"Highlights" from Thunder - TV-14-DL ratings box - close captioned logo - "After Thunder" clip shows Russo in the Steiner recliner...but not what he did with Scott Hall's contract...

A limousine arrives outside the arena...next to ANOTHER limo. Cat (on a cel phone) steps out of one limo carrying a Haliburton - Jarrett and Awesome exit the other one. Russo's hurt and in the hospital (as far as we know) tonight. Bischoff is off in LA completing a big deal. Goldberg? "On his way." Cat says he's got it all under control, and starts to write on a pad...but R&B Security approach him with "big problems in the ring..."

Cut to the ring, where HORACE stands in the ring with a baseball bat. Check that - he's sitting on a chair in the ring. What's he waiting for? Who's he waiting for? This is WCW Monday Nitro!

Opening graphic

PYRO and flames - WE ARE LIVE from the Metropark Arena in Billings, MT 19.6.2K - yep, WCW is reduced to running shows in Montana - coming soon: Alaska! Guam! CANADA!

Horace is done fuming - he's got THE STICK. "Last week, I saw a guy who so far has been nothin' but a fly-by-night in this business come down to the ring and destroy one of the men that helped build this business - that's right, my Uncle Hollywood Hogan! Let me tell you people something - where I come from, you stick up for family! It's either the mat or the stinkin' grave. Goldberg, you showed last week that you're in it for nothing but the money. Well tonight, I'm in it for family honour and REVENGE! So Horace Hogan wants one thing tonight, and he ain't leavin' this ring until he gets it. He wants Goldberg in the ring, and I wanna be NEXT!" The music leads out THE NEW GODFATHER OF SOUL, who talks over the replays as We Take You Back to last week, where Goldberg speared Hogan and jackhammered him through a table. Cat tells Horace he knows he's lost his hair, but he didn't know he'd lost his mind. Goldberg's got no time for Horace, and neither does he. Cat clears his throat and asks for our attention - again - then we get a "shut the hell up." Cat blames Scott Steiner for hurting his main man, Vince Russo. Tonight, there will be no outside interference. If you DO interfere, it's a thirty day suspension without pay AND a fine, and a trip to his dojo to clean the floor. Cat says he's got Scott Hall's contract - this leads out KEVIN NASH, who comes out with SUPERSTAR SCOTT STEINER & TWO - WELL, ONE HOOCH. Nash: "You know, Cat, after last week, Scotty and I are in a real bad mood. It seems to me that you've made yourself some kind of a dream maker tonight, huh? Then how 'bout granting a couple of those dreams. My man Horace wants a match with Goldberg tonight." Cat says HE'S running the show - but he backs up as Nash and Steiner advance. Cat decides to book the match. Nash says he can make this a real long night for Cat..."you thinking what I'm thinking, Cat? ALL NIGHT LONG." What, he's gonna sodomize him? Steiner: "You know, Cat (mute - did he say the f word? Ooooh!) - you know, Cat, the reason you're standing out here tonight by yourself 'cause last week I put Vince Russo in the Steiner Recliner and snapped his frickin' neck. But I was just gettin' started. See, I been searchin' this building all day lookin' for Eric Bitch-off, but I can't find him. So since you stand up for Russo, I'm sayin' - it's you and me in the ring tonight." Cat says he looks too pretty to wrestle tonight. Nash and Steiner get closer. Cat says he doesn't want him tonight, he'll give him Jarrett instead. "That's not good enough!" Cat says how about a title shot? Steiner says "All right - you got it." "Hey Cat! Cat! We're not done yet. You made Horace happy - you made Scotty happy - there's a contract. You got Scott Hall's contract! So tonight, you and me - for that contract." Cat tries to stave off the advancing men - they're two steps away now. Cat complies. "You know, Cat - in all honesty, you've been doin' a hell of a job as commissioner. And you know what, Cat? Thank God you have, because tonight, after I bust your back, that's ALL you'll be able to do! Nash gives a lunge towards Cat, who breaks for it over the guardrail. The camera takes a quick cut after Cat starts getting into it with a fan - sheesh.

