That "Best of Nitro" wasn't too bad at all, no sir, nope. I need about half an hour to dissect that first Nitro Grrls appearance, though. Maybe some other time. I think the most burning question coming out of that three hours, though, was definitely the following query: Just where the heck DID Gene Okerlund go?

Ahh, THERE'S the WCW logo we all know and love

TV-14-DLS - Let Us Take a Special Look Back at Scott Steiner's speech - the NWO walking to the ring with the closed captioned symbol - the NWO spraypainting Sid Vicious' car - Scott Steiner whacking Sid Vicious with a baseball bat, removing his back brace, whacking Chris Benoit, and removing his shirt to reveal an NWO T-shirt, AND a monster truck crushing Sid's car ("with Sid inside!")

Cut to today - NOW - as a Lear jet is welcomed to Greenville, SC - is the new commissioner inside? Wait a minute..."Lear jet?"

Opening credits - hey, Tony, don't talk OVER them!

FIREWORKS! "It's a brand new year! It's a brand new century! Welcome to WCW 2000! As we begin the year 2000, hopefully off on the right foot for World Championship Wrestling" WE ARE LIVE from the BI-LO Center in Greenville, SC (I've said it before, and I'll say it again - *BI-LO is a Great Place to Shop*) 3.1.2K for a whole new (33% shorter) WCW Monday Nitro! I leave it to you to decide which sign gets more airtime - the "We Copy WWF" one, or the "WWF Sucks" one.

Let's check those brackets - Group 1 says Buzzkill & Rotundo vs. Harris Boys and PG-13 vs. Nash & Steiner, Group 2 says LeRoux & Midnight vs. Flair & Crowbar and Smiley Asya vs. Kanyon & Bagwell. Yep, all four of those matches tonight...and...?

BUZZ DOGG & MIKE ROTUNDO/A (with Kevin Sullivan & Leia Meow - and a trampoline) v. DA HARRIS BOYEEZ - It's he, it's he, it's the Beeyoodubbazee. Just to keep us interested, Sullivan forces Leia to jump up and down on the trampoline - David Spade sez: "I liked this better the first time I saw it - when it was on THE MAN SHOW." Rotundo takes the mic and looks for local heat by dissin' Clemson and hypin' Syracuse. Let Us Take You Back to Last Week and show you how these teams have advanced. Sullivan takes third headest and I have absolutely NO idea what Sullivan's talking about - something to do with Rick Steiner's absence. Rotundo and ... one of the Harris' start and each man gets a quick near-fall. Tag to Buzzkill - that's apparently Ron - there's a giant sidewalk slam for 2. Buzzkill loses his dreads for the millionth week in a row - apparently they were stuck to his bandana. Don tagged in - double whip, double back elbow. Now STANDARDS & PRACTICES are out, and their accompanying LEGS push Meow off the trampoline and in turn, *they* cover her up with one of their blazers. Sullivan and Rotundo over to play with Lenny & Lodi - err, whatever their names are - apparently Skye will now be known as "Miss Hancock" - snicker - well, in all this the Harris' cover Buzzkill for the 3 following a .... double flapjack, I think. The director can't be bothered to have it take up more than a tiny bit of my TV screen. (2:02) Post-match, the Varsity Club take out Buzzkill - then try for the Harrisses - but fail. LISTEN TO THE CROWD GET BEHIND THE HARRIS BOYS!

Your hosts are the AWESOME 3 and not Scott Hudson - I smell a power play! Tonight, Bill Busch names a brand new WCW commissioner - because Gosh darn it, that sneaky NWO has gone way over the line! Let Us Take You Back Once Again to the truck attack. We are told that Sid threw himself across the front seat of the car, and was very fortunate to only have a compressed vertebra in his neck. Some people wrote me last week to say that Vicious was MORE lucky to actually leave the car before the quick cut to the monster truck, but *I* didn't see it, even if they did. I especially didn't see it tonight with the conveniently placed edit, wink wink. Tonight, the rest of the Lethal Lottery tournament - quarters, semis, final! We will crown new tag team champions tonight! Also, a new commissioner! Lou Thesz and Bruno Sammartino's names are batted around by Heenan and Tenay. Who're those guys?

We see a motorcade leave the airport

We see this same shot - on a monitor in the NWO locker room. I see a boom mic! Nash says he heard the commissioner was either gonna be Orson Bean or the Z-Man, Tom Zenk. Isn't Bean DEAD? Jarrett wants to know where Hart is - Nash says he was delayed by fog.

