by Christopher Robin Zimmerman
WrestleLine/WrestleManiacs
I GET LETTERS: Paul Fontaine dusts off an old chestnut: I don't know if
you covered this in your Thunder report, which I haven't had a chance to
read yet, but if you did, I'm sorry....
WCW used WOF booking this week. When Tank Abbott ripped up the sign and
attacked the fan on Nitro, I was shaking my head at WCW, not getting it,
wondering why they wouldn't have given the plant a "Tank Abbott" sucks
sign, or something of that ilk. Then, on Thunder, after the Tank-DFG
match, I was looking at the fan with the shirt that said 3Count sucks, and
thinking, "Geez, I hope Tank doesn't see him", half in jest. I hadn't
picked up on the angle yet. When Tank attacked the guy, I marked out,
thinking I had seen something ahead of time! Then, that was cemented when
Tank was grooving to the boys later on.
Wheel of Fortune booking......
By golly, you're RIGHT! No wonder I kind dug it!
WCW logo - to get to the other side
TV-PG-DLV - close caption - highlight - highlight - highlight
Can you tell I've got a plane to catch?
Backstage, Jeff Jarrett and Ice Train - well...Smooth - are WALKING!
Jarrett tries to complain about Cat, but Smooth butters him up with a
reminder that he's still the Champ and he's still got the Stroke. He might
have said something about him "being the Chosen 1," too - but I'm in a hurry
Credits - looks like another re-tooling. Sid's gone - sorry. I'd give you
a plus/minus, but...well, you know
WE ARE ON TAPE from the Unnamed Arena near the University of Nebraska in
Lincoln, NE 28.6.2K (taped 27.6) on the Turner Broadcasting System - THIS -
IIIIIIS - THUNDER!
JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET is out first. His gee-tar is wrapped in a
"Hulkster" shirt. "Holy Slapnut, Jarrett is STILL the WCW Champion! Over
the last seven days, I have pinned Scott Steiner, I have defeated Kevin
Nash, I have defined my title reign as the greatest in the history of WCW!
Well when you take into account that I am the Chosen One, that I've got all
the stroke around this place - well hell it's a damn gimme then...that NO
ONE's been able to knock this king off the mountaintop. So all I'm here to
do tonight is, is give you people a little update, 'cause over the last
week I've been interviewin' the biggest, the fattest, the most disgusting
women this side of Denny's Breakfast Buffet to accompany me to ringside at
Bash at the Beach. And whoever wins...well they're gonna have the distinct
privlige - that's right, the distinct privlige - of seeing Hollywood Hogan
straight outta the squared circle and straight into oblivion, which is
where he belongs. That's right, the fat lady's gonna sing when the Chosen
One gets the 1, 2, 3. But as I look around here tonight...I think I may
have a few auditions left in me. A few more interviews in me. Hippo hips,
you'll get your chance. Because I have never seen more disgusting, fatter,
bigger women assembled in my place - in one place - than I have here
tonight in Lincoln, Nebraska! So what do you say, Lincoln? Let's start
the auditions. What about you, hippo hips, huh? Oh, what about you - hey
hey I know this show is called Thunder - but thunder thighs...you wouldn't
make it through two verses of 'Happy Birthday.' What about you, tons of
fun, you wanna give it a shot? Well hell no, because the bottom line is
this. At Bash at the Beach, Hollywood Hogan is finished. At Bash at the
Beach, Terry Bollea is done. At Bash at the Beach--" At this point,
HORACE hits the ring - Jarrett ducks the first clothesline, but not the
next two. Right, head to the buckel, right, right, right, right, right,
R&B SECURITY hit the ring and grab Horace as Jarrett makes his escape. As
soon as Jarrett gets to the top of the aisle, CAT comes out. Cat says he
didn't know Horace had it in him. Cat: "That fire, baby! You wanna rip
somebody apart! You - you wanna eat somebody kids!" Cat says he'll give
him a title shot against Jeff Jarrett tonight. This brings an unhappy
Jarrett back to Cat to protest. Meanwhile, Horace decides to take out the
six security guys as Cat tells Security "Don't you hurt my money in there!
