by Christopher Robin Zimmerman
WrestleLine/WrestleManiacs
QUICK QUOTE: WOWI.OB 2 1/2 (+ 13/16) - a post-PPV bump...or just a simple
case of price manipulation coming from typically low volume? Well....maybe
a bit of both.
Word coming out of ticketmaster.com is that tickets for the 2/17 Forum
taping can't currently be bought - and 'Net scuttlebutt has it that this
taping has been cancelled outright, AS WELL AS a good chunk of the PPV
replays. Hmmmm. Anybody else wondering if I'll be down to recapping ONE
wrestling company by April? More importantly, WHAT will this do to *the
stock price*???
Two more quick items: Canadian WOWsters, who have been a week ahead of you
and I since the show started airing, have been treated to bizarre choices
of reruns instead of fresh shows - somewhere from episode #3 to #5, from
most reports I picked up (It's PHANTOM! She's a VIOLIN PLAYING
BODYBUILDER)...SO. If we get a new episode next week, no worries - if WE
get a rerun, *then* it's time to wonder. Considering there's a whole set
of matches from a taping that hasn't even been touched...well....if my man
Craig from Channel 11 can find out if the satellites are spitting out new
shows on schedule, maybe we can get some reassurance.
Last one and we'll hit *this* Hour of Power: thanks to many of you for
writing encouraging words following my WOW pay-per-view on-site. I've
reprinted several of your letters over at the home slice, and at the very
least I hope Scott finds his way over there to see how other people more
eloquently, and much better said what I could only incoherently ramble
about at 3am on a Tuesday night. Fortunately, like all of us recappin'
types, the knowledge that his name is dropped several times should be
enough to get Scott curious enough to go check it out.
Enough yuks - it's time for POSTERITY!
Strangely enough, the ad right before the show starts says "Are you ready
for a Catfight?" Of course, it's not what you think - it's for the San
Jose Sabercats Arena League season, which is starting pretty soon. Arena
Football is kinda like the XFL, except it's indoors and not cold at all.
WOW logo - ohhhhhhhhh WOW!
WOW! It's babes in swimsuits!
TONIGHT: Jade vs. Poison! Disciplinarian vs. Caliente! Hammerin' Heather
Steele vs. Jacklyn Hyde! And Roxy Powers and Slam Dunk go at it ONE MORE
TIME! Also...babes in swimsuits! Also...David McLane and Jeannie Buss get
DRAMATIC!
Opening Credits - these look like the same version of credits they used to
open the PPV. Before we get moving, let me lay out and tell you that this
is Women of Wrestling #19, coming to you from the Church of WOW, the Great
Western Forum in Inglewood, CA - airing 10.2.1 (but taped WAY back on
15.12.2K) across the country on a declining number of stations (hey Boston)
- all right!
POISON v. JADE - DAVID McLANE makes the intros: "From toxic parts
unknown...Poison!" Strangely, the tape hits a glitch *right* when she gets
to the naughty part of "kiss my ass." Poison's new entrance video is only
hinted at, but the true whiff of cheese we caught at the pay-per-view goes
unseen. Could be because the video has the *yellow* hair on top, while at
this taping it's merely a blond set atop the redhead. "Her opponent...the
Spitfire...Jaaaaaaade!" Hey, she's a *firey* spitfire, dammit! And
really, is there any other kind? Although long-time viewers of WOW already
know there's no way in hell Jade can *possibly* pull out a victory, let's
watch it together and find out. Poison does her Jade dance - not terribly
impressive. Lockup, side headlock by Poison, STOMPING IT IN, Jade powers
out, Poison with the shoulderblock, up and over, Jade with the leapfrog,
monkey flip! Poison up and we start over - Poison running into the WOW
drop toehold - Jade to a hammerlock. Back to their feet - Jade tries to
STOMP IT IN, but Poison snapmares her over. Into the ropes, clothesline by
Poison for barely 2. Got her by the hair - into the ropes, big gutshot,
and a kneelift off the ropes by Poison. Scoop...and a slam. Press -
another 2. Into the ropes, Jade ducks it and hits a crossbody...for 2.