Meanwhile, we see Hart arrive - but Sid Vicious lies in wait! He's wearing a neck brace, and brandishing a ... a ... well, some sort of metal rack. Maybe a bread rack! And Sid bends the...whatever it is...over Hart's back! We hear muttering from the NWO locker room - oops, that must have been a mistake.

Back to live action, the rest of the NWO has caught up to Hart - after he says he's all right, the NWO folks beat up the nearby EMT's that merely showed up to try to help. Don't those girders remind you of the logo of a competing sports entertainment show?

Here's a look at that motorcade - it's motoring

GENE O. works tonight! He meets up with an arriving Diamond Dallas Page and tells him (and us) that at Souled Out he's got a match with Buff Bagwell, Last Man Standing rules. Page says if he's not wrestling Bagwell tonight - see ya later. Curt Hennig interrupts things and tells Page that the Powers that Be want him wrestling tonight. Page asks who's in the ring now - Hennig says PG-13 - Page says "that works for me."

PG-13 (Hennig must be PSYCHIC!) v. KEVIN NASH & SUPERSTAR SCOTT STEINER in a Lethal Lottery Quarterfinal - JC Ice works the local heat by dissin' Greenville, then remarks on a fan's ears. Wolfie D raps for da people. Now I don't think DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE is in the bracket with PG-13, but nonetheless, here he comes with musical accompaniment and "feel the bang" pyro. Come to think of it, I don't see a referee in the ring at the moment. Go figure, Page manages to turn the tide even in the face of a doubleteam. Diamond Cutter out of a fireman's carry for JC Ice, top rop Diamond Cutter for Wolfie D, feel the bang, Wolfpac theme starts, Page goes out through the crowd, NWO theme cuts off the Wolfpac theme, briefly mixed with Page's theme, now back to the NWO theme, my head's spinning. Chyron says "NWO" for Nash & Steiner. Nash drops an elbow, covers, and referee "Blind" Billy Silverman puts in a cameo to count to three (no opening bell - I dunno - let's call it :15) and the NWO moves on. Spraypaint time! Heenan says "Verne Gagne."

Jeff Jarrett and Bret Hart - are - WALKING! Two belts, three baseball bats, one guitar!

Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim, America (ha!) Online, and Cheeseburger Hot Pockets! Cheezboigy cheezboigy cheezboigy no Coke Pepsi

"Hitman Hart: Wrestling with Shadows (the Soundtrack)" ad - I give it two thumbs up - beats the pants off the Mayhem CD. Would I lead you astray?

Closed captioning where available brought to you via America (ha!) Online!

Another look at the motorcade - how DOES that camera manage to stay ahead of it?

"Theme from NWO" plays once again and out comes Heenan says "Bob Geigel" and Tony Schiavone says "Ric Flair." When was the last time somebody guessed who somebody was before we saw 'em? Tony talks about Ric Flair's return (seen on the "Best of Nitro") just to see if we'll stay tuned. Oh yeah, the NWO is walking out to the ring (which means Nash and Steiner walked backstage - so they could walk out again). Hart: "Now I don't know if you people realise it but I was just jumped in the back parking lot ... so I guess big Sid didn't get the license number of that truck last week and he's taken to starting little petty games with the excellence of execution -

The limousine has arrived at the back of the building! I bet nobody gets out of it for another - oh - twenty minutes!

DAVID FLAIR (with Daffney Unger and a crowbar) & CROWBAR (with a lead pipe) v. LASH LeROUX & MYDNYTE in a Lethal Lottery Quarterfinal - Heenan says "Harley Race!" Let Us Take You Back to Last Week and show you how both teams advanced in the tourney. Tony tells us that at the top of the hour, we'll have that new commissioner. Didn't see THAT one coming, didja. LeRoux falls on his keister, he's so surpised at Midnight's appearance - despite the fact that it came just following the lights going out and the gong. Aside from a nice pescado by LeRoux on both men out on the floor, nothing to note here - I'm really distracted (as is the occasional cameraman) by STEVIE RAY on fourth headset, making much noise about Midnight not "earning her money" and whatnot. LeRoux takes Crowbar into the STEEL steps in a nice spot. Ray now up on the apron demanding he tag in Midnight - so he does - and she slams LeRoux onto Crowbar. "I want to see her earn her money!" Midnight takes down Crowbar - handstand after a whip is reversed - nice dropkick. Ray pulls Midnight out of the ring following a reversed whip. Now referee "Blind" Billy Silverman is outside - Ray just decked Midnight! Meanwhile, LeRoux cleaning house on both Flair and Crowbar - aww, screw the match. DISCO INFERNO is out - BOOKA T. is out -

Total Package (dressed like Sting) and Elizabeth are ... wait for it ... WALKING!

