I GET LETTERS: Let's handle the old business first. Cameron Brock writes: Not to brag, but I'm a low-brow convention videographer, and while that DOES suck quite a bit, the equipment doesn't vary (much). Here's my estimate on HHH's damage... 2 - 9" broadcast monitors (presumably Sony) - 3800 a piece, list price
1 - 2 chip mini-cam implanted in the shell of a ENG body studio camera - 12,000, presuming the lens housing wasn't as fake as the ENG back was given that god-awful feed it was giving. Either way, you'd be hard pressed to put together a 50,000 camera without it having a tape-deck built in, which is typically not the case for live multi-camera events.
Miscellaneous cables and connectors - 1000
1 - Sledgehammer - 30 bucks Wasting a half hour of my time... Priceless. Sorry, had to do it. A second opinion from ConcreteTG: I can't quote you exact figures, but I know that the monitor he smashed wasn't cheap - $5K is reaching, though..... I couldn't tell what type of camera he smashed, but it looked a little different from the others - and the picture we see in the "death POV" is horrible, but that could be because HHH is NOT a cameraman and has it pointing at the lights - the camera COULD have cost $50K, but hey, HHH sells that in T-shirts in one night nowadays FORESHADOWING: All the signs were there. All those WWF hits on old Nitro reports, all those WWF visits to the message board, all those WWF hits showing evidence that they were reading any thread with "Russo" name in the title - but I didn't want to believe. Vince Russo is back - and back to being an Idiot In the Back Who Writes This Crap. This show - tonight's - is a lame duck. It'll all change starting Sunday...and you can BET I'll have more to say about this starting Monday. ...as if we didn't already live in interesting enough times... Say, did Austin leave because he knew Russo was on the way? HMMMMMMM HEY! AT&T Broadband decided I didn't NEED cable and shut down the ENTIRE city of Sunnyvale (and most of San Jose) for like TWELVE HOURS! I actually dug the UHF antenna out of the closet just so I could get a super grainy picture and have something to write about - for YOU! I did it all for YOU! (andmybigfatego) Anyway, the cable finally DID come back on (and in their defense, it hasn't come in this clear for MONTHS, so some good came out of all the work), but if there's a few spots in the first half hour of this report, that's why. Channel 44 is a long, long way from here! UPN HYPE OF THE WEEK: The Return of the Movie of the Week hype - "Death By Magic!" Tomorrow! TV-PG-DLV - Attitude - Entertainment - WW! LAST MONDAY: The Rock Says I've Got WWE In My Blood, But Only Between Movies - go read the RAW report Closed Captioned logo - Opening Credits are Beautiful, People! ENTROPYRO! Coming to you from the Arco Arena in The River City, CA 20.6.2 (taped 18.6) and SAP transmitido en espanol on the United Paramount Network, Rock will be at King of the Ring, two King of the Ring Quarterfinals and HHH in action - all this and more, tonight...on SMACKDOWN! But first, KURT ANGLE hits the ring for a confab. The wig and headgear are back on, but Kurt sure has a long face. Remember, every time this crowd says "What?" ... oh, I'm too depressed. "I KNOW that you people have been laughing at me. I know that the boys in the back have been laughing at me. Oh yeah - I hear you snickering and pointing every time I walk by. But this is no laughing matter! This is SERIOUS! What I'm about to tell you...is extremely difficult. ...I'm bald. I'm bald and I've been wearing a wig! Oh, it's true. Ever since Edge shaved my hair off...at Judgment Day, it hasn't grown back since. I mean, I've tried EVERYTHING, from Rogaine, to hair tonic, heck I've even tried fertilizer! But nothing seems to work. And Triple H and Hulk Hogan...tried to make a joke out of me, by exposing my naked head last week on SmackDown!" Let Us Take You Back to Last Week - while we get to see Kurt Angle's (nice) ass...there's a big black box over his bald head. HA! "Well I AM NOT A JOKE! I'm an Olympic Champion! I'm a gold medalist! The real joke around here is YOU, Hogan! I mean, you look like you're a hundred years old...and you can't wrestle! Heck, you can barely move! And you wear red and yellow feathered boas, for Pete's sake!" Pause for "Hogan" chant. "And what the heck is THIS, anyway?" Angle cups his ear. "I mean, give me a break! Not only are you a joke, Hogan, but this Sunday I'm gonna prove it! I am gonna embarrass you far worse than you did me. I'm gonna slap my anklelock on you, Hogan, and I'm gonna make you cry - right in