WHATEVER HAPPENED TO: Teddy Long? UPN MOVIE OF THE WEEK: "Striptease" - oh boy! TV-PG-DLV - Attitude - Entertainment - WW! Here's a Special Video Look at Stephanie McMahon in various Vince-induced tints, at various Max Headroom-induced speeds and loops, and in various Paula Abdul-induced "slimming" picture distortion. Is ANYTHING about this segment original? Well, we DO get a lineup for tonight's show! Tonight, Edge takes on Chris Jericho within the confiles of the STEELSTEELSTEEL cage - tonight, ReyReyReyReyRey Mysterio debuts - also, Therocktherocktherocktherock will take on Lance Storm & Christian Lance Storm & Christian for the tag team championship - and his partner will be Hollywood Hulk Hulk Hulk Hulk Hogan Hulk Hogan - also, the Next Big Thing the Next Big Thing Brock Lesnar Brock Lesnar Brock Brock Brock Lesnar will make his SmackDown! debut (well, return actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually) - why yes, I AM tired of this already Close captioned logo in the opening credits. Beautiful No pyro tonight - pyro costs MONEY - well, except for the pyro for the immediate entrance of KURT ANGLE (Philadelphia, Pennsylvania - 237 pounds) v. WORLD'S STRONGEST MAN MARK HENRY (Silsbee, Texas - 353 pounds)
referee: JIMMY KORDERAS
Coming to you from the Conseco Field House in Indianapolis, IN and SAP transmitido en espanol 25.7.2 (taped 23.7), this is WWE SmackDown! Lockup, Henry shoves him away. Lockup, go behind by Henry - suplex attempt ain't working - no - Angle holds his back - Henry with a scoop...and a slam. Angle pounds the mat. We go again! Lockup, waistlock by Angle, takedown, floats into the headlock - Henry picks him up - and sits him on top - then pats his bald head! Angle protests. Kick by Angle when Henry comes in - right, right, right, whip is reversed, back elbow by Henry. Scoop....Angle fighting it...nope, Henry with the press - and the slam. Henry calls to the crowd - but Angle's out on the avalanche attempt. Angle with a death suplex! But again he holds his back. Angle manages to hook the leg - 1, 2, no. Angle right, right, right, right, right, right, right, off the ropes, Henry with a clothesline - clothesline - into the corner...Henry runs in and Angle meets him with a forearm. But Henry comes right back with a powerslam. Henry takes a while with the crowd, but it doesn't bite him as he connects with the splash in the corner. But before he can finish him off, KING BROCK LESNAR is out with a forearm to Henry's back (DQ 2:59) and he gives him the Key on My Keyboard - then rejoins HEY, MAN on the outside before heading back. Angle is ticked off and takes off in hot pursuit. Replay of Lesnar's damage - and Paul's grin. Backstage, the camera has caught Angle catching up to a jovial Lesnar. "Hey, Paul - I'll handle this. Kurt, relax. You looked like you were in trouble, so I figured I'd help you out." "Whoa whoa, help ME out - you help ME out! Who the hell do you think you are?" "I'm the guy that's goin' to SummerSlam to face the Rock for the WWE title. You see, Kurt, I was hopin' I'd be able to face you...but you blew it. Heh, maybe the pressure of always bein' number one is getting to you, Kurt. Well, not anymore. Now I'm here. And you...on SmackDown!, bein' the number one guy? It's OVER." Lesnar's grin turns to a growl. Angle mutters something not nice and walks off. Tough Enough 2 trainers shill Stacker 2 - I guess we'll see this ad until TE3 starts? Confidential ad - Randy Orton talks about military prison - THAT'LL bring viewers, boy! We follow Stacy to Stephanie McMahon's office - she gets off the phone (not with me) and tells her that Vince - err, Mr. McMahon - told her last week that her services would no longer be needed. "Oh, Stacy, I wouldn't feel too bad - if I know Mr. McMahon then I'm sure he's already being 'serviced' elsewhere." "Well, anyway - if you need anything, just ask." "Well, okay, how 'bout you start by...getting the door?" "Okay!" "Oh, Steph - someone sent you some BEAUTIFUL flowers." "Boy, they sure did." She takes the card. "Who sent them? Who...sent them." "Why don't you read it for yourself?" "'SmackDown!'s loss is RAW's gain - see you tonight, love, ERIC?" Stephanie throws the vase into the wall for dramatic effect. Stacy...does nothing. REVEREND D-VON (Dudleyville - 246 pounds - with RAW hype - and Batista) v. THE BIG VALBOWSKI (Las Vegas, Nevada - 244 pounds - with Hardcore Holly)
