You are watching UPN - but not most of these people.
TV PG DLV brings you the promo they've been using to hype Backlash for the last while - Hogan's return and recation at WrestleMania leading to the Undisputed title match versus Triple H. "The Last Stop On The Road To Backlash Starts Now."
FIREWORKS. They're loud. This is the Compaq Center in Houston, Texas (taped 4/15) and it's SmackDown! 72 hours or 3 days away from Backlash, Mr. McMahon forces the two people facing each other for the Undisputed Title at Backlash to team up - it's Triple H and Hollywood Hulk Hogan vs Chris Jericho and Kurt Angle. Your announcers are Michael Cole and Tazz but we don't get to see them right now.
WWF Tag Team Champions Billy and Chuck (w/Rico) and Albert (w/last Thursday) vs Rikishi, Maven and Al (Snow) - Rico has quite a suit on. Billy and Chuck face Snow and Maven at Backlash for the tag team titles - Rikishi vs Albert is not a Backlash match, at least yet. Albert still hasn't gotten anything decent to wear. We pay extra attention to a Albert/Rikishi staredown before the match, while the champions are kept from the ring by the challengers. Your referee is Mike Chota, if I remember my referees right. Looks like Rikishi will start the match - no, Chuck is in and attacking Al from behind, so I guess that's where we'll start. Rights, talk to Billy and now Al's coming back with a kick and rights of his own. Kick kick kick kick kick big right. Headlock, off the ropes, shoulderblock by Al. Off the ropes, over, Chuck goes for a leapfrog but Al gives him a inverted atomic drop and a right. Chuck's right misses, Al hits the atomic drop and then mocks Chuck's hurt region. Elbow to the back. Armbar, kick to the chest, tag to Maven. Maven off the top with a flying axhandle. Double whip, double hiptoss, double elbow drop but the timing was off and it looked odd. Maven covers one two no. Cole: "Maven...with a kickout, by Chuck." Maven with a right, armbar, armbar by Chuck, Tazz has problems remembering Maven beating him, Maven with an armbar, Chuck with an eye poke. Chuck with a whip, head down too soon so it's kicked. Chuck charges, and gets the armdrag into the armbar. Tag to Al and he hits the flying axhandle and runs over with rights for Albert and Billy, but turns back around into a clothesline from Chuck. Chuck with the tag out to Albert, but sticks around just long enough to hold up Al so Albert can punch and kick. him. Corner whip is so hard Al goes down. Now Al desperately needs a tag all of a sudden. Albert with the double underhook (Tazz: "going for a big Tiger Bomb here") - double underhook hanging suplex. One two no. Tag to Billy, hold for a kick. Jab. Jab. Jab. Kick. Kick. Argue with Jimmy. Billy's favorite partner of all time is Chuck. Knee choke in the corner. Corner whip, but AL slides short, gets up and clotheslines Billy. Tag to Rikishi, who's met with punches from Billy but pushes him down anyway. Billy jab jab jab jab Rikishi with a right and down goes Billy. Whip, Rikishi gets his head down too soon, Billy tries the sunset flip but moves out of the way before he can get flattened - tag to Chuck. Chuck runs right into a powerslam - right for Billy, right for Chuck, right for Billy, thrust kick for Chuck, running clothesline turns Billy inside out! And there's a sneak punch for Albert on the apron. Now Rico's on the apron - and now he's pulled into the ring. Al's very animated on his part of the apron - he suggests to Rikishi that he might want to squash Rico in the corner, and Rikishi does so - on both of Chuck and Rico, with Rico taking most of the blow. Both slump down and Al rubs his own butt in case Rikishi needed some guidance. Rikishi raises the feet and gets in position - scissors kick from Albert. Mike kicks Albert out of the ring, then notices Chuck covering - one two NO - Al was almost in the ring but didn't need to be after all. Albert tagged in and he's punching and kicking Rikishi in the corner as we watch a replay of the scissors kick - it looks somewhat more impressive from that angle. Knee, knee, trash talk, knee, slam! Albert is rather