by Christopher Robin Zimmerman
RANDOM SHOUT OUT: FM 99 WNOR (I won't tell if you won't)
I GET LETTERS: The Internet's a funny place. Mick McGourty writes: I
am a big Muta fan, and his recent return to WCW got me to thinking that it
would be cool to see if he had a site. Naturally, I assume a guy like Muta
may actually have www.greatmuta.com
reserved for himself- who else would
use it? Apparently a japanese porn site, which leads to my question- what
the hell does Muta mean? I'm beginning to wonder what the connection
between his mist blowing and the name he shares with a pornographic site
Naturally, I had to check this out for myself (purely in the interests of
science and research) and I gotta tell ya, there's some SLAMMIN' tunes
playing on that site. (Like, if you're reading this at work right now,
*don't* click over there - people will HEAR you and wanna know what's up.)
And, yes, they all seem very attractive.
TV-PG-DLV - WCW logo - okay, you're ugly, too
Nitro highlight package - TV-PG-DLV - close captioned
Going backstage, we see a BMW pull up - Stevie Ray is behind the wheel with
Booker T in the seat beside him - tonight...HARLEM HEAT REUNITES! You
*know* it'll feel so good...
Hit the PYRO - it's the Breslin Center in the heart of Spartan Country -
East Lansing, MI - and WE ARE LIVE 19.7.2K for an unpixellated,
un-post-productioned version of WCW Thunder - ONLY on the SuperStation T!
JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET is out first...taking fourth headset next to
our commentators, the AWESOME 3 - handshake for Heenan...evil look for
Tenay. As he's recovering from Steiner's attack of last week, it's
probably too early to hope for another figure four, right? Jarrett:
"Don't Worry, Be Slappy." Oy. Jarrett immediately decries the state of
the WCW World Heavyweight championship, with the "paper champion" NEVER
defending the title - unlike when a certain somebody else had to bitch and
moan about EVERY title defense he...no, wait, Jarrett doesn't say it
*quite* like that.
CROWBAR (with Daffney) v. "ABOVE AVERAGE" MIKE SANDERS - let's quickly note
good ol' LENNY LANE mit "USE ME" sign in the crowd...just in case nobody
else does. The commentators didn't last week on Thunder...which, by the
way, was just fine. Sanders gets the jump on Crowbar when his back is
turned - off the ropes, let's call that an Above Average Armdrag as he
flips with Crowbar...2. In the corner, knife-edge chop, chop, Crowbar
fires back, chop, chop, right, into the opposite corner is reversed,
Crowbar up and over - nice German release suplex. Tenay quickly points out
Lane (oh well) as Crowbar hits a clothesline. There's another. There's a
shot of Lane. Headbutt, Sanders grabs Crowbar's arm and slides between his
legs - we'll call *that* an Above Average pumphandle overhead suplex.
Crowbar ducks a baseball slide outside and pounds away. Knee. Crowbar
running...into a superkick from Sanders. Sanders runs at Crowbar who dumps
him onto the apron - standing moonsault!! Back in the ring where Sanders
is stomping on Crowbar - off the ropes, big kick. Off the ropes and "if I
dance before dropping this knee, *surely* it will be more devastating."
Sanders to a cobra clutch...but Crowbar gets to his feet as Daffney leads
the synchronised clapping. Sanders throws an elbow - Crowbar ducks a
clothesline and picks him up - Spicolli Driver! Pound, pound, off the
ropes, biiiig back body drop. Another backdrop by Crowbar. Northern
Lights coming up - but it gets only 2. To the gut, into the ropes,
reversed, head down, Crowbar shoves it back to the mat - outside for a
outside-in splash - and there's a quebrada! 1, 2, Sanders kicks out! Head
to the buckle, kick, kick, right, into the opposite corner is reversed -
Sanders dumped onto the apron, but he comes back in with a headscissors
takeover. To the corner - Crowbar slumps in the corner - Sanders over to
attempt a monkeyflip, but Crowbar holds on...then puts him on the top
turnbuckle. High kick, another, knife-edge chop - Sanders tries to punch
back, Crowbar chops, Sanders punches and shoves Crowbar off. Now Daffney
is up in the ring - say, you think she'll hit that Frankenscreamer?
