AFTERMATH: Look, I'm not gonna crow about how happy I am that Mr. Crash TV is on the outs, 'cause I don't know for certain yet that the next regime will be any less fucked up than this one. I WILL say that a lot of you who have emailed me some really insane remarks over the past few months might wish to re-evaluate your position, given the benefit of some fresh hindsight.

As an optimist (well, don't let it get out), I firmly believe that this change will ultimately be a positive for the WRESTLING fan.

I'll have more on this later - and probably on some other sites, too.

QUICK QUOTES: TWX 82 (- 8 1/16), AOL 63 1/4 (- 9), SPLN 43 3/4 (- 1)

It's - A LIMO! "NASH N L" is the license plate - that's probably a clever way to say "National," and not "Nash." Anyway, exiting the Cadillac is the new commissioner, the NWO, and the TV-14-DLS ratings box. "Gentlemen, let's go make some history!"

Opening Credits - well, actually it's one of their title bumpers - shorter, and doesn't have the Nitro Grrrls in it

PYRO! WE ARE LIVE on 17.1.2K from Ohio State's Jerome Schottenstein Center in Columbus, OH - and we have no time to talk about anything because already in the ring...

KIDMAN (no entrance) v. PSYCHOSIS (no entrance) - well, I'd have to say that at least THESE two haven't been released...yet. Lockup, break. "A lot has gone down in the last 24 hours..." Lockup, side headlock from Kidman, off the ropes, shoulderblock. Off the ropes, up and over, dueling hiptosses, Kidman flips over the neck, duck the clothesline, head scissors takeover. Whip into the corner, reversed, boot up, Kidman with a top-rope plancha for 2. Commentators really shining on Kidman. Psychosis holds onto the rope following the whip - Kidman charges, Psych with a backdrop to take him to the floor. There's a tope out of the ring to knock Kidman down! Schiavone says we'll find out what's with the WCW title following this match, without mentioning the participants in the match. Psychosis throws Kidman in the ring, climbs the corner and hits a corkscrew spin kick off the top - but only gets 2. Now an argument with referee "Blind" Charles Robinson. Psychosis standing on the neck. Commentators mention Kidman did great against three different opponents, but don't name any of them. Off the ropes, Kidman with a lariat on Psychosis for 2. Off the ropes, dueling tilt-a-whirls, Psychosis' hits, backbreaker for 2. Another argument with Robinson, and one with the crowd. Through the ropes to the floor. Whip into the barricade and Kidman hits hard. Everybody praising Kidman again. Back in the ring, Psychosis calling to the crowd, who boo. Schiavone mentions the main event participants for the first time. Bodyslam by Psychosis, he's going up top again - but Kidman meets his plancha try with a dropkick on the way down! Clothesline ducked, springboard bulldog by Kidman, 2 count. Psych sat on top, forearm, forearm, Psychosis strikes back, the superplex attempt is countered as Psychosis hits a face plant from the second rope! 1, 2, no! Off the ropes, reversed, body scissors, and Kidman drops him backwards over his head - 1, 2, no. New Cruiserweight champion mentioned with "although there's a lot of controversy surrounding that title change" qualifying it. Sounds like a weight limit issue. Psychosis up and over, gutshot, DDT, and he's going up top once again. Guillotine legdrop! 1, 2, NO! Psychosis looking awesome but he'll not win. Going for - aw shit - YOU CAN'T POWERBOMB KIDMAN! Sure enough, that's enough. 1, 2, 3. (6:50) Replays - "he's not a rising star - he's arrived!" Kidman holding his right shoulder even all the way back up the aisle

Your hosts are the AWESOME 3. "Last night as we said, Bret Hart, the World Champion, injured, was not able to compete. He was stripped of the World title. Also, Jeff Jarrett, US Champion was not able to compete, he was stripped of the United States title, and last night Chris Benoit met Sid Vicious for the WCW Heavyweight title in what we would all agree, and I think you fans who watched the pay-per-view as well would agree, was a real classic between the two men - but today, there has been a reversal of decisions and it all depends on the referee, who was Arn Andersion - earlier today, Arn Anderson, who was the referee last night, had this profound statement, and here's what Arn Anderson had to say."

