UPN Thursday - turn it up! TV-PG-DLV - Attitude - Entertainment - WW LAST THURSDAY: The Undertaker The Undertaker was was challenged challenged by by Matt Hardy Matt Hardy in a in a falls count anywhere falls count anywhere match match but but Brock Brock Lesnar Brock Lesnar broke his hand hand b-b-b-b-b-b-broke broke broke his haaaaaaaaand - Notice how they use judicious editing and zooms to avoid showing the DEADLY popcorn! When Stephanie says Taker's hand is "officially broken," what does that mean it was beforehand? UNofficially broken? Notice how they slow down Stephanie's voice - that's a sneaky dig at Nicole Bass, see Backstage, Taker paces about and shows off his shiny new cast, on which he has written "NO PAIN" - no, no, Master Fuji says it's MOOOOOOOORE PAIN. He's waiting for Brock! NORO! As we learn that we are coming from the America West Arena in Phoenix, AZ and SAP transmitido en espanol 10.10.2 (taped 8.10) for WWE SmackDown! #166, MATT HARDY makes his way to the ring, all smiles. Your hosts are MICHAEL KING COLE & TAZZZZZZZZZ, by the way. Hardy tests his mic, then raises his hand in the "v.1" pose. Crowd chants "We want Jeff." "You know, times are great for Matt Hardy, version 1! The fan letters, the mail is been rolling in ever since I beat The Undertaker yet again, for a second time, last week, right here on SmackDown! But no no, I didn't defeat The Undertaker in just any old match - I beat The Undertaker 1, 2, 3 in a Falls Count Anywhere match - yes I did!" "You suck!" "Everyone knows that it wasn't a Twist of Fate that led to my victory - no no - it was a very defining moment in the Era of Mattitude - it was a moment in time when Matt Hardy singlehandedly proved his dominance over The Undertaker! So for any of the unfortunate few that may not have been able to witness this great moment last week - who may have only heard from a coworker or a friend - you're in for a very special treat tonight, because with me, I have the footage, so that allllllll of you can Live for the Moment!" Let Us Take You Back to A Judicious Cut from Last Thursday - 1, 2, 3 - "I mean, how awesome was that? How phenomenal was that? Huh? You know, I saw The Undertaker out pacing around earlier in the parking lot - waiting for Brock Lesnar. (The camers catch sight of Taker - and he's WALKING!) But we all know the reason The Undertaker is in the parking lot and not here - because he doesn't want another dose of Mattitude! Y'see, The Undertaker would rather face Brock Lesnar in a Hell in the Cell than face Matt Hardy again, and again, and again... (finally sees Taker is up to the curtain backstage) Hey! Whoa! Taker... I'm serious - don't come out here - if you do, what I did last week will look like nothing, I mean nothing, compared to what I do to you this week I'm serious. Stop, put on the brakes, no more." THE AWESOME UNDERTAKER emerges on the stage. "Taker - freeze yourself in your tracks - whoa whoa whoa - Taker - look, I beat you last week when you were healthy, I don't wanna maim a crippled man. I'm serious! Taker, if you come in this ring, I will not be responsible, it's your life I'm trying to save here!" Taker parts the ropes and Hardy goes after him with the mic - loaded right, again, again, again, grabs the cast and rams it into the buckle - Taker gutshot, left, left, left, forearm shiver with the cast - and one more! Hardy outside, Taker pokes him with his boots, out after him, knee, Hardy tries to fire back but Taker lands another knee, then shoves him into the STEEL steps. Into the timekeeper's table. Cast shot, cast, cast, cast, cast, cast, cast, cast. Taker adds a headbutt as we notice Hardy's opened up. Another headbutt. Kick. REFS are out but Taker scares them off. Hardy again tries to fight back with rights, but Taker knees him repeatedly - back into the ring with him...Taker follows as the crowd chants "Taker" - cast punch! Finally, Hardy kicks him in the nuts to turn it back around - right, right, kick, kick, kick, kick, right, FINALLY the refs pull Hardy off of him...giving Taker just enough time to recover, it seems, and here he comes - left, forearm shiver with the cast. Hardy outside, Taker follows. Taker puts him into the steps one more time - stomp - refs get