UPN HYPE OF THE WEEK: "Twilight Zone" - Forrest is BORED, yo
TV-PG-DLV - Attitude - Entertainment - WW!
UNFORGIVEN - THIS PAST SUNDAY: Hildegard is not the world's biggest
lesbian! Hildegard is Rikishi! Stephanie has outsmarted Bischoff again!
WHAT A SHOCK! Funny how they DON'T replay Stephanie's ... ahem ...
Closed captioned logo - opening credits are beautiful, people
PIRO! Coming atcher from the San Diego Sports Arena in San Diego, CA and
SAP transmitido en espanol, this is "sports entertainment's most watched
show - SmackDown!" Let's waste no time...
RIKISHI (American Samoa - 350 pounds - with Let Us Take You Back to Last
Thursday) v. CHAVO GUERRERO (El Paso, Tejas - 213 pounds)
referee: JIMMY KORDERAS
Still to come tonight, Eddie Guerrero will take on Edge...again, but this
time no DQs - also, there'll be a bikini contest! Guerrero doesn't quite
make it in before heading outside and demanding Keesh back off - intead,
Keesh comes outside and the chase is on - Chavo in, Keesh in and Chavo
meets him with a kick to the head, kick, forearm, forearm, right, into the
ropes but Keesh hooks the rope and goes nowhere - Chavo tries again - Keesh
pulls him over and outside. Keesh pulls him back in before he gets too
far...but Guerrero lands a forearm. Climbs to the top...but caught in a
chokeslam! Keesh puts him into the corner,
"Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," right, into the ropes, clothesline,
slaps his butt but on the Fat Ass Splash, Guerrero puts up a knee and
connects with the shoulder! Modified bulldog out of the corner - kick to
the back of the head. Chavo is a "wily ring veteran." Kick, forearm in
the back, again, kicks the gut, right, Euro uppercut, kick, but Keesh
switches places, right, right, right, into the opposite corner, goes for
the spear but Chavo's out and Keesh shoulders the post. Chavo with a great
dropkick! Keesh flumps and Chavo stomps...then gets an idea. He raises
the roof! He pulls down his pants! He...wedgies himself! He slaps his
ass! Valbowski swivel...but Keesh grabs two handfuls of cheek (umm) and
shoves him into a forward roll - Chavo pulls up his pants but not quite,
Keesh with a back body drop, clothesline, clothesline, uranage-alike, pats
his rump and THERE'S a fat ass splash that works. Everybody waits for the
flump - and there it is. Keesh looks in, raises the roof and ...Chavo
heads between the legs and out. Keesh ducks the clothesline - call it a
belly-to-belly chokeslam, sure. Rump Shaker (Banzai Drop) coming up - but
Chavo gets the knees up! Chavo tries a cover, hooks the leg - 2! Wow,
that's like the first pin attempt this match (four minutes). Chavo goes
for a ringside cameraman - he's reluctant to give up the hardware but Chavo
insists. There's a tumble. Chavo ready but there's a RIKISHIKICK to the
camera, into Chavo! Keesh drags the dead weight to the corner and this
Rump Shaker's gonna land. 1, 2, Keesh gets up early but who cares, 3.
(4:34) Here's a replay of the finish - hey, how'd that hat get up there on
the stage. FAT MAN DANCING yet Chavo *still* hasn't taken a stinky face...
Backstage, it's Torrie Wilson! And she's got LOTION!
TONIGHT: No disqualification! Edge vs. Eddie Guerrero!
Stacker 2 ad (Bubba Ray Dudley)
TAZZZZZZ is in the ring when we return to introduce the bikini competition
- the judges are BILLY & CHUCK AREN'T GAY, REALLY, REALLY.