I smell ratings!" Horace things about giving Cat a shot, but he slides
away. "I gave you a match! I'm the Greatest!"
Your hosts are THE AWESOME 3. What'll happen if Horace wins the title
tonight? Well...for one thing, I'd give up recapping FOREVER.
Tonight, a mixed tag - oh boy! Lance Storm & Billy Kidman team up
to take on other Filthy Animals. Let's now talk about Hacksaw Jim Duggan.
Let Us Take You Back to Nitro where Goldberg did a bad, bad thing - they
switch to black and white where the blood comes out of Duggan's mouth -
cheeeee-zeee.
We are now told that the mixed tag is now a ladies' match - one on one.
Well, at least it'll be shorter.
Backstage, the MIA have a confab. Rection says that the Cat has thrown
them a swerve tonight. Stash and Rection will take on the Perfect Event in
a nontitle match. Loco will defend the cruiserweight title against Cajun.
Loco says "I'll kill ya" a few hundred times.
Oh man! Braves and Mets TOMORROW! I could be AT that game! Of course,
I'd rather watch it on TV - or not at all - still, it'll be neat to see ALL
THOSE COPS
GENE O. works tonight! He stands backstage with Kanyon, who brandishes his
book and promises to Kanyon Cut everyone he sees - then he turns to
Okerlund...who takes off. VERY SLOWLY.
Let Us Take You Back To Last Monday Where Loco Held Onto The Title
WCW CRUISERWEIGHT TITLE: LT. LOCO (with Gen. Rection & Maj. Stash) v. CPL.
CAJUN (with Gen. Rection & Maj. Stash) - all four men come out
together...Rection takes fourth headset and says nothing of note - yet, we
still look at HIM instead of the MATCH. Flash forward four minutes of
action - Loco's tope con hilo almost TOTALLY misses Cajun out on the floor.
Ending sees Cajun attempt the whiplash, but Loco lands on his feet, goes
off the ropes and hits a sweet swinging DDT for the pin. (4:30) Everybody
shakes hands afterwards
We go backstage where Johnny "the Bull" is WALKING! And looking for Terry
Funk. He asks a nearby custodian "Hey Pops, have you seen Terry Funk?" Of
course, YOU and *I* know that that's Terry Funk in disguise, so when he
breaks a mop over his back and lectures him...well, you know. "Don't ever
let your guard down!" "That was a good one, Terry..."
Scott Steiner threatens Cat to make the match with Mike Awesome
tonight, or he'll (muted phrase involving a nameplate paperweight and
possibly a body cavity)
In the ring, 3 COUNT address a situation of copies of "Do the 3 Count"
ending up in garbage bins - that's just the work of a bunch of "wannabes."
For all the magazine writers that accuse them of "lip-singing," "read our
lips." After a more-purposefully-wrong-than-usual bit of "Sing Along with
3 Count," MARK JINDRAK & SEAN O'HAIRE run down to ringside and apparently
we've got a match here...
SHANNON MOORE & EVAN KARAGIAS (with Shane Helms) v. MARK JINDRAK & SEAN
O'HAIRE - The Rookies dominate early, then the tide turns - nice
springboard plancha from Karagias onto Jindrak. We go backstage to see
Tank Abbott arriving - and WALKING! "What? I missed it? I can't believe
it - MAN!" It's like he's acting and he doesn't WANT you to know he's
acting, but it's so BAD that it's...well, you really had to see it. With a
run-in imminent, I feel no guilt at all about blowing THIS match off and
waiting for Abbott. Hey, we should have seen this push coming, what with
that AMAZING victory over Sanders & (Allan) Funk on Worldwide - hey, that's
a big deal. Don't laugh! By God, Allan Funk is "Above Average!"
