by Christopher Robin Zimmerman
KEEP AN EYE OUT: This Sunday's New York Times Magazine will include
a profile of Gorilla Monsoon in the annual "Lives They Lived" issue. So,
like, read it, okay?
KINGS UPDATE: 17-10! Third place! That's more thanks to Phoenix and
Seattle losing than Sacramento winning, but hey, there IS a winning streak
for Sacto happening here. In fact, I got to watch them on TBS Wednesday -
got ugly for a while with the Celtics, but a win's a win and there was a
nice group interview with the Bencho Mob post-game. Definitely worth
staying awake through...
LET ME SAY THIS ABOUT THAT: There's a WrestleLine
forum devoted to me - whoopee! You won't see me over on the forum as
I'm either unregistered, or I registered so long ago I forgot all my
information and I'm too lazy to reregister. All I can say is if any of
you guys REALLY wanted to know why I wrote something I wrote, or what I
meant when I wrote something, it'd PROBABLY be a better idea to email me
directly instead of asking OTHER complete strangers on a public forum.
But dont' get me wrong - I *do* realise that that wouldn't be as much fun.
Hell, that's why I'm always talking about other folks here in the column
where EVERYBODY can read them! Oh, wait....did I say that or just think
I *will* say that I appreciate that the fact that I have a topic on the
forum probably makes everybody else wildly jealous, and for that, I humbly
And oh, by the way - I am biased and writing about professional wrestling
television programs is NOT journalism. Please write that down and refer
to it when you start to forget it.
WHILE I'M HAVING FUN WITH THE FRANCHISE: Wanna enjoy a highlight of 1999
right here on WrestleLine? Hit this link here,
which is WrestleLine's Japan schedule. Shockingly, it's the EXACT SAME
SCHEDULE they had up on 1 July!! WrestleLine: TOTALLY committed to
providing a home for the fans of the international stuff. Honestly,
between WrestleLine's international section, and MiCasa's WMTV section, we
had a whole year's worth of unchanging, static, EMBARRASSING pages out
there. Hey Mike, remember that picture of British Bulldog, Alex Wright,
and Disco Inferno from Fall Brawl '98 that was there until they shut down
the old WM site? I used to click on that once a week just to make sure it
was still there. Brought a sense of stability to my life, it did.
GIANT TV-PG-DLV One World Leader Attitude - WWF!
LAST MONDAY: Pink slip on a pole - Snow - Rock - Mankind - DX - eh, go
read the RAW report
FIREWORKS! WE ARE ON TAPE from the Richmond Colesium in Richmond, VA
30.12.99 (taped 28.12) and en espanol donde sea disponible! Tonight,
we'll look back on Mankind's career...
...but first, we'll see Triple H and Stephanie in their office. Notice
how they don't kiss? Anyway, Kane and Tori show up - they've answered a
summons. Triple H tells Kane that Mick Foley got what he deserved, but
he's not about throwing his weight around - he just needs a favour from
Kane...a no holds barred with Rock. After all, Triple H did HIM a HUGE
favour by handing him Test on Monday. Triple H stokes the fire by telling
Kane he's seen the way Rock looks at Tori, and that's enough to get Kane
riled up for the matchup. Say, doesn't Tori's breastular region look a
little - well - tucked... skinwise? Perhaps she should consider wearing
something a little less revealing...that's kinda unappealing.
TEST v. PRINCE ALBERT & BIG BOSSMAN in a Handicap Match - Test is a little
surprised that this is a handicap match - Backstage, Stephanie lets us
know how happy she is to see Test get beat up week after week. Triple H
offers, "well, what else is he gonna do - get *fired*?" And then they
giggle. Test once again wears the mask - so maybe it was a mistake that
he didn't wear it Monday - or maybe they decided for storyline purposes
it's been broken YET AGAIN. Who can say. Albert starts, Bossman hops
around like he's been eating choco-coffee beanas. Lockup, knee from
Albert, throat shot, another, two kicks, four shoulders in the gut. Off
the ropes, duck, lariat from Test. Tonight, X-Pac takes on the Big Show
in a nontitle match. Right, right, off the ropes, reveresed, Bossman with
a kick to the back, Test turns around and kicks him, but turns back to
take a clothesline and fall outside. Bossman works him over down there
while Albert discusses the Y2K bug with referee "Blind" Tim White.