Referee "Blind" Charles Robinson checking on Crowbar...I guess. There's
the Frankenscreamer! He gives the "what just happened?" look. Crowbar
puts him out with a clothesline - following and he's got a chair. WHACK!
Putting the chair down and putting Sanders in it - pounding away on him -
back in the ring...PESCADO!! Damn, that could *kill* a man. Looks
like Crowbar might be hurt as well - he hits the ring holding his side and
discussing with Daffney and Robinson. Sanders is back in...with a silver
gee-tar. *Sanders* with El Kabong! 1, 2, 3!! (5:12) Jarrett's *finally*
noticed Mike Sanders for the first time tonight as he's stolen his
trademark move. Saaaaay....that guitar has no strings! Anyway, Jarrett's
gist is that it's awfully convenient for T to wrestle in a tag team match
tonight, as it once again prevents him from defending the strap.
Cut to our four-man commentary crew. Jarrett says if Booker T doesn't want
to show his face, then he'll just leave the announce position. Hey, maybe
they'll talk about the match in the ring now, huh?
Lenny Lane is visibly ejected for our benefit
Jarrett picks up the corpse of his guitar...oh, wait, it DOES have strings
- never mind Jarrett gets muted a few times here, preventing us from
hearing Tony announce a new match for New Blood Rising...a three-way dance
for a title shot...mute, Scott Steiner and Kevin Nash - I'm gonna guess
Back to Jarrett, who's reached the bottom of the ramp...just as the Harlem
Heat music hits. BOOKA T. *is* out to meet Jarrett...who backs up and
motions to the ring. But as he's nearing the ring, RICK WOOF WOOF appears
and *they* start brawling. Jarrett over to help - now STEVIE RAY is out.
Stevie Ray and Rick Steiner end up brawling in the aisle while Booker T
works over Jarrett in the ring - SECURITY is out to break all this up.
Tenay makes the Peaches & Herb joke I opened with...great minds and all
that, I guess.
You know what the "Coyote Ugly" ad needs? Some chick sayin' "Sex 'n'
football" in a twangy hick voice
Moments Ago - for those with short attention spans
During the Break, Rick Steiner and Stevie Ray got in a few more shots
Daffney says she's going to extract some revenge on that Worldwide goof.
Crowbar tries to keep her from doing it, but makes the "Golly! I sure
admire her and yet I really want to sleep with her" look as she takes off,
screaming, with a chair in hand
Meanwhile, Lenny Lane is led away by the security folk...but Cat calls them
off. "What do you think you're doin', walkin' back and forth and
disrutping my show like that?" "Commissioner Cat, I am here for the
Laniacs that watch WCW that want their fearless leader Lenny Lane back in
action!" "When did you become a leader? You a jobber." "I've always been
a leader!" Cat says if Lane can ssnatch the pebble from his hand, he can
have his job back - Lane swipes it from him and says "I got it!" Cat says
he needs to wait until he says "go" and Lane swipes it again - I think he's
cheating. Cat says if he can best the Wall in a table match, then he can
have his job back. "If you can put the Wall through a table, I can get
ratings out of that." If he can do that, Cat's a better man than I am.
LANCE STORM is out. "Before I get started, I think it's appropriate you
all stand up for the playing of the Canadian national anthem." Tony is the
first guy to talk over the anthem - SHAAAAME! All three commentators fall
into the trap. We hit the whole (1:15) of the anthem. Storm is wearing a
"Canada kicks ass" T-shirt. I'm amazed he hasn't taped over the stars and
bars of the US title with a maple leaf yet (hey, WCW, there's a free idea
for ya) "If I can be serious for a minute...I would like to talk about the
history behind this championship. A lotta great men have held this belt -
guys like Terry Funk...Dusty Rhodes...Sting...Flair...Jarrett and Goldberg.
And when I look at a list of talent like that, I can't help but
think...that I deserve better. So right here, right now, I declare the US
Heavyweight title dead and buried. And I proclaim and rename it the WCW
Canadian Heavyweight Championship!" Well holy shit, he has a decal with
the maple leaf on it. WCW LISTENS TO ME! THIS IS THE GREATEST FED EVER!!