proud of himself - right for Al, Maven gets pushed off the apron. Albert walks over to Rikishi - and right into the Samoan Drop. Now both men need a tag - Albert's not fair away so he has to hesitate to give Rikishi time - tag to Chuck, Maven tags himself in. Chuck begs off (he's scared of MAVEN?) but gets a right anyway. One for Billy, clothesline for Chuck, clothesline for Billy, Dropkick That Eliminated The Undertaker From The Royal Rumble knocks Chuck through the ropes and outside. Billy gets a whip, but reverses it right into the Fameasser! Al pulls Maven out before he can be pinned, and meanwhile Rikishi's up - and there's a thrust kick for Billy! Albert with a clothesline for Rikishi that flips him out - and then he takes Rikishi out of the ring and works him over near the ramp. Chuck and Al in the ring - whip by Chuck, reversed, Al with a spinebuster but before he can follow up, Rico's in with his spin kick to take Al out. (Jimmy's watching Albert and Rikishi here, right.) Maven up top - flying cross body for Chuck! One tow three. (6:22) They were the legal men and he just pinned one half of the tag team champions, and managed to get away before Rico could get to him. Looks like Rikishi's day didn't go as well, as we notice that he's down and Albert's looking over him - but Al and Maven are too busy celebrating to notice.
Legs - of course it's Stacy. She walks up to the door marked "Hollywood Hulk Hogan" in red and yellow and knocks, before losing the cap to the water bottle she was holding and having to bend over to pick it up. I bet you're smart enough to figure out what Hogan sees when he opens the door. "Mr. McMahon wants you in his office, right now." "Vince wants to see me in his office? Boy, this should be good. I'll follow you."
On the next Tough Enough: "I made a huge dumb mistake."
You know what, I bet it's LITA driving the car.
On The Set Of The Scorpion King - the fight seen between the Rick and Michael Clarke Duncan. It may be one of the fight scenes ever or something. (:47) In theaters.
In the locker room, Kidman watches RAW - or more specifically, Shawn Stasiak's promo from Monday. "This is the stupidest thing I've ever seen!" Wooosh. "Citizen Kidman, isn't it about high time that we- [notices promo] What in the hell is that fool doing?" "I have no idea!" "I'm glad that we're on Smackdown, and not RAW. [The interview finishes, but Kidman has a downcast face.] What's wrong, Citizen Kidman? You okay?" "I dunno man, I just feel like something's missing." "Holy Bizzaro World, Kidman, you're the WWF Cruiserweight Division and the owner of one of finest Shooting Star Presses in the entire world, and something's missing? What's up with that?" "Well, no one knows who I am! And here I am, I'm the WWF Cruiserweight Champion, I have this big match against Tajiri at Backlash, and no one even cares about it." "I see. [whispers in Kidman's ear]" "What, you think the fans are going to respond, just because I say how great it is to be here in Houston. [cheers - more whispering.] Deep in the heart of this great state of Texas. [cheers - more whispering] With my tag team partner, the Hurricane. [nothing - Hurricane gives us "aw shucks"] Look man, I appreciate what you're trying to do and everything, but I have a feeling, when I'm all done with Tajiri, I'll give the people something to talk about. [walks off]" "And I'm sure you will, Citizen Kidman, just as I'm sure that the Houston Astros will win the World Series." [cheers, thumbs up, WOOSH]