Finally WHite is out to cause the break, but Albert's out with him - whip
into the barricade. Back in the ring we all go - cover, 2. Test breaks
out of it and now he's firing back with rights - whip is reversed - Albert
charges, and hits a clothesline. He's going to go airborne! Second
rope...oops, legdrop misses. Bossman hops around, wanting the tag.
Instead, Albert tries a punch, Test blocks and hits one of his own...
let's repeat it. Off the ropes, reversed, duck, Albert has him up, Test
down, dueling hip tosses, swinging neckbreaker by Test. Bossman hasn't
been in this match yet, has he? Hmmm, and we didn't see him at all on
Monday. Off the ropes, head down, two gutshots, a GOD-awful pumphandle
slam (thank God he didn't cripple Albert there) - cover - 1, 2, Bossman in
to break it up and Test moves - Bossman splashes Albert instead. Big
atomic drop from Test on Bossman - back to Albert - but he turns around
and eats a nightstick shot, there's a bicycle kick from Albert - cover,
Backstage, Mae Young and Fabulous Moolah are paying a visit to Triple H
and Stephanie. Moolah tells them that Mick Foley is a dear friend of
theirs. Stephanie tells the women that they're a disgrace and an
embarrassment to the WWF - attacking innocent fans like they did on
Monday, just because they made a comment to Mark Henry. Hunter whispers
in her ear, and Stephanie decides that since they love to fight so much,
perhaps booking a tag team match between the women and the Hollys is in
order. It's another "do it or you're fired" moment - and they accept the
Classic Mick Foley: "The Early Years" is a clip from Mankind's "up close
and personal" interview - Jimmy Snuka's splash from the top of the cage
changed his life...and also had something to do with his leap from the top
of a friend's roof...
Classic Mick Foley: "Mankind's Debut" shows a clip from the Monday Night
RAW when he first appeared - there's the big elbow on Undertaker - and
there's the Manidble Claw! That wasn't his FIRST appearance, however -
whom did Mankind face earlier in the night in his first televised match on
Monday Night RAW? I'll tell you later in the show!
Al Snow is in the office, and he's *overjoyed* that Foley's been fired.
He got what he deserved for turning his back on Snow, and now - he'd like
his spot. Triple H says well, if Foley were here, he would have been
forced into a booking against Jeff Hardy - the idea being that match would
put him on the shelf next to his brother, finishing the job of taking out
the Hardy Boyz. Stephanie says if he DOES succeed in injuring Hardy,
there's a bonus in it for him. Snow says he'd be happy to cripple Jeff
Hardy - because it means HE'S GOT MICK'S SPOT! HE'S GOT MICK'S SPOT!
Snow keeps shouting while Stephanie and Hunter silently convey to each
other that THAT guy is cuckoo.
RIKISHI PHATU (with Too Cool) v. OLYMPIC GOLD MEDALIST, CELEBRATED ATHLETE
& REAL AMERICAN HERO KURT ANGLE - NOW IS THE TIME ON SPROCKETS WHEN WE
DANCE! This is one DAMN long entrance for these guys. I think I hear
fake cheering there... Finally some entertainment as Kurt Angle comes
out! "Richmond, Virginia - what I would like to do for you tonight - if
you would allow me to - is I, Kurt Angle (Olympic Champion, American hero,
a man of intensity, integrity and intelligence) - *I* would be your
honourary hometown hero." Before the match begins, out comes my man STEVE
BLACKMAN (with Riggs & Murtaugh) - ring announcer LILIAN GARCIA says that
he'll be handcuffed to the ringpost for this match. Backstage, we see
Stephanie take a bit of offense. Triple H says he just wants to make sure
Blackman doesn't get involved like she said! Angle goes behind, but the
waistlock takedown ain't happening on the big man. Phatu pushes him off
the ropes, big knockdown. Head to the buckle. Whip into the opposite
corner - PHAT SPLASH! Meanwhile, Blackman's unlocked his cuffs, whips out
a pair of nunchuku from behind his back and waffles Phatu with 'em. Angle
over as Blackman locks himself back up. Cover - 1, 2, 3. (:51) Blackman
manages to keep his 'chuks hidden and back in his pocket as he's freed by
the ref. Backstage: "Where the hell did he get a key?" "I don't know,
he's very resourceful...but, I guess that means Kurt Angle is still
undefeated and will remain so at the end of the century."