between them again and Hardy grabs a chair - WHACK! Ready to swing again but Taker uses the cast on the chair a few times...then moves to Hardy's forehead. He takes a swing at the refs when they try to pull him off, but misses when they hit the deck. Up against the post, elbow, winding up for a big run...which, sure enough, means Hardy ducks the cast soupbone and Taker punches out the post. Taker goes back to screaming and grabbing his hand, and Hardy makes his escape. But Taker...the cast says "NO PAIN!" There's not quite as much blood on Taker's cast as on Hardy's forehead, but ponder that as we take the first ad break... Stacker 2 ad (Bubba Ray Dudley) - isn't trying to sell ephedra-free Stacker 2 a lot like trying to sell cinnamon-free Big Red gum? Forceable Entry ad MOMENTS AGO! Well, let's see... one segment so far... gee, what do YOU think we're rewatching? For the record, that STEEL post was "unforgiving." RIKISHI (American Samoa - 350 pounds - with Backstage, Trainer Larry tells Taker it's time for some more x-rays - he's probably broken the hand in some OTHER spot) v. EDDIE GUERRERO (El Paso, Tejas - 228 pounds - with Chavo Guerrero - and Let Us Take You Back to Last Week)
referee: JIMMY KORDERAS
Lockup, side headlock by Guerrero - powered out, shoulderblock by Keesh - hey, that's a switch. Eddie ain't happy about it. We go again - go behind by Guerrero, right, right, elbow, elbow, right - tonight, Benoit & Angle take on...somebody, in their Round 1 tag team tourney match. Also, Rey & Edge team up! And then, Dawn Marie and Torrie will wear lingerie! Into the ropes doesn't happen; instead, Keesh pulls Guerrero into the ropes, then clotheslines him down. Right hand. Into the ropes, quick bearhug by Keesh..Guerrero goes to the eyes to get out of it. Sunset flip doesn't happen - Guerrero AGAIN evades the buttdrop just in time. Guerrero with a seated dropkick off the ropes, too - nicely done. Stomp, stomp, stomp, kick, kick. WHen Korderas pulls him off, Chavo gets him some as well. "Eddie sux!" chant. Eddie stomping AND shuffling. Right, right, right, right. Keesh blocks the next one, right, right, right, Guerrero sneaks in another face rake - but the whip is reversed, big back body drop by Keesh there. Scooped up and chokeslammed down. Keesh pats his rump..but nobody's home on the fat ass splash! Guerrero dropkicks the knees! Outside, and slingshot senton back in. Climbing up top...he's feeling froggy, but Keesh is outta the way. Wow, big Samoan Drop! Clothesline in the corner...and Guerrero flumps from it. Keesh checks in - but before he can finish raising the roof, Chavo is on the apron - Keesh brings him in the hard way, ducks the swing and gives him a KEESHKICK! Fat ass splash on the pile (Tazz: "double burrito!"), double flump - and a cheek for each man on the double stinkyface. Eddie rolls out, Chavo rolls to the ropes...but Keesh pulls him back in by his tights. Eddie's grabbed a chair from the outside while all this goes on...Keesh pops him before he can connect - right, right, right. Chavo has a SECOND chair Eddie had put in the ring previously - KEESHKICK before HE can use it - but that manages to get Korderas AND Keesh to have backs turned - and Eddie does the Gilooly job on Keesh's left ankle, then ties him up in his "El Paso Lasso" (reverse standing figure four with a knee in the back) until he gives it up. (4:37) Let's take a replay of the chairshot. Chavo and Eddie are pretty proud of themselves! Later tonight, we'll find out who their Round 2 opponents are! Backstage, Torrie selects her lingerie, then gets surprised by her father - yes! The Al Wilson Across America tour! Torrie doesn't really want him to see the undies and scuttles him towards the locker room... "WWE: The Videos, Volume 1" DVD ad - aw, geez, only TEN videos? CHEEEEEAP cheap cheap cheapcheapcheapcheapcheapcheapcheapcheap Heeeeeey see the WWE LIVE tomorrow in Utica, Saturday in Rochester, Sunday in Buffalo, Monday in Quebec for RAW, and Tuesday in Toronto! Benoit and Angle share another tender moment of staring while Stephanie paces in and out of the frame - mostly in. She begs for them to get along as tag team partners, because it will make the SmackDown! tag team division "legitimate." Hoo