In the VIP room, Vince McMahon talks to, well, this is on a tape delay so I guess it could've been CRZ. I know I don't give him my home number so it wasn't me. Stacy and Hogan arrive and that's the end of the phone call. "Well well well, look at this, the Hulkster himself, I'll be damned. Look at your - damn, you look good. He looks good, doesn't he Stacy?" "Yea, he looks fantastic. Um, I've never really been this...close to him before. Look at the size of those arms." "Um, Stacy?" "Oh, well, your arms are almost as big as Mr. McMahon's are." "Hey, would you mind getting me a drink of water please? Thank you." Stacy leaves. "She's new." "I can tell." "You see, I've got a question for you. You believe in deja vu? See, I have this perception that I've experienced all this before, I've experienced this groundswell of support from the WWF fans for you. I've got this perception I've experienced this unbelievable roll you're on - this tidal wave of admiration for you. And as I recall, as I recall, nothing could stop that, that kind of momentum. As I recall, nothing could stand in it's way. And you know, I remember when that was. It was just before the birth of Hulkamania. It was just before you became WWF Champion for the first time. Now, I can't help but wonder, I can't handle but wonder, is all of this happening all over again. Is it in the realm of possibilities, that this Sunday in Backlash, that the Hulkamanics can, can give you the inspiration to reach out for that brass ring in the sky, yank it from the clouds and once again become World Wrestling Federation. Is it possible [Hogan chant] that this Sunday at Backlash, will be the rebirth of Hulkamania? Is it possible that you, Hulk Hogan, can do what you did what you did before, can lead the World Wrestling Federation into a new era of popularity and prosperity? This Sunday, Hogan, you come face to face with your own destiny. Is all this, some sort of perception of mine? Or is it reality? So what'cha gonna do, what'cha gonna do, Hulkster, this Sunday at Backlash? What'cha gonna down when reality comes crashing down on you?" Hogan says...nothing. Break.
Greyhound Long Pointless Segment Payoff of Last Thursday
This would be as good time as any to show Billy Gibbons of ZZ Top in the crowd - you just heard Kid Rock managing his song. Tazz: "He's a main eventer! ZZ Top rocks!"
Tajiri (w/Torrie Wilson) and Chavo Guerrero Jr. (w/Tough Enough 2 T-Shirt and preview of a look at the Scorpion King Premier) vs the Hurricane and WWF Cruiserweight Champion Billy Kidman - Tazz: "She's wearing that hot outfit again!" Tazz: "The ultimate question is how does Torrie cook sushi in that outfit?" "You don't cook sushi, it's raw." "It's raw until you cook it. Once you cook it, it ain't raw no more. Don't you know anything about cooking?" You can't pay a ring announcer to say "WWF Cruiserweight Champion", I guess. Cole says Kidman has a point - many people don't know who he is. Kidman and Chavo start - they're not gonna mention their match on Jakked, I guess. Lockup, Chavo with a hammerlock, Kidman with the snap mare out, then an armdrag. Right, right, right, corner whip, reversed, Chavo charges into an elbow. Kidman with a slingshot headscissors, followed by a dropkick. Tag to Hurricane, double whip, double hiptoss, Hurricane pose, of the ropes and hiptossed onto Chavo. Chavo crawls over to make a tag to Tajiri. Lockup, no Tajiri kick. Headlock, but Hurricane battles to turn it around. Off the ropes, shoulderblock and down goes Tajiri. Hurricane poses - and gets cracked in the head by Tajiri, from the mat! Tajiri with a chop. Chop. Chop is ducked and now Hurricane hits one. Another. Another. Whip, reversed, leapfrog, Hurricane rolls under, turns around and eats a thrust kick. Tajiri talks trash to Kidman, then picks Hurricane to run him into his corner. Tag to Chavo, European Uppercut, European Uppercut, "remember what Triple H said to JR on RAW Monday night", Off the ropes, clothesline is reversed into a backslide, then, Hurricane stops and just hits a walking slam. Tag to Kidman - slingshot legdrop. Kidman runs to give Tajiri a right, but it backfires - Tajiri is off the apron in plenty of time, and Kidman turns around to get kicked. There's the Gory Special into a drop on the ropes. Choke on the ropes - Chavo stands on his back and pushes, then is warned by referee Jimmy Korderas - allowing Tajiri to hit a snap kick from behind. Tajiri and Torrie have words, while Chavo sets up - brainbuster but Kidman falls behind, knee to the midsection, he sets up for the Blocked Hiptoss Flip Out (because this is a WWF Cruiserweight Match) but Chavo blocks it (because he saw him do this last week) so Kidman hits the enziguri. Both