Following a miscommunication spot that sees the two members of three count
collide when Moore's top-rope moonsault go awry, O'Haire gets the hot tag
and cleans some house - including a big beal of Moore right OVER referee
"Blind" Charles Robinson. Finish has Jindrak tilt-a-whirl slam on Moore,
and O'Haire hits his "Seanton bomb" and covers for the pin. Hey, and both
men were legal! (3:11) Damn, where's Tank? Ahhh, *there's* JOBBED TO
DAVID ARQUETTE walking down the aisle...passing by Jindark & O'Haire. He's
carrying a ... green square. "3 Count - 3 Count! I'm sorry I'm late but I
came here to sing - I brought my square, and you guys need to sing...NOW!"
Moore is dragged off the apron and they attempt to sing...as we look at
Abbot, who is out on the floor bopping around on his square.
Unfortunately, he's left his back to the stage, allowing for a surprise
attack from KRONYKK. Abbott goes down to a doubleteam, and then they hit
the ring to take out 3 Count. Clark gives us a neat bodyscissors into a
chokeslam on Karagias, while Adams sticks to his classics - full nelson
into a uranage. Now play their music! Clever sign says "FEEL THE WRATH OF
KRONIC"
Jimmy Barron phones it in with 1-800-CAL-LATT - Nitro hits Charleston, WV
and the Civic Center Coliseum - good seats just MIGHT still be available
Backstage, Kanyon hits up the catering guy for some "au jus" - when he says
"no," he Kanyon Cutter's him. Then he turns to the camera. "BANG!"
BIG VITO hits the ring - and hands a paper to ring announcer DAVID PENZER.
"Ladies and gentlemen, he is...the Italian Grinder, the Sinatra singin',
chair swingin', goombah of oo-ah, and the Pavarotti of shots to the body,
the WCW Hardcore Champion - Big Vito!" Vito says he's been hearin' some
t'ings. He gets muted saying something - I'll speculate that it was
*possibly* something that be construed in a negative racial light (but
probably not and more likely COMPLETELY harmless). Anyway, the upshot is a
challenge to a Gauntlet match with the Jung Dragons. Looks like they'll
accept...
BIG VITO v. JUNG DRAGONS in a gauntlet match - Yang is first - I have a
feeling Vito will pin him. Yang has a brief flurry, but following the
backflip off the chest by Yang, Vito clothselines him down. Suplex.
Semi-Savage elbow off the top gets the pin. (1:11)
Kaz hits the ring and goes down. After a touch of jobbing, Hayashi ducks
two clotheslines off the ropes and hits a spin kick. Mule kick off the top
rope. Top-rope crossbody gets 2. Hayashi climbs up on top for a Four
Punch Count Along, then spins around so Vito can bring him out on his
shoulders, then fall backwards. Slam on the mat - in position for a
top-rope Vaderbomb. 1, 2, 3. (2:49)
Jamie-san manages to take the advantage when Vito's back is turned to the
aisle. Kick, kick, kick. Sorry, I meant "stomp." Dropkick to the seated
Vito. Top rope quebrada - no - lands on his feet. Side Russian legsweep,
springboard guillotine, top rope guillotine, going up top one more time -
splash! 1, 2, NO! Vito finally turns it with a hot shot. Mafia kick by
Vito and Jamie rolls outside. Hayashi and Yang up on the apron - quick
kendo stick work for them. But he missed Jamie-san climbing to the top one
more time. Missile dropkick! 1, 2, 3!! (4:29) But we see Jamie-san get
in the ring, joining the other one. Oh, so THAT'S why he was last. This
one unmasks to show us he's *really* JOHNNY "THE BULL."
Backstage, where Funk is watching on a monitor. "Finally getting it! This
guy's gonna get it, finally..."
Let Us Take You Back and show you why Steiner wants Awesome tonight.
In Cat's office, Cat directs Awesome to a monitor. "Mike, we got a
problem. Come around and look at this right here. Mike, you interfered in
this match Monday night!" "That's not me, that's Midajah!" Cat says he's
got to book him against Scott Steiner. Awesome gives us "aw, man!" but
says he'll go out and do it.
Backstage, Miss Hancock bitches to the hairdresser about the height of her
bun. Behind her, Daffney happens to catch what's going on and silently
asks the hairdresser to let HER deal with this. She grabs a handful of
hair...then tips back her chair, to the floor. Then she puts lipstick all
over her face. Then, the powder. Security drags her off...and she screams.