Work the wedgie, Jade! Poison put into the ropes, no, reversal, Jade up,
Samurai scissors! Jade with a running dropkick and Poison goes outside to
take a breath. Poison back in...and raking the eyes. Into the corner,
"lick my fingers" move - and hiptossing her to the centre. Poison plays to
the crowd, sweeps the leg and hits the WOW catapult. As Poison starts with
a camel (toe) clutch, Selina Majors calls in an interview. She's had a lot
on her mind the past couple weeks. She doesn't want to discuss it on the
phone tonight, but next week she'll talk about it face to face. Everybody
can wait until next week - they'll get their answers. Then she hangs up.
Meanwhile, Jade grabs the rope, breaking the hold. Into the opposite
corner, Jade springs off the bottom rope over a running Poison, runs back
to the other corner and hits a springboard crossbody for nil - the (still
nameless) ref was napping, I guess. Jade in control - whip into the corner
is reversed, but Jade springs up to the Samurai scissors once again -
almost piledriving Poison in the process - yow. Poison up slow - Jade to
the body scissors - wedgie wedgie wedgie - rollup gets 1 for Jade. Another
body scissors...but Poison drops her face first this time. McLane is
already hyping next week's show. Poison with the vertical suplex. Poison
plays to the crowd again, and this time we actually *hear* "kiss my ass."
Poison Paralyzer finds the mark - 1, 2, 3. (5:04) Commentators fail to
notice that Poison has a full head of hair - McLane is content to talk
about Jade's grandmother instead. Replay of Poison's suplex and/or Jade's
wedgie - three times - and the Poison Paralyzer.
Visit wowe.com and see if anybody's worried! Oh, and don't forget to vote
for your favourite bikini-clad Woman of Wrestling!
And, hey, if those swimsuit pix aren't getting you humming, well, here's a
word from EnerX. "Yeah, stamina's probably a good way to put it. Ha HA!"
David McLane visits Jeannie Buss - and stealthily swaps his bouquet for the
nicer one at the receptionist's desk. He's so sneaky! I leave it to you
if this vignette was better this week WITH sound - or better last week
WITHOUT. McLane stops at the picture of Rick Fox...I thought he was gonna
make a delicious pun in reference to Miss Buss, but no. Instead, he
notices that his flowers are "Laker colours! I like it!" and this pleases
him to no end. Well all right.
DISCIPLINARIAN v. CALIENTE - "Innnnnntroducing! From the Board of
Education, it's the Disciplinarian!" LEE MARSHALL regresses to a childhood
memory that doesn't leave him in a happy place - McLane reveals that his
mother is still alive. "WHAT did I just say? I told you to siddown and
SHUT UP. When I set foot in this ring, ALL of your mouths go SHUT! I have
something to say about Caliente. Oh....poor, poor Caliente. You see, I'm
afraid this is going to be her last dance, because she's not going to be
able to walk by the time class is dismissed!" "Her opponent...she's the
firey Latina - ladies and gentlemen, Caaaaaaaaaaaaliente!" Let me get this
out of the way - GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY THOSE NIPPLES - whew, I feel refreshed.
Here we go - lockup, side headlock by Disco, stomping it in, Caliente
powers out, shouldertackle by Disco - hey I just SAW this match - Disco off
the ropes, up and over, leapfrog by Cali, monkey flip, armdrag takeover to
an armbar - Disco up, Caliente STOMPS in the arm wringer, but Disco
cartwheels out and *she's* STOMPING IN the arm wringer of her own. McLane
reveals that Disciplinarian "has it out for Bronco Billie - POOR Bronco
Billie! What is she gonna do? Mm, mm, mm." Snapmares her over - legdrop
on the arm - and then she does it again! Looks like Disco's picked a body
part - arm wringer plus stomp, into the ropes, back body drop. Big splash
- 1, kickout at 2. Into the ropes, clothesline by Disco. Mocking mambo!