referee: MIKE SPARKS
Venis ducks, right, right, right, head to the buckle, chop, gutshot, into the opposite corner, clothesline. Pointing to Batista, D-Von into the ropes, back elbow, scoop...and a slam. Off the ropes, kneedrop. 1, 2, no. D-Von manages a jawbreaker, but runs into the big boot. Crossbody takes both men to the floor. Batista collects D-Von and helps him back into the ring - Holly does nothing. Valbowski back in, D-Von right, right, stomp, into the ropes, jumpin' back elbow. "Who's the man?" D-Von does his dance. Right, right, right, right, right, shin across the throat. Snapmares him over - off the ropes, rolling neck snap - leg is hooked - 1, 2, no. Scoop...and a slam. D-Von going to the second floor - but nobody's home on the elbowdrop! (You saw that coming, didn't you.) Both men up slow - Valbowski ducks, clothesline, right, right, into the ropes, big back body drop. Gutshot, fishermanplex coming up - 1, 2, Batista yanks on Valbowski's ankle and breaks it up! This brings over Holly to pound away on Batista - back inside the ring, Valbowski hits Blue Thunder and gets 1, 2, 3. (3:07) Post-match, Batista sneaks in a clothesline on Valbowski - Holly tries to help but the whip is reversed and Holly eats a big spinebomb. Play D-Von's music! D-Von wants to dance! Stacy directs the security to report any suspicious activity to Stephanie's office - then, spying Edge, she sends them to stop HIM instead. "Oh my God - not Edge..." She gets on her phone and calls Stephanie. "Stephanie, I don't know how to tell you this, but I think Eric Bischoff might have Edge." Heyman narrates a quick Brock Lesnar vignette - wow, he SURE likes speaking religious in Latin! "WrestleMania X8" ad "WWE Divas 2002" airs Wednesday! I'm pretty sure this is another name for "WWF Divas: Sex on the Beach" if you watched it WrestleMania week The Extreme Blast of the Night is sponsored by JVC's Tower of Power! From Vengeance, an unfortunate series of circumstantial events results in Christian & Lance Storm taking the tag team titles from Hulk Hogan & Edge EARLIER TODAY! We eavesdrop. "That's what I'm talking about. I can't believe it finally happened - despite biased refereeing, hateful fans, and a hostile environment - we STILL walked out of Vengeance tag team champions." "Yeah, and the best part about it, we did it in a totally un-American way - by working hard...and actually earning it." "Exactly. We can't revel in this victory. We need to make a statement tonight by defeating these two so-called American icons...the Rock, and Hulk Hogan." "How fitting - how fitting is it that Hogan used to come out to that music, 'Real American?' Because you know what? He IS a real American - lazy, stupid, ignorant, and he thinks the entire world revolves around him." "Exactly. That's why we make a stand tonight. And despite what the Rock says, it DOES matter what we think...and I think - we're gonna be tag team champions...a very long time." Handshake. "A very long time." Coming back to real time, Edge and the Security are assembled, waiting for Stephanie. "Edge - guys, it's okay. Thank you very much. Sorry about all this security stuff, but...Edge. Tell me what's up, because if you're leaving to go sign with Bischoff and RAW, you haven't even heard me out yet." "Whoa whoa whoa - what are you talkin' about, RAW - what are you talking about?" "Well, I mean..." "No, no, no - you mean nothing, I am SmackDown! through and through." "Right, you went running out of the building and--" "No, listen to me, I am SmackDown! through and through. I trust you and I trust your vision for SmackDown! All right? I think your vision for SmackDown!'s gonna ROCK!" "It will." "Good. Now what you need to do is come with my 'cause I wanna show you something. C'mon, trust me." "Where are we goin'?" "Production truck. Okay?" "Why are YOU going to the production truck?" "Trust me, okay? After you - I'm a gentleman. You go first." "Okay - you trust my vision, I'll trust you." "Fair enough - okay - okay, who's in charge of doing the whole Chris Jericho beeboobeeboobeeboowooooa." He hands her a tape. "You? Okay. Throw that bad boy in. I wanna see it." "It's fine, it's fine." "Trust me." The monitor next to the one showing Tony