Your hosts are TONY SCHIAVONE, SCOTT HUDSON and lotsa talkin'

We cut to a trailer where Palumbo & Stasiak ask the production folk to play a pre-tape of them arriving at the arena, so they can get Abbott and Steiner like they did to them last week. Unfortunately, Abbott & Steiner managed to watch this just outside the truck on the magic "what's happening in the truck" monitor. They promptly punk out the champs as they exit the truck. "Now that was the magic of videotape, boys, but this is LIVE!" Abbott: "Yeah!"

Promotional consideration paid for by America (ha!) Online, Judge Wapner's cash

Back in Cat's office, Jarrett approaches Cat with some unhappiness. Cat throws a zebra shirt to Awesome and says he's Jarrett's special guest referee. Jarrett fails to be relieved by this. They walk out, and an R&B Security guy walks in. The crowd is getting restless and wants a match (HE READS MY MIND!) Cat asks for the "three Spice Girls."

3 COUNT hit the ring. Wednesday, they'll debut their new single - "Come Dance With 3 Count." Yee-ha! Before they can perform, "Can't Get You Outta My Heart," the JUNG DRAGONS come out - probably to ask how 3 Count managed to get their green circles back. Oh wait, it's a MATCH!

3 COUNT v. JUNG DRAGONS - Yang and Hayashi dropkick out Evan and Shannon, while Jamie-San hits a flying headscissors on Shane. Hayashi and Yang hit stereo Asai moonsaults to the floor, but the camera misses it. Oops. I guess they're not used to having to capture wrestling moves on this show, chuckle chuckle. In the ring, Jamie-san stomping away on Helms - Moore put back in the ring - MASSIVE spinning heel kick from Kaz. Into the ropes, Moore ducks under, gutshot, fireman's carry, Helms comes in and executes a swinging neckbreaker while Moore hits a Samoan Drop. Tag to Karagias - missile dropkick on Hayashi. Into the ropes, Karagias presses him up and lets him fall. Karagias standing over Hayashi with a pelvic thrust or two - tag to Shannon - top rope swandive Sunset flip for 2. Hayashi ducks a clothesline, but not a gutwrench inverted slam. The attempts to start a "3 Count Rules" chant have failed. Doubleteam on Hayashi - Do-si-do whip fails when Hayashi steps aside - big knee to Helms - tag to Yang! Karate thrusts all around - this man's a HOUSE ON FIRE! Almost giving a shot to referee "Blind" Jamie Techer but pulling up in time. Back on Karagias - Ten Punch Countalong stops at three when Evan pushes him backwards - but after a backflip, Yang lands on his feet. Moore over to save him - sleeper, into a neckbreaker. Jamie-san breaks up the pinfall attempt and tosses Shannon through the ropes. Karagias off the top with a twisting press - 1, 2, Hayashi kicks him RIGHT in the face. Helms with a superkick for Hayashi - Jamie-san pulls him outside. Yang slams Karagias - he AND Hayashi going up to the top (Tidal Wave, maybe?) but Moore manages to crotch BOTH of them on adjacent top ropes. Moore hitting the ring and bring Jamie-san behind him...but he didn't see the truck that hit him - a BIG Karagias lariat. All three members of 3 Count load up Jamie-san for a body scissors for Karagias - tripleteam face-first slam - Karagias covers while Moore and Helms run interference. 1, 2, 3. (3:54) Hey, THAT'S how you open up a show. 3 Count ready to pose but LANCE STORM hits the ring - top-rope springboard dropkick for Helms, clothesline ducked, superkick for Karagias, jawbreaker and missile dropkick for Moore, TOPE CON HILO onto Helms and Karagias! And then he hops the barricade and takes off through the crowd...