Arn Anderson: "Last night was an incredible night of highs and lows for WCW. I saw Terry Funk take a beating that no human should take, or any animal for that matter. But it was for doing what he thought was right. Well, we know how that turned out. I had the honour and the distinction and the responsibility as referee for the world title match last night. And I've always tried to say what I mean, and mean what I say, no matter what trouble that got me in, or no how many highs that took me to, and I gave my word that I would play that thing right down the middle, because I owed that to Sid Vicious, I owed it to Chris Benoit, I owed it to the people putting me in that decision - Terry Funk as the commissioner, and everybody that bought a ticket or bought that pay-per-view. And I found myself during that match - watching the match. Never been a referee before, and I was looking at these tremendous impact bumps and I was lookin' at guys gettin' whacked around, and I caught myself and had to stop myself and say 'you're the official; get in there.' And I made a couple of calls - one was right: Sid Vicious took Chris Benoit down in that chokeslam, Chris' foot was underneath that rope. I stopped the count. Well, Chris Benoit popped that crossface submission on Sid Vicious and he tapped out. I went down head-to-head on every count because many times in the past, as a wrestler, I've had my shoulder up but the referee was out of position - not his fault, maybe - fact is, I lost a match (or two, or ten) that maybe I shouldn't've. Never forget something like that. Well, I went down head-to-head, and when watching the playback last night, I realised - Sid's leg was underneath the rope. That match should not have been decided at that time. So this is what I did is I blew it - and I'm man enough to say so. I'm sick to my stomach, I wanna puke about it, because I took Benoit's greatest moment - now I've took it away from him. Sid Vicious, Chris Benoit, two of the finest athletes in the world, met for the World title. Might as well have kissed their sister on the cheek, 'cause today, we don't have one - it's just like the match never happened. So all I can say as I look in your eyes - I'm a human, I made a mistake. Referees, I respect what they do now more than ever. If everybody could be a referee, everybody would - they got a hard job. So...all I can tellya, I did my best... and my best wasn't good enough..."

The Awesome 3 talk about the repercussions - the title is once again vacated. Here are some stills from Souled Out last night, "courtesy WCW Magazine." Commentators play up how right the call was, and how tough Sid Vicious was in last night's match, even as they show him tapping out. We do get a shot of Benoit holding the belt aloft, and that might be the last shot of Chris Benoit we see on this show. Later tonight, Kevin Nash brings up a "state of WCW" address at the top of the hour.

Backstage, Kevin Nash is WALKING! He's joined by Scott Steiner and Jeff Jarrett. They reach their office - and two familiar looking twins stand at either side of the door,

WCW Monday Nitro is brought to you by Western Union Money Transfer!

GENE O. works tonight! He stands with Booker T. and Midnight - T. *hasn't* forgotten where he came from, and Stevie Ray just don't know. He doesn't USE his past like Ray does. As for Big T, he thought he "was still locked up." He thought he and his brother decided long ago not to run with this guy, but obviously his brother apparently changed his mind. It's gonna be up to "little brotha" to teach them how it's supposed to be done - now can u dig that.

Stills from last night's Booker T./Stevie Ray match from Souled Out - this time a blurb appears on the screen with the photos encouraging us to buy the encore presntation (available tomorrow at the usual time). Big T is Tony Norris, yo.

Heenan says Big T is twice the size he was, compared to the last time he saw him - well, that's true, but not in the GOOD way. STEVIE RAY & BIG T are out to the Harlem Heat theme. "Yeah, yeah, yeah - I want everybody out there to take a look at the new and improved Harlem Heat. Hey man, I just heard my brother talkin' - I'm willing to give my brotha another chance - hey dog, I'm willing to give him another chance - you know, we've fought before, but we didn't fight in front of these crackajack f[ruit booties] - if my brother comes out here, right now, I'm willing to give him another chance. Hey, brother, I know you're in the back - Booker T. - get your sad sack fruit [booty out here right now] - 'cause Stevie Ray's talkin' to you." Then he makes a DDT Digest face. PLEASE tell me how, on a TV-14 show, they feel like they have to mute "fruit booty." BOOKA T. & MYDNYTE come out - Stevie Ray stops him, saying this is between him and him, so why doesn't he leave his rat in the back and do this man-to-man. Ray accuses T. of shopping at the same place Mike Tenay visits. T. in the ring now. "Hey man, hey, like I said - hold on, dog, hold on - like I said, man, we'd had our differences before, we always worked 'em out, even when we was little kids, I let you get on my ten-speed and go get you some candy or something - I'm willing to let you do that again, if you straighten your--" T. takes a swipe at Big T, who has been running his mouth pretty much nonstop off mic while Stevie Ray's been talking. Ray hits the elbow from behind to turn the tide. Ray tells the suddenly appearing NICK PATRICK to "start this damn match" as Big T hits a MASSIVE powerbomb...