front of millions of your fans, Hogan, I'm gonna make you cry! And not only that...I'm gonna make you tap, Hogan - you're gonna tap - you're gonna be tappin' right in the middle of this ring - you're gonna be tap - tap - tap - tap - tappin'! But I'm not gonna stop there, oh no, I'm not gonna stop because, Hogan, I'm gonna keep goin' until I BREAK your freakin' ankle! I am going to break your ankle, Hogan. But most of all - I'm gonna break your spirit." "Angle sux!" chant. "And Hogan...in front of all these fans...we're gonna SEE who gets the last laugh. Oh, it's true - it's DAMN true!" The smell of voodoo chili wafts through the arena - and that's not easy with all the Gordon Biersch garlic fries and Arco nachos they sell there! - and out comes YOU KNOW WHO. Well he's standing next to a mountain / he chop it down with the edge of his hand. Hogan takes a l-o-o-o-o-n-g time to get to the ring, stopping to salaam his fans and pose away. Lord knows, he's a voodoo child, yeah. Hogan displays his ear cupping ability especially for Angle. Well FINALLY he has THE STICK. But first...Hogan looks to and fro. "You know, Kurt Angle - I think the biggest joke is gonna be this Sunday at King of the Ring when this hundred year old man punks you out and kicks your Olympic (ass)! And as far as who gets the last laugh, I'd like to be me, brother - right now, when I take that ugly wig off your ugly-(ass) head...again!" Pause as Angle and Hogan look to and fro. Man I NEVER get tired of that. "You wanna take my wig off my head? Let me see you try it, old man." OOH! Angle tries to punch, but it's blocked - right by Hogan, right, right, into the ropes, big boot! Hogan removes his bandana and shows off his own dome, then calls to all four sides - got the headgear, but Angle's trick knee acts up JUST in the nick of time. Play his music, 'cause he escaped! TONIGHT: We'll see a replay of the Rock's return! OH BOY LESS WORK FOR ME!! Enter the Xbox Ultimate Experience and win a chance to play videogames! Sure is a lot of WWE folk in this UPN promo. Oh boy, they have a new slogan! "Turn it up y'all" - MY GOD! That's BRILLIANT! I DO hope that's a new logo, though - I kinda like it more than the old one... WWE live happens Saturday in Cincinnati, Sunday for King of the Ring in Columbus, Cleveland hosts RAW, and a week from Friday is DC, followed by MSG Saturday, and Uncasville Sunday! Dawn Marie finds Stacy backstage and tells her that Mr. McMahon entered her in Tuesday's "bra and panties" contest. Then Torrie takes off her robe to reveal a porno starlet chain around her waist. "Doesn't it go great with my outfit?" Boy oh boy I can't wait for Tuesday night's thong-a-thon!! RIKISHI (Isle of Samoa, 350 pounds) v. CHRISTIAN (Toronto, Ontario - 225 pounds)
referee: MIKE CHIODA
Speaking of thongs... For the first time in a long while, Christian's "hailing from" is actually announced - and it isn't Tampa. I don't know if that's a storyline thing, or a "hey look, HOWARD FINKEL is doing the ring announcing" thing. Christian tries to strike first but it's Rikishi with "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," right (or headbutt - I can't see it), into the ropes, Christian hooks the ropes to evade the thrust kick but runs into a back body drop. BELLY-to-belly suplex. 'kishi pats his rump - fat ass splash MISSES when Christian moves out of the way - Slop Drop gets Christian 2. Stomp, stomp, stomp - right, right, right, blatant choke, kick, kick, kick, right, forearm in the back, choke in the corner. Christian still in control - shoulder in the gut, shoulder. Right is blocked, 'kishi right, right, Christian to the eyes - off the ropes but into the RIKISHIKICK! Into the ropes, sunset flip attempt by Christian - no - Christian avoids the ass. Christian wants the Unprettier, no, 'kishi shoves him into the ropes, presses him up, Cutter on the way down. 1, 2, 3 - oops, Christian's foot was on the bottom rope but Chioda is doing his damnedest to NEVER look in that direction. Quick win for the big man. (1:43) LANCE STORM walks out to the ring to plead Christian's case, but Chioda didn't see it. Rikishi has a HAT - ho ho - FAT MAN DANCING - Storm says "incompetent" a lot but this won't be resolved before we go to the ad break... ...but when we come back, Storm and Christian are still out there - now in the ring! Storm in mid-sentence: "...officiating that we just witnessed in here is NOT an innocent act of incompetence!" "USA" chant - oh boy. "The same thing happened to me LAST week, and now it happens again to my good friend Christian. There's a pattern developing here - and that pattern is one of inherent prejudice towards Canadian athletes. And it's not just the officials of WWE that are prejudiced - all the American wrestlers in the back, they're prejudiced, too. This whole damn company has a history of prejudice towards Canadians! They've been holding us back for YEARS. They've been screwing us every chance they GET. And it's not just this company and everybody in it that's prejudiced...all of you. Each and every one o' you is prejudiced, too. America *itself* is prejudiced towards Canada and every other country in this world! (Here's where my cable came back, so I change VCRs while the "USA" chant goes on) You Americans think that you're better than us. You Americans look down your nose at us. You Americans think that because you're the most powerful nation in this world...that that somehow gives you the right to throw your weight around any way you see fit. You never *once* think of the consequences and repercussions to the rest of us. Who in the hell do you Americans think you are!? There's a reason the rest of the world HATES you! You people DESERVE to be hated! And I know that I speak for millions of people all over this world when I say AMERICA... SUCKS!" Ah, well - you always go back to the classics. Backstage, MARC LLLLLLLLLLOYD stands backstage with Triple H - no doubt intimiated by the might presence of The Game, he flubs his question, so H takes over. "Whoa, whoa - what's the matter with you? Are you scared, you nervous, what's the matter with you?" Loyd says in so many words he fears the sledgehammer. "All right, fair enough, fair enough - let me try to help you out. Is this what you're trying to get to: 'Triple H, in just three days, you are going to King of the Ring, where you're gonna face The Undertaker for the Undisputed WWE Championship. What are your thoughts?' Is that about what you were gonna say? Well let me tell you this: I AM going to get my shot. I AM going to get my chance. In three days, I AM going to get back what is mine. What I sweat for, what I bled for, what I live for. MY religion, MY law - in just three days, I get my chance at redemption...when I become the Undisputed Champion at King of the Ring. ... Now, I can see your little journalistic wheels spinning in your head - you've got another question, don't ya? You were gonna ask, lemme see... 'well that's all well and good, Triple H, but what about your match tonight with Billy?' See, this is why you are so good. This is why, when people talk about the future of SmackDown!, I think of you and I think 'we're in good hands.'" OH MAN TRIPLE H LOOKED AT US AND MADE A FACE AWESOME "Billy Gunn. Billy and I go a long way back to a time, an era called DX. To a time when Billy was known as Badd Ass Billy Gunn. Mr. Ass. Well you know, now that I think about it - with his relationship with Chuck rightn ow and that partnership, maybe they *still* call him Mr. Ass, I don't know. But, you see, last week I told Billy 'don't come to the ring - if you do, I'm gonna smash ya in the face with a sledgehammer.' And I did. This week I'm telling Billy: don't come to the ring, because if you do, I'm gonna kick your (ass) - and I will. And I AM ready for Billy's 'partner' Chuck, should he decide to get involved, and I am ready for his little mutton-chop wearing cabana boy Rico if he gets involved too. Because I AM going to King of the Ring - and I AM going to become the Undisputed Champion. Because I AM The Game. And I AM That Damn Good. Any other questions? You did a great job, kid." I AM wondering why they'd bother to bleep "ass" THERE but not THERE. Also, I AM wondering if this sudden desire to bust out "intense" interviews is somehow related to the reappearance of Shawn Michaels on television...hmmm. Meanwhile, Nidia is...smelling...Jamie Noble. "I love the scent of a man about to go into battle. Oh baby, I can't wait. Just a few minutes, you and Billy Kidman are gonna fight it out - I just love it when you fight it out - you guys are gonna fight it out to see who faces the Hurricane Sunday at King of the Ring. And I just know you're gonna win. You're gonna win tonight, you're gonna win at King of the Ring - and that makes me SO happy - and when I'm happy, (twists gum) I'll make sure you're happy, too." "Baby, don't you worry 'bout that Billy Kidman, 'cause I'm gon' laht him up lahk a faarcracker on the fourth of July! I'm gon' chew him up, then I'm goin' to King of the Ring this Sunday, and I'm gon' be the new Cruiserweight champion!" "Yes!" "Nidia, let doggone losers back at the trailer park see us now." "Oh Daddy, I can't