boy. Is it just me or do keep it zoomed out JUST enough for us to try to figure out if that's a camel toe or not? KUH-LASSEH. Anyhow, screw up and it's a year's suspension without pay. Angle says he's glad for the opportunity...he's gonna win this freakin' thing no matter who his partner is... "even if he's missing a few teeth....and a few brain cells." Benoit does his best fake laugh. "How funny. Hey, do I sense a little bitterness that you lost to me at Unforgiven? Mmm? Look, you may be an Olympic champion--" "You're damn right." "--but you've never been a tag team champion, so tonight, you follow MY lead...champ." He fingers the medals. "Don't touch." "Gentlemen...you're excused." "After you." "After you." "I asked you first." "I asked you second." "Well, I'm stayin'." "I'M stayin'." "Then fine, stay." "I WILL stay." Angle crosses his arms, Benoit crosses HIS... "THIS is FUNAKI! SmackDown! #1! ANNOUNCER! Rey Mysterio - tonight, you and Edge - big championship tournament against Tajiri and Jamie Noble." "Funaki - tonight, Rey Mysterio and my boy Edge, in a tag team tournament - we are gonna put it down in Phoenix, Ari--" Nidia interrupts by hitting on Mysterio in spanish - something about taking the one out of the 619, I think - and Mysterio answers by calling her Perro Aguayo - wait, I may have misheard that. Anyway, Nidia storms off, and then Mysterio finishes his interview....ha ha, just kidding, we follow Nidia to Noble. "These guys are punking you out and you're totally doing NOTHING about it." Noble is confused, then angered when she turns her back to him and starts walking (WALKING!) off. "I'm Jamie Noble, the Cruiserweight Champion!" THEN, the crack WWE Security get involved, and Nidia slaps Noble's water into them, and... I *think* we're suppose to get a "COPS" vibe here, but instead I'm getting a "Nitro" vibe - you know, the one that calls out to you and says "uuuuuuse the faaaaaaaast fooooooorward" Meanwhile, the Guerreros have gathered outside Stephanie's (EXCITING) door to celebrate their victory over Rikishi - not to mention last week over Mark Henry. After they win next week, it's on to No Mercy and a pair of belts. Benoit finally exits Stephanie's office (first?) - they ask him if he saw what they did to Rikishi's fat (beep) - when Benoit remains stoic, Eddie asks him if he's feeling something. "Did you just get in trouble with the principal, man?" They yuk it up. "Eddie...I don't know *what* the hell is up with that Stephanie, okay? But I will be DAMNED if I'm gonna sit at home another year because of that Olympic Ego, Kurt Angle." Chavo says he's heard that Angle plans on taking a year off. Eddie says oh yeah, Kurt wants to take time off to train for the Olympics - in what, figure skating? "Ese - I don't know, man. You better (something) vato. If I were you, ese - I'd be verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry careful! I mean, if Kurt's gonna... go down, looks like he wants to take you down with him! I don't know, man." Angle exits at this point. "Hey, what's up, home slice? Word up, my Chicano friend." The Guerreros take off. "Was it something I said? ...wait a minute. Were you guys talkin' about me? Listen, Benoit...we may - we may not be able to fight during our matches, but if you don't tell me what you guys were talking about...I'll beat it outta ya." Benoit smiles. "Yeah - you beat it out of me." And he walks off. Angle looks to and fro... No Mercy hype - Hell in the Cell - 10 days away! And now, the Burn of the Night, SPEEDing along to you with Stacker 2! From last week, Benoit does a bit of interfering and Edge ends up getting the win over Angle. WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP TOURNAMENT: ROUND 1 - BILLY KIDMAN & JOHN CENA (purple and orange - Suns) (already in the ring - 464 pounds) v. KURT ANGLE (Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania - 237 pounds - with SmackDown! is brought to you by Dreamworks' "The Ring," Stacker 2, and Clearisil!) and CHRIS BENOIT (Edmonton, Alberta - 229 pounds - with Let Us Take You Back to Last Week)
referee: BRIAN HEBNER