SAMUDA v. NIDIA - Nidia (in sneakers) makes a special effort to suck up
to the judges at the commentary table. Sample commentary for you - Billy:
"Golly, I'm really, really not gay" Chuck: "I also am not gay." Nidia
shows off the bikini, loses her gum trying to "dance," loses her breath,
does the "Rock-N-Bowl spare dance" and gets a 6 from Chuck...and a 9 from
Billy. Because they're not gay. Tazz: "Six and nine - what's that,
fourteen?" Wilson reveals her pink.........bikini. Natch, they get two
tens and there's your winner. Billy & Chuck hit the ring to pose in a
heterosexual fashion with Torrie as Nidia storms off...to meet JAMIE NOBLE
& TAJIRI coming out to make an entrance. "No no no no no no no no no, you
hold on just one minute fellas - there ain't no way in hell you gonna rank
my Needia lower than Torrie Wilson! You guys are *prejudiced*, you ain't
got no taste, you're tryin' to screw my girlfriend, and nobody screws my
girlfriend...well, at least not like that any ol' way! If you boys got any
guts, you'll accept mine and Tiejiri's challenge right here and right now
and we'll show you what some real competition is all about!" They seem
BILLY & CHUCK (with Torrie Samuda) v. JAMIE NOBLE & TAJIRI (with Nidia) -
they hit the ring and it's on - Chuck has no problems with Tajiri until
getting the low bridge - referee "Blind" Mike Sparks hits the ring and
rings the bell. Tajiri with an overhead kick to the back of Billy's head
to turn it round for he and Noble - into the ropes, double gutshot, double
kick to the back of the leg to bring him to his knees - double dropkick
sandwich to the head coming up but Chuck ankles Tajiri, and Billy manages a
tilt-a-whirl slam on Noble - then removes his shirt in a ruggedly
heterosexually manly way! Noble dropkicks the knee, though. Tag to Tajiri
- free kick on the leg. Onsale crawl. Kick by Tajiri. Another big kick.
Torrie is STILL up on the apron, looking like a lost lamb. Into the ropes
is reversed, but Tajiri manages a handspring elbow out of the whip.
Billy's swing is ducked, Tajiri with a superkick - 1, 2, no! Torrie is
FINALLY down to the floor - cameraman must have told her. Tajiri stomp,
tag. Pulling him by the leg - Subway Replay as Noble dropkicks the back of
the bad leg. Leg across the bottom rope - and Noble springs into the
buttdrop. Wants a second, but Billy puts up his good leg, then launches
him over the top to the floor! Chuck really wants the (straight) tag...but
Tajiri's going to come in as we watch the Subway Replay - Tajiri stomps
away as Noble wraps the bad leg around the ringpost - twice! Noble back in
- stomp, stomp, stomp. Pulls him away from the corner, grabs the leg and
sits on it, Potsie - here comes a modified figure four - Billy reaches for
the ropes but Noble won't let him. Torrie leads some synchronised clapping
from ringside - shoulders are down - 1, 2, shoulder up! Noble with a slap
- that woke him up - Billy with a right, right and breaks the hold. Noble
up, Billy up, right, right, into the ropes is reversed and Billy collapses
when his leg fails him. Noble plays to the crowd. Stomp, stomp, stomp on
the knee every time. Sparks distracted so Tajiri does a little work of his
own on that knee. Noble elbowdrops the knee. Again. Noble cranks the
knee - shoulders down - 1, 2, no. "We want Chuck!" chant. Billy manages
to use his good knee across Noble's head a few times to break the hold -
back to his feet - reverses the whip but Noble reverses back, kicking the
knee. Off the ropes - Billy counters into a flapjack! Crowd claps
again...Billy crawls to the corner...or tries, anyway - tag to Tajiri - hot
tag to Chuck! Chuck clothesline, right hand, Noble in and ducks - but gets
caught in a belly-to-belly off the double underhook! Jungle Kick for
Tajiri, kick for Noble to take him outside, Chuck removes HIS shirt (he's
straight!), hoists up Tajiri - looks like Code Red coming up as Billy
struggles to the top - and there it is! 1, 2, 3! (6:24) Do Billy & Chuck
have new music? Did you notice the OMG TAG ROPES weren't there tonight?
Nidia's not done, spitting at Torrie - Torrie's out - chop, chop, Nidia
rolled in the ring - duck sa swing, gutshot, Nidia falls over the bottom
rope...Billy holds her hands so Torrie can...spank her. Later, others will
be spanking, themselves!
TONIGHT: The Undertaker vs. Matt Hardy!