Classic Mick Foley: "Summer of Love" - Mankind leaps off the cage at
SummerSlam after pulling his shirt open to reveal - no Dude Love tattoo at
all! Back on Heat when they talked about this match in a "Deja Video"
segment, Mick said there was supposed to be his Dude Love heart on his
chest there, but it had disappeared during the match. This is also
covered in better detail in his book.
Backstage, Tori - BUYS A SODA!! Mountain Dew, in fact. Stephanie
approaches her and tells her that - just between you and me and this
cameraman, mind you - the Rock likes to...likes to...violate women. "I
think you should know - I've seen the way he looks at you - I mean, he
bores HOLES through you - he looks at you lasciviously and he clenches his
hands as if he's groping your body, and it - Tori, I just thought you
should know, from one woman to another, because I'd wanna know." The
thing is...Tori seems to be buying this! She's making some of those
pained expressions...hmmm, I guess this IS taking a turn I didn't think
they'd take it. And I'm not sure how comfortable it feels...
WWF is brought to you by Capcom's "Resident Evil 3", WWF Home Video's
"Austin vs. McMahon," and Universal's "The Hurricane!"
JEFF HARDY (with Nipples) v. AL SNOW (with Head) - I like the "We Want
Foley" sign in the crowd. Notice that every picture in Snow's entrance
video has word-free forehead shots...subtle, no? Snow punching away on
Hardy to start. Duck, gutshot, gutshot, right, right, whip is reversed,
Hardy up and over, dropkick to the back of the head. Kick, kick, head to
the buckle, scoop, drop, Hardy with the split-legged land on your feet,
but Snow pulls him out anyway and punches away - double choke - whip into
the barricade, but Hardy jumps onto it and moonsaults Snow! "Terri" chant
by the knowledgable wrestling crowd. Back in the ring - Snow catches
Hardy as he tries a head scissors, and hits a spinebuster. Stomp,
hairpull pickup - scoop - and a slam. Snow out on the apron - springs
onto the second rope - but the moonsault misses. Hardy has him in the
corner - whip is reversed, Hardy up and down in the corner - Snow
dropkicks him and Hardy seems tied to the tree of woe as Snow punches away
on a knee that appears wrenched. Hardy does Curt Hennig's "feet in the
air" spot not once but TWICE. Snow continuing to work over knee - pulling
the leg backwards - going for the shinbreaker but Hardy kicks him out of
the ring. Hardy with a couple kicks through the ropes, then a somersault
over the top rope, landing on Snow. Whip, reversed, Hardy tries to hop on
the barricade again but this time his knee goes out and he falls to the
floor. Snow rolls Hardy back in the ring and grabs a STEEL chair on his
way back in. Snow up to the top...moonsault with the chair! But there's
no water in that pool...Hardy tries a rollup out of a body scissors - but
only gets 2. Snow again wrenches the bad leg - when was the last time we
saw a dragon screw legwhip in the WWF? Powerbomb coming up - no, sorry,
Snow takes him over his head in a flapjackalike. Snow with the chair -
he's gonna Pillmanize him! Snow climbs the turnbuckles while Terri gets
on the apron. Referee "Blind" Jim Korderas trying to remove the chair and
Snow's unhappy about it. Before Snow can come off the top, MATT HARDY
comes out with a chair and WHACKS Snow one - Jeff covers - 1, 2, 3.
