckbreaker by Bubba Ray Dudley. Whip into the corner, but
Hardy jumps up for the Gay in the Gay and connects. Dudley falls into
Bradshaw's corner, so he tags himself in - shoulderblock for Hardy -
Dudley up from behind with a forearm - and death suplex. I guess he's
unhappy about the tag. Hardy goes ahead and covers - but Dudley breaks it
at 2. Into the ropes by Bradshaw, Hardy ducks, off the ropes - ohhh
caught for the COFS (contractually obligated fallaway slam). Forearm by
Bradshaw. Forearm to the back. Picks him up but Hardy drops down with
the sitout jawbreaker - and tags in Billy (or "runs into him") - Billy is
in with a right, right, right, right, into the ropes, reversed, Bradshaw
with a big shoulderblock - off the ropes with an elbowdrop, cover, Bubba
Ray is in to break it up - Bradshaw puts a forearm in HIS back, then whips
Billy into the ropes - Billy ducks, but gets caught - man, not AGAIN...big
boot for Bubba while holding him - Bradshaw decides to slam him, then
signals for Hardy to go up for "What Are You Doing?" D-Von on the apron
and Bradshaw shoves him off - then gives Hardy a big boot (!), and Dudley
clotheslines him down when he turns back. Leg is hooked - 1, 2, no!
Dudley still in control - NICE suplex. Elbowdrop, elbowdrop, double
sledge, 1, 2, Bradshaw kicks out. Scoop...and a slam (I'm guessing -
we're staring at D-Von through most of this) - going to the second rope
(DON'T DO IT IT NEVER WORKS!) - Bradshaw is up (TOLD YA), catching him
with a right, then climbs to the second rope for a big superplex! Both
men are down and referee "blind" Chad Patton puts on the count. Both men
stirring at five - Bradshaw falls backwards to tag in Billy - right,
right, Dudley ducks the next one and hits the Bubbabomb! Dudley collapses
in the right corner and Hardy tags himself in - knockdown for Billy, ducks
a swing, Speaking in Tongues legdrop - into the ropes is reversed, Billy's
head is down, so Hardy gives him a tornado DDT - 1, 2, Bubba breaks it up
again! Bubba shoves off Bradshaw, eats a right from Hardy, but counters
the whip attempt by pulling him back to him...and then dumping him on the
floor. Here's the Hades lariat by Bradshaw - here's the Fame-Ass'er on
Bradshaw by Billy. Jeff's climbing up for the swanton, but Billy trips
him up. Billy climbs the corner - Jeff blocks, right, right, shoves him
off, going for the swantonbomb again...but Chuck pulls him out of the way!
Here comes Matt - well now it's all breaking loose outside - meanwhile,
Billy gives Hardy the One and Only, then puts his feet on the ropes for
good measure - 1, 2, 3. (7:03) We're still not done - Cheatacanrana for
Billy, Stacy in to take her head to the mat, catfightcatfightcatfight
meanwhile Matt clotheslines Billy out of the ring, but Bradshaw
clotheslines him down - forearms away - now holding him for Faarooq of all
people - well now we've got a Pier Six brawl in the ring, call in the
ZEBRAS...as the tag team champs have made their way up to the stage to
watch.
WrestleMania spot - Hall/Austin (!) is hyped
Jakks Pacific R3 figures and Hall of Fame Playset ad
When we come back, Trish Stratus pays Lita a visit - she wants to
apologise for accidentally kicking her Monday. Lita says it's cool...but
at WrestleMania, there won't be any accidents. Somehow this leads to
slapping and catfighting and referees getting involved and lookit Chioda
get him some of Trish - you go, boy
Vince is talking (TO ME!) on his cel phone again..but again has to
interrupt his call for a Flair - only this time, it's *David*. "Why come
on in, come on in!" "I'm sorry to interrupt you - I heard you wanted to
see me?" "Oh no, indeed, look at this. What a fine looking young
athlete. A Flair, indeed - David Flair. Wow. I tell you what, you sure
look a whole hell of a lot better than the last time I say you, kid - ooh.