Chimel yakking about something shows a clock. "Wanna know what that clock signifies? It's a countdown between now and the end of the show. Because in that time, I'm going to get Chris Jericho inside of a steel cage, and I am going to BEAT Chris Jericho's (ass). Wanna know the best part about it?" "What." "I'm gonna do it on SmackDown!" "I'm all about SmackDown! Hey, Anne? It's cool - you can keep that running the rest of the show." "Okay." The monitor NEXT to the clock (1:36:25 and counting) shows Rikishi's entrance video - I have a sneaky hunch he may be coming up! SummerSlam promo features Trish Stratus as the Ice Cream Cleavage - err Adidas' A Cubed and the WWE are having a sweepstakes of some sort! If only I had visited their website; then I could have told you more! Triple H DVD ad RIKISHI (American Samoa - 350 pounds - with 1:32:07) v. ALBERT (Boston, Massachusetts - 350 pounds)
referee: Korderas The clock will hit zero at 10:04, oops. Between entrances, we head to the back where MARC LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOYD has caught up with Kurt Angle to try to get some reaction to Lesnar's actions...only to find him on the phone. "Hold on a second, Eric - I'm on the phone, BUZZ OFF!" Loyd wastes no time reporting all but he *must* have been talking to Eric Bischoff (as opposed to, say, his brother), who was reportedly spotted at the airport earlier today. Oh no! Unfortunately, while all this goes on, Chimel's introduction of Albert is totally muffled so who knows if I got his weight right or not. Anyway, must be a brief stop on the Velocity-exclusive track for Albert - too bad for him. Albert quickly hits a bicycle kick to let us know what he thinks of Velocity. There's the onsale crawl at the bottom of the screen. Kick, kick, right, right, right is ducked - 'kishi right, right, right, right, right, Albert reverses back, kick, kick, kick, kick, right, left, right, left, right, right, right, right, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, chasing away Korderas. Yaaaaavalanche! Albert winds up for a SECOND big splash in the corner. Right hand. 'kishi ducks - right, right, Albert clotheslines him down. Commentators are only talking about Lesnar and Angle - sigh. 'kishi dragged to the corner - Albert making a show to the crowd - there's a Vaderbomb! 1, 2, NO! Long discussion ensues - giving 'kishi just enough recovery time to evade the next splash attempt. Gutshot by 'kishi - DDT! Albert runs into a Samoan Drop. 'kishi pats his rump and here comes the Fat Ass splash! Albert dutifully flumps to the canvas and you know it's time for the Greco-Roman Stinkyface. Albert tries to get up - but runs into the Rikishikick! Banzai Drop coming up - oh, it's the "Rump Shaker" now - oh well. Rest in peace, Yokozuna. 1, 2, 3. (2:45) 'kishi heads up the ramp and finds that someone has carelessly left a hat there! Ho ho ho, FAT MAN DANCING Stephanie has found Marc Loyd, and makes sure he overheard Kurt "talking to somebody named Eric." Stephanie gets on her phone and leaves Angle a voicemail. Geez, they didn't have a camera following Angle around? She calls him "leader of the SmackDown! locker room" and reminds him that she's a MUCH better manager than Bischoff. Then she makes a face. UP NEXT: Hollywood Hulk Hogan & The Rock take on Lance Storm & Christian and the titles are on the line! RAW shows here - tomorrow, Houston - Saturday, San Antonio - Sunday, Columbia - Monday is RAW in Greensboro - Saturday, Miami - and Sunday, Pittsburgh! Say, I wonder - I WONDER why Stephanie, being such a good manager and all, allows these ads for RAW talent to appear on her show? He's coming - TONIGHT! WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP: LANCE STORM & CHRISTIAN (champions - 454 pounds - with Test - and "Global Warning Tour" hype) v. HOL LYWOOD HULK HOGAN (challenger - Hollywood, California - 280 pounds) and THE ROCK (challenger - Undisputed champion - Miami, Florida - 275 pounds) referee: MIKE CHIODA