And now, the WWE Rewind, presented by Atari's "The Ternimatior: Dawn of
Fate!" From Unforgiven, Taker gets his heat back...wait
Backstage, Funaki is a little anxious to knock on the exciting door, but
eventually does so...and Brock Lesnar emerges. "Brock Lesnar. I, Funaki -
Smack - Down! - Number 1 Announcer - have - hard-hitting question for you."
Funaki seems mesmerised by Lesnar's pec flex - and really, who wouldn't be?
Those NIPPLES! "Hard-hitting question, huh?" Lesnar ruffles his hair.
"Go ahead." "OK - OK - thank you, OK - is it - is it true that - you will
not give - The Undertaker - a rematch for - WWE Championship?" "Pardon?"
"Is it--" "I, I heard you, Funaki. That seems to be the question
everybody wants to know since Sunday. But you're the only one with enough
guts to ask me to my face. Tell you what, Funaki - I'll answer your
question. Yeah, I'll answer it...but not here. In public. In the ring."
"In the ring!" "In the ring." "Yeah! Ah yes, great, great, got scoop,
yeah, thank you - thank you. See you in the ring! Thank you!" He goes
off - Lesnar can't believe he's so stupid...
Meanwhile, Stephanie's on the phone... "It's definitely final, then - so
the - so the women's title is on RAW, Randy Orton, Hurricane, all on RAW.
Look, look into the rest of the contracts - come in! - okay, thanks, I'll
call you back." "Steph, oh my gosh, that was SO funny! What you did to
Eric Bischoff at Unforgiven." "Thanks, Kurt! I, it was so much fun.
Seeing Rikishi's ass all up in Bischoff's face
stinkface - it was beautiful - and smart, too! I mean, you set him up
perfectly - hook, line and sinker - whoomp, there it is!" "Yeah - whoomp -
it was pretty great - thanks, Kurt." "It sure was." "And you know...you
know what else would be great? A rematch of me vs. Chris Benoit tonight.
I mean, he didn't beat me at Unforgiven." "No, you're right, he didn't--"
"His feet were on the ropes! "Right, which is why--" "Which means he
cheated!" "Okay, so--" "And cheaters never win!" "But I really want--"
"Which means Benoit never beat me." "KURT!" "Well, he didn't." "Okay!
Listen. Would you just listen to me for a second?" "Shoot." "I figured
you would come out here and ask for a rematch tonight...but um, I've got a
little something different in mind for the main event." "What could you
possibly have in m--" Rey Mysterio comes in and waves. "What the heck is
he doin' here? Hey Mysterio...don't child labour laws state that you can't
be here more than five hours a day? Hahahaha - get it? Ho ho, get it?
...'cause he's...you know, short." "Yeah. I get it, Kurt. Okay, so...get
this. Okay? Because tonight's main event, in the spirit of competition,
is going to be Kurt Angle... vs. Chris Benoit... vs. Rey Mysterio. That's
right, it's going to be a triple threat match...tonight." "You've gotta be
kidding me! Why in the heck would you want to involve Mysterio? Because
this - this is his hometown? Because he was born here like eight years
ago? Hey, Mysterio...this may your big 'homecoming,' but make no mistake
about it - I'm gonna be the one to get the 1, 2, 3." "Oh yeah, Kurt? You
plan on getting the 1, 2, 3?" "Oh yeah." "Well not if I hit you first -
with the 6-1-9."
FUNAKI, #1 SMACKDOWN ANNOUNCER walks to the ring with the very chair
Undertaker used on Brock Lesnar last week. How the heck did HE get a hold
of it? Ponder this during the ad break...
Hey how about some live events? Saturday, West Palm Beach! Sunday,
Beaumont! Monday is RAW in Houston, and Tuesday is Lafayette!
"This is Funaki! SmackDown! number one announcer! Now, WWE Champion
BUROCK LESNAR!" Brock, as usual, is accompanied by his pokemon WEEZING.
It's a slow, slow walk to the ring. Happy Dance on the apron! Finally,
Lesnar parts the ropes and enters the ring. "Mr. Lesnar...Undertaker hit
you with this here." Lesnar takes the chair and inspects it...then throws
it to the mat. Funaki drops his mic and starts to...wet his pants, I
think. Lesnar kicks the mic out of the ring after handing his belt to
Heyman, who also leaves the ring. Backed to the corner, Funaki tries a
right, right, right, off the ropes...caught into the clothesline/leg trip
combo. Pump handle into the backdrop. Pulled back to the centre with ease
- knee, knee, in the corner, and rammed into another corner.