Bret Hart turned his back on the world - and Souled Out is 16 January! Huh? I guess Hart "Souled Out." Right?

This is a major onsale announcement! This Friday, tickets go on sale for Savannah, Nitro in Tulsa, THUNDER! in Oklahoma City, and Nitro in Uniondale. Saturday tickets on sale for Charleston, Wichita, and THUNDER! in Philly!

Another look at the limo - with special "WCW logo" window - right after this segment (and a commercial break), we'll find out who's in it!

Backstage, LeRoux has a beef with Disco Inferno. "You don't understand, it's a very dangerous situation with these guys..." Vito and Johnny enter the picture and put the boots to Lash as something (possibly a "Jesus") gets muted - Tony Marinara directs traffic...and Disco Inferno looks glum.

THE NARCISSIST walks to the ring with LIZ to "Seek and Destroy" - I wonder how many of these people actually think that's Sting there. Luger runs the ropes and holds his fake hair on, then whoops it up. "Now I know last time, I tried to wrestle, the Total Package simply annihilated me. But hold on, I have a reputation to protect as the Stinger, so they say they have some no-name, useless wrestler lined up for a match tonight 'cause I need to redeem myself - I am back in black - awhooo - and it's shoooooowtime! Bring him on!"

THE NARCISSIST (with Liz) v. TANK ABBOTT - I don't think that's the useless wrestler he was thinking of. Let Us Take You Back One Week to show Abbott going through Shane like a hot knife. Later, he beat up Jerry Flynn - no mean feat, har har. Package putting some distance between himself and Abbott - outside the ring - now back inside the ring - Abbott looking kinda goofy. Package begging off, and Liz sneaking in on the apron and macing him! I do so enjoy these matches with absolutely NO contact in them. (DQ :50) Luger howls a couple more times - lets loose with one more "showtime," then steps aside for LIGHTNINGFOOT JERRY FLYNN to run down the aisle and get a little payback for last week. Can you imagine what it will be like in the block at Souled Out?

We look back at Package and Liz who stop short in their tracks as...ohmiGosh! It's - A CROW! What can it mean? Will we find out at Souled Out?

The NWO attempt to rush the limo but there are several security folks standing between them. Well, two. Okay, now there are a few more...

ROB GARNER (and the TV-14-DLS ratings box) is here on behalf of the WCW Executive Committee. "As a spokesman for the Executive Vice President of World Championship Wrestling Bill Busch, I've been sent out here tonight to send a message. As many of you know, since the writers (with iron-clad contracts) have come to WCW, our company has been in constant turmoil. It has been a constant struggle for power between the Powers that Be and Bill Busch since day one. Two weeks ago, as many of you probably know, the Powers that Be swerved the entire world and reformed the NWO - their boys. Well, tonight, things are gonna be a little bit different. All those people that we have depended on in the past can not help us at this time - men like Sting and Goldberg - they're at home nursing injuries. But all along, Bill Busch knew there was one man with the power and the knowledge to bring WCW out of the situation it's in - and in the end, if all else fails, he's just gonna have to go hardcore on them. Ladies and gentlemen, the man who made hardcore fashionable the day he set foot inside a wrestling ring...and the new commissioner of World Championship Wrestling...

Promotional consideration paid for by Jolly Time's Blast'o'butter, Slim Jim, and Cheeseburger Hot Pockets (no Coke - Pepsi)

"Hitman Hart: Wrestling with Shadows (the soundtrack)" CD ad. That's that Gob track backing this ad, yup. The LYRICS, man. The LYRICS! Jim Raggi is probably embarrassed for me for liking this disc, too, but hey, WrestleManiacs' very own Keith Scott is credited with the Hitman's theme!

Sting may be out injured - but he can still speak to you through a T-shirt ad!

Terry Funk is ready to spread out the security to help find David Flair. Arn says he's gotta take care of this one himself, but Funk says "your problems are my problems - we'll get through this."