Well, he stand up next to a mountain - he chop it down with the edge of his hand. Oh boy, these entrances take forever - in fact, let's go ahead and take an ad break RIGHT NOW! Nope, no such luck. Nice Yoda sign in the crowd: "Live Forever, Hulkamania Will." It's Hogan and Storm and it's "USA" from the crowd. Hogan powers away Storm. Hogan wants him to KISS IT! Lockup, Storm to the eyes, right, right, right, right, elbow uppercut, into the ropes, clothesline, Storm reacts to the "Hogan" chant - Hogan is up - right, right, right, into the ropes, clothesline. right, Storm bounces to Rock for a right, it's pinball time, right from Hogan, tag to Rock. Right, right, right, right, into the ropes, clothesline. Suplex. Leg is hooked - Storm out at 2. Storm with a jawbreaker - Storm tags out. Doubleteam kicking until Chioda puts Storm away - Christian stands on the neck. Christian tries to draw Hogan in, but Rock doesn't let the Canadians get the advantage behind the ref's back - Rock pops out with a clothesline. Whip, head down, kick by Christian - but runs into the belly-to-belly throw. Right by Rock. Whip is reversed, Storm tags him from behind - Rock turns round and Storm shrugs - Rock shrugs back and pops him one! But Christian is right back with a viscera. 1, 2, no. Right, right, right - tag to Storm. Held open for the kick by Storm. Stomp, standing on the neck. Chioda pointed to his patch! Storm ignores it and steps on his neck again. Right hand by Storm - into the ropes is reversed, Rock hits the Samoan Drop. Christian in, Christian out - free shot for Test - spinebuster for Storm! Will we get the People's Elbow? Of course we WON'T - Test lowers the bridge on the second rope run and Rock takes a tumble into the commentary table. Christian puts Rock back in the ring and Storm covers - 1, 2, no! Let's take a Foot Locker Replay. Storm brings Rock to his feet as the crowd chants "Hogan" - but it's Christian in. Open shot to the ribs. Stomp, stomp, stomp, Christian with a blatant choke for 4. Cover - 2. Christian brings him up slowly - Rock right back - right, right, Christian with a forearm. Into the ropes, Rock back with a swinging neckbreaker. Whip is reversed, Test ankles Rock while Christian fakes an injury to get Chioda's attention. Test drops Rock facefirst on the commentary table while Chioda works on keep Hogan away from the other side of the ring. Test with a right. Storm puts Rock back in for Christian - 1, 2, no. Tag to Storm - Christian with an armbar, Storm drops an elbow - 1, 2, no! Storm with a right, right, right, making lots of noise - Rock blocks, right, right, right, right, whip is reversed but Rock goes for Rock Bottom - but Storm elbows out of the attempt - Storm with a clothesline - free shot for Hogan - superkick for Rock! - cover - 1, 2, Hogan saves! Christian in, Hogan puts HIM down with one right hand - Chioda puts Hogan back and he face three men down in the ring. Rock tries to crawl Hogan's way...But Test pulls Hogan off the apron! Hogan runs after Test - back in the ring, Christian has Rock's legs - Rock kicks him off and leaps to his corner...but nobody is there! Storm pulls him back before Hogan can get to his corner, then makes too big a deal about it - giving Rock enough time to pop up, gutshot, DDT for Storm! Two men down again - Storm tags Christian, HOT TAG TO HOGAN! Christian doesn't know what to do - block, right, right for Storm, right for Christian, right for Storm, winds up the double noggin knocker, Christian put into the ropes, but he DUCKS the big boot, he and Storm slip under Hogan and hit a DOUBLE SUPLEX! Rock back up - right for Storm, right for Christian, Rock Bottom for Storm - Test in - Rock blocks, right, right, right, right, NOW KISS THAT RIGHT and Test goes outside and into the commentators' laps. Christian with the Unprettier on Hogan inside - 1, 2, Hogan kicks out with authority! Yep, there's that head shake. Right hand by Christian, no effect. Right, nope. Hogan is jackhammering up on the next right. Right hand YOOOOU. Block, right, right, right, into the ropes, big boot - calling to the crowd and here it comes - legdrop! 