BIG T v. BOOKA T. - Tenay calls it a Tiger bomb, which sends several smarts into spasms. Hard whip into the corner. Opposite corner, boot up from Booker. But he runs into a slam. Off the ropes, duck, duck, flying jalapeno by Booker T.! Gutshot, tie's loosened (HERE WE GO!), off the ropes, axe kick! Stevie Ray is in shock. Booker T. going for the uranage - got it! Ray on the ropes - T. with a shot for him. But Big T has gone into his fanny pack and found a blackjack - and there's a blackjack crack cross the noggin of Booker T. - cover - 1, 2, 3. (1:41) Stevie Ray: "You see, Booker T.? If you had a little more street smarts, this woulda never happened to your ass tonight. Can u dig that, sucka?" MYDNYTE is back out...and Stevie Ray and Big T are on their way to meet her...staredown...and they walk on by. Midnight hits the ring to check on Booker T. Coming up later, Kevin Nash with the state of WCW address!

Backstage, the Marmalutes and Disco Inferno....are...WALKING! Vito tells him he's gonna kick him, he's gonna punch him - I guess it would have been out of character to request a flying headscissors, top-rope plancha, and tope con hilo...

Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim (didn't Savage's contract expire over the weekend?), the city of Las Vegas, Toaster Breaks Pizza from Hot Pockets, and Plus+White toothpaste.

Closed Captioning where available brought to you by America (ha!) Online!

DISCO INFERNO (with Big Vito & Johnny "the Bull")

Back in the office, Scott Steiner displays a succession of ... I would use the word "models" ... for Kevin Nash. I'm not sure what the point was but it will probably become evident later in the evening? Nash asks one of them to get him some coffee, so she bends over to take care of that. Meanwhile, Steiner and one of the other ladies talk about playing Twister.

Special Surge cans spot

3 COUNT is out (no entrance) - they're here to put on a performance that we'll never forget. The video plays, and as we flash the names of Shane, Evan and Shannon across the screen, Mike Tenay spontaneously lets out a "God, this is lame." Tony: "Aren't you into pop music, Mike? Don't you like the Backstreet Boys, N-Sync, 3 Count, 98 Degrees, Britney Spears." "None of the above - and that IS my final answer." "You're really getting old, you know that." "No - you know what, I'm NOT getting old - I like alternative music! You like THIS bubblegum nonsense? Yeah, give me new wave any day over this garbage." "Wow! Tenay's turning heel on us!" Oops, lost me there with that smart talk. Heenan, of course, is interjecting really embarrassing stuff which I won't reprint out of respect. "I like marching music" is an example. Anyway, I have to admit, that's a catchy tune when you take it out of context. Unfortunately, just before they hit the chorus (and just before I start singing "Got to Be Real" in time with the chord changes), the music of the tag team champions takes over, and next thing you know...

SHANE HELMS & SHANNON MOORE (with Evan Karagias) v. DAVID FLAIR & CROWBAR (with Daffney Unger) for the tag team championship - double dropkick on the champs befroe the even get in the ring! Moore with a tope con hilo onto Flair! Helms with a TOP ROPE somersault plancha onto Crowbar on the floor! Where have they been HIDING these guys? Stereo flips across the backs of their opponents, stereo rollups - 1, 2, kickouts. STANDARDS & PRACTICES (and Miss Hancock) are out taking notes. Back in the ring, the Champs take Moore with a biiiiig back bodydrop into the ropes. Flair with a vertical suplex. Stomp, belly-to-back suplex for 2. On the outside, Karagias is putting the moves on Daffney. We plainly hear someone in the audience tell Karagias he sucks and he's a homo. That's uncalled for! Looking back in the ring, Crowbar hits a front suplex on Moore - 1, 2, Helms breaks it up. Outside, Flair takes his crowbar to Karagias, then Daffney kicks him. Crowbar left in the ring as the happy couple gets happy - Tenay suggests Standards & Practices won't be too happy about that - Schiavone thinks he's talking about using the crowbar instead of kissing - oh well. European uppercut from Crowbar, to the corner, over the top, Helms with a superkick, we watch S&P walk off. On the second rope, Helms with a Frankensteiner, Moore with a lateral 180 plancha off the top rope for 2. Tenay lashes out at Tony, prompting him to ask if he got a testosterone shot earlier tonight. Flair pulls the top rope as Moore tries to run the ropes, taking him outside. Clothesline ducked, Crowbar tries a belly-to-back, Helms gets free, I can't figure out WHAT he was trying, but Crowbar turns it into a Slop Drop on Helms - 1, 2, 3. (3:08)

The women massage the NWO folks.