The Undertaker...put a hurtin' on you, didn't he, but nonetheless, you
were pretty tough. I invited you over here because, you see, you know
that your dad and I don't get along too well, and, you know, he's a great
man and all that kinda stuff, but...why, he and I, we don't see eye to
eye, you know that." "Well where're we goin' with this?" "Well, quite
frankly, where we're going with this is I'm gonna do something for you
tonight that I don't think your dad would ever do - I'm gonna give you an
opportunity of a lifetime, David." "Is that right." "Yeah! Because
tonight - right here on SmackDown! imagine this...David
Flair...versus...The Undertaker!" "Are you nuts? I'm not gonna fight The
Undertaker. Listen here, Mr. McMahon, I thank you for the
opportunity...but I think I'll pass." "Oh, wait a minute. Wait just a
minute. I mean, tonight, you can become a bona-fide WWF superstar.
You've been training all these months in the training program - you wanna
be a WWF superstar, don'cha? Of course you do. You want to follow in
your dad's footsteps, right? I mean, you are, last name Flair, right?
You've got the passion for this business, right? I mean, come on - you're
the son of one of the greatest legends in the history of this business!
So you have no alternative tonight but to take on The Undertaker
because...quite frankly (2), to quote a former great champion... 'to be
the man, David, you've gotta beat the man.' What about it? You and The
Undertaker...tonight." "I understand." "Yeah. You're damn right you
understand. Yeah. Oh, yes - is that gonna be good or what? Huh? David
Flair one on one with The Undertaker. Yeah. Well what'd you think?"
Undertaker appears from...I guess he was hiding behind the cameraman or
something since Flair didn't see him. "Thanks, boss." Handshake.
And now, Lugz presents the Boot of the Week! From RAW, Al Snow takes the
hardcore championship from Goldust after a Horrendous Call from GOOD OL'
JR
WWF HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP: AL SNOW v. WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW - Snow
quickly fills the ring with plundah before the challenger's entrance
begins. Snow with a dropkick through the ropes - outside - broomstick to
the gut, breaks it on his back - NO SALE. Punch is caught - Show holds it
while mauling him - right, right, right, scooped up - press - and drop on
the trashcan on the floor (owch). Well it's a big whip into the STEEL
steps. Show removes the top half, puts Snow's head on the other half, and
tries to pop it like a grape. Grabs the top half - wants to crush him but
Snow is out of the way. Snow dropkicks the knees to try to turn it
around. Grabs a STOP sign - WHACK! WHACK. WHACK. Cover on the floor -
1, 2, Show
kicks out with authority. Show shoves Snow away. Show puts him into the
post. Well it's a big open-handed slap. Snow rolled into the ring -
Show's after him. Big boot in the corner misses - and Show's held up long
enough for Snow to kick him in the 'nards. Snow produces his bowling bowl
- and gets Show right in the gutter. DDT! 1, 2, Show STILL presses him
three feet off the canvas - causing him to land on referee "Blind" Charles
Robinson in the process. Snow grabs a trashcan - WHACK! WHACK! NO SALE
- Show shoves the can away - ahhhhhTHECHOKESLAAAAAM! Before he can get a
1 count, though, GOLDUST is out with a gold trashcanlid - WHACK! Goldust
covers - 1, 2, Show pulls him off - Goldust WHACKS him again. Now MAVEN
is out - Goldust swings at Maven, but misses - clocking Snow in the
process - Show with the headbutt on Goldust - and clothesline - Goldust
goes outside - Show to the ropes to watch - Maven dropkicks him out of the
ring (!), covers Snow (!), and gets the 1, 2, 3 (!!) - ladies and
gentlemen, we have a NEW hardcore champion! (3:34) Replay of the
Rumble-on-the-Undertaker-esque dropkick...and pin.
Hulk Hogan is WALKING! He hands a tape to a stagehand and provides
instructions - he's heading to the ring and he wants that tape to play
when he calls for it.
Get thee to the Shop Zone so thou doth may buyest the Rock/Hogan
poster/shirt/program combo
RAW for the Xbox ad - I wish "My Way" were the theme of WrestleMania and
not just this video game
Commentators shill "The Amazing Race 2" - at times like this, I wish they
HAD left to go compete in The Amazing Race
YOU KNOW WHO (with TV-PG-DLV ratings box) is out to end the suspense and
let us know EXACTLY what's on that tape. Man, listen to Cole give Hogan a
verbal blowjob here. Sunday is his tenth WrestleMania, but his first in
nine years. We can only wonder how this crowd noise has been sweetened -
if "sweetened" is in fact the correct word... Hogan strikes a pose, why
not. "You know, I've seen a lot through the years. I've sat back and
I've watched every Next Big Thing step into the ring and say they were
gonna do something that no one else could do - kill Hulkamania. Roddy
Piper said it...the Ultimate Warrior said it...even Andre, God bless his
soul, Andre the Giant said it. But Andre, like everybody else, failed.