Into the ropes, head down, leapfrog by Cali, Disco hooks the arms and hits
a backslide for 2. Scoop...and a slam. Got her by the hair...going for
the Pedigree, but Caliente manages a double leg - for some reason the
(same) ref is counting a pinfall, but this is just a setup for the WOW
CATAPULT! He should know better. Cali pulls her out as she tries to hold
the ropes in the classic spot. Caliente going for a splash but MISSES!
Got her in the corner - whip is reversed, Cali with a monkey flip! Into
the ropes, flying jalapeno (how appropriate!), off the ropes with ANOTHER
flying jalapeno! Disco put in the corner, Cali whips her out, reversal,
both boots up to meet the charge - plancha off the second rope...for 2.
Disco put in another corner- whip into the opposite corner, drop toehold as
she comes out - is it time for the Mexican surfboard? I think so! Rock,
rock, rock back - got it on! Disciplinarian's gotta give it up - and YES!
She does! Big win for the big headlights! (3:48) Disciplinarian's got
her yardstick - but Caliente meets her with the dropkick without breaking
her mambo footwork! McLane hits the ring as we observer the replay.
"Ladies and gentlemen, the winner - Caliente! Caliente a fan favourite
here, and everywhere across the world, and especially throughout Latin
America - Caliente, achieving a ga-- a great victory there -
congratulations. The fans wanna hear from ya, they've been begging us on
WOWE - let's hear from Caliente." "Gracias, David! I'm proud to be a part
of WOW and represent all the bicultural people! Los Angeles que viva!"
"Caliente! They love your dancing, Caliente." "Well, I'm just like the
fans...I'm proud of my ethnic background. I want to be the first Latina
superwoman!" "Caliente!" "David, would you dance with me? Everybody!
Bailando!" "Only if the fans dance - fans get on up! It's time to for a
little salsa! Hit it, Paul George!" Darned if McLane can't actually
dance. "Caliente!" Golly, this is like the BEST SEGMENT EVER.
To the locker room, and JULIE DAY and her wacky hairdo: "I am here with
*the* hottest new British import to hit the scene." "The name is Blond -
JANE BLOND." "Now, you are a member of Her Majesty's Secret Service. Can
you elaborate on it?" "Then it wouldn't be much of a secret now, would it?
Heh - I wil tell you, however, that my family has a history in law
enforcement. My aunt is currently the sheriff of Nottingham, and my sister
works for Scotland Yard, so naturally I was in on the action." "You
demonstrate tremendous physical prowess in the ring - what's your
background?" "Well, I'm trained in martial arts and kickboxing, I ski,
snowboard and scuba dive, and I've been known to do a little cliff diving
whilst on holiday. On a more creative note, I've toured internationally as
a dancer." "Well, were you undercover at the time?" "I'm afraid that that
information, Julie, is classified." "Well what about your mission in WOW?
Can you tell us, you know, about your plans?" "Oh, I have a mission all
right. But I'll just say for now that I have a license to thrills - and I
plan on leaving all my opponents shaken AND stirred." "This is Julie Day,
here with the woman who sends her fans to double-oh heaven."
WOW! Swimsuit clips!
HAMMERIN' HEATHER STEELE v. JACKLYN HYDE (with Nurse Mercy) - "Ladies and
gentlemen! Introducing, from Sweet Home, Oregon, it's Hammerin' Heather
Steele! Her opponent: being led to the ring by Nurse Mercy...it's
Jacklyn...Hyde." Hyde has her unhappy face on this week, and carries a
doll body attached to Al Snow's Head. Hyde runs right into the WOW drop
toehold. Trying again - another drop toehold from Steele - to the
hammerlock. To their feet - Steele STOMPS IT IN as we notice the WOW
spotlight on the ring for no good reason - hammerlock takedown. Hyde back
to her feet, Steele back to stomping. Something muted here as Hyde manages
a snapmare takeover to break it. Off the ropes, rolling necksnap.