David Flair is WALKING! And looking for Daffney

Meanwhile, Goldberg is also WALKING!

So, let's see. Russo stays home = more wrestling, but still lots of walking and talking. Still...more wrestling. Thumbs up!

Close captioning brought to you by Meineke!

MIKE TENAY interviews Horace. Is he crazy to call out Goldberg? Horace says he's never been more serious in his life. "Goldberg, you can come to the ring stompin', snortin', spittin', sweatin', flexin' those big muscles of yours - it don't make a DAMN to me!" He's not afraid to take a bullet for Hollywood Hogan - but tonight, HE'S firing the bullets - right at Goldberg!

WORLD HARDCORE TITLE: BIG VITO v. JOHNNY "THE BULL" - tonight at the top of the hour, a big double main event - Horace vs. Goldberg and Nash vs. Cat! Let Us Take You Back to Monday, where Vito won the belt - and some respect - from Terry Funk. Let Us Further Take You Back to Thunder, where

We cut to Cat, who is still looking for Scott Hall's contract - ahh, he's found it. Helpfully, the name "SCOTT HALL" is written it giant letters so we know what it is.

Back to Johnny "the Bull", who is being led away by trainer Danny Young. Terry Funk appears and tells Johnny that if he'll listen to him...he can help him out...

We cut to Lt. Loco, who is WALKING! Well, jogging, almost. But Rey Mysterio Jr. appears and runs his head into a nearby garage door. The Artist shows up as well, running him into a table, but everybody scatters when GI Bro appears.

When we come back, GI Bro tells the MIA it's time to get serious. Hogan has been put out of action, Page has walked away, Sting's been burned to hell, Flair's bald and retired at the hands of his son. It's time to get together. Everybody is asked to watch everybody else's back. Bro tells the Captain that now he's "G. Rection - the G stands for General." Seeing Kanyon on the monitor, he says that this is exactly the type of business they need to be taking care of - putting these suckas straight outta the game, now can u dig that. Hey, where's Pops?

Back to the ring, where POSITIVELY KANYON is out to Page's music, book and hair, still doing his Page impersonation. "Cut my music, Monkey! They love me, they hate me, they'll never get tired of reading my new book, Positively Kanyon. It's the kind of book you can't read just once - you've got to read it - TWO TIME! TWO TIME! TWO TIME! As a matter of fact, I got up this morning - gave myself the old 'self high five' - shaaaaaadup!" Crowd chants "asshole" and gets muted. "And I read my new book Positively Kanyon again, and it's got me feeling real positive - so positive I feel I can't be beat. So I'm gonna put out an open challenge, so if anyone in the back is feelin' froggy, come on out so you can feel the BAAAAAANG!"

POSITIVELY KANYON v. GI BRO - there's no ref, so who knows how much of a "match" it is. It's all Bro, culminating in the axe kick, flapjack, breakdance, Harlem sidekick - the he removes his camoflauge pants...say, is that Booker T. I see? We can only hope.

David Flair continues to look for Daffney - he finds her in a nearby recliner. "We need to talk." "I don't have anything to say to you!" SLAP!

Meanwhile, Horace mutters to himself

FX's "Toughman 2000" premiers Friday at 9! "Pro Wrestling vs. Pro Football!" Notice how they try to make that shadow look Goldberg-esque...I'll give you a hint, if he was REALLY there, they'd have actually put him in the ad...