Belly-to-belly overhead suplex and Funaki SAILS across the ring. Lesnar
nudges him back over onto his back. Picks him up - Key on My Keyboard will
finish it. Play his music again! Heyman in to kneel over the
corpse...then offer the belt back to the champ. Lesnar decides to help
Funaki slide out of the ring first. Replay of the pumphandle and F-5.
Backstage, Dawn Marie catches up to Torrie, then congratulates her on her
"win" - "I mean, it is such an accomplishment to be able to win a bikini
contest over than nothing of a hillbilly, Nidia! Maybe, just maybe, one
day you'll decide to have a contest against someone who has a whole
lot...more to offer. Maybe someone like....me." "Excuse me." And off she
Edge - is - WALKING! Hey, next time you see one of these, start playing
"Stayin' Alive." IT'S A RIOT, DEAN
Lugz presents the WWE Boot of the Week! From last week, Edge spears Chavo
but takes a chairshot from Eddie - busting himself black and white in the
EDDIE GUERRERO (El Paso, Tejas - 228 pounds - and SmackDown! is brought to
you by Clearasil, Lugz, and PlayStation 2!) v. EDGE (Toronto, Ontario - 241
pounds - with Forceable Entry CD cover) with No Disqualification
referee: MIKE SPARKS
Cole promises this match will be the conclusion to the long-running
rivalry....hmm. We are told Guerrero won Sunday through nefarious means,
and also people who buy pay-per-views are suckers. HERE WE GO: Lockup, to
the corner, right by Guerrero, right, elbow, elbow to the back of the head,
elbow, into the corner, back elbow, stomp, headlock applied - Edge shoves
him off but (no way!) Guerrero shoulderblocks him. Off the ropes, up and
over, leapfrog by Edge, drops down for a monkey flip and Guerrero ALMOST
lands RIGHT on his head. Edge right, forearm, wraps his left arm around
the rope, Guerrero grabs the hair and goes for the eyes but Edge stays in
control. That one woman FINALLY stops screaming, thank God. Hammerlock by
Edge, steps on the knee to put Guerrero down - keys the lock and holds it,
but Guerrero's back to his feet - Edge rammed into the buckle, shoulder,
shoulder, shoulder, forearm. Eddie up and over to the floor, throating
Edge on his way down. Back in, feet on the ropes, Edge gets the shoulder
up. STOP SCREAMING, WOMAN. Guerrero plays to the crowd and gets the boos
he deserves. Whip is reveresed, big back body drop by Edge! Guerrero up
slowly, Edge with a nice dropkick. Scoop...and a slam by Edge. Off the
ropes, drops the elbow, cover, 2. Edge applies the armbar. A little
hairpull from Edge as well - bad blood!! Cole reminds Tazz there's no DQ,
and I'd forgotten too - damn he's good! Guerrero with a knee, kick,
standing enzuigiri (!) and turns it around - Guerrero stomp, stomp, stomp.
Big handful of hair - winds up for the elbow. And there's a big right
hand. Guerrero continues shuffling - NICE suplex - 1, 2, Edge kicks out!
Guerrero clamps on the headlock and says something to rile up the Latino
contingent. Edge finally makes his way back to a knee - crowd responds -
back to two feet - elbow to the gut, elbow, breaks it up, but Guerrero stil
has the hair - forearm by Guerrero - into the ropes is reversed, and Edge
hits a powerslam! Both men are down...Edge pulls himself up by the ropes
to make it out first. Edge climbing up...but Guerrero meets him there with
a right hand. Guerrero climbs to the top rope as well - will he? YES!