men need a tag. Tag to Hurricane, no tag to Tajiri. Chavo's punch gets blocked and Hurricane hits his. Whip, jumping first. Chavo runs into a back elbow. Whip, backdrop. Cole's funny when he's talking "What a great Cruiserweight Division we have!" and the whole division (so far) is in this match - but he also says "many more on the way." Right for Tajiri, but Chavo sneaks in an eye rake when he turns back. Tag to Tajiri, who charges right into a superkick. Whip, reversed, clothesline misses, Hurricane with the goozle - THE CHOKESLAM WORKS! HOLY CRAP HE FINALLY HIT THE CHOKESLAM! MAYBE oh excuse me, maybe it's because he didn't stop to Thumbs Up this time. Hurricane is amazed, then covers one two broken UP by Chavo. Chavo with a back suplex but Hurricane lands on his feet and there's the jumping neckbreaker. Back to Tajiri - Eye of the "Hurricane!" but Tajiri reverses and pushes Hurricane towards Tajiri - backdrop to the floor. Chavo going out and up, but Kidman stops him with a right and they fight on the ropes. Tajiri with a shot to Kidman from behind, and lifts Kidman from underneath - setting up for the Doomsday Device. Hurricane recovers just in time to crotch Chavo and knock him to the floor, and Kidman fights hi way down - sunset flip, Tajiri rolls through and is just about to catapult Kidman but Hurricane hits a flying cross body on him, one two NO. Double whip by Kidman and Hurricane - double clothesline is ducked, Chavo pulls Kidman out and Hurricane gets a huge snap kick by surprise. Cover one two three. (5:02) Chavo held Tajiri back at the last second - now he's raising his own head again. Kidman is into check on his teammate - and Tajiri nails him from behind with the K.O. Kick! Here's a replay of the finish and the post-finish. Tajiri to Torrie: "[Japanese]", but apparently it's telling Torrie to go to back now.
Forecable Entry: Our Lady Peace brings "Whatever" and this Chris Benoit highlight package. What the heck is Our Lady Peace doing on this CD anyway? (:21) And now I'm done!Thanks very much to The Cubs Fan. If you don't read his fine Heat, Jakked, CMLL, Tough Enough (and many reports) here at the [slash] or at thecubsfan.com, this might be a great time to start. Also, you can email TCF at email@example.com. My tape actually starts at the end of the last match so at least I got to see the Hurrichokeslam. Hey it MIGHT be time to get Tajiri some heel music, don't you think? Also, there was a Backlash ad in there (HHH vs. HHH) that didn't get mentioned so I'll go anal-retentive and stick it in here. Your hosts, as previously mentioned, are MICHAEL KING COLE & TAZZZZZZZ! Benoit will be back soon, but more importantly Let Us Take You Back To Last Week When Mark Henry Did A Thing And Test Did Some Other Thing MARC LLLOYD asks us to please welcome MIZARK HENRY - he's got some new music, so I guess "Sexual Chocloate" is dead. To paraphrase Loyd, tonight, what's he got for us tonight? "Do you see this car down here? I'm gonna walk down this ramp, and I'm gonna lift the side of that car and completely move those wheels off the ground." Loyd remarks that some of the boys in the back are making friendly wagers - some for him, some against (is that how it works?) "They can bet all they want to, that's none of my business. My job is to lift this car and prove to them, and to all the fans of the World Wrestling Federation, and SmackDown! that I AM - the Strongest Man in the World. Let's get it on!" So his job is to lift a car? Commentators tell us that this car is about 4600 pounds. Out come THE BOYS - we hear a lot of Faarooq and Test - Test wants to be sure there's an engine in there. "I bet I could lift this thing!" Test gets under the roof and completely fails to budge the car. "I worked out three times today, I'm a little drained." Test offers a hundred bucks against. Faarooq, Big Valbowski, Godfather, Christian, Funaki, Lance Storm and Hugh Morrus all line up to take a piece of the action. Faarooq helps Henry strap on the weight belt - Henry psyches up, puts a towel on his neck, settles in the passenger seat - "Henry" chant - and