HORACE v. COLD BEER - Let Us Take You Back to Last Monday where Goldberg speared and jackhammered Hollywood Hogan right into another vacation. We cut backstage, where Steiner says screw it, let's go out and interfere. Nash says to let it play out - Horace might take care of him. Ha! Off camera, we hear a cue. Then we cut to Goldberg's door. Goldberg tries really hard to look all heel-like during his face-like entrance. Signs in crowd: "$OLDBERG" Seems to me it's EASY to cheer this guy as a face when he's going up against....*Horace.* Horace meets Goldberg with a big boot as he enters the ring and it's on. Clubbing forearm, another, another, chop, forearm, forearm, chop, into the ropes, Goldberg clotheslines him. Mount, right, right, right, right, right, right, threatening glance at referee "Blind" Billy Silverman. Horace tossed through the ropes. Goldberg follows - stalks - kick to the short ribs. Another field goal kick. Press slam onto the barricade. Right hand misses when Horace steps aside, and Goldberg hits the post. Horace finds a chair - WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! Into the barricade, chair to the gut - WHACK! Goldberg put back in the ring, into the ropes, big boot, Goldberg goes down - but gets back up. Spear! Goldberg signalling for it...jackhammer. 1, 2, 3. (2:38) They were NUTS to turn this guy heel. But Goldberg's not done - climbing on his back and choking him out. A few half-heartedly thrown pieces of trash appear...but this guys is still getting cheered, for the most part.

Nash says that "no interference" might work to his advantage. He asks Steiner to save his energy and stay put.

Meanwhile, Cat is WALKING! He's also cuffed himself to his case...hmm...

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NEW GODFATHER OF SOUL (with TV-14-DL) v. KEVIN NASH with Scott Hall's contract on the line - This "no interference" thing is GENIUS. It just MIGHT keep people interested as RAW starts - well, probably not, but the THOUGHT is there, at least. Cat tells the people to shut up, so they don't. Man, that's one ANGRY Indian - sorry, Native American - dude in the front row.

Thunder ad

Mike Tenay stands with Nash, Steiner and Steiner's hooch. Nash says 9 July is his birthday and it'll be a happy birthday for him. Hall is forty minutes away from Daytona Beach, by the way. Steiner says HE is the one with the genetic freak and Jarrett can kiss his (mute).

CRUISERWEIGHT TITLE: RAYMOND STEREO (with Filthy Animals & Tygryss) v. LT. LOCO (with MIA) v. THE ACRONYM (with Paisley) - Da Juice joins the commentators and says "joos" about a MILLION times. He suggests the MIA would be better known as the "New Jabrone Order" and, for an encore, refers to the Mark as "juicy." Hudson calls Disco Inferno "Dim Shady." The MIA chyron says "with Major Gunns & Pops" but, thank God, Pops isn't around. Champ enters second because...I dunno. Artists beats on Loco and puts him in the ring for Rey - lightning legdrop - 2 count, Artist breaks it up. Mysterio and Artist trade blows. Into the corner - Artists puts Mysterio on his shoulders, spins him around, and powerbombs him down. Then he turns to Paisley, so Loco hits a big frog splash. Artist is too late to make a save, so Mysterio has to unrealistically kick out. Bah. They must be rusty from not having to wrestle for so many months. I know you were DYING to see a big PPV logo SWOOSH in and tell you there were 20 days until the Bash, so here's that. Thanks, Master Lock! Loco goes outside the hard way as Artist dumps him over. Mysterio takes Artist out with a body scissors.

Mike Tenay stands with Daffney - turns out David Flair set up this interview to attempt to apologies. He has a black bouquet for Daffney. He breaks into the "Titanic" song and asks her to please take him back, because he loves her so much. She forgives him...and then they start making out.

Jimmy Barron phones it in with 1-800-CAL-LATT. Des Moines hosts Nitro next week! WOW!

Daffney and David are WALKING! David asks Daffney to go back to the hotel room and get the champagne ready - he's just got something he needs to take care of. Flair walks back...

...where Miss Hancock is waiting. "Is she gone?" "She's gone." Then THEY start making out.

Back to the monitor, where Daffney had left her bouquet...and come back to pick it up. She sees the public display of affection on screen...and breaks up.