wait." "Heck, you think that Hurricane'll even show up? After all, he is missin' his mask." "Sho' is...but he'll show up! I just know he will. And when he does, I'll have this mask waiting for him, 'cause I've been keepin' it in a nice, warm place." She pulls up her skirt to revealthe mask covering her area. Wheeeeeeeeee Saturday on "Confidential," the Diamond Dallas Page story! I can tell you from my logs that they've been looking for some Power Plant footage in the tape library - good luck with that. "WrestleMania X8" for the Nintendo GameCube ad Hey hey it's the WWE Slam of the Week brought to you by "Eight Legged Freaks!" From last week, Hurricane is unmasked in an orgy of Jerry Springer - wait, I don't like that choice of words at all - let's move on JAMIE NOBLE (Hanover, West Virginia - 200 pounds - with Nidia) v. BILLY KIDMAN (Allentown, Pennsylvania - 215 pounds - with SmackDown! in Chicago hype) to determine the #1 Contender to the Cruiserweight Championship
referee: MIKE SPARKS
Tazz proclaims Hurricane's mask in "Parts Unknown." Huh. Also, Nidia wears the cape. Here we go! Lockup, waistlock by Kidman, standing switch, forearms in the back by Noble, into the ropes, Kidman ducks the clothesline, dueling hiptosses and finally Noble's hits - Kidman goes outside. Noble follows - stomp - and back in. Armbar takedown. Noble keys the lock. Kidman back to his feet...right, right, right, into a flapjack to break the hold. Arm wringer, right, right, right, into the corner sternum first, off the ropes but Noble ducks - kick caught, Kidman with an enzuigiri - 1, 2, no. Into the corner is reversed, elbow up by Kidman - Kidman wants a head scissors, but Noble counters and MY GOD HE POWERBOMBED KIDMAN!!!!!! and rolls over with a nice bridge - 1, 2, no. Replay of the enzuigiri. Headlock, no, clothesline by Noble ducked, Kidman with an...inverted rydeenbomb (rydeenfaceplant?) - Kidman hooks the leg - 1, 2, no. Noble shoves Kidman into the ropes, German suplex with a bridge - 1, 2, no! Noble going out and up - top rope - plancha coming up but Kidman meets it with a dropkick! Kidman positions Noble and HE'S going up - whoops, picked the corner too close to Nidia, so she crotches him (Sparks, of course, looking only at Noble this whole time). Noble pulls Kidman off the top with a spike DDT and Kidman does a headplant. YOW. 1, 2, 3. (2:45) Nidia is happy. She removes Hurricane's mask (ee) and puts it on Noble. Tazz: "Some guys like that, it's obvious Noble is tougher than I am." Smoochin' in the ring. Cole suggests they head to the trailer park and get a room. As they leave the ring, the lights go out and Hurricane's music hits - when it's back up, EL HURACAN has appeared from behind - Noble turns round and gets the Hurrichokeslam! Hurricane liberates his mask from Noble's face and walks off. I guess that was the only mask he had, so it's good he got it back! Billy is WALKING! He holds back Chuck and Rico - but they follow behind anyway... King of the Ring ad - Hogan/Angle hyped The WWE Burn of the Night is brought to you by Stacker 2! From last week, Billy sucks on the sledgehammer BILLY (tag team champion - Austin, Texas - 269 pounds - with Chuck and Rico) v. TRIPLE H (Greenwich, Connecticut - 272 pounds)
referee: BRIAN HEBNER
Wow, watch H bob his head from side to side in time with the music just before hitting the whale's blowhole spot. Qwak qwak qwak qwak. Shit, let's go already. I got a World Cup Quarterfinal to watch! Billy surprises H with a clothesline and we're underway. Stomp. Head to the buckle. Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp. Whip is reversed, back elbow by H, clothesline, clothesline, clothesline out of the ring. Hebner won't let him out...so he goes through a different set of ropes. Billy ready with a right - into the steps is reversed and Billy crashes into the STEEL. Billy back in the ring - Rico from behind with a shot that has absolutely no effect - the chase is on, but it was all a trap - Chuck barrels him over from the blindside. Right, right, Chuck puts him back in and Billy gets 2. Mount, right, right, right, right - into the ropes, head down, kick by H - off the ropes...into a powerslam by Billy. Leg is hooked, and that's another 2. Billy with a choke in the corner. "Triple H" chant. "Shut up!" Right, right, right, right, right. Billy has a few words with Hebner about his rulebreaking. Kick to the head. Right. Choke for 4. Kick, kick, into the opposite corner...and H walks into a right jab - right, right, CROTCH CHOP (!) - but H blocks the KO punch - H with a right, right, right, but Billy stops it with