TOP ROPE SUPERPLEX!! That took a lot out of both men, but Eddie manages a
press - 1, 2, NO!! Guerrero up first. Elbow, elbow to the back of the
head, elbow. Another big elbow across the temple. Eddie helps him up -
and again connects with the elbow. Into the ropes is reversed, Guerrero up
on the shoulders...but Edge stops him, then throws him off into a hot shot,
then clotheslines him out to the floor! Edge is out of the ring in a hurry
- but comes up with a ladder from underneath the ring! Up on his shoulder
- running at Guerrero but he ducks - AND SPARKS DOES NOT! Guerrero takes
advantage of the distraction to give Edge a forearm in the back - produces
a chair and WHACKS him in the back. Two men down, one mullet up. Subway
Replay shows Sparks get pasted again. Guerrero rolls Edge in the ring and
brings the chair in with him - stands on the back and WHACKS the ribs.
Guerrero again beats his chest and the crowd responds. Guerrero's feeling
froggy and continues to egg on the crowd...frog splash coming up - NO!!
Edge rolls out just in time but can't move any further! Three men are down
and we've GOT to take a break!!
TV-PG-DLV - Nobody's getting nachos and the bathrooms are empty - when we
return, MIKE CHIODA has joined the mix as Guerrero stands over Edge with a
right, right, right, right, right, right, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp,
stomp, stomp. Sparks is still a slug at ringside. Guerrero dares Edge to
get to his feet - into the ropes, climbs on the back for the sleeper!!
Edge rapidly fades down to a sitdown. KORDERAS & HEBNER arrive to help
Sparks to the back. We take the entire screen to possibly cover an edit
and also replay the ladder shot again. DURING THE BREAK! Guerrero's
clothesline ducked - Edge with a SPEAR! and hooks the leg - crowd counts
but nobody's there...finally Chioda comes rushing in and counts 1, 2, but
no. Coming back live on tape, Edge punches to get out, off the ropes,
Guerrero ducks, but Edge slips under and hits the half nelson faceplant!
Cover by Edge - 1, 2, NO! Edge pulls himself up in the corner - to the
second rope, but took too long. Guerrero with a right hand - climbs up for
a FRANKENSTEINER - press - 1, 2, NO!! Guerrero laces the fingers and
attacks the elbow - elbow, elbow, elbow, right to the face, right, right,
runs the ropes, goes for ANOTHER Frankensteiner off the springboard but
Edge stops him and POWERBOMBS him down! That'll definitely get a Subway
Replay. Edge crawls to the ropes and, fed on by the crowd, rolls outside
and looks for his friend the ladder. Ladder in, Edge in. But Guerrero
dropkicks the ladder into Edge! Guerrero rolls outside and produces a
SECOND ladder. Guerrero back inside - Cole notes that everybody in the
Arena is either standing or on the edge of their seat. Edge brought to his
feet - elbow to the back of the head, forearm, snap back elbow and Edge
falls across a ladder. Guerrero sandwiches him by putting the second
ladder on top - outside - trademark springboard senton back in and onto the
pile! That may have hurt Guerrero as much as Edge - well, okay, maybe Edge
a TINY bit more. Eddie covers Edge, still on the ladder - 1, 2, no rope
for his leg but he DOES get the shoulder off the ladder! Another replay
fills the entire screen. When we come back, Guerrero has a ladder set up
in a corner - Eddie on the top rope and now climbing the ladder...but Edge
is up and climbing the other side of the ladder! Guerrero right, Edge
right, right, Guerrero teetering, Edge right, Guerrero right, EDGE
teetering...Guerrero grabs Edge's head and RAMS it into the top of the
ladder - four times! Eddie wants a sunset flip OVER the ladder - and it
turns into a SUPERBOMB! Guerrero crawls over to Edge and drapes an arm
over him - 1, 2, SHOULDER UP!! Subway Replay, two angles - owch. Guerrero
folds the ladder and places it against the corner - and rams Edge into it.