Meanwhile, at the truck, Palumbo and Stasiak exit with Woody Kearce. Then
Kanyon gives the Kanyon Cutter to a nearby technician.
Let Us Take You Back to Thunder last week where David Flair shaved off
Woody's hair while Perfect Event laughed. Later that night, Kronic showed
up for more fun. Cut to Monday where Perfect Event ran Woody out of the
truck - and then Woody sic'd Tank Abbot on them.
PERFECT EVENT (with Woody Kearce) v. GEN. RECTION & MAJ. STASH in a
nontitle match - Dragging him to the ring, looks like they're going to give
him a stern talking to! Stasiak: "Listen here you little Napoleon! We're
gonna teach you a little lesson for rattin' on us the last couple of weeks!
We're gonna give you a beating of your life - a beating your mother should
have given you years ago, punk!" But before they can lay in the stomping
in earnest, Rection and Stash hit the ring. This is me half-assing it by
avoiding all play-by-play. Strangely, commentators work a riff about the
difference between "Palumbo" and "Palumby." Palumbo & Stasiak go old
school with the old "extra leverage behind the back of Referee 'Blind'
Billy Silverman" ploy. Did you know Silverman is an ex-WWF referee?
You know, I actually could have done play-by-play of the past three
or four minutes, because there's only been a coupld overly long restholds
on Rection. Here's the double clothesline. You know, there really is
nothing wrong with a "by the numbers" tag match - don't get me wrong.
HERE'S THE HOT TAG TO STASH! Here's the all four men spot! Here's the
suddenly fresh despite JUST being face in peril Rection scaling the corner
for No Laughing Matter! Damn, that knee ALMOST caved in Stasiak's face.
Rection covers - Rection is not the legal man - 1, 2, 3. (5:59) Palumbo
brings in the Lex Flexor - a whopping ten seconds later, KRONYKK hits the
ring - and demolishes the tag team champions - who ALREADY suffered a
pinfall tonight. There's a name for the neckbreaker, but I forgot it.
Meltdown. High Time. High Time as we cut to
NEXT: Horace is WALKING! And channeling the spirit of Hulk Hogan
Meanwhile, Jeff Jarrett is WALKING!
WCW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE: JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET (with TV-PG-DLV
ratings box) v. HORACE - Champion enters first because the challenger is a
nephew of a Very Famous Person We Like To Keep Happy. Look here now - we
got Jeff Jarrett and Horace for the title. Honestly...do YOU smell
ratings? Despite the best intentions of referee "Blind" Mark Johnson, the
majority of this match takes place outside the ring AND Jarrett liberally
uses a chair. In other words, you ain't missin' much yet. BIG ol'
"Jarrett sucks" chant from the crowd, which doesn't get muted, so that's
something. Horace turns the tide on Jarrett and we go outside again. To
the announce table we go. Horace stands on the table and poses to the
crowd. HE'S not a wrestler! That announce table is SACRED! This is going
to become my new favourite overused spot, by the way - get used to it. It
was either that...or "Canadian violence." HORACE GETS 2!! HORACE ONE
SECOND AWAY FROM THE CHAMPIONSHIP!!! Nah. Horace gets only Seven out of a
Ten Punch Count Along, and as Horace shoves him off with an atomic drop,
Horace kinda pastes Johnson, who goes down long enough for Jarrett to swing
the chair.
I GET LETTERS: And now, a few words from Lamar Hughes: Love your
recaps. But I've got a topic that no one seems to address:
What's up with the ref bumps?
I bet this scenario plays out tonight on Thunder: Mickey Jay (or whomever)
will get knocked unconscious during a match, miss the outside
interference, but awake to finish the match and make the three count.
That's annoying enough to deal with. What gets me is that he'll be the
referee again about 2 or 3 matches later. Didn't he just get knocked out?
You mean the medics cleared him to ref A SECOND MATCH for the night?!?!
Maybe it's just me being too anal. I don't know.