(Oops, didn't cover up the old WCW logo, though) "Now with all due
respect...my nationality aside, first and foremost I am a wrestler, and
because of that, I respect each and every one of you as wrestling fans. As
a matter of fact, security, get me a fan in here right now so I can show my
appreciation and respect - get me a fan in here right now, please. Get me
a fan in this ring right now, please, I'd like to show my respect and
appreciation to every one of these people. Give the lady a hand up here
please." Well, security selects A FAT CHICK and I think we can all see
what's coming here now. "See, this lady right here is a wrestling fan.
Because of that, I respect her. She spent her hard-earned money on a
ticket to Thunder tonight, because of that she deserves respect. It is not
her fault that due to a poor educational system and a low minimum wage, she
can't afford to join a health club or a gym. It is not her fault that due
to a--" Yep, here comes AWESOME MULLET to defend the honour of fat chicks
everywhere. Thanks to some brilliant direction, we can see the next run-in
coming from a mile away...even if the commentators don't. Yep, it's
"POSITIVELY" KANYON...but he was going to give the Kanyon Cutter to the
*fan*. Awesome gets in a shot on Kanyon...but Storm gets *Awesome* from
behind and now the doubleteam is on. This brings out BUFF DADDY
BAGWELL, who handles both men, pinwheels...and he and Awesome each
clothesline a man out of the ring. High ten! Heenan: "Wait a minute -
they don't like each other!" Oops, Heenan's not on the ball. Next he
might try to tell us Bret Hart held the US title or something!
Backstage, Jeff Jarrett approaches Mike Sanders and compliments him on his
swing...but a short word. "...let me give you a bit of advice, coming from
a guy who's swung his share of guitars...c'mon, lemme give you a lesson."
Then he breaks a guitar over his head. "Slapass! Don't you ever touch
something that don't belong to you!"
Miss Hancock and David Flair are WALKING! She tells Flair she's managed to
get him a cruiserweight title shot - if he wins, THEN she'll help him
LENNY LANE (already in the ring) v. THE WALL in a table match - here's a
joke I learned from Herb Kunze: Q: Who's the most over man in this match?
A: The table, which is brought out two minutes in...unfortunately, Wall
ends up catching a shoulder as he returns to the apron and takes the Nestea
plunge through the table to give Lane the win. (2:27) Tenay is so excited
he restrains his vocal chords...
Backstage, General Rection addresses the troops - Stash ain't around, Loco
defends the title against Flair tonight, Gunns will take out Hancock if she
proves to be a problem...
Meanwhile, Mike Sanders is only now starting to recover from Jarrett's
guitar shot - now THAT'S how you sell a move! Unfortunately, bad timing
strikes as Daffney brains him with a chair *just* as he makes it to his
feet. "How ya like that, rookie! Ahhhhhhhhh!"
When we come back from break, Wall approaches Lane. "Everything all right,
brother?" "No problem...buddy system." And there's a handshake.
"Yeah...buddy system!" Hmm, wonder if Rave is jealous...
Meanwhile, Kronic pose for some flash photography by a fetching lass. The
Animals walk by...and decide to sneak into Kronic's dressing room while
WCW CRUISERWEIGHT TITLE: DAVID FLAIR (with Miss Hancock) v. LT. CHAVO LOCO
(with Gen. Rection, Cpl. Cajun & Maj. Gunns) - Commentators suggest Wall
took a dive for Lane. Ohhhhhhhh. Miss Hancock is featured in the lastest
Stuff magazine - a magazine which is good for when you want to
stuff...umm..wait. Let Us Take You Back to Last Week where Hancock tried
to send Flair out for the hardcore championship. Say, how come Flair still
comes out to the Badlanders' music? Schiavone says that the Stuff article
is very revealing - what, does it confirm Chae is bisexual? 'cause
otherwise I can't be bothered. Well, okay, I'll read it next time I'm at
the grocery store. Purely in the interests of science and research, mind
you. No word yet about Tenay's affliction. Flair is wrestling in shirt,
tie and slacks. Q: When's a cruiserweight match not a cruiserweight match?
Flair *does* bust out a sweet suplex, though. Hancock has muted
into "full-on shrew" for the purposes of our storyline. Loco tries a
Sunset flip, but Flair holds on to Hancock's hands to hold on...until Gunns
comes in and breaks it up with her giant breasts, by flopping onto the
arms. That's only a 2. The chase is on, but Gunns stops short at the
ramp. Back to the ring - tornado DDT (sorta) onto the chair - 1, 2, 3.