Edge laying against the ladder and Guerrero winds up...but runs into a back
body drop INTO and almost THROUGH the ladder!! The ladder narrowly misses
Guerrero on the way down, and Chioda moves it aside. Another replay fills
the screen. Edge has his own ladder when we come back - now THAT one
stands in a corner. Edge climbs up...to do what? I guess to get a kidney
shot from behind - Guerrero outside, back in, climbing the opposite side of
the ladder, right, right, Edge to the body, right, right - head to the top
of the ladder four times...Guerrero now dragged off the ladder and standing
on the top rope - Edge pulls him up - EDGECUTION from the ladder!! Cover -
1, 2, 3! (8:00 + 8:41?) Guerrero's forehead shows the effects. Tazz:
"This sure as hell ain't no Survivor!" Replay of the Edgecution. Edge
limps up the ramp - he'll be feeling this one a while. Cole: "Tonight
stopped being about who is right and who is wrong - it became about two men
wanting to prove who the better man is - for YOUR entertainment. And that,
my friends, is the credo of SmackDown!" After Edge is gone, they play
Guerrero's music - and he gets a Standing O from the San Diego faithful as
well! One more Replay of the Edgecution! Wow, they usually don't show the
loser's exit as part of the show - but I'm glad they did. Great match.
TONIGHT: Triple Threat Match! Kurt Angle vs. Chris Benoit vs. Rey Mysterio!
No Mercy ad - "Hi Pete."
It's the Sports Arena that STILL can't afford a name! Here's some hype for
next week in Lafayette - tix still available...
MARC LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOYD catches up with Chris Benoit as he warms up.
"You SUCK...is what the people chant whenever Kurt Angle walks to the
ring. But I'll admit, when it comes to Kurt Angle, The Wrestler...nothing
could be further from the truth. See, he's not the only Olympic Gold
Medalist in WWE history for nothin' - he's one of the toughest,
technically sound SOBs I've ever been in the ring with. And I'm lookin'
forward to competing agaynst - and beating him again tonight - as well as
San Diego's own Rey Mysterio! Mysterio's born in San Diego, hometown boy,
well that's really cool...well, Chris Benoit was BORN to HURT."
Meanwhile, Matt Hardy shows off a videotape of his match to Shannon Moore!
"You see what I did there, Shannon? I mean, I really hope you're pickin'
all this u, 'cause these are invaluable lessons that I'm teachin' you. You
saw what I did to the Hurricane, I mean I beat him so bad that he had to
run away to a completely different show! But what else is new, right? I
mean that seems to be the current 'trend' with all my opponents - whether
it be the Hurricane - or whether it be my opponent tonight, The Undertaker.
Who else but Matt Hardy (version 1), founder of Mattitude, could make The
Undertaker run away the last *two* times I was in the ring with him?"
"Yeah, but Matt, I think it had a little more to do with Brock Lesnar than
it had to do with you." "Brock Lesnar? You think Brock Lesnar had
something to do with that? Ha! Well I'll tell you what - you sit right
there, Mr. Fancy Pants, in this chair and you watch this monitor - and you
watch what I do to The Undertaker in my match up next - and we'll see if
Brock Lesnar has anything to do with Matt Hardy defeating The
Undertaker...AGAIN." He walks off - and we spy Brock Lesnar emerge into
the hallway immediately afterward...man, I bet that monitor doesn't even
GET the feed.
"Forceable Entry" ad - hey Pinfield, Farm Club isn't on anymore
Your hosts are MICHAEL KING COLE & TAZZZZZZZZZZZZ.
It was announced Tuesday that WrestleMania XIX would take place at Safeco
Field in Seattle, WA - mark down 30 March 2003 NOW - and I think we have
one question - just what the HELL was THE GODFATHER doing there?
THE AWESOME UNDERT
AKER (Houston, Tejas - 305 pounds - on His Beautiful Bourget Python
Bike - with Subway presents No Mercy live on 20 October!) v. MATT HARDY
(Cameron, North Carolina - 234 pounds)
referee: BRIAN HEBNER
Cole: "Think about this: in Brock Lesnar's first match with Hollywood Hulk
Hogan, he ended Hogan's career - in his first match with the Rock he took
the title from the People's Champ - and in Lesnar's first match with The
Undertaker, The Undertaker took the fight to Brock Lesnar." Hardy offers
the Hand of Friendship...Taker ain't going for it...no, wait he does.
Except he doesn't give the hand back - Matt's a little unnerved by this -
there's a whip into the corner, back elbow, back elbow. Soupbone! Taker
makes Hebner flinch. Runs in but eats two boots from Hardy - Hardy with a
chop block - mounths, right, right, right, right, stomp, stomp, ahhhh drop
(with no ahhh), then dares Taker to get up - gutshot, Twist of Fate shoved
off - head down, kick by Hardy - off the ropes but caught - CHOKESLAM!