(4:58) Here's a replay. Hardy wins this match - but it's entirely
possible the damage has been done - Cole's assertion to the contrary
Classic Mick Foley: "Hell in a Cell" - God, you STILL can't help but just
sit there and go "...wow."
TitanTron LIVE ad
What the HELL? These guys are...SYNCHRONISED SWIMMING...for some...FRUITY
WINE? And they have WOMEN??? What?
Classic Mick Foley: "WWF Champion" - from "RAW is WAR" a year ago next
week...it's STILL amazing that not only did Earl Hebner NOT see Austin
conk the Rock with a chair, but he apparently also didn't hear Austin's
theme playing over the PA...not that any of this mattered then.
MICHAEL HAYES stands in front of an exciting door!
HOLLYS (with Scale Holly) v. FABULOUS MOOLAH & MAE YOUNG (with Hizarvey
Wippleman & Sexual Chocklit Mizark Henry) - Kill me now. Hardcore Holly,
by the way, was Mankind's first opponent on that first RAW, in a different
life. Moolah and Hardcore start. Collar and elbow tieup, Hardcore shoves
her to the mat. Kill me now. Tag to Crash. Moolah manages a drop
toeholdalike and tags Young - and by "tags," I mean "approaches within
five feet of Young as she enters the ring for no apparent reason." Kill
me now. Young and Moolah with a double whip as Moolah decides to stay in,
then changes her mind again and leaves. oming off the ropes, Crash shoves
Young in the face to take her down. STOMPING AWAY!!! Crash with the whip
- well, okay, hiptoss. Scooooooop - and a slam! Crash going to the top
rope - but Moolah over to shake the top rope, crotching him. Crash falls
into position for Mae Young to chop her crotch - then completely miss the
bronco buster - then try again. Kill me now. Henry jumps up and down on
the outside. Hardcore in with a decapitation clothesline. Crash with the
- ahem - running powerslam for the pinfall. Thank God, it's over. (2:31)
Post match, Henry comes in and both Hollys take him down with a
doubleteam. So Wippleman comes in - removes his jacket AND shirt (kill me
now), and puts a finger on Hardcore's chest. Now actually, you'd think
that this type of brazen chutzpah would appeal to the Big Shot, but no -
he gives him a tremendous atomic drop that really looked painful - good
sell, Harvey No-H. I think I can sum up this segment with three words -
"kill me now."
Michael Hayes says Rock refuses to answer his questions - Tori, frantic,
enters the picture and says she now believes what she's been told. Rock
emerges from behind the door of his dressing room to say he's NOT ducking
the questions, and Tori screams - then runs off. Rock wants to know what
Hayes did to Tori.
Classic Mick Foley: "3 Faces of Foley" shows the video played when Dude
Love and Mankind introduced Cactus Jack to MSG.
"Moments Ago" footage shows what we just saw before the break. Tori:
"Ahhhh! Ahhhhh! No - leave me alone!"
THROUGH HELLISH PLOTLINES AND GRIM ACTING IT'S KANE (with Tori - Spelling)
v. LA ROCA (with TV-PG-DLV ratings box) in a No Holds Barred match - Did
Cole just say "oogling?" No mic time for the Rock - again - hmmm! Rock
looks in Tori's direction, and Tori acts like she's seen a ghost - well,
sorta. Kane attacks, Rock comes back, rinse, lather, repeat. Cole says
that Kane's mission tonight is to eliminate the Rock - another step in the
McMahon-Helmsley master plan. Quickly we're outside the ring and up the
ramp. "Rock E" chant fails to help Rock, as Kane runs him into one of the
Time Tunnel ovals. Rock attempts the Rock Bottom, but Kane doesn't let
him. There's a shot right in the man ensemble. Kane his him up on his
shoulder..but Rock scoots free. Kane punched, closer and closer to the
edge of the stage - and there's a right that takes him off and through a
table! Rock walks down the stage and down to the fallen Kane. Into a -
table of snacks? But Kane gets free and punches Rock - then chokeslams
him through that same table! Tori's pretty happy, now. Uppercut from
Kane. Now into the crowd and walking back towards the ring. Rock taken
over the barricade. Dare we get back in the ring? Not yet. Uppercut
again. Whip into the steps is reversed and Kane tastes the STEEL. Rock
rolls Kane back in the ring, then grabs a chair - but Tori is over and
trying to keep Rock from having the chair. Rock pulls the chair (with
Tori holding on) into the ring - then shoves her away. Rock has to drop
the chair as Kane is over - punches from the Rock, one from Kane, whip,
reverse, duck...oops, Kane's clothesline accidentally strikes Tori! Rock
with a WHACK on Kane with the chair - here's Rock Bottom - there's 1, 2,
3. (5:13) Here's a look at a dazed Tori, a "smelling it" Rock, and an
unconscious Kane - wait, Kane manages a zombie situp, then goes outside to
check on Tori's cleavage. Check that replay - Rock ducks the lariat, but
Tori doesn't. Rock Bottom lands on the chair...aha!