a knee - into the ropes, tilt-a-whirl slam! Hooks the leg - 2. In the corner - kick, kick, kick. Why can they mention the New Age Outlaws, but not the Smoking Gunns, HUH? Billy with a thumbs up to his mates - he thinks it's done - running...into a high knee by Triple H! H starts his comeback - ducks the swing and hits the neckbreaker. Right hand, into the corner is reversed, but H pops out with a clothesline. Clothesline. Into the ropes, Andersonbuster - 1, 2, Billy JUST kicks out. Chuck's up on the apron - he gets a right hand. H turns back to eat a spinning roundhouse kick from Rico - Hebner turns to see Rico on the apron and turns his attention to HIM - Chuck comes in with the gold in hand, but H ducks it, gutshot and Chuck drops the belt - H grabs it and clocks him. But turns back to take a gutshot from Billy - Billy off the ropes and wanting the Fame-Ass'er, but H pops up and meets him with a gutshot - Pedigree - and 1, 2, 3. (4:34) Rico can't believe what just happened and hits the ring to register his dismay. Swing and a miss - gutshot by H - HE gets a Pedigree-- NO he does not, as KURT ANGLE is out and breaks it up with a forearm. Right, right, right, right is blocked, H right, right, right, right knocks him down. Clothesline and Angle hits the floor. But H's back is turned and THE AWESOME UNDERTAKER takes him down from behind with a big clothesline in the back. Soupbone, soupbone left soupbone, soupbone, soupbone, chases off Hebner, into the ropes, head down, facebuster by H. H with a gutshot, wants the Pedigree on HIM, but lets go as Angle comes in with a chair - and Angle WHACKS Taker in the back! H slips out of the ring and flashes a big grin as his music plays - Angle turns back to see an angry, angry man. Angle throws down the chair and hotfoots it. And we go to break. MOMENTS AGO! See previous paragraph - but now with a TV-PG-DLV ratings box! DURING THE BREAK! Stacy said "Vince" and Vince said "That's Mr. McMahon" and Stacy's excited because The Rock's gonna be there and Vince failed to punish him for showing up on RAW despite being a SmackDown! superstar. Then they were interrupted by Taker making a beeline to Vince, and looking mighty entertaining in the process. "Did you see that?" "Did I see what?" "That idiot, Kurt Angle! I had Triple H right where I wanted him, he CLOCKS me with a chair!" "Calm down, I didn't see that, no!" "Well you shoulda been WATCHING! 'cause he just hit me with a chair. Let me tell you what, Vince--" "Calm down, all right?" "I AM CALM! Let me tell you what's gonna happen tonight. I want Kurt Angle, one on one, tonight!" "...no. I can't do that! You've got a match with Triple H for the WWE Championship this Sunday, you've gotta be concentrating on that, okay?" "I seem to think there's a little bit of confusion. I wasn't asking - I'm telling. Kurt Angle / Undertaker, TONIGHT." "Look...nobody tells me what to do - not even you." "Is that right." "But you want your match with Kurt Angle tonight, it means that much to you." "Damn right it does." "You've got it. Okay? You've got your match!" "Your boy is goin' down." "He ain't my boy." "He won't be after tonight." Your hosts are MICHAEL KING COLE & TAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. Check the brackets - hmm, they haven't changed since RAW ended...yet. Let's work on that! KING OF THE RING QUARTERFINAL: CHRIS JERICHO (Winnipeg, Manitoba - 227 pounds - with Let Us Take You Back 2 Weeks) v. THE BIG VALBOWSKI (Las Vegas, Nevada - 242 pounds)
referee: Chioda
Jericho from behind to start. Head to the buckle, chop, chop, choke. Into the ropes, reversed, Jericho ducks, Valbowski ducks, Valbowski with a back elbow. Hiptoss. Drops the knee for 2. Jericho tries to cower under Chioda but he won't let him, but it does give him the chance to pull Valbowski into the turnbuckle. Jericho with a stomp - off the ropes with the elbowdrop. Another elbowdrop, make it three, hooks the leg, 1, 2, no. Death suplex. "C'mon Baby" gets 2. Right hand. Chop. Chop. Valbowski switches positions in the corner - chop, chop, chop, into the opposite corner is reversed but Valbowski gets the boot up - Jericho ducks the clothesline and hits a sleeper takedown - 1, 2, no. Choke on the second rope - Jericho tries a Boss Man straddle but nobody's home. Valbowski's fired up - right, right, right, into the corner is reversed, bulldog off the ropes by Jericho. Lionsault...misses! Both men take a while to get back to their feet. Jericho runs into a chop - Valbowski with another chop - into the ropes is reversed, but Valbowski hits a shoulder tackle. WOW Catapult! Valbowski