Taker over Hardy and giving him what for. And here IS what for - the Last
Ride powerbomb. 1, 2, 3. (1:50) KING BROCK LESNAR is immediately out and
BRAINING Taker with the championship belt. Taker wastes no time bleeding
in profuse style. Crowd chants "You suck!" as HEY, MAN directs Lesnar into
one more belt shot before Taker gets all the way back up. Korderas joins
Hebner in the ring. Heyman: "Look at that - Dead Man Bleeding." Lesnar
gives us that dazzling smile before leaving the ring and backing up the
ramp. Crowd brings up the "Asshole" chant. Heyman piles it on just in
mic-shot. "You're the man. Nobody like you! Nobody survives you! Not
Hogan, not The Rock, not The Undertaker! You are the man! You are the
best! You are the Champion! YES! YES!"
See the WWE LIVE when it comes to YOUR AREA - Sunday, Bossier City!
Monday, Monroe! And Tuesday, Lafayette!
MOMENTS AGO! Easy pin for Taker, free shot from Lesnar - make it double
DURING THE BREAK! Taker had trouble getting to his feet, pulling himself
up by his bike and then walking/crawling back up the ramp.
DURING THE BREAK! We went black and white as Taker refused treatment...but
ended up falling backwards into the corner of the room and leaving some
dark spots on the white door next to him
KURT ANGLE (Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania - 237 pounds) v. AD BREAK - First a
few words from Angle: "Tonight, for reasons well beyond my comprehension,
Your Olympic Hero has a triple threat match with Chris Benoit and Rey
Mysterio. Rey Mysterio....who claims to be from San Diego...like that's
somethin' to brag about! Oh, wait a minute - you people are ALSO from San
Diego? I think the INS would have a little somethin' to say about that!"
HA! "Rey Mysterio, you may think you're impressive with the '619' ... but
tonight, you're gonna be needing another number - and that number is 9-1-1!
Comprende? And Chris Benoit, you may be feeling really comfortable in San
Diego - I mean, you illegally win our match at Unforgiven, and half the
people here illegally sneakin' into this country! But make no mistake
about it 'cause there's only one true threat in this Triple Threat match
tonight...and no, it's not the toothless cheater - and it's DEFINITELY not
that sawed-off lost member of Menudo! Oh no! It's the man standing in the
middle of this ring right here tonight - yours truly - a REAL American -
Kurt Angle - oh it's true, it's DAMN true!"
Stacker 2 ad #2 (Bubba again)
KURT ANGLE (already in the ring) v. CHRIS BENOIT (Edmonton, Alberta - 229
pounds - with Forceable Entry CD cover - meet Kevin Nash at the Alltel
Arena this weekend when No Mercy tix go on sale!) v. REY MYSTERIO (San
Diego, California - 175 pounds) in a triple threat match
Benoit and Angle go nose to nose and it looks like they might not want to
wait for Mysterio....but they manage. Mysterio walks up and gets ignore -
finally he tries to part them and get in a word himself, but Angle piefaces
him and throws a right on Benoit - HERE WE GO - Mysterio off the rope with
a headscissors on Angle! Mysterio to Benoit - right, right, whip is
reversed and Mysterio tries a 'rana on Angle, but Angle throws him off -
forearm in the back by Benoit - lifts him up for a suplex but Mysterio
manages to get both boots up as Angle comes in, then rides Benoit down with
a bulldog. Covers Benoit, 1, 2, shoulder up AND Angle breaks it up. Angle
slides Mysterio to the outside, then grabs a double leg on Benoit - they
tussle on the mat, back and forth, neither man managing a definite
advantage - finally, both men up - Mysterio on the apron, Angle knocks him
down again - BENOIT with a double leg - some more rolling on the mat -
Angle finally grabs a waistlock, but Benoit slips out - both men back to
their feet - Benoit shoves Mysterio off the apron to the floor again (poor
Mysterio) - Angle with a double leg - going for the ankle, but Benoit rolls
and gets back up - Angle grabs a single leg - now manages a cover with two
feet on the ropes - 1, 2, Benoit's out. Cole mentions that that's how