(2:59) Hancock is so angry...she lets her hair down! Oooh! I hope she
doesn't send Los Fabulosos after them in retaliation! *That'll* show Team
XS!! Anyway, Gunns has a mic. "Hey, he's kinda cute!" I wonder if she'll
be tempted to "revive" him. "Evidently I'll have to do it, 'cause I *know*
she can't do it! Well, there goes the tank top. Heenan has an orgasm.
Hancock is back in and she's got the hair - catfight! Catfight! Heenan:
"Quiet, we may see something here." Of course, we don't...
Cut to the locker room where Cat tells Lane he's reinstated, now please
take off. Turning to the Wall, he tells him that he's fired. "Get outta
here! I have spoken, freak!" Wall grabs Cat by the neck and
throttles...security attempts to break this up. A defiant Cat still holds
up three fingers while being choked...that's either mighty funny or mighty
heat-draining - hell, maybe it's both.
Meanwhile, Mike Sanders is starting to get to his feet - uh oh! I smell
WA-HA-HACKINESS! Yup, sure enough Kanyon comes in and executes a Kanyon
cutter. "BANG!" Still...just because we all called this, doesn't make it
any *less* funny.
New Blood Rising promo - 13 August!
Cat walks off the effects of the choke...but the music hits. "Oh no, not
now..." Kaz has figured out how to win - go straight for the nuts. Yang
carries 3 Count's gold record as well. Cat is laid out.
GREAT MUTA (not dotcom) v. JOBBED TO DAVID ARQUETTE - Schiavone reveals
that Mike Tenay has once again strained his voice and won't be back
tonight. Let Us Take You Back One Week where these two men had a spot of
fun - or two. Muta trying to get a handle on him, but Abbott just muscles
him into the corner. Knee, knee, elbow, "yeahbaby" - holy cow, he IS Jim
Neidhart - Muta explodes out with a spin heel kick. Elbowdrop. Stomp.
Trying for the side headlock, but Abbott picks him up and drops him with a
belly-to-belly suplex. Muta motions to the back and the JUNG DRAGONS hit
the ring. Abbott quickly makes mincemeat of them but Muta puts him down
with a kick from behind. Now a tripleteam is on from the Dragons...now
Muta holding Abbott for the Dragons. And *now* THE CAT is out and *he's*
taking down the Dragons, one by one. But Muta's MAKING THE MUTA FACE!!
RED MIST TO THE CAT!! Too bad he turned his back to Abbott - there's the
*hand of stone*. Foot on chest - referee "Blind" Mark Johnson ignores the
other four people out here and counts the pin. (1:32)
GENE O. works tonight! Major Gunns has demanded some interview time.
She'd like a match with Miss Hancock at New Blood Rising - specifically, an
"ROTC" match. That's a "rip off the camoflauge" match to you and me.
Golly, Major Gunns SUCKS on the mic.
Meanwhile, Kronic head back to their dressing room - to find it ransacked.
They ask a passerby if anybody was in there, and he promptly stooges off
the Filthy Animals. Adams tells him to stay there and not let anybody else
in the room. He stays there long enough for us to see Kanyon come in and
hit him with it. BANG!
iWatch Wednesday is coming! Watch Ripley's and Thunder - and jack in on
superstation.com to win big prizes! Coming 2 August!
Jeff Jarrett is approached by Rick Steiner, Midajah, and the
TV-PG-DLV ratings box...there's a plan for tonight's main event...
RAYMOND STEREO & DE JUICY ONE & DISCO INFERNO (with Konnan & Nitro Grrl
Tygryss) v. KRONIC in a handicap match - The Animals hit the ring wearing
Kronic's vests, sunglasses, and instilling their eyedrops! Konnan speaks
on this and I ignore him. Tonight's choice is "feel/that's enough."
There's a whooshing logo for New Blood Rising and it's 25 days away.
Konnan takes third headset and actually does a pretty decent colour
commentary job...which is surprising, given that I hate him. Funny line
from K-Dogg: "Now the guy over there without the mustache - he looks like
a less expensive, better working, less problematic version of Kevin
Nash...so let's get rid of Kevin Nash." "They're jarbones - that's what
they are - just like Van Hammer." Konnan insists that all this squash
going on is simply "Mexican strategy." Merciful finish is the "we'll kill
someone doing this" Devastation Derivative on Disco Inferno that *scares
the hell out of me,* but is actually a HELL of a selljob by Disco and not
really him breaking his neck. Adams covers for the pin. (4:19 - hmmm)
Backstage, Franchise tells Torrie it's time...allowing her to come out and
model for us. And now they're WALKING! When we come back, we might find
out what's in his bag...
Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim (no Savage), America (ha!)
Online, Boston Market TV dinners, Motel 6 7/8, and the kid who sees dead
Hey, they didn't run the opening credits tonight. I just figured that out.
Maybe they've realised there are too many Hogans and Nashes in it?
FRANCHISE (with Torrie Samuda) is out to share a few thoughts. "Cut the
music! Let's talk a few facts. It's a fact that WCW made it's finest
acquisition in laying its hands on the Franchise - nyaha. Physically,
intellectually - hell, *morally*, I stand head and shoulders above every
athlete that has ever graced this ring. For that reason, I knew it was a
fact that when there was a sweepstakes for this beautiful piece of woman
(hahahahaha) that me, the Franchise, would end up with her on my arm.
Hehehehehe. Now, Torrie, you've been dying to find out what's in the bag,
so I'm gonna show you, honey..." And he pulls out a copy of Stuff.
"For you inbred morons that don't know how to read, this is this month's
Stuff magazine, hahahahaa. Torrie, I'm gonna read you a little
question they asked ya - if you idiots stay seated and shut up, you're
gonna hear some real sexy stuff. What puts you, Torrie Wilson, in the mood
for love? Now, before you answer, I want you to use that sexy voice like
you did last night." With all the emotion of a proctor: "When I work out
with my man, I swear, I cannot keep my hands off of him. I'm like, 'I
wanna rip your clothes off. Are you gonna take me somewhere or what? Come
on.'" "Ohohohoho, Torrie, I know from a fact, from experience, honey,
there's only one thing that turns you on more than workin' out...and that's
havin' your man work out, hahaha. You see, Billy Kidman, the fact of the
matter is, that little fling that Torrie Wilson had with you couldn't
possibly have meant anything, 'cause she loves men that work out, and you
wouldn't know the business end of a dumbbell if you sat your pansy ass on
it!" Franchise is pumping his biceps and Torrie can't help but run her
fingers all over him. "Not now, not now, Torrie, I'm goin', I'm goin'
here. The fact of the matter is, Billy, you weren't man enough. You
weren't boy enough - hell, you weren't Franchise enough to take care of the
needs of a woman like Torrie Wilson, hahahaha. Honey...I'm all
yours....hahahahaha. And they embrace. Wow, lookit the chemistry there.
He's sodium, she's chloride. Together they make salt. Finally, BILLY
KIDMAN is out with a bit of righteous indignation - golly, why would this
bother him? Pounding on Franchise - into the ropes, dropkick, 'rana.
Kidman goes for the dumbbell, but Torrie stops him - so he grabs HER by the
hair, allowing Franchise just enough time to grab the weight and pound him
in the back with it. Franchise's music hits again...Douglas drags him and
directs Torrie. She stands over Kidman...and decides not to slap him after
Jimmy Barron phones it in with 1-800-CAL-LATT - thanks to a little help
from Chuck Palumbo doing his "dude" impression. Nitro is Monday from the
CSU campus in Cleveland! Coming out: "thanks guys - mission accomplished,
thanks to 1-800-CALL-ATT!" Stasiak: "Dude, take mine - but I never want to
hear you forgot your cel phone again...it's gettin' old." Palumbo: "Dude."
Barron: "Ahh, thanks a lot--" Kanyon: "BANG!" Me: "Whaa--??"
Advance Auto Parts presents This Week in WCW Motorsports! Man, if Kanyon
could make THESE segments go away, I'd pledge LIFELONG LOYATLY to WCW.
They actually provide a *cliffhanger* - not telling us which Monster Truck
was the baddest of the year until NEXT week. Man, if you EVER needed a
reason to tune in to Thunder...
Gene O. catches up to Artist - where's his spokeswoman tonight?
"Paisley...has issues." "Paisley...You can talk?" Gene's an idiot.