Anyways, Peace. Thanks for reading.
Sometimes people notice stuff that I wish *I'd* noticed. What I SHOULD do
is just STEAL their thoughts and call 'em my own. Of course, then you'd
think I never got any letters!!
1, 2, Horace gets out! Jarrett sets up the chair in the corner - but
Horace puts *Jarrett's* head to the chair. 1, 2, NO!! Jarrett gets a
gutshot - but comes off the corner into a gutshot. Horace grabs the chair
- Johnson, back in control of his faculties, tries to stand between them -
Horace shoves him away but Johnson tugs on the chair. Jarrett sneaks
around and hits the Stroke - on the chair! that'll do it. 1, 2, 3.
Jarrett retains. (4:53) Jarrett removes the Hulkster shirt from his
gee-tar and drapes it over Horace's head. Jarrett with the ear cup to all
four sides of the house. Horace slowly coming to...and eating another boot
- HA! Jarrett going into the posedown routine...Horace getting up to choke
Jarrett with the shirt - ohh, Jarrett's trick knee acted up! And HERE is
the Kabong that all the kids love. Stop his music and play it AGAIN!!
Vampiro is WALKING! Oh, look, somebody left him a Sting mask. Vampiro
breaks a mirror with his bat - oh no! That means seven more years of
jobbin' in WCW!
Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim (Savage), Judge
Wapner's cash scam, America (ha!) Online, and Super Soaker
Let Us Take You Back to Monday Where A Mysterious Figure Laid Out Vampiro.
"Could it have been? You think it might have been?" Why don't they come
out and say the name say the name? Well....'cause it ain't
Sting...apparently
And now JOBBIN' VAMPIRO is out with a few words. "Did you really think
that you could get an edge on somebody like me? I beat you, Torborg, and
just like that actor before you, I left you dead and buried in a coffin on
Monday night. I closed the lid on your life, and I destroyed your pain!
And that's where it should have ended! Stop saying that name. ["Sting!
Sting! Sting!"] But that little freak that you call your fiancee, she
just couldn't let it go, could she? Asya, last week I let you live - and
that's how you say thank you to me? Well let me tell you something - I'm
gonna let you in on a little secret--" the lights go out and there's a
bang. When the lights come back up, there are three in the ring. That
looks like Asya - yep - the hood is pulled off and she spits in his face.
The other is Torborg, and he's got a bat. Whack, whack. Another explosion
and lights out. When they come back up again...Vampiro is left alone in
the ring. We THEN look up to the top of the Thundertron...that's SOME DUDE
IN A ROBE AND STING MASK. Commentators again go out of their way to NOT
say Sting. "He's up in the same location where he fell...in...fire!" Aw
GEEZ.
Gene O. stands with Lance Storm and Billy Kidman. I guess out of a sense
of history I should get his first words in WCW... "Yeah, well the Animals
are gonna realise - I'm not like the rest of the guys in WCW. I don't
scream and yell to get my point across. I don't pose, and I sure as hell
don't dance. When you're from Calgary...Alberta, Canada, all you have to
do is wrestle. And that says it all. So Filthy Animals, consider
this...the calm before the storm." Kidman says everybody knows he and the
Animals used to be the best of friends until they turned their backs on
him. They need to be careful who they make enemies of - "your past is
about to haunt you." Kanyon pops in and Cutters the cameraman. BANG!
This Week in WCW Motorsports is presented by Advance Auto Parts! Blaise
Alexander drove the Vampiro car at Watkins Glen to a "very satisfying Top
15 finish!" (Translation: he finished 15th) Alexander introduces us to
his "lucky helmet." Fortunately, he's fully clothed when he does it. Next
week: Wally Dallenbach drives a Ford at Daytona!
We see Kanyon sneaking up on a ...well, Franchise walks up and gushes about
his book, preventing the next attack. Franchise tells Kanyon that Buff
Bagwell is running him down in the back, saying his Blockbuster is better
than the Kanyon Cutter. Kanyon says he'll take care of that right now.
With a laugh, Franchise tosses his copy of the book in the trash.