They all failed to kill Hulkamania. They all fell victim to the exact
same thing that The Rock fell victim to last Monday night as I hit him
with the boot in the face, dropped the leg on him, and beat him for a 1,
2, 3, just like everyone else that steps into the ring with Hollywood Hulk
Hogan, just check out the footage. Lemme show ya what I'm talkin' about.
(Let Us Take You Back to RAW) The only thing that ever came close to
killin' Hulkamania was the Hulkamaniacs. You people out there - you
almost killed Hulkamania. And then I realised one thing - I didn't need
you. The Hulkamaniacs could not kill Hulkamania. I proved that last
Monday night. Just roll this footage. (same clip) You know, for those
of you that are brand new fans or maybe are just gettin' dialed in, show
this thing one more time in slow motion so it really, really sinks in,
please. (hahaha - legdrop in slomo - and 1, 2, 3) After I beat you,
Rock, 1, 2, 3, in the middle of the ring at WrestleMania, you're gonna
realise that you're ordinary - you're common - just like everyone else out
there, you're just ordinary and common. So roll that footage one more
time so you can take a look at it, Rock." IF YA SMELLLLL I guess we're
*not* seeing that footage one more time - THE ROCK is out and pacing up on
the stage. "Rock E!" Just when you think he's going to talk...nope.
Okay maybe NOW. "Hulk Hogan...what can the Rock say. Ya beat The Rock.
But you are wrong about one thing - is you see, unlike every other man you
face, The Rock could care less about killing Hulkamania. Because as far
as The Rock is concerned, Hulkamania is a fantasy - it's in your mind.
Fantasy, you know, cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! You know, that fantasy land
you live in where Hulkamania walks down the Hulkastreet, eats a
Hulkasammich - and all of his Hulkafriends give him a line o' Hulkacrap
about how he's not gonna get his Hulka(ass) whupped at WrestleMania! You
see, Hogan...The Rock knows it, the millions - of The Rock's fans know it,
but what apparently you don't know is while this fantasy of Hulkamania,
you know, cuckoocuckoo - while that fantasy, while that's a fantasy, this
Sunday: reality. You see, Hogan, you can beat The Rock in a tag, you can
take a hammer to the back of The Rock's head...you can try to end my
career, but the fact remains is there is no way - and The Rock means no
way that he's not gonna walk into WrestleMania, the biggest match ever,
whup your candy(ass) 1, 2, 3!" "I'll give you the fact that you are a cut
above the rest. You're not exactly the flavour of the month. And YOU,
just as much as me, is responsible for the biggest, the greatest match, in
the history of this industry, WrestleMania - Rock versus Hogan, there is
no bigger, because I've been in 'em all. But there's only one thing left,
Rock. There's that one question - there's that one question that I always
ask each opponent that turns into a victim before WrestleMania is over.
And I'd like to ask you, Rock - I'd like to ask you that question right
now. ... What'cha gonna do - what'cha gonna do, Rock, when the biggest
icon this industry has ever seen puts you in your place at WrestleMania?
WHAT'CHA GONNA DO, WHEN HULKAMANIA RUNS - WILD - ON - YOU - RRRRRAAAAAAA
(rips off shirt) - WHAT'CHA GONNA DO, ROCK?" "Rock E!" "What's The Rock
gonna do? Well The Rock will tell you EXACTLY what he's gonna do." Rock
starts to walk to the ring. Looks like we're going to have another
staredown, as Rock is between the ropes...and in. "It goes like this,
Hulk Hogan. This Sunday at WrestleMania, The Rock is gonna put an end to
your legend, and go down in history as being the best ever. But until
then...(steps closer)...(eye to eye)...The Rock will take his
vitamins...but if I were you, I would say my prayers. If you smell...what
The Rock...is cookin'." Hogan drops his mic. Rock drops his mic.
They're nose to nose - I'm sure this will end up in five or nine video
packages by Sunday. Rock removes his glasses and eyeballs Hogan. Hogan
slowly backs away...and leaves the ring. Play Rock's music!
You ARE watching UPN!
Catch the WWF live! Sunday is WrestleMania in Toronto SOLD OUT! Monday
is RAW in Montreal! Tuesday is Ottawa! Then.....the ad ends!