When we come back, Jim Ross will sit down with Mick Foley.
Classic Mick Foley: "Birth of Mr. Socko" - Mankind visits Mr. McMahon in
the hospital and mirth and hilarity ensues...
So why did they change from "Shasta McNasty" to "Shasta?" What does the
REAL Shasta think about this. And finally, when your show is this crappy,
shouldn't you think about more FUNDAMENTAL changes than merely halving the
name of the show?
WWF Slam Cam ad - "awesome!" Wow, look how skinny they can make Debra on
...ou are watching UPN!
Here's an exterior of the arena. X-Pac takes on the Big Show in a
nontitle match, and Chyna takes on Chris Jericho for the intercontinental
title! Later Jim Ross, talks to Mankind
Let Us Take Another Look at Last Monday - umm, did I see this AN HOUR
ago?? Were you worried that I was gonna be watching some other channel?
THUNDER! isn't even *on* this week! Bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch! I
think I'll go to the bathroom!!
LARRY KING sits down with MICK FOLEY in his home. When he broke the news
to his kids, his daughter said "if you don't wrestle, we can't eat, and
we're going to die!" But that's not going to happen - he's been saving
his money and his interest has been compounding. But his children are
still sad - he was their action hero and he won't be doing that anymore.
Ross asks him how he wanted to leave the squared circle in a perfect
world. Mankind says it would be retiring after the Main Event of
WrestleMania, going out as the WWF Champion. Does Foley harbour any
bitterness towards the Rock after Monday's match? Nope. If he'd won the
match, he'd probably be the most hated guy in the WWF. The Rock is The
Man - the future of the WWF. What does he consider his finest hour with
the WWF? He says the peep show skit was probably the greatest moment -
well, anything ridiculous and sophomoric would be fine. As far as in the
ring, the return of Cactus Jack in MSG, and winning the belt for the first
time in Worcester almost a year ago. He's feeling mixed emotions - he's
happy that he's going to be spending more time with his children and his
wife, but on the other hand, this isn't the way he wanted to go out. It
was "damn pretentious" of Triple H and Stephanie to do what they did with
his career. "I think that their ability to write my final chapter is
woefully inept, and I think that I'M the person who is gonna decide how
Mick Foley goes out, and I'll be damned if I'm gonna take the sentence
they handed down, sitting down. And I'm composing myself out of respect
for you and the crew and my family, but, ah--I'm not happy about it - and,
uh...I will do something about it - in some way - at some time. And
that's about all I really wanna say."
X-Pac bounces up and down laughing. Triple H tells him it's not funny and
don't feel sorry for him. He's getting pretty frustrated...but tonight,
X-Pac will take out his frustrations on the Big Show. Triple H tells
X-Pac to beat his ass like it's never been beaten before. In fact, if he
doesn't beat Big Show tonight, HE'S fired. X-Pac gives that a big fat
"whatever" and walks off. You know, somehow I doubt this would actually
Weird - in this "Dilbert" ad, they say "after 'Shasta McNasty'" when
CLEARLY it's just "Shasta" now - no WONDER these guys are in fifth place
Big Show - SUCKS IN HIS GUT! And gently taps the wall beside him...