Angle and Benoit are already arguing on the outside over who will start first. Cena and Kidman are content to stand in the ring and....watch. WOW! Finally, Benoit slides in and it looks like it'll be he and Kidman. Benoit with a gutshot, elbow, chop, into the ropes, Kidman ducks, Kidman 'rana, armdrag...pulled to a tag by Cena - into the ropes, double back elbow. Cena with a press for 1. Benoit back up with a gutshot, and a tag to Angle...who runs right into the hiptoss. Right, right, into the ropes, reversed, Cena ducks, Cena flying jalapeno, 2. Headlock, back to the corner and Kidman tags himself in - into the ropes, Cena drops down and Kidman meets Angle with a dropkick - leg is hooked - 2. Right by Kidman, into the ropes, reversed by Angle, head down, Kidman kicks, Angle back against the ropes, here comes Kidman but Angle catches him in a belly-to-belly throw sending Kidman to the floor! Benoit takes advantage, grabbing Kidman and shoving him back in for Angle. Well, maybe not REALLY taking advantage. Angle stomps, stomp, stomp, stomp. Death suplex. Angle has some words with Benoit. Kidman flips out of a second attempt, gutshot, whip into the corner is reversed, and Angle catches him with a belly-to-belly throw as he comes out - Angle's pretty pleased with himself, and Benoit reaches WAY over to tag himself in since Angle isn't amenable. Benoit goes to work on Kidman - stomp. Elbow. Into the corner sternum first - catches him out for a German - hangs on for two - lets go and adds a backbreaker. Benoit looks to Angle as if to say "THIS is how it's done." Kidman takes a paintbrush to the back of the head. Angle wants the tag but doesn't get it. Scoop...and a slam by Benoit. Half crab applied. Kidman won't give up but he's not feeling his best right now. Cena is chomping at the bit to see some action but not yet. Kidman finally manages to roll to his back, then hook Benoit in a rollup for 2! Benoit ends up too close to Angle, and gets tagged in the back. Angle stomp, stomp, stomp, backbreaker, 1, 2, no. Head to the buckle, right, right, into the opposite corner, boot up by Kidman, right, right, Benoit comes in *just* in time to turn Hebner away from seeing Kidman leap into the corner and make the tag. Hebner turns back and quickly goes to work keeping Cena away - double leg slam on Kidman by Angle. Pulls him up by the hair - vertical suplex by Angle. Hairpull drag, and there's a bona-fide tag between them. Angle stomp, into the corner, Benoit whips Angle into the corner but Kidman slips away and Angle shoulders the post (ooh) - Kidman's kick caught by Benoit, Kidman with an enzuigiri and both men are down! Hebner puts on the count as Kidman crawls...and makes the tag! Cena's a house on fire - clothesline, clothesline, Benoit into the ropes, big back body drop, Angle in and HE gets a spinebuster, gutshot on Benoit, swinging fishermanbuster on Benoit, press, 1, 2, Angle tries to save and ends up splashing his own partner when Cena gets out of the way! Cena tosses Angle, and runs into a gutshot from Benoit - into the corner sternum first, but Cena pops out as Benoit comes off the ropes, giving HIM the clothesline instead! Kidman with a blind tag just before Angle pulls Cena out of the ring - Kidman with the shooting star press! 1, 2, Angle MAKES THE SAVE! Cena elbows Angle - both men back in, Cena blocks, elbow, elbow, clotheslines him out of the ring, over to Benoit, HE ducks the swing and backdrops Cena over the top and out of the ring. Kidman back in - Benoit gutshot, ohh no YOU CAN'T POWERBOMB KIDMAN, 1, 2, NO! Angle back in - Kidman gives him a gutshot, going for the Acid Drop but Angle lands on his feet and counters...into the Olympic Slam! DOWN COME THE STRAPS and the Anglelock is applied...but Angle's not the legal man and Hebner isn't counting it. Cena in to break it up anyway, but behind HIM Benoit appears out of nowhere (or through the magic of editing), throws a forearm to Cena that takes himself AND Angle out of the ring, then applies the crossface. Kidman's tapout is academic. (7:51) Angle back in with a shove for Benoit - he wants HIS arm raised by Hebner as well. They're nose to nose and butting heads in the ring...will they go at it right here and now? And by that, I mean...WILL THEY START KISSIN'? Brock, Paul, and...some hot chick...are WALKING! Heyman stops a nearby floor manager and commands him to