LANCE STORM & BILLY KIDMAN v. RAYMOND STEREO & DE JUICE (with Konnan &
Disco Inferno & Tygryss) - Referee "Blind" Billy Silverman quickly
confiscates Kidman's lead pipe. The Animals' curtain fails to fall on cue
- how embarrassing! Thankfully, we are spared mic time from Konnan. It
only takes less than a minute for Storm to try to lock in the rolling half
crab, but Mysterio breaks it up before Guerrera can submit. Kidman
works over Guerrera, then climbs to the top as if he's gonna try the
shooting star press - riiiiight. Mysterio breaks THAT up, crotching him on
the top turnbuckle. Now begins the heat segment on Kidman. Skip to the
hot tag, each man gets a powerslam from Storm. TERRIBLE cartwheel
clothesline that had real danger of ending up a mile away before Storm
attempted a correction. Northern Lights suplex - Guerrera dropkicks to
break up the bridge. Kidman tornado bulldogs Guerrera, and Silverman
suddenly forgets who the legal men are and starts a count - only 2. Storm
backdrops Guerrera over the top rope to the floor, then misses a pescado -
yikes. In the ring, Mysterio hits the ropes, then puts up a foot to
Kidman. Guerrera holds him up in the "legdrop to the graun" spot. 1, 2,
Kidman kicks out of Mysterio's cover! Reversed whip into the corner,
Kidman's bulldog is ducked, and Guerrera hits the Juvi Driver - lax cover -
1, 2, NO! Mysterio argues the count with Silverman, who says "you're lucky
I can't remember which one of you is legal!" Juvi elbow broken up by
Storm's springboard dropkick. Gutwrench powerbomb on Mysterio - Kidman off
the top with a splash - Kidman covers - Kidman not the legal man, by the
way - 1, 2, 3. (5:10) Disco Inferno and Konnan hit the ring, but they're
not getting pushed so they get disposed of quickly. Play Storm's music!
By the time you read this, ten different people will have emailed me to
tell me what song is being ripped off in Storm's theme.
Paisley is WALKING!
Diamond Dallas Page - check that, it's Kanyon - asks Cat for a match with
Buff Bagwell...and gets it
Promotional consideration paid for by Super Soaker (2), Corn Nuts, America
(ha!) Online (2), Slim Jim (Savage) (2), and Motel 6 7/8
Let Us Take You Back One Week As A Six *Person* Match Got Out Of Hand
TYGRYSS (wyth Fylthy Ynymyls - ylryydy yn thy ryng) v. PYYSLYY - Paisley
has some words for the male Animals, allowing Tygress to give her a shove
from behind. She goes outside and gets swarmed. Referee "Blind" Jamie
Tucker (ohh, THAT'S his last name) also goes outside...and tosses the
Animals. Well NOW we're going to get some one-on-one action! Alleged drop
toehold by Tygress. Choking away. Hair beal. Hooks the leg - 1, 2,
kickout. Half-hearted "We want puppies" chant by the crowd. Another hair
beal - oooh! Her strap broke! Leg hooked - 1 count. Both women adjust
their tops, Tygress kick, kick, adjust her top, clothesline misses,
snapmare by Paisley, hiplock takeover. Scoop...and a slam. Cover - 1, 2,
3! (2:08) Yeah, that scoop slam is DEADLY! Of course...this is just like
your standard "Wrestling Classics" match on ESPN Classic....Tygress hits an
axehandle from behind post-match, then poses as if she won.
Ummm...whatever.
Buff Bagwell is....exercising?
"Nutty Professor II: The Klumps" - coming soon - because somebody could NOT
say "No" to Eddie Murphy
Close captioning where available typed in by George Foreman for MEINEKE!
BUFF DADDY BAGWELL v. "POSITIVELY" KANYON - Kanyon steals a
(planted) copy of Positively Page and shreds it for my amusement.
Kanyon with the jump and here we go. Crowd chanting "Buff" - I think.