with a spinebuster - 1, 2, NO! He stays on him - chop - whip is reversed, sunset flip attempt, Jericho rolls through, tries to turn into the Walls of Jericho, Valbowski kicks him off, Jericho off the ropes and falls into a small package - 1, 2, no! Jericho ducks a swing, right hand, chop, into the ropes, reversed, Jericho tries the flying jalapeno but Valbowski ducks - unfortunately Chioda does not and down he goes. Valbowski with a gutshot - fishermanplex - nice bridge - and no ref. Valbowski lets go and starts poking him with his foot - meanwhile, Jericho is out getting a chair. Valbowski with a gutshot before he can swing - there's the Blue Thunder powerbomb - Chioda back up - 1... 2.... NO!! Valbowski is unhappy. Jericho with an uppernut where the still recovering Chioda can't see it. Walls of Jericho makes it academic - Valbowski doesn't take too long to tap out. (4:31) Jericho will face Rob van Dam in the first King of the Ring semifinal this Sunday. Here, look at the bracket - see? "I'm the King of the World!" UP NEXT: The emotional, the startling surprise from The Rock! I guess the BIG surprise is that he isn't in Sacramento... Tuesday, tune in to the New TNN to catch "WWE Divas Undressed!" Hey, you know what was a little annoying was when they included Tough Enough Jackie in the ad that aired before Vince had actually put her in the competition on RAW oh well if it was REALLY a big deal I'd have remembered to say this Monday instead of now so let's move on "WrestleMania X8" ad #2 "Get the F out" spot Hey! It's the Arco Arena! They SAY it's the home of the Sacramento Kings but you can bet they couldn't find any to sit in the front row! (The last one who was into that was Corliss Williamson, FYI) Check out WWE.com - buy King of the Ring online for $24.95! Commentators set up the big big rerun of Let Us Take You Back to RAW where Rock talked loud and said the party line - wow, this is four minutes that beg for FUHFUHWID As Test tapes up, Hardcore Holly pays him a visit. "Tape 'em up real good, 'cause you're in for a fight tonight." "Is that right." "Yer damn right. You know, Test, you and I both know what's on the line in this King of the Ring tournament - a chance to fight for the Undisputed WWE title at SummerSlam. And I'm not takin' this too lightly." "Oh, belive me, Bob...when we're out there, you're gonna know just how serious I really am...when I'm kickin' yer teeth down your throat." "Do what you have to do and I'm gonna do what I have to do. See ya out there." Test GLOWERS Tough Enough trainers shill Stacker 2 Moooooore live events listed here! Saturday, Huntington! Sunday is King of the Ring in Columbus! Monday, Moline! Tuesday, Chicago! Back to the Room of Fun, where Angle is pacing. "Kurt...just calm down." "Why do I have to face the Undertaker tonight? Come on! I mean, I have Hulk Hogan in just three days! What in THE HECK were you thinking?" "Look at it this way, okay? I mean, Undertaker came barging in here. All right? He said that - I didn't even see it out there, he said you - you hit him in the back with a chair, all right? "I meant to hit Triple H!" "I don't care what you meant to hit, you hit Undertaker in the back, and as a result of that, Undertaker's real upset, so he barges in here, demands a match with you, and I'm thinking, well I want to try to talk him out of it, but he's adamant. And then I think, well wait a minute, Undertaker's talking about facing the ONLY gold medalist in World Wrestling Entertainment history - he's talkin' about Kurt Angle, he's talkin' about a certifiable Olympian in there - and then I thought, you know what? In terms of competition, this may be the best thing for both of you." "Kurt...you're not afraid of The Undertaker, are you?" "Afraid of The Undertaker? Heck no, I'm not afraid of The Undertaker! As a matter of fact...when I look across that ring at The Undertaker, all I'm gonna see is red and yellow - yeah. As a matter of fact...when I look at The Undertaker, all I'm gonna see is this hundred year old man, with long, stringy bleach blonde hair - and ugly, too! You know what, as a matter of fact, I'm gonna do the same thing to The Undertaker that I'm gonna do this Sunday to Hulk Hogan at King of the Ring - I'm gonna break his freakin' ankle, that's right!" "N-- Kurt, that's - Kurt - Kurt - Dammit, come back here!" KING OF THE RING QUARTERFINAL: HARDCORE HOLLY (Mobile, Alabama - 234 pounds - with RAW in Cleveland hype) v. TEST (Toronto, Ontario - 282 pounds)
referee: Sparks