BUFF IS THE STUFF & CHRIS "CHAMPAGNE" KANYON (with three ladies) v. SCREAMIN' NORMAN SMILEY & ASYA (alone?) in a Lethal Lottery Quarterfinal - "I have been to Hollywood - and this town ain't sure ain't Hollywood! Buff - YOU'VE been to Hollywood! You've made movies! I've seen your movies! Your movies SUCK. However, however Buff, lucky for you, lucky for me, you're a better wrestler than you are an actor, and because of that, you helped me advance in this tournament last week. As a thank you, as a peace offering, I will give you my champagne." Buff says Greenville IS Hollywood (what the hell does THAT mean?) and "we think you suck." Buff don't like champagne, and Greenville don't drink champagne - then he breaks the bottle on Kanyon's head. Buff don't like the GIRLS either, right? Naaah, just kidding. Smiley is dressed up as the Greenville Grrrowl's mascot - Grrruff, complete with Mantaur-sized bear head. Noticably absent from Asya's side are any of her Revolution mates. Bagwell with the windmill pose, then he laughs at Asya - 'cause he finds girls funny. Smiley knocks Bagwell down twice, then busts out a Bagwell-esque pose, which is fnny in the bear suit. Series of clotheslines from Bagwell. Off the ropes, reversed, kick from Asya, lariat from Smiley. Smiley with the "doin' it in da butt and smackin' my bitch up" dance and a tag to Asya. Stomping away. Legs parted - elbowdrop in a tender spot! Vertical suplex coming up - block - block - Bagwell with a suplex of his own instead. Asya tags in Smiley - Smiley dancing, Bagwell punching, back elbow, Norman screaming, Asya in, scoop - and a slam. Lariat for Smiley. Asya with the Golota - her best move, apparently - Smiley with the big bear head - asking Asya to hold him - oh, I don't like the looks of that...sure enough, Bagwell ducks and Smiley bowls over Asya with the big head. Bagweel with a clothesline. Blockbuster coming up - 1, 2, 3. (3:03) PERRY SATURN is out - a bit too late, if you ask me - SHANE DOUGLAS and DEAN MALENKO are out and apparently Saturn wants to go at it with Asya - and vice versa! Douglas stands between them while Malenko holds back Asya. Now HACKSAW JIM DUGGAN is out and cleaning house on the three male members of the Revolution - until Saturn nabs the board and takes Duggan down with it. Triple-team stomping until KONNAN & KIDMAN make the save. The Revolution runs off - maybe I've blocked it, but I've forgotten what the deal is with Asya and the Revolution. Maybe I'll go back and read last week's report. Ehh, maybe not.

Funk and Anderson look for David

The NWO look for David

The crowd chants "USA" 'cause Duggan's still out there - heh heh heh

The NWO are still looking for David

KEVIN NASH & SUPERSTAR SCOTT STEINER v. DA HARRIS BOYEEZ (no entrance) - this time the chyron has their names instead of "NWO" - I realise only *I* care about these things, but there you go. Steiner grabs fourth headset and later passes a baseball bat to Nash. While referee "Blind" Slick Johnson tries to keep Nash from using the bat, KEVIN SULLIVAN & MIKE ROTUNDO/A come out and use chairs on the Harrisses, leaving 'em out cold. Steiner incorrectly identifies his brother amongst them - well. Anyway, Nash tags in Steiner, who strikes a double bicep with a knee on the chest - 1, 2, 3. (1:16) There're your Group 1 finalists there, yup.

Daffney tells Terry & Arn that David doesn't want to talk to anybody - then she laughs some more. The camera follows her as she walks away - about five seconds later Jeff Jarrett grabs her from behind and drags her off. Apparently, she's just out of range of T&A's hearing...

Jimmy Barron gets some sun - in a black shirt. Then he uses 1-800-CALL-ATT for the Road Report - Nitro in Buffalo next week!

Sid Vicious and Sting are the subjects of the Superstar Series' latest videos - and the Nitro Grrls Swimsuit Calendar special may be the last one!