presses the car about four inches. Okay, that was pretty good - I don't think you could gimmick the thing when it's practically surrounded by fans. High fives all around - play his music a third time! Test forks over the cash - but when Faarooq steps back towards him to accuse him of short-changing him, Test rams the door into Faarooq - then slams him onto the hood of the Ford. Everybody holds them back...lest it devolve into a wrestling match, I guess. The thing I got out of this segment is barely ANYBODY can be conned into displaying a Backlash T-shirt. Booker T shills Hungry Man (from Swanson) Take a gander at that sparkling Compaq Center! They have to reboot that sign EVERY fifteen minutes! MOMENTS AGO! Okay, maybe it IS six inches off the ground... Commentators make a big point out of Test doing that reneging thing. Guess what, there'll be a match later in the show! The graphics don't lie: at Backlash, it'll be these two guys from RAW competing for the #1 Contender spot, and Ric Flair is the guest referee! Also, Edge takes on Kurt Angle! The intercontinental title is on the line when Rob van Dam meets Eddie Guerrero! Bradshaw goes one on one with Scott Hall! The WWF Women's Champion Jazz collides with Trish Stratus! And Jeff Hardy looks for revenge against a debuting Brock Lesnar! Hmm, I could have SWORN there was another match on this card... The scent of Voodoo Chili in the air quickly brings the memory back - YOU KNOW WHO is on his way to the ring. Bring the TV-PG-DLV ratings box - we're already working on the second hour. This entrance is giving me the seizures! If Hulkamania is running wild on Sunday, can Hulk Hogan become the six-time WWF Champion? (I'm thinking no chance in hell, but that's just me.) Hogan pauses before speaking to marvel at the warm reception he's being given. "It's still runnin' wild without a doubt! You know, I've been hearin' the word 'reality' used around here a lot lately. Well, is it reality that I'm gonna beat Triple H this Sunday? Is it reality that I'm gonna pull off what certain people think I can't do? And you know, 'maniacs, is it reality that after all these years in the business, I'm gonna reach way down deep inside, and pull off the impossible and become the WWF Champion, one more time, dammit! Well Vince, it's like you always say: perception IS reality. I never thought I would be back in the WWF, and I never thought that 67,000 screamin' Hulkamaniacs would be cheerin' for me at WrestleMania! And I never thought that Hulkamania *today* would be runnin' wilder and stronger than it's ever been. Well Vince, whether you call it reality or whether you call it perception...I'm lovin' every moment of it, and I don't want it to end, brother. So this Sunday at Backlash, I've got a shot for the WWF title. And I used to take the championship for granite (huh?), because I thought that it would stick with me as long as I'd live. But now that I've been out of the WWF for so many years, and it's been so long since I've had the championship, I realise what that championship really means. I realise how precious this championship is, and this might be my one shot to go for it, and complete the journey that brought me back to the WWF. Well with all that being said, you can call it corny if you want - you can call it a bunch of sentimental crap if you want - but to tell you the truth, I don't care, because dammit, this IS reality!" What a corny bunch of sentimental crap - oh. "And I believe in my heart that I can do this, and each and every one o' those Hulkamaniacs out there - THEY believe I can do this...and Triple H, you better believe I can do this, because at Backlash this Sunday, in Kansas City, when the twenty-four inch pythons, the largest arms in the world are runnin' wild, what are YOU gonna do, Triple H, what are you gonna do, brother, when Hulkamania runs wild - on - " There's the Y2J countdown and there *also* is CHRIS THURSDAY JERICHO. This night he opts for the Playboy bunny shirt and the checkerboard pants - ah, and his red tips are in a bun! "You suck" chant for Jericho. "You wanna talk about 'reality?' The