1, KING BROCK LESNAR breaks it up. Umm, well. (DQ 9:16 Sactown) Another forearm in the back - and Hogan gets an F-5 as well. Wow, so Stephanie lured him to SmackDown! to ruin most of the matches? THAT IS BRILLIANT MANAGEMENT! Rock is in to check on Hogan while Lesnar meets Heyman on the ramp. Lesnar makes the international "I want da belt" sign. I guess nothing else is gonna happen, 'cause we take that ad break Turn it up - I guess, like my bad jokes, UPN is less crappy when it's REALLY REALLY LOUD Commentators shill UPN's "The Twilight Zone" TV-PG-DLV - the countdown to 10:04 continues - now down to 1:02:20 Heyman and Lesnar head for the limousine, but the chauffer won't let them in. "This car's for someone else this evening." "Stephanie said we could take her car, it's okay." "No, this is Hulk Hogan's car tonight." "Hulk Hogan's car." "Hulk Hogan's car." "No, you got it all wrong. This is the Next Big Thing's car, and if you don't open this door and drive for me, I'm gonna beatcher ass. So open the door! Now DRIVE!" He complies...and off they drive. Your commentators are MICHAEL KING COLE & TAZZZZZZZZZZZZ. Ever since Vince McMahon opened up all the contracts, it's been nothing but chaos! Well, we can only hope with Lesnar having driven away, there'll be no more crappy run-ins? Tazz tells us it's an exciting time to be a wrestling fan - keep saying it and SOMEONE will believe it. Tazz is a little worried about Angle, though. Coming up, John Cena takes on Test! Backstage, John Cena says "There's no doubt Test is gonna be tough. And he talks a lot of trash about America. I mean, maybe he SHOULD talk trash about American - I mean, everybody knows Canadians get free health care. But if you look at Test, it's obvious they don't get dental care. Instead of going around sayin' 'America sux! America sux!' he should be goin' around sayin' 'Please fix my teeth! Please fix my teeth!' I mean, he reminds me of some...crazy...Canadian woodchuck. So I guess the obstacle I have to conquer tonight is...how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if...Test could chuck wood?" Test is up next to him. "You're a pretty funny guy, Cena! You know, maybe what they say is true - maybe you *are* the kid with ruthless aggression." Then he slaps him. "But to me, you're just another little punk!" Cena comes up...smiling Stephanie is WALKING! No return call from Angle yet. She finds Jericho on headphones and in "Fozzy" shirt. "Chris - I've been lookin' all over for you. I'm sorry, I know you've got a lot on your mind with the cage match tonight, and I don't know if you've even heard about Kurt Angle and, you know, no one can find him, or Eric Bischoff supposedly being in Indianapolis. But as one of the biggest superstars on SmackDown!, I've just gotta know - I wanna make sure that you are happy here." "Am I happy?" "Yes, are you happy?" "Steph, I'm ecstatic - and why wouldn't I be? My band Fozzy's new CD comes out this Tursday, Happenstance - you want a copy?" "I'd...love one!" "You can have that one. And on top of that, the clock is ticking down on Edge - and tonight, in the steel cage, I'm gonna leave him lying in a pool of his own blood - and that makes me very, very happy!" He walks off, leaving Stephanie to emote - and sigh in relief? Rey Mysterio shows off his spinal exoskeleton tattoo, fastens his mask - and displays his new flourescent sky blue contact lenses! He's next! "WrestleMania X8" ad #2 Take a gander at the cover of "Happenstance" - the second Fozzy CD is available next Tuesday! Take a gander at the Indianapolis skyline! I wish the Pacers were playing tonight - VROOOOOM VROOOOOOOOOOM VROOOOOOOOOOM VROOOOOOOM CHAVO GUERRERO (El Paso, Tejas - 213 pounds - with SmackDown! in Charlotte hype) v. REY MYSTERIO (San Diego, California - 175 pounds)
referee: BRIAN HEBNER
Everybody's lost their "Jr" already, looks like. Mysterio is rocketed up through the stage for his entrance - pretty nifty. Here we go! Lockup, go behind by Guerrero, takedown, floats to a headlock, Mysterio reverses to an arm wringer, Guerrero reverses, Mysterio to the rope, backflip, Guerrero gives him a gutshot. Knucklelock applied - Guerrero with the monkey flip and they hold on - Guerrero rolls back over Mysterio's knees - back to their feet - STILL holding the knucklelock, Mysterio leaps and lands shins on shoulders - then goes down the back for 2! Mysterio goes behind - Guerrero shakes him off - leapfrog by Mysterio - another leap onto the shoulders, Mysterio does a 180 for a head scissors takeover. Tazz starts talking about masks being sacred but forgets to mention that every website on earth made that "Rey would be lynched in Mexico" smarkass comment. Rey plays to the crowd. Right, into the opposite corner is reversed, but Mysterio gets the elbow up. Mysterio runs at him - over the top, crawls down for a roll