BOOKER TIO and THE NARCISSIteST v. TAJIRI (with Torrie Samuda) and KING
EDGE - T starts with Tajiri - badmouth by T, kick, right, Tajiri tries to
fight back but T puts him in the corner - right, right, right, right,
right, right, right, right, stomp, referee "Blind" Teddy Long pulls him
out. Chop by T. Into the ropes, Tajiri ducks, back kick connects, kick,
whip is reversed but Tajiri ducks the kick, and lands a kick of his own -
Test in to try to help - Tajiri ducks - off the ropes - caught - but
Tajiri frees himself and lands a kick. Kick for T - but T reverses the
whip attempt and pulls Tajiri into a big sidewalk slam. Coming up later:
TRIPLE RETURNS! Right hand. Into the ropes, head down, kick by Tajiri.
Tajiri heads to his corner but T grabs him and takes him down by the hair
- Tajiri puts two boots up into T's face, though, and makes the tag as T
tries to head out of his own corner. Edge with a clothesline, knockdown,
knockdown for Test, Viscera kick for T. Trademark (but as yet unnamed)
faceplant for Test. But T comes in with a kick. Now all four men are in
- Tajiri goes to work on Test, but he turns it around in the corner -
right, back elbow, whip into the opposite corner, Tajiri up as Test
charges in but before he can try to do the tarantula, Test brings him to
the middle of the ring and hits a wheelbarrow suplex instead. Wotsitolla
Boot connects - but he's not legal anyway, so Edge clotheslines HIM out of
the ring. T back in - Harlem side kick is DUCKED - Edge with the SPEAR
but Test breaks up the cover. Test tries the Boot on Edge but THAT is
ducked - Edge with a gutshot - and Edgecution! But T sails in and
connects with the Harlem sidekick - 1, 2, 3. (2:44) For good measure,
Test gives Tajiri another Boot to take him off the apron. Test holds up
Edge so he can watch Booker breakdance back to his feet. He adds a
gutshot and axe kick. Play his music - he needs to look at his hand one
more time!
LOOK! It's an EXCITING DOOR! Coming up next, the man who owns the logo
on the door will say "What?"
WrestleMania ad - Flair/Taker (!) hyped
Take a look at the Gund Arena! Tonight, TRIPLE H RETURNS!
Look at the wwf.com homepage - you can register NOW for the video stream
streaming video!
JONATHAN COACHMAN stands with Stone Cold Steve Austin. "What? How many
days away are we?" "Three." "What?" "Three." "What? Do I look
nervous? Do I seem nervous? Am I tremblin'? Am I shakin'? I don't
think I am. Do you know why? Every sum(bitch) back here is nervous as
hell, this might be their first WrestleMania. It's not my first
WrestleMania. You know why I'm not nervous? Scott Hall cost me my title
shot. He (pissed) me off. He screwed me. He busted a cinder block on my
leg. Do you know what I'll do at WrestleMania? I'm gonna go into
Toronto, and I'm gonna open up a can o' whoopass on that sorry son of a
(bitch)! There's not too many ways I can say that. I'm goin' into
WrestleMania to whip a man's ass. I'm gonna put his little head right
there - turn it so slightly - wham drop him - Stone Cold Stunner - put
some stink on it - 1, 2, 3, that's the first member of the NWO, Scott
Hall, he's goin' down. Do you understand me?" "Yes." "It's pretty
simple, isn't it. You place - do you wanna put your head right here--"
but the landscape is changing and the theme from NWO interrupts - CLEAN &
SOBER is on his way to the ring for a solo shot. Check that - he stops on
the stage. "Hey yo. Hey Stone Cold! You don't have to hide in the
back...like some kinda cockroach. And you're out here tellin' the whole
world - WHAT - you're gonna do to Scott Hall. Well I think maybe we
should show the whole world just WHAT Scott Hall did to you last Monday -
I said show 'em just WHAT I did to you on RAW." He signals to the screen
for Let Us Take You Back to RAW. Through the magic of teleportation, Hall
is in the ring by the time these clips are done rolling. "So uh, Stone
Cold. I hear from you that you're the toughest SOB in the WWF. PROVE IT.
'cause Stone Cold... (Austin disappears from the video screens) you got
something to say to me, you say it to my face! I ain't goin' nowhere,
Austin. I'm waitin' right here for you." The music hits...but it's Chad
Patton running out - and from behind the other curtain BIG & TALL is out,
wielding a chair - but he pulls up when he sees it isn't Austin, then
tries to run back in the hopes that nobody saw him - meanwhile, Austin has
been running from the other side of tthe arena through the crowd - spins
Hall around, right, right, right, KICK WHAM STUNNER play the music - Nash
is back out but Austin's already gone. Give it a replay!