Here's a Special Video Look at the history of Chyna and Chris Jericho -
Survivor Series, Armageddon, handshake.
THAT SLUT CHYNA (with Ernest Miller) v. CHRIS THURSDAY JERICHO for the
Intercontinental championship - so why has Chyna been interfering in
matches on Jericho's behalf? I'm guessing we DON'T find out tonight. Two
thongs - four cheeks! Chyna has THE STICK: "I know there's been a lot of
speculation, a lot of rumours as to why I've been pulling your ass out of
the fire now week after week, Chris Jericho. I'd like to set a few of
those rumours straight. It is NOT because of admiration, it is NOT
because of mutual respect...it is quite frankly because, Chris, I've been
biding my time while reconstructed thumb has been healing - well it's all
healed up now, Chris. I'm ready, tonight - I want you to come out here,
and we're gonna see who the true champion is." Whoops, I guess she DID
just tell me. Oh well, wrong again. Y2J countdown - and Jericho has THE
STICK. "Chyna, how DARE you come down here and LIE to all of these
Jerichoholics! You didn't come down to the ring all those times to save
me - you came down to the ring to get close to me, because you've got a
crush on Y2J, don'tcha? Yeah. Well unfortunately, sister, I don't feel
the same way about you." Lockup, side headlock by Jericho, chain
wrestling, hammerlock, Chyna reverses, back elbow by Jericho, off the
ropes, knocks her down. Off the ropes, elbow from chyna. Right, right,
elbow, elbow, into the opposite corner, gymnastic splash, gutshot, DDT.
1, 2, nope. Right hand, right, Jericho leans back into the ropes - and
ties himself up! Chyna runs at him - but Jericho scoots free and Chyna
goes to the outside. Man, she just looks AWKWARD out there. Jericho with
a top-rope springboard dropkick and she goes out to the floor. Jericho
follows, right, knee, clubbin' blow, rolled back in the ring, a look at
the Kat, then top rope - well, who knows - Chyna lands a fist in the graun
on his way down. Off the ropes, swinging neckbreaker by Chyna for 2.
Whip into the corner is reversed, bulldog off the ropes, Lionsault lands
(sorta) but only 2! Right hand from Jericho, off the ropes, spinning heel
kick by Jericho and Chyna hits referee "Blind" Jim Korderas on her way
down. Jericho sees the fallen ref, goes outside, grabs a STEEL chair, and
comes in with the swing - Chyna ducks, though - gutshot and Pedigree! Leg
is hooked - but Korderas still ain't moving. Referee "Blind" Chad Patten
runs out - but only counts 2. Lariat ducked, Jericho with abelly-to-back
suplex - both wrestlers land on the chair and get knocked out - but each
has an arm draped over the other. Each ref counts down a different pair
of shoulders - 1, 2, 3. (3:50) Patten raises Jericho's arm whild
Korderas says Chyna is the new champ. So who won the match? The rest of
the refs come out as the fight breaks out again...and we take an ad break
TitanTron Live ad - again
Classic Mick Foley - "Rock 'n' Sock" Foley and Rock win the tag team
titles with a double People's Elbow on the abandoned Big Show.
ACOLYTE FAAROOQ (with Acolyte Bradshaw) v. BUH-BUH RAY DUDLEY (with D-Von
Dudley) - When did these guys stop putting the symbols on their chests,
anyway? Is that one of those subtle things again? And oh, by the way,
who is the Intercontinental champion? Let Us Take You Back to Monday
where Joey Abs fast counted a pinfall of Faarooq by Buh-Buh Ray, setting
up tonight's contest - a shot at revenge for Faarooq. Dudleys are dressed
like No Limit Soldiers once again. Before the match begins we see the
MEAN STREET POSSE appear at the top of the ramp - we cut back to see
Dudley getting the first blows in - looks like Faarooq was distracted.