make sure the path to the ring is clear, because Lesnar's headed to the ring... "with a very special guest." Booker T shills Hungry-Man XXL Jakks Pacific "WWE Metal Vengeance Arena" and action figures ad Forceable Entry provides a Special Video Look at Matt Hardy. "When you think about all that I've accomplished here in the WWE, the first thing that you think of is Desire. That's definitely true, but I have something much more important than desire - I have that special unknown. I've got...it. And that is... Mattitude. ... When I step into the ring, my opponent can feel the Mattitude in the air. And it makes the work even harder, because of that something extra, because of that intangible that only Matt Hardy version 1 possesses. Mattitude isn't thinking that I'm the best; Mattitude is KNOWING that I'm the best. Everybody is unique. Everybody has something that sets them apart from everyone else. I just happen to be gifted with something that makes me better - something that no one seems to understand, but everyone wishes they had. People know when they see Matt Hardy, they're witnessing something special...and that's why they love me. No one else can be me. No one else can be Matt Hardy. Welcome...to the era of Mattitude." EARLIER TONIGHT! aka "18 paragraphs ago" And now, KING BROCK LESNAR, PAUL E. HEYMAN & "THE TOMATO" as Tazz calls her head to the ring. Heyman parts the ropes for the skirt...looks like he'll be speaking first as well. "We came here tonight to talk about The Undertaker. You see, The Undertaker is in the back right now, nursing a broken hand - a hand that was broken by the WWE Champion, Brock Lesnar. And yet The Undertaker is still in the back from what my source is telling me, (station ID) and he is screaming about Hell in a Cell. What kind of a man wants to enter Hell in a Cell with the WWE Champion? The Undertaker - what kind of a man is The Undertaker? The Undertaker, who has shortened careers in Hell in a Cell; The Undertaker, who has taken years off o' men's lives in Hell in a Cell; The Undertaker, who at No Mercy wants to be locked inside Hell in a Cell with Brock Lesnar! Now the question remains, what kind of a man is The Undertaker, quite frankly, I'm not qualified to answer that question...but Tracy, on the other hand...Tracy, as you know, Brock, is VERY qualified to tell us all just what kind of a man The Undertaker happens to be." "I'll tell you--" but the music has already hit and THE AWESOME UNDERTAKER is out to make his second appearance of the night. Vest is off! Lesnar and Heyman take off for the outside, leaving the woman...who he almost pops right then and there, but holds back. "What, are you gonna hit me now? You know...how COULD you? How could you, Mark? For three months, you have *lied* to me and slept with me...and now I find out you're married? And your wife is pregnant. You're a bastard!" Heyman & Lesnar yuk it up from the ramp. "I NEVER even cared that you were The Undertaker. I never watched wrestling! I even promised you that I would *never* take our relationship public...now I see why, don't I." Crowd is so enthralled by this development they work up a "Brock, you suck" chant. "Sara...I hope you're watching. I am sorry that you had to find out about me like this - I didn't know - and your husband lied to me, just like he's lying to you. You know, I wonder how many other women you sleep with, Mark--" Well, he must have had enough of her calling him Mark - he's got the mic! "Listen, lady - I have NO IDEA who you are." She slaps him! Then leaves. Taker makes a Tackleberry face. Heyman commends her bravery as they head back up the ramp and to the back. Sheesh, all we needed was Clarence Mason holding a writ of alienation of affection... Let's rapidly move on to the WWE Slam of the Week. It's brought to you by "The Ring." From last week, Lesnar F-5's Taker, then officially breaks his hand with a propane tank. Before the WWE dies, it'll promo "The Ring." "The Scorpion King" DVD & video ad TV-PG-DLV - everyone walks away, but Stephanie blocks their path. After dueling "umms," Stephanie reveals that since Jamie Noble hasn't returned, Brock Lesnar will instead team with Tajiri in tonight's other Round 1 tag team tourney match. Heyman says