Kanyon with a sweet suplex - then, as he poses, Bagwell comes up with the
ol' no-sell. Bagwell gets HIS flurry in - but avoids the pinwheel to
continue his offense. Ah, THERE'S the double bicep. You KNEW he couldn't
continue TOO long without it. Kanyon turns it around with a side Russian
legsweep, but only gets 2. Kanyon even has some "DDP" tights, yo!
Superplex attempt countered with a shove. Will he get the Blockbuster?
Well, Kanyon decides to hit referee "Blind" Charles Robinson with the
Kanyon Cutter instead. Bagwell springs off with the splash. Bagwell
pounding away - now back and forth once again as referee "Blind" Jamie
Tucker comes in rings the bell (DQ 2:48). Off the ropes, scooped up -
Bagwell makes his way back to his feet - Slop Drop! Bagwell covers and the
crowd counts to three, but this match is over. Bagwell wants to know who
rang the bell. Kanyon going for his book but Bagwell ducks it, knee to the
gut, double underhook - DDT. AGAIN he covers - crowd counts 1, 2, 3, 4.
Tucker says no, really, the match ended a minute ago. Kanyon goes BACK to
his book, retrieves the brick therein, and puts it between Bagwell's
shoulderblades. Kanyon takes THE STICK: "Bro - time once again to read
another chapter of my book!" Stomp. "'The problem with people who stick
their noses in other people's business!'" Stomp! BOOKA T. hits the ring
and punches away on Kanyon - discus right! Into the ropes, reversed, T
holds on - gutshot - off the ropes with the axe kick. Uhhhhhhhh! T throws
him over the top rope to the floor. Uhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! T helps up Bagwell
- play HIS music. Bagwell hears his own music and decides everything's
okay. T and Bagwell with dueling pinwheels. Ewwwww!
NEXT: Awesome Mike Awesome is WALKING!
Meanwhile, Scott Steiner is ... exercising? Midajah stands by.
Goldberg is still eating SPREE! Even though it hurts his arm
Let Us Take You Back to Nitro Even Though You've Already Seen This Clip
Tonight Of Mike Awesome Interfering In The Steiner/Jarrett Match And Using
The United States Heavyweight Title To Whack Him
"CAREER KILLER" AWESOME MULLET v. SUPERSTAR SCOTT STEINER (with Midajah)
and I guess it isn't for the United States Heavyweight Title - not that it
matters - Steiner never jobs - oh, Tony just said "it's not about titles,"
so there you go. Hey, did Hyatte just make up that bit about Steiner
threatening legitimate bodily harm to Terry Taylor if he had to do the job
tonight or was it just reported somewhere I don't read? Did I read that in
Hyatte's Nitro report? Hell, I've forgotten. I'd go check but I have a
PLANE to catch! To the commentary we go, into the crowd, back over the
rail, back into the ring. Steiner all over Awesome. Ten Punch Count Along
is stopped at three as Awesome hits him in the shrunken testicles.
Steiner goes outside - Awesome follows and hits a double axehandle.
We might head for the commentary table again - no, to the railing on the
other side. Awesome has a chair - to the abs, to the abs - the guy in the
front row just got muted, oops. Back in the ring - Awesome on top -
top-rope clothesline. Off the ropes - AWESOME SPLASH! 1, 2, Steiner won't
job. Pickup - Awesomebomb! (Or, "Awesomegentlysetdownonhisback") 2
count. Awesome pounding away - going to the top again - Steiner pops up
and punches. Belly-to-belly second rope superplex coming up - yup.
"Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," again, blockbuster suplex, "that's it!"
Setting him up for the (banned?) Steiner Recliner? CAT is out. "Break
that damn hold, referee - it's banned!" Cat gives referee "Blind" Mickie
Jay a Feliner when he fails to accomplish this...then takes the US title
belt and waffles Steiner with it. Cat removes his shirt to reveal zebra
stripes. 1 2 3. (4:39) Cat holds Steiner for Awesome to lay in some more
punishment. The doubleteam is on - the credits are up - and I'll talk to
you tomorrow from NEW YORK CITY!!
Christopher Robin Zimmerman
www.CRZ.net