Off the ropes, head down, Faarooq drives him back to the mat. Kicking and
punching away in the corner now, off the ropes, up and over, Faarooq
buries a knee in the gut - there's a big bulldog. Whip into the ropes,
duck, Dudley with a backdrop suplex. Scoop - and a slam. Off the ropes,
elbowdrop for 2. Dudley whips him off the ropes, reversal, spinebuster
from Faarooq - but D-Von is in (DQ 1:19) - the posse storms the ring with
weapons (sticks 'n' pipes) and takes out the Acolytes. Rodney with the
Buff Blockbuster (which, we are told, is called "High Society" - well,
when HE does it, anyway) on Faarooq while the Dudleyz work their "headbutt
to the jimmy" spot on Bradshaw.
Backstage, Triple H and Stephanie commend their ability to fire up the
Posse to their current levels of (snicker) dominance by repeatedly
throwing them together with the Acolytes...so if the Acolytes take the
titles at the Rumble Royale, is a built-in feud with the (ugh) POSSE in
Michael Hayes stands in front of an exciting door! Actually, paces...he
looks a little bored
Classic Mick Foley: "Rock: This Is Your Life" - sure it got at 8.4, but it
was SO painful to sit through. Listen to all that Lex Luger music!!
Classic Mick Foley: "No. 1 Bestseller" - Foley shares his New York Times
ranking with the world
X-Pac and the Outlaws bitch about Triple H. Will X-Pac REALLY get fired
if he loses? Triple H will actually DO that? Umm, of COURSE he won't -
there'll be a big swerve at the end. DUH.
Michael Hayes stands in front of an exciting door! He looks EXTRA bored
JACQUELINE & VISSSSSSSSSSSSSSCERA (no entrance) v. LUNA TUNES & GANGREL
(with a burning ring o' far on the right side of the stage - where the
OvalTron lies this week) - the women start - dare we hope for some
WRESTLING from them tonight? Punches exchanged, in the corner, Jackie
with the whip, reversed, boots up to stop the charge. Clothesline!
Clothesline! Off the ropes, reveresed, face down on the canvas. Back
rake - and a shot for Viscera (!) She's FEISTY! Jacqueline hits a rollup
but Luna kicks out before referee "Blind" Teddy Long is over to check.
Luna to the eyes. Vertical suplex? No, a bodyslam I guess...Luna going
for a Vader bomb (!) but misses. Apparently, nobody knows who the IC
champ is. Jacqueline with the bulldog. Eye rake by Luna again.
Snapmares her to her partner, and there's a tag. She's gonna try to take
him! You go girl! Attempting to climb the back to attempt a sleeper -
ah, no. Viscera takes her over. Gangrel comes in and fires away -
Viscersa takes him down with a fat Samoan drop. Vis over to take up Luna
(the legal "man") - and drops on her with a front slam/splash combo. 1,
2, 3. (2:28) Viscera ready for the fat ass splash but Long valiantly
acts as a shield. The EMT's come out to take care of Luna as we gaze at
some replays of the slam. Coming back, we see Luna loaded onto the
stretcher. Nope, no angle for BB tonight - we don't need one EVERY week -
this is a good thing!
Michael Hayes' wait is over - the Rock walks right by him, though. "Rock,
Rock, I've been waiting to ask you - is it weighing on your conscience
that by virtue of your victory Monday night that you got Mick Foley
FIRED?" Rock stops ... looks back...and slowly walks over. "What did you
say to the Rock?" "I-I think I worded that wrong. That's not quite-"
"You DID word that wrong! Let the Rock tell you right here right now that
it wasn't because of the Rock that Mick Foley was fired. It was because
of Stephanie and Triple H making the candyass stipulation on RAW is WAR -
the Rock just went out there and did exactly what he had to do to win the
match - and now tonight, the Rock had to face the big red retard in a no
holds barred match, why? Because of a schizophrenic goofy girlfriend who
the Rock wouldn't even waste an ounce of muscle on to look at? In fact,
to Mick Foley - a man who's given his blood and his sweat for the past
fifteen years in this business - the very business in which the Rock grew
up in...two time WWF tag team champions with the Rock, three time WWF
Champion. A family man. Absolutely NOT - the Rock is not happy that a
man like Mick Foley is FIRED over a candyass stipulation like that. And
you make no mistake about it, jabrone - don't you ever, and the Rock means
EVER, come at the Rock and ask him a question like that again, or else the
Rock will knock your teeth so far down your throat, you'll stick a
toothbrush up your ass to brush 'em!" Why don't they ever do that to Mike
Wallace? Or, hey...Jim Gray! Anyway, you know the Rock's serious because
he forgot to ask Hayes if he smelled what the Rock was cookin'.