there's no way Lesnar can compete in this unsafe working environment. Stephanie calls Paul "Brock....and Paul," then says that a healthy tag team division is vital to SmackDown!, Lesnar WILL compete, and everyone's barred from ringside...and if Taker interferes, then he'll forfeit his chance at No Mercy. I suppose this would be meaningful...if Taker merely cared about getting the belt as opposed to getting at Lesnar. But, gee, I kinda think the way this thing has been written, Taker just MIGHT want to get his hands on Lesnar for other reasons that to get the belt. I know, call me crazy... STRAIGHT BILLY GUNN (Austin, Texas - 269 pounds - with Straight Chuck Palumbo - and Monday in Montreal hype) v. D-VON (Dudleyville - 247 pounds - with Ron Simmons - with Let Us Take You Back to Last Week)
referee: MIKE SPARKS
Okay, let me catch myself up here. He's no longer "Reverend," but he still has the gospel theme and the fish shirt. HE is no longer Faarooq, having seemingly softened his stance on refusing to go by Ron Simmons when he first formed the Nation of Domination. And, HE and HE are STRAIGHT. No longer using "You Look So Good to Me" probably cinched that. Man, remember when these two were the hottest mainstream yadda yadda yadda and what do you MEAN that was only FOUR weeks ago? (Then again, didn't Rico beat Ric Flair only THREE weeks ago...and look where he is NOW.) Lockup, jostling for position, to and fro, back and forth, finally to the corner, switching, Sparks between them, D-Von with a right over his back. Right. Onsale crawl. Side headlock by Gunn, D-Von powers out, Gunn shoulderblocks him (duh). Up and over, dueling hiptosses, Gunn muscles him over in a variation thereof, and gets 2. D-Von reverses the whip, Gunn reverses back and ALMOST locks in the One and Only but D-Von slips out. Gunn tells him it was just that close, then turns to the crowd so D-Von can sucker punch him. "You got what, huh?" Right. Uppercut. Into the ropes, Gunn slips under, goes behind - D-Von to the ropes, shrugs him off but runs into a hiptoss - leg is hooked - 1, 2, D-Von is out...and out of the ring. Later: LINGERIE! D-Von and Chuck lock eyes...and Sparks comes out to stand between them. The chase goes on behind his back, which can only mean Simmons is laying in wait - or even lying in wait - with the blindside clothesline. Gunn shoved into the STEEL steps. Gunn rolled back in, D-Von follows. Stomp. Blatant choke. Into the ropes, jumpin' back elbow. "Who's the man?" ANOTHER blatant choke. Funny how they just completely drop the minister gimmick. D-Von waits for Gunn to pull himself up...then punches him back down. Here's a chinlock. Gunn back up, elbow, to get out, but comes off the ropes into a HUGE flapjack. Leg is hooked - D-Von gets 2. Right, scoop...and a powerslam. 1, 2, Gunn's up again. Gunn put into the ropes, goes behind, One and Only DOES connect, but Gunn can't follow it up. I wonder if Stephanie will ever punish D-Von for letting Batista jump to RAW. Both men finally up, Gunn ducks, right, right, dropkick, head to the buckle, right, right, right, calls to the crowd and gets a running start on the avalanche. Gunn gutshot, signalling to the crowd, off the ropes but Simmons ankles him. Palumbo over - JUNGLE KICK on Simmons! Gunn counters the Saving Grace attempt with the Fame-Ass'er - 1, 2, 3! (5:21) Still, they're in the semifinals of the tag team tournament, so....hell, I have no idea what the point is. Backstage, the cameras catch Taker trying to explain to his wife how she could possibly be watching this seeing as it's taped two days ahead. I guess he hooked her up with one o' them cool-ass satellite pickup dealios, right? Anyway, she isn't interested in his explanations and hangs up on him. He is...frustrated! Time now to find out when the WWE is next coming to your area! Well, only if you live in Edmonton (Saturday), Calgary (Sunday), London (Monday) or Toronto (Tuesday) - otherwise, you're screwed Backstage, Chavo cries out for Benoit...when he finds him, Chavo says Kurt Angle jumped him from behind and now he's beating up Eddie. Chavo leads him to a darkened room, then holds the door shut as the sound effects tell the story....and then Uncle Eddie emerges from the room, twisted