"Yes...and I've been silent much too long. Gene, I'm making an open
challenge to any champion in WCW. I'm a semi-main event contender--"
BIG VITO v. THE ARTIST for the Hardcore title - Gene's special brand of
swearing takes centre stage as Vito strikes from behind, but Jesus does NOT
appear as Gene seems to imply. These two fight behind a curtain, where we
see PAISLEY and KIWI. Artist shoves him aside to get to Paisley...but Kiwi
spins him around. "No toucha the Kiwi!" Artist drops him with an ironing
board. The "voluptuous" lady we saw with Kiwi on Monday enters the frame
to check on him as Vito and Artist make their way out to the ring. Referee
"Blind" Mickie Jay tries very hard to get in the way but manages to avoid
collision. Oh boy! There's a pylon in the ring! I wonder if we'll see
the Safety Cone Enema! Artist breaks plywood over Vito...for 2. Artist
with a kendo stick - three whacks and Vito's out...for 2. Into the ropes,
leapfrog, Vito with a Mafia kick. Something's muted. Vito with a half
hour suplex. Outside and climbing up - Savage elbow finds the mark. Head
to the buckle. Right, left, right, kick, kick, kick, kick...there's the
traffic cone, and there's the bat. Vito outside - hell, might as well
bring in a table. Crowd chants for the table, because it's the most over
man in this match. Artist has the hardcore title...but Vito catches him
before he can swing it. In the process, you can watch him step on the bat
- and watch it bend under his foot as if it was made of cheap plastic.
Oops. Uppercut chop to the throat by Vito. They're on the table...and it
breaks before Vito can DDT him (or whatever he wanted to do.) Crowd boos -
heh. Garbage can to the head. Jumping DDT. 1, 2, 3. (4:34) Titles
don't change hands on Thunder, I guess.
Backstage, Awesome feeds cream puffs to his woman. Bagwell approaches him;
time for their match. "Buff, I got an idea, it's a great one - you know
how guys are always bringin' hot, beautiful, voluptuous chicks to the ring?
Yeah, well, look - I think if we bring Ruthie with us - just think about
how over me and you can get if we got Ruthie with us!" Bagwell says she's
a little TOO hot, and maybe they should leave her in the back.
Promotional consideration paid for by Targon, Corn Nuts, Bubble Yum,
America (ha!) Online, Boston Market homestyle meals, and Stone Street
Buff Bagwell will appear on "Friday Night with Rita Sever" - here's a
preview. Buff makes the ol' "Nitro Grill waitress as Foot Locker
associate" mistake with SIDE-SPLITTING results
"POSTIVELY" KANYON and LANCE STORM v. BUFF DADDY BAGWELL & AWESOME MULLET -
Let Us Take You Back to Nitro where Kanyon wreaks havoc on the Bagwell
family. Storm forces ring announcer DAVID PENZER to announce him as the
*Canadian* champion...and then he intros the Canadian anthem, once again.
This time it goes (:18) before Bagwell and Awesome hit the ring. No
respect! No respect AT ALL! Bagwell and Kanyon go outside while Awesome
and Storm fight in the ring - block, right, into the ropes, shoulderblock,
into the shoudlerblock, catching him and tossing him. Clothesline puts
Storm out. Kanyon and Bagwell are doing laps around the ring as Awesome
hits the no-hands tope onto Storm on the floor! Kanyon in the ring,
Bagwell in the ring, off the ropes, up and over, Bagwell with the biiig
back body drop. There's a swinging neckbreaker. He STILL stops to do the
pinwheel, yeee-ha. Right hand by Bagwell, off the ropes but in the wrong
spot - Storm puts a shot in the back. Kanyon with...was that the
Flatliner? It's been so long...stomp, stomp, stomp, whoosh, 25, tag to
Storm, whoosh. Kanyon holding a leg scissors while Storm drops the elbow.
Jawbreaker by Storm. Elbow. "USA!" Head to the buckle, into the opposite
corner, boot up by Bagwell, clothesline and both men are down. Who will
make the tag? Bagwell manages to pound the canvas in rhythmic fashion on
his way - tag to Kanyon, tag to Awesome - clothesline, clothesline,
clothesline for Storm, belly-to-belly overhead for Kanyon - Storm put up -
down with a sitout powerbomb...Kanyon breaks the count at 2. Trying for
the Kanyon cutter, but Awesome hits the abdomen and drops him with a German
suplex. Awesome putting him in position - to the top rope...Awesome (frog)
splash! 1, 2, Storm saves, Bagwell in and putting down Storm with a
clothesline. Crossbody to Kanyon and they BOTH spill over the top rope to
the outside. In the ring, Awesome throws a right, into the corner, Storm
sidesteps the charge and locks in the Canadian Maple Leaf rolling half
crab. Bagwell climbing up the corner...Buff Blockbuster! Awesome covers,
referee "Blind" Billy Silverman in position - 1, 2, Kanyon pulls him out!