In a dressing room, Stephanie and Chris Jericho speculate on Triple H's
big announcement. Stephanie ain't Eartha Kitt
Your hosts are a pair of kings - MICHAEL KING COLE & JERRY LAWLER. Check
out the Saliva CD cover because "Superstar" is Yet Another Theme From
WrestleMania X8!
The graphics don't lie! The Undisputed Championship is on the line when
Chris Jericho (with Stephanie McMahon) takes on Triple H! Icon vs. icon
when Hollywood Hulk Hogan meets The Rock! It's personal when Stone Cold
Steve Austin collides with Scott Hall! No Disqualifications when The
Undertaker meets Ric Flair! The Intercontintental Championship will be
decided when Rob van Dam meets William Regal! Kurt Angle tackles Kane!
Lita, Jazz and Trish Stratus have a triple threat for the Women's
CHampionship! And just announced, for the European Championship - Diamond
Dallas Page vs. Christian! Edge clashes with Booker T! Four corner
elimination match for the Tag Team Championship see the Hardyz, APA, Billy
& Chuck and the Dudleyz all in action! 67,000 'neath the Dome and all it
needs is YOU!
The Undertaker - is - WALKING!
AWESOMETAKER (on His Beautiful Bourget Python Bike) v. DAVID SAM-
OKAY, I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO USE THAT JOKE - Flair
has some generic music - his entrance video consists of a screen with his
name on it, alternating with a picture of Ric Flair standing in the ring -
uhhhhhh okay. Flair doesn't think Taker's giving him enough room to come
in the ring - Taker finally parts the ropes himself for Flair. Flair
scoots in and FINALLY we're underway. Taker turns his back to Flair to
remove his vest - Flair goes bug-eyed and jumps him - forearm in the back,
right, right, right, right, right, Taker with a double choke to reverse
positions in the corner - soupbone left soupbone left soupbone left
soupbone left soupbone left soupbone left soupbone, soupbone, soupbone,
vigorously protesting referee "Blind" Nick Patrick's protestations.
Checking his own jaw - stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp. Picks him up - "shut
up!" - into the opposite corner - follow lariat. Picks him up again -
into the opposite corner...Flair walks into a sidewalk slam. 1, 2, did he
kick out or did Taker lift him up? Taker grinds his forearm into Flair's
face - and THE MAN is running out - Taker catches him in a choke - but
Flair rakes the eyes - off the ropes but right into the big boot.
Meantime, Patrick's called for the bell (DQ 1:23) - Ric rolls outside -
Taker grabs his hair - David flies in with a forearm in the back - Taker
spins around and knocks him senseless with a soupbone. He wants to give
him a tombstone, but Ric chairs him in the back. Taker goes outside to
evade another chairshot and heads back up the ramp as Ric's music plays.
UP NEXT: TRIPLE H RETURNS!
Tough Enough 2 ad - you know what, I don't think any of these scenes
actually took place on tonight's episode
Big Show shills Stacker 2
And now, the WWF Burn of the Night, brought to you by Stacker 2! From
RAW, Jericho goes Super Gillooly on Triple H
Man, I can't BELIEVE they'd block out the entire final quarter hour for a
TRIPLE
H RETURNS announcement - given all that happened to him on Monday he
sure isn't limping all THAT much (if at all!) - but he DOES clutch his leg
while hopping up on the apron to do the Whale Blowhole. H goes to climb a
corner - tries the bad leg first for effect - nope - then climbs up slowly
using the good leg. This Triple H T-Shirt is brought to you by Red Baron
frozen pizza - Bring Home The Baron Tonight! Pair of signs in crowd: "820
DAYS" / "TIL THE OLSEN TWINS ARE LEGAL" Thanks for the heads up.
Entrance clocks in at (2:20). "Monday night, Chris Jericho came to this
ring with a sledgehammer...and bashed me in the thigh with it. Jericho
just didn't attack any leg - he attacked the leg that I had surgically
repaired after I tore my quad in May. And quite frankly, that attack is
the reason why I am standing in this ring tonight with a microphone in my
hand instead of Jericho's ass on the end of my foot. I stand in this ring
tonight to make an unfortunate announcement. And that announcement is
unfortunate for Chris Jericho. Because you see, Chris Jericho did not get
the job done! Ten months ago, Chris Jericho put me in the Walls of
Jericho on that announce table after I tore my quad - tried to take me out
of the business...but you know what? Jericho failed BECAUSE HERE I AM!