chair in hand. "Did you get the job done?" "Did I get the job done?" He shows off the chair. "Kurt ANGLE...got the job done." Meanwhile, Torrie asks her father if he could just hang backstage so as not to ogle her in her lingerie. He agrees, and she says they'll go have dinner later. Geez, he sure seems to linger on her as she walks away, doesn't he? That's....a little disturbing. As soon as she leaves, Dawn Maries shows up and asks him if he's ever seen "Twin Peaks" before - then undoes her robe. "To be honest, I've ...never been abroad before." She kisses him on the cheek and sashays away. My favourite part of this is watching the security guy's head turn... No Mercy ad - "Hi Pete" GEE! The Extreme Blast of the Night is ROCKED by JVC's Tower of Power! From last week, Dawn Marie engages in shenanigans after losing the bikini contest. Check out the ....building! Also, they hype next week's Toronto show. Tazzzzzzzzzzzzz is in the ring to shill "Divas Undressed: the Magazine," then to introduce... TORRIE SAMUDA v. DAWN MARIE in a lingerie contest - Torrie's sweets of choice tonight is a red licorice whip. This is where you write your OWN joke about Torrie and a whip. Say, have they ever actually taken the time to explain to us why Dawn Marie actually competes in these contests...or even hangs around anymore? I mean, is she still sleeping with Vince McMahon? Probably not. Is she still doing any legal stuff? Surely, if she's travelling from town to town she can't be doing a lot of work for the lawyers, I mean she's always out of the office! Dawn Marie brings the goods - I don't know, garters always seem so COMPLICATED. Torrie has opted for a "Sable special" halter - Dawn doesn't seem to want her as much this week. Crowd cheers for Dawn Marie (Tazz notes it's better than being booed, like last week) - then goes molten for Torrie. Geez, I wonder how they tape her breasts to that thing. Dawn graciously offers the Hand of Friendship...but Torrie gives her a Flair impersonation. Well, Dawn will sure have the last laugh when she gives birth to Torrie's next half-sibling! No Mercy ad - HHH/Kane hyped, despite the fact that both competitors are RAW talent Jakks Pacific ad #2 Commentators shill "Enterprise" While Torrie showers and Pop waits outside the locker room door, Dawn Marie pays another visit. Why, that lech - he WAS watching the whole time! Dawn shows off her photos in the "Divas Undressed" magazine - as well as a bookmark that's actually the key to her hotel room (604). She hopes he'll return them to her tonight. "I'll be waiting!" Hey, I'll bet you didn't see THAT coming! (Also, Disciplinarian bought Bronco Billie's family ranch!) Meanwhile, Heyman and Lesnar are WALKING! Heyman pronounces Mysterio "abusive yet elusive." Lesnar stops him to borrow Heyman's phone. "NOW? We're going out to the ring, Brock!" "Hey, how you doin'? I'm just callin' to see if you're okay. I mean, the stress you must be underright now...to witness that on live television - I can't believe it. What do you MEAN you don't know who this is? You gotta be kiddin' me, right? I'm, I'm really offended. Why, it's Brock Lesnar! And I'm so glad that we could spend another moment like this together....Sara." And he hands it back to Paul. He is AGHAST! "Sara? You called Sara?! Hahahaha...." EARLIER TONIGHT! aka "19 paragraphs ago" - man, there are so many replays tonight, I should just put up last week's recap in tribute! UP NEXT: Rey Mysterio & Edge vs. Brock Lesnar & Tajiri in the final Round 1 match in the tag team tournament! Stacker 2 ad #2 - man, isn't trying to sell ephedra-free Stacker 2 a lot like trying to sell corn-free Fritos? Tough Enough III begins next week - apparently, Hugh Morrus will YELL A LOT WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP TOURNAMENT - ROUND 1 : KING BROCK LESNAR (WWE Champion - Minneapolis, Minnesota - 295 pounds - with Paul Heyman) and TAJIRI (Japan - 206 pounds - with Subway presents No Mercy, in just ten days!) v. REY MYSTERIO (San Diego, California - 175 pounds) and EDGE (Toronto, Ontario - 241 pounds)
referee: MIKE CHIODA