Probably trying to remind him that HE is in fact the legal man, right?
Anyway, Kanyon sees Bagwell coming with the baseball slide dropkick and
decides to put Silverman in the path. He takes it RIGHT in the back.
Kanyon swings his book and puts Bagwell down. Meanwhile, Awesome has Storm
up on his back for the crucifix bomb...but before he can run, Storm puts
the book in HIS gut. Kanyon cutter! Silverman awake - 1, 2, 3. Hey,
Kanyon and Awesome were legal, even. Must have been an accident. (3:36)
Gene O. stands with Jeff Jarrett, Rick Steiner and Midajah - two of these
will be taking on Harlem Heat tonight. You figure out which two. Steiner
says he's here to "promote violence," and goes on to proclaim the two
members of Harlem Heat "rednecks." Maybe tonight, they can retire those
two "hambones" for good. Jarrett busts out "Jurassic Slapass and says that
the Midajah backup plan is strictly "NOYFB."
Meanwhile, Cat tries to figure out what NOYFB means. Oops, looks like he
figured it out. Now he's WALKING!
Close captioning where available sponsored by MEINEKE!
Gene O. stands with Harlem Heat and stooges out that Midajah will be at
ringside tonight. Stevie Ray: "Midajah? You mean that hoochy that got in
my face last night? You mean that squack that jumped on my back last
night? Well, let me tell you something - I'm BEGGING her to try it again,
because I didn't expect to get back in the thick of things this fast, but
that's not my problem anymore - Jarrett, that's your problem, Steiner, now
it's yours, 'cause Harlem Heat is back together and now it's own like
neckbone, sucka!" "Mean Gene, Mean Gene, OG Harlem Heat back together
again - now can u dig that. But tonight, Gene, it ain't gonna be no
playin' - no jivin' - just business! If you can feel where I'm comin' from
- Jeff Jarrett, me and you, one on one, New Blood Rising, you're crying
about you should be the champ? Well let me tell you something, I got the
title. Jeff Jarrett, I say to you this: don't hate the playa...hate the
"Earlier Today," SCOTT HUDSON interviewed KEVIN NASH. Nash says the
company, Brad Siegel, TBS, TNT, and Goldberg didn't want Scott Hall back,
so it didn't matter if he'd won or lost at the Bash. Hudson plays devil's
advocate for the muckety-mucks: Hall's a bit of a loose cannon with a
reputation. "Well, so's Val Kilmer, but he's still a great actor." Nash
says the only thing that popped was when Hall and Nash came down from "New
York." "What you've got is people that don't know the wrestling business
running the wrestling business." Hudson brings up Hall's "chronic"
injury problem. Nash says Hall works hurt a lot, but he's 100% right now
and could be on TV Monday. Hudson wants to hear from Nash why they don't
want Hall back. Nash says if telling the truth is "being a cancer in the
locker room," then I guess he *is* a cancer. He's got seventeen months
left on his contract...after that, who knows. His next contract won't be
for money...it'll be for fun. "If somebody else lets [Hall] play in the
sandbox, then I'll have to go to that sandbox and play with my buddy
again." On the subject of Goldberg, Nash says that "the company let him
have too much power too soon," comparing it to giving an automatic to a
five-year old. His job is to disarm him. "He doesn't like the
business...he thinks he's gonna be an actor or something...he's changed -
he's changed dramatically." Nash gives his seal of approval to Booker T.
"All the Internet does is invade my privacy." Turning to the three-way
with Goldberg and Steiner for a title shot, Hudson asks if this will be his
final match if "things don't go your way." Nash says he's not gonna "lobby
for a finish" - he's "bounced for seven years" and nobody's going over him.
Nash promises he'll "get mine" at New Blood Rising. "I'll do the Bret Hart
- 'I guarantee I'm going to win.'"
JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET & RICK WOOF WOOF (with Midajah) v. HOUSTON HEAT
- Whatever happened to midajah.com, and can we blame Time/Warner? Let Us
Take You Back to Yesterday where all sorts of stuff happened to Stevie Ray.
CAT is out after Steiner and Jarrett make their entrance. "Okay, cut the
music off - listen, I'm only out here to make sure things are fair. I'm
not out here for anything else but to make sure we have a fair match - get
yo ass back in the ring!" Cat takes third headset at the same time. WHY
are they keeping Stevie Ray down by not letting him say "froot booty?"
It's RACISM, I tells ya! Steiner with some words for Cat - but only words.
Cat promises something for Muta from the mist incident. Steiner and
Booker T start. Stevie Ray leads some synchronised clapping from the
apron. Lockup, Steiner shoves him away. Steiner makes "I want da belt"
mnotions. Lockup, side headlock by T, chain sequence around the back,
Steiner with a back elbow to stop that noise, right, right, right, into the
ropes, duck, flyling jalapeno! Harlem (Houston?) sidekick finds the mark
as we look outside the ring to see Midajah beckoning to Stevie Ray.
Referee "Blind" Mark Johnson leaves the ring to make sure they don't meet.
Arm wringer, to the armbar. We see Midajah make the climb...but Cat has a
mic. "Wait a minute...hoochie! Wait a minute, hoochie! Get yo ass down!
Get down right now! You get down - come here. I got a little
secret for you, get over here. Meanwhile, in the ring, it's a double back
elbow for Steiner. Stevie Ray punching on Steiner as we watch Cat handcuff
himself to Midajah. Stevie Ray with a blatant choke. Into the opposite
corner, boot's up. Pounding on the back, tag to Jarrett, right, right,
right, right, into the ropes is reversed, clothesline ducked, but not the
Harlem bicycle kick. Jarrett goes outside - Ray follows with the double
sledge. Head to the barricade, again, Jarrett rolled back in - he's got a
chair with him as he comes back in. Cat is over to take the chair away.
Ray wants to know what's up...and ends up in a Russian legsweep. Stomp,
stomp, stomp, goading T into the ring and occupying Johnson with keeping
him in his corner while, behind his back, Steiner comes in without a tag.
Right. Into the ropes, Steinerline. "I'm gon' beat him right now!" 1, 2,
kickout. T leads some claps as Steiner works a rear headlock. Pounding on
Ray, shot for Booker, *again* bringing him in and causing the ref to miss a
no tag and doubleteam. Jarrett puts Ray in the ropes, Ray ducks - backdrop
suplex and both men are down. Johnson is at 5...6...7...8..tag to Booker
T! Down goes Jarrett! Down goes Steiner! Harlem sidekick for each man!
Gutshot for Jarrett - off the ropes with the axe kick! Breakdancing up -
and almost taking out the ref in the process! Got Steiner...wow, going for
the blockbuster suplex, almost - but slamming him down instead.
Spinebuster for Jarrett - Steiner breaks up the pin at 2. Ray back over -
right for Steiner - they both go outside. In the ring, Jarrett reverses a
whip into the corner but T leaps over the rope to the apron and Jarrett's
attack misses. He's going to spring off with the missile dropkick...but
Jarrett is quickly back over, crotching him on the top. Uppercut by
Jarrett - HE climbs up and here comes the superplex. BUT T hooks the leg
as Jarrett tries to roll over and it's *Jarrett's* shoulders that are down
- 1, 2, 3! They may have stolen that one from Malenko, but I won't
complain - I'll just point it out and be snide about it. Nyah nyah.
Anyway, Harlem Heat wins (5:19) but Jarrett is quickly back with his guitar
- and Booker T *definitely* feels it. Steiner works over Booker as Jarrett
poses in the corner. Play his music! Where's Stevie Ray? Out on the
floor, I guess. Rick goes to put him in the Steiner recliner (!) as the
credits show up and we disappear.
Damn - morph Kiwi back into Allen Funk and there ain't much I can complain
about. They cut way down on the false finishes:minutes ratio, which was
the only big complaint I had coming out of Nitro, and I think somebody has
*finally* gotten the anti-Russo principle - that "predictable" doesn't
necessarily equal "bad television." Has WCW finally turned the corner?
And how long will (can) it last?
Christopher Robin Zimmerman