And Monday night, Chris Jericho tried to once again end my career when he
hit me in the leg with a sledgehammer - but again, Chris Jericho failed -
because here I am, 100%! And you see, Jericho, there's something that you
don't realise - to me, it's about pain - and pain - pain's just temporary.
But The Game, Chris - The Game is forever. So this Sunday, I will go to
WrestleMania...and in the main event, I will kick Chris Jericho's ass and
I will become the Undisputed World Champion! Because I--" As the Y2J
Countdown interrupts, I feel it's my duty to point out that Triple H
failed to point out that he's survived fifty foot falls from a forklift
while in a car - oh well. MR. JERICHO & STEFFO are out. He's got the mic
- thank the Lord. Jericho with the sarcastic clap. "Great performance,
Triple H, I mean well said - bravo! But are you absolutely certain that
you're telling the truth, huh? Are you 100% certain that you're 100%
ready to face the living legend in the main event of WrestleMania for the
most prestigious championship in this company or any other's history? Or
are you really lying? Are you lying to yourself, and lying to all these
jackasses in the crowd? Huh? Because both your wife and I think you're
not being completely honest, now are you, Triple H?" "You know, Hunter,
you never were a very good liar. You see, Tuesday morning I called Dr.
Andrews in Birmingham, Alabama, the same doctor who operated on your leg
some ten months ago. And while Dr. Andrews was very sorry to hear about
our marital trouble, he was even sorrier to give me the prognosis of your
leg. You see, Dr. Andrews already knew about Jericho hitting you in your
leg with that sledgehammer because late Monday night, Dr. Andrews got a
phone call from a certain orthopedic surgeon in Detroit. Now that
orthopedic surgeon saw you when you were wheeled in Monday night by that
ambulance. And well, according to Dr. Andrews, your quadracep is barely
holding together. Really! Triple H's quadracep is connected by wires - I
know, I saw it with my own eyes - and Dr. Andrews said that sledgehammer
shot Monday night, well that put your quad in such a weakened state that
one false move, one misstep and one of those wires could snap. Dr.
Andrews said that you should never compete in that ring - at least not for
another month. You're taking a tremendous risk, you know what that means,
Hunter? If you face the Undisputed Champion Chris Jericho at
WrestleMania, and you make ONE miscalculation - you make one mistake, and
it could end your career forever. Let me spell that out for you, Hunter.
You will never be able to wrestle again." "And think about this, too,
Hunter - both you and your little bulldog, what was her name, Lucy?
You've both even got more in common now, 'cause neither one of you will
walk the same again; you'll be walking with a limp for the rest of your
lives, thanks to the Undisputed Champion Chris Jericho!" "You called Dr.
Andrews, huh, Steph? You're a lot smarter than you look! You're right -
I'm not 100%. And you're right - the doctors did say my quad is just
holding on by a thread. And one mistake, and my career could be over.
But I'll tell you what - this Sunday, I don't care if it's my last step -
I don't care if it's my last match - I don't care if it's my last damn
breath! I will be at WrestleMania. I will stand across that ring, Chris
Jericho - I will look you in your eye - and we will go at it. And when I
leave Toronto, when I leave WrestleMania - whether I am WALKING! or
whether I have to get rolled out of that arena - I will leave as the
Undisputed World Champion! Because I Am The Game! And I Am That Damn
Good!" Jericho drops the belts and rushes the ring - H block, right,
right, right, right, right. Clotheslined over the top - and H clutches
his leg for dramatic effect. H outside to continue after
Jericho...Jericho with a right, right, right, right, whip is reversed and
Jericho hits the STEEL steps. H removes the table top (nearly killing a
cameraman in the process) and does some furniture rearranging. Stephanie
is up behind H - kick to the back of the leg - and again - NO SALE - H
turns round and, after dramatic pause, catches her by the hair. Jericho
runs in - but gets a backdrop over the barricade! H places Stephanie on
the commentary table - they're both standing on the table - oh, he's gonna
not give her the Pedigree again...sure enough, Jericho is up from behind
with one of the title belts to the back of H's leg. Now *Jericho* climbs
up on the table - WALLS OF JERICHO! H taps the table but Jericho doesn't
seem to be able to hear that 'cause he's not breaking the hold. Several
REFEREES are out - Jericho finally lets go, gets his belts and stands
proudly over H with both belts in hand. Credits are up - Tough Enough 2
is next - see you (maybe?) at WrestleMania!