through (Cole: "he calls this the torito!") - 1, 2, no. Whip, reversed, Mysterio tries to slide under but Guerrero stops him - there's a German suplex that FLIPS Mysterio! Guerrero hangs him up on the ropes. Guerrero plays to the crowd as well. Head to the buckle, shoulder to the gut, shoulder, shoulder, slap, right, forearm to the ribs. To the centre where Chavo applies the abdominal stretch. Mysterio elbows to try to turn it - Guerrero brings him up for a hiplock, but Mysterio shifts his weight for a cover - 1, no. Mysterio ducks, caught, sat on top, blocks, kicks him away, tries for a plancha but Guerrero meets him with a dropkick - 1, 2, no. Mysterio sent under the bottom rope and to the floor! Guerrero to the apron - now to the floor. Shoulder to the gut - rolled back in the ring as Hebner hits 4. Up on the shoulders - and DOWN for the gutbuster! Guerrero hooks the leg - 1, 2, no! "C'mon, ref!" Mysterio sent into the ropes, brought up, Mysterio dropkicks down! Baseball slide dropkick puts *Guerrero* outside! Here's a pescado with a twist to the floor! Tazz: "tope!" Well, okay. Give it a Foot Locker Replay. Mysterio signalling another turnbuckle climb...but Guerrero meets him with a right and climbs up after him - Rey right, right, shoves him off, top buckle, leaps off with a cannonball! Off the ropes, baseball slide dropkick to the head again - into the ropes, reversed into a knee in the gut by Guerrero. Bringing him up - Rey back down - ducks a right elbow, a left elbow, pulls his arms between the legs until Guerrero flips, vaults him and bridges back - 1, 2, no! Guerrero up with a gutshot. Into the ropes, head down, leapfrog by Mysterio but Guerrero catches him, swings him up onto his back - GORRYBOMB - 1, 2, no!! Guerrero stomps. Mysterio into the corner sternum first. Guerrero getting the confidence back. Euro uppercut. Into the ropes, boot up by Mysterio. Chavo into a drop toehold and eats the ropes. Mysterio with his spin into the ropes, but THIS time it connects with two boots in the mush! That's a "619," we're told. Mysterio on the apron - springboard - Frankensteiner - holds onto the leg - 1, 2, 3! (5:52) Glad he finally made it. TONIGHT: Steel cage match - Chris Jericho vs. Edge! SmackDown! shows coming up Saturday at Arkansas State - Sunday in Little Rock - Monday in Asheville - and Tuesday in Charlotte! The WWE Smack of the Night is brought to you thanks to Subway! Moments Ago, Mysterio did this - that - that - and that! Test is WALKING! He bumps into Rey Mysterio - Mysterio eventually keeps walking, so Test grabs him and rams him into a garage door. "Go back to kindergaten - KID." EARLIER TONIGHT! Boy, Test likes saying "kid," huh? Cena tastes the slap - and LIKES it TEST (Toronto, Ontario - 282 pounds - with SmackDown! is brought to you by Maxim hair colour, "Austin Powers in Goldmember," and Taco Bell!) v. JOHN CENA (blue and white - West Newberry, Massachusetts - 245 pounds)
referee: Sparks
Cena is sure to rub his cheek thoughtfully just in case we missed "Earlier Tonight!" Test stomp, stomp, stomp, head to the buckle, back elbow, back elbow, back elbow, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, shoves away Sparks, over the top to the floor with Cena, another shove for Sparks but Cena's back in with a dropkick. There's a "bulldog" - elbow, elbow, into the opposite corner is reversed by Test who then FLATTENS him with a clothesline. Cena pulls himself up - and Test punches him down again. Cena takes another right hand. Scoop...and a slam. Off the ropes, elbowdrop MISSES. Cena up - elbow, elbow, Test with a knee, into the ropes, Cena ducks, gutshot, DDT. "Woodchuck" chant - real or canned, you decide. Test runs in but nobody's home - elbow by Cena, elbow, into the ropes, ducks, flying jalapeno lands, clothesline, clothesline, Cena waits on the splash - and hits! Test manages to duck - gutshot - pumphandle - Cena down the back to avoid the Meltdown - Cena with a death suplex into a powerbomb (Protobomb?) - 1, 2, no! Into the ropes is reversed into a knee by Test. Now he DOES hit the Meltdown - 1, 2, NO! I don't know about Sparks' count there - sure enough, Test has some issues as well - there's a shove - Sparks bounces off the ropes, pushing Test into a schoolboy by Cena - 1, 2, NO! Test ducks a clothesline, Test with the