Lockup, Test shoves him away. Holly ducks, right, right, right, right, kick, kick, whip into the opposite corner is ducked, but Holly pops out with a clothesline. Right hand. Into the ropes, reversed, Holly ducks, powerslam, 1, 2, no. Head to the buckle, kick, into the opposite corner, reversed by Test, followup clothesline and Holly goes down hard. Into the corner, another followup clothesline. Holly goes down again. Test is all power tonight, or so Holly would have us believe. Holly tries a flurry - gutshot, right, right, Test right back with a knee. Meltdown coming up - no, Holly down the back - forearm in the back - off the ropes with a bulldog, clothesline, clothesline, into the opposite corner but Test gets the elbow up - gets the elbow up again - climbs up top...but Holly lands a dropkick on his way down! 1, 2, NO! Holly climbs the corner - Ten Punch Count Along is shoved away after four. Wotsitolla Boot is DUCKED, Test catches the swing and applies the full nelson, but Holly manages a body scissors rollup to counter the slam - 1, 2, no! Holly with a right - whip is reversed into a knee by Test - wants the Meltdown and gets it. That'll do ya - 1, 2, NO!!! Holly with "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine." Test answer back with a right. Holly right, Test right, off the ropes but Holly hits a gutshot - Holly off the ropes but Test lands the Wotsitolla Boot!! 1, 2, 3! (Los Angeles 3:10) The graphics are set and here they be! MARC LOYD stands a ringside for instant reaction - what's he think of Brock Lesnar? "You mean, The Next Big Thing? Well, the Next Big Thing is gonna get the next big boot. And Sunday at King of the Ring, when I beat Brock Lesnar, Test - TEST is gonna be the new Big Thing." Replay of the final moments of this match. King of the Ring spot - Taker/HHH hyped "WrestleMania X8" ad #3 Commentators shill "Death by Magic" There's The World, another fine place to enjoy King of the Ring! Stacy brings Fit Finlay and John Lar - Laur - Lua - Johnny Ace to Vince. He says he's concerned about the volatile situation he may have created by booking this main event and would like to try to diffuse things. He sends John after Undertaker, and asks Fit to bring him Angle. Then he tells Stacy this might be a good time for her to take off - he'll see her at the hotel...but first, a reminder of what's to come. There's a kiss. "Yeah." Marc Loyd stands backstage with Chris Jericho. "This Sunday at King of the Ring, four men have the opportunity to be crowned King of--" "No no, you're wrong - three men and the King of the World! And this Sunday it's gonna be Chris Jericho against WAB VAN DAM - and the winner of that match, who most certainly is gonna be me, moi, Yours Truly goes on to face the winner of Test and Brock Lesnar. But talk about dangling the proverbial carrot in front of the Y2Thoroughbred - because this year, the winner of the King of the Ring gets a chance at SummerSlam to become...the Undisputed Champion. I could regain my Undisputed Championship, and that's why the King of the Ring this Sunday means *everything* to me. So after I beat R-V-D - how cheesy is that? - I'm gonna go on to face Test, 'cause we know he's gonna beat Brock Lesnar and make it an all SmackDown! final, as a matter of fact even better, an all-Canadian final - and I am going to win the King of the Ring, and I am going to regain what is mine - the WWE Un - Disputed - Championship...junior." Then he blows on him. Commentators break it down - but first, examine the CD cover: Neurotica's "Ride of Your Life" is the King of the Ring theme! In the main event, the WWE Undisputed title is on the line when The Undertaker meets Triple H! Kurt Angle takes on Hulk Hogan! The King of the Ring semifinals see Chris Jericho hook up with Rob van Dam, while Test collides with Brock Lesnar! And of course, the winners advance to a final to decide the King of the Ring 2002! And there are other matches are on the card - Ric Flair, one on one with Eddie Guerrero! Trish Stratus puts the Women's title on the line against Molly Holly! The Cruiserweight championship will be decided when Jamie Noble meets The Hurricane! And finally, The Rock will....do... something! Back to the Room of Fun, where Taker - and then Angle - appear. Neither is willing to calm down despite Vince's arguments. "You're writin' checks that you can't cash, boy." "I got cash stuff!" Vince says the fans want good, clean competition, dammit! And that's what he wants to see. This match isn't about "busting people up," it's about good, clean competition! And in that spirit, he wants them to shake hands. "Oh, I'm gonna shake his hand. He's threatened to break my ankle, and you want me to