*Benoit* won on Sunday. Mysterio back on the apron - shoudler through the
ropes to meet Angle, up and over back to back and into Benoit with a
viscera - drop toe hold as Angle comes in - shoved into the corner,
leapfrog over Benoit, who avoids the collision with Angle - Mysterio takes
advantage with a schoolboy - 1, 2, Angle breaks it up. Mysterio whipped
into the corner - up and over and Angle shoulders the post, but Benoit puts
a forearm in the back - then hits the death suplex. Angle's outside and
Benoit puts Mysterio into the ropes, back elbow, 1, 2, shoulder up by
Mysterio. Benoit still in command - atomic drop. Chop! Snap suplex -
NICE - 1, 2, not yet. Benoit grabs the headlock - Mysterio with a gutshot
to break it up - off the ropes - ducks - but Benoit presses him up and just
throws him to the outside - and suddenly, a fresh Angle is in with a right
for Benoit, right, chop, right, right, stomp, stomp, stomp. Tazz praises
Angle's strategy, just watching Mysterio take out Benoit. Clotheslines him
down for 2. Subway Replay of Mysterio's splat. Chop by Angle, shoved into
the corner, Benoit chops back, chop, chop, chop, chop, into the ropes,
reversed, caught into the belly-to-belly - Angle starts to fall backwards
but STILL throws him overhead. Wow. 1, 2, Benoit puts his foot on the
rope. Right hand by Angle - into the ropes is reversed, another vicious
back elbow by Benoit. Benoit picks him up for the right hand. Head to the
buckle. Mysterio still MIA. Benoit grabs the waistlock and hoists him
over for what I'm sure is only the first German suplex - there's two -
Angle blocks, back elbow, back elbow, standing switch - ANGLE with a German
suplex - holding on for TWO - still has it, but *Benoit* blocks, back
elbow, standing switch, Angle elbow, elbow, ducks a clothesline, gutshot,
OLYMPIC SLAM!! DOWN COME THE STRAPS but his back is to Mysterio -
springboard dropkick to the back puts him outside - Mysterio covers and
hooks the leg - 1, 2, NO!! Forearm by Mysterio - into the ropes is
reversed and Angle hits a shot in the back of Mysterio...then pulls him
outside and goes back in...where Benoit ducks then hits an OVERHEAD German
suplex! Thumb crosses throat and the crowd roars...but it's because
Mysterio is climbing the corner and connects on a missile dropkick!
Mysterio up - Angle ducks, then upends Mysterio over his head and out of
the ring - but he lands on Benoit cannonball-style! Shouldn't have played
to the crowd, though - Angle is out and THROWS Mysterio into the barricade.
Angle moves back to Benoit - back in the ring - and there's a chop block.
ANGLELOCK!! Benoit grabs the rope but Angle isn't ready to let go - Angle
tries to pull him off the ropes - leaving both men in perfect postition for
a DOUBLE 619 (a 1238?) Mysterio out - ready to spring for the West Coast
Pop - Angle forearms Benoit into the ropes but too late, Mysterio's already
in the air - but Angle STOPS his momentum - but Mysterio goes over and down
the back - 1, 2, NO!! Angle flips Mysterio with a big clothesline. But
Benoit locks in the crossface!! Angle crawls to the rope...can't quite
reach it - tries to roll through but only ends up finding himself in the
CENTRE and still in the crossface! But it looks like Mysterio will save
him - springboard guillotine to Benoit! Leg is hooked - 1, 2, NO! Angle
up with a gutshot, Olympic Slam evaded - gutshot by Mysterio - off the
ropes, but Angle tries to shove him off - and eats a dropkick from
Mysterio, then gets tossed over and out by Benoit - Mysterio boosted by
Benoit - but springs off the middle rope, twists and hits the
Frankensteiner - 1, 2, 3!! Mysterio pins Benoit!!! (8:43) Give a Replay to
the springboard legdrop, and the springboard huracanrana for the 1, 2, 3.
Angle is unhappy that Mysterio won - but not as unhappy as Benoit! Credits
are up... "Fierce competition tonight - and believe it or not, ladies and
gentlemen, we ARE determined to top it next week, right here on SMACKDOWN!"
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