Lesnar and Edge will start. Let's see what Edge can do with the champ. Geez, thirty seconds and nothing. FINALLY...no. Okay, NOW they lock up - Lesnar shoves him away with ease and goes back to the Happy Dance. One minute gone by. Lockup, Lesnar shoves him away. Lesnar gives him the GUNS, baby. We go again - side headlock by Edge - Lesnar powers out, off the ropes Lesnar with the shoulderblock. Elbowdrop but nobody's home. Edge dares him to come in, and he runs right into a drop toe hold. Edge mocks his pose - Lesnar runs at him, Edge drops down and Lesnar goes over the top to the floor, landing on his feet and getting MAD. Crowd eats it up. Heyman tries to calm down his man, but Lesnar kicks the STEEL steps. Back in - lunging at Edge but he ducks - right, right, Lesnar right back with a knee...and another. Forearm in the back. Into the ropes, reversed, blind tag, Lesnar catches him off the ropes, but Mysterio dropkicks the pile - goes for a cover but before we even get the count of 1, Lesnar presses Mysterio off him and back onto his feet. Cole notes that this is a first-ever meeting here. Lesnar moves in - two boots to the chest by Mysterio. Again. Mysterio tries to slide under his legs and away, but Lesnar grabs the ankle, then pulls him out by his ankles and...hmm, I'd say an edit takes place probably but it ends with Mysterio getting slammed - forearm to the chest, and again. Lesnar picks him up - press...and drop. Tajiri tags himself in, much to Lesnar's surprise...I think he wants to *impress* him. Tajiri goes to work - the clothesline is ducked, but the superkick finds the mark. 1, 2, no. Snapmares him over and applies the headlock (what, is Tajiri TIRED already?) - crowd brings Mysterio back to life - and his feet. Right to the body, right, Tajiri with a forearm to the back, kick, into the opposite corner, boot up by Mysterio - Tajiri runs in and gets dumped on the apron - Tajiri evades the strike, shoulder through the ropes, springs over and muffs the landing but they still manage to get a tarantula out of it - Chioda breaks it up post-haste. Tajiri winds up but Rey ducks the KICK - but Tajiri still manages a seated dropkick for 2. Tazz says he'd like to see these two have a singles match - hey, me too! Mysterio rolls to the apron - Tajiri grabs him but Rey hits a right, right, Mysterio head through the ropes, again, Mysterio back in, flipping over the top rope into a 'rana! Mysterio tries for the tag but Tajiri catches him and runs him into the adjacent corner. Sat up top, open-handed slap in the face, again, climbs up after him, right, right, right, Mysterio right, right, shoves Tajiri back to the center, then rolls out and makes the HOT TAG! Edge right, right, into the ropes, one-armed flapjack, half nelson facebuster, free shot for Lesnar, catches the kick and hits the Edge-omatic, but Lesnar is in like lightning to run him over. Into the corner, the opposite corner, but shoulders the post when Edge sneaks out. Edge tries a clothesline - no effect on the big man. Another clothesline coming up - no sale. Tries again, ducks Lesnar's clothesline, and the flying jalapeno gets Lesnar off his feet! Tajiri up from behind - going for the KICK but Edge has eyes in the back of his head, ducks and *Lesnar* takes it right on the jaw! Edge takes care of Tajiri with a lariat - now Edge connects with a springboard dropkick - and a DOUBLE dropkick puts Lesnar on the floor. Edge with a drop toehold of Tajiri, putting him in PERFECT position for a 619 from Mysterio...then Edge adds a SPEAR to make it doubly academic. 1, 2, 3, Mysterio & Edge advance. (7:23) Lesnar pulls Edge out of the ring and gives him a belly-to-belly overhead throw on the floor - then catches Mysterio in mid-tope, backbreaker, then throws him up over his shoulder and ALMOST over the top rope back into the ring! Mysterio rolls back in on his own - Lesnar hits the ring and grabs *Tajiri*, giving him the Key on My Keyboard. Mysterio is also the recipient of an F-5. But now, THE AWESOME UNDERTAKER is out...Lesnar tries to get the jump - gutshot, right, right, right, right, into the ropes, Taker ducks, CAST LARIAT puts Lesnar outside - but that may have hurt Taker more than it hurt Lesnar. Lesnar and Heyman waste no time,and by the time they get out of Arizona, Taker will be just about be done showing off the blood on his cast. Credits are up and we're out!