WORLD TAG TEAM TITLE: THE PERFECT EVENT v. JOBBED TO DAVID ARQUETTE & RICK WOOF WOOF - Schiavone: "Look at this - the Perfect Event - here are your world tag team champions - they've not won a match yet. They've not won a match yet - and they hold the straps." Let Us Take You Back to the Great American Bash - and to Thunder - and show you that maybe these two aren't getting along as well as they'd like. Stasiak and Abbott start - Stasiak tries to pound on Abbott, who calmly slams him down. Right hand, kick, tag to Steiner. Right hand, woof! Woof! Kick, into the ropes, Steinerline. Cover - 1, 2, shoulder up. Belly-to-belly suplex. 1, 2, Palumbo breaks it up. Into the ropes, head down, kick by Stasiak, tag to Palumbo, right, right, right, into the ropes, Steiner ducks, catches the leapfrog attempt and turns it into a bit of a powerslam. Elbowdrop for 2. We look outside the ring, where Abbott has occupied himself with a fan. At first I thought it might have been Brad Armstrong, then I thought maybe it was Scott Dickenson, but it's neither. Maybe they had a full-grown son? Anyway, Abbott rips up his "3 COUNT SUX" sign (which means he's either a closet 3 Count fan, or he knows that "SUX" is one of the words Standards & Practices has to airbrush out of Thunder so he's doing a little live pixelation), then hops the rail and chases after the fan. Never a good angle to run...anyway, we cut back to the ring as Steiner looks out, dumbfounded. Palumbo and Stasiak meet Steiner on the outside and doubleteam him out on the floor. Both of these men are infringing on the gimmick of people not currently performing for the company - this is WCW! Steiner put hard into the guardrail. Each man kicks away. Referee "Blind" Charles Robinson pleads for it to be put back in the ring, but it ain't happening. Steiner tries a comeback, but he's one and they're two. Back in the ring, finally, and each man takes turns punching Steiner. Steiner punches back - and has a flurry - but no. Into the ropes, gutshot for Palumbo, Steinerline for Stasiak, belly-to-belly for Palumbo, 1, 2, no. Stasiak is outside with the Lex flexor - a ringside fan knocks it free from his hand. A WCW security gestapo is IMMEDIATELY over to chew out the fan. The fan should have said "yeah, but shouldn't you be out chasing that fan that caused Tank Abbott to jump the rail?" but he didn't seem bright enough to think that fast. Released German suplex for Steiner on Palumbo. Stasiak paces the flexor to Palumbo, then occupies Robinson with a tale of abusive front row fans. Steiner up for the bulldog - no, I guess he wanted to hit a double axehandle - in any event, he ends up eating the flexor on the way down. Double flapjack - Palumbo covers...1, 2, 3. (4:41)

Dale Torborg and Asya share a private moment with millions of people. "You know this is all *his* fault. It's his fault that you got attacked by Vampiro! I go away for two months for therapy - I thought he was gone. But he came back again. I don't know what I'm gonna do, but until then, we can't have a normal life together, and you know I will do anything I can to make it normal for us and put him away for good." "Baby, I don't blame you - I blame him." "Well, you gotta do me a favour - you gotta take this, put it somewhere where I can't find it - just get rid of it." "All right, I'll do whatever I can to get rid of him."

We cut to Vampiro watching this on a monitor - and acting confused.

Hey! Perhaps Asya should give the Demon outfit to Norman Smiley, eh? Eh?

Backstage, Scott Steiner and his hooch stand around

Meanwhile, the Triple Threat is WALKING!

Meanwhile, Buff Bagwell is making lots of noise while he and Kronic are WALKING!