Spotlight's off, thank goodness. Hyde with the double legdrop between the
legs. Got her by the hair...and ramming her into the turnbuckle. One more
time into the turnbuckle. Ugly snapmare...put into position as Hyde climbs
the ropes...on top...splash MISSES! Steele is up and ready to go - into
the ropes, powerslam - 1, kicked out at 2. Put in the corner, opposite
corner whip is reversed, and Hyde bulldogs her down off the ropes - almost
a Diamond Cutter there - 1, 2, foot on the rope. Hyde thinks she's won but
referee "Blind" Josh Milton holds up two fingers until she gets it.
Another ugly powerslam by Steele catches Hyde by surprise...1, 2, 3!
(2:48) Hyde climbs on Milton's back and claws away on his scalp - he
manages to snapmare her over, but she lands on her feet - DIAMOND CUTTER!
(McLane: "Neckbreaker!") Mercy manages to get her out of the ring and lead
her back up the ramp...
How'd those two cameras get into Jeannie Buss' office? Don't ask. Buss
remarks that McLane must use the same flowers as her receptionist.
"Why....yes....I do...." Ha ha, McLane's so cheap. Buss and McLane play
mutual admiration society - she loved attending the WOW taping - the women
are talented, beautiful, tough - she had fun. McLane says how happy he was
to have a woman of her stature at the live event. "You've got an eye for
athleticism - and for talent!" "I like to think so - I liked what I saw in
the ring at WOW...but I really liked what I saw outside of the ring."
"Really?" "And I think maybe you and I can do some business together."
"I'd like that!" "Let's have dinner and discuss!" "I'd like that more!"
Wait...so are she and Phil Jackson NOT knockin' da boots no more?
wowe.com promo - again
Swimsuit clips - again - McLane promises the race is closer than "Bush vs.
Gore!" Yeah, but the dead aren't voting in *this* contest...
Hmm, four 800 numbers in a row - tarot, sex, sex, lawyer - makes sense to me
SLAM DUNK v. ROXY POWERS - "THIS is a challenge match! Innnnnnntroducing
the six-foot-three undefeated power forward, SLAMMMMM Dunk!" McLane
mentions us seeing her arrive in a big limo at the PPV - I must have missed
that somehow (or it didn't really happen). "All I gotta say is bring Roxy
Powers on so Slam Dunk can SCHOOL her and foul her out!" "Her opponent!
She is the total athlete - it's Rrrrrrrrroxy Powers!" Roxy Powers is *not*
related to Jim Powers, by the way. They meet in the center, lockup, side
headlock by Power, powered out, collision and nobody moves. Roxy off the
ropes, another meeting, still on her feet. "I am Slam Dunk!" Powers with
a crossbody that *does* take her off her feet...for 2. Into the ropes,
leapfrog by Powers, big back heel kick. Dunk outside to kvetch to the
commentators. "I am Slam! I am Slam Dunk! I'll get you, McLane. I will
GET you! I am Slam Dunk! Who is she? WHO is she?" I'm starting to think
she is Slam Dunk. FINALLY back up into the ring - collar and elbow once
again, top wristlock by Dunk, STOMPING IT IN, Powers reverses to a
hammerlock, dropping down, rollup, 2! Powers dares her to come for her,
and when she does, Powers drops her with the dreaded WOW drop toehold. As
Dunk recovers from *that*, let's take a break. Remember, if you leave,
they'll COME FOR YOU...
When we come back, it's back to the tieup, Powers hits a fireman's carry
takeover. Everybody's pulling for Jade! Into the ropes is reversed, Dunk
with the big boot. Dunk plays to the crowd. Off the ropes, BIG legdrop.
1, 2, Roxy kicks out. Powers put in the corner, standing on the neck.
Anthony Robbins can't help Roxy Powers now - Dunk stands on the neck and
uses the ropes for added power. Dunk does a mocking dance for our benefit.