gutshot, powerbomb coming up - no, Cena down the back and rolls through - 1, 2, 3! (3:30) Test comes right back with Wotsitolla Boot to make sure that HIS music plays instead of Cena's. Let's take the replay - Cena with the duke, Test with the foot. There's that cage again - down to 30:59 and counting! Oh Jeremy Renner, you Slurp & Gulp FIEND And now, the WWE Slam of the Week, brought to you by "Vin Diesel IS XXX!" >From Vengeance, Eric Bischoff has TESTICLES! And all she has is a slap The cage has lowered - and we didn't even get to hear "Theme from Cage Lowering!" Stacy is on the phone - Kurt Angle doesn't answer; it's his voicemail again. Stephanie asks for the phone and leaves ANOTHER message. At least Brock Lesnar had the common courtesy to tell Eric Bischoff he was leaving to his face! She'd like the same courtesy. Regardless of his decision, she expects him to return to the arena and tell her his decision to her face. She ANGRILY closes the phone. "Dammit!" EDGE (Toronto, Ontario - 249 pounds - with Foot Locker's House of Hoops presents WWE SummerSlam! Tix on sale Saturday - meet Lita!) v. CHRIS JERICHO (Winnipeg, Manitoba - 227 pounds) within the confines of the unforgiving STEEL cage
referee: Chioda inside, Hebner outside
This is SmackDown!'s first-ever cage match - so let's take an ad break! Another Tough Enough 2 Stacker 2 ad Don't forget the WWE Divas take off most of their clothes Wednesday after Enterprise! When we come back, the match has already started! Ain't that a bitch? Foot Locker Replay shows Jericho wanted to introduce a chair before entering the cage, but Edge hit a baseball slide dropkick to the door, into Jericho! Joining the action, it's Jericho with a right, chop, chop, into the ropes is reversed and Edge flapjacks Jericho - mount, right, right, right, right, right - Jericho tries to go through the door (smart guy!) but Edge catches him and pulls him back - Jericho blocks a head to the cage with his boot - elbow by Jericho, right, choke in the corner - head to the buckle, kick, kick, right, right, into the opposite corner, but Edge pops out with a clothesline for Jericho. Chop! Edge with a chop. Chop! Whip into the opposite corner - Jericho jumps to the second rope, top turnbuckle, and almost climbs over the top before Edge realises what's going on, runs after and catches him - but Jericho kicks him off! Edge climbs up after him, grabs the tights and pulls him back into a hard landing! Edge with a boot to the head. Right hand. Chop! Whip is reversed by Jericho, head down, Edge kicks. Jericho falls back and ties himself between the ropes! Edge asks who the king of the world is, then spears Jericho! Edge winds up, but Jericho sidesteps and rams him into the cage wall!! Jericho wastes no time driving Edge's head into the cyclone fencing one more time. Let's make it three walls for Edge's head. Jericho calls to the crowd, which helps to distract us from Edge giving himself the blade, I imagine. Right hand by Jericho and sure enough, Edge has the cut. Stomp, stomp. Jericho makes cole slaw out of Edge's forehead, much to Chioda's consternation. Blatant chokery but there's no disqualifications in the cage. Choke on the second rope. "Jericho sux!" chant. Boss Man straddle by Jericho. "C'mon Baby" gets 2. Jericho is now more interested in embarrassing Edge than in escaping - that might bite him later, but not at the moment. Jericho with a chop. There's another chop. Jericho laying into him verbally. Edge reverses - slap! Chop! Into the opposite corner is reversed, but Edge gets the boot up! Edge runs in - Jericho sidesteps and there's the Flashback for 2! Right by Jericho. Now Jericho ties *Edge* into the ropes - no protection from the right hands - Jericho SHUFFLING! Another right. Jericho plays to the crowd and runs - but Edge is out and *Jericho* tastes the STEEL! Both men are down, so let's take another Foot Locker Replay. Jericho is to his knees and Edge is up as well - Jericho runs into a clothesline - Edge with another clothesline - into the ropes, but Edge hits the flying jalapeno! Edge with a shuffle of his own and there's his version of the faceplant - 1, 2, no! Jericho into the ropes - nobody home on the dropkick! Jericho's Lionsault meets the knees! Edge-o-matic! 