TRIPLE THREAT v. BUFF DADDY BAGWELL and KRONYKK - "Billings, Montana - take a look at true greatness! It's about time we start serving notice around here that we ain't takin' seconds anymore - we're takin' what belongs to us, and we're takin' it by force! My boys here ain't content without some belts around thsoe waists, so we're service notice that Chris Candido and Bam Bam Bigelow are setting their sights on the tag team titles! Oh, hold on Billings - how about your hero, Buff Daddy Bagwell? Yeah, well it's here now, because Bash at the Beach, Buff Daddy Bagwell, you and I are gonna dance all night long - any match you want, Buff, 'cause at the end of the night, you will know what having your ass Franchised will really mean!" Candido is wearing a sling, but he's still going to pretend to be in this match... "Fran Chise Sux" chant. Clarke and Douglas start. Lockup, Clarke shoves him off, lockup, repeat, lockup, knee by Clarke, knee, chop, chop, into the ropes, up and over, Franchise tries a rollup but Clarke doesn't go with him - nice dropkick from Franchise - climbing to the top...but Clarke is over with a big beal. Clarke ducks a clothesline - half nelson into a uranage. Tag to Adams. INto the ropes, double back elbow - Bagwell leading "Franchise sux" chants. Full nelson - Uncle Slam. 1, 2, kickout! Bagwell really wants the tag - and gets it. If Russo wrote this match, I'd expect him to turn on Kronic here, but he's NOT here, thank God. Franchise quickly backs out and tags Bigelow. Bagwell doesn't notice; he wants Franchise - Bigelow gets eight clubbing forearms, a headbutt, kick, drops a headbutt, right cross, into the opposite corner, avalanche.

NEXT: Jeff Jarrett and Mike Awesome are WALKING!

Meanwhile, Scott Steiner and whichever woman it is are WALKING!

WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE: JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET v. SUPERSTAR SCOTT STEINER (with ... I'll get back to you on that) - Special Guest Referee AWESOME MULLET walks out with the NEW GODFATHER OF SOUL, who takes fourth headset. Champion enters first because this ain't Memphis. Cat has a brief announcement prior to the match. No, wait, Steiner will (allegedly) speak first. "You know, Cat, as commissioner, you're supposed to make the matches exciting as possible, so I'm hear to tell ya - you suck. See, if I was commissioner, since I'm standing to the most beautiful girl in the ring, I'd have like a 'panties on a pole' match - or a 'freak on a leash' match - you catch her, she (lipreading fails me) - but since you don't have your own stipulations, I'm gonna make my own stipulations--" well, I guess he's not, as Jarrett attacks him from behind. Stomping away - ten stomps (I counted!). Into the ropes, reversed, Jarrett slides under, but Steiner hits an atomic drop. Off the ropes, tilt-a-whirl slam. Off the ropes, Steinerline, elbowdrop, five pushups, kick to the gut - into the ropes, Jarrett up and over - no, onto Steiner's shoulder. Steiner rams his back into the turnbuckle. Holding onto him - into a hotshot. Cat: "Scott Steiner is a dirty fighter - he's pulling his hair!" Steinerline takes Jarrett out of the ring. Jarrett pulls Steiner out, clubbing forearm, right blocked, knee, whip into the barricade is reversed and Steiner hits hard. Jarrett with a chair - edge of the chair into the throat! Finally, somebody identifies the woman as Midajah for my benefit. I know, I know - what does it mean when I can tell Ron and Don Harris apart, but I get into trouble with Midajah and Shakira. Anyway, Midajah over to check on Steiner - Jarrett puts her in the ring so he can work over Steiner. Stomp, Midajah off the apron with a sleeper! Steiner with the chair - into the gut. Steiner puts Jarrett over the barricade - and follows. Steiner throws a drink onto Jarrett. They're walking through the arena. Awesome would have counted them out but he forgot what comes after "5." Back over the barricade, Jarrett's head meets the STEEL steps. Back in the ring. Gutshot, off the ropes, reversed, Jarrett's dropkick misses. Catapult coming up - Jarrett eats turnbuckle! Military press - and he lets him drop. TV-14-DL ratings box reappears - well why the hell NOT. Steiner lifting up Jarrett - but he lands on his feet and hits a gonad uppercut. Awesome chewing out Jarrett, har har. Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp. Jarrett mouths some very naughty words,