Into the corner is reversed...but Powers runs into a boot. Dunk with a
low, low dropkick - 1, 2, Powers kicks out. Dunk is getting a little
mouthy - Powers breaks the armholds and hits a double leg. "What's wrong!
What's wrong?" Sharpshooter coming up! Yes! Sharpshooter by Roxy Powers
and all Dunk can do is grab the bottom rope. Powers says she won't break
the hold...and waits on referee "Blind" Josh Milton's count. Dunk holds
the second rope - looks like another "pull her out and cause pain" spot.
Going for the submission hold again...but Dunk kicks her away this time.
Powers into the ropes, reversal, drops down, leapfrog, Dunk ducks a
clothesline - got her in the choke... Marshall: "Going for the powerslam."
No, no, that's ahhhhhTHECHOKESLAAAAAM. 1, 2, foot on the rope! Dunk gives
Milton a chest bump - ooh. Roxy sneaks in a schoolboy rollup - 1, 2, no!
Dunk whipped into the corner...but both boots are up AGAIN - Powers might
try to stop doing that. McLane: "Fans talking about that WOW Unleashed -
the lesson being, if you wanna see it, ya better BUY it, because we don't
show it to ya for free!" Well, except the vignettes, I suppose. Dunk
shoves her over with her boot - then hits an "I am, I slam" splash, gets
both feet on the bottom rope, and gets the 1, 2, 3. Roxy saw it...but Josh
didn't. (1:52 + 3:48) Dunk walks off as Powers tries to demonstrate -
here's a replay...too bad McLane didn't use his power to....oh well.
McLane promises some "behind the scenes" swimsuit action - for now, look at
these swimsuit clips. Doesn't Ice Cold look SO SO happy to be there?
Doesn't Sandy look SO much better than the creepy Summer? And how many
times with they add swimsuit clips to this show tonight?
I guess I just can't figure out how the Phonics Game figures into the
demographics for this show??
Now, FRY'S I can understand - I mean, there's probably a LOTTA geeks
watching this show - that's the *perfect* Fry's demographic for sure. Come
to think of it, I haven't been to Fry's in almost a week....hmmm...
Swimsuit clips - including the exciting "behind the scenes" shots! We
*still* don't find out why Jade won't let us see her eyes, though - what
*was* the deal with that blindfold? Jade actually shows a glimmer of
personality when she says "Whosever brillant idea it was to do this in
*January* needs to be shot! June would be a good time to do a bathing suit
shoot - DUH!" In conclusion, Scott would have *hated* this segment because
there was absolutely *no* wrestling in it. Also, I'm wondering if Lana's
swimsuit was edible for some reason.
And now we look at swimsuit clips interspersed with wrestling action clips.
Geez, kind of a light show this week... Sure looks like they're trying to
skew the voting Lana's way...I think out of the contestants they've chosen,
I'd have to vote for Sandy. I'm just disappointed that none of Caged Heat
were in it! (Not to mention Caliente and Wendi Wheels) Hey, there's that
thong shot my brother waiting ALL SHOW to see, and never did - I should
probably be able to ID the woman wearing it, but I can't.
Promotional consideration paid for by Invention Submission Corporation,
Tootsie candies, and Invention Submission Corporation (again)
Jeannie Buss shows off the six World Championship trophies the Lakers have
won from 1980 to 2000. "Wow, the millennium trophy! This is the one Shaq
and Kobe were probably kissing, wasn't it. MAN! What a - this is a great
collection of trophies...Jeannie, these puppies must be expensive." Buss
rolls her eyes and points to the practice court. "You get to watch the
team practice every day?" "I gotta keep my eye on 'em!" "Jeannie, wow!
I'll tell ya - that's why *you've* got a great eye for talent! And look at
that, there's Shaq practicing his free throws!" We cut to a shot of
Shaquille O'Neal - probably when he injured himself. Credits are up and
we're mercifully out.
Christopher Robin Zimmerman
www.CRZ.net