1, 2, NO! Edge is up but just barely - he decides to try to climb over and out...Jericho to his feet - shot to the small of the back, again, climbing up to the second rope - right, right, superplex coming up - Edge right, right - Edge with a super Blowout! But he can't cover fast enough - 1, 2, NO! Edge up and waiting for Jericho to join him - gutshot, Jericho reverses, takedown, going for the Walls of Jericho! Edge fights it enough for Jericho to think twice, so he drops down and gives Edge a WOW Catapult into the cage wall! Jericho crawls to the cage door - two hands on the frame of the cage - half way out...Edge makes a desperation lunge and grabs an ankle - pulling Jericho back in, but Jericho grabbed his chair on the way in. WHACK! Jericho hooks the leg - 1, 2, NO!!! Jericho can't believe it - he covers again - again Edge is out at 2! Jericho shoves Chioda then grabs the chair again. Running start as Edge gets to his feet - Edge DUCKS - SPEAR! Leg is hooked - 1, 2, JOHNNY ACE! Edge is up to .2 Muta, which is usually enough to make the picture turn black and white on SmackDown! (har har) - but he's climbing to the top one more time. BUT THE DOOR IS RIGHT THERE - sure enough, Jericho is up from behind with the perfectly legal uppernut. Jericho to the top to join him - SUPER "BULLDOG!" That gets a Foot Locker Replay, you bet. Jericho pulls himself up by the ropes - and now HE has lost his mind because he's trying to *climb* this time. Jericho is up to the top and one leg is swung over - lying on the framework of the top of the cage. Edge finally makes it over and yanks on the hair until Jericho comes back over - Jericho on Edge's shoulders - SUPER ELECTRIC CHAIR DROP! That hurt Jericho from Edge's shoulders but Edge took that fall from the top rope and feels it just as much. Both men are finally stirring after a Foot Locker Replay. And now Jericho crawls to the door as Edge climbs to the top - over - Edge drops and gets the win! (we saw 13:14+) LANCE STORM is out, though, immediately followed by CHRISTIAN & TEST - three-way beatdown on Edge becomes a four-way beatdown as they put him back in the cage. Here comes JOHN CENA - managing Storm but not Test from behind. It's four-on-two - let's even it up with... RAYMOND STEREO? He scales the cage - PLANCHA FROM THE TOP OF THE CAGE onto Storm & Christian! Test tries a powerbomb but Rey punches from the top, then changes it into a huracanrana! Cena and Mysterio double dropkick Test! Christian gets a whip from Mysterio, into a back body drop from Cena. Right for Jericho by Mysterio - Edge puts Storm into the cage wall - as the Canadians go through the door, Jericho finally manages to make it over the cage wall to the floor, making me wonder why he couldn't do that during the match - ah well, play Rob Zombie! Backstage, Kidman and Stephanie are watching all this on the Magic Window. Instead of asking him why he didn't go help anybody, Stephanie instead asks if he can fly like Mysterio. "Off the top of the cage? I can do that! That was awesome." Stacy interrupts to tell Stephanie that Eric Bischoff is in the parking lot! Stephanie runs off... Back to the cage where Edge, John Cena and Rey Mysterio, "the future of SmackDown!" are posing in the ring. Outside we go. "Bischoff! Bischoff, get the hell outta my parking lot. C'mon, Bischoff, get the hell outta there!" Bischoff emerges from the sun roof, DDP pose affixed. "Hi, STEPH. Good to see ya, STEPH. Did you get my flowers? Did you read my card? I told ya - SmackDown!'s loss...would be RAW's gain! I told ya I'd knock you out - did we knock her out? We knocked you, it was a jab, it was a right cross, it was an uppercut! And she's down for the count let's get the hell outta here seeee ya Monday at RAW! Again--" Bischoff's voice fades out. But here's Kurt Angle entering the frame, eventually standing behind Stephanie. "What the heck was *that* all about?" "Kurt! You're here!" "Yeah - SmackDown!" "Yeah, but - you were on the phone with Eric, and I've left you messages and no one could find you." "Yeah, my BROTHER Eric. And, messages? I turned my phone off, I was so mad after what Brock did tonight, I had to let off some steam, I was about to explode!" "Kurt...you weren't in that limo...then who...is?" Everybody makes faces, credits are up, we're out. Well, I have my ideas about who it was, BROTHER, but we'll just wait until Monday to be sure.