BUFF IS THE STUFF & CHRIS "CHAMPAGNE" KANYON (with three ladie) v. DAVID FLAIR & CROWBAR (without Daffney Unger) in a Lethal Lottery Semifinal (Group 2 Final) - Kanyon was ready to rush his partner with his big belt, but TRIPPA B jumped *him* from behind, brawled with him along the stage, then threw him through a table. Bagwell's third handicap match of this tournament, looks like - well, check that - looks like VAMPIRO is out to take his place, after first letting Bagwell know that really, he doesn't like him, no. Furthermore, he OWES him! Referee "Blind" Billy Silverman is more than happy to ring the bell as Crowbar attacks Vampiro from behind and has his way with him for a bit - here's a kick from Vampiro to even it up - off the top rope with a spinning heel kick - off the ropes with a lariat - well, here's TERRY FUNK & ARN ANDERSON to chastise me for calling action in this match. Arn tries to ask Flair to snap out of it. Funk: "What's wrong with him?" Anderson: "He's just got bad people around him." Flair: "Haa-haa! Giggle! Titter!" We take a break from this action to see Vampiro hit a sweet superplex. Now Vampiro's over to yell at T&A - what's up with that? Bagwell in to try to get his partner focused on the match. Big ol' powerbomb from Vampiro, now he's outside and shoving Arn Anderson. Terry Funk spins Vampiro around and waylays him with a left hand that puts him out COLD. Funk now all over Vampiro, now rolling him back in the ring - just for grins, Buff hits a Blockbuster on him, too. I think I also saw Bobby Heenan, Billy Silverman, and the entire front row also drop elbows on Vampiro. Meanwhile, Anderson slaps Flair - who crawls into the ring and puts an arm over Vampiro for the pinfall. (3:06) Next week, Vampiro will sell for Nitro Grrl Chae - don't miss it!

Before we go to the break, the NWO comes out with DAFFNEY UNGER in tow. Steiner: "Hey David Flair! Look who we got! You know it's one thing about you Flairs - you've always surrounded yourself with ugly women - I mean this [bitch is ...] than your mother! So the question is - who's gonna get to her first - you...or us?" She's still laughing, at least.

Meanwhile,

David Flair is running around and screaming "where are you?" Well, dope, if you'd FOLLOWED them before the ad break...

SID VISCOUS v. JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET (with baseball bat and gee-tar) for the United States Heavyweight title in a powerbomb match - Let Us Take You Back One Week And Once Again Show You The Monster Truck Crush (Crush!) Sid's Rental Car - Ten minutes left in the show, two matches to go - Sid leads the crowd in clapping - Jarrett tries an attack, Vicious shoves him off. Jarrett looks for some boos, and finds them. Sid kicks away. Off the ropes, duck, Jarrett with a forearm to the back. Vicious runs at Jarrett, and he dumps him over the top rope. Jarrett follows and takes Vicious to the barricade. Tony notes the members of TEAM POWER PLANT in the front row - again. Is that Sonny Siaki? We look back and they're in the ring again. Jarrett throats him on the top rope - Jarrett up top - crossbody - Referee "Blind" Mark Johnson counts a 2 count, apparently forgetting this is a powerbomb match, Sid kicks out, taking Jarrett over the ref. Jarrett with a right. Off the ropes, reversed, big boot from Sid - got him in the choke - chokeslam! Off the ropes, Jarrett slides through, just happening to trip up Johnson on his way over, but Sid still catches Jarrett and powerbombs him. Of course, Johnson had his back turned and missed it. Now, he was more than happy to take Nash's word for it at the pay-per-view...well, anyway, Vicious says "Okay, I'll do one when you're looking" because he's STUPID - with his back to the aisle, he doesn't notice BRET CLARKE coming in with the baseball bat (DQ 2:31) - doubleteam beatdown ensues - here come the EMT's - now they should KNOW better, but they don't...Jarrett and Hart (and the bat) take care of THEM as well. Spray paint all around. Hooray!

Backstage, Flair beats on random defenseless inanimate objects with his crowbar - ostensibly, they're still looking for Daffney

Souled Out is Sunday, 16 January!

KEVIN NASH & SUPERSTAR SCOTT STEINER (with two baseball bats and "I want da belt" hand motions) v. DAVID FLAIR & CROWBAR for the tag team championships in the Lethal Lottery finals - over/under on this match is - 82 seconds. Flair and Crowbar storm (Devon) the ring - Steiner promptly takes Crowbar outside while Nash elbows Flair to the mat. Steiner, you see, isn't cleared to wrestler, so we're cleverly disguising his participation tonight. Lariat for Flair - Nash looks around - no referee. Steiner takes fourth headset and tells us that everybody sucks, then gets muted. Sidewalk slam for Flair, big beal off the top-rope for Crowbar, right cross for Flair, whip into the corner for Crowbar who flips out to the floor. Steiner muted again. Elbow to Flair. Big boot to Crowbar. Tony: "Tenay turns heel." Schiavone drops the lingo to appeal to the smarts. Baaaaaaaaaaa. Nash has Flair in the corner - knee,

David Flair & Crowbar. Don't that just beat all?