The WWF Slam-of-the-Week is brought to you by 1-800-COLLECT! With a
little help from Mankind, the Big Show held onto the WWF
Championship...from Monday's RAW
Speaking of 1-800-COLLECT, they bring you the WWF Rumble Royale 2000 - 23
Januray in the grandaddy of them all - Madison Square Garden!
X-PAC v. WELL IT'S A BIG SHOW in a nontitle match with X-Pac's job on the
line - Why exactly should I think X-Pac has a chance tonight? Before the
match starts, TREBLE H & STEPHANIE McMAHON-HELMSLEY walk out to take their
customary recliner for the evening. X-Pac throws his shirt in the Show's
face. Show wants him to bring it on. Spinning heel kick, no effect.
Show clubs him, kicks away, big beal across the ring. Elbow to the back
of the head. There's another one. Into the corner, open-handed slap.
Into the opposite corner, giant powerslam. X-Pac up to the top floor -
Triple H has a mic. Whoops, apparently this is a Handicap match. Out
comes ROAD DOGG - doubleteam is false-started - now it's working - there's
a double Russian legsweep - both men cover - 1, 2, Show kicks out. In the
process, X-Pac lands right on Dogg's ankle - this hinders him the rest of
the match. Double whip - double clothesline by the show - headbutt,
headbutt, double headbutt! Set up for ahhhhhhhtheDOUBLECHOKESLAAAAAM but
Triple H is on the mic again - I'm guessing KING ASS is coming out as the
third partner. And in he slides, rights, dropkick, X-Pac and Ass kicking
away. Dogg REALLY hobbling - Ass goes for a splash while the other two
hold him in the corner - Show steps aside and puts Road Dogg in his place
Ass lands on the Dogg - X-Pac thrown over - Show splashes all three men!
Once again Show teases the finisher - but Ass hits a Golota (is this no DQ
as well? Or did referee "Blind" Earl Hebner just miss it? Hey - Earl
Hebner's back!) and X-Pac hits a spinning heel kick. The tripleteam is
resumed and they're in control. "Hey! Before you guys go and think you
can have all the fun around here - this is a handicap match - and you got
another partner...so let me introduce you to him....ME." So now it's a
four on one - Dogg hobbles outside to grab a chair (has EVERY match
involved a STEEL chair tonight?) - the Outlaws hold him - Triple H konks
him with it. Show blades somewhere in here (.2 Muta) and DX continues to
have their way with him. There's a Fame'Asser on the chair - here's a
broncobuster - I'm guessing Dogg's too hurt to do HIS spot, so let's go
straight to the Pedigree. X-Pac covers - 1, 2, 3. (6:20) - Stephanie
sidles down to the ring - yeah, that leather miniskirt and business tie
combo works for me - especially with the boots, yo! X-Pac: "It's GREAT to
have a job!" Triple H: "You see, it's as simple as this - if you mess
with us - you've got two choices - you either get your ass kicked, or..."
Steph: "...you get your ass FIRED!" There's another embrace betwixt the
newlyweds (no kiss - let's keep it TV-PG! Blood's okay but KISSING is
where I draw the line!!) - there's the credits - and we're out.
Who's the Intercontinental champion?
Everybody have a great New Year's Eve - play that Prince song One More
Time before it becomes as obsolete and irrelevant as a wrestling
television recapper - kiss a stranger - and I'll be here when you get back
from any Y2K crises - as well as the NEXT thousand years.
Christopher Robin Zimmerman