shake his hand!" "Yeah, you want me to shake HIS hand - he left me high and dry last week, let alone he has a bad attitude!" "Well you got a bad wig, and let me tell you what - you wear it out there, I'm gonna take it off and shove it down your throat!" "You take that back! You take it back!" "What you gonna do, cueball?" Angle snaps and takes down Taker - unfortunately, Vince is between them and all three men fall back on the couch. Finlay and Laurinitis pull Angle away, while Taker shoves Vince off him. Taker beats up the decorative furniture while Vince says "That son of a (bitch)! That SON of a (bitch)!" What, did Angle loosen Vince's toupee? He sure won't move his hand from the back of his head until we hit the final ad break! The WWE Rewind is brought to you by "WrestleMania X8" for the GameCube. From Earlier Tonight, Angle chairs Undertaker KURT ANGLE (Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania - 237 pounds - with SmackDown! is brought to you by "WrestleMania X8," Stacker 2, and Blockbuster!) v. THE AWESOME UNDERTAKER (Undisputed Champion - Houston, Texas - 305 pounds - On His Beautiful Bourget Python Bike) in a nontitle match
referee: Hebner
Hmm, there isn't all that much time left in the show...Angle immediately grabs a chair from ringside and chases Hebner out. Swing and a miss. Swing and miss. Taker wants in but Angle won't let him in - Hebner manages to remove the chair on the next backswing as Taker comes in - Angle goes to the punches instead. Right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, into the opposite corner is reversed, Taker with an avalanche splash. Into the opposite corner, scooped up on the shoudler but Angle goes down, grabs the ankle and puts on the Anglelock! Taker makes it to the rope and Angle breaks at 4. Taker goes outside...Angle follows and kicks away at the back of the leg. Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp - Taker with a soupbone. Taker rams Angle into the STEEL steps standing at the barricade. Soupbone! Back in the ring we all go - off the ropes, Angle ducks, but Taker scoops him up on the rebound and gives him Snake Eyes. Angle ducks the next charge and hits a German suplex. 1, 2, no. Stomp by Angle, stomp, stomp. Angle does a little surgery on the turnbuckle - both pads removed. Right hand - head to the eyebolt is blocked - Taker with a back elbow. Soupbone. Back elbow to the side of the head. Whip into the opposite corner is reversed, but Taker gets the boot up. Taker runs into a belly-to-belly suplex! DOWN COME THE STRAPS - Angle is hopping mad and frothing at the mouth - Olympic Slam NO, Taker with a clothesline. Off the ropes - the elbowdrop MISSES! Angle right, right, right, right, right, into the opposite corner - that's the eyebolt in Angle's back!! Taker clotheslines Angle down - he ain't getting up. Taker is out to the apron - running - and SQUASHING him with a legdrop on his way to the floor! Angle falls outside. Soupbone from Taker. It's a soupbone. There's a knee to the face. Another knee. Scoops him up...and rams him javelin-style into the ringpost!! Taker finally puts Angle back in the ring, and follows. Big boot! Taker gives the high sign - chokeslam coming up...but at the apex, Angle manages to twist his body, there's a body scissors rollup, and comes up with the Anglelock!! Taker screams as Angle yells for him to tap. Taker slowly inches to the rope - he won't give up...but Angle pulls him away from the ropes! Taker puts his hands on the mat - pushes up - screams a bit more - then leaps up, pulling Angle over and breaking the hold! Angle tries to run back at Taker - but runs into the CHOKESLAM! But now TRIPLE H is out - Taker moves away from the cover and throws a punch at him - but H jumps off the apron to the floor, ducking out. Angle from behind with a schoolboy and holding the pants - 1, 2, 3!! Angle pins the champ! (6:29) Taker leaves the ring to go after H - H right, right, right, to the barricade, right, meanwhile YOU KNOW WHO is out, shoving Angle down - and grabbing and anklelock on Angle!! Angle - who is apparently the only guy form whom an anklelock is actually *painful* - wastes no time tapping - Taker rams H into the commentary table and puts him in the ring - then hits the ring and gives Hogan a big boot to break up his anklelock. Taker has Hogan - CHOKESLAM!!! But now H has a gutshot on Taker - and a Pedigree! Three men down in the ring, and H sitting over Taker giving him what for. Heck, go ahead and climb that corner - those three men can't hurt YOU, Triple H! Credits are up and we'll see you at King of the Ring!