WCW action live - Tomorrow, THUNDER! in Evansville, Wednesday in Cape Girardeau, Friday tix on sale for Bethlehem, SuperBrawl in San Francisco (hey Kevin - get me in there!), tix on sale Saturday for Duluth, and Minneapolis for Nitro!

Nash asks the ladies to give them a minute. Nash says it's time to get rid of the Old Age Outlaws - they'll keep Arn around, they got something for him - but Zbyszko can go back to his gold, and Orndorff can go back to ... drinking?

MAESTRO (with Symphony) v. TANK ABBOTT in a shoot fight - Here's some stills of the Flynn/Abbott "shoot fight" that take about as long to display as the actual match. As for this match, well...welcome to Jobberville, Maestro. It was a short train ride, wasn't it? (KO :13) Post match, SCREAMIN' NORMAN SMILEY comes out. Why? I don't know. Smiley backs out of his three-point stance to see THEMONSTERMENG standing behind him. Meng makes some growling noises. Smiley tries to hold him back - I think. Well, before anything comes of this...

All the wrestlers - are - WALKING!

Nash asks the Harrisses to lead the way for him - now THEY'RE WALKING!

As the Nitro theme plays again and the TV-14-DLS ratings box appears for the second hour, out come the wrestlers - let's see who is here and who isn't. Oh, first let's say that DDP and Kimberly at the Colma Wherehouse this weekend to kick off SuperBrawl tix sales - I think I'll be sleeping while that's happening, sorry. Schiavone wonders aloud what directio the company is gonna take between now and then. Okay, to the performers, First is THE ARTIST FORMERLY KNOWN AS PRINCE IAUKEA and PAISLEY, CHRIS "CHAMPAGNE" KANYON and TWO WOMEN, MICKEY J., CHAVO GUERRERO, JNR, NICK PATRICK leads SYMPHONY on his arm (guess Maestro's still unconscious - ha!), CHARLES ROBINSON, LASH LeROUX, SCREAMIN' NORMAN SMILEY & THEMONSTERMENG, MYDNYGHT, BUZZ DOGG, VAMPIRO, TRIPPA B, BYRLYN, KIDMAN, 3 COUNT, STANDARDS & PRACTICES (and Miss Hancock), MIKE ROTUNDA/O & LEIA MEOW, THE WALL, DUSTIN RHODES, CURT HENNIG, RICK STEINER, DISCO INFERNO, BIG VITO & JOHNNY "THE BULL", DAVID FLAIR & DAFFNEY, CROWBAR, PSYCHOSIS, JUVENTUD GUERRERA, FIT FINLAY & BRIAN KNOBS, TANK ABBOTT, ASYA, HACKSAW JIM DUGGAN (big "USA" chant), STEVIE RAY & BIG T. Guess that's it. Hmmmm. The voice says "NWO" and "Hail to the Chief" plays. Here's the HARRIS BROTHERS on either side of the man who, once again, has the entire company revolve around him - thus re-earning the nickname BIG POOCHIE. Strangely enough - hey, here's something we haven't seen for a while - Nash is carrying some sort of book. Let's listen. "Ladies and gentlemen, as I stand before this SEA of under-achievers in the ring, I realise why it was so important that *I* (Big Sexy Kevin Nash) became World Championship Wrestling commissioner. You know, guys, I've got goals for each and every one of you. Mike Tenay, for you I would like to give you - a personality. Brian Knobs! You, I would like to give a brain. Tank Abbott, where you at? Ahhh, Tank Abbott, I would like to give you a heart.

Promotional consideration paid for by Cheeseburger Hot Pockets, Frank's RedHot, Slim Jim (Savage again), Mega-16 appetite suppresants, and JollyTime Blast O' Butter popcorn

In the NWO office, Kimberly appears and receives her ref shirt. "Hey Kimberly, who was better - Dallas or Buff?"

MIKE ROTUNDA/O & RICK WOOF WOOF (with Leia Meow) v. MASAHIRO "MY HERO" CHONO & SUPER J - The Varsity Club's entrance is momentarily taken over by a graphic for the Souled Out encore. Rotunda goes for the Ohio State heat by mentioning they weren't in a Bowl game. Steiner tells us he's the DFG and Michigan rules. We momentarily cut to a shot of - nothing. Oh well. You don't like him? Bite him. Hey, Chono IS working tonight! Mike Tenay tries to tell us about Team 2000 and the NWO Japan history of Chono, Super J (Jeff Farmer, aka NWO Sting), and the former M. Wallstreet. Chono and Rotunda having a heated discussion as we start. Chono...offering the Hand of Friendship?!?