reality is this, Hogan - YOU are a FARCE! The reality is, YOU are a JOKE! And the reality is, no matter what all these people think, and no matter what they say, *I* am not the has-been around here..." pause for "asshole" chant. "No, I'm not the has-been, Hogan, YOU are the has-been. You don't want Hulkamania to end? Ha ha. I got news for you, GRANDPA. Hulkamania ended around the same time that the Rubik's Cube and 'Where's the Beef?' ended. And the fact that a has-been like you has a title shot at Backlash, and a TRUE living legend like Chris Jericho doesn't even have a match on the pay-per-view is a travesty! It's not fair! Sure, Hogan, Hogan - who the hell do you think you are, Hogan? What have you ever accomplished in the World Wrestling Federation, huh? What have you ever done? Yeah, so ya sold a coupla T-shirts. Yeah, so you had your own Saturday morning cartoon - BIG DEAL! Big freakin' deal - *I* was the very first Undisputed Champion in history! *I* was the Undisputed Champion until Triple H STOLE that from me at WrestleMania! He ROBBED me of the championship, and for that I despise him - but I'll tell ya what, Hogan - I'm gonna enjoy it when he tears you apart at Backlash. Because at least Triple H won the championship by beating the very best in the business - he beat Chris Jericho. What about you, Hogan? Since you've been back in the World Wrestling Federation, you've had one single one-on-one match and you BLEW it. YOU LOST at WrestleMania, but yet you still get a title shot?! You still have all these mealy-mouthed morons following your every move? You still have them chanting your name, over and over again? And what I think--" "You know something, why don't you shut up, Jericho, I'm tired of listenin' to your crap! If you've got something to say to me, or you've got a problem with me, brother, why don't you come down here and say it to my face, dude." Jericho removes his shirt and heads down the aisle. Hogan tosses down his mic and stands ready. This'd be where Angle punks him out from behind, right? Well, not yet - Jericho's in the ring. "Kick his ass" chant is...shall we say "post-production subdued." "Hogan, I've been waitin' to do this for--" Hogan smacks him - right, right, right, right, right, NOW KURT ANGLE is out and the doubleteam is on. Here comes...KING EDGE? He trades blows with Angle while Hogan turns it around against Jericho. Hogan tosses Jericho over the top and Edge immediately, follows tossing Edge. Play "Voodoo Chile!" Hogan and Edge stand side-by-side as we head to the break Yikes the Great Big Fat Guy and Fake Britney Spears Stacker 2 ad is back Rob van Dam shills Slurpee - and steals a girl When we come back, Vince is giving Edge dirty looks backstage. "Who the hell do you think you are?! You're not even supposed to be here tonight - I heard you had a back injury from being Olympic Slammed on the concrete last week. Who the hell do you think you are - and what do you think you're doing interfering in that, huh? I want an explanation from you, Edge. You know what? Don't give me an explanation; just get the hell out. Get out." "You want me to get out, Vince? Well you know what, I'm gettin' real close to you right now, and I see fear in your eyes, Vince. I see fear in the billion dollar bad boy's eyes. Why is that? Is it fear because of what I'm gonna do to Angle, your little lap dog, at Backlash on Sunday? Or maybe, Vince - maybe *I* scare you. And Vince...I should scare you. But I'll leave...for now." Edge backs off with a creepy grin on his face. Vince gulps. Gee, and I thought Edge was a sarcastic lover of fun or whatever - actually, I should be giving out kudos to whoever realised that shtick didn't work last week and changed it up for THIS week. Ah well - here's Stacy. "Vince, I can see you're upset - is there anything that uh, I can do for you?" "Yeah there is - I feel damn aggressive....bring Triple H to my office!" Hey, VINCE doesn't call it the "Angle Slam" either - I knew we had SOMETHING in common. TEST (already in the ring - Toronto, Ontario - 282 pounds) v. FAAROOQ (Warner Robins, Georgia - 278 pounds)