The Wall - IS - WALKING!!

Sid Vicious - IS - ALSO - WALKING!!! Did Tony just call him "the man who many people say will be the next World Champion - or will he?"

SID VISCOUS v. THE WALL - Sid Vicious is on the cover of the new WCW Magazine - be sure and read "Sid's World"...to cure insomnia, perhaps. Oops, sorry. Sid takes a little longer with his entrance this week, doing a lot more of those fist touches. Hey, remember when these guys were friends? Big boot from Sid, blows to the head, off the ropes, big boot. Clothesline to take him out of the ring. That Benoit match might have been great, but watch it again and you'll see only ONE man does the moving for the last two thirds of the match. Just sayin'. Sid goes outside

Scott Steiner and two ladies are - WALKING!

WWF SmackDown! is coming to San Jose Tuesday 4 April! Tix on sale Saturday! I guess I should try to go...

Jimmy Barron once again plays the cheap bastard and phones in a Road Report - the Staples Center in LA will host Nitro next week - why'd he say "styling and profiling?"

Sting carries the power of the card. Say, who IS that Sting guy? He looks so familiar...

SUPERSTAR SCOTT STEINER beats up the Buckeyes mascot on his way out with a MICHIGAN CHEERLEADER and ANOTHER WOMAN. Tony says Saturday will not only see tix on sale for the Cow Palace, but also for the Arco Arena for Monday - I guess I need to start shmoozing for THAT one, too. DDP and Kimberly will hit a Sacto Rite-Aid as well as the previously mentioned Wherehouse. All right, fine. I'll transcribe it, but this is THE LAST TIME. "Cut the music! As you can see, I had to bring my own women from Michigan 'cause finding a pretty girl at the State of Ohio is like finding a needle in a haystack! But I know there's some sorority freaks out there that want to find out if the legend is true - you wanna find out if there really is nothing finer than Scott Steiner. So what I need right now, is all you girls in the mood, that want me to shake your money maker all night long until you call me the Big Bad Booty Daddy - meet me in the back, and take a number. So this goes to all my freaks out there - Big Poppa Pump is your hookup - holler if you hear me! You know, me and my boys, when I was at Michigan we used to love to come down to Mi- to Ohio State, 'cause beatin' Ohio State was easy - just like your women! What has it been, five years since you could beat our Michigan football team? So what you really need is a REAL fight song - so everybody together, join with me - 'Hail to the victors valiant / Hail to the conquering heros / Hail, hail' - no, you suck! Ohio State sucks!" He leaves the ring and then picks on a random fan (who, we would hope, is a plant). Things are muted in here, including the word "ass."

Total Package and Elizabeth...are............................WALKING!

TOTAL PACKAGE (with Liz)

DDP - is - is - is - WALKING!

If you had "Buff Bagwell is WALKING," you won!

Kimberly is dressed like a slut! A ref slut! And she's WALKING!

Nash tells Jarrett, Steiner, and the Harrisses that "this is better than watching babes."

KIMBERLY is out to muzak und pyro as Schiavone reminds us one more time that THUNDER! will give us news of the vacated World Heavyweight championship. Funny how we've heard NOTHING about the Cruiserweight title since the beginning of the show? One more shill for tomorrow's encore presentation of Souled Out - the last time you'll see lots of people...worth the money? You decide.

DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE v. BUFF IS THE STUFF - Let Us Take You Back to Last Night's Bagwell/Page "battle" - Let me take Tenay out of context when he says "it wasn't a wrestling match" and then say that yeah, Buff won. Kimberly came out afterward but we still don't know if/where her loyalties may lay. Buff checking out Kimberly - Page saying "hey, look at ME" - then he spits in his face. Right hand from Buff, right from Page, back and forth we go, off the ropes, Page shoulderblock, off the ropes, hiptoss blocked, kneelift from Page, uranage - calling her over to count - 1, nope. Diamond Cutter attempt shrugged off, gutshot, atomic drop, clothesline. Page runs at him, lockup, through the ropes they go, brawl on the outside. Kimberly goes out after them as they go over the rail. Kimberly decides to stop following them - wise choice, I think. They're walking around - Page steals a crutch (from a plant, we hope) and breaks it over Bagwell's back. Walking a bit more - at least THIS week, they have a camera that can see them over a crowd. Bagwell with a garbage can. Now we're walking back to the ring.

How's the curse go? "May you live in interesting times?" We're there, baby. We're there.

Hey! "They Live" is NEXT!